#this is insane ldnfkndkd

[eldritchqueerture]

Okay I thought of something to ramble about and it’s the utterly bizarre and confusing relationship the CW show Riverdale has to chronological time. Apologies in advance for how long this rant will be.

Disclaimer: it’s been several years since I’ve watched Riverdale, and I never actually finished the show. This is all based on my memories. Also, I’m pretty sure the seasons I never got around to get EVEN weirder with their timelines.

So, season 1 makes the setting of Riverdale anachronistic as an obviously deliberate stylistic choice. The characters all have computers and cell phones, but they’ve also got rotary landlines, and the cars all look like they’re from the 50s, and the costumes tend to be vaguely vintage-inspired. Honestly I always found this element kind of fun - it’s a unique-ish style, and it pays visual homage to the era the original comics were set. (Side ramble: season 1 is both the most normal the show ever was and also the closest it ever got to being “good” in a traditional sense. Season 1 was a reasonably competent teen drama/murder mystery with an interesting aesthetic - it wasn’t anything groundbreaking, but it wasn’t terrible. And then it almost immediately went off the rails in ways that are wildly entertaining but a lot harder to take seriously. Post-season-1 Riverdale is, imo, the peak of “makes no damn sense, compels me though” tv)

And then in season 2(?), there’s an awkward cross-promotional thing where a bunch of characters go to the movies to see the 2018 film Love, Simon, and talk about how great Love, Simon is, and shuts generally urge the viewers to please go see Love, Simon - now in theaters. And it’s like. Oh. So it is set in the modern day, then? This is just a modern day town where everyone drives cars from the 50s?

And from then on it’s kind of hard to tell if the writers are trying to set it in a nebulous anachronistic dreamscape like in season one, or if it’s concretely set in the modern day - they kind of go back and forth.

And then. There’s the time skip. I can’t remember what season it is, but eventually, the writers announce that after the characters graduate from high school, there’s going to be a seven-year time skip, and the rest of the season will pick back up with the characters as adults. This seems like an idea that will accomplish a lot: it will allow the show to stop pretending that these clearly-in-their-20s-and-30s actors are fresh out of high school, it will allow the characters to take different paths after high school and then just pick up the story when they’re all back in Riverdale, and also, it will explain away why none of these characters are wearing masks or social distancing or at all acknowledging the global pandemic that is currently happening. Win-win. Makes sense. But then.

The characters are all about to graduate, and Archie is trying to decide what he wants to do after high school - does he want to go to college, or does he want to join the army? And right before graduation, he’s in the high school, and he sees a photo of a previous graduating class of Riverdale High posing in their uniforms before they go off to fight in what is very clearly WWII. And Archie hallucinates some soldiers in WWII uniforms during graduation, and that makes him decide to join the army. So WWII happened in the past. Makes sense so far.

And then the time skip picks up with Archie getting out of the army, and in all the flashbacks, it is very clear that he just fought in WWI. There’s trenches, and WWI-style uniforms, and Archie has shell shock (which obviously can and does happen in any war, but the way it’s framed in this feels very WWI-coded. I don’t know how to explain it, but it is.) So WWI is the present now?

And Betty’s post-time skip storyline is *just* Silence of the Lambs. Like she’s training to be an FBI agent and hunting down a serial killer and there’s a lot of VERY on the nose references. So the costuming and set design of her storyline is super 1970s, but then she meets up with Archie the WWI vet?

And THEN, in Veronica’s storyline there’s a scene where she’s arguing with her dad about his sexism and she says something like, “It’s 2021, dad, women aren’t property anymore,” and it’s like. ??? You just skipped seven years into the future?? Shouldn’t it be 2028? Was the show secretly a period piece set, very specifically, seven years in the past the whole time?? If it’s 2021 why aren’t any of the characters acknowledging covid? Was Love, Simon released seven years earlier in this universe?

And then Jughead gets kidnapped by Mothman.

sometimes i will learn things about riverdale and its just. more unhinged than i ever expected