#they would walk right out bc 'who tf does think think he is????' and merlin has had this interaction one too many time by then

[fluffypotatey]

A Thought:

As Emrys, Merlin is a very powerful sorcerer.

However, his utter lack of any formal training means Merlin is not a very good sorcerer.

The magic he does should be theoretically impossible, but he's got enough raw fucking power to just make it work. Infant demigod smashing blocks together and creating a Lego Death Star.

Merlin: *does magic that Should Not Work*

Other sorcerers:

AND THEY ARE RIGHT TO FEEL UPSET

IMAGINE YOU'RE A SORCERER. YOU'VE BEEN PRACTICING YOUR CRAFT, SHOOTING THE SHIT, LAYING LOW, PLOTTING PLANNING.....THEN THIS FARMY BOY TWINK SHOWS UP AND NUKES THE FUCKING PRIESTESS OF THE LAKE OF AVALON

I'D FEEL PISSED TOO

like, bro, you meet him, you're apprehensive of him bc 'shit that's emrys'. the emrys. the dude that's said to be the greatest sorcerer to ever walk the earth. you meet him. you can feel his magic and like holy shit, what the fuck was that??? you ask him how the fuck he gained so much power by the age of 21????

merlin: you mean....y'all don't also just have magic doing shit when you're a toddler

you, the sorcerer who has had to spend years getting control to fucking heat up a teapot: .........no.......no our magic doesn't do that

goddamn do you wanna just chuck this adult child into the lake and be done with it. better yet, you wish for the sprites to just pick you up and use your body as a sacrifice for entrance into Avalon.

and then, and then

you see how this motherfucker fights against bandits and "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU JUST PUSHING THEM AWAY??? WHERE'S THE SHOWMANSHIP??? THE PIZZAZZ??? HOW MANY SPELLS DO YOU KNOW???"

merlin, who forgot he can freeze time and space and can launch lightning bolts at people: uh....3???

it takes the triple goddess to restrain you from murking the prophesized warlock right then and there.

"NO, NO, FUCK THAT, FUCK THIS, FUCK ALL O' Y'ALL!" you scream as you jump on a ship and move to a place that doesn't have op young adult children who didn't study shit and yet still get an A+

[merlinthoughts]

Season 1 Episode 4 - The Poisoned Chalice

- god fucking dammit here we go again, i'm bloody done with my life and do not, at all, want to see merlin die bc i don't remember anything except that, yeah, he dies and someone has to get off their ass and save the motherfucking day and kiss him

- i realise how much i swear in these posts bc 1. when do i not? 2. i'm emotionally invested 3. i have no other excuse i just like swearing

- AAAND NIMUEHS IN CAMELOT SHE THINKS SHE'S SO SLY WITH HER HEAD THING

- id recognise her in a split second tbfh, she aint subtle

- *heterosexual tension*

- merlins skin be looking so smooth this episode, this boy be wearing lots of Dove

- he looked so excited to be in the banquet, then arthur just fucking slashes him with “not quite” and his hopes and dreams are destroyed

- “wanna see what you’ll be wearing tonight?” arthur says as he's behind the fucking changing curtains, about to get undressed and show merlin his birthday suit

- i honest to god thought that was where he was going, but no, he was just getting something from behind it

- “tonight you’ll be wearing the official ceremonial robes of the servants of camelot” IT'S A FUCKING DRESS ISN'T IT

- aw damn id have preferred a dress

- that smile shared between them was the most adorable scene

- god

- i

- fucking

- love

- their

- smiles 

- sm

- best thing ive ever seen

- i mean… hunty look at that piece of glistening butter beauty

- wow ok back to the episode:

- bros being bros and giving each other a handshake to destroy the mortal enemy pack and put together a family, we stan.

- as if a servant who has only had eye sex with another servant ONCE would trust them enough to say that one of the chalices were poisoned. like??? “ur the only one i could tell” LMAO NO?

- she's a sly fucking dog tfbh

- “if he kills arthur, uthers soul will be broken and camelot will fall” at this rate uther prob wouldn't care if his son dies or not, look at him, he's already mentally broken. he has anxiety and paranoia over magic. child services where u at in the medieval ages?

- i wouldn't believe a word she said, or well, id have believed it was poisoned but id say yeah no damn way you aren't in on it if you know which one it is. bayard wouldn't tell a fucking servant.

- HE'S GONNA SNAP ISN'T HE

- MERLIN FUCKING SNAPPED

- yknow what we say here folks? U DO U MERLIN

- okay i was fine if uther made bayard drink it but like the moment uther said “mmmh… no.” and slowly turned to merlin i think my arteries just crunched together and died so

- “if it is poisoned, he’ll die” HE'S FUCKING SCARED MERLIN WILL PASS AWAY ISN'T HE?

- “it's fine” he says, then starts to fucking choke

- ah fuck he's down

- my boy is down

- FUCK ME SIDEWAYS WITH A CHAINSAW

- ARTHUR CROUCHES NEXT TO HIM LIKE “BB NO”

- lmfao bayard looks so shocked, his face is in disbelief and confusion, he's like who tf done me bad

- arthurs carrying merlin fireman style this is what i live for folks

- did like nobody notice the flower stuck on the inside of the cup? like honestly if you take a sip you’d kinda spot it or perhaps even the person pouring the drinks would have been “is this chamomile tea? no? then what the fuckery-doo is this leaf in here for?” yknow. it's like that scene in Matilda when the angry buff lady completely missed a fucking salamander in her cup when it was the size of her bloody hand. it brings out the same mood honestly

- does gaius have an index for these books or does he just have every page memorised and know exactly what page to go bc I FUCKING NEED THAT it would make bio so much easier if i knew what page it was on instead of looking back and forth from the homework sheet to my textbook, then closing it by accident and having to find the index again for that specific page i need

- arthur wants to fucking go on a life-or-death journey to save merlin i've never been so happy

- this is honestly my favourite episode, like it may be really fucking angsty but i love it so much

- arthur betrays his dad and leaves his room even after being told not to just so he can save a servants life is literally my new moto

- NO IT WON'T LOAD MY NETFLIX IS STUCK ON 99%

- okay so while i'm waiting for my shit to load, i just discovered the new fucking tumblr rule starting dec 17 and i'm like 0.2 inches away from just spamming NSFW pics on here just for laughs

- like hunty, that won't stop people from posting elsewhere or for thinking about sex bc like??? whatchu gonna do tumblr?? get the fbi to erase it from our minds

- i think nOT thot

- watch me get flagged for just using the fucking term “NSFW”

- i'm gonna end up asterisking everything (is asterisking a word? wow it has red under it so like probably not but i just added it to my dictionary so uhh it is now)

- by asterisking i dont mean furry kin shit ew no

- i mean like N*FW, s*x, t*mblr, m*rthur

- god it took me like 20 minutes to calibrate my fucking wifi and fix the connection problem

- wow the stage for the poison increased by 75% in 30 mins, damn

- merlins like like having a conniption on his bed lmao, chanting arthurs name and sweating lot

- do we ever find out how uther gets that scar bc i'm like 100% positive arthur was a little child and swayed his fucking sword too hard just as uther rounded the corner. the sword then collided into his fucking brain and destroyed a good part of his intelligence, targeting especially his morals on how to accept people and how to be a good father

- that’s my theory

- merlin starts talking enchantments in his sleep while gwens watching, and gaius is just there like wtf merlin ur blowing ur cover “oh! gwen!! uhhh sorry. he’s just... in a latin study group in his pastime and has an oral presentation in minutes”

- omg, nimueh, stfu

- i didn't know dinosaurs existed back then, this reptile be whack

- y’know what's funny? ppl thinking dinosaurs didn’t exist. i find creationism very very very intriguing bc how fucking stupid could you be

- that sword throw was faker than my moms tits

- arthur could have done better

- k but like what if merlin’s hand wasn’t under the covers? like he was just throwing that blue ball around right in front of gwen

- can arthur like not hear her? nimuehs literally enchanting the rocks right behind his ear lobes and arthur acts nothing of it until those said rocks collapse and he gasps and suddenly he realises shes evil

- also his fucking hair in this scene looks glorious. perhaps bc it's pushed back rather than his bowl cut, but its doing things to my abdomen

- i thought for a second she was pulling off her mask to say “nimueh” and arthur was gasping bc he only recognised her after her hair was shown, just like in that scene with joker and harvey in the hospital

- OH RIGHT THE SPIDERS I LIKE COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THOSE SONS OF A GUNS

- i’d be dead if those spiders came crawling up to eat me lmfao

- k so nimueh went from :) to >:D in half a second

- i'm smelling up those symbolisms, boys

- watch out pals cause here are some of them:

- merlin is the LIGHT of arthur’s life

- he LIGHTS up the party

- he gives arthur a BRIGHTER future

- he's the GUIDE for his path

- hahhahahaha

- i'm serious when i say i have a huge fear of insects (spiders count in that too, no discrimination) so i'm just putting that there, saying to yall id be fucking terrified

- gaius would be so confused, like we don't see his face here but merlins close-up sweaty concentrated frown, but he’s literally just screaming “ARTHUR!!” “FASTERRR!!” “YESS!!” “CLIMB!!!” gaius would be looking like he walked into something he wasn't supposed to. prob thinking he should just let the kid die so he doesn’t have to deal with this shit anymore

- UTHER LOCKED HIS SON AWAY I'M FUCKING QUESTIONING HIS PARENTING SKILLS

- that's grounding???? throwing ur child in prison???

- yes 999 can i have child services on his ass

- gwens so smart honestly i love her

- pretending to be a maiden for the food, god what a queen

- arthur buying it and saying “yuck you say this is food?! disgustang!”

- the fact that i misspelled disgusting but it autocorrected to disgustang (which is originally what i wanted but autocorrect shouldn’t have known) makes me consider if i should really check my dictionary…. who knows what words are on there

- they’re so smart

- and then this fucker ruins it all while eating his food, checking her out and saying yeah arthurs a prick, hyuck hyuck, realising only that wait fuck u aint the maiden

- how’d they know GWEN was the one not supposed to have delivered the food, what if it was that chick right there???

- welll….. maybe it's because gwen took her sweet time up those steps, staring as if she couldn’t blink at the guards below

- i forget what happens at the end of this episode besides the kiss, and there's like 9 minutes left my fingers may rot at this point

- wake him up! wake him up!

- OH WAIT HE DOESN'T FUCKING WAKE UP DOES HE AND EVERYONE PANICS

- YEAH OKAY I'M SEEING THAT NOW

- MERLIN STOPPED BREATHING

- LMAO GWEN IS IN TEARS

- “HE'S DEAD” SHE SAYS

- ARTHUR BB COME IN HERE TO KISS UR HUBBY ALIVE

- OH WAIT UR IN FUCKING PRISON

- WAIT UP, HE'S ALIVE AND SHE KISSES HIM AFTERWARDS????

- FUCK ME I THOUGHT FOR THE WHOLE EPISODE THE KISS HAPPENED BC HE COULDN'T WAKE UP THAT'S FUCKING WITH ME I DIDN'T KNOW

- i keep forgetting to switch up the cap locks, sorry if it seems im screaming im legit using my inside voice for most of the time just emphasizing my words a little more

- goddamn, everytime they say mercia i just think of “murica”, like those americans on the 7th of july or whatever date the “we love our country” day is, chanting it as they throw around beers and fireworks as people gather round in jerseys or crop tops

- it's not that hard to spot the european on here

- the most celebrated holiday here which contains a lot of beers and big pub gatherings (besides every fucking night honestly) is either new years, lowkey stereotypically correct saint patricks, and ig easter monday but that's more for the kiddos

- i mean ofc christmas and all that shit but im not the most devoted christian, i just like presents and small gatherings among good friends

- wow okay it wasn't the 7th of july

- i mean at first i looked up “USA day” (i couldn’t remember the name) and it popped up today’s date, and i was like no thats not it at all. dec?? its in like july i think. and i was close! it was july 4th.

- uther damn knows it's nimueh!!!

- i mean, he just overheard morgana and arthur talk about it, and initiated himself into a convo about it once morgana left, as his sneaky ass just slithered up like “hey man, u know that woman? yeah uhh, what she say? anything about me? no? k i know who it is tho”

- i thought he was going to apologize or like explain to arthur what's the sitch, but he just waits for five whole seconds before saying. “those who practice magic know only evil. they despise and seek to destroy goodness wherever they find it.”

- arthur, confused: sounds as if you know her

- uther, walking away: i do

- arthur:

- wow k lots of fucking quotes here cause it's the merthur reunion

- get ready babs

- arthur: still alive then?

- merlin: oh yes, just about… i understand i have you to thank for that

- arthur, leaning on the chair merlin is sitting in, stifling a smile: ah it's nothing, a half-decent servant is hard to come by. i was only dropping by to make sure you’re alright… i.... expect you to be back to work tomorrow

- merlin, watching arthur as he slightly walks away having embarrassed himself: arthur... thank you

- arthur, slowly: you too

- they stare for like 5 whole seconds

- arthur, uncomfortable: well… get some rest

- there we go folks: my eulogy.

- hope someone reads it at my funeral

[blumearts]

(I’ve started a little “series” thing. I’ve got ideas for all of the Potter-Malfoy kids and I’ll be releasing drawings and headcanons of them. I hope you enjoy!! I’d advise that you go look at Anita and Lyra’s stuff to avoid confusion)

The second of the Potter-Malfoy kids I’d like to introduce you to is Cassiopeia 

headcanons: 

After Anita and Lyra are around three, Harry + Draco decide they want another little monster

They adopt Cassiopeia (also a muggle born) when she’s nearly a year old (they’re both 24)

They decide her middle name will be Sirius. 

Harry is like “yeah… I mean I like it but that’s a boy’s name, isn’t it?” 

+ Draco is just “???? yeah ??? and your point is???” 

She’s from Japan and for her first few weeks insists on calling Harry “Kakka” and Draco “Totto” (japanese baby talk for “okaasan” and “otousan” ; dad and mom) 

but she eventually rides with the whole “bābā” thing for Harry but still calls Draco “Totto” despite his best attempts to persuade her to call him daddy like Anita and Lyra do. 

she continues to call him Totto even when she’s an adult

so now Harry and Draco, finally fluent enough in Arabic, have to also learn Japanese 

not only to keep Cassiopeia’s language intact but also bc she’s saying lots of things in Japanese that Draco and Harry do not understand which makes Cassiopeia beyond mad bc god damn it can someone just take  her to pee or pick her up ?! what do you two not undERSTAND ABOUT “CHII !” + “DAKKO !” !!

She’s a major tantrum thrower

which is super foreign to Harry and Draco bc Anita an Lyra were not like that at all

the twins are -at first- much better at Japanese than Draco or Harry

while the dads are scrambling around while Cassiopeia shrieks “OPPAI” over and over again and Harry’s just in a fit bc “neITHER OF US HAVE BREASTS WHY DOES SHE WANT BREASTS” (you gotta remember, he isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed)

+ Lyra, ever the snarky one, rollers her eyes and toddles over to her sister’s high chair, stretching to give the girl her own cup of milk and Harry’s just like “oh right okay.”

The twins just love having a little sister. Their both pretty used to sharing, growing up with a twin and all.

Cassiopeia is also extremely clingy. Specifically to Harry. Again, something totally odd to them bc the twins were always off with each other nearly getting lost 24/7 ( whERE THE FUCK DID THEY GO THEY WERE JUST RIGHT HERE- oh there they are, rolling in the mud.)

+ Draco is ofc petty af that she’s not clingy to him

They’re a bit uncertain whether or not she’s a squib at first bc she doesn’t really show any signs of magic

and they have to have a whole conversation with each other about what to do if she is a squib

but Draco geso to wake her up one morning and her hair is bright green.

+ Draco is just O.O 

Anita calmly just says “she’s a momopha” and Draco is like “a what?” “like teddy ! a momopha !” 

and Draco’s like ooooh she’s a metamorphmagus 

but she’s for some reason not that great at it?? 

bc even when she’s older she had a hard time turning her hair or eyes different colors as easy as Teddy does. so mostly her hair is just black

All three of the kids call Molly “Gran” + Arthur “Grandad” and refer to the Weasley kids as their “Uncles + Aunt”,  while their children are cousins. (we’re either ignoring that Hinny ever happened or they did happen and Ginny and Harry just totally got past it without weirdness)

Hermione, Fleur, Angelina, & Lucy all also have the titles of ‘Aunt’ too

Which 110% okay with Harry as well as the Weasleys bc after the war Molly had insisted that Harry is also her son (which has a small bit to do with losing Fred)

+ the first time Harry called her “mum” she literally sobbed all over him while Arthur just acted like harry had always called him “dad”

+ the other Weasley just super casual get into the habit of saying “yeah, my/our brother, Harry” and “Our nieces…” 

While the twins and literally every other family member call the Weasley kids by their shorter names  Cassiopeia will not.

“Uncle William”,  “Uncle Charles” ,“Uncle Ronald” , “Aunt Ginevera” , “Uncle Percival” (she would also 100% call Fred “Uncle Fredrick” if he was alive)

George thinks it’s fucking hilarious and whenever she’s around calls Harry “Harold” just for a kick. And Harry’s just like thaT’S NOT EVEN MY NAME

Cassiopeia absolutely adores Charlie.

I mean, she fucking loves the shit out of him. She thinks he’s the coolest thing to ever walk the planet.

And one time while she was on his lap she was concentrating v hard with her fists balled up and eyes squeezed shut + Charlie was like oh shit she’s gonna poop or something but her hair shortens and turns red to mimic his exact hair cut

It only lasts for a second but Charlie is just floored. he thinks it so cool

and ofc this whole thing becomes some sort of competition for Bill to win her affection from Charlie (it never works though. she thinks Uncle Charles is the coolest cat around for her whole life)

Cassiopeia one day comments that she likes Bill’s fang earring (whICH HE STILL WEARS) + Bill automatically gets her one so that they can match. 

she never takes it off (even as an adult) and Molly is just pissed

So by the time she’s 4 or 5, one day she’s making something with Molly while the whole family is there and Molly offhandedly comments that she could be a cook and Cassiopeia just shouts “NO I WANT TO RIDE DRAGONS” and everyone swears to Merlin’s saggy ass that Charlie got tears in his eye.

Molly ofc is like “you can’t ride Dragons, dear.  that’s very dangerous” 

But Fleur (who loooovvvveessss the girls) just pops a grape (or whtever) into her mouth and says “I think shee would make a fantasteec Dragon ridair”

at which Cassiopeia beams 

By the time she’s about 9 or 10 she is adamant that people call her Sirius bc Cassiopeia is” too much of a mouthful” and “she’d be damned” if anyone calls her “Cassie” at Hogwarts

so they oblige 

she starts cursing from the age of 10 and never stops (it’s totally not “Uncle Ronald’s” fault at all)

She’s sweet and loves animals to death

I mean, she’s the kid always coming home with some new magical creature like “Can I keep it  bābā?” “pleeeeasseee Totto?”

Draco + Harry are like “noooo that’s a ClabBERT PLEASE PUT IT BACK PUT IT BACK”

By the time she’s 11 she has an Occamy, 3 dogs, 2 kneazles, 2 pygmy puffs, a tortoise, a snake and a partridge in a pear tree

When she gets to Hogwarts rules are bent (bc shit she’s Harry Potter’s kid) and she brings her snake (kitty) , both pygmy puffs (mop + jeff), one of her kneazles (Charles), and her tortoise (Voldetort) 

she doesn’t bother with owls bc Anita and Lyra both have owls. She uses them at her own leisure.

her dormmates were very O.O uhhhh at first but they began to love all the pets, accepting them as their own, the entire house loves them all, and just lets them roam the entire common room.

She’s a Gryffindor btw 

something Harry just fucking lOVEs

“I told you didn’t I? I said she’d be a Gryffindor.” “Potter, shut tf up. You said you’d bet half your ass that she’d be in Slytherin”

She’s a seeker (a damn good one too) and decided to go by ‘Malfoy’ (which harry is totally all here for)

So, in conclusion, Sirius Malfoy is the bomb.com