#they delved DEEP for some of the stuff they referenced

[heytheredelulu]

Little Bookworm 18+

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 2.3k

Content Warnings: unprotected sex (p-in-v), rough sex, dirty talk, size kink, dubcon kink (as long as Bucky can keep a straight face), tummy bulge, language, a good ole coochie slap (once), cum play, a little fluff, some aftercare

Your boyfriend can’t think of anything more adorable than watching you read. One night while you’re in the shower he picks up the book you left on the nightstand: “Haunting Adeline by H.D. Carlton” and thumbs through it, very quickly realizing just what kind of books his sweet little bookworm is really into.

Inspired by my IRL husband’s reaction to my smutty reads.

Note: I don’t own any characters or works referenced in this oneshot and shout out to H.D. Carlton for creating Zade Meadows and giving us the house of mirrors chapter that’s been living rent free in both me and @lilacka’s head for over a year.

Bucky absolutely loved to watch you read.

The subtle way your expressions changed as your eyes would glide across the pages made his heart swell with admiration.

He found himself entranced with your concentration, your eyebrows knitting together in thought, your lips quirking up into a smile and even the soft laughter that would sometimes escape you as you delved deep into the world you held in your hands.

He was always more than happy to accompany you to the bookstore, leaning against the shelves and observing you as you thumbed through new titles, stacking your choices in his strong arms before darting down the next aisle to browse further.

He looked forward to the evenings where he could lay his head comfortably in your lap, his arm draped across your thighs as you worked your fingers lazily through his hair while you read quietly above him.

Tonight he lay in bed with his hands folded behind his head, listening to the gentle sound of the shower from the bathroom as you bathed when his gaze fell on your most recent read on the nightstand. The cover was dark with a skull and roses, something about a ‘Haunting’ and an absurd amount of sticky notes jutted out from the pages. His curiosity overtook him and he sat up, picking it up and turning it over in his hands. He thumbed through it carefully before letting it fall open to one of the tagged pages, his eyes scanning the text and widening slightly at the content.

He flipped to another tab, quickly reading through the passage, his breath quickening as he took in the words.

“If I catch you, I fuck you.”

Jesus Christ.

The bathroom door creaked open and he slowly lifted his gaze up to you.

Your damp body wrapped in a towel with your wet hair against your neck and shoulders did absolutely nothing to combat the heat that was already rising within him at what he’d just read.

Your eyes connect for a beat before you glance down to notice the book in his hand, opened to one of your tagged pages.

It was hard to discern if the flush across your cheeks was remnant of the heat of the shower or from the slight embarrassment of feeling caught by your boyfriend discovering the absolute filth you’d been reading.

He raises a brow at you, lifting the book and tapping on the open passage.

“If I catch you, I fuck you?” He asks, tilting his head curiously. “Really?”

You huff and roll your eyes, stepping forward and reaching to snatch the book from his hands but he’s quicker, snapping it shut and holding it just out of your reach.

“No, no. We’re gonna talk about this, doll.” He says, his lips curling into a smirk. “This is what you’ve been reading?”

You shift from foot to foot.

“Sometimes.” You reply with a weak shrug.

He turns the book over in his hands again and idly runs his palm back and forth against all the flags poking out from between the pages. “And do you.. like this stuff?” He asks, not looking up. “Does it turn you on?”

You swallow hard and nod despite the fact he’s not looking at you.

“Sometimes.” You repeat quietly.

“Huh.”

He purses his lips and nods thoughtfully, standing up and tossing the book onto the bed. “I guess you oughta run then.”

Your eyebrows shoot up to your hair line.

Did he just?

Is he going to?

“W-what?” You stutter out, taking a small step back as he closes in on you.

He tsks and reaches out, brushing your wet hair back off your shoulder with two fingers. “You heard me, baby.”

You open your mouth to reply but the words are lost the moment he seizes the edge of your towel in his large hand.

Your eyes connect for a brief moment before he yanks the towel free of your body and discards it on the ground, leaving you exposed, confused and incredibly aroused.

His hand settles on your breast, his thumb brushing over your nipple and sending a rush of desire straight to your core. He dips his head to nuzzle his forehead against your temple, his tongue flicking against your earlobe.

“You should probably run now.” He warns in a whisper, taking a step back to give you space for a head start.

You stare wide eyed in disbelief, your head barely able to wrap around what was happening.

“Five.” He says in a threatening tone, bringing his hand down to palm his growing erection under his sweatpants.

You’re frozen to the spot.

There’s no fucking way he’s about to do this.

“Four.”

Okay, maybe he is.

You take off at a run, reaching the bedroom door and flinging it open with him hot on your tail.

Your bare feet pound against the hardwood floor and you rush down the hall towards the staircase, making it only two steps down before his strong arm catches you around the waist and picks you up effortlessly.

You wiggle against his hold, kicking your feet and thrashing.

“You’re not very fast, you know.” He teases, tightening his grip on you, his cock straining against his sweatpants and pressing into your backside.

He carries you back into the bedroom, his arm locked around you in a vice grip and tosses you onto the bed as if you were weightless. He tugs his sweatpants down and kicks them off, his cock bobbing with every step as he stalks towards you.

He braces his palms on the bed, preparing to climb up and pin you but you scramble backwards off the bed and take off again. He pauses, his brows furrowing in confusion. “Wait, what-?” he straightens up and turns, watching as you sprint across the room and he frowns, realizing you weren’t going to let him catch you that easily.

“Damnit.” He grumbles, launching himself up over the bed.

He chases you with heavy footsteps towards the bathroom and you rush to shut the door but his hand catches it and forces it open, leaving you completely cornered with nowhere else to turn. “Shit.” You breathe out, looking around for a possible way out. He laughs, a cute and genuine laugh that is just so Bucky, completely betraying the role he was attempting to play.

You cross your arms over your bare breasts and frown. “I’m sorry.” He says, shaking his head. “I- just.. why did you run into the bathroom?” He asks, gesturing around the small room with amusement. “I don’t know!” You huff, your lips pressing into a pout. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“No, you definitely weren’t.” He agrees, swinging his foot back to kick the door shut behind him. “Guess you’re trapped, huh?”

You nod, letting your arms fall away from your breasts. “I guess I am.” You breathe out, your body thrumming with a mix of excitement and desire as your eyes trail down his toned body to land on his fully erect cock. He’s on you in an instant, grabbing your wrist and tossing you to the ground.

You fall hard on your hands and knees onto the plush bath mat, barely able to steady yourself on all fours before he’s on your back, arm hooked around your waist and sinking his cock into your wet, throbbing cunt. You arch back into him, fingers digging into the bath mat and a choked gasp catches in your throat as he pulls you flush to his pelvis, burying himself to the hilt. He snakes his free hand up your abdomen towards your chest, a trail of goosebumps following in his wake, dipping his forehead down to rest against the back of your shoulder. He palms your breast roughly, rolling your peaked nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

“Bucky..” You whisper, your head falling back.

His forearm tightens around your waist and he releases your nipple with a gentle tug, sliding his hand up to curl around your throat. You moan and wiggle your hips, desperate for him to move, but he holds you still, lifting you up with him as he leans back on his heels.

“I’ll never get tired of this.” He whispers, unhooking his arm from your waist and resting his large hand over the slight bulge in your abdomen. “That’s my cock.” He murmurs, squeezing your throat gently before grasping your jaw and tilting your chin down to look at how he’s stretching you. You whimper and he moves your hand to press down on the bulge of his cock in your belly. “And this is my pussy.” He growls, delivering a slap to your aching clit before he draws his hips back and begins to thrust himself up into you at a steady pace.

A string of soft curses falls from your lips and your head drops back against the crook of his neck, your hand leaving your abdomen and reaching backwards to fist in his hair. “I didn’t realize you were such a freak, baby.” He whispers, his hand tightening around your throat. “I shoulda thumbed through one of your little books sooner.”

His free hand kneads at the flesh of your thigh and he groans, his balls slapping against your ass as he fucks up into you. “I- I-“ You stutter, unable to think straight as your head grows dizzy with pleasure. “Oh no, am I fuckin’ my baby stupid?” He asks with a grin, bringing two fingers to tease at your bottom lip. You open on instinct and he slips them into your mouth, letting out a shaky breath as you suck and swirl your tongue around the digits.

“Fuck.” He hisses, pressing his slick fingers to your clit. You gasp, your fingers curling around his wrist as he strokes your sensitive bud, pulling you closer towards your impending orgasm.

“You gonna come, little bird?” He whispers, trying to reference your book and quickening his fingers against your clit. “It’s ‘little mouse’.” You correct, your lips quirking up into a smirk at his admirable attempt. “Whatever.” He hisses, pinching your clit between his fingers and sending a jolt of white-hot pleasure through your body. You choke out a strangled cry as you come, your legs trembling and back arching against him as your cunt clenches around his cock.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He grunts, shoving you forward to the floor and falling to his knees. You scramble forward, his cock slipping from your dripping hole as you try to steady yourself in the dizzying wake of your orgasm.

“Oh no, no you don’t.” He growls, grabbing your ankle and dragging you back towards him. You lose your balance and fall flat, your breasts smashed against the cold tile as he presses his weight down on you, running his cock back and forth along your folds before thrusting back into you. “T-too much!” You whine, squirming underneath him.

“Tell me to stop.” He grunts, knowing damn well you never would. He hooks his forearm under your waist again and angles your hips upward, taking you deeper than you even thought possible.

Choked sobs of euphoria escape your throat as your cheek rests against the floor, dragging back and forth across the tile from the force at which he’s fucking into you. Your limp body shakes uncontrollably as your pussy spasms and waves of ecstacy crash over you faster than you can count them. Your orgasms explode through you like a string of firecrackers as you curse and mumble incoherently.

He pulls out abruptly, grabbing your hips and flipping you onto your back, moving to straddle your chest while he frantically fucks his fist. He comes with a shout, gasping as he paints your face with ropes of hot, sticky cum. “Fuck.” He pants, looking down at you in admiration as he brushes his thumb along your cheek, gathering up his seed.

He pinches your flushed, sticky cheeks together with his free hand. “Open.” He says softly, slipping his thumb into your mouth when you do. You suckle his thumb, greedily cleaning it with a swirl of your tongue, looking up at him through half lidded eyes. He sighs contentedly before moving off you and rising to stand, reaching into the shower to turn on the water.

“And I had just showered.” You mumble as you take the hand he offers you and pull yourself up on wobbly knees. “Don’t you dare bitch about the water bill when it comes.” You tease.

He chuckles softly and pulls you into him, holding you against his chest with one strong arm while the other reaches out to test the temperature of the water. “I won’t.” He says, stepping in first and gently helping you in after him. He wraps his arms lovingly around you and rests his chin atop your head as the warm water cascades over you both.

“Let’s clean you up, doll. It’s late and we have plans in the morning.” He says quietly, his eyes slipping closed as his hand runs idly up and down your back. You lean back and look up at him with your brows furrowed in confusion. “We don’t have plans tomorrow.”

His eyes flutter open and he grins. “The hell we don’t.” He replies, reaching for the shampoo bottle and squeezing the contents into the palm of his hand. You open your mouth to protest when he doesn’t answer your question but he simply twirls a finger, gesturing for you to turn around.

You sigh, turning your back to him and he begins to lather the shampoo in your hair, gently massaging your scalp with his fingers. “So what’re these plans?” You ask quietly after a long moment of silently enjoying his hands tenderly working through your locks. He leans forward, his broad, wet chest pressing against your back and brings his mouth to hover beside your ear.

His breath sends a shiver down your spine as he lets out a low, breathy laugh and whispers, “I’m taking you to buy more books.”

[queer-ragnelle]

the arthuriana essays you share on here are always so interesting and well-researched! are there specific places you go to look for them or do they just kind of find you over time?

Hi anon! This is a complex answer. Research is never simple lol obligatory disclaimer I'm just some random enthusiast and in no way an academic, this is just how I go about it.

I find essays in a variety of places. JSTOR is where most of the stand-alone essays came from (IE; not otherwise published in a book, sometimes in journals I cannot find). I’ve been very fortunate to have friends lend me their college bypass so I could download from there, as I would be unable to access them otherwise.

Sometimes, while reading books, like The Friend by Alan Bray, there will be a reference to an influential essay or article, such as Faithful Unto Death, which describes the joint tomb of Sir John Clanvowe and Sir William Neville. For that paper, a friend had to request it from their own institution, wait for it, and then give it to me. I'd been staring longingly at it for literally years but couldn't justify paying the $30+ asking price for a PDF. I was lucky, once again, to have help.

Another way to find these academic resources is by reading the footnotes or bibliography in the back of books and tracing the source of individual essays or articles back to a bigger collection contributed by a variety of authors contained in a single volume (like A Companion to Malory I shared a few days ago). I learned about Alan Bray specifically because other essayists kept referencing his work! From there, I sought him out. The same has happened as I delved into Zoroastrian studies. The literature there is limited (at least in the English language, as I cannot read Persian or Hindi). So I found myself researching in a circle, following the trail of names until I ran out of scholars and they just referenced each other's work back and forth. I had consumed the entire body of [English] literature on the subject, so I knew I had come to collect the same resources as these essayists and historians had! Once you start going, "Hey, it's my friend [scholar] again!" you know you're in deep haha!

Much the same has happened with Arthurian legend. Norris J Lacy, known for his work as head editor of the translation team that tackled the Vulgate, is everywhere. He's the editor of countless textbooks, translator of medieval poems and prose, and even wrote his own retelling, A Camelot Triptych. Once you find someone in a field of interest that pops up a lot, you can begin searching for relevant resources through their name, rather than relying on blindly sifting through thousands of papers tagged "King Arthur".

Essayists don't make any money on this stuff. Institutions even charge people to publish their work. It's perfectly acceptable to obtain that knowledge however necessary. If you don't have college access yourself nor a friend who can help, there are websites to pirate from. (Please use a VPN to protect yourself.) Some websites are specific to the field, like science, which isn't my expertise, so I can't offer guidance there. But I've had luck on annas-archive.

It can be easy to assume everyone has the same opportunities, that a screenshot or link to JSTOR is sufficient for someone to access the same information mentioned in a post. It's tough when tumblr doesn't let you upload a PDF! It makes sharing resources difficult. One could dedicate money and cloud space to it (like I do with Google and MEGA drive) or upload it to a discord server where it can't breach containment and reaches only a limited audience. It's not ideal! And it's no individual's responsibility to tackle the problems with academia and gatekeeping, of course, but my goal is to source as much of what I discuss as I possibly can, as well as share those resources with anyone who could benefit from them. A librarian basically lol so I'm glad the essays I've shared have been beneficial to you!

[clowningismyboyfriend]

Is Taylor Swift announcing something MAJOR (again) at this years MTV VMAS?! 9/12…. 12/9 🤡🌌

Hi!

Welcome to the second post on my blog!

I figured the first had to be some kind of intro, I couldn’t just come waltzing in all clowned up, spitting my theories and rationalising whilst being irrational. That would be rude of me 😂

But I promised the juice so here is what’s been squeezin’.

In my last video on Tik Tok, I was happily headed off towards the direction of the ultimate clown missions of them all: The Karma “missing” album/era theory.

Thoughtfully shared below for your convenience!

In the relatively short time it’s been since I went from “Standard Swiftie” to full blown “Tay-Spiracy Theorist”, this missing album theory has been both the wildest AND most persistent Ive stumbled across.

The majority of the supporting clues do seem difficult to completely disprove or deny..

Deep in my clowning process of compiling all the piles, I think it was the 112 days theory that I’d JUUUSST started to unpack- I still haven’t wrapped my head around this 112 day theory but it certainly sounds juicy off the top of my head and I’m keen to go take a look later on-

BUT I GOT SIDETRACKED.

When reminded about the calculation of days between and months between, I cross checked my SwiftMath number crunching notes section if you will, where I had carefully and lovingly been documenting what was not immediately apparent to me.

(Sidenote: Although it’s mostly irrelevant now, there’s definitely some interesting SwiftMath on my first video where I somewhat incorrectly predict the release date for 1989- TV.)

So- I noticed that with all of the the Taylor’s Version albums, the re-release dates vs original release dates have been consecutively following a 12 year/9 year pattern- Check it out:

OR= Originally Released

ANN= Announcement date for Taylor’s Version

TV RD= Taylor’s Version release date

1.Fearless- OR- 11/11/2008- ANN- 11/02/21- TV RD- 9/04/21

Release Days apart- 4,532- 12 years, 4 months, 29 days

2.Red- OR- 22/10/2012- ANN- 18/06/21- TV RD- 19/11/21

Release Days apart- 3,315 - 9 years, 0 months and 28 days

3.Speak Now- OR- 25/10/2010- ANN- 5/5/23- TV RD- 7/7/23

Release Days apart- 4,638 - 12 years, 8 months and 12 days

4.1989-OR- 27/10/14- ANN- 9/8/23- TV RD- 27/10/23

Release Days apart- 3,287- 9 years, 0 months and 0 days

I figured ok surely I’m onto a clue here.. although my number crunching in my first video was somewhat skewed to an extent when it came to the upcoming release date of 1989 itself, ever since the announcement of 1989 TV, that repetition of 12 years and 9 years just seemed more than coincidental, although I’ve been proven wrong before with stuff like this.

I tried at first to apply it to the remaining two albums (Reputation and Self Titled) to absolutely no avail.. surely she wouldn’t be waiting that long to re-release Reputation (either 12 years or 9 years would mean 2029 or 2026) and the 12 year period meant that Debut would have had to be re-released before she even officially announced she would be re-recording.

So it was back to the drawing board but this time I was properly stuck and couldn’t move past it. It felt like I was taking a math test unprepared, but knowing I had learnt the formulas so why couldn’t I just figure it out?! Or better yet, your know those dreams when you try and punch something or someone and just can’t quite connect, like your hand is made of lead??

I was a Swiftie on a clue hunting mission with what felt like writers/hunters block. Easter Egg Block, if you will.

Until..

When doing my bit in casting my daily votes for this years MTV VMAS for Taylors 8 nominations (at the time she had 8.. it’s now up to 11 nominations and don’t think I am ignoring the significance of this number, I just delve deeper into it down further)

I was speculating on this Insta post by @taylornation .. I become sort of fixated on how it referenced her announcement of Midnights at last years VMAS.

… Then I realised the date of the upcoming VMA’s.

September 12th. 12/9. 12…9 🤡🤡🤡

….. WHAT?

So. Announcing a new album would be cliched for her at this point, I mean that’s what she did last year, but what if she’s announcing Reputation or Self-Titled?

Given all the Reputation TV eggs and theories based on so much solid evidence that is already out there, it makes sense.

Although becoming familiar with how Taylor operates (figuratively speaking) I wouldn’t put it past her if she comes out of left field and announces something like Self Titled TV to throw us all off our tracks..

Then again, thinking about the controversial VMAS back in 2009:

When Kanye West pulled this stunt, it was essentially the catalyst for the Reputation album as a whole, because without this first shot being fired by Kanye, there would not have been the ensuing on-again off-again beef between them.

So, I guess it would make sense that if there is any sort of announcement at the 2023 MTV VMAS, it fits that it would be the release date for Reputation- Taylor’s Version, or the release date for Self Titled.. or both?

Or what if it’s something completely different? Let’s take a look at some #SwiftMath!

🫶🏽 2009 was 14 years ago. 1 + 4 = 5.. 5th Taylor’s Version announcement?

🫶🏽 Taylor also currently holds an impressive record of 14 VMAS won overall…

🫶🏽 Taylor is currently the most nominated of the show, with an impressive 11 nominations.. 11 as in TS11?! Nah surely not, that would be too much of a coincidence.

.. But switching things up last minute isn’t a new concept for Taylor…

I mean, look at the VMA’s is when she announced the impending relapse date of Midnights like I mentioned earlier. Firstly, the scheduled date for release was on Kim Kardashians birthday, so you just know that it was bound to generate conversation. But curiously enough, she stated during the announcement that telling everyone that night depended on whether or not she won, so you know she had a back up plan in place.

Circling back to my original quest for Karma as a missing album and/or the next album.. here’s some of what I discovered amongst many more theories that are out there.

All signs and clues definitely keep pointing to Karma..

Whether it be the concept of Karma overall and how it has aptly applied to her major success of Re-recording her masters, or if it is being celebrated in the wake of some of her other big enemies suffering in many ways in their personal lives- including with their reputation! Think Scooter Braun and his divorce and FBI dramas.. Kanye and, well.. Basically take your pick with that hot mess and all his situations.

Although it certainly wasn’t the first, an intriguing clue is when Taylor starts laughing hysterically when announcing “Karma” for the Midnights Mayhem track listing announcement. The caption for this post on her Tik Tok also reads “been excited to announce this one”. It’s like she’s teasing something to do with Karma, outside of the fact that it’s a track title.. She notably also uses a galaxy (🌌) emoji.. We now know that the the emoji could have been a clue for the cosmic, celestial and mythological themes that featured throughout the video. These themes and associated imagery, clueing constellations, stars and planets have become more prominently featured over the last 2-3 eras. Definitely something to consider as a new topic of investigation.. from a brief scan online, there’s definitely theories brewing amongst the Swifties!

I do feel the need to point out the astronaut/moon man reference and connection with MTV here though, but again. This could be coincidental!

Another big clue that lies in the Karma music video is the reference to a Gold Taylor seemingly portraying the Greek Goddess of divine retribution and revenge, Nemisis. Gold Taylor is on a pedestal, which contains the Roman numerals that make up the year of her birth:

If the year of her birth in Roman numerals was an easter egg, as it’s officially since been confirmed that 1989 is out next, it definitely seems like there was duality with the reference; a multi-faceted hint.

1989 was and is her album of rebirth as it was symbolistic of her complete transition from country to pop. Karma is a central concept to the religious belief of rebirth…

So what can we possibly make of all these Karma hints and clues that have been popping up since at least 2016? For example, Taylor’s Vogue interview in which she states “Karma is real” with a capitalised K.

In my last video, at the time of uploading, when you entered in the URL for karmaonthewall.com, this website was redirecting to Taylor’s webpage with the first/previous pathway being “it happens after midnights”. The current redirect pathway now states “TS11”.. Taylor Swift 11, her potentially upcoming eleventh studio album?

For reference: “Karma on the wall” Stems from the theory in general that Karma was/is a missing album/era that was supposed to be released instead of Reputation based on a scene showing all her “lost” albums graffitied on the wall, with Karma on there (twice) next to a “missing” sign from “The Man” music video- Lover era

On one of the pillars in this scene, with visibility beginning at exactly 13 seconds into the video, you can see the graffitied word “Karma” in the same style as the “Karma” on the wall.

All the titles of her albums that were caught up in the masters controversy are graffitied on a wall, with a “missing” sign.. Karma is graffitied twice, Karma is in orange (rumoured to be or to have been the era colour) but also in black, which is the actual era colour for Reputation.

Sidenote: Interestingly, you can also see that 1989 is up there twice- When I first recognised this and thought about some other key clues, particularly in The Man video, it had me backflipping and cartwheeling into a spiral over this whole other theory my overthinking brain came up with.. Taylor, at the age of 22, started to receive all kinds of negative press about her dating life; the Karma album might have been something she wanted to release as a concept instead of Red, having had enough of dealing with the but was perhaps thwarted by Big Machine as a precaution given her bad press, the ongoing Kanye incident and so on. There’s so many little clues that seem to allude to this in “The Man” but I’ve had to put a pin in all that for now because that would be too wild to contemplate.. Wouldn’t it??…

..Back to Karma. As a concept, Karma is based on cause and effect. Good intentions/deeds means good karma and therefore happier rebirths. If the cycle of rebirth in these theories are what we are being directed to, did the orange colour graffiti signify fire and burning and the black colour graffiti represent ashes? I mean- this is hitting me right now as I type this, was it actually a possibility that Karma was supposed to come BEFORE Reputation, not in place of? Was it supposed to go 1989- Karma- Reputation?

What if she was on an entirely different trajectory with her albums and planned concepts, we all know she loves to plan sometimes years in advance.. but what if the entire Kanye/Kim controversy surrounding dishonest and partially leaked audio/video footage and the subsequent #TaylorSwiftIsCancelledParty caused her to change up everything?

The biggest hint at this definitely comes through in her lyrics from the Midnights Til Dawn vault track “You’re Losing Me”:

“Do I throw out everything we built or keep it? / I’m getting tired even for a phoenix / Always rising from the ashes”

A Phoenix is Gold. Taylor on the pedastal- Gold. A Phoenix is representative of rebirth, never ending life.

IS SHE SINGING ABOUT KARMA THE ALBUM?

There was speculation that this song was in reference to her and Joe Alwyns alleged breakup. But I mean, everyone will always try and tie a Taylor song to a boy or a breakup. I genuinely think Taylor is smarter than that, I mean she’s actually spoken on the record about this subject before and she certainly has a duality to the meaning of her songs.. I don’t always hear the boy and girl aspect of a song, and when I read the lyrics/listen to “You’re losing me” I’m even more certain it could be alluding to Karma.

“You’re losing me” was part of the ‘Til Dawn remixes, and Taylor announced that the album would only be available for purchase in person at the East Rutherford, New Jersey portion the US leg of the tour but this song wouldn’t be released for streaming.. It was also at these same shows that Taylor and Ice Spice performed their remixed version of “Karma”.. and debuted their music video! It was actually after these shows that Karma was added as the 44th and final track of the tour.

Okkk so before I continue any further, I need to bring up the other URL- In my last video, the url notalotgoingonatthemoment.com redirected to Taylor Swifts webpage with the added pathway of “theywouldntmedoitkarma”. Seemingly missing a word, maybe as obvious as “let” but maybe not…

For reference: “Not a lot going on at the moment” is a well known, now multi-faceted Taylor expression that appears to have originated from a slogan on a shirt she wore for the “22” music video during the Red era…

The most obvious fitting word be “let”. What if LET stands for Lost Eras Title.. Which the theories all refer to as Karma? Another fit would be Last Eras Track. This has the extra layer of being both the last track played on the Eras Tour set list, plus it fits with the speculation that Karma the song signifies the end of the Midnights era overall.

It could even stand for Last Eras Tour- Will she announce something major on the very last tour date? Could it be that her Karmic rebirth overall will be complete as she coincides the tour with the final re-releases of her albums?

If so, I hope she will be taking us down a completely different way of doing things as we know it, because evidently she is the epitome of genius levels of cleverness, with the perfect amount of class and sass.

I worry that based on Surely she would not be settling into reTAYermen anytime soon, I mean at the bare minimum I couldn’t imagine her never completing a 13th album for example. (Oh my gosh that ALBUM and the delivery going to be one for the books)

She’s made lots of comments and dropped lots of hints in interviews about how she feels like she’s considered too old for the industry in terms of being a pop star.. it does seem so ridiculous though considering she’s certainly at her peak in her career right now!

Although it’s somewhat going off tangent ever so slightly.. Let’s talk about the burning Lover house.

The Lover house that is portrayed as burning down during the Eras Tour- being symbolic of rising from the ashes and rebirth, this ties in with the karma theme Hindi Moksa and burning bad karma to purify..

But does this mean a new house? What will emerge from the ashes of the Lover house, to be rebirthed?

I have a theory on all of that.. I reckon She’s going back to an ex. But we shall see. I’ll not be saying another word…

Theories aren’t for me to speculate on when it comes to relationships.

That remains her privacy and I will always respect whatever she chooses to share with us or not!

❤️

So.. Taking into consideration all of this, plus the bonus below little quick and curious Google..

.. It’s safe to say no matter what happens at the VMAS, we are definitely headed in a fresh and brand new direction! Because no matter what @taylorswift does-She is absolutely golden.

I do have to say though that it can be a constant battle reminding myself that with Taylor… Anything can and will literally go. It’s been speculated that she reads all our theories and has literally implemented some before so that’s pretty cool! Generating and regenerating conversations by furthering the idealisms that we, as fans, have put out there ourselves.. Well, that’s just straight up Karmic and the best representation of the cycle of rebirth indeed.

If she is, it’s honestly the most genius marketing strategy I’ve ever seen. It’s not an approach that’s ever been adopted by a singer/song writer and I think it’s a major key contributing to her ongoing success and so think she does too- Hence why she is always so genuinely, down to earth humbled and grateful for us fans.

#Swifties of #Swiftnation and #Taylornation…

I hope you all voted for our girl!! 11 nominees… I could cry for her!

✨I hope she releases a super exclusive, mega detailed all access passes behind the scenes tour about The Eras Era… Manifesting this as the announcement✨

Please feel free to add and share and comment and discuss with me!

Until then,

.. I’m in exhile seeing you out..

Dani

Xx

[ficrecslist]

Fic Rec Sunday #2

This week's collection includes Boku no Hero Academia and Batman fics again. Please make sure to look through fic tags before reading.

Batman

the wrongest thing in the world by dustorange (5k, WIP, M)

"I thought it’d be different when he got shot. I was going to be the one to do it. I wanted him dead so bad. But when I saw him, it was different. He was all scared. He was just some guy. It was all different,” Dick whispers. “I didn’t want it to be different. It shouldn’t be different. He took everything from me. I don’t even have my—” his fingers reach up as if to claw down the cuffs of his hoodie, then falter on his bare skin, remembering that it's no longer there, and scratch into his skin instead. His voice breaks. “He got everything.”

Damian slowly unclips his cape. He hesitates. Then he wraps it around Dick’s shoulders.

“Not,” Damian says, “everything.”

(After Bruce's death, Damian struggles to shoulder the Batman mantle. He also struggles to keep a grieving street kid from getting himself killed.)

Another excellent Robin age reversal AU this week. The author has a ton of other good works as well.

the primacy of personal conscience by birdsofthesoul (26k, M)

"WHAT MAKES IAGO EVIL? some people ask. I never ask."

— Joan Didion, Play It as It Lays

Or: Dick, his family, and the moral morass of a wishing well.

Delves deep into each of the batfam's personal morals by putting them into an interesting situation: what would happen if an actual wishing well that worked showed up in Gotham?

Code of Silence by JHSC (9k, T) cw: referenced sexual assault

Willis Todd doesn’t die in prison. That doesn’t change much, until it does.

I didn't think too much of Willis Todd before reading this. Normally people characterise him a lot as an abusive dirtbag, but this fanfic doesn't do that and I find it really interesting. Definitely a good fic.

The Next Life by spqr (15k, T)

“I don’t need an exorcism,” Tim says.

“I beg to bloody differ,” Constantine mutters.

Nobly, Tim elects to ignore him. “I want you to teach me.”

“Teach you what? Manners?”

“I already know manners,” Tim says, then barrels on as Constantine snorts in disagreement, “what I need to learn is necromancy.”

Very much enjoyed a look at the magic side of DC, especially since I haven't read much stuff on it before. I don't know how much of it is true to canon, but if it isn't, it feels very built-in and detailed in the way the magic system is written. Necromancer!Tim and questionable adult John Constantine is a delight to read.

Bet Your Bottom Dollar by husborth (7k, T) cw: referenced sexual assault

Dick's been having kind of a hard time, recently. When it boils over, Bruce is there for him.

Lots of good things to write about this fic: comes highly recommended. I've reread this and the author's other works multiple times.

Circles by withthekeyisking (9k, M)

Dick understands the necessity of working with Hush, that having the world continue on thinking that Bruce Wayne is alive is a useful thing. Doesn't mean he has to like it. Doesn't mean it's easy to engage with a man with Bruce's face when Dick still misses his dad like a limb.

And it turns out that's a weakness Thomas is all too happy to exploit.

If you're feeling up for some angst, give this one a try.

Boku no Hero Academia

Legacy by i_am_snowils_admiral (8k, T)

One For All is a sentient quirk. It isn't evil, or malicious. But it's sentient and it has one goal: to carry out the will of its first user - overcoming All for One.

A very cool fic! It does a great job of making OFA come across as creepy, and then they take it down another road.

the ghost of unbroken love by ennuied (7k, T)

Shouto’s life has cracked open like a raw egg on concrete. Some things will never be the same, but some things will.

It's actually been a while since I read this one, but I do remember that I really enjoyed it.

Candor by OwlF45 (60k, M)

Izuku’s ears pop.

It’s the third time Izuku’s hit the pavement face-first.

He’s so close to pulling himself up to his knees when a pipe slams through his lower back and pins him to the concrete. His breath leaves him all at once. He tries to scream. He can’t.

And the rest of the building falls on him in a burst of smoke and dust. His eardrums shatter, he lays flat against the pavement, spitting red globs of blood, and he tries not to remember red eyes and white hair and—

Or: The Hero Commission passes a new code that requires all heroes to complete a mental simulation test. For Izuku, the consequences are catastrophic.

I'm so into the themes that the author explored in this fic, and just kinda everything about it? You can tell they worked a lot on it, and I think Candor is now one of my favourite BNHA fanfics, because wow. Comes HIGHLY recommended.

hineni | הנני by jonphaedrus (42k, T)

The problem was not that All Might was Yagi Toshinori.

The problem is that Yagi Toshinori is—was—had always been—All Might.

And always would be.

A lovely All Might character study that I liked a lot.

Walk a Mile in Another’s Shoes by katydid (56k, WIP, T)

The Aoyamas think twice and decide not to get involved with a shady man who claims to be able to give quirks. Instead, Hisashi and Inko Midoriya purchase a naval laser quirk for their son in exchange for a large sum of money and an undisclosed favor.

A decade later, All for One comes to collect his due. Izuku Midoriya must choose between his mother’s life or betraying his ideals and his friends.

Read this fic. Read all of the other fics the author has written. Thank me later. This one isn't my favourite but I do very much enjoy it: all of them are really good and are worth reading I think.

different, same by achievingelysium (1k, T)

The world is different from what he remembers.

Much, much different.

Midoriya Izuku is Quirkless. Yet the universe works in circles, and One for All returns to its first wielder long long after he's dead.

A cool Yoichi-reincarnates-as-Midoriya Izuku fic!

[koreandragon]

to be fair i started following your blog late last year and i also happened to get into kdramas early last year so this is the first time I’m hearing about her fksdkf I don’t delve deep into writers and stuff on the shows I’ve watched... but now you mentioned her name tied in with dots that makes SO much sense (I looked into her tag). Because I only just started watching that recently and... it’s so painful, like I literally had to stop watching the show... even though it’s got Song Joong-ki in it. like just why.

well kim eunsook wrote some of the most popular kdramas that have ever aired. think of dramas that are still being referenced in OTHER dramas and various other k-content. she wrote shows like the heirs, boys over flowers, secret garden, goblin etc and they all suck so badly i am in rage every day knowing all her dramas blow up and are part of the korean people's consciousness. like if you asked a person who watches kdramas to name a few classic dramas one of them would be a kes one for sure. and her dramas are wildly loved in the kdrama community all over the world too for some reason (i suspect it's because her dramas always have stellar casts and some of the biggest names in the industry). dots is the only sjk drama i refuse to watch. i strongly advise you against watching any of her shows unless you want to waste your time.

[faorism]

as previously mentioned, eventually, hardison won’t be the only one doing his new line of work; he’ll train them up. he'll have a small but dedicated team of chaotic good geniuses. he names them tikkun, meaning "to repair," referencing tikkun olam, "the obligation to repair the world around you" (as brilliantly suggested & defined by @piratedykes).

he is doing his george clooney satellite monitoring and the group has a reputation because boy do NGOs and nonprofits and activists and community organizers like to fucking gossip about shit especially when it goes right?? or rather, one person in one org's fundraising team will reach out to their counterpart in another org and be like...... yo you were frantic last week about [challenge] and how you have to raise like a bajilliion dollars in emergency funds and also ideally take down a warlord but you will settle for money for water and first aid, and i havent heard from you but.... your org's twitter is like, popping right now and it looks like [challenge] has evaporated?? how??? are you okay the hell.

and second fundraising officer is like...... it.......... is good. its been the weirdest wildest week but its good.

and the first officer is like............. no wtf do not leave me like this. how did you do it.

lets say consultants.

consultants?

listen. can't say more. but if everything ever really really goes to shit, and i do mean really, just... consider applying for the rapid response flexible spending grant from the tikkun fund (NOT the tikkun olam foundation, different folx). lets just say that $850 from tikkun goes a long long way.

and the first officer looks it up, and the fund has a boring but efficient website. the fund is barely three years old but they have a small but mighty giving portfolio of tiny tiny orgs like their own, and when this first officer rubén follows through and delves deep into the orgs...... they notice..... wow these folks really had....... a suspicious amount of good luck swing their way at very critical moments.

rubén sits back and is like. huh. okay. weird. but they trust their friend and they keep the tikkun fund in the back of their mind. and one day, yup, theres a fucking crisis and god, god [their community] needs money and the situation is not a blip on anyone's radar outside [their community] but this matters too! and rubén remembers that little fund and yeah, $850 can't fix it next to nothing but that's $850 they desperately desperately need. and luckily the application is super short and rubén gets the vibes their reporting requirements are gonna be super quick and easy as well. so they submit it and then they go and turn around to shake money from somewhere anywhere and.... by the end of the business day, they are wrapping up because they've already worked three hours late and they havent eaten since lunch aka an old granola bar in the back of their file cabinet, and....... what. is that........... yeah. their tikkun fund application has been accepted with clear instructions about how they can proceed to get payment. and rubén wants to cry god god okay.

and rubén sends a quick email to this alec hardison (he/him/mr. but please alec is fine) thanking him profusely and so earnestly, cc'ing wyn the org's executive director. rubén goes home and Do Not Disturb's their work stuff and is ready to start it all over the next day.... but. when they get to the office, they find out wyn has organized an emergency meeting looking... confused and hopeful and so wildly excited. there's a guy next to her dressed smart, but what really stands out with his eyes: they are kind and welcoming but there's a coy twinkle in them like he's got a secret he's itching to share.

and wyn is like. hey so. this is alec hardison and blah blah introduction stuff. (and rubén is like omgggg internally) we spoke last night, and mr hardison's agreed to come on pro bono with his team to assist us and... okay. okay imma be real here for a moment. there's some stuff that's gonna be on the down low here on out and if you don't want part of it, you can take leave for the next week or two we will give you space, but... we know what will happen if shit continues and im not standing for it. i hope you will join me, but you won't be forced. and she turns to please-just-alec who thanks her and turns to the exhausted team and says:

in the jewish faith, we got this concept. tikkun olam, meaning our obligation to repair our world. it takes heroic and wise eyes to see what's wrong around us, and to follow that urge is what we must do as people sharing this planet we call home. and listen, i didn't know about y'all before yesterday, but i can see just how much you've been putting in day in and out for your community. you're the good guys. and when you're doing all that good against so much bad, sometimes, sometimes it feels like you ain't got no one in your corner. but i hope together, with the support of my tikkun crew, we can repair what has been hurt and damaged. and yall, and here, alec lets that secret out in a smile, i cannot wait to fuck some shit up alongside you.

[fullconstellationalt]

You Weren’t My Mission: Ch. 2

Chapter Two – Making Amends

TW: alcohol, mentions of violence and death

Note: Hello! All chapters will have warnings at the beginning of their content and possible triggers. If you find that I miss any triggers, please let me know and I will add them to the chapter warnings as soon as possible. Thank you! <3

Series masterpost

Also available on Wattpad and AO3

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

You stared blankly at the hand in front of you, still attempting to process his mere presence. After a few moments of silence, Bucky nodded and gave a slight grin, resting his extended arm on the edge of the bar.

“Tend to get that reaction,” he chuckled. ･:*:･ﾟ☆

You stared blankly at the hand in front of you, still attempting to process his mere presence. After a few moments of silence, Bucky nodded and gave a slight grin, resting his extended arm on the edge of the bar.

“Tend to get that reaction,” he chuckled. You glanced up, meeting his eyes for the first time since he sat down. A look of worry and sympathy met your own hesitant gaze.

As you held eye contact, your mind reeled through what he’d said, trying to sort out what exactly he meant. Amends? What does he mean ‘make amends’? You didn’t realize that you’d asked your questions aloud in a frantic whisper until the bass of his voice rushed to your ears, making you jump.

“Sorry to startle you. Uh, it’s a part of this whole process I’m going through,” he explained. He paused, waiting for some sort of reaction, but you sat frozen still. “I’ve been meeting with different people that I hurt — no, the Winter Soldier hurt — over the years on Hydra missions. You’re one of the last few names on my list.”

You gave a small nod, eyes darting back to the hand resting against the bar. His list? you wondered. It was then that you noticed how long you’d been holding your breath. You let out a small sigh and briefly closed your eyes, attempting to ground yourself.

“Why?” you asked, shifting your gaze back to his. Your voice was small, barely above a whisper, but he managed to hear you.

Although quiet, your question seemed to grant him some relief from the silence that had been hanging. Taking in a deep breath, he explained, “You were one of the few people who survived Hydra’s attack on The Tribune. I’m sure you know that, though.”

You nodded, mind taking you back to the scene at the hospital in the aftermath of the attack.

Of the forty or so staff members in the office at the time, only six of you had survived. As you laid in your bed at the urgent care clinic, nurses and doctors rushing around you, you kept your eyes pinned on the entrance, praying that more of your coworkers would be wheeled in. After hours of watching from your bed, you came to accept that it was just you six that had made it. You’d lost your best friend and boss. The only person you knew well of the survivors was your boyfriend at the time, who you watched be rushed into the ER as a piece of shrapnel stuck in his side was dangerously close to shrinking that survivor count down to five.

You were snapped back to the present by the clinking of glasses behind the counter, Vincent cleaning up after a party had left.

“Are you going to hurt me?” you asked, meeting Bucky’s gaze once again. He winced at the question, his eyes showing a shimmer of empathy.

“No, I’m not,” he assured you. “I’m actually here to say that-.” He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. “That it wasn’t me who did those things.”

Confused, you arched your eyebrow, to which he continued.

“I was controlled by Hydra for almost about seventy years. They kidnapped me after an accident in Europe while I was on active duty and brainwashed me, making me into a living weapon. I was the Winter Soldier, they made me an assassin. But I wasn’t me, I had no control over myself.”

You nodded, vaguely familiar with the story. You’d known and read about him as the Winter Soldier, a Hydra assassin. While his pardon signified that there was a difference between Bucky and the Soldier, your memories subconsciously considered them as one.

Bucky’s eyes returned a soft and regretful look, glancing down at his metal arm before holding out his palm between you. You stared at it, eyes running over its ridges and flecks of gold.

“They gave me this, the arm,” he explained. “Well, they gave me the old one. This one’s new, from a friend in Wakanda.” Images of his old silver arm raced, memories of the way his metal fingers firmly gripped his gun, a red star painted on his shoulder.

Your eyes flickered between his dark metal fingertips and his gaze, trying to piece together what any of this meant and why he was here in front of you.

“What do you mean by making amends?” you asked again. He’d given the gist, but you couldn’t understand why he was here or what he wanted from you.

Bucky shifted in his seat, relaxing a bit as he sensed your fear turning into confusion. He delved into explaining the process of his making amends, telling you about the types of people on his list and how he wanted to give people closure. He talked about the memory wipes, the separation between him and the Winter Soldier. You nodded along, mind finally wrapping around the concept when he abruptly stopped his explanation.

“I’ll let you go,” he offered, aware of his intrusion on your evening. “I just wanted to explain, you know,” he paused. “That I’m not that person anymore. Or, I guess, that I never was.”

He glanced at the bar top before pressing his hand against the surface, pushing himself out of his seat and onto his feet.

“Thanks for listening to me. I’m sorry for-“ he glanced at the ground before meeting your gaze again. “For everything.” He turned to leave, straightening his arms and stepping out from between your seats.

Your sudden grasp on his arm startled him, Bucky whipping his head around to face you again. He'd never been able to shake the fight or flight instincts that Hydra had intensified in him.

“You don’t have to go,” you suggested. “I mean, you can, but we can talk about it more.”

Bucky nodded slowly, not used to your reaction. Most people were glad to see him leave. But you wanted to know more.

“I think talking about it could help. You know, with the memories and stuff. Plus, I don’t really want to hate you if it wasn’t you that hurt me,” you explained.

Glancing between your grip on his jacket sleeve and your gaze, he hesitantly sat back down. “What do you want to know?” he asked.

“Do you remember it?” you pressed. You relived the memory each night in your sleep and every day at work for years afterwards. It was only recently that you’d been able to suppress it, sometimes making it a couple of days without acknowledging what had happened. How did he even remember you?

“I remember all of them,” he admitted, a hint of sorrow in his voice.

Wanting to break the tension, you waved Vincent over to your end of the bar and motioned towards Bucky’s empty hand. He ordered a glass of whiskey before turning back to you, a hint of a smirk on his lips. Maybe a drink would loosen him up, you thought, unaware of the serum’s restrictions.

While the alcohol had no effect on him, having the drink in his hands seemed to help him relax. He asked about how you’d been faring in the years since the attack, to which you shared briefly of the recurring nightmares and post-traumatic stress you’d faced. You feared that you’d shared too much, but he nodded along, a sympathetic look in his eyes. You weren’t opening up much but talking about it with him helped.

It wasn’t taking you long to recognize that the man in front of you wasn’t the same man who had eyed you down the barrel of his gun. Although difficult, the eye contact and talking with him helped you make this distinction, as did his understanding and willingness to listen. Even when you were sharing about the effects of the trauma had because of the Winter Soldier, things you knew probably weighed heavily on him, he nodded along and gave you his full attention. You felt comfortable telling Bucky these things, and he seemed comfortable around you; neither of you were fully relaxed, but at least were trying to talk.

“What have you been up to all these years?” you asked. “Since Tony, you know …” Ever since everyone came back from the snap, you’d heard about him from time to time, still referenced to by most news outlets as ‘the Winter Soldier.’ You knew he’d been pardoned and seen pictures of occasional sightings, the metal arm a dead giveaway of his identity, but knew little else. He told you he’d been living in Brooklyn the past few years, to which you were shocked that you’d managed to avoid seeing him for so long.

“I’m surprised we haven’t run into each other until now,” you quipped.

Bucky smiled, but you could see the subtle grimace beneath the expression. “Yeah, I’ve been steering clear of anywhere you’d be,” he admitted. Your eyes widened — how had he known where you were? Where you worked now? “I’ve got people who’ve helped me avoid running into you or anyone else around here,” he explained as though he could read your mind, but offering no further explanation. Truthfully, you didn’t want to know the details.

“Why now? What made you come here tonight?” you asked. It had been nagging you the entire evening — what made him come to see you now?

“I’d heard you come here in the evenings,” he offered, exposing yet another detail you didn’t really wish to know. “Figured I’d give you some time before just showing up, didn’t want to scare you more than I have.”

You nodded, grateful that he hadn’t come sooner. Things had gotten better with the nightmares and flashbacks in the past few months thanks to work getting busier, and if he had come to see you any earlier you would have undoubtably had an instant panic attack. You were admittedly creeped out that he knew you would be here, but given his connections, you guessed that he had intel on nearly whatever information he wanted about anyone. Plus, talking with him had proven fruitful for you, helping you disconnect Bucky Barnes from the Winter Soldier. He didn’t say it, but it helped him too, helping him humanize himself.

Over an hour had passed since he sat down, and your stomach twisted in hunger. You’d had two drinks without eating dinner; it was beyond time for you to go home and eat. As the conversation came to a lull, you shifted to face him fully, looking him in the eye.

“Could we meet again?” you ask hesitantly. “I think it may help me, you know, with processing what happened. Only if you want to, though.”

He paused to consider your proposition and you watched as the wheels in his mind turned, weighing the possible outcomes. A moment passed and the corner of his mouth twitched upwards in a subtle smile. He nodded in approval.

“I’ll come back by soon,” he assured. You nodded and stood up, grabbing your phone and bag before adjusting your shirt, smoothing your hands over your jeans.

“I’ll see you soon, then.” You gave a small nod and did a quick wave to say goodbye, not comfortable with shaking his hand quite yet. While talking to him helped, you weren’t exactly relaxed around him. It was going to take some time for your mind to fully separate him from the man who had threatened your life and ended so many others’.

Fifteen minutes later you were at your front door, fumbling in your bag for your apartment keys. Once inside, you set your bag in its usual spot on the bench in the doorway and walked to the kitchen, opening the fridge to grab the takeout you’d saved from the night before. You dished out your food onto a plate and stuck it in the microwave. As you waited for the timer to go off, you leaned back against the counter.

Besides the sound of the microwave whirring and the occasional honk from the street below, your apartment was completely silent. The silence always gave you time to think, whether for better or worse. Tonight, your mind wandered to the conversations you’d had, running through the details he’d shared and wondering if you’d said too much. Was meeting him again a good idea? Was this really going to help, or were you doing yourself more harm than good?

Just as you began to question yourself, the oven timer rang through the kitchen, making you jump. You grabbed a fork and took your plate from the microwave, walking to your living space to curl up on the couch. Normally you’d put on the news, your mind always focused on work and the need to stay up to date on current events. But tonight, you ate in silence, instead looking out the window at the city street below as your mind wandered back to your interaction with Bucky.

You desperately hoped that this wasn’t a horrible idea.

Next Chapter (Chapter 3 – Adrenaline Rush)

A/N: Thanks for reading chapter 2! I posted both chapters 1 and 2 back-to-back, and am gonna take a little bit to get chapter 3 up but already know where I want for it to go. This is gonna be a bitttt of a slow burn, if you haven't picked up on that yet. Thanks for sticking around!

[valley-of-the-lost]

I don't know if you watched BPA, but.. I have a question, that I don't know if you can answer this, but it's been nagging at me (this is a multi-part ask, this will be a quick rundown): A blog that used to be interested in Barbie claimed that BPA has some racist undertones; this is because, as they claimed, due to the antagonist (who has, as they put it, brown skin) tries to take over the kingdom of a white princess/queen. 1/?- Barbie Multiverse Anon

Okay, so, a quick explanation. This ask has been sitting in my inbox for a few days, and I sincerely apologize to Multiverse Anon for making them wait this long for me to weigh in on this. When I received this ask I was neck-deep in part of an art challenge that wore me out and I had not watched BPA (which I assumed was Barbie Princess Adventure) at the time, and I felt that this was the type of ask that I needed to chew on for a couple days and talk to some people before I was certain of my thoughts on it.

Now, I have done some cursory research, watched Barbie Princess Adventure myself, and bounced it off some of my friends for their take as well. Thus I will attempt to answer this to the best of my ability.

I do agree with the unknown blogger in question that Prince Johan is a brown-skinned character, and that the plot has racist implications due to the combination of this, him being the antagonist, and the fact that his kingdom lost a war to Amelia's prior to the plot to drive his motivation hence why Amelia is taking over the rule of both her own and his kingdom. However, I disagree with them that this is an ongoing theme or that there's a pattern of racist undertones in previous Barbie movies. At least from my own knowledge. 

(under a read more because I don’t want to clog people’s dashes, this is not a simple topic to unpack + the movie did some weird things I wanted to explain too)

Before I really delve into the meat of why I take this stance, I want to quickly discuss why I had to even assert that I agreed that Johan is a brown-skinned character as its own point on the off-chance someone else encounters the same initial weird impression I did. You can skip this part if you want, I'll put a triple asterisk where this ends (***).

Prior to watching BPA myself, I did some cursory research on the Barbie Movies wiki, prompted by this ask. I put together that Johan was probably the antagonist that was being referred to, but when I was on his page, his wiki picture was just this.

This was all I had to go off of at this point, because he didn't have a screenshot gallery for me to cross-reference him throughout different points in the movie. So the conclusion I drew at the time was "he just looks like a tan white guy". This impression was reinforced by his light eyes and recycled Ken face model. I cross-referenced this with some friends, and we came to the conclusion that at best he looks racially ambiguous, with no reason to think he was a character of color unless there was other indication about his race in the movie itself.

And then I watched the movie. And changed my mind when I saw what he looked like in these scenes.

Johan looks noticeably darker than he did in his single wiki picture, especially when next to other more obviously white characters like Barbie and Amelia. His skin tone is closer to Alphonso whom I would call a brown character pretty confidently in the same movie (I wanted to minimize comparisons across movies to eliminate the possible different variables that would come with it).

While this might not be as noticeable to other people casually watching the movie, I found this a bit jarring myself because I was focusing on his skin tone in particular due to the subject of the ask and my initial impression from the wiki picture when he was arguably at his lightest in the whole movie, as well as when he was introduced he was at his darkest because it was set at night. Also the way the animation team decided to shade him to convey that its nighttime confused me because he looked a lot darker than I thought someone of what I assumed his skin tone would look. And then the next scene with him and Barbie further confused me, because he suddenly got this reddish undertone that really highlighted their difference in skin color.

(Barbie’s hands are on the left and Johan’s are on the right for sake of direct comparison)

Finally, in his last scenes in the movie, Johan's skin tone is most like that of his wiki picture's. Darker than Barbie's when they stand in the same shot but light enough that he could've passed as a tan white guy. What cemented my confusion is that he still looks like this in the throne room, where he was before when dancing with Barbie so it should reasonably have the same lighting and bring out that reddish undertone, but no he still looks like that. So my final conclusion on him was that since he looks like a brown-skinned character in around 2/3s of his scenes and there's a 2D painting of him in the bg when Barbie and Amelia are kidnapped, that he is indeed a brown-skinned character and the animation department probably fucked up their lighting which messed with how uniform his skin tone looked across scenes. ***

Now that I've explained my process of confusion and then final agreement that Johan is indeed brown-skinned, let's discuss how this compounds with other elements to create a rather unfortunate picture. I'm afraid its a bit worse than Anon described.

First off, the added context of the history between Amelia's kingdom of Floravia and his kingdom of Johanistan. Prior to the movie proper, these two countries fought in a war and Johanistan eventually surrendered to Floravia. The two countries signed a treaty that said that after her coronation, Amelia would rule both Floravia and Johanistan.

There is a severe lack of critical details about the war itself, such as what caused it in the first place, which really works to the film’s disadvantage, since the absence of clarity does little to clear up the questionable implications of what is known about the relationship between Floravia and Johanistan.

Amelia’s kingdom is the one that took over Johan’s initially, since they won the war and Johanistan would be ruled by Floravia’s queen, with the implication being that she’d depose Johan’s family, the original ruling family. While the lack of details makes it so it can’t quite be said that Floravia is colonizing Johanistan, it also means that it can’t be said that Floravia is not colonizing Johanistan. What is known about the war is very broadly reminiscent of tactics white people have used to colonize other countries, such as using a war to depose the original royal family for the colonizer’s own gain (the US colonizing Hawaii by staging a coup against their ruling family because the white plantation owners got mad) and putting the other country in a disadvantageous position with a treaty (Opium Wars). This would probably just be viewed as normal Kingdom vs. Kingdom politics if... well Johan wasn’t a character of color.

Combined with viewing this movie through the lens of real-life racial biases (which people are predisposed to do because we're inherently based in reality), the likely conclusion drawn is that this white ruler (Amelia) is effectively ousting a character of color (Johan) and his family out of power and force-assimilating his country, and there's simply not enough clarity about previous events before the movie takes place to dispel it sufficiently.

This also poisons the plot proper because Johan's motivation is to take advantage of the law that the rule of both kingdoms falls to him if Amelia doesn't show up to coronation and regain rule of his own kingdom and Floravia as a nice plus. The intention was probably to show him as greedy for wanting lone rule of Floravia and Johanistan, taken together, it honestly comes across as the movie villianizing a character of color because he wants to regain sovereignty of his own kingdom from a white ruler. Its completely understandable that Amelia wouldn't want to lose her own kingdom especially coming off of war, but also her kingdom is also the one ousting out the previous royal family of Johanistan without giving any good reason why they can't compromise.

The effect would be somewhat mitigated if another character of color had a similarly prominent role as Johan on the side of Barbie, but there's really not. The closest I'd argue would be Alphonso, but he doesn't have equal plot relevance. This does, in my opinion, make Barbie Princess Adventure's plot give off racist vibes like that unknown blogger said. But I do not agree with them that there's a "pattern" of racist undertones in other Barbie movies.

Due to the lack of details of what exactly they meant by a "pattern" of racist undertones, I am assuming they mean a consistent pattern of racism across the movies, for example the movies consistently dipping into anti-Asian sentiments with their villains, or their plots inherently having racist vibes woven into them like I just talked about in BPA.

Despite the Barbie movies occasionally dipping into offensive territory, in my personal experience I have not observed a pattern of racist undertones or consistent racism targeting a specific group. I acknowledge that I could fully be wrong and a lot of things could have slipped past my notice, especially since I have not seen all the movies, but from the ones I have seen I have not observed a pattern with regards to this. However, I will point out the offensive/iffy things in the movies that I know of, with varying degrees of detail depending on how much I can remember. This is by no means a full compendium of all the problematic stuff Barbie films have touched on but these are the ones I am aware of at present.

Barbie of Swan Lake - Antisemitism. There was a TikTok on this somewhere that discussed this more in detail that I can't find but will link if I do, but what I do remember was Rothbart was given an extremely large nose which is reminiscent of the "Jewish nose" ethnic stereotype. Also there was something about his name and Tchaikovsky himself being antisemitic and those views being reflected in his ballet. I don't remember all the details I'm sorry and google wasn't giving me much.

Barbie in the Princess and the Pauper - Antisemitism. Preminger hits a couple of antisemitic stereotypes in the movie, such as having a noticeably larger, hooked nose compared to the other male characters which is reminiscent of the ethnic stereotype of the "Jewish nose" and being greedy and corrupt (literally mining every singe piece of gold out of the mines) which is a stereotype of Jewish people. His name is also of Jewish origin which by itself wouldn’t be a necessarily suspicious thing but combined with those other tropes it does add up.

Barbie Diaries - Tia, a black woman and also the only one with curly hair in the cast, making an iffy comment about "getting the tangles out of her hair". POC with different hair textures have gotten a lot of racist shit for their hair so even though this is a small oneoff comment seeing Tia talk about her hair like this in a negative manner rubbed some of my friends with curly hair wrong.

Barbie in a Mermaid Tale 2 - Polynesian racism. Another friend of mine who is Hawaiian brought this up in Mermaid Tale 2, when Merliah and co decided to have a luau (which is a traditional Hawaiian party or feast usually accompanied by entertainment) in Australia. My friend found it a bit iffy they were doing this when most everyone is white, but what they found worse was when poi was being served in the luau. Poi is a traditional Polynesian dish, but in the movie they claimed it was an Australian and Hawaiian dish, which its not, there’s no Australia in its origin. And then there was a "gag" where the people eating the poi were gagging on it, so essentially this movie was making a joke out of another culture's aesthetics and food.

Barbie Princess Adventure - Reread the above text.

Maybe my sample size isn’t big enough but I’m not seeing a pattern or a trend here, which in my opinion would be a larger cause for concern because for these movies their issues are largely contained to their specific movie, and a pattern would be indication of a wider problem. Maybe you see a pattern I don’t, that would be completely valid.

Now, do I think this means you can’t enjoy Barbie Princess Adventure? No, I’d be a bit of a hypocrite if I said that because I still enjoy some of the Barbie movies I listed above that I just said also have problematic elements (Swan Lake and Princess and the Pauper specifically). But I do think it is good to at the very least be aware of it, hear it out, keep it in mind. At the same time I understand why people would be turned off by this topic because they’re here to have fun riding the serotonin of childhood nostalgia and not delve into discourse.

But I hope I answered your question to your satisfaction Multiverse Anon! I’m going to go take a nap now I’m tired 😭.

[sad-little-ghost-hunter]

The Professor and The Genie: A Full Breakdown

Welcome one and all to A Comprehensive List of All The Genie Lore In Puppet History, With Theories. If you aren’t familiar with what I’m talking about, go watch all of Puppet History made by @wearewatcher on YouTube and come right back here. No dilly-dallying. For those of you who are, you’re probably also aware of the recurring character of The Genie on the show, whose role has been the subject of much speculation among the show’s audience. I couldn’t find a compilation of references/ theories, so I made one! 

The show, which tells somewhat obscure stories from throughout history, accompanied by a special guest each episode and a musical number at the end of each tale, is hosted by The Professor, a little fuzzy blue puppet, who commonly references The Genie, with whom he holds a deep-rooted grudge. I will be going through all the existing information on this guy so far, and discussing a few theories as to what all this is about. It’s like my very own BuzzFeed Unsolved except I’m just one very bored person with way too much time on her hands. 

Let’s compile all of the currently known information: on April 10, 2020, in the video entitled, “Surviving The Titanic: History's Luckiest Woman • Puppet History” the Genie is first mentioned, at 16:10, in a question about what Violet Jessop saw while peering off of the ship. The answer choice reads, “A Genie??????????????????” 

On August 14, 2020, in the video entitled, “How America’s First Female Detective Saved Abe Lincoln • Puppet History” the Genie again comes up, at 23:04, in a question entitled “What’s the matter?!?”. The answer choice reads, “The secessionists had found a magical genie!” The pattern was starting to emerge. 

On September 4, 2020, in the video entitled “The Disastrous 1904 Olympics • Puppet History” the genie is once again mentioned, at 5:06. The genie is referred to as “fickle” and apparently keeps making things worse, no matter what the Professor says. From this we can gather that the genie may have gone back on some sort of promise he made to The Professor, and is escalating the situation. 

On September 11, 2020, in the video entitled “Isaac Newton's Nemesis • Puppet History” the genie is mentioned in an answer choice at 6:45, reading “A genie that will stop at nothing to make my life a living hell, even though I followed his silly rules to the letter and I don’t owe him anything.” Clearly, things with the genie are only getting worse. The genie is harboring some sort of grudge against the Professor, be it the Professor’s fault or not. The Genie also provided rules for something-- we’ll return to this later.

On September 18, 2020, in the video entitled, “The World’s Greatest/ Rudest Samurai • Puppet History”, The Genie once again comes up in the answer choices at 24:52, as “A genie who insists I owe him, and I wish I had a wish left so I could wish Musashi were here to teach him a lesson.” Once again, we see evidence that the Professor may have made some sort of deal with this genie, and whether or not he fulfilled his end of the bargain is still up in the air.

On September 25, 2020, in the video entitled “Policarpa: The Revolutionary Teen Spy • Puppet History”, the Professor makes not one but three references to the genie! We get so much lore here! First up, at 1:05, Ryan Bergara asks The Professor how old he really is. The Professor responds with this: “Yeah, you know, you start jumping around in time and things get a little funky…”. Just a few seconds later, the Professor says, “Well, if you could ask the subject of today’s story, which, how could I, it's not like you can just wish to be able to time travel…“ The pain in his voice here is apparent, devastating, and very real. Lastly, later on in the video at 20:05, The Professor gives the following answer choice to the question, “What happened?” (to Policarpa). The choice reads, “A magical genie meddled once again with history, and turned Policarpa in, and tried to pin the blame on a bespectacled puppet, who is at this point starting to suspect he may have made a deal with the devil.” Now here’s where things get real interesting. The Professor is now alleging that not only is the Genie out to get him, but the Genie is actually influencing history. 

On October 2, 2020, in the video entitled “The Grisly Journey of the Donner Party • Puppet History”,  The Professor goes on a longer than usual tangent about the genie at 18:38, saying, “He had cached a trove of treasured items, including a magical lamp that only a creature about the size of a human hand could get to, and inside the magical lamp was a Genie, capable of granting any wish, up to and including turning a seemingly everyday item into a secret time machine, but that if you wished for that, THE GENIE WOULD BE A TOTAL PRICK ABOUT IT, SO MAYBE BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.” The genie appears in a short montage of clips, with the professor’s above monologue in the background. The genie shown is just Shane in eyeliner and an Aladdin-style genie costume, cackling and looking mischievous. The professor rubs the lamp in the skit, and the genie does that evil villainous hand thing, and casts some sort of spell. There’s a lot to break down. First up, we may have gotten a glimpse into the Professor’s actual past here. It seems as though at some point in his life he was either told about, or found out about this cache of treasure deep in the mountains, that only a creature about the size of a human hand could get to. This is important because it debunks one of the most popular theories circulating the internet right now-- that the Genie somehow turned the Professor into an immortal, time-traveling puppet. The Professor was clearly already a puppet, as he had access to this treasure trove. Next we get the part about the time-machine. If we can assume that the Professor is projecting his past experiences onto the poor guests on this show, we can surmise that the Professor used his wish to wish for one of his ordinary objects to turn into a secret time machine. We will delve more into this later. 

Finally, on December 25, 2020, in the video entitled “The Story of St. Nicholas • Puppet History”, The Professor goes on another rant about the Genie in the answer choices, saying “The same curse that eventually befalls all of God’s creatures-- an evil genie was pursuing him through time and space to steal something the genie himself had made magical!” From this we can gather that, after the Professor wished for his time machine, the Genie gave him some rules and conditions he had to agree to. The Professor may have broken these, hence why the Genie is pursuing him across time and space. 

Now that we have all the existing information, assuming I didn’t miss anything, let’s get into the theories. 

My current, working theory is that The Professor happened across this lamp somewhere deep in the mountains, and wished for a Time Machine from the Genie inside. The Genie (who appears malevolent in the Professor’s flashback, but I’m gonna chalk that up to personal bias) agreed, but gave the Professor some conditions and rules to follow regarding the Time Machine. The Professor agreed, and promptly broke these rules. The Genie then demanded something in return-- This could be the Time Machine itself, but given Shane’s twisted mind I would assume the Professor owes the Genie something more. Perhaps… his soul?

Or maybe just a fine, I don’t know.

The Professor refused to pay up, possibly time traveling away to hide from the Genie, and is now on the run. A fuzzy blue fugitive. But, the Professor also mentioned that the Genie actually meddles with history, and tries to get the puppet in trouble for stuff he didn’t do. This begs the question; why would the Genie resort to a relatively harmless source of mischief to target the Professor, instead of just taking whatever is owed to him? This almost implies that whatever it is the Professor owes the Genie has to be given willingly. Hence, why the Genie is making his life “a living hell”. 

The puppet also seems to be immortal, or at least old enough to not remember how old he is. In his words, time is “funky” when you travel around it too much. 

We also don’t know which of the Professor’s objects could be the Time Machine. Some have speculated (some being me) that it’s his satchel, or hat. But, when you think about it, it seems most likely that it’s actually the theatre itself. The Theatre does often seem to transport you back in time to the actual stories, although that could just be Watcher’s killer editing skills. Either way, the Time Machine seems to be a source of great trouble for the puppet, so maybe just… get rid of it?

There are 2 main schools of thought here, in my own opinion. The idea that the Genie is in the wrong, and is relentlessly torturing this poor Professor for no good reason, or the idea that the Genie is actually justified in his anger at the Professor, and that the Professor brought this on himself. 

Theory #1: The Genie is a malevolent entity, and tricked the Professor into making an unfair deal with him. This is clearly what the Professor himself believes, or wants us to believe. The Professor says, and I quote, “starting to suspect he may have made a deal with the devil.” If this is true, and the Professor is actually on the run from the Devil himself, then that would imply that the Professor sold his own soul for this time machine, the most commonly referenced deal with the devil. However, since that would be a little far-fetched even for Shane (although, let’s be real- would it?) we could go with the second option- the Genie is just a Genie, but he did trick the Professor into making a bargain with him, and the Professor still believes he has held up his own end of the deal. 

Theory #2: The Genie is just doing his job, and the Professor’s the one at fault. Now I don’t want to take any sides here, but this does seem to be the most plausible theory. Even the Professor, on several occasions, has implied a set of rules that he agreed to when he wished for his Time Machine. What these rules were we may never know, but the Genie clearly thinks that he broke them and is now owed something. Historically, in folklore from all over the world, Genies are tricky creatures, and will try to deceive you into wishing for stupid stuff, or agreeing to things that you maybe shouldn’t agree to. However, in almost all cases, if you manage to outsmart them, or keep your word, they will leave you alone. Let’s say The Professor knew what he was getting himself into when he wished for the Time Machine. He agreed to the rules, and he understood that if he broke them he would owe the Genie something. Yet he went ahead with it, and now the Genie is after him. He clearly broke the rules and the Genie is just collecting on his bargain.  

All in all, we don’t have enough information yet to actually know what this Genie’s DEAL is (see what I did there). Is the Genie an evil being trying his very best to ruin the unlucky Professor’s life? Or is the Professor the one who wronged the Genie, breaking his word and escaping via Puppet TARDIS? The answer will remain… Unsolved.

[wexhappyxfew]

HELLO LIL BEAN 💛 you already know who I’m here for eheh Death please!

LINDA AHHHH HELLO!!! :D Sorry that I’ve just been able to FINALLY get to this! My schoolwork load today was absolutely insane if I’m being quite honest and I already get distracted so easily, so the snow outside and just the everyday distractions of life aren’t that great either LOL!! But I AM FINISHED AND THE NIGHT IS MINE SO -- let’s get into it! In this post, we’ll be digging into Natia + Death’s relationship, and everything essentially surrounding their connection which, out of everyone and everything in the book remains ENTICING and one of the strongest - quite strange for someone like Natia and this personified being like Death right? ;) 

I really liked the way this moodboard turned out, because just about every aspect encompasses a bit of Natia + Death’s relationship with one another AND SO - I will be going through each photo to discuss their relationship and bring it to life a bit! I thought this would be a fun way, to not only have a reference image, but also a description as to WHY I decided on the images for the moodboard that depicts their relationship so vividly! But let’s get a few things hit right off the bat first!

(1) Not once do Natia and Death communicate through words - one of the most powerful things about their connection with one another is simply that. They never speak one word to each other yet, they have one of the strongest relationships throughout the entire book because of simply the deep-seeded connection they hold with one another.

(2) This deep-seeded connection is really rooted in Day 1 after Natia witnesses the death of her parents - though not a scene in the book, it is referenced a various amount of times and is a moment Natia tends to think about more often than not in her time. It’s sort of my play on when Death comes to her and begins to pity her. Oh yes....there is a whole lot of pitying - and Natia HATES pitying...we know this ;)

(3) Agent Mortem is literally Agent ‘Death’ or the Agent of Death. I specifically chose Mortem as Agent Mortem’s codename simply because he really is this perceived Agent of Death in Natia’s eyes. I’m also a Latin Nerd and well, Latin nerds like this stuff HAHA! But truly, weaving that in and showing that not only is Death extremely important to Natia, but so is Agent Mortem (quite literally Death in his own way) has been super fun for me to craft and explore!

AND (4) I want to bring up Death’s connection with War. War is not a very prominent figure I decided to personify within the story, though he is basically the main center of attention lurking in the foreground as this is based in simply WAR! But War makes important appearances and almost in ways you maybe would’t quite expect him to. Number 1, War and Death dislike each other from the start and that’s just my own personal view on this entirely in my own story telling way. Number 2, Death says plenty of times how War makes all these decisions without second though and he has to clean up the mess yet he can’t pull himself away from someone (ahem...Natia) who essentially does much of the same. It’s a load of dramatic irony twisted with wordplay and phrases with double meanings that I LOVE! 

(can you tell I’m such a nerd with this LMAOOO!!)

OKAY! Now that those are out of the way, let’s jump under the cut I have inserted to dissect the 9 pictures above - they won’t be super detailed (okay they kinda are lmao), just some reasons why those pictures are important, just for time’s sake! Let’s get into it!

PICTURE 1: “ can we act like we never broke each other’s hearts...” I really, really loved this aesthetic quote photo for many reasons as - not in a romantic sense - but more in it that 2 broken-hearted people are trying to mend one another and obviously fail at it....that sort of thing, and it’s quite interesting to craft. Natia can’t help but feel attached to Death, yet she is so immersed and surrounded by it and it has brought such an immense amount of pain to her being - but she can’t help but let His feeling remain, only letting her heart break further and His the same - he can’t pull away either. 

PICTURE 2: “ two people, male and female, standing on the edges of cliffs, with an abyss in the center - darkness coming from the male’s side and light on the female’s “ WOW WOW WOW can I just say this is literally one of my favorites?! Before the war, Natia was not the Natia all the readers know and love currently - she was happy, she played PIANO, she was a CHILD, she was simply a little girl. There was light. Death always was darkness - darkness and sadness and grief and pain. And so, this picture really shows the beginning of their relationship - he brings he darkness and she lets him, she doesn’t fight it - BUT WAIT WHAT’S THAT??? AN ABYSS BETWEEN THEM??? Oohhh yet - you didn’t think I’d leave that one out now would ya? BUT THAT COMES FOR MUCH LATER - to a time in Bastogne particularly that is a spoiler - time will tell though!

PICTURE 3: ‘ I’m not even a whisper in your thoughts yet you’re the screaming in mine.’ All I gotta say is one word - Bastogne. Shit goes down in Bastogne and let’s just say a good portion is between Death and Natia - good or bad who knows, but it goes DOWN. I can’t elaborate much as it is spoiler-filled, but come back again once we hit Bastogne, we can chat again on this picture - I got a whole LOAD of info on it!

PICTURE 4: ‘ Cloaked figure ‘ I am actually delving deeper into Krysta’s ask with this picture, BUT when creating Death, I actually created a picture in my mind - from the beginning I wanted to make it a man, just for the dynamic that would be between Natia and Him and to show Him in a different light! But let’s just say (you’ll find more on the ask I answer for Krysta when I post it) cloaks are a MUST for Death - why might you ask? Why must he be portrayed in a cloak AHAHAH - you’ll see! 

PICTURE 5: “Courage meets Death” I LOVE this entire picture aesthetic so so much for Landslide. In a way, Natia, in my eyes is Courage and Death is well Death. It relates back to picture 2 big time with the whole light v dark contrast that I discussed, but it’s not an overpowering of the other quite here - more of an agreement like you can vibe with me and I’ll vibe with you and we’ll leave it to that for the moment. Like Natia fighting Death - connections perhaps?! ;) They’re equals here and equals is what they’ll always be - never more, never less - Death and Natia or in this sense Death and Courage remain equals.

PICTURE 6: “black, grey and white female + crying image” This is more of a representation of Natia - showing the world she sort of sees - not exactly color, but not entirely black and white - more grey, sort of like her character in a sense OR IF WE LIKE TO VIEW IT THIS WAY - the morally grey character that controls her....ahem Agent Mortem....who quite literally sees the world in grey. Just a little play on an idea like that, which is super fun! 

PICTURE 7: ‘I broke my rules for you.” OH BOY THIS ONE JUST SCREAMS DEATH TO ME! I reference quite a few times for Death this sort of rule book he has for himself, a bit later on in the book and he says quite a few times as well that even He broke his rules for Natia - he kept her from Death more than once and kept her safe. He is simply DEATH, yet he goes and protects another from it? From HIMSELF? Yet he drifts so near? .....yep that’s exactly how it is. He broke her rules for her - nearly everyone - to protect her from Him.

PICTURE 8: ‘Death’s hand holding a mortals clenched’ So I really played around with perspective on the moodboard here and purposely made the strip down the center show Death’s side as the left and Natia’s as the right and meeting in the center! This image portrays the control Death seems to hold on Natia at times - her mind consumed and intoxicated by him and in the most recent chapter (Weapons Don’t Weep - *26) we seen right at the end, that admist the chaos, there stands Death, the shutting of his eyes as a way to attempt to silence the chaos for her - yet he is the reason for her having to bear all this chaos. It’s quite an intense dynamic, but very true their relationship!

PICTURE 9: ‘flirting with Death’ Okay, we all know Natia is confident in her own capabilities and who she is and let’s just say, she brushes a little too close to Death’s touch for many of her friends and family’s liking. In no way is this portrayed in a romantic sense, but more of in the sense that Natia’s ‘flirting’ with Death is almost a clear want from it, no matter how much Death tries his best to protect her from him. Yet they draw so close to one another which complicates things. It only adds more to the complexity of their connection with one another but is truthful in so many ways! 

[crystalelemental]

Okay, no, turns out I can’t resist another complaining post: how is it that everyone who wants to talk about how Byleth secretly has a real personality never once talks about how there should be a metric fuckton of pent up anger at Jeralt?

Seriously, they’ll dig into everything.  As one should.  But still, you look into response patterns to delve into Byleth being highly empathetic, and good at listening to people’s problems, and that facilitates their ability to teach.  All fair.  But somehow we miss the whole part about their upbringing and Jeralt being a terrible fucking dad.

Like seriously, up until this point, Byleth has known nothing but fighting.  They do not know a single thing about the kingdom, the empire, the alliance, or the fucking church.  This in spite of the fact that, as mercenaries, they’d travel all over the goddamn place.  Meaning they’ve obviously been around the continent, they should know what each location is roughly.  But they have no idea.  The only way that’s possible is if Jeralt carted them around to fight, but never actually taught Byleth shit about anything, and kept them hidden away.  Which we know is true, since Byleth has 0 friends, acquaintances, or even allies in the mercenary group.  Not once is anyone referenced as part of Jeralt’s mercenaries for Byleth to have a connection to.  They’re all just...people they worked with, but never really knew.  Byleth has no one.  Except for Jeralt, her only point of human contact.

So like...I get they might have some attachment, based solely on never having anyone else.  The anger and sadness they feel over Jeralt’s death is real, but I’d imagine only because he’s the only person they had their entire lives, outside of the last like 10 months.  But it’s not like Jeralt seriously earned any of that affection.

Run this back with me.  At the start of the game, we have Byleth, who knows nothing because Jeralt never let them really interact with others.  Through a twist of fate, you’re brought to the monastery, and you meet Rhea, who is super nice to you.  She gives you a job that, while still related to fighting, has you doing other things, and gives you an opportunity to connect with both students your own age, and peers in your same field.  Your peers are friendly and seem invested in you as a person, and the students look up to you as a role model, and seem to like you a lot.  The first thing Jeralt says to you is “Don’t trust any of them.”  The second thing is a question about how you’re adapting, and if you tell him you like it, he’s honestly surprised and comments he didn’t think you’d fit in.  That’s Jeralt.  That’s how he is toward Byleth.  That’s how he acts toward them.  Are you seriously going to tell me there’s not going to be resentment over this?  That Byleth’s going to look at how comfortable their life is, how well they could’ve lived, and how much they’ve missed out on when it comes to having friends, and not feel like Jeralt keeping them as a secluded mercenary and teaching them nothing was unfair?  No lingering resentment at all?  No, I guess not, dad of the century, give him a Valentine’s alt where we also pretend like Jeralt’s a good guy, just like Rudolf.

And that’s just toward Byleth!  When you look at everyone else, it’s somehow worse.  Leonie and Alois muse that Jeralt’s a notorious fucking drunk, who completely loses control, and at one point may have tried to kill Alois for funsies?  He treats Alois like complete shit, despite Alois having nothing but respect and admiration for the guy, and treating Byleth incredibly well.  You’re gonna tell me that Byleth’s not going to find it weird that their dad is such a dick to this incredibly nice man who’s constantly going out of his way to help them?  Fuck off.  And don’t even get me started on the issue with their mom.  “She loved flowers, and smiling, and-” what was her name, dad?  What was her fucking name?  It’s right there on the gravestone.  You can cheat to answer this.  What’s her fucking name.  Oh, we don’t get to know that until the DLC, when the crazy guy mentions her by name?  Okay.  Did you ever know her name?  Was she actually anything to you?  Or did Sitri, captivated by the rugged mercenary who once saved Lady Rhea’s life, just go right for it and you figured hey, a quick fuck, nice.  Did you care at all?  Because it took you six fucking months of being here to visit her grave, and you never talked to Byleth about her before, like, ever.  And when you did talk about her, you lied.  Constantly.  Not a single thing you told Byleth beforehand was the truth.  She died of illness, we weren’t at the church, etc.  All of it was lies.  You’re seriously going to tell me that Byleth was never upset with this?  That catching him in a lie after Remire, and having him fuck off for AN ENTIRE MONTH didn’t bring about any lingering resentment about what he’s hiding, or why he’s outright lying to you all your life?  No?  Nothing?  Okay.

This?  This right here?  This is why I say Byleth has no personality.  Because as much as you can extrapolate some small points about being a good teacher or having empathy or whatever, they never once bring up how they’d sensibly react to a situation involving another character.  Everything with Jeralt is rife for anger, suspicion, frustration, and inner turmoil over the one person you were close with not being the person you thought they were.  And it’s just...never addressed.  Ever.  Byleth expresses nothing about any of it.  You just wait patiently after catching your dad in a massive lie about your entire life, and just never get the answers you’d presumably want, but it never matters or was important.  Byleth just...doesn’t care.  About all of this stuff that should be super significant.  It’s just so, unbelievably weird to me.  You can extrapolate a headcanon personality out of Byleth, sure.  That’s doable.  Even if the game doesn’t actually do anything interesting with Byleth, you can make something out of them.  Because they’re a blank slate.  And nothing makes that as clear as the fact that, despite having all the evidence that Byleth should have a lot of issues with Jeralt once you start settling in at the monastery, literally no one who talks about Byleth’s hidden super deep personality ever brings it up.  Because the game doesn’t develop Byleth, and just wants to pass this off as “He’s dad, dad good.”  And with this near nothing of a character, they make the rest of the cast so hyper-dependent on them, that when plans are set in motion, they all twiddle their thumbs for FIVE YEARS, making no progress in anything, until Byleth comes back to make them move forward.  What a compelling character, how very better than Robin, Corrin, and Kris.

[yuthoe]

Schedule Changes (PENTAGON: Adachi Yuto)

HELLO, IT’S 12:48AM AND I COULDN’T HELP MYSELF.

I had to churn this out because it won’t leave my head. I’d like to thank my irl friend @shiiiiiiiiinwun for inspiring me to write this collection (yes, I’m gonna be doing one for all of ot9). And for someone who’s been watching anime since she figured out how to use the internet, you’d think I could’ve come up with better names, and faster.

EDIT (06/29/20): Hi! it’s my first time making an edit like this, so i’m kinda insecure abt it lol, i hope it’s okay. this is the 2nd yuto version i did, so it’s slightly better than the first one. tumblr rlly doesn’t want us to go overboard on image size huh

WARNINGS: n/a; some angst, maybe? who��s proofreading idk her. WORD COUNT: 3,314 it’s so fucking long.

---

Minister Sakaguchi,

Unfortunately, Her Majesty will not be available for your meeting today at 3PM; urgent matters have arisen that need her immediate attention. If you would like to reschedule with her, please reply to this email.

Thank you very much for understanding.

Regards,

Y/N L/N

Secretary to the Queen

You sigh, wondering if the email you’ve typed is in the appropriate tone that won’t offend Minister Sakaguchi; in all the years you’ve been working for the royal family it doesn’t get easier writing and replying to the emails of government officials, invitations to interview Her Majesty for magazine features, requests to attend public functions like galas and balls. The ridiculous amount of mail she gets, that are automatically forwarded to you, is mind-boggling, in anyone else’s eyes. It doesn’t surprise you anymore, though.

The queen as a monarch takes the backseat to running the kingdom, to any foreigner that decides to take a look at articles from international news sources. Her name isn’t mentioned as much as the king’s when it comes to referencing big developments in the state. Rather, the local newspapers and online sites have her name and face on some article at least once a week. The queen takes care of the little things, smaller projects that delve more into social welfare than her husband’s institutional programs. She is a strong advocate for women’s and children’s rights, as well as a figure in health outreach programs for the poorer sectors of society. Her compassion and dedication to her job is what made you want to work for her; she was like a role model to you, along with her husband.

It was a stroke of pure luck that got you this job; your first day as the secretary for Minister Yamazaki turned into you being his substitute with only a day’s notice. He had gotten sick with the flu and you were immediately thrust into a role you knew almost nothing about. So you took all the files related to the subject of the meeting and studied up on them the night before, turning up the next day and pulling out opinions as if you yourself spearheaded the project. The queen, upon finding out that you were new, was so impressed and had talked to Minister Yamazaki (who was still in his sickbed) over the phone about enlisting you under her employ.

It’s been five years since then. Five fast-paced, fulfilling, exciting years working closely with the royal family. At this point, your relationship with the queen is more of a friendship than strictly professional, and you’re grateful for it. The people you interact with on a daily basis are mostly considerably older than you--ministers, program leaders, the palace staff--and the talk is all business. So you’re grateful for your weekend teatime with the queen, sometimes with her children joining you, who are some of the only people your age you talk to on a regular basis, apart from the younger maids and kitchen staff. The afternoons out in the garden are the queen’s time to unwind and review everything that happened the previous week, as well as scheduling the succeeding weeks. The stress of planning therefore comes to a head on Saturdays so the week can sail by calmly.

Today is one of those Saturdays. Minister Sakaguchi had scheduled a dinner meeting with the queen yesterday--something about the upcoming fair for disenfranchised women, although you suspect Minister Sakiguchi will try to sneak in pitches for other programs she has in mind. The queen had agreed, so you penciled in the meeting into your schedule. However, the queen seemed under the weather when she came out earlier, that you had advised her to cancel it, assuring her that Minister Sakiguchi would understand. 

The queen takes a sip of her favorite rosehip and lemon tea, fingers delicate on the porcelain, and you send the email, huffing out a sigh. You place your phone facedown on the glass table and take a sugar cookie from the plate. “Just sent the email, Your Majesty,” you say. “Now you can just focus on resting tonight.” You smile as you take a bite.

Your boss smiles as she replaces the teacup on its saucer. “Thank you,” she says, relaxing against the lounge chair. “To be honest, I didn’t think Minister Sakiguchi would talk so much about the fair anyway. She probably suggested a meeting to tell me more of her ideas for the women’s sector.” You smile. Bingo. “Is anything else scheduled for tomorrow?”

You glance at your open laptop, as well as the printed-out spreadsheet on your lap. It’s an organized mess of colors and times and places and people. “Just the charity gala tomorrow night. I’ve coordinated with Subaru and she said the king will be late by an hour. Will you go alone?”

She tilts her head in thought and hums. “I don’t want to be late. Is there anyone available?”

You click through the several pinned tabs on your laptop to the tab for the royal family’s shared schedule. “It seems Princess Akari is free, as well as Prince Yuto,” you say after a moment.

“Ah, Akari will be busy designing something for the fair, I think, so maybe she won’t want to go,” the queen muses.

“So you’ll just take the prince, then? I’ll contact Daiki and ask him to notify the prince.”

“No need,” a deep, disembodied voice comes in from somewhere in the hedges before Prince Yuto pops his head into view. He walks towards the table as you clear up a space for him, closing your binder and putting that on top of the clipboard among other printouts on one of the spare chairs between you and the queen.

The prince strides across the grass in his black dress pants and long-sleeved shirt, to greet his mother. He places his hands softly on her shoulders and leans down to give her a kiss on the cheek. The queen smiles and accepts the kiss, patting a hand over one of his; her mood instantly lifts, and her posture relaxes further. As the youngest son, she dotes on him a lot; he in turn always keeps his mother company and can rarely be seen in public not by her side or his father’s. You think their relationship is sweet, and so do the many news articles posted online about it.

Prince Yuto takes a seat on the only empty chair and fixes himself a cup of tea while saying, “What’s the gala for?”

“The orphanages in the farther provinces,” the queen says as she takes a saucer and stacks it high with dark chocolate-coated cookies, pushing the small plate at her son’s direction. “Some dignitaries from other kingdoms as well as celebrities will be attending. And I will announce the new scholarship program for our state schools. There’s a chance your father won’t make it, so I’d like a companion.”

“Of course I’ll go with you, Mother,” Prince Yuto says after swallowing a bite of cookie. He turns to you. “What time is it?”

“Call time for the royals and major government officials is 7PM, and the program starts at 7:30. I’ll contact Daiki with the details as well,” you say.

The prince shakes his head, but there’s a smile on his face as he turns to the queen. “It’s such a shame, I thought you two were talking about Y/N transferring to my office,” he jokes. It’s a bit that he’s brought up many times before, and both you and the queen take it as a joke since you figure he just wants someone closer to his age with more experience than Daiki, who is about four years older and has only been working with him for two years.

The queen lets out a laugh and takes her teacup again. “What’s the matter with Daiki? He seems to be doing a good job.” Her eyes meet yours as she takes another sip, glinting in amusement.

Prince Yuto is smiling his bright, beautiful smile that the camera loves as he looks fondly at his mother. He probably got wind of her feeling run-down and hurried here to try to distract her. You know the queen is the most important person to him, and the queen may not know it, but it’s obvious to everyone else. “Well, as you know, Y/N is better,” he continues, “and Daiki-san is a stick-in-the-mud.” The teasing makes you huff out a laugh, immediately raising a hand to cover your mouth; Daiki is truly a stick-in-the-mud, even more than you are.

The queen laughs boisterously, throwing her head back. “Oh, you’re such a jokester, Yuto.” She sighs, fully relieved, and you’re thankful he decided to stop by. The queen finishes her tea and says, “Well, this was a fun teatime. I have some paperwork I have to sign, so Y/N, you may go.” She turns to her son. “It’s so nice of you to stop by, sweetheart,” she says, and leans down to drop a kiss on the crown of his head. “I’ll be seeing you both.” The queen glides away, and you briefly wonder how she can walk that gracefully in heels over damp, unpaved grass--but then you remember she’s the queen and has been doing this for years. She turns around the corner of the hedge and disappears.

You sigh and shut down your laptop, gathering your stuff as you message Daiki about the charity gala. You slide the laptop in your bag, and put all the printouts in order into a folder, before slipping everything else inside. You’re just about to get up to leave before Prince Yuto’s voice stops you.

“You sure you won’t consider transferring to my office?” you hear the prince suddenly ask. He’s looking at you, piercing eyes that make everyone in the kingdom, young and old, swoon. And if you didn’t talk to him everyday and your self-control had been any less, you would probably give in to whatever he wanted.

So you try to mask your rapidly beating heart behind a fond, teasing smile. “Well, I don’t really have a say in it. Don’t think the queen wants to let me go, anyway,” you say, taking a proffered dark chocolate-covered cookie from the prince and biting into it. The rich, slightly bitter punch of the chocolate explodes on your tongue.

The prince looks at you with a small smile. “I was serious, you know,” he says simply. “I mean, you won’t be as busy so you’ll have more free time, and the stuff I do is just small, as a minister for cultural arts. I split it with another person.”

You’re already shaking your head. “I like my job. I love working for the queen and seeing the results of what she’s done. You know she’s been my role model since I was a teenager, so this is a dream for me. And as much as I want a break sometimes, I can’t let this opportunity go.” You sigh, heart heavy now, and stand. “I’m sorry, Your Highness.”

He stands with you. “I know I’ve told you to call me just ‘Yuto’ before, didn’t I?”

“But decorum--,”

“Yeah, fine, practice etiquette in public, but when we’re alone you can just call me by my name.” You don’t answer, and hesitantly purse your lips. And then the prince begins to pout. “Come on, if you don’t wanna work for me, at least call me Yuto.” He presses the tips of his index fingers together and says, “I miss you,” so cutely, with his big puppy dog eyes and hilariously deep voice that’s sorely out of place for the cutesy thing he’s trying to do.

You have to laugh, bending down at the waist and steadying yourself with the table as you cackle. “Fine, fine,” you relent. “I’ll call you Yuto in private from now on.” You heave your heavy bag up onto your shoulder with a smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

***

“You look beautiful tonight,” someone says behind you. You turn carefully, eyes meeting Yuto, in another black ensemble: turtleneck under an overcoat with black dress pants and boots. His hair is slicked back artfully, apart from the stray locks of hair that insist on falling over his eyes. Simple, but very handsome; the paparazzi and journalists must be having a field day with that outfit.

And you look down at yourself: standard black satin-and-chiffon off-shoulder gown that you usually wear to these types of stuff. Your shoes are your everyday pair, and you’re thankful that the dress comes all the way to the floor because they are getting scuffed at the tip. Your hair is wavy, the result of sleeping in a braid through twelve hours, but you manage to tame it into a loose bun that’s mostly out of your face. The only accessory you have is the necklace you’ve worn since your mother passed down to you six or seven years ago. Makeup is minimal because you are here to assist, not be the center of attention. Everything you put into your appearance tonight is just to make sure you look clean and professional. And invisible.

You roll your eyes at the prince. “Your Highness, I look like this everytime the queen needs to go somewhere fancy. I don’t think ‘beautiful’ is the right word.” You know he means well, but you’re just plain, from your shoes to your face to your position in society, you’re just simple, unremarkable.

The prince furrows his brows and takes his place standing beside you. “You are, though. You may not see it, but I do.” He casts you a quick glance before turning his focus to the stage, where a popular singer is performing one of her new songs onstage as an opening act. “And those photographers over there see it, too.”

You whip your head at him before scanning the event hall for any cameras pointed at you, heart pounding hard in your chest. You don’t spot any, but you still say, “I think you had better take your seat, Your Highness. I bet those people just want to make a scandal out of nothing.” Prince Yuto may be the youngest out of the royal children, but that does not mean he is risk-free. He is being trained for the position of Minister of Culture and the Arts; he has a large following of young people who look up to him as a leader and as a person; he is one of the most important people in your life, and you can’t bear for anything bad to happen to him.

The work tablet you brought is getting crushed in your folded arms from how tight you’re clutching it. “I’m going to find Daiki--,” you say softly, making to leave, but getting stopped once again by the prince.

He’s holding one of your arms gently, but strong enough to pull you back beside him. “It’s okay,” he says. “Let them. It’s fine.”

You pull your arm away. “Your Highness, it’s not fine. You can’t risk a scandal blowing up on you right now. Everyone has eyes on you, even if you don’t think so.” You’re worried. The last thing you want is for him to get in trouble because of you.

The prince sighs. “Y/N, there’s not gonna be a scandal if we’re actually together.”

You take a moment to think. “What? You want us to pretend to be a couple? I don’t think it’s a good idea; people might get the misconception that you’re slacking off, or--,”

“No, I mean--,” he sighs frustrated, more at himself than at you, but he keeps his composure and his face remains stoic; you both are still in public, after all. “I’ve wanted to tell you this for a while now, but I just didn’t know how to say it, and I certainly didn’t plan on telling you at a charity event where hundreds of people could hear.” He’s rambling--a sign that he’s nervous, unprepared.

Prince Yuto takes a calming breath before fully facing you. “I like you, Y/N,” he says softly, aware of the number of ears that are possibly listening in. “I’ve liked you since the day you started working for my mom, and I liked you even more the longer you stayed. You’re a hard worker, you’re dedicated to your job, you genuinely care for the queen and the things she does for the people. And I’m thankful that I got close to you as much as I have because you do mean a lot to me. I know I don’t show it, because I’m not sure how to show it, and I don’t know how you would react to it. But I do like you. Very much.” He releases a breath and looks you in the eye. “So will you try? To be with me?”

All this you take in with wide eyes and a shocked-open mouth. You know the prince is not the most outgoing person; he’s most relaxed when he is with people he knows, which are limited to his family and their secretaries, along with some of the senior palace staff. You’ve never seen him in a pickle of trying to get someone’s attention, but you do remember him offering to carry your heavy work back once or twice and you insisting on carrying yourself; him telling you that you look beautiful even if you wear the same plain things all the time; him giving you a box of (really expensive) chocolate for Valentine’s Day on the excuse of “I gave all the royal family’s employees chocolates”; him giving you a piece of his favorite chocolate cookies, even though you’ve never seen him offer them to anyone else.

All this time he’s been telling you how he feels and you’ve never noticed. And you yourself can’t even tell him the same because you don’t want to risk the prince getting hurt, you getting hurt, the queen getting hurt because of your selfishness. Your work is important to you, and you can’t jeopardize it for your happiness.

But here he is, Prince Yuto. Being brave enough to know the uncertainty of what lies ahead and being prepared to face it, if you answer him; if you push aside your fear of messing up and tell him you like him back; if, for once, you look to your heart instead of thinking of your work.

He stands tall beside you, an imposing figure of grace and compassion. A man people look up to. A leader who is innovative, yet respects traditions. A role model for young people who are inspired by his music, his acts of service to everyone. A son that is loved by his parents, a brother that is loved by his siblings. A friend who listens and is always there, but always pushes you out of your comfort zone.

How can you not fall for him?

How can you say no, when everything around you points to yes?

You’re nodding your head before you know it, still too shocked to properly process the last five minutes. “Yes. Yes, I’ll try being with you.”

The blinding smile is back, and you can’t help but return it. The prince nods, unable to suppress the grin on his face and gestures to the audience, milling about finding their tables. “I’ll be on my way, then. Find my mother.” He clears his throat, fidgets about with his coat and pockets. “Good luck for the rest of the night,” he says with a nod, before leaving.

You just curtsy, still beaming and your heart is drumming in your chest like crazy, but it feels light. Like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and you can take flight at any moment, straight into his arms.

[warmbeebosoftbeebo]

/post/627205399610884096/about-brendon-urie-lana-jade on prettyoddfever tumblr

so i was on the outside looking in on fandom back then (was kind of into panic, kind of crushing on ryan, read some fandom goings on but didn’t participate in fandom i don’t think) but had thought lana kind of being with b was better known. 

ok, yes, she was a drama queen back then. not super surprising. early 20s, involved with those scenes eg emo, “scene girls”, early on in the internet being used in those ways. i didn’t know about most of those screenshots, and most of my perception of her was her youtube channel and the shots of her talking about b before the break up and her disavowing the open letter to b, which she stands by not being her even now (it was a joke by a guy who knew them both, mostly untrue, with inside jokes).

i guess stuff from over a decade ago shouldn’t be held against her. we can only for sure go by what she’s said this month, although she latter realized the online stuff was a catfisher, likely chelsey, and she didn’t want to delve into details about 07. if she did talk about that time now, i would take her word for it, because why would she put her name out there after all these years and give details only to lie about it? based on everything i’ve come across, that time in 07 with him is the only thing that likely was him being unethical/inappropriate, maybe even abusive, although we can’t know for sure without her saying (she was actually with him casually for months, met with him irl, was sexually involved with him). it’s the only situation that gives me significant pause now. if some of the anon accusations came out with their real names/faces, i’d have to reevaluate that view eg i’d be inclined to believe someone who put their name and face out there about a specific experience with b. anyone can make drive by anon accusations and close their account a day later about anyone doing anything, takes serious guts to stand by it. 

edit to add: cash cooligan and alex from the cab may also have experiences with b that are cause for concern, but at this point, it’s pretty cryptic and seems to blame b for how capitalism and the music industry works. if alex got specific, there might be something there, but as it is, it makes alex seem like the violent one, not b (eg that he’d smash b’s face in if he saw him)

also, some things she was saying about b back in 07 could actually indicate not abusiveness, being dominating, etc but being submissive, into gender nonconforming things sexually, as well as genuinely mutual roughness. she connects his being a “kinky mother fucker” with her thinking he was gay, but i don’t think she is connecting it with him treating women shittily, implying the two are different, and that she’s connecting sexual interests with her with his attraction to men. this more likely implies him wanting to be acted upon, submissive/pliant, get “rough” treatment, than the other way around. it could also imply things she thinks is weird and are weird in our culture eg men being genuinely “submissive” with women, and i have other readings to that are speculative eg tribadism, him being a tease with his bum, him being into other sex acts more than piv, some people consider focusing on oral or manual or frottage/tribadism to be weird. and some things were also said by audrey, indicating their likely truthfulness (that he was bi, smaller than average penis, into anal stimulation in some forms or others). 

also important to note: “kinky” looked very different in 07 from what it does now, as i kind of get into above. a decade ago, even bdsmers were against things that are normalized as part of regular, vanilla sex now like strangulation and seen as “mild kink” at most now (eg ddlg). strangulation used to be a hell no, run for your life thing, even according to most bdsmers. what people got up to under the banner of rough sex without identifying with the bdsm scene or relying on porn, where the man wasn’t deep into sadism (which would be hell for anyone with such a man at any point), was generally a lot milder than today eg spanking, hair tugs, light bondage, scratching, light bites, sucking hard/hickeys, pining each other down, wanting to be taken, blindfolds, ice cubes, heat. even rough thrusting, genital stimulation, nipple stimulation, etc wasn’t as rough as now. “throat fucking” and “piledriving” were fringe things at most. it was also more likely to go both ways to at least some degree and not necessarily connected with clear male domination, female submission or humiliation or degradation like now. i feel like people will read about the lana situation, her dms to someone, the fake letter, etc and conclude things back then reflect what “kinky” “rough” sex looks like now. 

i... uh... knew some people into rougher stuff back then that didn’t identify with the bdsm scene (which back then was usually really abusive to women too but it’s gotten worse now) and it wasn’t like it is now, even when it left some bruises (let’s just say it didn’t hurt to get said bruises). even the guy who was too rough and caused me pain (in 2006) would look really different (worse) now i think and i still waver on how intentional i think he was in his causing it (jesus who likes having their clitoris/vulva/vagina so roughly? pain for fucking days. i gave up on trying to show and tell him how and didn’t get myself out of the situation after he repeatedly went back to how he wanted to do it). i could go into some specific detail on this if anyone wants but i’ll leave that there for now.

the “shaves everywhere” accusation i just find hilarious and really unlikely esp for pre-2010 haha (today in wondering about bden’s bush XD... twtl era, i’d believe it because he did shave his pits and even groin area at times, and in the 00s shaving everything wasn’t that normalized for either sex and was often considered unusual still. and b likes pubes on others, has referenced having pubes himself. back in my day when dudes still dug bush... btw, having a bush is a great way to tell the guys you can work with/teach vs the pornbrained ones haha). i’m sure that’s one of the things that make her cringe now for saying back then (along with bringing gayness/bisexuality into it).

i also find it unlikely that he lied to her about the status of their situation eg told her they were monogamous, but maybe that’s my default assumption about guys in music not being monogamous generally (some are, but there’s a lot of nonmonogamy and cheating). he was 20 years old, new to fame, getting LOTS of interest and opportunities from gals and probably a few guys, such opportunity and interest was mostly new to him, he wanted to explore some of said opportunities... 

[asgardian--angels]

Hello! Earlier today I saw your post about LOTRO and on a whim downloaded it. I'm gonna be honest and say I don't really know much about the whole LOTR universe outside of like, the movies, but the way you wrote about it was really passionate and interesting. I haven't played yet since it's 3AM but I was wondering if you had any tips or anything?

Hi there! Wow, I’m honored that you liked my post enough to download the game! I really hope you like it. I’m not sure if you mean that you have or have not seen the movies, but honestly just that alone is enough to comprehend the game. They do an excellent job of keeping things coherent for any potential audience they may get as players. For those who are superfans, there’s a LOT of easter eggs and thoughtful, witty references to the deep lore (doing, of course, what they can with limited copyrights, aka. they can’t use Silmarillion material that wasn’t referenced in LOTR). Having an in-depth knowledge of background history and culture of Middle-earth regions and races always makes the experience richer (because they are very accurate and I get excited about that). But for those who aren’t long-time fans, so long as you have heard of Middle-earth and know about the general plot then you should be good to go! 

The game takes place during the time of LOTR, and runs parallel to the book/movie events of the Fellowship of the Ring undertaking the journey to Mount Doom and Sauron waging war on the Free Peoples for control of the One Ring. You start out as a small person in a wide world, and eventually grow in prominence as a hero so that you are known throughout Middle-earth and travel to far-flung lands to help the Free Peoples. Sometimes you interact with the protagonists (Frodo, Legolas, Aragorn, etc) and directly move the plot along, but often you are doing the deeds that the great lords can’t afford to - staving off the darkness that tries to take hold under the noses of kings and armies. You save lives, reunite families, hold off invasions, and bring peace wherever you go. You end up being the front line against evil that creeps in from all sides, while the Fellowship undertake their appointed tasks far away. 

That’s basically the gist of it. You’ll start off in tamer, more familiar regions - the Shire, Bree-land, Thorin’s Halls, and work your way to the plains of Rohan, the walls of Minas Tirith, and to Mordor itself. It’s an incredible journey, and you make countless friends along the way. Those relationships are one of LOTRO’s best features - people you help will come back to help you, paths cross again in unexpected ways, and your actions have lasting influences. 

As for advice for a new player, hmmm…. I would recommend lotro-wiki  as a primary resource for learning aspects of the game, reading relevant lore, helping you find things or places you need, etc. You’ll start off the game in a closed-world intro until level 6 or so, where you’re taught the ropes - how to attack, interact, use the UI, and so on. But once you’re let loose, I say don’t feel the need to rush. Explore the world a bit - well, the parts where you’re on-level otherwise you’ll be DOA. But there’s a LOT to discover, and just wandering around your starter region, seeing what different NPCs do, can help you get your bearings. Turn off world chat lmao. You’ll be bombarded with stuff you don’t want, and it will clutter your gameplay (this is an option in your chat box, under filters, if you right click the general tab). Then you can actually hear yourself think! Follow the tutorials, some of the information can be difficult to find again if you skip it. Know also that there’s a lot of things you can do that isn’t given in tutorials. Emotes, dances, cosmetic clothing, pets, kinships, and much more, are things that you find in time, but if you know it sooner, you can get tricked out from an early level ;D If you are confused or don’t know how to do something, just ask. People will help! Additionally, I will say that for a first time player, hunter class may be a good idea (*boos from the crowd*). It’s generally regarded as an easy class, as it is ranged with high damage, and you will have teleport abilities and run speeds unmatched by any other class. However, choose what you want, and know that you’ll have a chance to play multiple classes with more characters!

Knowledge of the lore isn’t necessary for almost anything in the game - even if you RP, it rarely delves into serious Middle-Earth history lessons. Most people know something of ~generic fantasy worlds~ with elves, orcs, halflings, etc, at this point, since they’re all based off Tolkien. And I am sure for an unfamiliar player, the dialogue/plot will be even more interesting and exciting cause you will be learning about Middle-Earth - some of the best parts too, the little things, the day-to-day lives, the thoughts and feelings, hopes and apprehensions, of a world living in an age of war and uncertainty for the future of their existence, one with beings both young and very very old, all with different perspectives. Read NPC dialogue. It’s all incredibly well-written and enjoyable, and I’ve cried so many times at touching words. They’re not all happy endings, but they’re good stories. Knowing you have the power to make a difference fills you with such hope and strength!

Most of all, feel free to contact me in the game (or here) if you would like help, a tutorial or tour, or just someone to hang out with! Folks are very friendly. I hope you decide to join the Landroval server, which is where I am! It’s known as a social/laid-back roleplaying server that has a solid reputation for hospitality. There is also a chat channel - advice, I think - where you can ask your questions to the server world. Attend concerts, listen in on roleplaying (the Prancing Pony is best for that), participate in annual events like festivals or treasure hunts. Get the quadpack (contains major regions like Moria that you will need when you hit around level 50) during the Christmas sale. Buy other regions in-game with lotro points! 

You’ll form a lasting bond with Middle-Earth and your place in it. Let me know how you’re liking it once you get settled! If you’d like to find me in-game, my most played characters are Namadith, Gorthauron, and Farrokhbulsara. Just send me a message using your mailbox, or add me as a Friend in your social panel, which will then alert you when I am online. You can then invite me to a fellowship or send me a tell (a DM). And after a while, if you find that you’d like to have company, you can join a kinship and be part of a community (maybe even ours, Dwarrowdam!). 

look at the fun you will have

lava t-posing

romantic sunsets

t h e o r b

or just gazing mysteriously into the fire as its flickering light dances in your eyes, taking you back to days long past when the world was young and you had everything to gain and nothing to lose, before your reckless abandon cost you that which you held most dear, setting you on a vendetta that would take you across seas and over mountains, to avenge th

[lilyjcollins-news]

Lily Collins - Carita Rizzo.

Usually the words “celebrity” and “unfiltered” indicate a series of explicit photos, the involvement of a tabloid magazine and a juicy exposé. Not for Lily Collins. The 27-year-old (turning 28 on March 18) English-American actress’ first book, Unfiltered: No Shame, No Regrets, Just Me. ($14, Harper Collins), which releases March 7, is an honest look at the person behind the public persona and the glamour of the silver screen. But those salivating at the thought of behind-the-scenes gossip may want to simmer down. This is not a tell-all. In her debut essay collection, the actress pens a poignant, honest conversation about things young women struggle with, including body image, self-confidence and relationships. Nevertheless, Collins has jitters. “I’m anxious,” admits the petite actress, looking impeccable in black Paige jeans, Stuart Weitzman suede boots and a loose white Tularosa top.

Her nerves are understandable. The last time we chatted with Collins about her award-nominated turn in Warren Beatty’s Rules Don’t Apply, she said: “Keep private whatever you hold dear,” a reasonable mantra in a celebrity-obsessed world where privacy is hard to come by. Now, she’s about to willingly open the door to some of her deepest secrets, from her yearslong battle with eating disorders to an emotionally abusive relationship.

“I still believe that,” she says, when reminded of her mantra. “But these are things that I felt I wanted to put out there. Not necessarily so people know that I experienced them, but to create, hopefully, a space for more open conversation about the topics I discuss.” And some things are still off limits: “When I talk about relationships, I don’t reveal any details about it or names because that is not important. That was not the point of why I was going there.”

Collins’ life has certainly appeared charmed from its inception. The daughter of English musician Phil Collins and American Jill Tavelman was born in England and moved to Los Angeles at the age of 6. Collins has always been a self-starter. She cold-called magazine editors as a teenager, which landed her a column in ELLE Girl UK, and initially pursued a career in broadcast journalism before her role in The Blind Sidetook her on a different path. Leading roles in Mirror Mirror; Love, Rosie; and The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones followed, but it is in the past year or so that Collins’ career has really hit its stride, with Rules Don’t Apply (for which she received a Golden Globe nomination); the upcoming Amazon series The Last Tycoon, based on F. Scott Fitzgerald’s last book about 1930s Hollywood; the Netflix original film Okja, in which she stars alongside Jake Gyllenhaal and Tilda Swinton; and To the Bone, which premiered in January at Sundance to rave reviews and was purchased by Netflix for $8 million. Even her colleagues can’t stop gushing over her. “She’s very much in charge of her life and her professional life in a way that I think is really admirable,” says her Rules Don’t Apply co-star Annette Bening, who refers to Collins as a “badass” who “has her sh*t together.”

Yet despite a successful career and her Audrey Hepburn-ish looks, the actress was anxious to reveal she is susceptible to the same feelings of inadequacy and insecurity as the young women who look up to her. “What really inspired me to write the book is that I was getting all these young girls interacting with me on my Instagram, and they would tell me their stories about what they’d gone through, but they would always add in there that they didn’t think I could understand because I’m an actress,” she says. “And I thought, ‘Oh, my God. You have no idea.’”

Collins understands them better than most. Her intense struggle with body image started at age 16 and continued in ebbs and flows for 10 years. And right as she was revisiting her own harrowing journey with eating disorders for the sake of sharing her story, To the Bone—Marti Noxon’s script about an anorexic girl confronting her addiction—happened to come her way. “When I read the script, and I knew what the story was about, there was a slight hesitation at first because it’s something that’s very close to me,” says Collins. “You have to re-enter that mindset.”

In the end, her deep understanding of this character won out and the ability to revisit the struggles of her youth with the help of a nutritionist and a support system is an experience Collins calls “the best form of therapy.” She adds: “I think most people will assume the movie experience was probably hell, and it wasn’t at all. It was one of the most fun, freeing experiences I’ve had. Within playing Ellen, I got to come to terms with a lot myself. That was a proud moment for me.”

Collins also credits her ambassadorship with Lancôme as grounding her among an incredible set of women, including Kate Winslet, Julia Roberts, Lupita Nyong’o, Penélope Cruz and Isabella Rossellini. “It’s the most inspiring group of women,” she says. “We do amazing work with making women feel good in their own skin and enhancing their inner beauty.” Collins is grateful the company’s message encourages what she has always been passionate about encouraging within young women.

Admittedly, the hardest chapter for Collins to put down on paper is the one in which she sheds light on a long-term relationship during which she experienced an incredible amount of emotional abuse. “For a long time, I wanted to shy away from talking about that experience,” she admits. “But it’s a part of my story, and it’s a part of how I interact in relationships with friends, with family and in romantic situations. And to write all that stuff down, and to then say it out loud, made it so much more real. And it actually made me feel strong because I’d moved through that, and I’d moved past that. And I’ve learned so much more about myself and about what I deserve or how I deserve to be treated.”

She offers no details on who this man might be, but hints that any cross-referencing with her public relationships might be a fruitless exercise. “It’s funny because I think everyone’s going to assume certain people I talk about are famous people, but they’re not,” she says. “Just because I kept people anonymous doesn’t mean that people would have known who they were anyway.”

There is, however, one man in her life she cannot keep anonymous. “I couldn’t not talk about my parents in this story, obviously,” she smiles. In her book, Collins reveals to readers that her father’s absence took a toll on their relationship. “It’s hard when that person isn’t around a lot,” she says. “I have amazing memories of being able to travel and being able to have family all over the world. Were there things that would have been nice probably to experience as a family? Of course. But it didn’t happen that way. And I’m me for a reason. I mean, everything that happened made me who I am.”

Collins addresses these feelings in an emotional letter addressed to her father. “That was a hard chapter to write because he is public. It’s a weird situation to be in, to be writing about someone that people already know, but they don’t know my experience with [him],” she says. “I am just a daughter talking to her dad, and I think that a letter felt appropriate because it can be translated to any relationship with daughters and dads. As a girl, you always want them to see you as their little girl, and you’re always going to need them and want them. And even if you say you don’t, you really do.”

It feels oddly comfortable delving so deep into one somber topic after another with the actress, perhaps because Collins radiates such peace with herself. Hers is a lesson that even the seemingly most impenetrable package comes with some fragility. After opening up about her experiences, Collins says she feels truly unleashed. “I think it’s allowed me to let go a lot more,” she admits. “I kept hearing from certain directors or people in my life, ‘You should just let go more. Let go more.’ And I said, ‘What does that mean? I am free!’ or ‘I am letting go!’ But I realized I was holding on to a lot. And the second I put it out there, I could just kind of live and breathe in the moment.”

She now dreams of starting a family, but is in no rush—especially since there is currently no man in the picture. “I’m in a relationship with myself,” she quips. “I think a lot of young girls should do that. I think it’s important to figure out you and to have fun and to be dating and to figure out what you like and what you don’t like. It’s what growing up is all about.”

Besides, right now, her focus is on work and living life to the fullest. “I want to keep doing what I love to do,” she says. “Last year, I would never have said, ‘This year, I’m going to shoot a TV pilot, three movies and finish a book.’ Never, would I ever have thought it was possible. So I want to keep being terrified to try new things. That’s what pushes you beyond your limits—and to never take any of it for granted.”

Photography by Andrew Eccles | Styling by Jordan Johnson and Jill Lincoln//Photo Assistants: Jason Johnson and Tarik Richards | Digital Tech: Maxwell Tiggas.

vía caritarizzo.

[bosmerbitch]

Lemme tell you how I got into Skyrim. This shit is fucking bad, very very high up on the dumbass scale, so here we go.

Some backstory, so I have an excuse to why I’m so fucking bad at this

When I was growing up, I surrounded myself in Nintendo. My step brother was also a Nintendo nerd, so we didn’t stray all that much. The only time I ever heard Skyrim get referenced was by the douchebag Homophobic Dude Bros™ that were in art class just to try and get an easy grade, so let’s just say it left a sour taste in my mouth.

I moved to Nevada when I was 18 and all they had was a broken Xbox 360. My friend Chris thought I’d like Fable, and really, really did, because I literally finished it in just a few weeks. But when I tried to replay it (evil this time) I couldn’t even complete the first important task because I felt bad for being a horrible person. (the first Big choice you have is to execute some dude you’re supposed to be in love with or a group of protesters that are trying to feed their families).

So he goes, “look. Just try Skyrim.”

And I go, “no.” yaknow, like an idiot.

He wouldn’t believe me when I said I wanted nothing to do with it, because I did admit I had never, ever played it before. So he plays it in front of me for a good week or so. And as per his grand plan, I start to get curious.

And also fucking infuriated.

This dude snuck everywhere. He only used light armor. He never got close enough to an enemy to force him to draw a dagger. He wouldn’t use horses. His play style was his, no judgement—but yakno. it drove me up the fucking wall. If I had to sit through two more hours of this man slowly crab walking his ass up the seven thousand steps because he refused to walk like a normal person lest his sneak skill maybe possibility suffer by one point, I think i’d go full feral.

So I said fuck it, grabbed the controller, and started a new game.

I create a Bosmer character who looks like she could punch me and I’d apologise for my face being in the way of her fist, because i am gay. I then spend 3 thousand years on babyname websites, trying my darndest to find a name that fit her face.

Dumbass Mistake number one: I press A to input the first letter.

“wait. This isn’t a GameCube controller. Fuck.”

I actually press B.

As in. Save and exit.

Do you want to name your character Prisoner?

“what? No!”

I press A, thinking it’s B.

My name is now Prisoner.

Now I’m pissed, but I’ve spent way too much time in the character creation screen to warrant a re-do. I am stuck with a Woodelf named Prisoner.

This becomes part of her lore later on. She was raised in a prison and only ever referred to as “prisoner” when she was little, so she took it as her name but dropped the e for an o when she was learning to write because she was literally a baby who couldn't spell: Prisonor.

Dumbass Mistake #2: I’m so used to autocameras that follow the player and find decent enough angles without me having to jam the stick back and forth that I can not for the life of me fucking Look At Shit Correctly.

I almost died. Do you know how bad you have to be to nearly die in the opening tutorial? It was as if i’d decided to play with my fucking elbows instead of my hands, I was flailing about like a lunatic. All while Alduin moved around and threw rocks at people, too, and my camera work was so bad it looked as if Bethesda had actually made a good scene to convey the horror and terror of the situation. Fuck you Bethesda

Dumbass Mistake #3: heavy armor. This was, and will continue to be, my downfall. Kiss half my fucking carry weight capacity goodbye because this Bad Bitch Needs Those High Armor Stats.

Oh, what? You need to sneak into a cave and steal some shit? Well you now have too options, you absolute Unit. You heavy as fuck bone armor thicc thot.

It’s either: a) sneak as is and get detected the moment your big toe even twitches upwards or b) go streaking for a few in-game hours and stuff all that contraband.... Somewhere. Don’t really know where it goes, to be honest.

Naked but stealthy. Stealthy.... But naked.

Obviously I go streaking quite a lot at first.

As I got bigger and heavier armor and weapons, I started plowing through dungeons by sheer force alone. Mind you, Prisonor is small, angry, and has a huge axe, so it just works®

Mistake #4: no Stamina. We trudge slowly to shadowmere like a woman with infinite health and literally nothing else. I think I maybe slipped her one or two levels into Stamina, and absolutely nothing in Magicka. Actually,

Dumb of Ass Mistake number 5: no god damned Magicka. It became such a problem that i would tell Chris to remind me next time when I was leveling up, to possibly add to poor widdle Magicka pwease? And I never did, since we’d both forget, and hit “health” with a smug little smile in my face. Try and kill me, douches. I have 300 health and counting. Wait. Wait hold on I fucking forgot—

I gave her the first novice hood you find in the game, dusted off my hands as if i’d just solved all of humanity’s inherent problems, and walked. Away.

It’s now part of her backstory. She can’t grow her Magicka because her mother was a skooma addict when she was pregnant, and it fucked with a few things when she was in the womb. can you tell that her backstory is a little fucked up? Well hold on, don't have much faith in me yet, because i killed her adopted dad too lmao #hewasexecutedforpoliticalgainbecausehewasalargethreattothescoomatradeinhammerfell

Mistake #6: hello my name is Prisonor and I would like to tell you about the future of the Companions, do you have a spare minute?

Chris pointed at Whiterun as I sprinted, naked (for speed, because I am already trudging the path of Heavy Armor even at that point) down the hill from Riverwood and said, “you can become a werewolf over there.”

Oh? I can become a tormented, feral, roaring beast over there yonder? Well sign me the fuck up you funky little bitch.

So I completed the whole questline all the way through with no stops. I didn’t like the fact that nearly everyone was a Nord, but it had less context for me at the time so it rubbed me wrong less than I does now.

But hold on. You get something at the end of that quest, right? A huge axe with a lot of history I didn’t really delve that deep into at the time?

Yes. Yes I did build a heavy armor, no-archery, werewolf, Wuuthrad-wielding Bosmer named Prisonor my first playthrough.

She was the ultimate rebel without me even trying to be. To the point where her axe is more deadly to herself than to her own wife.

Dumb #7: I threw the Ring of Hircine in a lake thinking it was useless.

That’s it. I’m still mad about it.

In conclusion,

The hard drive in the 360 was shit, so the load times were awful. Sunk 80$ on a new hard drive and had to sit on the floor waiting for the saves to transfer for 3 hours.

Good game solid 7,000steps out of 5