#this fucking picture of mercy always knocks me tf out

[spookyvalentine]

mass effect au: sports coach

During the nightmare on Akuze, N7 Mercy Shepard hears of a name--Cerberus. In the aftermath, Shepard joins Alliance Intelligence to lead the hunt for the terrorist group. Lately, children have been going missing from certain schools across the Citadel. Their next mission? Placed undercover at Presidium Academy as the new middle school coach

Nihlus, the high school coach, has never seen such a consistent turnout of parents to not just the games, but the practices too

ART BY ‼️🔥 @naarisz 🔥‼️

canon, crime lord, white collar

fic under the cut!

When James makes it to the park to meet his commander, someone has beaten him.

“I hope to see you around more, coach,” says a quarian that he is nearly very certain is Admiral Shala’Raan. He’d never forget that throaty voice.

“Please,” Mercy says, dimpling. “The kids call me coach. I’m just Mercy to you.” 

“Mercy,” she purrs, it’s insane, really. She gives James lingering once-over as well. “I see someone wants your attention.”

It feels nice, how much they perk up when they notice him.

“James!” They greet, and sling an arm around his shoulders. It takes a lot to make him feel short, and Mercy does it easily and comfortably. “This is James. He’s the coach at Citadel Institute.”

Shala’Raan nods at him, and turns back to Shepard. “I look forward to Tali’s next game.”

“See you then, Admiral,” they reply with a smile.

“Bro, are you serious,” James hisses, uncertain if he’s about to shake his commander like a ramen seasoning packet, or continue gaping after the outrageous set of hips on the quarian aunty swaying off the sports field.

“You should come to one of my practices sometime,” Mercy laughs. “I think there are more parents than kids.”

James believes it, oh boy does he believe it, as Mercy stands in front of him gleaming like a shiny trophy under the floodlights. Being out in the artificial sun has darkened their skin and the freckles have multiplied. They’ve been growing their hair out for this role—brightening into a surfer blonde, and waving thickly to their shoulders.

He’s not even going to comment on their silky little shorts.

“I’ve got my own practices, remember?” James says. “But let’s switch schools, hey? You’ve got the one with all the hot parents.”

Mercy opens their mouth to respond, when James notices Dr. Solus and Dr. Chakwas escorting Jack.

They dart from his side, and runs for her. 

With a holler, they slide to their knees in time for Jack to fling her arms around their neck for a hug.

The two clutch at each other, and Jack looks incredibly tiny in Mercy’s big hands. 

Abruptly Mercy stands, bringing Jack with them. They hold her out by the armpits, with their long arms fully extended to beam up at her, like some Lion King shit—and then swings her around. 

Jack shrieks with delight. 

Some pebbles and bugs rise from the grass in little blue bubbles. 

Mercy guides her into some simple stretches as Jack babbles about her week with the doctors. They correct her form easily, and well, it’s a lot to see such a big body be so flexible. 

He watches as Mercy leads Jack into running a lap together, admiring his commander’s easy loping athleticism. Jack laughs, giggling and tripping a little when they hoot out with joy and starts running circles around her with the ball.

Every time Jack laughs, it’s like a sip of good, cold beer with a fat slice of lime after a hard workout. The first time they finally got that kid to warm up and crack a smile, was also the first time James saw his commander cry.

The pair passes the ball between each other, Jack copying Mercy’s increasingly elaborate tricks sometimes so seriously she locks up rather than be loose—but she’s improved a lot since that last time James saw the kid. 

“Shepard would do well in this career,” Dr. Solus says, as they watch Mercy divebomb Jack with a shout and scoop her up. “If chose to retire from intelligence. Is very good with children.”

And his commander does look right, as they jog up to James and the doctors with Jack sitting on their shoulders. Their hands wrap around the kid’s chubby shins entirely. 

“Time for nachos, yes?” Dr. Solus says, and briskly taps his fingers together 

“Nachos, nachos!” Jack chants, Mercy quickly joining in and bouncing.  

“That can’t be the only thing for dinner,” Dr. Chakwas says, smiling too much to pull off stern. “What else?”

“Mangonadas!” Jack hollers, grabbing fistfuls of Mercy’s hair, which they gamely accept with a wince. 

“Tamales!” She leans down and shouts into their ear. 

His commander has turned down their hearing aid in time, judging by their serene expression. 

“Which ones, mija,” James asks. Is this paternal pride? He would lay the world down at this kid’s feet. “¿Cuáles quieres?”

“De rajas,” Jack says with relish, nailing the accent. “Con queso.”

“I like the ones with raisins,” Mercy hums.

“We’ll get those too,” Jack reassures them, patting their cheeks with her little hands.

[juniemunie]

HTTYD Books: How To Ride a Dragon’s Storm Commentary :P (w/text pictures!)

((shoutout to astrid-the-fearless that started the whole thing and giving me permission <3))

Yoooo this is how far I’m in the books right now thanks to the blessing of pdfs and I thought; “Hey? Lemme try reacting to this!!” 

Mind you, this is ridiculously long and it’s all because of the pictures I added in lmao so peruse for your amusement ((I might continue this just for kicks :P))

So it begins!

-everything went wrong when the fire nation attacked

-OOh! Swimming competition?? Don’t count me in!! I’m terrible at swimming, in  fact, I don’t know how to do it at all!!! :DDD

-of course the competition has to have a spice of suicidal bravery and possible death

-clueless, tf dude

-aRE WE GONNa TIME TRaVEL??? WHaTS THE WHOLE aLaRM THING OLD WRINKLY??? EXPLaINNNN HoW DID U EVEN KNOW????

-the judges are basically 99% old dudes 99% of the time

-aweeee toothless u cutie

-snotlout my boy, sometimes i really want to strangle u, u know

-yooo sTOICK U'RE DOING UR BEST THE BEST ISNT aLaWYS THE MOST OBVIOUS he's trying im proud that he's trying

-good ol teamwork

-nONONONONO DONT TRUST EM 

-u got bamboozled 

-only in the near end of his life, yeah

-oh man hes gonna kill em again 

-same

-awe, she's just like meatlug

-uh oh

-bet y'all it gets worse

-damn straight

-sHOOT CaMI NOOO-

-i hear the Jaw's theme song guys

-tOOTHLESS KEEPS TRYING ;-;

-well you're a jolly dragon23

-how was this marketed for children again

-brUH U SERIOUS?? I JUST THOUGHT IT Was only nORBERT

-woh fist time getting a look on nobert and he looks cool

-whoops u gon axe him again??

-u mean an unfortunate series of events??? wink wink

-i wouldn't go there if i were you its completely messy there

-buddy this dude has survived so many times out of pure dumb luck

-theres still more to go hiccup so much more

-awww this is such a throwback to the first book

-norbert is a crazy inventive dude i wanna see how well he goes with movie hiccup in the right circumstances :/

-thats a problem

-im not sure whether to be terrified or impressed

-yoooo hiccup youre right youre prize is absolute misery

oh no

-whoops i guess this is where he became a slave??

-bitter grandma is bitter than all my mates when discussing love42

-oH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD THIS IS IT HES GOING TO BECOME a SLaVE  HOLD ME

-nONONONONONONONO NOOOOOOOO

-my poor boy my POOR BOY

-oh man i knew this already but its still giving me shivers

-look at these drunk cuties lmao

-perfect excuse toothless hiccup totally believes u

-yOOO dragon nip exists in the books too!!!??

-This is one happy lot

-( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

-Uh oh

-Look at this happy boy <3

-U sure??? I don’t think so

-Oh shit.

-oHHHH shitTTTT

-u aint wrong tho

-hahahaAHAHAHAHA not yET

-well fuck

-YO. WATCH YOUR FUCKING LANGUAGE.

-Oh. My fucking god.

-pHYSICS  WHY WOULD YOU BETRAY US-

-Knock knock its death’s doorstep

-Chances are, it wont.

-yEP

-“dafuq, why the hell is he running at us??” “maybe he’s given up”

“is it just me or is that an eye back there? “oh sHIT-“

-Y’all these kids know the drill already

-Toothless’ still asleep during the whole ordeal lmao

-So that’s how it works…69

-Stuff like that usually happens boyo they’ll prolly be back

-Poor Ronald.

-Not anOTHER ONE

-Shouldve made a spare and changed it while you were still in the border smh *Cinema Sins Ding*

-same

-a terrifying but intriguing thought.

-These sweet loyal kids backin up their parents yo ((Poor Fishlegs))

-i like the books that they portray a more worrier Stoick but the movieversion is also great too

-DON’T BELIEVE IT STOICK

-This LITTLE SHIT

-what??? really?? That’s a dumb revenge excuse :/

-We DON’T

-Holy shit he survived ((just like his third son cOUGH COUGH))

-In short; “Sorry to disappoint the masses, but I AM STILL ALIVE”83

-YOOOOO OLD WRINKLY KNEW??? HE’S AWESOME aND INSaNE!

-Poor stoick, tbh if he was movie stoick he’d have a heartattack by now

-Shit I feel bit teary in the eyes-DON’T LOOK AT ME!

-True just like this post that has way too much pictures like tf

-Sweet, but WHY WOULD yOU LEaVE THEM BEHIND???

-tbh this is both true

-Basically every country that was going to pillage America

-Oh shit times up

-whA-AA-At???

-Hiccup u little shit

-Discrimination between hair color too??? Jesus. Just when I thought skin colors -were ridiculous

-Have I told y’all I love sword fighting hiccup?? Because I do

-Nooo not his poor beard agaIN

-Oh. Oh no.

-fuck.

-Godzilla??? That u??

-tHINK aGaIN

-Tbh cats are sometimes really cruel ; - ;

-Nope. Theres always a chance of death bro

-OF COURSE IT WaS.

-This ridiculously huge shit

-Geezus. You’re fucked hiccup.

-Press F to pay respect

-ToothLESS HICCUP IS GONNa FUCKIN DIE

-TOOTHLESS U LITTLE SHIT

-Tbh, he does have a point

-Friendly reminder hiccup wrote this himself

-Hiccup the Insane. Sounds about right

-Me procrastinating some stuff i cant procrastinate while everything is going wrong

-yOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

-yOOOOOOOO tf he doin??

-“yo bro”

“yeah loki?”

“some kid’s asking for your help. It’s getting pretty intense.”

“really? Lemme see”

“see?”

*whistles* “wow, he’s crazy. I like it.”

-“wtf is this dumb redhead doing??” everyone thought simultaneously

-oHHHHHH LIGHTNING LIKES METaL!!!!

-Benjamin Franklin can eat HIS HEaRT OUT123

“wow thor, you actually helped”

“¯\_(ツ)_/¯”

“how tf did you say that”

-Ship: If I die, I die with STYLE.((Like Grimbeard fucker sang to his death while burning his entire kingdom down))

-SWIM FISHLEGS SWIM ((wow he c an swim now amazing what near death experiences teach you))

-Poor toothless ; - ;126

-Itsss the cirrccccleeeeee the ciiirrrccclleeeee of liiiiiifeeeee

-Lets hope I wont learn to swim in this emotionally draining way 0-0

-Tbh this is kinda terrifying imagine if they died this way 0-0

-I KNEW THEYD BE BaCK YOU BETTER BRING HICCUP aBOaRD U LITTLE SHIT

-Oh thank god

-In short; “we have ship standards, peasants.”

-LaTE FOR a VERY IMPORTaNT DaTE

-G G. u did ur best lol

-yEEEE YOU BEST KNOW IT HICCUP Me BOYYY

-They gONNa FLYYYYY

-FISHLEGS MY BOY WERE GONNa DO IT WHETHER U WaNT TO OR NOT

-That’s THE TRUE CHIEFTaN WaY BOIS EXaCTLY HOW STOICK DIED- I mean shit uh

-Awww berk would love u back in their own way too

-*sobbing in the distance* ((fuckin alvin))

-yOU BET THEY ALL ARE

-“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!” screamed the Reader.

-Happy sweet old senile future guessing dudes make me happy ; v ;

-How tf would it be deer

-Just like Grimbeard did.

-YOOOO IM SO PROUD OF YOU FISHLEGSSSS

-“IM SORRY TO DISAPPOINT THE MASSES, BUT I AM STILL ALIVE.”

-SNOTLOUT DO U WANT TO BE DEAD??? ((before your proper death))

-When Old Wrinkly is mad at u, you better be ashamed of urself.

-He really is Grimbeard’s Heir ain’t he? ; v ;

-Uhhh more common than u think boyo *turns to Harry Potter*

-oooHHH u done for gumboil

-My heart kindly says mercy, but my mind screams revenge

-SHit stop giving me ides to draWWWWW

-Somethings are often just found at home <3 like my MISSING PENCIL WHERE TF IS IT

-Summary of Httyd 2 Hiccup

-SO MUCH WISDOM IN THE EPILOGUE HICCUP SLOW DOWN

-Nooo HICCUPPPP- THE DRagONSSSSS

-DON’T REMIND ME OF THE SLaVEMaRK U CRUEL BEING

wow

that was a ride from start to end. (pUN INTENDED)

things are getting intensee

*scrambles to read the next book*