Yknow, I think this passage really captures how Ouyang views Esen, especially in contrast with how Baoxiang views Esen. Ouyang geuinely believes the best of Esen, he genuinely belives that Esen is good and pure and kind and that it's himslef that is taining him into being otherwise. And while Ouyang is right in that he's technically responsible for Esen’s current emotional state (he did very much kill Esen’s dad and frame his brother for it, that is very much a thing he just did), for once it isn't his fault for the everything else going on with Esen?
I do think Esen is generally good-natured, and tries to be kind and generous to those he loves, but it's very clear that Ouyang has reduced him to JUST that in his head. He only sees Esen’s best qualities as inherent to him, and all the bad ones are Ouyang's fault somehow. He blames himself for Esen not understanding him (because there's something wrong with him, and even when he's mad at Esen for not caring enough to notice certain things he justifies it in his head by making it about his own unmanliness or whatever and Esen is just to perfect for that), for any failure in battle (yeah you're the general but Esen also approved this hes your boss dude), and generally for any moment where Esen exhibits less than stellar behaviour/capacity/etc. When in reality, we have a lot of moments where Esen is just sort of a dick, many of which are pre-ouyang (courtesy of HWDtW wbx flashbacks, which, granted, are also biased but my point still stands). We see Esen's constant and usually unjustified frustration with wbx and sometimes Ouyang, we see him be dismissive of the things they tell him, in the pre-order reward its pretty much stated that he makes a habit of dumping Ouyang outside brothels for hours while he goes inside to get laid, in one of his first scenes we see how much he enjoys it when Ouyang spends the whole morning tormenting Altan (altho tbf he kinda deserved it, altan suuuccckkss), and in general Esen just kinda treats people like crap sometimes. He's snapish and short-tempered and stubborn and imperious, loves whining about stuff, and is a shitty brother and best friend. He's got a lot of good qualities too, like how he's one of the few people that treats Ouyang with respect and tries to treat him as an equal, how his first reaction when wbx is insulted is to come to his defense (even if wbx usually foils his attempts by immediately clapping back and storming off), how we see him recognize he gets frustrated witj wbx too easily and tries to hold his temper back, how he immediately self-sacrifices to save Ouyang from his dad, how even after thinking wbx killed their dad he does really want to forgive him.
My point is, Esen is trying, but he's a very flawed human being, and Ouyang just can't seem to grasp that. He looks at him with rose-colored glasses. And it's so interesting that amongst all the shitty things Ouyang has done (and this duology really just is Ouyang and WBX fuck up yuan dynasty china to truly Epic proportions), the one he feels worst about is the one that isn't actually his fault (sorta). He may have killed Chaghan and been the catalyst for Esen's emotional blow up, but he isn't responsible for Esen having the capacity to burn WBX's books. That was Esen's decision. He hasn't somehow manipulated Esen into an eviler, crueler version of himself by virtue of existing evil-y and eunuch-y and revengefully im his vicinity. Esen was always capable of this, even if we take out Ouyang's actual manipulations, and I think this whole I-tainted-hin mentality really encapsulates how fucked up their relationship and Ouyang's mental state are in general. After all, Ouyang doesn't feel bad about the murder, or the framing, and he feels guilt about causing Esen pain, but most of all, he feels absolutely terrible that he's shattered what he sees as Esen’s purity, which in reality is mostly just the pedestal he himslef put him on. Man, what a fucked up little guy.
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✨ OC Tag Game ✨
I was tagged by @greypetrel to roast my OCs make Sophie's Choice kind of decisions but these are some fun decisions 👌 thank you so much dear!!
Also I'm stealing the magenta and purple color scheme because I'm obsessed lol
I'm tagging here so y'all can avoid this monsterpost and go straight to the tag game lol
@underneathestars @sparatus @daggerbean @bruxbea @n7viper @transprincecaspian @that-one-halfwit and those whose name starts with J.
I had to dig deep in my personal can of worms so grab a drink, a bunch of popcorns and a new pair of eyes because this is going to be one of the longest posts I've ever made.
I'm not joking, I'm apologizing :'D
Favourite OC:
Ankh/Lav. I played favorites since I created this space and I have no problem exposing my horrible self lol
She's the perfect person for me, always challenging herself without being afraid of failure. Even if she has some terrible flaws, she does her best to process them in a mature way.
Writing her helped me a lot coming to terms with some things in my personality that I despised :'D she pesters influences the two realms of being, basically.
Also she's gorgeous, isn't she? *pinches cheeks* bella de mamma 💛
Newest OC:
HER. The icon, the legend, the witch of the needle.
Adra, trans-woman, city elf, much bitch, such stylist.
She calls people by titles she invents on the spot based off their personality (which is a thing that cannot be transferred into the english language since titles aren't a thing ;; sigh), she's one that states what's wrong with you right in your face, and she's constantly in pain because of her job - one day is her back, the other it's the eyes, but somehow humidity is always involved.
She calls herself old but she's not that old, like, she's in her 60s << anyway, she takes advantage of it a lot for her own entertainment.
Coming from the Denerim alienage for then moving to Highever, she has had all the experiences one can think of so she appears a bit skeptical when it comes to big scale projects born from righteous ideals. However she seems to believe in the Inquisition. Well, she trusts its leader and her work, but she's a fereldan through and through so she's leaning more on a "I'm gonna judge the overalls when I see the results" attitude. So far, she's satisfied, but she'll never express it.
Queen Anora #1 fangirl.
Oldest OC:
Rhian, daughter of Beathan
...who at the beginning was a Lord of the Rings OC but then she turned into something I'm using for a personal project with a medieval fantasy setting, so now she's running free and untied from a beloved franchise :'D weee
There is some bisexual awakening going on but it's actually a story about found family, gender roles, and honesty. I'll get back to it at some point. Hopefully.
She's the Mulan of my roster, pretending to be a man to join the local army and having to deal with a big menace while questioning her faith on authority.
She's very brave, caustically sarcastic, an average soldier, and has loud opinions that always put her in trouble.
Also she's a capricorn, she can open jars and she will let you know until she dies.
Meanest OC:
Lenore fucking Shepard
WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED LMAO
She's manipulative, controlling, outright nasty towards pyjaks, and would 100% push you towards the zombie horde as bait if that means she gets to save herself plus her squad.
She does have a few reedeeming qualities but it's not even slightly enough to grant her a "maybe she's good on the inside" consolation prize.
To be fair, she's the most emotional character of the bunch, super sensitive towards children and people that can't fight for themselves. The ones she likes, yeah, but still!
Hands down my favorite store on the Citadel <3
Softest OC:
All of th--
Absolutely him.
Mr. Rivelli. Wiccan, chemistry genius, chainsmoker, incapable of interfacing himself emotionally with those surrounding him.
He's quite the introvert, but he daydreams like a pro and he's very passionated about his interests. He can't look at people in the eye, but he's the most loving and communicative plant dad one could think of <3
He's a soft boy, he just has a lonely nature.
He's part of a project called "The Wedding Planner", it's a boy meets boy story, both of the main characters are in their thirties and there's a "what am I doing with my life" type of approach to the plot. It's a 30 years old / mid life crisis type of story, basically, with a wedding. The wedding is important. Very. It makes it cheesy. We worship cheese in this household.
Most Aloof/Standoffish OC:
Absolutely him, and it's a coping mechanism.
Castor "Cass" Actius never shows emotions because he bottles all them up. And it's a long bottle - he's very tall.
I was torn between soft and aloof in this case, but he's definitely one that acts like he's the calmest but in truth he's screaming internally all the time. Probably one of the characters I can relate to the most lol
He's all legs and sugars, has a thing for tea, he's the fourth of four siblings and probably the most well adjusted out of them - which says a lot about the state of his family considering he's clinically depressed and an addict <<
He's a great leader, calm and detached, also he doesn't seem very approachable at first. At second as well, and at third, and at...
But he's a cool person with big mom energy. If you're under his command, prepare to be scolded frequently, but also to be defended strenuosly in front of his superiors because you're perfect and you did nothing wrong, never in your life!!
Best baker of the bunch, sorry Hawke.
Dumbest (affec-- lmao they wish!!) OC:
These three.
They all trusted the apostate.
On a scale from Stupid to "I trampled on my feet and now the kitchen is on fire" however, Ela is definitely the one sitting on the ambulance with a blankie on her shoulders.
Here, have a banner all for yourself, dumbelina <3
Although I'm talking about that kind of stupidity that makes you look like a fool during situations that require a little bit of foresight or planning. She basically winged some of the most important decisions during the Blight, the others were taken because of her strong sense of honor and justice, but like
You can't apply that all the time and then go surprised pikachu face when people call you out for being impulsive.
Smartest OC:
Him. Hands down.
Serge "Twinkles" R'lyeh. He's MacGyver with the sensitivity of Tori Amos, also he's your therapist and your sugar daddy at the same time.
He's an aerospace engineer turned infiltrator turned spy turned college teacher turned practical fx specialist turned distinguished officer during the war turned loving husband and best uncle...
Like, there's so much to him! He lived a tons of lifetimes at once because he's talented brilliant incredible amazing showsto--
Probably the second favorite, because he seems like he's perfect but he has a problem taking responsibilities. He's also very childish, egocentric, he second guesses you as if it was a competitive sport when it comes to things he can do better, and his mouth is the envy of every sailor from here to the Attican Traverse - because he swears a lot but also for the other reason *cough*
I kinda loved having to deal with someone that was on top of many skills, it made so much room for planning a big downfall <3 oh, and he fell. Hard.
I'm gonna stop but know that I would keep writing about him for other 30-40 paragraphs, gushing and blabbering incoherently because he's my special self absorbed space kitty, trust me on that.
I'll just say that he built a working real life deluminator when he was a fluff. he smort
OC I'd probably be friends with:
None of them, they're terrible people with a lot of problems and I made them like that so if I had to meet them they'd ki--
It's them. Ankh and Kerry. Who else?
I need the extrovert friend who ignores my rain checks and comes to my doorstep with a pile of books concerning the strangest topics, and the chill friend who can cook a brilliant pasta while he listens to me complaining about the post office. Also, they're the ones I'm the least afraid of.
On a more serious note, they have a huge deal of compassion and care; he's an empath, she's an active listener. Also I vibe with creative people that show a huge passion for what they're doing, plus I wouldn't mind having to bury some animal bones from time to ti-- cook and bake. I like to roam around the kitchen with my friends and talk about whatever. We talk a lot in this household <<
This was a lot and I'm sorry but y'all read the introduction of this blog, the blorbos are my Jub-Jub Bouvier and I can't help myself :'DDD
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32 goodcox!!!
32. “I can’t wait to kiss you.” x goodecox
Jackie has felt Gigi’s eyes on her all night. Ever since they left the house there’s only been a handful of times Jackie has noticed Gigi looking elsewhere.
And it’s not that Jackie doesn’t love the attention, because of course she does. She looks good -- she knows it, Gigi knows it, everyone in the restaurant knows it. But it’s teetering on the verge of off putting, it’s almost too much. It’s somewhere around the fourth mouthful of sticky date pudding that Jackie decides to speak up on it.
“What is it, Geege?” Jackie sighs, and all Gigi can do is raise her brows in an attempt to play coy, “is there something in my hair, is there something in my teeth? You’ve been staring at me for over an hour, so what is it?” Jackie’s jaw clenches when Gigi starts to laugh.
“No no, you’re good,” Gigi brings her elbows to the table and rests her head in her hands, “I just can’t wait to kiss you.” The blood rushing to Jackie’s face and chest is red hot, she can feel the flush washing over her. Gigi kissing her isn’t a new thing, but this feeling is. It’s strange and exciting, but the longer the butterflies sit in her tummy, the bigger the smile on Jackie’s face gets.
They barely make it outside before Gigi pulls Jackie towards a small sidestreet and up against the brick wall. The kiss takes Jackie by surprise -- it’s soft and needy and full of love and want, she can taste the butterscotch on Gigi’s lips and tongue.
“I’ve wanted to do that all night,” Gigi sighs before leaving another peck on Jackie’s lips, “take me home.”
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