#this is about the everybody gets eebie deebied au!

[randomwriteronline]

He knows Beni is draped right there on one of the chairs, even though he’s made no sound whatsoever.

"The child has succeeded," he reports.

Kamado grumbles: "On their own?"

"No."

That's where his head snaps upwards.

"I had warned-!" he begins - such a quick temper, this kid has.

"The clans are innocent," Beni replies lazily. "They conducted themselves as you asked."

"Then who--?"

Kamado interrupts himself and narrows his eyes at the catty smirk that pulls at the wrinkles on his right hand man's face. If Beni had to guess, he hates that expression and he hates what it implies more: "One of ours?"

Att'a boy.

"And who would that be?" his voice shifts into an incredulous, almost mocking tone - not because he has no respect for the man, but because he knows he is not a fighter in the slightest: "The professor?"

Beni shakes his head, grin wider.

His hand waves in the air, elegant, as if he were telling some silly story the commander has no interest in: "Do you recall that boy?... The one Zisu fished right out of the ocean... The one a little too comfortable fraternizing with Pokémon?..."

Kamado exhales heavily, loudly. When the old ninja cracks open his eyes open his junior is massaging his own with an exasperated motion.

"I had requested he be kept in check," he growls, frustrated.

"I fear that metaphorical leash you wrapped around his neck was not enough," Beni notes casually: "But you cannot truly punish him."

"Of course I can!"

"On what grounds?"

"On what-- He has disobeyed my order by taking over a task I had requested from one specific member of the Survey Corps! That is the grounds!"

"Ah, but that order did not include Jubilife if memory serves me right."

The realization simmers in Kamado in that moment of silence, as does the sudden awareness of how ridiculous he is now, hands slammed on his desk, chair half overturned by his furious rise to his feet.

"And he was told to look after the child, no?"

He seems to shake as he forces himself to sit down. Beni looks at him amused, without a word, and he burns with shame.

"I shall make what his duties are and what he must not do clearer," he grumbles between his teeth. "As well as formally dissuade anybody under my command to follow in his example for these situations."

The ninja nods slowly, like a parent plenty satisfied with their child's practiced apology.

Kamado thinks he wants to bury himself.

-

Kamado does not look up from Cyllene's latest reports.

"So?" he asks to the nothingness. “What news do you have?”

"The child has succeeded." is the answer.

"On their own?"

"No."

The paper crumples slightly in his hand. Maybe Peselle should have let that despondent little bastard destroy his own leg when she had the chance, if it would have save them all this trouble.

Beni laughs behind him.

"Don't go throw that boy back in the ocean now," he chides.

Of course, he knows exactly what he's thinking.

"He behaved awfully well today,” the old man continues, “He’s a stickler for the rules, after all..."

"Then who? Which clan?" Kamado barks.

"Diamond."

The ninja's hand sits on the back of his head to keep him from rising and grab his ink stone to pen a declaration of war - not a scolding gesture, but equally humiliating nonetheless.

"It was some mute girl they found wandering in the swamps a few years ago - and in the case it might hold any kind of value to your evaluation of him and his people, know that her leader vocally objected to her intentions."

"It makes no difference whatsoever! She still disobeyed my orders!" the commander argues, fist hitting the desk.

Damned foreigners appearing from nowhere! Can’t they stick to what is told to them? Do they have hearts so soft that they can’t help but disregard any motion for the sake of a mimicry of human childhood?

"Did she?"

The paper crumples a bit more.

One day he will grow so tired of this game that he will finally force Beni to give him all the information at once instead of dangling them just out of his reach for his own amusement; sadly, that won't be today.

Kamado bows his head beneath the old fingers, eyes closed to not see the smirk he feels is looking down at him: "What did she do."

"Oh, quite nothing," the ninja replies candidly: "Aside from one good throw at the Lady of the Crests, she merely hoisted the child on her shoulders to give them a fair fight stature-wise."

And that does not, technically, go against the order of not taking on the duty in the child's stead.

“Even the slightest hint of aiding will be made forbidden,” he grumbles. “The child must prove themselves through their own strengths. No interference is to be allowed.”

The digits pressed to his hair scratch his head gently.

Kamado hates the condescending motion and how it makes him calm down.

-

This time he feels the gaze on his cheek. As if he had eaten something that left a stain on it, and the ninja was trying to rub it off by merely looking at it.

“What now?” Kamado grumbles.

“The child has succeeded,” Beni repeats.

"On their own?"

"Haven't you come to expect my answer by now?"

The commander inhales slowly.

"Who was it," he just demands.

Beni gives an airy chuckle and shakes his head, wordlessly calling him incorrigible.

"Beni," Kamado growls.

"Watch your tone," his senior replies with a playful expression and a voice as thin and terrifyingly cold as a blade of ice.

A gloved hand slides over the polished desk.

"You know," he continues, voice warmer, "I believe you keep forgetting just how many groups there are here in Hisui whenever you correct that rule."

Who else is there? Jubilife, the clans...

The head of the Galaxy Team groans.

"Please." and he really sounds as if he were begging for his life in a way or another: "Do not tell me it was the damned Ginko Guild of all people who disobeyed me this time."

"They are descendants of the first,” Beni yawns: “We are on their land. Do remember that, kid, will you?”

“And so they found in their birthright the need to help?”

“No, not really. It was a chance encounter.”

Of course. Of course of course of course. It’s always chance. It’s-

Hold on.

Kamado raises his eyes towards the older man with a horrid feeling in his guts.

“Was it the merchant,” he says flatly. “The merchant who can’t hear.”

Beni just nods.

The merchant guildmaster Ginter said they found walking about in a confused stupor, half-dead of thirst, with no memory of her own.

Something is happening, Kamado thinks: something that is out of anybody’s control. First the appearances; then the child; then the lightning’s frenzies. And now Zisu’s foundling, then that girl welcomed into the Diamond Clan, this man working for the Ginkos - all not knowing one another yet individually working with the supposed kid fallen out of the sky, protecting them, ensuring their success.

Something is happening and that something is inscrutable, functioning orderly, like the mechanism of a clock. He doesn’t trust any of this.

Beni looks as his junior thinks with not a word and a glare like death; in his mind he still sees the small body sorrounded by lava on thin slabs of rock; in his mind a trick of the eye and the ears makes him see them scream as they burn.

-

"The child has succeeded."

"Allow me to guess."

Beni remains silent.

"It was the warden." Kamado continues. "The Pearl Clan warden, the same one to whom I spoke mere days ago. The one who offered to accompany them. He was the one to aid them this time."

"You would be correct."

As he suspected.

Four unrelated people. All of unknown origin. This cannot be a coincidence.

At least he has an advantage this time.

"The Pearl Clan will have to answer for this."

"Will they?"

Or not.

Kamado's thoughts subside momentarily to let him sigh in frustration. There is no way that bastard managed to...

“I only saw a common foreigner without any insignia climb over the arena,” the ninja continues. Something in the playfulness of his tone falls flat, almost canceling out the emotion. “No clan tunic nor warden bracelet on him.”

“Beni.”

The commander’s voice is as steely as they come - inflexible.

“Are you protecting them?”

His senior breathes deeply, tired eyes closing. His head shakes slowly.

“I am not.”

He is sincere. Kamado can count on as much - because Beni, as professional and cold as a former paid assassin may be, never managed to rid himself of that soft corner of his heart that tugs him pityfully towards the favor of the man who used to be the kid still holding his hand in shock, keeping him from lying to him as much as he might want to.

Still, that means that another attempt at cracking that human disguise has been vanquished, and there is nobody to answer for that.

His hand goes to rectify (hopefully for the last time) that damned law.

“Lord Electrode would have blown the child to smithereens.”

Kamado hums.

“It might not have,” he replies flatly. “If that is not a child.”

“Have you entertained the thought that perhaps they are?”

The sound of characters being erased and re-written on paper has a slight scratch to it, quiet in the silence.

“Perhaps they are a child,” Beni continues, not letting him drop the subject: “Perhaps they are an eight-year-old child whom you’ve sentenced to death four times now and who’s only still alive because four people disobeyed you.”

“Four strangers to Hisui,” the commander replies: “Four enigmas who do not belong to any of its people - whether it is the descendants of the first, the warring clans, or our haven of refugees and emigrants. Four strangers who might as well have appeared out of thin air like that child, who are as skilled in Pokémon battles as that child, who were willing to endanger themselves and their hosts for that child.”

He signs the law with an air of finality.

“Pokémon and deities function like this,” he sentences. “In a small group they huddle around a central figure and swirl around it, following its every last whim and order.”

“Are you equating yourself to a god, then?”

“Humans leader can be disrespected as those beneath them see fit - this damned piece of paper is proof enough!”

“And what proof is there that it is the case for those five?”

“What do you think that child meant, saying they were from Sinnoh? From the very being the Diamond and Pearl worship? Do you think it a coincidence?”

“Those four preceded them, I’ll reckon.”

“How else would they have had enough knowledge of the land and Nobles to help that thing otherwise...”

It’s not like Beni doesn’t know.

It’s not like he wasn’t there when the Small God arrived.

Not like he wasn’t pulling Kamado out of the rubble and making a run for it before that small, innocuous thing flew from who knows where and started distracting the burning red Gyarados by floating laps around it.

Not like he didn’t see that small, innocuous thing fight the beast in a battle that as fiersome as it was did more damage to it than any man-made attempt at weakening it ever hoped it could - and emerging victorious over it, in so little time compared to their attempts at resistance that it had felt like a dream.

Pokémon are terrifying creatures.

Even ones small and innocuous.

It’s not like Beni does not know that.

“What if they are just a kid,” Beni repeats. His voice is quiet and weak.

He sounds so much like somebody the commander knew once and who is not here anymore.

“And you’ve been trying to kill them all this time.”

Kamado holds his gaze.

He sighs heavily.

What if.

His hand goes to hold his forehead as he slumps ever so slightly on the desk.

“If they are,” he grumbles, “I can’t very well pull back after subjecting them to all of this and parade myself as a weakling to my people, can I.”

His eyes meet Beni’s.

His right-hand-man, after a long pause, nods.

[legal-lost-boy]

Lost boys for the fandom ask??

Thanks for the ask ❤️🥰

Blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

While Marko is my baby and the one I'd love to be a vampire with forever (though I'm poly so all of them would be perfect too), David is actually who I think about the most. He gives me a lot of thoughts ❤️.

Scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

PAUL, Paul and Marko are my babies. They make me so happy. Seeing Paul's smile can instantly cure my day.

Scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

I guess Michael? He's a big dumbo I love him even though I know not everybody does.

Glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

Grandpa. Grandpa is the unsung hero of this story after all. Also shout out to rat kissing goth girl in the opening scene.

Poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

I don't really think any of them are unpopular/problematic but I guess David is my poor little meow meow because I project a lot on him lol.

Horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

The frog brothers because I do not like them a lot fjfjfjfj

Eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

Max. I like au's where he gets a redemption arc but he still didn't care much at all when his sons died in the movie so he's dead to me.

[mihrsuri]

Crowned, Maria Regina

Note: I’m answering these as though I’m a member of the Tudor fandom in my Tudors OT3 AU universe because it’s fun. Crowned = this universes version of the Crown, which begins with the story of Asri (Queen Charlotte III), goes on to deal with the abdication of her oldest son  Surawirya (King Edward VI) after six months due to him attempting a restorationist coup of England and continues with the accession of his brother and then his brothers oldest daughter Shukria (Elizabeth I) the current queen. Mary Regina is a Terrible YA historical novel which does no one any favours. 

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most): this book wants me to hate Thomas Cromwell and he’s my absolute favourite character the fucking end - what a good guy. Like I know the author wants me to think he’s evil but I…don’t understand. Opposites day. 

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped): all the Boleyn-Tudor-Cromwell babies. I LOVE THEM. 

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave) Look obviously the Anne Boleyn of this story is a fucking travesty on so many levels but she’s HOT. And EVIL. And I am a lesbian (fun note I watched the movie version of this when I was in restoration hell and uh, it definitely awoke something) and also honestly I support her and whoever she wants to murder to get ahead. 

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week) Me at Mihrimah Sultan at all times. Also the actress carried the movie on her damn back. 

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave): Henry VIII in this is just here to be pathetic and under a spell and then die of being poisoned which is not him at all but I still adore him because he loves Thomas and Anne which like, relatable I too would let Anne Boleyn obviously poison me. 

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason): someone please give me a stick so I can make Robert Dudley suffer like the tragically bisexual disaster man that he is. 

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell): Mary’s husband. FUCK THAT MAN and not in a fun way I would put him in a washer full of legos and I would laugh. I was also going to say Maria (aka “Mary”) but she’s more a paper projection for the white restorationist ladies trying to find an acceptable way to be horny which look, I get it, I support you finding your sexuality however you can just…there’s so much better out there. 

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most): I love Queen Zarghona at all times and at all places. 

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped): The triplets and Askala aka the sweetest half siblings to their much bigger brothers ever (like I appreciate that if they agree on nothing else Eddie and Thomas both adore them some such)

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave): look I know everyone loves Shukria and they are not wrong but I just…Harald. HARALD. Bisexual Norwegian Prince supportive husband etc. 

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week) I just need to have Princess Askala be the perfect cinnamon roll little sister to Eddie and Thomas at all times okay

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave) Eddie is terrible. He’s a bastard entitled shit who hates himself but hates everybody else more, got spoiled by his paternal family because he looks white except obviously he isn’t, committed treason, was willing to have his entire family murdered as well as a whole lot of other people, wanted a dictatorship even after he realised what it meant and Felt Bad (also about the murder(s)) but also he’s a fucking fascinating tragedy bastard man study in what happens when you desperately try to fit in with a group who actually does not fucking like you really. I want to write ten million words about him. 

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason) I think that everyone should be able to throw fruit at Rupert Churchill as a public service to all involved. 

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell): the Churchill Parents. Without a fucking doubt.