#this is soooooo long nooooo i'm sorry

[irregularcollapse]

hi i have a migraine so i'm not up to looking unfortunately but is rhere a particular snippet you've written you're dying to talk about?

if you want smth extra i Love nicaise :) ❤️

Thank you for this!!! <3 I'm feeling pretty chatty hahahaha so I appreciate it a lot (very sorry about your migraine though).

You love Nicaise! I love Nicaise! Laurent loves Nicaise! So let's talk about Nicaise in even in another time.

This is the section in Chapter XIV when, after experiencing a triggering conversation over dinner, Laurent asks Damen to tell him about "the informant":

“What else can you tell me?” Still a low rumble more than words, and may whatever gods Damen believes in bless Laurent’s husband because he clearly wants to ask the direct question, clearly wants to fix the unfixable. Because Laurent knows him, has come to know him so well, he understands even here and now that it is about sharing the burden. It is about knowing Laurent in turn, but they wrote the rules themselves and so he must abide by them. Laurent takes a long, tired breath. “I did not know about what the Regent has done, aside from his machinations for the throne.” “Are there… other gaps in your knowledge?” An odd question for Laurent, considering where his own head is at, but in light of their previous private conversation—perhaps not so left of field. “Yes, Damen. Everyone has gaps in their knowledge. Tell me about the informant. How old was he?” There is a heavy pause, after which Damen’s chin meets Laurent’s shoulder. “Fifteen, when he was sent to Acquitart. But he was clever, and observant, and dedicated. He figured a way for Lazar to smuggle messages into Delpha, into the hands of loyalists. Word was sent to Nikandros. It was not long after Kastor—I was not… I was unable to meet him, or speak to him. His name was Nicaise.” Laurent feels him swallow, the working of his jaw. “When the Veretian defectors joined us, Lazar said that Nicaise had been found out. Lazar had tried to smuggle him from the fort, but they came for him in the night. The escape was tight, and a child—I do not have the full details. Lazar provided only the necessary report.” Time is a circle, Laurent muses, but has the wherewithal not to say it aloud.”

The first thing is Damen asking "What else can you tell me?" and Laurent's musing that "they wrote the rules themselves and so he must abide by them," obviously a nod to their mutual agreement to never ask the other to share information that they don't want to give. The deliberate promise itself is drawn from Outlander, as I've said, but it also has a grounding in canon. One of the things about Damen's treatment of Laurent is that he allows Laurent space and grace when he needs it. There are many examples of it, but one that I particularly love is in Prince's Gambit and actually relates to Nicaise as well:

Laurent pushed himself up and gave Damen a look glittering with triumph, even as he dragged the back of his right hand across his mouth, where his lips were smeared with blood. And then Damen saw what else lay among the overturned platters that littered the floor. It was bright against the tiles, like a scattering of stars. It was what Laurent had been holding in his right hand when Damen entered. The blue sapphires of Nicaise’s earring. The doors behind him opened, and Damen knew without turning around that the sound had summoned the soldiers into the room. He didn’t take his eyes off Laurent. ‘Arrest me,’ said Damen. ‘I have raised hands to the Prince.’

This is after Laurent, destroyed and furious with grief, deliberately provokes a violent reaction out of Damen by insulting his father. Laurent uses Damen as a tool for his own punishment here, pushing Damen in precisely the way he knows will hurt most to, firstly, stop Damen from treating him with a kindness that he does not think he deserves, and secondly to force Damen to hurt him because that is (to his mind) what he deserves for failing Nicaise so completely. I could go on about that, but to look at Damen here: it's the reaction to the realisation that is important. When he works past his own grief and sees Laurent's, and connects his own feelings of rage and pain to Laurent's, he immediately apologises. Him saying, "Arrest me ... I have raised hands to the Prince," is an acknowledgement of what Laurent is feeling in this moment, it's an apology for not giving him grace as others have not given him grace, and it's a call-in for Laurent to remember who Damen is and what they are becoming to each other. (There is sooooo much more, but I'm so aware that I haven't even gotten to Nicaise yet!)

Then the other moment I want to mention (although, as I said, there are many) is in Kings Rising, before they spend the night together:

Laurent didn’t look back at him. Deliberately Damen leaned back, his body intentionally relaxed, his weight on his hands on the bed. He didn’t understand the forces that moved in Laurent, but some instinct pushed him to say it. ‘My first time, there was a lot of rolling around. I was eager and had no idea what to do. It’s not like Vere, we don’t watch people doing it in public.’ He said, ‘I still get too caught up near the end. I know I forget myself.’

It is, once again, about Damen seeing a conflict inside Laurent but not pushing him on it—acknowledging it, saying "I see you," but not forcing Laurent into voicing it or explaining it. He doesn't need Laurent to explain himself, to share things he doesn't want to share. He only ever tries to create the space for Laurent to honestly express his feelings, even if he can't give voice to the reason for it. This all sits behind the scene in EIAT, where Damen is simply trying to give that space and grace, to say You are safe here because I won't push you. You can tell me as much as you want.

But also, they're both quite tit-for-tat people (another thing I could write a dissertation about, oh wow)—both have a strident sense of justice, and both have a sort of transactional view of relationships (Damen positively so, i.e. if you treat people well they will be kind in return, vs. Laurent's 'everyone has an agenda' outlook). This is also the basis for their "be honest with me and I will be honest with you" agreement in EIAT, which Damen deliberately plays on here: he answers Laurent's question about "the informant" with as much honesty as he can, within the limits of what he knows about him, to encourage Laurent to share as much as he can as well.

It is enough, within a few sentences, to give Laurent some of the connection to Nicaise which he feels in the books. Nicaise in the trilogy functions as a sort of distorted mirror for Laurent (the other distorted mirrors being Aimeric, Erasmus, and Jokaste). He sees his young self so intensely in Nicaise, a version of himself that can be saved—that is strong enough to save himself. However, still being captive in an abusive situation himself, there is little that Laurent can do without dealing out more harm to Nicaise (yes, there's another dissertation in that).

In EIAT, Laurent hears that Nicaise was "clever, and observant, and dedicated," and he fought against his abuser to uncover the truth but ended up as collateral damage anyway, and he thinks, "Time is a circle."

At this point, Laurent has not yet accepted that he was always meant to come back, that he was in history all along; he is using the phrase more in the sense of 'history repeats itself.' The circle here is that the victim is the one who has to take initiative, who has to make the most of their circumstances to protect themselves, who becomes responsible for uncovering the information which will punish the abuser, and yet ultimately is still left damaged. The consequences for modern-day Laurent are nowhere near as horrendous as they are for Nicaise, but Nicaise will always be—in the books and in EIAT—a symbolic representation of the worst possible outcome for Laurent. In both the modern world and the ancient one, the information that the victim uncovers is invaluable, it saves countless other people, but at what cost?

When the idea that time is a circle comes up later in EIAT, it is in acknowledgement of Laurent's place in this world. It is about him coming to recognise that his choices do have an impact, both positively and negatively, and that the reverberations of those choices have significance outside of himself. It is also, ultimately, about the connections between him and the world—between him and Damen, him and Nicaise, him and everyone else he encounters. It is a reminder that he isn't alone, in his trauma or his grief or his joy or anything else. Accepting that is part of his character journey in the books as much as it is in EIAT, and Nicaise will always be part of that.

Thanks again for letting me ramble! I hope that this somewhat makes sense; I feel like I had to truncate a lot of it, I had so much more I could have said! But nobody's reading all that lmao

(Pssst if anyone else wants a DVD commentary on a bit of my writing, send me a passage!)

[webslingingslasher]

j - it's me 💨!! i have some slight updates for you!! i have to fill you in but im crushy and giggly so this might not streamline well.

do you remember the boy i have a crush on that we were thinking liked me back?

i had my big scary exam. it was in an exam hall of 700 people. and GUESS WHAT. out of all 700 people, WE WERE SAT RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER. like what are the chances. j i swear that was the man upstairs (amen) looking out for me, because everytime i got nervous during the exam, i'd just look at him and feel calm.

like what the hell.

our seats were assigned. i met up with him very briefly before the exam, literally just by the closest station and we walked to the exam hall together because i get lost easily and hes a weird walking satnav who thinks he's so mature bc he never gets lost. like ever. anyways! we were talking a bit, basically just bullying each other bc we have pre-school rizz where we flirt by bullying each other, except he's kinda stopped flirting with me which is sad. well i guess it's a good thing because he's yet to break up with the gf but he isn't hiding that he likes me. you needed to bring ID to the exam and I brought my passport instead of my licence. he said "you don't drive?" and then corrected himself before i could and he was like "well when you live in *town name* you don't have to drive ig" (bc i live in a part of ldn where nooooo one drives/ubers bc it takes 3x longer than getting the tube). but like???? he remembered where i lived and i don't even remember TELLING him. it was a quickkkkk tiny side comment in one of the convos we had weeks ago and i didnt even think he heard me. i was tipsy on our post-class drinks and murmuring and it didnt seem like anyone was listening but he was!!!

j i want him so much :( when is he gna break up with her. idk if u remember the details but he would carry an inhaler for me bc he knows i have asthma and ties my laces for me etc so i think he genuinely does like me and isn't just sleazy & looking for some random girl.

but even if he does break up w her for me, it's still kinda a red flag bc if he does it to her, he could do it to me. even tho he might genuinely like me? idk. he's stopped flirting but still asked me loads of questions and clearly cares so idk. i just blabbled a lot sorry omg <3<3<3 love to u my fav tumblr friend ever

also his hands are so cute and he wears glasses and he's kinda nerdy but somehow his girl is a bad bitch. idk how he pulled her except i do bc hes so pretty :') anyways.

his hands are soooo pretty j like his fingers are so long and his nails are soooooo clean. i like clean nails. v pretty. i think you'd approve. i sound demented. i think im falling in love. ok bye

💨 xx

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no stop!!!!! i was thinking about this the other day and i was like 'where is she!!!' love the update, hate that he still has a gf. you need to be like 'have you heard this song by ariana grande? no? it's called break up with your girlfriend, i'm bored. it's so good, it's been stuck in my head for weeks.' ((obv im kidding)) but i mean... it's time we pull a miss ariana and steal the man!!!

he likes you and you like him. just be like 'why haven't you broken up w ur gf yet???' 😁😁😁😁

'hey, hey, you, you, i don't like your girlfriend! no way, no way, think you need a new one!' i could do this all day baby.

[hwiyoungies]

wenas otra vez JAJAJA que buena playlist tho, que vivan las canciones de los 90, 00 y 10’s porque ya no las hacen igual 😔🫶🏽 no es que toda la música sea mala ahora pero, pues tengo attachments supongo JAJAJAJ

omg yes please do share theories and memes (when it’s not a spoiler lol) I wanna know everything 🤲🏽 sorry I came late to the scene and have so much to catch up on LMAO hope you enjoy my reactions at least:’)

ITS SO GOOOOD once again it had me invested throughout the story “okay but are the ghosts related to this invisible man? Is the doctor the main bad guy? Is Brook even here or nearby?” the plot is pretty good and exciting!! and yes definitely more silly BUT THATS THEIR CHARM THIS IS WHY THEY GIVE ME LIFE<3 y no es paja, o sea entiendo que hay peleas wow y también me impresionan a veces pero gente vivamos el plot por favor🙏🏽

ALSO WOW THE WAY BROOK’S STORY CONNECTS WITH THEM AND THE BEGINNING OF THEIR JOURNEY???? Oda a veces hace que mis neuronas tengan que hacer gimnasia para acordarme de ciertos personajes JAJAJJAJA pero es bien genial como se conecta todo, I loved this arc<3 let’s see how we do with Sabaody Archipelago🫡✨

Zoro niñera, diciendo que no le reza a ningún dios y venciendo a un samurai de Wano es mi imperio romano JAJAJAJJAA PLUS oh god is so hard to avoid spoilers (so far so good I think?) but I have seen many fanarts based on a Wano arc(?)/saga(?) style and when they mentioned it I was like OH SHOOT FORESHADOWING!!!

f*ck Blackbeard too me vale si le hacen un redemption arc o no o si revive después de una batalla pero espero al menos una vez lo hagan tragar tierra y sufrir JAJAJAJA

estaba hablando con una amiga que es de China y me dijo que se hizo un piercing hélix con pistola y yo 😳 JAJAJAJA pero claramente le fue bien porque sigue teniendo la oreja JAJAJAJAJA justin wasn’t lying when he said never say never 😔✋🏽 pero si ojalá nos sanen sin problemas<3 cuéntame cuando te lo hayas hecho!!

nooooo Belleee😭 peor combinación posible, pero al menos ya estás mejor no?? :’) Thankfully I haven’t gotten sick yet but the weather where I am is trying to test me fr bc this winter is going wild😭😭

OH BTW JAJAJ SANJI RESCANTANDO A NAMI!!! el “skip skip skip” ES TAN ADORABLE JAJAJAJAJA literally every time I see him and he does something cool or silly or adorable I just think of you<3 JAJAJA hoy si mucho texto perdón 🫶🏽

WHAT DO YOU MEAAAAN LATE TO THE SCENE i've literally been here for maybe 4 months we're all in this together i just went a little insane about it LMAO let me know when you finish impel down so that i can share it because it honestly makes me go ?? you guys are kinda nuts

VIVAMOS EL PLOT EXACTOOOOOOO todos los dudebros q les encanta hacer powerscaling simplemente no entienden lo divertido q son estos arcos más misteriosos AJAJ thriller bark my beloved you were so goofy and had so many questions. AND BROOK' STORYYYYY i know that if you were to compare it to robin's is not as sad but man, it made me fucking Sob like i literally couldn't stop crying especially during the las song like woah oda you are a little fuck aren't you. and yeha him connection brook's story to laboon was just :')) he truly is thinking about everything LMAO

dude the wano art style is soooooo good as well, i don't think you can avoid spoilers when it comes to the names of the arcs but as long as you avoid like, actual plot spoilers you're doing a lot better than me LMFAO

naa blackbeard se puede ir a la real chucha perdón lo chilena AJJJAJA top 10 personajes q más odio en one piece literal compitiendo contra gecko moria y a ese weón yo lo quería matar JAJAJ

el hélix con pistola nooooo q valiente de su parte AJAJA y ya me lo hice lleva dos semanitas y está ahí bien bonito y sin problemas ejeje

yeah i'm better already but still haev a lingering cough that is honestly so annoying, but luckily it didn't affect my uuuuuuuuuh stamina? like i can exercise without wanting to die after the first round of things

SLGHDL i'm loving this people seeing sanji and thinking of me that's my stupid dumbass most beloved little guy

[singsandsmiles]

OTP Tag in Honor of Valentine's Day ❤️

Unpopular OTP that you ship: Sam and Mike from Until Dawn. They both kickass, devolop as humans, and defeat wendigos together!!! How can you not???

OTP you didn't ship at first but now you do: Dwight and Angela from The Office. They seemed toxic to me at first, but then I realized they were made for each other and they gave me all the feels!!

OTP that took wayyy too long to get together: Soooooo many haha...but I'm going to go with a classic and say Ron and Hermione. (Honorable mentions include, but are not limited to: Stydia, Olicity, Ross x Rachel, and so forth)

Most hated NOTP: Harry and Hermione!!! Stop it!! Stop it!!! Stop it!! I mean everyone has a right to their own opinion, but nooooooo!!! Nooooo!!! I put my foot down with that one...sorry?

Favorite Non-Canon OTP: JANCY!!! Nothing against Steve, but I am team Jonathan all the freaking way!!!

Favorite BROTP: I instantly thought of Merlin and Arthur...still not over that ending and it was ages ago!! Also, an oldie but a goodie is Peter and Nathan Petrelli from Heroes!! (Honorable mention is Will and Jem from The Infernal Devices).

OTP you loved in the books but not in the films/tv: PERCABETH!!!!

Popular OTP that you don't like: There's a few. Harry and Hermione (NOOO), Stelena, Tris and Four (I don't "hate" them...just thinking about them makes me sad), and Edward and Bella

Favvorite LGBTQ+ OTP: Sooooooooooo many haha. Drarry, Malec, Miharu x Yoite from Nabari No Ou, SasuNaru (that's like my OG gay boy ship), Piper and Alex, Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn, JohnLock, and Nana and Hachi.

Pick your all time OTP(s): This post will never end...I have too many. I'll name some of my faves. Romione, Percabeth, Will x Tessa x Jem,Hinny, LadyNoir, Kyo x Tohru, Stydia, Olicity, Shules, Jim and Pam, Harley and Joker, all of the pairings from Heroes of Olympus, Jancy, Sizzy, Clace,Delena, Peeniss, gus x Hazel, TenRose, Rumbelle and sooooooooooo many more.