#this is the allegiances in long shadows bc that's where i was at when i started drawing it

[pigeonclaw]

The gang’s all here!

I realized recently that I’d drawn nearly every ThunderClan cat in Po3, so I wanted to draw them all together! It’s like a yearbook photo haha

So here’s ThunderClan, circa Long Shadows! See how many you can recognize!

[canon-notcanon-warriorcats]

So. Let me get this straight.

You get mad at people who dislike Snowbird + Scorchfur because "We don't know Scorchfur's age" despite the latter being an apprentice in PO3 and a warrior in OOTS and Snowbird is much older at that point so we kind of do, and let's say you're right and we don't know his age.

Yet when we don't actually know a character's age (Rain), you claim Rain and Needletail "gross and creepy" bc age when for all we know he could be her age. I don't like either ship, but you can't use that argument for one ship then when we actually don't know a character's age you claim it to be weird.

-inhales- this shit again

first of all

i don't get mad at people who don't like scorchfur x snowbird

i don't get mad at anyone for not liking a ship because i'm a grown adult with more important things to do and better ways to spend my time and energy

what i got mad at

MONTHS ago by the way, so if you're still stuck on that why are you still following me, unless you specifically just stalk this blog waiting to find something to get pissed off about and make a fuss like a bored 12 year old that's desperate for some form of attention

was that in my /rewrite/ i literally had scorchfur and snowbird being the same age and some people got pissed about me still having it in MY rewrite, as well as MY headcanon that scorchfur was a former kittypet who joined shadowclan to specifically be with snowbird, hence why he had an apprentice NAME, because canonically in the books we don't know where scorchfur came from, he was never listed as a kit, he's never mentioned to have parents or any other kin, he just poofed into existence in like long shadows i think it was

and i prefer, instead of actively making my warrior cats experience WORSE by assuming the worst, i headcanon things that make sense and also make things like this LESS gross and creepy, that scorchfur was an adult already when he joined shadowclan, he was an adult apprentice, he was an adult with the -paw suffix because he was training to be a shadowclan warrior after he decided to join shadowclan to be with snowbird and their kits, i simply prefer to have my wholesome headcanon instead of jumping to conclusions of what could or could not be a mistake or oversight on the erins' part or the erin's being stupid and fucked up again

and as for the rain thing, we KNOW he's not needletail's age, you know why? because rain was with darktail in hawkwing's journey, rain was already darktail's right hand man in hawkwing's journey, they had known each other for "some time" already, and mind you that this all takes place MOONS before avos even starts, skyclan is lost wandering in search of the clans for like at least a fucking year or more, this would be moons before needletail was even BORN

another thing would be if needletail had been an adult when they met, but she was literally a young apprentice when she joined the group to find skyclan, she was alderpaw's age MAYBE a moon older, and when they met rain was immediately being flirty with her, i remember reading the book years ago and getting that gross feeling in my stomach, and also when the kin followed them to the lake, needlepaw was STILL an apprentice while rain and her continued to flirt and it was very obvious that they were a thing or "courting" or whatever you want to call it while needlepaw was still an apprentice, we see this ON SCREEN, it's not just in an allegiances section that is screwed up all the time, it's not implied, it's not an if/ands/or buts situation it is literally IN the books plain as day, as a PLOT POINT, typed out through 3 whole books of rain flirting with needlepaw and grooming her to be with him and to join the kin

these two things are completely different, we have so much more in-context, inflexible information on rain and needletail that cannot be worked around unless you want to rewrite it ENTIRELY, but it cannot be headcanoned out because canon is very direct in what happens in this case

the kind of information that does not exist with scorchfur and snowbird

thank you and have a nice day, please go find something else better to do with your time

[bytheangell]

So, the prompt. What about like a continuation of the fic where Magnus choose his magic maybe 5 or 10 years in the future. We know Magnus left the ring bc Alec could find someone else but that did/wo n't happened; absorbed by work, his only relationships are family and friends (Magnus knows this bc cabinet and he's THW again) I don't mean Magnus regrets (completely) his choice bc his magic is like a part of his soul but yeah something between those lines and maybe wondering if there's some fix

Two Sides of Lonely - Part 2(Read Part One - Tumblr - AO3) (Read on AO3)

“...Magnus? Earth to Bane?” The gently teasing female voice shakes him from his thoughts, and he looks over to see Lily Chen shaking her head at him and Maia glancing his way with a look somewhere between amused and sad. Alexander, for his part, is very studiously keeping his attention on anything in the room besides him, even though it’s the ring on the Shadowhunter’s finger that distracted Magnus enough that he stopped listening to the Cabinet meeting wrap up entirely.

“Apologies,” he says, voice as light as he can manage. If anyone notices the strain behind it is a little heavier that day - five years to day since he lost Alexander and gained his magic back - they’re kind enough not to call him out on it. There no Seelie representative today, a blessing because Magnus would not trust even their half-truths to favor him just then. “I just remembered left a tonic sitting out this morning I meant to chill.” He smiles now, hiding much easier behind the lie. “Continue.”

“No need, I believe we’re done here for the day.” Alec declares. He can’t fully hide the exhaustion behind his tone, though to his credit he does try even if the dark circles under his eyes give him away in the end.

Magnus wonders how, after two years of being back in the city, this isn’t any easier for him. He wonders if the same is true for Alec.

Five years ago Magnus left. He had to. Alexander sacrificed the thing he cared about the most, had sacrificed them, so that he could get his magic back from Asmodeus. Magnus knew he could have no place here after that, not once word got around as to what happened. Isabelle? Jace? Clary? They’d never forgive him. Raphael just lost his own immortality, so Magnus gaining his back felt like rubbing that loss in his face. And Catarina… all it took was seeing the disappointment in her eyes when he told her what happened, the hurt when he had to explain to Madzie why her two favorite uncles couldn’t watch her together any more, before he knew he needed to leave so the people he hurt could heal.

It was a self-imposed exile, a punishment he never intended to come back from. He didn’t think he could ever face Alec again. Instead Magnus spent three years traveling the world, restating himself as Magnus Bane, the warlock with all the power of a Prince of Edom. He rebuilt his reputation from the ground up, helping anyone who asked and cultivating favors and rewards across the globe, creating the persona of someone so much more than the High Warlock of only Brooklyn. He went anywhere he was called to help whoever was in the most need - anywhere except New York.

That was up until two years ago, when the Shadow World was on the brink of war and Lorenzo pulled himself - and everyone who followed him - out of the allegiance of not just the Cabinet, but all other factions of the Shadow World, to take care of his own people and let the others fight their battles without the much needed aid of Warlocks.

But when the fight came to the Warlocks they stood entirely alone, outnumbered and overpowered, and after offering no aid of their own the others felt no need to come to their rescue. Lorenzo’s selfishness would’ve been their collapse if Catarina and a select group of others hadn’t called Magnus back to help. It took every favor owed to him from the previous three years, but it was enough. And in the end they begged him to return to the position of the High Warlock of Brooklyn.

He didn’t want to agree, but when it came down to a vote and Alexander voted in favor, Magnus hoped it might be a sign that things might be salvageable between them. It wasn’t. And in the two years that followed Alec never spoke a word to him that wasn’t a professional courtesy if he could help it.

That was two years ago, and today isn’t any different.

Maia and Lily are quick to leave, chattering excitedly between themselves over some Halloween plans involving Maia dressing as a vampire and Lily donning a werewolf costume. Magnus and Alec are the only ones left. “Goodnight, Mr. Bane.” Alec says with a curt head nod.

Magnus knows he should say goodbye and take his leave, but he can’t. Not today.

“It’s been five years,” he blurts out instead, watching as Alec freezes.

“It has,” Alec says, but only once it becomes obvious that Magnus isn’t leaving without some response. His words are short and Magnus blatantly ignores the tone that clearly says ‘now get the fuck out of my office’.

“Do you ever regret it?” Magnus glances down at the Lightwood ring that rests on a chain around Alec’s neck. Izzy told him once that Alec wore it there every day since Magnus left. Magnus tries not to think about it (and the promise it once held) too much. Which of course means that he thinks about it all the goddamn time.

“Do you regret having your magic back?” Alec counters defensively, and Magnus sighs. He doesn’t know what he thought would happen when he asked, and he isn’t about to lie for sympathy points.

“No,” he admits, because it’s the truth. “But I regret what it cost me.” It’s the closest he’s come to apologizing to Alec. The closest he’s allowed himself to breaching the gap between them and admitting that yes, he needed his magic, but that never meant he didn’t need Alec, too.

“Don’t, Magnus. I can’t do this. Not today.” Alec runs a hand through his hair in distracted frustration and Magnus sees the freshly split skin across the Shadowhunter’s knuckles. His chest tightens, the implications of the simple injury too heavy to ignore.

“Alexander-” the word slips from his lips instinctively, like falling back into a first language. He hasn’t said it in five years before this moment, but instead of the comfort it once brought he watches Alec flinch away at the sound of it.

“Don’t.”

“Alec, please-” Magnus tries again, but he doesn’t get very far before Alec cuts him off a second time.

“No. You don’t get to do this to me. You don’t get to pretend to care all of a sudden.” There’s an edge of desperation to Alec’s words, as if instead of trying to comfort him Magnus is actively aiming to cause him pain, when that’s the last thing he wants to do. Surely Alec knows that?

“It isn’t- Alec, I never stopped caring about you.” He can’t fathom Alec actually needing to hear that to know it, but he says it just the same.

“You wanted nothing to do with me. You left for years. Years, Magnus, without a single word. I gave you my ring and you left it behind like it meant nothing to you! Like I meant nothing to you.”

There are tears in Alec’s eyes and Magnus closes his own quickly to avoid the same reaction. He takes a breath, bringing the dizzying rush of emotions he feels under control before opening his eyes again and doing his best to explain. He doesn’t know why he never tried before now, why he left Alec to think all this time that he meant so little to him when that couldn’t be further from the truth.

“I left so you could heal. So you could move on without me lingering over your shoulder.  I owed you at least that much, after everything you sacrificed for me. That’s why I left the ring -- it belonged to whoever you would give your heart to after me. I lost the right to keep it the moment I let you make that deal for me.” He knows it isn’t fair, but he needs Alec to know. Even if Alec only hates him more for it, he has to know that Alec at least knows the truth.

“There was never going to be anyone else. That’s why I gave it to you. I knew-” Magnus waits on edge for what Alec says next, but something in his expression shifts and he shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter now. It’s been years; we’ve both moved on with our lives.”  

“Have we?” Magnus challenges. He tried a few times over the years, but it never lasted long. No one could compare, no one could even come close to what he felt with Alec, and after a while he simply stopped trying. And if watching Alec over the last two years, paired with the updates he occasionally got from Isabelle, told Magnus anything, it’s that Alec never even started trying.

“No,” Alec admits. Magnus sees a flicker of a smile cross Alec’s face for just a second, but it’s enough to create a spark of hope within him. “I suppose we haven’t. But it isn’t like we can just pretend the last five years never happened, either. Like I didn’t spend months of my life so devastated I could barely get out of bed every morning I woke up alone and remembered-” Alec cuts himself off abruptly. “I’m sorry. I can’t just go back to the way things were before.”

Magnus nods, and it takes all of his self-control not to beg for a second chance, to tell Alec that he still loves him, that he never stopped and he never will. He’s been selfish enough with Alec’s emotions for one lifetime. So instead he says, “Don’t apologize. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for.” And then, after a beat. “You’re right. We can’t go back... but maybe we can move forward?”

“I’m not so sure that’s a great-”

“I’m not saying get back together, just... We can get coffee. Talk. See if there’s something left to salvage.” Magnus thinks there is. He hopes there is. And if what Alec said earlier about there not being anyone else for him after Magnus was true, he’s willing to take the risk on some part of Alec feeling the same.

“Alright,” Alec says, looking a little surprised at his own agreement. Magnus is certain he mirrors that surprise. “But you’re buying.”

“Anything you say, Alexander,” Magnus says, and this time Alec doesn’t flinch away.

This time it brings them closer again.

 ---

 Sometimes, when they’re in the same room, Alec wonders if Magnus knows how impossible it is for Alec to simply exist in the same space as him. The first months after Magnus left Alec spiralled - some days he could barely drag himself out of bed and others he threw himself at every mission he could until he was too exhausted to think, or feel, or do anything other than work and sleep. After a while he learned to adjust, but he couldn’t find it in himself to even think about dating, because he never stopped loving Magnus, even after everything. Every day hurt a little less, but every day still hurt. In fact, Alec couldn’t imagine anything would hurt more than Magnus leaving... that was, until Magnus came back.

Lorenzo was a disaster, breaking up the Cabinet and creating unnecessary rifts between the Warlocks and every other faction of the Shadow World. His selfishness put them all in danger. Replacing never should’ve been in question but when Magnus came back to the city and talk turned to him taking the title of High Warlock back, all eyes turned to Alec. He knew if he spoke out against it he would get full support - after three years of dedicating his life to defending the city he more than earned it. But Alec also knew what an asset having Magnus back would be to the Shadow World as a whole, and so Alec locked away his personal trauma for the sake of being a good leader.

Some days are easier than others to smile and nod and pretend like he’s entirely unaffected, but this day in particular is always the worst.

Five years ago today. Alec knew the date, how could he not? But he didn’t realize that date fell on the first Wednesday of the month when they set up October’s Cabinet meeting, and by the time he noticed he refused to cancel because of it. He didn’t want Magnus to see it as a sign that he still hurts, that he still cares.

Even if he does both of those things far more than he wants to admit.

So now they sit across from one another, Magnus a vision in crimson and black, eyeliner as sharp as his wit while he and Lily share a back-and-forth over something that Alec tunes in and out of. Maia meets his gaze with a sympathetic smile and he returns the gesture knowing they’ll talk later no matter how much he insists that he’s fine.

A few times he nearly cuts the meeting short, rushing as much as he can without being obvious about it. He makes it through in one piece and breathes a sigh of relief as they conclude, waiting for Magnus to leave alongside the others -- except he doesn’t.

Instead, Magnus brings up the anniversary, and Alec is so full of dread that it roots him to the spot when all he wants to do is run.

“Do you regret it?” Magnus asks, and Alec could laugh if he wasn’t so impossibly heartbroken. He doesn’t regret it - he can’t, not when it was everything Magnus needed. Alec heard talk of him the years he was gone, following Magnus’ kind deeds and heroics through casual gossip and a few feelers he occasionally out for word of him. And looking at him now, thriving after years of traveling the world before settling back into his position of the High Warlock of Brooklyn, he’d do it all again.How could he regret the gift that gave the man he loves his entire life - his very sense of self - back?

He can’t say that, though. He can’t tell Magnus that he still loves him, even after all this time. That it kills him to sit in these meetings and treat him like a stranger, and yet the alternative would hurt so much more.

So instead he deflects. “Do you regret having your magic back?”

“No,” Magnus admits, and for a moment Alec feels validated.  “But I regret what it cost me.”

“Don’t, Magnus. I can’t do this. Not today.”  Alec already had two breakdowns that day in anticipation of this stupid meeting, of seeing him, today of all days. He spent the entire morning taking his emotions out on the punching bag in the training room, the sting still lingering in his fingers even now, hours later; that was after a restless night spent waking up in tears over and over again. He just needs today to be over.

He needs this conversation to be over.

“Alexander-” Magnus starts, and Alec is almost too startled at the sound of his full name coming from his ex’s lips to notice Magnus’ eyes focused on his hands. Almost. Once he does Alec snaps his arm down to his side before bringing his hands to clasp behind his back.

“Don’t.” Alec repeats. He means for it to come out as an order, but instead it’s pleading and he hates himself for the desperation of it.

“Alec, please-”

“No. You don’t get to do this to me. You don’t get to pretend to care all of a sudden.” It comes out in a burst of anger and he’s furious with Magnus for bringing all of this up, for ruining the peace they had since his return to the city.

“It isn’t- Alec, I never stopped caring about you.” Alec hears the words but he can’t believe them. Not with how easily Magnus walked away, vanishing from his life without a trace.

“You wanted nothing to do with me. You left for years. Years, Magnus, without a single word. I gave you my ring and you left it behind like it meant nothing to you! Like I meant nothing to you.” He swore to himself he’d be fine, that seeing Magnus today would be just like seeing him any other day. But, of course, this is far from any other day. It’s the anniversary of the worst day of his life, and now he’s reliving every second of it in his mind. Alec feels the sting of tears in his eyes and blinks them away furiously.

“I left so you could heal. So you could move on without me lingering over your shoulder. I owed you at least that much, after everything you sacrificed for me. That’s why I left the ring -- it belonged to whoever you would give your heart to after me. I lost the right to keep it the moment I let you make that deal for me.”

Alec stares, his hand instinctively reaching up to the ring on the thin silver chain around his neck. When he came back that night to find the ring left behind on the dresser it hurt more than realizing Magnus left without a word. It was bad enough to know that he wasn’t enough, but coming home to discover Magnus deliberately left that last memory of him behind felt like the final nail in the coffin.

“There was never going to be anyone else,” Alec admits, the words barely more than a whisper. “That’s why I gave it to you. I knew-” his throat tightens and he swallows hard against the swell of emotion. He shouldn’t. He shouldn’t expose himself like this. Another deep breath and he steels himself again. “It doesn’t matter now.  It’s been years; we’ve both moved on with our lives.”

“Have we?” Magnus questions.

“No,” Alec admits, cursing the briefest smile that tugs at his lips over that amusing way Magnus has of pointing out the obvious. “I suppose we haven’t. But it isn’t like we can just pretend the last five years never happened, either. Like I didn’t spend months of my life so devastated I could barely get out of bed every morning I woke up alone and remembered-” Alec cuts himself off abruptly. This isn’t Magnus’ fault. He knew the risk when he brought the choice to him, he knew there was always a chance that Magnus would choose his magic. But logic has no role in the resentment he can’t seem to shake. “I’m sorry. I can’t just go back to the way things were before.”

“Don’t apologize. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. You’re right. We can’t go back... but we can move forward?” Even before Magnus finishes his suggestion Alec is shaking his head. To jump back into a relationship again would be disastrous.

“I’m not so sure that’s a great-”

“I’m not saying get back together, just... We can get coffee. Talk. See if there’s something left to salvage.”

Years of heartbreak tell him to say no, but the newfound clarity the last few minutes provided leaves him considering the offer… the potential to rectify 5 years of silent misconceptions and ill-will between both of them.

It’s just coffee, he tells himself. Another conversation, just like this one, and probably even more enlightening. Alec does have questions… so many questions he barely kept himself from asking these last two years. Worst case scenario it’s a complete disaster and they go right back to not speaking. But best case scenario?

It feels foolish to hope after all this time, but that’s exactly what Alec finds himself doing. Hoping, for the first time in years.

“Alright,” Alec agrees, surprising himself with the sudden confidence he feels in the decision. “But you’re buying.”

“Anything you say, Alexander,” Magnus says, and this time it doesn’t hurt to hear.

This time it feels like coming home.

[padawanlost]

Hi, sry this is a rough topic. Maybe bc Im not american I don’t understand the pov where people heavily like to bash Anakin for killing tusken raiders. I understand killing woman and children is wrong and no Im not getting him off the hook with that and I think he pays for it with his humanity in ep3 when he kills the younglings anyways. However, there are many who just call them “innocents” and I find that OOC...[]

[…] In the movies we only hear about how terrible and “monstrous” they are, and unofficial guide books shows how much of awful beings they’re supposed to be. Someone said it’s racist thing and again not an american so Idk about that, but the overall canon shows that they are indeed not so innocent adult or children alike. I’m just trying to understand where all the sympathy is coming from? Is it just another Anakin hate? What do you think? 

Hey!

Well, what Anakindid was wrong so many people hate him for it, that part is simple. Everything else, isn’t. I’ve seen peoplesay Anakin killed them because he was entitled, because he was “crazy”, he was afascist, etc. None of that is true, the movie make his reasons for slaughteringthat group pretty obvious. He did it because of what was done to Shmi.

However,what Anakin did was also textbook genocide. The moment Anakin slaughtered everyone who he identified as a TuskenRaider, instead of slaughtering only the responsible for the Shmi’s death hiscrimes evolved from murder motivated by revenge to genocide motivated by revenge*(more on this later). But, to be fair, that’s only part of story. We only seeAnakin’s real genocidal tendencies once he becomes Vader. Now, Vader was deeplymotivated by his prejudice against the Tusken and Tatooine in general.

 This world means as much to me as a speck of dust, and all its inhabitants might as well be dust too. As he returned to the Devastator, Vader considered the fact that Tatooine could be reduced to dust by the Death Star. He wondered if watching the sand planet’s obliteration might bring him any pleasure. It was a possibility he wouldn’t rule out. [The Rise and Fall of Darth Vaderby Ryder Windham]

Here is the thing: Anakin didcommit genocide and the Tusken did tortured Shmi. Honestly, I think the situationway too complex to label any of the parts simply as innocent or guilty.

People sympathizewith Tusken because they don’t like Anakin but, also, because the anti-TuskenRaiders movement was very real and widespread in Tatooine.

“What is driving them so close to thefarms?” Owen asked. “It’s been too longsince we’ve organized anything against them,” Cliegg replied gruffly. “We let the beasts run free, and they’re forgettingthe lessons we taught them in the past.” He looked hard at Owen’s skepticalexpression. “You have to go out thereand teach the Tuskens their manners every now and again.” Owen just stoodthere, having no response. “See how long it’s been?” Cliegg said with a snort.“You don’t even remember the last timewe went out and chased off the Tuskens! There’s the problem, right there!” [R.A.Salvatore’s Attack of the Clones]

The Lars family was being serenadedthrough yet another night by the lowing of many banthas. None of the four hadany doubt that Tuskens were out there, not far from the farm, perhaps even thenwatching its lights. “They’re wildbeasts, and we should have gotten the Mos Eisley authorities to exterminatethem like the vermin they are. Them and the stinking Jawas!” Shmi sighedand put her hand on her husband’s tense forearm. “The Jawas have helped us,”she reminded him gently. “Then not the Jawas!” Cliegg roared back, and Shmi jumped.Taking note of Shmi’s horrified expression, Cliegg calmed at once. “I’m sorry.Not the Jawas, then. But the Tuskens.They kill and steal whenever and wherever they can. No good comes of them!”[R.A. Salvatore’s Attack of the Clones]

The Tuskenraiders were victims. They were one of the native civilizations of Tatooine andthey were invaded over and over again for centuries. So, of course, they were forcedto adapt to survive and so also developed an understanding hatred of outsiders.And that hatred turned into violence and that violence affected both sides ofthe conflict. We all know what happens when a society invades another, and whathappened in Tatooine and the Tuskens wasn’t all that different from our ownworld. Their culture was “incompatible” with the invaders and, being outnumberand overpowered, they become the ostracized group (the savages, instead one ofthe rightful owners of the land). That created a cycle of violence thatresulted in many deaths on all sides.

Fearsome desert savages inhabiting the rocky JundlandWastes, Tusken Raiders are the foremost reason Tatooine colonists do not wanderfar from their isolated communities. Extremelyterritorial and xenophobic, Tusken Raiders will attack with very littleprovocation. They show no allegiance toeven their native world-mates, as these nomads have attacked Jawa scoutingparties on occasion. They have even gathered numbers large enough to attack theoutskirts of smaller towns like Anchorhead. [x]

The Tuskenwere victims, but that doesn’t meanthey were innocent. Understanding thereasons behind their behavior, doesn’t mean we can excuse it. Very much likeAnakin, you can be a victim and still be responsible for atrocious actions.

 Annie was [Shmi] comfort, her placeto hide from the pain the Tuskens had, and were, exacting upon her batteredbody. Every day they came in andtortured her a bit more, prodding her with sharp spears or beating her with theblunt shafts and short whips. It was more than a desire to inflict pain, Shmirealized, though she didn’t speak their croaking language. This was the Tuskenway of measuring their enemies, and from the nods and the tone of their voices,she realized that her resilience had impressed them. [R.A. Salvatore’s Attackof the Clones]

In Shmi’scase, they were not defending their territory against trespassers or securingtheir resources. There was no moral justification for what they did. The self-defenserhetoric doesn’t work here. There’re no excuse for Anakin’s actions but thereare no excuses for this cruelty either. One crime doesn’t justify another. TheTuskens being ostracized by Tatooine’s powerful groups, doesn’t make it alrightfrom them to kill and torture people. What Anakin did was terribly wrong but it’sobvious that his actions were motivated by vengeance, fear and rage, notmadness, racism or entitlement.

Don’t getme wrong, racism against Tusken Raiders in Tatooine did exist. But Anakin’sactions that particular night was not motivated by it. Anakin andShmi were victims of the Tusken. But that doesn’t make Anakin innocent. The sameway they had no right to torture and kill Shmi, Anakin had no right to slaughterthem. 

Anakin, too, had heard the voice ofQui-Gon, imploring him to restrain himself, to deny the rage. He hadn’t recognized it, though, for he was too full of pain and anger. He spotted a Tusken woman to theside, in front of another of the tents, carrying a pail of dirty water, and sawa Tusken child in the shadows of another nearby hut, staring at him with anincredulous expression. Then he was moving, though he was hardly aware of hisactions. [R.A. Salvatore’s Attack of the Clones]

Anakin had nothing against the Tusken before Shmi’s death. He and Shmi were one of the few people in Tatooine who were willing to help them. In fact,before Shmi’s death, Anakin risked his own life to help Tusken Raiders. As achild here is what he thought about Tusken Raiders:

The residents of Mos Espa, themselvesa less than respectable citizenry, hated the Sand People with a passion. Anakin had not yet made up his mind aboutthem. The stories were chilling, but he knew enough of life to know there weretwo sides to every story and mostly only one being told. He was intrigued bythe wild, free nature of the Tuskens, of a life without responsibility orboundaries, of a community in which everyone was considered equal. [The Phantom Menace by TerryBrooks]

“Master Anakin, we really shouldn’tbe out here at night,” the droid observed after a moment. “This country isquite dangerous.” “But we couldn’t leavehim, could we?” “Oh, well, that’s a very difficult determination to make.” […]TheTusken regarded him intently for a long minute, then slowly eased into asitting position, his wounded leg stretched out in front of him. “Uh, hello,”Anakin said, trying out a smile. The Tusken Raider made no response. “Are you thirsty?” the boy asked.[…] Finallyhe spoke again. The boy looked quickly at C-3PO. “He wants to know what you aregoing to do with him, Master Anakin,” the droid translated. Anakin looked backat the Tusken, confused. “Tell him I’m not going to do anything with him,” hesaid. “I’m just trying to help him getwell.” [The Phantom Menace by Terry Brooks]

That doesn’tsound like the thoughts of a person corrupted and motivated by prejudice. Andonce he left the Tatooine, his views didn’t change because here is whathappened when he met A'Sharad Hett (aJedi and Tusken):

As Obi-Wan approached the balcony, hecaught Anakin in the middle of asking astream of questions while the masked figure stood silently, watching thestars emerge over the vast cityscape. “You’re from Tatooine, too?” Anakin saidto his unresponsive companion. “Can you understand Basic? You might not believethis, but not too long ago, I actually saved a Tusken Raider’s life! I foundhim when I was out in the Xelric Draw. He was a bit bigger than you. Maybe he’sa friend of yours? Do you know where the Xelric Draw is? Or maybe your peoplehave another name for it? Did you ever see —?” [Ryder Windham’s The Life andLegend of Obi-Wan Kenobi]

Obi-Wan bowed slightly and said, “Iam Obi-Wan Kenobi.” Before the figure could respond, Anakin interjected, “Ithink he’s a Tusken Raider from Tatooine!” Pointing to the weapons at theTusken’s belt, Anakin added, “But he’s aJedi too, like us. Only he has two lightsabers.” Indeed, the quiet figureon the balcony was, by all appearances, a Tusken Raider. Obi-Wan could see hisown reflection as he peered into the red lenses of the Tusken Jedi’s goggles.“Please forgive my impetuous Padawan’s manners,” Obi-Wan said. “We welcome youto the Jedi Order, A’Sharad Hett.” [Ryder Windham’s The Life and Legend ofObi-Wan Kenobi]

Anakins, despitegrowing up surrounded by people hating on Tusken Raiders, was actually surprisinglyaccepting of them. He demonstrated no fear, no hate and no reservations, only ahealthy childish curiosity.

His viewsonly changed after Shmi’s death. and even then, he still managed to work with  A'Sharad Hett, who re-humanized the Tusken Raidersin Anakin’s eyes by removing his mask and showing him how similar they were.Anakin even confessed to Hett what happened in Tatooine. Unfortunately, after the war, as Vader, hewas too consumed by fear and hate to ever deal with what he did and change howhe looked at the Tusken.

To put it simply: the Tuskens were victims. That’s clear byhow some characters talk about them. But that doesn’t mean they are beyondreproach or are morally justified in everything they do. And it also doesn’tmean that what happened to Shmi wasn’t terrible crime or that Anakin killed thembecause he was entitled, privileged or racist.

Fans sympathize with the Tusken Raiders because they are were ostracized and killedby a violent and corrupt society that completely dehumanized them. And somepeople do try to make it all about Anakin and how Anakin is the worst™, whenin truth, the situation is much more complex than that.

The key here, imo, is to understand that though the Tusken Raiders were violent and victimized many Tatooine residents, they were also victims and have been victimized themselves. And that Anakin, though guilty of many crimes, wasn’t part of this particular problem until Shmi was killed. There victims on both sides, not many innocents.

[tragically-broken]

Tag

Rules: always post the rules, answer the questions given to you, write 11 questions of your own and tag 11 people.

Thank you for tagging me @iwouldtrusthagridwithmylife !!!!!! <3

1. When is your birthday?

September 27th (gonna be 21 soon WHOOP WHOOP)

2. Favorite season?

Winter/Fall who doesn’t love sweaters?

3. Favorite villain?

friiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick idk man this is hard......where movies are concerned definetly Bucky Barns......as far as books id have to say Arobynn (although i do wish we were granted more of his backstory...) 

4. Stars or the Moon?

Moon. If you stare at is long enough you can see the parts of the moon that are engulfed in shadows.

5. Favorite book?

I. CANT. CHOOSE. everything sjm OKAAAAAAY 

6. An unpopular opinion?

I’m sad that Az and Mor will never be a thing bc mY BABY BAT HAS BEEN THROUGH A LOT OKAY.

7. If you could be any mythological/magical creature, what would you be?

Witch. 

8. Which book character can you see yourself in the most (Personality/Character traits-wise)?

When I was in middle school I identified myself w/ Katniss, but now I’d have to say Nesta. 

9. Which book character, in your opinion, do you think would be the best partner for you?

Lord bless there are some sexy fictional men let me tell you.....probably Rhys or Cassian??? 

10. If you could control any one of the 4 elements, which would you choose?

Water

11. Your OTP?

Too many to count tbh lol .....Nessain, Feysand, Rowaelin, Elorcan.....sjm has some great ships man 

Their questions:

1. What’s your name?

Victoria

2. Do you like Harry Potter? Which one is your favourite about HP?

LOVE IT! Probably the 4 one??? idk they’re all amazing 

3. If you could live in a book what would it be?

Book life sounds rough, but I’d have to say ACOMAF 

4. If you could bring to life a fictional character, who will it be?

CASSIAN

5. Rainy days or sunny days?

Rainy days are perfect for reading 

6. Which book you started and you couldn’t finished?

I’ve had a few like that....Ice Kissed (plot annoyed me), The Red Pyramid (not mature enough), First Born (plot was stupid) 

7. Where’s you favourite place to read?

If I’m reading on my phone the bathtub

If I’m reading a physical book then on the couch/bed

8. If you could had a superpower what would it be?

I would either want to fly or have control over all the elements. 

9. You OTP:  prefer smut scenes or romantic scenes?

Romantic scenes that turn into smut scenes got me weak in the knees

10. What book made you cry like there was no tomorrow?

Oh gosh so many its embarrassing.....but I’d have to say Allegiant was one of the worst WOW (i think it was so bad bc i was in a bad place personally??)

11. Read books with music or without?

If I do use music (which i don’t usually) it has to be instrumental.

My Questions:

1. When you’re sad what makes you feel better?

2. When was the last time someone told you they love you?

3. Have you ever lost a friend? Why?

4. Would you rather have a lot of friends or a few close friends?

5. Have you ever been drunk before, and was the experience good or bad?

6. Have you ever been in love?

7. What makes you feel the most alive?

8. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

9. Have you ever wanted to shave your head?

10. Do you have any tattoos?

11. If you could do anything right now what would it be?

I tagged:

@tintinnabulary @kylar-black @vndertale @dr-woodsprite @akcrion @sparkleywonderful @propshophannah @fuzzballsheltiepants @luna-colorata @catastrophicallyinlovewithbooks @foreverlovingthenightskies

[solemnduty-blog]

meta post from  1 / 24 / 2016  ( redux )

       picard  ( any rank )  drunkenly tripping over something like a chair or the threshold to another room and all anyone hears is loud and passionate swearing in nearly incomprehensible french.  or at  RIKER  &  DEANNA’S  WEDDING  bc you can bet your ass there’ll be crates of chateau picard  & singing  “auprès de ma blonde”  ( like he did with his brother robert in season 4 )  after  ( half-assed )  teaching it to riker and wesley and et cetera

singing “sur le pont d’avignon”  ...   s6:  the chain of command,  part two  //  while being tortured  for vital information on starfleet’s defense strategies   picard:  [ on the floor,  sleep deprived and dehydrated ]  sur le pont d'avignon,  on y danse on y danse --  madred  ( torturer ):  wake up!  where were you? picard:  at home.  sunday dinner.  we would all sing afterward. madred:  what a charming picture.  the picard family,  voices raised in song.  is this what's keeping you from breaking?  memories of home and hearth?  images of happier times?  i must congratulate you.  you're remarkably strong willed.   

...  and “frère jacques”  to will & deanna’s  ( future )  kids.  s5:  disaster  //  while giving a tour to the winners of the ship’s school science fair,  shit goes down and picard,  with his broken ankle,  coaxes the three kids to climb before the turbo-lift plummets,  killing them all picard:  we're right with you, patterson.  you're not going to fall.  everything will be all right if you just keep climbing.  what we need is a climbing song.  marissa,  is there a song you sing at school? marissa:  the laughing vulcan and his dog? picard:  ...i’m afraid i don't know that one.  i know!  frère jacques. that's a song i used to sing when i was at school.  patterson,  do you know that one?  good.  it goes like this:  frère jacques,  frère jacques,  dormez vous?  dormez vous? all:  sonnez les matines,  sonnez les matines,  ding ding dong,  ding ding dong. picard:  very good.  now,  keep singing.

        “ON BOARD A MAN O’ WAR”  there's many a brave commander*,  with grief he shook his head  /  but yet their grief had no relief,  for nelson,  he lay dead.  /  it was a fatal musket ball that caused our hero for to fall.  /  he cried  `fight on.  god bless you all '  on board a man of war.

generations  ( film ) picard: right.  oh,  …from being a small child,  i can remember being told about the family line.  the picard who fought at trafalgar.  

s3:  the best of both worlds,  part one guinan:  trouble sleeping? picard:  something of a tradition,  guinan.  the captain touring the ship before a battle. guinan:  before a hopeless battle,  if i remember the tradition correctly. picard:  not necessarily.  nelson toured the HMS Victory before trafalgar. guinan:  yes,  but nelson never returned from trafalgar, did he? picard:  no,  but the battle was won. [ note ]  he’s summoned to the bridge before they finish this conversation,  and soon kidnapped by the borg  in front of  ( commander * )  riker and the rest of the bridge crew

“DON’T FORGET YOUR OLD SHIPMATE” o,  long we’ve tossed on the rolling main,  now we’re safe ashore,  jack

s1:  conspiracy  “friends,  close friends,  are few and far between.  two of the oldest and closest are jack crusher,  may he rest in peace,  and walker keel.  before various missions split us apart,  we were virtually inseperable.”

hc:  he quietly sings it to himself on the anniversary of their deaths over a glass of chateau picard   

OTHER POEMS: THE SECRET OF THE SEA THE SAILOR BOY  ( “fool,”  he answer’d ,  “death is sure  /  to those that stay and those that roam,  /  but i will nevermore endure  /  to sit with empty hands at home. ) CHRISTMAS AT SEA  ( “and well i knew the talk they had,  the talk that was of me,  /  of the shadow on the household and the son that went to sea;  /  and o the wicked fool i seemed,  in every kind of way,  /  to be here and hauling frozen ropes on blessed christmas day.” )

[ note ]  s6:  tapestry  //  picard dies after being shot,  serving as a federation diplomat;  when he awakens,  he finds Q bathed in golden light and is indignant as fuck

Q:  very well.  if you really require more evidence of your post-mortem status,  i guess i’ll just have to provide you some. maurice:  jean-luc,  i told you not to go running off to that academy. picard:  father!  maurice:  i told you that starfleet would bring you to a bad end,  but you wouldn’t listen.  now look at you.  dead before your time. picard:  Q, enough of this. Q:  enough what? maurice:  why couldn’t you have listened?  didn’t you know that i was working for your best interests? picard:  Q, stop this. maurice:  after all these years,  even now,  you manage to disappoint me, jean-luc.    

A SAILOR’S SONG  ( “and swish of rope and ring of chain  /  are music to men who sail the main.  /  then,  if you love me,  let me sail  /  while a vessel dares the deep;” ) 

[ note ]  s1:  we’ll always have paris  //  the enterprise responds to a distress signal;  the wife of the scientist responsible for the chaos is the equivalent of picard’s high school sweetheart,  whom he left behind to pursue his career in starfleet

jenice:  i waited all day.  and it was raining.  it rained the rest of the week.  i went to starfleet headquarters looking for you,  but you'd already shipped out.  so,  come on,  jean-luc.  let's hear the truth. picard:  it was fear.  fear of seeing you,  losing my resolve.  fear of staying,  losing myself.  fear that neither of these choices was right,  and that -- and that either would have -- jenice:  for a long time,  not a day went by when i didn't look up into the sky,  and wonder. picard:  each time that i returned to earth,  my thoughts were filled with you. jenice:  i’ve thought a lot about this over the years,  and perhaps you're leaving out your greatest fear.  the real reason you left. picard:  which was? jenice:  that life with me would have somehow made you ordinary.  

L’HOMME ET LA MER  ( man and the sea )  

hc: will riker recites  “o captain!  my captain!”  at some point after picard’s death thanks to  @psychiatrys​

[1/15/2016 9:56:23 pm] numbah one:  we can make this happen [1/15/2016 9:56:33 pm] master of the stars.: bring it [1/15/2016 9:57:23 pm] numbah one:  i bloody will [1/15/2016 9:57:26 pm] master of the stars.:  here captain [1/15/2016 9:57:31 pm] master of the stars.:  dear father [1/15/2016 9:57:36 pm] master of the stars.: this arm beneath your head [1/15/2016 9:58:11 pm] numbah one: it is some dream that on the deck you’ve fallen cold and dead

“HEART OF OAK” ( here’s the full,  actual song ) sung by an impostor,  yes,  but said impostor has full access to picard’s real memories

s3:  allegiance picard  ( impostor ): you know, back when i was in the academy,  we would follow every toast with a song [ note ] this could be supported by the fact that various crew members eventually join in,  clearly familiar with the words

[napandasandwich]

baby draft of something i’m working on to get through vento aureo feelings

our scars make us is the tentative title bc i cannot name things for the life of me

------

each section describes no color but that the new character brings and is associated with

-

until /green/ which describes trees getting their new leaves and, sparingly, the way the characters and their colors come together in harmony and discord, and each brings their own color to the scene, like spring

then the history, his perspective

then the sun, then the girl, then gold, then the end

1. orange 2. red 3. purple 4. blue 5. green 6. yellow 7. black & white 8. pink 9. gold 10. silver

----

orange is for fugo, like warning colors in animals, his bright anger and brighter intelligence, the shiver, the nervousness in nails bitten to the quick, the fidgeting, the simmering mass of emotions, the snapping to focus, his bright ostentatious clothes that he fidgets in, the orange jacket, bright bright bright and searing, to the point where you were surprised when his stand was purple, but it makes sense as his shadow, the purple of a bruise faded to orange smears at the edges, how anything made his skin go red, hand tap tap tapping an orange pen on the paperwork, artfully slicing a cheese, holding a boxcutter with a safety orange handle to a man’s eye, hands on various object with a nervousness before he set to the task but competency once he’s on his way, the love of rules and systems he knew but could never force himself to fit inside, last scene is him cutting an orange with a knife and offering it over more paperwork, orange pools of light in the late night warm companionship of bruno’s apartment, orange settling into bruno’s cool grey life and warming it

----

red is for narancia, the blood around him, the stink of infection and how easily his face goes red when he's angry or cries, passion and a loud voice and music and violence, everything about narancia is bright now that he's better and you would die to preserve that because always in your mind the image of a boy in a hospital bed, eyes and heart vacant and forgotten and scared, blood on the pillow and the way fugo's nails dug so deep into his hands they drew blood, and how when you banished naracia from joining you he didn't know that you'd already taken pains to kill/threaten those who'd hurt him, that fugo was in charge of keeping an eye on him and how your own rage had snapped when you found out fugo had given him an introduction to polpo, narancia's face going red when he cried and screamed as you tried to send him home, his cheeks still red when he fell asleep later, safe as you could make him while knowing that his blood was now already on your hands

----

Purple is mista, excess, freedom, the first time bruno picked one of his own, how bruised and hurt mista was by prison and that bruno got him his gun (? Check?), wine and all the rich things in life, crushed grapes, berries, a woman in a purple dress, his chatter to nara and fugo a background noise that drew fugo’s annoyance and nara out of himself, the sound of music in the house, mista ducking into a shop to come out with pastries for each of them sticky and oversweet, turning mista away as soon as the body in the alley drops, handing him off to fugo with a look as the purpleblack spreads on the pavement and bruno hurries to call stickyfingers, the sky overhead going purpledark in the summer as mista came wandering home from a long walk, gun in his waistband and a hum in his throat, bruises on his knuckles and a smile on his face, and his cheeks are never gaunt anymore

----

Blue is abbacchio, love and pain and lust and most of all a strange companionship. Power imbalance and worshipfulness, self-degradation, a beautiful afternoon, the stink of a drunk, the refinement and expansiveness he tries to crush, loving someone who wants to self destruct and how hard it is to have someone always turn away when you offer vulnerability, self doubt and finally a creeping despair of things changing, but through it all love love love, the swell of orchestra and the magnetism, the color of the open sky, something ascendant, of heaven, his old uniform and the sea beside the cafe where you first realized you were in love, blue bruises from fights and blue in the shadows of the bottles of liquor and the blue of blood and of a sacred broken heart, wishing he could see himself still, wishing he would see you, catching your breath that sometimes you think he does but the love lying unspoken between you is just as bright and unknowable as heaven itself, an open question forever unanswered

-----

Green (we green and growing things), a year of early spring, new leaves in the trees and something stirring in the air, the smell of cut plants, things were getting better for the gang

-----

Yellow is giorno's arrival, associated with light, flowers, bees, the sun, flashing everywhere in the reflection of a luxury car, he is like the sun and yet still almost a child, new things, perhaps the flowering of what began in green, his is hope

----

then in black and white, bruno's actual view becomes clear, rather than just scenes that include him as focus. colors become absent from bruno's life with the loss of his parents, and once he joins the gang formally and gets his stand he gives up on himself and his life includes no color/passion, only emptiness and careful balancing acts and unease.

Those colors are also identified with nero and then white noise on the phone (pledging allegiance to silence) and the simple logic of following orders, superiors and subordinates, gang members vs civilians/everyone else, who lives and who dies according to rules he just has to follow, step by step

(we also find out about bruno's particular method of body disposal and that that was a role he played before he was given his own subordinate in the form of fugo, partly because polpio felt bruno was wasted as a bullied junior member of another gang)

then one by one, he is given his gang (none were technically chosen by him, but each chose to stay with him) and color returns to his life, slowly, through his interactions with him which lead him to finally feel that there is perhaps more to life than taking orders until his untimely death.

----

in yellow it's revealed that although polpio nearly raised bruno for while and was always his direct superior, he was abusive. when giorno kills polpio bruno's feelings are mixed, but the end result is still that giorno killed his abuser and freed an essential part of him that had until then been trapped.

----

in pink we discover that bruno's choice to save trish was the *first* time he had ever gone against orders at all, and that yes he was both dead and freaking out v badly. but she was someone he could save, the way he had wanted to keep his gang safe and even get them out of the gang one day. and she reminded him of his mother, quiet and strong-willed and unfairly treated as a pawn by the world.

----

gold is about bruno's feelings about giorno re the longevity of the gang and it's stability if something happened to him, and his own choice to embrace battle and a final death in the face of a way to break the cycle of the world in which his has grown up and that has shaped and hurt every one of his people. willingness to see the world change, at any cost, even though he never wanted to pay the price it took and did begin to doubt himself, but in the end there is only one choice, a final choice, and everything else doesn't matter.

short section about bruno's willness to die, and his gratitude for each of the people who brought color to his life, as it begins to seep away for a final time

Trish. Giorno. Abbacchio. Mista. Narancia. Fugo. I'm sorry.

----

[drop silver as a chapter name, use epilogue?]

a man walks by a cafe where someone gets up to help him with a bag, their walking leads them through an alleyway where the taller tugs the shorter to a brief stop, a momentary kiss, they talk of their friends briefly, and then they go on together beyond the bend in the road

----

I'd forgot how to daydream So consumed with the wrong things, but in The dark, I realized this life is short And deep down, I'm still a child Playful eyes, wide and wild, I can't Lose hope, what's left of my heart's still made of gold

and i know that i'm still fucked up but aren't we all my love darling our scars make us who we are, are

when the winds are howling strong and you feel you can't go on hold tight sweetheart you'll find a rainbow/

Rainbow - Kesha

[survivingjapan]

EPISODE 4 “The World Doesn't Revolve Around Jaiden Hantz” Jaiden

I voted for Jonathan because I thought that's what people were doing. Ashley went home.... Jonathan called out Alex after tribal who is my ONLY ally in this game.... I did the duel and lost so now we have to go straight back to tribal after a fucked up messy vote........ do i want to be alive???????

NGRJKDLANVJKADFLNJVKAVFDNAJNVADNVJ;ANEFUBNVAUDBNFJBNAVJKBNDAVJADSNBJVADSVNJKLADVNS I CAN'T BELIEVE I WON LMFAO SHOUTOUT TO MY ROOMMATE FOR HEARING ME BE THE RUDEST I'VE EVER BEEN TO HIM! I'M SORRY RYAN! SHOUTOUT TO Ruthie/Kendall/Alex/Drew (whichever one I decided upon) for saving your life in this game an extra round. I was about to vote you out, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Tbh I was kinda looking forward to losing this round and dedicating tonight to plotting someone's life being destroyed, but I guess winning is okay too. Now my tribe likely won't vote me out because I saved their asses because everyone was fucking PRAISING Ashton for winning last time, so now I guess I'm in the same boat, but he did his for 5 hours and I did mine for 12 minutes, but oh well. Sorry Richie, I hope you don't go home because you gave it your all! I also totally probably wouldn't have won that duel if it wasn't Survivor Trivia considering it's one of the only things in life I'm actually good at. Time to get high now :)

Why haven't they exiled Jaiden, who says that the reason the word "SOMEONE" was capitalized was because it had to be a fat person. Jaiden ur dumb bye

So after Brian was rescued and Pat sent home, I knew I might have put myself out there a little far.....so knowing that we're going to tribal again, I want to pull back the reigns and slide back into the shadows.

The three names that are coming up most often are Jonathan, Ashley, and Kage. Jonathan's name seemed the most rampant in the earlier part of the round until he came online to form a power alliance between himself, Sarah, Brian, Tommy, Junior, Jaiden, and myself. This changed the minds of the people in the alliance to targeting Ashley instead (given that she was semi-inact and on the outer)

Side-Note: Brian, Sarah, and I have an alliance so it works perfectly for us to camouflage.

And Kage, oh silly Kage, thinking that Ashley was somehow the right person to go after for his game....basically campaigned against her too despite her campaigning against Jonathan, thus helping both of them. Classic Kage.

Anyways. I was going to tell Alex about it considering I still had allegiance to him (as Junior did to Linus and Richie), but then I come to find out that he was co-leading an alliance with Kage that included the two of them, Tommy, Linus, and Ashley. Tommy claimed it had been made the first round and had halfway dissolved but thought I should know since we are so "close" and since they flipped on him in the first vote...

Now, although I'm not sure I believe it entirely yet, I didn't tell Alex about the vote going against Ashley because A) I kinda thought he knew B) In the case that Tommy is telling the truth, I don't want to be the idiot that caused a correct idol play to occur and have Jonathan go home. I can mend my bridge with Alex despite what the truth is, but I can't mend the bridge with my alliance if I were the reason one of them went home.

So although Ashley seemed like a gem, she had to go....now let's hope I can stay in the safe-zone and stay alive at our next tribal...

Kage is such a sweet guy and I know he means no harm but girl... you're going home.  It was inevitable that his target was going to be front and center and it seems like this round is his unless he pulls out an idol.  I do think that he would vote another direction, say Richie or Jonathan, but I'm not 100% sure.  He thinks it would be iconic if we went from enemies to allies, as do I, but I'm not sure if that's in my best interest.

I told Richie a lot of stuff this round so far because I want him to trust me.  We didn't have any layer of trust built up yet, so I needed to do that quick, and I think I have successfully done that.

Also, Jonathan tried to pull a big move and mentioned maybe actually targeting Richie like Kage suggested to him, but I shut that shit down real quick.  I don't think it's a good move to save someone who we could work with in the future and is trustworthy as of yet compared to someone who is a complete mess and has thrown so many names out there to be targeted. So all-in-all, I'm not playing a huge game, but I do want to toot my own horn and say that I think I'm playing this game much better now. ^~^

so yeah voted in minority and lost duel but today brian tells me that people have been saying my name for this vote so i turned up my social game and have been talking to people all day and then now tommy just confronted me saying that ashley told tommy that i told ashley that tommy was voting for ashley last night... which is complete bullshit because i didnt tell ashley shit and i was the only person to not vote her out so why the fuck would i be throwing shit around and why would she be throwing me under the bus when i was the only person on her side??? but then tommy told me that ashley told him that alex told ashley that i told alex that tommy was voting ashley... which i DID tell alex that tommy was voting ashley so thats possibly true but of course i told tommy i didnt say shit lmao and then tommy was trying to be like "so alex is the one trying to stir shit?" and i know i need to save myself but i cant throw alex under the bus to save myself because hes the only person in this game that i trust even though his stupid ass dumb fucking mouth got me in trouble in the first place but if he leaves then i'm alone and fucked anyway and i just hate everyone.....

i've been on a bit of a campaign trail trying to talk about the fact that its heroes vs villains and the hosts are going to play up the theme and keep the tribes this way for a while without a swap so keep me around because im an asset in challenges i made the flag i particiapted in the scavenger hunt and i stepped up for the duel( even though i floppped) and that im alone in the game so use me as a number im out of the loop strategically so just keep me around.... idk whats going to happen

i hope and feel like im good with brian alex junior and jaiden + myself thats 5 people and majority is 6 so if i can figure out a way to defuse and deescalate the situation and maybe just make people like me enough they dont want to vote me out i'll be able to stick around but i dont have high hopes because this tribe is a fucking mess where one name gets thrown out then everyone jumps on it and waffles back and forth for hours on what to do until its the last second and they just decide to go with the most prominent name so they keep themselves safe this is the most usless group of people ive ever seen but wish me luck!

Okay, so because Queen Jonathan wants to vote out Alex, we're apparently voting Alex out?  I don't really like this.  I really don't.  I don't have a strong relationship with Alex, but I also just don't see the necessity to make this tribe look messier and messier.  It outs a big alliance, shows Kage and Richie they're on the bottom... like... why?  And it also outs Linus as a solo man.  I really just am scared.  This move seems like too much too soon.  I don't like it.

What I told Jaiden: >>Okay my issue with this big move against Alex is not anything to do with like Alex.  I don't have a good relationship with him at all bc we don't really click, so I don't care if we send him out the door, but we're not only putting Richie, Kage, and Linus on the outs if this move works, it's outing a now obvious group.  If we just vote Kage, it's a united front.  Kage isn't going to help us and although Alex and Richie might flip in the future anyway, we're villains for a reason.  And Jonathan pushing his agenda is not making me feel any better.  I don't want to look back and be like, "Why did we let jonathan do whatever the fuck he wanted?"

Trying to figure out the game like

Also god bless Johnny and his Survivor knowledge

havent done of these in a while. so anyways, here's where i'm at. i've got a seven person alliance, i hate kage and alex, linus is suspect af, and i could probably get screwed tonight because i'm being really strategical.

tonight is the night i do NOT want to go home at, so i'm making a master plan to avoid that happening. i cracked a plan to rid this game of alex s forever, but i am almost certain that alex KNOWS about this plan and is coming for me hardcore. i blame crow or junior, maybe sarah. who knows, truly.

anyways... i told brian to vote for kage with me and hopefully richie. i'll talk to richie and be like hi pls make sure you vote for K A G E. this way, if alex has an idol, the votes at best go 3-2-1 (kage/me probs/richie) and at worst tie 3-3 (kage/me probs) and everyone else draws rocks... lmao

idk why i'm making this all about me, but the universe doesn't revolve around jaiden hantz for nothing. if i go home this fucking early after playing this fucking good... yikes.

HOWEVER: here is where the big risk comes in.

brian and i both have voted for kage. this could take the vote to 5-5-1 depending on where kage votes... which means rocks. LOL. i'm a messy bitch, this is why i'm on the villains tribe. i don't really care if we go to rocks tbh as long as its not me, brian, or tommy... because like i dont necessarily like anyone on this tribe all that much. even if it is me, that's a fucking ICONIC way to go and it's all my fault LOOOOOL. premerge king, tru!

IF this somehow happens to be the last confessional i ever write, at least i looked good writing it. i'm in such a cute position -- got people wrapped around my finger to the point where they went against their hatred of kage to do my bidding and get rid of alex. i am extremely close to people i came into this game HATING (junior and sarah for example), people i didn't even know (jonathan and brian), and people I needed to work with again (tommy and crow). not only that, but kage probably likes me. linus complimented me for being in a good position. alex... can choke idc what his opinion of me is, no offense alex!! (ur a nice guy and a good player, but GOD u intimidate the shit out of me and you have every reason to hate me). richie is aight, just quiet idk.

also, if i go home, this season was the ultimate testament to the player that i am. i take risks, big fucking risks. i have balls, and even though it's premerge, i'm not afraid to flex those muscles and pull some shit out of my ass to make things #happen. it's been fun yall! no bitterness from me here. unless i actually get voted out by the majority of the tribe, i'll rly scream then lmfao

15 minutes until tribal and im going to vomit... i feel a lot more safe now than i did earlier today but its been rough im SUCH a control freak like i want to always be in charge and know whats going on and be the one calling the shots and i know im not in that position so ive taken the back seat and turned up my social game and let everyone else do the work to save me so i wasnt putting myself in the front of the plans where it could come back on me and if it doesnt work out then im never going to forgive myself for not doing more to save myself but if i'm still here then im going to make sure that things change i'm ready to slit some metaphorical throats

*chicken voice* DAMN. I played myself! I'm like, not surprised that I went out premerge...for the fourth time... but to go out by rocks? iconic. inspiring.

other than the obvious sadness that comes with going home, i can't say that i'm really all that upset. i clearly came here to win and i was playing the type of game that could easily get me to that point, but i don't take back any of the moves i made this season... not even that one vote flip that happened. i really thought that alex had an idol! he was being really cocky last minute so i KNEW something was up... it's just disappointing to know that i couldn't have gone all the way with this this season.

my tumblr survivor story is such a mixed bag. i've had many, many failures. today is included. i didn't even make it to single digits this game, one of the most simple goals i set out for me to achieve on this attempt. while we can look at my records, my terrible placements, and all of that garbage, there is absolutely nothing that compares to the gameplay that went into this season to make things happen for me.

for once, i can say that i was not voted out early. not one person put my name down on parchment tonight, not yesterday, and not last week. i have nothing bad to say about a single person i competed against on my tribe this season (except kage sometimes), and maybe they have nothing negative to say about me, either.

i played probably the best game i've ever played in tumblr survivor. i took control, but i still listened to everyone's concerns. i calmed my anxiety from causing me to lose control of the situation. not once did i personally attack a person this season (sad to admit that this is a record for me). but most of all... i'm walking out of here, eleven days later, a changed person. now i know that i have the ability to play well, the doors are wide open for me.

i leave japan with a considerable amount of lessons learned in such a short amount of time. i leave with the strongest friendships i've ever had, new and old. but most of all? i leave overwhelming proud of the change i set forth within myself. i came here a villain and i'd like to say i'm leaving a hero. nothing can take away from the experiences i've had in this milestone game... i am so happy i did this.