#this has legit been in my drafts forever and today i was like FUCK IT

[marieskey]

Well I had started writing but I didn't save bc u was on the phone oh well. Sex was fire I'm not waking up horny this time. Lol. I can't masturbate anymore. Okay well I can but I won't cum. He broke me lmao. We can literally never actually be together but he want me. He gave me a foot/leg massage. He had been offering because my foot was hurting. He put my socks back on so nicely with thought and care. Last time I was there, he fixed my blanket. That too was with thought and care lol. I found the draft! But I'm just going to stay here. He thought I wanted him to cum in me, but less talk about it. I said you're trying to feel me up before I go. And he said you want me to fill you up are you on Birthcontrol? Do you want kids, no you dont want kids bc you take take of kids? Then at one point he says yeah let the kids know. (at that point in like wtf) I what do you think I just said to you????

He was like to cum inside you. I said no I don't want kids has nothing to do with me taking care of kids all day. No you can not cum in me. If you fuck around and get me pregnant I'd be pissed. I did not say I don't want to be attached to you forever. Stopped myself. From that point on I repeatedly said you cannot cum inside me. CANNOT cum inside me. Bc listen no.

Before we actually started fucking there was a conversation about how he was always going to fuck, given the massage and food. The massage made me so wet he could fucked right then. A whole episode happened before he fucked. He was very indirect about the anal. I honestly thought he was going to say he wanted me to peg him. Which is why people need to just go head and tell me. Well before the big reveal I told him he could fuck me however wanted to fuck me. Minus the ass that was true. He bit my neck and nipples. He also choked me lightly. He put his fingers in my mouth for me. I personally think that is stupid but I sucked on them. I'm legit not horny. He stuck it in pretty much everytime I wanted him to. I told him how much I wanted him. 🙄🙄🙄🙄 asked him if he's missed me 😂😂😂 he said yeah. It had been too long. Keep telling me how good my pussy was. Think that was bc I told him he doesn't cum. Which is both good and bad. Like if he's not coming he's not getting me pregnant. But if how much fun is he having if he's not coming. Think his nut has been more intense than it usually is bc he like me more than he'd like to admit. I like him too. He's the only person. I would layup with after sex. Everyone wants me to stay 😭😭😭😭 doing a horrible job at “get that dick and go” but I don't really call him so there's that 😭😭😭. But really everyone has wanted me to stay I've always left. This nigga implies he wants me to stay I stay. Although in my defence the one time he said he wanted me to stay I left. That was mostly bc of my doctors appointment tho. I guess next time I'm not going to pretend I'm not staying when I am.

Morning sex is fire. I've been missing out not staying the night. 😭😭 so do I really like the nigga or do I like the morning sex. One could argue both. For some odd reason I don't feel the need to recount every detail of the encounter. It was good. Ima go back. I even slept a bit this time. Although I wonder about the cleanliness of the sheets/pillow. He ate me until I tapped out. I came thought he was done so I went to move. He looked up and said I'm not done. His roommate probably hears me coming. I'm really glad I haven't seen him since Jeff and I started having sex. I can't. The good news is I can probably still watch Physical 100. We didn't finish the episode. 🤣

Last thoughts, I'm glad I never fucked him in college. I would not have been able to handle it. He would have fucked me like that 10 years ago and I would've been dickmatized it would've been awful. I have less feelings for him in that way. Like I wanted to be his girlfriend. Today, he could get me pregnant and i’d be like we not together. I asked him while he was fucking me, legs in the air he's thrusting inside me, if he'd care if I was fucking someone else. He didn't answer, asked me if I wanted him go care. (wtf kind of answer is that). Had asked me if I care if he was fucking someone else. Told him were not together just fucking but he'd have to use a condom. He said okay🤷‍♂️ that's truly the extent of my care. He cannot fuck me raw and be fucking someone else. We barely kiss as it is, but we probably wouldn't do that much. Bc he'd probably eat her ass and pussy too so id be good. He shouldn't be fucking me raw but here we are toying with being parents lol. There was a point, when he was fucking, that u considered letting him fuck me in the ass. Only for two seconds tho. Snapped out of that quick. 😂

[peachyteabuck]

no salvation for a bad girl

summary: you misbehave while carol and natasha go away on a mission. this wouldn’t be a problem, if you weren’t so bad at not getting caught. 

pairing: wanda maximoff x carol danvers x natasha romanoff x reader

words: 1,962

trigger warnings: bdsm, sub wanda, dom carol and natasha, 

notes/other: this was inspired by the fic tonights for you by @domromanoff, which is not required reading but is highly recommended. this was done for @fvckingavengers​ ‘s writing challenge...yes it is late. yes i am sorry. no i will not change. my prompt was “problem” by natalia kills

ask box / masterlist / commission info / ko-fi

The day Natasha and Carol are set to leave on their week-long mission, you and Wanda kneel at their feet with collars locked and hands flat on your bruised, beaten thighs.

Well, your palms rest on raised lashes and deep purple and green and yellow bruises from your previous misgivings. Wanda, good, sweet Wanda, her palms lay on unmarked skin.

The brat.

“You both know the rules,” Natasha tells you both as Carol caresses a cheek from each of you.

You both nod.

“Now,” Carol smiles. “Don’t break them.”

Again, you both nod. And with that, the pair of them leave for the Quinjet launch pad.

It becomes unbearable on the fifth day of Natasha and Carol’s absence. You’d gotten strict instructions to touch yourself each night, but not to come. Wanda, however, was allowed to do as she pleased. So far this had meant her using you as her personal sex toy, the fiend of a woman waking you up at all hours of the night forcing you to eat her out or fuck her with your fingers or just watch her as she called out into the air for the other two girlfriends of your relationship.

The situation just didn’t seem fair to you, which is why you oh-so unwisely decided to obey a direct order so blatantly, so unabashedly. Maybe if you had been more discreet you may have been able to away with one, two orgasms if you were lucky.

But luck is for fools and you, pitiful little you, are a fool. You’re caught seconds after your first orgasm with the thickest cock you could find stuffed into your pussy and a vibrator just this side of too-high rolling over your clit.

“You naughty slut,” Natasha hisses as she pushes you further into the bed with the pressure of her climbing over you. You whimper, hoping a cute noise and big eyes would make her, or one of the others, take an ounce of pity on you.

But just like luck, hope gets you nowhere.

Natasha grabs your chin and yanks you to her, her teeth barred as she spits. “What are the rules?”

You whimper as her strong hand moves to your throat, leaving you the room to speak. “No touching myself until your return.”

She presses down and soon you’re feeling dizzy. “And what did you do?”

Natasha doesn’t let up as you speak. “I touched myself.”

It isn’t until Carol tsks at you that your girlfriend gives you reprieve, chest heaving from your racing heart and swirling brain as air floods your lungs. From the corner of your eye you can see her petting Wanda – beautiful, sweet, obedient little Wanda – as the woman kneels on the floor at Carol’s feet. In another dimension you bare your teeth and shoot a sneer her way, but in this one you simply whimper at the thought of your impending chastisement.

“Get your ass in position on the floor,” Natasha hisses as she removes herself from on top of you.

For once you follow orders.

Even with one ear pressed to the carpeting on the floor and the other gone nearly deaf from the blood pounding there, you can hear drawers opening then closing, locks being clicked open and then clicked closed.

Nothing, it seems, can be worse than silence covering an impending prosecution.

“What should our little slut’s punishment be?” Natasha thinks out loud, staring down at your whimpering form on the floor. You’ve curled up now, hoping to make yourself out to be some victim of circumstance rather than a devilish opportunist. It’s then you see she’s got a crop in her hand, slamming it into her palm with a loud WHACK! every few steps. There are lot of things Natasha likes, and one of them is watching you flinch. “We need to teach this little thing to ask,” she punctuates the word with a light smack to the back of your thighs. “Before she acts.”

The smile that paints Carol’s face is a familiar one – watching Natasha be in enforcer seems to be her favorite activity, especially when it involves her favorite little pet in her lap with you under the other woman’s hand.

“We should edge her,” the captain says. “We should edger her while she watches the perfect one get fucked into oblivion.”

Natasha laughs deeply, satisfied with the suggestion. With a wicked smile painted on her face she leans down, her lips grazing over your fevered cheek. “You’re so fuckable, you know that?”s you shiver from her words, thighs tensing together as she speaks. “I can’t wait to hear those pretty little whimpers as I edge you again, and again, and again.”

Another light slap from the crop punctuates her words and you yelp, unable to stop another flood of slick from coating your inner thighs.

The next few minutes are a whirlwind, brain still fuzzy and unable to track the three people moving around you, with the toy chest being opened and you being thrown onto the bed and no one touching you and Wanda and Carol’s moans coming from somewhere within earshot. This disorientation becomes worse when Natasha pulls you to the end of the bed and spreads your legs before ghosting her fingertips over your dripping folds.

“Such a pretty little thing,” she mumbles as she lines her strap up with your cunt. “It’s a shame you’re such a slut.”

As Natasha bottoms out the world around you suddenly becomes clear. Still, with your newfound crystal-like vision doesn’t grant you much relief from the ache in your core.

“Aw,” the woman above you laughs with empathy about as real as money. “You think I’d fuck you? After misbehaving like you did?” She doesn’t give you time to respond, and even if she did, a deep moan next to you would’ve stolen your limelight. “Now,” she pushes your face toward your girlfriends, who seem too distracted by their own scene to give you a second thought. “Watch Carol fuck our good girl. I want you to know you’re missing out on while you warm this cock.”

With each thrust from Carol, Wanda heated skin bumps in yours. It’s almost too much - her constant moans, her fingers occasionally moving to clasp your own, her lips sporadically meeting yours in sweet relief of her touch.

The seconds of bliss aren’t much to savor, though, they’re not long enough for you to full enjoy them. Carol remains a constant reminder of your delinquency, her chiseled body behind you lending a slap, a spank, the crawl of her fingernails down your sensitive skin every time she believes you deserve it (so, nearly every time you breathe).

“You like watching her get fucked?” Carol asks, pulling you up by your hair so she can see your ruined make up and bloodshot eyes and lips swollen from you biting them. You nod against her grip, each pull making you wince in pain. “That’s what good girls get,” she hisses. “Good girls get to get fucked, good girls get to come. Do you understand?”

Again, you nod.

You can hear Wanda’s increasingly unintelligible babble, some words barely recognizable English but most a collection of Eastern European languages and dialects you only wished you could understand. You want to reach out and touch her, cradle her sweaty body to your own as her muscles twitch with pleasure and you coo against her panting mouth.

You’re nearly breathing as hard as she is, and each slap of Carol’s skin on hers sends a shot of coarse of heat through your center to your fingertips, some sort of fucking-by-proxy giving you some paradox of relief and never-ending desperation.

Carol’s deep voice only adds to your torture, lips pulled back into a sneer as she speaks. ““Yeah, you like it?” Wanda nods furiously, her slur of words becoming louder. “You like my hard cock deep in your holes? Made to take my cock, huh?”

It doesn’t take long for Wanda to come, and when she does you nearly come with her; her screams and cries nearly louder, higher-pitched than yours, only beating you with her shaking and sighs of repose. Carol slows her thrusts, not wanting for Wanda to have to stop just yet. Still, she finds pleasure in watching the woman under her cry out when the strap nudges her g-spot.

“You good, baby?” Carol murmurs into the hot skin of Wanda’s neck, biting another bruise onto the milky flesh. She nods, small mhm filling the air as Carol moves her into position, flipping her on her back and dragging her so her lips clamp around your clit.

Wanda understands, knows what to do as Carol and Natasha move themselves into their own spots, laughing as now you cry out.

“It’s okay,” Wanda whispers as her slips two fingers into you. She relishes your screams of pleasure, lips spreading into a smile. “Let me take care of you.”

You, unable to form so much as a hum, say nothing in return.

Carol holds your hands above your head while Natasha, sitting on your left, holds your trembling thighs open.

“Such a good girl,” Natasha coos to Wanda. “So good at taking direction, at following direction,” you can feel the woman next to you glaring a warning down at you, but you make no move to meet her eyes.

Wanda moans at the praise, the vibrations at your pussy causing you to cry out and struggle against Carol once again. She tuts, but says nothing, too focused on your scrunched eyes and lips swollen from you biting at them. You’re pretty, so pretty – she can’t help it, just can’t not touch you.

She moves both your wrists into one hand and leans over to palm at your breasts, avoiding pinching at your pert nipples to deny you that much more stimulation. While still enjoying the look of your back arching up into your touch.

Natasha, always one for focus, swats Carol from you, forcing Wanda’s mouth from your pussy by her hair. “Now, let’s give the little slut what she wants so she’ll see what she’s missing out on when she misbehaves.”

She’s still got the fake cock positioned between her legs, slick making it glisten. She must’ve been fingering Wanda while she ate you out, because of course. Natasha manhandles you easily to the end of the bed, pushing your head back so you were forced to stare at Carol and Wanda.

“Now, I want you to look at them while I fuck you,” her hand moves lower to your neck, making your vision and thoughts go fuzzy. “So that they can see how pretty you look when I’m ruining this cute pussy.”

Your eyes are looking in the general direction of the other two women, one of whom has coaxed two fingers into the other and is groping her breast. Intuition tells you Wanda is on the receiving end of such pleasure, but your vision gives no credence to either scenario – as Natasha enters you inch by inch it seems the scene in front of fades away to nothingness.

It doesn’t take long for you to crumble, hands gripping the sheets and eyes so far into the back of your head you might as well be experiencing an exorcism. “Please,” you whimper. “Please let me cum.”

Natasha just laughs, giving you one last thrust before pulling out and leaving you heaving and crying on the bed. You know this is part of the punishment, part of her breaking you down so she can build you back up again. Still, it hurts as the heat from her body vanishes into thin air – the only remind she’s still in the room being the sound of her sickly sweet voice.

“No.”

 tags: @baeszler @thehistorynut19

[straighttohellbuddy]

World building is the best tbh. I’m forever world building and now I have several worlds to play in and my neurodivergent brain cannot stay still enough to focus on one lmao. SLOWBURN ROMANCES ARE MY LITERAL JAM LIKE PLS!!! I LOVE THEM!! Also!!!! Concepts!!!! Pls share!!!! I love learning about the worlds of my fave fics and I can hands down say right now that this fic will literally shoot to the top of my list of favourites which means you’ll occupy the top three spots. Sorry to hear that ur feeling rough, so am sending u the biggest hug. I’m not okay but I’m taking care of myself today so that I will be 🧡-🐈‍⬛

alsjfsldkjf i have too many worlds TBH, literally one of the best parts of my 2020 was writing for the classic rock fandom and writing one of my good friend’s ocs alongside mine, like there’s so many different worlds that our two characters have now, i’m like 26k deep into a high school au that i need to get back to at some point, and then i wrote a oneshot abt the high school au but they’re adults, and then there’s also the original timeline, and then there’s the present day in the original timeline where they have kids and i probably care too much about people who aren’t real...... hahaha

OKAY OKAY OKAY HERE WE GO I’LL GIVE KIND OF AN OVERVIEW OF THE ALBUMS AND A FEW SONGS BUT IF U WANT ME TO GO IN DEPTH ON ANY OTHER SONG JUST ASK!!!

yes i have a playlist for each, if you wanna hear how i interpret the vibes of the songs. if you interpret them differently, thats awesome!! i’d love to hear y’all’s opinions on them!!

testing one two - the first ep they release, the song titles are mostly themed (fast forward, press play, pause, rewind), but are mostly things y/n has been working on for a while but never got around to finishing, things they are rather proud of. i see you shiver with... is the first song they wrote specifically for the album, and it’s the last song on the EP because it’s a Rocky Horror reference; i see you shiver with...

a n t i c i p a t i o n - first full album!! the vibe is Hopeful But Hesitant it has all the songs from the ep, plus some new ones!! collabs with youtube musicians troye and dodie, and y/n’s label sets up a collab that turns into a genuine friendship. the breakout dance hit is what else is there to say ft. Troye Sivan, which is about not knowing what to make content about when it feels like you’ve already told the world everything. it featured the prechorus and hook

You, know, ev-ery-thing about me / gave it all for free / my life in HD / So, let’s dance, let me see your hips sway / we’re gonna be okay / what else is there to say?

So say that you love me, say that you love me, say that you love me / let’s die hand in hand. / I’ll tell you I love you, tell you I love you, tell you I love you / supply and demand. 

personally, i also conceptually enjoy srs bsns which is a really upbeat song about how they don’t care if people don’t take them seriously because they know in their heart that what they’re doing is good

hyperfocus - 2nd EP, a pretty substantial departure from their usual style, but also happens to quietly be Corpse’s favourite, and is actually y/n’s most polarising, because it has both the Grammy award winning HEARTBURN and the o brother where art thou which was written partially as a joke to capture a fond moment of them and 5SOS dicking around together in a hotel. written while on tour wit 5SOS, im writing the reader as having ADHD (because I have ADHD and i can do what i want), and the backstory is that they’d changed the medication/dosage they were taking, and as it’s their first full tour, they were under a lot of stress and were in a weird place mentally and emotionally, and hyperfocus is the result of that. i’m going through some stuff has HUGE agoraphobic vibes. 

HEARTBURN has the same vibes as Florence + The Machines’ Howl. It’s about being a demon without saying that or directly implying that unless you know demons real well. This is when the pressure for them to confirm their identity got real bad, and it was their way of working through those emotions.

tear in existence in the shape of a person / when i’m seeing clearly i can’t see myself / world can’t swallow what it can’t get it’s teeth into / got everything i wanted but i ain’t got my health

Got heart-burn--- / I’ll tear me apart / I’ll tear you apart / I’ll tear me apart. 

SCREAM gets rereleased as a remixed single featuring Fall Out Boy the following year. It won the MTV music award for best collaboration in 2018. 

In the time between hyperfocus and working on it, Y/N releases several singles, including a cover of Tell Him by The Exciters to be featured in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. They also take time to sort out their health, do a little bit more YT stuff, and travel internationally to do festivals. 

working on it - is kind of a middle ground between their original stuff, and hyperfocus, like pop-punk meets horror-pop meets whatever you’d classify halsey as. the first three songs were mostly written before the fic starts, so before they’re getting back to YT, but the last three, nightmare scenario, designed to hurt (touch me), and not scared were all written after they’d started hanging out with sykkuno and corpse. 

in-universe, imposter syndrome was originally something else, along the same lines of tired that they’re hiding that they’re a demon, but after meeting corpse nd sykkuno and having people who know, and lowkey being influenced by corpse’s music, the song changes directions, and YO OKAY YO::

I literally am so fucking flattered, my darling friend @bingusmode​ wrote lyrics for imposter syndrome and I’ve been yELLING about them ever since i’ve read them!! (also bunnie is fantastic and lovely in general 10/10)

if you thought you saw me 

i’d think about it twice

cuz while i know i’m naughty

everybody thinks i’m nice

cutest giggles get me

places that i long to be

but it’s not long before

everybody hates me

when you figure out i’m fucked up

you’ll probably think that can’t be right

but babe my image runs to save me

cuz i’m ugly day and night

nothing good about me

not the angel that i seem

cuz i’m a piece of shit

and i’ll ruin your fuckin dreams

i’m an impostor babe

you better run for your life

cuz there’s a bloodlust runnin through me

and you’re dripping off my knife

there’s no one here to save you

cuz you ate up all my lies

so beg me while you can

and draft up all your goodbyes 

if any of y’all are inspired by anything i put out, feel free to take it and run!! you have my blessing!! i am so overwhelmingly flattered by people who like my stuff enough to create because of it, directly or indirectly! lyrics, art, songs, anything!! legit! I love you!!

okay so designed to hurt (touch me) has big House of Memories by Panic! At The Disco vibes, and YES it’s about Corpse. YES it sends mixed messages. YES it has greek myth imagery and YES that imagery is confusing. not sure if any of these sets of lyrics actually go after each other but also idk??

will my fall from grace be graceful / as each move i see you make? / propped up on pedestals side by side / beneath our feet they shake / i’m the only one to hear you ask  / “What have they done to me?” / My boy, your wax throne is sun-drenched / you’ll fall in the name of your legacy.

eyes like yours watched rome burn / while hands like mine lit the pyre / we both heard me say we’d go down in flames / now you’re turning me into a liar / since you smile like that, like you can’t feel the sting / and we both know i can’t feel the fire

been telling myself i’m designed to hurt / but, baby, aren’t we a sight? /

check your reflection, your angles, apollo / you’re icarus in the right light /

we’re on the edge, i’m not scared to fall / we’ll take refuge in the night /

been telling yourself you’re designed to hurt / but, baby, doesn’t this feel right?

also, albumtouralbumtour is a reference to Bohemian Rhapsody.

OKAY AND FINALLY

n o s t a l g i a - the album the reader’s working on during the fic.

literally as i was writing this, bunnie sent through some FIRE lyrics for how the light gets in, (@bingusmode) i am going to be thinking about these on REPEAT for the next MONTH BRUV

little bit of darkness, treat me like a toy 

i got my hopes up and got them destroyed

bitter taste of regret sitting heavy on my tongue

can’t believe i let you convince me that you were the one

sitting here in silence, fabric running thin

petals burning in my lungs and stealing oxygen

embers from a cigarette falling to the floor

god i can’t take anymore

so i stumble to the window and pull the shades

and the moon pours in like you threw a grenade

i can’t understand why

i keep trying

cuz i never seem to win

but having any hope is how the light gets in 

from there, moment before impact ft. Billie Eilish is a club anthem along the lines of bad guy or COPYCAT, bass heavy with a drop that’s out of this world.

powdered pain, i’m in your veins / i’m the sting, the drip, the thing / you’re craving, but you hate to see me misbehaving / i heard my breakdown got you high / it’s true, but baby i can’t lie / i never got that rush, that burn / that makes you feel alive, i had to learn / to pick the slippery slope down which i fell / plan my pitstops on the way to hell / to pick my padding before i spiral / so if i break it’ll be in style

watch my misdirect, now freeze, / notice you can’t see the forest for the trees / you’re so desperate for my demise / but baby, i’ll make you watch me rise.

this is the moment before impact

controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i know you hope i’m not okay / you get off on my audio misery

controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i need you to know i want it this way / my breakdown won me a grammy

and this is the moment before impact

ur my favourite - interlude ft. sykkuno is probably one of my favourites, it’s just really soft, just a snippet of a conversation between the reader and sykkuno, maybe one of them told a joke and they both just sound real happy and sweet. its nice. it’s a nice moment.

means something is also for sykkuno!! it’s about how good-strange it is to be open and honest with friends, and how they usually aren’t but they’re glad they can be open and honest with him!!

meanwhile, i don’t think about u - interlude ft. CORPSE is a phonecall between corpse & the reader right after they announce they’re going to feature on acting like that, where corpse asks if they do this sort of thing to spite him, to which the reader responds ‘do i consider you when i’m making decisions about my career? no, corpse, actually i don’t think about you at all’ which then directly contrasts the song that ends the album, which is (how it feels to be) beautiful fireworks, which is essentially ‘i know how hard it is to exist like this, to be the centre of attention, to give off light and bring people joy, even when you’re in pain. i’m here for you. i love you.’

okay, i swear im done now, i’ll get back to writing the fic! (also i cannot BELIVE i managed to figure out how to embed those playlists but im so happy) edit: it didn’t actually work when i posted the ask, so anyways im sorry but y’all are abt to be spammed with playlists because i care too much abt this fic

[momiwanabeanautistwhenigrowup]

So here I am. Doing the one thing I have steadily avoided for the last 4 years…somewhat.

I shouldn’t start off this way but fuck I hate writing. And there goes the first impression, etched forever in your subconscious.

She’s not going to be happy about this. Meh.

So I’m a 30 y/o stuck in this hellhole and this is my story? I guess. I mean it’s really ours.

I basically made this account to vent ..uh then I realised I’d have to go all the way back for it to make sense…and I guess my life has always been this series/rpg game so it might take shape in that style. I’m mostly explaining this to myself.

Jump to 2016. I started this biography venture bc in my short 25 years I’d amassed a set of experiences that were not so average middle class life experiences, and not in the good way. Now if you take my story and place it on the backdrop of each life on this earth then, in my opinion, my life is pretty ordinary too. Hence the (reason I tell myself there was a) delay with finishing this biography. Anyway so I sat down to write this thing a total of two times(fucking literary genius) in 2016, sometime in April if I recall correctly. It was horrible but necessary, and then I guess I found magic? And decided to halt production since well…I was busy coming into awareness. I still have the draft on this pc... I stopped when I was 10 years old.

Jump to 2020 and I’m in front of this computer with Tumblr as my backdrop in order for me to feel like I have and audience and therefore someone to talk to (I decided to type this shit out on word before copy pasting to tumblr bc apparently I don’t like living on the edge??)

I’m high as fuck (I would like to say.. but na, I’m just regular high off some freshly home-grown microwaved weed.) anyway this is probably going to be my last indulgent ingestion of the stuff. Hopefully.

Don’t get me wrong, weed isn”t to blame and I have people I can talk to, but the problem is

Everyone

Has

Their

Own

Shit.

None I know has the space. I’m the most equipped to deal with myself. To me, that is deeply unsettling right now. Like… most people don’t even know where to begin and..well..I’ve been here before so I know what to do and honestly it’s fucking shit haha.

And as shitty as I feel, it doesn’t change the fact. I gotta figure this out on my own.

I’m a 30 y/o natural med student in my second year of my 5 year degree. I live at my parent’s house in a relatively good neighbourhood, I have the most comfortable bed, a loving cat, a good-looking bedroom and many middle class luxuries…like an en suite. I have a very comfortable house to live in and there is always food whenever I feel like eating or even just to cook for fun(my talents lie in the kitchen, potions, medicines and treats are my favourite pastimes, I love to nourish people. Don’t let it fool you though.) it’s c o v i d year rn and I don’t pay for shit.. factually, I’m pretty privileged to have all that I do physically.

My parents have always been around in physicality, even when they weren’t there, especially when they weren’t there… which was and still is a lot.  And in rolls one of the overarching themes emerges. Welcome welcome.

I got that far and took a Facebook break, bitch she runnin

So yeah I was born in this bitch back in 1990, two guys got here before me, one 11 years prior, the other 3 years after the first. Then I showed up after our parents reconciled after a 6-month separation. But like…that doesn’t happen in my life till 2019.

I’m currently contemplating piercing my lip or nose but I threw out all of my old jewellery. Geezus, it’s her and she is 22. (side note to myself,  please ignore)

Anyway so yeah I get borned unto these guys; a drummer butalso telephone technician and an accountant, both were raised as worker bees but are actually uh..nope. spoiler one is a caster the other is a timekeeper. Both mages, but they don’t know.

I was this scared to shit little creature of a child. I slept between them once It was safe to do so (I know almost nothing about kids but I’m assuming it’s a safety hazard to sleep next to new-borns? let alone to let them sleep between two people whom are also asleep. Also, I recall sleeping in this white, wooden cot thing which used to chill next to their bed. It opened up like some gates did in those medieval(<-never understood this word tbh) castles, the ones that go vertically up and down. (Yes, I remember. I remember realising I was back on this plane when I was 2 months old, it’s my earliest memory-trust me this becomes highly unimpressive once I turn 23 so hold on before you think I’m lookin for clout on this one). Like I get that that is cute and all, legit I was cradled in safety but like, that cradle started to close in very soon. Too much of a good thing changes poles kids. Leave Jesus alone he wants to have some him time.

So yeah a lot happens that was quite significant during these first 4 years but I don’t remember much but a few glimpses. Bouncing on my dad’s chest, the lounge on a sunny Sunday, mom in a beige coat, long pretty hair, a family vacation where I wore this 2 piece I loved and there was a blue waterslide tube, a fight about racism (early 90s, go figure..but like also 2020 fr) a roller-skating rink, a “haunted” forest walk, Easter…. man that vacation was fun. Most of the things I remember were from age 4 onwards. But I do have snippets of before.. playing dress up with my cousins, hiding in cupboards, hiding behind makeshift tents, maaaaany makeshift tents, talks about camping outside by the pool (oh we had quite a nice sized house with a huge yard and quite a big pool too, I learned to swim when I was two, I spent a lot of time in and around water as a kidling) I spent and remember most of my time with my cousins and being angry at our aunts. I did ballet from the age of 4 as well, I remember my mom asking me if I wanted to do ballet and I said yes, we were in this blue ballet room where one of my cousins was busy with her class. She got here 7 or 8 years ahead of me too.

Idk my childhood was pretty colourful, even today, I remember it being filled with lots of adventure. At least until I started going to crèche, but only for mornings until the other kids got here and it took my mind off of the fact that my mom wasn’t there. I hated it when my mom left me anywhere, I still remember what that felt like and it’s still nauseating despite the fact that I’m about 26 years older now.

also i’m finally posting this now and the high has already worn off. 24 hours to go.

fuck.

[ofindcmitability]

🍁 EACH. ONE. OF. THEM.

WILLIAM FLYNN HALLIWELL

— wow so here we go. I remember very specifically. So my mom got the special Hulu to use the free trial and then cancel it so I watched the first two episodes of Deadly Class on it, then that night I watched the third episode when it aired after I watched The Magicians. I checked gif packs and yep I knew I wanted to do Benjamin Wadsworth. He, as my main, replaced by original version of Peyton Halliwell who I’d been struggling with forevers at that time. So originally I was thinking Henry Jr, but he’d been taken at the time. I’d also been obsessed with this fanfiction series (still am TBH it’s so fucking funny). This is the fic that made me say, I wanna do a damaged child taken in by a semi-adult. The semi-adult in the fic had been a teenager, so I thought of Mick who was playing Wyatt Halliwell and contacted her. ( Also a sidenote bc hilariously, the song came on. RWBY v6 had recently ended and the ending song NEVERMORE (which Will’s lyrics and title are from) started playing literally right now so thats funny ). Anyhow Mick was like SURE, and tbh the original connection idea was just through magic school but then it EVOLVED, I’m legit thinking thru the transcript of our conversation rn it’s wild??? Mick helped me choose darklighter-demon so this is fucking awesome ( go Mick!!! ) I LEGIT SENT THIS FROM THE FANFIC

“Hey, uh. Wyatt? I… I kind of failed my test today.”Wyatt grabbed the bottle of tequila that he insisted they didn’t own and poured it into his coffee. “I know, Will. I was there.” He sighed. Will slid the test across the table towards him and offered a wry smile. “My teacher said our parent or guardian needed to sign it if we failed.” He told him and Wyatt stared at him for a good two minutes before taking a long sip of the alcoholic coffee. He picked up the test and Will felt a stab of guilt for making the man look so goddamn tired. Maybe he should try a bit harder… Wyatt grabbed a pen and dramatically signed the test that he had graded earlier. “Get out of my face you evil, evil child.”

My goodness Mick and I fucking went at it over William Formally Flynn. 

Mick, after I showed her Will’s intro which I spent two hours writing as I listened to the same exact song. 

i like it when you hurt me.02/01/2019Oh my actual fucking good that breaks my heart.

Okay so next.

ASTER SILVERMIST

—- it’s weird bc I’m so horrible with chars Aster was literally brought in at a different era than William. Will has so many years on my others it’s fucking wild. Anyhow Imma just look at C and I’s transcripts bc I don’t remember how specific it went besides C posting Thomas Doherty’s FC as someone she was gonna do, and I knew I wanted to do Mitchell Hope post so I was like HEYYYYYY .

Literlally us:

satan with a keyboard07/29/2019CASUALLY DORPS INTO UR PM TO KNOW ABOUT UR THOMAS AND SEE IF U WANNA DO A CONNECTION WITH MY MITCHELLthe charizard of fkeke07/29/2019yes i want a connectioni am a slut for mitchell and thomas thanks to d2 

But yes, I remember looking up fairy names and last names bc I wanted perty names, and us just fucking brainstorming like wild and then C coming us with everaster and damn we went AT IT

HENRIK MIKAELSON

I can’t go into someone’s DM to help me so this’ll come from memory. I know I wanted to do Brenton, and for a bit I was considering doing him as our then-Davina’s brother connection. But I ended up not doing it bc I had muse for someone else and I was at character limit at the time (crazy right??) anyhow so…. okay tbh I have no idea how my want for Brenton translated into him becoming Henrik Mikaelson bc he does not look like a Mikaelson. I know it def had to do with Titans s2 coming out and a huge influx of muse for Brenton. I think I wanted to do a canon which was where Henrik fit in but honestly I don’t remember and now I’m bothered by it lmao. I know I played Freya thrice before doing Henrik so maybe it was a want for a Mikaelson? I really really don’t know what the fuck happened there. But yes, and his backstory of being brought back in s2 of TO came from another rp I was in where I played Henrik with Robbie Kay and even thou it didn’t end up clicking right bc of the fc, I always fucking loved my initial idea of him having come back way back then. I think my want for him to work with kids and be a caretaker came from Dick and Rachel in Titans tbh skndkngf bc I loved that softness and I was thinking he could have a soft relationship with Hope too, I rmemeber thinking to myself I’d use their huggle gifs for them eventually lmfao. But yes honestly my memory is shit and dusty and while I rmemeber how other huge changes and plots came to be for him, his creation is a molted memory. TBH I’m really surprised no one’s ever yelled at me for how non-Mikaelson he looks/is.

PEYTON HALLIWELL

So, let’s pre-requisite this by reminding everyone I’ve played Peyton Halliwell twice before with a number of three FCs, maybe more that I’m forgetting too tbh. The ones I remember are Lili Reinhart, Ginny Gardner and Taylor Hickson. So what happened here was. Um. Okay tbh I don’t remember too much. My ultimate memory is in the form of me mentioning Natalia Dyer to Sam and him being like I FUCKING LOVE HER DO IT and honestly thats how that happened lmfao. Her personality stemmed from Natalia’s ton of guns gifs and I still haven’t actually done her intro RIP. But yeah, this is finally the Peyton I got right bc everyone actually likes her kdnkgngkng I think. But yes. There’s her origin story, Sam loving Natalia Dyer. 

BARBARA FRIEDH 

Barbara Gordan and Jane Levy. Babs is still fairly new, so I remember enough. I was in/still am in a Batfamily phase. So I was following the Titans tag and they showed a picture of Brenton and Jane in a movie together bc she’s the perfect Barbara Gordan and I just loved her Fc for the firs time, bc in the past I’d seen her and never felt anything. So I found out she had a good number of gif packs and they’re so pretty??? But I was so hesitant bc I didn’t have an idea for her and I didn’t wanna go in half cocked. So I had a gif of her in my drafts for weeks with the name Mar’i or Zoe beside it bc I couldnt think of ANYTHING. but then I was finally like, fuck it. and I wrote her intro somehow?? I rmemeber sitting there so usnure for such a while but then it started rolling and Victoria’s connection just fit. I wanted to name her Babs bc i fucking love the nickname Babs it’s so cute. I almost changed her name but Ace was a warrior for hte name Barbara so thus she became Barabara Friedh. Friedh, is a surname from the video game Lost Odyssey which I liked and yeee. 

JACK KLINE

Okay so here’s the thing. Jack Kline is a soft soft sweet boy who has struggles with three dads and a major guilt complex. I loved him from his first episode. I was hesitant for a second tbh, bc I was like Maybe I shouldn’t. Cause it’d suck to take him on and drop him, or be really bad at him (jury’s still out on that one) but like. I have not felt such muse for a proper canon character in a hell of a long time. So I browsed through his edit tag and i just said, Okay so this is happening. I even ended up making a whole entire gif pack of him in one day yesterday bc resources r a Bich. But yes like. I love Jack a lot as a character. I feel like he made me enjoy Supernatural again bc I found his plotline so compelling and him to be such a good and earnest character who’s just trying so hard and that spoke to me.

But yeah, these are my bitches. Hope you’re happy Gaby. 

[fractissomnium]

(*Okay I got some drafts done, and I still have a bunch of things in my ask box that need to be answered. I legit just got internet back today, and I didn’t have much internet time because I went to dinner with a friend who was up here for the first time in like ten years, and I missed the fuck out of her.

But just so y’all are aware, my work schedule for the next week is absolute insanity. I’m working tomorrow from like noon to 10 PM, going in at 2 on Sunday and not leaving until almost 9 AM on Monday. 6-2 on Tuesday, 6a - 9p on Wednesday and 12-10 on Thursday. So don’t expect to see much of me this week; I’ll try to queue some stuff up, and I will do my absolute best to get on here and maybe try to clear out my ask box or some drafts, but please be patient with me. My work schedule is not normally this hectic, but we lost like three counselors in the last couple weeks because the demands of the job were just too much for them, so I’ve been picking up a lot of OT and doubles to help out. I’m making bank, but it’s wearing me down and when I do finally get a full day or two off, I can’t promise I’ll be able to get on here because I will probably be exhausted.

In the meantime, I’m well over 100 followers, and I’m mind blown by it so I’m trying to put together something for when I hit 150. A follow forever or a drabble giveaway of some sort like I did last time. I’d offer drawings but let’s be real, I blow at drawing so I won’t do that to y’all. But if anyone has suggestions, i’m open to them???*)

[canaryatlaw]

Today was interesting. Not sure if I'd classify it as good or bad, because it wasn't really either. It was fine, just....interesting. Wake up at 7, go to work. I have literally nothing to do all morning, so I look over my stuff for trial ad tonight, review and edit the mock trial stuff, read fan fic, and finish reading the abuse/neglect section of the juvenile court act (which is the entirety of the law that governs our proceedings). So that was kind of less then thrilling. Eat lunch, and on my way back to my desk after sticking my lunch box back in the fridge (because it still contained my dinner which required refrigeration) the lady that had me on the wild goose file hunt last week passes me and asks if I can order a copy of that birth certificate we couldn't find. I said sure, but that I have no idea how to do that, and she said one of the paralegals can show me. So I go to knock on the paralegal's door, and nobody is there. Ugh. So I'm just kind of chilling out for a little while. I can hear my supervisor getting in and out of phone calls, and I manage to slip in between some and tell him I don't really have anything to do, so he says he wants me to work on this motion for him, saying it's this case where the mom had 4 kids in custody and got them back, then the 4 year old starved to death over the summer and......at this point I go oh, I know this case. It's the child death case that was all over the place in the media over the summer with the super insane set of facts. This is like, a super high profile case. I've actually periodically looked it up online to find out if the murder charges have come down yet, so far nothing but as far as I know they're still in custody for arson/improper disposal of a body. If you don't remember me talking about this case (and I imagine you probably don't because even if you read these I talk about a lot of cases) it was where the 4 year old starved to death and two days later the mom gave birth to twins at 32 weeks, then two days later with the twins in the NICU she goes and wraps their brother's body in clothes and plastic bags and attempts to set it on fire in the basement of an abandoned building, and gets caught doing so, accompanied by her neighbor and lover, who is the father of the twins, and oh yeah, is 17 years old. And of course it's a shit show for DCFS because the kids had been in care and were returned to the moms custody, and then there was a child death, which means there's gonna be a huge investigation into who dropped the ball there, because chances are somebody did. So anyway. This motion is for adjudication coming up. Under certain circumstances, the state can move up termination of parental rights to happen at adjudication (as opposed to having to wait 9 months), and one of those circumstances being the death of a sibling at their parent's hand. So because they're pushing for termination they want the foster parents to testify, but apparently the foster parents are afraid to do so because apparently the bio family has some gang connections and they fear retribution for "taking the kids away." How legit this fear is I have no idea, and in all likelihood they probably wouldn't be in danger, but nonetheless they want to see if they can testify in chambers, so we were writing a motion requesting it. I had a memo of all the related cases that one of the paralegals had drawn up, so I just had to draft it into a motion, which wasn't too hard, so far at least. There weren't any cases exactly on point, meaning there's no precedent for allowing foster parents to testify in chambers, but there's a variety of cases that have pieces of the overall theory, like one that states the absence of the right to testifying in chambers in a statute doesn't indicate it should be denied, and the juvenile court act contains some great language that you can basically make any argument as long as it's framed in the best interest of the child, there's a good chance it'll get through. So I start writing the motion, and I notice myself using the stuff I picked up in LARC, except this was SO much easier because there wasn't a formula I had to follow, I could call the shots and write what I thought made sense to me with the information I had, not squish that information into a preset formula. And like, as glad as I was that it was coming easy to me, I couldn't help being frustrated by LARC being what it is and being so obnoxious, something I'm going to try to bring up with my prof when we have conferences on our assignment next week, and hopefully she'll agree or see some merit to it. I worked on the motion for the rest of the day, getting about 3 and a half pages written spanning 3 cases. There are a few other points I'm planning on making, then it can be finalized and sent to the parties, and will be up for argument at the next court date of February 28th, where I can argue it in court, which is a bit of a scary thought just because of how high profile the case is and how many parties are involved, but it should be a simple enough argument and I have plenty of time to prepare for it, so it should be fine. I definitely got a little thrill from my name officially being on the record on the motion, next to *the* public guardian for the county (like *the* states attorney and then a bunch of ASA's) and my supervisor haha, that made me happy. End of the day I headed out, catching the bus to the train to the other courthouse downtown. I had a different kind of bun for my sandwich this time that made it a lot easier to eat, because it didn't get crumbs everywhere and it also wasn't fucking huge (the last ones legit wouldn't fit into a sandwich bag) so that at least was a nice discovery. The sheriffs at the downtown courthouse are like, so much nicer than at the juvenile courthouse, they like waved me on through and didn't bother checking me even when I set off the metal detector (like I do every single time I go through a metal detector). So that was nice at least. Got to the courtroom and chilled out and waited for our prof. This week was based on objections, and I had been assigned to write two directs and one cross, and to be the witness on one problem, with getting picked for one or two of the directs/crosses (but you have to prep for all of them). The first one took forever to get through, and the girl doing it made some really bad flubs about hearsay like "but he heard it so he can testify to it!" and "it's not hearsay because it was his statement!" and she's also a 3L so that's kind of cringeworthy, lol. Then I was up as the witness for the second problem, and of course as with every opportunity I get to play a witness I'm gonna have a good time with it. It was a pretty basic fact pattern with this lady slipping on ice in a store parking lot and suing the store, so I decide this lady's gotta be like pushing 90, and definitely has an New York Yiddish old lady accent, which came out as a super natural reaction to the problem without me formulating that objective, lol. And oh, it was a riot. Everybody was cracking up, and I got so many good lines in there that were just totally ridiculous but didn't detract from the case in any way (like saying my grocery bags were filled with Cheetos, one for the crunchy and one for the puffs) and I had a very good time with it, so I was satisfied for that haha. Short break, then next problem that I got to watch until the last one where I got to do cross, so I definitely lucked out on assignments there. We were like, really pushing the time limit at this point, and of course our prof is like, breaking down every question on direct and walking him through every step, and I'm just sitting there staring at the clock on the wall approach and then pass 8:30 before I even get to get up from the table....sigh. I mean, it was a complicated hearsay problem with lots of things to be explained, but still, it was getting a little ridiculous. I do like our prof though, this is the female judge since we switch between two every other week, and I can tell she really likes me, haha, pretty much everything I do is met with praise like "excellent" and she got really hyped when there was an argument over admitting a criminal conviction and I was the only one that caught that battery isn't always a felony, and if it's not a felony it's inadmissible. Of course I only knew that because we'd had that exact conversation at the beginning of the year with the mock trial tryout problem, but I still felt successful and smart for pointing it out, and she definitely loved it. I finally got to do cross, kept it nice and short and effective, then continued to bug the other lawyer on redirect with objections (which the prof also loved, haha). After that we finally got to go home. I got home around 9:40 or so, not bad for being held over, and I immediately turn on legends. This may be a somewhat abbreviated review because my eyes want to close right now, but we'll see. It was an interesting episode. I saw at least one online reviewer saying it was the best episode of the series so far, which I don't agree with. It didn't really feel like a legends episode to me, but I still definitely enjoyed it for what it was. I just wanted more of our lovable time losers, of course. But the villain plot between the 3 of them being fleshed out was super interesting, as was the explanation of what Eobard is after and the introduction of the black flash chasing him. I have to ask of course, WHERE THE FUCK IS SNART!?????! I was told he was gonna be a part of this villain group and there's only so many episodes left in the season, ya killing me here by dragging it out this line. But the Stein/Lily plot was adorable and well played, Stein really pulled it off in the end there. And it's good to see the legends are actually figuring out what the legion is up to and make a plan to fight them. Phil continues to slay me, and while I'm sure we'll get Rip back at some point (especially with tonight's revelation that there's a copy of his memories) but I really just want to keep Phil at this point. I giggled at the "fixing Rip's flaws" line, especially when that turned out to mean making him kill George Washington (because ?! Evil bad guys??? This will totally serve their purpose??!!???). So yeah, overall pretty good, just give me Snart already. I did watch the episode of the flash that came out tonight after, but I'm too tired to recap my thoughts on it right now and I didn't have all that many interesting ones anyway, so I'm gonna end this here and get to bed. Goodnight my friends. Keep on keeping on.

[survivorindia]

Does Jordan Pines Think I’m F**king Stupid?- Sarah

Episode 4

Great.. a swap. Worst of all, three of my four main allies 'ere are on the other tribe. It's just Alex and I swinging at the fences now. Last night, Alex and Gavin called me so they could walk me through what's been going on with their tribe and so we could find a way to get OUT of this mess. Luckily, we still know the name of our idol board and we've already set up what each other (Alex and I) will guess so we'll keep that rotation going. So right now on my tribe besides Alex we have... Lexi and Ruben, which is BAAAAD for me since I clearly targeted Lexi and if they're together (which why wouldn't they be, ofc they'll be together) they could very well turn on me. Robin is probably with them, so if anything, she's my way out of being cut so soon on this tribe. Admittedly I haven't spoken much with Bernel, Julia, or Dom - I have played with Dom a long while ago but we talked like once in that game and I was gone right at the merge so I don't really know him too well. I'm going to try to hit everybody up today because I don't want to get too far behind socially. And then there's Jaiden. Just like me, he's waiting for death, so that's swell. I've been told he's a huge villain but let's not judge a book by their cover just yet and wait to see what the hell he does out here.

Oh BOY did I miss a lot today. I woke up like two hours ago and have been doing chores since so go me! Anywho, I'm just going to do a quick assessment of people here since I've gotten a little time to know em:  - Dom is nice and all but dude apologizes for everything, even semi-good things lmao. A for effort?   - Julia's social game isn't all there, hell, it's weaker than mine. At least she's somewhat enthusiastic though. - Bernel's pretty cool, don't have much of a read on them. - I really haven't talked to Lexi in forever oop and Ruben seems decent, haven't spoken too much with him. - Robin is same ol, same ol.  - I can't say I have much of a read on Jaiden either at this point, all I know is that people say he ain't the nicest.  - Alex is great! I hope he and I can survive this tribe because I'd love to jam with 'im out here. I really gotta pick up my social game because I'm slacking especially since I missed most of an entire freaking day fuck me 

You can't bully me into making more confessionals! "I do what I want!" - Danny Gluck But yea I'm doing a shit ton for this challenge hopefully my efforts don't go unappreciated

So this is really terrifiying. So we swap, and boom, there goes my closest ally Sarah and she is on another tribe. I'm on a tribe with a majority of villians, but honestly this far Sarah has helped me a lot though this game. And last nigh I found out about a lot of shit. So I learned that Jaiden has very bad breakdowns, I learned Jordan Pines wants to be an ally of mine, I learned Sarah is truly being real and probably trusts me to the fullest extent by now, I learned that DOM HAS AN IDOL. yep. So I have THAT to deal with, while I try and search for a new idol board on the hero's tribe. So yeah, that's whats going on as of now. I'll be back with more deets.

Okay not trying to sound divaish ALREADY but... Alex seems kinda cocky to me, no idea why? Than we have Ruben and dom, and as far as I'm concerned they should be online right now and be super active bitch get it together

Okay I swear I already don't like Alex I'm trying to be nice to his bitch ass but he just has such a cocky persona like um I'm complimenting you, trying to be nice, and his vibe is so rude fuck that I hope he gets eliminated soon somehow

Ok I should have been nice but I feel like he hates me   

Ok I should have been nice but I feel like he hates me (11:04pm night of swap) I have no idea what has been going on the past few days because I've been sleeping haha, but I guess we did a tribe swap which is pretty neat!!

So we got some snake motherfuckers in this tribe. Kharab is not unified. So Nicole asks to be voted out, everyone is on board but what happens Jaiden tries to flip the vote on me, but like no honey, not going to fly here. No one else votes for me and Nicole votes for Jaiden, so Nicole leaves 4-1-1. But like Jaiden, what are you doing honey, why are you purposefully throwing yourself under the bus, like okay Jaiden comes to me after his flop attempt to get me out and is like oh I asked to be voted out and I just threw my vote to you and I'm like not true, I call major bullshit on you. So as of now I don't trust Jaiden at all, he's a snake he can leave today for all I care. Fuck him, he's dead to me.

Whew, so we won immunity which is nice and now am safe for the round. I was going to make a long confessional at the swap about how I felt about my new tribe but like I got lazy so long story short I like kendall gavin sarah ashley (aka the returnees) lexi is cool but she gives me a weird vibe idk and Casey Liam and Whitney need to step it up. I hope Jaiden gets voted out tonight on the other tribe, that be nice.

I certainly love snakes. I take back everything I said positive about Sarah, Jordan Pines, and now Dom. I don't even know if I have said anything nice about Dom because I'm pretty sure that's when I was not fully trusting of him. I guess to just catch this up to speed, I got closer to Dom and he shared his idol clue with me. He told me so much about Jordan giving him tea in the game and it just makes things so much more evident to me that he's going to immediately hold things against me if I don't reciprocate the same amount of information. Telling Sarah about the idol clue AND THEN all of my alliances was deadly, because now I think she's gonna run around and expose all of that for the fun of it. She's a snake, I tell you, and she's gonna screw me if I don't screw her over first. I just realized I should stop talking game in general because the walls seem to have ears. I don't think I can trust the hosts with information either lmao since everything likes to just magically leak and fall into terrible people's laps. I'm done bitching, I'm done strategizing, and I think I'm done writing confessionals at this point. I have some fight left in me and I think I'm okay doing some damage going forward. 

I'm still here against my will send help

Buckle up... this one's a doozy... I'm writing this as I listen in on Sarah and Jordan with my appear.in strats. Actually, I'll brb

Jordan Pines I’m talking to ashley Sent on: 2:36 pm From: Jordan Pines she really likes you really? Sent on: 2:39 pm i really really like her, but i feel like i may have hurt our bond From: Jordan Pines how so? Sent on: 2:39 pm From: Jordan Pines cause she said this to me From: Jordan Pines when i was talking about a returnee alliance From: Jordan Pines [2017-02-11, 2:20:23 PM] Ashley Hudson: I love Gavin [2017-02-11, 2:20:29 PM] Jordan Pines: i don’t know him that well [2017-02-11, 2:20:32 PM] Jordan Pines: like we played hvv2 together [2017-02-11, 2:20:36 PM] Jordan Pines: but never were on the same tribe [2017-02-11, 2:20:40 PM] Ashley Hudson: Like legit he is my fave right now, he is hella loyal Ayyyye Sent on: 2:40 pm That makes me feel better then *Pats self on back*

What happened on the Karen vote: - I got Karen out of the game with some help - I got Alex to trust Kendall less - I got Kendall to trust Alex less - I got Ashley to trust me more - I got Alex to trust me more - I got Kendall to trust Alex and Ashley less All because Alex and I thought Karen wouldn't want us around long-term :) At this point in the game, we have now swapped and I feel like I am in good-standing on my new tribe right now. Pines and I talk all the time, with him having allowed me to listen in on his call with Sarah while sharing with me that he found the idol. Ashley trusts me even more than before, while I have begun to form a bond with Liam. Honestly, I see things going well on this tribe, and I am ensuring to continue to talk to my #1, Mr. Alex, who got separated from the rest of us returnee heroes during the swap :( Here's to the merge... that will hopefully be rather soon! Also... ha ha lol @everyone who picked Karen over me in their drafts *eyes emoji* This is why you don't add people last to a pre-existing alliance and then echo the exact words of an ally when responding to my messages :~)

This Tribal could not have gone better. Gavin and I were great and it seemed like we flipped for a different reason than we did. I feel bad about the aftermath; Kendall seemed really upset and I hope we can mend that bond for later. The swap however, could not have gone worse. I am the ONLY one in this entire game who doesn't have ANY of their original tribe members with them. So I've been scrambling to get a group together. Gavin on the other hand is great. The returning players on his tribe have an alliance together, so I really just need to get to the merge and be solid with him later. I'm on a tribe with the lovebirds too (Ruben and Alexis), so we'll see how things go with that; I know Ruben, along with Johnny Poteet, so maybe there's something I can do there. In the meantime, all I can do at this point is sit back, be nice, don't cause waves, and get to that merge.

I got the advantage from the reward. I scored 3 million on the damn thing; so if I didn't get it I'd be shocked. I'm playing a decently dominant game right now, it's pretty freaking amazing.

I love this challenge, it gets us creative. The problem with that is the tribemates I have do not want to talk. I can make us a video, I just need to get the videos made and decided, you know? It's extremely difficult to plan things out when people are not online.

Gavin told me that Dom has the idol, and that's frightening. Dom is definitely one of those guys who I really can't get a good read on and that's scary. I need to just befriend him at this point, what else can I do?

My reaction to Karen getting voted off: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SiylvmFI_8 What I told my tribe when we swapped: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbrbUfYSt0E What I actually meant: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrMmfKByyks My reaction to dealing with our useless tribemates when we were trying to make the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oo-oWc4uEPE Whoops sorry wrong link... I'll put the proper one here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FjWe31S_0g My reaction to our harsh judges: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYa1eI1hpDE My reaction to us winning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfYnvDL0Qcw And my plans for the future: I have nothing... so I put nothing. Wish me luck in the game! Because now I'm stuck with Jordan Pines. So in conclusion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GeCPanRHU0 God I love this series. Don't know why Count Olaf is the one telling us to look away, considering that he is such a sadistic bastard.

Whoops I put the wrong Chemical Romance song for, what I meant: Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORsFFjt1x6Q

Alright, so this new tribe is okay, I still have Gavin but lost Alex, but I have always trusted Gavin more so I mean that is a good thing. I now have Jordan Pines on my tribe, last time we worked together it was kind of forced by outside parties so I am hoping for this game we can actually work together by our own choice, and see how that goes. I know Casey irl, but she never talks on Skype, I don't really think she actually plays and is only here cuz Darian told her to. I mean that is okay, but how the fuck did she get this far. Kendall and I are still on rocky ground I think. I am kind of over her trying to get me out but se doesn't believe me for some reason? Like idk, she reads too much into things, I sent her smiley faces and she thought I was being passive aggressive.... which actually is usually the case but still. Lexi G..... Who? Liam.... Who? Sarah... playing another game with her rn, haven't really talked to her though so idk where that will go. Whitney... Who? From Maine... yet I don't know her... so.... Who?

The tribe's been so understanding and sweet about my situation. I feel like I can trust all the villains right now. I'll try to talk to Whitney and Liam. Maybe the newbies will try to work with each other. I still don't feel exactly safe on my tribe but I think if I play my cards right it won't be too difficult to secure my place in a solid alliance.

I am so happy we got a tribe swap. What's best is that Lexi and I are still together and now we have her boyfriend as well. It makes them look like big threats and the tribe could potentially want to vote one of them out sooner rather than later but I am completely loyal to them. It may look like I'm playing for third place but Lexi and Ruben seem like good people so I don't think they would just take advantage of me. It's a tribe of 9 so we only need two more people with us to have majority. Ruben mentioned working with Dom and Jaiden. I talked to both a little last night so I'm hopeful that we can get something solid together with them. Also, Lexi, Ruben, and I are looking for the idol together so even if we don't get someone else to work with us we have that to fall back on. These past few days have been great to Lexi and I. We went from being sitting ducks to finding new hope. Making it to the end together just seems more possible as the days go on.  

I've been inactive lately because I've been studying for midterms. I feel bad for not contributing anything to the challenge. We were close to winning so if more of us had participated we probably would've won. It sucks that I was busy this weekend and I hope this doesn't make me a target. Thankfully not many people did much for the challenge so I feel like I still have a chance. The biggest targets right now would probably be lexi and Ruben because of their relationship. They're my closest allies so I have to work hard to keep them safe. I've been going around talking to people. I'm trying to be strategic and approach everyone by linking an interest they have to lexi or Ruben so they won't vote for them. For example, with Julia, I brought up the fact that there's few girls left so we shouldn't vote for lexi and she agreed. Lexi Ruben and I are definitely voting together so we only need two more people. As long as we get them and no idol is played we should be good.

So my tribe lost and I kind of saw it coming. I mean half our tribe didn't even make a video for it lol. I only did because alex asked. I know people will probably want me or ruben out tonight since were a couple. I mean if I get voted out, it's whatever. ever since tribe swap I haven't really been paying attention because ive been busy. So I wont be blindsided lol. Hopefully myself,ruben,jaiden,robin and dom should be voting together and will have majority. But they haven't really said anything and I'm not gonna freak out about it. I'd rather vote johnny out just because I'm bitter towards him but I don't care whose name we write down honestly.