#they gotta invent a cure for whatever the fuck is wrong with me

[kylejsugarman]

it is so hard being hyperfixated on an adult swim experimental anthology show whose primary audience is people taking psychedelics. im really glad u had a cool experience watching this while tripping on acid but i want to rank episodes. i want to make lists.

[iamskadhi]

Note: this is the first time I write anything in english so take it more like an idea or whatever. I have no respect for this language, but correct me when I'm wrong, please.

I had this "OC" in my mind for years but I can't recall her name, so you can imagine this is you, you're narrating this story, past tense and present might be a little all over the place, ehe.

I always imagined this like a series of mini comics because it contains some things from Dabi's past like before being Dabi the villain but after the fire that "killed him", I'm just not patient or talented enough to draw all that.

+4000 words.

Warning: it may be boring, you may read some dumb teen behaviour, soft +18 content, slow burn, and some Bella Swan vibes.

Nothing more to say, I hope somebody likes it.

*~~~*~~~*~~~*

I met Dabi when I was barely a teenager; too young, too naive, but also too mad at my parents so I took every chance to be with people I shouldn't be around and that's exactly how I met him. He had a fire quirk that harms his body so he looked like shit, he wasn’t exactly handsome but he was light-hearted.

I noticed he dyed his hair black and I started to help him with it, also helped him cure his skin when he over used his quirk. I don’t know how or when but we became closer.

There was just... something in his eyes. Never seen eyes that color blue. Anybody would think he was a bad influence but it was the other way round. Dabi was such a nice guy, always telling me to go home, go to school, helping me with anything I needed and all I needed was him —with me— all the time.

“I like you” he said, “you’re kind and pretty, also you’re rich, why do you hang around these losers?”

“I like you” I said. I could never forget the smile on his face.

He told me about his past and I thought his future was us, together. We were young, those were the days when you think you know everything but you’re just naïve, too naïve. We would lay down in the grass and tangle up, I usually bring food and beverages for everyone, he’d put his arm around my shoulders and tell everyone not to mess with me, he made me feel special, he made me feel loved and mature.

We invented a signal and we started to meet at midnight, it was easy because I had a quirk that allowed me to teleport. Wherever he strayed, I followed and I would’ve begged for him to hold my hand and never let go.

However, time passed and he and his friends got in big trouble. I knew they were thieves, and then they became murderers and had to take different paths.

“You can’t hide me alone, are you fucked in the head?!” Dabi yelled at me when we had our first big fight because of that. “We need to go and you can’t come with us, your parents will get us caught for kidnapping, this is my last word. You stay, we’ll meet again someday.”

We lost contact before I graduated; he simply disappeared and left me with a broken heart.

I cried my eyes out for a month, but a girl gotta be tough and smart and independent. I moved out of my parents house when I finished high school, thanks to my dad, he rented a whole apartment near college and that was probably the first time in a long time I was grateful to have a wealthy family.

I just had to study and work for the family business and life would be sweet, but then one day I saw him. He walked by the Coffee Shop I used to go. How could I ever forget him? He wasn't exactly my first love but definitely one true love. My heart stopped for a second and then raced like crazy, I got up and out of the place running.

"DABI" I yelled but he kept walking, "Dabi, stop!" He walked around the corner of a dark alley, so I stopped, I doubted:

Should I follow or should I let him go for good? It's been a couple of years, he probably has someone new now, I thought.

Then I heard him:

"It's been a long time" he said from the shadows of that alley, his voice changed a bit, matured, "I was convinced you forgot about me. I missed you"

A tear shed from my left eye when I saw his face, his burned skin looked worse than before.

"What an asshole" I said and ran to his arms, hugged him hard enough for him to moan, "I thought I'd never see you again."

I punched his chest.

"You dumbass, I hate you. I hate you! I should hate you but I'm just mad at you and I just wanna cry and I... I..." words escaped from my mind for a moment, "do you want a coffee or anything?"

He laughed and hugged me gently.

"I'm sorry. I missed you", he said.

For what it felt like an eternity, that was all that he could say. I was confused and happy at the same time, he walked with me to my place, looked up at the building and said something about being too far from his place, he didn't tell me where his place was or what he's been doing. We made a deal to meet at the coffee shop every Wednesday and for a few months that was okay.

“I still like you” he confessed randomly.

“I like you too”

He never told me what he does for a living, but I could imagine it. I felt like the more that he said, the less that I knew about his life and I was okay with that as long as he would stay around.

One day, he didn't show up. The next Wednesday, he came with an excuse about a job I’m sure he made up to keep me happy, to keep me safe.

"Dabi, why don't you come live with me?" I asked one time. His big blue eyes were wide open and I was sure he was gonna say no, so I insisted:

"I don't have a lot of free time lately, this is my senior year and I need to focus but I still want you around, come live with me and I'll see you every night, you don't have to worry about your job, you know you can live rent-free and..."

"No. Stop. No."

"Just come see the apartment, please.” I insisted, I didn’t want to let him go again, “It's big enough I swear and we can..."

"Please, stop. I have pride. I'm still a man."

He talked about how different we were, but I knew it wasn't true, he said maybe if I was less dependent of my parents we could work this out, but I knew that was just an excuse. It took me a couple of months but I made him come into my apartment.

"I just need to pick something real quick, come with me" I said and it wasn't all lie, I needed something it just wouldn't be quick.

He looked around the living room, I went to my bedroom to pick some books and when I walked out, he was looking out the window.

"You have a nice view", he said. I could see his blue eyes reflexing on the window’s glass.

"I know"

I walked to him and hugged him.

"I missed being this close in private.” I whispered.

“The last time we were fifteen", he concurred.

He didn't grow any taller since then, I put my head on his shoulder and felt a shiver. His hands went from my hair down to my shoulders, then down to my back until he touched my ass cheeks. I closed my eyes and left a sigh out.

"You've changed", he whispered, I looked at his face and he had that smile, I'd never forget the smile he had the first time I saw him, or the first time that we had sex.

"We were just kids back then, pretending to be adults"

"I don't regret that" he kissed me slowly.

"Me neither"

He took my clothes off clumsily and I led us to the couch, I could tell he didn't have anything with anybody else and I was so relief about it. I took his jacket off and went straight to his pants; he already had an erection like he was craving for it all this time.

"No more games" he said "let's go to your room"

I took his hand and we went to bed, I laid down and he kissed and touched me viciously, then I remembered I didn't have a condom and pushed him away.

"Do you have...?"

"No" he said, he knew what I meant.

"Damn it!" I cursed; we were already there like that. "I could go..."

"No, don't worry. You had to pick something anyway; we'll do it any other day"

My heart raced. I wanted to take him immediately when he said that, but I just kissed him and made him promise he'd come back. And he did. Over and over.

Until he was practically living there with me. I had him just where I wanted and then, one day, my mother showed up.

"You have to finish this relationship before other people find out. You can't live like this, we raised you better than that. You better not get pregnant or I'll drag you to an abortion clinic myself."

Good thing: that day Dabi wasn't around. Time passed and he was more and more time somewhere far away; I had the feeling he would disappear again, so I had to talk it out but I didn’t know how, I thought he would take it as a sign to completely disappear.

"You could leave a note, you know, or send me a text. Tell me when you're leaving, for how long... I'll graduate soon, I'm busy too but at least I tell you when I'm coming home late."

"I think I can't keep living here" he said "I've been trying to protect you from the things I do, but I think it's catching up. I can't risk you, I can't lose you"

I felt my blood pressure go low.

"So you're leaving me... again"

He did not say anything.

We both knew this day would come around. I just wanted to keep my delusional idea that we would work things out. Run away together, somewhere far from Japan. I even suggested Spanish lessons one night.

"I love you" he whispered in my ear when he hugged me "and I'll find you when I'm done"

"Done with what?"

He kissed me and walked to the door.

"Touya, done with what?!"

I only called him by his real name when I was angry and he knew. His last gaze before closing the door was so sad but I was at the edge of going mad.

"STUPID TODOROKI!"

I threw my phone across the living room. I screamed and kicked the sofa, my tears ricochet and I tried to stop them with my hands but couldn’t; and then I just went to my room and tried to retain it all back inside.

I cried, until my face was red and swollen and couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. I looked like a frog whenever I cry this much so I did't get out of bed for a whole day.

I couldn't possibly imagine what he was doing; but every time there was a fire, anything related to blue flames I knew it was him and I kinda knew why. I knew everything about his family, about his father.

All Might retired, so Dabi's father was #1 Hero now. It must have messed with his brain and I wished I could have helped him, but you cannot help someone that doesn't want to be saved.

I did my best to move on. I graduated and started to work at my father's company. I realized Dabi was right about me: I was my father’s daughter and I couldn’t live without his protection; but there was nothing wrong about it, now that I was older, I realized I was lucky for it. I wished he had my luck.

Left the apartment and moved to a different city, my mom was too excited about that, she visited me the first chance she had.

"You know whose hero's agency is really near?" She asked me, "Hawks’ agency, the #2 hero!" She was suspiciously excited about it, "he's so young but so talented and handsome! You know, I could set..."

"Mother, leave"

"What?"

"You do not get to do this, you do not get to set me a blind dates, I don't want you to do that and I don't want you here. I moved so I didn't have to have you around, don't visit me unannounced anymore, please, now leave"

"You ungrateful piece of shit" she started saying something but I wasn’t gonna let her talk:

"Yeah, I know, I know, take your things now and leave"

She started an argument so I just walked to my bedroom and closed the door lock. I assumed she would get tired of talking to the door and leave. I took a sleeping pill; I loved those pills. Then the most unimaginable thing happened when I woke up, there was a chaos outside, too much noise and heat and apparently, there was two heroes fighting a monster, a nomu.

I went inside to check the news, the battle seemed lost but Endeavor managed to win. I fucking hated that guy, but damn he was strong… and so was his son.

I missed Dabi. I kept sending text messages for a while after he left me and he never replied so I stopped, but at that moment I felt the urge to try again.

“Did you watch the news?” I asked.

“What’s your new address?”

“Are you serious, you fucking dork?" I texted back.

"I'll find you, I'm pretty near" he replied. I blushed a little, I felt excited to see him again.

"You better come with a bouquet, coffee and the most dramatic apology you can think of"

“LMAO”, was his last text.

Almost a week later, a bouquet appeared at my entrance.

Holy shit, I thought. There was a note: "I miss you, I’ll be back soon"

Later, after work, I got a free coffee.

"A guy paid for it earlier, he said he knew you, I hope it's okay" said the girl at the counter.

"He had blue eyes and looked like a crispy chip?"

"Mmm, yes" she stuttered.

"It's good, thank you"

“You’re welcome, come back soon!” She sighed in relief.

Then, when I got home the door was open and it made me so angry.

"If this is the best apology you can imagine, you're the biggest asshole...!"

However, there was no one inside. I looked around the house, he wasn't there. I felt insecure so I called a friend, I stayed at her apartment that night and she tried to convince me to call the police.

I said I would, but I called him instead.

He answered.

"Today at my house, was it you?"

"What?" He sounded confuse.

"The door was open but there was no one inside"

"I sent you flowers and coffee but I didn't think of any way to apologize enough to you. I didn't go to your house and I won't go until you let me"

"Okay… I think I'll call the police then, don’t come near"

"Good. Take care."

“I…”

Silence. I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t expect him to pick up the phone in the first place. He whispered my name:

“Thank you for loving me this whole time” he said and hung up.

I felt like stupid for not saying anything. I didn’t even said that I loved him, never said it but actions speak for themselves and I couldn’t deny it.

After calling the police, some heroes would walk by my house every damn day; my father visited to make sure they did, my mother was too offended to come with him.

Turned out it was just a robbery case.

“Your mom and I talked about what happened between you two and I have to keep her happy, honey”, he stated “they don’t say ‘happy wife, happy life’ for nothing, I know she hasn’t been the best to you, but she tries”

“She treats me like shit, always have”

“Don’t say that” he sighed. “Let’s make a deal: I will set you a couple of dates just to calm her down and you choose the type of man you want to go to dates with, uh?”

I smiled viciously.

“No criminals!” he immediately said “don’t put yourself in danger just to get to your mother’s nerves, think about me too. There must be some nice guys you’d like to meet.”

“What if I want to date a woman?”

“Fine by me, I like woman too”

“I don’t like woman that way, I just wanted to know if I could.”

He laughed and looked at the time.

“Your mom told me about that hero, Hawks, I met him and he’s not very heroic actually, he’s just lucky he has a useful quirk, I think you’d like him”

“You’re pushing me”

“I’m not. Let’s set this now, you’ll have two dates, one with that hero prick and one with whoever you want, some college colleague preferably”

“Okay, fine, but the second date will be a woman.”

Mother always got what she wanted.

“Excellent, my dear! Send me her profile when you pick one, I’ll set the time and date, you go wherever you want and keep me updated. I gotta go now”

I chose a friend from college my mother never seemed to approve. As soon as I made my choice, my dad did his part.

The day I met Keigo it was rainy, he asked me if I wanted to cancel but I didn’t, I liked rain when it’s calm and I wanted to finish my duty as soon as possible. We went for coffee, watched a movie and then to a nice but not too elegant restaurant for dinner.

When I told him I had no intentions to date him, he told me he had no excuse to reject this date since he took a break from his hero’s agency for personal reasons; he seemed nice, careless and turned out to be easy-going, but he wasn’t Dabi.

I swore I could go home by myself but he insisted and when we were arriving, he put his arms around me.

“Don’t be scared” he said and took fly with me. I teleported back to the ground without thinking and shouted at him:

“What the fuck were you thinking?! What were you trying to do to me, you psycho?!”

He looked down at me and I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“You’re not supposed to use your quirk whenever you want, you’re not a professional hero nor a villain like me” Dabi was by my side and his eyes locked to Keigo’s. He came down with his hands exposed.

“I sensed you following me, I didn’t think you two knew each other” Keigo looked careful now.

“We’re like childhood friends” Dabi said, “I was curious why would someone like her hang around a hero like you”

“It was my mom’s idea” I said, “Dad intervened, long story short, I have to go to blind dates now, it’s none of your business” I looked at Keigo: “now I am curious why you’re not trying to catch him”

“I told you I’m off duty”

“Sure”

Something was off, I knew but I couldn’t tell. Dabi always kept me far enough and safe from his business. These two knew each other, but I couldn’t tell if Dabi was an informant or it was the other way round.

“I’ll take her home now” Dabi said.

“What kind of man would let his date go home with another man?” Keigo smiled.

I felt Dabi’s hand get warmer so I took it off my shoulder.

“I told you I could go home by myself, so I’m leaving. You two can catch up now, it seems like you have something to talk about”

“You’re wrong” Dabi said, “You and I have a lot to catch up”

I looked him in the eyes, it cut deep to know him right to the bone. He came back and he’d go away soon.

“I know that it’s over, Dabi, I don’t need your closure” I said firmly and walked away. It hurted more than I expected, I wasn’t serious, just wanted to mislead Hawks.

The rain came pouring down the closer I got home, it helped me conceal my stupid tears. That night I slept on the couch, I kinda expected Dabi to come but he did not.

Keigo, on the other hand, appeared at my door early in the morning with a nice bouquet.

“You may think I’m not serious,” he said “but I found you amusing”

He accompanied me on the way to work, behave nicely, but I suspected of his true intentions.

“Dabi was a part of a rebel phase when I was younger,” I admitted, he didn’t say anything, neither pretended he didn’t wanna know, “he comes and goes, he may think that I’m bulletproof but I’m not”

“With a quirk like yours, you could easily avoid a bullet” he tried to joke around but I didn’t let it slide.

“I’m conscious that he sees what he does to me, he knows exactly how to ruin a perfect day and I’m sick and tired of that attitude, so whatever you’re trying to do here, end it right now”

His smirk faded.

“Last night you said it was over, but I see it’s not. I won’t annoy you anymore”

His phone ringed, we said goodbye and he left me alone. I knew he just wanted to know if I was involved in anything Dabi was.

Life turned boring for a while and that was okay, but myhouse started to feel too big for me alone. I was considering to move to an apartment or bring a girl friend to live with me when I looked out the window and saw a letter outside the mailbox; when I went out to pick it, looked around but didn’t see anybody.

I knew it was his.

I knew it was a goodbye letter, I had to let him go.

“I won’t make assumptions why you moved to a different city but I think it’s cause of me. I swear I gave my blood, sweat and if I could cry I’d give my tears to protect you from the things that I do but it wasn’t enough, I could never give you peace”, he wrote.

“Deep down I hoped I would never lose you, eventually I did. I’m not your problem anymore. I can’t just show up at your front door and expect you to let me in, but I want to do it anyway.

Now that we don’t talk, I just wanted you to know I wish I was a better man for you.”

Lastly, he wrote:

“I’m sorry that I hurted you, it’s not your fault.”

I never felt so attacked by a piece of paper in my life. I knew I was better alone than needing a man like him, but the heart wants what it wants. Wishing he was a better man wasn’t an option, I loved him for being the man he was, the fact that he didn’t see it my way was painful.

All this time I thought he could see right through me, now I wonder what was he seeing this whole time.

I called him but he didn’t pick up the phone, so I started to write a text message when I heard the door ring bell and he was there standing at my door.

“This is the last time” he said, “I swear this is the last time”

He put his arms around me, he was warm and had that suspicious smell like he over used his quirk.

“You’re an asshole” I mumbled.

“I know”

“I’m tired of this”

“I know”

“I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you”

“You won’t have to”

I looked at his face, surprised.

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s go inside, we have a lot to talk about” he walked in.

For the first time, he opened up about everything, I listened carefully; I got worried, even cried a little. I suggested again that we could run away together but he didn’t want to, he was determined to fulfil his revenge against Endeavor even if it killed him in the process.

It made me want to die. I took a deep breath.

“You can’t come here and expect me to accept that you’re willing to die just to expose your father’s shit to everyone in Japan” he opened his mouth but I didn’t let him talk, “you have to choose right now, Touya, you leave now or you stay with me. You can’t just ask a person that loves you to sit and watch you get killed, you’ll have to kill me just the same”

Dabi hugged me gently, kissed me softly.

“Never going to happen”

My heart ached. I knew he’d leave me in the morning, but all I could think about was that I wished I could go back in time and save Touya from that fire. If anybody could go back in time and save him, knowing what I know, even if it meant we wouldn’t meet or be together… that’d be okay.

“Dabi, I’m sorry I didn’t meet you before”

He looked confused.

“I think we never stood a chance, did we? Wanna come to bed?” I asked and he smiled.

“Yeah, ready for it?”

I laughed and took his hand, led him to the bedroom, took his jacket off and appreciated his burned arms for a moment. I touched his burned lip with the tip of my finger.

“I love you” he said.

“Just not enough to stay”

“I…”

I shushed him. Nothing he could say would eased the pain I was feeling that night. I hugged him, kissed him and whispered in his ear:

“I love you too. Now show me your love with actions instead of words”