#thinking a lot about the passage of time after starting aa4

[otaku553]

The passage of time

[rivalsforlife]

AAA thank you for the commentary and also for the links for the art + the piece with kay giving miles a hug, i hadn't seem them!! miles really really needed that hug :C since you said you like doing commentary, i'm so sorry, but can i ask for phoenix and miles talking in the hospital in chapter 7? reading the commentary about The Scene made me rush to read it again right after haha take your time though, i get these are long to do and all!! thank you again!

Anonymous said:

Wait hold on I would purchase this DVD Director’s Cut Commentary on your fics in heartbeat! I only just realized that you were doing them. Sorry to be another catch up game request and sorry that it’s a somewhat long passage, but could you comment on the scene where Phoenix and Miles reconcile in Miles’ hospital room in chapter 8?

Got two asks for this one so I guess I have to do it haha! (And I’m assuming the first anon meant chapter 8 instead of chapter 7 haha.)

and also @\ second anon request I am so glad to hear that there’s a market for my 150 hour long DVD that’s me reading my fics and then rambling about them repetitively the whole time, maybe I can drop out of school after all! (jokesjokes)

Anyways!! the scene!! under the cut!!

I totally lied I have a few things to talk about first... this is probably one of the scenes I fiddled around the most with at the last minutes before publishing, because like I said in my commentary of The Scene at the end of chapter 5, it got a much bigger reaction than I was anticipating and then I was side-eyeing the rest of this fic to make sure it worked out haha. Particularly this scene, since it’s sort of the resolution to the end of chapter 5, so I wanted it to work out alright without it seeming like it just... wrote off everything that happened with chapter 5.

Okay I’ll start now I promise.

Phoenix’s heart pounded in his chest to a degree he thought might have something to do with a health condition. Maybe it was in the pamphlets. Kay reached around him, knocked on the door, and gave him a wink before darting away. How disrespectful.

meddlesome thief daughter is determined to help get her totally-not-a-dad a boyfriend. Also Phoenix is way more intimidated by the thought of an Honest Emotional Conversation than he is at running into a burning building which I think is in character, honestly.

“Come in,” said Edgeworth’s muffled voice, so Phoenix gave himself one moment to take a deep breath and then entered the room.

Edgeworth sat in the bed by the window, looking at his burnt and bent out-of-shape Steel Samurai figurine perched on the windowsill. At least it had been recovered; Edgeworth was fond of that one. Edgeworth himself was definitely worse for wear, with his hands bandaged and gripping tightly to his inner arms, and his skin a sickly pale colour where it wasn’t bruised, but he was awake and alive and the sight was nearly breathtaking.

hhghgh okay confession time! Up until I was about halfway through the fic the big moments in chapter 7 went down a little differently - originally this was going to involve, like, Miles getting kidnapped by the mafia group he was taking down and then Phoenix would go in and break him out of there, but then I ended up taking it out because I wasn’t really Vibing with it and it just seemed too dramatic and implausible... but honestly what I went with was probably equally dramatic and implausible, so no points there for me.

I mean I kinda regret burning down the prosecutor’s office. If I had more time to prepare/edit or I guess if I could do one thing in this fic differently, I’d probably rewrite part of this resolution so it was more emotionally oriented because I suck at action. plus like the health-related consequences of this whole misadventure kind of got glossed over, in true ace attorney fashion, but regardless. 

This was absolutely caused by me not being totally sure what hurt/comfort meant (which chapters 7 and 8 were based on as a theme) and figuring to go with the safer option of more physical hurt/comfort than more emotional hurt/comfort; although some of that got in there at the end.

And one of my edits was definitely recovering the Steel Samurai figurine because that was the most critical thing in Miles’ office imo. Or at least from Miles’ perspective.

Edgeworth looked over as Phoenix entered, and his entire body sagged in relief. “Phoenix,” he breathed.

“Hey.” Awkwardly sticking his hands in his pockets, Phoenix walked over and sat on the chair beside his bed. He couldn’t help but think about the last time he and Edgeworth had been in a hospital room together, their positions reversed. “How’re you feeling?”

“I’ve been better,” said Edgeworth, and his voice was still rough. “I—I don’t… you’re alive.”

“‘Course I am.”

“Gumshoe and Kay told me everything, you know.” A menacing look flashed through his eyes. “What you did.”

Phoenix braced himself.

Gumshoe and Kay probably were there right when Miles woke up, a little before Phoenix did, I suppose -- or at least around when he was being rescued, maybe? I didn’t think this timeline through super well since Miles was in worse condition... ignore that! Anyways they definitely told Miles that Phoenix was alive, but considering Miles presumably witnessed him fall through a burning building, he can’t fully believe it until he sees Phoenix upright and walking around like nothing’s wrong.

“How could you be so reckless?” he hissed, and even though some of the danger was lessened when his voice was so shaky, Phoenix still recoiled. “You could have died, easily! You defied direct police orders and — and all — all logic and reason and for what?”

“To save you. Of course.”

“I would have been fine!”

Risking his life for someone is just your average Tuesday for Phoenix. But it shook up Miles a lot, and all of his anger is completely coming from a place of concern, but Miles being Miles doesn’t really know how to express emotions outside of angry glaring and in this case angry yelling.

“Would you?” Phoenix challenged, and Edgeworth’s glare redoubled. “Look, Edgeworth, I wasn’t going to die, not while I still had something to live for —”

“How is that going to stop you?” Edgeworth demanded. “People can have the world to live for and they still die! By your logic, I-I wasn’t enough for m-my —” He turned away and broke off into a coughing fit.

The realization struck Phoenix like a physical blow. “No, I didn’t mean to suggest —”

The “I wasn’t going to die, not while I had something to live for” is a reference to Phoenix’s line at the end of AA4; “People don't die that easily, really. ... As long as they've got something worth living for.” Which is a nice sentiment, really, and might work for Mr. Indestructible over here, but is not how things actually work, which Miles points out.

What he was going to say (if it’s not obvious) is “By your logic, I wasn’t enough for my father,” because you know Gregory would have done anything to stay with his son, but a bullet to the heart is a bullet to the heart. There’s not much “having something to live for” can do about that.

“Something to live for isn’t going to save you!” continued Edgeworth, once he recovered. “Why can’t you realize that? It’s not going to stop a bullet, it’s not going to save you from a fall, you — how much longer are you going to keep relying on your luck like this?! Do you — do you even realize how much danger you keep putting yourself in?”

His choice of examples here are what I want to talk about - “not going to stop a bullet” refers to both Gregory’s murder and also the last time he saw Phoenix’s life in danger, during SOJ when the guards burst in and are pretty much pointing guns at their heads -- I’d be surprised if Miles wasn’t terrified watching that, even if he wouldn’t admit it after everything calmed down. “not going to save you from a fall” refers both to this most recent falling through a burning building but ALSO Phoenix falling through the burning bridge in Bridge to the Turnabout, another instance where Phoenix almost died and Miles was involved.

And the events of SOJ where Phoenix walks in and risks his life for a kid, while something that Miles understands he would do since that’s the kind of guy Phoenix is, still were reckless and if Phoenix didn’t have protagonist immunity who knows if he would have made it through Khura’in, which is the most recent traumatic event prior to this fic.

Phoenix held up his hands. “Edgeworth, it’s okay.”

“No! No it’s not! Y-You… Do you have a death wish? Why would you ever…” He trailed off, digging his fingers into his arms and looking away.

Miles is just kind of... panicking a lot as the full weight of the situation they were just in catches up with him and just how close he was to losing Phoenix. He was going to say something like “Why would you ever do that for me?” but that’s edging a little too close to the whole issue of the rejected confession; he’s not someone particularly special to Phoenix, at least not in the way Miles would like, and they parted on awkward terms, so why would Phoenix still go out of his way to save him like this?

“It’s fine,” Phoenix tried to soothe. “We’re alive. If I hadn’t gone in there, who knows if they would have gotten to you in time, or if you hadn’t gotten that mask on when you did… Look, I don’t want to just sit back and watch you die —”

“I don’t want you dead, either! You imbecile! You…” He took in a sharp, shaky inhale. “You could have died, and it would have been my fault, do you think I want that? Do you think I could live with myself if that had happened? And not just now, you keep throwing yourself into reckless situation after reckless situation and one day you’ll pay the price for it a-and god, Wright, no one would ever want that, do you even consider the effect that would have o-on Trucy, on everyone, on…”

He turned his head to the side to hide it better behind his bandaged hand, but Phoenix could still see the tears dripping down his face. Phoenix hadn’t seen him cry since — since they were kids, probably. His eyes had been a little watery after the DL-6 incident was resolved, but Phoenix hadn’t actually seen anything. Even when he came to the Agency after prosecuting cases where the public details alone made Phoenix’s stomach turn, and he’d whisper about the horrors with his face in his hands long after they were sure Trucy was asleep, he hadn’t cried.

“Miles,” Phoenix whispered, horrified, reaching out for his shaking shoulder.

Edgeworth flinched away, curling in on himself. “Please don’t touch me.”

Miles... pretty much has a full-on breakdown here because he’s been through a LOT in the past few days. He finally worked up the courage to confess to Phoenix and was rejected, and then probably spent a lot of time worrying about how this could change their friendship, and if Phoenix would be less comfortable around him from now on; plus in general the hurt of being rejected plus the humiliation of having read the situation so wrong (so he thinks). Then the office was attacked which was horribly traumatic on his own, and dredged up some DL-6 trauma for him too with the building shaking like it did. Then Phoenix comes running in to rescue him, which Miles doesn’t understand, because they had parted on awkward terms and he doesn’t think Phoenix would want to go rescuing him after that; at the same time this is the sort of thing Phoenix would do because he’s so dedicated to the people he cares about and Miles loves that about him; and then he thought for a while there that Phoenix had fallen and died trying to save Miles, making it indirectly Miles’ fault that he died, and now he’s lost the man he loves and he’s lost Trucy’s father and someone who was such a loyal friend to so many people -- but he’s okay! and acting like nothing happened! plus it’s the first time Miles has seen him since his attempted  confession and it’s still a little raw for him.

so he’s a complete wreck emotionally... which is why he’s crying. I don’t see Miles as the type of person to cry a lot and ESPECIALLY not in front of other people. That’s probably very embarrassing for him, too, not to mention he’s crying in front of Phoenix, who’s trying to comfort him, which just makes everything worse.

Also Phoenix calling Miles by his first name and kind of reaching out to hold him reaaaally does not help.

“Alright.” Phoenix reluctantly lowered his arm. “I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I’m sorry for worrying you,” Phoenix corrected, and Edgeworth peeked out from between his arms with reddened eyes to glare at him. “I know that sounds like a half-assed apology. But I’m not going to apologize for saving your life. I’m never going to stand by and let you or anyone else die if I can stop it.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Yeah. Probably.”

Another instance of Miles not knowing how to process feelings and being kind of angry-cat-like about it.

“Your life has more value than you know,” Edgeworth mumbled. “I wish you’d stop treating it so cheaply.”

“I’m not more important than anyone else.”

“You are to me.” Edgeworth sighed. “Forget I said anything. I know it isn’t going to stop you from doing the exact same idiotic thing in the future.”

HERE is a subtle callback to, once again, their conversation during the dinner in chapter 4 (which I’m referencing a lot back then since I guess it’s the scene where everyone’s repressing their emotions):

Phoenix immediately shook his head. “Hey, no, you were off doing research, planning to change the judicial system. I’m not more important than that.”

“You…” Edgeworth looked away and grabbed his arm. “... That doesn’t change the fact that I could have done more.”

He was going to say “You are to me”, like he did in this scene, but changed it at the last moment because it was too sappy and a little too close to his true feelings. 

Miles now, going through an emotional breakdown, has less control over what he’s saying so it just sort of slips out -- but he regrets saying it since, well, Phoenix doesn’t feel the same way about him, he wouldn’t want to hear that, it’s not going to change anything.

“I don’t think it’s idiotic for me to try and save someone I care about from death,” Phoenix argued, punctuating his sentence with a cough.

“You shouldn’t do that for me.”

“Of course I would risk my life for you. You’re… you…” The words got stuck somewhere before his tongue.

Edgeworth’s eyes squeezed shut as if in pain, and he turned his back to Phoenix. “Please just… give me space, Wright.”

What Phoenix is trying to do is express how important Miles is to him in a romantic sort of way, but he still hasn’t fully acknowledged everything yet to do so, there’s a whole psyche-lock left, so he can’t quite get it out.

Miles perceives this as Phoenix trying to comfort him and say that he is important -- and he does know that he is important in some way to Phoenix -- but trying to do it in a way that can’t be mistaken as romantically-intended, once again reminding Miles of “hey remember when you tried to confess to him and it backfired so horribly”, so he wants space. Both for now because he’s dealing with a lot of other trauma, but also to take some time and get over Phoenix so he isn’t reminded of this and they can go back to being friends like before.

“No,” said Phoenix, and when Edgeworth tensed, “I-I mean, yes, I’ll go in a minute. I just… I wanted to talk to you about, uh, before all this. I-I know it’s terrible timing.”

Edgeworth was silent. Phoenix feared he was being ignored. “It is indeed terrible timing,” he said, eventually, his voice nearly unrecognizable. “I thought I said I didn’t want to talk about this again.”

Miles is anticipating the “You’re a great guy and a great friend, I just don’t feel the same way, but I’m sure you’ll make someone happy someday” conversation, which, while not a bad thing in most situations, is really not what Miles wants to deal with right now! Avoiding it was partially the reason he left so quickly at the end of chapter 5, and now he’s cornered in his hospital bed and does not want to have this conversation... ever, really, but especially not right now.

Basically Phoenix’s timing sucks, don’t have an emotionally charged conversation about why you rejected your crush after a traumatic incident irl, this is fiction though and I’m doing it for the drama.

“You don’t have to say anything. You don’t ever have to talk about this with me again if you don’t want to.” Phoenix ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I just want to apologize, a-and if I don’t do it now, I’m not sure I’ll have the courage to do it again.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Wright,” said Edgeworth, to the wall.

one of the first drafts of Phoenix’s part had “You don’t ever have to talk to me again if you don’t want to” which was imo too far; Miles wouldn’t completely abandon Phoenix over this, and also, if Miles wanted to cut off all contact with Phoenix he’d probably just do it. Phoenix is just promising he won’t bring up the conversation again.

Miles thinks he’s about to apologize for not returning Miles’ feelings, which of course isn’t something Phoenix would have to apologize for.

“Yeah, I do.” Phoenix took a deep breath and summoned more courage than he ever had before. “I… I lied to you. When you asked me how I felt.”

Edgeworth turned his head back to him. Phoenix willed himself to not look away, or crack some cheap joke. Just kidding, Edgeworth! I enjoy toying with your emotions! That wouldn’t go over well.

Miles would be well within his rights to cut off all contact with Phoenix if Phoenix DID say “Oh by the way I do love you! haha just kidding! why are you crying.”

And these two being so dedicated to The Truth is why Phoenix focuses the apology more around “I’m sorry that I lied to you” -- also why he was so bothered by the comment Miles made about his honesty throughout chapter 6 and 7.

Edgeworth’s face crossed at least three equally incomprehensible emotions before he asked, “Why?”

The incomprehensible emotions are probably some variation on “am I dead???”

“I…�� Phoenix sighed, and admitted, “I don’t know.”

“It would make more sense if it were the other way around,” said Edgeworth, and his expression closed off. “I’m — I’m not misunderstanding, am I?”

Instead of asking if he was misunderstanding, the first draft of this had Miles ask if Phoenix was trying to spare his feelings... but I think Miles would know Phoenix well enough to know that Phoenix would never do that.

Phoenix still hasn’t worked through his Issues and hasn’t outright said that he does love Miles, just that he lied about how he felt - sneaky way to get past the psyche-locks. 

“No, you’re not,” Phoenix insisted, leaning forward. “I didn’t mean what I said back the other day, when I said I didn’t feel the same. I-I just panicked, I think. I knew, already, how you felt, but I never thought you’d say it. I never knew exactly how to read you, then suddenly you’re baring your heart to me, and it was too much.” He realized how close he was to Miles, and started getting out of his chair. “I-It’s a stupid reason. I’m sorry. I-I’ll just go, you don’t have to deal with me right now —”

“Wait.” Edgeworth grabbed his wrist before he could go too far. “Please.”

His grip was gentle but still firm. Phoenix sat back down with superhuman effort.

Phoenix finally realizes that dumping heavy emotions on Miles right now might not be the best idea! But Miles starts processing what’s actually going on and demands answers Right Now. And he initiates physical contact again. I usually try to have it go about when writing these things that if someone refuses physical contact (like Miles does before) they’re the one to initiate it again, just so that no boundaries are broken here.

Edgeworth was silent for a long time. “Always turning things around on me, aren’t you,” he said eventually, in a hoarse whisper.

This line was a fairly last-minute addition! Just imagine it being said in kind of a... exasperated-fond tone of a man who is very much in love but also very tired. “I understand you always want to turn things around on me but did you really have to do it this way, Phoenix,”

Phoenix ducked his head. “I never meant to hurt you. I — I care about you a lot, Miles, and I’m sorry if I screwed things up because I got scared. I want the same thing you do, I just don’t know if I can anymore, it’s been so long and…” He let out some self-deprecating laughter. “Isn’t that stupid? I’m such a coward. I know you, I know you wouldn’t hurt me, not on purpose. But I just can’t…”

So Phoenix hasn’t been in a serious relationship since the Dahlia-Iris debacle in college, which by this point, is fifteen years. And that was traumatizing enough he’s not sure he knows how to navigate a romantic relationship anymore or be vulnerable in that sort of way again.

That “not on purpose” caveat is there because Miles has hurt Phoenix pretty badly before -- not intending to, of course, because I don’t think he thought anyone would really care after the “Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth chooses death” note, but he still did anyways.

And since I usually like to plan out what characters are saying when I have them trail off like that... Phoenix’s intention was to say something along the lines of how he can’t get over what happened or whatever this emotional block is that won’t let him express his romantic feelings freely, but can’t find the words for it.

“Don’t you dare put yourself down in front of me.” Edgeworth reached out, slowly, to guide Phoenix’s head upward to meet his eyes. “I… I always thought you were the more… emotional, of the two of us. I’d assumed you weren’t saying anything, before, to give me time to process how I felt. I thought you were just waiting for me to speak up.”

Miles kind of degrades Phoenix often in court but, at least after Turnabout Goodbyes, I was always under the impression it’s just courtroom banter/not letting Phoenix think he’d go easy on him. Judging by the big emotional speeches about Phoenix’s brilliance he tends to give afterwards, there’s no way he actually thinks Phoenix is stupid.

And the rest of that is pretty much giving the reader who has not read these extensive DVD commentaries more insight into Miles’ perspective throughout the fic!

“Guess we got it the other way around,” said Phoenix with a faint laugh. “I-I mean, I used to be that kind of person. Everyone always knew how I felt all the time. It didn’t really… well, you can’t survive long like that.” He placed his free hand over his heart. “I-I’ve got locks, you know that? Black ones. I don’t know for sure why, but I can guess.”

Edgeworth scowled. “Dahlia?”

“Not just her,” said Phoenix. “She — and Iris — they’re not the only ones, you know, who — who I thought betrayed me.”

Edgeworth released Phoenix’s wrist. “Me,” he realized. “You thought I’d betray your trust again.”

Pretty much summary of Phoenix talking about how he used to be the “Feenie” in Turnabout Memories and then the events of the games slamdunked him into the emotional repression zone. ... to put it simply.

And Miles’ hurt at Phoenix pointing out that Miles had betrayed him in the past (referring to the Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth chooses death thing, primarily, because Phoenix describes it as a betrayal himself in the games) is less hurt that Phoenix doesn’t trust him and more guilt/anger at himself for having hurt Phoenix in the past to the point it could be comparable with what Dahlia and Iris did.

(Phoenix interprets it as the former, though, in the next paragraph.)

“I know you wouldn’t,” Phoenix clarified, because the brief flicker of hurt across Edgeworth’s face was unbearable. “I trust you to be a good person, and I trust you as my friend, but I… Miles, you left before, and it hurt. A-And let’s be honest, you’ve always been the smarter of the two of us, you’re better looking, you — you’re always fighting for justice, now, for truth, you’re honestly incredible. Why wouldn’t you want to leave me?”

“I trust you to be a good person, and I trust you as my friend, but I don’t trust you not to leave again” is the full version of that sentence, but Phoenix stopped himself because it seemed too cruel to say out loud.

And Phoenix using the word “incredible” here is also a very tiny subtle callback to Miles calling Phoenix incredible back during the original confession in chapter 5!

... I realized looking back on it that in my editing of that confession I accidentally cut out the part where Miles calls Phoenix intelligent during that conversation, shit, and then Phoenix claims that Miles called him intelligent when arguing back, which doesn’t make any sense anymore. Originally when Miles says “surely you figured it out already?” it was a little later and he said something like “surely you figured it out already, with your brilliant mind” but that was overkill so I cut it out but forgot to cut out the intelligence comment! fun how you realize these things so long after publishing! anyways. once more, please ignore that.

THE POINT IS that the things they find attractive about each other tend to be similar because they have very similar values and goals; their fight for truth and justice being a core one.

“I don’t know where you’ve gotten these impressions of me, but you’re wrong,” said Edgeworth, his gaze locking onto Phoenix like he was chasing down a contradiction. “You can be very stupid, when you’re risking your life running into a collapsing building, for instance — but you’re one of the smartest men I know, smarter in ways I’ll never be. I wouldn’t be anywhere on my path to truth if you weren’t there to guide me. And…” A faint sheen of pink covered his face. “I find you extremely handsome. I’m not sure if you know this.”

Phoenix was sure he was turning red. “I don’t know why you would.”

“Any thought suggesting that you’re not good enough for me is wrong,” Edgeworth asserted. “I think it’s the other way around. You’re — you’re brave, you’re good, you’re always so strong despite everything… I admire that about you.”

look I love morosexual miles jokes as much as anyone else, but Phoenix is actually wickedly smart, albeit in an unconventional sort of way -- he’s a very flexible thinker and that can lead him to reach conclusions that Miles didn’t even consider. I found that interesting with investigations that sometimes Miles got so caught up in his logic and assumptions that he’d get stuck, and it was only emulating Phoenix’s thinking that got him out of it.

(Which is why I usually get a little irritated at some characterizations of Phoenix where he’s just completely oblivious in contrast to extremely intelligent Miles... anyways.)

And if my twitter feed is any indication, lots of people find Phoenix Wright attractive... so Miles isn’t alone there.

“But that’s just it, I’m not,” Phoenix argued. “I-I can’t be that. I’m always pretending to be strong, always smiling, for you, for Maya and Pearls, for Trucy… I think I forgot to be anything else. I didn’t want you to need me and then realize I wasn’t up to the task, and leave. Because…” He let out a bit of faint laughter, but there was no joy in it. “That’s always what happens. People need me, then they don’t, and they leave for better things. I wouldn’t ever want to stop them, but the more attached I get, the more it hurts when they leave me behind.”

oof this paragraph was a chore and a half to write because I had to kind of cut to the core of Phoenix’s characterization bits that cause the conflict of this fic, mainly the abandonment areas -- which was why I needed pretty much everyone Phoenix cares about to not be around as much as he’d like, which feels like he’s being left behind, as everyone fulfills their destiny and is happy and he’s just... the same.

which is like a total mood for me approaching the end of my years in university and having no idea what I’m doing with my life while most of my friends are gonna do great things -- but I also think it’s a fairly universal human experience. no one really knows what they’re doing.

But especially for Phoenix because his career was defined by saving a specific person -- in this case Miles, who’s past needing saving and is going on to save other people. Then there was taking care of Maya and Pearls, but Maya is a proper adult now and Pearl is also an adult and they’re living their own independent lives in Kurain Village without needing him. Then Trucy kept him together throughout disbarment but even she’s grown up and leaving to live her own life now. And like I said in the other asks Phoenix tends to fall apart without someone to take care of, and now suddenly he has no one to look after and is questioning his purpose if he’s not taking care of or trying to save someone.

And since so much of his personality is defined by that he kind of gets tired and gets in the mindset of “if they’re just going to leave anyway, why even bother getting attached?” which could have gotten really unhealthy if he’d allowed it to fester for much longer; luckily it got caught and dealt with fairly early with the help of off-screen therapy after this.

Edgeworth was silent for a moment, as if weighing his words. “You don’t have to be strong for me anymore,” he said. “I needed you when I was younger, but… I don’t need you now. That’s not why I’m still here.” 

Phoenix’s breath caught somewhere deep in his chest.

“I just… want you, Phoenix Wright, because I’ve known you for so long, and I’ve loved every part of you I’ve seen.” The lines around his eyes and mouth softened. “I won’t run from the rest. And I don’t want to leave your side, not for long, not for good, whether that’s as a friend or as something else. I am willing to try if you are.”

I really like these lines!! ... though I think I fiddled with the last paragraph a little too much and now it’s a bit too long and it throws off the rhythm a bit but oh well. is rhythm even the right word to use here? idk. 

But basically it’s about their relationship being much healthier now that Miles isn’t dependent on Phoenix for the sake of his own mental health -- he likes the person Phoenix is, even outside of all that Phoenix did for him, and even if Phoenix hadn’t done anything for him, he’d still love Phoenix. (... He’d probably be dead, too, and everything Phoenix did definitely helped his feelings develop, but regardless.)

And it’s also kind of what Phoenix needs to hear right now, because hey, Phoenix, people don’t stick around because you help them out; they stick around because they like you! And this applies to pretty much everyone Phoenix cares about (which Trucy says in her letter) but Miles is speaking on his feelings specifically since this is the Romance moment.

And the last line kind of enforces a “even if this relationship doesn’t work out, I still don’t want to leave your side, even if we’re only friends,” plus Miles comes down a bit from his dramatic all-or-nothing “I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU” speech and to a more reasonable “I’m willing to put effort and time into making this relationship romantic if you are as well”.

so maybe the rejection did him some good after all.

“Miles,” Phoenix whispered.

“If you want me…” He took a deep breath and rested one hand, palm up, beside Phoenix. “If you want me, I am here. And even if you don’t, I’m not going anywhere. It’s as I said before. I’m done running away.”

We don’t get into Miles’ head so I don’t get to explore his thoughts as much as I do Phoenix’s (which is why so much of these DVD commentaries are just What Is Going On With Miles Edgeworth since (I hope!) I conveyed Phoenix’s thoughts sufficiently in the actual fic. But this conversation is probably taking a lot out of him emotionally, too. He has no idea what he’s doing. I tried to convey that a bit with his actions with him thinking things over carefully and taking deep breaths to kind of brace himself into making a move.

And his words are once again affirming the “even if you don’t want to be romantically involved with me, I’ll still be by your side as a friend”, because their relationship is so important to both of them, they wouldn’t want anything coming in between that.

Phoenix extended his hand, brushing his fingertips against Miles’ palm. The sensation was the only thing that made him sure this wasn’t a dream.

“I’ve been chasing after you my whole life,” said Phoenix, scarcely able to breathe. “I don’t know what to do if I’ve caught up.”

shameless title reference. I struggled so much with this title I was lying in bed the last day of June like “screw it, the catch-up game??? Sounds catchy enough???” and threw it on there. This is my approach to most of my titles. Either I have a title in my head from the outset (Deep Dark Secrets, Fifty Flights of Stairs) or I make it up at the last possible minute.

“Well, you have.” Miles’ hand shifted, but it was only to thread their fingers together, tight and reassuring. “I don’t know either. We’ll figure it out together, as we do with everything else.”

Phoenix lifted his head to meet those familiar grey eyes, mirroring the fear and anticipation and the giddy, almost child-like excitement in his own, and he smiled. “Yeah. I think I can try that.”

neither of them know what they’re doing but together they can accomplish anything!! is the vibe I wanted to go with. Honestly the way that they can work together to do anything they put their minds to and create miracles in court is one of the things I love so much about this ship. They complement each other so well and have so much faith and trust in each other that they make the perfect duo. Like two halves of the same whole. about the closest thing you can get to actual soulmates.

Anyways that’s the scene! Hope both you anons enjoyed it haha. This is one of the big emotional conflict resolution scenes (the other being Trucy’s letter later) so it’s got lots of stuff to talk about, so thank you!!