#this is queued cause highkey gonna be out

[dearlytea]

This was a message I sent a few months ago to a friend when I just made my Tumblr account. The question she asked me was “Do you expect to get any followers on Tumblr? Or meet anyone there?”

Of course I didn’t believe her and thought I wouldn’t do shit here.... Yet here we are today celebrating my birthday/first milestone on this blog. Wow, never knew my 69th birthday would involve Tumblr... 

I’ve learned a lot during my time here, and it’s still scary to believe that I was one decision away from not meeting all the friends I adore now. Besides learning how to use this god garbage website I was also able to learn a lot more about myself from all of the mutuals I’ve met here. How? Cause I was able to connect with many people and be myself without feeling the need to cover up the parts of me that I thought were ugly.  Although, I know this is only the beginning of my time here, but it’s still a huge milestone for someone with low expectations to begin with. 

So in all thank you to all of my lovely mutuals/friends. Whether we talk on a daily basis or not I love each and every one of you, and I hope for the mutuals that I’m silent with that one day we can start chatting and get to know each other better (although you might have to be the one to message first cause my ass is still anxious as F U C C)

Anyways yeah... I love all of you dearly

KNEE SLAP

Edit: Apparently some people didn’t get the notification for the tag? Fuck you Tumblr So I had to go over the names again just to be sure... Sorry if you got another notification or something! zzzz

Legend

♔ = Special babies  →  (Look for your special little message)

❥ = My baby mutuals  → ilysm bls don’t think i don’t cause I actually do but I’m shit at showing my feelings sometimes and I’m bad at messaging. Don’t ever doubt that you bummies :((((((

☼ = Silent/New Mutuals  →  We don’t talk/interact that much but I still appreciate your existence and love you, thank you for being here. Maybe when I’m not a anxious HOE i’ll message you

Bold = Content Creator  →  YOU TALENTED LITTLE BEAN. GOD FUCKING GAVE YOU THE SKILLS OF A GODDESS/GOD AND YALL ARE BLESSED ASF

I love you all bls don’t think that I love you less because of where you are on this post asiojdoasijd that’s not my intentions and I don’t mean to hurt you :((((( 

(There is no solid order with how people are being added, I’m just going through my Following & Followers list)

♔

@champagnehoseok @koalajimin  @gukvenchy  @agustdabbing @knjddaeng @tinymintyoon @94hixtape​

❥

@gukyi  @guksheart  @introseesaw @kinktae​ @httpjeon @honeyyhobii @sapidsuga @cloutro @yeehawtaekook @minlucent @joonbuns @honeyyhobii @simplyjoon @equigay @seoksblackrose @kitsujoon @rohobi @namseokis @lovewyself @taewitched  @etherealmins

☼

@utopiajeon  @hobiwonka @starlightjoons @louvrescript @ggukhoneys @yourstrxxly @bymoonchild@blushoseoks@iliveforjungkookmemes @moonm0chi @jeonpetals​

@champagnehoseok: You little donk. I have a love/hate relationship with you, you wanna know why? caUSE ALL YOU DO IS ATTACK ME. I’m trying to live life here and you’ll send me a gif and then I’m (hot and) bothered. Though tbh without you I’ve wouldn’t of been able to leave my shell of shyness. You and your “DEARLLLYYYYYY” in group voice chats and scaring my ass to death smh. Despite being an extreme introvert I do enjoy talking/playing league with you (even though all we do is scream) So don’t take my short response as a “I’m annoyed with you” cause that’s not the case, I’m just an EXTREME INTROVERT. In all thanks for being the donk to my dink, never stop walking, always keep going alright? (this is the softest message you’ll get from me so LOVE IT)

@koalajimin: Morgan bby :((( You are my Libra sister and we relate to each other so much it’s quite unreal. Thanks for letting me scream and rant to you about stuff, it means a lot cause I know I’m a lot to deal with iojasoidjposa. I love how sweet you are :((( You’re the type of friend to go through a huge crowd of people just to make sure someone you care about is okay which is so admirable and I hope you know we don’t deserve your sweetness :((( It’s all too precious. If you ever need my “wise” advice or need someone to rant to just hmu okay? ilysm uwu (also BLS DRINK RESPONSIBLY)

@gukvenchy: Yara you sweet angel :((( Idk if I told you this before but that one night I randomly pour out my love to you on your old account was the first time I’ve went off anon to talk to you and I’m so glad I did cause it made me feel less anxious about sending asks and messages to you. Actually tbh you’ve helped me out a lot when it comes to gaining confidence in general. You probably never realize it but in little ways you do and I’m so glad we are mutuals because I would still be a shy shithead today :(( So thank you for being such a sweet pea and accept the fucking mess I am, ilysm you teasing Queen (I WILL NOT BIAS A BOY WHO POURS MILK INTO THE BOWL FIRST (I still love him but not enough to make him my bias)

@agustdabbing: Ahhh you probably didn’t expect a special message eh? Wrong. I love our late night convos about food, school and other things that I can’t remember cause they were so late at night aisjdijsad. You’ve found me in the rec blog side bar and it honestly shocked me that you wanted to follow or even message me. Like seriously??? I still don’t get why you want to asidjpais but in all I’m happy you got the courage to message me and grateful that you enjoy my random burst of convo starters. If you ever need anything hmu okay? Don’t be afraid to. I will always be here for late night convos about avocados, pastas, stupid things CUBE did and etc. Bless ya soul sweet child uwu

@knjddaeng: BABYYYYCHRSISSAIOJT My sweet tarot reading buddy. I love your curly hair adorable ass. Thanks for being honest, sweet, understanding and caring when I come to you for advice. You know how reserved I am, but despite that I always feel so safe when talking to you about my problems cause you understand why I think what I think and do what I do. In all I’m so grateful that you’re understanding of my messy brain and love me for me. Thanks for all the things you’ve done and I wish well for you :(( Know that if you are ever sad I will fucking send a spirit to comfort you asoidjaoid I WILL FIND A WAY DON’T YOU JOHNNY FUCKING TEST ME

@tinymintyoon: Ah Tiny, you sweet sweet child uwu I don’t know why but I just always have this like “You’re my little sister” vibe with you even though we aren’t that far in ages. You’re such a smart, beautiful and hard working girl and I have so much respect for that. You do things with consideration of others and it’s such a rare sight to see nowadays so please don’t ever forget that. I know at times you will feel down and have the itching feeling to slap yourself for not being good enough but trust me hunny, you’re doing great. Don’t beat yourself up too much okay? ilysm uwu please sleep appropriately so you don’t tire yourself out and hurt yourself :((( also THANK YOU FOR BETA READING SOME OF MY TRASH WORKS ASJDIKJ YOU ARE THE BEST AND I APPRECIATE THE EFFORT YOU PUT INTO THEM

@94hixtape​: Lu, you are such a sweetie and I know we recently started talking but I can’t just leave you out on this. When you messaged me for the first time saying you’ve been meaning to message for a while made me so soft like???? You wanted to message ME? And see if I WAS okay??? You are a sweet angel and it still makes me flop onto my bed all soft. Despite your shy character you still would do so much for your friends and :((( ugh that makes me soft. Please don’t be afraid to message me if you’re sad or in need to rant, your presence is god’s gift in this world and you should be happy : ‘)))) ILYSM 

I’m sorry that all of these messages are GROSS jsandoaijsdo

[annavolovodov]

Out of interest, how do you lose nine people on another continent?

Should be impossible, right? I mean, if I were taking pupils on a school trip to another continent I would be sure not to lose any. Alas the stupidity of man is infinite and not to be underestimated. 

Firstly, some background. 

The year: 2016, because when the fuck else would something like this occur?The location: New York, a city with a higher population than my entire country. The people: 36 pupils on a trip to NYC and DC with only four teachers accompanying. 

In retrospect it seems inevitable that some sort of chaos would occur but even so, I don’t think anyone expected this level of drama. And I want to highlight that this is only one of several incidents that occured over the course of this five-day trip.

It was our first full day in New York. The itinerary (which I had memorised) had us visiting Liberty and Ellis Island, meaning we had to get the subway through Manhattan at rush hour. That was as fun as it sounds. We also had these travel cards allowing four people through the barriers per card so essentially the entire group HAD to stick together. The final point I want to emphasise about the underground is how fucking complicated it is compared to the one we have back home. Ours is literally a circle meaning you can’t fuck it up and get lost whereas New York has a labyrinth of tunnels all leading to different places so you have to have a clear idea of where you’re going.

These details become important later.

(Side-note: when we were waiting on the platform a large section of the group and two teachers actually got on the wrong train and didn’t realise until they spotted our horrified expressions as the carriage pulled away. But that isn’t our main story here. It was hella funny though and felt like a dark prelude to the chaos that would occur mere hours from that moment.)

Anyway, eventually we all get to Liberty Island. We take pictures, me and my nine friends go up the plinth and get great views of the city, all is well.

After having a look around Ellis Island, we all queued up at the ferry terminal. My friends and I were at the back of the queue because we’d been the only ones who’d decided to go up the Statue of Liberty, which resulted in most of the group getting the first ferry back to Manhattan while we had to wait for the next one. Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever been on one of these ferries but they are unbelievably crowded (and the toilets are disgusting - avoid at all costs). Like if this thing had sunk we would all be fucked. Clearly health and safety is not a Thing in America because there is no way the volume of people on those vessels is safe, no way. 

There is most definitely not enough seats for everyone on board but our feet are killing us at this point so me, my friends and one of the other girls on the trip all end up sitting on the stairs. I can still see our accompanying teacher, Miss G, from my step and she could clearly see us. Or so I thought.

The stairs are near the back of the boat which means when the ferry docks so naturally, Miss G gets off before we even have a chance to move. But I’m not worried. Most of the group were on the first ferry and only a handful of pupils disembarked with her. Nine of us are still on board and there’s no way she’d leave without noticing such a large group of people missing.

OR SO I THOUGHT.

Cause when we return to dry land it immediately becomes clear that instead of waiting by the terminus to make sure the entire group is together like any sensible person would do, Miss G and the others have fucked off into the sunset and left us behind. We check all the nearby paths but nope! They’ve gone and left nine teenage girls alone in a park in one of the busiest cities of the world. Great!

I’m gonna use a timeline to explain how events progressed and I’m also changing names because I don’t have direct permission from those involved to put this on the internet.

11:30am EST: Miss G has most definitely left us. The squad concludes they’ll probably realise they’ve lost a whole quarter of the group and return soon enough. No one is too stressed and honestly I’m grateful to get a seat on a bench because my feet are on fire from all the walking.

11:40am EST: ten minutes and still nothing. Surprisingly, I’m not worried: the one good thing about anxiety disorders is that you gotta plan the shit outta everything. This being my first time away from home, I’ve decided to be extra cautious. I have full details of the hotel including address, phone number and email memorised. I have several hundred dollars in a bag stuck up my skirt. Most importantly, I have the moral high ground. We have done nothing wrong. This is not our mistake, nor is it down to us to sort it out. Me and my friend Rosa decide to kick back in the shade and keep hydrated till we see Miss G doing the walk of shame back to us.

12:10pm EST: stress is kicking in for some members of the group. Jessica is starting to get super-anxious and we’re all way too warm in this 30°C heat. Some of the girls wonder if we should head to the next stop on the itinerary (the WTC memorial) - it isn’t far from Battery Park and it’s most likely where one others are, but we immediately decide against that. If we move from this spot and the teachers come back they’ll use that to spin the blame on us, and we ain’t gonna let that happen. We can’t return to the hotel except as a last resort because we don’t have enough subway cards and we don’t know which station we originated from, so we’d need to get a cab and no one is keen on spending that much money.

The good news is that I also have the number of the teacher’s mobile memorised. The bad news is that we aren’t entirely sure whether the number needs an international code or not because who phones from their mobile when their abroad??? No one! In the end Ella, Melanie and I try to find a sympathetic-looking American to target for help. We find an old lady from Staten Island who tells us her life story - it was actually very interesting if time-consuming - but alas! She doesn’t know how phones work either! We’re back at square one.

Ella decides to bite the bullet, international fees be damned, and offers up her mobile as sacrifice. We text and call the teachers but to no avail. After several attempts I suggest we try ringing the hotel and seeing if they have any method of contacting the teachers but the receptionist turns out to be as helpful as a chocolate teapot.

This is probably not a shock but me and my friends were not what you would consider “popular” in high school. Most of the other kids on the trip either looked down on us or outright hated us. But thankfully there was one girl in the other group who Melanie was kinda friends with and was willing to help us, bless her. Ella texted explaining the situation, she texted back confirming they were at the WTC, telling us she’d explain everything to the teachers and send them our way… as soon as she found them herself.

Yep, that’s right. The teachers had in fact ditched the pupils in the other group at the Twin Towers memorial and had disappeared off themselves. They weren’t answering their phone and we had no idea where they were. Essentially, we were stuck waiting in this park until they decided to come back.

12:30pm EST: an hour into the abandonment with no end in sight. We’re severely questioning whether the teachers have actually noticed we’d gone, because surely this would be the first place they’d return to, but I do enjoy imagining them running around the city in a panic looking for us.

Obviously everyone within the group is handling the situation in very different ways. Let me do a brief recap:

Jessica is having a straight-up panic attack at being left alone without adult supervision in one of the busiest cities in the world. Her anxiety is exacerbated by what we’d later learn was heatstroke when she collapses in the middle of a Broadway show that night.

Holly is unsuccessfully trying to calm Jessica down.

Ella is pissed af, especially since she’s just spent a fortune trying to call for help. Genuinely she’s one of the funniest people I know but she is NOT afraid of confrontation and is very much preparing a rant she will deliver to whichever teacher comes to pick us up. 

Melanie is equally pissed but is overall staying levelheaded and trying to maintain order. 

Nathalie is ready to throw hands - she straight up HATES Mrs M and has been going on about it the entire trip thus far. At first I thought she was blowing things out or proportion but by the time I boarded the plane back home I realised that nope, Nathalie’s hatred was justified. She also turns out to have heatstroke and spends that evening throwing up.

Nicoletta’s method of coping is through humour. “Wouldn’t it be funny,” she says, “if we pretend Elise nearly got mugged when the teachers return to try and make them feel bad?” “No it would not be funny,” I reply, “because I can’t lie for shit and besides, I don’t wanna be the victim.” (In a shocking twist of events I WAS a victim of a scam in a separate incident two days later, but that’s a different story).

I think Isobel’s primary emotion at this point was “too warm to care” which was highkey relatable. 

Rosa is just plain hungry (we’ve missed lunch, after all). She can’t be arsed with the stress/arguing/ranting and the two of us decide to go over to a street vendor and purchase an overpriced Magnum each.

As for me, I was remarkably calm for someone with severe anxiety issues. The thought of confrontation was worrying me more than the actual sensation of being in my own personal recreation of Home Alone 2. I mean, none of this was our fault. We definitely had the moral high-ground here. I knew it, the teachers knew it, I knew the teachers knew and the teachers knew that I knew that they knew. The ball was very much in our court.

1pm EST: a whopping hour and a half after the arrival of our ferry, Miss G and Mrs M have finally thought to themselves “hmm, the group looks a bit small, maybe we’re missing a quarter of them?” and decided to have a gentle stroll back to Battery Park to test their hypothesis.

Not gonna lie, when I saw them coming my heart was in my fucking throat. Usually I love watching drama unfold but it’s less fun when you’re in the middle of it and you’re going to be spending all your time over the next few days with those involved. 

I braced myself for the worst but before any of us could utter a word, Mrs M shot right in there with “well that was a life lesson for you all, let’s move on!” It was the single worst thing she could’ve said because from that point we all knew that they knew they were in the wrong and were desperately trying to divert the blame. 

Some of the other girls made comments about the whole ordeal and conveyed that they were pissed off but I never spoke another word about it. I think that scared them, that I never really indicated my feelings, because Mrs M kept trying to make friends with me for the rest of the trip and it was kinda entertaining to watch her attempts to figure out whether I’d grass them in when I got home. 

In all honesty, I would’ve dropped the matter immediately if they had apologised straight away when they came back for us. But they never said sorry at any point, not even to Nathalie and Jessica when they ended up really ill as a result of being left in the park for so long. As the day went on it all got a big gaslight-y and they kept trying to spin the blame back on us, telling us we should’ve went and found them instead of waiting there, and that pissed me off even more because I had an abusive relative gaslight me a lot when I was a kid and I hate all that manipulative bullshit. But the real interesting thing is the fact they didn’t learn from their mistakes. I have so many entertaining stories from that trip due to the teachers leaving people behind or mismanaging things including four other occasions in the next three days where people got lost or left behind.

The best part is that although I’ve left, I still follow the school’s Facebook page that they use as their main mode of communication for parents. Apparently they’re doing another NYC/DC trip this year and I can’t help but wonder what would happen if I put a comment on the post announcing the trip’s departure wishing them a safe journey and hoping that they don’t lose anyone for two hours in middle of New York this time…