#this ALL stemmed from the spicy elixir one and then i had to make a whole post about it

[salmoniid]

what i think different botw/totk elixirs taste like

bright elixir: corn syrup, smells a bit like medicine

chilly elixir: lifesaver mints and club soda

electro elixir: flat mountain dew

enduring elixir: honeysuckle, faint notes of carrot

fireproof elixir: ash.

energizing elixir: sour apple candy

hasty elixir: blue raspberry, but SPECIFICALLY the blue raspberry flavor on ring pops (how DO you mess up blue raspberry that bad i've always wondered that) as well as hints of seawater

hearty elixir: cherry gumdrops, and, hear me out-

-the hearty elixir also kinda tastes like what dr stinky gummi bear scratch and sniff stickers smell like. hear me out just hear me out

mighty elixir: carrots and those pale, too-sweet and too-husky oranges that you regret buying

sneaky elixir: huckleberries with strong notes of what sharpies smell like as a flavor. and hints of lavender.

spicy elixir: cinnamon candy and fruit roll ups

sticky elixir: tastes like water with a strong earthy tone to it, almost muddy. smells sickly sweet. oh and it's the texture of watery slime so have fun with that :)

tough elixir: grape candy and blackberries

[ifritini]

Ardyn x Reader

No one asked for this except my sorry sick ass who caught whatever this is from a friend (after stealing some of her sunny d). Asked smbd else to choose between Ignis, Ravus, Luna, or Ardyn and here we are with spicy trash man.  Note: A solid 5% of this fic stems from a very nice thought of ‘what if Ardyn has but a small fragment of his former healing powers? Why not incorporate that to a drabble when my brain can barely form coherent thoughts

Words: drabbe 1693

With every move came a backlash from your muscles, punishing you with your illness pricking your flesh with a myriad of tiny needles. On top of that your voice was almost all but gone, accompanied by a sore throat making it only harder to voice your discomfort. Only primal grunts and vague gestures would get you by, but even those were spared for desperate situations lest you coil back in agony from hyper sensitive muscles.

You groaned turning your head to the side. The glass of water stared tauntingly back at your dejected hues, with an equally full jug just behind serving as an additional reminder to your beloved previous words. ‘Drink lots and rest, dear. We wouldn’t want you bedridden all week, now would we?’. Ardyn spoke to you in such a surprisingly soft voice, one so different from his usual theatrics of words drawn from honey that enticed you in the first place. He even treated you to a gentle kiss against your forehead before leaving in a rush. For a moment you felt relief, energy flowing back through your body in an instant and numbing out those previously tender muscles.

Sadly a few minutes after being left in your lonesome you were left with a disaster of a body riddled with germs to keep you (un)pleasant company. At least you made it to the sofa before your body gave up under your own weight.

With a snort - or rather a grunt you swore came out of a dying animal rather than yourself, you turned your body the opposite way staring at the sofa pillows, burrowing back under the covers. Like hell I will, you thought, ignoring the little hint of guilt already welling up at the pit of your stomach. Of course Ardyn only meant well, but the sensation of fire running down your throat from such a mundane task as drinking a simple glass of water was not what one would consider ‘well’.

Several times you closed your eyes, further using either blanket or a second pillow over your face to block out any stray light the blinds failed to block out. Whether poorly timed coughing fits jolting you from the brink of sleep or a horrible discomfort overtaking your entire being no attempt to fall back to slumber seemed to work. Several times you considered wasting the day to watching whatever channel piqued your interest on your lovers millennium old television, and maybe part of your boredom afflicted misery would subside… If the remote wasn’t left carelessly lying on the stand a few feet away. Of course you weren’t being lazy, simply too pained to bother moving.

Hours drag on like days as you twiddled your thumbs undercovers till you picked up on keys jamming through the keyhole, turning the lock to open. With whatever energy you had left, you turned to your back as quickly as possible and sat up with an undignified grunt.

“W-lc-m- h-m-.” You called out in a pathetic whisper, most words lost to your throat protesting in agony the moment you saw Ardyn’s figure appear ‘round the corner.

The pity in his eyes after taking one good look at your arms barely raised above your head in a greeting, trailing from the tip of your fingers to your weary face was nigh comedic. Your hands flopped back down, one unfortunately banging against the table on the way down earning a hiss from you. The asshole had the gaul to chuckle at your misfortune, earning him the best glare you could muster up through half-lidded eyes

“My, my, seems you’ve gotten worse Y/N.”

“I’ll cough on you, smartass.” you strained your voice, hoping your frown conveyed your threat rather than warp your features into the stiffness slowly sinking into your back.

“Biting the hand that feeds you?” He tutted, walking over raising a hand to display a bulky paper bag it was clutching, “Most unwise of you, dear.”

Medicine.

You were quick to soften up on him, dropping any frown (or smile for that matter) down to the neutral face of discomfort. He of course thought it was a fantastic idea to toss you the bag rather than hand it over, earning a second chuckle at your delayed reaction finally registering it was thrown your way just after it resided on your lap. With an equal amount of enthusiasm you opened the bag and peered inside. You were greeted with a variety of syrups, some for coughs others as simple soothers, for flus, just about anything.

You looked back up at your lover already halfway through ridding himself of the coat, unnecessary two scarves, and ridiculous amount of other layers and discarded everything on the couch opposite from you before finally he was left with but a shirt. He carelessly kicked off his shoes to the side and finally walked over to the sofa, taking a seat where you once laid before you could catch up with his intentions.

“H-y…” a grumble left you instead of an actual, human language. “-S my spot…”

“Oh, how rude of me. Here I thought I could treat you a far more exquisite pillow.” his voice mimicked insincere hurt, further letting you picture the smirk plastered on his lips. “If you insist on cold feathers, then your wish is my-”

You swung your hand back as you caught on the cushion beneath you sinking down as he shifted his weight, ready to stand up. You aimlessly reached out to slap Ardyn against his thigh. Your impressive show of strength was displayed by a simple pat. “St-y.”

This time he sank down into the sofa, getting comfortable on your request time time with no intent on leaving your side any time soon. You turned back to the bag before you, rummaging in to take out what you deemed best - cough syrup. You gently placed the bag down on the table mindful of the glass bottles clustered inside. The box for your medicine was however chucked to the side with little care leaving you with the elixir of life. Or something close to it.

Without reading any manuals you assumed a single bottle cap would be enough every… Three times a day. Yeah, that was reasonable enough. Without a second thought (and ignoring the gaze you felt against your back as Ardyn undoubtedly stared inquisitively at you), you popped the cap open and filled it to the bring and drank it all down. The horrible taste hit you almost immediately, earning a violent cough out of you.

“Tastes… l-ke ass…” your nose scrunched up as the taste mercilessly lingered on your tongue.

“The price to pay, dear. I would rather have you take the effective horribly tasting medicine.

“-S if th- t-st-” you were abruptly interrupted by a coughing fit. Fortunately no intelligent speech was lost.

You heard a sigh from Ardyn, almost audibly voicing an eyeroll. “Come here.” he ordered not before placing a hand against your shoulder urging you to lay back down with a tug. You didn’t need to hear the order twice to flop back down, this time having your lover’s thigh substitute a pillow. “Close your eyes.”

If past experiences - from the past few hours no less were any give away the feat would bring little, but you obliged to his words, fully letting your muscles relax and body sink into the couch. You felt fingers gently entwine with your hair, eerily gentle to avoid pulling at any knots in their way as he proceeded to caress you.

“E’rythn huuurts.” you whispered through strained breaths. Only hushing yourself let words come out more or less pain-free, leaving your throat in mild irritation. Sadly the both of you damn well knew a little setback like this won’t stop the string of complaints.

“Then drink water.” he replied, voice flat. “And perhaps next time don’t nick off with bottles other sick people drank from.” There it was, the smugness playing back behind Ardyn’s words. The bastard knew your body was too weak to muster up even a gentle slap against his shoulder, abusing his power for snark while he still could.

Instead of voicing your annoyance this time, you started out with a fake cough in his direction, but it quickly morphed into a genuine fit. Not truly wanting your horrible fate to befall on the poor Chancellor you turned to your side, covering your mouth over with your hands for extra measure.

“Ah, you do care!” his voice was nigh a sing-song, almost enough to have you believing he was genuinely touched from something so silly.

A grunt in response.

No, that didn’t convey your complaint as well as words would. “I’m g-nna slap y- l-ter.”

“Then I suggest resting if you so wish to ‘slap me later’, Y/N.” he mused, leaning back into the pillows behind. “And drink up, as suggested earlier.”

Another grunt only this time showing defiance. No matter the cost, you refuse to endure the pain of swallowing down even a sip of water. You turned your body to your side, facing away from your lover rather than being greeted with a faceful of fabric. You felt the hand brushing through your hair still for a moment, allowing you to get comfortable as needed. You finally stopped shifting around in one spot, letting all tention escape your body along with a single sigh. Once you closed your eyes, nuzzling down against his thigh the petting resumed.

The last you cared to hear out of Ardyn was a content hum, sounding more like a rumble from his chest from your closeness. You were sure he was speaking to you, judging by distant murmurs your mind refused to pick up on. The wisdom of the ever great Chancellor were lost to you, as your mind mercifully decided to embrace sleep. Though through the nearing haze you felt that previous discomfort in your muscles fade away. It still lingered on, but you would happily take even the smallest of victories.

“Rest well, dear.” his last words sounded distant to your ears and your mind finally went blank to the clutches of sleep.

[harry8673-blog]

Things We Finish: Winter 2019

Very little tops a perfect night out. Your energy level is inexplicably high even though it's well past your circadian rhythm-dictated bedtime; you've sustained the right level of buzz without passing straight through to 'public intoxication'; the function is chill/bumpin'/air-conditioned [whatever floats your boat]. All in all, you're having a great time.

The one thing that might rank as just a smidge more fun than that ideal night out comes right before the ideal night out: It's the absolutely fabulous, very glamorous, yet strangely relaxing "getting ready" session. Lights dimmed low—except for around your bathroom mirror—and music tuned to these sweet beats. It's all very vibe-y and very cool (as long as you're into 'cool'— please see a meditation on that word right over here). So now that you're in the mood, which products do you pull out? Well, these of course!

Maison Balzac Candle First things first, scent sets the tone. See a candle as your hourglass for getting ready: Light up with enough time to let the whole top liquefy—by the time your burn is even, you'll have had enough time to redo your cat eye at least two or three times. Currently burning at ITG HQ is Maison Balzac's La Rose, acquired immediately after summer's signature La Plage extinguished itself.

Chanel Hydra Beauty Gel Yeux Everyone loves Coco, it seems. French undereye gels are not new and not hard to come by, but these say Chanel all over them so that's chill. Nothing livens up a party like a de-puffed face. Pairs nicely with your very fancy, not chill at all jade roller.

Caudalie Beauty Elixir If undereye gels help you chill at home, this facial spray will help you chill on the go. Buy the travel size to refresh halfway through the night—both with scent and hydration.

Lucas Pawpaw Ointment Skip the lipstick. It's great for a seated dinner with a designated start and end. But that's not what tonight is. No, tonight doesn't have an RSVP. And there might not be mirrors. Or time to touch up. There might be shots, though. So grab a tube of hydrating, glossy balm and call it a night...eventually.

Ellis Faas Concealer Similarly, skip the foundation (unless there's a step-and-repeat). Grab a concealer with good coverage and an attached application device. No time for extra brushes or fingers. Apply directly to the face where you need it.

Tom Ford Shade & Illuminate A two-in-one! And you never thought those could be chic. Yet here we are. Life is funny that way. But really, this is a truly glamorous product if you're going to invest in one thing.

Marc Jacobs Under(cover) Perfecting Coconut Eye Primer The Marc Jacobs Beauty team can make anything cool—including primer, which is an essential product, but not necessarily very cool. Now it is. The nude-ish formula helps bright the lid and hold on to whatever you put on after. Which could be...

Glossier Lidster Glimmer made simple. Swipe on with the doe foot in any one of the easy-going, flattering colors (or mix together! That also works!) and tap until you've got the shape you want. It sets in about 10 seconds and stays put. Partially thanks to the primer. Dance for hours crease-free. If only they made slip dresses with the same properties.

L'Oréal Voluminous Lash Paradise Mascara Mascara does not have to be expensive. In fact, it shouldn't be. L'Oréal's formulas are great across the board and available literally anywhere.

Ricky's NYC Hair Clips A little weird, but it works. These clips are meant to keep hair away from the face and bend-free while you attend to the face. But what if you wore them out and about? That would be kind of groovy, no? Take them for a spin and report back.

Maison Louis Marie Perfume Oil At the very last moment, roll this on (No. 4, bien sûr). The most personal way to wear fragrance isn't sprayed; it's rolled, tapped, dotted. Feels small, but it'll grow throughout the night. You've got plenty of time.

Diptyque candles! Those beautiful French jars of wax that communicate “bougie,” literally and socially. ITG loves ‘em, repurposes ‘em (exhibit A), and can hardly pronounce ‘em, let alone read ‘em. But the French language and unusual typography can only hold back a trio of New Yorkers with questionably fragranced apartments so far. In fact, Emily, Ashley, and Utibe were emboldened, and embarked on a mission: to rank every single Diptyque candle. All 45! A tough job for a group who only knows how to spell “Diptyque” by internally clocking “dip-tee-cue.”

We locked ourselves in the beauty closet for hours to complete this task. There was note-taking. There were metaphors and various analogies. Snacks and mediocre cappuccinos were consumed. In the end it was all worth it. A consensus was reached! And now behold: every Diptyque candle currently on the market, ranked.

44. Ambre: Woody, earthy, flowery, spicy. The opposite of the Coco Chanel maxim; definitely puts an extra thing on before leaving the house.

43. Santal: Surprisingly sweet. Santal 33 has requested a DNA test for authenticity purposes.

42. Chêne: Damp wood. Like walking into a house that’s been uninhabited for months.

41. Coming: Not-so-saccharine bubblegum.

40. Mimosa: A faint whiff of sea salt. Or unscented, depending on your proximity to the flame.

39. Coriander: Not as sexy as cilantro tbh.

38. Aubépine: Powder snow mixed with...earth? Dried flowers? Regardless, Ashley keeps calling this Au Bon Pain.

37. Thé: Smoky citrus. Points for label readability.

36. Noisetier: Mildly spicy nut milk. Yes, yes—oat milk is preferred.

35. Tubérose: Creamy, funky floral. Mocks flowers that are “commercial.”

34. Benjamin: Dark, earthy, and sweet. The Werther’s Original of candles.

33. Menthe Verte: Minty, but not bright. Think about it.

32. Géranium Rose: Ooooh, so that’s what geranium smells like!

31. Roses: Smells like how roses taste. Begging to go in a powder room.

30. Music: Boss baby smell. Famously voiced by local celebrity, Alec Baldwin.

29. Feuille de Lavande: Dryer sheet lavender, but longer-lasting.

28. Violette: Floral, just like the name suggests. Good, but not an instant love, hence the ranking.

27. Jasmin: White floral. Described as voluptuous by Diptyque. Knows how to make an entrance either way you slice it.

26. Verveine: Classy lemon. Communicates the illusion of newly cleaned floors. Nice knowing ya, Swiffer!

25. Opopanax: They say balsamic. We say carbonated soda. Salads must taste like a party in France.

24. Cannelle: Cinnamon. As straightforward as it gets. Tied with Pomander.

24. Pomander: Potpourri. Who potpourri-ed in the bathroom?!?

23. Bois Ciré: Woody. The best part of yoga class: the end when the incense starts burning.

22. Mousses: Moss and wet concrete. You know what they say about mousses in your house. There’s never just one…

21. Foin Coupé: Soapy, with a whiff of grass and earth. Something Donatella Versace would wash her dishes with. Just kidding, Donatella doesn’t do dishes, silly!

20. Maquis: Wood and citrus. This is a pleasing scent, but it blends well into the background. Soundtrack, but make it olfactory related.

19. Patchouli: You’ve got an ad job! A classy patchouli to fragrance your mid-level executive apartment.

18. Muguet: Lily of the valley, which is a poisonous plant. Three points for drama!

17. Oranger: Orange and star anise. For the people who gift oranges in Christmas stockings...

16. Genevrier: Woody juniper. None of us really knows what juniper is though… Fresh laundry meets Vick’s Vapor Rub? Good enough.

15. Vétyver: Cedarwood and slightly floral. Cozy firewood, but not but not burn-your-house-down cozy firewood. 9/10 firefighters approve.

14. Cuir: Fancy leather. Like walking into my Hermès closet! —Lisa Vanderpump, probably

13. Choisya: Ashley says confidently, “This is tuberose.” (We looked it up, it’s orange blossom.)

12. Vanille: Very creamy, a little nutmeg, a little smoke. Unfortunately not fit for human consumption.

11. Babies: “It doesn’t smell like berries, and I deduct points for liars” —Emily “But we love it!” —Everyone else

10. Oyedo: Citrus. Grapefruit meets Mike’s Hard Lemonade. Refreshing!

9. Freesia: “Do I smell freesias? If I see freesias anywhere...” (Name that movie.)

8. Gardénia: Another white floral. Smells like fresh cut stems. Now isn’t that nice?

7. Eucalyptus: You’ll never guess what this one smells like…

6. Cyprès: Warm honey. Smells like how wearing a Rhode Resort dress feels.

5. Myrrhe: Amber resin. Now sing it with me: “I said now myrrhe, it’s cold in here, there must be some amber in the atmosphere.”

4. Oud: Your middle of the road oud. If you like it, you like it, if you don’t you don’t.

3. Figuier: Subtle fig. The scent of 8/10 beauty editors.

2. Tilleul: From the Linden tree, which is native to Tulum or Capri, probably. Oprah’s got this burning in her solarium as we speak.

1. Feu De Bois: The one and only. Burning logs that don’t smell burnt. Warmth in a candle. The inventor of winter. December through February wouldn’t be the same without it.