#this is nice bc i always felt invalid with my family bc they act like i shouldnt be fucked up over what happened but lol

[startanewdream]

I has a question....so I recently made post about why I support Jily...Someone then said I was ignoring Snape's trauma as a seggs-ually assault survivor??? I am genuinely confused as to when did this happen? To me, I felt that Snape really was kinda stuck in time (when he still held grudges against children, miscommunicated info to Harry--> led to sirius's death {im not over that},etc.)... Yes he was bullied and pranked, James attacked him mercilessly, but like i feel like it would be discrediting Snape to say that he can't fight back? Like Snape smart smart ykyk? I feel like this really was a back and forth esp behind the scenes, it just that James was more of a big mouth type of bully if this makes sense? Anyways, I dont want to invalidate a trauma survivor's experience, bc ye my opinion of snape being "stuck in time" would be too harsh...but again...im genuinely confused as to when did this happen....really...really....really....confused...What do you think? Sorry for the 3AM thoughts

Ugh, first of all, why people come to a Jily post to defend Snape?

Now, to give you my 3pm thoughts about it. There is no evidence of assault against Snape. What we see and what's said in the books was that once James did turn Snape upside down and that showed his underwear (which I don't get it - where are his pants?). Was it nice? No, everyone agreed that it wasn't (later, at least, back then they were all stupid teenagers). Was it sexually? Not intended.

Was Snape a victim? At that particular moment at SWM, yepe, I won't disagree - it was two to one. Other times? Not necessarily. It's said that Snape fought back, that he never lost an opportunity to hex James either, and the only spell that Snape used in SWM was clearly a dark spell. Sirius mentions that Snape knew a lot of spells in school, so yepe, Snape was smart enough to fight back; and even in OotP, he gives it back to Sirius just as he receives, so he isn't the crying boy sitting in the corner anymore. And people like to think of Snape as some sort of lonely guy, but he was "part of a gang of Slytherins" as Sirius notes, he walked with Avery and Mulciber as Lily mentions, and he was Lucius Malfoy's lapdog.

Was it easier to James to grow up and move on from his teenage days than it was for Snape? Yeah. Does that justify Snape getting bitter and uncapable of moving on? No.

The thing that I don't think Snape sees it until very late (and by late I always think 40 years later in that crazy apocalypse world in Cursed Child) was that he made all the wrong choices. He shares some similarities with the Marauders. He loves Lily as James does, but instead of being a better man, he pushes her away, lets his prejudice take over (and he is prejudiced - his problem with "mudblood" is because he called her that, not because he believes they are all equal, there's not a single canon proof of it). He has a horrible family as Sirius does, but he lets that bitterness against his father turn into a bitterness against all muggles, lets the misery of his life contaminate others; and the house - he sees Sirius trapped exactly as Snape once was in a house that he hates, and he torments Sirius for it! He isn't popular, the celebrity, as Remus isn't, but instead of appreciating the true friend he had in Lily, he pushes her away and is never selfless (his acts for her were based on his love, his guilt). And even Peter - they both betrayed their friends in a sense, but whereas Peter gets this one tiny moment of guilt, Snape's first instinct is ask for Lily's life because he wants her, regardless of what she wants (and Dumbledore is right when he says that Snape doesn't care for their lives as long as he has what he wants).

Now, what I can't really defend in Snape is that he was the underdog, he was bullied and what he does when he grows up is bully others even when he sees what happened to them. He sees how Neville is in the first years and he mocks him for it. He knows Hermione tries harder because she's a muggleborn and he calls her a know-it-all. And he sees Harry's memories, sees him as a little kid being laughed off, and that doesn't change anything. He can't see past Harry's look, he can't ignore the fact that Lily choose someone over him and that's not just him presenting a character. That's just Snape stuck in the time for me, really.

[aizawa-needs-coffee]

Hi!! Could I have a matchup please? I'm 18, pronouns she/her, I'm fine w any gender though I have a preference for males

If its of any relevance, physically I'm about 5'8 tall and on the chubby side, green eyes, brown hair (with blonde streaks) and I wear glasses

If you're into astrology/ mbti, I am a Sagittarius w both moon and rising in Cancer and I'm INFP

So I'm quite emotional lol. Usually very in touch with my emotions and quite perceptive of other's feelings as well. I have a huge saviours complex especially when it comes to feelings (i love helping others figure out their feelings, being a shoulder to cry on or even offering comforting hugs) but I try my best to keep it control cause I don't wanna be suffocating

On the outside I'd say I'm fairly organized, I keep my room clean and all of that, I'm a lil bit of a perfectionist but mentally I'm all over the place. I tend to get carried away by thoughts and emotions and end up procrastinating a lot; anxiety makes it all worse. In short, I suck at time management

To most people I may seem quiet and reserved but I actually really enjoy talking to people; I'm really insecure about not being funny or interesting enough tho. Around my friends I'm more relaxed but still have moments of self doubt

I can also be quite obsessive. If something really catches my interest I won't stop until I search all there is to know about it. For example I watched bnha, read the manga, the spin offs etc all in less than a month and now I'm indulging in fanart and fanfics because I need m o r e c o n t e n t hsbsb. I'm also that kind of person that listens to a new song they like on repeat until they hate it. Speaking of music, I can't say I have a taste lol. My fave genres are rock, pop and indie but I hear smth I like, I listen to it, whether its "high quality" music, basic or weird. Lately I've been listening to a lot of epicore which is literally the type of music thats used in fantasy and sci fi movies askfkdk

I like expressing myself through writing, singing and dancing but I really can't say I'm talented at either of those, it's all in good fun. I also enjoy reading (fiction, non-fic books bore me like hell; my fave genres are fantasy, sci fi and crime) but I haaate literature in school. I'm actually a bit of a math nerd and this year I'm starting uni, studying computer science!! Oh! I've also taken drama classes for 2 years (despite the fear I loved being on stage and plan on starting again once I'm done w the baccalaureate), I love playing D&D and while I woulnd't quite call myself a gamer, I love role playing video games. I'm also almost always down for any kind of multiplayer video games w friends although I have no experience

I'm not a sportive person, I go on walks or do a few exercises every now and then at home but I'm willing to try stuff out like a new sport or going to the gym w an s/o. I do plan on starting self defense classes soon and maybe taking up sword fighting (I love swords hehe)

Tbh I've never been in a relationship so I'm not really sure how I would act w an s/o, nor what I'm exactly looking for. I best express my affection through physical touch tho and that includes my friends so I'd like someone who isn't bothered or can get used to that (s/o would still receive the most hugs/ cuddles etc). I'm not that comfortable w the other love languages for friends and family, but I think I'd be a lot more eager to express my love through them for s/o. If I'm on the receiving end, my weakness is still physical touch :)) but I also need words of affirmation every now and then cause insecurities 🌠 and while I wouldn't ask for anything, especially objects, I am a hoarder and I'd keep any kind of gift like its a national treasure simply bc its from someone I love.

In addition, it doesn't really matter if s/o is more on the emotional or rational side a long as they dont invalidate my feelings; it angers me a lot and makes me feel even more insecure. I tend to isolate when I'm really really upset about something so I need a lil bit of pushing to talk abt it; I'm open to talk abt my feelings but I need the verbal confirmation that they care and wanna help, its not just cause they're being nice

Wow that is a lot of rambling jeez ajsjsjs sorry. Thank you so much if you've read throught that all and ty for the match up!!

Me and my wife literally having a ten minute debate on who we’d pair you with before I made my choice. Thanks for all the details and I hope you enjoy the match up!

I match you with Sero

I feel he’s outgoing and extroverted enough to help you with your anxiety and always reassure you that you are good at things and he does love you, he’s also so chill and laid back that even if you were clingy he’d not mind, he’d embrace it, his chill nature would help balance you. He would help you feel grounded and have a ‘you don’t have to do it all now’ attitude but would happily help you out. You need help going to the store? He remembers the list you wrote, having trouble fitting in lunch while you study? He’ll come to your door with pizza.

He’s determined and outgoing but isn’t aggressively positive and loud either which I think is why I picked him over Kirishima for you.

+++

“Hey babe, whatcha reading?” Sero asked sitting next to you on the sofa, he handed you a soda which you gratefully took, not looking up from your laptop screen.

As soon as he was sat down comfortably your hand grabbed his, clasping your fingers together as you managed to tear your gaze away from the Wikipedia page which was still open. You blinked up at him and shook your head.

“Oh just something I learned about today and wanted to do some.. extra reading” you explained.

He nodded his head and drank his soda watching as your face lit up as you started to ramble about the topic, he didn’t really know much about it but the way you told him about everything, the way you happily expressed your interest towards the topic made him happy. He gave you his big grin when you finished.

“Sorry, I rambled..” You felt bad, you always felt nervous when you info dumped on people.

“Nah, it’s cool, I didn’t mind at all” he brought your hand up to his face and gave it a kiss, your face flushed at the gentle gesture which caused Sero to laugh playfully.

“Well, if your sure… I just wanted something to take my mind off chores”.

“It’s the weekend, you don’t have to rush anyway.. and if you don’t feel better by tomorrow I can help, you can wash the dishes and I’ll dry?” he suggested still peppering kisses on the back of your hand before you set your laptop down and crawled closer to him.

You nodded softly, that sounded a lot more manageable, you felt your anxiety settle down from a raging nagging feeling to something easier to tolerate. He was such a good influence on you. Sero set down his drink and wrapped his arm around you, pulling you closer to his chest.

“The guys want to come over and say hi later, maybe get pizza… but I can tell them not tonight if you aren’t feeling it… maybe you can play that new game you got? I liked watching you play the other night” He suggested as he nuzzled your head, enjoying how your hair felt on his face.

“Maybe… can I give you an answer later?”

“Yeah, no rush babe”

You smiled softly feeling the lanky boy kiss the side of your head and listened as you carried on talking about the trivia of your current interest.

[gildedskull]

My friends ‘kidnapped’ me to go out and hang with everyone. Not really lots of complaints down below but I do talk about the nothing that happened. This blog’s a fuckin diary okay.

It was nice going out, we went to the city and went to some cool stores but liek,,, I really didn’t have a good time. I was with my other friend, not the 😬 friend, but the mutual friend who i planned to also cut off things off so they weren’t caught in the middle of everything. It was other friend and their sister, and then mutual friend who is 😬 friend’s roommate. It was 😬 friend’s idea and they had slept through the ‘kidnapping’ part of it, missed hanging out in the city for like 4 hours, and then we were only together at their place for like 2 hours, if that.

So. Like. Didn’t have a great time. Like it wasn’t bad, but it definitely didn’t show me that I was missing out on anything. That I needed friends. For one I was just fucking tired, like for no reason, and I had a headache the entire time. And then we just did nothing which is fine I guess but I felt like I was doing nothing but wasting time. And the thing that like sucks that’s no one’s fault is how long it took do everything, like they kidnapped me, we drove an hour to pickup the roommate, and then spent another hour and a half driving to the location and wasting some time at just generic Target before getting to the cool part of the area (thrift shops, bars, antique shops). And the cool part wasn’t so cool because we just went to the same two shops and everythings expensive as fuck - we did go to a cool place called the rabbit hole and I bought some things but otherwise it just felt like we were wasting time but not in the fun way. The entire time I had a headache, and we didn’t really talk about anything important, and then we got the roommate and she just doesn’t know how to stop talking and like that didn’t make my headache better - like it was so bad I was being sensitive to lights and getting car sick... I didn’t say much bc I didn’t want to ruin people’s time. They did give me some aspirin that didn’t help. I tried downing coffee and an energy drink and I was still so fucking tired, like it most definitely effected the amount of fun I was having but like I don’t know if I felt bad bc no reason or bc I knew I was hanging out with them and didn’t want to.

But like, this entire thing was 😬 Friend’s idea and they didn’t show up. And I wanted to maybe talk to mutual friend about it but felt weird doing it in front of their sister - but even then I didn’t say shit to friend, I told the sister about it!!! And I think I did because I knew she wouldn’t say anything, like she didn’t disapprove or was like shocked or proud or nothing, she just absorbed it which I think was nice. I think I didn’t tell Friend 2 about it bc I knew they’d feel awkward or hurt, or feel like they have to walk on eggshells or smthing idk.

But I told the Sister, and she was cool about it and was even like hey we’ll have a signal when we wanna leave their apartment - we didn’t end up using it but yeah it was still nice of her to be like that. And like I told her when we were in a place where I knew we wouldn’t be alone for long, so like I knew she couldn’t console me. I feel only kinda bad like ‘putting this on her shoulders’ but its really not that major, I said it was a ‘secret’ and I don’t think she’ll tell friend 2, but I’m not bothered if she does. I’d be okay with that and I hope she doesn’t feel bad about keeping it.

At the apartment it felt weird seeing them again. Like they mostly acted like nothing happened, and just berated me saying to care about the people who care about me - and I’m like they don’t fucking care about me but yeah. I was pleasant, I didn’t say anything - I actually didn’t say anything to them at all. They were like bro wtf and again doing the general like hey don’t be a piece of shit and don’t contact people, and I just :I and nodded - fuck I barely made eye contact with them. They hugged me coming and going and it felt bad and wrong. They have no clue how I feel and how hurt I was and am, and I don’t think they’ll ever understand. They updated me on like their family issues  and then was like yeah man you missed out on dnd - I didn’t tell them but again was like bro I don’t give a flying fuck about dnd, I’m done, I fucking quit, you and your friends are too fucking much. I gave them as much of a cold shoulder as I could without making the entire social setting weird. Again. No one noticed anything.

My birthday and halloween are coming up soon and it’s my favorite holiday and it’s friend’s 2 favorite holiday and we always always always throw a party that turns into my birthday party, my birthday is nov 1 - we haven’t talked anything about plans - but I think that’s because previously I invited them over to my sister’s house where we’d watch movies and dress up and drink with their big projector screen. I’m dreading any of them bringing that up. Again they have no fucking clue about anything. And I know my sister knows about what the plan was, about the party that was gonna happen, hell she was just as excited as us, and I don’t want to tell her about what’s going on. I don’t want to have to say yeahhhh, that thing you were excited about cancel it bc im being a bitch baby with my friends and trying to cut them off. And even then, if they try and do their own party and invite me, I don’t think I couldn’t go; like I think they’d find that suspicious as fuck AND try and kidnap me again. I mean Ima try in all my power to not go, but this will be what finally ‘rocks the boat’ I think. Frankly I’m just hoping no one says anything and forgets about it, I was generally the one making the plans for it so fingers crossed.

I thought I could maybe try and stay friends with friend 2 after the outing but they’re sooo much friends with Them and Roommate that I’d have to tolerate spending time with them and I don’t think that’d be fun for anyone. I don’t think I should have to put myself through that, I’m sick of compromising for everyone. I really really like friend 2 and their friendship and want to stay in their life but I don’t want to suffer and I don’t want them to feel bad for being caught in the middle whatsoever. Like I’m sooo tempted to just going back and being friends, but I’m tired. I’ve read my old posts, I remember my feelings and how hurt i’ve been - and I have changed and they’ve changed, but that doesn’t make that time invalid and doesn’t make the most recent shit invalid, like they’ve still be hurting me all this time - I’ve spent years hurting and I’m finally putting my foot down and refusing to be hurt. I don’t want to go back to bending over backwards and taking the high ground, I’m sick of it. It’s been a toxic ass relationship, and I no longer feel ‘guilty’ for not being their friend and confidant, they have roommate now and a home and a place, and other people who love them. They’ll be okay without me and I’ll be better without them.

[square-blunt]

I have a history quiz due on Sunday, why am I writing this character analysis of a sixteen-year-old minecraft streamer for fun-

I am hyper-fixating on the Dream smp. This has caused many problems for me. I have been in the fandom for a semi-short amount of time, since Tommy’s exile, but I was immediately attached to him, because of the arc he was in and the relationship with c!Dream. I was amazed at how much he actually went through because I only had a quick rundown from a friend. And this ‘much’, I think, actually validates the many ‘controversial’ choices that Tommy has been forced to make. Keep in mind that a lot of these choices that Tommy made were unwilling- and sometimes both of the options have very big consequences. My name is Nix, I kin the gremlin child, and thank you for coming to my very biased ted talk. Essays are just scholarly rants, and I will now rant about this angsty block gremlin child.

I feel like we forget that he is a child. I feel like those who criticize c!Tommy forget that he’s a literal child. He is 16. And he has already been through an unspeakable amount of trauma. It’s almost sickening, the fact that a lot of these adults know what Tommy’s been through, they know that he’s a kid, and yet they treat him like an adult, and they expect him to act like an adult and punish him when he doesn’t. They expect him to make choices like an adult like he hasn’t been traumatized like he hasn’t been through literal wars, saw his best friend get blown up by his brother, had his other brother blow up the country, had his father kill that brother, and then get emotionally manipulated into isolation until he almost fucking killed himself, and then that first brother and his father blew up the same country again with the guy that emotionally manipulated him into almost killing himself. He is still a child. And the adults of the server seem to fucking forget that. Puffy is one of the only people to stand up for him, and yet no one listens to her. Big fucking surprise. But she stands up for him still, because she understands the fact that Tommy is a child and he should not be expected to act like an adult. She understands this. And no one else seems to. Ghostbur treats him well, but that’s because Ghostbur treats everyone well. I’m not saying that everyone should treat Tommy nicely because he is traumatized, what I am saying is that they have no excuse to treat him like shit. These adults should treat him nicely because they should be decent human beings (Or piglin hybrids or half-enderman or furries or whatever else). They shouldn’t be fucking assholes to Tommy especially because he’s been hurt by assholes almost all his life (on the server, I mean). They should be nice to everyone, but especially to Tommy because he’s been hurt so much. The people who believe that Tommy should ‘learn a lesson’ (cough cough Philza) and try and ‘teach’ that lesson through violence (COUGH COUGH PHILZA [and technoblade but like, techno’s an enigma that I’ll talk about later]), like, it’s not gonna work! It hasn’t worked the ten million other times they’ve tried before! Like fucking jesus the kid already lost his disks and his country and half of his family, what more lessons can you teach? Like yeah. Tommy, he has fucked up in the past. He’s made mistakes. But I personally believe that he’s been held more than accountable for all of them. Stop. Using. Violence. To. Try. And. Teach. Tommy. A. ‘Lesson’. 

Most of this does stem from c!Dream and his iron grip on the serve, and I am a firm fucking believer that he was the one to blow up the community house with the sole purpose of framing Tommy. Because that is something Tommy would do. Because he's ‘grown up’ in an environment where the only way to work through your issues is to blow shit up. Tommy knows that there are other ways, but every time there has been a conflict, violence seems to be the only way out. And it is perfectly in line with Dream’s character to know that and use that against Tommy. I think Dream also knew that Tommy would end up going back to Tubbo in the end, too. That’s another thing, I don’t think Tommy betrayed Techno. Like, yeah, Tommy left him, but he didn’t betray Techno in the normal sense of the phrase. One stream before that, Techno legit said “Oh I’ve just been using you as a pawn for my own personal gain up until now but y’know now I actually don’t physically want to kill you so good job I guess. By the way, I’m blowing up everything and killing everyone you’ve ever loved whether you like it or not. You don’t have to help me, you can just let it happen and sit it out I’m cool with that-” LIKE BITCH EXCUSE ME? Tommy has given up two lives, his disks, he’s been exiled twice, his country has been blown up twice (by that point)- and now Techno is telling him that he’s gonna blow it up again? Because you people seem to forget, Techno blew up Tubbo first. Techno. Shot. First. Sure the butcher army didn’t have to go after him when he went into retirement, but Techno shot first intending to kill Tubbo, did that, got away with it other than Tommy yelling at him right after it, and then worked with Dream to spawn withers and blow it up after they killed Schlatt. Sure, Techno gave them gear. But during that, whether he was knowingly contributing or not, Dream was corrupting Wilbur and Techno was contributing. Once again, knowingly or not, he was still doing that. And Tommy realized this. Tommy cares about L’Manburg. He cares about Tubbo. He cares about Wilbur. And Techno hurt all of them. Tommy didn’t forget that. And yeah, Techno stood for Tommy during that whole ‘this guy’s with me’ thing, but like, Techno still offered to hand Tommy over for the favor. Techno could have kept his mouth shut. But Techno still saw Tommy as somewhat of a pawn for his own personal end- blowing up L’Manburg. He said, ‘Oh we’ll get your disks, Tommy, don’t worry, but you know I’m gonna just gonna side with the guy who isolated you from everyone you ever cared about first to blow up one of the only things you have left of Wilbur but you know, government bad, they took everything from me, don’t mind the fact that I killed your best friend and blew everything up no it’s all their fault-’ Techno saw Tommy as an opportunity. Techno didn’t care about Tommy’s well-being, until maybe the day before but even then. (Yes, I know about the ax and Ranboo giving it to Techno and all that bullshit and how he’s hesitant to let anyone in bc everyone has ‘betrayed’ him but he said. To Tommy. Directly. That he was simply using him for his own personal gain). At least Tommy was open about what he actually wanted.

The disks, I feel like, are more than just disks. They represent all the sacrifices that Tommy’ ever made for L’Manburg. Notice how, yeah Tommy wanted the disks back when he had L’Manburg, but that ‘I-want-my-disks-back’ arc really picked up when he was in exile/when L’manburg was taken from him. L’Manburg and the disks are interchangeable. If Tommy has L’Manburg, he doesn’t have the disks. If Tommy doesn’t have L’Manburg, he wants the disks back. And he’s said this from the start. That’s why he gave the presidency to Tubbo was because he knew that he would be a bad president. He wanted his disks back. That want has always been there. But notice that when Tommy gets to Snowchester, he says to Tubbo “I want the disks back.” Not ‘I want L’Manburg back’. Tommy wants the disks. He knows he’s lost L’Manburg, (even tho L’Manburg is the bond between him, Tubbo, and Alive/Ghostbur but that’s a rant for a later date) so maybe he can get his disks back. One thing I should touch on is Tommy’s struggle between choosing his disks and choosing people. Don’t get me wrong, I know that if it came down to Tubbo or the disks, he’d choose Tubbo, but in little things. Like when Tubbo invited him to stay in Snowchester, Tommy didn’t respond but instead asked for his help in getting the disks. Tommy has trouble getting his priorities straight in minor things. I think that’s why Tubbo is such a good fit for Tommy. Tubbo knows that Tommy would choose him over the disks if it came down to it, and Tubbo understands what Tommy has gone through, and Tubbo understands that even when Tommy can get a little too fixated on the disks, he will still put his friends first. That’s what the others don’t get. That’s why, I think, Tommy told Tubbo to give Dream the disks on the 5th. Because Tommy realized that by saying “The disks were worth more than you ever were” he is putting the disks above Tubbo- he’s putting himself above Tubbo. And this ties back into the emotional trauma that Dream inflicted on him, he was told that Tubbo didn’t care about him, that no one cared about him, and Tommy wanted to not be that. Tommy wants to care about people, and because Dream had invalidated what care was shown to Tommy, he believes that that is the bare minimum. He believes that ‘being kind to other people’ is the norm, especially considering the way he was treated before the exile. Dream has made it so, that in Tommy’s mind, the only way to show someone you care about them is to put them above yourself. So by saying that the disks matter more than Tubbo, Tommy is putting his own needs above Tubbo, and therefore, he doesn’t care about Tubbo anymore. And he still cares about Tubbo despite Dreams, and Techno’s, best efforts. He felt that the only way to apologize is to give up what he wanted, to make sure that Tubbo knows that Tommy does actually care about him. Granted this could have completely backfired. Tubbo could have seen that as, ‘If the disks are worth more than me, and Tommy’s giving up the disks like they’re worth nothing, then what am I worth to him?’ but thankful Tubbo knows that Tommy didn’t mean it. Because Tubbo knows Tommy for who he really is when he’s not hurting, or manipulated- when Tommy is Tommy. Not Techno’s sidekick. Not under Dream’s influence. And Tommy knows Tubbo knows.

This is why, in the end, Tommy was always meant to side with Tubbo. Because Tubbo and Tommy have cared about each other from the start, meanwhile Tommy went to Techno at his lowest, and Techno, for the most part, was using him for his own personal gain. Tommy knows that he wasn’t himself, too. When Tommy offers for Tubbo to move in with him, Tommy was doing that as a sign of ‘Hey, I’m trying to heal, I know I’m fucked up, and I need you to help me.’ Tommy is trying to heal. Tubbo, and Puffy, and Ghostbur (Maybe Wilbur will, too) are trying to help him heal. (Ghostbur less so, only because I don’t think he has a proper grasp of how much Tommy has been put through, but he’s trying his best and I love him for it) And maybe, the other adults on the server will start acting like adults and quit expecting Tommy to be one. Tommy is a threat- to Dream. Dream knows that Tommy is the main protagonist, and he knows that Tommy can take him down. He’s tried to turn everyone against him, and it was working for a while. But maybe the others will understand what Tommy’s (and tubbo, of course, but I’m gonna give Tubbo an essay of his own later) been put through, all the choices he’s been forced to make- with all options being not very good, and actually try and help to take Dream down. Because Tommy does want his disks back, but he also wants to make sure that Dream won’t hurt anyone ever again. The disks would just be a plus. I’ve been Nix, and if you couldn’t tell, I am a Tommy apologist.

[levis-hazelnut]

This is a vent.

You can do what you want with this post but please do read the part from where your name starts in bold and pink.

I have decided it's okay for me to type my thoughts out here In tumblr. Safer than my journal at least lol

So I'm doing okay but I also feel like shit for the past few days lol. To the point where I cried myself to sleep. Ever felt like crying badly but the tears won't come out but you can't even act frustrated? Yeah that too.

I'll be honest. I changed schools so now I have about 3 supportive friends but we haven't interacted much.

My friends from my previous school are really very cool and supportive and it is because of them, I had a thought of exploring me and thinking about my sexuality and everything.

I have a lot of friendship problems. Im kinda losing touch with My friends from the previous school and i saw it coming almost 1 years ago. But I still talk to them bc I like them. I have been betrayed and neglected and taken for granted by loads of people who were my friends. We're still in touch but there is a disconnection.

I really considered them my friends. I trusted them. I was looking for a special bond with them. But it never happened. Half of them betrayed and verbally bullied me. Some of them strayed away. Some were Influenced by other bullies. Some took me for granted.

I'm awkward at voicing out my true feelings. I wanted them to know through my actions how much they meant to me, how I bragged about how nice they were, how I loved it when we went on little adventures and screamed and laughed. But they just had to go away.

My one and only lovely best friend moved away and now we live about 2000 kms apart but we still talk and she supports me (and simple for me lol) and she is kinda like one of the top reasons I'm sane rn. I'm very grateful to have her.She sometimes visits my blog through Google and reads my fics.

I've been having depressive episodes since last year. It's definitely better than last year bc back then, I used to cry in secret like- every single day. Including my birthday. I've actually kinda mastered the art of masking my feelings.

On top of that I have family problems. My dad is not really emotionally present. I hate to say this but my mom kinda victimizes herself. Evertime they have fights, I hear and notice this. It pisses me off but the points they make about themselves make sense. Eventually they make up and they sat down and made me under stand that nothing is gonna happen but it mentally affects me a lot.

Believe me when I say that I love my parents. But I'm growing distant. On top of that there is some toxic advice and they are homophobic oof.

I know there are millions of people with more worse conditions than mine and when I think about this, I get sad and start to invalidate my feelings but with the help of some motivational people, I understand that my problems are valid and I'm allowed to feel sad. At this point I'm like my own supporter. I'm proud of it.

Every time I see jean, I relate to him a lot. Putting a strong front for others but your terrified inside. (Also thighs mm)

So Hazel. Listen to me

When I found out of tumblr and fanfics, I was overjoyed. I spend weeks reading comfort fics by many different authors including yours and it made me feel safe.

I finally decided to make an account and follow people. I mostly interacted with you. There are so many blogs and moots that I follow now, and now I'm not shy or scared to interact with them.

You know why? Because of you.

It is from your blog I first felt like I could feel safe. I never felt weird about going in your inbox more than once. Everytime you responded I felt butterflies. After that when you followed me back, I actually almost cried. Every single time I saw you in my dash, inbox or responding to me, or just interacting with your fellow moots, I felt happy.

And after that I met amber, izzy, and so many cool moots. If we ever met In real love I wouldn't hesitate to give you a big hug and thank you.

Hazel baby when I say I love you, I fucking mean it.

I love you. I love you so much

I love all of my moots, and people who I interact with every day. I found so many supportive people and people from the lgbtq and people who share the same thoughts here.

Thank you for being you.

I hope you never forget how much I admire you. I'm almost tearing up as I write this. All of you guys give me so much motivation to move forward in my life.

himani please the way you had me crying because of this i love you so so so much i cant stress it enough

(imma put a read more cos this got kinda long lol)

im so happy that you found a safe space and you feel comfortable enough to tell me all of this too. you have me on discord as well and i'd always be happy to listen to you if you need to talk or just to simply simp over 2d people lmao

and im so sorry that you've been feeling terrible, it honestly breaks my heart and i wish there was something i could do. i'd hold you and be there to fight everyone for you if i could. if those friends dont keep in touch with you, they'll be missing out and they'd be losing such a precious and amazing person. but once you lose something you always gain something - thats something i've realised so you will find the right people that will stick by you for a very long time ❤❤ i'm so glad you have your best friend there to support you and sticking by you because even when you feel like everything's just going to shit i know they'd be there for you and im happy about that

your feelings are completely valid and im glad you realised that. just know that im always going to be here too to support you and to just be there for you whenever you need it

bye the way you have my heart himani, it makes me so happy that you feel safe here and that you never felt weird about interacting with me. please you give me butterflies all the time, how could i not follow a beautiful person like you. honestly the same goes to you - i love seeing you on my dash and i love seeing you have a great time and interacting with people especially with my moots it makes me so happy i cant describe it 😭

if we ever meet im not letting you leave my side, you're gonna permanently be in my arms

i love you so much more i wish there was a way i could show just how much... im glad you found people you love and those that support you and that give you motivation. and im always going to be here to support you and for anything else you need

thank you for being comfortable enough to talk to me and to share this. you're an amazing person never doubt that 🥺🥰💖

[bassfanimation]

The Secret Girlfriend Theory

Before anyone chortles at the title of this, please bear with me.  It’s something that, I think in the ending of the Sherlock series, actually makes sense if I had to dissect his relationships with women (romantically speaking).

Since so many people have enjoyed the “I Love You: A Man’s Perspective” post,  I also had a great talk with my hub about this new theory of mine, and again, his interpretation from a man’s perspective is really interesting.  We also had a very personal talk, which opened my eyes to something I didn’t know about him before.  I’ve asked if I can include it here and he’s totally cool with. He’s also completely amazed that people like our banter, but mostly he likes that it’s opened up new avenues of discussion in the fanbase.  I’ll denote in the post between our views for clarity.

A small disclaimer: this is merely my (and some of my dude’s) own personal view, coming from our own worldviews and experiences. In no way am I writing any meta, thoughts, or opinions that are meant to invalidate anyone else’s reading of the show or characters.  Everyone can have their view and their story, and it’s ok.  These are just ours.  Art and media is open to everyone’s interpretations.

This is another long one folks, so take a potty break now!

In The Final Problem, Sherlock had to say the most painful words he’s had to say throughout this entire series: “I love you.”  What’s worse, he had to say these words in front of the two people he has most wanted to impress in his life: John and Mycroft.  I think them being in the room with Sherlock for this test was highly, highly significant. 

Sherlock has always been like the Wizard of Oz, which I wrote something back a while ago. I’m not sure if I can find it though as I think it was on the end of someone else’s post, but I might be wrong. Anyways, Sherlock make believes he is a larger than life figure in front of literally everyone, but none moreso than John Watson, and his brother Mycroft.  

With John...John is Sherlock’s #1 fan. Sherlock wants John to believe he is the ubermensch.  He’s Superman, literally.  Even Moffat and Gatiss have stated things that lead you to believe they too thought of Sherlock Holmes as a comic book hero. To young boys, he is just that. Sherlock, in turn, thrives off of John’s adoration for him and his skills, he clearly eats it up.  Most immature, childish people crave attention, and Sherlock is the picture of immaturity at the start of this series.  Because of Sherlock’s need for John to see him as this super-intelligent, amazing man, he has to hide a lot of the more ‘human’ aspects that he has deep inside himself.  It’s why John thinks he’s a “machine”, early on.  Sherlock, in effect, cannot let John Watson see how the sausage is made. (no dick jokes now, this is a clean post, you can send me dick jokes later tho)

Next, with Mycroft, it’s very obvious as to why Sherlock hides all his feelings even more around his big brother.  With John, Sherlock is Superman.  With Mycroft, Sherlock is only a child, and he makes this very well known in how he talks to and treats him.  He taunts Sherlock constantly about sentimentality.  He mocks love, he cares nothing for feelings, and he uses the mere notion of Sherlock “feeling” against him.  Any sort of emotion Sherlock has he absolutely cannot let Mycroft become wise to them.  I like to believe that Sherlock actually idolizes his big brother, and loves him deeply (we see in the family videos).  He’d never show it of course, because to show it would mean Mycroft would probably roll his eyes at him and Sherlock, until this point, couldn’t handle that.

Now, let’s take a good look at the women in Sherlock’s life (that we know of) who’ve had even any inkling of romantic or sexual attraction with Sherlock.

Irene Adler.  Even as a Sherlolly shipper to the grave, I will never deny Irene and Sherlock’s very real attraction.  Gatiss has stated Irene and Sherlock were “made for each other”, and he’s right, in a specific way.  BC has stated that he truly believes Sherlock and Irene had a night together (that means sex, to be indelicate about it, heheh) after he saved her. Now, technically that’s not canon, as canon only pertains to what happens on screen.  But, if the actor that’s playing the character has imagined that in the character’s backstory, and is playing that character with that in mind, then I feel it’s so close to canon it might as well be. *shrug*  Anyways...there was an intimate, sexual love affair between Sherlock and Irene...with one very interesting aspect that spans across to other women, later: it was a secret, until now.  More on that later.

Sherlock never allowed John to know that he knew Irene was alive.  Sherlock purposely kept Irene’s existence as a connection to himself as secret from everyone.  From John, to Mycroft, to literally anyone, even Molly Hooper, of course (though I like that Molly never considered it a secret, she deduced it pretty clearly when Sherlock ID’d Irene’s body despite her face being unrecognizable).  We see in TSoT that Irene appears inside Sherlock’s mind, naked, and seductively touching his face.  Irene Adler is a secret, but she is firmly, undeniably still part of Sherlock’s life, his dreams, his lust, his admiration...all of that.  But she is his secret romance. Again, I’ll revisit this in a bit.

Janine Hopkins is up next.  We don’t meet Janine until TSoT, which is also where Irene Adler pops into Sherlock’s mind, AND Molly Hooper is present and shown in contrasting ways to Sherlock more than a handful of times. All three of these women are making a very bold impact in TSoT, which is the episode featuring John and Mary’s wedding.  For me, that is no coincidence.  Mary also is playing a hugely impactful role, but not a romantic one.  Many JLers interpret TSoT and the women in it as Sherlock struggling with his losing John because he’s in love with John. It’s totally fine if you want to see that. For me though, I think it’s the opposite.  We have Irene inside Sherlock’s head, nude.  We have Molly Hooper, who is now engaged but keeping her eyes firmly fixed on Sherlock (not to mention him peeping into the frame from behind as Molly’s kissing on Tom).  And we have Janine who is actively looking to hook up with a man at the wedding. She’s a sexually mature, sexually available woman who has a pretty clear agenda. I rather loved that about J, she’s awesome.  I’ll come back to that with a thought from my hub, later.

Now, Janine and Sherlock actually get on really well. They laugh together, Sherlock tries to impress her a bit, he goofs off with her. They have a really nice rapport, yet still she ends up dancing with someone else at the end of the wedding. We see her with another guy, we see Molly unfortunately chained to ol’ Meat Dagger McGee, Mary dancing romantically with John...and Sherlock goes off, alone...as Molly watches, helplessly. (damn that made me cry) 

In the very next episode, His Last Vow, we see that Sherlock is actually dating Janine.  Most of us knew that it was under false pretenses just because of the canon ACD story where Holmes fakes an engagement.  The important part to notice is that In the first part of the episode, Sherlock has a near meltdown when Mycroft approaches his room, where Janine is sleeping.  He physically threatens Mycroft to get him out of 221B and away from nosing about. He’s hiding a secret.

After Mycroft leaves, Sherlock goes to take a bath, and Janine then comes out of his bedroom, wearing one of his shirts as her pj’s.  John is utterly gobsmacked, reflecting us, the audience, as we’re feeling the same.  Janine then proceeds to act like a typical ‘girlfriend’.  Sherlock eventually comes out of his room fully dressed, and the two put on a show in front of John that looks very normal, despite the audience knowing it’s bull.  I think all of us remember the very awkward kiss Sherlock and Janine share that made all of us sort of recoil, because it felt unnatural.  I know there’s about 10,000 meta pointing out that this means Sherlock is not into women, but I think there may be another reason that kiss was so weird. My hub has a good take on it.  I’ll also bring this back up later.

Near the end of HLV, when Sherlock’s lying in the hospital with his gunshot wound from Mary, Janine visits him there.  Her revenge and her words here now have a new meaning to me than they used to.  She says, “I know what kind of man you are, Sherlock Holmes.”  Then we see the tabloid news paper where Janine has blabbed to the press about her and Sherlock’s highly voracious sexual relationship. “He made me wear the hat!”, one of the headlines says. Sherlock looks really defeated by it all, and Janine says he didn’t have to lie to her, that they could have been friends.

Putting the rest of the series together, Janine’s words, and her “revenge” have a new meaning for me. It lines up with Irene, AND with Molly.  Sherlock Holmes’s private life has never been examined much. If anything, it’s remained very “off screen”. Mark Gatiss and Steven Moffat drew a lot of inspiration for Irene Adler from The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes.  I think that right there is what makes me think Sherlock’s love life was, in the BBC version, “private”.  It’s something he wanted kept out of the public view, his friends’ view, everyone.  It was not for them to know about it, especially considering how closed off Sherlock’s own true heart really was.  It was basically DEAD, as the coffin in TFP represented. 

Now, for Molly Hooper.  Loo Brealey stated in a PBS podcast interview that she got this feeling that there was a lot going on behind the scenes with Molly and Sherlock.  It’s never out in the open, but the way they interact leads you to think there is something there.  We’re not sure what, but it’s deliberately set up to be an ‘are they or aren’t they’ question.  Personally, I found Eurus’s test to give us the definitive answer: they ARE.  The reason I think this is true, is how it was all laid out.  It was made to be A) in front of John and Mycroft, B) the words I Love You had to be said, and they had to be REAL, Molly made sure of that or she wouldn’t have said it back to him (also genius on Eurus’ part), and C) how she told him to say it.  She said, “You say it.  Say it like you mean it.”  This just absolutely smacks of two people who have a “something” together, but neither has actually made it REAL, until now.  Not only were they BOTH forced to make it REAL, but it wasn’t a SECRET anymore. Mycroft knows it, John knows it (fkin finally), Eurus already knew it because she’s a badass queen.  Sherlock is now terrified, the most private part of his life is now out in the open.  The coffin was smashed.  Skadoosh, you have a heart and everyone knows it now, no going back.

I think Molly Hooper has always been Sherlock’s ‘secret girlfriend’ (I know how dumb that sounds but I don’t have a better term) because that’s the way it was supposed to be: out of our view.  Sherlock Holmes doesn’t flagrantly date women like Bruce Wayne, he doesn’t go on publicly identified dates at all (can you imagine the paparazzi).  His heart IS his most guarded secret, and I don’t mean the friendly love he shared with John. That was well out in the open from the first series. It was even featured in the newspaper, which neither was happy about.  No one likes their life blared about and dissected by the public.  Also they’re Holmes and Watson, it’s the most iconic love between two men ever.  No, in this series...Sherlock’s heart was the thing he struggled most to keep under wraps. It’s the thing that he was most afraid of, it’s the thing that made him most vulnerable, it’s the thing he could not risk, not even for us, the viewers! 

Back to some ideas between me and my hub.  

My view of Janine’s revenge was meant to be a huge slap to Sherlock by saying, “Look what I did, I let the public think they’re in on your sex life. I told lies about the most private thing you can do with another person. I made it into a joke.”  Janine made Sherlock’s heart into a JOKE, let that sink in.  

Now, Janine also said she “knew what kind of man Sherlock is”.  This line is hotly debated by fandom as to what that means. I thought that that meant she knew he was a lying shit, and also he didn’t want people to know him, or his private affairs, especially regarding his most guarded emotions. That’s why Janine stuck it to him good.  He made her heart a joke, so she made his a joke right back.  Also, the awkward kiss?  To me, that was so awkward, because Sherlock didn’t love Janine...he loved someone else, he just didn’t know it yet.  I think he was so stiff and weird with Janine because it really wasn’t genuine at all, and it made him feel terrible on some level that he was there, hurting someone else (Molly) by being with Janine. He was betraying the good man Molly thinks he is...big time.  I think that’s also why he didn’t have sex with her.  A lot of people use that as evidence that Sherlock isn’t into women, but in the context of the series as I personally see it, I think he was close enough to Molly at that point that he felt like he’d be betraying her horribly to sleep with another woman.

My husband, who I just talked to this morning about this, has a wildly interesting view of Janine and Sherlock, and why that felt so odd. My hub thinks that Janine scared the pants off of Sherlock.  He has always viewed Sherlock as a normal guy, but also, he’s a nerd.  He is an immature, extremely childish, inexperienced NERD.  He said that a sexually experienced woman who is very comfortable with her appetites for sex probably scared Sherlock shitless.  He said Sherlock is essentially a virgin, despite having most likely had sex with Irene Adler.  He noted that Sherlock and Adler probably only were together after it was on his terms, not hers.  He went to Adler to save her, he was in that control over her at the time, meaning the intimacy they shared was on his terms.  With Janine, however, she held the advantage over him, big time.  My hub also thinks Sherlock was still highly inexperienced with sex, so, that aspect alone would mean he may very possibly avoid being in a situation with Janine where he could come off as a horrible sex partner...much like young guys fear when they have no effing clue how to please an experienced lady. 

My hub also said he feels Janine was Sherlock’s “tantrum”.  He came back from his faked death and everyone had moved on.  He expected John to just whip back into things.  He expected Molly to still be there at his beck and call.  We saw the heartbreaking stairwell scene.  She had moved on from him.  At the wedding, we see Molly looking at Sherlock almost the entire time, and she is staring daggers at Janine as well.  My dude says he feels Sherlock probably saw all this happening and said, “Well fuck it, if they’ve all moved on, heh I can do that, watch me I’m going to make them all so jealous, because I’m a great big fucking child and I can show them *sticks tongue out*”.  So, he tries, but it’s a woeful wreck.  I find this reading insanely cute, and heartbreaking, considering Sherlock even says to Mycroft on the phone, “I’m not a child!”  Yes, you still are, Sherlock. :(

Let’s circle back around to Irene Adler for a moment where I’ll talk about my views first.  I see Irene as Sherlock’s secret romance.  I do believe they had a something shortly after Belgravia, but I don’t think it lasted.  I think it was a short-lived, hot, firey affair in which two people who suddenly came together, and fit sexually and intellectually, clicked like hell.  Irene Adler was Sherlock’s absolute fantasy come to life.  We have all had those people we’ve looked at and just oozed lust for. Celebrities, singers, you name it. We all have our own personal fold-outs. Hell I have a Sherlock standy in my office that my own husband gave to me, LOL!  I’m a lustful cow and Sherlock is hugely sexy to me...but he is also a fantasy.  An image.  Sherlock is not who I’d spend my life with.  Sherlock isn’t going to come home, cook me spaghetti, rub my back, listen to me cry, etc. That man is my husband, who I truly love and loves me back for exactly who I am.  I think, from my personal interpretation, Irene Adler is Sherlock’s ‘standy’.  He does have strong feelings for her, and he always will because he obviously was intimate with her, and I think she was his first “love”.  She’s gorgeous, dangerous, mysterious, smart as hell, and even sexier than she is smart.  She is the ultimate fantasy.  His secret fantasy, which we ALL have.

My hub’s view of Irene Adler is slightly more simple in that to him, she represents Sherlock’s desire, his sexuality.  She is the flesh’s fantasy, in the flesh!  What’s neat though is that she was also highly, highly intelligent, which was also a turn on for Sherlock.  In the end though, Sherlock is already a genius.  Irene was much more about the flesh than the mind, in this particular adaptation.  In the books, Irene Adler was much more of an intellectual foil, so this read on the BBC Adler is very much aimed at sex, specifically Sherlock, and his very obvious interest in sex (and not with men).  My hub and I agree though, that we both think that Irene is who Sherlock thought of for sex...not what he actually wanted in love.  The fantasies we all have, the porn we watch, the fanfic I read, hell...that’s all great fun, but it’s not who we really are inside.  We don’t want our fantasies at the end of the day.  We want love.  We want honesty, softness, common interests, trust, reliability.  Sex is the sprinkles on the cake.  When we’re old and in Depends we want someone who smiles at us like we’re the most beautiful person on Earth.

On to Molly Hooper, and why I believe she was truly Sherlock’s ‘secret love’, his real love.  Molly was there with Sherlock from the very start, and always, always, always shown in a romantic (and even sexual) context.  Even when the writers used her as the butt of jokes, it was still in relation to her love for Sherlock (stuff it with your fake feminism, there’s a point to it).  Her love was ever present.  

Now, Molly was also there when Sherlock behaved at his worst.  She was aware of his moods, his volatility, his childishness, and still she remained strong in the face of that.  She saw his emotions even when he was sure he’d locked them away.  John and Mycroft sure didn’t see them.  Molly really knew what kind of man Sherlock was, only unlike Janine...she was okay with that.  She didn’t like when he was mean, but she corrected him.  She tried her best to help him be better, and he let her do it.  What did John say about Mary?  John said he wanted to be the man Mary thought he was.  Sherlock asked Molly in TRF, “If I wasn’t the kind of man I think I am, would you still want to help me?”  The answer was an unbending yes.  Sherlock allowed himself to be made a better man in large part thanks to Molly Hooper, not Irene, not Janine.  Mary was the love of John’s life.  What would that make Molly to Sherlock?  To me it’s very clear, maybe it’s my shipper goggles, I won’t deny I love them, but to me the parallels speak for themselves.

Talking to my husband, he said he’s always related heavily to Sherlock, and I had never known why until this morning.  He recalled when we first met, how closed off he was.  He often spouted out random facts and knowledge, so much that my grandma used to call him a “Know It All”. We had a hard time connecting as anything other than friends, because quite frankly, I thought he was cold.  We had a big fight once, and I cried and I said that he never showed emotion.  When I was happy, I wanted him to be happy with me.  When I was sad, I wanted him to understand that I was sad, and to be sad with me.  He was raised in a family where the men were kind of closed off.  Oddly enough he also had wanted to be a forensic pathologist, LOL.  But it took YEARS for him to open up to me, and me to him, cause I’ve had my own horrible childhood woes that have led me to be very scared of intimacy.  YEARS.  People kept asking us if were were a “thing” and we never knew how to address it, until one day he just asked what we were.  It was at that point that we gave it a go, we became a “thing”.  We still had a long, long way to go though. Long story short, we’ve been with each other in some fashion for 17 years.  We’re still learning how to love and to be open.  For men, it’s twice as hard to learn. It takes a long time for them to understand their own feelings, and even then they’ll find new ways to be confused, LOL.  It is human.

I’ve always thought of myself as Molly Hooper; lonely, a little weird, strange interests, plain, and probably no one’s lifetime love.  And now I know my husband has always thought of himself a lot like Sherlock Holmes; lonely, emotionally sensitive but closed off out of fear, often insecure, intelligent with facts but afraid of emotion, having to unlearn aloofness and to be ok with trust.  Forever we were together, but not together.  Everyone sort of saw us and thought maybe we were a thing, maybe we weren’t.  Were we secret lovers and didn’t realize it?  We didn’t even know for ages, until one day, you just open your heart.  After that, you see what happens.  For us, our love for each other doesn’t fit the typical mold.  We’re not everyone else, but we fit perfectly with each other.  Perfectly.

Molly and Sherlock also fit perfectly, especially if you view them as who they really are, as the kind of people they actually are.  He was closed off, a nerd to the 9th degree, not very “normal”, messy, childish, moody, stupid a LOT of the time, and not very popular with anyone.  She was lonely but open, also a nerd to the 9th degree, not very “normal” herself but she didn’t care and didn’t pretend to be, had a sadness in her that she tried to turn into a smile for others, ignored but accepting of it, overlooked by everyone (except by one person), not very popular with anyone yet one person still came back to her time and time again. I find the stairway scene extra telling now, considering it was Molly trying to be “normal”, stating her and Tom have a dog and they go to pubs with friends...then as Sherlock insinuates that not every man she loves can be a sociopath, she whispers to herself, “Maybe it’s just my type”. Girl does not fit into any “normal” mold whatsoever, just like Sherlock doesn’t fit into a mold of any sort.  I love that so much about them, it kills me, because I relate so much.

Molly and Sherlock are like me and my hub.  The secrets that you don’t realize are there, right in front of you.  Sometimes, people don’t even know what they feel.  Sometimes it takes years, a crushing event, hell even a drunk night of Mario Kart and tamales.  You just know when you know that you love someone. It’ll hit you like thunder and it’ll scare the shit out of you.  That’s why I, and my hub, think Sherlock really did mean what he said to Molly, and that he’s known on some level for a very long time that she was the real deal.  She’s not his standy.  Not his foldout.  Not an experiment.

Molly as Sherlock’s real love might have been a secret before, but now she’s real, and his love is real for her too now.  It became real in front of John Watson and Mycroft Holmes, the other two most important people in their circle.  The coffin that Sherlock obliterated in front of them?  That’s the secret being destroyed.  The love is revealed.  Their love may not fit a mold, it may not be the kind of relationship you think of when you think of ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’, but it doesn’t have to be like everyone else’s relationships.  These two people fit in their own way, and I think Molly has always, always been okay with that.  Similarly, Sherlock knows she’s okay with that.  Their realness is theirs to make it their own.  You can’t go back to be a secret once you say “I Love You.”  That is as real as it gets.