#they look so legit until you actually check out where they want the 'donations' sent and their blog is always new with few posts on it

[naffeclipse]

I've gotten two different scam attempts in my inbox along the lines of a person desperately asking for donations to pay for their medical issues. Please be careful with random blogs asking for money. It's so fishy if you take a long look at their blog and see that they only have a handful of reblogs, and obviously, it tugs at your heartstrings to see someone in need, but please be aware and check anything out that is directly asking you for money.

[unhinged-diaries-blog]

Down another pound!

I don’t know what I’m doing but I really seem to have turned a corner. I woke up this morning and weighed myself and I lost another pound. I know what I’m doing by not watching what I eat but at the same time watching what I eat but not necessarily counting the calories just winging it is not the healthiest.

Currently with my schedule I will wake up in the morning, get a ride to the bus stop at stop for Starbucks. I will usually have a Venti acai strawberry refresher, depending if I’m hungry or not I may have a breakfast sandwich and I go with the lowest calorie count which is about 200 give or take for a egg whites, bacon sandwich and that will get me through until 2 PM.

After I eat I wait at least 30 minutes before I start drinking water again but now I still eat so slow that really I drink water in our later. I haven’t had a protein shake in a week and a half and I know we need to get back on the wagon. This is the first time all week i’ve had coffee made it home and I added not creamer but cashew protein milk and sugar because even though I do have Splenda fuck that splenda is gross.

For lunch I packed 2 1/2 ounces of Turkey pastrami, and ounce of strawberries and a cookie because I’m definitely going to need sugar and in the office I’m at I don’t have a car and there’s no way I’m gonna be walking 10 minutes away just to get something to drink and then 10 minutes back so basically a lunch.

When in reality I have lunch in the office. I know I’m going to get to work early and as long as I do my job he really doesn’t care he’s so relaxed and that’s what I love most about this job. I skip school today because I was exhausted. I did not fall asleep until 23:59 last night but I think in reality I didn’t fall asleep until 1 o’clock because all I heard was my dog whining because she was in her kennel, one of my cats trying to get into a closet which was pissing me off

I think I eventually fell back asleep until 630 were my husband kept asking me if I wanted a ride or if I was going to school and I’ve actually said fuck it I’m so tired I’m not going and I know I’m going to get docked off attendance points but at this point I really don’t give a fuck because I’m doing what I need to needs to be done, I’m taking photos and I will turn in the project that was due yesterday turned in today. A lot of the students didn’t take the photos needed for yesterday‘s Photo essay I took my photos on Sunday and I realize that a lot of students didn’t because who’s going to want to shoot with their camera for an hour when it’s 115° heat?

I sure shit will not do it and my professor is so relaxed about it that he is like basically we’re going to have to wait till it’s cooler which is awesome minutes south but I mean at the end of the day it sucks when you’re really needing shoot and certain students schedules like myself are so fucked up that the only time they didn’t have time to shoot is during sunset or early in the morning and I know for a fact I’m not gonna be shooting early in the morning waking up an hour heading to where I need to shoot for an hour and a half and then somehow catching a bus that will take me down the street to go to class for an hour and then having to go to work for five

that’s feasibly not possible especially after 730 is when the sun starts to rise and it gets extremely hot. I’m just really shocked over all with the sleeve it’s finally working the way I want it to work that I’m losing weight faster than when I was stalling over the last 3 1/2 months. I’m not upset by any means I’m just excited that my luck has finally really fucking tired because I needed this break so hard. Got a email from my boss last week my old boss and she asked me is there anything we can do to change your mind I’ve been sitting on it for days and I don’t even know what to say to her. What do you say to someone who treat you like a number in a place you work?

Do you say that pay per performance is bullshit and because of how you are in sales you get to go down to minimum wage? Do you say not thenwork itself it’s hard it’s the fact that you treated like we don’t matter, when we have legit questions and email the entire staff the entire coaching team no one gives us a fucking answer, when we have several terrible days are performance get stocked and are paid get stocked and the fact that I got dad to minimum wage is absolute bullshit and after three months of working there that’s when everything changed I went down from $10 an hour due to my performance and bad calls and the audit etc. to minimum-wage

that is not a living fucking wait especially when they know I’m a student, they know my schedule, and they know my limits. The email itself my boss said she didn’t want to lose me and I’m just thinking if you don’t want to lose people you should treat them better. If you don’t want to lose people management should be better and the entire structure should be better instead of going to the cycle that’s wrong did I did that wrong this is how I fix it

I wouldn’t say all that many call centers are you’re a number they won’t work with your schedule they don’t give a shit if you breathe or die as long as you keep the money coming in and follow their rules you basically get a keep your job but if you have a voice and say what we’re doing it wrong you’re the asshole and eventually get reprimanded for it this job is no future this job is a job you take when you have nothing else and you were forced to take this job to make money

I’ll probably sit in the email a couple more days before I really give her an email back. Things are great in the first three weeks I like this job, things were good until I saw the in tire Spectre my back. I saw how my buddy, R got fucked up his check and they took out almost $400 they over charged him, they don’t necessarily answer all emails and they are completely overwhelmed to where where we stand donors to validation nine times out of 10 we lose those donors

they’re tired of waiting and validation is taking so long that at one time I was waiting six minutes to get a pledge and to have a flight finished and who the fuck wants to wait six minutes on the phone trying to basically finish this transaction I fucking doubt I can see why donors are pissed and how you tell him multiple times not to call and they still won’t take you off the list but I guess at the game when it comes to donating anywhere

I think I just finally got tired of it so I talk to my friend and she had received my resume and sent it over to my current boss and he basically save me out of a bad position. I would’ve stayed with my old job until I just couldn’t take it anymore. It got to the point where after work I would be counting down the hours until I went to bed, and wondering how was going to make it through another day when I’m waking up early, and getting bad sleep, and I am hoping I get hit by a car because I feel my life is so bad at this point but that she dropped and things are a lot better

Now the next thing I’m waiting on is if I get excepted into this internship and I should know by this week. I really hope this goes through because I need this more than anything I have one more year of this and I am done with school for now I just need to keep on pushing and realize this is it going to last forever at least suck right now but you were so close to the fucking finish line it’s not funny and that’s what keeps going and that’s what keeps me going knowing I’m so close to finishing after seven years and struggling and death and toxic families and moving I’m finally here getting my bachelors and nobody can take that away from me. No one in my mediate family has her bachelors and I’m going to be the first want to do it and it’s not because I’m a woman but because I chose to put my career first had to take shit jobs and she keep going when I wanted to absolutely quit. I wanted to quit when my brother died being here all alone in Vegas with Noel family I wanted to in my life when my dad died because I thought my future but nothing without him, and now six years later I have a finally I finally have a future to look forward to and no one can take that away from me out of the bad days no matter things Zaidi no matter the depression I have a future in life I’m finally looking forward to

Happy Wednesday

[paranoidsbible]

Weaponized Empathy

Let’s go through a few quick scenarios on how easily it is to scam people on the internet, however we’ll be focusing only on Tumblr since it’s quite popular with millennials and the overly empathetic. Before we begin, these are simple scenarios and not related to any ongoing drama nor did we receive a zip archive with a series of screen caps, .txt files loaded with information on individuals and a large dose of literal receipts on transactions from so called donations. Nope! Didn’t get any of the previously mentioned, just a series of scenarios meant to help people think twice before giving out their hard earned shekels. Tumblr is not only overly accepting and empathetic (when it suits them), but also quite quick to take up the cause of helping someone they perceive as being either a part of a minority group or a supposed oppressed group simply based upon self-created descriptions or a series of images that exist nowhere else on the internet but a specific blog or two. While this isn’t such a bad thing to many, it’s quite hazardous to one’s own health (and actual minority groups), safety and privacy simply due to the fact that giving out so-called donations or charity through the use of Paypal, moneygrams/orders or checks can lead to information gathered from the initial set of data given, thus possibly leading to potential dox attempts for whatever insidious reason or simply because a person can if they want to do it or not. So where does this place the average, overly concerned and noisy internet user? On the bottom of the totem pole, of course! See, one scenario is called The Oppressed for the simple fact that we’ve all seen the posts. Someone proclaims with much gusto how they’re being forced out of their current dwelling because of who or what they are or what they identify as, which provokes a series of “Signal boost!” replies and concerned “Oh, baby!!! What do you need? :*(“ asks. This generates a feeding frenzy of moral or virtue signaling and people sending a few bucks or a hefty amount in the form of donations. This individual either takes a break or simply leaves because of all the so-called mean people that are harassing them or threaten to dox them. Then the blog sits inactive or gets deleted and a few murmurs appear here and there… and everyone promptly forgets it till the person comes back again asking for more money. While the oppressed scam isn’t that hard to pull off, the bigger issue is how people will go onto another country’s social networking sites in order to find images and information to use. The reason they do this is because most of the reverse images searches that we know of are quite Euro or Americentric and focus on mostly English speaking sites. So while everyone’s focused on a poor Latina being chased out of her apartment by a mean old white man, a literal mean old white man could be behind the account and raking in a year’s worth of money that equals that of working at some Chief Chili Fry joint for minimum wage. This scam is often repeated till someone questions it and a series of dox attempts or call-out posts happens to those who dare question the non-majority individual until it simply vanishes or they “totally can’t deal with this” and start to purge traces of their scam, thus leaving people a few bucks short and a handful of people attacked. The oppressed scam is just one of many scams on Tumblr, some others can be recycled into it actually. So, without going into a series of long explanations let’s discuss how similar scams happen and operate before we list how you can prevent yourself from falling for it and losing your laundry money that grandma sent you this month. Anything related to LGBT+, especially Trans/gender dysphoria. A lot of people have actually taken to calling it trans-for-money. The entire point is for someone to claim to be the opposite of their birth gender/sex while posting semi-censored pics of their supposed hormones or other assorted medication. They then follow it with a plea for donations to get the needed supplies or they’ll “just die” and blame it on either living on the streets or some sort of debt or choice between food and/or rent. While a handful are legit, many more are easy to work scams from people collecting images off of LGBT+ support forums and/or chats in order to have an entire library of post fodder to sell their act. The Scared Woman scam relies heavily on fleecing male feminists or feminists in general. It’s usually a blogger that rose to e-fame quite quickly before falling from graces in someone’s eyes and having to flee because of their life. This is usually done by a woman, but some people have identified as MtF when pulling this scam. It often a series of one-hit-wonder posts and a series of selfies in feminist-wear or slogans printed on said selfies. From there, they post a plea of how they had to leave with only the clothes on their back or the bare essentials and how they need money pronto or face the cruel world and reality of things. The Battered Communist scam relies heavily on pulling the “How do you do fellow communists” act while trying to blend in before fascists, neo-nazis or the alt-right suddenly shows up and beats the ever loving tar out of the blogger. They will then post some cuts, bruises or a black eye and ask for some donations from the comrades in order to get out of the area or gain medical attention. The person is question actually is quick to disappear and claim it’s because they need to find safety before simply not being heard from again. Battered Liberal in an Unsafe, Conservative Household scam relies heavily on the Us VS Them duality that a lot of the internet pushes when it comes to politics. The scam is newer and crops up every so often whenever a political year begins. The person proclaims their parents or siblings or significant other beats them, harasses them or even rapes (among other forms of abuses) because of political opinions. They’ll ask for a few bucks to leave and simply go on the lam before the mean conservatives find them and continue the cycle of abuse. While just a handful of the active scams on Tumblr, and the web in general, we wish to remind people that for every few scams there’ll be one or two people who’re actually facing these situations and do need help. Sadly, because of the wanton scamming on the internet, those who do need help are drowned out in the noise of people demanding others give them things or be labeled as a bigot, racist or sexist because they didn’t shovel out 250 dollars for a custom stylus for some supposed artist’s tablet. So, to ensure that you’re actually helping a fellow comrade or sister in the fight against the patriarchy, remember to do your research:

Check their images against Tineye and other reverse image services

Do a simple search on their username and name

Browse their blog and see if a similar situation has arisen before

Don’t be afraid to ask for proof/evidence in private

Ask if a pre-paid card or gift card is alright instead

Ask for a Patreon or GoFundMe page instead of paypal

Your main goal is to prove this person’s plea is legitimate and not scam. Everyone has issues nowadays and needs help, however this doesn’t mean you need to short change yourself and/or your family and friends.  This is why you need to do your own research and not rely on the individual’s own claims. Once you’ve ensured they’re legitimate, then yes, help them however don’t offer them your own pad to crash at due to the simple fact you don’t know another person’s background and/or mental state at the current point in time. Go the extra mile and checkout the resources in your area to help people. There are hundreds of charities, groups and shelters out there, find the ones that can help a person in a specific situation and keep that information on hand. So, if a person needs more than just some extra cash you can direct them to those resources too and prevent any potential issues or accusations against you. The last thing anyone wants is their kindness being used against them and either being blackmailed for money or forced to do something they don’t want to do. Your health and wellbeing is more important than some stranger on the internet. It is way too easy to form persona around another person’s information and pump the unaware netizens for some greens to waste on Bad Dragon dildos or diamond studded custom figurines. Remember: Don’t forget to lessen your own digital footprint to prevent potential blowback for your charity. Visit our library page @ https://paranoidsbible.tumblr.com/library and look over our guides. Prevent dox, pollute your own information…etc

[starless-night-fright]

I need to vent here for a moment. I can’t find my journal I normally would be venting into, and dear lord I just need to put everything I’m feeling down because I’m not okay, right now.

She’s a long post, about everything I’ve been struggling with since the beginning of the year. It’s heavy, I don’t hold back.

I went into 2020 thinking, yes, this is it, I’m finally gonna have a good year. The last time I was constantly happy, and having a good time, I was 17. But, I started this year student teaching, I was going to walk in May and be the first in my family to get my diploma, I had everything planned.

What a fucking joke that was. 

Student teaching was a mixed bag. It got cut short, and I ended up losing on valuable experience that I need. I struggle with enforcing consist discipline. Students don’t take me seriously. That was the biggest goal I was working on, right before everything shut down. We never went online, and I won’t see my students that I had again.

I’m not gonna lie, I had days that were really, really bad. Days where “It wouldn’t matter if you just drove your car into a semi and ended it” were thoughts that came up on my 30 minute drive home. I’d go and have days where it felt like I wouldn’t succeed in the field, and then come home and felt...I don’t know. I think I felt like people close to me didn’t care? That if I really did choose to just...crash my car spontaneously, that it wouldn’t matter in the long run to them? That they had someone they could replace me with, if that makes sense. Because if I reached out in my very indirect way of saying “I need help, and I need attention” I’d get brushed off, with an explanation of some kind. It’s okay, I’d think, everyone has priorities more important than me. And then I’d go to bed, get up, start the cycle again. Until I didn’t. 

I got my Bachelor’s Degree, though I slept most of the day I would have walked. I got my teaching license, but somehow, I feel under qualified for it. Like, I don’t deserve this. Even my degree. I skated by in college, writing every paper the night before, and reading bits and pieces of every book - even content I was interested in. I never proofread a single paper, never edited one. Not even my capstone paper. I passed, though I don’t know what I got for my grade. It feels fake to me.

So, I graduated. I got a degree in a field that arguably has a demand for people, so why can’t I get a job? Why is it that I haven’t been able to land a single fucking interview? It isn’t because I just graduated, and it isn’t because I only had my actual legit license in my hands for only about a month at this point - I know plenty of people with the same training and the same everything I had getting jobs in late May and early June, so what is so wrong with my applications that I can’t get past the screening phase? 

Maybe they know that I’m under qualified. Oh, she doesn’t have any of her host teachers? Her mentor teacher from student teaching? She has no other experience in education aside from 4 semesters in a classroom, and she has no experience with kids either. 

I’ve been jobless since March, and have had no income since May. It’s my fault, I suppose, because I kept putting off finding a new job. My best friend’s mom would say that I’m making excuses, but it’s hard to find a job when I’m sitting there like “Oh, yeah, by the way, I have no idea if I’m going back to student teaching in person, or teaching online, and if I have to do that - and it’ll be very sudden - I won’t be able to work between 7am-3:20pm if we go online, and 6am-4:30pm if we go in person, and I won’t be able to work past 10, because my health is important.” I don’t know. I’m getting sick of explaining why I don’t do things and people saying “You’re making excuses.” I really, really fucking hate it when people say that. 

I applied for unemployment, after getting people bugging me for a while about it, but it didn’t make a difference. They basically looked at what I submitted, and said “There’s no income here” and I sent in something saying, no, I had income, here’s my W-2, and that was a month ago, and still nothing back. When people were first pushing me to apply, I was going back and forth from saying that “I don’t know how to report my income because my hours were very inconsistent” to “I don’t currently need these benefits, because I still have money from income taxes and the stimulus check”. Which was true.

So I went back to donating plasma. My last donation was Friday, and something went wrong with it. The needle wasn’t in correctly, so they decided to give my blood back after one pull (if you haven’t done it before, it’ll go through about 4-5 cycles if you’re in the highest weight category, which I am). They slowly returned my blood back to me, but it started to sting when the saline started to go in. I don’t know if it was the blood or the saline, but something went into the tissue, not the vein. So, I’ve had a nice bruise on the inside of my arm that prevents me from going and getting more money. I haven’t touched my donation money, since it’ll be rent in a worst case scenario where I don’t have a job by September 1st. I want a teaching job, or a subbing position in the district I’m in, but if the subbing position also gets overlooked, I don’t know what I’m going to do, emotionally. 

It’s been almost a week since my last donation, and maybe I’ll be able to go in a day or two? The bruise is fading, but I don’t know. 

I’m lonely, I’m stressed, I’m anxious. I want to hang out with people, but I look at the list of people I know and I’m like...who even cares, right now? I’m getting frustrated with people getting annoyed at the fact that nothing is going okay right now, and me expressing those feelings is annoying, and I’m getting frustrated with people just saying “oof” when I express that something isn’t okay. It isn’t even down to who cares, either, it’s also looking at who has the energy to deal with me? 

The last week has been pretty shitty, in all honesty. At first, it was the stress of everything leading up to plasma donation going wrong. Then it turned into “People only care about people that they deem as useful, and it seems like my usefulness has run out.” Because it has. I’m just burdensome to people at this point. 

So, then I sit there. I want to talk to people, I want to just sit and watch stuff and drink with friends. But I don’t want people saying all the things i enjoy are stupid, and I don’t want to be brushed off. I don’t even want advice for everything because what advice can people even offer me right now? I want human company. But people have lives that don’t involve me - which is okay - and those lives and relationships take precedence over me. Which is okay. To most people - if not every person I’m associated with - I’m a second thought, at best. Everyone has someone else that they care about more, or some other issue that they have more thought processes to deal with. I’m not mad, or upset by it. I don’t expect people to put their lives and their problems on hold to help me get stabilized. Because, in all honesty? Right now, when nothing is okay right now? I don’t think I could emotionally sustain anyone either.

So, I don’t want to be burdensome. So, I sit alone, and try to drown out everything by watching dumb videos on YouTube or starting to hyperfocus on something. It sometimes works. Other times, I just sit there and feel the need to just break something, to let out the tension, and I have a relapse. I’ve had two, this week. It doesn’t matter what it is, in all honesty. I’ve done dishes, while in this state, and I broke a glass. It just...it felt like the glass was the heaviest thing I could hold, and I just didn’t have the energy to keep holding it anymore, and I dropped it. I still haven’t found all the pieces to the cup. Though, it doesn’t matter, does it?

I did start therapy, recently. My first appointment was a week ago, and I won’t have another one for two weeks. In this appointment, I discussed with the therapist about how I thought I had undiagnosed ADHD, anxiety, and depression. I had filled out a questionnaire a few weeks prior, and he had my answers from then about those three things, among a few other things. I explained that at times when I feel like I’m dealing with anxiety attacks I struggle to breath - I have to pause, take a deep breath with my diaphragm and fully expand my lungs, cause it feels like my breath is too shallow in varying circumstances, but it’s been worse recently.  

He asked about study habits. How is reading? I have a hard time sitting down, and focusing to read, but when I find something I’m engaged it, I don’t put it down. Is that webcomic 90-144 chapters? I. Won’t. Stop. I can’t. So, he asks about deadlines. How close to a deadline do i complete tasks? Literally, the last minute. Does that pressure help you work? If I don’t have a deadline, I don’t finish anything. Fun fact! I’m moving in a week, and I made a list of everything my roommate and I need to do. I did this a month ago, and this was supposed to be done before we went on a roadtrip in the beginning of July. Nothing has been checked off. He asked how I do progression. If I work on a paper, I’ll clean my workspace, then I’ll go get snacks to munch on for the 5-10 hours I’ll be at my computer. Sometimes, cleaning my workspace causes my to clean my room. After all this he said “I think there is some ADHD at play here.” And he explained that, typically in women, ADHD is undiagnosed, because it’s the high energy that people look at, not necessarily the inattentiveness. Young boys are diagnosed more often because they have that high energy people look for - and they get misdiagnosed, sometimes. So, that tells me that, for 23 years of my life, and for 17 years of education, I had ADHD. Which makes a difference.

Because, then, I start thinking about the past - this has been a thing for the last few days, in particular. And I start to get...frustrated? Angry? Because, I’m sitting there thinking that the signs were there. When I was in the 5th grade, I just stopped doing my homework. Or rather, I never did it to begin with. It was a whole thing that I don’t want to get into right now, but my teacher did get my parents involved. And then, again, in high school. I had the same English teacher for 3 years, and she allowed me to go into the AP Lit and Lang courses. This was the point that I really struggled with reading. I loved reading up until that point. It was my escape. And she had me the year before, she knew I was an avid reader at that point. But when I started slipping and when it was obvious I wasn’t reading, she never really said anything. I don’t think she contacted my parents, and it never came up in parent teacher conferences - I went to all of them because I liked being praised by my teachers, and they always did. I don’t really blame a lot of my other teachers, though. I’m weird in the sense that lectures and direct instruction is a really good method for me to learn. I sit there, copy the notes, and hoard said notebooks until I need the information. I haven’t take Algebra since I was 17, but dammit, I still have my notes from College Algebra that I took in high school.

It’s that stigma that only boys have ADHD. I know it is, and it’s not like I was in a district that was socially advanced, if that makes sense. We didn’t even have sex ed. I’m not in the south, either, I’m in Colorado. But, like, I’m kinda bitter? I’m pretty average, as a student, even with the ADHD. I was ranked dead middle in my high school graduating class with a 3.4 GPA. I might have gotten it up to a 3.5, but I don’t remember. And then College happened. All the support fell away, I was independent. I ended my first semester with a 1.1 GPA. It fucking hurt. I came home for Christmas and everyone was telling me to change my major - because obviously if I ended my first semester that badly, it meant I wasn’t interested in it. It didn’t matter that I only had two classes in my major, and one really dealing with what I wanted to study. I got my shit together, and bumped my GPA back up to a 2.1 the next semester. 

But, then, it just kinda...I don’t know. Like I dipped low, I skyrocketed, and then I steadily went down again, until I flatlined. Like I said, I skated by in college. I feel like I didn’t put in more effort. Maybe I feel robbed? Like, if I knew I had ADHD, and if I had medication to help me focus a bit, that maybe things would have gone differently? I would have been more at the top of my class in high school, and maybe I would have been able to graduate college with at least a 3.0 gpa and I would have gotten honors and maybe I would be able to get a fucking job right now in the field that I got a degree in? How is it that I’m so bad at this, that I can’t even get a job in a field that is always struggling with getting people? 

I don’t know. I’m bitter. I’m angry. I’ve been writing this for an hour. I’m still upset, I suppose, but now I’m just tired, and my hand is cramping up.

That’s another thing that I’ve noticed, over the last few months. I want to create things. I draw, I write and I’ve been designing a video game. I want to release it, but I just...I feel like people don’t care about it. The things I create. I’m not good, I’m not bad. I’m pretty damn average. So it doesn’t stand out. And I feel like - mostly with writing and the game design - that if people aren’t going to enjoy it, then what’s the point in putting in the time and energy to actually develop these things. Like you can say that it’s creating it for me, but I can think about it in my head. I can daydream these things. Giving it corporeal form so I can enjoy these things is pointless. And it’s not like I haven’t tried. I’ll show people are that I’m proud of and get lukewarm responses, or even “It’s creepy” (dear fucking Jesus am i sick of people saying what I create is creepy). Or, I’ll send people a link to the download of the demo of my game and I have gotten no responses. Like, several people have said “Yeah, I’ll play it” and then never do. It’s like, 30 minutes, at most. I’ve timed it, even with killing every single spawn I can. It only takes about 30 minutes. 

Dear God, this doesn’t even get into the problems of the world oh my Fucking God. 

I feel better after ranting like this. I’m less upset. I’m tired. Though, in the end, nobody really cares, do they?

[winstonhcomedy]

How’d Winston Do Last Night? 10/31

Last night was a spooky night of salacious comedy. I definitely had a moment last night where I was probably at my scariest.

Last night was Home Sweet Home and I don’t think that’s an open mic I’ve had the opportunity to talk to you all about. It is every first, third, and fifth Wednesday of the month in Richmond.

 It is hosted by my really good friend Jacob McFadden. Jacob used to run an open mic at a spot called Pie before it closed down. I unfortunately never got to do that show, but I try to get to HSH every chance I get. 

Jacob is a really strong comic who unfortunately isn’t out as much as he used to be. I’ve booked him on some shows and he always follows through with a strong set. Right now he is going through a super tough time, because his baby niece passed away suddenly. This was the first time I’d seen him since then but he did seem in good spirits but def more somber than usual. I don’t usually do this, but if your heart compels you click this link and donate money to the ASPCA in her name. I know it would mean a lot since she absolutely loved animals! 

https://www.gofundme.com/gopupmezsuzsi?fbclid=IwAR2CF2kq1dFs8Uvt5d__gP6L3GW7CuNEUC8jIFHE37pjCXKZSm1IO9bPVhs

Thanks guys!

HSH is a grilled cheese restaurant and bar with an upstairs loft area where the comedy shows take place. Everybody gets about 5 to 7 minutes, and there are never any content restrictions. The crowd can be hit or miss, but it is usually a productive mic. 

I got to the show last night dressed as Calvin and Hobbes, and got to chill with Francesca Lyn and her boyfriend/good friend of mine Clay Shoaf. Fran had mouse ears on and Clay was wearing a graphic hat, bit jacket, and was carrying a joke book of “hilarious one liners”. 

Clay used to come out and do comedy a lot more, and in all actuality he was the very first person in the Richmond comedy community who was not only nice to me, but that I considered a friend. He also performed on the first Clash of the Comics that I was on.

When Clay was going up every night and really hitting it hard you could always expect some interesting and funny takes from him. He is definitely a comic who modeled himself after guys like Doug Stanhope, but the difference is unlike most of the people who try to copy that style; Clay had a unique take and strong joke writing ability. There were countless times where Clay would bomb don’t get me wrong, but even then I always looked forward to hearing what new shit he had to talk about.

Since he has put comedy on the back burner for the last year or so I’ve come to really appreciate when he comes out to mics. When he is out it usually means something inventive/weird/offensive/wild is going to happen. Which I always love to see.  Clay isn’t everybody’s cup of tea and I fully understand that. But there is literally nothing that brings me greater joy than seeing a group of new comics see Clay Shoaf for the first time.

It was kind of a light crowd but nothing too bad. The people were a little talkative, but they were into it. Danny Dunlea went first and didn’t have the hottest set. People were still shuffling in, and seemed disinterested.

Next was my set. Jacob likes to have fun with intros so I got brought up as a white nationalist which was exciting. I did a little light crowd work and got some good pops then started working on my jokes. I referenced Jim Crow and a dude was like too soon, I told him a white guy dressed as Kanye West for Halloween doesn’t really get to make that call.  That got a good laugh and I kept doing my material. It went well. Definitely felt like I started to get them into it. I ended with a brand new joke, and it went well. I’d give this set a B-. It was fun and spooky!!!!!

Afte me was Francesca. She did a sweatiest I gave her and it went ok. She got some laughs out of some interesting premises. She had a good line about Lunchables and Andes Mints, and she closed out about how she only sleeps with Wiccans. All in all pretty good set for the crowd.

After her was Clay. Clay was doing a character called Comedian Big Lil’ The Comic. He was a grizzled hacky road comic. He came up shit on the room a bit, sat down, and read out of a joke book. By the end of it he was pitching his bumper stickers, and begging people to buy from him. It was a great character and my favorite set that I got to see of the night. He had sunglasses and a ridiculous hat on and it just sold the whole thing. 

After his set my buddy Bryan Williams went up and did ok. He talked about how small his dick is since he is asian which is a joke he knows I hate. It got some laughs, but he’s a new dude who is still struggling to find himself on stage. He talked about being Bi which is my favorite thing he talks about because he doesn’t look like a stereotypical bi/gay guy. He will figure it out, but he’s always a good hang. I love the dude.

After him was Mu Cuzzo. Funny new comic who was trying to work out his crowd work. He is doing ok for 2 minutes until he points to a girl in the audience and starts talking about her “slutty” outfit. She took this to mean He thought she was a slut so she got up and is yelling at him for being rude and calling him a slut. It was crazy uncomfortable. It was also hilarious to see someone who has their ass cheeks hanging out arguing the differences between her “naughty” schoolgirl outfit and a “slutty” schoolgirl outfit. She wasn’t crazy or mean, and she went the route of trying to embarrass him. Telling the audience, “I hope you laugh at this man’s jokes. He’s a bad man.”

She left and took her bf with her, and Mu kept doing crowd work. Rule #1 of crowd work is ladies don’t like being referred to as sluts. It was a good learning experience for him. Crowd work is a lot harder than most comics give it credit for. 90% of comics who shit talk it do not have the ability to do it. Joke writing is amazing and important but crowd work is a difficult and important skill to master.

During this whole thing I walk upstairs and caught Bert Martling going through my stuff and flipping my backpack inside out again. I had already told him that if he did it again I was going to fight him. I had reiterated this several times over the past couple weeks. 

I caught him while he was in the middle of it and Mu was still on stage. So I just started yelling at him. I got so heated, and it was the angriest I’ve been in a long time. Bryan and Francesca were right next to it when it was happening and they looked mortified. Especially Bryan. The look on his face was hilarious.

I don’t like resorting to yelling, but that is a super personal boundary to cross. I legit carry everything in that backpack. I have my MacBook, my headphones, all of my joke books, my glasses, my wallet, and lots of stuff from work including drawings from my students; and quite honestly I don’t want or think anyone should go through anyone else’s bag. That is an invasion of privacy, and super messed up. Especially after already saying it was off limits.

Now some people are going to be like, “that’s not a big deal Winston. I don’t know why you’re freaking out rn.” Well screw you guys. I had to leave last night because I double checked in the bag and one of the drawings my students made got ripped when he was doing it. I had to leave or I was going to absolutely lose it again. 

To me it was the equivalent of going through a lady’s purse. It’s such an invasion, and a line that in my opinion shouldn’t be crossed. I can legit take a joke about anything. You can joke about me, my joke, my family, my religion, who I date, what I believe in, and I will laugh right along with you. But if you invade my privacy like that I am not going to be ok with it, and quite frankly I don't think anyone should be.

After this happened I watched Jameson Babbowski do a weird ass set as a Geraman dude with a ridiculous hat. Like just a wack wizards cap. He had a Bose speaker playing some German techno song but it was so low literally no one could hear it. He had fun, and it was super weird. This is the kind of thing I love to watch. People did not get it, but he committed. 

So I left and Bert eventually sent me an apology message and I accepted it and moved on. I don’t hate Bert, I’m not mad at Bert (anymore), and I don’t even dislike him. I just felt violated, a boundary had been crossed, and I didn’t feel respected as an individual or a man. I accepted the apology and he and I are on good terms now. 

After leaving I got about 7 or 8 messages from people asking about it. Literally nothing travels faster than gossip in the comedy community. I love all of my fellow comics, and I love all of you laydees/baybees!!!

This was a dramatic but fun night. Tonight I”m off to Baltimore and can’t wait to hopefully have a good show. I’ll be back to recap tomorrow. LOVE YOU LAYDEES!!!!! xoxoxo KISSES!!!