#this is partially a character study to practice all their speech patterns

[gerblinbones]

Just a lil bonus pt 2 to the comic I posted yesterday :]

[alebolivarx-archive]

Task 14: Getting To Know You

Full Name: Ale Bolivar Vicente Sánchez Name origin: His name is an alias given to him by the Spanish, the first human name he ever had. Ale: Spanish, short form of Alejandro. Means defender. Bolivar: Spanish, habitational name. Vicente: Spanish. Means conqueror. Sánchez: Spanish. Means son of Sancho. Nickname(s): Coyote & Fennec -- codenames assigned to him. On rare occasions, with people he tells his real name to, he may go by Ale or Bo. Does s/he like the nickname?: He is indifferent to the codenames. He is used to them. It's been so long since anyone called him by anything else. He likes being called Ale or Bo, but almost never tells anyone those names.

Birth date: May 1, 1063 Place of birth: Tenochtitlan--modern day Mexico City. Ethnic background: Mexican Religion: Agnostic Current address: Suite 505 at The Institute. Does s/he live with anyone?: No. Home decor: Inexpensive, utilitarian, practical, organized. Does s/he drive? Own a car?: Ale can drive, but does not own a car. Pets?: None. Current occupation: Guard at The Institute. Job satisfaction: Content; ambivalent. Sexuality: Bisexual Marital status: Single List any significant previous romantic partners: Many partners before his capture, though he hardly remembers most of them now. No significant partners since. Any children: None that he knows of.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE:

Height: 5′7 or 6′3, depending on the form. Weight: 152lbs or 215lbs, depending on the form. Body type: Ale has two forms that he regular shifts between. The first is short and slight, wiry and deceptively strong, built to blend into a crowd. The second is tall and solid, bulky and obviously strong, built to intimidate. Eye color: Hazel to brown, depending on the day. He’s not particularly consistent in that aspect of his shift. Need glasses/contacts/hearing aid?: No. Skin tone: Dark, olive. Prominent features: Slightly fox-like in both of his forms. Noticeably sharp canines. Several scars follow him through any human form he takes, most notably: a long, jagged scar from the top of his left shoulder to the point of his elbow and a perfect square of burned skin on his lower back. The first is partially hidden by fur in his fox form; the second presents as a small, hairless, scarred patch on his back. When in human form, Ale also bears a tattoo on the back of his neck--a perfect black ring, the mark of La Fraternidad. General health: Good. Any current health problems or chronic conditions?: His left shoulder, injured by magical means on a mission many years ago and further damaged by attempts to repair it, has been known to give him trouble now and then. How does s/he dress?: Neat and practical, shades of black, white, and gray. Why does she dress in the above manner?: Ale's wardrobe is utilitarian, designed for practicality. Generally speaking, if he can’t fight in it, he does not wear it. Any special jewelry?: No. Ale occasionally wears rings, but none of them have any special significance. Grooming: Fastidious, very neat. Though he is not concerned with getting dirty in order to get a job done, he will usually clean himself up very quickly. If other than average, why?: When under La Fraternidad’s control, he had certain rules he was obliged to follow, including very high cleanliness standards. Describe hairstyle: In his smaller form, Ale’s hair is a little longer, usually reaching the tops of his ears, and, on rare occasions, down to his chin. In his larger form, it is cropped short. Natural hair texture: Mildly wavy. Current hair texture (if different): Same as above. Natural hair color: In human form, dark brown. In fox form, Ale’s fur has been white since he gained his ninth tail over a hundred years ago. Before that, it was gray. Current hair color (if different): See above.

SPEECH AND LANGUAGE/COMMUNICATION:

Pace of speech (fast, average, slow?): When speaking Spanish, Ale speaks rapidly. In English, and most other languages he speaks, his pace is fairly average. Voice tone: Ale’s voice is average to deep, depending on the form. He speaks calmly, level and authoritative, confident. Accent/dialect, if any: Ale speaks many languages. The first human language he ever learned was Nahuatl, followed by Spanish. It was centuries later that he learned English for the first time, and his accent when speaking English is slightly colored by the languages he learned first. Any favorite/habitual words/phrases? Curse words?: Tends to curse in Spanish. 'Ay’ is a common filler, and ‘pinche’ gets dropped a lot. Describe general vocabulary or speech pattern: Formal, concise. Mannerisms/demeanor?: Generally cool, remote, indifferent, and very still. When particularly comfortable or relaxed, he tends to talk with his hands and pull expressive faces. Typical posture: Straight, stiff. Gestures: Usually very still, hands clasped behind his back or in his lap. When particularly relaxed or in trusted company, he talks with his hands. Common/habitual gestures: Taps his fingers.

EVERYDAY BEHAVIOR / HABITS:

Finances: Prudent. Money is never wasted on frivolous things. Personal Habits: Ale does not smoke, drink, or do recreational drugs. Morning Routine: Ale’s mornings are very regimented. He wakes up at precisely six a.m. every morning, makes his bed, showers and grooms, cooks himself breakfast, and completes a rigorous morning workout. Afternoon/Workday: Work is guarding slaves, a duty which Ale is fairly indifferent to. He is not unkind to them, but he has little pity for their situation. As far as he is concerned, The Institute is downright generous to its property, and any trouble slaves run into, they bring on themselves--especially when they run into trouble with him. He is strict and unbending with regard to the rules; even the most minor infractions do not go unpunished, though the punishment will usually match the crime. Dinner: Ale cooks his own dinner, by the strict nutrition standards he lived under while with La Fraternidad. He dines alone in his suite, often in silence. Evening: Generally speaking, Ale spends his evenings alone in his suite, though he may sometimes venture out for a run, or go exploring. Sleep Habits: Ale is capable of falling asleep anywhere, and very quickly, though he is easily awakened by any sound that might be a threat. He has frequent nightmares. Since leaving La Fraternidad, he sometimes takes heavy doses of sleeping pills for dreamless sleep. Any special talents? Skills?: Centuries of rigorous training have made Ale a very skilled fighter. He’s knowledgeable about most weapons, modern and old alike. Ale is an excellent marksman and a dab hand with throwing knives. He has a knack for languages. What is s/he particularly unskilled at?: Ale falls short in a lot of interpersonal skills. He’s not particularly empathetic and is frequently a rather awkward conversationalist. Any hobbies (sports, games, arts, collecting, etc.)?: Ale plays the piano--or he did, when under La Fraternidad’s control, because there was one in the compound where he spent most of his free time. He collects knives and enjoys football.

FAMILY OF ORIGIN:

Mother's name: If she had a human name, Ale no longer remembers it. Current status: Unknown. Very likely still alive, she would be well over a thousand years old now. Describe the mother’s relationship with character: They don’t have one. Ale has not seen any family since long before his capture by humans. Father's name: Unknown. Current status: Unknown. Describe the father’s relationship with character: They don’t have one. Ale never knew his father at all. Sibling(s): Ale has several siblings. Like his mother, if they had human names, he no longer remembers them. Nieces/Nephews: Unknown, but they probably exist.

THE PAST:

Home town: Tenochtitlan, modern day Mexico City. Was his/her childhood happy? Troubled? Dull?  Does the character remember it accurately?: His childhood was not unhappy, but he remembers very little of it now. He was independent from a very young age. Earliest memory: Racing his siblings through wilderness in his natural form. Happiest memory: Time spent with his young friend at La Fraternidad. Saddest memory: Watching that same friend die at the hands of his masters. How much school did s/he attend, if any? Did/does s/he like school? Why or why not?: Ale has no formal/classical education. He was trained by La Fraternidad, and educated by various masters before them. For a long time, he enjoyed learning, and sought books and lessons in what little free time he had. These days he is indifferent. Significant past jobs: Ale worked for many masters, most notably a secret society he knew as La Fraternidad, who sought to capture and study supernaturals. He served as spy, bounty hunter, thug, and whatever other role they needed filled. Police record: None. First crush/romantic love?: Ale had many romances before his capture, mostly with humans. Many of their names have been lost to centuries of distance and mental conditioning, but he remembers their faces. What was his/her first sexual experience?  Is it a positive or negative memory?: His first time was with a human woman. He remembers it vaguely but positively. Major illnesses, accidents or traumas? How is s/he still affected, if at all?: Ale’s personality is largely shaped by the trauma of his capture and the centuries of trauma that followed it. It has changed him from the wild, joyful creature of his youth, to the cold, distant man of today.

MENTAL ATTITUDE/PERSONAL BELIEFS:

Any psychological issues (e.g. phobias,  depression, paranoia, narcissism, etc.)?: Depression, PTSD Is s/he an optimist or pessimist?: Pessimist Meyers Briggs Personality Type: INTJ Is s/he cautious, brave, or reckless in his/her approach to life?: Cautious. What does s/he most value/prioritize?: Peace. Order. Safety. Whom does s/he really love best?: Currently: no one. Himself. Whom or what would s/he be willing to die for?: He was willing to die in his quest to destroy La Fraternidad. He didn’t. Now there is nothing. Is s/he generally compassionate or self-involved?: Self-involved. His compassion has been very thoroughly crushed. Personal philosophy: Ale believes the world is big, wide, and beautiful--and cold, dark, and random. He believes in order and rules. What (or who) is his/her biggest fear?: La Fraternidad. Dogs. Any prejudices?: Doesn’t like werewolves much, on account of the ‘afraid of dogs’ thing. Does s/he believe in fate or destiny? Is s/he superstitious?: Not anymore. Character's greatest strength: Ale is extremely adaptable. Other good characteristics:  Ale is clever, quick-witted and quick-thinking. His age and experience have made him wise, and largely fearless. Buried deep beneath centuries of necessary indifference, Ale still has a thirst for adventure and a love of fun, mischief, and good story-telling. He’s fiercely loyal to the rare few who earn that loyalty. Character's greatest flaw: Ale is very cold. Other character flaws: Ale is capable of great cruelty. What empathy he once had has been largely beaten out of him--it’s very difficult to stir it now. He’s very guarded with his own emotions, rarely even acknowledging them to himself. At times he can be overly analytical, and his confidence in his own skills can cross into arrogance. He’s very attached to his routine, to the point of being angered by things that disturb it. What are his/her own favorite attributes (both physical and personal)?: He’s proud of his own intellect and skills. What about least favorite?: He is sometimes bothered by his own indifference, if only because he is aware it is so far from who he once was. He was once very proud of his fox form, but now seldom allows anyone to see it, because he is ashamed of the scars that have marred it. How does s/he think others perceive him or her?: He assumes others see him as he sees himself: as a tool. Otherwise he assumes they do not think of him at all. Biggest regret: Not being quick enough to save his friend, not better guarding his star ball. Proudest accomplishment: Demolishing La Fraternidad. Quirks: Counts stairs, always memorizes important phone numbers, must finish all the food on his plate, has an unexpected love of very upbeat old music but is out of touch with all other modern pop culture. How does s/he react to a crisis?: Ale is very calm in a crisis. Rather than panic, he begins immediately working towards a solution, because he has very likely imagined exactly what to do in this scenario before. What would s/he most like to change about her-/himself? Why?: If asked, he would say nothing. In truth, he would like to be less numb. What event or occurrence does s/he most dread or fear?: The possibility that he missed some scrap of La Fraternidad, and they’re going to come back. What does he/she actively work to gain, keep or protect?: His freedom, his peace.

LIKES/FAVORITES:

Food: Menudo, elotes, tamales, mangos Drink: Water, tea, fruit juice. Color: Yellow, gold, red. Book: He’s read entirely too many books to choose. That said, he is a fan of the Chronicles of Narnia and Octavio Paz. Film: He hasn’t seen many films. TV Show: He hasn’t watched much TV. The last shows he watched were I Love Lucy and Star Trek: The Original Series. He’s vaguely aware of the Pokemon anime thanks to his young scientist friend, but she never got around to making him watch it. Music/Song: Latin music, 60s music, 70s music, 80s music. Sport: Football (soccer)

[princepriestandpirate]

Character Solidifying for Rowan!

god this is so fucking late forgive me, but anyway here u go! answers under the cut

1. How does your character think of their father? What do they hate and love about him? What influence - literal or imagined - did the father have?

oh he loved his dad, and he thinks of him with a lot of love and respect. really, the only thing about his father that was not so great was the amount of time that he spent working, and both rowan and em wished that he had more time to spend with them. at the same time though, if rowan or emilia sought their dad out he’d always try to spend time with them. he was a good guy, and rowan wants to be someone who would make his dad proud & honor his legacy.

2. Their mother? How do they think of her? What do they hate? Love? What influence - literal or imagined - did the mother have?

his relationship w/ his mother is more complicated, mostly because she died when rowan was very young (she died in childbirth giving birth to emilia, so rowan would have been about 3) so rowan doesn’t remember her well. he maybe thinks of her with a bit of longing, but that’s more about the idea of a mother rather than the woman herself. 

3. Brothers, sisters? Who do they like? Why? What do they despise about their siblings?

he has one younger sister, Emilia (3 years younger). he loves his little sister a lot, partially because he was always very attached to the role of being a “big brother” and partially because he and emilia were probably each other’s only playmates as kids? they probably fought sometimes, like siblings do, especially since em always had a lot more energy and rowan just wanted to be left alone sometimes, but at the end of the day she’s one of the most important people to him. he’s very proud of her, even if she is a terrorist probably?

4. What type of discipline was your character subjected to at home? Strict? Lenient?

it wasn’t very strict at all but i also think he was a pretty good kid who didn’t get into trouble all that often

5. Were they overprotected as a child? Sheltered?

physically yes, mentally not as much? he and em had their own personal guards, and rowan was accompanied by a group of guards + marcus after his family was attacked, so physically he was never in much danger. on the other hand, his father believed in being honest w/ the kids and not trying to hide all the stuff that was going on in the outside world, and after rowan started traveling w/ marcus they didn’t keep their plans from him and let him be involved (probably because rowan would be even more upset if he didn’t know what was going on)

6. Did they feel rejection or affection as a child?

all affection. one thing that can be said for his tragic backstory™ is that at least he was always surrounded by people who loved and cared for him

7. What was the economic status of their family?

very rich, they were nobility

8. How does your character feel about religion?

he wasn’t raised in any religion so he has no attachment to any specific religious beliefs, but he believes that gods exist and it’s probably a good idea to stay on their good side (although this is changing a bit now that he’s met a bunch of gods and some of them are dicks *cough* aengus *cough*)

in modern day he’d probably be considered vaguely agnostic

9. What about political beliefs?

very anti-new initiative and pro-hoth (obv). on a more theoretical level, he believes that there should be a government to unify, organize, and protect the people, but it shouldn’t run into totalitarianism and should have input from the people it governs.

10. Is your character street-smart, book-smart, intelligent, intellectual, slow-witted?

as a kid, very book smart, which would have continued if it wasn’t for the attack on his home. he ended up having to abandon his studies to some extent and focus much more on practical skills, so he has a good amount of street smarts as well now, although they mostly focus on his ability to move unnoticed and gather information.

11. How do they see themselves: as smart, as intelligent, uneducated?

he sees himself as fairly smart, but not super well-educated (or at least not as well educated as he’d like to be), since he’s self-taught on a lot of stuff and doesnt have a full formal education

12. How does their education and intelligence – or lack thereof - reflect in their speech pattern, vocabulary, and pronunciations?

i think the fact that he was well educated as a kid but had to quickly adapt to life on the road (w/ a bunch of guards no less) is reflected in his speech, as he goes back and forth between a more formal speaking style and more casual speech in his day to day conversations. he can switch back into more formal/well-educated speech if he needs to (see: when pretending to be a noble) but it’s not very natural for him.

13. Did they like school? Teachers? Schoolmates?

he loved it! he’s a fucking nerd and he loves to learn, so much that he kept up his studies even after he lacked a formal schooling environment. he also really like his teacher ms. alduri, even if she was strict sometimes. he didn’t have schoolmates though, he was basically homeschooled and his sister was younger than him and interested in different subjects anyway.

14. Were they involved at school? Sports? Clubs? Debate? Were they unconnected?

those didn’t really exist, he had private tutors

15. Did they graduate? High-School? College? Do they have a PHD? A GED?

he stopped his formal education at age nine

16. What does your character do for a living? How do they see their profession? What do they like about it? Dislike?

he’s a spy, basically. he doesn’t really see it as a matter of liking or not liking his work, but instead the work that he does is a matter of necessity. he’s doing this work because it’ll help him achieve his ultimate goals (bringing down new initiative/bringing back hoth) and because he has a deep loyalty to the resistance for all the help and protection they’ve given him. he likes that he’s doing useful work, and he likes seeing new places.

17. Did they travel? Where? Why? When?

all the time since he was nine. they never stopped in one place for more than a month, mostly around khajjitan (sp?) and then when he started helping out the resistance, in the desert as well, although recently he’s been traveling farther north. he travels because if he stays in one place too long he might be found by people who may potentially want to kill him, and because his job requires it.

18. What did they find abroad, and what did they remember?

this is kind of a weird question to answer, because at this point his “being abroad” encompasses… over half his life? but i would say he found his godfather, his favorite weapon, his best friend, and a lot of new skills. he remembers a lot of moving around and never really making friends or relationships that lasted, and seas of grass, and later seas of sand that go on for days. and he of course remembers marcus sticking by him and taking care of him.

19. What were your character’s deepest disillusions? In life? What are they now?

right after his home was attacked i think he realized, moreso than he ever had before, that the world was a mean and dangerous place and that he wasn’t safe, and that no one really was. i think it’s still probably something close to that, that you can’t really trust anybody but yourself and a few others.

20. What were the most deeply impressive political or social, national or international, events that they experienced?

oh boy. well, when he was very young he was in the area when the capital of hoth collapsed, and he was also present for the attack on his home where the last king of hoth was assassinated. later on, he was in the capital of khajjitan when the high councilor was killed in an attack on the city and he participated in fighting off invaders. he was also present when that one building blew up in the fishing villages. a lot of shit has happened tbh.

21. What are your character’s manners like? What is their type of hero? Whom do they hate?

he’s pretty polite to strangers, kind of a snarky shit to people he knows better. i don’t think he’s particularly taken with the ideas of heroes, but he would model his image of a hero off of his father or marcus, very kind men who always put others before themselves.

he hates a good portion of jashtall’s government. he also tends not to like people he perceives as untrustworthy which is… ironic

22. Who are their friends? Lovers? ‘Type’ or ‘ideal’ partner?

lumley + the people on his team, although to varying degrees (he probably puts lumley, maybe peitho and honeyclaw in the friend category, while he views mies and ko as coworkers, although he’s starting to get closer to mies). he doesn’t really have a lot of friends otherwise since he didn’t grow up around a lot of people his age. he also doesn’t really have ‘lovers,’ unless you count a couple one-off flings from when he was traveling by himself or his current thing with quinn.

as for ‘type’, i dont think he pursues romantic stuff often but he tends to go after people who are a bit more outgoing than him that he can have a good conversation with/match intellectually (that he can nerd out with basically). i think he also tends to go for people who are taller than him? i think that’s a thing

(i’ve also definitely decided that his taste in girls is “girls that are definitely way cooler than him” but i havent figured out his taste in guys yet, more info to come)

23. What do they want from a partner? What do they think and feel of sex?

he wants (or at least definitely needs) someone who is stable and can sort of ground him emotionally, and someone he can trust completely.

as for sex it’s…weird? because i think sex is something he wants/enjoys but he has a lot of hang-ups wrapped up in his issues with trusting others and being open with them. so he finds the experience of having to be very intimate physically or emotionally very uncomfortable and it makes sex kind of an awkward topic

24. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually?

almost none, he doesn’t interact w/ a lot of people outside of missions. when he is around people he either likes to fade into the background unless he’s put in a specific role he’s supposed to fulfill. in reality he likes to be in control of the situation and know what’s going.

25. What are their hobbies and interests?

he loves magic! so much that he studied it even after his formal schooling got cut short. he also loves history and reads non-fiction books whenever he gets the chance. and in his spare time he enjoys playing cards (which some of the guards he traveled with taught him). it’s how he developed a good poker face.

26. What does your character’s home look like? Personal taste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance?

what home lol

as for personal taste though, he tends to go for darker/duller colors that don’t stick out too much (he likes to wear shades of blue and brown especially). he likes comfortable and inconspicuous clothes, and goes for simplicity over complicated outfits, altho he’s a fan of layers. his head is shaved, but when it grows out he has dark curly hair. 

27. How do they relate to their appearance? How do they wear their clothing? Style? Quality?

he cares a lot about his appearance but more in the sense of being very careful of what kind of image he’s projecting. he doesn’t want to stick out too much, and is careful to dress in a way that will make him blend in to whatever circumstance he needs to. unless he’s wearing the very fancy clothing he obtained recently so he could dress as a noble (a situation which is very weird and new, he hasn’t dressed up like this since he was little), he tends to go for comfortable, modest clothing that he can move around in easily, usually involving layers and some way to hide his face. nothing ridiculously high quality, but he likes clothes that will last him a while.

28. Who is your character’s mate? How do they relate to him or her? How did they make their choice?

he’s not really with anyone atm, all of his recent romantic encounters have been born almost exclusively out of him trying to get info out of people

29. What is your character’s weaknesses? Hubris? Pride? Controlling?

depends on the situation and who you ask. in relationships, his tendency towards thinking of relationships strategically and hella trust issues/lying. in his job, has a soft squishy center that can lead to him getting attached, although on the other hand he also has a bad tendency towards very black and white thinking, putting a lot of emotional weight on ppl he trusts and kinda disregarding anyone who falls into an enemy category. it’s complicated.

30. Are they holding on to something in the past? Can he or she forgive?

oh boy is he! he’s holding onto his father’s death and his sister’s disappearance, and it’s not something that he’s going to be able to forgive, ever i think. it fucked up his life too much for true forgiveness to ever really be an option.

31. Does your character have children? How do they feel about their parental role? About the children? How do the children relate?

he doesn’t have kids, although he’d like to be a dad one day

32. How does your character react to stress situations? Defensively? Aggressively? Evasively?

usually evasively, if something is wrong or he doesnt want to deal with a situation his first instinct is to run or evade.

33. Do they drink? Take drugs? What about their health? 

he drinks occasionally but not often, since he doesn’t like the “lowered inhibitions” part of it that much

34. Does your character feel self-righteous? Revengeful? Contemptuous?

very revengeful and somewhat righteous towards jashtall. they killed his family and destroyed his country and his life, he’s not happy.

35. Do they always rationalize errors? How do they accept disasters and failures?

he puts a lot of pressure onto himself to live up to the roles placed onto him, so when things go wrong he tends to think of it as his fault and freak out a bit, usually trying to atone for whatever happened.

36. Do they like to suffer? Like to see other people suffering?

no, but he’ll endure a lot if he thinks its for a good reason or cause. and he doesnt like to see people suffer but there are some enemies he won’t be afraid to be ruthless against.

37. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories?

he’s not a big daydreamer, tends to be more focused on the moment and how he’s going to approach the future. he tends more towards the latter two, worrying quite a bit but tbh his situation calls for a good bit of that, and when he’s alone he prefers to revisit old (good) memories rather than daydream.

38. Are they basically negative when facing new things? Suspicious? Hostile? Scared? Enthusiastic?

almost always very suspicious, even of things that seem relatively innocuous. he’s not very trusting and usually assumes others are out to get him or could lead to him being found out unless he has reason to believe otherwise.

39. What do they like to ridicule? What do they find stupid?

he doesn’t (outwardly) ridicule others a lot i don’t think (unless they did something really dumb), but internally he thinks people who automatically trust others are dumb, as well as people who don’t think before they act.

40. How is their sense of humor? Do they have one?

he doesn’t have much of a sense of humor. he can laugh at other people’s jokes but is very bad at making them himself. he likes wordplay and puns though.

41. Is your character aware of who they are? Strengths? Weaknesses? Idiosyncrasies? Capable of self-irony?

he’s aware of his own strengths and weaknesses on a physical level, he knows what skills he has and how he can be most useful, but he’s not super self aware internally. he’s not very introspective and probably isn’t aware of how emotional he is.

42. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?

right now, he wants his sister back, he wants jashtall in pieces, he wants to build his home again. he’ll sacrifice a lot of work and pain and hardship for that.

43. Does your character have any secrets? If so, are they holding them back?

oh boy does he lol. mostly the “secretly the prince of hoth” thing, along with the “currently a spy” thing, along with the several fake identities he’s using at the moment. he hold these things back from most people, but he’s becoming more open now that he has more people that he can rely on. he won’t give most of this info up unless it’s necessary to do so though.

44. How badly do they want to obtain their life objectives? How do they pursue them?

very badly, but his responsibilities come first– it’s a rare occasion that he drops everything to go do whatever he wants. he generally tries to obtain his goals through planning and slow/deliberate action, utilizing help available to him rather than just pursuing things on his own. 

45. Is your character pragmatic? Think first? Responsible? All action? A visionary? Passionate? Quixotic?

very pragmatic, much of which is learned– constantly moving and running away lends itself to making one very pragmatic about their actions, which even extends to how rowan uses magic, mostly picking up charms and illusions because they tend to be the most useful, even if they’re not what he’d prefer. he’s not very impulsive and much prefers to clearly plan things out before acting. “responsible” is also a key character trait of his, he’s very committed to the responsibilities given to him or the responsibilities that come with any role he has (whether as a brother, a prince, a leader, etc.)

 46. Is your character tall? Short? What about size? Weight? Posture? How do they feel about their physical body?

height-wise he’s very average (he’s 5′9″). i don’t know his weight but he errs on the leaner side, although he does have muscles (his build is somewhat akin to a dancer’s build, where he has muscles but they’re mostly focused on being able to move quickly and efficiently rather than pure strength). he has very good posture. i don’t think he has any problems with his body, but he’s also pretty modest and doesn’t really want to show it off at all.

47. Do they want to project an image of a younger, older, more important person? Does they want to be visible or invisible?

he wants to come off as older and more secure and in-control than he is. whether he wants to be viewed as important/visible/invisible changes depending on the situation. if he’s pretending to be someone important then he wants to project that, but otherwise he feels very uncomfortable being looked at and noticed and would much prefer to blend into the crowd.

48. How are your character’s gestures? Vigorous? Weak? Controlled? Compulsive? Energetic? Sluggish?

very controlled and deliberate.

49. What about voice? Pitch? Strength? Tempo and rhythm of speech? Pronunciation? Accent?

his voice is... tenorish maybe? idk, not terribly low but not super high either. he doesn’t have a very loud voice but knows how to speak authoritatively, and he tends to speak a bit more slowly and deliberately. 

in regards to pronunciation & accent (and also vocabulary), i think it’s somewhat apparent in his normal speech that he goes back and forth between a more “proper” and “educated” style of speech that he spoke growing up as nobility (which also would probably come with a hothean accent, whatever that is in this world), and a more casual style of speech that he picked up from years on the road (he also pronounces some words with a kajjitani accent/pronunciation), he can fall back into the more “noble” style if the situation calls for it, but his normal speaking style goes back and forth between the two. 

50. What are the prevailing facial expressions? Sour? Cheerful? Dominating?

his main facial expression is a serious one, trying to seem impassive but definitely kind of “on” at all times. if he shows his emotions his expressions tend to be kind of grumpy, although he can put up a front and appear very polite and amiable if he wants (although he finds it very draining to do so).

[dreadhaus-literature]

{WC} OC #1 : Kiran Lim

I’m really struggling creatively, right now, so for the first challenge I decided to throw myself a bone, make things a little easier--I opened my music library and decided to create an OC using a song.

The song I decided to use was, “Main Titles” from the Mindhunter OST.

It, from the moment I heard it, invoked a very strong emotional reaction in me and I’m hoping the character I create using it as inspiration does that justice.

☾ Basics ☽

◎ Full Name: Kiran Madhav Lim

◎ Meaning of Name: Kiran means, “sunbeam” or “ray of light”. Madhav means “sweet like honey”. Lim means “forest”.

◎ Nickname: Ki (pronounced “Kai”).

◎ Birth Date: February 3rd, 1680

◎ Astrological Sign and Details: Aquarius “Above all things, this sign seeks the truth. Aquarians are tolerant of every point of view, and can see both sides of any argument. They are independent, yet their great desire to help those around them enables them to make friends easily. However, if they become truly disappointed in someone, they can never truly forgive or forget. They are, by nature, very tolerant, and tend to have high expectations of those around them. Aquarians hide their deep sensitivity and thus have a fear of vulnerability, and it may take a very long time for them to open up, but are always ultimately worth the time and effort.”

◎ Age: 340 years old

◎ Race / Species: Vampire (Energy/Psychic sub-species)

◎ Hair Color: Deep, dark brown (one or two shades above black)

◎ Hair Style: Curly, currently cut short in a halo around his head.

◎ Shape and Features of Face: Round; Kiran’s cheeks were absolutely chubby bunny when he was a child, and though he’s grown more into them by now, there’s still traces of cherubic Kiran there if one looks, especially at his profile. His forehead and chin are on the smaller side, with his eyes just as round as his cheeks, his lips plump and full, and his nose rounded like a tulip bulb at the tip.

◎ Glasses or Contacts: Kiran wears thin, but large round glasses. He doesn’t like contacts.

◎ Eye Color: Lilac when “feeding” or feral. Light Green when passive.

◎ Skin Tone: Kiran’s skin is the color of damp earth, right after it rains. Deep, rich, and somewhat reflective of light, giving him an ethereal appearance especially in low light.

Kiran’s skin also has a lilac sheen to it when “feeding”, especially if he hasn’t in a while. It’s incredibly light, though, and settles over his flesh like a mist.

◎ Scars or Distinguishing Marks: Kiran has very few scars even with his longevity; he has accelerated healing and he typically keeps to himself, out of any frays or battles.

However, he does have a very thin, raised scar over his heart. He was partially staked, only once when he was very small, and was unable to fully heal from it. His heart bears the same scar just beneath the surface of his skin.

◎ Disabilities: Kiran’s partial staking as a young vampire was what caused, retroactively, his poor eyesight. He is partially blind in his left eye, as the retina detached during the attack. He was able to regrow some of it, but not all, and thus must wear glasses to see properly.

The lens on the right side of his eyeglasses is simply glass, as he can see perfectly out of that eye.

◎ Build or Body Type: In his younger days, Kiran was on the chubbier side, but has thinned out as he’s gotten on in centuries. Now, one can see his collar bones, or get a peek of his wrist or hip bones, and his shoulders seem broader than they used to. His weight loss hasn’t necessarily meant he’s bulked up, and as he doesn’t need to use his fangs or put himself in danger to feed, he doesn’t have much muscle mass to speak of.

If anything, Kiran looks like he could outrun just about anyone. He’s thin, quick on his feet, and carries himself that way.

◎ Height: Kiran hasn’t measured himself in centuries, but finds he often has to duck doorways and doesn’t sit comfortably in most vehicles. He’s got long limbs, especially his legs, and finds not a single human can look him in the eye without craning their neck.

◎ Speech Patterns: Kiran is incredibly soft-spoken, but that isn’t to say he’s shy. He speaks when he feels he has something to contribute, and that gives a certain thoughtfulness to his tone that even strangers pick up on. He often projects warmth into his tone, whether it’s truly meant or not, and can make friends with almost anyone due to the smile that can be felt, heard, in his rich baritone.

Kiran speaks formally, sometimes avoiding contractions, but no one is sure if that’s his age or simply his careful way of speaking.

◎ Mannerisms: Kiran has a way of making consideration noises when he’s thinking, “Hm...” or “Mm...” (with “mm” being a deeper sound) as well as resting his chin on his hand.

Kiran also is not very “handsy”. He doesn’t fidget with his hands, and he isn’t prone to touching people or objects unless he knows or owns them.

◎ Weaknesses: Kiran is partially blind in his left eye and without his glasses cannot see much out of that eye--this also affects his depth perception.

Kiran does have fangs, but they’re secondary and not his main way of feeding and thus, they’re smaller than a sanguinarian vampire’s, which means he needs to bite harder to achieve the same end result.

◎ Special Abilities or Powers: Kiran, being an energy or psychic vampire, is an exceptionally gifted telepath. He’s mastered telepathy, can easily access the mind of his prey and bypass most psychic or mental blocks. He “feeds” off life force, energy, and mood--making him an exceptional empath.

Kiran’s favorite moods to feed from are Calm, Romantic, and Whimsical (for dessert of course!).

Kiran’s least favorite moods are Angry, Melancholy, and Lonely.

Kiran has also studied and mastered telekinesis, and due to his age and practice can feed from most humans without them being any the wiser, and without leaving them quite as drained as they might be with a lesser experienced vampire.

As with the majority of his kind, Kiran can cloak himself, compel prey, has amplified speed, strength, and durability/healing, and his vision displays emotional auras in colors, rather than heat vision like sanguinarian vampires.

☾ Characteristics ☽

◎ Bad Habits: Emotional shopping (if Kiran “eats” a bad mood, he’s compelled to shop), talking to himself in public, “snacking” on passersby if he’s bored, snooping in memories and thoughts if he’s curious, drinking/eating straight from containers, being overly critical, being late (being immortal makes time less of a concern), guessing movie/show endings.

◎ Good Habits: Avid reader, exceptional listener, patient when dealing with others, inquisitive and so is always learning some new skill, generally only feeds from others without causing emotional/physical harm.

◎ Best Characteristic: Honest. Kiran is almost too honest and though he’s perfectly capable of lying, even if he should, he probably won’t.

◎ Worst Characteristic: Controlling. Kiran likes things to be just so and he doesn’t quite know what to do if they’re not...exactly how he likes them.

◎ Worst Memory: Unsurprisingly, being staked. He was a toddler when it happened, under five, and it is not only his first memory but his most vivid. He will occasionally revisit the memory in a nightmare and be unable to sleep for days afterwards, too afraid to be that vulnerable.

◎ Best Memory: Inheriting his father’s curio shop. It has been in the Lim family for centuries and centuries, shifting with the changing times of course, but the clientele remain loyal and some of Kiran’s fondest memories are as a child, helping to dust and care for the objects his father collected and sold.

Kiran’s father is now retired, on to other ambitions and dreams, leaving Kiran happily in charge of the Lim Shoppe of Oddities.

◎ Proud of: His ever-growing collection of, you guessed it, oddities. Due to his father’s influence, Kiran collects trinkets and objects that most would find bizarre. He’s got shrunken heads, bone fairy skeletons, and mermaid treasure.

He keeps it all in a vault beneath his home.

◎ Embarrassed by: His partial blindness. His left eye is a slightly milky color and he’s ashamed of it, and often wears his curls over the eye to cover it.

He is also incredibly embarrassed when his depth perception is off and he knocks something over or breaks something.

◎ Temperament / Attitude: Kiran is a man who values silence, and understands the power of speaking. He knows words have meaning, and that once something is said, it can never be unsaid, and so you’ll often find him contemplative. He’ll listen to someone speak for hours if he finds them interesting, but won’t be quite so forthcoming about himself, preferring to direct the spotlight rather than be in it.

Kiran is patient, and while one might not consider him kind, he is polite almost to a fault, having learned to be a gentleman at a time of top hats and petticoats. He isn’t quick to anger as a result, but he has a terrible habit of holding grudges and is not known for his forgiveness.

Kiran is inquisitive, curious for all his intellect, and loyal to the core once someone has earned his trust.

◎ Weakness (Non-Physical): Addictive personality; Kiran can become addicted to certain prey he feeds from. If he finds someone whose moods are to his liking, his tastes, he will become fixated on them and it’s incredibly difficult to get him to move on.

◎ Fears / Phobias: Stakes, people entering his room whilst he’s asleep, thunderstorms, being incompetent.

◎ Secrets: Kiran’s deepest secret is that his curio shop is not always on the up and up. He prides himself in doing good business and being an honest man, but he does deal in “black market” deals of all sorts and given his business runs the gamut of normal to occult, he’s dealt in some pretty shady dealings with some pretty shady people before.

He doesn’t really see it as a problem, though, given that was how his father ran the business. He is simply continuing the tradition.

◎ Feels Vulnerable When: He’s asleep. Kiran’s staking happened when he was asleep as a child and that has developed into something of a fear of sleeping. Kiran will not sleep anywhere he is not comfortable or if there isn’t someone he trusts to watch over him.

Even in his own home, occasionally Kiran will forgo sleep to avoid nightmares or because he’s too afraid to drift off and be left unable to defend himself.

◎ Pet Peeves: Bad hygiene, people who interrupt him when he’s speaking, shoplifters, passive aggressive behavior, unnecessary abbreviations, people chronically in a bad mood, unsolicited recommendations about...anything.

◎ Motivation: Currently, Kiran’s motivation is simply in running his business.

◎ Goals / Hopes: Kiran’s looking to expand his curio shop a bit more, maybe purchase a secondary shop or move some of the business online; he isn’t sure yet, what exactly he wants to pursue, but it’s a new decade and it feels time to upgrade again.

◎ Sexuality: Kiran is bisexual.

◎ Day or Night Person: Kiran likes afternoons and evenings, periods of low light before the sun disappears.

◎ Introvert or Extrovert: Introvert.

◎ Optimist or Pessimist: Kiran refers to himself as a “realist” but it also depends on the most recent victim he’s fed from and what mood they were in.

◎ Talents: Taught himself to be ambidextrous, exceptional at all stringed instruments (including the harp), can spot a fake artifact, item, or object almost immediately, doesn’t need to eat food but spent a few decades perfecting his cooking, expert haggler and negotiator,  and is able to remain level-headed even during the most heated arguments.

☾ Likes and Styles ☽

◎ Music: Kiran listens to Classical (Modern, Symphony, Opera, Orchestral, Romantic), Trance (specifically Orchestral), New Age (Meditation), Soul, and Vocal.

◎ Books: Kiran reads fiction and non-fiction, with a heavy preference for Thrillers. He does read romantic poetry, as well.

◎ Foods: Kiran prefers sweet over salty, enjoying ice cream, puddings, trifles, pastries and cakes, and he often has candy in his pocket for a little “pick me up” if he’s having a bad day.

◎ Drinks: Kiran prefers hot drinks over cold, such as coffees and teas. He doesn’t drink much, alcohol-wise, though he does like red wine with the right meal...

◎ Animals: Kiran is extremely fond of crows. They’re intelligent and crafty, and he finds he relates a lot to them.

He has befriended a few that nest around his shop, and they bring him shiny trinkets every now and again.

◎ Color: Earth tones, with the occasional hint of color. It reminds Kiran of finding gemstones buried far beneath the earth, as if there are still mysteries in the world unsolved.

◎ Clothing / Jewelry: Kiran dresses in a more subdued, almost hipster-style--though it isn’t on purpose. He simply found a style he liked about a century ago and hasn’t...quite caught up, yet. His colors are muted, the fabrics expensive, and he is extremely fond of rings. He wears them layered, and he will wear a ring of any sort, it doesn’t matter the cut or color or style as long as it’s real.

◎ TV Shows / Movies: Kiran enjoys documentaries and true crime, though he has been known to watch a period drama every now and again.

◎ Greatest Want: To know he’s serving his family well. The Lim’s have always dealt in the curio business, and there’s a lot of pressure on Kiran’s shoulders to ensure he’s living up to that legacy. He doesn’t want to ask for the reassurance, the praise, but he wants to be told it all the same.

◎ Greatest Need: Kiran doesn’t know it, but what he needs is support. He’s terribly alone, and he isn’t aware of it--not yet, anyway.

[preserving-ferretbrain]

Who Gives a F**k About Charlie Keeper

by Wardog

Tuesday, 09 June 2009

Wardog painfully reviews the self-published Who Is Charlie Keeper.~

I’ve had a busy few weeks. I’ve alphabetised all my socks, de-weeded the back garden and taken a vacation in Vienna but it’s finally got to the point of no return: I think I’m going to have to bring myself to review Who Is Charlie Keeper. I really don’t want Ferretbrain to become the place self-published books come to die, but thus far every self-published book I've read has only renewed my faith in the publishing industry. WICK, as you may have gathered, is a self-published young adult fantasy novel, and it’s, uhh, well...

Come back Jim. All is forgiven.

WICK is borderline unreadable and almost uncertainly unreviewable. Basically, imagine someone came up to you and said “Hey there, I’ve got you a car, come check it out.” And then it turned out the car had no wheels. Yes, maybe, the colour is rather nice, and its fitted with a CD player and sunroof, and the engine might be basically functional but ultimately what you’ve still got there is a car with no wheels.

So, Charlie Keeper is a

mysterious

sassy 12 year old girl who lives in a mysterious house with her amnesiac grandmother because her parents have mysteriously disappeared. Between having her inheritance stolen by the evil lawyer Mr Crow and buying a puppy with her best friend, she is chased into the alternative world of Bellania by the malignant Lord Bane. In which it becomes quickly apparent that Bad Shit Is Going Down and the fate of the world rests upon Charlie Keeper’s reluctant, 12 year old shoulders. There are good guys, bad guys, dragons, adventures,

Quidditch

K’changa, etc etc.

Putting aside for the moment, the fact that WICK is a car without wheels (and I will contextualise this metaphor in a moment), let me try to come up with something positive to say about it. Well, the original artwork that accompanies it is genuinely fabulous. In fact, if the book was even half as good as the art, we’d be laughing. Also Marcus Alexander has a remarkably good ear for dialogue, somehow navigating the spiked pit of accent and dialect without looking like a fool or reducing his characters to offensive stereotype. He’s a sample from Jensen the (Jamaican?) Treman: “Ah’s a Treman. Sweetheart, Ah’ can see yer education is sorely lacking. Who’s yer teacher? Whoever he is, he ain’t doing a proper job. Tell me, little Hippotomai, an’ don’t stomp yer feetsies at me, do ya know wot a Stoman is, or a Human? Eh?” You’d think it would get grating but, somehow, it never does. Overall, WICK romps along at a reasonable pace, and there’s lot of incident, danger and adventure. It’s certainly a colourful book, and it seems to be revelling in its own over-the-top exuberance. You know you’re dealing with a Proper villain when he massacres his own minions and gets all caps-locky about setbacks.

Unfortunately, all this counts for absolutely nothing because there are too many basic problems with the book. Firstly the style itself. I don’t know to what extent we’re dealing with a major slew of typos or if Marcus Alexander genuinely hates commas and wants them to suffer and die at his hands, but the grammar and the syntax through WICK are irregular at best and downright wrong at worst. I’ve skimmed about the internet looking for other responses to it and most of them are positive: “The author's odd use of justification adds extra weight and punctuation on actions, emotive points and speech patterns bringing not just the story but also the characters very much to life. Indeed the book is quite unusual as a whole entity but I would be the first to point out that it connects with today's ambience, fashion and prosetic style.” Hmmmm. Possibly I’m just hideously hidebound but the style is simply neither controlled nor consistent enough to support this interpretation. Here’s a sample:

Powerful muscles bunched and tensed. With long smooth bounds the creature took off. As it ran past the eerily silent columns it realized, with a sinking feeling that it would never reach this mysterious family member in time, the distance was too great. It sensed days of travels lay between the two and it could sense that whatever danger threatened it’s [sic] sibling, was already perilously close.

Or another:

Charlie answering his call, hurried to the lawyer’s study, she knew better than to keep him waiting. Walking straight up to the large leather bound desk she took up a pen and without needing to be asked signed the papers offered by Mr. Crow. She knew she should at least ask what she was signing but she remembered the first time she had plucked up courage to query him; Crow had fallen into such rage, striking her and screaming, that now she dared not question.

And the punctuation lightly and seemingly randomly scattered around the dialogue is enough to bring tears to my eyes:

“Fool! Grab her!” roared the giant, Crow made a lunge for her but tripped over his braces, “Idiot! Dogs come to me, come, your Master commands it.”

It’s more than commas where they shouldn’t be and conspicuous by their absence where they should. Although Alexander occasionally gets off a vivid description or a well-turned phrase, it seems more by luck than judgement a lot of the time and his writing often bogs down in repetition, cliché and an over-reliance on adjectives. Seriously, no noun connected to Mr Crow is allowed out of doors unprefaced by a “skinny”. So Mr Crow is thin, right? I get it. I get it. Please have mercy on me.

I’m no editor but there are equally fundamental issues with the structure of the book itself. The pacing is wobbly to say the least with the narrative either practically thrown into reverse while Charlie eats some spiced bread or we are forced to witness yet another interminable game of K’changa (I hate you JK Rowling, I hate you so much. I yearn for those halcyon days in which children’s books were allowed to exist that did not contain detailed descriptions of spurious sporting activities) and then speeding so rapidly through a succession of incidents that it’s enough to make you get motion sickness. The POV, equally, veers around all over the place and, dialogue aside, the characterisation – especially of Charlie – wavers too. She seems to be scared when the narrative prefers that she’s scared, and feisty when it’s time for her to be feisty. Furthermore, her famed “big mouth” barely lives up to its reputation for causing trouble. Maybe it’s just because she doesn’t have an accent but she seems like a complete void for most of the narrative. We’re told about her qualities (and, of course, her undeniable specialness) but we rarely seem them in action in a way that could make us care about her, or even be remotely interested in her. Alexander’s descriptions of scenery and action are at least nudging towards competence, but the emotional side of it all is completely flat:

Charlie, cheeks blushing uncontrollably, stared into the eyes of the woman who was supposed to be her guardian. Never had she felt such a hate so complete, never had such an anger awoken within her heart. Charlie, that very instant felt something deep within her move and change, something within her soul sickened and died and in its place something darker was born. This was a moment that would be etched eternally into her mind.

She gets over it. She kind of like de Sade’s Justine that way – ill-defined, unchanging and unaffected.

I can’t even in good conscience say that WICK has promise: until it gets some wheels, it ain’t going nowhere. I found it a real struggle to read, partially because I was mourning every tortured comma but also because whatever is good about it is completely eclipsed by its major and fundamental problems.Themes:

Books

,

Sci-fi / Fantasy

,

Young Adult / Children

,

Self-Published

~

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~Comments (

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Rami

at 12:51 on 2009-06-09Ouch. From those excerpts, it seems like a pretty painful read -- but then, I like my grammar to be in more or less the right place. There's a place for bending the rules, but ignoring them like that just makes me wonder if they know the rules in the first place. And looking like you don't know how to write is not, IMHO, a good way to be taken seriously as a writer.

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Arthur B

at 13:12 on 2009-06-09Not only does the author have a strange way with commas, he also seems to urgently need to be introduced to a semicolon or two. Harsh as I was about Jim Bernheimer, but for the most part (aside from the odd "victim's fund" gaffe) his prose was readable, at least in the sense that it was capable of being read without getting a headache.

Maybe it's just because I'm a lawgeek, but does anyone else find it odd that Charlie is asked to sign contract when she's well below the age where she can actually enter binding agreements in the first place, and when there's a grandmother handy who is presumably legally capable of doing all that for her? Mr Crow seems to be as incompetent as he is corrupt.

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Sonia Mitchell

at 23:15 on 2009-06-09I love this review. And feel pity for everyone involved.

It actually sounds a bit Neil Gaiman-ey in intention, though I'm obviously not going to read it and see.

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Wardog

at 14:52 on 2009-06-18Actually this review makes me feel guilty as hell - panning something is never fun, but really, it was all in good conscience I could do.

[lawrence9gold]

A Prophet of Pain

I'm not going to give you the humbug that, "pain is a learning experience". Pain is a sign of too much dysfunction, dysfunction confronting the limit of our tolerance. Pain is an insult and a challenge. It says, "Somethin's gotta change!" It's not a learning experience; it's a goad to a learning experience -- provided you have the means to change and the recognition of what you need to change (a tall order, in itself, on this benighted and tragic planet, where people are made to suffer without a way out, largely controlled by idiots with a thirst for control over others, but not over themselves). I consider myself to have "come in" (to Life/Existence) in a worse, that is to say, in a more massive compounding of painful conditions and dysfunctional conditions leading to painful conditions -- and failures of various functions to come "on-line" than most people. That may be presumptuous, on my part, but in general I somehow doubt that most people have lived in the state of compound dysfunctions at the depth at which I have lived them. I could be wrong. I am very nearsighted; my prescription was, at one point, -10 diopters. That's 20/1000. My elbows can never straighten completely, due to limitations of the elbow joints, and that affects my movement. The tops of my ears look as if singed or melted, like wax. I have a ringing in my ears that I've had since childhood, that never goes away. I've gone through periods of intense pain, both physical (movement:sensation) and emotional. Physical pain:  back muscle spasms, sciatica, sacro-iliac joint dysfunction, whiplash injuries, a self-inflicted "gripping injury" in the right side of my neck and upper back that prevented me from turning my head right or left without searing pain, a fall from a second story balcony onto concrete (managing to land on my feet), being hit by a car on my bicycle, and other bicycle falls and roller skating accidents, tripping over garden hoses across the sidewalk, staggering and landing hard on my sit-me-down (twice), causing pain I never dreamed could exist in a place I didn't know I had, until that moment. Emotional pain: grew up in a family mostly devoid of empathy or engagement, feeling isolated most of the time, socially isolated from my peer group, compelled to the hated piano bench to practice in the afternoons after school, while the other boys played, outside; frequently bullied and anxious in school, never got a valentine on Valentine's Day; subject to night terrors, chaotic altered states, and nightmares; sexually molested more than once -- by a neighbor boy and by a female babysitter -- and my sexuality intruded upon and attacked by my mother. I was an intellectually, musically, and verbally gifted kid, a fair-haired boy (blond) who liked classical music and science and who read the World Book Encyclopedia set cover to cover, with an active imagination. I could have been named, Poindexter, but instead, one of the boys who bullied me called me, Peabody. I was a timid adolescent with no close friends, always the last on the running track, in P.E., always the last picked for team sports. In my teens, I was forced to participate in an encounter group, where I was kept at a distance by the other members and once, told that I was unlovable. In my teens, my rolfer told me I was the most contracted person he had ever worked with, like concrete, he said. These are all things I experienced -- and more. Thus, it may be said that I have known pain and suffering, and so grew into deep sorrow and loneliness, anxiety and fear, and righteous anger. I've been beset with many distorted values, controlling belief traps than I now see can impede (and have been impeding) me in various ways and lead me to unpleasant experiences of life as sets of dense, unnecessary problems, confusions, maladroitness, developmental deficiencies, maladaptation and cluelessness. Delayed development. Neurosis. Entrapment. Bondage -- like a hapless, Jerry Lewis-type character, Arnold Drelb, or a Woody Allen-like character, only not funny - a mutation, perhaps, with an unearthly sense of humor, frequently misunderstood, in this world but unlike those in it. I've been crushed and disintegrated by waves of change going through my life, several times, so that all that was left functioning in me were basic functions of life maintenance and my work, which I continued, as I was. I even wrote some of my books of somatic education instruction in the midst of those periods of crushing and rending change. For one period, I was in such a vise that my speech patterns were disrupted; I could hardly speak. I've lived largely in isolation for many years, with sporadic contact with others that occurred during forays into town to do errands; my commonest social contact has been in restaurants, with the servers, there, and occasionally, with patrons. Most of my interactions with people were with clients and occasionally, with colleagues. A practitioner of Valerie Hunt's "Mindfield work,"  with whom I traded sessions, said to me, "It's a wonder you're still alive." I've had a MOUNTAIN of stuff to work through, and first with inadequate tools from various teachings, then with increasingly adequate tools, and now with much more powerful somatic educational tools that have been revealed to me and that I have developed. Pain drove me to develop and use these tools because the alternative was, to me, intolerable. I began to reverse my condition at age 16, when I was guided to yoga and began breathing exercises; people noticed that I seemed more relaxed. That was a bare beginning of a long, hard "row to hoe". Over the years, I studied and participated in transformative teachings and processes, both ancient and leading edge contemporary in stages of twenty to twenty-five years each, concentrating on self-transformation with increasingly powerful modalities, drilling down into and learning to dissolve my conditioning. At last, I arrived at the core of my condition-ability -- a set of four co-efficient faculties -- attending, intending, remembering and imagining -- that I was given to call, The TetraSeed, because it is the root of all living functions and conditioning, without exception. From that revelation, I developed the TetraSeed Transformation procedures, of which The Gold Key Release was the first. I have used those procedures relentlessly to uncover and dissolve the adverse conditioning of my pain and suffering, and then introduced them to others, with 100% success. That's why I might be called, The Prophet of Pain. Using these procedures, I've discovered myself to have been set in weird patterns of tension that seem to make no sense, primitive, perhaps; self-shapings and postural-distortions in mutually-counteracting twists that have a very unfamiliar feeling to them (literally, screwed up), that I have felt only as I come out of them. I've been holding myself and living as that -- a complex pile-up of distorted shapes of tension -- with only dim and partial recognition, often without any capacity to direct attention to them, at all -- aware only of an inchoate sense of unpleasant and unaccountable stress existing in and as me for an indeterminate time that fades into obscurity. If you can identify with the passages of pain I have named, you may also accept the possibility that I'm on to something. Having suffered and counteracted suffering by dissolving the entrapments of experience back into their latent, neutral condition, I have transformed and dissolved much, and thereby overcome it -- not by imposing its opposite, but by dissolving it into virtual non-existence. The bad conditioning I have dissolved is now available in a much healthier form, at a moment's notice, as required by the call of experience. The term one might use is, Spontaneous Right Action. What has this done? It's upgraded my functioning, altogether. Consider the quality of writing of this piece. It's made me smarter, more creative, more efficient, and more effective, given me a better emotional equilibrium. Now, I like the products of my efforts, better. It's not so much that I know more (although that's true); rather, it's a change of how I function, spontaneously; it's a more effective use of information and the transformation of old behavior patterns; it's a more maximally effective use of self. I've been cleaned up and renovated, a bunch. I'm not claiming that I'm through with the process I've been describing. I'm a work-in-progress. I'm claiming that I am onto something that works and have been using it to move through -- transform, correct and dissolve -- mementos of relationships and artifacts of personal history, the inherited heritage of species development and ancestral development that have been a burden upon my back and a snare about my feet. It's the transformation and dissolution of that -- first by bringing it to life then by so integrating it in myself that it dissolves into Virtuality (or latency). Dissolves means that something loses its density, and so, its strangely attractive grip on attention. Virtuality means, it's easy to bring the thing into existence because it continues as a latent tendency (hologram-like) in the ground substance of existence, available for activation, at need.

First you grok it, and then as you grok it, it dissolves, leaving only a Virtuality in the Ground of Being. You discover it is a mere expression of the Ground of Being, the Void, tending to come into existence as living qualities. Grok that.

I've done these awakening-and-dissolution activities in one trouble area of life after another and have been experiencing a trend -- a very long trend -- out of the pain into heightened awareness and enhanced functioning. My worst days, these days, are brighter than my best days, back when. Even when I'm testy, I sound pleasant. I've extinguished the sciatica, cleared up the S-I Joint dysfunction to the point where it is a non-issue and still improving, reversed the effects of neck injuries and the fall from the balcony, better than new. I've gotten a one-diopter improvement in my glasses. The ringing in my ears is pleasant, when listened to. I've relieved myself of a bunch of my own witless conditioning, which has been forceful, in me. My relationship with my mother is friendly. Now, when I walk, I feel well-put-together and have continued to get better. I can comprehend what is hard to comprehend, and I have invented somatic education exercises and self-renovation procedures that function well; I can also dissolve upwelling/emerging stress conditions. I move well and function well -- some have said, at the "genius" level. Well . . . . . (looking down, the ball of one foot pressing down and turning on the dirt, like stubbing out a cigarette). One who has "seen" can show others. Dissolving pain into Virtuality is profitable; it's the profit of transforming awful, heavy curses into blessings. They don't call me, The Prophet of Pain for no good reason.

"We interrupt this program for a special news bulletin:

Your mind just popped."

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