#this also means around 10 years ago is when I started reading the halo books and I’m doing a re-read of them now. that was. not intentional.

[crowcryptid]

Happy birthday halo 4, you were the last game I ever went to a midnight release for

[vampiresuns]

Another Round

✴︎ ANOTHER ROUND ✴︎

1.7k words. In between chess games, Anatole tries, and fails, to figure Oz’mandias out.

For @asras3rdeye​, to whom Ozy belongs to, because why have one nerd pining, when you can have two.

What happened when one fell prey of one’s own conventions? And of the fairly set conventions between others? Anatole didn’t know. Usually, he thought himself resourceful enough to untie himself from plethora situations, something he successfully did on the regular. However, he doesn’t remember the last time he had to undo his own set of rules. 

Oz’mandias was… confusing. Anatole was never very sure what to do with him. He hadn’t been lying to his cousins all the many times he had stated he was his chess partner alone — he was glad to have their weekly chess games, chat with Ozy over the table and use his brain in something which wasn’t reading documents or drafting things, or worrying about this or that diplomatic envoys and what they might or might not want, after detecting several degrees of you’re-not-being-completely-truthful in their words. 

He didn’t expect his job to be any different, yet that didn’t mean he didn’t appreciate those respites of human connection. He liked his games with Ozy for the same reason he liked working in the City so much. He got to talk to people and learn from them in ways you couldn’t when it was you, your papers, your desk and your office. It kept Anatole humble to remind himself who and what he was working for, in a very similar way than losing to Oz’mandias in chess did. It made him try new things, come up with his own strategies and pour himself into it whole-heartedly, like he did with those things which truly interested him.

Not that Ozy always won. Not quite. He was better at chess than Anatole but he was far more comfortable in traditional patterns than Anatole ever was. Structure was his aide, true, but only in the measure which it let itself be accommodated to Anatole’s many necessities and ambitions. At the verge of 30 he is more than aware of his own unconventionality, and much more willing to use it in his favour than he was 10 years ago. 

That he had learnt to trust his own propensity to veer from convention didn’t mean that he had all the answers. He thought he had just stated the opposite, but at least when it came to his job he always found them: if he himself didn’t have them, someone in his team did. That was half the point in teamwork. Chess, however, was a lone man’s sport, when it came to Ozy he had no one he could ask. Kind of. He could ask Kipling, but as far as he was aware Kipling tolerated Ozy, barely now starting to truly coexist after things which Anatole was not privy to. 

It was him, his brain and a game of chess per week. 

He wasn’t exactly sure when everything had begun to change — when Ozy began observing, catching up to his patterns, making winning more difficult. He didn’t know when Ozy had stopped talking as much and began listening instead. He didn’t know when, or why Ozy began flexing his arms distractedly before picking a piece and making a move. Perhaps the last one had been his own doing. Some games ago, Ozy had dropped a piece on accident and Anatole had caught it for him; when Oz’mandias said thank you, Anatole squeezed his forearm, eyes twinkling with something warm that slipped to them unallowed. 

Maybe all of this was his doing, him being the one to blame for his own predicament. Maybe it was how he seemed to throw himself into things he was passionate about with everything he had that had created this halo of what-is-truly-going-on-here. Was Ozy enticing him? Somehow? Anatole didn’t think so, but there was a keen interest in his voice, and he doesn’t remember the last time someone listened to him ramble on and on so attentively. 

That’s a lie, he does. One thing is listening to the debonair diplomat, and another was listening to Anatole in private, where he allowed himself to just exist in his complexities and multitudes without paying attention to whether it was or not appropriate. Not that only people who had been interested in Anatole beyond a platonic connection listened to him, that’s a lie. His family did, his cousins did — Milenko and Amparo at least, Artemisia wavered — his friends, for whom he lived and loved, also did. His issue with Ozy was Anatole could not tell what interest any of them had in it. 

There was friendship in his words, but there was something he could not distinguish the cause of. When people were themselves in a state of confusion Anatole could pick up from the confession itself (if people had a good grasp of their emotional responses and correct ways of dealing with them) to all of the feelings which aided in creating the confused state, yet access to none of its origin. Sometimes Ozy was the former, others the latter, where affection, hesitance, doubt and genuine interest rolled off his tongue. 

Was it him? Anatole longed for that option in the same measure he dreaded it. Was it someone else? Was Ozy unaccustomed to friendship? Was the fact he hadn’t really settled in Vesuvia yet? Or rather, he had done so physically but his heart was still elsewhere? Was it all of these and more Anatole could not have any idea of? He didn’t know and it was driving him crazy. 

His cousin’s sarcastic snort when he insisted he was studying up new chess moves because he wanted to impress Oz’mandias as a friend, didn’t help. 

“Ah, yes,” Amparo said, “because it’s when you’re friends with someone that you desperately want to be noticed by them.” 

Anatole shot her a look.

“Alright I’ll let it be, but Nana— you know if you actually want to talk about it, we’re here, right?”

Anatole wanted to, but he didn’t even know where to begin. He made a pained noise that made Amparo laugh before throwing her arms around his neck. “Too many thoughts.”

“Way too many. It would be easier if I found an excuse to do something with him that isn’t playing chess, without it sounding strictly like it’s platonic or strictly like it’s a date.”

“So you do like him?”

“Yes, but I don't know, Lele. I don’t know. He’s my friend, I like him as a friend, but there’s something that I can’t place between us, and I have no clue where it came from, and it’s driving me insane.”

“You could just ask.”

“No, no I can’t just ask. Don’t give me that look. It’s just I know Ozy, alright? We don’t just play silently, we talk, and he mentioned in passing how liking people is weird. Usually when he’s told someone likes them he just likes people back, and then he said a myriad of things but you get the idea.”

“Sounds to me like he could’ve been waiting for you to say something.”

“Maybe, but I don’t want him to like me because I like him. I want him to like me because I’m me, Lele.”

Amparo hummed. “Doesn’t Lenko date his cousin or something?”

“Kipling? I’m not asking Kipling. Just—”

“No?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, good luck.”

Anatole sighed, throwing himself back on the chair he was sitting on, groaning into his hands. Eventually he went back to the book he was reading and the notes he was taking, with its poor yet adequate sketches of some of the chess pieces and the moves he wanted to try. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, he supposed, only if it applied to the game right now. One thing was venturing, the other was taking a shot in the dark with one eye closed and pretending you knew what you were doing. Anatole was very much not going to do that. 

He’d find a way to spend more time with him, he told himself, but now their weekly games would have to do. With a new week, a new game came. This one found Anatole and Ozy having round after round of them, even stopping to get some fresh air and refreshments together, both of them standing close to each other in the small balcony near Anatole’s office, and then finding their way back in again for another round. 

This time Anatole won, he tried his luck with one of the new things he had studied previous to their game, and it worked. 

“But, that’s— that’s new,” Ozy said, bewildered. Anatole thought it was a cute look on him.

“Abaco, how dare you not prepare him for this,” Anatole laughed, taking Ozy’s king. “I have met a traveller from an antique land,” he began, reciting absentmindedly as he played with the King, moving it between his fingers. “My name is Oz’mandias, King of Kings,” Anatole looked at his friend, a smirk and a raised eyebrow on his face, “look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair! Nothing besides remain.”

His attention had gone back to the King however, and when he looked back at Oz’mandias, he was staring. Anatole blinked, and the other cleared his throat, focusing on something else.

“That’s not fair,” Ozy complained, “I’ll never finish figuring you out if you keep pulling new moves.”

It was like everything stopped moving, impossibly still for a moment as Anatole took in his words. He stared back at him, aghast, his mouth hanging half open — all of his teasing, his cocky brow and debonair flew out of the window, just like that. His face felt too hot not to be blushing, and of course it’d be just his luck that now his elusive blush decides to appear. 

“I— uh, thank you,” Anatole has never sounded more ineloquent in his life, but now it was Ozy’s turn to be surprised.

“For what?”

“For paying attention… should we play another round?”

He asked before the topic could go on, heart raising in his chest. Ozy said yes, and began arranging the pieces once more. One last round with the excuse of not leaving Anatole’s presence just yet. 

As he made his first move Anatole wondered what would happen if Ozy had decided to wipe out his little smirk by throwing all the pieces away and just kissing him. Incredibly dramatic of a thought, he was well aware, but it was better to think about dramatic impossibilities than think about how their knees almost brushed as Anatole chose to move a pawn. 

[naireides]

Bellarke + forehead kisses sfw pls

it’s been 10 months and i’m sorry so pls enjoy this 5k fluff fest as i grovel for forgiveness.

5 times bellamy kisses clarke’s forehead + 1 time he doesn’t

read on ao3

(i) 

Earth, he’s beginning to realise, is a bitch of a planet.

Everything on it tries to kill them. Sure, they were taught that the earth is a sometimes dangerous place back in Earth Skills on the Ark, but there’s a difference between reading about unfavourable weather conditions and getting nailed in the head by a golf ball sized piece of hail. Or trying to avoid being eaten by animals. And plants. Because apparently even the goddamn plants have evolved to crave the taste of human flesh on this hellscape. Bellamy hates it. All of it.

“I think if we ration our tubers and limit meat to twice a week, we should be able to make it through the winter,” Clarke says, nibbling absentmindedly on a hangnail as she looks over their inventory list. “Assuming winter is fourteen weeks at most.”

“I wouldn’t want to assume anything if I were you,” Bellamy says darkly, thinking off all the ways the earth could once again screw them over.

They’re in his tent, looking over supply numbers as they try to hash out just what they might need to stay alive for this winter, their very first one on earth. They’ve been at it for hours, the sun long having set, and they’re forced to work by candlelight. Bellamy finds himself squinting at Clarke’s carefully made lists and calculations.

She sighs, rubbing at her neck. “I hate all of this uncertainty. All of our books on climate and weather patterns are from over a hundred years ago, and that’s before a nuclear armageddon happened.”

Clarke looks defeated for the first time since they’ve started all this and Bellamy, despite himself, feels sorry for her. They’re not friends, not really, but they are co leaders and he depends on her like no other. So to see her like this, head hung long and purple bruises under her eyes from lack of sleep, worries him.

She’s worn herself thin trying to take care of all their people, him too, but Bellamy is a bit more adept at hiding it than she is. Sure, he’s exhausted and anyone who cares to study his face for two seconds might see a hint of it shining through, but Clarke looks like someone has wrung her dry.

“How many hunting trips do you have scheduled between now and when you think we should close the gates?” he asks.

“three a week. Why?”

“If we bump it up to every other day we should be able to collect some more meat. Maybe start laying some more traps a bit further out,” he tells her, looking over their weathered map that’s spread across his table. “Also maybe go back to the bunk and check out its surroundings when we’re not high.”

She worries her lip, glancing back down at their notes. “Maybe. But then we’d have to rework the hunting groups so no one gets too burnt out.”

“I think they’ll be fine upping from once a week to twice a week, princess,” he says and she rolls her eyes at him.

“I’m just saying. If they’re tired, they’ll make more mistakes. And if they make more mistakes then that’s more work for me.”

“A little work won’t kill you, princess,” he teases and she kicks him, biting back a smile.

“You’re such a dick,” she says, but there’s no heat behind it and it’s quickly followed by a yawn that she tries and fails to muffle.

“Go get some rest Clarke,” he says, pressing his shoulder into hers. “I can handle remaking the groups by myself. You look like you’re about to keel over.”

“No, no, I’m fine,” she promises, even after she tries to smother another yawn. “I don’t want to leave you to do all the work on your own.”

Bellamy just rolls his eyes and let’s her stay because he’s long learnt that Clarke Griffin is stubborn. Sometimes he has to pick his battles and fighting with her about going to bed when they’re both tired is a battle he’d gladly let her win.

Of course, he’s ultimately proven right when, just half an hour later, she’s asleep, head pillowed on her bicep and mouth open a little bit as she snores softly.

It doesn’t take long to redo the groups and he was looking forward to collapsing in bed when all of this was over, but now he has Clarke to deal with. He could wake her up and send her off to her own tent, but he saw the bags under her eyes, he knows just how tired she is and he can’t find it in himself to wake her up, not when she’s looking all peaceful like that.

So instead Bellamy sighs and scoops her up in his arms and deposits her in his own bed because despite everything, he’s a good guy and chivalry’s not dead, not yet anyway.

It’s a testament to how exhausted she is that she doesn’t even grumble when he lifts her up. He pulls off her shoes and hesitates for a second before taking off her outer jacket, and then tucks her into his bed, brushing a quick kiss against her forehead as he goes.

He doesn’t realise what he did until he’s turned away, halfway through with getting undressed himself, when he freezes.

Back on the Ark, Octavia used to have a habit of falling asleep everywhere and Bellamy would be the one to pick her up and tuck her into his bed, always pressing a kiss to the centre of her forehead in goodnight. It was just a habit.

He glances over his shoulder at Clarke, who was still fast asleep and it makes him relax, just a little.

It’s late and he’s tired and he chalks it up to muscle memory. It doesn’t mean anything.

He keeps telling himself this as he settles on the hard packed dirt floor with nothing but a single blanket while Clarke hogs the bed up top.

It doesn’t mean anything.

-

(ii) 

The day that the last of the snow thaws, they decide to have a party.

Or rather, it’s Monty and Jasper’s idea to have a party. He doesn’t know how, but they managed to brew an entirely new vat of moonshine during the winter and they were more than excited to introduce it to the crowds tonight. The prospect of new booze alone was enough to get almost the entire camp to agree with them and Bellamy and Clarke found themselves outnumbered.

“It’s a goddamn mutiny,” he grumbles as he watches them set up, hacking at firewood and making several trips to the river to get enough drinking water. There was even talk of a foraging group heading out to find whatever nuts and berries they could scrounge up and Clarke put a stop to that quickly, reminding them that all groups to leave the camp walls had to be approved by either her or Bellamy.

“I don’t know, maybe it might be fun,” she says, standing next to him at the door to the Dropship. “Everyone’s been cooped up indoors for months on end, this could be a little community boosting morale.”

He sniffs, not quite agreeing with her. “I hope you remember that when you have to deal with those drunk bastards injuring themselves later tonight.”

Of course, it would be just his luck that a few hours after saying that, he turns out to be one of those drunk bastards himself.

Bellamy’s not really a huge drinker.

He’d had a drink ever so often of course, because really, sometimes in order to survive this bitch of an earth you need a fucking drink, but he’s always considered himself a social drinker. Most of the time he’s sat with Clarke, nursing a cup of moonshine as they work out schedules or just talk about their days while she cleans the medbay or he checks all the guns. He’d even consider them to be friends now because of that if he was being honest.

Still, whether it was him and Clarke, or just shooting the shit with the boys around the fire, Bellamy usually limits himself to one, maybe two cups of Monty’s special brew and makes sure that he doesn’t have anything more than a slight buzz.

Today of course is another story.

He blames Monty’s moonshine for this.

The winter batch had tasted good. Too good. It was leagues better than all of the previous batches, smoother, and tasted vaguely like berries, and Bellamy found himself playing goddamn drinking games with the thing. Before he knew it he was at least five cups in and when he went to grab his knife to cut something in two, it slipped out of his grasp and he caught it by wrapping his fist around the blade, realising belatedly that that probably wasn’t the best idea.

“I cannot believe you sliced your palm open with your hunting knife,” Clarke huffs, bending over his palm to clean it.

“‘S an accident,” he mumbles, glaring at a spot on the wall, trying not to wince as she douses it with antiseptic.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“How come you’re not out there? Having fun?” he asks, squinting at her. All the alcohol is making his brain weird and his eyes go crisscross, the harsh fluorescent lighting of the dropship suddenly surrounding her like a halo.

Not a princess, his drunk addled brain thinks as he looks at her, an angel.

Bellamy’s too caught up with his thoughts that he realises that she’s remaining remarkably quiet as tends to his wound.

“Clarke?” he prompts, and she jumps, a flush appearing high on her cheeks.

“Oh! Uh, sorry, I zoned out for a sec there,” she says, not meeting his eye. “I don’t know… I guess I just wasn’t feeling up to it.”

Bellamy might be drunk, but he still knows how to spot a lie.

“Really.”

“Mhmm.”

“You sure you don’t wanna try that again? Make it a little more believable this time?”

Clarke sighs, grabbing the bandages from a nearby shelf. “Look, Bellamy, I don’t want to talk about it, okay?”

He’s not sure he wants to drop it, not when something is very clearly bothering her, but then she looks up at him with those large pleading eyes and all his resolve just crumbles away, and he finds himself bending to her will.

“Fine,” he sighs, holding his palm steady so she could wrap the bandages around it. “But you know that you can talk to me, right? About anything?”

It gets a small smile out of her. “Yeah, Bell, I know,” she says, tying off the end. “There. Good to go.”

He jumps off the stool, landing toe to toe with her, wobbling a bit as he goes. He doesn’t pay attention to the way her breath catches when he suddenly invades her space, too busy frowning at the way his limbs don’t seem to want to cooperate.

When his arms finally start back listening to him, Bellamy cups the back of her head and drops a sloppy kiss to her forehead.

“Thanks, princess,” he says when he pulls back, leaving her shell shocked and standing in the middle of the med bay.

By the time his brain realises what has just happened, he’s already halfway across the campground, almost near to the large bonfire that they have going. He glances back in the direction of the dropship and he sees her standing at the entrance, looking out at the crowd, and if Bellamy squints, he could just make out the pretty blush that stains her cheeks, the one that’s not caused by the cold.

-

(iii) 

Two years on the ground and death never gets easier.

He gets the news from Monty who hears it from Harper and he drops everything to go over to Clarke’s tent and check up on her.

It’s dark inside and he almost misses her, nothing but a shapeless lump underneath all the blankets, but then she sniffles and his heartbreaks.

“Hey princess,” he says sadly as he toes off his boots, crawling into bed with her. Clarke rolls into him almost immediately, a choked sob escaping past her lips as she buries her face in the crook of his neck and he drops a kiss on her temple. “I had what happened with Jack and Elise. Fuck, I’m so sorry.”

Jack and Elise weren’t the first couple to get pregnant on the ground, but they were the first complicated pregnancy that Clarke had to deal with, everything from preeclampsia to placental abruption.

“I couldn’t do anything,” she sniffs, curling closer to him. “The baby… she was too early. Her lungs weren’t fully developed and she couldn’t breath and I–”

Bellamy just holds her as she starts to cry again, his face pressed to the crown of her head as he whispered unheard platitudes.

It’s times like this he feels so helpless with Clarke, because nothing that he could say or do would reverse the trauma she had to go through. And it hurts that all he’s able to do for her is this, just holding her while she breaks down, but he wouldn’t be anywhere else.

“Jack begged me to keep going,” she says after some time, when she calms down a little. “He told me to keep going but there wasn’t anything that I could do. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to look at them after this.”

“Clarke,” he murmurs, wiping away the tears from her cheeks. “It’s not your fault. You can’t save everyone.”

“I know,” she sighs, his t-shirt clutched in her clenched fist. “It just– It sucks you know? To be useless like that.”

“You’re not useless.”

“I feel useless.”

“Clarke Griffin, you are one of the bravest, smartest, most compassionate people I know,” he tells her. “You helped me run a camp full of teenagers, hell, you still help me try and build us a fucking society out of nothing except some sticks and mud. You run a medbay despite having almost no formal training and yet almost all of us are still alive.”

She sniffs again and he looks her directly in the eye as he says, “You’re an amazing woman, Clarke Griffin, and don’t you forget it.”

Even in the dark he can see the way her skin pinks at the compliment and she drops her gaze even as she cuddles closer to him.

“Thank you,” she whispers.

“Anytime.”

The hand curled around his t-shirt on his chest tightens a little and she says, “Will you stay with me?”

He drops a quick kiss to her forehead. “For as long as you want me.”

-

(iv) 

Bellamy’s not sure when the forehead kisses become a normal thing between them, but he’s not questioning it.

It’s comforting he thinks, to have someone like that in your life.Bellamy kisses her forehead when she does things like bring him lunch to share in the guard quarters or get him a new book whenever they find a new bunker.

She’s started kissing his cheek too, whenever she feels like it. When he comes back from a two day long hunting trip, when he finds those daisies she likes growing by the river bank so he brings her back a cluster, when it’s late and they’re working on the layout of their little community.

The third winter they spend on the ground brings a snowstorm, damaging some tents, including Clarke’s, so she moves in with Bellamy.

It’s only logical really.

They spend most of their free time together anyway, and Clarke doesn’t even ask, just brings a box of her stuff over to his tent and tells him that she’s staying here now.

They’ve always taken care of each other but now, living together like this, it takes on a new layer of intimacy.

They share his bed so he makes sure that there are hot stones underneath it at night to keep them warm. Clarke does his laundry with hers and makes sure to always bring back a clean bucket of river water for them to sponge off with. He darns all the holes in her socks and she makes sure to bring his dinner to the tent if he has a late shift.

Bellamy gets to wake up with Clarke in the morning and go to bed with her at night. She gets to see his body, to catalogue all of his scars– most of which she stitched up– and he’s the one she gives her first ever tattoo to when they’re both a little drunk and giggly one night.

He presses a kiss to her forehead every morning before she leaves and if he’s there when she comes home, she greets him with a peck on the cheek.

Bellamy doesn’t really know when he fell in love with Clarke Griffin. It wasn’t immediate or some sort of life changing experience, instead it was a gentle and slow descent over early morning tea and late night disputes over scheduling. It was the slow building of a puzzle, pieces falling into place at their own speed and when it was done, it left a masterpiece behind.

He doesn’t know when it happened, but he knows that it was when they started living together that he realised. That the sudden surge of warmth and affection in his chest whenever he saw her was because of that.

Clarke loves him too, he thinks. He can tell she does by the way she traces his freckles in the mornings, outlining a new picture everyday. She loves him when she steals extra strawberries from the kitchens because she knows those are his favourite fruit. She loves him when she packs his hunting bag, slipping in an extra packet of rations and a first aid kit because he always forgets to look out for himself.

He loves Clarke and Clarke loves him, and even though they haven’t said it, actions speak louder than words, and they’re more than content to keep living just like that.

And then, one morning when he leans in to give her her customary forehead kiss for the day, she lifts her head at the exact same time and he ends up kissing her on the mouth.

It’s brief and chaste and dry, and they both freeze when they realise what’s happened, but Bellamy isn’t scared and neither is Clarke.

Instead, she smiles at him, big and toothy, and loops an arm around his neck to kiss him properly and Bellamy lets her, one hand cupping her jaw and the other on her waist.

He lets her kiss him and lets himself kiss back because, after years of fighting on the ground, all the pain and sorrow and hurt that came with it, they’ve earned this one right to be selfish, to do something that makes them happy without worrying about anyone else.

And Clarke Griffin makes him pretty damn happy.

-

(v) 

Clarke has been acting weird lately.

Bellamy doesn’t notice it right away, but it steadily creeps up on him, the way she seems so tired lately, not eating much and shying away from his touch.

They’ve been together for just over a year now and he was building them a cabin, finally. They were still one of the few who were living in tents which, honestly he didn’t mind. At first other things needed building, like a proper medbay and kitchen area, and as a group of kids who weren’t skilled in construction, it took them almost a year to get that done. Once they figured it out they started building cabins and little cottages, each one taking somewhere between a month to two months to complete, depending on the weather and the availability of resources.

Bellamy’s never really been in a rush to get a cabin. In his mind there were other people who deserved it more, like those with kids and babies. But, after being on the ground for about four years now and most of their population settled quietly, he figures it’s time to build his own.

Clarke was ecstatic of course, drawing out several blueprints and floor plans for him to follow and he couldn’t help but laugh at her enthusiasm to help build a place to call their own.

Now though she seems more like a ghost than anything else, offering up no comments or suggestions about where to put the windows and how big she wants the kitchen.

“You okay?” Bellamy asks one day while he’s working on the roof. She’s supposed to be passing him nails but more than once already he’s had to call her name several times just to get her attention. “You seem off.”

“Huh? Oh no, I’m fine,” she waves him off with a careful smile. “Just feeling a little bit under the weather. Probably something I ate.”

Bellamy bites his tongue to keep from reminding her that they share almost all their meals together and if something affected her, it would have probably affected him too.

But he lets her keep her secrets, knowing the more he pushed, the more she would clam up, leading to an argument between them.

So instead he just shrugs and says, “Hand me that pair of pliers,” dropping the subject.

Of course, he ends up picking it back up again merely a week later when he shows up for lunch at the medbay and Harper tells him that Clarke was sent home early because she threw up.

“Clarke what the fuck,” he announces as he stomps into their tent just five minutes later.

She’s sitting cross legged on their bed eating some fruit and she winces when he comes in.

“Hey Bellamy,” she sighs, sounding resigned.

“What happened? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I must have just eaten–”

“Bullshit,” he snaps, cutting her off.

She lifts an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“I said that’s bullshit.” He crosses his arms over his chest and glares at her. To anyone else he would look intimidating but Clarke just rolls her eyes at his antics. “You and I eat the same thing all the time and I’m fine so you can cut the crap about ‘oh I probably ate something.’ You’ve been like this for weeks.”

“Look it’s nothing okay, I’m dealing with it.”

“Are you saying there’s something to deal with?” he asks, leveling her with a hard glare. “Are you sick, princess?”

“No, I’m not sick,” she says in a small voice struggling to meet his eye and he takes a few steps forward, putting his hand on her shoulder.

“Then what’s going on, babe? Something’s clearly wrong and I wish you’d just talk to me about it,” he says softly, rubbing little circles into the tight muscles he finds there. “You know you can tell me anything.”

Clarke leans into his touch, shuddering a little as she takes a deep breath.

“I haven’t gotten my period in two months,” she blurts out, “At first I didn’t really take it on because my cycles never really been regular on the ground, but then I started feeling really tired all the time and nauseous no matter what I ate and my boobs hurt and I– I think I might be pregnant?”

She phrases it as a question, biting down on her lip as she looks up at him and well, Bellamy–

“Pregnant?” he says, voice coming out all choked up.

“I haven’t done a test as yet but. Probably?” 

He collapses onto the bed next to her and scrubs a hand down his face. All of this doesn’t feel entirely real to him, it can’t be real, he can’t be so lucky to fall in love with someone as perfect as Clarke Griffin, to start a family with her. It all just feels like a dream that he’s going to wake up from at any given moment.

Of course, all of that comes to a grinding halt when he realises that this is his dream, and Clarke has been remarkably quiet since she told him all of this.

He swallows.

“Do you, um, do you want to keep the baby?” he asks, looking over at her.

Her brow furrows. “Do you want me to keep the baby?”

“Doesn’t matter what I want, princess,” he says with a rueful smile, “You’re the one who’ll have to grow a whole new human and give birth to it in nine months.”

She’s quiet for a good while.

Bellamy tries to keep his face completely blank as she thinks it over, trying not to show just how nervous he felt, just how fast his heart is beating as she silently debates with herself. It’s a big decision to make and although he knows which outcome he wants, he also knows that at the end of the day, Clarke is what he wants first and foremost.

“Maybe seven actually,” she says quietly after a while, playing with the torn hem of her shirt. “Since I missed two periods already then it could be seven months left.”

Seven months.

In just over half a year they could have a baby, a small little thing that maybe has his hair and her eyes if they’re lucky, a small little thing that’s just theirs.

He has to try very hard to keep from smiling.

“Do you think it’s too soon?” she asks, finally looking back at him with glassy eyes. “I mean, we’ve only been together for a year. Do you really want to have a baby with me?”

“Clarke Griffin,” he says, quiet, solemn, as he gently thumbs her bottom lip from where she was anxiously biting down on it, “I want to have all the babies with you, if you’d let me.”

It gets a giggle out of her and he grins back, both of their eyes suddenly watery, and she laughs again, throwing her arms around his neck.

“Bell, we’re having a baby,” she says giddily, hugging him tight. He can feel the wetness from her tears leaking through his t-shirt but he can’t bring himself to care, not when he’s also crying a little bit too.

He presses a sloppy kiss to her forehead, a little off centre, but still enough to make her laugh even more, even as she sniffles a bit.

“Yeah, Clarke, we’re having a baby.”

-

(+i) 

Bellamy doesn’t think he’s ever been as scared in his life as the day Clarke goes into labour.

It’s winter time, one of the coldest days yet, and her water bursts early in the morning, sending them both scrambling.

She’s in labour for thirty fucking hours, first making him walk with her at least fifty times around their little community to get the contractions going, and then crushing all the bones in his hand when it’s finally time to push.

It’s simultaneously the scariest and most awe-inspiring thing he’s ever seen, and god, he knows that Clarke is tough as shit, but this is next level, and he’s fairly certain that he’s never been more in love with her than in this moment.

She gives one last push and collapses against him all sweaty and tired with tear tracks down her cheeks, but all of that doesn’t matter, not when Harper is holding a slimy red shrieking thing and then Clarke starts to cry too.

“Bell, Bell look,” she blubbers as she holds their baby to her chest, acting as though he’s been doing anything but looking ever since she entered the world. “Look at her. Look at our baby.”

“I see her, princess,” he manages to choke out, still staring in awe at their daughter. His hand is shaking as he reaches over to run a finger down her cheek. She’s stopped crying, just snuffling lightly against Clarke’s chest and he can’t believe that this is real, that she is real. “She’s perfect.”

Clarke somehow finds the energy to flash a weary smirk at him, “Of course she’s perfect. She’s ours.”

He can’t help but laugh and lean across to kiss her, hard and bit messy and perhaps a bit too intense for the delivery room of their little medbay, but Bellamy doesn’t care, not when Clarke, his gorgeous, strong, amazing Clarke, just gave birth to their baby.

“I love you,” he tells her, their foreheads pressed together, “So much.”

“I love you too,” she replies, flashing him that soft smile, the one that’s reserved just for him and now their daughter, and she cups his cheek.

Later, when all of their guests and wellwishers have finally left, and Clarke is asleep, getting some well deserved rest, Bellamy is left holding their baby.

He held her earlier of course, but it still doesn’t feel quite real as yet, standing by the window in their bedroom and looking out at the night sky with his daughter safely in his arms.

They named her Julia, after something Clarke read in a book once. Bellamy just thought the name was pretty.

Julia is awake, staring up at him with wide, curious eyes. She has his colouring, all dark hair and dark eyes and tanned skin, but her face is undeniably Clarke’s. It’s like she’s a perfect mix of the two of them.

“When you get a little bit older, I’ll tell you about the stories that were written into the stars,” he whispers to her, “The greek ones and the romans ones and of course, the ones about your mom.” He glances over to where Clarke is sleeping, mouth agape and drooling slightly on his pillow, and he smiles. “She’s a pretty badass woman.”

Julia gurgles in response and he takes that as her agreement.

He stands there a while longer, gently bouncing her while humming an old song from the Ark under his breath until she falls asleep.

Just like her mother, Julia sleeps with her little mouth open, and it draws another smile from him.

Ever so gently, he brushes back the little patch of dark, downy hair that covers her head and presses a soft kiss to her forehead, taking care not to wake her before placing her in the cot. It’s right next to their bed, next to Clarke, and for a moment he just stares at them, his two girls, his chest feeling tight with emotion.

He never thought he’d get something like this, a family of his own, but he does and now, lying next to the woman he loves while their daughter sleeps only a few feet away, well, he doesn’t think much more could top that.

[disgruntledkittenface]

digging deeper meme

I was tagged by @homosociallyyours @runaway-train-works and @evilovesyou, thank you!! I really enjoyed reading your answers. I’ll tag @crinkle-eyed-boo @hazzabeeforlou and @uhohmorshedios!

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? Definitely black. My husband brings home the complimentary pens they give out at his work because they’re really good pens, and I have a whole bag of black after he accidentally got some blue ones for me. 

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? I like living in the suburbs of a city so it’s quiet but you have access to events etc in the city.

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? I don’t knowwwww, I feel like right now I have tunnel vision getting better at skills I already have

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? I don’t with coffee, but I do put splenda in green tea.

5. What was your favourite book as a child? Anne of Green Gables and The Baby-Sitters Club

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? Showers to get clean, baths for fun

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? Definitely a mermaid

8. Paper or electronic books? Paper books, but fic on my phone or laptop

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? I really love my Little Mix hoodie, I’m ready for summer (and this never-ending heatwave) to be over so I can wear it again

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? I do like my name. I used to think it was really common because through eighth grade, there were three Maggies in my grade of 30 kids, but I don’t meet a lot of Maggies nowadays and I like being the only one. Last year someone told me it was old school and then got nervous they offended me, but I’ll totally take it. I don’t think it goes well with my married name, but that’s okay. (Side note, I’m totally un Google able with both my maiden and married names, which I kind of like.)

the rest under the cut!

11. Who is a mentor to you? I don’t think I let people mentor me, to my own detriment.

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? Here’s what I would like: to be interviewed for a documentary as an expert or a witness. That is the level of fame I would like to achieve someday. 

13. Are you a restless sleeper? No, I’m usually a heavy sleeper and I don’t move around much. I didn’t sleep well a few years ago when my dad got sick and for a few months after he died, and it was torture. 

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? Yeah, I’m definitely the Charlotte in the friend group.

15. Which element best represents you? I’ll say water because I’m a double scorpio.

16. Who do you want to be closer to? If we mean like physically, my mom. It’s only half an hour, but it’s too far when she needs help at a moment’s notice. If we mean like relationship wise, I always kind of crave being closer to everyone (again, double scorpio) even though I have trouble opening up, especially at first. 

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? yes.

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. I have this vivid memory of my grandma teaching me how to spell the street name in my uncle’s address when I was really little. She always had to look it up because it had two e’s and two i’s and was hard to remember.

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? I’m a picky eater so I’ve probably said no to everything strange offered to me. 

20. What are you most thankful for? Harry Styles

21. Do you like spicy food? No, not at allllllll

22. Have you ever met someone famous? When I went to Communicon, I met Yvette Nicole Brown (who is LOVELY) and knocked a sharpie out of Dan Harmon’s hand. I feel like he’s kind of the worst, but he was really nice about the sharpie.

23. Do you keep a diary or journal? I bullet journal, it’s about half lists and organization and half feelings.

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? pen!

25. What is your star sign? Both my star and rising sign are scorpio and my moon is sagittarius 

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? medium

27. What would you want your legacy to be? I’m going to be gross and copy and paste from one of my fics: Connection, telling the people who you love that you do, being as honest and kind as you can, that’s what life – or at least, Harry’s life – is about. And the most that Harry can ask for is to feel ready for it when it’s his time to go, so he’s going to make the fucking most of it while he’s here.

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? yes! I reread The Royal We before starting the sequel The Heir Affair. The last book-length fic I read was Wait For It by dimpled-halo which was amazing and made me nostalgic for HIMYM, which is a real feat because the finale burned that bridge good.

29. How do you show someone you love them? I feel like my love language is acts of service

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? Nooooooo I have sensitive teeth and it bothers me

31. What are you afraid of? Dying. (*Harry voice* that got dark. Also spiders.)

32. What is your favourite scent? coffee

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? It wildly depends

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? I think I would live similarly to the way I do now, but I would buy Chanel purses.

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? I think pools, just because I rarely get to the ocean.

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? Spend it at Target

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Probably, but I don’t really remember

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? I really try to pay attention to stuff like if my nephews don’t feel like hugging, they don’t have to

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? I would probably get more hearts in Harry’s handwriting tbh

40. What can you hear now? The air conditioning kicking on

41. Where do you feel the safest? When my husband reaches out to touch me after noticing that I’m upset or stressed

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? depression

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? 1940s

44. What is your most used emoji? Any of the heart ones, I use them a lot

45. Describe yourself using one word. sensitive

46. What do you regret the most? It’s tricky because for me, my regret is not talking about it with my dad when he got sick, but he didn’t want to have those talks and I wanted to let him go the way he wanted to.

47. Last movie you saw? Palm Springs

48. Last tv show you watched? Ladies of London

49. Invent a word and its meaning. My sister and I always say bizhausted to mean like extra exhausted so I’m going with that!

[dailyaudiobible]

12/16/2020 DAB Transcript

Micah 5:1-7:20, Revelation 7:1-17, Psalms 135:1-21, Proverbs 30:5-6

Today is the 16th day of the month of December welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian and it is wonderful to be here with you today as we continue our journey, the one that takes us to the end of the year and all the way through the Scriptures. And we are obviously well on our way, but we still have some significant territory to cover. And, so, let's dive in. We’re reading from the Good News Translation this week. We began the book of Micah yesterday in our Old Testament reading, and we will conclude the book of Micah today by reading Micah 5, 6, and 7.

Commentary:

Okay. God says something in the book of Micah today as we’re nearing the end of…of Micah that is really riveting and penetrating. “my people”, God says “what have I done to you? How have I been a burden to you? Answer me.” And this is God basically pressing into the rebellion of His people and the idolatry and spiritual idolatry of His people. They would face hardship and then blame God for it, which sounds awfully contemporary, and now. Sounds like our own lives. And God is saying, “what have I done to you? Am I not the one that rescued you? Like, am I not the one that has provided for your every step?” When God says, “my people, what have I done to you?” I mean you just have to imagine putting your own name. “Oh Brian, what have I done to you? Ahh…even just saying that out loud pricks me. I don't ever want to hear that. “How have I been a burden to you?” I don’t ever want to hear the Lord say that to me. If we just kind of a reverse the question and put the question at the end of God's statement, then we get complete clarity. So, God says. “I brought you out of Egypt. I rescued you from slavery. I sent Moses Aaron and Miriam to lead you. My people, remember what king Balak of Moab planned to do to you and Baalam son of Beor answered him. Remember the things that happened on the way from the camp at Acacia to Gilgal. Remember these things and you will realize what I did in order to save you.” My people, what have I done to you? How have I been a burden to you? Answer me.” That is such a mirror. Like, that's one you can’t escape from. You can't look away because it's like, look back at the story of your life and look at the moments where God has saved and rescued you and you knew it and you still know it. And yet hardship endurance can come, perseverance can come and we’re mad, were estranged or angry and we’re rebellious and we walk away just like the people in the Bible. And then hears God, “what did I do? What did I do to you? How did I burden you?” So, basically what happens in the text here is that Micah responds to that. Like…like God has just come and asked us this question, “How have I been a burden to you? What have I done to you?” So, he's internally kind of working through, “what…what do we do now? How do we respond to that?” And it becomes a bit of a rhetorical, even sarcastic lesson. “What shall I bring to the Lord?” Like, this is the response to, “how have I been a burden to you?” “What shall I bring to the Lord, the God of heaven when I come to worship Him? Shall I bring the best cows to burn as offering to him? Will the Lord be pleased if I bring Him thousands of sheep or endless streams of olive oil? Shall I offer him my firstborn child to pay for my sins? No.” And then Micah tells us something that's very famous but also something that essentially encapsulates what it is that God wants from you. So, Micah is like, “no. It's not all these sacrifices, it's not all these rituals, it's not all these hoops, this is not what God wants from you.” “The Lord” and I'm quoting Micah “the Lord has told us what is good. What He requires of us is this, to do what is just, to show constant love and to live in humble fellowship with our God.” More famously we would quote this, “to do justly, to love mercy, to walk humbly with your God.” This is what God wants from you. This is what he wants from me. It's what he wants from us. And when us gets together and does what God wants things change. It's all available. It's all in our hands. We can practice this as we go into the holiday season straightaway straight in front of us. Do justly, love mercy, walk humbly. That is the path friends. That is the path forward. When that's what our lives look like we are on the right path. And, so let's carry that forward in our hearts today as we continue to move toward Christmas and the new year. It was like a month and a half ago we were way out in front of it, talking about how this is gonna happen, things are gonna speed up, the years gonna get crazy like it always does, very very busy. And, so, we’re gonna want to start the year fresh and new and strong and the way that that's gonna happen is that we finish this year strong. Justice, mercy, humility - this is the path to walk to finish well and start strong. Let's intentionally begin today.

Prayer:

Father, we invite You into that. We can’t do it without You, we can do nothing without You, and we don't want to do anything without You. Anything we've ever attempted to do without You has been a catastrophe and we’ve learned that we can continue to repeat the same patterns, or we can lift our hands in surrender asking for Your help. And we’re asking for Your help. We want to collaborate with You. This life isn't about everything that we can create and You are the add-on, You are the secret sauce, You are the one that provides the path forward. We’re in a different story than that. We’re in Your story and You have invited us to be a part of that story. We want to do Your will and we want to join You in the grand story, the ongoing never-ending story of redemption. Come Holy Spirit, help us to meditate on justice, mercy and humility today we pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, home base, indeed where you find out what's going on around here. And indeed, it's Christmas time around here. So that’s mostly what's going on.

Daily Audio Bible Shop is open and there are some unique gift ideas there truly, truly unique gift ideas there. Maybe a gift to yourself is there waiting for you as well, something to commemorate and remind you of…of 2020 and the craziness of the year and the fact that we went through it together. We were in it together every step of the way. I mean the second people had to start keeping their distance we just kept going. This is…this is the beauty of who we are as a virtual community. And, so, we…maybe there's something that you want…you wanna use to remind yourself. There are plenty of…of ideas there. So, check out the Daily Audio Bible Shop.

The other thing is that we have been collecting the holiday greetings that we will put together and create our annual Christmas party. And, so, today's the last day we’re…we’re going to be collecting those. So, if you've procrastinated a little bit maybe don't forget this is the last day. All you gotta do is hit the Hotline button in the app the same way we would submit a prayer request or encouragement. Hit the Hotline button in the app and share your holiday greeting, or you can dial 877-942-4253 and share your holiday greeting. The only rule is that just don't combine a holiday greeting and a prayer request in the same call. Just make those separate this time. And, so, we’ll…we’ll collect those today and then get to work on putting everything together so we can have our Christmas party. And I look forward to that tremendously.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com. There is a link on the homepage, and I thank you humbly and profoundly…yeah…humbly and profoundly, those are the right words. Thank you for your partnership. We wouldn't be here if we weren't in this together. So, there is a link on the homepage. And you press the Give button if you’re using the app, and that's in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you've a prayer request or encouragement 877-942-4253 is the number to dial or you can just hit the Hotline button in the app, which is the little red button up at the top and you won't…you won’t…you won’t miss it. It looks like a Hotline button. You can just press that and share from wherever you are in the world.

And that is it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hey Daily Audio Bible family this is John calling from Bethlehem Pennsylvania hope you’re doing great today. It’s the 12th of December at about 9:10 AM and I just got through listening to the program for 11th of December and listening to the…the prayers that came in and wanted to first thank Grandpa Bob for his prayer for Halo. Such great words of advice for you Halo and such great wisdom from Grandpa Bob. And he’s right, we love you. God loves you. And…and other colors that have called, you know, about Halo’s situation like that day too we heard from Walta the burning bush and what a beautiful prayer you prayed, you know, over…over her and over the person that’s, you know, being a bully or being mean to her. Just beautiful Walta. So, thank you Grandpa Bob and thank you Walta for praying over Halo. You know, we’re joined together in prayer and, you know, where two or more people this goes right to the father Halo. So, you’re in great hands and we do love you. We want to hear your praise report when you call back in. Also, there was a caller. You didn’t leave your name sweetheart but you were talking about how you’re so distracted with things and that you’re…you’re sick, physically sick even because you’re so distracted by everything is going on. Sweetheart…heavenly Father thank You so much for this…for this woman that she’s seeking You and that she’s calling in her prayer God. Touch her in a special way, Lord Jesus. Help her to focus and bring her clarity. Help her to cut out all of the junk from her life that’s bringing fear and anxiety to her and have her stay close to You. I’m praying for You sweetheart. I’ll keep You lifted up in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Hi, my names Hudson and I…I live in New Mexico and I’m just praying for my brother who has diabetes. He has…he had diabetes for 15 years and they just want to…I just want to pray that he gets better from diabetes. And I thank you Brian for be…for praying for all those here. I listen to it every day. Thank you.

Good afternoon DAB family God bless you all. A DABber called at about a 95 dad that is able to understand the meaning of salvation right before he went to be with the Lord and surrounded by family. That is such a beautiful story and so encouraging and I am praying for the peace of God to be with you all and comforting you as I know that your dad will be missed. You know, Laura Lee from Boyden Beach welcoming new listeners. Amen. Praise you Jesus. Please continue to call in those new listeners we love to hear from you. Pamela from Canada called in about your son Ray in Jamaica. We are praying for the for that he is going to turn his life over to Jesus as well as other family members in the name of Jesus. And I’m also praying for these things that are attacking your body. I don’t want I even name them. I am praying for the healing of the Jesus Christ that we serve to be upon you in the name of Jesus. Blind Tony, I love your poems. God bless you in the name of Jesus. And Joe to Treasure, you know, you are a treasure. You called in about recognizing our voices and how we are to recognize the voice of the One and only One that we serve, Jesus Christ. We thank you. And yes, may we always be mindful about the voices that we recognize and always wanting to hear the voice of God in the midst of everything. Russell from superior daughter injecting drugs we bind that in the name of Jesus. We bind those drugs in the name of Jesus. I am binding those spirits that is trying to hold her down in the name of Jesus. Barb from Alberta called to say thank you for this community. You say you only call in every couple years but you know what sis we love you and we want to hear from you. God bless you all. Esther from Orlando.

Hi this is Lita I would like to pray for Harold to have the sun with diabetes and if there was another person that called in who also had a loved one diabetes. I also have a son with type I diabetes and so I understand the heart ache of having to walk alongside someone dealing with this terrible disease. So, Father I lift up Harold and I lift up the other person and myself Lord, all of us having loved ones with type I diabetes and I pray for healing Lord. I pray for good management of numbers. I just pray for Your wisdom and for Your guidance Lord and I pray for Your deliverance and I pray Lord for Your…Your rescue of us Lord from this disease. And I just pray Lord that You would help, that You would heal, that You would deliver. Lord You’re all that we have, You are our everything, the only one we can turn to and we turn to You Lord. Thank You.

Good morning Daily Audio Bible family this is Regis calling from Nairobi. Today I’m calling just to pray…to pray and join Gloria in prayer. Gloria from Camp Paula Uganda just a neighbor here. Gloria, I heard your…your request. You are requesting a prayer. You’ve been promoted but they’ve included also many things like faith management and song, but your salaries still not really reviewed yet. We pray that the Lord will release and increase your salary so you will be able to take care of your family. And I pray that the Lord will open up doors for bigger blessings, doors for international opportunities. I pray that the Lord will make you a blessing for your family. I pray that the Lord will make even this next year 2021 easier and better than this year and better than many of the years, the past years. I pray that the Lord will stretch His hand upon you, favor you all the ways. May God bless you may God keep you and protect you and your family. We love you. God bless you. Have a blessed day. Bye-bye, Regis…

[ffwriteradvisor]

On writing period fanfiction

By which I mean specific periods in time in fanfic, not the other thing.

I should probably preface this article by pointing out that this is more of a pet-peeve than anything else. It’s mostly not applicable to a good number of fandoms, as they are not tied to our real world timeline and history (though they may have timelines of their own, which means you should study their history instead) and those that are put on a ‘sliding timeline’ anyway, which covers a lot of long-runners like Marvel and DC’s universes, and I think the vast majority of fans don’t really notice or care about it in fanfic.

So, if you’re chill with that sort of thing, regardless of it you write that sort of thing yourself, I’m going to put the read-more here just so you can leave while the leaving is good.

If you’re like me and go a little feral whenever you see Harry Potter open up a smart phone app to cast a spell (yes, I have seen this done) in a fic that isn’t specifically noted as being either ‘Modern Setting’, ‘What If Harry Was Born In 2000 Instead of 1980′, or any other thing that covers that kind of setting change (or if you’re just the kind of person who likes to cover your writing bases), keep on going.

In the specific scenario of smartphone Harry, the issue is pretty easy to spot. Harry Potter takes place between 1991-1999, as far as the primary plot goes. Smartphones only became a ‘thing’ around 2002 and even then, they weren’t anything remotely like what we have today - for that, you’d have to wait until 2007-2008, when the first iPhone was released. Before that, the average smartphone instead came with a full - if miniaturized - QWERTY keyboard and apps didn’t really exist, a fact that can be confirmed by the fact that the term ‘app phones’ was actually floated for some time (around 2009) as a way of separating the older type from the newer app-capable type of smartphone.

So even the relatively recent period of 5-10 years ago can count as a specific ‘period’ so far as period writing is concerned. Which means you gotta do research.

In other scenarios I’ve seen that have also irritated me are pop culture references that don’t work, like a Buffy The Vampire Slayer YAHF (Yet Another Halloween Fic) having the characters cosplay as characters from media that doesn’t exist at that point in history (roughly 1997-1998, depending on your interpretation of various timeline clues - I favor 1997 myself) or hasn’t officially been brought to the American market - examples I have seen would be Master Chief (the first Halo game was released 2001) and Naruto (while two one-shots were around by that time, Naruto was only serialized starting in 1999 and only given an official translation in 2003, though there were scanlations before then), though I have seen many, many others that suffered from the same issues with regards to year of release.

Now, I recognize that, as mentioned earlier, this is a rather petty gripe. Like I said, it’s just as much if not more of a pet peeve for me than it is something that you need to take as gospel, though I do recommend at least trying to do research on what period of time your story is going to take place in.

Historical research can be a bit tricky. There are bits and pieces you can find out relatively easily - founding dates of certain cities, what year a certain book or play was published, general information about major public figures. Then there are things like ‘when did texting first become a thing’ and ‘what was fashion really like in this highly parodied decade’.

Seriously, that last one actually killed my attempts at an AU’d character, just because there’s so much difficulty in separating ‘stuff that’s super exaggerated about the 80′s because neons and weird clothes funny’ and ‘things that actually happened in the 80′s’, and you can’t even fully rely on media from that era either because they often distort that information as a joke or because the writers are removed from the younger generations they’re writing about.

So I suppose my best advice in this area is to be considerate of your setting, take note of what is impossible to happen then, what is possible for that time, and to do what research you can on the highlights of that era historically. There are going to be areas that aren’t covered in any place you can access and, so long as you’re putting in an honest effort, I don’t think most readers will hold any minor inaccuracies against you.

[samleheny]

“What’s Happened to Bungie?”

There’s a lot of hubbub about Destiny, and its developer Bungie lately. I’m not interested in cataloging their various deceptions and plain old dick moves since the launch of the original Destiny, that’s been covered EXTENSIVELY already. But the accompanying questions: “Are Bungie in trouble?” ,“Is Bungie going to be bought out by Activision?”, “Has Bungie lost its mojo?”, and just generally “My god people, what’s happened to Bungie?”

I believe can answer this. But it will require some... philosophy.

Specifically Theseus’ Ship. A very old, still very relevant philosophical thought experiment. You’re probably familiar, and there are multiple retellings varying in unimportant details that don’t change the question posed by the story. This is the most succinct version: A ship leaves from a port in the town of Theseus. Its voyage will be long, spanning many years. As it sails, some of the ship’s components wear or get damaged and need to be replaced, be it a torn sail, a broken mast, or a rotted plank. As the ship visits various ports and islands, some of its crew decide to stay behind, and are replaced with new members. By the time the ship finishes its voyage and returns to Theseus, not a single component of its original structure nor a single member of its original crew remain. The entire ship has gradually been replaced, piece by piece.

The question posed by the story is this: Is the ship that returned to port the same ship as the one which left all those years ago?

There’s no definitive, correct answer. Maybe you feel like the ship should be considered technically a different vessel as soon as one of its pieces is swapped out, or maybe you think it retains its original identity so long at least one piece remains unchanged. Or maybe you feel like it’s a question of degrees, and that identities can be altered, stretched some way before being considered a properly disparate entity. Or maybe you feel like the ship’s identity should be considered changed when the amount of it composed of new pieces exceeds half.

The point is to make you consider what it is we mean when we speak of identity. When we say something is one thing and not another. It’s the same existential quandary we engage with when we talk about ourselves being different people than we were some years ago because so many of the cells composing our bodies have died and been replaced with newer ones.

It could be that you believe the ship is still the same ship that left Theseus as long as the pieces, new or old, are assembled in the same way. A question of how much of identity is a matter of that which can be physically measured and how much of it is perhaps historical, or even imaginary.

So what the hell is going on over at Bungie?

Bungie are one of the best and most storied game developers around. They achieved fame and glory with the Halo franchise, one of the most beloved and influential videogame series of our time. During Halo’s development back in the year 2000, Bungie was purchased by Microsoft, and in 2001 the first Halo game became a sensation that almost single-handedly put Microsoft’s new videogame console the Xbox on the map.

10 years and 5 highly successful Halo games later, the people working at Bungie, yearning for creative freedom, had secured their company’s independence in exchange for leaving the sole rights to the Halo IP with Microsoft.

The world was once again Bungie’s oyster, and after wandering around exploring different ideas for their big new IP, they began work in 2010 on what would eventually be Destiny... and the source of a whole lot of headache for Bungie.

Bungie had entered into a 10 year development contract with publisher Activision, and some of the bigger names to leave or be forced out felt that this relationship was becoming poisonous to the company spirit that had served Bungie so well. This deal was for a whopping $500 million, the largest development contract in videogame history, so valuable did it seem to secure Bungie’s next big series. Pete Parsons, Bungie’s COO told press they expected people would “...put the Destiny universe on the same shelf they put Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, or Star Wars,” And this game which had started out with the intention on the part of some of Bungie’s heaviest hitters of getting as far away from Halo as possible in search of a fresh new experience, ended up being, by their own admission, a lot closer to Halo in genre and design then they had wanted.

When it launched in 2014 Destiny was rife with problems, some slight, some pretty glaring and certainly surprising of a game with Destiny’s pedigree. And while through iteration and expansion Bungie eventually managed to steer Destiny in a direction at least decent, and while Destiny 2 released this year and was far better received (at first...), It’s pretty clear that those dreams of creating a cultural touchstone to stand with the likes of Star Wars or Lord of the Rings, or even Bungie’s own Halo remain pretty illusive.

I’m still somewhat fascinated by the way the fans Destiny 2 earned for the franchise all now seem to be turning on the game and reporting that once you reach the end game content, Destiny 2 turns disappointingly back into Destiny 1, ie. a little bit shit.

And this is all to say nothing of the way Destiny (perhaps at the behest of Activision, we can’t be sure) has been treating its players with cloak & dagger design choices secretly aiming to sabotage any attempt of progressing through the game without turning to its in-game storefront and spending real world dollars. And whatever amendments they’ve attempted to make as they hop from one scandal to the next amounts to a cynically charged Peter Molyneux-esk cycle of 1) Enact predatory design decision/business practice. 2) If caught, apologise, fix problem(optional), vow to do better in future. 3) Repeat step 1. Immediately.

And news that Bungie is committed to making sure Destiny’s design going forward will revolve heavily around the Eververse (the in game storefront and source of greedy post-sale monetisation many are so upset about) comes out right as an organised online campaign, #RemoveEververse is firing up.

Destiny is nobody’s favourite franchise right now (which is a shame, because it was for a brief, glorious moment) and Bungie, of all developers, are nobody’s favourite people.

So what gives?

The details of what made Destiny’s four year development so turbulent have been covered pretty extensively by journalists, including an entire chapter in Jason Schreier’s excellent book Blood, Sweat, and Pixels. Suffice it to say that the Bungie that came out of Destiny’s development in 2014 looked a hell of a lot different than the Bungie that went in in 2010.

Jaime Griesemer - a major designer at Bungie for 13 years, Marcus Lehto - with Bungie also for 13 years and the creative director of Bungie’s last Halo game, Marcus Lehto - A lead designer at Bungie for 10 years, Adrian Perez - a programmer at Bungie for 9 years, Vic Deleon - a senior environment artist, Marty O’Donnell - composer and sound director at Bungie for 12 years, Harold Ryan - the motherfucking president of the company,

Over the course of development, all of these noteworthy figures at Bungie would either quit or be pushed out due to frustrations in Destiny’s development, not always on very good terms from the sound of it.

I’ll be frank but, I feel, realistic, in saying that while a studio’s artistic identity is a conglomerate of all of what each and every member brings to the table, some members’ input counts for a larger chunk of that identity than others. Some are more replaceable than others in terms of how much sway they have over the creative vision that the company will all work to bring to its audience, and what’s worrying was not that so many people left Bungie during Destiny’s development - people leave and join studios all the time - it’s that so many veterans, the kind of people who make up the majority of their studio’s identity left in such a compressed period.

Whether this is a sign that the project was mismanaged (it was), and that those who left should have something to feel betrayed over, or just a natural part of Bungie’s transition from one major chapter in its life as a Microsoft subsidiary to the next chapter as a free bird with new responsibilities and a new direction to chart, the point made by Theseus’ Ship is very relevant here. How much of the unique creative energy we know as “Bungie”, remains?

People have been calling the last couple of years “The Downfall of Bungie” or claiming that Destiny is the game that destroyed Bungie. Are they that wrong when considering that changing to a new identity does technically involve the destruction of the previous?

How many members, and which members of a group must leave and be replaced before that group can no longer be said to still be, even if the corporate entity known as “Bungie” is still well and truly operational?

“What’s happened to Bungie?”

Simple. It’s died. And was replaced by a new Bungie. It happens all the time (though usually more gradually). Change is inevitable. To try and resist this constant shifting of identities is foolish. After all, Bungie changed a lot to become a Halo factory we all loved for 10 years. The important question is what has Bungie changed into? We’re looking at a new Bungie. But is it a change for the worse? If 2017 is anything to judge by, I fear it very much is.

While the story of Destiny 1′s development from its initial release through to the Taken King expansion can be read as a developer releasing a... ‘not great’ game and working to make it better, Destiny 2′s post launch development so far is the story of a developer releasing a much better game and then doing everything they can to poison people’s experience with it.

I don’t know the size of the boot Activision has over your throat right now, Bungie, but do you want this new chapter of your life having left your overlords at Microsoft to be defined by an even more cynical and corporate Bungie?

[sunshinekarliekloss]

Conquering fashion and crushing tech, Karlie Kloss is just getting started

Taking an Australian to an Australian restaurant is a very Karlie Kloss thing to do.

Heartily recommending dishes (green goddess salad! Avocado toast!) and knowing everyone who works at the joint (Two Hands in N.Y.C.’s TriBeCa neighborhood) is also très Karlie Kloss. Almost 10 years in, her modeling career has encompassed more runways than JFK, more covers than a ... cover band, and more campaigns than some presidents (Swarovski, Express, L’Oréal, Adidas). But the St. Louis–raised Kloss remains a Midwestern girl who was brought up right. She’s two years into Kode with Klossy, her 10-city (and growing) program to inspire young girls to learn coding and enter the tech world, and over a year into her feminist studies at NYU (complemented handily by today’s look: a Dior T-shirt that says “We Should All Be Feminists”). But right now she’s just going to extend her illegally long legs under the table for a chat. LAURA BROWN: At the British Fashion Awards in London last December, you were posing away on the red carpet in a sparkly Swarovski thing, and it was freezing. I just thought, “How does she keep turning up and doing that?” KARLIE KLOSS: First of all, I’m a Leo, so when I need to turn it on, I do. I enjoy the adrenaline—not just when I’m walking the red carpet but also when I’m on set or in a runway show or even in the small film things I’ve done. I don’t know; I’m going to throw it to being a Leo because I have no other explanation! But I also know the feeling of being spent. What happens when you’re spent? I book myself out. I take time. I shut off. I don’t post to social media for a couple of days, and I find that to be really rewarding and healthy. It actually reenergizes me to be able to turn it back on and have fun. We’re multitasking women; we all have a lot going on. But you also have to protect yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally and give yourself time. “Book yourself out”: I know that’s a model term, but metaphorically, it’s a good idea too. Yeah. Because you know what? It’s not a matter of being lazy—the returns are tenfold: You’ll be able to show up with more energy, more drive, more focus. It’ll pay off. Are you type A? I don’t know if I’m type A. I’m super-driven, but I’m not a perfectionist. Women are always told we can have it all, but acknowledging your limitations is a wonderful thing too. There’s a beauty in knowing what you can’t do. There’s also a beauty in not trying to figure it all out. Things like Kode with Klossy happened because after graduating from high school, I was fully focusing on my modeling career but at a certain point was uninspired. That’s why I started taking a coding class. When you sat down for that first coding class, did it feel like, “Oh, great!” or “Oh, s—!”? I only got myself into that first coding class because I was genuinely curious about it and I met someone who started the Flatiron School … I am someone who if you tell me I have to do something, I’m less inclined to do it, but I took that class because I was really interested in how all this works. It’s how the world is actually built. Code is the secret language that builds all the digital architecture of everything that we rely on. And pretty much a fraction of people know about it, yet we all use it. I’ve always been intrigued by the direction nobody else is going in. Not following the herd. If anything, the herd is following you, especially when you’re, like, 7 feet in heels. Honestly, I never owned a pair of heels until I became a model. I remember buying a pair of black high heels from Target in St. Louis because I had to practice learning how to walk in them. OK, set the scene for me, please. I had just turned 15—now 18 is the minimum age to model—and started high school on a Monday, and by Friday I was on a plane to New York for a casting call. I thought, “There’s no way anyone is going to book me for New York Fashion Week, but it’s good to go and see people.” I had my high heels from Target and a little black dress from Macy’s that my mom bought me. It became my lucky little black dress that I continued to wear again and again. That was the outfit I was wearing when I walked into Calvin Klein in 2008 and got cast in the show that launched my career. I look back at photos, and I’m like, “How and why did anybody book me?” I was a child! But I was a very tall child. I’ve always been kind of an old soul, I guess.

You’ve always read older. I’m still surprised at how young you are. I really loved those years. And it was so different. The whole digital situation was different. Do you think social media makes it harder or easier to succeed? I think it’s a different ball game. You have to have a strong presence on the runway, schlep around the world to build a book for editorial, work with the right people, and be in the right campaigns. You also have to have a digital presence and brand yourself. Maybe it’s easier to break through now because it’s democratized. It’s not like there are three important people in the fashion industry who are going to say, “Yes, you’re going to be successful.” It’s the people’s choice. Right, and that’s what’s really interesting. Something can become successful if it’s a good idea or if it’s going against the grain. It’s hard to predict. It’s important to have constants in all this, right? How do you manage a relationship with all your travel and everything else? [Kloss dates venture capitalist and health-care entrepreneur Joshua Kushner.] You make it work. We’ve been together almost five years. Time flies. It’s crazy. He’s a super-solid dude. Is it nice to know someone’s there? Yeah. I’ve always been super-close with my family. They are my rock. There’s so much uncertainty in every direction, like, “Are you gonna get this job?” So having a solid crew, whether it’s your family or a partner, that’s a big part of being able to function. What does being a feminist mean to you? Actually, I’m taking a feminism class at NYU right now. It’s about the political history of feminism, really, since the ’60s and ’70s. The term “feminism” means different things to different people; a lot of people throw it around without really understanding the weight of it because it is layered. Two women can identify as feminists and have wildly different ways of living their lives. I love what Maria Grazia [Chiuri] is doing at Dior. She’s such a powerhouse. Having women in leadership positions is so important. Hopefully it will happen in the White House someday. Would you ever consider making a run for the White House? Never say never, right? So, we did a superhero shoot together for InStyle. Who’s your real-life superhero? My mom, for sure. She battled really aggressive breast cancer when my three sisters and I were young. She survived by the skin of her teeth. I’ve grown up completely idolizing her. She’s so strong. Were you ever into superheroes? Wonder Woman, of course! First of all, she’s got great style, hair, and accessories. And I love that she’s fearless. She doesn’t need a man. She’s so independent. Where would you go if you could fly an invisible jet? I would love to be able to fly, period. Being invisible would be amazing. I’m 6'2", so it’s hard to be invisible, but at times I love just being a people-watcher, whether it’s in a café or the places I travel. Do you have days when you’re not recognized? I put on a baseball hat and jeans and a T-shirt and nobody pays attention to me. It’s great. I hope that never changes. Maybe when you hit 25 and get real old. Hopefully I’ll start shrinking too! When was the moment you knew you’d made it in your career? I haven’t hit that moment yet, but when I bought my apartment in New York six years ago, that felt like a major milestone. So you had a mortgage at 18? Yeah. All my friends were, like, just getting their driver’s licenses.

What do you spend your money on? I am very ambitious as an entrepreneur and as a businesswoman, but it doesn’t matter how much money I make. I am frugal. I spend money on experiences. I like to take amazing vacations with my loved ones. I like property. I just bought a beautiful home in St. Louis. That must be wonderful—coming back home with such success. You know what’s crazy? I bought the house I used to babysit in. My only job before modeling was a $6-an-hour babysitting gig, which, by the way, was great. I feel like I have this Cinderella story, and I’m really grateful for it. It was not the path I was anticipating. Anyway, it’s come full circle for me. I always loved that house. What’s something you do every day that would surprise people? Indulge in chocolate in some form. Chocolate is my weakness. It’s my Kryptonite. If you’re really on a bender, what do you do? What’s your “f— it bucket”? Halo Top ice cream. It’s lower in calories. I’ll smash a whole pint. I have a sweet tooth. That’s how Karlie’s Kookies happened, because I love sweets. You’re super-diligent about working out. Do you try to keep it to a certain time every day? I like to work out in the morning and get it out of the way because it changes how I function the rest of the day. I feel more awake and am more aware of what I eat. Since I’m always traveling and in a different place, I started running. I love running in Paris and upstate New York. I also love strength training. If I work out, it doesn’t immediately change my body, but it changes my clarity, focus, and emotions. My job right now is reliant on my body, but that’s genuinely not why I work out. What’s your favorite thing to do? Do you cook a lot at home? I love to cook. I love going to the market and getting fresh stuff and just getting creative. How ambitious are you? I want Kode with Klossy to grow. Last summer we had three camps with 20 girls in each one. This summer we have 15 camps in 10 cities and 20 to 25 girls in each class. All of this and you’re not type A? I’m grateful that I’m successful at 24 in a way that I never imagined I would be. I feel lucky I started working at 15—it’s been almost 10 years. I feel like a geezer! What was the last thing you bought for yourself? I bought this sick handpainted Gucci leather jacket. It was from a special collaboration. My frugal self broke the bank on that one. And also the house. [Laughs] What’s your favorite thing that you’ve worn out lately? It was this cute little Dior sleeveless dress that was just way sexy and athletic. I loved it. Most important, where are the Target shoes now? My mom has the first crayon drawing I ever made, so I’m sure those shoes are in a box somewhere in the Kloss attic. (x)

[solienna]

i was going to be like 'all of them' but that would be mean so instead im 'just' going to ask for 1, 4, 8, 10, 13, 17, 21, 28, 32, 33, 35, 47, 50,

putting this under a readmore bc meander!!! you spoil me

01: When did you first start writing?      okay i actually am gonna give you two answers to this question bc i feel like i started writing at two periods in my life. the first time i actually started writing was in third grade because i had like. the BEST third grade teacher, he was awesome and in my eyes was like, the best artist i had ever met just bc he had a basic grasp of how to draw shit and i absolutely didn’t and still don’t, every time teachers tell me to draw things for an assignment i lose ten years off my lifespan but anyways!! off topic. he really encouraged creativity and i was in a class with one of my friends, his name was like john or michael or something, and i would write and he would illustrate (i thought he was the second-best artist i had ever met just bc he also had a basic grasp on drawing and i still didn’t). i wrote about like. this dog and his name was super yuff and got his powers through lightning that struck him and he just flew around and like. idk he did a lot of shit, i still have the stories i wrote. but like i was DEDICATED to this character and so was my illustrator friend. i remember one weekend i was just sitting on my bed with a bunch of folded up printer paper just writing about this dumb superhero dog that somehow ended up in like the halo universe bc even back then i was obsessed with video games. that was the first thing i actually WROTE.         HOWEVER. after third grade i just took a huge break. like not intentionally, of course. i loved writing but i didn’t know it was my THING yet. i didn’t really have a thing yet, it was only third grade ok. HOWEVER. when i transitioned into middle school that’s when i picked up writing again. i don’t even remember why. all i know was that my dad had bought skyrim and he was playing it and just by watching it i LOVED it. i adored the history behind the game and i just loved the graphics, and when i started playing the game i got HOOKED. stayed up entire nights just doing random side quests for npcs and feeling a huge goddamn hero, let me save this talking dog from the wrath of his daedric master nbd, just doing my job, let me set all these beehives on fire and get mauled by a bear, cool cool. and one day i just? was like wow, why don’t i write a story about it! about my skyrim OC going to solstheim and falling in love with the aloof nd really sarcastic and interesting teldryn sero (who still remains one of my favorite skyrim npcs to this day)!! and i thought i was Hot Shit too, i thought i fucking invented fanfiction. and then i found wattpad and then that was that folks, i got hooked on writing all over again and i still am

04: Have you ever thrown a book across the room?      mmmm not that i can recall? i’m not really a book-thrower, i’m more of a book-holder. like if something really shocking happens in a book i feel like i’d be more likely to hug it close to my chest than throw it08: What’s the best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten?      tbh pretty much everything you’ve told me meander!! i don’t really think i’d be writing that much if not for you. honestly you flatter me on a daily basis with your compliments about my really pretentious use of metaphors in like every single paragraph and basically just with your interest in all of my writing projects even for fandoms you’re not technically in!! i’ve never really been told by anyone that i’ve got a way with words and when you told me that i was like wow!! people actually like the shit i write, that’s cool! that’s real cool my guy10: What’s your biggest writer pet-peeve?      honestly i THRIVE on feedback. i took a huge writing break like a few years ago just because i couldn’t WRITE the way i used to. to just sit down and spew out 5000 word chapters on a whim wasn’t something i could feasibly DO anymore. i thought i lost my touch or something but it was honestly just because i didn’t get enough feedback. again shout out to u meander because you legit FLOODED me with feedback on like. everything. i’m still over the moon about half the shit you’ve told me like a year ago. tbh half the reason i yell in the tags is because creators read the tags!! they really do!! so i wanna leave some positive feedback for them because i want them to know that i liked whatever it was that they made!!

13: What’s your favorite writing quote?       it’s not really a writing quote but!! “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” -C.S. Lewis21: Do you outline?      i honestly burst out laughing when i saw this question, i do not in any way whatsoever outline anything bc apparently i hate myself. ok the last time i outlined a story was like four years ago and it worked…. really well…… so for some reason i was like wow how about we not make our lives easier. no outlining our fics we ruin our own writing projects like men

28: Which do you find hardest: the beginning, the middle, or the end?      everything, everything is hard, i can’t write in a linear fashion. nah but tbh i feel like it’s the middle? like what do you even do. what is the middle all about. i’ve never met her32: How do you feel about friends and close relatives reading your work?      ABSOLUTELY NOT. get them away. i am very protective of my writing bc it’s personal to me. like i don’t want y’all reading my shit and then going up to me in real life thinking you know all my secrets bc if u read my shit you WILL know all my secrets, i painstakingly pour my heart into everything i write because in everything i do, i try REALLY REALLY hard. if i let u read my writing it’s a show of trust33: Are you interested in having your work published?      in its current state? probably not!! maybe later on down the road would be nice, but i’ve still got a lot to learn //side-eyes all my failed attempts at witty dialogue35: What’s your favorite time of day for writing?      nighttime. like dead of the night, i’m in bed with my phone and should be asleep right now but instead i’m gonna grab my laptop and fucking dump out all the words in my brain onto this word document. other than that i honestly just write during school a lot? like when we get free time i’m either studying for a test or writing.47: If you could steal one character from another author and make then yours, who would it be and why?      i want to take preston garvey out of bethesda’s hands. i’ve fallen in love with him over the course of just writing one scene for his character study. it’s the second-to-last scene (bc i cant write in linear order) and like. gosh. i want him to be my character, he’s so sad but also so optimistic and he tries so hard. ok those kinds of characters are my Type, i love characters who try really hard 

50: If you could live in any fictional world, which would it be?      i’m honestly not really sure? like hardcore i love daydreaming but it’s never about myself doing cool things, it’s about characters doing cool things. i kinda wanna meet an omnic tho, they seem really chill. maybe like live in falkreath? it’s really chill and pretty there and the mountains are really looming and i like that. imagine meeting the dragonborn and they buy out your entire store and then just leave. thats fucking crazy my guy

[ranseltoska]

So Happy to Finally Comeback!

Hello tumblr! How are you people?

Yap, it is so long after my last posts in tumblr and I know how not consistent I am to write things in this platform. I of course have some explanation which turns out to be an excuse. Well, life is so tough lately. I have to juggle with the last theory semester that is so exhausted and taking so many energy and time and money from me, then the last term of my organization year that I want to make it the best so again I spend so much time and energy there, and the luxury time I want to spend by myself—hangout alone, have me time, watch tv series, read some books, daydream all the time, and sleep too much. So yeah, having not so much time back then but so happy to finally comeback!

There are also some triggers actually that make me want to write again. The first one is of course my desire to babble much in the platform that no one care and know about me. The second one is the luxury time I have because it is finally holiday yaaay! So I am back at home right now, not having so many things to do unless hangout with high school mates and do some family gathering, and not having responsible to deal with, and not even have a real life! Third one, is because someone from the past suddenly come back to my life and asking like you still write? I miss your stories though. No, I don’t write because of him, but his question reminds me how I used to write so much and love it. The last one is I currently watch a vlog in youtube and she is talking about doing some journaling and let your thoughts come up, and again it reminds me about how I used to suit in front of my tumblr page and write all the things that pop up in my mind. The triggers actually come like a month ago since I am home, but because of my laziness and the lack of fast and free internet here (God, I need fast internet!) I finally can do it and hopefully I can be that consistent, please help me!

So to begin my comeback (are you a K-PoP Idol group?) I will write about the random things that happened during my absent time in tumblr. Here we go!

1. I am finally home! After a tough semester and so many responsible I have to do, I finally can take a break and take a breath. So happy to be home, because you don’t have to worry about the real life or the future, about the money you’ve spend because free food and water will always be there, about the people that judge and want to hurt you because you can no longer see them, about the loneliness you feel when you are lying in your dorm alone or when you strolling around the city alone, because you are finally safe and sound.

2. I meet so many people here. From my family, big families, high school best friends, high school mates, some teachers that so close to me, some seniors that also close to me, until someone from the past. What I actually can learn is everyone is growing up even me somehow. We still talk about the silly and funny and stupid things we did back then, but we also talk about the future that waiting for us. Like with my best friends and high school mates, we remember the memories we share in the old days, like some silly jokes about everyone, or some sweet moments we have, or the friends and the teachers that really cannot be forgotten, or even the mean things we do. But in the middle of that conversation we are talking about how are our thesis or what to do after graduation or where are you work right now, we are talking about the consequences about the problems we face and how we deal with the real life, that is scary and tough. We are all growing up but I am so happy that some parts of us are still the same little souls who always want to be the best version of ourselves.

3. Last semester of theory is finally over! After so many seminars, and simulations, and negotiations, and endless papers and assignments, finally sixth semester is done! That was the very tough semester in my college life. I sometimes want to give up on so many lessons but thankfully there were Ilak, Kiki, Rachel who always motivate me and cheer me up. The scores are not yet presented, but so far I am happy with the results. Because my almost not sleep night and my working the assignments together afternoon is paid. Well next level of tough is KKN and skripsi life, brace yourself!

4. I watch so many tv series and fall in love with sense8, you guys have to watch it. It is about 8 people in different countries that can connect to each other, like really understand if one of them feel sad or happy, and they have to fight some group that want to kill them. And the season 2 is so freaking cool, but here comes the very things I hate. Netflix decides to cancel this show because of numbers. And what I want to do is screaming and saying wtf so much, because I really need to know where is Wolfgang, and how they fight the BPO, and what how is the ending, because all of them really deserve a happy endings after they try to be strong together (please watch the show to understand my babbling!). But, after the whole cluster in the whole world asked Netflix to continue it and we do some petitions, finally they’re gonna make the final-two-hours-of-sense8. Only two hours but it can change someone’s life, I bet! So yeah #sense8forever

5. I am thinking to make some content (are you a youtuber) that called Saturday Conversation. So every two weeks on Saturday I will go somewhere probably a café or a hangout place by myself and just sit, eat nice food, do some people watching, or read books, and having a conversation with myself. It could be about anything, about how I feel, what I think about life, things that makes me happy or sad or afraid, the books I currently read or the tv series I currently watch, or anything that come up in my mind. Hopefully I can be the consistent person I wish to be. And I also want to write consistently in tumblr because I still remember how much I love talking to myself in this platform by writing it.

6. I just finished watching The Flash season 2 after a very long time and Scandal season 1 after a not so really long time. Currently I am in the middle of my journey to finish Riverdale, 13 Reasons Why, The Americans, Quantico Season 2, 11.22.63, and so many tv series that waiting to be watch in my hard disk. And I currently read Garis Batas from Agustinus Wibowo, after finishing Simon vs. Homo Sapiens Agenda and Matahari from Tere Liye. I know no one care but hey I just want to share! Oh one more, I am currently in love with some youtubers that is so inspiring I can’t stop myself to watch their video, you guys should check Doddie Clark, Lucy Moon, and Lavendaire! They are basically talking about how to be honest with your own selves, to have self-loving, to embrace all the strengths and weaknesses you have in your life, to live in the moment and be a true human being, and to live your life to the fullest. Please, please watch their video to have a very very very bright insight to really live the life you love!

7. In love with Nicole Zefanya – Anaheim, Doddie Clark – Would You Be So Kind, and The Matter Halo ft. Nadin – Teralih! Please listen to all of them! Btw, speaking about Nicole Zefanya, she just launches a song called See U Never with a nickname NIKI. The song is kind r&b and hiphop, well I don’t really know the genre and the song is good but I obviously love her originals more. It is a big opportunity for her and maybe because she is still young she still wants to experiment a lot and maybe we may not hear her originals much at least not in near time. And I am so so so sad about it, because I just love her originals. Because she is so authentic with her clinginess, and the teenage high school behavior, and all the inspiring lyrics she writes that speak to me and hit me hard and so true and honest, and her piano or guitar’s melody that are so eargasm. I am gonna miss it so much. Whatever the path she chooses, I hope her little soul always walks her home.

8. Still have so many things to do in hometown; like going to the beach and enjoy the atmosphere until sun set or swimming in the beach from morning till noon, eating so much food that I can only find here, having a me time in a fast-food restaurant and going karaoke alone, hanging out to a new place with friends and family, reading books in the park on a cloudy afternoon, having a road trip or family vacation to Sabang, going to so many public place to think about my future (wahahah, the old semester students kinda behavior), and many more!

9. I have so many bucket list currently that I really hope I brave enough to literally make it real. I want to watch musical in Jakarta and join some conferences anytime soon, then I will do KKN, and hopefully do exchange, and some internship in the place I really want. Besides that I also want to travel to some city like Bandung and Karimun Jawa and I want to arrange some trip after graduating (so please graduate as much as you can!) in some neighbor countries. Hopefully I am brave enough to embrace all my plans and have so many savings due to the plans. May the force be with me!

10. Like I mention in some part of this writing, I feel like everyone is growing up including me. In the beginning of sixth semester if everyone asking about my planning to graduate or what kind of thesis I will write, I literally look at them weirdly and say things like, dude 6th semester not even finish and you already ask me that kind of question, and of course I don’t think about it yet because I don’t really want to graduate that fast. Actually why I said that because I am so freaking afraid what to do after graduating, because I have no idea what is my ability or passion that I literally can use for the real life and I literally don’t know what I have to do to have a bright future or to face this hard and tough life. But after going home and having some deep thoughts with friends and mom and dad, I kinda have hope. Like, I start to set goal about my graduation and my thesis kinda things, although still don’t know what to write as judul skripsi, help me ya Allah. I start knowing that dad is getting older also will retire soon, so I have to stop being a burden to mom and dad and I have to have a job before dad finally retire. The closest things I can do to at least have a job is graduating. So yeah, I have to graduate next year. It is also because of the invisible competition I have with my older sister, since she just graduates this year, I have to prove to my parents that next year I can also make them proud. Wish me luck please!

Well, that is all random things that come up in my mind during my absent time in tumblr. I know it is only 10 numbers but I don’t know why it can be that long! See, I talk and babble too much, that’s why I should keep writing consistently! Okay, hopefully the next writings will come anytime soon, please bare with me. See you in another post!

The finally write again happy little soul,

Me.

[dailyaudiobible]

01/15/2019 DAB Transcript

Genesis 31:17-32:12, Matthew 10:24-11:6, Psalms 13:1-6, Proverbs 3:16-18

Today is the 15th day of January. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian and, of course, every day is a joy and a pleasure to be here with you and in your presence and in the presence of our brothers and sisters all over the world. And we lovingly call this activity the global campfire. And I don't really know where that started, honestly, it just kind of stuck a few years ago, I guess I was just sitting here right in front of the mic just picturing us all coming in out of the cold, you know, because we begin the year, at least here in the northern hemisphere in the wintertime. So, we’re just coming out of the cold. And, you know, it can be like dark and cold out there and to be able to come in and warm yourself with friends and know that you not alone, know that this journey isn't a solitary endeavor, that we're in this together. I just…I guess…it just kind of caught on from there. So, just through another log on the global campfire, and off we go. And man, here we are halfway. This is like the halfway point of the first month of the year and it happens just like that because it was just Christmas, right? Like it just was Christmas but this is…time just kind of moves and before we know it we’ll be in another season and the year will move by and we’ll realize just how much God's word is speaking into our lives and just how profoundly it is affecting the way we make our decisions and that happens day by day, step-by-step around this global campfire. So, let’s dive in. We’re reading from the New Living Translation this week. Today, Genesis chapter 31 verse 17 through 32 verse 12, and reminding you we’re following the story of Jacob and his wives and their children, and they want to leave and head back to Jacob's homeland. And, so, there's some drama brewing. Genesis chapter 31.

Commentary:

Okay. So, in the Old Testament in the book of Genesis we’re following the story of Jacob who…well…we don't have to review every little detail of the story because we just read it in the last couple of days, but he's on his way back to his homeland and we need to remember that he had to flee from his homeland, right, because he's the one that stole his brothers birthright and then he and his mother kind of colluded to get this family blessing. So, when Esau, the older brother, finds out what has happened Jacob has to run for his life and Esau decides, like, after I'm done mourning my father I’m going to kill my brother, right? So, like, they have to separate each other, separate from each other. And, so, it's been a couple of decades now. So, that's, you know, some time for this to all cool off, but Jacob doesn't know, I mean the last thing he knew was that his brother wanted to kill him, but he doesn't really have a great scenario where he's at with his father-in-law Laban because Laban, I mean, Jacob and Laban, they both have been like tricking each other and we can't forget that Jacob's a bit of a trickster himself. I mean he did get the birthright from Esau, he did get the family blessing under trickery and he did have to run away for it. So, Laban’s given him a taste of his own medicine but there's no future there and God is calling him to go back to his Father. So, what we saw in today's reading was this man and his wives and his family and their whole entourage leaving secretly to try to do just that. And in a very, very short time we have Jacob and his family in the middle of a pretty nasty situation that could turn really volatile really fast and destroy them all because behind him he's got his father-in-law Laban and their family and surely, they're going to figure out that he's gone. So, they're going to come in pursuit, but out in front of him he's got his brother Esau also wanting to do him harm. So, he's kind of like in between two bad situations. And you may find yourself in a similar position in life. And we see Jacob responding in a very, very human way, in a way that we would understand. I mean Laban does arrive and there is a pretty big confrontation and then Jacob is able to kind of unload some of the things that he's been carrying around. And in the end, a monument is set up, a covenant is entered into, and they have agreed that they will not pass that boundary line with the intent of hurting each other. So, Jacob's able to navigate and find favor in that situation that was behind him, the one haunting image from his past as it were, but he’s still got his future out in front of him, which is a big circle from the very distant past, his brother. And, so, he sends word just the sort of test the temperature and the next thing he knows his brothers riding toward him with 400 mercenaries and that's kind of where were left today. So like, let's get it really clear that in biblical times these people didn’t just float around, you know, a foot off the ground with halos and, you know, like they actually had to face some pretty difficult things, and as we do. So, we can look into these stories and say, okay, yeah, I mean proverbially I got the same thing going on, I’ve got something going on behind me, I’ve got something going on before me, I feel like I’ve been caught in the middle, I’ve got to navigate this. Probably not to the extreme of Jacob. And we get to watch Jacob navigate and learn from it.

Then we get into the book of Matthew and Jesus is saying some pretty provocative stuff. Don't imagine that I came to bring peace to the earth. I came not to bring peace but a sword. I've come to set man against his father, daughter against her mother, daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law, your enemies will be right in your household. Okay. So, what happened to the loving baby Jesus in the manger and peace on earth and goodwill towards men? Like, Christmas hasn’t hardly worn off. What is this? What we have to begin to realize about Jesus message and Jesus way is that He is fundamentally reminding human beings what they were created to be and He is living a life as a full human being, certainly, the son of God as we believe, fully divine but also fully human as the Scriptures teach us. And, so, we’re looking at Jesus and we’re seeing a person like people are supposed to be, like what they were created to be without the black weight of sin involved. And light comes into the darkness, certainly the darkness flees, right, but the shadows are cast and it's like a cosmic battle because mankind had been spending its time trying to organize itself in such a way that it could be its own God, which is what we saw as we started this story back in the book of Genesis chapter 3 with the fall of man and betrayed. Like, eating that fruit gave mankind the knowledge of good and evil, but what mankind lost in the trade was an intimate fellowship with God. And, so, mankind became very evil but tried to use the knowledge of good and evil to become its own God. Well when God shows up in the middle of that story then we’re talking about the clash of kingdoms and people are notoriously famous for not wanting to give up their freedom of choice and will. And yet that is exactly what…that is exactly what Jesus message is. And maybe kind of taking this journey this year, first time through the Bible just kind of wanting understand what it is actually saying so you can determine whether you’re going to follow this path or not, this is fundamentally the Jesus way, is that there is a better way of being a human being, one that is restored to the way that human beings were supposed to live. And we get to watch that in the person of Jesus, but we also notice that those with power and influence only feel exposed by Jesus. Like, they can't cozy up to Jesus and get him to collude with them because He won't, because He's pure, because He's true and He can't be bought. We’re watching a person live in this world true and everywhere He goes it disrupts what is false even to the point of dividing family. So, the Scriptures tell us there’s a narrow path that leads to life and only a few find it and those who do disrupt things. And all you have to do is just think about it, think about, well okay, what if I were absolutely truth? Like, what if there were no falseness in me? When we start thinking about that we realize that all of the ways that we relate to each other has a falseness to it. We are presenting an image so that we can all find a way to get along, but we have an inner monologue of things that are really going on that we wouldn't let out. Some of that’s because we wouldn’t let out the embarrassing dark thoughts that we have, but what if we didn't have any darkness either, right? So, what if we weren’t hiding anything because there wasn't anything to hide and everything that we did, everything about us was true, everyone knew exactly who we really are and that was good, that was true and good. Well then, we would be Christ like, right, then we would be like Christ. Then we think, well, that kind of person could really lead people into the truth, that kind of person…that kind of a leader would really, really pull us forward, but that's not how it worked out for Jesus, right? Those in power and authority killed Him. The darkness does not want the light because you can't hide in the light. And, so, understand that as we take this journey and truly give ourselves over to allowing a relationship with God, an intertwining of spirits, a transformation from within us, so that we are experiencing actual life, not a fabricated version full of stuff that we have to maintain, but actual life, then that is not going to just disrupt us, that is going to disrupt everything around us

Prayer:

Father, we pray for wisdom as we continue to take these steps forward. Its intriguing to understand that the life that we want, the truth that we want, the way that we want to walk into life with You, our hearts cry for this, but as the layers begin to get peeled back we begin to understand, following this way on the narrow path that leads to life will be costly and will cost us everything that we think we are because everything that we have been is changing and everything that we are in You. So, we invite Your Holy Spirit to come. We’re here at the beginning of the year and Your testing our motivations, You're revealing our hearts to ourselves, You are allowing us to see things as they really are and we are swept into this, we have pulled forward. So, Holy Spirit show us how to navigate. With Your wisdom we pray. In Jesus name we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

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And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi, this is Sherry Running to God. I just listened to the January 9th reading and I believe it just has stirred my heart, my soul. I think I’m starting to question if I really know God. Brian said, there’s a difference between knowing someone and actually knowing them. And I wonder now if I really know God in a relationship. So, now because I’ve listened more to and taken more time to sit and listen to the Daily Audio Bible, questions are starting to arise. Please pray for me that my faith grows strong and that I don’t have to question anymore because I am in a relationship with God and I do know him. Thanks.

Hey family, this is Linda from New Hampshire. Stuff is really hittin’ the fan air right now as I call in. My son and daughter-in-law are really, really, really fighting. I live with them. My daughter-in-law has had lot to drink. There was a previous betrayal on my son’s part and she’s just having a really bad time right now. And, I mean, I’m actually concerned for the safety of my grandson’s Owen and Oliver. And I just need to know that there’s somebody out there praying, and I know God doesn’t look at time, isn’t restricted by time. I’ve got to go to work tomorrow and is 11:24 and the fighting’s been going on for about 25 minutes. I don’t even know what to say right now. It’s beyond sad, it’s beyond tragic, and I don’t know what to do. She’s really, really, really hurt just from her family origin issues and the betrayal and oh my God, please just, please keep them in your prayer. I know you all do. I keep thinking I’m gonna call in and fill you guys all in on where I’m at in life and I keep wanting to say it’s better and stuff like this happens. I love you all. Thank you.

Hey, good morning Daily Audio Bible family, this is Debbie in Des Moines, heading to work for my last few days before I start my new journey. But I actually called for a couple of things. Number one, as I call you’re gonna find that I’m not eloquent, I’m not one of those people who speak well, I stumble over my words, I sound like a dork, you know. But you know what, God loves me anyway and so does the family. So, I want to encourage those who don’t call because…because you’re like me [laughing]. Call in any way, we love you. Call in, call in, call in. But the second thing is I wanted to let you…ask for prayer for my grandson. Those who know me know that I’ve been raising him since he was an infant. He is now nine years old. He is court ordered. He has to go do overnights at his dad’s every other weekend and his dad’s household is not just atheist, their anti-God. I mean, they are anti-God. It’s not like they ignore God or anything, they’re verbally anti-God and my grandson is God hearted, prays for people and he has been having nightmares because his dad plays really bad movies, like scary movies and it gives him nightmares and there’s nothing I can do really about it, but I ask for your prayers for my grandson Trent. I love him so much and I want his little mind to be at peace and I just thank God that he is a little warrior and we pray for things together, but I covet your prayers for his peace of mind. I love you family. Bye.

Hi, yeah, it’s Michael calling from London, UK. Today is Friday, the 11th of January 2019. Yeah, I’ve been listening to the Daily Audio Bible for about a couple years now. Yeah, and I’m really enjoying listening to it, like, I think it’s an amazing blessing that Brian and Jill have brought for us. The fact that you’ve been doing it 14 years, you know, that’s even more incredible. Yes, I‘d like to say hi to everyone at Daily Audio Bible and all the listeners that I believe I’m now a part of. Yeah, and, yeah so basically a little bit about me, I’m an actor but I’m also a qualified occupational therapist. I work with those with, you know, mental health issues but I am also part of…part of an amazing church, Hillsong London. So, yeah, hopefully I can maybe pray for you guys and it’d be great if you could pray for me, you know, anxiety issues, yeah and anything around, yeah, trying to juggle kind of acting and OT because I’ve got pressure from my agent as well as hopefully, you know, trying to be the best that I can be in that as well. Apologies about any background noise. I am driving at the moment, driving to work. Yeah, so, hopefully I hear from you guys soon and, yeah, I’ll try to make this a bit more of a regular occurrence, you know, we’re I’m just kind of praying when…as when I need because, you know, there’s some really great guys and girls on here. You know, I love the encouraging words that different people say over each other. It’s amazing you can have this online community of people that probably haven’t necessarily met each other person but at least online, you know, you can, as Brian says drop off a load on the things that we’re all going through. Okay, all right. Thank you for now. And I’ll speak to you later. Bye.