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#they send a congrats on your new home card but don’t mention her. they include me in a family vacation jigsaw puzzle but not her even though
goldkirk
·
1 year
Text
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#sometimes it really hurts more that they’re well intentioned
#and love me and want me to be part of the family still
#than if they didn’t try to keep me included at all
#like just. it just is rough that they’ll never acknowledge I’m living with a partner and committed
#and have been in the relationship for years
#they want me to come be a part of things and they want me to be happy and
#they send a congrats on your new home card but don’t mention her. they include me in a family vacation jigsaw puzzle but not her even though
#i told them I won’t lie to the kids and that she and I are a package deal for family parties and things if we do come into town for them
#I can’t stop trying because I’ve seen them be so diffferent with the grandkids than to me on some things
#and I’ve seen some of them treating me pretty normal despite everything about their beliefs
#but I just
#don’t know how many years it’ll take for me to learn to navigate this weird zone
#I can’t talk to friends because they don’t understand how good and genuine my family is and only know the parts that hurt me in the past yrs
#and I can’t talk to family because they get how good my family is at the heart of things but can’t understand the bad parts enough to
#get how half of me wished I could never have to remember any of the good because it’s hard to protect myself if I do
#but the line between black and white has to be walked
#even if ONLY for my own sake because I have to un train black and white thinking from every area of my worldview
#but anyway
#it’s just hard. nothing particularly to be done about it. I just need to say it’s hard sometimes
#it doesn’t seem to hurt less each time
#it’s the same
#but I think I’m getting better at not letting it affect my actual daily experience for as long now
#idk
#it’s hard. it will be for a long time. it’s worth trying anyway.
#I know we’re double nope in that we’re queer and we’re not even civil married much less sacramentally married
#so we’re in like five separate levels of mortal sin yadda yadda
#but I tell you x hurts and you do x again and it sucks. I see you improving in other ways so I have hope but GOD it sucks right now. fuck
#shh katie
#personal
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