#this is unpolished but what the fuck ever it is 8 am. you get this.

[elysiuminfra]

i wonder how he felt after the fact

[kangtaebins]

Weird Asks That Say A Lot

I said I was going to just answer all of these bc of boredom,, and so here I am

1. Coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Teacups are aesthetically pleasing idc what anyone says

2. Chocolate bars or lollipops? Lollipops

3. Bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy supremacy

4. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? I was told that I was a leader a lot, and was told that I was very intelligent. Ah yes, I suffered from gifted kid burn out in high school-

5. Do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? Look, plastic cups are the best. Specifically the ones with the lids and reusable straws

6. Pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? It truly depends on the day bc some days I would say goth and other days I’d say grunge, but most days- pastel

7. Earbuds or headphones? Earbuds

8. Movies or TV shows? TV shows bc- idk actually I’m just not a movie person

9. Favorite smell in the summer? I have a weird obsession with the smell of cheap sunscreen and I have no clue why

10. Game you were best at in p.e.? I hated gym in high school and rarely participated despite the teacher being irritated with me (truly she gave up after a few months bc I really did not care at all) HOWEVER- I went to town in volleyball and still enjoy playing volleyball v much

11. What do you have for breakfast on an average day? I don’t eat breakfast often,,, 

12. Name of your favorite playlist? Probably my Navy or Indigo playlist

13. Lanyard or key ring? Key ring 

14. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Anything green apple!!!

15. Favorite book you read as a school assignment? I actually genuinely enjoyed Romeo And Juliet tbh

16. Most comfortable position to sit in? I always curl up in a ball on the couch, but in a chair I manspread ngl

17. Most frequently worn pair of shoes? Nike slides <//3

18. Ideal weather? Between 50-70 degrees, sunny but not warm, being able to wear a hoodie and not be hot or cold

19. Sleeping position? I usually either sleep on my left side or on my stomach (my back once in a while when it’s hurting bc I’m a hag)

20. Preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? I write on my phone more than anything

21. Obsession from childhood? Hm- I was really obsessed with High School Musical as a kid. My friend and I would put it on and lip sync to the songs and pretend we were the characters

22. Role model? Is it- wrong to say myself? Bc I feel like that sounds arrogant but genuinely it’s bc I’m constantly trying to better myself mentally and learn and grow. Idk I just am proud of who I am and look to myself when I need to find motivation

23. Strange habits? Strange? Idk if it’s strange but I’m constantly twiddling with the hem of my sleeves bc I love the feeling of it

24. Favorite crystal? Citrine 

25. First song you remember hearing? WH- bitch idk tf

26. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Stay tf inside in the air conditioning

27. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Stay tf inside in the heat

28. Five songs to describe you? To describe me?? Girl idk I'm all over the place. How about songs that resonate with me instead,,, Alive by Khalid, Paranoid by Lauv, Phobia by Dvwn, Fake Smile by Ariana Grande, and Breathin by Ariana Grande

29. Best way to bond with you? Truly I'm not very difficult to get along with, just don't be an asshole. Talk to me about psychology, current events, say Soobin is the cutest to exist idk it's not that hard

30. Places that you find sacred? I- hm. I'm not like a church person or anything so idk. Maybe just anything really old or places with very detailed and unique architecture

31. What outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? I don't own many clothes,,, let alone nice clothes. I also don't really dress to impress I'd much rather be comfortable

32. Top five favorite vines? Oh god if I h a d to pick???? The lipstick in the Valentino bag, they were roommates, it's an avocado- thaaanks, jared 19, and uh,,, zach stooppp you're gonna get in trouble

33. Most used phrase in your phone? Tbh it's probably "girl what-" or "no bc"

34. Advertisements you have stuck in your head? That 877-CASH-NOW ONE JFC

35. Average time you fall asleep? Between 11pm-1am

36. What is the first meme you remember ever seeing? Probably the troll face one or smth

37. Suitcase or duffel bag? Suitcase

38. Lemonade or tea? I mix them together!

39. Lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Lemon meringue pie bc I don't really like cake

40. Weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? Y'all I- went to a hs/college mixed school,, I've seen it all. Weirdest?? Idk but one weird thing I remember was when we were making whistles in art and some dude made a penis whistle 😭

41. Last person you texted? My best friend :))

42. Jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket pockets

43. Hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? Hoodie 100%

44. Favorite scent for soap? I love soaps that smell like soap. Like ok duh I know that sounds dumb but yk what I mean? I don't want lemon or mint or whatever, I like the plain soap smell

45. Which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? Fantasy

46. Most comfortable outfit to sleep in? Oversized t-shirt, no pants. I question anyone that is comfortable sleeping with pants on-

47. Favorite type of cheese? Feta!

48. If you were a fruit, what kind would you be? I feel like I'd be a pineapple and I have no clue why

49. What saying or quote do you live by? Not necessarily a quote but more of a thought: live for yourself, enjoy each day, do what gives you joy

50. What made you laugh the hardest you ever have? I have had so many instances in which I have laughed so hard I peed and to even attempt to name one is impossible

51. Current stresses? Making sure my family gets their vaccines and stays safe

52. Favorite font? I don't think I have one? Anything except comic sans

53. What is the current state of your hands? What does this even mean 💀 I mean,, they're holding my phone, cold, and my nails are unpolished

54. What did you learn from your first job? That people are assholes but I'm capable of not giving a fuck bc life is not that damn serious

55. Favorite fairy tale? Is The Three Little Pigs considered a fairy tale?

56. Favorite tradition? Putting up the Christmas tree with my mom :( it's always a lot of fun

57. The three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? Depression, grief, and hopefully one day- smth I'm currently dealing with

58. Four talents you’re proud of having? Makeup!! But also: singing, crying on command, and tying cherry stems with my tongue

59. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? Sick of these bitches

60. If you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? I don't watch anime so idk

61. Favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? It's this line from Eleanor & Park: "Eleanor was right: She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something."

62. Seven characters you relate to? Holy hell, 7?? Probably won't get that many but hm,,, Darlene from Roseanne, Hermione from Harry Potter, Emily from Pretty Little Liars maybe?? Idk I suddenly blanked

63. Five songs that would play in your club? As if it's Your Last by BP, anything from SHINee, anything from Ariana, also anything Rihanna, just a bunch of women tbh

64. Favorite website from your childhood? FUCKING WEBKINZ BRO

65. Any permanent scars? I have a few on my arms idk where they came from tbh, I also have one on my hand from my sister 🧍🏻‍♀

66. Favorite flower(s)? Sunflowers!!! I also really love lilacs 💔

67. Good luck charms? My dog's collar that I wear as a bracelet

68. Worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? Licorice-

69. A fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? It takes repeating a piece of information 12 times at random to memorize it completely

70. Left or right handed? Right

71. Least favorite pattern? Fucking chevron- and realistic camo, and anything with the American flag

72. Worst subject? Yall im awful at history. American history, world history, all of it-

73. Favorite weird flavor combo? Either pickles and peanut butter or cheese and grapes

74. At what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? I'm stubborn but also always in pain so I've become numb to a lot of body pains. I have to be at like a 7-8 before I take smth otherwise I'd always be taking it

75. When did you lose your first tooth? I was probably like 5 I was definitely in Kindergarten

76. What’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? I fw baked potatoes

77. Best plant to grow on a windowsill? I have a love for succulents

78. Coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Oh my- I don't drink coffee but coffee from a gas station

79. Which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? Driver's license for sure

80. Earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel tones

81. Fireflies or lightning bugs? I say both,, but I think I say lightning bugs more

82. PC or console? PC

83. Writing or drawing? Both

84. Podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts definitely

84. Barbie or polly pocket? Barbie

85. Fairy tales or mythology? Fairy tales

86. Cookies or cupcakes? C o o k i e s

87. Your greatest fear? Losing people I love

88. Your greatest wish? To live comfortably and be a great mother

89. Who would you put before everyone else? My family

90. Luckiest mistake? Guessing on 90% of a test and getting an A 💀

91. Boxes or bags? Bags are easier to carry-

92. Lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? Fairy lights!!

93. Nicknames? Sam, Sammi, my sister calls me Sams, my best friend calls me Bub, and my gf calls me Baby if that counts- 👀

94. Favorite season? Fall omg it's gorgeous and has perfect temperatures

95. Favorite app on your phone? ✨tumblr✨

96. Desktop background? Its literally a pic of Soobin, Taehyun, and Beomgyu

97. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Like 4-5

98. Favorite historical era? The one where white people learn their fucking place and stop being racist, homophobic, classist, sexist, all the -ists and -phobics,,,, so none. Fuck history :))

[totallypathet]

Episode Four

Okay so first things first, I love a ball. I'm just not that psyched when they do them so early on in the season, because it feels so overwhelming when there's 12 queens doing 3 looks each, there's just sooo much to process! Having said all that, I do absolutely adore the ball challenges because it shows us so much about each queen. It's always interesting watching their creative processes and how they think. My favourites in the ball challenges are the ones who really *KimChi voice* embrace the materials. I just find it so boring when they just sort of glue stuff to corsets and don't really incorporate the materials of the challenge. So having said that, let's get into it!

1. Aiden Zhane

Miss Aiden... after the runways the only thing I had to say about Aiden was "really girl?".

She put so little effort into that third outfit. She put less effort into that that Derrick Berry put into the book ball. It was basic, bitch, don't come at it like "well I have a simple aesthetic" simplicity is not low effort. Simplicity is not basic. Simplicity is Gigi Goode's Lady Baller look. It was simple; but it was perfectly fitted, it was a fully realised concept, the fabric choices were perfect - it's simple, but it's effective, it's beautiful, and it's a story. That fucking corset was terrible, and she should've lipsynced for that alone. Her Lady Baller look was cute, I liked the reference, but I've seen it before. Her Basketball wife was horrific. I own that dress, and it's cheap and tacky. Speaking of cheap and tacky, can we talk about that black wig she wore with her third look?! Like don't get me wrong, I'm so glad that she's wearing a different fucking wig finally, but that wig came straight out of a bag and she put it on her head. It had that awful cheap synthetic shine, and I can't believe noone mentioned it.

She's so unpolished and I feel like she just doesn't even care. Shes like Shangie season 2 except not even 10% as charming or likeable. I am so ready for her to leave, and the fact that she's survived 2 eliminations already is beyond me.

2. Brita

Almost everything I've just written above about Aiden Zhane could also apply to Brita. I really really don't like her attitude. She's coming across so bitter and so cocky at the same time - and what's even worse is that I've seen no talent from her to justify her attitude at all!

This week was not a good week for Brita, and honestly I think she should have gone home. I actually really liked her Lady Baller look, it was a clever concept, it was immediately recognisable and it was styled well. The fact that her other two looks were utterly shocking makes me think that that first look was entirely the work of a designer and she had no input whatsoever. The second look?? Where she was like "oh it's an adaptation of Kim K's Met Gala look??? Delusional. Girl, it looked so fucking cheap, it didn't fit that well, and it was ugly ugly ugly. Kim K would never.

All of that pales in comparison to the third look. What was that? Honestly, what the fuck was that? It was so badly made, it looked ugly, it was unrecogniseable, and it was just a catastrophe. I was humiliated for her when she walked out in it. Her lipsyn also wasn't that good. She should be next to leave after Aiden Zhane.

3. Crystal Methyd

Listen, I love Crystal. What the fuck was she wearing for her Basketball Wife look? Choices. Other than that little blip, Crystal made me so happy this week!! He Lady Baller look was perfect, it was exactly the level of fun and quirky I wanted from Crystal, she totally sold me that 80s bowling fantasy! And then her third look!!!! The Carmen Miranda reference was perfect, that dress fit her impeccably, and it moved beautifully! I think she's going to just go from strength to strength and I am so excited to watch her! I never know what she's going to be wearing when she comes around the corner and I love it. Strong night for Crystal!

4. Gigi Goode

I mean, you handed Gigi Goode a design challenge and expected her not to win??? She sold me every look this week, and I loved it. She gave me 3 distinct and recognisable characters, and her presentation of each one was totally different, that's talent. I don't have all that much to say about Gigi this week, because it was all said on the show. She killed it, I think she's going all the way and I cant wait to see what she pulls out next.

5. Heidi N Closet

LET 👏 HEIDI 👏 KEEP 👏 HER 👏 NAME! I'm still so mad about that and I'm not over it. Heidi had a bit of a slip this week for me. Not nearly enough to deserve being in the bottom (especially not next to Aiden and Brita), but it wasn't a great week for her. Her first look was really ill fitting and unfortunate, but I do respect that she took the golf ball and club out on the runway, props can be unpredictable. The second look was cute, but it was just cute, and her third look... wow. I get what she was going for, that very high fashion androgyny, but...that green and that purple... someone put in that gif of Chrissie Teigen 😬😬. I'm glad this happened when there were enough people for her to fall middle of the pack, because she deserves better than to go home for some shoddy looks. But honestly, I do hate when queens go on this show and say "I don't know how to sew, I've only ever made one garment", you know you're coming on the show!!! Learn some sewing basics!! Make some dresses!! You know there's going to be sewing challenges, prepare yourself!!

6. Jackie Cox

Jackie Cox 😍😍😍 Jackie should absolutely have been top 3 this week!! Every. Single. Look. Was. Stunning. Her references were on point. Her shapes were gorgeous. Her presentations were perfect. Her characters were all recognisably different. But all the looks were recognisably Jackie. Jackie was Robbed. She gave me my whole life this week.

7. Jaida Essence Hall

Jaida was absolutely gorgeous this week! Her face is always stunning, but she brought it with her outfits too! And the third outfit was probably my favourite of the week, she knows her body, she understand her shapes and you know what it was nicely executed. I think Jaida is super solid and I don't think a whole lot in this competition is going to phase her.

8. Jan

Jan was also robbed!! I'm still thinking about her Basketball Wife look, how perfect was that! It was exactly what you would see a Basketball Wife wearing, at a Basketball Game. So on point. And the Janel bag? Iconic.

Her Lady Baller look was absolutely what I wanted from her as well! It was made of footballs! (I refuse to say soccer balls, I'm not American) And then she dribbled a football down the runway! In heels! Stunning.

Her third look was couture, high fashion, and so distinctive from her other 2 looks. Honestly top 3 should have been Jan, Jackie and Gigi. You can't change my mind.

9. Nicky Doll

This was a great week for Nicky! Which, to be fair, was to be expected in a fashion challenge. But she did a fabulous job! I think her Lady Baller was my favourite of all the Lady Baller looks. The makeup was perfect, the wig was stunning - also I challenge anyone to clock Nicky Doll's wigs! It's so strange that out of drag she has dark hair and it looks stunning, but when in drag she's mostly a blonde and it's so perfect on her. The gilet she wore for her second look was stunning, and I loved her styling. That third look?! Iconic. It was like the high fashion baby of Roxxxy Andrews' Sugar Ball look, and Yvie Oddly's Farm to Fashion look. I loved it. I love her. I think she has a really great personality too! I don't get what the judges are saying about her not having any personality. I really hope she pulls it out next week - I already know her runway is going to be perfect!

10. Rock M Sakura

Oh my baby Rock! She didn't deserve to be bottom 2 this week. Everything she did was just a tiny bit off. Her pads were a little weird this week, I'm not sure what happened there, but that did throw me off when she was walking. Her Lady Ballers look was great! I didn't get the judges critiques about it not being enough! If she'd have worn something elaborate on the bottom, they would have said it was too much - which is exactly the critique she got for her third look! I do agree that her second look was a little bit pedestrian. I actually lived her third look though! It was over the top, but that's Rock M's style! And the way she styles it was gorgeous. I liked that it wasn't a complete dress, it looked really sculptural and architectural. The fact that she went home and Aiden Zhane was safe is so beyond me. Robbed. Also she is a better performer than Brita, she just struggled with that dress, which is such a shame. I'm glad they really let us get to know her before she left though, she's not just going to be that "oh yeah her" queen who shows up at the finale.

11. Widow Von Du

I like Widow so much, but I don't know that she's going to go all the way at the moment. I really really really want her to pull it out next week! She was so amazing that first week, and since then she's just sort of coasted for me. Her looks this week were just okay. Her first look was really stunning, but the cheap horse stick prop made it look costumey, which is such a shame. Her second look was pretty, but it swallowed her up a bit, I felt like it was wearing her. Her third look I actually really liked but omg those shoes. What was she thinking. It ruined the whole thing for me. I really want her to succeed and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for her next week!

There is one other thing I'd like to say about this week, which is that the Miss Trunchbull look that walked itself down the runway was incredible. If anyone knows the designer of that look, please let me know, because they deserve recognition for how great that look was.

Edit: @rattlethosestars let me know the designer of the look is Florence D'Lee, who you can follow on instagram here!

Otherwise, that's all for the breakdown this week! I am so looking forward to "Gay's Anatomy" next week, I feel like it could be such a entertaining challenge!

[cyclicallife]

(This body of work makes me very proud!)

i have found that, over the years, i have become more and more incapable of fully expressing myself with words. i fancy myself a bit of a wordsmith, however when i re-read some of my writings, as proud as i am of them as individual pieces, i find that they are lacking something — some core piece that i have yet to extract. when looking back at my last entry, the one regarding my time in france and  the subsequent “breakdown”, i wonder if that which i was trying to pull from my chest, it the substance which was within me, was not a metaphor for trying endlessly to put words to my feelings and emotions. in many ways this makes sense; i didn’t understand what it was then, but i am starting to consider this. since this occurrence i am being presented with dreams, little fragments of this one particular image. i am standing, open mouthed, releasing only air while pulling the stringy substance from my chest.

i have relied on art throughout the years — in fact for the majority of my life i have done so. i distinctly remember one pottery class i took when i was 7 or 8 years old. we crafted simple coil pots, glazed them and, at the next class looked at our finished works fresh from the kiln. when i was glazing mine i was spending the majority of my time on the inside of the piece. i remember not really paying attention to the work as a whole, but rather working with a sort of feverish intensity on the inside. i have such a vivid memory of painting and painting, glazing and glazing the inner walls of the coil pot. i wanted the walls and, even more o the bottom, to be, upon firing, smooth, glass-like. i recall the bottom of the pot had accumulated so much glaze that a tiny puddle forming.

of course i look back now and place all these ideas and theories on why i was doing so, what i was trying to convey, etc. a part of me can’t help but look into this, to study this, not the actual piece, god knows it was that of a child, but at my intention. now, after 6 years of formal art training, most of which consisted of getting my ass kicked when my work was being torn apart during critique sessions, i certainly can’t help myself. the beauty of child, in terms of expressing and creating, is that they don’t drag so much theory and conceptual nonsense into it; a drawing of a dog is just that, a drawing of a dog. a coil pot with a puddle of glaze at the bottom is just that… a coil pot with a puddle of glaze at the bottom it.

i wanted the inside to look good. i remember thinking this. there is no theory or conceptual bullshit attached, this is what i remember wanting to do; i was curious about how it would look post-firing. i was interested in how it might look to others, too; a coil pot with a bottom both rich in color (i chose a deep blue) and as smooth as glass.

most of the time i fumble for words. my sister and i have a back and forth about this; she wants me to talk and open up and express that which i need at this time in my life and how said needs can be met. i am left frustrated, trying to manage these emotions upon which i can’t place a label — even though i so desperately want to! even with my psychologist, with whom i’ve been working with on a weekly basis since diagnosis, i find myself lacking the appropriate words. often, we will spend many-a-sessions working through an emotion or thought and then, after a laborious undertaking, we find the words needed… or, rather, some of the words needed. more often then not i speak too quickly. not necessarily in terms of speed, though i did struggle with a stammer as a child as my brain was moving too fast and i couldn’t formulate the words to match the momentum. but i speak without forethought. i fire off a thought without considering how it will be taken or interpreted. this has fucked up more relationships … i cringe now at some of the things i’ve inadvertently said. they weren’t meant to be harsh or cruel, as this is never my intention, they were just unfiltered, unrefined, unpolished, rough-around-the-edges, etc. etc. in an attempt to understand someone or probe a bit to gather more information, i’ll muddle things up to the point of no repair. Equally, it is my hope to find the appropriate words to express my own thoughts or feelings. it’s as if i’m casting a line and doing so in realtime, hoping i’ll reel something in that closely resembles my current state of mind, my emotions. this, too, can end poorly; going along and sharing, prattling on, seeking words on the fly … …

then, boom!… the realization of my faux pas is crystal clear.

in my opinion this is getting worse. i asked my neurologist about various aspects of this in terms of toxicity (multiple chemo agents specifically designed to penetrate the blood/brain barrier) and other phsyiological damages to the actual brain tissue itself such as scar tissue, narcotic tissue, etc. not to mention all the psychological shifts that undoubtedly impair various parts of my overall being. his response was reassuring, but also slightly disheartening. “it’s no wonder you’re functioning as well as you are, jeremiah.”

these psychological (and emotional!) shifts are event, especially considering the recent experience in france and the “breakdown” i experienced there.

i am working on a series of self-portraits to which i do attach theory and concept. after the recent experiences in france, as well as all these experiences as a whole, i am left with so many emotions, almost all of which i can’t articulate. i am left with pain and other emotions i can’t share because i simply don’t have the words! it is my hope that these portraits might, in some small way, express all that i so desperately want to share. they are already revealing so much to me; bit by bit, line by line, things are emerging.

for the majority of my life i have relied on art in one way or another. now, more than ever, i am turning to it not only as a place of refuge during these times, but to aid in my understanding of self and expressing and communicating that which is just under the surface and in need of release.

that which is already being revealed to me through my work, these ink drawings, through these portraits, are little steps in the direction of further healing.

[iabsolutelyresentthiswebsite]

Why Reylo Should DEFINITELY NOT Happen

Is this an unpopular opinion now?

Disclaimer: I am not anti-Kylo. I love Kylo Ren for the potential his character does have (view profile picture!). I do not excuse any of his actions, but I do understand that had he not been mentally fucked by Snoke as an impressionable adolescent and had he not pushed away everyone who cared about him and tried to help, he would not be in this mess. Very much Snoke’s fault, very much his own. I love Rey for the beautiful being and character she is. How strong she is, her emotionality, and her fierce and beautiful desires. I am a fan of both Rey and Kylo Ren, so please do not take this as me saying one is too good for the other. 

Well, everyone knows how very, very sure I am of myself when I say Rey is Rey Skywalker. This would make her Kylo’s first cousin, their parents being twins, so that is very, very fucked up to begin with. This is the MAJOR, and first, reason I was ever anti-Reylo. 

But let’s PRETEND she isn’t Rey Skywalker. Maybe she’s Rey Kenobi or Rey whatever. It doesn’t matter. Let’s PRETEND she’s not a Skywalker, even though that is so wildly unlikely. View the attached videos to the last few words to see why I say it is that.

Have you viewed the videos? No? Well, I suggest you do. But whatever…I don’t know your schedule nor your interest level in this. Anyway, moving on…

So I’m sure you’re wondering, “Why, if you love both of the characters and they weren’t related, would you not ship them together?”

Simple: Because it is insulting to their characters, detrimental to the character development they could potentially have, and ends Star Wars for good.

I can hear the jeering now, “Those are some WILD assertions. How can you prove this, OP?”

Dissertation:

We have only been just introduced to them as characters, so how would I truly understand their motivations and who they really are? Well, to tell you the truth, I am one of those people who knows who people are based on how they act and respond to situations. It’s easy for me to predict what you will want and how you will act later. If I am so confident after TFA that I am willing to put myself on the line for jeering and my opinion up to all criticism on this website littered with differing opinions, I must be pretty confident that I know what I’m talking about. Especially true because I avoid conflict at pretty much all cost. So here goes…

Kylo Ren is a child trapped in a man of 30′s body. He pushed everyone who loved him away and was brainwashed by someone who cared only about what he could do for them. Kylo Ren’s main desire is that he wants to be wanted, he wants someone to be proud of him. He is unstable, unpolished, and very, very frightened…of Snoke, of himself, and of what he feels inside him. He is not emotionally mature enough, at least at this point, to handle a romantic relationship…at least a healthy one, one that which Rey would hypothetically deserve. And even though Kylo is allegedly more “polished” in TLJ, deep-seated fears like those just don’t go away. 

Rey is a grown adult. She grew up alone by nothing more than circumstances brought on by her parents, of whom we don’t (but probably do) know. Rey is 19…probably 21 by this movie…and has dealt with way too much in her life. She is emotional, but strong. She is fiercely loyal and desires nothing greater than to belong somewhere and feel that she belongs. She has every capability to have a healthy romantic relationship, but she doesn’t seem to really push for that. She desires friends and companionship and belonging, but not…a romantic relationship. At some point may she? Probably, but she doesn’t seem like the type of person, in my opinion, to prioritize a romantic entanglement. She is just getting her footing in the new world outside of Jakku. 

Now, keep all that in mind while I explain why it’s insulting to their characters and the franchise itself!

I am writer myself. I am, admittedly, predominantly a songwriter. I have written screenplays and short stories and whatnot…you may have seen one of my screenplay ideas for Kylo Ren’s redemption because I did, at one point, post a few of them on Tumblr. However, not the point. 

I took a screenwriting class about 2 years ago in college. Stay with me here! There was one time, I remember, we had an assignment for a short screenplay. I was writing a story…I don’t remember about what exactly, but I remember how much trouble I was having in keeping it within the time limit and due date I had. Finally, I had 3 days left to hand it in and still was trying to think of a decent way to end it. I had ideas and ideas that I loved, but the only thing that fit within the page limit and that would allow me to hand it in on time was the ending I hated…but it was the only choice I had at this point. I did it. I had the main antagonist fall in love with the main protagonist. I hated myself for it and it dissected their characters and destroyed the story, but I did it. I handed that paper in on time and in the page limit I had. 

You see what I’m getting at, don’t you?

I used…a cop-out. 

And that’s what endgame Reylo is. 

A cop-out. 

A cop-out is, as I’m sure you all know, something you do when you have no other choice or can’t think of a way to bring about your next goal. You do it because you gotta do it to make what you want happen happen. In this case, making Reylo canon would bring about a natural close to the saga. 

But at what cost?!

Star Wars, as I’m sure we’re all aware, is littered with themes that extend back to the beginning time of storytelling. Good versus evil being the most notable theme, familial love, love in general. A lot of basic AF themes, but all good stories tend to have similar themes. We all know that because there are truly only 6-8 real stories in life and cinema. You can only have so many good things. 

Now, TROPES are a different monster all together. Redemption is a trope that Star Wars utilizes a lot and that’s okay because it makes sense and grounds their good versus evil theme. Also, the Star Wars universe is so expansive and well-designed that it’s even kind of difficult to identify the trope until you really step back and say…”…huh.” It’s fine to utilize some tropes in wonderful movies. Don’t get me wrong…

But not when it sacrifices your characters. 

The trope I will be talking about now is the one in which “the bad guy falls in love with the good girl and shirks his bad ways to make her happy and be with her”. We all know what I’m talking about. And we all know how played out it is. We’re all tired of it.

How many movies have we seen this year with the very same endgame trope? 12? more? I don’t know, I barely go to the movies anymore. 

Do you want Kylo Ren and Rey’s character identity as it stands and their potential character development to devolve, which that’s what it is, into a romantic endgame? 

That is my question for you. 

Kylo Ren has the potential to pull a Vader and decide for himself, with the help of the people whom he pushed away earlier and those new friends, that what he’s doing is wrong. Darth Vader decided that when his son’s life, whom believed steadfastly in his goodness, was threatened that what he was doing was wrong and changed because he wanted to. Luke did not coerce, did not guilt, did not even truly fully persuade Darth Vader to turn back. But having Rey profess her love or even Kylo admit he is in love as a method of change is such a disservice to both of their characters. You are eliminating the fact that Kylo Ren must take responsibility for what he’s done and make amends as necessary. 

To degrade Rey’s very presence in the series to a method to bring about change in her male counterpart is disgusting to me. Her potential to grow as a Force-user, her potential to be stronger than Luke, her potential to be her own person is GONE. We all know this to be true. Once she becomes the object of the male villain’s affections, she becomes a sex symbol, she becomes nothing more than an object, and she is now forever thought of as “Kylo Ren’s Girlfriend” and not “Rey”. She becomes his property in the thoughts and minds of fans and those not fans because she loses her own name when that happens because now all that matters is the relationship. 

To use a female of Rey’s caliber to FORCE CHANGE in a male such as Kylo is reprehensible because it negates his need for true redemption, for taking responsibility, for fighting back from the Darkness. We all know Kylo needs to show effort because of who he is. He is denying and fighting the light, so therefore, he needs to fight the Darkness even harder. But…

If they fall in love…we all know, that’s all that will be remembered. 

Not who Rey really is. Not what she could have been. Not Kylo’s struggle to turn back. Not his betrayal of Supreme Leader Snoke. 

It’s all just them falling in love now…

Do you want that for Star Wars?

Because you know that’s what would happen. “Search your feelings, you know it to be true.” 

I, personally, would not want that for this amazing franchise that has literally brought people joy for 40 years. 

Aside from that, if they did fall in love and potentially go on to have children, that would be the end of Star Wars. 

I know Return of the Jedi was kind of that way too. ROTJ was really a nicely tied bow on top of a Christmas present, sealing the whole Saga of 6 (yeah, I know ROTJ came out before the Prequels!)

TFA is really a second Christmas present for someone. 

Since X, XI, and XII are all confirmed, if Kylo and Rey get together in IX, I do not see where they could go from there, especially considering they’re probably intending to follow the formula from before where the first saga was Anakin and Luke’s story, this saga really couldn’t be Kylo and Rey’s. IX would feel too final for people to want to rehash and reopen the gift. They’d lose viewers. They’d lose revenue. They’d lose our trust. If something feels too final, people won’t want to come back to it. That’s the problem with older people not liking TFA and the new trilogies. ROTJ was too final. But now that we have this and I’m open-minded to the new story, I’m all in…but 

THEY HAVE TO DO IT RIGHT.

And Reylo is not the right way. 

It would bring everything to a natural close before its time. I don’t know if I’d want to come back to SW after that because I don’t see the potential for a future in the series with that as a trilogy-closer. 

Now, I’m done. I’m just trying to let you all see what I’m seeing here. The quote that Rian Johnson made in the NYT that “Rey and Kylo are really two sides of the same protagonist” is the truth, but it, in no way, alludes to Reylo becoming canon. If anything, it alludes to: 1) Kylo’s Redemption or 2) Rey’s Turn to the Dark Side. 

Now please understand…I’m not trying to make y’all feel anything if you ship Reylo. This is just how I feel and how a lot of others feel. I’m very Pro-Kylo and very Anti-Reylo and I admit that. But I have legitimate reasons and legitimate concerns for the future of the franchise if Reylo sets sail. 

[marktwainsuggestions-blog]

Honesty hour? Honesty hour. Opinion on everyone you've met so far~? (All the suggestion blogs-)

//Well this can get tricky because I have met the suggestions blogs off and on in this RP nonnie. So I’ll refer just to in character RP:3//

Chuuya @chuuyasuggestions - way too fucking defensive. So many anger problems. Probably solves the fridge door that won’t close by yelling at it and punching it close. Probably hates me and if I were in a room with Bin Laden and Hitler, he’d shoot me twice just because. Seriously has no chill. 

Dazai @dazaisuggestions - in and off with the best one liners. Literally Dazai from canon? Problematic husband, please seek therapy.

Yosano @yosanosuggestions - she is literally bae? Very fun and murderous. Nice drinking partner. Apparently when everyone has had enough of my Twain charm (because lets be honest you cannot not stay in my presence too much without being blown away by my amazing personality) she will probably patch me up? Which is the nicest thing ever? Wow. Probably will dissect me for fun. 

Ranpo @ranposuggestions - smol, angry child that has had too little sweets and too many nightmares. Probably hates me for calling him on his obvious praise kink. Actually everyone here hates me for that~ Well, it’s not my fault they are obvious!!  He is fun to be around. His sass is almost as good as mine, though he gets upset easily and I don’t have energy to deal with that. Finny and Huck are too mean to me already. 

Tanizaki @tanizakisuggestions - he just joined and is traumatised already. Still considering if he is going to start burning people or not.

Kunikida @kunikidasuggestions - kinkiest dad, in a relationship with the weirdest creature on earth, seriously like how and why?!?! (Mark is scared). The saltiest shit ever. So, so, so angry. Threatens people away with maths and facts. Probably has a spreadsheet on how to hold his pants right. In the alphabetical order of their colours. Has no chill since he was born, would probably kill a bitch. Hates me too. 

Kyouka @kyoukasuggestions - sweet, precious Sherlock daughter. Probably has a database of all our posts and is great A stalker and assassin. Cold savage and calls everyone out. The most polite person on this shit, which incidentally did not deserve any of this. 

Poe @eapoesuggestions - small, scared child. Was thought to be a cryptid for a day. Hates himself but loves raccoons. 

Akutagawa @akutagawasuggestions - Boiiii. This one is issuesTM. Literally someone save him. So angry that when you open a dictionary searching for the word rage you just find a portrait of him. Actually, you find him in a thesaurus too for every synonym of the word fury and issues. Seriously has no chill. Is into weird questionable shit. Vore. Vore. Vore. (Stop the vore, pls.)

Odasaku @odasakusuggestions - dead dad friend so done with all this shit. Probably regrets his alive and death choices. Is concerned and slightly scared. Overprotective cinnamon roll but he could kill you if you tried. Probably recites Shakespeare in front of a mirror every night.

Souseki @sosekisuggestions - even more concerned granddad. Secretly kinky. Disapproves of everything here and is too tired of this shit. Loses 9 years of his life every time Chuuya burns a meal. Probably cries while inhaling catnip because he can’t deal with any of these. 

Fyodor @fyodorsuggestions - daddy as fuck? He probably collects organs from his enemies for fun. Has the fluffiest hat ever. Awkward sinnamon that doesn’t interact much but when he does most people there is an awkward quiet. Probably visits bdsms club to watch people. He can come kill me any time. 

Mori @morisuggestions - poor mafia lord that is always way over his head with what he has to deal with. He is so fancy he probably drinks tea out of porcelain from 5th century or some shit. God help me he is even more extra than his wayward adopted son. Probably is caught in between murdering Aku and teasing him so he would vore PM enemies to death. Has a thighs collection. 

Higuchi @higuchisuggestions - tired port mafia lady. Very nice and respectful but very thirsty. Loves her girlfriend so much it’s like I’m watching a gay chick flick every time she interacts on this dash. I get diabetes. Also very tired. Probably did not sign up for this shit. If I took a shot each time she thought of murdering me I would put to shame the population density in NYC

Gin @ginbsdsuggestions - The other Mafia girlfriend. Very shy but so kinky. Literally so kinky and gay. Probably murders people so fun. Very chill for being the sister of MiniEmoSatan but prettier. Finally one of these siblings learnt how to use scissors. Probably drinks 8 shots of coffee in the morning as a self care routine but then she’s fly as fuck and ready to kill you.

Kouyou @kouyousuggestions - Another PM lady. Probably a queen from another life. Very concerned mum, but only for DrunkenMidget he could sell the rest of us to Satan for all she cares. Very polite too but so very savage. Dresses to impress, and probably if someone saw her just a bit unpolished they would die on the spot. Has a selfcare routine that includes the blood of her enemies and macha tea. Probably so elegant that makes people cry by feeling blessed to look at her. 

Lucy @lucymaudsuggestions - small, innocent girl THAT WOULD MURDER YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. Listens to hipster bullshit and thinks she’s unique because of her traumaTM. Cries to Melanie Martinez and Halsey every night. Is very nice and sweet until she goes bat shit crazy. Collects the weirdest stuff (pls save me). Loves dresses, frills, and making boys cries. Never impressed. Is full of hate but hides it because of her aesthetic.

Atsushi @atsushisuggestions - someone give this kid therapy. Poor kid is probably scared of his own shadow. Very defensive and pure. Literally I feel bad for picking up on him. Probably grooms himself like a cat but is ashamed. Needs some love. Thinks he doesn’t deserve to relax until he suddenly starts eating ice cream at 3 am on the kitchen floor crying. 

Elise @elisesuggestions - cute demon child? Has cute dresses.

Motojirou @motojiroukajiisuggestions - has a lemon fetish? He is that guy who joins the party and makes everyone wonder how from all the possible combination this was the sperm that won. Thinks he is a genius but actually is a poster for crack addiction. Has interesting ideas that you want to see fail for your own amusement. Probably plays Happy Wheels and thinks how he can make that into a real life experiment. 

Fitzgerald @fitzgeraldsuggestions - always absent. Too extra. Has so much money that he filled a pool once and tried to swim in it. (Plot twist, he almost drowned). For some reason he has this weird relationship with HotTopic that scares the living daylights out of me. Probably twerking in Tenerife for fun rn. 

Lovecraft @hplovecraftsuggestions - Octopus man. Made me research reproduction and anatomy of the octopus. Has as much will to live as SuicidalBandages. Is always tired. Probably falls asleep in public transport (he totally does that). And on missions (he does that). Makes me wonder about if he suffer about Narcolepsy. Hates me and he scares me. Always wearing that suit so probably has a very big cleaning bill? Makes me wonder if he eats human or octopus food.

[eddsmediamashup-blog]

This was my original scrip for “Metal then and now”

Metal then and now

<Old School News Footage>

Old School Metal

Heavy metal is a genre that can be easily judged, I mean how hard can it be grab a few scruffy men together and completely mutilate guitars with inaudible vocals over the top? Well here is a little story on how a couple of men from Birmingham managed to create the most dark, beautiful and complex music and a genre of music which I consider home. Black Sabbath were the first band that were considered to be heavy metal with their creepy tones and sound of lyrical content about the devil, wizardry, war and conspiracies. In the late 60’s and early 70’s many holy families considered Ozzy, the leader of Black Sabbath and the rest of the band to be of the devils origin. Black Sabbath started out as a blues rock band but managed to adapt their sound over time to eventually lay down the fundamentals for the future of metal. It wasn't only the music that inspired the next generation of hard rockers which were soon to be metalheads, but the art of the album as well; with its dark colour pallet and creepy undertones it was like nothing that was previously seen in the 60’s and it especially wasn't a cute pop or beach boy album.

Fast forward 8 years from the release of the original Black Sabbath album and you had new faces on the scene, that were growing from the sounds that bands like Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin had already laid down. Those band were still going and they were nowhere near the end of their careers, the only thing that had changed now is that they had competition. The metal market had only just started and it was faster, heavier and more raw than ever before.  

In the mid 70’s to early 80’s, a movement was taking place in Britain under the name of Nwobhm, this made the metal genre get put into a spotlight, with names such as Iron Maiden, Judas Priest and Motorhead, although it would take a little more time for some of these name to grow. This genre grew alongside punk bringing with it a faster sound than your typical hard rock and metal bands of late 60’s and early 70’s. Punk was dying and most fans had decided to jump from their sinking ship and set up home in a scene that was only starting to bloom, many people jumped to Motorhead during this time and would consider Motorhead to be the face of old school metal as there's nothing quite like their sound.

As if it was captured as soon as pen was put to paper, Motorhead’s songs were raw with an unpolished sound but it fit the theme so well; with lyrical content about gambling, drinking, sex and life on the road nothing could stop this genius group from writing songs about life of the fast lane for years to come. It was around this time that metalheads started to find their fashion, with denim and leather jackets covered in patches from the bands that they liked, the scruffy look was a straight up fuck you to pop culture and to the mainstream, alongside that the clothes matched the dirty and raw sounds that Motorhead had set out to create. My essential Nwobhm albums: Ace of Spades by Motorhead, Iron Maiden by Iron Maiden and Wild Cat by Tygers Of Pan Tang.

Thrash Metal

The 80’s were a time of struggle, with the cold war still in full force, the political system was failing to represent the people and the media was telling people what to think, feel and say. There was an outcry for a way for people to vent their true anger and one day a genre came that reflected the brutality of the 80’s. Inspired by hardcore punk, nwobhm and the early years of metal, thrash was the combination of everything that metal stood for, and with it thrash brought new complexity, new speeds and a new attitude to the genre. With a hate towards the political system, thrash was music by the people for the people. And now the music wasn't only limited to one country or continent, a vast amount of Europe and America was affected by this new sound. In Europe bands like Venom started to popularise thrash metal whilst also experimenting to find new genres like black metal but you'll hear more about that later. In the USA a group of young guys were looking to form a new group and a man named Lars Ulrich helped popularise an entire genre with his collection of European metal records, he drew inspiration from bands like Motorhead, Iron Maiden and The Sex Pistols to form Metallica. This is where metal really started to take off and hit the mainstream, over the course of 5 albums Metallica started to mold itself into the thing they didn't want to be, a radio friendly rock band with ballads becoming more common on their albums and their songs getting slower and less complicated, it wasn't too long until this watered down “metal” style started to influence teens and this later gave birth to genres like nu metal and alt metal. My essential Thrash albums: Reign In Blood by Slayer, Master Of Puppets by Metallica and Rust In Peace by Megadeth.

RANT ABOUT SKREEEEE(aming) A common misconception with metal is that the vocals consist entirely of inaudible screaming and nothing else, which is not the case, as metal has grown through the years it’s not only the instruments that have changed sound, but the vocal instrumentals have changed sound as well. Like any genre of music, not every band is the same and some wish to follow more clean cut singing or loud powerful screaming and growling.

The screams were typically thrown in to express the more extreme messages in bands lyrics, to a first time listener it’s understandable that they could struggle making out what bands were saying during these screams, however, over time metalheads have adapted to this style of vocals and can make out what the singers are saying.

For many bands, this is used for stylistics.

Black Metal

Black metal a controversial topic for some, but personally, for me no genre in metal intrigues me more. Black Metal was formed in the mid 80’s, it started out as a protogenre for thrash but you may recognize the genre because it was well known for murders, church burnings and crimes that took place in the early 90’s. Venom was one of the first bands to experiment with its sound, starting out as a thrash band and slowly beginning to bring in new elements to their music focusing on more melodies and adding in blast beats. 80’s bands like Mayhem, Burzum, and Emperor took inspiration from Venom and made their own new sounds with the distant and melodic guitars from bands like Emperor making this some truly frightening work.

At this time in metal the sound was getting heavier, the lyrical content was getting darker and the songs were getting more complex. Not only were the instruments sounding dark but the singers in bands started to use the screams I previously mentioned, this is because in the early 90’s this style of singing was getting more popular and personally, I could not think of anything more fitting to go with the music.

My essential black metal albums: Nemesis Divina by Satyricon, Hvis Lyset Tar Oss by Burzum and In The Nightside Eclipse by Emperor.

Death Metal

Meanwhile whilst black metal was taking over Norway and the rest of Europe, overseas death metal was growing in the USA with bands like Cannibal Corpse and Death, this genre popularised the death screams and growls with lyrical content ranging from serial killers, torture and gratuitous sex, most of which was inspired from movies, old horror books and comics, because of this it was only an amount of time before word got out this beautifully sickening genre.

During the mid 80’s and early 90’s the music industry was under attack by suburban mums and dads who were worried about what music industry was doing to their children, as you could've guessed metal came under fire by this group of people but it wasn't the only genre under fire, hip-hop was too. With parents worried their children would become gang members and satanists this movement affected the music industry in a big way bringing in the Filthy Fifteen and the Parental Advisory Sticker that was soon put onto every obscene album. The Filthy Fifteen was a list that was composed by the group members to warn other parents of the most disgusting music out at the time but many bands made it a target of theirs to make it onto the list. Many teens of the 80’s and 90’s went out of their way to listen and support the bands on the list and for many it was their gateway into metal and hip-hop and the new generation of satanic gang members were born.

Nu metal filth

>limp bizkit< Nu metal was a genre that skyrocketed towards pop culture in the mid to late 90’s, the genre was metal with all the soul sucked out of it and garnished off with a bit of rap. The genre traded off its guitar solos, blast beats, guttural singing, etc for more generic and sometimes repetitive riffs and rapping. Nu metal was popularised by bands such as Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park and Korn and the genre was seen as one of the popular fads of the 90’s as well as pogs, boy bands, iced tips and sitcoms. It’s fair to say that Nu metal hasn't exactly aged, with songs such as Evanescence's Bring Me to Life which is now seen as a joke with its cringe-worthy and simplistic lyrics. Albums worth your time instead: Bloodlust by Bodycount (Rap thrash/metal album)

Sludge and Progressive

As the 90’s was coming to a close and the survivors of Y2K mentally scarred forever. Towards the end of the 90’s and the beginning of the 2000’s metal was more diverse than ever, it had even more genres than before, including but not limited to power metal, folk metal, doom and melodeath but more people were wondering how the genre would grow and it didn't stop growing there.

Although sludge metal was already on the scene with tons of fans, Mastodon was the one to break the iceberg with sludge metal, with their doom metal and hardcore punk influences, the music was hard, heavy and slow which is best described by the genre's name: sludge. Despite the slower time signatures it didn't stop bands like Mastodon from kicking ass. Over time Mastodon started to adjust their sound to be more progressive, taking influence from early heavy metal and prog rock bands of the 70’s like Rush.

Progressive metal at the time was led by Opeth and Dream Theater, both bands took influence from the prog rock of the 70’s along with death metal and black metal from the 80’s and 90’s, this led to a very technical sound that would boggle and intrigue the minds of musicians for decades to come, it also produced some of the best drummers of this generation.   My essential sludge metal albums: Leviathan by Mastodon, Red Album by Baroness, Dopethrone by Electric Wizard.

And my essential prog metal albums: Blackwater Park by Opeth, Crack The Skye by Mastodon and Scenes From A Memory by Dream Theater.

Metal now.

It’s been about 40 years since metal graced our ears and we’ve barely touched the surface, the genre hasn't stopped growing since it was first formed.

As of 2017 thrash metal has made a large comeback with bands like Havok, Warbringer and Municipal Waste. Along with that, more bands are fusing sounds together like Zeal and Ardor with their blend of black metal and 1920 blues, talking about America's history of slavery and the discrimination of the black community. Some symphonic bands are now also fusing genres to create mindblowing classical music with death metal influences, it makes for one impressive show.   There are many genres that I haven't even covered but as we move more into the future I can't wait to see where this extreme genre will take us and if it can be outdone by something more extreme. Thank you for watching.