#this is about rhaegar knighting gregor btw

[aeriondripflame]

lineage and legacy are fun conversations but let’s talk about lineage through knighting. something about who deemed you worthy, who raised you up and brought you into knighthood, and what that says about the two of them; the knightee as a reflection of the knighter.

[reginarubie]

"High lords with old names, fat rich men dressed in velvet, knights puffed up like bladders with their honors, yes, and women and children too—they're all meat, and I'm(Hound) the butcher."-Sansa(Acok). "I have given Astapor a butcher king."-Dany(Asos). "He would make a monster of me," she whispered, "a butcher queen."-Dany. "Ramsay is ferocious, I will grant you, but he swings that sword like a butcher hacking meat." "Gregor butchered my good sister, smashed her babe's head against a wall."

Ciao anon!,

well would you look at that?, I think the only character associated with butchery in a neutral way is actually Mycah (who btw, was butchered as well); but between all of them I think what strikes me the most is the tone of every quote.

The Hound takes pride and self deprecation (which is a blanket he is most comfortable in, because he likes to be feared but he also deprecates himself to make himself look less fragile) over the fact that for how much the others (lord, ladies fat rich men and women and children) may think they are better than him they're all meat for him to butcher. I think it makes him feel like he has the power in this equation, and he has that power because he doesn't care about all those things — morals and pursuit — the others care for and that makes him more powerful than them.

When speaking about what the Mountain did, and the way he murdered Elia and her children he is defined as a butcher, because of the brutality of his actions, for the way he killed Aegon and with his hands still bloody he raped and killed Elia. It is not said neither in fear, nor in awe. During war people die, and perhaps they would've expected something to befall Aegon (because he was the heir of Rhaegar and had a claim to the Iron throne) but women were supposed to be ransomed, used to get means of peace, they were supposed to be safe (they never were) and the way the whole tragedy was consummated...it was not the doing of a man (it was, but that's beyond the point) that man has become something worse: he is a butcher, he feels no remorse. He just takes what he wants. There is thirst for vengeance in this quote, for the horrible fate dealt to Elia and her children.

The tone of the quote about Ramsay is not horrified or resigned/tortured because of the monster he is; no, it's neutral, it's a simple observation of the way he moves and acts, we give it a different connotation because we know what Ramsay is. This quote always gave me the vibe of the uninterested bystander, who would look at a tragedy occurring, would even comment on the way it was consumed, but would not be neither horrified nor act to stop it. They would just observe it, as if they were disconnected from the reality of what is happening under their noses.

Between all the quotes you are used the ones about Daenerys are some of the most encompassing quotes about the reality of her terrible, tragic journey. Also because her whole journey is littered with her trying not to be a butcher queen and we can see her starting to give in to her impulses, to justify her methods with her goals to the point she will probably will be remembered by the people of Westeros (if not of Essos too) as a butcher queen. Which is terribly tragic especially considering how she begun, though the choices she's made all point to that end.

I mean, in the first quote (which happens in ASOS) Daenerys feels physically ill about having “given a butcher king to Astapor”; later she affirms “she is no butcher queen” and, when ADWD they tell her that “it's better to be butcher instead than meat” and ask her if since kings are butcher if queens are the same, she replies “not this queen” (even if some of her actions are the same, but I am digressing) yet, by the end of ADWD she thinks of Daario (whom she has sent away from her side on purpose) and thinks he would have her become a butcher queen, she also thinks they are the same, and that both of them are monsters and later, when she flees Meereen after the pit's attack, and she eats raw/half cooked meat with Drogon she misses Daario because he would indulge in her wilder, more ruthless and animalistic side which marks the moment she begins to give in to her instincts instead than try to control 'em.

So, yeah, I think between of all these butchers Ramsay and Daenerys are the ones who, bookwise, have yet to start to pay for their butcher ways (we know Ramsay will pay for his crimes, because we know the Starks will defeat him and put him to death, most probably, or he will be killed off during battle, which I doubt, but again, I digress) while Daenerys has yet to completely embrace her butcher ways (but probably will and will be rejected because of it and as a cause of it as well). Both the Hound and the Mountain have started to pay for their crimes (though their end, at each other's hands will probably be the only ending befitting of their butcher ways, a butcher against another).

And I think this also connects very well with the fact that Ned Stark, while speaking about Lady having to be executed, says “the wolf is of the North, she deserves better than a butcher” and, with the connection these characters probably could have with the Starks (Hound — Sansa & Arya; Daenerys — Jon, Bran, Sansa & Arya; Ramsay — Jon and the Mountain, probably, — Arya, if she ever makes her way South when Cersei is still alive; or Sansa if the whole Cersei abducts Sansa plot is going to hold any meaning in the books after all Cersei is searching for Sansa as she considers her responsible for Joffrey's death) I think it hints to how the Starks will probably have dealings with 'em and will survive them.

After all both Sansa and Arya have escaped the Hound; the Hound tried to force himself on Sansa and she was afraid he would kill her; Arya was taken by him to be ransomed yet she managed to escape from him, so there is precedent here for it.

Asks connected to this x.

Thank you for your ask, as always it was pretty interesting! I hope you enjoyed the read and wish you have a very nice day!

[silkygoldmilkweed]

Petyr Baelish vs Sandor Clegane: A Tale of Two Suitors

GRRM will be dead before he finishes the books so we’ll never get a chance to ask him about the construction process once the whole thing is out there, but until he says otherwise, I believe that he created Jon, Dany, Arya, Sansa, Sandor, Ned, Bobby, Rhaegar, Lyanna, Cat and Robb, and then built out many of the other characters as mirrors and foils to them. 

Theon is failed Jon.

Joffrey is the anti-Jon.

And I believe with all my heart that Littlefinger is the anti-Sandor. 

Name almost any character quality and Sandor has the opposite aspect to Littlefinger. Littlefinger is words. Sandor is deeds. Littlefinger is manipulation and lies. Sandor is brutal honesty. Littlefinger is selfish. Sandor is selfless. Littlefinger is either amoral or immoral or maybe both. Sandor lives by a strict personal code of how men, women and people generally are supposed to behave. Littlefinger is sinuous and simpering and sly like Hiss in Disney’s Robin Hood movie. The Hound is bold and strong and aggressive and all heart. 

But both of them want to fuck Sansa Stark. 

(My headcanon, BTW, is that Littlefinger’s nickname is really because he has a tiny dick and that it was Brandon “Wild Wolf” Stark that gave him the nickname. Sandor, of course, is prodigiously endowed. LOL.)

I think the show grants Littlefinger’s death scene a few nods to the SanSan subtext in Sansa’s life, and Littlefinger’s failure gives us some insight into where the Hound succeeded, even though it may not have been acknowledged at the time.

“Lady Sansa, I’ve known you since you were a girl. I’ve protected you–”

OK, this is excellent. When was the first time they met? According to Littlefinger circa season four, “The first time I saw you, you were just a child. A girl from the North, come to the capital for the first time. Not a child any longer.” So the first time they ever met was the Tourney of the Hand, and at that time, Sansa was officially a “child” or a “girl.” (Sandor met her just before that, and then won the tourney in question by protecting Loras from Gregor.) 

Anyway, LF’s been creeping on Sansa from the get-go (he puts his hand on her at the Tourney and Ned gives him a death glare) but more importantly, beginning as early as season four (MAYBE) but most certainly by season seven, Sansa is no longer a girl but a woman. SophieT is only 21 or something, but in Westerosi terms, Sansa is a twice-married widow of maturity and dignity. The way she dresses she could pass for a middle-aged spinster, but of course her face gives away her youth. 

Long story short, the show wants you to know that it’s no longer creepy if Sandor thinks she’s hot, because age difference or no, they’re both adults now and free people, and able to consent to sexual intercourse if they’re both of sound mind and body, etc.

“Protected me? By selling me to the Boltons?”

Littlefinger is first and foremost a flesh peddler. A whoremonger, as Lord Royce calls him. He sells Sansa’s body as readily as he brokers a street prostitute’s blow job work.

Counterpoint: Sandor Clegane doesn’t run around pimping out little girls. Can you even imagine? Quite to the contrary, he spends all his free time running interference between creeps and his Stark girls. Honestly, one of the most striking underanalyzed moments in the histories of the Hound is when he and Arya are with the farmer and his daughter, and the father is doing his prayers to the Seven. “We ask the Maiden to protect Sally’s virtue and keep her from the clutches of depravity,” says farmer dad. It’s at that moment that he interrupts, “Do you have to do all seven of the fuckers?” Now, mostly he’s literally starving and he just wants to get on with it, but I also think there’s an unspoken freaked-out reaction there: There’s no point in praying! The gods aren’t going to keep her from getting raped. They never stop any of that shit. You either can fight it off yourself or she’ll suffer it, same as all the other maidens.

The spectre of sexual assualt looms heavy over Sandor and Sansa’s “relationship,” not least because of the “fuck her bloody” line but also because of the size difference, the age difference, the power difference, his known predilection for violence, and his obvious overwhelming desire for her (not to mention Gregor’s history as a rapist, most famously of Elia Martell). But even though he could take her at any time, and she is quite often in very vulnerable situations with him, he never does anything untoward. (Show canon only, I know the book canon is slightly more salacious and risque, in word if not in deed.) But even though he could have stolen her against her will, and he should have, most likely, he politely asked her if she wanted to be absconded with and when she said no, he walked away. 

As he and Omar put it so succinctly, “A man’s got to have a code.” No stealing girls who don’t want to be stolen. 

Or as the vows of Westerosi knighthood put it, “In the name of the Maid, I charge you to protect all women.”

Littlefinger grossly exploits women’s bodies. Sandor puts his own body between women and danger. Littlefinger sells. Sandor frees. What a difference.

“If we could speak alone, I could explain everything.”

Littlefinger is a sneak. And a liar. He can’t do anything in the open, because he needs to lurk in the shadows to play his little games. It’s a kick to rewatch once you understand the extent of Littlefinger’s dishonesty, because you can absolutely see Aiden Gillen adjust his performance ever so slightly when LF is lying. It’s outstanding acting, although of course I loathe anything and everything LF-related.

Sandor, meanwhile, is honest to a fault. “A dog will die for you, but never lie to you.” 

“Sometimes when I’m trying to understand a person’s motives, I play a little game. What’s the worst reason you have for turning me against my sister? That’s what you do, isn’t it? That’s what you’ve always done. Turn family against family, turn sister against sister. That’s what you did to our mother and Aunt Lysa, and that’s what you tried to do to us.”

If we play this game with Sandor’s motives, I think we come to the conclusion that the worst thing he could want was to have consensual sex with a girl who was too young and too highborn and too fragile and too weak. He didn’t want Winterfell. He didn’t want money. He didn’t want power. He legitimately wanted to help Sansa, and later Arya. (I will insist on my deathbed that the Arya-for-ransom deal was bullshit generally but at best a poorly-thought-out plan to get him an entree to House Stark.)

The other thing is the sister divisions bit. I would add that Sansa and Arya (”different as the sun and moon”) have but a handful of things in common: Winterfell, their parents and siblings, and Sandor Clegane. He’s one of the things that binds Sansa and Arya together, rather than tears them apart. They approach him from different positions but end up in the same place.

Last but hardly least, he is the one single person who ever fought for both Sansa and Arya, who were almost completely abandoned after their father was killed. 

They were left alone in the wilderness. Arya had a little of Yoren and Jaquen and Gendry, but she was overwhelmingly scrapping on her own. Sansa had a little of Varys and Olenna and Littlefinger, but again, she was basically out there all by herself, being hunted by lions. The Hound was the only one who fought for them both. He is a tie that binds.

“Sansa, please.”

Ah, the pathetic begging. Show!Sandor never grovels for her attention. On the contrary, he discourages and frightens her on several occasions. He doesn’t need her the way Littlefinger is desperate for Sansa, both sexually and politically. Why? Because Littlefinger is weak and needy, whereas Sandor is strong and needy. Sandor desires Sansa Stark, but he doesn’t debase either of them to get what he wants. If what he wants is not freely given, he can walk away, whereas Littlefinger always crawls closer.

“I’m a slow learner, it’s true. But I do learn.”

Oh, my sweet Sansa. To me this line is so evocative and nostalgic and tragic. If viewed from a pure SanSan perspective, this is Sansa saying that she had to suffer through years of loneliness and torment at the hands of villains to be able to see what a good and rare and precious thing she had once had in Sandor Clegane. 

This line pairs beautifully with the other heartbreaker from Sansa to Littlefinger: “Back then I only thought about what I wanted, never about what I had. I was a stupid girl.” She’s had years to think about how her girlish, inexperienced, naive and entitled values prevented her from seeing that her True Knight was standing in front of her the whole time, right behind the beautiful, odious, vicious idiot king.

“Give me a chance to defend myself. I deserve that.”

Ugh. Let’s return to season six to reply to this. “I don’t believe you anymore. I don’t need you anymore. You can’t protect me. You won’t even be able to protect yourself if I tell Brienne to cut you down.”

Sansa sees now that she is much stronger and more powerful than Littlefinger ever was or could hope to be. He is a grubby little pretender and he destroyed her family for his own selfish ends, and he deserves every bit of the justice that he is about to receive.

Basically, my girl has become a woman, and she is free of all the bullshit men who have been using her for years. Tywin is dead. Littlefinger is dead. The Boltons are dead. 

She is unbound. She is a woman, and she can choose for herself, and I’m pretty sure what she chooses will be Sandor Clegane.

[moonlitgleek]

Anonymous asked:

What was going on in the Tower of Joy. I am so confused by it. Why did Rhaegar leave THREE King's Guard with his baby mama and one teenager with his wife and lawful heir? 

Because it seems that Rhaegar did not take into account the possibility of defeat. 

Rhaegar had put his hand on Jaime's shoulder. "When this battle's done I mean to call a council. Changes will be made. I meant to do it long ago, but . . . well, it does no good to speak of roads not taken. We shall talk when I return."

In his mind, he’d have ridden to the Trident to crush the rebellion then returned to call a Great Council and overthrow Aerys. So Elia and the children, inside the Red Keep and surrounded by guards if not Kingsguard, weren’t in danger as far as he was concerned. That, of course, leaves Aerys but Rhaegar was fighting for Aerys and so was Dorne so Aerys had no reason to harm Elia or the children. Their stay in the Red Keep might not be pleasant (or by choice) but Rhaegar probably did not see a pressing danger in it as long as his father saw that Rhaegar was fighting for him. By the time their presence within Aerys’ reach could turn dangerous (when Rhaegar put whatever plans he had into motion), Rhaegar supposedly would have been back and in place to remove Aerys without posing a danger to his family. Of course Rhaegar failed to take into account his father’s unpredictability and the extent of his paranoia into account, and what that could lead him to do. Indeed, Aerys randomly decided that the loss at the Trident was because the Dornish had betrayed them and refused to send Elia and the children to the relative safety of Dragonstone which ultimately left them at the mercy of the Lannister forces, but oh well.

Note that Rhaegar’s belief in the prophecy has to be taken into account here as well because it’s probably what underlay his conviction of victory. He firmly believed that his children were the three heads of the dragon and meant to save the world, so it’s entirely possible that he believed the same magic that foretold the birth of the three heads of the dragon and that would bring the dragons back would ensure the safety and survival of his children, prophesied saviors that they were. That might have played into his firm conviction of his victory, and could explain how his plans to “protect” Lyanna were equally suspect, or why he committed so many glaring blunders without a thought to the consequences. If you have prophecy and magic on your side, what could possibly go wrong? 

For a guy so fond of Summerhall, you’d think he would learn something.

Why, after most of the Royal family was killed because of poor guarding, did they not go to the new King, and pregnant dowager Queen who were actively being percussed? 

Some argue that this is the biggest piece of evidence of Jon’s legitimacy and that the Kingsguard were there to protect their infant king. I disagree, because a surprise legitimacy reveal would be a deus ex machina that loses Jon’s story a lot of its narrative weight. And because even if Rhaegar took Lyanna for a second wife (probable), that does not mean their marriage was legal or would be recognized by anyone. More importantly, Jon did not have to be trueborn for the Kingsguard to be assigned to protect him.

Some kings thought it right and proper to dispatch Kingsguard to serve and defend their wives and children, siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins of greater and lesser degree, and occasionally even their lovers, mistresses, and bastards.

Of course we then run into one main obstacle: Rhaegar was not king. He never was. But Rhaegar was also not king when he instructed the Kingsguard to stay in Dorne to “guard” Lyanna instead of fulfilling their duty to the king they were sworn to obey

The first duty of the Kingsguard was to defend the king from harm or threat. The white knights were sworn to obey the king's commands as well, to keep his secrets, counsel him when counsel was requested and keep silent when it was not, serve his pleasure and defend his name and honor. Strictly speaking, it was purely the king's choice whether or not to extend Kingsguard protection to others, even those of royal blood.

Aerys was facing an active rebellion that the Kingsguard vows compelled them to defend him against but the three Kingsguard eschewed their duty to the king and followed Rhaegar’s orders instead. So, in practice, Arthur Dayne, Oswell Whent and Gerold Hightower had all but treated Rhaegar as de facto king. They sat out the rebellion because Rhaegar told them to remain at the Tower of Joy, so remain they did. That says much about the allegiance of the three of them to Rhaegar’s person, which falls in line with what Yandel tells us about the state of Aerys’ court in recent years and the factionalism that permeated it between those loyal to Aerys and those loyal to Rhaegar. Arthur Dayne was an open supporter of Rhaegar whereas Oswell Whent is speculated to have been involved in whatever scheme was supposed to take place at Harrenhal. Our knowledge of Gerold Hightower is more limited but it says a lot that the Lord Commander didn’t return to fight for the king but stayed behind where Rhaegar instructed him to stay.

So the Kinsguard stayed with Lyanna instead of going to Viserys because  Rhaegar ordered them to, and dead or not, their loyalty to him remained.

(And to be fair, Aerys was murdered by his own guard, while Gregor Clegane scaled Maegor’s Holdfast to get to Elia and Aegon at a time when the city was crawling with an overwhelming number of Lannister soldiers. Those are not good odds for any Targaryen guard.)

Why, when Ned, Howland, et al, finally came for Lyanna, did they fight. It was her brother and a bunch of Northmen. I assume they had a Stark banner. Yeah, if it had been Robert, I’d have been worried, but it was Ned and his buddies. It wasn’t like an army, it was 9 guys, they could have talked for five minutes. Ned wasn't going to hurt Lyanna or her baby.

Yeah, that’s one of the reasons many of us question Lyanna’s assent to remain in that tower and just how “willing” her stay was. According to GRRM: 

The King's Guards don't get to make up their own orders. They serve the king, they protect the king and the royal family, but they're also bound to obey their orders, and if Prince Rhaegar gave them a certain order, they would do that. They can't say, "No we don't like that order, we'll do something else."  

Which by no means absolve them from the responsibility of choosing to follow Rhaegar’s orders even in defiance of their knightly vows, btw. It’s not like their vows render them physically incapable of defying the king. That was still a choice on their part.

But the fact that Ned had to cut his way to Lyanna’s side does not give the best impression of Rhaegar’s orders to the Kingsguard or speak of Lyanna’s wishes being respected or taken into account. It is quite possible that the Kingsguard were not sure of Ned’s intentions: after all, Ned was one of the leaders of the rebellion and the three knights had received the news about what happened with Elia and her children, and who knows how accurate or comprehensive the account was. They might not have known that Ned spoke against the crime or quarreled with Robert over Clegane, Lorch and Tywin escaping punishment - indeed, he left King’s Landing to lift the siege of Storm’s End and accept the surrender of Lords Tyrell and Redwyne so in their eyes he was working for “the Usurper".

However, my issue with this is that they chose to meet Ned sword-to-sword (using their vows to justify it) without even attempting to suss out his intentions, or you know, listening to the sister who knew that her brother would never hurt her or her baby. Lyanna clearly trusted Ned and had faith that he’d help her protect her child so it’s not like the Kingsguard had no grasp on who Ned Stark was or what he was capable of. Even if they did not fully trust Lyanna’s account due to her age, illness or general familial bias, surely escorting Ned to her under guard wouldn’t have cost them anything. Or a conversation that wasn’t centered on how the Kingsguard do not flee and that’s why they were fighting the guy who only wanted to get to his sister and who was literally pushed into war, on the assumption that he might just turn out to be a kinslayer after all. I’d have hoped that three of the finest knights in the land would have enough moral judgement to recognize the position Ned was in, his family murdered and his sister missing for over a year and a half. He was only trying to reach Lyanna (who may have been yelling for him, if that part of his fever dream is correct.) Ned did not want to fight. He was sad about having to fight the Kingsguard but they were giving him no choice to get to Lyanna but to cut his way through. The fact that they were keeping him from his sister and that they were complicit in carrying her off means that the onus was on them to prevent bloodshed. 

That is all to say that the Kingsguard gave more weight to Rhaegar’s orders - which seem to have been “no one gets past. Period” - over the needs and wants of the dying woman inside the tower who, if nothing else, deserved to have her brother by her side when she died and deserved to have the comfort of knowing that her baby was safe with her beloved brother, instead of taking her last breath as another of her brothers was cut down outside her door.

And what was the plan for them? They didn't know Lyanna was going to die (unless that was the plan), so what where they planning on doing with her and the baby? WTF King’s Guard guys? (you write the best meta so I thought I’d ask if you could help me understand.)

It would have been clear by the time Ned made it there that Lyanna was dying but I really have no idea what their plans were after that, if they had any. My best guess is that they would have taken Jon and crossed the Narrow Sea to Essos, though their reaction to Ned telling them that Willem Darry did exactly that with Viserys and Daenerys could be a counter-indicative to that. But I don’t know what else they could have done.

(Sometimes I entertain the possibility that Davos’ words about Cortnay Penrose “trying to yield with honor.... [e]ven if it means his own life" apply to these Kingsguard, hence their words about how the Kingsguard do not flee. Not that that would have been any better because killing Ned’s companions to accomplish that does not make them honorable, it only makes them awful. Idk, just a thought I had.)

[silkygoldmilkweed]

“A Burnt Sword,” a Dog Prince, Water, Wine, Kitchen Wenches & Whores, Cersei’s Cunt and a Fool, and finally, Sansa Stark

I know I sound insane but I am now certain that the legend of Azor Ahai is 90 percent sex metaphor, 10 percent actual sword. Forging a sword is less about an actual sword and more about a man being motivated to fight by, above all else, his cock. Bronn put a very fine point on this in “The Dragon and the Wolf.” It’s what soldiers spend their gold on and you fight for clan and family by creating clan and family in the first place by way of your cock.

THE FIRST SWORD: You know how Sandor is always says “Fuck the water, bring me wine”—like, it’s a defining character trait? It’s a metaphor for slaking your “thirst” cheaply. The Azor-Nissa-Lightbringer prophecy section about the first sword breaking in water mentions “go in search of excellent grapes such as these.” In innocence or in desperation, a man drinks cheaply. Given the opportunity, he seeks wine “red as blood.”

Now remember how LF told us Sandor was already killing at 12? I’m sure he was fucking soon after that (here is a magnificent fic about Sandor at that age). He first forged his sword in kitchen wenches and cheap whores. The exact language of Sallador’s telling of the prophecy is “Yet when he plunged it into water to temper the steel it burst asunder.” Male orgasms, how do they go?

THE SECOND SWORD: Second, Azor Ahai plunged his sword into the “red heart” of a lion. Remember how we met young Cersei Lannister in one of the show’s rare flashbacks and she was already callous and spiteful and manipulative and fearless in her way, a beautiful walking deception? Young gullible Sandor Clegane would have fallen for her with only the slightest effort on her part. Red and gold are the house colors of the Lannisters and the lion is their sigil. Lannisters and Cleganes are notoriously codependent. 

This is right about the time that Tywin and Jaime are off fighting in Robert’s Rebellion and Gregor (knighted by Rhaegar himself) is raping and killing Elia and the kids (I personally believe on Tywin’s near-explicit orders but that’s a different post).

Regardless of the exact timeline, Cersei is horny, she sees sweaty, shredded Sandor Clegane around Casterly Rock and sets her sights on him. Before he knows what hit him he is completely in love with the princess and thinks he’s going to serve her forever like Aemon the Dragonknight and of course she completely, maliciously breaks his heart (this is the second sword, forged in the heart of a lion, and then shattered) and destroys his faith in love…because Cersei. (Olenna Tyrell thinks Cersei may be the worst person she’s ever met. Do you think Olenna is unfamiliar with large numbers of truly terrible people?)

Can you think of a more perfect illustration of “a cunt and her fool” (a la Jonquil and Florian) than young Cersei Lannister and young Sandor Clegane? It’s enough to put a man off love for life.

THE THIRD SWORD: All of this hangs over his feelings for Sansa Stark years later. He lusts for the princess (wine not water) and truly he loves her but he is now completely incapable of hoping for a future with her or considering himself worthy or making himself worthy. Now there’s just actual wine and when he’s very very rarely lucky, the chance to kill a worthy foe.

Also, much later, Zombie!Gregor and Cersei duplicate the weirdly intimate “sworn shield with benefits” aspirational relationship status of Sandor and Cersei back in the day. Below is an embrace universally acknowledge as the “bridal carry” and that is a knight in shining armor. (See also weaksauce Tytos–a notoriously puss of a man according to Tywin–and grandpa Clegane, the kennelmaster who saved him with his three hounds.)

(BTW I think my Sandor-Cersei theory explains some of the animosity between Tyrion and Sandor. Also if you rewatch “The Dragon and the Wolf” I swear there is a moment where Cersei checks out Sandor. I spy with my little eye a bit of recognition and nostalgia in her gaze. And then he saves her personally from the wight with that chain yank, even though she very much deserves to be eaten. Note that Gregor, Jaime and her guards did fuck-all to stop the wight from getting to Cersei. Note further that everyone on Team Dany flipped the fuck out when Euron so much as leaned in her general direction. Sandor is a prototypical hero—yes he is—so he just can’t help himself from protecting Ladies in peril, even if they are Evil ladies.)

Of course, Sansa is Nissa Nissa, Sandor’s soulmate and future wife, a worthy woman and a good queen at heart and a princess imprisoned in a tower (Maegor’s Holdfast) and desperately in need of rescue from monsters. But when our story begins, Clegane’s deep cynicism prevents him from seeing the Lannisters as being uniquely corrupt even though he despises all their gold-plated extravagance and their compulsive lying. He assumes everyone is equally terrible. Sansa (and Arya later and Septon Ray) slowly changes and challenges that uniquely hateful worldview. Meanwhile, Sandor Clegane is the unexpected Prince She Was Promised, a dog prince for Sansa Stark instead of a frog prince, if you will. 

It’s only after going away for a long time and engaging in prayer and good works and silent contemplation to simmer him down a little (laboring for 100 days and nights) that he becomes worthy of his wife. Now the Red Sword of Heroes is ready to be plunged in the heart (”heart” is also a metaphor, guys!) of his wife and/or serve in her defense by killing the Night King and saving the realm.

Anyway, I’ve decided teen vixen Cersei fucked Sandor and broke his heart, and Sansa loving him back and repairing his heart and/or kissing him (burned face and/or “his sword”) is the healing love that saves the realm.

RED WOMEN: I believe that the reason Melisandre and Kinvara look the way they do is because R’hollor told someone at some point that Nissa Nissa had the ginger minge and that became the female model for their fire cult. They are always DTF presumed Azor Ahais (Stannis, Jon) because they think that might trigger the magic that saves the world. They are all fake as fuck thanks to the rubies but they are trying to be a flame-haired beauty like Sansa Stark without knowing that she is the model. 

THE PRINCE WHO WAS PROMISED: Sandor being Azor Ahai is also why Rhaegar Targaryen decided to be a warrior. He was studying the PTWP prophecy that he thought applied to him or his heirs and announced one day that he needed, more or less, “armor and a big fucking sword.”

Tune in next season to find out how crazy I may be.

BTW below the cut is the full text of the Azor Ahai/Nissa Nissa/Lightbringer passage in the books. There are a few other scattered mentions you can find using “A Search of Ice and Fire.”

ACOK - Davos V

Melisandre was robed all in scarlet satin and blood velvet, her eyes as red as the great ruby that glistened at her throat as if it too were afire. “In ancient books of Asshai it is written that there will come a day after a long summer when the stars bleed and the cold breath of darkness falls heavy on the world. In this dread hour a warrior shall draw from the fire a burning sword. And that sword shall be Lightbringer, the Red Sword of Heroes, and he who clasps it shall be Azor Ahai come again, and the darkness shall flee before him.” She lifted her voice, so it carried out over the gathered host. “Azor Ahai, beloved of R'hllor! The Warrior of Light, the Son of Fire! Come forth, your sword awaits you! Come forth and take it into your hand!”

…

“I have attended to it, good ser. Though His Grace frowns so whenever he does see me that I tremble to come before him. Do you think he would like me better if I wore a hair shirt and never smiled? Well, I will not do it. I am an honest man, he must suffer me in silk and samite. Or else I shall take my ships where I am better loved. That sword was not Lightbringer, my friend."The sudden shift in subject left Davos uneasy. "Sword?”

“A sword plucked from fire, yes. Men tell me things, it is my pleasant smile. How shall *** A BURNT SWORD *** serve Stannis?”

“A burning sword,” corrected Davos.

“Burnt,” said Salladhor Saan, “and be glad of that, my friend. Do you know the tale of the forging of Lightbringer? I shall tell it to you. It was a time when darkness lay heavy on the world. To oppose it, the hero must have a hero’s blade, oh, like none that had ever been. And so for thirty days and thirty nights Azor Ahai labored sleepless in the temple, forging a blade in the sacred fires. Heat and hammer and fold, heat and hammer and fold, oh, yes, until the sword was done. Yet when he plunged it into water to temper the steel it burst asunder. "Being a hero, it was not for him to shrug and go in search of excellent grapes such as these, so again he began. The second time it took him fifty days and fifty nights, and this sword seemed even finer than the first. Azor Ahai captured a lion, to temper the blade by plunging it through the beast’s red heart, but once more the steel shattered and split. Great was his woe and great was his sorrow then, for he knew what he must do.

A hundred days and a hundred nights he labored on the third blade, and as it glowed white-hot in the sacred fires, he summoned his wife. ‘Nissa Nissa,’ he said to her, for that was her name, 'bare your breast, and know that I love you best of all that is in this world.’ She did this thing, why I cannot say, and Azor Ahai thrust the smoking sword through her living heart. It is said that her cry of anguish and ecstasy left a crack across the face of the moon, but her blood and her soul and her strength and her courage all went into the steel. Such is the tale of the forging of Lightbringer, the Red Sword of Heroes."Now do you see my meaning? Be glad that it is just a burnt sword that His Grace pulled from that fire. Too much light can hurt the eyes, my friend, and fire burns.” Salladhor Saan finished the last grape and smacked his lips. “When do you think the king will bid us sail, good ser?”

ADOD - Jon III

“He would know.” Aemon Targaryen had seen nine kings upon the Iron Throne. He had been a king’s son, a king’s brother, a king’s uncle. “I looked at that book Maester Aemon left me. The Jade Compendium. The pages that told of Azor Ahai. Lightbringer was his sword. Tempered with his wife’s blood if Votar can be believed. Thereafter Lightbringer was never cold to the touch, but warm as Nissa Nissa had been warm. In battle the blade burned fiery hot. Once Azor Ahai fought a monster. When he thrust the sword through the belly of the beast, its blood began to boil. Smoke and steam poured from its mouth, its eyes melted and dribbled down its cheeks, and its body burst into flame.”