#they were like: 'luther gave his father one fuck and reggie used it to kill him. don't go back to the people who hurt you kids' YEAHHHHH

[d-e-s-t-i-n-e-s-i-a]

NOT what I expected this season

[super-unpredictable98]

The Eighth Child (~TUA AU~) - Season 3

Chapter 12: More Valuable Than The World and The End of All Things (Season 3 Finale)

Warning: Strong language, mention of death, violence, a little bit of gore, angst

a/n: So another season comes to an end... I'm so grateful for everything TEC brought me, for all the support you still give me. Thank you for coming on this journey with me, I hope to see everyone again in the meantime with the short stories and season 4 <3

(The Eighth Child Masterlist)

"You look familiar," Klaus approached a tall woman with pale skin, sunkissed on her shoulders and cheeks, both covered in freckles. Her long brown hair was wild with curls and her eyes were green like mint leaves. "Noooo, Maria Fernanda? You look so much better in person than in pictures!" 

"And you look much better in person than when I'm watching you. Safado, leading my Lisbela astray..." she joked.

"Lisbela? That's the name you were gonna give her?"

"Yeah, but Victoria isn't bad, Victoria Maria is even better."

"She looks like you."

"I know. Sometimes I wish I never gave her away, but then she wouldn't have met you," Maria Fernanda took a good look at him. "You're not supposed to be here. You need to go back."

"I know, our brother keeps telling me as well, but I have no idea how."

"My girl has good taste, I'm so proud of who she became, so I trust you too."

—————————————————— 

"Where's Klaus?" I asked as soon as the door closed behind us on the other side of the tunnel.

"I'm sorry children, but your brother- I did all I could, but he didn't make it through in time," Reginald panted. "The Kugelblitz has claimed its last victim."

"You are lying!" I screamed, crying even harder. "He was right behind me! You are the one who left him behind! I knew I couldn't trust you, you fucking demon, I'm gonna kill you!"

I jumped with all the strength I had left, wrapping my hands around his throat while Allison and Ben tried to pull me away. I saw a glimpse of fear in those eyes and it only made my bloodthirst worse, I was seeing red. 

"Let him go, he's your father! He wouldn't lie!" Alli yelled.

"He's not my father, I'm basically a human trafficking victim! You're gonna die, you piece of shit! Not my husband, not my Klaus!" 

"Let go!" She demanded and her power washed over me, forcing me to drop Reggie. "You're crazy, Victoria!"

"Victoria isn't crazy and she is right," Five muttered. "First Luther, and now Klaus."

"There will be time for tears later, now we need to keep moving," dad pointed at the door, trying to collect himself.

"You won't keep moving for long! I can knock Allison out and then I'll disembowel you, I'll carry you around by the trachea like a suitcase. Nobody hurts my husband, and he trusted you! You fucking monster!" I growled.

"This is probably not good for the baby," Diego whispered, pulling me outside and dragging me to the lobby. "You need to calm down, I know this whole situation is fucked up, but the baby is part of Klaus you're carrying. If dad can fix shit and bring everyone back, he'll be back too, so the best you can do right now is cooperate. If it doesn't work, I'll help you end dad."

"We should've stayed here, it's much nicer," Ben commented as the others followed out of the elevator. 

"Lila and I barely got out alive last time," Diego scoffed.

"But I'm here now, and the numbers are in our favor."

"Big fucking deal, you are a joke!" I spat before turning to ring the bell, but Diego held my wrist.

"Whatever you do, do not ring this bell!" He warned.

"I know what happens, the guardian comes out with his big scary sword. I can handle him, I need to kill something right now."

"Yeah, I'll take my chances," Sloane agreed, trying to ring it, but Lila stood in front of her.

"Don't, to take down this thing we need to be in the right state of mind. You two are so emotional, that's no good in a fight."

"STATE OF MIND? The man I've been in love with for over three decades is gone! Gone for real this time, and you want me to be in a good state of mind?"

"We have to be smart about this, Vicky," Viktor tried to comfort me. "I'm angry too, but if you act right now, you'll get tired too fast and lose control."

"Fine, whatever, I'll see if I can communicate with him somehow."

My head was radio silent. I couldn't hear Klaus, I couldn't even feel his presence, maybe he didn't even exist anymore. The universe turned his whole life, his beautiful smile, his kind eyes into emptiness. Now the only place where he existed was in my memory. 

Dad's mind was still a blank, he kept thinking in codes about a sigil, nothing useful at the moment, but someone was feeling really guilty in that room. And I was pretty sure I knew why.

"Allison! Why are you feeling like it's your fault? Did you know something about this?" I joined her at the stairs.

"What? Of course not!" she tried her best to look offended.

"The father of my child is dead, my brother is dead, and you... You definitely have something to do with it. You've been a different person ever since we landed here. You're not my sister, the person I loved so much and trusted with my secrets, with my life. It feels like I'm losing you too and it hurts, because I know you are a good person deep inside. So please, please tell me what you know."

"I had no idea that Luther and Klaus were gonna die," she said, emphasizing each word and I started to cry again when I realized it was true. She was guilty of something, but she didn't plan for this to happen. "They were my brothers too. And I'm sorry I haven't been the same, it's hard to keep being optimistic after you lose everyone you love. You still have your baby, what do I have?"

"I might sound like the worst mother ever, but... I'd rather lose my baby than lose Klaus," I admitted, and in the most genuinely Allison moment of that week, she hugged me. "I wanted to kill everyone here, I would if it would bring him back."

"You're not a bad person, you've spent almost every single day with Klaus ever since you were babies. He loved you more than he ever loved anything, look at him after you two got together! He's sober and happy, more powerful, more confident. You were so good to him and he was so good to you, I'm sorry. Killing me or anyone else won't bring him back, just like me killing Harlan didn't bring Claire back. I know you probably hate me right now, but I understand this gut-wrenching feeling, this resentment."

"I miss you so much, Alli," I hugged her back as we both sobbed.

"I miss me too."

"How are you holding up?" Sloane joined us, equally sad.

"I wish I stayed back too, I wish I was with him wherever he is," I pulled her closer too. "He said in the afterlife there's a beach, I wish I was there with him. He was my life."

"And you were his, I know, just by seeing the way he looked at you." 

"I'm sorry I was harsh when you first started dating Luther, I'm sorry for what I did to Jayme, and I'm sorry for walking out of our bachelorette party. You are part of this family and I love my family."

"I know everything is ending, but I thought we'd be together when it happened," she murmured, cleaning the blood from her hands. I didn't even get to say goodbye, Vicky never got to say goodbye..."

"I got to say goodbye, to my daughter and my husband, but that wasn't enough. Feelings are just too big for words," Allison rubbed my back while the others discussed the revolving doors and the 'do not ring the bell' sign. "Will you two be okay if I just go have a word with dad for a second?"

"Yeah," Sloane nodded as she left. "Vicky, how was Luther growing up?"

"Luther..." I laughed sadly. "Spacey was a pain in my ass, he was a goody-two-shoes, always had to be right. He was funny when he didn't mean to be, he was brave, he loved my red velvet cake but almost never made it to the kitchen in time. I grew up telling him that he was my least favorite, but that was never true. I love him so much and even when he hurt me, I knew that was our dad's indoctrination speaking. He was a really nice guy when he wasn't trying to be Number One. I missed him a lot when he was up there, and it was all for nothing."

"I know you don't like to talk about it, but... What made you fall for Klaus and not one of the others?"

"They say in a healthy relationship two wholes need to complement one another, but it was never like that for us, none of us was a full person on our own. We were two broken parts of one person. Call it codependency, it's how we were happy." 

In Plato's myth for the origin of love (also the Hedwig myth for the origin of love, depending on your preference), Zeus felt threatened by humans as they were, whole. Those whole humans were then split into two and sewn up, destined to roam the world looking for their other half. 

A girl born under the scalding sun of Rio de Janeiro, a boy born under the... Cow shit smell from some Amish community in Pennsylvania. Two halves of a whole who were able to find one another by a miracle, for that I was grateful to dad. And while it was wonderful to love someone like that, losing him would mean I was destined to fall apart.

"Children, gather up!" Reginald called. "Now that we've had a chance to catch our breath, the real work can begin."

"I know why I'm here and Klaus isn't. He's a distraction, and I'm useful to fight the guardian," I groaned, rubbing my red eyes. "But I'm not in any condition to look for your stupid bells, old man."

"No, the bells are simply a metaphor for this," he held up his notebook with a weird pattern drawn on it.

"The sigil," Five murmured.

"Correct, Number Five. The sigil is the key to the seven bells, once we find this symbol, we're one step closer to resetting the universe."

"And what do we do once we find it?" Sloane asked.

"I don't know."

"Excuse me? We're here because you said you had a plan," Viktor glanced at me, prepared to intervene if that last sentence made me go berserk.

"I do, up to a point."

"Finding the sigil is our best chance at resetting the universe, so let's do that," Allison suggested.

"Funny how you and dad are on the same page again..." Five mocked.

"You need to split into groups. I will go with Allison and Sloane. Ben and Five go with Viktor," Reggie ordered.

"No, you take Ben and we take Allison. We trained together so it makes more sense if we take her," he protested.

"Splendid idea... Allison you go with the Umbrellas, Sparrows stick together," dad tried to make it seem like he wasn't incredibly bothered by the changes in his perfect plan. "Everyone take a different floor, we must find that sigil."

"What about the rest of us?" Diego asked.

"You and Lila are a duo, nobody wants to listen to your endless bickering. And Victoria, you are our wild card. Your stamina and resistance are unmatched, you will help whoever needs help and keep yourself occupied."

"You're gonna leave me unsupervised?" I laughed bitterly as I headed to the stairs. "So be it."

I didn't believe dad for a second. I may not be able to read his mind, but I knew that old bastard well enough to understand it wouldn't be so easy, so I hid in one of the corners to watch his next move.

Just as I suspected, he gave Ben and Sloane some bullshit excuse to stay behind and read his stupid notes, probably preparing to ring that damn bell and send the guardian after us without any warning.

"You're not what I asked for, If I'm honest I know I would give it all back for a chance to start over, and rewrite an ending or two for the girl that I knew... Who was reckless just enough, who gets hurt but who learns how to toughen up when she's bruised, and gets used by a man who can't love. And then she'll get stuck and be scared of the life that's inside her, getting stronger each day 'til it finally reminds her to fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes that's been gone but it used to be mine," I sang quietly to push away that queasy feeling that threatened to overwhelm me again. How would I ever get through all that without him?

"Problem, dad?" I heard Klaus' voice. At least I could pick up his signal now. Maybe my existence wouldn't be so lonely if I could hear his thoughts like I did when we got separated in the '60s.

"You!" Reggie exclaimed. 

Wait a second, if dad was able to see him... Was Klaus actually there? Did he manage to come back?"

"You missed me." 

"There's only one way into Oblivion, this is not possible!"

"Well, here I am. Did you really think I'd leave my wife alone in Oblivion? I might be a coward, I might be sexy trash, but I'll do anything for her. Remember you said Vicky underestimates me? I guess you're the one who does. More trouble than I'm worth... You have no idea of the trouble I'm about to bring into your life!"

"Fascinating! I wish I could explore this more, my boy, but this is not a good time."

"KLAUS!" I couldn't wait any longer to run into his arms, my chest aching with emotion. "I thought you were gone forever, I can't believe you're here! I can't live without you."

"Even if that was the case, I would be right there waiting for you when the time came," he smiled gently at me in between kisses. "Met your mom, she's just as amazing as I suspected. She called me safado."

"You are!" I giggled.

"She said she's proud of you... But I'll show you everything later," he nodded reassuringly and turned to Reggie. "You used us, dad, to get the family back together. You used me and when I was no use to you you left me to die on the floor?"

"Leave you to die? I did you a favor! I knew you'd find your way back to the void where you belong," Reginald said as if he actually believed that.

"I do like it there, but not without my wife! And not after you murdered Luther! I have things to do here, many many things before I can take my leave."

"It was necessary and effective."

"I knew it! You are literally the worst person I've ever met in my life, you are the scum of the scum!" I cried. "You killed my brother! And you were gonna kill all of us too!"

"Stop this at once, everyone's in position except for you, Victoria! Go find your siblings, the battle must begin. I am one bell ring away from my prize and you're gonna ruin everything!"

"Don't talk to her like that! If I had a nickel for every time we heard that, I'd have... A dollar!" Klaus growled. "Doesn't seem like much money, but then again there are those dollar stores that are quite-"

Before he could finish, dad hit him in the head with a huge metal vase, killing him once again and I screamed. My stomach couldn't take that, I was hormonal and my morning sickness was kicking my ass... Just as I tried to recover to kill that crusty son of a bitch, he rang the bell and a loud echoing gong resonated all around the hotel.

"NO! You absolute idiot!" I managed to say, trying not to gag. "Now the guardians-! FUCK!"

"No more distractions, Victoria! If you don't want your siblings to get hurt go help them and remember everything I taught you. Klaus will be just fine, he dies time and time again and still comes back to pester the rest of us every single time!"

"Oh, you want me to go fight?" I asked.

"Yes!"

"Then fuck you! I'm staying right here with Klaus."

"And let your siblings suffer the consequences?"

"The world was gonna end anyway, we were all gonna die and I feel sick. Besides, if you don't trust them, why did you ring that fucking bell? I'm staying here, you go fight if you want to. And if you try to touch me or my husband again, I will kill you without a second thought."

"Very well, you may carry the weight of their deaths if that eventually happens."

"No, dad, you may carry the weight of their deaths."

This time wasn't like the others, Klaus didn't come back immediately after dying. He probably had stuff to discuss with Luther, coming up with a plan to fix everything. It's very Luther to try and fix everything when it's completely hopeless.

When Klausie finally did wake up, he groaned and squirmed on my lap. "I feel like there's a lot more death than sex in this marriage, we should fix that..."

"Your brilliant plan to get us out of this is to get laid?" I asked as he stretched and sat up.

"What is it that thing you say in Brazil? What's a fart when you already shit yourself?"

"Klaus?" Diego asked, thankfully he was still alive after dad's dumbass strategy.

"Oh my God, Klaus, are you okay?" Viktor was the next one to show up, Lila came next.

"What happened?" Allison ran down the stairs. "We thought you died!"

"My husband always finds a way back to me," I said before realizing how insensitive that would sound to Alli and Sloane. "Because that's his power, I'm sure if your husbands were princes of death, they would come back too..."

The rest of the family arrived shortly after, they all looked like hell. I know it wasn't my fault that the guardian was after them, but maybe dad was right, I felt that weight on my shoulders. Maybe if I decided to help instead of waiting on my husband, they would all be fine.

"Why didn't you help?" Ben growled. "You are all tough, be useful!"

"I'm sorry," I murmured. "When Klaus showed up, I couldn't think of anything else and I wasn't feeling well."

"How did you get here, Klaus?" Sloane asked.

"I have my ways, a couple of aces up my sleeve. I'm alive and amazing, despite dad's attempts to bash my brains in. But tearful reunions later, what you need to know right now is that dad killed Luther, and he locked me out of the tunnel, and he rang that stupid bell," Klausie explained.

"Vicky was right then," Viktor remarked.

"When will you start listening to me? I'm always right! I can see what you think, I can see what you see, I'm a... Master of puppets," I folded my arms defiantly. "I told you I wasn't crazy! It was that sadistic fuck!"

I pointed at the entrance where Reginald waited patiently and finally the others decided to corner him and demand answers.

"What's your plan, old man?" Five asked.

"We don't have time for this," Reggie said.

"You killed Luther!" Sloane cried.

"I had no choice, you refused to come together as a team."

"All of that bullshit about bells and Norseman... It was all a lie, you brought us here to die!" Ben blurted out and for the first time, I saw a glimpse of my brother in there.

"That is not so! Somewhere in this hotel is the key to resetting the universe, we just need to find the sigil."

"And who can guarantee that once we do you won't just erase us from existence completely?" I asked. "You clearly hate us, you have no consideration for any of us. We could be the most perfect children a father could ask for. It would still not be enough for you and you wouldn't love us!"

"Right! You made us believe Vicky was crazy when she was the only one in her right mind!" Diego shouted. "We don't give a shit about that sigil! We barely survived that fucking guardian with the stupid helmet and the sickle!"

"The guardian we killed had an axe," Viktor frowned in confusion.

"Ours had a sword," Sloane pointed at the cut on her stomach.

"There's one left," Lila looked back at Diego. "We have to go after it. We have Vicky now and I can replicate her power, it'll be easy!"

"Oh, I'm sure Ms. Crybaby will be such great help against that giant!" Ben mocked. 

"Mrs. Crybaby to you," I rolled my eyes. "And I'm perfectly fine to fight, just show me where this piece of shit is."

"Do any of you have painkillers? Or could you just shut up?" Klaus held his head. "I told you, celestial comedown is a bitch... Everyone is so loud, I feel like my brain is about to liquefy and come out of my ears."

"I'm sorry, baby, but this is a really important discussion. Everyone is fucked up, looks like I'm the only one left to fight-"

"I found the sigil!" Five called, but before he could show us where it was, the glass ceiling crashed above him, letting down the last guardian and his sickle. 

The blade chopped Five's arm clean off and I had to cover my mouth not to scream and make things worse. While I was busy looking up at the mezzanine to make sure my brother was okay, the guardian threw the sickle and sliced Klaus' stomach open. 

"That's just what I needed..." I grumbled. "How do I say torniquete in English?"

"What about fornicating?" Diego asked while the guardian hit Ben right on his weak spot, the place where his portal opened.

"Ugh, forget it! Sloane, lift me up! I need to go for the head," I asked.

As my feet left the ground, I didn't have much control of where I was going, but I stopped the blade with my forearm and it flew to the other side of the room. Unfortunately, it wasn't lost, it was still attached to a chain that he was holding. He pulled it back to try and kill me again, once more unsuccessfully. 

Each time this thing would hit me, I made sure the impact was not wasted. I sent it right back, but it didn't seem to help much beyond damaging the armor. I was right about this fight, it would come down to who had more stamina, and it wasn't looking good for me. 

That thing was not human, it couldn't be, and it had way more energy to spare than I did right after my honeymoon and the most stressful day of my life, all while constructing a whole human being inside my body.

"Nobody messes with my wife or my sister, you son of a bitch," Luther's voice made my heart stop for a second. He lifted the guardian without any trouble and threw that thing over his head. 

"Klaus, are you doing this?" I watched that blue glow emanating from his hand like he did that once in the theatre with Ben. "Oh fuck, you must be in so much pain!" I kneeled to apply pressure on the wound and stop the bleeding, not that it mattered anyway. 

"Only when I breathe," he gasped.

"Then don't breathe," I chuckled. 

In the end, Reginald was wrong. Luther was the most qualified to fight the guardian, not me. My super resistance is only useful when paired with his super strength, he was always the one taking the bad guys from behind while I distracted them or throwing me like a missile to destroy whatever was in our way. We are only good as a team, I could never win on my own. 

"I really hope he didn't hear all the stuff I said about not hating him, he'll be so cocky."

"Oh, I heard it. Didn't know you loved me so much, Die Hard," Luther teased before taking Sloane in his arms and directing a glare at our father. "All those years I stayed loyal to you. You wasted my life on the moon, and for what? To use me on this stupid mission?"

"You did have a purpose, I left you to guard the most precious thing in the universe," dad managed to say firmly, even though he was very much shocked. 

"And what was it? Clearly not your children!" 

"You'll soon understand, you all will!"

"I can't hold it anymore..." Klaus breathed. "I'm gonna die."

"It's okay, honey, you can die. Just be careful, don't leave me here alone!" I begged, turning to watch as Luther slowly faded from his wife's arms. I had felt the same way Sloane was feeling, gutted, hopeless. Losing the person that matters the most, and I couldn't stand to do it again.

"Don't worry about me Liebling, I'll come back," Klaus said right before letting go.

"The sigil is on the lobby floor!" Five screamed just as the guardian seemed about ready to wake up and I prepared for another round. "It's the stars!"

"Children, find a star on the sigil and stand on it!" Dad asked. 

"Seven points, seven of us... We're the bells," Viktor quickly stepped onto one of the spots.

"Go ahead, I'll hold him up," I jumped on top of the guardian, ready to throw the first punch, but that face made me recoil. It was covered in holes from where roaches came out. "Shit, I could've used a trypophobia warning, you nasty asshole! Klaus, go stand on a star!"

"What? Star? Okay," he dragged himself as soon as he woke up.

"No, not you," dad stopped Allison before she could find hers. "Five, hurry is the only way to stop him!"

Five analyzed his options as the sound of engines got louder and louder. He was most likely remembering how his older self warned him not to save the world, but he decided to give the plan a chance, blinking to reach the last star while I gouged the guardian's eyes out with my nails. I was scratching his face and trying not to gag once again when the roaches ran up and down my arms.

"Hey! If you guys could get this over with it would be great," I screamed. "This is fucking disgusting!"

"Why is it not working?" Reginald turned the pages in his notebook looking for answers. All the seven bells were in place, something was supposed to happen, but it wasn't. 

"I know why," Sloane sobbed. "That thing Vicky said to me earlier, about being one half of a whole. Part of Klaus is missing, he's no good by himself."

"Victoria! Come here right now and stand next to Klaus!" Father asked and this time I was more than glad to obey. 

"Aww, my other half," he embraced me and the stars finally lit up.

A powerful electric current connected all of us, zapping the guardian like it was nothing and the hotel around us slowly disappeared giving place to some sort of extraterrestrial backroom. Somewhere that couldn't possibly be on earth. 

That's when the pain started. I couldn't move, I couldn't fight it, my last bit of energy was being sucked out of me just like the day when Viktor blew up the moon. Everyone seemed to be in the same situation, except for Allison, who simply watched as Reggie programmed a machine.

I could hear them faintly arguing in the background, for a person who wasn't used to pain at all outside of my monthly cramps, it was excruciating. It was torture and I couldn't even think straight, but then I remembered:

"Fortune!" I whimpered. "Klaus, what's gonna happen to Fortune?"

"I... Don't know," he moaned, never letting go of me as if we were glued together. "We can't lose her."

"He killed Luther, tried to kill Klaus, he won't stop until we're all dead," Five choked out.

"You are killing them!" Allison finally seemed to notice the huge mistake she made with that deal. "Stop!" 

"Everything in life has a price," dad continued what he was doing, unbothered by our cries of agony and her mind control.

Tired of his indifference, Alli took the sickle from the floor and sliced his head in half. When he let go, the engine stopped and we all fell down. The eight of us looked more like a bunch of extras in The Walking Dead.

"Klaus, are you okay?" I asked despite knowing the answer.

"Are you okay?" He returned the question. 

"Not at all..."

"Yeah, me neither."

"Allison, don't touch that button, you don't know what it does!" Five warned and I turned to see our sister heading to the controls to push a red button on the screen.

"Don't do this!" Viktor tried to use his power even though we were all so weak we could barely stand.

"Do you trust me?" She asked.

"Let her do it!" I groaned. "It can't get any worse than this."

Everyone was talking at the same time, we all had different opinions on what Alli was supposed to do, but she went ahead and pressed the button. I don't know exactly what it did, what I know is that everything stopped existing for a little bit. I stopped existing for a little bit.

And when I opened my eyes, expecting to see the beautiful beach in the afterlife, I saw an elevator door. 

"What the fuck?" I grimaced, looking around to find Klaus standing right next to me, as handsome as ever. 

"Hey there, Schnucki," he smirked as the door opened, leading us to a park where the Hotel Obsidian used to be.

It was a normal night, no sign of apocalypse or Kugelblitz. The stars and the moon were in place like they've always been and a gentle breeze licked my skin letting me know I was alive.

"Thank God!" I ran out and took a deep breath. 

A bust of Reginald grabbed Five's attention and I looked over his shoulder to understand what that was about. Apparently, that was the Obsidian memorial, donated by him on the day we were all born.

"Luther?" Viktor called and my head never turned so fast in my life.

He was the last one to come out of the elevator and he looked at us just as surprised. His huge gorilla physique wasn't there anymore, he looked exactly like he did the last time I saw him before the accident. 

"Spacey!" I threw myself into his arms almost at the same time as Viktor, Luther lifted us both easily. "You're here!"

"I'm here! I'm alive!" 

"Not just alive... You look hot!" I laughed. "Check out those totally human muscles! You look like my brother again! Oh, I'm gonna make you all the red velvet cakes you want and I promise I'll never say I hate you again, I never hated you! Well, I might say it if you annoy me enough, but I won't mean it!"

"Shit, I look amazing," he mused at his new form once he put me back down. 

"Lulu is all svelte now," Klaus giggled before taking a better look at me. "And you! You don't look a day over 25, darling! Your hair, your body..."

He was right, my hair that was cut short back in the '60s was long and wild again and all the weight I lost back then found its way back into my body. I didn't know how I felt about that part, but Klausie seemed to like it, not wasting a second before grabbing my ass and my thighs to feel me up.

"Guess you can't lift me up anymore," I mumbled.

"You underestimate me... Again!" 

"I got my arm back," Five narrowed his eyes.

"I gotta show Sloane," Luther turned, but she wasn't there. "Where's Sloane?"

"She was right behind us," Klaus looked at me, but I knew as much as he did. "Can you try to find her?"

"I'm not picking up any signal," I shook my head. "Allison isn't here either, where is she?"

"I don't know about you guys, but I haven't felt this good in years..." Klaus tried to see the bright side. "I'm sober, but it's not a burden. No voices in my head, no haunting feeling of being observed."

"Does anyone know where the hell we are?" Ben asked and I huffed, a little disappointed that he was still stupid Sparrow Ben.

"The hotel, or at least that's where it used to be," Lila pointed at the bust.

Could it be that it actually worked? The universe was brand new and we all had our lives back just the way it was before everything went downhill? Wow, I never imagined dad would be able to do something good for us. 

"You got your fingers back!" Lila took Diego's hand.

"Do you think that whole thing with the machine could've made me... Lose the baby?" I whispered, suddenly terrified. If my entire body was different, maybe I wasn't pregnant anymore.

"We'll find a doctor and make sure she's okay," Klaus held me against his chest. 

"I don't care about any resets! I want my wife back, where is she?" Luther grabbed Five by the collar.

"I'm glad you're alive, but please take your hands off me," he sneered.

"Not until I get an answer!"

"You know what? Screw this!" Five surged forward like he always did when he was about to blink, but this time he didn't disappear. "Something's wrong..."

"Damn right something's wrong, I'm gonna kick your ass!"

"Yeah, kick his ass!" Diego cheered and I slapped the back of his head. 

"No, you moron, my power! I can't blink," Five's voice was thick with concern.

Diego grabbed one of his knives and tried to flip it between his fingers, but it escaped his grasp and fell with a click. "That's not good," he murmured.

While everyone else tried to use their powers to no avail, Klaus put his hand out and waved it around. "Okay, come on... Alakazam ghosties!" he called, but instead of terrifying spirits I saw something even worse:

"KLAUSIE! Your tattoos are gone!" I took his hand, inspecting his palm which was completely clear. "We need to get them redone, they were so sexy."

"I know, they always get you going," he stared at his blank palms with discontent. "It's gonna hurt so bad, but yeah let's redo them. At least we don't have those horrid umbrellas on our wrists anymore."

"I kinda liked that, it was our team logo," I frowned, looking at my arm.

"Did you lose your power too?" Ben asked before slapping me across the face to test it out.

"Ai, seu filho da puta!" I hissed, covering my cheek. "Oh no... Now I'll be scared of everything, anything can hurt me now and I can't protect anyone."

"This means I'm mortal again?" Klaus moaned. "I better be careful, without you to protect me if I die, I'm gone for good. Shit... We better choose the tattoo artist well and pay normal price this time."

"How do we get them back, you idiots?" Ben asked as if one of us would know.

"I- I gotta go find my wife," Luther muttered before leaving us.

"No! You can't go, you were dead five minutes ago, you're fragile!" Klaus warned, but it was too late. 

"I'm out, bitches," Ben was the next one to bounce.

"No, come on, we should stick together and figure this out," Viktor called.

"What are we supposed to do?" Diego asked.

"Live our lives?" Lila suggested.

"That doesn't sound so bad," Klaus locked arms with me. "Let's go find that doctor, get my tattoos back, then maybe we can get married. Legally this time, and schedule a nice honeymoon. Wanna go to Brazil? Or Berlin? Or... Disneyland?"

"Calm down, let's find a hospital first and then Disneyland. You'll have to propose to me again if you wanna get married."

"Again? Okay, I just need a minute to organize a flashmob," he joked. "Come on, let's check on our Fortune."

Tag List: @salvador-daley @seanfalco

[dumdumsun]

And Dusk

A/N: Enjoy ❤️

Warnings: brief violence

Word Count: 1560

—————————————

Chapter 14: The Countdown

The walk from Elliott’s to Reginald’s took up enough of (Y/N)’s time. When she approached the door, she hastily wiped her tears before pushing the front door open. The house was wrapped up in its usual silence. It never really made noise unless she was home, after all. Rushing up to her room, she locked the door and set her puppy on the ground before changing her clothes. She avoided looking at Mr Pennycrumb as she moved about her room, throwing on articles of clothing and pulling on shoes. Opening her wardrobe, she dug into the pocket of one of her coats and pulled out a folded piece of paper. The note was pressed to her lips as she shut her eyes, a moment for the world to freeze only for her, before slipping it into her pocket. With a deep breath, she spun around to meet the expectant stare of her beloved pet.

“Nothing’s ever easy, huh, Penny?” She sniffled, kneeling down beside the bed to watch him lean down and lick her fingers. “This was supposed to be my easiest relationship, baby, and now I gotta leave you… I know we’ve only known each other for less than two months, but I’ll remember every single moment we spent together, bud. I wanted so badly to watch you grow up, to finally grow into that big personality of yours. But I’ll need you to be good for Mom… because we both know how Dad feels about you being around.”

The puppy barked and licked her face, clearing her tears as he did so. She giggled and kissed the top of his head.

“I’ll never forget you, Mr Pennycrumb. You absolute angel. I love you so much.” Standing to her feet, she slowly approached her bedroom door, giving the entire room one last look. She wasn’t attached to it. Not in the slightest. But there was one little savior who, sitting on her bed and tilting his head, she would forever be connected to. “I’m leaving you in the best hands possible. Goodbye, baby.” She breathed and shut her door. Covering her mouth, she sped down the staircase and towards the front door.

“(Y/N)?! Where have you been?!”

Shit.

Wiping her tears away yet again, she turned to her mother and swallowed the lump in her throat. “I-I...” She croaked. Grace’s frown softened before she crouched down in front of her.

“Honey? Is everythin’ alright?”

“Yeah, Mom, I’m fine… I just, uh… I have a really bad headache and it’s a little overwhelming.”

“Oh… I can get you some-”

(Y/N) quickly shook her head. “It’s fine. I was going to head into town, get some fresh air.”

“Well, that’s fine, hun, but you cannot run off like that. You nearly gave us a heart attack! You can’t do that to me. Y-You just can’t!”

“I’m sorry, Mom-”

“Especially right now… I-I wanted to talk to you.”

I don’t have time, I don’t have time.

“Have you,” Grace sighed and looked away, a very clear internal battle going on within her. “Sweetheart, do you notice anything about your father? Anything strange?”

Furrowing her brows, (Y/N) stepped closer. “What… do you mean…?”

“I mean with his work. Do you know anythin’ about what he’s doin’? With the meetings, the secrecy. I-I know it isn’t fair to ask this of you, but I… I-I need to know.”

(Y/N) glanced to the side as she weighed her options. She could always lie to Grace, tell her that she had no idea what Reginald was up to, his plan to kill the president. But she knew her mother deserved so much better than yet another lie from another person she trusted dearly. So, she lifted her head and nodded, hoping it was enough. It seemed as if that were the case, because Grace took a deep breath and enveloped the girl in a hug. (Y/N) sniffled and held her mother tight.

“If I find anything dangerous goin’ on, I’m leaving, (Y/N). I’m leavin’ and I’m takin’ you with me.”

The young girl widened her eyes at these words. “You what?”

“You’re my daughter, (Y/N), adoption be damned. I promised you I would take care of you no matter what. And if removin’ you from Reggie’s life will do that, then I will do what I have to.”

“And I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I love you so much, Mom…”

“I love you, too, hun.”

(Y/N) never wanted to get attached, she never wanted to build happiness like this for herself, because she knew it’d eventually get ripped from her. One way or another. Still, it was a fun ride while it lasted. Pulling away from the hug, she sniffled again and rubbed her nose. Grace’s smile was full of so much care, adoration and unconditional love that (Y/N) had to step away to let herself breathe. “Well… I’m going now. Um… Mom? Could you do something for me while I’m gone?”

“Anythin’.”

“Please, take care of Mr Pennycrumb. I don't know what I’d do if something happened to him.”

Quietly chuckling, Grace nodded and clasped her hands together as the girl opened the front door. “I promise, only if you promise to be careful. I need you here with me, darlin’.”

“I promise, Mom.”

Stepping out of her home- of Reginald’s house, (Y/N) glanced down at her watch.

Thirty minutes. Shit!

Spinning on her heel, she sprinted her way in the direction of the alleyway. Her chest heaved, her breath was labored, and her arms pumped as her legs worked restlessly to take her to her destination. Locals scowled and gasped when she pushed past them, the girl calling out multiple apologies over her shoulder after the fact. She nearly ran past a corner she had to round, skidding to a stop and turning back around. When she did, she was met with a pair of dark brown eyes. “Preston!”

“You’re coming with me.” He huffed and grabbed her by the arm, dragging her in the opposite direction, back where she started. “I’ve been looking all around Dallas for you. I talked with your dear father and he said you didn’t mean what you said.”

“I don’t have time for this! Let go of me!” (Y/N) thrashed in the hold he now had around her waist. Preston growled and pinned down the arm she had just freed from his grasp.

“You never have time for me, (Y/N)! That’s the problem with you women! You always want the world to revolve around you! Well, you’re just gonna have t’make some time for me! Right now!”

“Goddammit! Let go of me, you little shit!” She shrieked. She freed her arm once again and reared her elbow back towards his face, but he quickly moved his head away to dodge it. The next second, she heard a grunt, and Preston’s hold on her was gone. Spinning around, she saw the boy on the ground, unconscious, blood dribbling from his nose. “What the hell?”

Her eyes moved up and widened at the sight of Lila dusting herself off. Her expression was almost unreadable to (Y/N), but she detected exhaustion. The two stared at each other for a beat before they both nodded. Lila turned her gaze forward and ran off in (Y/N)’s opposite direction. The young girl let out a breath, took one last look at Preston, and continued her sprint to the alleyway.

Arriving there, she almost crashed into the brick wall. “I’m here, I’m here!” She breathlessly called out to Five and Luther. “I’m here- Ew, what the fuck?!” She yelped, her foot almost landing in a splatter of vomit. Beside it was a groaning Klaus, the man muttering something about a strange dream.

“Thank god,” Five clenched his jaw and checked his watch. “Anymore last minute arrivals?!”

“Hey, I’m here, aren’t I?!” (Y/N) hissed and made her way over to the seething Five, who only spared her a glance before looking around the alleyway again.

“We’ve got a minute left.” Luther muttered and smashed his fist against the top of the closed dumpster.

Klaus groaned and placed his hands over his face. “What’s going on, guys? Are we going somewhere?”

“It was a simple task,” Five ranted as he paced the alleyway. “It was a simple task! All we had to do was be here. Didn’t have to fight a giant sea monster, no. Any army of mutants? Nein!”

(Y/N) checked her watch, sighing as their last remaining minute ticked away. Heading to the opening of the alley, she moved her head from left to right, hoping to see the last of her siblings rushing to their way home. But alas, no one arrived and she could hear the three behind her yelling at each other. The sound of clicking got her attention and she turned around to see everyone watching the briefcase.

“Goddammit.” Five muttered before bending down and picking up the briefcase by the handle, flinging it into the air. With a zap and a whoosh, their ticket to 2019 disappeared in a bright blue portal. The four watched as the portal disappeared, much like the first time they were left in this timeline. “We were that close.”

“That close…” (Y/N) sighed.

—————————————

Taglist: @unfortu-nate-ly @sapphicsyn @m00n-sh @starcurrent @alexander-hamilhoe @youcandalekmyballs @wonderlandfandomkingdom @yrdadjstcallsmekatya @sm0kingcrack @a-t-h-r-e-e-n-a @moatsnow @bubblegumflamingos @starstormssymphony @meowiemari @magicalgothpandamaker @keayastitties @hehehehannahthings @harrystylescherrie @rhain3 @himikaphoo @xxeiraxx @camerondiaz48104 @georgeweasleys-gorl @theyaremorethanjustfictional @that-can-of-fizz @luckyzipperscissorsbat @cuupiid

[in-tua-deep]

tua s1 rewatch with my roommate

episode one (I forgot for the first episode oops):

I have been treated to pictures of a lovely cosplay of Klaus who won a cosplay contest my roommate was in !!

Klaus putting his arm in front of Five during the funeral fight is good shit

“I have heard like nothing about Vanya” “yeah that’s pretty much how she’s treated in show as well”

“I can see why he’s the fandom favorite” - about Klaus

“Istanbul is in the firST EPISODE?”

I forGOT about the “rapists can climb” line when he breaks into Vanya’s apartment omg but also like,, his dumb arm wound

Episode two:

HERR CARLSON

Aww baby fives first time travel his little smile. Baby. Baby boy. And the dawning horror in the apocalypse baby nO

Five: you got anything stronger

Also five: takes one sip and then fills up more, takes another sip, and then immediately puts it down ?????

The motel dude for hazel and cha cha just looks at them like “yeah these are serial killers” and just rolls with it

Also actually why tf doesn’t the commission spring for better stuff?? Why would they cut costs?? They time travel? They could game the stock market so hard ?????? Give the assassins their own rooms omg

Also why didn’t five like. Crush his tracker. Why did he just leave it whole and intact outside of the Griddys.

Forgot how much I love Agnes

(Oh man it is storming bad here it just BOOMED)

Also idk if Diego actually deserved that taser hmmmmm but also like,, communication lads five was literally right there killing people and Diego is like “hmm something is up here” like. Yeah Diego ur big brother “I can get my sibling in trouble for something” senses are tingling

Wow I really did repress all these Allison and Luther scenes huh. Also it’s still super cute that Allison read Claire moon books

Allison: dads heart gave out, which wasn’t how I was expecting to find out dad had a heart but it tracks

“SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE BEN... said with love 😘”

Did five actually sleep at Vanyas?? The sofa looks undisturbed but he had to wait for work hours to interrogate the meritech people,, five,, please sleep. The whole “IF YOU CALL ME YOUNG MAN ONE MORE TIME” interaction makes more sense with five on. Zero sleep.

I didn’t remember that Patch straight up knows about the umbrella academy oops. Like she clocks Diego as overcompensating for his childhood. Queen

Is that an umbrella adademy Diego cross stitch on Diego’s wall?? Did he buy that? Make it?? Did grace make it?

Vanya, walking into the academy: five??? five? pspspspspsps

Also like. Who was Vanyas therapist??? Clearly they did not help her

Aww the tow truck driver :(

I know the show wants me to dislike Patrick I KNOW,, and I think her fathers funeral is extenuating circumstance?? But still Patrick is valid for not giving an inch regarding his ex who mind controlled his child. Vanya didn’t really deserve Allison snapping at her but like. She had some good points. Allison arguably would have had to deal with vanyas book more than anyone else

Five smiling proudly at Klaus’s drama at meritech bless but also KLAUS DONT BREAK GLASS ON YOURSELF

Me, spotting Leonard: BASTARD

Love how everyone greets Diego in the gym and don’t question all his knives or anything like “yeah that’s Diego he lives here and loves knives :)”

Why could Leonard have not been like. A normal ass guy. Vanya needs friends who sympathize with her holy shit get this person some socialization

Pogo really did have to lead these kids by hand to the recording rooms because literally no one was super invested in reginalds ~murder mystery~

ahafahJAGSJWGAI MY ROOMMATE JUST SAID POGO IS THE BEST CHARACTER SO FAR,,,, I will probably never include pogo in my fics because I do Not Care About Him lmaoooo

Aww five does to see Dolores and being like “it’s been a rough couple of days :(“,,,,, baby,,,, but also tag yourself I’m hazel going “elastic wrist splint yesssssss”

Five I am begging you PLEASE get some sleep

OH FIVE SHAKING DIEGO IN THE APOCALYPSE TO TRY AND WAKE HIM UP OHHHHH OH :(

Episode 3:

my roommate is super faceblind which is an issue bc she identifies people mainly by hairstyle so seeing the s2 stuff on tumblr is tripping her over bc she keeps seeing diego and going ??? who is that again? bc she’s seen his longer hair

okay there is no way that the eggs that grace put in that pan are the ones that ended up on the smiley face breakfast plate,,, but also grace that whole scene was a mood honestly i would be like “okay maybe mom killed dad BUT he deserved it sooooo”

“what the FUCK” - my roommate about cha-cha’s shitty wound care where she holds a curling iron against her arm

i didn’t remember that five got shOT AT THE DEPARTMENT STORE did i just erase that from my memory?? i mean yeah it’s a graze but he stitches it up and then slaps a bandaid on it so he has a wound that needed stitches on his shoulder for the entire show ??????? is he okay???? that would make moving your arm,,, painful,,,,,

a bandaid just slapped over it i’m actively yelling

“Sometimes when I see a million gifs of a show before I watch I get really surprised when they talk but he is exactly what I expected” - my roommate, about five

“I noticed they’ve only really showed diego in really badly lit scenes so far” - my roommate defending her lack of ability to recognize diego

i’m still laughing about pogo literally having to point out the murder tapes and now allison and luther are investigating and just. allison is lowkey defending grace and i’m laughing

“why is he saying woodwork is embarrassing that’s like one of the most middle of the wood hobbies to have. you’re respectable to grandpas who used to carve wooden ducks AND twenty-year-olds who can’t make anything to save their lives” - my roommate on leonard peabody

“i think he’s already crossing some lines he’s met this lady ONCE” - roommate on leonard/vanya

five having flashbacks in the car :(

did allison and luther draw straws for who went to fetch which sibling?? allison was like “dibs on vanya” and luther was just like “aww :(”

five luther and klaus in the van - BOYS NIGHT BOYS NIGHT let’s go pick up diego

“the coat he’s wearing does have a nice swish to it” - roommate about klaus’s coat

luther being like “you’re just as messed up as the rest of us and we’re all you have” like luther,,, baby,,,,, you literally ARE all he has,,,,,, his family is the only thing he’s really cared about since he was thirteen and maybe before then :(

“I can’t tell if those are supposed to be cake or yeast donuts... i think extruded donuts are cake donuts but she said she lets them rise so maybe they’re yeast?” - my roommate focusing on all the things that i do not

sometimes i forget that hazel and cha-cha pretended to be private detectives trying to find a lost child in a potentially dangerous situation,,, five would be disgusted

“she shouldn’t get a vote” “i was gonna say i agree with you” “she should get a vote!!” this is peak sibling energy honestly i think i’ve had that exact interaction with my siblings voting for a movie or something

“hashtag android rights” 

“I want to be the tailor who gets a call one day that says ‘i want you to make clothes for a chimpanzee”

is it telling that only luther in the flashback didn’t really talk to grace at all,, i mean five didn’t either but i think he was gone by that point in the flashback ???? 

wait diego tells grace that she worked for him for thirty years,,, the kids are 29 and later it’s implied she was built bc vanya kept killing nannies when they were like four but maybe s2 clarifies that some more?? or diego just is rounding up

“that’s an interesting fabric to her skirt” - my roommate about grace’s outfit

forgot that hazel and cha cha broke the door to the manor busting in,, do they ever fix that?? we’re only at episode three do they spend the rest of the season with their door open to anyone on the streets

okay that bathtub is WAY too small to allow for klaus to be moving his elbows about like that underwater smh

“how is HE useful on mission??” my roommate about klaus

where is the SECURITY SYSTEM??? luther LITERALLY said that reggie was more paranoid and yet some assassin can just bust down the door and have unrestricted access????? he built a whole ROBOT but no security system????????

“maybe it was like,, practice for the kids? someone breaks in and they take care of it? wait no that doesn’t explain the thirteen years they’ve been gone?”

“why WAS he on the moon?” - about luther

“I want to see what she’s embroidering!!” about grace during the gunfight in the living room she’s absolutely ignoring diego getting shot at

what is a rope-a-dope,,,, diego yells “EVER HEARD OF A ROPE-A-DOPE???” at luther but like. no i haven’t. what does that MEAN diego

aww i forgot they played sinnerman, love that song

“what are you doing dude, rumor has it you’re not shooting at me that’s all you need to do” i mean. the roommate is not wrong. allison could just end the fight with a yell. i understand she’s pissed off and has rumor trauma but like cha cha is actively trying to murder them

how is luther not winning he literally has super strength. does hazel have super strength? just punch the man and knock him out jesus y’all suck at this smh

why is there such intense music we all been knew about luther’s strength - oH HIS BODY

forgot about that

is it allison’s fault that klaus got kidnapped because she didn’t literally just rumor them to give up?? like she literally has that power. she could have been like “i heard a rumor you left and forgot about us” it didn’t even need to be violent?? i understand she has rumor trauma but this i feel is allowable circumstances

diego showing his worry about vanya by getting angry which honestly i think all the siblings do that rip none of these idiots have even heard of healthy communication in their LIVES

you know,, i don’t think vanya can drive. she takes the bus. she took a taxi to leonard’s house. we see her walking a lot. does she know how to drive?? i imagine that the umbrella academy were taught bc of mission related stuff but,,, vanya wasn’t?? that’s just depressing tbh

[b-rainlet]

Totally Crazy AU Idea feat. Time Travel Shenanigans

TUA AU where they prevent the apocalypse by tinkering around in the past and then come back to the Future

BUT of course it’s not that easy because they come back to the Future….changed

Last time Five time travelled and ended up in his 13 year old body with a 58 year old consciousness

This time around it’s worse

Everyone - except Diego - has just gone completely wild. Different ages everywhere.

And not only are they stuck being a younger/older version of themselves, their minds actually adapted to that change

Highlights include (going from oldest to youngest):

A 70? 80? Old Five, who spends most of his time sitting in a chair by the window and sleeping

The only person who could potentially know how to fix this mess fucking. sleeping. the whole day

Diego tries to talk to him in the rare moments when Five’s awake but there’s nothing even remotely useful coming out of his mouth

“Five, I need you to help me change you back to your old bodies.” - “Is there going to be cake? I like cake. My wife used to back a delicious cherry pie...I wonder where she is…..” - “Five you’ve never been married.” - “You remind me of my youngest son….He is an architect. He never visits, that ungrateful idiot. But you’ll visit me, right?” - “....Sure I’ll visit you.”

It’s a fucking nightmare and that’s not even counting the awful times Diego had to give Five a bath

(He tried to ignore that but at some point the smell just got bad. Diego hopes that as soon as Five changes back he’s gonna be on his knees, praising Diego’s kindness)

(He also hopes they never ever talk about this)

Sometimes Five will get up and walk around the house looking for Delores and Diego actually found him napping on the floor in the attic

Most of the time he sleeps though and Diego is quite grateful for that because he’s actually the least of his problems

There’s also 17 year old Vanya being in her rebellious phase, going out to party and cracking the music just that teeny bit higher when Diego tells her it’s too loud

“Is that a hickey?! Who did this?” - “I dunno.” - “You don’t remember???” - “There were multiple people.” - “Multiple People?!”

The cliche “You’re not my real Dad!” but it’s mostly “As your big brother…” - “You’re not my brother! We’re just adopted siblings!”

Vanya - as the only one old enough to have any kind of responsibility in this situation - just not giving a fuck about the age problem

“We need to come up with a plan!” - “I don’t give a fu-” - “Language! Think of the fucking children!”

Also emo Vanya and Diego tries to explain how all of this happened and that he believes that maybe the commission knows how to help

“Wait I destroyed the world?”  “...Yes.” - “Good.”

He doesn’t elaborate how she destroyed the world though but with the current rage she’s constantly carrying around with her…..she really doesn’t need to use her powers

Also: Diego still having to do his whole vigilante gig and Vanya not really feeling the whole Babysitting thing

“That’s your baby brother!” - “I didn’t choose to have one though.” “I fucking didn’t choose this either Vanya, are you fucking kidding me-”

Catch Vanya coming down to - slightly burned - breakfast in black eyeliner and leather pants, wearing Reggie’s monocle even though she can’t see shit with it

“Aren’t you supposed to practise the violin?” - “Aren’t you supposed to grow up and get an actual job?”

Diego doing some good old depression drinking when it’s all getting too much and Vanya just swooping in to drink with him

“This is all getting wayyy over my head, I have no idea what to do.” - “Uh-huh.” - “That’s why you need to help a bit more…-wait, are you drinking Vodka? You’re underage!” - “Don’t derail the conversation now, big bro. We were just making progress!”

There’s at least one instance where Diego says. “Young Lady!” in a really stern voice and then immediately has Reginald’s face flashing in front of his eyes and a impromptu crisis about becoming like him

13 year old Luther who is obsessed with becoming a vet and starts a secret animal shelter in the house that’s not at all secret

“Luther, why’s your jacket moving?” - “I...don’t know?”

“Luther, did your backpack just bark?” - “Nooooo, I-uh, I sneezed.”

(He’s a really bad liar)

Diego frequently stumbles over animals just, fucking, laying in the middle of the hallway

He once nearly stepped on a tortoise

He did step on a caterpillar

Luther’s still looking for it

One time, Luther managed to smuggle a pinguin into the academy

A real life pinguin

Out of the zoo

(Diego is convinced Vanya helped Luther just to fuck with him)

He’s also obsessed with space and convinced that he’s gonna develop the ability to fly next to his super strength

They’ve been in the ER for several hours because Klaus convinced Luther that maybe he could trigger his ‘second super power’ by jumping of the shed

(It didn’t work)

“Who on earth would jump down the shed without at least something soft to land on? Have you ever heard of safety regulations?” - “I had a parachute in case things went wrong!” - “You had an umbrella. It had holes.”

Luther slips up once and calls Diego ‘Dad’ and then panics so hard he forgets to breathe

He nearly faints and Vanya laughing at the whole situation really doesn’t make things better

“You do realize that I am not your Father, right? I’m your big brother.” - “Yeah, of course, sure, youß My Dad? Ridiculous, I’m gonna head to my room now, bye Dad-Diego! Diego! Not Dad!”

At least Luther is kinda a normal kid, not at all like Klaus

10 year old Klaus who still can see ghosts and is fucking terrified of them

They’re everywhere

And Diego honestly has no idea what to do with him or how to help

Klaus is afraid that the ghosts will hurt him when he doesn’t watch them constantly, so he tries not to sleep

By 6 pm, Klaus has already downed three coffees and several cheap energy drinks

Diego tried to limit his supply by taking away his stash under the bed but that only made Klaus more creative with his hiding spots

They’re behind the bookshelf in the living room, in the dusty cookie jar in the kitchen, under a loose floor panel under the table, under Diego’s bed, hidden in the ventilation system…..

Soon as Diego finds one spot, Klaus has another one at the ready

“Maybe they won’t spook you anymore if you just..stand up to them.” - “How?” - “Just, you know, scream at them. Go all out, scream ‘Go away’ at the top of your lungs, show them you’re the one in charge.”

But Klaus is too shy for that

He has braces and due to that, he has a slight lisp

He doesn’t really like talking

He does like making trouble with his brother though when the ghosts aren’t as close

They once stuck a magnet to Klaus braces and then couldn’t get it off again

Diego’s second visit in the ER

Klaus managed to somehow rip out part of it and the wires got stuck in his cheek and slashed it open

Third Visit

There was also that brief stint where Vanya pierced Klaus’ ear. Herself. Because Diego really is the only responsible person around here

Fourth Visit

‘That’s a lot of work!’ you say? Apparently the universe thinks it’s not enough because there are still the two youngest left! Please someone save Diego from this suffering, he never wanted to be a single Dad

There is sweet and cute 5 year old Allison…..

…..who is a brat when she doesn’t get her way

“I want ice cream.” - “All shops are closed now, you should’ve said something sooner.” - “I want ice cream!” - “Well you’re not getting any. And that’s ‘please’ and ‘I would like some ice cream’ not ‘I want ice cream’.” - “I. Want. ICE CREAM.”

Cue a screaming fit, complete with throwing herself down and banging her little fists against the floor

And occasionally looking up to see whether Diego is still watching all the hard work Allison is putting into this. He gets why she’s an actress now

(He may have ended up buying her some goddamn ice cream at the overpriced petrol station one town over. She nibbled at it and the gave it back to him because she ‘wasn’t hungry’)

Diego’s gonna fucking lose it if he has to do this any longer

But she can also be really sweet, playing calmy with her dolls or drawing him pictures

“Look!” - “Oh wow! You drew a….an elephant! Beautiful!” - “That’s not an elephant silly, that’s you!” - “Oh. Of course. How could I not see that?”

He may have cried a little when she gave him a picture of their family, sorted from oldest to youngest, all of them holding hands

”Why am I wearing a cape?” - “Because you’re our hero.”

It’s a good thing that Allison never uses her powers in arguments - the only thing Diego is glad Reginald drilled into her at a young age already - but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t use it at all

She uses it, alright

“Allison, for the love of god, stop constantly changing your hair colour. I like your hair just as it is.”

“Allison! Stop making the cat fly! And Luther, stop letting stray cats inside the house!”

“Allison! Stop turning your Oatmeal into chocolate! No, you can’t turn Klaus’ Oatmeal into chocolate either! Don’t turn anyone’s Oatmeal into chocolate!”

“Allison, stop turning yourself invisible when you’re playing tag. You know it freaks Luther out and you don’t wanna make him cry again, do you?”

But the greatest challenge of them all may be Ben

(It’s definitely Ben)

See, taking care of a Baby is already hard enough when it’s just a Baby, but a Baby with literal tentacles coming out of their body?

Ben is a quiet kid, let him sleep and - much like Five - he’ll spend his days like that

When he’s awake, play a bit with him, talk to him not at all in baby voices, Diego would never do that, no matter what Vanya claims to have seen

Try not to worry too much about the Tentacles that are constantly out (Is that normal? Were they constantly out the first time Ben had been a Baby? Should Diego like, try to stuff them back in? Would that be a good idea? Probably not)

Ben has killed people with them for fuck’s sake, but they mostly seem interested in wrapping themselves around Diego’s hand and holding on while Ben sucks on his pacifier

(The wiggly boys are kinda cute, in a weird, disturbing way)

Well, as long as they don’t-

“Luther! Get the cat before the tentacles get her! And stop letting stray cats in!”

There are only two rules concerning Ben and his...Bentacles:

Don’t scare or startle him

Diego found this out the hard way when he played peek-a-boo with Ben and was rewarded by having ink splashed into his face

Smelly Ink

Glowing Smelly Ink

Green Glowing Smelly Ink

(He spent two hours in the bathroom. In the meantime, Klaus nearly set the Kitchen on Fire and Vanya sneaked out despite being grounded to dramatically drive away with her girlfriend of the week)

So, don’t startle Ben if you don’t wanna be covered in gross stuff, noted

All is well

Then, Ben gets a cold

Which means he is more whiny than usual and barely sleeps, keeping Diego up all night

But cool, Diego could live with that

If it wouldn’t mean that Ben sneezes

A lot

And the Bentacles sneeze too

The walls of Ben’s room are soaking in ink, it’s dripping from the fucking ceiling and Diego can’t even leave because he’s afraid Ben’s gonna think he left him at the worst time of his life, but he also can’t take Ben into another room because he’d only ruin that one too…..

And Diego spending so much time with Baby Ben is making Allison jealous and Vanya hates being forced to stay around and watch over her little siblings because Diego has his hands full with the Bentacles and it only makes both of them more moody and snappy towards each other…….

It’s a long week for everyone involved

Rule Number Two, maybe the most important one:

Never. Ever. Take his Blankie

And he means never

(Thank fuck that he had pushed Allison out of the way, he still has a massive bruise on his shoulder from being thrown against the cupboard)

Basically, give me this family drama movie about Diego somehow becoming a single Dad to super children

With guest appearances such as:

Eudora, who is actually never physically there

But Diego phones her all the time because he’s freaking out

She categorically refuses to go play happy family with him, there’s no way she’s gonna get involved with that….mess

“Dora, could you come over to-” - “No.”

“Patch, there’s an emergency I need to-” - “No.”

“Could you maybe watch over Ben? Just for an hour?” - “I don’t know how to handle kids. I’m an only child.” - “I met your two brothers??”

Diego phones her and gets send to voice message and it’s just Eudora saying “Whatever it is Diego, the answer is no.”

Diego also keeps calling her to ask her really ridiculous questions about children

“Hypothetically….a kid wouldn’t actually die from swallowing a bunch of buttons, right?” - “A bunch? How does that kinda accident happen?” - “....Maybe it wasn’t an accident…..”

“Do you think it’s okay to curse in front of Babies? They don’t actually understand you, right?” - “Diego, I swear to God, it’s three am. I will kick your ass.”

Grace, who is somehow conveniently malfunctioning right when Diego would need her the most and who just….forgot how to take care of children

And how to not endanger them

Diego catched her giving Klaus tips on how to properly light things up (“Because you wanna make a big fire, honey, don’t you?”)

She basically does what the kids ask her to without any kind of regulation

They had cake for breakfast, lunch and dinner for one week straight before Diego forbid her to cook and took over that task himself

(Now, stuff may be slightly burned but at least healthy)

She helped Luther when he hid from Diego because he refused to take a bath, lying to Diego’s face - to his face - that she had no idea where Luther could be

She actually disfigures her arm so the Bentacles can play with it (!)

She gave Allison scissors because she wanted to cut her hair (!!!)

And she uses swear words in the weirdest situations because someone - Diego suspects Luther or Klaus but it’s actually Vanya - keeps teaching them to her

“Mom, have you seen Allison?” - “I have no idea where that hoe is, Asshole.”

“Diego, sweetheart, would you hand me the fucking bowl?” - “The what?”

She also does breakdance with Klaus to pretty inappropriate music

“My neck, my back, lick my-” - “JOY TO THE WORLD, THE LORD HAS COME”

She also keeps malfunctioning further because she doesn’t seem to get the concept of liquids being bad for robots

(She plays tea party with Allison a lot. Pogo has to try and fix her after every time)

Speaking of Pogo

He’s not around a lot because he spends all his time going through Reginald’s documents to either find a way to fix Grace or find some clues about Time Travel Shenanigans

(Klaus also cries every time he sees her and Allison refuses to talk to him, so it’s better if he’s not around that much)

He spends a lot of time with Vanya though under the guise of helping him with his research

(She really just likes jamming out in the same room as him because he doesn’t mind how loud her music is and he doesn’t annoy her as much as the others)

When the appropriate amount of time has passed for all the weirdest scenarios to play out and them to grow closer as a family in-between visits to the ER and mental breakdowns on Diego’s part and just general chaos all around, with some super elements thrown in

Diego has a lead about how all of this is actually the commissions fault

(Because of course it is)

So I am begging you to imagine Diego, storming into the commission headquarters, in full on Vigilante Mode, with the appropriate amount of Leather on his body and a broody look on his face

Basically ready to kick some ass

With Baby Ben strapped to his chest, in one of those Baby Carriers

Babbling and giggling, clutching his Blankie while Diego takes out all his knives

And he fights the bad guys in badass showdowns but still manages to cover Ben’s ears when they throw insults at him because “There’s a kid present! Show some class!” - “Sorry.”

Also one of them (maybe the big bad?) dares to take away Ben’s Blankie (because of course) and Ben handing his ass to him without as much as blinking

Proud big bro baby talking Ben like “Who’s my little Tentacle Boy? You are! I’m so proud of my murderous baby bro, yes I am!”

While all of that goes down, the others are told to wait in the car

Well, Vanya, Luther and Allison are supposed to wait in the car

Klaus got the huge responsibility of staying home and watching over Five because he’s in no state to be near any dangerous situations, not with his lack of sleep and his jumpiness

(Vanya, Luther and Allison were also supposed to stay at home, but both Luther and Allison refused to let Diego go alone - full on flinging themselves around his legs - and Vanya was already sitting in the car when the other three got there, not even saying anything)

But Diego is stubborn so he doesn’t let them go in with him (he has this whole speech about how Ben needs to be there because it’s the only place where Diego can properly protect him... but Diego is just really soft for Ben and doesn’t want to possibly lose sight of him)

Ben may possibly be Diego’s fave but don’t tell the others

Anyway, Vanya, Luther and Allison don’t make it more than three minutes before leaving the car

If asked, accusations would go wild, everyone blaming someone else, but fact is, Luther got out of the car first

(He saw a kitty)

Allison then got out of the car because Luthe got out and what he can do, she can do double

(Also...Kitty)

Vanya is the teenager stereotype who doesn’t even notice that they go because she’s listening to music on her walkman like an emo and trying to scope out the place as best as she can from her position

And then turns back to the others after a while

“Do you think everything’s alright back t-SHIT!”

So, they end up going to a whole other section of the evil headquarters and kick ass there

First Luther and Allison kick ass together, deciding to go find Diego if they’re already out of the car anyway

Followed by Vanya, who still believes she’s powerless and takes out guards sneaky style, hitting them over the head with a desk lamp or whatever else she can find

UNTIL

Luther and Allison are cornered by the bad guys and they don’t care whether they hurt children or not and it seems like L and A have lost

The guards are closing in and Luther positions himself in front of his sister to at least try and protect her while Allison hides behind him and both of them are crying…..

They close their eyes…..

And then there’s a loud clash and screaming and the sound of bodies hitting the floor and when they look up again there’s Vanya standing in the middle of the room, eyes white, guards laying dead to her feet

She doesn’t stay WV though, she comes back to herself to rush over to her siblings and check whether they are okay

Cue a short cuddle pile

“You have powers! Awesome!” - “Yeah, I….I guess so.”

Somehow, they reunite with Diego and manage to threaten the Handler enough she rights time, making them grown ups again and promising Five and Klaus are adults again too and that Grace should be functioning now

(Let’s just pretend she can do that and we can trust her for the sake of this AU. The important part is the whole de-aging anyway)

So, they come back home, slightly bruised but mostly okay and Vanya and Diego definitely have a heart to heart in the car about her powers while Allison, Luther and Ben are asleep in the backseat (a leftover gift from being children in stress situations)

“Thanks Diego. For all that you did.” - “I was a terrible surrogate Dad though.” - “You were a thousand times better than our real Father.”

Bonus: They come back home and just find Klaus and Five sleeping on the floor, looking like they’ve been through the apocalypse all over

Because watching over Five was supposed to be easy and even boring

But with Five sleeping - as usual - and Grace shutdown for the night already (and Pogo locked in his studies to figure out a solution) there’s nothing standing between Klaus and the ghosts

So Klaus mixes himself a drink containing three different Energy Drinks and a bunch of sugar

And sets it on the table to down it as soon as he’s peed

He comes back, prepared to drink that stuff and not think to hard about the taste

But the Glass is empty

And Five’s gone

Five + accidentally drinking something strong enough to kill someone? A disaster

He’s on the loose

And he somehow thinks someone has abducted Delores?

Wtf?

Klaus has to spend the rest of his night chasing Five, who keeps glitching around the house like a maniac, yelling and rambling and…..fighting the air? With a sword?

Where the F did he get a sword???

And it’s impossible to get Five to sit down - or at least get off the table

orthechandelierhowdidhegetonthechandelier

He’s so high on sugar he is vibrating

(Klaus is fearing for his life)

And then there’s also the fucking ghosts, who keep lurking in the shadows and reaching out for him, moaning and cursing his name…..

But Klaus doesn’t have time for this right now and he is fed up of having his life controlled by a bunch of dead people

He wants to be able to sleep again

He wants his life again

So he thinks of Diego, of his advice, and he takes a deep breath and just screams at them

“GO AWAY!!”

And it actually works

The ghosts recoil, shocked when Klaus doesn’t cower before them like usual

And they disappear

Just….disappear in a dust of smoke

And then he’s an adult again

And Five - who took the time to strip to his boxers and use lipstick like war paint - is too

Klaus rides out Five’s sugar high as best as he can, sighing in relief when he finally falls asleep, crashing down on top of him and taking a nap with him right there, on the living room floor

Where the others find them

That’s all I got tbh, but it’s already a lot askjkaj

Bls Hollywood, make it happen

[classified-bluerose]

The Umbrella Academy - Untitled Excerpt

A/N: context for this thing. luther has just put vanya in the cell reggie used to put her in. i’ve made adjustments so that it’s possible to like empty it of air. luther is basically an asshole here who thinks she’s too dangerous (like in the show). he’s locked the others out so they don’t interfere. let’s get to it!

Warnings: Attempted murder, mention of injury, emotional pain.

—

‘’ you will die alone, vanya. no friends. no family. no-one to miss you. i’d almost feel sorry for you - if the very mention of your name didn’t make my stomach turn. ‘’

vanya’s screams echoed back at her. knowing her brother couldn’t hear didn’t make her stop crying. knowing he didn’t care anyway just made it that much worse. ‘’ please! i’m sorry! i didn’t mean to - i loved her! you’re my brother! you’re my - you’re - ‘’ she cut off with a choked noise. outside, luther regarded her with a cold expression and flat eyes. terrifyingly familiar. when she blinked, her father appeared in luther’s place - when she opened her eyes to allow more tears to fall, she couldn’t see a difference between either.

allison tried to scream, but all that came out was a painful, scratchy wheeze. fists pounded heavily against the thick steel, forehead hitting off the circular window. ‘’ don’t. don’t you dare! ‘’ the words didn’t form correctly, and her entire body seized up in a frustrated, agonised wail. diego slammed his body against the door. again and again and again, until he could feel bruises forming and his panting grunts grew more and more pained. klaus was frozen in fear, mind seized by flashbacks.

luther began to turn the airlock, barely breaking a sweat as he manouvered the stiff mechanism and the oxygen supply cut out. vanya covered her face in her hands and her legs finally gave out. she crumpled, on the floor. curling herself up into a ball and rocking backwards and forwards as she waited for her imminent death.

diego let out a scream of pure frustration and slammed once again into the door before giving up. he held his breath in an attempt to hold off on breaking down. distracted himself with restraining allison who never once stopped struggling. though still recovering from severe bloodloss, the thought of her sister, in pain, in danger, dying, gifted her with renewed strength - though not enough to break free of her brother’s arms. with no voice, she couldn’t rumour her way out of her prison. in her head she cursed every single goddamn minute of her father’s existence. klaus finally spoke, voice breaking and pitching high beneath his pain. ‘’ what can we do? ‘’

diego tensed, hugging allison closer, almost painfully tight. ‘’ i d - d - i d- d- ‘’ he cut off, teeth snapping as he shut his mouth. klaus swallowed, looked at the ground.

in the chamber, oxygen deprivation slowly chipped away at vanya’s consciousness. initially terrified, she had hyperventilated, using up most of what little had left to dissipate. as darkness began to tinge the edge of her vision, and her mind grew fuzzy, the fear faded. replaced with a sense of peace and calm she’d never before experienced. if this was death, well, maybe it’s not so bad ... were her last thoughts as she went entirely limp.

luther turned away, meeting diego’s raging gaze through the thick plexiglass. eyes full of tears, pain, pure hatred, too. he didn’t feel guilty. he had done what had to be done to keep allison safe. and the world, he guessed. he decided to get pogo to deal with ... the chamber. before he could take a step toward leaving, a flash outside caught him by surprise. he frowned.

a voice from behind. ‘’ hey, asshole! ‘’

he turned. catching the briefest glimpse of four - before something hard and cold collided with his skull, and he dropped, unconscious. from outside, diego released allison in shock. she stepped forward and brought her hand to her mouth. surely it was too late for -

her train of thought came to an end as she watched five unsealing the chamber and dragging their sister out by the arms. he dropped to his knees, starting compressions on her still chest. klaus began to shake. ‘’ i can’t have. i can’t have two dead siblings - following me - it’s hard enough - knowing ben - and i didn’t stop him - we can’t lose her too - ‘’

diego grabbed klaus’ hand and directed him to look at five. ‘’ no, look! look! ‘’ klaus blinked through tears and looked through the window. his heart leapt into his throat, which tightened painfully. he couldn’t hope. couldn’t bear to hope. hope only led to crushing failure and more grief -

vanya coughed, weak, nausea rolling low in her throat. her blurred vision slowly focused in on the face of whoever was leaning over her ...

‘’ five? ‘’

the boy grinned, adrenaline flashing in his eyes. ‘’ oh, thank god. i thought for a second there you were too far gone. ‘’ he helped her sit up, slowly. she touched her face, still damp, then. noticed luther, passed out close by. she jumped away, scrambling up against the wall in fright. she started breathing heavier and shaking yet again.

five unlocked the door and allison nearly fell over as she flew through it. vanya paled even more, eyes lingering on the white bandage around allison’s throat, spotted sporadically with red. she hiccoughed, standing slowly. ‘’ i’m so - i’m sorry, i’m - ‘’

allison cut her off, shaking her head, smiling tearfully and wrapping the smaller girl up in a tight hug. diego and klaus followed, cautious of luther’s gigantic body. diego kept one eye focused on it when he addressed five.

‘’ i thought you were on luther’s side, ‘’ he reminded the older one, whose expression turned cryptic. he shrugged a shoulder.

‘’ are you complaining about my change of heart? ‘’ he asked, cocking his head. allison pulled away from vanya, then, wiping her tears with a gentleness that could only come from a mother. diego shook his head.

‘’ no. i’m. really not. ‘’ he swallowed and approached his sisters. vanya met his eyes over allison’s shoulder. allison followed her gaze, turning around. diego tries to speak but finds himself short of words - for once. he heaves a breath, and opens his mouth. still nothing comes out. he and vanya had been at odds for so long and now -

‘’ i’m so relieved you’re not a ghost! ‘’ klaus screamed and flung himself at vanya. nearly toppling them both over, only for vanya balancing against the wall. he hugged her tight and she hugged back. closing her eyes and letting herself inhale his scent - leather and marijuana and sweat and, just, pure klaus. he smiled a wide, crooked smile when he pulled back, turning expectantly to diego then. after seconds of stillness and silence, klaus rolled his eyes and shoved at diego’s shoulder. ‘’ let go of your emotional constipation for once! ‘’ he cried. vanya chewed on the inside of her cheek. diego didn’t care that five saved her, diego didn’t care about her at all -

he met her eyes. stepped forward hesistantly. and wrapped her in a loose embrace. it only lasted a second, but vanya saw in his face - how he felt. she managed a shaky smile.

she was ... alive. her siblings saved her.

her brother tried to kill her -

but the rest of them saved you, or at least tried, she reminded herself. they didn’t want her to die - in fact, they very much wanted her alive. and safe. and by their sides.

and vanya knew, then. how wrong leonard had been. how wrong everyone had been. they weren’t just strangers under the same roof. they were fucked up, yes, dysfunctional, painfully so.

but they were a family. in their own weird, twisted way. and, well, even if she wanted to change that she couldn’t. vanya found that, for once, she didn’t want to change a thing.

[in-tua-deep]

What are your thoughts on Vanya’s book? I’m torn between knowing it was an empowering thing for her and being like damn girl, you were all abused, not cool putting that out there without their consent. The lines I’ve seen from it were about how Vanya’s siblings treated her but I don’t see how she can talk about their childhood without the abuse coming up. Do you think Vanya would have to apologize for the book as part of improving the siblings relationships?

I think that Vanya’s book was very important for her to write - for herself. I don’t think she should have published it without the consent of her siblings, because Vanya does not exist in a vacuum. If you think Allison was not absolutely grilled over the contents of that book in interviews and it didn’t continuously pop up in her world you’re wrong. And anyone who both knew the other siblings and read the book might make comments or ask questions or make assumptions. Vanya wrote an entire book about how terribly she was treated and then pointed the finger at her siblings.

Because the issue is this: Vanya was abused. Horrifically and terribly abused and neglected. She was drugged for the majority of her life against her consent, frequently emotionally abused and belittled, and isolated from the rest of her siblings. She has a right to be angry. BUT. That does not erase the fact that her siblings were all also abused and victims. And Vanya was so wrapped up in her own pain she couldn’t really see that. 

Of course, the reverse is also true. The others were all wrapped up in their own trauma to the extent that they never considered Vanya’s point of view or the ways that Vanya was being abused.

But imagine for a moment that you father raises you as a child soldier. You and all your siblings except one. While you’re running drills and learning to fight and gathering bruises and the only time you’re allowed to yourself is half an hour during the weekend - the life of the one sibling who is allowed to pursue her own passions (violin) and is generally ignored by your drill sergeant father seems to have it pretty darn good wouldn’t you think? You’d give your left leg to be invisible or not be forced to do the training. You’d give your left leg to have her freedom.

And then she publishes an entire book painting you the bad guy because, what, you didn’t include her in your half an hour of freetime? You had better things to do trying to survive your father’s regime than take a few to play happy family with her? You look at this book and ignore all the emotional abuse and gaslighting that she’s highlighting because you think she had it easy, and she’s saying in here that she was jealous of the attention your father gave you. Jealous. As if gaining your dad’s attention was ever a good thing. 

She spills a whole bunch of family secrets. Discusses your brother’s death, something you find very private (maybe you even witnessed it and she didn’t), with the entire world. She drags up all the shitty things you did as a child. A child raised in an emotionally and honestly probably physically abusive household from which your only adult human role model was your asshole father. He built you a robotic mother who obeys his orders and parrots his words. The only other person is a chimpanzee who also only ever seems to regurgitate Reginald’s ideas and always defended him even though he was hurting you. Abusing you.

Vanya deserved to write down those thoughts and discuss them. With a therapist. Or friends. Or anonymously!  Maybe a blog and give everyone pseudonyms and work through it that way. Because like it or not, her siblings did hurt her. They probably gaslit her about how bad things were, blowing her off because clearly her life wasn’t that bad. And they’d probably roll their eyes and call her lucky that she wasn’t included in training anyway. And Vanya would have to grit her teeth and smile and agree because it’s six against one.

Vanya was abused. But that doesn’t mean her siblings weren’t equally abused. Honestly I bet if Vanya had called up Diego and was like “hey I’m writing a whole book about how much growing up with old Reggie fucking sucked, thinking about publishing, wanna help?” Diego would be the first one on board like “HELL YEAH let’s ruin dad’s whole career I have like, seven stories about child endangerment off the top of my head let’s go”

the book we deserved to have was a collab by the whole family offering different points of views and discussing the trauma their siblings didn’t get to see - like private training.��

So what I’m saying is that Vanya does write a sequel to her book. Except this time it’s with everyone sharing. That’s the apology. The opportunity to set the record straight with what they’re comfortable sharing with the world. 

Luther can talk about never feeling good enough, can talk about his isolation at the top of the pyramid and his relationship with Allison who was also there. He can talk about impossible standards and his father never using his name. Strained muscles and terrible testing. The nonconsensual body modification and the isolation on the moon. The realization that four years of his life had been wasted because his dad never even bothered to read the reports - he didn’t even care enough to try. He can talk about the fact that he was so raised up as a child that he feels like a failure at everything he does now. 

Allison can talk about her father forcing her to rumor her sister when they were both four years old. She can talk about the training, having to rumor her siblings and then later the random people Reginald would bring to her. Delivery men and door to door salesmen and girlscouts who were always rumored to forget after. (And then the homeless people, the people no one would miss. The ones who weren’t rumored to forget after because they didn’t go home. She doesn’t write about them though). She can talk about rumoring her way through life and never learning how to get anything without forcing people to give it to her. Constantly on the offensive. The way that’s impacted her career, her relationships.

Diego can talk about never being good enough. His stutter that Reginald had no patience with. The training, being forced to throw knives at the one person in the world he really truly cares about as she smiles at him with her plastic smile. Trying desperately to keep Klaus from drowning under the weight of Reginald’s expectations when he was barely treading water himself after Ben’s death. Leaving the first chance he did and never looking back. The way he still tried to prove himself by joining the police academy, and when he failed at that by becoming a vigilante. 

Klaus can talk about his father throwing him in a fucking mausoleum. Being scared of the dark and claustrophobic. The ghosts he sees screaming behind his eyelids and sometimes even when his eyes are open. The one escape that he found being looked down on by everyone around him when he was only doing his very best to survive because the sad truth is that he could not live that way. Not how it was. He can talk about Ben showing up after his death, and nobody believing him. Being homeless. Living on the streets with no one but a ghostly follower for company. Every moment of sobriety in that house was one of fear - and Klaus is just so very tired of being afraid. (Maybe he can bring himself to talk about Dave, the one person that made him feel safe and protected and loved and how he lost him. Maybe he can’t.)

Ben can talk through Klaus about his own life. He was forced to kill people against his will with a power he couldn’t really control and that he was afraid of. He ended missions covered in blood that he never wanted to shed. Then his death which was reportedly very bad. Then showing up again and only being able to talk to Klaus. Not being able to hug him or stop him or intervene - forced to become a spectator to his brother overdosing over and over again. Loving him but being so angry that he’s squandering the chances Ben wishes he could once again have. 

Five can talk about growing up pushing the boundaries and the way the others only seemed to notice when Reginald praised him and never when he was punished. And he was punished. Reginald tried over and over again to get Number Five to come to heel and never quite succeeded. Every point Five gained in his own personal score was gained through blood and bruises and willpower. There’s all that to talk about, and then there’s the time travel and forty years of isolation and Dolores and becoming an assassin and his plethora of issues regarding that he doesn’t even need to get into to make a whole book of his own. Coming back and seeing that cold portrait sitting on the mantle and knowing that Reginald used his presumed death in order to further control his siblings. 

And they write it together, sitting in the living room and contradicting each other’s memories of events (”No, Dad caught us because you tripped on the table!” “Nuh uh! It was because Klaus was whispering too loudly!” “Actually guys looking back I’m pretty sure Dad just checked the cameras and noticed us leaving.”) and maybe they don’t publish it! They don’t have to! Or maybe they do, taking out all the bits about, you know, murder and all of that sorry Ben they could probably just downgrade the language to ‘hurting a lot of people’ though I mean. He’s dead it’s not like they can charge him with excessive use of force at this point. 

And it’s a bonding experience. And they all come out of it better understanding that they were all traumatized and abused and groomed and gaslighted and neglected and just overall their childhoods were shit. Five will defend Vanya’s book with his fucking life and probably is instrumental in making the others see that just because her abuse looked different doesn’t make it less valid. And he’s also instrumental in making Vanya see that just because the others abuse looked different doesn’t make it any less valid, either. 

Do yeah, have enough material for a sequel? There’s enough material for a fucking series. 

Honestly though genuinely do you know what I think would have been a way better and more empowering move on Vanya’s part? Writing a fiction novel about an ordinary child in a world of magic and superpowers who saves the world. Writing about her own life through the lens of fiction. Basing her characters on real people, yeah, but not writing a tell all book about people whose lives it would very much still affect. Plus, I bet the others would actually read the book at least and recognize it. 

I mean, if they read an entire book about a character who was excluded and belittled and ignored and told she wasn’t worth anything because she wasn’t special in the context of this fictional world, I think they would sympathize. And then if Vanya told them hey, actually this is me projecting and I really did feel this way a lot then it might go over a sight better than hey I’m writing about our childhoods and all your friends are going to read about it

and honestly?? I think that’s a story that needs to be told to other little girls as well. Maybe they aren’t literally being told they’re ordinary because they don’t have superpowers, but there’s a lot of girls who are told they aren’t special and can’t do things and having an ordinary character save the world is an important and inspiring narrative. And it might help Vanya get some closure, because she gets to come up with an end to the story. Wish fulfillment. She gets to write about an ordinary little girl who saved the world. Or maybe she didn’t save the world. Maybe she saved her piece of the world and left the rest up to the people with powers. Small acts of kindness that change everything, for some people.

(and it would reach more people than whoever reads autobiographies and memoirs)

I have a lot of feelings about the book as you can probably tell lmao

I just think the book could have been handled better on Vanya’s part. But I also think she had a right to write it because she had a LOT of stuff to work through. Honestly I think the book originally began from an exercise her therapist gave her and took on a life of its own until it reached the publisher. But like I said, she doesn’t exist in a vacuum and her actions have effects on other people - specifically her family. 

Granted, it’s not like I’ve read the book in its entirety and can’t judge it because of that. But the others had a right to their privacy and I don’t blame them for feeling angry and betrayed because of that invasion of privacy I mean damn. And I doubt Vanya put any of the good stuff in there really, mostly bad. Because that’s how she was feeling.

(If I wrote a book about my childhood with my brother - I could talk about how he sold our joint runescape account without consultation despite all the hours I put in. I could talk about him chasing me through the house or eating my chocolate that I was saving. I could talk about some of his shitty views and his self-isolation, how he would call me stupid and never let me play with him. When he purposefully ditched me in Mini-Amsterdam when I was six and I had to find someone to call my mum for me. Maybe the time he left me on the school bus when I fell asleep next to him. When he pushed me into a bank of nettles, ouch. Or I could talk about how when my balloon popped when I was seven, he gave me his balloon. Or the time he won me a toy starfish on a crane machine. Or when he took me to school after my surgery so I could pick up my homework and when I went back before I was ready he was the one to pick me up again. Or the time when my sister and her friend were being horrible and he let me hang out with him and his friend in their secret base even though he usually didn’t give me the time of day.)

At the end of the day, you can frame people any way you want, and Vanya was going for the bad stuff. Because she was hurting. And she hurt them. And she needs to acknowledge that, so yeah I do think she needs to apologize for writing the book without asking or consulting in order to improve their relationship. I think the others need to apologize to her as well for what little shits they were as kids, because their own abuse is a reason but it doesn’t excuse what they did, either. Vanya was abused and they hurt her and they need to apologize for that. But that didn’t give Vanya the right to hurt them back, so she has to apologize as well if that makes sense??

I dunno this ended up longer than I thought it would oof but I hope it answers your question!!

[in-tua-deep]

 Masterlist of AUs

okay i’m never putting anything under a read more ever again bc i deleted this whole ass thing and now i’m redoing it so forget me worrying about it being long af it’s what it is my friends

me, scrolling back through my blog: where tf are all my aus smh

(this is why i need them all in one place)

so without further ago, here we go (the title brings you to the tag on my blog, the numbers bring you the posts for that au): 

short stay au - Five jumps forward into the apocalypse and gets stuck, but not for forty-five years. No, in fact, Five is only stuck for one year before he figures out how to get home. Which means the Hargreeves get a lap full of traumatized teenage boy with no idea who the Commission agents trying to kill them are (one)

dolores is the universe au - Dolores isn’t just a mannequin, she’s actually the concept of the universe. The only reason Five can hear her is because overuse of his powers has given him enough exposure to the rift between world that she can reach him. But how to explain this to the siblings who think he’s just traumatized? (one, two, three)

immortal au - The first time Five died, he didn’t know it. The second time was harder to explain. The third and the fourth... well. In the apocalypse, Five figures out that he can’t die, which would be fine except every time he dies he resets himself to thirteen. Puberty? Again? Everyone is more than a little concerned about Five’s lack of concern over his welfare, but hey he’ll start caring again when he’s got further to fall okay? (one)

imaginary friend au - When Five was little, he had an imaginary friend named Dolores. He had that imaginary friend for far longer than he should have, to the point where Reginald intervened. And so they all remember this when Five pops back up toting around a mannequin and calling her Dolores, the only difference is Five has stopped giving a single fuck what old Reggie had to say and he isn’t giving up his friend again so easily (one)

instant arrival au - When Five jumps forward, he doesn’t jump into the apocalypse. Instead, he jumps straight into his father’s funeral. He sort of treats it as a weird vacation until he finds out Ben is dead and tries to return, and finds out he can’t. Now his siblings have to deal with a thirteen-year-old brother who saves the day by just being himself (one, two, three)

barking mad au - Vanya’s apocalypse was more targeted and only killed the humans. Five jumps into the apocalypse and instead of being alone, he’s adopted by the feral packs and colonies that have cropped up. He learns to bark and purr and growl and hiss to communicate, finding friends and family where humanity is gone. Of course, this makes returning to said humanity more than a little bit tricky. It’s not his fault his siblings are dense and don’t understand body language, ugh. (one, two, three)

pushed au - Instead of forbidding time travel, Reginald encourages it. He pushes Five to try it, and so when Five vanishes it’s Reginald’s fault. Written off as no great loss, the siblings realize how disposable they are. Who of them will be the next Five? Trust broken, they don’t stick around to find out and run away. When Five returns, it’s to a very different family who has learned how to depend on one another and protect each other. Together, they figure out how to stop the apocalypse (one)

memory mishap au - The siblings take Five’s hands and jump back in time, and it works! They’re thirteen again! Except for the fact that Five had managed to forget everything that happened since the day he decided to jump forward in time the first time. It’s the others turn to protect him as they run away. Five tries to get his memories back, but is that really what’s best? (one, two)

ghost five au - Five doesn’t leave. He stays, and when that one fateful day happens where one of them is slated to die, Five decides to bite the bullet and take Ben’s place. Even knowing Klaus’s powers, he wasn’t really expecting to wake up as a ghost. He somehow unites the family through the power of being irritating and getting Klaus involved. (one) 

broken five au - Reginald puts his foot down once and for all about time travel, by threatening Vanya’s life if Five puts another toe out of line. Five, fully believing his father capable of getting rid of the ‘useless’ child, shuts down. When his siblings find out what broke Five, they all decide to run away for their own safety as much as Vanya’s. They end up adopted by a woman happily living in the woods in her cabin who wasn’t expecting to adopt seven children but here she is and she certainly isn’t returning them to Reginald so. Seven kids it is. (one, two, three, four, five, six, seven)

run nanny run au - Look the nannies aren’t blind. They know Reginald doesn’t care about the kids and is looking at them like they’re weapons and not people, so it really shouldn’t be as surprising as it is that they decide to just take the kids and run one day. They are going to give these seven toddlers normal childhoods if it kills them, even if they have to dodge Reginald and the law as they do so. And no one forces Vanya to eat oatmeal like damn (one)

travel forward au - Instead of taking them back, Five miscalculates. It shouldn’t be unexpected, seeing as Five has never taken passengers before. But he manages to slingshot them directly into the future - into the apocalypse. The family gets a first hand look at how Five lived for forty years and gain a better understanding of their brother as he frantically works to get them all out again before they starve to death. (one, two)

daemon au - a crossover with the His Dark Materials universe by Philip Pullman, the Umbrella Academy live in a world where their souls walk beside them in the form of animals made of a material called dust. Of course, with these guys it can never be that simple. Ben’s daemon didn’t vanish upon his death and hangs out with Klaus, Luther and Diego’s daemons are always fighting, Allison’s is lazy and disagrees with her constantly, there’s something off about Vanya’s, and Five’s hasn’t settled yet. It’s certainly a bit of a mad house. (one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, art)

plush companion au - Dolores wasn’t the only friend Five made in the apocalypse. A terrified and grieving child, he built himself a city out of statues and mannequins and stuffed animals. He built himself an entire world in his own imagination to keep himself from crumbling to insanity. Of course, his siblings have a few question after their brother turns back up and suddenly there’s toys turning up in the manor? (one)

atla au - a crossover with Avatar: The Last Airbender, aka all the kids are benders. In a universe where the Xth avatar is foretold to bring about the end of the world, Reginald manages to get his hands on seven children born whose mother’s hadn’t been pregnant when the day began. Apparently he’s training them to defeat this eventual evil avatar, but little do they know that said avatar is among them and tricked into believing she’s a nonbender (one, two)

suppression au - Reginald doesn’t just use his power suppression drugs on Vanya, he uses them as punishment on the others. They learn that their powers can be taken away on a whim and as punishment, and they’re forced to adapt. Five teaches Vanya the skills he learns to cope without powers, because without them they’re on the same level of competency. Vanya realizes just because she’s ordinary she isn’t useless. A more confident and competent Vanya results, and it changes the future for the better (one)

pianist five au - Vanya isn’t the only child who picks up an instrument. Five learns how to play the decorative piano in the mansion so that he can accompany Vanya’s practice. It becomes more than a hobby. In the end, when words can’t get through to the White Violin, it’s perhaps only music that can soothe the savage beast. (one)

artist klaus au - Klaus was a good artist as a child before Reginald deemed art as being ‘childish’ and forbid it. He forgets until he does some art therapy in rehab, and reignites his passion. He steals notebooks and art supplies and does drawings and caricatures for a quick buck on the streets. When the apocalypse is stopped, he also introduces art therapy to his siblings. It’s just soft tbh (one, two)

out of time au - Five doesn’t jump to eight days before the apocalypse, he jumps to the day of. He has to figure things out and figure them FAST. As such, he’s much more open to delegation and includes Vanya in this because lord knows he’s aware she’s more sensible than half his siblings. And if Vanya and Leonard argue when she wants to look after her brother that she only just got back well, if the apocalypse was prevented by this rift then it’s probably for the best (one) 

how i met your mother au - The Hargreeves jump back in time, but way back to before they were even born. They find their birth mothers, and get to learn exactly who they were, and it’s a little alarming to find out that they’re all people. The kids built them up in their heads as the monsters who gave them up, but they’re just people with hopes and dreams and fears, capable of mistakes and who had to make a choice on the worst day of their lives. (one)

responsible luther au - Five only spends a year in the apocalypse before jumping back and is relieved to find he has four years to stop the apocalypse. Except, Reginald decides that Five isn’t getting out of his hands again and restrains him. The last child left in the house, Luther, has a choice to make. And he makes it. He chooses Five, and absconds with him from the house. Luther tries to help a deeply traumatized Five recover, while also dealing with his reunited family and Reginald teaming up with the Commission to kidnap Five back. To be honest he should have only expected a mess when all the Hargreeves come together (one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve)

in the trenches au - Just because Vanya is ‘powerless’ doesn’t mean useless. After all, Klaus doesn’t exactly have a combat based power. So Vanya was included, she was part of the Umbrella Academy, she went on the missions and killed and got hurt and risked her life alongside everyone else. Which means that she isn’t dismissed, she isn’t excluded. She’s as much a part of this as they all are, and that changes everything (one)

post apocalypse au - Just things I think the Hagreeves should get up to in a world where they have to deal with the fact that the world isn’t going to end and they actually have to inhabit it. They decide to try and live instead of whatever they’ve been doing for twenty-nine years, figuring out what they like and don’t like as they go where they were never really allowed to before (one)

late addition au - on one fateful day, forty-three women gave birth despite not beginning the day pregnant. Forty-three women produced forty-four children, and that one extra wasn’t exactly supposed to be there. Indeed, unhappy with the apocalypse plans, the Universe slipped her own child next to another as an almost sleeper agent of sorts. Five grew up with his mother’s voice in his ear, the knowledge that he wasn’t like the others, and a mission to take out the true cause of the apocalypse: the Commission. (one, two)

double trouble au - They stop the apocalypse, but that’s not the end of it because a few days after it all ends Five shows up. Except Five is already there. This is a younger Five who time traveled, except there’s no apocalypse to meet him now. Baby Five manages to convince his elder counterpart to see how long it takes the rest of the siblings to cotton onto the fact that there are two of them, and it’s downright alarming how long it actually takes (one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight)

pride and prejudice au - The Hargreeves have returned to Netherfield to figure out the estate after their father’s death. Airheaded Klaus falls head over heels for local soldier Dave Katz, much to the chagrin of over-protective and pig-headed brother Diego. Fortunately, Dave has the fearsome and wonderful Eudora Patch at his side as his best friend. And his little sister, Dolores, is best friends with Five Hargreeves? And for reasons unknown, the Handler is back and sniffing around. (one, two, three, four, five, six)

poster child au - Klaus is a little bit more accurate with that fire extinguisher and Five drops through into the courtyard with a bloody nose and the beginning of a frankly impressive black eye. It’s looking like the poster child for child abuse that Five goes to griddy’s, and Agnes isn’t leaving this abused child alone out front, right? So she witnesses everything and ends up taking Five under her wing and rolling with the whole ‘stop the apocalypse’ train. Along the way she adopts six more children adults, falls in love with an assassin, and saves the world (one)

mechanical boy au - Five and Grace have always been close, in their own way. Away from prying eyes, with careful sentences and unsaid words. Allies in survival against a man who doesn’t care if they live or die. An exploration of a Five who takes more of an interest in his mother, and more in subterfuge. (one, two, three)

ben saves the day au - Instead of Ben dying, it was Klaus. Without his two favorite brothers, Ben drifts away from the family. He leaves when he hits 18 and doesn’t look back. He builds himself a life, gets a job, learns to live. And then of course he’s tossed back into drama central when Reggie kicks the bucket. On the bright side, Ben got one of his favorite brothers back. On the other hand, it appears that Ben got the entire family’s brain cells in the divorce. (one, two, three)

robot five au - Five is just like any of the other Hargreeves, except of course for the fact that he shares more in common with their mother than the other squishier members of the family. It’s a difficult existence, trying to be yourself when even just having free will is too much to ask. But a little trip to the apocalypse and back and Five is done with all this human bullshit and would like very much for people to stop trying to kill his family, thank you. If the others can accept Grace as their mother then on god they will accept Five as their brother. (one, two)

the commission boy au - The Boy was the only success in a series of failures regarding experiments with Number Five’s DNA, or at least the samples left behind after his rather explosive exit. Growing up trained to be the perfect assassin, the Boy eventually discovers the Commission’s dirty laundry. Mainly, the existence of Five. Assuming that Five is another successful experiment and his ‘brother’, the Boy betrays the Commission and embarks on a journey to discover who his family are, and more importantly, who he is. (one, two, three, four, five, six)

hogwarts au - When Five is ten, a woman comes to the house and talks about magic. Reginald tosses her out, but Five follows her and tells her with wide innocent eyes that their father bought them and is planning to expose their ‘powers’ to the world. The magical community can’t have that, and all seven children are bundled up and placed at Hogwarts. They still have their powers, which don’t seem to be linked to their magic in any way, but they’re not about to tell any of the adults that. (one, two, three, four, five, six, seven)

changeling au - When 43 children were born around the world, they became a curiosity that got the attention of a powerful member of the fae, The Handler. Changelings are traditional, so she sent off a minion to swap one of the children with her own - except something goes wrong. The switch isn’t made. One woman assumes she had twins, and gives both of them to Reginald Hargreeves. Five grows up with rules. Lies burn like coal on his tongue, he is bound to his word, and he knows the true power of names. The Handler isn’t willing to let sleeping dogs lie. (one, two, three)

timeboy au - When Five is young, he finds a blue box in an alley that feels like home. He finds a friend, the TARDIS finds family. She finds him again, over and over through the years. Five grows up with the TARDIS’s voice humming in his head, blue glowing on his hands. He asks her to teach him to time travel, and she does. But when he jumps - time screams. It’s wrong. It’s time for a team up between Five and Team TARDIS to fix the timeline, prevent the apocalypse, and learn some important life lessons along the way. (one, two, ao3)

supernatural au - In another world, 43 children appeared out of thin air. In this world, Reginald is a collector. Of what, you might ask? Well just look in his library. Reginald Hargreeves is one of the world’s foremost expects on supernatural and mythical creatures. Why, just look at his children. (one)

pokemon au - Blessed by legendaries, the Umbrella Academy aren’t entirely human. They look human enough, but humans can’t learn pokemon moves. Humans don’t have a type. Reginald wriggles through a loophole, and gets custody of seven legendary children, though of course there are only six on a traditional team. Sorry Vanya. (one)

gym leader au - the Hargreeves are certainly a power family since they were trained from infancy to be the best trainers they can be. Of course, being gym leaders means they’re in the middle of all the weird and wacky shit that happens. Don’t mention the celebi incident that resulted in the dragon gym leader looking like a teenager, for the love of god. (one)

unviable au - Time travel doesn’t work. It needs a conduit. Taking all of time into something as fallible as a human heart... Five gets to the apocalypse, and he doesn’t immediately realize that he can’t touch things any more. He can’t interact with the world. He figures he got stuck in a pocket dimension of some sort, and eventually manages to travel back in time - except the only people who can see him are Klaus and Ben. They tell him that he’s dead, a ghost, but that’s not going to stop him from saving his family and, maybe, the world. (one, two, three)

prophet five au - Five’s time powers are a little different than canon. When he dreams, he sees the future. A possible future. He spends most of his childhood tweaking and prodding at the world to make sure his family is safe, terrified of being discovered. And then he starts dreaming of the apocalypse, of a life he hasn’t lived, and he decides to change the world. But he needs a little help. That’s where Vanya comes in. (one)

delayed au - when forty-three children were born, one mother looked Reginald Hargreeves in the eyes and said, no thank you. She would raise her child herself, thanks. Except her son turns five-years-old, and he’s not safe. He teleports, and he gets lost, and - she turns to the academy in desperation. Five knows about the outside world. Knows that he was loved. Reginald is full of shit, and Five tries his best to save the world. (one)

tog/tua crossover - Five dies in the apocalypse and starts dreaming of other people. Andy has been confused about the immortal child she’s dreamed about on and off for eons. Nile joins the team and with the power of google search, they set off to find the mystery child immortal. Five, on the other hand, would just like to stop the apocalypse and maybe take down the commission thank-you-very-much. (one, two, three)

rebel vanya au - Vanya’s meds suppressed her powers, but her emotions were fine. Vanya grew up loud, grew up sneaking out and acting out because the only attention she could wrench from Reginald was negative attention. With anger in her heart, a friendship with her favorite two brothers based on bashing their father, and girlfriend Helen Cho that was maybe an enemies to lovers orchestra au. When Five pops back up, Vanya isn’t going to let anything get in the way or her and her girlfriend’s concert, so obviously they have to stop the apocalypse. Right? (one)

the red book au - Five finds several things in the apocalypse. He finds an eye, he finds Vanya’s book, and he finds Reginald’s notebook. Five finds out about his sister’s powers when he’s just a teenager, and grows up knowing about them. This... changes some things, when he hops back in time to save everyone. (one, two)

five meets susan au - Susan Pevensie is an old woman now, but that’s okay, because Five is old as well where it matters. They’ve both lived through loss and love and heartache, both know what it’s like to be too old to be so young and too young to be so old. They both know what it’s like to be lost in a world so different from the one they knew before. They both know what it’s like to be left alone. But that’s okay, because Five needed someone who understands him and Susan is the closest thing he’s got. (one, two, three)

oneshots - Just little oneshots, usually within the scope of vague canon or post-stopping the apocalypse times where I write about just family bonding and conversation I would like to see happen in canon. Usually about the siblings bonding and occur on a whim. (one)

[in-tua-deep]

Thinking some more about the sort of training that the siblings would have gone through,,, Going to put this under a read more since it’s gon get LONG

LUTHER: Luther is deceptively the easiest one with the simplest and more straightforward power in my opinion? His powers are super strength and durability. So of course there would be general strength training, weights, etc. But endurance would have been a fucker. Having Luther hold massive weights for long periods of time until Luther physically couldn’t anymore. You can’t tell me that old Reggie would have been a good spotter, especially for the sort of weights Luther would have been on, so either Grace is stronger than she looks and helped out (possible) or Reggie just had Luther train without a spotter (depressingly likely). How often did Luther get hurt during his straining? Strain muscles? Drop weight or other objects on himself when he couldn’t hold it up anymore under the disappointed eyes of his father? Of course, I’m sure there would be shotput esque training. Luther hurls a bad guy out of a bank window, after all. He’s no Diego but I’m sure Reggie would have thrown in some throwing accuracy training for efficiency. And of course his power of durability - which I am actually afraid to theorize about? Are his bones more durable? I’m going to have to assume his muscles and bones are more durable due to the weights and shit he’s capable of lifting. Does he bruise? What sort of force is required to injure him? These are questions I am sure Reginald Hargreeves has written somewhere in that notebook of his but I am afraid to know how he found them out. DIEGO: Diego obviously has the power to throw things with incredible accuracy, curving them mid air and capable of manipulating their path. I’ve seen some things floating around regarding him being forced to practice with someone, usually Grace, as the target and having to throw the knives as close to her as possible. Which is, of course, unbelievably shitty considering how much Diego obviously cares for Grace. His training would probably also involve strength training? Though not to the same extent of Luther. But logically the stronger he is the more force he can put behind an object and the larger an object he would be able to throw to manipulate.  I can also see Diego having to do it blindfolded, having to rely on his memory of a room to throw knives at targets and having to do that repeatedly until he could bullseye every one to Reginald’s satisfaction. This would help him out in situations like when Luther was in his room and he tossed a knife through the crack in the door, relying on his memory of the room’s obstacles to curve the knives around to (almost) hit his brother. Also testing the general extent of his ability? Does he have to put the motion behind the knife himself in order to manipulate it (a la throwing) or would be be able to, say, drop a knife off a building where it isn’t him but gravity exerting the force on it?  I know in the comics(?) Diego has the ability to hold his breath pretty much forever but honestly the idea of Reginald Hargreeves testing and training that is really depressing for me and all I can think is him putting Diego in a water tank like he’s a glorified aquarium pet and then I get mad. ALLISON: Oh man, Allison’s power would be rough to train because it’s more about figuring out the limits of it than it is about training it to get stronger. On a related note, how did they even find out about her power which has a specific set of trigger words? Were they all just being little kids and teasing each other and it just happened? What was her first rumor? Okay anyway. SO because I think Reginald would have absolutely and expressly forbidden Allison from rumoring him (and I dread to think about what must have been the one time it did happen, because you know kids and pushing boundaries), I think Reginald either a) brought in strangers to have Allison use her powers on/took Allison out to have her use her powers (the former more likely bc controlled environment, at least at first) or b) have her test her powers on her siblings (depressingly likely). Personally I think both happened, I think she probably started out rumoring her siblings (it would have been fun at first, a game, like Simon Says) making one of the others do jumping jacks or dance. Then mood altering things (I heard a rumor you’re really happy today! I heard a rumor you think Klaus’s prank is stupid. I heard a rumor you want to play with me!) where she starts changing opinions and Reginald wants to see how long they last for, if she rumors for someone to forget something, will they ever be able to recover the memory? Do her powers have a time limit? Then, of course, she rumors Vanya into thinking she’s ordinary. Then I think for Actually Dangerous Things Reginald wouldn’t have wanted to damage the goods, so to speak, and would have started importing people for Allison to rumor. I feel like Reggie is That kind of asshole, so they were probably people no one would miss. Addicts, homeless people, criminals, etc. And then he’d have Allison rumor them to do things. He’d want to test to see if basic human survival instinct would overrule Allison’s rumors, right? Or maybe rumoring someone into doing something they’re so against they reject Allison’s rumors? Violence is something she was clearly comfortable of using her rumors for as a child. The first time we see her as a kid use her powers in the bank robbery, she smiles and tells the guy to shoot his friend in the foot. She doesn’t even blink at hurting someone, or using someone as a vehicle to hurt someone. And then in general, testing whether she would have to be face to face with someone to rumor them. Can she rumor people over intercoms? Over the phone? If she had a megaphone, would she be able to project her voice further to affect someone who wouldn’t be able to hear her without it? Can she rumor deaf individuals? If someone can’t understand the rumor (language barrier) will it still work? If someone is blocking out her voice with noise cancelling headphones, would it still work? Can Allison rumor people in other languages? If so, would sign language fall under that? I have a Lot of Questions, hello. KLAUS: My poor boy, my son. Okay, so clearly his ability is speaking with the dead and summoning spirits which really makes me question why the fuck Klaus was out running about on missions when his powers aren’t very offensively capable (barring when he manifests Ben to help out, which he Very Much Could Not Do when Ben was alive and kicking or literally anytime before that moment). Like, what the fuck Reggie? Was he the eternal lookout? Anyway, from what we can see in the show, Reggie’s focus seemed to be for Klaus to get over his fear of ghosts in order to access his abilities more. To be fair, Klaus’s power is a fucking difficult one to train for anyone without the powers. Klaus could deny until the cows come home that any spirits were present without Reggie being any the wiser, even if there were actually spirits present. Which is probably why fucking Reggie ended up tossing Klaus into the mausoleum and locking him in there, because he assumed that spirits would manifest in there for Klaus to see since it’s a house of the dead. Who let this man have children, again? Because surprise surprise, tossing children in with their greatest fear without any assistance or help and expecting them to get over it in fact traumatizes them even more! Before that though I think Reginald would take Klaus places and demand he commune with the dead and relay information to him. Or specifically take Klaus to like, a grave or something and try and make him purposefully conjure up a specific spirit idk. It probably wouldn’t work too well since, you know, Klaus is scared of the dead, but Reggie wouldn’t have cared. Hey, maybe he asked Klaus to summon up the people Allison presumably killed either via rumoring them to kill themself or rumoring someone else to kill them, two training with one stone amiright. Yeah, fuck Reginald Hargreeves for fucking up my son so badly. I wonder how many times Klaus fed him absolute bullshit answers or looking up murder stories and pretended to summon their victims and gave Reggie details that could be backed up just to get the old man off his back FIVE: Okay I have a lot of feelings about Five’s training bc,, he’s my fav sorry not sorry. First of all: his jumps. How far he can go, how many jumps he can make, whether distance is also a factor with how many jumps he can make (can he make fewer jumps if he increases the distance he is jumping). I definitely imagine that Reginald ordered Five to chain jump until he couldn’t anymore, and then tried to get Five to push through the block to jump even more. Did Five have set limits, or would training actually increase his spatial jump stamina? I also discussed in a fic about Five’s limits regarding movement and jumping. I think that ‘spatial jumps’ implies movement, and so if Five was immobilized and tied down I don’t think he’d be able to use his jumps to escape. Though if, say, it was just his hands tied together I think he’d still be able to move forward and jump he’d just take the restraints with him tbh. So I think as training, Reginald would probably try and figure out the limits of what conditions Five would be able to jump in. Can Five jump spatially in materials other than air? Aka, would Five be able to jump if he was in a body of water? Can he jump INTO objects other than air such as water? I’m assuming he has something that prevents him from jumping into solid objects and splicing himself (god or at least I hope he does) but would that extend to liquids etc.? Then I believe he was also trained in precision micro-jumps. Essentially, when having an object thrown at him he would be able to jump just a little bit to the side or in front of the object to avoid it hitting him without jumping across the room or something. Handy in tight quarters. In a fic I theorized that Reginald would essentially swing a cane at him to have Five jump to the other side of the cane before it hit him, and I stand by that. Then in general other testing, what can Five bring with him when he spatially jumps? What is the limitation of his ability? The size of an object? The mass? Composition? Five’s clothes clearly travel with him, but the only time we see him attempt to take a person with him that I can remember is when he tries to time travel with them, not spatially jump. Was he tested with animals before an attempt to jump with a human occurred? Could he jump with say, a hamster in his pocket? Does he have to be aware of what he’s taking with him or if something was slipping in his pocket would it travel with? Does he have to know where he’s jumping in order to do it? Does not knowing risk him splicing with a solid object? Would be be able to jump from a locked room into an unfamiliar second room, without seeing what or who might be inside? I have QUESTIONS. BEN: I feel like Ben’s power would just be straight up difficult to train tbh. Work on those core muscles man, get a regiment going. It caNNOT be easy to keep upright with a bunch of flailing tentacles coming from your person, I can barely keep my balance when one (1) small child attempts to climb my person. That shit has to be HEAVY unless there’s somehow no weight due to being otherworldly or something idk. They seem solid enough when they’re stabbing people, so I’m going to assume they have some heft to them. Ben must have abs of steel and the balance of the literal fae god damn.  So yeah I figure the only way to train that is?? To just do it? In a closed environment? Maybe getting rid of some of the people from Allison’s training? Try and control the other dimensional tentacles Ben and kill these people in a specific order or something! If you can order them to pick up that couch and throw it across the room then you get a treat! Literally I do not know. Presumably it is a very difficult power to control at least at first since Ben goes in a separate room to kill those bank guys without any of his siblings following him. They just wait until he’s done. Then as he trains he gets some more control until he dies? Bc he doesn’t kill any of his siblings at the theater there’s that, though idk if that’s because he’s dead or what - can Klaus aim Ben’s powers at people? Can he make Ben only corporeal to the bad guys to kill them and make him just go through the rest of them? But yeah idk how Ben trains smh VANYA: we see the tuning fork thing in the show, which presumably was pretty much the only training Reggie really managed to think of for Vanya to control her powers? I don’t know when their powers manifested but I’m assuming he didn’t know what they were from birth or anything. Allison’s at the very least requires speech. Diego’s requires throwing things which I’m pretty sure is a developmental milestone, being able to throw things. Can you even imagine a teleporting baby? Fucking anarchy for those poor nannies. So I’m choosing to assume they didn’t get their powers until they were at the very least toddlers with the vague ability to reason with them, because can you fucking IMAGINE Vanya weaponizing crying baby screams?? Grace would have been created a whole lot earlier lemme tell you that. Overall after he makes Allison fuck her up, Vanya seems to participate in training as an observer and recorder. He seems to care about her intellectual prowess at least and?? I don’t know, maybe was trying to fashion her into a sort of handler/trainer for the rest of her siblings? Maybe he gave her some of his data on the other siblings’ training to analyze. Maybe that’s what they were so angry about being in the book, idk. At least she had her violin as an escape amiright. That’s all I got for now lads, I haven’t read the comics or even looked at them so you know, I have no idea what that’s about, and I referenced exactly nothing besides the Wikipedia page idk how accurate that is so if there’s an answer to one of these questions hmu!!