#this is the second ghost/fire meek ive made

[pcktknife]

more people should make mikus based on their fave pokemon

[http-mingi]

room 657. ⤑ jjk + kth ☏︎

⟶ 𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺 : you didn't even realise you were calling a hotline. you're best friend jimin gave you a random number. he said it was a surprise ? well you're in for one.

♡︎ 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 : sexhotline!au, worker!taehyung, worker!jungkook, student!reader

♡︎ 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦 : ∝ filthy smut if you squint there’s fluff

♡︎ : 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 : sorry i fr forgot to do the word count !!

⟶ 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 : stressed reader, soft!dom jungkook, harddom!tae , big cock!tae, bigcock!jungkook, size kink??, sub!reader, pussy eating, dirty talk, face riding, hair pulling, fingering, cum eating, praise kinda?? unprotected sex, roughsex, multiple orgasms, heavy heavy dom sub themes, brat!reader , dom/sub themes, pet names, daddy!kink, threesome, dirty talk, cunnilingus, orgasm denial, begging, humiliation, creampie, intense orgasms(?), multiple orgasms, cum eating, insecurities, derogatory language, sexual face-slapping, punishments, dumbification, overstimulation, basically pwp.

let's go!

you sighed heavily as your boots clicked along the laminated floor of your university.

today so far had been a hassle. traffic kept you 2 hours late from school you were earlier fired from your job. your ex boyfriend had recently been stalking you and to top it off there was no hot water this morning.

you were beyond stressed.

most of the time you could deal with it you had thousands of stress relieving techniques. but this time you were all types of frustrated, with school, your job, sexually, friendships, family. you sighed heavily as you dragged yourself inside your classroom.

the bright walls of your university aided in your pounding headache. the distinct smell of coffee and muffins flooded your nose as you blinked slowly.

the tall dark bookcases shielding you from the sunlight as you sluggishly made your way to your seat.

you slumped down on your chair as you massaged your temples in effort to calm your self down. your headache clouded your vision immensely you hastily downed your water and some paracetamol nursing your forehead throughout.

you hadn’t been out on a real date in months. it seemed like the universe didn’t want you on dates, you rarely ever found yourself being okay with that fact.

whilst in a trance your best friend jimin walked excitedly into the classroom.

he constantly and i mean constantly reminded you off the things you were missing out on but it wasn’t like you didn’t want to go out but the issue was you were way too busy.

being an english, law and history major meant that you were constantly studying literally.

you did love him though he always tried for you.

"_____ !! " your friend jimin called out to you. you grumbled in annoyance as you turned your neck towards him.

"what." you sighed out tiredly.

" what the- what's wrong with you ______ ?!" he exclaimed loudly.

" jimin... why are you so loud. " you whine loudly.

“ shut up ___ im literally your only friend.” he said nonchalantly.

“ stopppp!” you whined with a breathy giggle.

“ anyways what are you doing here you have biology?” you asked innocently wiping your exhausted eyes.

“ uhhh... well..”

“ spit it outtt.” you say , head tilting slightly.

" sorry _____ i just- i have a number to give you and i don't call it until you get home! trust me you'll thank me later!!”

0800-765-877

it looked like a legit number so you decided to trust him this one time.

"come on ____ class ended 20 minutes ago wake up." he whined loudly.

" what.....? " you yawned as you groggily wiped your eyes.

jimin let out an exasperated sigh as he dragged you out of class and to your apartment.

" i love you but sometimes i feel like stabbing you. " he says plainly.

" sorry chim, ive just been really stressed lately. i'll make it up to you i promise."

"you can make it up to me by calling that number, it'll solve all your problems i promise."

" jimin... did you connect me to a sugar daddy or something? " you asked as you flopped down onto your sofa

" something like that." he said grinning

" okay well you can go home now . " you muttered yawning

" promise me you'll call them? "

" okay, okay now you can go. "

as jimin left you groaned into your pillow did you have to call them it wasn't really gonna change anything. but at the same time jimin would do the same for you.

your home was simple, minimalistic but you loved it your soft grey sofa in the corner. your small tv playing comfort noise in the background.

you fought your tiredness to finish your essay due for next week. you ached in places you didn't even know you had the most you were aching was down there.

you hadn't had any sexual action in weeks even months.

you decided to go up to your room to try and relive yourself.

you sighed as your hands hovered over the pulsating area.

as a finger trailed it's way up your slit you involuntarily whined as you got tired of the foreplay you plunged a finger inside your soppy cunt.

your plush walls also fighting to relish your much needed orgasm as you groaned into your pillow.

you moaned, whined, groaned and breathed heavily as you desperately tried to reach your high.

you angrily quickened your pace. you were trying so hard yet you still weren't feeling anything.

in a huff you decided to stop trying to reach your endless high.

in the corner of your eye you saw the number jimin had left you.

it wouldn't hurt to call right?

it wasn't gonna be anything weird..... right ?

you took a small breathe as your fingered trembled attempting to type in the numbers.

1 ring

2 rings

3 rings

......

" h-hello? " you whispered out meekly

" hey honey, why don't you speak up for us?" the man on the other end spoke in a deep voice

" im sorry i- i don't know what this- is r-really for?" you spoke slightly louder as you stumbled over your words

"it's a sexhotline darling? "

" i- i well oh...” you huffed out , eyes widening softly you were lost in a trance of thought.

you were suddenly put on hold.

your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you gave yourself time to think.

it wouldn’t hurt right?

you were basically an adult, you felt like a teenage girl again.

so you decided.

Putting a client on hold was a part of their fun. It allows the person to wait and to draw out the anticipation. however in this case you were just confused.

you’ve been pacing back and forth inside your bedroom for minutes it was half eleven in the night , and you certainly didn’t think that your attention would be on this instead of your essay.

suddenly you heard another 'hello' erupt from the phone quickly you grabbed your device breathing heavily you gulped and mustered up your voice.

" h- hi i just want you to know that y-you can carry on I've been- struggling and i- need some just some help?" you say whispering the last part.

" you want us to help you cum bun? " another voice said this time it was lighter, kinder in a way.

“don’t make us talk to ourselves, darling.” the other man snarls.

a gasp emits from your dry lips when the tone of his voice turns firm. there was a strict, domineering tinge in his speech that made you sit still. you were too shocked to reply as your mind tried to comprehend the situation that you got yourself into.

“I-I…” you stuttered completely, wanting to smack yourself in the face. the pet names, their voices it was all over whelming you too much.

you let out a needy whine, both of the men groaned quietly into the phone.

" how old are you baby ? " baby. they called you baby.

" i-im 19? "

" fuck, will you be okay with this?" they ask to make sure

jungkook can’t help the soft growl escape his lips. It has been so rare for him to receive callers who aren’t twenty-five and above, and you might be his first time.

“Ohh, baby girl,” he bites his lip, “I think you’re the first client I’ve had who’s so young.” jungkook says to you

“ is that okay , i-im sorry- "

“Oh, its more than okay , baby. You still wanna continue? I can make you feel so…” he pauses, groaning quietly to himself, “so good.”

your pussy clenches around nothing as you felt yourself getting wetter by the second

"  yes daddy. " you say nodding to yourself. you suddenly froze as you realised the contents of your words

taehyung's eyes widen in shock, his mouth agape, certainly not expecting that sudden word to come out of your lips. He throws his head back, closing his eyes for a brief moment as he feels his dick harden.

It was so difficult for him to hold himself back because all he wanted to do was to say the dirtiest, nastiest things that he wants to do to you in your ear. but he had to slow down.

“daddy? Oh, what makes you call me that, hm? baby?”

you feel your throat go dry, your eyes wide in shock. You didn’t know what to respond without being so shocked with yourself.

" i-i just really need you please please please i need it. " you let it all out, you couldn't be bothered to hide it anymore.

“don’t be a brat kitten.“ taehyung snarled into the phone.

“ b-but daddy! please i- i need it so so bad it’s not fair!“ you whined softly as your fingers ghosted your aching, soppy cunt.

they both groaned loudly, as jungkook conversed with taehyung

" kook, fuck i need to do her in real life she's making this so hard for me."

" same here let's just go for it here she's going to make me cum in my pants." he sighed as he palmed himself to your weak whimpers.

" darling, me and tae were wondering if you wanted to do this in real life- we'd fuck you so good honey, you'd become our little cum dump id love to see your body tremble to the force of my cock. " taehyung said interrupting jungkook.

" yes.. please you said as you moaned quietly to their words

" okay bun, we'll text you where to meet us." jungkook breathed out.

the atmosphere was dripping with heavy lust your eyes shut right as you relished their deep gutural voices.

“ i can’t cum daddy please help me cum pleas-“ you begged in frustration

“oh honey, it’s okay sh- sh it’s ok ill help you just be patient okay? you can do that for me right?” jungkook said in a calm tone

" what's your name by the way."

" it's ____." you say meekly

" ____ edge yourself, fuck yourself just do not cum. "

and with that in the call ended

you sighed loudly grinning slightly, you were gonna get your brains done out by two sexy sounding men.

you smiled to yourself giddily as you finally got some sleep.

________________

the next morning you got up and did your daily routine entirely different you waxed everywhere, shaved, exfoliated, moisturised, basically every strawberry flavoured you had in your bathroom.

it was a Saturday, you had time to spare you texted jimin to meet him before you went to meet 'kook' and the other guy.

not to mention you were frustrated beyond belief you had done what they asked you to do and you half hate half love them for it.

on one hand you could cum from any suggestive touch you were given.

on the other hand you couldn't help but want to thank them you felt so ready for them.

you walked to the cafe.

the soft brown walls encompanied the mahogany floors and the cascade of plants across the room as you happily walked into the bustling cafe.

" what's got you so excited." he said grinning like the Cheshire cat

" uh nothing i just had some good sleep last night. " a lie.

" oh really? "

" yeah i even finished my essay!" not true but not false at the same time.

" wow! " jimin looked at you shocked

" jimin do you really have that little faith in me. " you say annoyed

" to be honest no. " he said chuckling

" jiminnn, well i have to be going now i have an appointment soon. " you explain pouting

" an appointment where? "

" somewhere special ? " you say in attempt to hide

" if you say so. " he uttered playfully and he watches you walk away

you stared at the building in front of you as you checked the address again and again it was a massive condo.

you rang the bell of the apartment square and dialled in the number seconds later you were buzzed in.

you took the elevator and anxiously played with your fingers you finally reached the floor you were headed to and walked into room 657 .

" h-hello i-im here it's ______ " you say confused you really made a large mistake.

suddenly turning around, you were pulled into a sloppy kiss. You immediately relaxed into it, wrapping your arms around his neck the deeper it went. Before it could go on too long, he pulled away.

Pressed between both of their bodies, you could help the way your body reacted. Your lips met Taehyung's again and you whimpered.

Jungkook took the opportunity to press his lips against your neck, skimming them over the collar now around your neck.

He hands gripped your waist, pulling your shirt up ever so slightly to touch the skin that became exposed.

Goosebumps across your skin and you gasped into Taehyung's mouth. The elder chuckled, reaching down to where Jungkook's deft fingers explored to tug up the hem of your shirt.

you gasped loudly as you tensed under their touch.

Already, you could feel your mind turning fuzzy, falling into your submissive roll to let them mold you how they wanted.

Jungkook chuckled as you lifted your arms, allowing Taehyung to pull your shirt off. Left in your bra, you couldn't help but cover your chest as vulnerability set in.

"None of that, bun," Jungkook growled softly, ripping your arms away from your chest. "You wanna be a good girl for us right? Let us take care of you?"

"Y-Yes..." You whined, whining when Taehyung leaned down pressing kisses against your chest above the seam of your bra. Gasping, you pushed your chest out to get more of the feeling.

"What a good girl," Taehyung cooed, falling to his knees in front of you.

You leaned back, using Jungkook as support to help Taehyung pull your jeans off completely. He tossed them away in a heap nearby and without wasting a second, his mouth was on your core.

The fabric of your panties put on the side, feeling his mouth on you fully but as he slid his tongue over your slit and caught your clit, you let out a soft moan.

"What a good kitten for us," Jungkook groaned, hands still cupping your breasts. He pinched your nipples, making your back arch as you cried out.

“Is that pretty pussy wet, Princess? Does your cunt ache to be filled by my cock?” jungkook coaxes

The filth of his words doesn’t surprise you, Under his teasing words, you feel yourself grow wet, your lust-filled desire mingling with the humiliation that flutters through you.

"Aw, your pussy that sensitive, baby?" Taehyung cooed pressing his middle finger to glide directly over the patch where your clit was, making your hips curve inwards as the intensity was blare enough to startle you.

He chuckled deeply at that, kind of sounding like a purr and just when you didn't think he could fuck with your sanity anymore than he was already doing, he turned his head to the side and lapped his wet muscle along your jugular vein before enclosing his lips area the area for harsh suck.

you moaned loudly as you arched your back against jungkook. taehyung put one leg over his shoulder to go deeper.

"Daddy!" You cried as his tongue slid through your folds. He moaned at the unimpeded taste of your cunt. Circling your entrance, he eagerly tasted everything you had to offer.

" don't take it all tae, shit she looks hot." jungkook groaned into your neck, biting licking and sucking against your sweet spot.

you whined as you trembled against the two men. you felt hot.

"Fuck!" You shrieked, spasming when he gave you a slap against your sodden folds . " I—!"

" be careful girl." jungkook growled into your ear

you moaned apologies left right and centre as he continued to abuse your aching clit.

suddenly you were harshly pulled away from taehyung's hot wet muscle and pushed into the soft plush bed.

you whined in protest at your denied orgasm.

" now, you're going to choose. me or tae." jungkook questioned sadistically

" i...i can't choose that i okay um jungkook?" you said in a small voice.

" good decision honey, now lie back let me take care of you." he cooed kindly

taehyung scoffed as he sat back

you were more than happy like this, but when you shifted your hips to grind your centre against his, you both groaned open-mouthed into the kiss.

You could feel that he was already hard in his boxers. Knowing that his willing cock was so close to your needy core erased your mind of any thoughts that weren't of him.

When you dragged your clit against him again you keened, the pleasure incredible despite the barriers between you.

he felt so big as you continued your actions

suddenly you felt his large and literally massive cock push into your plush soppy cunt.

you moaned loudly as jungkook groaned.

taehyung smirked as he shook his head.

" get moving i wanna see her squirt."

jungkook rocked back and forth at a steady pace it was amazing don't get me wrong but you wanted more you needed more.

"more! more please harder jungkook please! " you begged.

" princess, don't beg for things you can't keep up with." he chuckled

there was an animalistic gaze in his eye as he started plunging into your pussy, taehyung mouth open jerking himself off at the sight, your open lie open as he ground his fat cock into you.

you felt hot and euphoric and couldn't help but let moans continuously fall out of your mouth.

suddenly you felt a harsh slap on your face. you felt tears well up in your eyes.

Without warning, his cock was rammed inside you. Raw and hard with the way your pussy was soaking wet from your denied orgasm , he began to relentlessly fuck into you.

tears began spilling out of your eyes continuously and your moans became pornographic.

as if he couldn't go any faster he began to drill inside you, your body shook in ecstasy as his fat cock was pistoned into you.

you felt your high approaching, you panicked and begged for them to let you come.

" please! please let me cum ! ill be good , ill be a good girl ! " you cried out towards them

jungkook craned himself to be face to face with you, as he stared at you with his dark and lustful. his wet lips capture yours into a sloppy kiss .

he forced your mouth open and let his tongue glide upon yours. he sucked on the wet muscle softly as you cried out.

everything felt so good, too good.

you came 3 times alone with jungkook and felt overstimulated beyond belief.

" now it's my turn . " taehyung dead panned

" w-what i can't take anymore ill just su- "

" i said. it's my turn. " he uttered in a harsh tone

you wailed in frustration as your body writhed in defeat .

" you're gonna take it . that's what you asked for . " he spat at you.

observing the way your eyes darken, turning neediness, and the way your chest heaves in short breaths, Taehyung’s jaw flexes.

He pressed the tip against your hole, seeing you tense up almost immediately. taehyung rubbed the end of his cock along your wet cunt before sinking himself into you.

" d-daddy ple- ! " you body spasmed against the head board as taehyung suddenly slammed his body into you continuously.

“ you’re such an eager little whore, aren’t you?” he purrs, condescension laced in his tone.

you tightly held onto the relentless man as you felt your high approaching once more.

taehyung’s thrusts became sloppy as he grunted against your neck.

you felt your body swirl and turn around you and you finally came.

hours later

you groggily woke up as you felt your body give out into the bed.

“ hel- hello? ” you said wearily

“ hi princess.” taehyung smirked

“ round 5?” jungkook asked

you sighed as you submitted to them in their bed

here we go again.

5 missed calls from jimin

[lovsy-archive]

Sequence [iv]

sequence masterlist

masterlist

chanyeol x reader genre: angst word count: 8.5k

AFTER:

01.14.17

You woke up burning, the feeling deep within your bones as the figure beside you felt foreign. The places he touched you singed your skin, leaving behind a metaphorical black ash. It was as if the person lying with you was a stranger, a body you had yet to be accustomed to. The space that usually occupied a cold, stale air now lingered with a thick, heavy weight that dragged you into the mattress- like quicksand trying to suffocate you. His arm, wrapped tightly around your body, felt claustrophobic, his face buried into your neck as his hot breath cascaded across your skin.

In the past, this breath would ignite the fire flickering in your chest, set ablaze to your skin and leave you starving for more as the embers sparked wildly within you. But now, after months of fasting, a thick dull grey consuming your life without his light, the breathing on your neck felt stifling, like it was sucking the life straight out of the veins in your jugular. You squirmed beneath him, desperate to peel your body from his grasp and take a breath of fresh air, feeling as if your lungs would collapse in on themselves if you didn’t escape his clammy touch.

You couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if you let him cry himself to sleep, his eyes burning and raw the way yours had been so many times. If he would wake up to a pounding so intense in his head it would feel like there was a hammer pressed against his brain, or if he would wake up craving your touch so desperately his bones would ache beneath his muscles. You thought of how much easier he had it, the way he was curled into you as he slept soundly in your chest. You were never graced with that luxury, all the times you sobbed into your pillow, the yearning of his hands on your skin more intense than your lungs’ need for oxygen.

No matter how intensely he shook beside you, no matter how many times he mumbled I love you into your ear as he kissed the skin of your neck with salty tears coating his lips, you would never believe he loved you as deeply as you loved him. No matter the amount of pain he oozed when begging you to sing him to sleep, you’d refuse to succumb to the weakness that would overwhelm you if you let him win, let him assume more ache in his chest compared to the numbness of yours.

In his sleep your movements only made him latch onto you tighter, to squeeze the flesh of your hips against his fingers firmer and nuzzle his face into your hair deeper. Your stomach lurched at the feeling of his legs twisting with your own, sweat forming at the crown of your head as you watched the fan spin. You felt as if you could swallow down your heart, the way it’d made a home at the base of your throat.

The heat surrounding you clung to your skin, like a moth drawn desperately to a flame, blanketing your entire body in a thick layer of sweat as you tried to inhale air that stuck like a log in the back of your esophagus. His lips ghosting over the base of your throat made every muscle in your body burn, the yearning for his touch triggering a sob of discontent to choke from your mouth as you rubbed your hand over your face. Sixty-four days without his lips pressed feverishly against your body left you numb, immune to any feeling of warmth or passion, the residue of your happiness left behind in shards scattered across the ground.

You so desperately wanted to scream his name, to yank his limbs off of your skin and scrub away the scent of his cologne that lingered on your neck. But every time you tried, every time you opened your mouth, it felt like knives serrating your vocal chords. His name on your tongue felt like poison, as if the two syllables were drops of acid streaming down your throat. Your body buzzed, his breath on your skin feeling like steam screaming out of a kettle and his touch on your stomach feeling like a scalding iron pressed into it.

Inside of you, you could feel your guts twisting in anticipation, the thought of him kissing you awake flooding your system and leaving you on edge. If you gave into the temptation, if you let him press his mouth to your skin, you thought- just maybe, the burning in your bones could subside.

Each and every nerve in your body ignited when you thought about the night before he left, before he left you behind, his home behind. The way he held you so close to him, his eyes shut and his eyebrows drawn in concentration as his lips dragged against the skin of your jaw, so delicately it was as if he was whispering to it. Quiet and unspoken warmth shot from his mouth to the tips of your fingers as he pulled you flush against him. He was not feverish, not searching an end but marking a beginning. He took his time, roaming his hands across your skin, studying the way goosebumps flashed over the expanse of your stomach as his fingers traced the skin below your belly button. He savoured your taste, breathed in your scent, bruising your skin with his teeth so you would be forced to remember him on the days you’d be so busy you’d forget.

It was a foolish idea, that there would be a time where you would forget the way his skin felt flush against you. The thought of his presence alone overwhelmed you, leaving you reeling as, even in his absence, you could feel his fingers digging into the flesh of your thighs and the way his heartbeat thumped against your skin.

His name left your lips quietly at first, meek, like you didn’t quite want the word on your tongue. Your body felt repulsed, like his name, the one you’d whispered into the air quietly as he was marking himself onto you, was punching you in the gut as it floated in the air. He didn’t budge, the sound of your heart beating in your chest doing nothing to off put his slumber, his face smooth and peaceful as it laid pressed against your shoulder. The second time you said it it was forceful, the syllables vibrating deep in your chest as you shook your body for emphasis.

His eyelids fluttered open, eyebrows digging into a crease in the center of his forehead and sending a cascade of wrinkles across his forehead. He squinted up at you, dazed in his groggy state, confusion swirling behind his eyes as he stared up at you, slowly registering the situation.

His hands retracted from your body quickly, as if your skin had turned red hot and steaming beneath him, like your body burned as much as the glare behind your eyes did. You could tell he was worried, concern flooding his features like the tsunami that destroyed your life the day he left you. Slowly, eventually, he sat up, the sheets of your bed slipping down his chest and pooling at his hips.

You glanced away at the sight, finding anything in your room to distract you from the inviting outline of his body. Every nerve under your skin burned as you slid out of bed and away from him, distancing yourself. Had you not moved at that moment, had you not stood up and put space between the two of you, you could not promise yourself to stay away, to keep your walls up around your heart as he watched you, like you were the lifeboat he’d needed to cling onto at sea, drifting from him.

You noticed the residue of crying lingering in his eyes, the way they were puffy and swollen, his cheeks shiny and red with hours of irritation. Your heart lurched, only slightly, as you combed your fingers through your hair, looking around the room for something, anything to keep your eyes from drifting to his. You knew the moment you looked at him you’d let him burrow deep inside of you, let him read your thoughts and force your falls to crumble beneath the weight of his stare.

“Why won’t you look at me?”

His voice was small, but powerful, broken as the question left his cracked lips. Your legs buckled, brain fogging as your mouth dried, the words resonating deep in your chest. You stared at the ground, watching your feet move within your socks as your throat constricted, biting down on the inside of your mouth to try and keep the tears welling up in your eyes from spilling onto the planes of your cheeks.

By the time you swallowed the question down, he stood up, dropping the blanket onto the mattress and beginning his walk towards you. You backed up, your body hitting the closet door behind you as he approached. You cowered away, anxiety overwhelming your sense of calamity as you crossed your arms over your chest and refused to look anywhere but down. Your eyes stayed glued to your feet, no matter how close Chanyeol got, even as the heat radiating off of his skin bellowed in your chest.

“Please…”

His hand reached up towards your shoulder, but you retracted, flinching away from his touch as you sidestepped to get out from where he had cornered you. You inhaled sharply, the warmth of his body dissipating from the air around you as you screwed your eyes shut and began to walk towards the door of your bedroom. The feeling of his grip on your wrist stopped you, your hand frozen against the handle of the door as he squeezed your arm, silently begging you to stay.

You knew you were being stupid, that you were only making the pain in your core worse, stabbing deeper by ignoring his pleas and refusing to talk about it, but you couldn’t. Nothing in the world could make you feel like your words were worth speaking, that he would listen to what you had to say, digest your words, and try to fix himself.

You felt as if you were gone, his hands grabbing for nothing other than a warm body to sleep next to at night, a figure to keep him comforted in the times he felt alone.

“Why won’t you look at me?”

His voice had gotten louder, firmer in tone as he turned you around and forced you to face him. Your body was close, so close you could feel his breath on your forehead, the sound of his heartbeat mingling with the one pounding in your eardrums.

“Look at me goddamnit!”

The sound hit you like a ton of bricks, his yelling reverberating in your head as you cowered below him, not out of fear but out of guilt, guilt that made you feel worthless, like you’d hurt the one person who loved you and couldn’t go back in time. Tears openly flowed down your cheeks, sobs choking out like you’d been drowning your entire life, just now finding the strength to resurface and force air back into your lungs. All of a sudden, you felt overwhelmed with the grief of him, with the memories of when you two had been apart of the same soul, and from the vivid recollection of the time he’d ripped you in half.

His tense muscles loosened slightly watching you, watching the way you crumbled beneath his vibrations and winced against his movements. Seeing you that way, so vulnerable and delicate as he hovered over you, tore his insides from his chest and and threw them to the ground at your feet. He hoped, in a world where he didn’t have to burden his regret on top of his shoulders, that you would stomp on them, in the very least bring him pain like he did to you, like he always did to you.

“I’m sorry, I-”

“I think you should leave.”

The burning in the base of your throat felt like a fire had erupted in your chest, your words barely breaking the silence that swallowed your bedroom whole. Your body shook with pain, every drop of blood coursing through your veins feeling electric as you let your eyes wander up his body and landing on his gaze. His mouth hung open, jaw moving as he struggled to find words- they sat waiting underneath his tongue, like they were hiding from the ridicule they would receive the moment they became physical.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to blow up I just-”

“Leave. Please.”

Tears welled in your eyes as you stared at him, your nose burning as your body ignited. It felt as if emery memory you’d ever had with Chanyeol had been burnt to ashes, left charred and black in the corner of your life alongside your marriage. The night you’d given yourself to him, your heart wrapped neatly in a box, tied with a bow and placed in his palms for the rest of your life, you never would have imagined the numbness while watching your husband cry. Not with the way he touched you, with the way he whispered promises into your ear as he marked himself into your skin.

It was overwhelming, too overwhelming as his presence made your life grow more unstable, more unsteady as he rocked the lifeboat you’d clung onto.

“Please don’t shut me out,” he started, his fists falling to balls at his sides, There was hesitation in his voice, a brokenness you’d never heard before, one that you could only hope you would never have to hear again. “We need to fix this. I’m not leaving until we fix this, whatever this is. I know I fucked up but it’s not all my fault and I refuse to let you go. I would rather fall into my own fucking grave than walk out on you again.”

“You should’ve thought of that before, Chanyeol,” you sucked in a deep breath, eyes burning as you stared at him, “before you left me behind and never bothered a fucking phone call.” Your voice trembled, tears threatening to spill over onto your cheeks as you gulped down air between sentences. You felt as if you were a kettle on a stove top, Chanyeol the flame ignited beneath you forcing the steam building inside of you to release at once, screaming loudly into the air.

“Do you know how hard it was for me? To go everyday, every single hour with nothing? Without you even bothering? To leave me assume that you, my husband, didn’t miss me enough to call? There was so much shit going on, Chanyeol, so much that you don’t even know about because you didn’t care.”

His chest heaved, gaze burning into your skin as you eyed the way the vein in his neck bulged, about to burst from the pressure building in his body. He clenched his jaw, the bone sticking out of the side of his face as he stared down at you, eyes in dark slits, so hot on your flesh you were sure the skin they wandered over was burned a bright red color.

“Do not…” He paused, his eyes falling shut as he dragged out his sentence. His voice was raw, like the outrage you’d pushed onto him brought on a sickness that turned his insides rotten. “Do not tell me what I felt. You have no idea what I felt for two months. You didn’t try calling me either, you realise that right?”

He paused, his eyebrows furrowing as he stared at you. His hands combed through his hair anxiously, scrubbing over his face and gesturing in front of your chest. “I didn’t call because I didn’t think you wanted me to call. I didn’t bother because you didn’t either. You ignored my emails, stopped replying to my music. You gave up on me, or at least I thought you did. It fucking hurt.”

“I didn’t-”

“I was so proud of the things I was doing, of the music I was producing,” he let out a bitter laugh, tossing his head back and looking up at the ceiling, “so inspired by you and your love that I would write every song about you. And what did you do in return? Drag them beneath the dirt of your heels like they were nothing. Don’t ever try and tell me that I didn’t care,” he inhaled deeply, the words running out of his mouth going faster than his lungs could inhale oxygen, “you didn’t care.”

The numbness dissipated as your chest grew hot, flush with pain and anger as he spewed words from his mouth. They dripped out like acid, every syllable threatening you, making you crumble beneath the idea that you hurt him. That you couldn’t just sit there and pretend that it was all Chanyeol’s fault, that he had been neglecting you for so long you’d forgotten just how reciprocated the pain had become. Your brain hammered against your head as you clenched your fists in your hands, forcing him backwards with a yell.

“I wish I’d never met you!”

You were loud, voice booming through the house as you pushed his chest with your hands, over and over again until they grew sore. He didn’t budge, his eyes locking with yours as you yelled in his face, hot tears streaming down your cheeks and flooding your mouth.

“I wish I never saw you in that club. God, I would be a person! I would be able to love myself, to be whole without a rope tying me to your fucking wrist.” Your hands motioned wildly in front of you, uncontained and bumping into Chanyeol’s chest as you yelled at him. “If your stupid smile hadn’t made my knees go weak and my head spin like a top there would never have been a chance for you to make me feel like I was nothing.”

Your throat burned hot, raw with emotion as every word that left your lips felt like betrayal flooding your veins. Despite the times you’d thought about the day you would confront him, tell him everything he missed out on, you weren’t prepared. Every word stung deeper than the last, and despite the fact that you were the one feeding the fire- the one throwing logs onto the flame as it dissipated, it burned worse than anything he could ever return to you.

But, as much as it rattled you to admit, the way he reacted to your words hurt more than the way you felt when he wasn’t there to hear them at all.

“If I never let myself fall so goddamn foolishly in love with you… there would’ve never been a time where you forgot me so much I actually began to forget myself. I would be whole if you never crashed into me like a fucking tidal wave, Chanyeol. Don’t you realise that?”

“Then why don’t you just leave me? If you’d be so much better without me, so much fucking happier, what are you still doing here?”

His voice was bitter, like venom spitting into your veins as it pumped towards your heart.

“Matter of fact, why don’t we just throw these rings out?” He gripped the metal adorning his left ring finger and yanked it off, his arm nearly crashing into your chest as he threw the jewelry across the room behind your head. The veins in his neck protruded out, the pulse inside of them hammering as he listened the sound of the metal clinking across the wood paneled floors. “There,” he began quietly, the words just barely reaching an octave but having the force of a hurricane behind them, “go be whole. Be the person you wish you could be without me.”

Everything in the air froze, like the sun had dropped from the sky and covered your apartment in a layer of ice. His breathing was shallow, chest falling rapidly as he clenched his jaw over and over again. You could feel the anger bubbling in the pit of your stomach as you stared at the man in front of you, your shoulders feeling heavy with the burden of his pain piled on top of yours.

“How dense can you be, Chanyeol?” Your voice came out broken, the salty tears in your mouth pooling as you stared up at him, eyes unwavering as his body steamed in front of you. He’d looked completely broken, like you’d swung a baseball bat at his chest and it shattered beneath the impact. “There will never be a time in my life where I could ever be whole without you, not after the way you loved me. I could never love anybody else like I love you. You’re it for me. That’s why it sucks so fucking bad, because I could never be anything after you.”

He didn’t say a word. For seconds, minutes, it was silent. You stared at each other, ignoring the burning in the pit of your chest and absorbing the presence that surrounded you. The air was thick, so polluted with pain your throat felt like it was constricting with each breath you took.

It was in that moment, where you watched the way Chanyeol’s eyes burned red around the rims, the way the bags beneath them hung low and dark with exhaustion from the interlude of pain they suffered the night before, that you realised things would never be the same. You would never allow yourself to fall hopelessly in love with him again, too scarred from the last time he wasn’t around to catch you before you hit the ground, leaving pieces of your heart scattered across the bottom of the cliff you’d jumped off of.

Things would never be the same, not even if Chanyeol never left your side again. The pain was too fervent, the wounds too deep for any stitches to be made. The marriage that you had with him withered away, neglected and broken from the months of mistreatment.

The feeling of his hand on your arm stung, the absence of the ring on his finger burning a hole straight through your flesh as you flinched away from his touch.

You’d grown angry, his silence pushing you past your point of prudence and triggering something inside of you, something that wanted to see him feel the pain you did for months. If he couldn’t manage words now, you’d force them to stay inside of him. You would leave him speechless, unable to think because of the fact that he hurt you, the boiled down idea that he caused you so much pain it broke you in half.

“I thought I was pregnant.”

His eyes widened, head snapping to look you right in the eye. His mouth dropped open, breath locked in his throat as his heart hammered in his chest.

“You’re lying.”

“I missed my period. It must’ve been a week after you left,” you started, the expression on your face unwavering, your eyes staying locked on his as you read his face for emotion, “I took a pregnancy test and it read positive. The shit I felt at that moment, God,” you paused, shaking your head and looking at your feet, “I swear if I would’ve passed that pain onto anyone else they would’ve died.”

Looking back up at him, he had the same expression on his face. Mouth open, eyes blown, eyebrows furrowed as he absorbed the words you were saying. You could tell he didn’t want to believe you, that he wanted you to be lying for the sake of his own guilt. You wanted to be lying, too. You’d wished that it was an experience you’d never have to go through, the pain of finding out you were pregnant, alone- but even worse the pain of finding out you weren’t, that the test lied, that the baby you thought was inside you was never there to begin with, that it would likely never be there at all.

“You can wipe that dumbstruck look off of your face,” you said bitterly, stepping to the side and walking to the dresser sat in the corner of your room, turning around to face him as you learned against it, “it was false positive. The doctor told me that happens sometimes, where the test is wrong. Finding that out? Now that was bad. I felt the lowest then.”

Again, he stayed silent, only his mouth had shut and his jaw was clenched tightly. Your stomach churned at the sight of him, so at a loss for words and so consumed by the realisation of just how barren he’d left you here, alone, without him.

You didn’t want to see him anymore, didn’t want to have his presence reminding you of the pain he forced you to endure. It was too much, too much all at once for you to be able to comprehend. “Find somewhere else to stay.”

He stared at you, ears perked at the finality in your tone. You could see the tears rimming his eyes, threatening their presence onto his cheeks as he blinked them away. His gaze was red, rigid with pain as you broke your contact away from him, the tightening in your chest leaving you to choke in air. You couldn’t stop the shiver that vibrated across your spine as you turned your back on him, leaving his pain rotting in his chest as you detached the strings connecting you together. Stopping before you reached the bathroom door, you turned over your shoulder, facing the boy who hadn’t moved an inch from the place you left him. “Be gone by the time I’m done.”

And he was.

Where he ended up you didn’t care, or convinced yourself of that, anyways. The burden on your chest lifted as the scent of him no longer seeped into your skin like a poisonous gas being emitted into your apartment. You could breathe again, the tension in the air dissipating as you wandered around the apartment alone, without his figure hovering over your shoulders.

But even with him gone, with the absence of his heart bringing fresh air into your lungs, your brain was stuck on him, on the way he felt against you for the first time in months, or the way his voice rattled your bones when he spoke to you. You’d missed him for so long, yearned for his touch for so many hours, the time he’d actually shown up you were frazzled, overwhelmed by his force and drowned by his presence.

Going to work was different, the sting of him being back and then gone burning in your fingertips as you turned the wheel of your car. The leather beneath your thighs felt hot and irritating as you adjusted yourself in the seat and the sun in front of you shone directly in your eyes as you drove, almost as if the universe was finding ways to make your discomfort heightened.

All day there was a sense of hope lingering in your chest, a fluttering in the tips of your fingers as you palmed your phone in your back pocket consistently throughout your shift. Would he text you? Would there be a longing so deep and so infinite in his chest that not even the way you’d forced him away could keep him at bay? It was painfully evident in the way your phone never buzzed, your screen never lighting up with a notification of him begging to come home, that what you’d told him resonated inside of him with enough force that he stayed away.

Your skull pounded with regret every moment you spent at work, away from him, away from the life you’d built with him. You wondered how your day could’ve been if you accepted him back with open arms, let the pain you’d felt for two months wash away with every brush of his lips against your skin and allowed yourself to fall back into the routine of drowning in the ocean that was Chanyeol. You would have skipped work for him, not a doubt in your mind as you slept soundly against the muscles of his chest as you counted his heartbeat fluttering against your ear.

But you hadn’t. You shut him out and pushed him away, convinced that the way your heart cracked with him around was because of the way his presence overwhelmed you. You knew, somewhere inside of you, that you’d been hurting because it felt so good to have him back, to be able to hear his voice in person instead of in an audio file, to be able to feel the way his fingertips brushed the skin of your hips as you slept together in bed. You knew him being back was the best thing to happen to you, his force to reconcile igniting the long extinguished fire sparking in the pit of your chest.

You could feel the kink in your neck forming as you reached into your purse for the keys to unlock your door, the stress of dealing with Chanyeol beginning to take a toll on the physicality of your well being. It had broken passed the line of mental exhaustion, the emotional drain seeping into your muscles and creating a burning ache deep inside of them, one that could only be erased with the feeling of his hands massaging into you.

The buzzing in your back pocket distracted you from the keys were looking for, your breath locking in your throat at the idea that Chanyeol could be calling you, could have sent you a text begging you to let him come home, to let him sleep in the same bed as you, to take him home.

[baekhyun-9:07p.m.] can i call you?

You didn’t hesitate to click on the phone symbol beside his name, heart pounding in your chest as you heard the first few rings. If there was anyone Chanyeol would go to, it was Baekhyun, so the text from him only a few hours after you’d told Chanyeol to find somewhere else to stay sent a volt of electricity coursing through your body. You bit your nails as you listened to the ringing, breath catching in your throat when it stopped and Baekhyun’s voice hummed through the other line.

“What happened?” You nearly cut off his greeting, your anxiety flooding your mouth before you had the chance to cut the words from your tongue.

“It’s Chanyeol,” he started, your heart dropping into your stomach as you awaited the next half of his sentence. You could hear muffled speaking behind him, along with shouts coming from someone. You could only imagine it would be Chanyeol, the voice loud and slurred as it rang in the speaker pressed against your ear. “He showed up here around five drunk off his ass asking if he could stay for awhile. I wouldn’t ever push him away, but I don’t think he can stay here.”

His voice tapered off towards the end of the sentence, as if he was distracted by something and couldn’t find a way to stay focused on finishing it. Your eyes and nose began to burn wildly as you heard crying from the other line, the sound replaying so vivid in your brain from the night before when he’d sobbed into your neck until he fell asleep, cheeks sticky against your shoulder where his tears had pooled.

“He’s so drunk, love. He won’t stop crying and he’s been hiccuping your name begging for you to come pick him up.” His voice got distant as he mumbled something to who you assumed was his girlfriend before speaking back into the phone. “I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important. I don’t know what happened for him to be like this, but anything would be better than him chugging down whiskey and pushing me down when I try taking it from him.”

You sighed into the receiver, your heart aching at the sounds of the wails of the boy you loved in the background. Rubbing the heels of your palms into your eyes, you swallowed down the lump in your throat and nodded. “I’ll be there soon.”

You’d regretted your answer the moment you hung up the phone and went back down to the parking garage, your body buzzing with anxiety as you drove over to Baekhyun’s house. You could feel the vomit rising in the base of your throat as you arrived, the lights all on inside of the house, illuminating the scene unfolding inside of it.

You could see him, hunched over the granite island with a bottle of alcohol gripped tightly in his hands. The veins in his forearm bulged out as he drunkenly motioned towards Baekhyun and his girlfriend, where they stood a few feet away, enclosed in each other’s arms. You knew you shouldn’t have kicked Chanyeol out so soon, left him teetering on the edge after throwing everything on top of him at once, but for the sake of yourself you had to do it. And stepping out of your car now, brushing your hair out of your eyes and taking a deep breath, you had to take him back into your arms, for the sake of Baekhyun.

You opened the door, not bothering to knock as you stepped inside and quietly walked towards the three people arguing in front of you. Chanyeol was yelling, going on about how you’d thrown him out and that Baekhyun “needed to back off before he does something stupid.” Baek noticed you first, dropping his arm from Sumi’s shoulder and walking over to you quickly. His eyes were wide, staring at you expectantly as Chanyeol continued to yell into the air, unaware of your presence.

You looked past him, letting your eyes fixate on the boy who had his head tilted back as he chugged another slosh of whiskey. You sighed heavily, walking forward and grabbing the bottle from his hands. He flinched at your motion, nearly knocking you down as he turned to loosen your grasp on the alcohol.

He looked different, like the bottle in his hands acted like a mask hiding him from you. His eyes were rimmed red, angry and agitated as they glossed over from the effects of the whiskey. The bags beneath them were dark, more prominent than ever as the rough pads of his fingers tugged at them, his entire body radiating impatience, as if he was a toddler you'd just scolded. You could see his scalp where his hair parted down the middle, messy and thick from hours of half conscious adjustments. He looked angry, lost behind the swirling in his eyes and the heaviness of his breath that left his chapped lips in uneven bursts.

“Chanyeol, let go.”

“Fuck you.” He ripped the bottle from your hands and stumbled backwards, nearly falling onto the ground before you steadied his arms. “You can’t just show up here and tell me what to do. It’s too late now, I’m not yours anymore, remember?”

The words stung deep in your chest, his drunken state doing nothing to soften the blow, a menacing bruise sure to appear on your stomach when you’d wake up the next morning. You flinched at the finality in his tone, even half conscious his mind seemed to be able to tell the difference, the alcohol working as a truth elixir that only heightened the thoughts he’d been desperate to say sober.

“Let me take you home.”

“I’m not going anywhere-” he was interrupted by a hiccup, his entire body jolting and his eyebrows furrowing before he concentrated on his words again, “I’m not going anywhere with you. You threw me out. What if I don’t feel like going back?”

You sighed, reaching again for the whiskey and successfully taking it from him, passing it behind your back to Baekhyun, where he quickly brought it into his grasp and far away from Chanyeol. “You’re coming with me whether you like it or not because you’re a child,” you started, grabbing his hand and lacing his fingers in your own. Even now, as he clung onto you to avoid falling face first into the floor, the sensation of his hands clamped onto yours sent a burst of adrenaline coursing through your veins. “One that doesn’t know how to hold his liquor and one that scares his friends into calling his wife to pick him up.”

“Hyunnie…” He whined, head rolling back and pouting at the man as his arm stayed wrapped around Sumi’s waist protectively. “You called her?”

“You were crying into my counter about how much you missed her like,” he paused, glancing at his watch and then looking back to Chanyeol, “fifteen minutes ago. Go home.”

Walking him to your car, he consistently mumbled things under his breath, words that nowhere near correlated to the way he clung onto you as if he would fall into a never ending pit if he dared to let go. He was bitter, and drunk, and the phrases that fell off his tongue were things he’d never dare to say sober, but you let him continue anyways. It kind of felt relieving, in a sense, to hear him talk so foully about you. It reminded you that he was hurt by you, that you weren’t the only one suffering by the separation. No matter how he expressed it, even if it meant cursing at you while he leaned his forehead against your car door, he was expressing pain, emotional disfigurement from the words you’d thrown at him, and it eased the burning in your chest, even if only slightly.

The car ride back to your apartment was awkward, thick with tension as you tried to ignore the way he stared into the side of your face, like he was analyzing it just so he could insult it. His lips stayed parted, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as you pulled into the parking lot and turned the keys in the ignition.

“You look so much like my wife.”

You turned your head to him slowly, staring into his eyes in search of any hint of amusement lingering behind them. There was none.

“Chanyeol…” you started, your head softly cocking as you reached out to unbuckle his seatbelt. “We need to get you to bed.”

“She’s not gonna be happy with this.”

“Who isn’t?”

“My wife. She told me to find somewhere else to go but I don’t think she meant going in some strange girls bed, even if you are her twin or something.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, letting your forehead drop onto the steering wheel and wrapped your arms around it as he continued to mumble beside you. You wondered just how much whiskey was in the bottle when Chanyeol had found it, the serious tone behind every question or statement making your chest bleed with worry.

As he leaned against your frame, once you’d managed him out of the car after ten minutes of him complaining, he practically swallowed you, making it impossible for you to move without his feet tripping over each other causing you two to stumble forward. Even as you got into the elevator, you kept your hands clung onto his arm, not trusting his vulnerable state and the way his eyes went wide as the elevator began to climb the stories of your apartment complex.

“How did you know how to get here?”

You struggled to get the keys out of your purse, the arm draped over your shoulder sliding off due to the sweat that accumulated beneath it. The air was thick, hot with his audible breath lingering against your skin, making it impossible for you to focus.

“This is my house.”

“This is my wife’s house.”

“Bingo.”

The door swung open after several minutes of attempting, Chanyeol finally leaving your side as he stumbled inside, a sigh of relief leaving his lips as he walked straight into your bedroom and collapsed on the bed. He talked directly into the pillows, wrapping his arms around them as he pulled them tighter into his chest.

“They smell like her.”

Your heart skipped a beat at the way he sounded, somber and cracked as he closed his eyes against the comfort of the pillow. He looked so small, so vulnerable wrapped tightly around himself, inhaling deeply as he nestled into your bedding. Ignoring the way your stomach flipped upside down in your body, you shuffled forward, pulling at Chanyeol’s legs and removing the shoes from his feet. His boots hit the floor with a loud thump as you let them drop, extending your hand for Chanyeol to take as you sat him up.

“I don’t think she knows.”

You used the pad of your thumb to brush the moisture off of the corner of his lips before motioning for him to lift his arms up. “Knows what, bubs?”

He lifted his arms over his head, allowing you to peel the sweat-soaked shirt off of his chest and throw it into the hamper in your closet.

“I don’t think she knows how much I love her.” You gulped down the lump in your throat, nose burning and eyes welling with tears as he stretched his arms over his head and continued. “She’s so pretty. So goddamn pretty I wake up every morning and she takes my breath away. She does this thing where when I rub my chin along her stomach,” he paused for a second, a gentle laugh breaking his sentence as he covered his face with his hands and shook his head, “when I rub my chin along her stomach she pushes me away but she laughs while she does it. She hates it but I can tell she loves it too.”

You begin to unbutton his pants, gesturing for him to lift his hips as you slide them down his legs. You yearn for more, to hear more words tumble from his lips, no matter how drunk he was to allow them to fall.

“I know she loves me somewhere…” He said softly, eyes falling to his hands where they rested in his lap. You pulled the jeans off of his feet and tossed them aside, patting his thighs as you stood up, beginning to leave the room. “Do you think she still loves me?”

You stop, feet planted onto the hardwood as you sucked in a deep breath. It was a question you weren’t prepared to be asked, one you’d never thought you’d have to answer, even if the words would be forgotten by morning.

“I mean, I know she kicked me out but I think it was because she loves me too much, right? At least that’s what I keep telling myself.”

You tucked your hair behind your ear, turning over and facing the boy where he sat in your bed, hands on his knees as he watched you carefully.

You walk forward, placing your hands on his and kneeling down so your eyes are levelled. He blinked softly, eyebrows very gently sewn together in the middle as he awaited your reply. “I think she loves you so much it hurts her, Chanyeol.”

The words came out of you quickly, so fast you didn’t have time to catch your breath as you squeezed his hands and continued. “I think the feeling of you being back is making her hurt so bad, because she went so long without you. I think she wants you back in her arms so badly it scares her, because she fears what could happen between the two of you if something happens again. She doesn’t know… if she could handle it if you left her again. I think she feels like you’re the only thing keeping her world together and every time you leave it’s like another nail in her coffin.”

“She hurt me too you know…” His voice was small, so small you barely heard it as he retracted his hands from your touch. “She told me she thought she was pregnant, and I thought she was lying. You know? Just saying stuff to get me mad… But I know her so well, I could tell by the look in her eyes that she wasn’t, and it made me mad. Mad at myself for not being there for her, but mad at her for telling me out of spite and not because she wanted to tell me.”

You were frozen, body succumbed to the pain of his words, like each syllable was an injection of poison that paralyzed your body. All those days, those hours spent mourning over the loss of your partner in bed beside you, you’d let it slip from your mind the way he could be going through the same thing. He didn’t call you, but you didn’t call him either. You’d assumed it was only you thinking those things, but it never occurred to you that the absence of your voice on the line could have been scarring him just as much.

He took a deep breath, rolling his neck around and shrugging, “I shouldn’t have drank as much as I did. It hurts my head but at least my heart doesn’t hurt so bad anymore.”

You swallowed thickly, the air around you growing heavy as his eyelids drooped on his face. His body struggled to stay upright, head bobbing as he drifted in and out of consciousness.

“Come on Yeol, go to sleep.”

His eyes blinked open, squinting to protect his pupils from the harsh lights of the lamps around him and rubbing the heel of his palm over his eyelid.

“When did you take me home?”

Your lips twitched upwards, almost smiling as you pressed the palm of your hand to his cheek and cupped it gently. “Earlier. It’s late.”

He nodded, laying down against your pillows and curling into a ball. His eyes shut, but forcefully, as you could see the movement twitching beneath his skin as he tried to get comfortable. You stood up from the edge of the bed, back aching from the day’s stress, wanting nothing more than to curl up beside him and lull him to sleep. But you couldn’t.

So you didn’t. You shuffled away from the boy lying below you, turning on your heel to walk out the door. Just as your fingers brushed the metal of the doorknob, he shifted, the noise of him grunting and rolling over in the sheets echoing in your ears. Your body awaited his words, shoulders tense and breath caught in your throat.

“Please lay with me.”

Your chest constricted, muscles tight as you gripped the handle and twisted it, using your free hand to brush the hair from your eyes and swallowed down the lump at the base of your esophagus. Your body burned to be next to him, to feel his breath on your skin, no matter how deeply it was soaked in alcohol. The walls you’d built up cracked and crumbled with the weight of him on top of them, but they still stood. Broken and fragile, but upright as you shook your head and looked at him over your shoulder.

Your nose burned as you offered a smile, pitiful in hopes he would fall asleep without you by his side, no matter how far fetched the idea was. “Go to sleep, Chanyeol.”

Walking into the living room, you weren’t sure if he ever would fall asleep. It was unlike him to give up, to let you leave him behind so easily, to not fall into his arms at the second he breathed, but you’d assumed it was the whiskey that kept him tethered to your mattress, the haze and pounding in his brain that allowed his eyes to lay shut and his body to stay still against the pillows.

You never got comfortable, the couch digging into your spine and your neck bent uncomfortably against the stiff decorative pillow wedged beneath your head. You could occasionally hear him groan from your room, the sounds reverberating against the thin walls of your apartment and etching themselves deep into your brain. His essence was seeped into your skin, into the blanket covering your body, melting off of the paint of your walls.

No matter how hard you tried, he was you, you were him, and even in the state he was in- clouded by alcohol and barely remembering his own name, he was you, and you were him.

Unable to sleep, skin crawling with nerves as you stood from the couch and stretched your limbs above your head, you walked towards the kitchen. Closer to your room now, you could hear his soft breathing in the room beside you, steady, heavy as the effects of alcohol faded away. It overwhelmed you- his sounds. The way he was there, in your bed and sleeping, finally in your presence after so long. It melded your heart, even if only slightly, the way he sounded tucked into your room, into your bed. Two months later, two months after hours of agony, he was back, and you still loved him. You could never not love him, not even if you tried,

Despite this, you wrote the note anyways. He needed to be gone in the morning. His relapse did nothing to change the pain your body was overwhelmed with, the stinging in your chest every time you look down at your lockscreen too much to bear, even if the man glowing across the screen was tucked soundly into your bedroom.

And when morning approached, and you could hear the traces of consciousness in the sounds that left his mouth, you climbed back onto the couch, covered yourself in a blanket, and faked being asleep. Your entire body was paralyzed, buzzing as you heard his footsteps in the kitchen, the sound of his fingertips lifting the note off the counter accompanied with a loud crinkling as he hit his palm against the granite nearly causing a shake to rattle your body. He’d read the note, evident in the way you could hear him inhale a deep breath, his fingers brushing through his thick hair as he let his head fall back. You could imagine the way he looked, hair askew as his adam’s apple protruded towards the ceiling, paper wrinkled firmly in his hand as he stretched his palm against the countertop.

You held your breath, feeling his presence beside you, the warmth of his body radiating onto you and making the blanket over your frame feel suffocating. He leaned down, his knees popping at the motion, resting his hand against your side and pressing his forehead into your back.

“I’m sorry I hurt you.”

It was all he said, his hands brushing the hair off of the side of your face and tucking it behind your ear. It lingered there, as if he was savoring the heat of your skin, like it was the last time he’d ever feel it again. You knew that would never be true, that the pull towards him was too strong for you to resist, but the ache in your chest was evident as ever despite this fact.

You were just as sorry.

And then his hand left your skin, and his body left your side, and his presence left your home. And you were alone.

↫  previous chapter | next chapter ↬

[jensyao]

was not satisfied with the previous playlist so I made a part 2

...tried not to do duplicates. revisited stuff I haven't heard in years 

bonus: https://www.datpiff.com/Nas-Life-Is-Good-Mixtape-The-Prequel-mixtape.368508.html

https://www.datpiff.com/Crank-Lucas-The-Rapducer-rap-Producer-Unofficial-Mixtape.822375.html  

Name/Artist/Album "Shabba REMIX (Audio) ft. Shabba Ranks, Busta Rhymes, Migos"/A$AP Ferg/ Work REMIX (Explicit)/A$AP Ferg/ Don't Know What to Tell ya/Aaliyah/Aaliyah - I Care 4 U If your girl only knew (Dj Lennox Remix)/Aaliyah/Never Forgotten Ohio Streets/Aarophat/The Minority Report Terrorist Threats ft. Danny Brown & Jhene Aiko/Ab-Soul/ "Hustle Hard (Remix) ft. Rick Ross, Lil Wayne"/Ace Hood/ Moving at the Speed of Life (feat. Slug)/Aesop/"Legendary Music, Volume 1" Rap Fanatic/Afro Classics/"Legendary Music, Volume 2" Stick Up/Afu-Ra & Big Daddy Kane/Just Bring It! Jane Meets Chrissy/The Alchemist/Retarded Alligator Beats Bubblin/Anderson Paak/ Might Not (feat The Weeknd)/Belly/Up For Days RAW FREESTYLE/BIG DADDY KANE x KOOL G RAP/ DJ Mike Nice's Doo Wop My Niggaz Freestyle (Extended Version)/Big L/The Tommy Gibbs Collection: Disc IV - Outtakes Day One '99 (Live from Amsterdam)/Big L/We Got This / The Heist "John Blaze (feat. Nas, Jadakiss, Raekwon, Fat Joe)"/Big Punisher/Endangered Species "Wishful Thinking (feat. Fat Joe, Kool G Rap, B-Real)"/Big Punisher/Endangered Species You Ain´t A Killer/Big Punisher/Soul In The Hole Soundtrack Super Lyrical/Big Punisher/Clack Thought/Capital Punishment 10 2 10 Remix feat. Rick Ross & Travi$ Scott/Big Sean/ Fast Line (feat. Dr. Dre & Jadakiss)/Bilal/Masterpiece 03 Respek/Birdman/ Biz Is Goin' Off/Biz Markie/ Definition/Black Star/Rawkus Records: Best of Decade I 1995-2005 RE:Definition/Black Star Feat. Mos Def/Talib Kweli & Hi-Tek - Reflection Eternal (The Re-Union) Respiration/Black Star Feat. Mos Def & Common/Talib Kweli & Hi-Tek - Reflection Eternal (The Re-Union) Look Alive (feat. Drake)/BlocBoy JB/ First Things First/Blu & Exile/Below The Heavens "Hot Nigga remix Ft Fabolous, Jadakiss, Chris Brown, Yo Gotti Rowdy Rebel, Busta"/Bobby Shmurda/ "Never Scared ft Jadakiss,Camron,Busta Rhymes"/Bonecrusher/ "Some H**s (Feat. Bulletproof, Chino XL & Killer Mike)"/Bun B/II Trill (Bonus Tracks) None Of Us Are Free/Bun B/Kweli: Confidential - The Best Of Talib Kweli No Competition (Feat. Raekwon & Kobe)/Bun B/Trill OG: The Epilogue "You're Everything (Feat. Rick Ross, David Banner, 8Ball & MJG)"/Bun B/ Calm Down ft. Eminem /Busta Rhymes/ "No Problem (feat. Lil Wayne, 2 Chainz)"/Chance The Rapper/Coloring Book "How Great (feat. Jay Electronica, My cousin Nicole)"/Chance The Rapper/Coloring Book "Freestyle Over Raekwon ""Incarcerated Scarfaces"" Instrumental"/Charli Baltimore & Cam'ron/"The Mix Tape Volume 3: 60 Minutes of Funk, The Final Chapter" Let 'Em Live (feat. Kool G. Rap)/Chino XL/I Told You So KING CHI/Chino XL/ Kingdom (Remix) ft Vince Staples and Jay Electronica/Common/ "All Black Neighborhood Feat. Royce Da 5'9"""/Consequence/ Say My Name Feat  Papoose & Peedi Crakk/Consequence/ Bulletproof Feat Yelawolf Prod By J Rob/Cyhi Da Prynce/Royal Flush 2 Napoleon (Prod M16)/CyHi The Prynce/Black Hystori Projects Legend/CyHi The Prynce/ "I Feel Like Pac / I Feel Like Biggie ft. Meek Mill, Rick Ross, T.I., Swizz Beatz"/D JKhaled/ Day One/Diggin In The Crates Cru/Hip Hop #54 "BOYZ IN THE HOOD FT. MEEK MILL, PUSHA T, & TY DOLLA $IGN "/DJ Drama/ "My Way (feat. Common, Lloyd & Kendrick Lamar)"/DJ Drama/ "Same Ol' Story [feat. ScHoolboy Q, Cory Gunz, Childish Gambino]"/DJ Drama/ Wake Up Show Anthem/DJ King Tech/The Wake Up Show "Rosecrans ft. The Game, Candace Boyd, Problem "/DJ Quik/ The Message feat. Mary J. Blige & Rell (Prod By Lord Finesse)/Dr. Dre/The Underboss Files All Me (feat. 2 Chainz & Big Sean)/Drake/ 4PM In Calabasas/Drake/ No Apologies/Eminem/Eminem Presents: The Re-Up Campaign Speech/Eminem/ KILLSHOT/Eminem/ Lose Yourself (Original Demo Version)/Eminem/ Microphone (Tim Westwood Freestyle)/Eminem/ Renegede (ORIGINAL) ft Royce Da 5'9/Eminem/ "Detroit Vs. Everybody ft Royce da 5'9"", Big Sean, Danny Brown, Dej Loaf, Trick Trick"/"Eminem,"/ Symphony 2000/Epmd Feat Lady Luck and Method Man and Redman/Out Of Business Chief Of Staff (Feat. C-Dot)/F.L.O./Planet F.L.O. Nightmares Ain't As Bad/Fabolous/Friday On Elm Street Panda (Freestyle)/FABOLOUS/ F vs J Intro/Fabolous & Jadakiss/Friday On Elm Street Theme Music (feat. Swizz Beatz)/Fabolous & Jadakiss/Friday On Elm Street Ground Up/Fabolous & Jadakiss/Friday On Elm Street Soul Food/Fabolous & Jadakiss/Friday On Elm Street "Stand Up (feat. Future, Yo Gotti & Jeezy) [Remix]"/Fabolous & Jadakiss/Friday On Elm Street "Terminally ill (feat. Tech N9ne, Chino XL, KXNG Crooked, Rittz)"/Forever M.C./ New Day (feat. Raekwon)/Freddie Gibbs/The Coldest Nappy Heads (Remix)/Fugees/Blunted On Reality Fu-Gee-La (Refugee Camp Global Mix)/The Fugees/The Score 227. The Fugees - Ready Or Not/The Fugees/Top 250 of the Greatest Hip-Hop and Rap Songs Pt. 1 318. The Fugees - Fu-gee-la (1996)/The Fugees/Top 250 of the Greatest Hip-Hop and Rap Songs Pt. 3 Commas (Remix) ft. Rick Ross and Big Sean/Future/ March Madness ft. Nas (Remix)/Future/ "Move That Dope ft. Pharrell Williams, Pusha T"/Future/ "Same Damn Time (Remix) ft. Diddy, Ludacris"/Future / All Dogs Go To Heaven (R.I.P Nate Dogg) (Nate Dogg Tribute)/The Game/ Bang Along/The Game/ Bitch Don't Kill My Vibe (Kendrick Lamar Song Remix)/The Game/ Celebration Remix ft  Bone Thugs N Harmony/The Game/ Murder Feat  Scarface & Kendrick Lamar/The Game/ "Rollin' (Music Video HD) Ft. Kanye West, Trae The Truth, Z-Ro, Paul Wall & Slim Thug"/The Game/ Sauce/The Game/ Versace (Remix) [ Ft  Migos & Drake ]/The Game/ Above The Clouds featuring Inspectah Deck/Gang Starr/Moment Of Truth Family and Loyalty ft J Cole/Gang Starr/ Mind Playing Tricks On Me/Geto Boys/We Can`t Be Stopped The Champ/Ghostface Killah/Fishscale Nutmeg (Feat. RZA)/Ghostface Killah/Supreme Clientele Apollo Kids (Feat. Raekwon)/Ghostface Killah/Supreme Clientele Stay True (Deck’s Beat) (Feat. 60 Second Assassin)/Ghostface Killah/Supreme Clientele Malcolm/Ghostface Killah/Supreme Clientele Child's Play/Ghostface Killah/Supreme Clientele Cherchez LaGhost (Feat. U-God)/Ghostface Killah/Supreme Clientele Resurrection Morning feat. Raekwon and Bilal/Ghostface Killah & Adrian Younge/Twelve Reasons To Die II "The Sun (Feat. Raekwon, Slick Rick & RZA)"/Ghostface Killah & Trife Da God/Put It On The Line Press Rewind (Remix - Bonus Track)/"Ghostface Killah feat. Big Stat, Bronze Nazareth & Agallah"/Ghost Files - Bronze Tape Cold Crush/"Ghostface Killah feat. LA The Darkman, Chris Rivers, Ras Kass & Harley"/Ghost Files - Propane Tape Flowers/Ghostface/Raekwon/Nuclear Warfare Dirty South (featuring Big Boi of OutKast & Cool Breeze)/Goodie Mob/Soul Food Swivel/Headnodic/First Takes Kawa no Nagare no Youni/Hibari Misora/ 以心伝心　松岡英明/Hideaki Matsuoka/ Playas Rock/Hurricane Chris/51/50 Ratchet Bad Dope/Ice Cube/Everythangs Corrupt Fire Water/Ice Cube/Everythangs Corrupt B-Boy Spacemen/IDE & Alucard/Uncovered Remains At Least/IDE & DJ Connect/Ideology STOP (feat. Q Da Fool)/IDK/IDK & FRIENDS :) Paranoico/iL' Cuervo/Campo De Maíz 04. Golpe De Estado/Immortal Technique/Fuck The Government EP Rich Man's World (1%)/Immortal Technique/ Cole Summer (Prod. By J. Cole)/J Cole/Truly Yours 2 Kenny Lofton (Prod. By Canei Finch)/J Cole/Truly Yours 2 Chris Tucker (Prod. By J. Cole  Co Prod By Canei F/J Cole/Truly Yours 2 Head Bussa (Prod By J. Cole)/J Cole/Truly Yours 2 Cousins/J Cole/Truly Yours 2 3 Wishes (Prod By Jake One)/J Cole/Truly Yours 2 The Reasons ft. Bobwire/J Cole/ The Sickness (feat. Nas)/J Dilla/The Dark Side of Lord Quas ATM/J. Cole/KOD Can I Holla At Ya/J. Cole/Truly Yours Crunch Time/J. Cole/Truly Yours Rise Above/J. Cole/Truly Yours Tears For ODB/J. Cole/Truly Yours Stay (2009)/J. Cole/Truly Yours Deja Vu/J. Cole/4 Your Eyez Only Crooked Smile/J. Cole/ Drank In My Cup/J. Cole/ Get Free ColeWorld/J. Cole/ High For Hours/J. Cole/ How High/J. Cole/ I'm A Fool/J. Cole/ Miss America Reprise/J. Cole/ Return of Simba/J. Cole/ Thug Lovin' (Ft Bobby Brown)/Ja Rule/Exodus Wonderful (feat. R.Kelly & Ashanti)/Ja Rule/Exodus New York (feat. Fat Joe And Jadakiss)/Ja Rule/Icon Uh-Ohhhhh (feat. Merc Montana & Lil Wayne)/Ja Rule/The Mirror Sunset (feat. The Game & Stephanie)/Ja Rule/The Mirror 11 Caught Up/Ja Rule/ Put it on Me (Remix)/Ja Rule feat. Vita & Lil' Mo/The Fast And The Furious OST Ice Pick (feat. Styles P)/Jadakiss/Friday On Elm Street 04 Creating Governing Dynamics/James Horner/A Beautiful Mind 05 Old Ball Players/James Horner/Field of Dreams WIN/Jay Rock/Redemption I Miss U (Remix) ft Aaliyah/Jay-Z/Black Album (The Prequel) Marcy Me/JAY-Z/4:44 Dead Presidents 3 (Original)/jay-z/ PARTY LIFE INSTRUMENTAL/Jay-Z and Marvin Gaye/Brooklyn Soul Animal Rap feat. Kool G Rap/Jedi Mind Tricks/Jedi Mind Tricks - The Best of Jedi Mind Tricks [CD1] I Against I (Feat. Planetary)/Jedi Mind Tricks/Violent By Design Cold Summer (feat. Tee Grizzley)/Jeezy/Pressure Me OK/Jeezy/Seen It All: The Autobiography (Deluxe) beat 72 (256kbit)/Jensyao/ jensyao - test beat (256kbit)/Jensyao/ russian (256kbit)/Jensyao/ test beat 11 (256kbit)/Jensyao/ test beat 12 (256kbit)/Jensyao/ test beat 13 (256kbit)/Jensyao/ test beat 14 (256kbit)/Jensyao/ test beat 23 (256kbit)/Jensyao/ test beat 30 (256kbit)/Jensyao/ World Domination/Joey Bada$$/1999 Pennyroyal/Joey Bada$$/1999 King's Dead Freestyle (Kendrick Lamar Remix)/Joey Badass & XXXTentacion/ Houseshoes/John Jigg$/D.R.U.G.$ (Destined to Reach Undeniable Greatnes$) Bank Account (Remix)/Joyner Lucas/ DNA. (Remix)/Joyner Lucas/ Gucci Gang (Remix)/Joyner Lucas/ "ISIS Remix ft Eminem, Kendrick Lamar, Mac Miller, J. Cole, Logic"/Joyner Lucas/ Look Alive (Remix)/Joyner Lucas/ Mask Off Remix (Mask On)/Joyner Lucas/ Panda Remix/Joyner Lucas/ Oh My Lord (feat. Special Ed)/Junior M.A.F.I.A./Conspiracy Back That Azz Up (feat. Mannie Fresh & Lil Wayne)/Juvenile/400 Degreez Track 13/Kanye West/Kanye West's First Beats (Disc 1) All Day/Kanye West/The Life of Paul See Me Now (feat. Beyoncé & Charlie Wilson)/Kanye West/MBDTF: The Complete Collection Addiction (Kenny Dope remix)/Kanye West/Sky High: Presented by DJ Benzi and Plain Pat Yikes/Kanye West/ye Brothers ft Charlie-Wilson/Kanye West/ Famous Remix (feat. Rick Ross)/Kanye West/ Freeee (Solo CDQ OG Version) [Fresh Leak 2019 Yandhi]/Kanye West/ New Slaves/Kanye West/ 舟木一夫／高校三年生/Kazuo Funaki / The Only Nigga/Kendrick Lamar/Bad Kid Chill City (EP) Want In Life/Kendrick Lamar/Bad Kid Chill City (EP) HiiiPower/Kendrick Lamar/Bomb First County Building Blues (Bonus Track)/Kendrick Lamar/"Good Kid, M.A.A.D. City (Target Exclusive Deluxe Edition) CD2" Blow My High (Members Only)/Kendrick Lamar/Section.80 untitled 07 | 2014 - 2016/Kendrick Lamar/untitled unmastered. Bitch Don't Kill My Vibe ft. Jay-Z (Official Remix)/Kendrick Lamar/ Exclusive Freestyle w/ Big Boy/Kendrick lamar/ The Jig Is Up (Dump'n) ft Black Hippy/Kendrick lamar/ LOOK OUT FOR DETOX/Kendrick lamar/ "The Recipe (Black Hippy Remix) (Feat. Dr Dre, ScHoolboy Q, Ab-Soul & Jay Rock)"/Kendrick Lamar/ "U.O.E.N.O (Black Hippy Remix) ScHoolboy Q, Ab-Soul & Jay Rock"/Kendrick Lamar/ "Westside, Right On Time feat. Young Jeezy"/Kendrick lamar/ What the Deal/Kendrick Lamar/ Black Friday/Kendrick Lamar & J Cole/ Can't Fade Us ft. Ty Dolla $ign/King Los/ Ill Street Blues/Kool G Rap/ Honest Truth feat. 38 Spesh & AZ/Kool G Rap & 38 Spesh/ The Streets Of New York/Kool G Rap & DJ Polo/ Rapfilm/Kool Savas/ Life Of a Bandana/KXNG Crooked/ Professional Rapper (feat. Snoop Dogg)/Lil Dicky/Professional Rapper Family Feud ft Drake (DatPiff Exclusive)/Lil Wayne/D6: Reloaded Bloody Mary ft Juelz Santana (DatPiff Exclusive)/Lil Wayne/D6: Reloaded Dedicate/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V Mona Lisa (feat. Kendrick Lamar)/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V Took His Time/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V Start This Shit Off Right (feat. Ashanti & Mack Maine)/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V Demon/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V Used 2/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V Let It All Work Out/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V Better Get Em/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V (ORIGINAL VERSION) Famous Ft. Reginae Carter/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V (ORIGINAL VERSION) Form Good/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V (ORIGINAL VERSION) Glory/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V (ORIGINAL VERSION) Hoes Ft. Christina Millian/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V (ORIGINAL VERSION) Hush Hush/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V (ORIGINAL VERSION) If I Don't She is Mine/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V (ORIGINAL VERSION) Just Chill Ft. Justin Bieber/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V (ORIGINAL VERSION) Life Of Mr. Carter/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V (ORIGINAL VERSION) Mona Lisa Ft. Kendrick Lamar/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V (ORIGINAL VERSION) Moral To The Story/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V (ORIGINAL VERSION) Mute Ft. Big Sean/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V (ORIGINAL VERSION) Never Really Mattered Ft. Birdman/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V (ORIGINAL VERSION) No Brainer Ft. Flow/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V (ORIGINAL VERSION) Open Safe/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V (ORIGINAL VERSION) Outro C5 My Niggaz/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V (ORIGINAL VERSION) Poison Ft. Mikky Ekko/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V (ORIGINAL VERSION) Scottie Pippen/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V (ORIGINAL VERSION) Shake It/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V (ORIGINAL VERSION) Take It Slow/Lil Wayne/Tha Carter V (ORIGINAL VERSION) Believe Me Ft Drake/Lil Wayne/ Gotti (ft. The Lox)/Lil Wayne/ Hasta La Vista/Lil Wayne/ In This House (feat. Gucci Mane)/Lil Wayne/ Light Up ft Justin Timberlake/Lil Wayne/ Original Silence ft. Mack Maine/Lil Wayne/ She will Ft Drake & Rick Ross (Remix)/Lil Wayne/ Start A Fire feat. Christina Milian/Lil Wayne/ Velvet/Lil Wayne/ What About Me/Lil Wayne/ Lovin' It/Little Brother/The Minstrel Show Stay Schemin' Freestyle/Lola Monroe/ Phat Rabbit (Album Version)/Ludacris/Back For The First Time Southern Fried (Intro)/Ludacris/Chicken-N-Beer Wish You Would (Feat. T.I.)/Ludacris/Theater Of The Mind Last Of A Dying Breed (Feat. Lil' Wayne)/Ludacris/Theater Of The Mind I Do It For Hip Hop (Feat. Nas & Jay-Z)/Ludacris/Theater Of The Mind Drogas/Lupe Fiasco/DROGAS WAVE The Show Goes On ft. Lil Wayne & Drake /Lupe Fiasco/ SLR 2 (Kendrick Lamar Response)/LUPE FIASCO/ SLR 3 (Round of Applause)/LUPE FIASCO/ 恋の嵐/Mariya Takeuchi/ Mathematics/Masta Ace/The Falling Season 五輪真弓   心の友/Mayumi Itsuwa/ 恋人よ／五輪真弓（本人歌）/Mayumi Itsuwa/ No Church In The Wild Feat Rick Ross/Meek Mill/ Started From The Bottom [Freestyle]/Meek Mill/ Hot Girl Summer ft. Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign/Megan Thee Stallion/ Panda Remix/Montana of 300/ なごり雪 - イルカ/Nagori Snow/ Not for Radio (No Diddy)/Nas/Nasir Bonjour (feat. Tony Williams)/Nas/Nasir Adam and Eve (feat. The-Dream)/Nas/Nasir Deja Vu/Nas/"Unreleased,b-sides,and Collabs" Not For Radio (Instrumental)/Nas/ Feel Me Flow/Naughty By Nature/Naughty's Nicest Shake Your Tailfeather/Nelly feat. P Diddy & Murphy Lee/Bad Boys 2 Soundtrack Chun-Li/Nicki Minaj/Queen Rich Sex (feat. Lil Wayne)/Nicki Minaj/Queen 槇原敬之 - どんなときも。/Noriyuki Makihara/ Gimme The Loot (Never Before Heard Uncensored Version)/Notorious B.I.G./Ready To Die (The O.G. Edition) The What (Feat. Method Man) (Original Version With Unheard Lyrics)/Notorious B.I.G./Ready To Die (The O.G. Edition) Breaking Old Habits Feat. Slim Thug & T.I/The Notorious B.I.G./ Time's Up/O.C./ Bring it On/Organized Konfusion/ Aquemini/Outkast/Aquemini "13th Floor , Growing Old"/OutKast/Atliens Elevators (ONP 86 Mix)/OutKast/Atliens 0 to 100 Freestyle/Papoose/ Freestyle ft. Canibus (Guerilla Monsoon Rap)/Papoose Feat. Canibus/DJ Kay Slay & The Alchemist Bust It Baby Pt. 2 (Feat. Ne-Yo)/Plies/ Grind With Me/Pretty Ricky/ Santeria ft. Kanye West (OG)/Pusha T/ The Story Of Adidon/Pusha T/ "Tick, Tock [Man With The Iron Fists OST] Raekwon / Joell Ortiz"/Pusha T/ What Would Meek Do OG (J Cole and Drake Diss) ft Kanye West/Pusha T/ Did You Ever Think/R. Kelly/R. [Disc 2] Revolutions Per Minutes/Reflection Eternal/Talib Kweli & Hi-Tek - Reflection Eternal (The Re-Union) World's Finest (Feat. Meek Mill & Kevin Cossom)/Rick Ross/Black Dollar Stay Schemin (Feat. Drake & French Montana)/Rick Ross/Rich Forever Don't Kill My Vibe (Freestyle)/Rick Ross/ "No Games (Remix) (feat. Meek Mill, Wale & Future)"/Rick Ross/ Often (feat. The Weeknd & Schoolboy Q)/Rick Ross/ Oyster Perpetual/Rick Ross/ Port Of Miami II Freestyle/Rick Ross/ White Iverson (Remix)/Rick Ross/ Beats Keep Callin' (Freestyle)/Royce 5'9/ Let's Take Them To War (Freestyle)/Royce 5'9/ Wait a Minute (Freestyle)/Royce 5'9/ windpipe/rza ft. ghostface and db/ghostface meets mf operation ironman disc 1 "Do What I Do feat. Nas, Rick Ross & Z-Ro"/Scarface/Deeply Rooted (Best Buy Deluxe Edition) Keep It Movin' feat. Avant/Scarface/Deeply Rooted (Best Buy Deluxe Edition) You feat. CeeLo Green/Scarface/Deeply Rooted (Best Buy Deluxe Edition) Mental Exorcism/Scarface/Deeply Rooted (Best Buy Deluxe Edition) Born Killer/Scarface/ THat Part (Black Hippy Remix)/ScHoolboy Q/ 赤いスイートピー - 松田聖子/Seiko Matsuda/ 輝いた季節へ旅立とう/Seiko Matsuda/ Brother (Watching)/Shad/The Old Prince Rose Garden/Shad/TSOL Still Can't Stop The Reign (feat. Notorious B.I.G.)/Shaquille O'Neal/You Can't Stop The Reign 昴 （谷村新司）/Shinji Tanimura/ "Street Talkin' - OutKast, Slick Rick"/Slick Rick/The Art of Storytelling Me & Nas Bring It to Your Hardest/Slick Rick/The Art of Storytelling I'm Back/T.I./No Mercy Watch What You Say To Me (Feat. Jay-Z)/T.I./T.I. Vs. T.I.P. Hurt (Feat. Alfamega & Busta Rhymes)/T.I./T.I. Vs. T.I.P. Motivation/T.I./Urban Legend ASAP/T.I./Urban Legend The Greatest (Feat. Mannie Fresh)/T.I./Urban Legend "Stand Up (Feat. Lil Jon, Trick Daddy & Lil' Wayne)"/T.I./Urban Legend I'M FLEXIN' (Remix) FT. BIG K.R.I.T. TWISTA & RICK ROSS/T.I./ Guerrilla Monsoon Rap Feat. Black Thought & Pharoahe Monch/Talib Kweli/Quality "Know Bout Me ft. JAY Z, Drake, James Fauntleroy"/Timbaland / SICKO MODE/Travis Scott/ASTROWORLD Rumble in the Jungle ft.Fugees & Busta Rhymes/A Tribe Called Quest/The Lost Tribes Scenario/A Tribe Called Quest/ ZIPLOC/"Tyler, The Creator"/THROWAWAYS OKRA/"Tyler, The Creator"/THROWAWAYS BRING IT BACK/"Tyler, The Creator"/THROWAWAYS ROSE TINTED CHEEKS/"Tyler, The Creator"/THROWAWAYS 435/"Tyler, The Creator"/THROWAWAYS CRUST IN THEIR EYES/"Tyler, The Creator"/THROWAWAYS GELATO/"Tyler, The Creator"/THROWAWAYS PEACH FUZZ/"Tyler, The Creator"/THROWAWAYS BRONCO/"Tyler, The Creator"/THROWAWAYS TIPTOE/"Tyler, The Creator"/THROWAWAYS POTATO SALAD/"Tyler, The Creator X A$AP Rocky"/THROWAWAYS The Game Belongs To Me/UGK/Underground Kingz 12/*unknown*/Japanese 2/*unknown*/Japanese 7/*unknown*/Japanese 9/*unknown*/Japanese "O Let's Do It (feat. Diddy, Rick Ross, Gucci Mane) (Remix)"/Waka Flocka Flame/ Poor Decisions (Feat. Lupe Fiasco & Rick Ross)/Wale/Maybach Music Group: Self Made Vol. 3 (Deluxe Edition) Tell Your Friends/The Weeknd/Beauty Behind The Madness The Hills/The Weeknd/Beauty Behind The Madness Initiation/The Weeknd/Echoes Of Silence Same Old Song/The Weeknd/Echoes Of Silence Call Out My Name/The Weeknd/"My Dear Melancholy," I Was Never There (feat. Gesaffelstein)/The Weeknd/"My Dear Melancholy," Reminder/The Weeknd/Starboy The Birds Part 2/The Weeknd/Thursday In Vein / Or Nah/The Weeknd/ Some Way ft. NAV/The Weeknd/ The Wings Of A Boy That Killed Adolescence/Yasuo Uragami/Gundam Wing Operation 1 OST I Don't Like Fairy Tales/Yasuo Uragami/Gundam Wing Operation 3 OST Around the World/Yo Gotti/I Still Am "OJ (Explicit) ft. Fabolous, Jadakiss"/YOUNG JEEZY/ リラの咲くころバルセロナへ/光GENJI/ G.O.O.D. Morning/2 Chainz/ "Spend It Remix (Feat. T.I. Rick Ross, Fabolous & Trey Songz)"/2 Chainz/ When We Ride On Our Enemies/2Pac/Better Dayz [Disc 1] Street Fame/2Pac/Better Dayz [Disc 1] Hold On Be Strong (Feat Stretc/2Pac/DJ Fatal Presents 2pac-The Los Str8 Ballin (Feat Danielle Sen/2Pac/DJ Fatal Presents 2pac-The Los How Do U Want It (Feat Fatal A/2Pac/DJ Fatal Presents 2pac-The Los Me Against The World (Feat DJ/2Pac/DJ Fatal Presents 2pac-The Los Let's Get It On (Feat Notoriou/2Pac/DJ Fatal Presents 2pac-The Los Letter 2 My Unborn (Feat Wallen/2Pac/DJ Fatal Presents 2pac-The Los Runnin (Feat Notorious B.I.G.)/2Pac/DJ Fatal Presents 2pac-The Los Troublesome '96/2Pac/Greatest Hits never call you bitch again/2Pac/Live Thug Luv 2/2Pac/Makaveli - Volume 8 [The Remix Album] 4 My Niggaz (Ft. Storm)/2Pac/The OG Project Vol. 3 Revolution (Feat. Busta Rhymes)/2Pac/Rap Phenomenon II Gunz On My Side (Feat. Busta Rhymes)/2Pac/Rap Phenomenon II 2 Glocks (Feat. Bounty Killa & Wayne Marshall)/2Pac/Rap Phenomenon II Baby Don't Cry (Feat. Wyclef)/2Pac/Rap Phenomenon II Me Against The World (Feat. Bun-B (UGK) & Brooklyn)/2Pac/Rap Phenomenon II On My Block (Feat. Scarface)/2Pac/Rap Phenomenon II Outta Control (Instrumental Remix Feat. Mobb Deep)/50 Cent/The Massacre (Instrumentals) Get In My Car (Instrumental)/50 Cent/The Massacre (Instrumentals) "Love, Hate, Love (Street King Energy Track #6)"/50 Cent/Street King Energy The Streets (feat. Bun B)/8ball & Mjg/Living Legends Shot Off (feat. Ludacris)/8ball & Mjg/Living Legends

[heartvalue2-blog]

Courtside Sixers Seats Are Philly’s Hottest Status Symbol

Sports

These days, if you’re not on the floor for the Joel and Ben show, you’re nobody.

Just look at who you could be sitting next to with courtside Sixers tickets. Illustration by Britt Spencer

It was just minutes before tip-off, and the vibe was electric. For a good hour prior to the start time of this nationally televised Sunday-afternoon game, fans, throngs of media, and seemingly every employee of both teams and the arena had gravitated courtside for a chance to see, yes, LeBron James, one of the biggest names in this or any sport. But there was more buzz for the opposing team’s collection of charismatic young stars, including the power forward acquired days earlier in a trade-deadline shocker that triggered a seismic shift in the NBA’s balance of power.

Now, with warm-ups over, the capacity crowd was about to learn which high-profile fan had been chosen to walk onto the court and, as has become custom here, pronounce the start of the proceedings. Scattered around the courtside seats were a couple of supermodels and their entourages, a franchise quarterback and one of his favorite targets, a pair of NBA icons, a retired hip-hopper swirling in comeback rumors, a nationally controversial pundit, the owner of a storied sports team, the local soccer franchise’s just-inked Mexican star, the consensus best player in Major League Baseball, and a big-deal trial lawyer with his trademark suit and slicked-back hair.

None of them got the nod, though. The celeb deemed worthy of this most high-profile moment was a polarizing Hollywood figure, among the team’s most recognizable boosters, one known to give refs an earful when they blow a call.

If you’re thinking Spike Lee at the Garden or Nicholson at the Staples Center, well, sorry. The super-fan chosen to “Ring the Bell” at South Philly’s Wells Fargo Center for this showdown between the flailing, LeBron-led Lakers and the ascendant 76ers was Mr. I-See-Dead-People himself, M. Night Shyamalan. And to the delight of Kendall Jenner, Anne De Paula, Carson Wentz, Alshon Jeffery, Allen Iverson, Magic Johnson, Lil Uzi Vert, Marc Lamont Hill, Robert Kraft (pre-prostitution charges), Marco Fabian, Mike Trout and Thomas Kline, Esq., along with the rest of the capacity crowd, Night rang the bell and rang it good. Game on.

Those on hand were treated to one of the most exciting Sixers games in a 16-month span full of them — the second contest featuring new stretch four Tobias Harris alongside J.J. Redick, Jimmy Butler, Ben Simmons and Joel Embiid. When the final horn blew on the Sixers’ 143-120 shellacking of LeBron’s reeling squad, it seemed to signal not just this team’s elevation to beast mode, but a changing of the guard.

It was the sort of statement game — just months after spurning the city as a free agent, LeBron comes to town and gets spanked — that will go down in the annals of Philly sport. It’s a game that a few years from now, everyone you meet will claim to have been at. Think the Birds’ 38-7 romp over the Vikings in the 2017 Conference Championship. Or Phillies closer Brad Lidge firing a slider past Eric Hinske at Citizens Bank Park in 2008. Or Bobby Clarke’s Broad Street Bullies bloodying the Russian Red Army team at the Spectrum in 1976.

But for a handful of the city’s cultural and power elite, the proof will be in the replays. Their faces are in the background of every timeout, every fast break, every dunk. This visibility is why sitting courtside at the Sixers has become the ultimate status symbol, and why the VIP scene there has become the city’s most elite networking spot.

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If you got hit by a SEPTA bus sometime between Allen Iverson’s farewell in 2006 and Joel Embiid’s debut in 2016 and are just now waking up from your coma, the above scenario sounds like pure fantasy. During the later years of the Iverson era, with the team already in decline, Sixers attendance was buoyed solely by, as aforementioned author, pundit and Temple prof Marc Lamont Hill puts it, the “cult of personality around Allen Iverson.” After A.I.? “It was a ghost town in there,” recalls Hill, who’s had season tickets on the south floor near the Sixers basket for going on a decade. “There was hardly anybody of note on the floor. The only time celebrities came to the game would be if the opposing team was really good.”

After floundering for several seasons, the Sixers in 2013 — backed by a new ownership group led by Josh Harris and David Blitzer and including minority partners such as e-commerce billionaire Michael Rubin and the Smiths, Will and Jada — embarked on then-GM Sam Hinkie’s controversial tanking strategy now lovingly referred to as “The Process.” After three seasons of rote, agonizing ineptitude, The Process ultimately yielded the core of the Sixers’ current squad — Embiid and Simmons — bolstered since by an ever-improving supporting cast. The result: a team that is certifiably good, and certifiably hot. “Now, we could be playing the worst team in the NBA and it doesn’t matter,” boasts Hill, “because we’re the draw.”

Elevated play has caused a surge in demand to get close to the action. And that lure is further perpetuated by the who’s-who list of Philly movers and shakers already entrenched courtside. Among the local luminaries you may spy sitting on the floor: high-powered, silver-haired alpha attorney Kline (20 seasons) and fellow litigator Leonard Hill; Shyamalan and his wife, Bhavna Vaswani (three years); and venture capitalist Richard Vague (like Hill, he’s had seats for a decade). That clutch of power is camped between the scorer’s table and the opponent’s bench with co-owner Blitzer.

On the other side of the scorer’s table, by the Sixers’ bench, you’ll usually find supermodel Kendall Jenner, a.k.a. Ben Simmons’s gal pal; Harris; and real estate magnates David Adelman and Alan Horwitz (who, thanks to his “Sixth Man” jersey, wild white hair, and demonstrative pleading is known to Sixers Twitter as “Old Man Knees”). Across the court, you can find Iverson, Rubin, and the latter’s various guests, ranging from hip-hoppers (Meek Mill, Lil Uzi Vert) to business magnates (Kraft) to celebs and athletes (Kevin Hart, Wentz, Malcolm Jenkins).

It should come as no surprise that a team with the foresight to execute The Process — a gambit reliant on securing on-court celebrity athletes — was also intentional in fostering a culture of stars and influencers in the stands. “We like to joke that it’s been a six-year overnight success,” team president Chris Heck says before tip-off. He’s in the Patriot Partner Lounge, the luxe, invite-only VIP hang the team carved out of the bowels of the Wells Fargo Center. Heck credits celebs like Shyamalan and Meek Mill (and then-companion Nicki Minaj) with raising the courtside profile.

“We call it ‘Circle of Stars,’” Katie O’Reilly, the Sixers’ chief marketing officer, says of the team’s influencers program. “Our managing partners understand the importance of bringing these guys in and having them as part of our family.”

That means inviting Michael B. Jordan, Chadwick Boseman and Bryan Cranston to the Center when they’re in town. It also means making regulars of our other teams’ stars. “I see Alshon more than I see my family,” laughs Heck. “Half the Eagles are season-ticket holders.” And it means catering to power-broker super-fans — bold names more likely to show up in the Wall Street Journal than on a marquee. “Josh Harris and David Blitzer and that crowd, they’ve done a superb job of making sure that the service is excellent” for VIPs, says Vague, the venture capitalist who’s recently made news as a possible dark-horse presidential candidate. “That’s been true through The Process years. If anything, perhaps even more so early on.”

More than any other pro sport, basketball offers proximity to the action. It’s this access that draws the rich, powerful and aspiring. At breaks during the Lakers game, for instance, fellow court-siders sauntered up to Wentz for a handshake and perhaps to offer a bit of unsolicited career advice.

Peter Markowitz, owner of South Jersey’s Posh Automotive Group and a first-year season-ticket holder with seats in the fourth row on the floor behind the basket, recalls one game where “we were randomly asked if we wanted to meet Allen Iverson. They took us upstairs, and we sat and talked to Allen Iverson for 10 minutes.”

Diehards may be chagrined to learn that Markowitz is no Philly sports lifer. “It was a social decision,” the 37-year-old entrepreneur says of his season-ticket plunge. “I’m getting older, and everybody’s getting busier with work and families. I go to all of the games with one of my best friends. We’re not even that into sports, but we have a new appreciation from being there and learning. And we’ve made really good connections for work and pleasure.”

Just off the court, the Corona Extra Beach House has become a networking hot spot. “At halftime, all those people who are sitting around the court, they all go into that room,” says Markowitz. “It’s a nice break, and rather than seeing people you know and passing them by, you get to spend a couple of minutes talking to them.”

For Ric Harris, president of NBC 10/ Telemundo 62, the seats the station gets as a Sixers media partner have proven a superb way to entertain clients.

The networking aspect can grate on basketball junkies like Marc Lamont Hill, but he understands the significance. “You see a lot of empty seats after halftime,” Hill says of the exodus to the VIP bars. “You’ll see people in fancy suits with really nice watches talking about development plans and client services. As a businessperson, I get it — it’s a part of the energy there now. It’s about being at the game and showing people that you can be at the game. That is a super status symbol. Having dope seats to the Sixers is another sign of social and cultural capital. And that’s pretty neat.”

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Sixers seats have been hot before. But unlike in Iverson’s heyday, when 100 percent of the draw was the otherworldly talent of a sullen, tattooed anti-hero, something about this model feels different. Certainly, part of it is that 18 years on from the Sixers’ last championship run, Philly is a very different city.

The idea of a “New Philadelphia” — one of eds, meds and tech, one that’s solving brain drain and in the midst of a renaissance — comes up often when Heck and O’Reilly discuss marketing strategy. But this is also a very different Sixers franchise, one more in touch with the broader cultural significance of the NBA.

One of the less ballyhooed benefits of The Process is that it essentially allowed the organization to reboot. With expectations nonexistent and a fan base comprising only the most hard-core adherents of the team’s rebuild, the Sixers were free to essentially operate as a start-up. The clean slate, thus, was an opportunity to reimagine.

“So much of our strategy was, ‘Let’s bring back the history of this brand,’” chief marketing officer O’Reilly says of how the team’s planners picked and chose elements of the franchise’s past. “Let’s create traditions and bring back that legacy.” The Sixers’ iconography throughout The Process has played on nostalgia, harking back to the glory days of Wilt and Dr. J. But other touches, from the “Together We Build” slogan to the Franklinian Join-or-Die messaging to the ceremonial ringing of a miniature Liberty Bell, were, in retrospect, ingenious, positioning the team as a public trust and recalling the city’s Revolution-era glory.

This idea of common purpose is espoused by one of the team’s most high-profile courtside fans, Tom Kline (of Kline & Specter and Drexel’s Thomas R. Kline School of Law). “Caring about a professional franchise has at its core caring about the city and caring about what happens to us collectively as a community,” says Kline. “Communities have leaders, and you expect leaders to be visible — so now we’re seeing the kind of people you’d expect to be drawn to the flame.”

Kline has been a season-ticket holder for 20 seasons, occupying what he calls “the best seat in basketball” — next to the visitors’ bench (where he can see opposing coaches draw up plays) — since these seats were first made available in 2006. “Of course, we’re on camera more than the rest of the floor seats because the cameras chase toward the benches,” Kline says almost matter-of-factly. “That’s not why I’m there, but I have represented people as a result.”

Vague, Shyamalan and Kline all profess that they’re in it for the love of the game, though as folks who were driven to the acme of their respective fields, they must be at least a little tickled by the TV exposure (and this season, the Sixers will appear on national television some 39 times). Still, something about all of this seems more substantial, more real, than the glitzy Lakers Showtime scene of the 1980s.

While this iteration of the Sixers appears set up for a run of sustained success, no professional sports team is immune to peaks and valleys. But in this moment, when Philly and its teams all seem ascendant, the Sixers have packaged that energy into something transcendent. They have built a scene — of workaday fans and power brokers and A-listers — around more than a winning team. They’ve built this scene around a belief that by bottoming out and then sticking to a plan, you can reach the stars.

It’s a story that strikes a certain chord in the soul of this city for reasons obvious to anyone old enough to remember, say, the 1980s. The courtside celebrities may ebb with the team’s fortunes. But this moment, when the city’s powerful and powerless clamor for seats to see success we all feel we made possible, may represent not just a team fulfilling its unlikely destiny, but a city doing so as well. Why are courtside seats in such demand? Yeah, it’s about Ben and Joel being the best they can be. But it’s also about us.

Published as “The In Crowd” in the April 2019 issue of Philadelphia magazine.

Source: https://www.phillymag.com/news/2019/03/30/courtside-sixers-tickets-wells-fargo-center/