#this one goes out to the daddy dykes

[themagicalmysticalboy]

she really is singing this to a butch lesbian TO ME

[loudsnapdragon]

On The Sleeve of How It Used To Be

7/7 Chapters. 55,000 words. Robin Buckley/Chrissy Cunningham. Rated Mature. teen pregnancy, inspired by Juno (2007), background steddie, coming of age, childhood friends, no monsters AU. Ao3 loudsnapdragon.

Not-so-secret smalltown lesbian Robin Buckley makes a last ditch attempt at heterosexuality by scoring a one night stand with her old bandmate Eddie, but while the sex does successfully confirm the annoying complete disinterest in men she harbors, it kickstarts another clusterfuck for her to deal with. She’s pregnant. And despite her better judgement, she’s keeping the baby. Luckily, she finds a recently wedded Ms. Kelley and Mr Clarke looking to adopt. But to save herself from some of the mortification, of ya’know; blowing up like a hormonal balloon throughout her Junior year, she decides to not tell anyone who the daddy is. Not the daddy himself, not her parents, not even her favorite dingus. But as is the luck of your regular outcast pregnant sixteen-year-old, someone finds out. And like many secrets, Chrissy Cunningham doesn't make it easy to keep.

Excerpt under the cut.

If they were normal, then the sex would have been really sweet. Eddie would say something like, ‘I’ve wanted this for ages.’ And Robin would say ‘I know.’ And then he would say something goofy and cute like, ‘Wizard.’

But unfortunately for them, the second after she settled on his lap, her knees brushing against the faded leather of the Munson trailer’s shabby couch, she realised three things.

One: There is a limit to Eddie’s goofy cuteness. He is charming, but not charming enough to pull off a stupid catchphrase like ‘Wizard.’ And the first thing he said after he entered Robin wasn’t ‘I’ve wanted this for ages’, it was: ‘Is it meant to make that noise?’

Two: The goofy-cute limit is reached far quicker when Eddie is naked, his worryingly too pink erection pressing into her thigh.

Three: This probably isn’t Eddie’s fault. Because Robin understood, suddenly, but sadly too slowly as to stop the trajectory of her first brave adventure into sex, she’s definitely gay. Super gay. The dykiest dyke to ever dyke. This ain't a switch she can unflip like Chrissy did. 

She goes through with it. Because there’s a pesky hope that she could make this work. That she might be gay, but maybe Eddie’s long hair and big lips and dangly earrings could trick her gay ass mind. She finishes the ordeal thanks to a sachet of lube and a traitorous condom he theatrically whipped out his wallet prior. She’s never been a great actress, but she thinks, maybe this time, she’ll convince them all.

Eddie kisses her forehead after he finishes. Keeps on asking if she’s alright, so she knows she didn’t put on a good enough show.

Six weeks later, stone sky ripping into the clouds, the distant haze of woodsmoke trailing the horizon, the suburban roofs shining like jewels in the cold sun, she buys a bottle of Sunny Delight from Melvald’s and walks a loop-de-loop back to Main Street. She’s loath to admit it, but sometimes Hawkins really is beautiful.

‘Well, if it isn’t Birdie, the future mother to be, back again at the nest.’

She throws the third pregnancy test into the trash by the store’s entrance.

‘Jesus Murray, try some sympathy. How did you even get a job here.’

‘Joyce is sweet on me.’ Murray shrugs from behind the counter of Melvald's, holding the bathroom key back like a prize, waiting for her to pay for the fresh pregnancy test she tossed by the register. ‘This is your fourth test today, not like your latest orange delight is going to switch the pee-pee situation.’

‘God, silence old man. Just give me the key.’

‘Pay for the pregnancy test when you’re done. Don’t think it’s yours just because you marked it with your urine!’

She snatches the key and hides away in the store’s toilet, twisting her wrist under her crotch and peeing on the stick with a creeping familiar ease. She walks out to the store, slapping the test against her palm as she waits, trying to shake out the most likely result, considering her lack of period and extremely sensitive nipples, if what Brenda says is true. 

‘That ain’t no etch-a-sketch that can be undid, dearie.’

She throws Murray the finger, but sure enough, a minute later, that evil pink plus sign appears for the fourth time, cementing her impending doom.

So she does what she normally does when faced with impending doom. She buys a pack of Red Vines, ignores Murray, and cycles over to Steve’s place.

‘Are you going to go Sunnyvale or Women Now? Cos’ I remember Carol saying you need a note from your parents if you go to Sunnyvale.’

Steve’s parents are never home, so they’re spread out over the couches talking aloud about her impending doom, because the Harringtons are the type of rich to have three couches, all of them ugly.

‘I’ll think I’ll go to Women Now, cos’ ya’ know, they help women now.’

‘Yeah, I get ya.’ Steve says, sitting feet up on his couch. ‘How did you even generate enough pee for four pregnancy tests? That’s amazing.’

‘I drank ten tonnes of Sunny D.’

‘Jesus Birdie, that’s so much sugar. Your teeth are going to fall out.’

‘Doesn’t really matter if my teeth fall out if I’m dead first.’

‘Hey.’ Steve swings his leg down, throws a pillow over the coffee table and on to her couch, smiling when it hits her square on the forehead.

‘Ow.’

‘You’re not going to die. No one is going to find out. We’ll get it sorted, okay? Just tell me the time for the appointment and I’ll pick you up after.’

He looks so stupid. His floppy hair flat on his forehead, that Weird Al shirt he only wears to make Dustin happy, and those ugly basketball shorts that are two sizes too small, cos' like a freak of nature, he’s only gained thigh muscle since quitting the team. She wants to grab him by the apples of his cheeks and smush him a like a golden retriever.

‘You look stupid.’

He smiles. ‘Right back at ya.’

‘I’m going to abort the hell out of this baby.’

‘Fuck yeah, you are.’

[blackberrywars]

🔀 Aiden/Lambert :)

Well. This song is basically begging for a blue-collar deep dive into Lambert's generational struggle with alcohol, as well as a sillier nod to the long-and-lean Aiden headcanon. She's a tall boy indeed. I'm also making it 70s americana because I personally deserve to imagine butch4butch laiden where Lambert wears nothing but a dirty boiler suit over a gray wifebeater and no bra, and Aiden is head to toe in disco menswear —burgundy flare pants and vest, with an outlandishly patterned green silk shirt unbuttoned to the navel.

Lambert is a mechanic, and has been since before she dropped out of high school, to the dismay of her chemistry teacher. She'd skipped town at 16 without a word to her or anyone else, taking nothing but her tools and her father's last 12-pack for the road —it was the only thing she couldn't leave behind. Everything and everyone else is gone, along with the hair clippings and bloodstains on the bathroom floor. She spends a few days sleeping in her shitbox rust bucket, making loops around the city before she moves on to the next. And the next. It's a good thing every gas station has a beer cooler, the way she drinks and drives her way to the east coast.

She makes it, though, and by the time some old bastard named Vesemir finally hires her after three shops turn her tits down, it's a habit. Ordering an irish coffee at 9am doesn't make the barista bat an eyelid in her neighborhood, and it tides her over until her break. A can there sits just right beside her coworkers', and really, they drink more than she does. No matter Vesemir's tuts, he never stops them, just scolds them for leaving the pop tabs everywhere. She's collected enough to make a curtain with them, hanging instead of her bedroom door.

It's a few years of this and Lambert is...... content. She's good at her job, and the only bruise on her body is from where she dropped a gasket scraper on her foot. If she drinks too much, then at least she has no one to take it out on, and really, she's just fine, really. Beer mellows her out, stops the lava under her skin, and the only drunken fights she's gotten in were well-deserved, in her opinion. She goes to sailor's bars with Eskel and Geralt, and goes to the dyke ones when she's not with them, but she never plays for keeps.

It's this Lambert that Aiden meets when her adorable yellow vespa calls it quits. Garage Morhen has a good word-of-mouth reputation with queers for never turning down a customer for the amount of glitter they put on their bodies. Rumor has it that the owner still vists the leather daddy clubs every now and again. Some other whispers say his second son's wife and boyfriend get along spectacularly. Even more say that the third son is the meanest dyke around.

So Aiden goes in all her glory, pushing her scooter in her five-inch boots, brown leather stained with grime. Looks up after five minutes to find Lambert leaned against her station, tall boy in hand and a scowl on her face. Her hands are dyed black up to the elbow, showing off her thick forearms, and her nipples poke through her wifebeater. Her eyes are a little yellow as they look up up up at Aiden, telling her it won't be a cheap or quick fix. And Aiden just smiles, because she's sure as hell not opposed to hanging around for a while.

EDIT: For anyone not aquainted with them, @whyzowl and @yolki-palki have drawn some GORGEOUS fem!laiden art, and the outfits described above are basically me using their designs like paper dolls. Art linked here, here, here, and here with my screeching commentary.

[pezberrywhoreee]

tslocg kink and fetish headcanons!!

again, credentials are that i practice safe and informed bdsm and kink myself, so im not pulling shit out my ass when i write these :))

- self proclaimed mommy dom, but she goes through waves of being more submissive. it's very situational and dynamic dependent. i feel that she submits easier. it's easier for her get into headspace but she love taking care of little girls occasionally. i feel that she was domming more when she was single but she likes subbing in committed relationships.

- doesn't feel the need to use honourifics but gets low-key excited when people dynamically call her "mommy" or "pet".

- light degradation, i can't see a world where someone who is so quick with mocking and insults doesn't use it to their advantage sexually. submissively, i can see her liking to fight back when degraded but she'll eventually give in and beg you to call her your slut.

- oral fixation. loves toying with mouths, loves her mouth played with (i literally have to include this because reneé rapp)

- huge into spit play, so much so that it gets it's own bullet point. i image she loves being covered in salvia, so it's also a wet and messy type of thing but specifically with spit. she loves looking up and having her mouth open!!! what more is there to say?

- praise, this feels canon. she loves being encouraged and told how to do things well and that she is doing those things how she should.

- torso fetish, will worship a torso for hours. obsessed with the look of them, loves running her tongue along them (oral fixation), loves seeing marks on them. her phone background is actually a picture of alicia's torso, she told me herself <33

- that's a leather dyke if i've ever seen one. comes across as a service dom (and she often is) but she cannot resist the heavy sadist within her. she definitely tortures little girls with pleasure. i also feel that she would be a great brat tamer with certain girls.

- I feel that she doesn't really focus on her own honourifics but she does enjoy "sir", "daddy" and occasionally "mommy" if she's deep in headspace. otherwise she isn't too serious about her own titles.

- huge oral fixation, she loves playing with mouths and has dedicated countless scenes to focus on this fixation. she is more than happy to go hours without genital stimulation for either her or her sub.

- auralism (this is basically heavy sexual desire and arousal from sounds). i know it sounds like a given because sex and bdsm are very sensory based but i feel like she is able to get off just from sounds; including moaning, wet sounds, the sound of impact.

- heavy degradation and humiliation. i feel like her teasing nature and her way of flirting being canonically negging translates into power dynamic and kink. she prefers verbal over physical but she'll do anything for a sub.

- mocking, see above.

- exhibitionism, she loves the energy of being in public and also because it allows her to incorporate so many other kinks.

- temp play, specially cold. she is a connoisseur of a pervertable and ice is always her numer one choice. but she well also lightly freeze toys and use them on girls.

- shibari god. its an art form for her and it allows her to be culturally in touch as well as sexually in touch with herself. she actually got in trouble with essex dorm administration for installing hardware in her ceiling. favourite tie: any thigh bind and intricate chest harness.

- aggressive switch. pro dom by day, slut by night. she can go between the two embarrassingly quickly from very slight triggers.

- abdomen fetish. this is canon...i literally don't have to explain it further it's so obvious. actually i think that she loves ab riding and she prefers it over dick and strap (this woman is definitely sapphic btw) sometimes.

- heavy breeding and cum play kinks. i feel that she loves the idea of being full of someone's essence and really being consumed by it. also huge into forced cum eating. but yeah, also the physical sensation of her breath being taken away and being overwhelmed by the fullness.

- group sex, she has a lot of love to give. see also "pro dom by day" she knows how to conduct a room full of subs that are ready to do anything for her.

- somno. I feel that she enjoys this submissively more because again it's that overpowered feeling that she thrives from. i also feel that she finds this form of consent to be very special and it creates a whole different dynamic in her relationships.

- pits, it's an extension of the torso. i think she really likes man stink!!! i cannot tell you why but she does.

- degradation, see also "slut by night". she carries herself with so much self respect and care (for the most part) so she gets off on that being opposed.

- sodomy but specifically she loves getting into cis boy butts.

- token vanilla

- token vanilla pt ll

[greatestescap3]

Rewatching Season 7. Callie’s storyline is chaotic asf once the Carter Madison grant sl arrives.

Arizona didn’t tell Callie she put in for a grant

Arizona didn’t consult with Callie about it.

Callie volunteers her life to go to Africa to be with Arizona. On very short notice.

Callie gets dumped in an airport. Doesn’t have a job, girlfriend or apartment. Everyone knows. Embarrassing asf.

Arizona goes no contact.

Callie hangs out with ptsd!cristina and Mark. Gets a haircut and a baby

Arizona comes back after no contact. Says I accidentally told my boss I want to come back because I miss you.

Reunion. No discussion just sex and love. And vibes.

Baby father, bisexual and a lesbian are creating a tense family dynamic.

Tension between baby daddy and baby mama. Callie just wants a healthy baby.

Arizona snatches Callie’s phone and throws it in the backseat.

Callie’s punk ass goes and gets her phone.

Arizona proposes in a fit a jealousy.

Arizona’s causes a car accident and damn near kills Callie.

Callie goes on an acid trip.

Callie is having heart/brain surgery and a c-section in one fucking episode.

Wakes up and says yes to a jealousy infused proposal.

Callie has to learn how to use her hands and legs again. Motivation to get better is seeing her daughter. Who may die at any moment.

Callie names her daughter after her fiancée and baby daddy.

Callie’s mom says Callie has a bastard baby. Also says Callie is a dyke. And Callie is going to hell. Callie loses her family.

Callie’s and Arizona gets married.

Callie’s dad comes back. That’s his babygirl he dgaf.

Callie went through it this season. That woman stood tall through this bullshit season.

[nityarawal]

8/7/2024

Fly Gold Hearts

Morning Songs 

Is Elon Caged

We Are Wondering

Tethered Like A Dog

At Space X

Is Elon Caged

Herded By The Staff

Jaima And The Surrogates

Does He Work 9 To 5

While His Bots

Are On The Fly

No One Is Buying

The Rob Lowe Elon

He Goes Up And Down

Fifty Pounds

Sometimes Hundreds

In Hours

He Grows T.I.T.T.S.

With Hormone Blockers

Pumping

Plastics In His Balls

Sympathizing 

To Xavier Vivian Jenna's

Plight

As A Wilson

What More Do You

Want From Him

Eloning To Mars

Wheatberries Emerge

Hairballs

Infections

Lymes And Drug Warfare

No One Is A Saint

Indefinitely 

In Haste

Don't Waste My Best

Physicists

In Your War

Yeah He's A Billion

Dollar Slot Machine

You Been Pullin'

More Than His Arm

Partners

Harems Fleeced

Why'd Our Families

Get Surrounded

By Surrogates

And Have No Chance

Dyke Rapes

Airforce Displays

Not Who We Are

Was It As Good For You

As Ivana

And Melania

Caged

Was It As Good For You

As Stormy Daniels

What Didn't You Like

About The 2016 Crimes

Was It The Hit And

Run

Covid Ukranian Doctors Who

Said It Needs To Get

So Much Worse

Before They'll Dianose

And Treat

Was It The Starter 

Wife Murders

Or When My Landlord

Died With Mrs. Trumps

Library Books Late

Whilst We Wrote Librarians

From Holocoasts 

Was It The Unconscious 

Drugging

The Kidnappings

By Gay Cops

Was It The House

Raidings

The Militia

Slumlordings

Or The Gangs

That Murdered

Your Neighbors

That Put You Off

Was It The 6PM

Quarantine

Tucked In By

Cop "Meanies"

#FreeBritney

Retaliation

Her Daddy Lost His

Leg

Alec Baldwin

Shootings

Forgiven

The Brave That 

Died For Trumps

Ear

Or Is It Your

Sympathy

With Ivanka

Baron

And Little Donny Jr.

That Made You Out

Our Co-pilots

Is It A Con

Is It Shrapanel

In Vangogh Staged

Fun

Is It A Con

Or Is It Our Billions

Boiling In A War

Is It A Con

Elon Tied To His

Desk 'Till Dawn

While Dyke Colleagues 

Overtake X

Is It A Con

9 To 5

Robin' Elon

Is It A Con

Feels Like A Con

In A Political

War

Feels Like A Con

And Elon Lost

The Rights 

Who Has The

Octopus Head

To Optimus Storm

Feels Like A Con

Of The Old Greek

Tales

Feels Like A Con

When Our Billionaires

Can't Fly No More

And Lost Their

Wings

Despite The Shiniest

Eternal

Gold Hearts

Fly

Goldhearts

Fly

Peace & Love Eternal,

Nitya Nella Davigo Azam Moezzi Huntley Rawal 

Encinitasbeachhome.com 

[isocrime]

okay okay okaaaay so I was having a convo in the group chat and we were all “but what if this: an a/b/o universe where betas aren’t totally normeo and boring.”

Because — look, it’s called alpha/beta/omega fic but we all really know it’s all alpha/omega all the time.  There’s gotta be a way to make betas interesting instead of just….there.

obviously first you have to come up with some kinky biological weirdness to add to the mix. a/b/o did not get famous for medium-sized dicks and normal-tightness buttholes. and we were like what if betas are like, super super wired for pleasure. Extra-sensitive everywhere, multiple orgasms — instead of having heat/rut where you’re super super super horny once a month, betas average that horny out over the whole month and are kind of always extra horny.

because ~*~handwave biology~*~ alpha/omega reproductive strategy was having babies in a two parent-household and beta reproductive strategy was more big community child-rearing, who cares whose kid is really whose just makes sure they don’t fall into a well, and that's how you got the three genders:

macho (alpha), waif (omega) and ORGY (beta)

it got socially constructed that betas were the halfway point between alphas and omegas, but really they’re kind of their own thing. it’s less of a line that goes alpha-beta-omega and more of a triangle.

so anyway alpha/omega couples are stereotypically monogamous and society smiles on that, while betas are always having mostly-social-acceptable one night stands with other betas and orgies and society’s like “that’s allowed but also all betas are sluts (:”

now you gotta make it forbidden and queer too, duh

So what if alpha/omega and beta/beta are basically straight, and every other pairing receives mega prejudice. Everyone has special biology so it’s like a smorgasbord of gay fun and pining!

The beta accused of being uppity because they’re trying to court a well-to-do omega, who is so beautiful and only wants someone stoic and strong and rich, not some dumb beta who thinks dick-first, they’ll never be good enough, and meanwhile the omega’s parents are like um, absolutely not, you know that dirty promiscuous betas will ruin a nice omega.

Or alpha/beta where everyone is like lol poor beta that new alpha lover he’s fawning over is going to dump him for a nice omega husband out in the suburbs, he’s going to get heartbroken. And the alpha’s friends like “he’s going to cheat on you, betas always do,” and his parents are like “well at least he’s not completely gay, I’d rather he fuck betas than alphas”

and society’s all overly-concerned if there can even be real sex between anyone other than two betas or an alpha and an omega. but c’mon everybody has weird biology and you can definitely mix and match.  Alphas got weird dick and rut, omegas got slippery assholes and heat, betas get no refractory period and generally higher sex drive.  There’s a ton of porny goodies in there. Like, two alphas going into rut at the same time and having to desperately 69 because if they’re not fucking something they’re going to die. Omega/omega heats with fucking machines and really stellar dildos. Beta apologizing to an omega for not having a fancy dick but finding out that their bf loves to be marathon-fucked. alphas are all knot-and-trot, but a beta can give them a seeing to.  

Imagine the a/b/o gay bars. in one corner, o/os being giant dykes: some super femme, delicate ones, some hot butch ones, some in the middle. if you want a t-shirt designed or advice on how to pick garden mulch, these are your crew. around the perimeter of the dance floor, alph4alpha daddies and powerbitches cruising. Bisexual betas being huge disasters all over the place, talking politics and gossiping about how good everyones dick is, are alphas worth the territorial bullshit, did you hear that Paula settled down with an alpha can you believe I always thought she was into betas and omegas, no shit! The discourse alone. you thought lgbt shit was complicated? Psych you added 3 more genders with their own anatomical bits and social norms, take that complicated shit and cube it.

i’m so into this idea???? The opportunities for pining and drama are legion. world-building opportunities everywhere!

Let betas party 2k20!!!!

[cattles-bians]

exes au part 14

post directory

obsetress:

obsetress: viola

em: holy shit

em: i think viola could hold a truly ridiculous number of things in her hands

em: danis like i have a little fanny pack right here- and violas like (turns up nose) absolutely not

obsetress: pre therapy viola during her relationship w dani: buys dani a birkin too, is like "here baby, so you don't have to use that fanny pack"

obsetress: dani's like "oh. i, um. like my fanny pack"

obsetress: viola therapy era after her relationship with dani: buys her a hermes fanny pack instead

obsetress: jamie rolls her eyes but dani is literally

em: i think a lot abt viola offering solutions completely unprompted n then being really offended when ppl dont take her up on it

em: pre therapy obvs

obsetress: SAME

obsetress: oh link is gross

obsetress: cost is grosser

obsetress: but viola lloyd dropping $2550 on a fanny pack for her ex gf? chefs kiss

---

obsetress: ok just remembered viola slouching or leaning or w/e n like

obsetress: brain practically applying that to exes au and imagining when and where she'd slouch n everyone's reactions to htat

obsetress: bc like she has perfect posture but when she chooses to do it it's a power move

obsetress: and i. hm

em: yeah

obsetress: viola sitting up stock straight when they first get to brunch and as soon as she's ordered her bloody mary shes pulling off her sunglasses and dropping them on the table and just sinking back

em: how to phrase this w/o sounding too much like a whore

em: actually no way to say this but like i feel v strongly abt the way we make women take up less space wrt to knees together calves touching type deal and i think maybe

em: maybe viola can manspread a bit as a treat

em: hate that term but i cant think of a better one

obsetress: nah she does n it's hot

obsetress: just had this image pre divorce of viola and arthur at marriage counseling on opp ends of the couch n arthur's sitting v tight close and vi is just

obsetress: leaning and spreading a lil

obsetress: the first time jamie sees her do it she's so taken aback

obsetress: because she's NOT expecting it

em: jamies like ah ok late in life lesbian deal and then jokes on her viola is fluent in dyke slouch

obsetress: jamie immediately trying to suss out just how long viola has been fucking women

obsetress: she says to dani later "i thought she was all proper like" and dani's like "she is" and jamie's like "so wot was that then" and dani's like "well, people are gay, jamie,"

em: ghfjhgljkJFDASJKKJFGA

em: jamies like so wait how long HAS viola been

obsetress: jamie: so you were vi's first serious girlfriend right? dani: dani: jamie: right???????

em: violas been fucking women longer than jamie has lbr

em: i mean shes clearly only 35, jamie,

obsetress: jamie: so... vi... viola: hm? jamie: you're, uh, gay, right? viola: obviously jamie: right. well dani told me you've been dating women since–– viola: since i was 15, yes jamie: but you married a man

em: violas like u went to jail everyone does stupid shit occasionally

em: jamie: so how long have you been dating women viola: since i was 15 jamie: no i meant like. in years viola raises her eyebrows and jamies just like haha nevermind fuck

obsetress: she tried!

obsetress: she tried

em: jamie on her 35th birthday pencilling 'many happy returns' into violas ????th 35th birthday card

em: yknow i think

em: i think something's afoot

obsetress: jamie, giving up on the direct approach

obsetress: slipping in next to rebecca at the wine bar

obsetress: "becca"

obsetress: "hi, jamie" "hi. how old is your girlfriend"

em: am fucking losing it thinking abt jamie like. realising how much gay energy viola has

em: like taken ABACK

obsetress: fksljfLKSDJFLJ

obsetress: just like

obsetress: why are jamies reactions to viola so funny

obsetress: montage of jamie realizing how much gay energy viola has

obsetress: jamie watching viola sitting

obsetress: jamie watching viola pick up a variety of glasses and mugs

obsetress: jamie watching viola compare hand sizes with dani, jamie's girlfriend and viola's ex girlfriend who she dated for literal years and whose hand size she definitely already knows

em: NOT THE HAND SZIES

em: they go for a walk and viola immediately complains about the sun and jamie's like

em: i have a spare hat but ur not gonna like it

em: its a snapback that says daddy or smthn in gold, owen got it for jamie for her bday, jamie Loathes it

obsetress: BYE

obsetress: viola looks better in it than jamie does

em: jamie has that

em: am i attracted to viola? moment

em: it passses

em: she has already compartmentalised the weird psychosexual power play

em: queen of compartmentalising

obsetress: jamie: had another one of those moments today dani: what moments? jamie: where i thought i might be attracted to vi dani: well, you did let her fuck you... what was it, four? times in one night, so

em: jamie; yeah but like that aside

em: jamie 'thats neither here nor there' taylor

obsetress: she is the queen of compartmentalizing tho

em: i was gonna be like. 'jamies like wait i dont remember saying four' but. i think she would tell dani

em: because the flip of that is dani callin up vi n i dont think she would necessarily

obsetress: i think she would and dani would make her anyway

obsetress: well make her is harsh but

obsetress: dani would very curiously ask in very convincing ways

em: lovingly coax it out of her

em: dani: what if i fucked you four times in o

obsetress: dani: let me do five

em: viola probably wears so many rings jamie doesn’t even clock the ever present thumb ring

obsetress: jamie just. writes it all off

em: am laughing abt like. viola v meticulously taking off every single ring and putting it in its proper location before...

obsetress: there is something. so hot about that

obsetress: im gonna scream i think

em: i was just meming and now im thinking abt it and

em: truly played myself

em: actually this is me refusing to unpack whatever the hell theo crain gloves made me feel

obsetress: sdkfmsldjfa

obsetress: fair

em: sublimate it into rings

obsetress: i just like um

obsetress: thinkin about when she and dani are together and like

obsetress: it's intentional and everything has its place but vi also makes a show out of it

obsetress: and like

obsetress: she's SO painstaking about it and definitely makes dani wait a little bit and

em: helps dani outta her big ass earrings

em: i mean dani doesnt even Need the help

em: viola meticulous lloyd

em: i mean she just wears so much goddamn jewellry

obsetress: she can tell when dani's getting impatient and goes even slower

em: viola has like

em: viola is one of thos ppl thats really into expensive watches

obsetress: !!!!!!

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: nice lil canon nod too

em: she drags dani to antique auctions n danis like i cant. actually tell the difference between the real and the forgery and violas like (passionately explains it for like 30 minutes) and dani is

em: like shes mentally checked out but also v intensely watching violas hands as she points to the parts of the watch

em: rebecca gets it tho

em: rebecca Gets It

obsetress: dani shoving vi into the bathroom at the auction house and tugging vi's hand between her legs v rebecca grabbing her own auction paddle and bidding against viola for the same watch

obsetress: (rebecca n vi fuck in the car on the ride home)

em: dani grabs a paddle n mimes spanking viola n then the auctioneer is like '$250 to 201' and danis like aw Fcuk

em: violas like i cant take u Anywhere

obsetress: dani gives her the 🥺😌and viola's immediately over it and pulling out $250

obsetress: dani: i didn't even want it, i was just–– vi: i know dani: what am i even gonna do with a–– vi: i'll sell it for $500 at a private auction next week dani: so technically i'm making you money dani, grinning: it's like i'm your employee dani: do you have any more assignments for me, boss? vi: dani get your hand out of my pocket i need to focu––

[katehuntington]

Title: In Bad Waters - part nine Word count: ±3300 words Episode summary: Still in possession of the Winchesters’ belongings, Zoë meets up with the hunters on her next case. When it turns out to be a little more complicated than anticipated, she accepts their help in order to make an important deadline. Part nine summary: After splitting up, each hunter has their own part to play in order to solve the case. But when Sam has a vision, things go south real quick. Episode warnings: Dark! NSFW, 18+ only! Descriptions of domestic violence/child abuse. Drug use/addiction. Angst, gore, violence, character death. Description of blood, injury and medical procedures/resuscitation. Swearing, alcoholism. Supernatural creatures/entities, mentions of demon possession. Descriptions of torture and murder, drowning. Illegal/criminal practices. Mentions of nightmares and flashbacks. Author’s note: Beta’d by @winchest09​​​​​​ and @deanwanddamons​​​​​​. Thanks, girls! Gif isn’t mine. If you are the creator or know who made it, please tell me so I can credit you.

Supernatural: The Sullivan Series Masterlist

S1E02 “In Bad Waters” Masterlist

     Bored out of her skull, Zoë flips the page of her newspaper for the third time, pretending to read it. She found a good spot on the terrace of a Pizza Hut restaurant. Traffic drives by on Highway 412 constantly, but from her table she has a clear view of a house on Magnolia Drive. Taylor Dawlson, Laura’s former teacher, lives in the suburban home.

     It’s 14:30 and Zoë has been guarding the Dawlson residence for over an hour now, but nothing has happened so far. She hasn’t had a call from the boys yet either, so she presumes everything is quiet at the Shire place, and Dean is probably talking to doctor Hughes.

     Taylor Dawlson is home, busy maintaining the household while keeping her daughter entertained. The husband, whose name is Jeff, is working the lawn at the moment, a sprinkler system watering the pink magnolias by the white wooden fence. On the table in front of her, next to the slice of pepperoni pizza, Zoë installed her Macbook, which shows some information about the Dawlson family, just so that she knows who she’s dealing with. Taylor is a teacher at the Woodrow Wilson Elementary School, Jeff is into sportswear and merchandise. They’ve been married for seven years  and have a three year old daughter named Lesley. No criminal records on the parents, nothing out of the ordinary. Just a happy family, living in a normal neighborhood, right next to a church. One thing doesn’t show up on her screen, though, and it’s something the huntress knows for a fact; the mother happened to be in one of her flashbacks.

     She lets out a bored sigh and takes another bite of her pizza, but then feels her phone vibrating in her pocket. Quickly, she takes out her Nokia and checks the screen; it’s Sam.      “What’s up?” She yawns.      “Your stake out is that exciting, huh?” Sam responds sarcastically.

     Sam is comfortable in the driver’s seat of the Chevrolet Impala, which he parked across the street of the Shire residence, located on Reynolds Park Road. He has the window rolled down and rests his elbow on the door as he holds his phone to his ear. The streets are almost empty in this neighborhood just outside the downtown area of Paragould. A beautiful house by the lake seems like a fairytale to live in, and yet this place was the setting for violence and abuse for many years.

     “It’s like watching a documentary on snails,” she comments, after which she bites off a piece of pizza.      Sam can hear her chewing food and furrows his brow. “Are you eating again?”      “Dude, you sound like my dietician,” Zoë responds with her mouth full.      Sam chuckles and realizes how stern he must have sounded. “Burgers again?”      “No, I like a bit of variation in my cuisine,” she claims, putting up a snooty voice. “I’m having Italian right now.”      “Let me guess: pizza?”      Zoë laughs. “Pizza Hut to be precise.”

     “How do you do it?” Sam wonders, still chuckling.      “Do what?”      “Eat so much, without… well, you know--” he starts carefully, instantly regretting it. He’s on thin ice.      Zoë can’t help but grin, deciding to mess with him. “- getting big? Are you fucking kidding me, Sam? Someone who had a long term relationship should know this; clothes, weight and age are the forbidden subjects.”      Quickly, Sam sets things straight. “I’m sorry, I just think it’s extraordinary.”      “What? The weirdness of women or the fact that I eat so much?” she jokes.

     Sam chuckles, now that he can detect the trace of mockery in her voice.  “Seriously, though. How can you consume so much food and still look - you know - like you do?”      “Because I kick ass,” she answers, sassy.      Her response might have come out rapidly, for a brief moment there, Zoë analyzed that sentence. Was Sam’s remark a compliment or a flirt? She’s not sure what to think of it, but presumes the flirtation wasn’t intentional, considering he’s clearly still struggling to deal with his ex-girlfriend’s death. And come on, she has given him a pretty hard time; she’s been anything but charming.

     Zoë changes the subject before an awkward silence follows. “How’s it going over there?”      Sam glances through his windshield at the two individuals up at the house. “Nothing out of the ordinary. Mrs. Shire seems to mourn by cleaning up the entire house and her son is sitting by the lake, just staring out over the water,” Sam describes.      “The guy was an asshole, but he was still their family,” she realizes, after which a beep sounds in her ear; she has a different call coming in.       “Gonna put you on hold for a sec, Sam,” she notifies the hunter, and pushes the green button on her phone. “Sullivan.”

     “Doc ain’t talking.”      Dean walks down the stairs of the Arkansas Methodist Medical Center. He unbuttons his blazer and loosens his tie.      Zoë narrows her eyes, even though the recipient on the other end of the line can’t see it. “What do you mean, he isn’t talking?”      “He got all nervous when I started asking questions. There’s no way I can get a word out of his mouth. But he does know something, alright,” Dean explains.

     “Did you try everything?” she checks, questioning Dean’s interrogation skills.      “Well, I didn’t torture him, if that’s what you’re asking. I didn’t tell him the truth either,” he admits.      Zoë realizes it’s a good thing he didn’t reveal his true identity. If Dean starts talking about killer ghosts and the guy freaks out, they might have a serious problem, considering that they are identified as FBI. A call to their chief at the Bureau will ultimately result in a blown cover, which will not make solving any future case any easier.

     “You have the death report, right?” she threatens with a tone.      “Who the fuck do you think I am? Of course I have the death report,” Dean ensures cockily, as he takes out the report from his inside pocket. “Stole it from his file case. Piece of cake.”      Zoë doesn’t bother to compliment him for his deed. “Anything interesting in there?”      “Not really,” Dean presses his phone between his ear and shoulder and leafs through the pages, which contain a lot of medical talk that he doesn’t understand one bit. “It says that Laura Shire was brought in by her father around 11 PM, yada yada. Cause of death…” Dean pauses as he reads the line again and halts. “Didn’t you say that both dear daddy and Van Dyke broke their neck?” he recalls, looking up from the file.      “Yeah.”      “Laura broke hers too. Robert Shire claimed she fell down the stairs.”       Zoë scoffs. “Well that’s complete utter bullshit.”

     “One other thing,” he points out as he continues his way down the street. “Shire wasn’t just a colleague, he was his boss. Guess who the second signature on Laura’s death report belongs to.”      “Shire himself?” she assumes, stunned.      “The one and only.”      “But he’s a family member of the victim, he should have been excluded from the examination!” Zoë exclaims in disbelief.      “That’s why he got Hughes to do the autopsy. All they needed was his signature as Chief of Staff.”      The huntress gets the point now and rolls her eyes skyward. “Which makes the report valid.”      “So, what now?” Dean questions, his current mission having been completed.      “Hughes played a part in this cover up, so he might be her next candidate,” Zoë ponders, glancing at the Dawlson residence, where it’s still quiet. “There is no way you can keep an eye on him in that hospital, is there?”      “We don’t need to. Laura only attacks when her victim is alone, right?” Dean mentions.

     Zoë thinks about that for a second, her mind going over the first two murders. She didn’t notice it before, but he’s right. There were people in the house when Shire and Van Dyke were killed, but never in the same room.      “Now that you mention it. As long as the doc stays amongst people, he’ll be safe. When does he get off?”      “Already checked that; not until 6 PM,” Dean informs.      “Good, so we don’t have to worry about him until six,” she concludes, trying to think of a plan.      “Everything nice and quiet over there?” Dean wonders.      “I’m wasting my time. I’m not sure if Laura would target her anyhow.”      Dean walks into the parking lot of the Kentucky Fried Chicken only blocks away from the hospital. “And Sam?”      “Do I look like a fucking mailman to you? Why don’t you ask him yourself?” she returns annoyed.

     He enters the KFC and takes a look at the menu, even though he always goes for the classic. When Dean ignores her remark, the silence however ignites a reaction from the huntress nonetheless.      “You two had a fight or somethin’?”      “Sort of,” he admits with a mutter.      “Ah, brotherly love. What did you fight about?” Zoë asks nosy.      “That’s none of your business,” Dean returns defensive, stunned by her boldness. “Damn, you’re not curious at all, are you?”      “I’m not curious. I just want to know everything.” She shrugs, her correction sassy. “C’mon, spill it.”

     Dean sighs somewhat agitated. He doesn’t owe her an explanation, but he figures that once she knows, she might stop poking him. He keeps it as short as possible, though. “It was about Dad. Sam and I have different ideas on how to find him.”

     Surprisingly, there’s no smart counter that follows up his words. Instead, Zoë swallows back a mean remark and decides not to respond for their own good. They are finally having a conversation without yelling at each other, and although the fighting doesn’t bother her since she has no interest in becoming friends with the older Winchester, she’d rather keep it civil. Like it or not, she can use their help, so now would not be the best time to counter the hunter.

     Dean breaks the deadly silence. “Still there?”      Zoë clears her throat. “Yeah, sorry. Got distracted.”      “Want some chicken?” he jokes, as if he could teleport it to her place.      She laughs, guessing where he is. “Where are you? KFC?”      “Ahuh,” he confirms, and turns to the guy behind the counter. “One bucket of chicken wings, please.”      “Is that all?” Zoë comments.      “You’re right,” he agrees, looking back at the restaurant worker. “Could you add a Crispy Colonel Sandwich and a coke?”

     He pays for his second lunch of the day and tells the employee to keep the change.      “Did you eat?” Dean asks Zoë, as he walks out to the terrace and settles down in the sun.      She smiles at her phone. Apparently they have found common grounds.      “Yeah, pizza,” she mentions. “Which reminds me, I still have Sam on hold. If you wanna crash some place, feel free to break into my motel room.”      “Alrighty, you didn’t boobytrap it, did ya?” he checks first.      “Unless you’re a demon or a ghost you’re free to waltz in,” Zoë replies, referring to the demon trapping pentagram under the doormat and the salt lines in the windowsills.      “Room number?”      “Seventeen. Don’t break anything.”

     With those words, she disconnected her call with Dean and returns to Sam. “I’m back,” she lets him know.      But there’s not a sound on the other line. He didn’t hang up on her, she can still hear static.      “Sam? You there?”      Then she hears Sam’s voice, but it’s not comforting. A painful moan sounds from the other side of the line.      “Sam, answer me! What’s going on?” Zoë calls out, sensing something is wrong.      Sam groans. “I’m here.”

     He has the palm of his hand pressed against his forehead, eyes shut firmly. He doesn’t know what just happened to him, but a stabbing pain in his head almost knocks him out cold. The images that flashed before his eyes a moment ago remain on display, but he cannot place any of them. Visions in his sleep are one thing, but he has never experienced them during the day before.      “What’s happening?”      He hears Zoë’s voice and presses his Blackberry against his ear. “I - I think I just had a vision.”      Zoë’s eyes grow large. It has started. “What did you see?”      Sam looks up, stunned. By the sound of her words, she experienced this too. “You had one of those while awake?”      “That’s not important right now. What did you see?” she repeats firmly.      Sam thinks back, trying to recover the recollections behind closed eyes. “I saw a house, white woodwork,” he remembers. “A woman inside is terrified, screaming, and I heard a child’s voice, saying ‘You didn’t stop it’.”

     Zoë’s eyes drift from her laptop screen to the house across the street; the Dawlson home has white woodwork. Her eyes widen as she realizes what might be going on.      “It’s Laura. What else did you see, Sam?!” she pressures while getting up so abruptly, that her chair tumbles over.      “A guy mowing the lawn, sprinklers... and a church, right next to the house,” he recalls, concentrating on possible clues.

     Zoë’s runs down the terrace, leaving her Macbook behind on the table. As fast as she can she crosses the street and is barely missed by a car, but she doesn’t have eyes for it. Her eyes are fixated on the front door and she knows; Laura is here.      “Get to Magnolia Drive, now!” she orders Sam, putting away her phone right after.      Adrenaline rushes through her body as she grabs the doorknob, but the door seems to be jammed. She pulls as hard as she can, but there’s no movement whatsoever.

     “Hey! What do you think you are doing?” Jeff Dawlson exclaims at the intruder. He left his lawnmower on the grass and now approaches her with large steps.      “Your wife’s in danger! We need to get inside the house,” she tells the man straight forward.      The facial expression of the tall man changes from mad to worried, his gaze shifting to his home. “Who are you?”      “Jeff, I don’t have time to explain! We need to get in the house!” Zoë cries out, losing her cool.

     She puts her shoulder into it and tries to lift the door from his hinges, but it won’t budge. Frustrated, she looks around for another way in.     Jeff hastens to the back door, but returns soon after, panicking. “I can’t get the back door to open! My daughter is in there too!”      The huntress curses, ramming into the door again. Laura is doing this, she’s shutting them out so that she can work over her victim without being interrupted. It’s amazing how fast this little ten year old developed into the monster she is now. This isn’t a ghost problem anymore, this is a poltergeist.      Without hesitation, Zoë draws her gun from behind her waistband and aims for the kitchen window. She pulls the trigger, but instead of breaking the glass, the shell flings back as if it just hit bullet proof glass.

     “Taylor!” Jeff calls his wife's name, desperately.      But they don’t hear a sound, not even a horrific scream and Zoë wonders if that is a good sign. Not willing to give up, she creates some distance between her and the door and drives her shoulder into the wood again and again, until she feels sore to the bone.      “Goddamnit! Let us in!” she yells, furiously.

     In the meantime, Jeff got his hands on a shovel and starts hitting the windows, but none of them break. While he keeps calling out for his wife and daughter, Zoë hears the roar of a V8 engine coming around the corner. With screeching tires Sam stops the car and jumps out, rushing for the trunk.      Without pausing her efforts to get in, Zoë calls out. “You better have a bright idea, Sam!”      With two loaded shotguns in his hands he runs up the lawn, but stops in his tracks when he glances at the window. “Zoë?”

     She looks over her shoulder and sees the staggered expression on his face, triggering her to back up glances at the second story. In front of the window stands a young girl, but the sight is anything but endearing. This time she isn’t the sad little innocent kid, she looks terrifying. Here eyes seem to have sunken deep into their sockets, blood and bruises cover her pale body. Her head is tilted to the right in an unnatural way, twisted at the base. The image distorts, then she disappears.

     The next moment, they hear the sound of shattering glass. The hunters’ attention is drawn to the kitchen window; Jeff managed to break it. Hastily Zoë rushes for the door, knowing it’s unlocked now and enters the house. Sam is right behind her and hands her the shotgun in the hallway, just in case.      She looks at the gun for a moment. “This isn’t gonna help.”      “Loaded with rock salt,” Sam elaborates.      Her eyes dart to the rifle again, this time appreciating the weapon. She heard of many ways to fight ghosts, but this is a new technique. It must be a Winchester invention, seems like those lumberjacks aren’t that stupid afterall.      “You get their daughter,” she orders.      They split up and when Sam glances into the living room, he sees Jeff's and Taylor’s little girl. She doesn’t seem to realize what is going on, apparently she didn’t hear a thing. The child is playing with her dolls, as her mother told her to.

     While Sam picks up Lesley and takes her outside, Zoë rushes to the second floor. Quickly she climbs the stairs, her shotgun ready to fire. Alert, she scans the corridor; all clear. Knowing Laura might still be inside, she takes a deep breath and busts the door to what she assumes to be one of the bedrooms. What the huntress sees inside makes her stomach turn, even though she has seen her fair share of blood and violence.

     What she feared the most has happened. Laura made her teacher die an even more horrible death than her own. Taylor has collapsed against the wall, her eyes stare at the ground, as if she was unpleasantly surprised by her attacker. But she doesn’t move, she doesn’t flinch; she’s dead. Her arms and neck seem to be broken, a bad head injury that cracked her skull giving Zoë a glimpse of her brain. Blood prints of her head and hands are smeared over the pink wall paper of her daughter’s room. Crimson stains the carpet, the teddy bears on Lesley’s bed, the covers, even the ceiling.      “Damnit, Laura,” Zoë says, breathlessly.

     Footsteps echo from the staircase behind her. She looks back and sees Jeff, running onto the corridor.      “You don’t wanna see this,” she warns, trying to keep him from the doorway.      But as she would have done, he steps inside anyway. As soon as his eye catches the sight of his wife in the state that she is, he freezes. Unable to say anything, unable to move like a deer in headlights, he looks down at her dead body as tears well up in his eyes. Zoë watches him, but she can’t get a word out of her mouth. After she swallows apprehensively, she averts her eyes away from the heart wrenching scene.

     “Taylor…” Jeff whispers as tears run down his face. The cry that follows      gives Zoë chills. “Taylor!”      In a blink of an eye this family’s life has changed forever. The woman Jeff loves dearly, the mother of his child, just got ripped away from them, murdered, and there is nothing he can do to reverse that. Zoë knows the feeling, she knows it way too well. He falls down on his knees in her blood, but he doesn’t hit the floor. He hits rock bottom.

Thank you for reading. I appreciate every single one of you, but if you do want to give me some extra love, you are free to like or reblog my work, shoot me a message or buy me coffee (Link to Kofi in bio at the top of the page). 

Read chapter ten here  

[loudsnapdragon]

it's Juno (2007) but buckingham.

On The Sleeve of How It Used To Be

robin/chrissy. minor steve/eddie. mature. 2/4 chapters. read on Ao3, loudsnapdragon. cw: teen pregnancy, brief mention of abortion, non-explicit description of awkward sex.

Not-so-secret smalltown lesbian Robin Buckley makes a last ditch attempt at heterosexuality by scoring a one night stand with her old bandmate Eddie, but while the sex does successfully confirm the annoying complete disinterest in men she harbours, it kickstarts another clusterfuck for her to deal with. She’s pregnant. And despite her better judgement, she’s keeping the baby. Luckily, she finds a recently wedded Ms. Kelley and Mr Clarke looking to adopt. But to save herself from some of the mortification, of ya’ know; blowing up like a hormonal balloon throughout her Junior year, she decides to not tell anyone who the daddy is. Not the daddy himself, not her parents, not even her favorite dingus. But as is the luck of your regular outcast pregnant sixteen-year-old, someone finds out. And like many secrets, Chrissy Cunningham doesn't make it easy to keep.

If they were normal, then the sex would have been really sweet. Eddie would say something like, ‘I’ve wanted this for ages.’ And Robin would say ‘I know.’ And then he would say something goofy and cute like, ‘Wizard.’

But unfortunately for them, the second after she settled on his lap, her knees brushing against the faded leather of the Munson trailer’s shabby couch, she realised three things.

One: There is a limit to Eddie’s goofy cuteness. He is charming, but not charming enough to pull off a stupid catchphrase like ‘Wizard.’ And the first thing he said after he entered Robin wasn’t ‘I’ve wanted this for ages’, it was: ‘Is it meant to make that noise?’

Two: The goofy-cute limit is reached far quicker when Eddie is naked, his worryingly too pink erection pressing into her thigh.

Three: This probably isn’t Eddie’s fault. Because Robin understood, suddenly, but sadly too slowly as to stop the trajectory of her first brave adventure into sex, she’s definitely gay. Super gay. The dykiest dyke to ever dyke. This ain't a switch she can unflip like Chrissy did. 

She goes through with it. Because there’s a pesky hope that she could make this work. That she might be gay, but maybe Eddie’s long hair and big lips and dangly earrings could trick her gay ass mind. She finishes the ordeal thanks to a sachet of lube and a traitorous condom he theatrically whipped out his wallet prior. She’s never been a great actress, but she thinks, maybe this time, she’ll convince them all.

Eddie kisses her forehead after he finishes. Keeps on asking if she’s alright, so she knows she didn’t put on a good enough show.

Six weeks later, stone sky ripping into the clouds, the distant haze of woodsmoke trailing the horizon, the suburban roofs shining like jewels in the cold sun, she buys a bottle of Sunny Delight from Melvald’s and walks a loop-de-loop back to Main Street. She’s loath to admit it, but sometimes Hawkins really is beautiful.

‘Well, if it isn’t Birdie, the future mother to be, back again at the nest.’

She throws the third pregnancy test into the trash by the store’s entrance.

‘Jesus Murray, try some sympathy. How did you even get a job here.’

‘Joyce is sweet on me.’ Murray shrugs from behind the counter of Melvald's, holding the bathroom key back like a prize, waiting for her to pay for the fresh pregnancy test she tossed by the register. ‘This is your fourth test today, not like your latest orange delight is going to switch the pee-pee situation.’

‘God, silence old man. Just give me the key.’

‘Pay for the pregnancy test when you’re done. Don’t think it’s yours just because you marked it with your urine!’

She snatches the key and hides away in the store’s toilet, twisting her wrist under her crotch and peeing on the stick with a creeping familiar ease. She walks out to the store, slapping the test against her palm as she waits, trying to shake out the most likely result, considering her lack of period and extremely sensitive nipples, if what Brenda says is true. 

‘That ain’t no etch-a-sketch that can be undid, dearie.’

She throws Murray the finger, but sure enough, a minute later, that evil pink plus sign appears for the fourth time, cementing her impending doom.

So she does what she normally does when faced with impending doom. She buys a pack of Red Vines, ignores Murray, and cycles over to Steve’s place.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘Are you going to go Sunnyvale or Women Now? Cos’ I remember Carol saying you need a note from your parents if you go to Sunnyvale.’

Steve’s parents are never home, so they’re spread out over the couches talking aloud about her impending doom, because the Harrington’s are the type of rich to have three couches, all of them ugly.

‘I’ll think I’ll go to Women Now, cos’ ya’ know, they help women now.’

‘Yeah, I get ya.’ Steve says, sitting feet up on his couch. ‘How did you even generate enough pee for four pregnancy tests? That’s amazing.’

‘I drank ten tonnes of Sunny D.’

‘Jesus Birdie, that’s so much sugar. Your teeth are going to fall out.’

‘Doesn’t really matter if my teeth fall out if I’m dead first.’

‘Hey.’ Steve swings his leg down, throws a pillow over the coffee table and on to her couch, smiling when it hits her square on the forehead.

‘Ow.’

‘You’re not going to die. No one is going to find out. We’ll get it sorted, okay? Just tell me the time for the appointment and I’ll pick you up after.’

He looks so stupid. His floppy hair flat on his forehead, that Weird Al shirt he only wears to make Dustin happy, and those ugly basketball shorts that are two sizes too small, cos' like a freak of nature, he’s only gained thigh muscle since quitting the team. She wants to grab him by the apples of his cheeks and smush him a like a golden retriever.

‘You look stupid.’

He smiles. ‘Right back at ya.’

‘I’m going to abort the hell out of this baby.’

‘Fuck yeah you are.’

[aion-rsa]

How Legally Blonde Created a Feminist Hero Ahead of her Time

https://ift.tt/3d3pMjP

Twenty years ago, Legally Blonde’s Elle Woods burst onto our screens with her infectious can-do attitude and an early-2000s penchant for all things pink and fuzzy, from her jacket to her phone. Reese Witherspoon’s iconic sorority sister who goes to Harvard Law School in pursuit of an ex-boyfriend—dressed in head-to-toe pink, carrying a copy of the Bible (Cosmo, obvi)—didn’t jive with the era’s conception of a Strong Female Character, a la Trinity from The Matrix, Sarah Connor from the Terminator movies, or Lara Croft from the Tomb Raider franchise. Elle derives her strength from what many would deem her traditionally feminine character traits and pursuits, not in spite of them, like her undergraduate study of fashion and her focus on loyalty and cooperation rather than competition. While some fall for the trap of associating masculinity with strength and intelligence and femininity with conservatism and vapidity, Elle’s fans have always seen her for who she really is: a feminist ahead of her time.

Everything about Elle Woods is bubblegum pink femininity, from her wardrobe (“I don’t understand why you’re completely disregarding your signature color!”) and tiny purse dog Bruiser to her enthusiastic vernacular and name, derived from the 2000s teen fashion magazine, which also happens to be the French pronoun “she.” When Elle is frustrated, she channels the feeling into studying and achieving. When she’s rejected from a study group (essential to surviving law school), she politely takes her homemade treats and leaves. An early precursor to Annie Murphy’s Alexis Rose on Schitt’s Creek, Reese Witherspoon’s charm and relentless positivity help turn an archetype that’s normally considered shallow or even villainous into a fully-fledged character with depth and heart.

It’s easy to look at Elle Woods and the film Legally Blonde and discredit them both—and many have. She’s arguably let into the school based on her looks, and her own advisor made a mean joke about acing a class on polka dots, discrediting her fashion merchandising major. But don’t forget that she had a 4.0 GPA and a 179 on her LSAT (out of 180 possible points), making her a top candidate. She was also president of her sorority, involved in extracurriculars and philanthropy. Oh and that pink resume? It’s inspired by the true story of how the manuscript for the book that Legally Blonde was based on got scooped from the slush pile.

Legally Blonde doesn’t make fun of its heroine for her interest in feminine-coded pursuits like shopping or her penchant for the color pink. An early shopping scene, a spiritual sequel to the couplet in Pretty Woman, sets Elle up to be the butt of a saleswoman’s joke about stupid rich girls spending daddy’s money. Instead, Elle asks the woman a series of questions about the garment’s construction and provenance, the saleswoman agreeing to everything in pursuit of a sale, not realizing she has exposed her own ignorance and deception by doing so. Elle’s fashion education isn’t an air-headed pursuit, but a fulfilling interest as worthwhile as any other, one where accumulating knowledge can come in just as handy as knowing about political science.

Legally Blonde is a fish-out-of-water story, so while Elle’s hobbies are no less important than how her Harvard classmates spend their time, they’re certainly different. She uses her specialized knowledge to figure out parts of the Brooke Windham case (Ali Larter), like realizing that gay men are more likely to know shoe designers than straight ones (even if that’s a bit, uh, reductive), and using her shared interests with Brooke to help make her time while incarcerated more comfortable and gain her trust, so that Brooke would share her alibi. The coup de grace, of course, is Elle’s use of perm knowledge to expose Linda Cardelini’s socialite daughter lying on the stand, causing her to crack and confess to killing her father, exonerating Elle’s client Brooke.

Throughout the movie, Elle is happiest in women-dominated spaces that focus on community and collaborative support, traits typically associated with femininity. When she was prepping for a proposal from Warner and then nursing the heartache afterwards, it was as much a Delta Nu experience as it was her own. Once Elle decides to go to law school, the entire sorority pitches in, helping her study for the LSAT and make her video essay. When Elle gets to Cambridge, she once again seeks solace at a nail salon, a place where women take care of one another and give advice, even if they are strangers at first. And it’s no coincidence that, when Elle quits working on the Brooke Windham case and wants to leave Harvard altogether, she cries her eyes out at the nail salon, where Professor Stromwell (a pitch-perfect Holland Taylor) overhears her plight.

Warner tells Elle, “If I’m going to be a senator, I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn.” In the world of Legally Blonde, women don’t have to choose. You can be a shy manicurist, but also have a killer bend-and-snap. You can be a strict law professor who also goes to the salon and has her student’s back when a colleague sexually harasses her. It’s fitting that, for Elle’s moment of triumph, when she takes the lead in Brooke Windham’s case, Elle makes her entrance in her signature color: vibrant pink. Since her first class at Harvard, Elle started cosplaying as a normie law student, her clothing getting darker and more traditional to match her surroundings. She traded in her pink-lensed sunglasses for reading glasses. When it was time for Elle to have her crowning moment of achievement, though, she did it by looking and acting like herself, and relying on the knowledge and drive that got her to Harvard in the first place—pink sparkles and all.

Elle’s mother doesn’t want her to “throw away” being the first runner up in the Miss Hawaiian Tropics contest to go to law school, but over the course of the film, Elle proves that she doesn’t have to choose between the two. Furthermore, she doesn’t have to choose between love and a career, or settle for a guy who doesn’t appreciate her for the powerhouse that she is. While Warner is the catalyst for Elle’s journey into jurisprudence, he quickly shows himself to be something of a “bonehead” once they’re both in Cambridge, telling Elle she’ll never be smart enough to win a coveted internship spot, encouraging Elle to break her word to their client once she does get the internship, and then never noticing the sexism of their professor who only asks the women to fetch him food and drink. Eventually, Warner does come around, like all of Elle’s classmates and teachers, but by then she has the self-worth to tell him to take a hike.

Read more

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Speaking of Warner, when he shows up in Cambridge he comes with his preppy fiancé Vivian Kensington (Selma Blair, in a mini Cruel Intentions reunion). Vivian and Elle were set up to compete over not only Warner, but grades and career opportunities, like Professor Callahan’s internship. The film’s first act sees a bit of bad blood and back and forth. As the rivals see one another’s legal prowess and come to see the sexism in their field from powerful men like Callahan (and the way less powerful men like Warner either don’t see or pretend not to), they grow closer. Eventually, Warner reveals his low character while Elle displays her loyalty by keeping Brooke’s alibi a secret, and the two drop Warner and their competition to become friends instead. For young women watching, it’s a valuable lesson that other women and girls aren’t your competition—they’re your allies.

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Elle and Legally Blonde aren’t perfect—her journey started out in pursuit of her ex-boyfriend, and classmate Enid was probably right that many women in sororities would call her a dyke and mistreat her. It’s a shame Elle never finds common ground with the one woman in the film who’s an actual avowed feminist. But people grow, and Legally Blonde allowed its heroine the room to do that, even after the credits rolled. Elle Woods has inspired many women to become lawyers, and it’s easy to see why. She believes in herself and others, fights for her friend Paulette’s dog, and fights back against sexual harassment. But even for those who aren’t interested in the law, Elle’s way of winning people over by being kind, supportive, and “using her blonde for good” sends an important message that traditionally femme traits and esthetics are powerful in their own right.

The post How Legally Blonde Created a Feminist Hero Ahead of her Time appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3dNk1FP

[kafkian]

double reversal au: it's the last day of summer before mac heads off to community college and dennis has nothing but long days interning at frank's real estate company to look forward to. dennis doesn't know what she's going to do without her best friend.

Mac’s popping gum leaning on the outside of the porch when Dennis opens the door. She got her dark hair trimmed on Friday, chopped right to the deadline of her jaw, bangs blunt across her forehead. Dennis wanted to hate it but it looks good, frames her face. Dykey as fuck. It suits her.

Dennis is already thumbing open the packet of cigarettes before the hot air hits her, the beat of her heart speeding up. She lets the screen door clatter closed, muffling the sound of her mom bitching at Jeopardy reruns with her feet propped up on the coffee table, premixed gin and tonic in hand. Dee’s bony limbs all crammed into an armchair next to her, chewing her nails and sneaking looks across the divide.

‘What, you couldn’t find Charlie?’ Dennis mumbles as she lights up and takes a deep drag. Mac’s still leaning against the side of the porch like she hasn’t got a care in the world but the line of her body’s gone tense, eyes on the flame between Dennis’s lips.

‘Charlie’s mom wanted him in the house,’ Mac tells her, levering herself up out of her slump. She’s too fucking ungainly these days, caught in some kind of latent growth spurt. They used to be the same height but Mac’s gained an inch on her over the course of the summer. She likes to get in close and look down at Dennis now, lord it over her with that slightly crooked pearly grin. Bitch. ‘You know, the whole spray can thing.’

Dennis grunts, taking another drag. She toes off one of her flip flops and presses the curve of her big toe into the foam, hardened with time. When she looks up, Mac’s gotten a lot closer somehow, only a few feet away. ‘Jesus, creep much?’

Mac sighs, tilting her head to one side as she pops her gum. The sway of her dark hair cuts into her cheek. She’s wearing the battered old leather jacket she thinks makes her look so tough – the one that used to belong to her dad and hangs off her in a way that makes that fact super obvious. All it really does it make her look small enough to put in your pocket, no matter how big she might have grown.

Dennis remembers when Mac’s shoulders weren’t even broad enough to hold the jacket up; it used to fall off her into a puddle of leather, make her scowl while Dennis laughed. None of her shiny new college friends’ll be able to say that.

‘C’mon, don’t be like that, Den,’ Mac whines. ‘It’s my last night of freedom.’

‘Oh, is something important happening tomorrow?’ Dennis asks sarcastically. ‘You must have forgotten to mention it every fucking day for the last three months.’

She yanks in a breath, puffing angrily on her cigarette. She’s been smoking so much lately that it’s starting to turn the whites of her nails yellow so it’s definitely time to quit, but there’s just no drama like angrily-puffing-on-a-cigarette drama. She’ll have to figure something else out. Maybe she can get a cigarette holder like one of those classy ladies in old black and white movies. Yeah, that’s it. She could look like a film star, beautiful and glamorous and aloof.

‘You’re just jealous you’re not going anywhere,’ Mac snaps. She spits her gum away and folds her arms tightly across her chest. It’s always kind of funny when she does that because it looks like she’s trying to push up her tits, except she doesn’t have any. Still flat as a board, same as the first day of puberty. ‘Just gonna rot away in daddy’s office, getting perved on by his rich old friends.’

‘Still more action than you’re gonna get,’ Dennis retorts. ‘Especially with your hair all chopped off, dyke.’

Mac’s nostrils flare. ‘Don’t – call me that,’ she says, and it comes out helpless, almost upset enough to make Dennis regret saying it. But Mac’s eyes are shining and now her fists are clenched at her sides and she looks so beatable like that, so easy to hurt. She’s gonna get the shit kicked out her at college, if not physically then emotionally. What the fuck is she going to do without Dennis there to kick back?

Dennis goes to take another drag but the cig’s all burnt out. She drops it on the ground and stamps on it, sighing. ‘You want to come inside?’

‘No,’ Mac mumbles, sniffing. ‘I want you to come with me.’

‘Where?’

‘I don’t know, okay?’ Mac sniffs again, an angry one. She runs her hand through her hair, fucking up her bangs. ‘I just wanted – I just wanted to see you.’

Dennis doesn’t say anything. She just stands there for a moment with her fingers twitching, staring at the edge of Mac’s jaw. Trying to put that sentence down in her memory rather than cling to it.

She shakes her head and reaches up, brushing Mac’s bangs back into place. Mac’s eyes are steady on her face, wide and searching. Her breath smells like loud fake strawberry from the gum.

‘I’m gonna come back, you know,’ Mac says quietly, catching Dennis around the wrist. ‘It’s community college, not fucking Mars.’

‘Don’t make promises you can’t keep,’ Dennis mutters, pulling her hand back. She wets her thumb and wipes a smudge off Mac’s cheek. How the fuck does she always get so messy? It’s barely even five blocks walk over to Dennis’s house. ‘Come on, inside. If we’re going out, you need something else to wear.’

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: pick me up Joe: rude you clearly did without me Joe: but I'll be able to do a twofer, yeah 👌 Joe: send your distress signal so I know where to point Ronnie: [wherever she's been working for a hot sec, I dread to think lol] Joe: you making a complaint about their cold-calls in person? Joe: tick off initiative on your CV Ronnie: my sides have split & it aint fuck all to the piss poor stitching Joe: see how far we can stretch your guts either side of you, fun Joe: did you self-sew or see one of your gun-wielding pals? different principle tats and triage Ronnie: then you can play a round of guess how much of this blood is mine, get yourself proper going Joe: too kind, stop me from charging the going rate for a while yet 🚖 Joe: what office supply did you use though Joe: if you were too cliche, you are going to have to sit up front and talk to me, proper cabbie punishment Ronnie: everything got nicked day 1 baby they werent about to waste any staples keeping shit on desks Ronnie: phone & a script is your lot Joe: there any drug we can act like anyone's calling it oscar on the street? Joe: you fully Joe Pesci'd someone with the phone, yeah? 👏 Ronnie: any gear that should go straight in the bin Ronnie: call it oscar Joe: you are wasted on 0 hour contracts, my dear Ronnie: not wasted enough for em Joe: join me at your local overpriced shit coffee dealer Joe: our bathrooms couldn't pass a piss test but they all only want the ⬆pers Joe: 💔 Ronnie: ill have an escort if you dont get a fucking move on Ronnie: you got enough student spends to feed coffee & doughnuts to the full force yeah Joe: say lucky you but security guards got as many hairs on their head as they got IQ points Joe: lot down Soho are decent conversationalists, unlike Daz and Gaz Joe: I did just get this terms though so hold on and you can help me 🔥 through it Ronnie: i dont get turned on by einstein & his pals mckenna thats your wank fuel Ronnie: easiest way to get a cunt off my back is to put him on his Joe: he only banged his cousin, that's nothing to waste energy on Ronnie: 💔 none of your cousins look enough like your mam for you Joe: why do you think i was searching Joe: daring to dream Ronnie: give a fuck about your nancy drew fantasies Ronnie: that schoolgirl shit is tapped Joe: the catholic schoolgirl uniforms have been overstated Joe: not all that in person, be the review Joe: nuns though, yeah Joe: enough mild peril to manage Ronnie: charlie will be gutted youve switched from homos to dykes Joe: you're the only one who's guts I wanna play around Joe: I'll break it to him nicely Joe: doughnuts, yeah Ronnie: consolation hole Ronnie: youve had shitter ideas Joe: it was yours, in fairness Joe: dunno about offering up my hole to every bloke at the met but if I put my foot down shouldn't be an issue Ronnie: i dont reckon a consolation footjob is gonna cut it Ronnie: not my first offence Joe: giving away how highly you think of my 🍑 Joe: what happened then, beyond telemarketing being worse than shitting out razorblades Ronnie: you wish you had 1 whitey Joe: says you Ronnie: if i had any curves theyd be cut off by now Joe: junkie chic before the habit Joe: some girls have all the luck Ronnie: lucky i need your bullshit heroics for this or id send you on a fools errand to sleuth the pieces out of landfill Joe: white knight > jester Joe: not my usual style, but for you I'll make an exception Ronnie: unless youre gonna say your horse fucking girlfriend dressed you the other night ive already seen it like Joe: you think her thing is budget kurt cobain? Joe: or that she's blind Ronnie: be blind by now if you catholics arent full of shit about touching yourself too much Ronnie: homesick for the horse & rejected by you Joe: what do you think its called Joe: my bets are on some boy band member she fancied when she was 11 and daddy was gutted Ronnie: or the 1st lad she wanted to meet round the back of the bike sheds Joe: you're such a romantic Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: im thinking like a basic white bitch from kent or wherever the fuck you said Joe: you do it well Joe: no way her school had anything common like bikesheds though so knocking a point off Joe: getting fingered on the hellipad is more voyeuristic but has less of a charm about it Ronnie: write a song about it Ronnie: shes gonna be charmed by the namedrop Joe: return the favour Joe: she's making me help her with her coursework Ronnie: plaster cast of your cock and then what Ronnie: tell her you aint no hendrix & its been done Joe: charlie wishes, whitey Joe: I'll cc 'em both in about my disappointing dick Ronnie: ill pass on gaz & daz numbers Joe: god I hope the plaster ain't dried Ronnie: god aint listening to you nancy Joe: adds up Joe: that kind of dad, technically always keep an eye but going in one ear and out the other Joe: 💔 woe is me Ronnie: irish catholics aint got fuck all going on between the ears she werent in it for that Joe: fucked me up with her shit genetics then Joe: you manage to get a pen? Joe: shove it in my ear and dig it out Ronnie: pull it out of my neck & you can stick it where you like Joe: we'll let the blood piss out 'til it feels right Ronnie: im the romantic Ronnie: shut up Joe: alright, you need to be conscious to woo me Ronnie: couldve fooled me Joe: dead girls pale in comparison Joe: 💘 Ronnie: the boners you lot have got for open caskets over there i dont reckon youve ever seen a dead girl the proper colour Joe: just said you were #1 but you've got to be 1 and only, yeah? Ronnie: in your fever dreams mckenna Ronnie: i aint looking that much like your ma however much slap i put on Joe: you're prettier than her Ronnie: now you want me to drink bleach instead of having a bath in it Ronnie: make up your fucking mind like Joe: just knew that would wind you up Joe: gotta bring out some cliches Joe: you're perfect just the way you are, you know Ronnie: drop dead Joe: god willing Joe: he's being fucking slow about it, despite my best efforts Ronnie: ill give it my best shot if you keep on Joe: another one for the cv Ronnie: find it written in my blood shit & bile on this wall Ronnie: thats your girlfriends coursework aced for her Joe: beats the lecture I'm skipping out on by miles Ronnie: no shit none of em are dressed like nuns Joe: none of 'em hate me like you either Joe: so damn likeable, its a curse Ronnie: i dont wanna hear about all your teachers trying to pet you Ronnie: childhoods over golden boy Joe: and all without me getting molested once Joe: by any nuns or teachers anyway Ronnie: 💔 Ronnie: why youre such an annoying cunt Joe: abuse really humbles you, does it Joe: builds character Ronnie: gives you something to properly cry about Joe: got nothing on the shit my brain can make up Joe: idle hands and all that Ronnie: yeah youre so special baby Joe: it's just being mental or not Joe: if you ain't, you can go through whatever fucked up shit and be alright still Joe: if you're mental nothing even needs to happen and you'll be worse off Joe: some of us ain't got a chance from conception Ronnie: tell me something i dont know Ronnie: poster child for not having a fucking chance & any mental problems they wanna attach Joe: you better pay for more ad space Joe: call it karma, or dodgy genetics Joe: but I make a great case for abortion Ronnie: like i said before not one that needs to be put to me Ronnie: had more of em than youve had misery boners Joe: won't make you tell me about 'em Joe: no way you'd be as descriptive as the furious pro-lifers who act like the baby is fit to crawl out when you kill it Ronnie: hot Ronnie: shouldve called 1 of em to pick me up instead Joe: condemnation and loathing is meant to be my thing Ronnie: sharings meant to be your thing too yeah? Joe: only when it's inadvisable Ronnie: only when you wanna Joe: if you got to play oldest you'd know that's sadly untrue Ronnie: stuck being the cliche middle kid between fitz & the other one Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: seeking attention and approval because you're overlooked and under-appreciated? Joe: it's why 3 is a good number, any more and you've got multiple middle kids Joe: maybe I don't wanna fuck my mum, just missing all 3 of my own so much 🙄 Ronnie: they wish anyone could overlook me Ronnie: & you deffo do wanna fuck her so thats shit on your thesis Joe: yeah, sounds just like them Joe: suits you Joe: like the basic white bitch thing Ronnie: go fuck your mam Ronnie: im too tired for this Joe: you won't have no early start tomorrow sound of Ronnie: didnt have an early start today Ronnie: thats what kicked off this bullshit Joe: fair enough Joe: who wants a cold call at 7am Ronnie: the cunt who runs the place will be getting 1 off me til he pays me Joe: lucky him Joe: might wanna stay in your debt longer, romantic that you are Joe: attention very flattering Ronnie: what im hearing is i should tell his missus some fucking fairytale about the attention he was giving me Ronnie: everyonell be made up with the lie Joe: could do Joe: like your flair Joe: or I could come in, tell him you're mental and that he didn't make adequate allowances for you but now you're too traumatized to come back so he should just pay and we won't have to sue Joe: might get damages on top Ronnie: who are you my fucking school age carer like Joe: i'm believable, and more palatable than you outwardly Joe: anyway i look older Ronnie: than what 12 Joe: you have a baby face Joe: i look like i've not slept in as many years Joe: which is pretty accurate, as it goes Ronnie: do i fuck Ronnie: i look like ive shaken a baby to death Joe: child on child crime Joe: shocking headlines there, like that scottish girl who was fucked then got out and was someone's gran like she didn't kill a toddler Ronnie: see how palatable you are when I kick your teeth in Joe: it's a curse Joe: if you wanna lift it and be my hero instead of it being this way 'round Joe: love you forever, like Ronnie: ill lift your wallet fuck the rest Joe: already offered you my money Joe: not even a challenge, soft touch Ronnie: like youve ever been challenged soft lad Joe: go on Ronnie: youre already going on loads Joe: bet you've never heard about the traffic in this city, have ya Ronnie: fuck it ill go lay in it Joe: 😍 Ronnie: save the pillow talk for when youre offering me somewhere else to sleep Ronnie: would let you fuck me for entry to horse girls en suite if theres a bath in it Joe: where's your bed gone Ronnie: its got a hysterical homo in it whos only gonna get himself in more of a fanny flap cause ive been sacked Ronnie: ill take the wreckage of a 4 car pile up or whatever Joe: gotcha Joe: how long 'fore he calms it Ronnie: how long are you offering to spend buying him drinks & cupping his balls Joe: i get it Joe: you wanna wifeswap Joe: not just her art assignment you're interested in Joe: but you can just take my bed, I'm always falling asleep on the sofa or up the table and she'll relish at more chance to watch me sleeping Ronnie: your room got a 🔒 Joe: yeah but you're alright, it's on the inside Joe: not going to get fritzl about it Ronnie: youd need more than that to keep me in Ronnie: which youd know if you were earning off dealing with my mental problems Joe: not giving you a challenge either, don't get hysterical yourself like Ronnie: you couldnt like Ronnie: bigger pussy than your basic white girlfriend Joe: oh god stop talking about it Joe: i'll be sick Ronnie: no stomach for any kind of challenge Joe: you crack on Joe: i'll stick to 🍩 Ronnie: not so needy for some clean piss that ill be licking her out for it Joe: you should write this song for me Ronnie: whats in it for me Ronnie: got all your spends on a promise as is Joe: the fame and full writing credits, obviously Ronnie: fuck off obviously Joe: that's how we know you're not really a middle kid Ronnie: more shit you can come at your ma with Joe: I'll save it for the next holiday Ronnie: 💘 Joe: what about your dad Ronnie: i dont reckon hes up for another go on her if youre there watching Joe: 💔 Joe: i meant do you know what happened to him Joe: you might have more interesting half brothers out there, what I'm thinking Ronnie: got no interest in little fucking kids Joe: so you do know Joe: did he come find you or what Ronnie: dont get jealous nance Ronnie: did it myself like Joe: he meet your expectations Ronnie: what kind of fucking soft shit is that Ronnie: get a grip mckenna he aint rich Joe: a no would suffice Joe: though it's adorable you really kicked it like Annie over it Joe: you could've said you had none, or you expected him to be dead or worse, a useless cunt Ronnie: why would i say fuck all to you about it Joe: too painful too private Joe: gotcha Ronnie: wank over your own parents when i aint waiting Joe: the fact you've not implied I'd prematurely cum in my pants Joe: you're so full of hope it's equal parts inspiring and worrying Ronnie: get out of my face before i kick yours in Ronnie: everyone who aint gone blind can see youre a virgin Joe: don't be jealous, sid Ronnie: you cant tell your older sister what to do baby Ronnie: that aint how this works Joe: it wasn't good ever Ronnie: course youre crying about that too Ronnie: fucking hell Joe: just trying to ease your jealousy Joe: anyway, you'll be pleased to know the lacklustre results were down to my lack of trying, not theirs Ronnie: 1 less dose of the clap & i might still be fertile now thats fucking worrying Ronnie: keep your status choir boy Joe: bit cliche far as fantasies go but alright Ronnie: you started it Ronnie: trying to make me feel special Joe: no need to try is there Ronnie: not now my gag reflex has been triggered Joe: like that ain't been decimated by now too Ronnie: youre learning Ronnie: your teachersll be made up Joe: hope for the molestation yet? Joe: nice Ronnie: ease your 💔 & limp dick Joe: calm down Joe: might get attached Ronnie: do your grades the world of good Joe: you wanna help me with my homework? Ronnie: youre that shit in the sack you still wont get an a after giving your teachers a going over Ronnie: unlucky like Joe: so you can help me Joe: what else you gonna do whilst you're hiding from charlie Ronnie: use your imagination Joe: no need Joe: you'll be sharing Ronnie: cant stop you kicking the door in Ronnie: its yours Joe: just the needle, not the bed, like Joe: you're fine Ronnie: yeah youll be between horse girls sheets Joe: don't reckon she's strong enough to carry me Ronnie: only has to strap a saddle on Joe: 😂 Ronnie: fuck knows what she would fill your nose bag with Joe: the surprise is the fun part Ronnie: dont come crying to me when its oscar Joe: if she was half as interesting as you're making out, might stand a chance of working Joe: as it goes, probably be granola Ronnie: stick her thatll make her more your type Joe: come on Joe: she don't look a thing like my mother Ronnie: fucks sake when shes under get a 🔪 Ronnie: do your best like Joe: i keep telling you i'm not one for trying Ronnie: trying not to cry is as far as it goes yeah Joe: even my kiddy medicine cuts that shit off Joe: ain't been able to since I was 12 Joe: not that there was much call for it, my perfect life with mummy dearest Ronnie: the other week before you met me then Ronnie: gutted i broke your streak Joe: you sure you ain't interested in little fucking kids Joe: rearrange that sentence and Freud is having a field day Ronnie: make the effort to get here before i start to rot Ronnie: not trying to make that cunts day or yours Joe: you'd have liked him Ronnie: he rich off peddling that bullshit to the masses Joe: yeah and he reckoned cocaine was the cure for heroin addiction so he really knew a good time Ronnie: sounds like my not boyfriend Joe: oh yeah? Joe: well his grandson was cooler Joe: he fucked kate moss when he was like 70 Ronnie: anyone written a song about that Joe: maybe pete did Joe: he was a painter though so he painted her with her kit off, obviously Joe: reckon it's free for us to give it a crack Ronnie: your girlfriend painted you yet or what Joe: she wants to Ronnie: no shit mckenna Ronnie: every cunt there nearly fucking went arse over tit in the puddle she was sat in at that gig Joe: so that's what that sticky feeling was Ronnie: her juices or charlies Joe: that's called mixed media Joe: potential bio-hazard for her profs though Ronnie: worst theyre gonna get off her is thrush Ronnie: never met a bitch so clean Joe: yeah Joe: boring Ronnie: i told you to kill her last time you started being a baby about it Joe: you can have homicidal, sis Joe: boring but harmless Ronnie: cocaines harmless after heroin you & freud are still pussy enough to call it a party Joe: why it's a cure Joe: get you from comatose to semi-functioning Ronnie: she could be a cure too Ronnie: cold turkey Joe: weren't searching for a cure Joe: am i coming in or are you coming out Joe: can't see you Ronnie: cause youre comatose Ronnie: gutted this ex boss aint a cokehead Joe: not far off Joe: he your not boyfriend or is that just what we're telling the wife Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: he couldnt fund your baby habit nevermind mine Joe: we going there first then Ronnie: yeah Joe: if we get your wages, we don't have to Joe: [come in boy] Ronnie: [a look like go on impress me by getting these wages boy] Joe: [when you can give it social worker chat 'cos what Tess does and the whole beeline of it all like you can be convincing enough that he's breaking some kind of equality law by sacking her without pay lol] Ronnie: [love that for you Joseph even if she won't let you know she's impressed and also lowkey triggered by that social worker energy] Joe: [honestly, lbr this man surely just wants you gone, won't take too much persuading] Ronnie: [literally and he's clearly in some way shady if he's 1. employed her and also 2. not called the police on her rn] Joe: [no leg to stand on sir, love this shakedown for you] Ronnie: [I bet they're all illegals and people being exploited] Joe: [its a mood, as in happens all the time esp. in cities, least you can hit him up again lads, long as he don't get y'all beaten up or something lol] Ronnie: [tbf if you do get beaten up that's a mood too] Joe: [yeah, when they find out you are not social and just taking their money lol] Ronnie: [love a scam] Joe: [the kind of nonsense have your mother rolling in her grave she's not in, love that we're starting that now] Ronnie: [I approve of the vibe, start as you mean to go on lads, all before you've made his poor flatmate wanna die lol] Joe: [poor gal did not ask for you as a flatmate let alone all this lol] Ronnie: [do you wanna skip to like when she's back and Ronnie's in his room or whatever because easy way to keep the convo going without needing it to be face to face] Joe: [works for me henny] Ronnie: [your turn to start boo] Joe: doubt she'll leave her room any time soon now Ronnie: 💔 Joe: yeah poor girl Joe: saying you got free reign, if you need anything Ronnie: i had it before Ronnie: not scared of her like Joe: nah Joe: what about charlie then Joe: or you just don't wanna upset him Ronnie: yeah terrified Ronnie: well sleuthed nancy Joe: that he'll get sick of you, maybe Ronnie: i fucking told you we aint the kind of family who get rid Joe: yeah Ronnie: dont project onto me Ronnie: we aint nothing alike Joe: i'm the one sick of them Joe: if anything Ronnie: yeah & he aint fuck all like you either Joe: I can see that Ronnie: youve seen him once dont flatter yourself Joe: and it's that obvious Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: what? Joe: i only need to know one half the equation to know we're not the same Joe: it's a compliment to him if fuck all else Ronnie: give it to him then Ronnie: hell lap it up Joe: i told you it's nice Joe: what you lot got Joe: but i'm not looking to get in on it if that's what you reckon Ronnie: take what you want pussy Joe: that's not your thing? Ronnie: what we cant both do it Joe: potentially Ronnie: dont remember you having any hesitation to share a needle Ronnie: grow a pair when youre not getting shot up Ronnie: maybe the dayll come when i dont have to spoon feed you the gear like a fucking kid Joe: i'd have to work out if i want anything but first Ronnie: yeah Joe: is it all you want Joe: the heroin Ronnie: mind your fucking business Joe: alright Joe: do you want to do my next tattoo or what Ronnie: i said take what you fucking want Joe: [come through with ink you've undoubtedly stole from your flatmate, also being more spacey/twitchy than normal like distract me gal] Ronnie: [love how old school & gross we're kicking this tattoo situation unlike when Ali does it] Joe: [which is absolutely the point, how your arms and legs don't fall off lol] Ronnie: [their other ones probably wouldn't have even healed yet cos lbr it's gonna be no time in between these interactions] Joe: [just loads of lowkey open wounds, like that isn't life anyway] Ronnie: [mhmm they'd be fucked already too cos they are so itchy when they are healing and y'all don't have chill] Joe: [all the reason for constant touch ups/ messing with so it casually never heals #mood] Ronnie: [I didn't think of that but I stan] Joe: [casual metaphor for your everything lads] Ronnie: [you know you can do anything to her tattoowise yourself Joseph she don't care] Joe: [probably doing some weird repitition moment you'd usually do on yourself which will be painful af excuse you] Ronnie: [she do love the pain you're fine] Joe: [good thing too, we're just here fucking each other up like this ain't gonna go anywhere else lolllllll] Ronnie: [way more #into it than I should be considering I don't  even like when people shout lol] Joe: [you babby, they are not, obviously we're getting and taking drugs even if she's too naive to know why they're in such a state, maybe they can make a dealer come to them when they're feeling fancy/have already had loads lol] Ronnie: [take a moment to appreciate how few clothes she is wearing rn and how much that means this poor gal can and would see like we've got track marks and self harm scars for days even before you start on the tattoos lol, you're gonna get clued in before she leaves hen] Joe: [honestly props for not running home screaming tbh babe] Ronnie: [especially when this dealer comes because he ain't Drew like he should be scary af] Joe: [lowkey makes you work for it even when you're paying 'cos hates junkies] Ronnie: [at least she can basically fuck him in full view for Joe's benefit because the vibe is already there haha] Joe: [i truly love thinking about what the hell you're telling the flatmate when she leaves, she's not that stupid, also must fancy you if she doesn't report you immediately lol] Ronnie: [she definitely does that's not just Ronnie's bpd jealousy shining through like did you tell her you were related after the gig or what even Joseph what's the narrative] Joe: [also, entirely unrelated, when you bleaching your hair 'cos it looks so much better lol, anyways, he's probably had to go with a troubled sister narrative 'cos she's the type to be sympathetic and it makes sense why he'd deal from her pov] Ronnie: [that's gonna make the obvious sexual tension awkward but yeah I vote they definitely do it while she's staying because same vibe as the tattoo sesh so] Joe: [ikr, when you're blatantly fucking this will be very confusing, you should deffo only be about 1st year lol] Ronnie: [are you gonna give him another different flatmate in year 2 or like none?] Joe: [maybe for year 2  on you can still have some like a house share moment but he's the one you never see and has nothing to do with you] Ronnie: [that works definitely cos like I was just thinking how could he afford somewhere on his own] Joe: [yeah, even if we're technically employed whilst in uni by the orchestra, it's not gonna be loads, and that's how London be even if you're not a student] Ronnie: [how long do we think she should stay for this time because obvs she's coming back again and again but] Joe: [hmm, like he isn't gonna tell her to go so it's on her for how long she can deal lol] Ronnie: [just cos I'm thinking she should leave because something happens/almost does and it freaks her out because she's meant to hate him and there's only so much you can play off as doing for shock value when you're blatantly into it] Joe: [that makes sense, clearly it ain't gonna take long for that to transpire] Ronnie: [yeah a few days is what I'm imagining, but like enough that she probably thinks nothing will happen because it hasn't so far, if that makes sense] Joe: [i'm with it] Ronnie: [how far do we wanna go is always the question] Ronnie: [okay idea time, hear me out hun, what if it's like an unexpectedly pure/cute moment by their standards that happens in the day to day because the obvious would be to have them go all in when they are fucked up but like think about it] Joe: [that's what I thought too though 'cos it's more impactful 'cos it isn't as if it's gonna start with a kiss when it does for real like it's all extra and them to cover that it's about anything but being fucked up, so that would shake you both] Ronnie: [so glad we're on the same page here, like I can't think of a good example of what I mean/think should happen but] Joe: [we know the vibe, doing something vaguely domestic before realizing what you're doing] Ronnie: [so she gotta run away and nobody is gonna know where she is or what she's doing for a bit soz Charlie & Bronson] Joe: [you wanna skip to that time period now, this hasn't been excessively long or anything[ Ronnie: [we totally can because we can always skip back/add it if we think of anything else we wanna do while she's there etc] Ronnie: [I've had a potential idea how to start this so neither of them technically has to bite the bullet and go first like if you give me a rough idea what kind of thing Charlie would say e.g where are you/are you dead bitch and I'll reply here like she's in the wrong convo lol] Joe: [that's a good idea boo, probably something like you can stop hiding now and an update about whatever the fuck he's up to in his life which you can make up you know the vibe lol] Ronnie: [I was just like realistically if they were both shook by what happened neither of them are gonna be like oh hey] Joe: [yeah like it'd take him a while even if he would 'cos not just gonna let this go that easy, so it's a solid way to do it] Ronnie: a real scouse ma's meant to shout down the street when its time to stop playing about Ronnie: lazy cunt Joe: I'm only half if I'm anything, and you probably won't give me that any rate Ronnie: 🖕 not talking to you Ronnie: got the wrong gaylord Joe: easy mistake Joe: you not got his number saved? Ronnie: if this was my phone yeah Joe: newly acquired then Ronnie: mine broke Joe: my condolences Joe: wall or pavement? Ronnie: what the fuck does it matter Joe: just making conversation whilst you're here Ronnie: if youve got something to say go ed Ronnie: but if youre gonna pussy out as per it got waterlogged Joe: you dying for the uni update like my ma is a top performance, cheers, like Joe: rice didn't work or you didn't fancy eating toilet water rice after Ronnie: loads in common me & her aint just a pretty face like Ronnie: dont know what kind of fucking 12 year old in a k hole at a festival you take me for mckenna Joe: yeah, it's a shame Joe: soph says save some for the 🐎s Ronnie: cold showers work better for misery boners than they do a suspected od but these fucking amateurs aint know jack shit obviously Ronnie: shame & shameful that is Joe: I'm a better sesh companion Ronnie: ill take the 🐴 Ronnie: whole or in bits Joe: seems the possessive type Ronnie: thats your bitch Joe: who I meant but I ain't claiming her Ronnie: bet shed be made up over a uni update Joe: bold of you to assume we haven't had many delightful lunch dates whilst you've been having cold showers Ronnie: give a fuck if youve been eating her out at any time of day Joe: yeah well I'm pretty gutted you've replaced me with another newbie Ronnie: stop fucking crying Ronnie: i aint running a nursery Joe: ain't the only one sounds of your reply Ronnie: fuck off Joe: reckon he's over you getting the sack now Ronnie: not everythings about that mary Ronnie: & he aint my keeper Joe: just your mum, I got the message Ronnie: he reckons he can baby me it aint the same thing Joe: he's older than you yeah Ronnie: youve got a sister other than me dont act like you cant get your head round it Joe: not really my M.O. Ronnie: special yeah Joe: she's got a dad and another brother happy enough to oblige Ronnie: i dont need to puke up my good time Joe: thought your stomach and nerve were meant to be stronger than that Ronnie: whatever you think about me is bullshit baby Joe: just what you've put out there Ronnie: & yours is heroics just warning you this aint no od like Ronnie: aint gotta press eject Joe: you're typing Joe: don't think anyone knows you well enough to commit to the impression here Ronnie: talking Ronnie: everyone knows idle hands are dangerous Ronnie: but that dont mean i gotta keep em busy typing Joe: yeah Joe: know the feeling Ronnie: its used to my accent & everything Ronnie: more than i can say for the live cunts here Joe: you in 💘 with your phone that's dead cute Joe: its worse when you're angry Ronnie: not in 💘 with kent Ronnie: your girlfriend proper missold it Joe: fuck off are you in kent 😂 Ronnie: fucked you over if you were gonna come carry me out again Joe: acting like you didn't ask Joe: if you're going to now, do it, like Ronnie: if you dump her back home who the fucks keeping the leccy on Joe: only got a baby habit ain't I Ronnie: what so youre carrying me out & dumping me where Ronnie: anywhere near & im taking your money shithead Joe: we don't need electric Ronnie: how will you get off on me wearing your mams face in the dark Joe: would hate to waste your hard work, obviously Ronnie: what hard work Joe: liberating my mums face from her skull Ronnie: be my pleasure Ronnie: all play Joe: alright then Joe: i'll be able to keep up Ronnie: big talk for a 12 year old virgin Joe: hiding it kent you can't talk or type about it Ronnie: im not fucking hiding Joe: yeah right Ronnie: plain sight baby Joe: 40 miles Ronnie: & Joe: if you wanna play, you're gonna have to give me another clue Joe: know if i'm getting warm Ronnie: [a blurry picture clue] Ronnie: 💘 Joe: they new friends or old Ronnie: waste of a question Joe: how many do i have left Ronnie: 39 but if you need that many dont fucking bother Joe: you don't wanna disappointed so bad Ronnie: you disappoint me by coming out the same hole Joe: that don't have to matter Joe: plenty have Ronnie: yeah but i aint met the rest of your happy family Joe: you wanna Ronnie: 38 now Joe: it could've been a statement Ronnie: was it Joe: 39 for you Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: you wanted to go to the beach Ronnie: that a question or what soft lad Joe: ?* Ronnie: didnt know there was 1 Joe: it's a county you know Ronnie: how the fuck would i know that Ronnie: shut up Joe: do you wanna go to the beach Ronnie: i can drown you in the sink Joe: i didn't put you in the shower Joe: or your phone Ronnie: youd have been made up by how blue i went though Ronnie: well like a dead girl Joe: yeah? Joe: what's it feel like Ronnie: youll get your own go Ronnie: aint holding your hand forever like Joe: gutted Ronnie: you wont reckon so when you outgrow that baby habit Joe: i'd mind if you died Ronnie: give you something to cry about Ronnie: youd be fucking into it Joe: nah Joe: people who've got shit to mope on usually don't Joe: enjoy it too much don't I, can't be having it validated, takes the fun out Ronnie: most dont reckon a happy end would be cumming inside their ma Ronnie: youd enjoy having a reason to celebrate or trauma bond depending on her fucking take Joe: our mate freud would disagree Joe: she'd wear black for the rest of her life, if that's what you wanna hear Joe: but counting it as a question, 38 Ronnie: why the fuck would i wanna hear that Ronnie: be boss for her if she never shifted her bastard baby weight like Joe: 37 unless it's rhetorical Joe: i dunno what will make you feel better Ronnie: 38 wasn't a question in the first place you just counted it cause youre a cheating lil bitch Joe: what's the prize and why do you want it so much Ronnie: use your imagination fucks sake Ronnie: why do you always want your hand held Joe: waste of a question Joe: 'cos I'm such a mummy's boy duh Ronnie: if shed let you walk into the road i wouldnt be answering any of your pussy questions Ronnie: 💔 Joe: be a lot easier for all of us Joe: i'll throw myself in front of the tube, fuck up everyone's day Ronnie: ill pick myself up from kent then yeah Joe: oh so you've claimed selfish have you Ronnie: no shit nancy drew Ronnie: fitz is still crying that i 💉 you up Joe: bless Joe: you're not claiming what got me there Ronnie: cant i wasnt fucking there Joe: then don't feel guilty Ronnie: dont fucking flatter yourself Ronnie: could care less Joe: you who's trying Ronnie: taking away a question if youre gonna lie Joe: not 12, not a virgin, don't need you to hold my hand Joe: i wanted to and want to Ronnie: made up horse girl took it while i was away Joe: yeah Ronnie: get yourself checked for 🐴 aids or whatever Joe: could care less is right Ronnie: bullshit youll be gutted if you dick falls off before you put it in your ma Joe: talking about how much you do Ronnie: what are big sisters for Ronnie: ask the other one & hell stutter round how much i dont too Joe: it's not the same Ronnie: you aint special mckenna how many times Ronnie: let your ma feed you that bullshit Ronnie: & fuck knows what youve already caught from my blood Joe: bit late for warnings Ronnie: you had one first time we met like Ronnie: got eyes Joe: exactly Joe: i'm not gonna take the hint Ronnie: too subtle for you yeah Joe: if you think you could be any more blatant Joe: have fun trying Ronnie: i am Ronnie: kent dont know what hit it Joe: i bet Joe: where have you been but some strangers doss house then Joe: and that is a question Ronnie: fuck knows Ronnie: been a blur Joe: you know its about 1,500 square miles yeah Joe: remember one landmark Ronnie: you know youre only getting any fucking answers cause im coming down Joe: we don't have to play this game Joe: if you tell me where you are, you'll be picked up quicker and then you can get whatever you need Ronnie: [a location, lord only knows] Joe: alright Ronnie: for you getting high of your bullshit heroics Joe: if it makes you feel better that you need rescuing Ronnie: do i fuck Joe: then you just wanna see me Joe: either way Ronnie: shut up Joe: what's better for you? Ronnie: your money then your life Joe: very adam ant Joe: and can be arranged Joe: even though you don't have a horse or a car so I'm more of a highwayman than you Ronnie: i aint getting on your gilfriends horse i know where its been Joe: 😏 Joe: you can just admit she's more up for it than you Ronnie: admit youre fucking brain damaged Ronnie: let her be up for hand holding & playing house Joe: what are big sisters for Ronnie: beating the shit out of you Joe: look forward to it Ronnie: yeah youve missed me Joe: not afraid to say it Ronnie: write a song about it Ronnie: no names & you can play it for any bitch Joe: thanks for the hot tip Joe: kill some time on this drive Ronnie: shouldve stuck your judy in the boot Ronnie: be eye spy & red car the whole fucking way Joe: haven't put the plastic sheet down Joe: 💔 short notice Ronnie: so torch it Ronnie: i know youve always got a lighter on you Joe: what gave it away Ronnie: ive got eyes baby Joe: try not to wear it on my sleeve though Ronnie: done a shit job there Joe: why do you show yours off Ronnie: whats the point of only feeling it on the inside Joe: doing it is feeling it on the outside Ronnie: im what they fucking made me they can look at it Joe: that makes sense Joe: yeah Ronnie: what the hell are you scared of Joe: I dunno Joe: doesn't feel like fear Joe: blending in or disappearing has always been preferable Ronnie: & you have the balls to reckon im hiding here Joe: it ain't hiding if no fucker's looking Joe: easier for them and me, like Ronnie: if you gave a shit about easier you wouldnt have looked for me Joe: it was last-ditch attempt Joe: see if you were the same, like all of them too Joe: or not Joe: and you're not Ronnie: cause she ditched me Joe: maybe Ronnie: i didnt have the luxury of blending in Joe: it's not a luxury Ronnie: not when you have it Ronnie: care kids dont Joe: not at all Joe: it was a necessity to not blow my brains out and all i ended up was cracked and wishing i had Joe: you didn't have a family to not belong in Ronnie: & you did em such a massive fucking favour by not ending it all yeah Ronnie: i dont know you or fucking care & i can tell youre desperate to Joe: if she can't get over you, and she never stuck around to know you Joe: it's fuck all to do with the person and everything to do with the label Joe: son, brother Joe: you're meant to care even if life is better or basically the same without Ronnie: good fucking thing i like downers Ronnie: youd ruin an e Joe: cheers Ronnie: get over her for fucks sake Ronnie: keep saying youre not 12 Joe: didn't have that luxury Ronnie: loads more cunts willing to fuck you over Ronnie: live a little like Joe: yeah that'll make it worth it Joe: dead inspirational Ronnie: try your other sister Joe: i'm sure she'd have even more helpful advice Ronnie: take it then Ronnie: ill kill you before i give you a reason to live Joe: you know i ain't fucking looking for one Ronnie: yeah Joe: you need anything Ronnie: i didnt tell you were to get fuck all out of it Joe: apart from a lift Ronnie: what do you reckon Joe: kk Ronnie: 💘 Joe: still not healed Joe: also looks like jobn now Ronnie: anything to make you feel special baby Joe: what I reckon Ronnie: i didnt reckon ocd made you that delusional Ronnie: but when you change it to say jobs youll blend right in Joe: not quite as fitting as when johnny did it Ronnie: whats your girlfriends name Joe: i'll find one to make it fit Joe: josie or jody maybe Ronnie: 💔 no decent gear has a girls name Joe: girls like to party not nod out Joe: gutted Ronnie: ive got a lads name i get why youre confused Joe: you didn't wanna change it Ronnie: you offering up the cash Joe: bit of a waste Joe: just for the paperwork Ronnie: yeah it is Joe: you dunno what to pick Ronnie: swear words aint allowed Joe: don't matter if you're just doing it, telling new people it's your name like Ronnie: not an underage tranny Joe: right Ronnie: bit fucking late now Joe: youre attached Ronnie: i dont care Joe: yeah Ronnie: not what i hate her for Joe: it's a lesser sin Joe: and not the worst name Ronnie: if thats your way of trying to namedrop the others, dont Joe: why would I Ronnie: i dont know you cant really answer why youd do fuck all Joe: i don't need to ask if you want to know them Ronnie: like their names are gonna tell me who they are Joe: like you care Ronnie: like thats ever stopped you Joe: I can't un-find you Joe: but I'm not going to force you to meet any of them or know any more than what's been said Ronnie: no fixed address remember Ronnie: cant make it much fucking easier for you Joe: no, you can't Ronnie: stop crying then Ronnie: you can do better than a car crash Joe: do better Ronnie: yeah like washing up on the beach Ronnie: keep every cunt guessing how you died Joe: see how many beaches I can end up on Ronnie: dead romantic Joe: you can have fun with the hacksaw anyway Joe: least I could do Ronnie: you dont owe me Joe: i do Ronnie: for what Joe: for finding you when you didn't want finding Ronnie: you got the wrong bastard Ronnie: loads of others would be made up Joe: would they? Joe: regardless, I did it for me Ronnie: fuck off trying to take selfish off me Joe: 😏 Ronnie: been a few days since ive used a phone as a weapon Ronnie: keep on if you want it chucked at you Joe: you've promised better than that Ronnie: course you cant last through the foreplay Joe: alright, romantic Ronnie: you fucking wish soft lad Joe: you wish i wished Ronnie: i fucking dont Joe: alright Ronnie: keep the 🕯🌹 for your girlfriend like Ronnie: fuck all i can do with soft Joe: lighters and poppies suit me better as well Ronnie: next tattoos then Ronnie: dont know if itll look like a poppy but fuck it Ronnie: ill cut it out if you dont like it Joe: even if we avoid the sleeve, still a lot of skin to ruin Joe: are you just going over now Ronnie: waste of a question Ronnie: theres fuck all you can do Joe: what, my scribbles weren't a masterpiece compared to your boyfriends Ronnie: told you get what you pay for mckenna Ronnie: & that i dont get hard for mozart & the like Joe: weren't gonna score a symphony on you but alright Joe: no touching Ronnie: 💔 Ronnie: you & your baby habit dont score Joe: just pays Ronnie: dead comforting when i get robbed & left in a kent ditch Joe: it'll be the nicest ditch you've ever been in Ronnie: squatters rights Joe: my bed ain't comfy enough Ronnie: its the fact that its yours making me wanna hang myself with a sheet Ronnie: should say its too soft like you though shouldnt i Ronnie: gutted i fucked that up like Ronnie: we were playing so nice Joe: yeah, goldilocks suits Ronnie: unless your hair has fallen out Joe: I've not pulled it out either Joe: or soph, like Ronnie: not enough like a mane for her Joe: 💔 Joe: if only she'd have known me a few years ago Ronnie: get the family album out shell be made up Joe: shed a tear over our lack of horse Joe: sympathy fuck is better than none yeah Ronnie: the lack of me will really get her going Ronnie: had the pity eye fuck soon as i showed up Joe: she's an empath, babe, why she's so good at art Joe: lack of you might be an issue for me though Ronnie: another word for nosy cunt Joe: undoubtedly Joe: if i could sum up what was wrong with me for her I would Joe: but guess she likes the guessing Ronnie: if she was scouse shed just fucking come out with it Joe: gobshites, yeah Ronnie: what you get for having girlfriends who aint even wool Ronnie: self hatred making you go posh about it Joe: my last actual girlfriend was Ronnie: & youre claiming her Joe: not still writing songs about her Joe: well, never was Ronnie: shell still be 💔 Joe: nah Ronnie: you keep her waiting this long or am i that special Joe: you don't even know how far you've gone from london Joe: you're nearly 2 hours away Ronnie: if youre sticking to the speed limit Ronnie: stop being a pussy Joe: meet me and the car in the next ditch over Ronnie: more hand holding for fucks sake Joe: more than that if you want that lift Joe: have to drag the car out and hotwire it Joe: scrape me off the windshield Ronnie: i told you to stop getting me & what im into Joe: maybe i'm trying really hard Ronnie: far as hurting yourself goes thats the shittest way to have a go Joe: 💔 too weak Ronnie: keep your limp wrists on the steering wheel Ronnie: i wanna get out of here Joe: 😏 Joe: in a bit then Joe: got speeding to do and if you won't shut up Ronnie: youd have to try harder to make me Ronnie: that aint fucking likely Joe: only have to ask Joe: not nice or nothing Ronnie: i dont ask for handouts theyre given to me on account of all those mental problems ive got Joe: wouldn't it be nice to be the one doing the charity work for once Ronnie: if thats the only high youre offering me turn the fuck around Joe: not that daft Ronnie: your ma tell you that Joe: loads Ronnie: her judgements for shit not getting rid of us both with a hanger Joe: agreed Ronnie: dont put a kid in her shed only keep that one too Joe: still raising the last one Ronnie: like thatd stop her Ronnie: no fucking time wasted Joe: she did stop Joe: hence the 9 year gap oopsie baby Ronnie: reckon shed know what causes it by then Joe: Ireland got to her I guess Ronnie: dead keen for my invite now Joe: put it across as a valid form of contraception Joe: chlamydia Joe: they'd go for it Ronnie: worked for me Joe: postergirl Ronnie: 💔 there was no need to sew myself up Ronnie: be more fun than whichever fuck gave me it Joe: god willing Ronnie: your catholic one would be dead willing Joe: you're thinking of the wrong over-zealous christian country Ronnie: not on the right drugs for that kind of bullshit thinking Joe: 🍄 Joe: look out for cowshit whilst you're waiting Ronnie: that determined for me to see the sights yeah Joe: can't waste such an opportunity Ronnie: 🖕 watch me Joe: kent only comes calling so many times, like Joe: your choice Ronnie: shell be taking you every time uni gives you time off Joe: i'm good for it Ronnie: its well cute that you reckon youve got any say Ronnie: possessive type i heard Joe: 😏 Ronnie: she changed the 🔒 on your room yet Joe: keep you in or out? Ronnie: reckon it ended at the pity eye fuck for me & her Joe: 💔 Ronnie: yeah Joe: i'll talk her 'round for you Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: i dont need you to translate for me Ronnie: we got the money your carer role is over Joe: it's all in the eyes, I heard you Joe: not patronizing on your deep relationship Ronnie: shut up Joe: 🤐 Ronnie: & drive faster Joe: 👌 Ronnie: fucking hell i can see why shes fucking obsessed with you Joe: if you want chat Joe: definitely in the wrong place Joe: she don't need to know my ears aren't listening to hers Ronnie: she already knows you do what youre told without talking back Ronnie: like a battered wife Joe: anything for an easy 💀 Ronnie: youre coming to the right place for that Ronnie: but i wont tell her Joe: it's not a reportable crime Ronnie: im not a snitch & i can wear shades if she tries to eye fuck her way to finding fuck all out Joe: dunno if that's enough of a disguise but I don't care Joe: a habit, she could say something about that Joe: but the rest Ronnie: what rest Ronnie: you only want a habit Joe: speak for yourself Ronnie: im echoing you Ronnie: you fucking said it Joe: you know it's not true though Ronnie: youre full of shit yeah Joe: yeah Joe: you too if you wanna pretend about it Ronnie: i dont play pretend im not a fucking kid Joe: good Joe: then you know what's happening here Ronnie: [a picture or video of whatever is happening where she is, lord knows] Joe: you don't have to reciprocate, dickhead Joe: no need to try and make me crash Ronnie: thought youd grown a set of balls & had em drop while ive been here Ronnie: what it sounded like Joe: how olds the other one Joe: he looks younger than me Ronnie: didnt do a survey Joe: I mean your mate, I don't know his name Joe: not Charlie Ronnie: 17 Joe: he must've been a baby when you met, like Ronnie: whats your point Joe: ain't got one Joe: just wondering Ronnie: youre not his type Joe: he's not mine Ronnie: stop wondering then Joe: why? Ronnie: hes fuck all to do with you Ronnie: your mam didnt push him out Joe: not trying to get to know him over you Ronnie: then why do you care Joe: same age as my brother Joe: and the girl my parents took in, one of Joe: that's it Ronnie: here we fucking go Ronnie: you said you werent gonna do that Joe: you kept asking Ronnie: cause i dont want you fucking nonce my brother Ronnie: give a fuck about yours Joe: 'cos you think I would, alright Joe: don't be stupid Ronnie: i dont know what youd do Ronnie: dont fucking know you Joe: well I'm straight and entirely uninterested Ronnie: youre also full of shit Joe: why do you give a fuck Joe: I'm only a year older, if I wanted to, I would Ronnie: why do i give a fuck that you lied to me or about him Ronnie: go ed & wonder about it Joe: it weren't a lie Joe: shit changes Ronnie: i dont wanna hear about them that aint gonna change Joe: fine Ronnie: fuck you Joe: also fine Joe: sorry, alright Joe: it means fuck all Ronnie: its not fine Ronnie: & it means im gonna be running comparisons in my head Joe: just forget about it Joe: of course they're all around my age ish, it don't mean you know any more about them Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: it don't matter Ronnie: cause you get to tell me what matters too yeah Joe: come on Ronnie: you dont or what to fucking do either Joe: then what Joe: I said it, I said sorry Joe: you do what you must Ronnie: go home & give horse girl your sorry Joe: fuck that Joe: you still need to get back to London and I'm nearly there Ronnie: i got here i can leave here Joe: bullshit Ronnie: you wish Joe: well I'm still coming Ronnie: i dont care Ronnie: youve been going on about how big it is Ronnie: stay the fuck away from me Joe: Jesus fucking christ don't be such a pussy Ronnie: you fucking wish Joe: whatever Joe: this is going nowhere right now Joe: you know where to find me when you wanna actually do something about it Ronnie: your half arsed self destruction is going nowhere Ronnie: do something about that your fucking self instead of trying to bait me Joe: I'm still on my way Ronnie: kents full of real pussys you can save Ronnie: youll 💘 it Joe: I don't give a fuck, Ronnie Ronnie: why are you crying Ronnie: you fucked me over Joe: because this is a waste of time Ronnie: youre a junkie now get used to it Joe: at least I've got that Ronnie: youre welcome baby Joe: good luck finding decent shit in kent Ronnie: not going with you dont mean im staying here Joe: but I've got mine already Ronnie: you can have selfish Joe: I told you I was bringing more for you Joe: if you can get over it you can have your share Ronnie: ill take it over it not Ronnie: *or Ronnie: you cant fucking stop me Joe: say you want me to come then Joe: i know where you are, not the other way 'round Ronnie: youre the liar mckenna Ronnie: i dont want you to be anywhere Joe: then why should I come and share Joe: that's a question Ronnie: you love heroics Joe: [show up at this point] Ronnie: [what a fun little reunion that'll be] Joe: [so, we know the vibes but also do we wanna pitch it out] Ronnie: [we totally can for our own amusement/in case a moment or something happens again] Joe: [so obviously he gets there and she's gonna be fuming hens, yeah?] Ronnie: [she gonna fight him lol enjoy that random peeps] Ronnie: [but that works cos like if someone takes that seriously instead of realising we just flirting with each other then they gotta go] Joe: [go away for some alone time to take your drugs somewhere, we voting beach] Ronnie: [yeah because realistically nobody will be there at this o clock unless they are likewise up for shady shit so it works for them as well as being romantic for us because has she been to the beach before probably not] Joe: [so unintentionallly wholesome] Ronnie: [try not to freak out immediately about that this time lads] Joe: [or OD again] Ronnie: [or freeze to death because when are you ever dressed for the weather gal] Joe: [have to stay close purely for warmth whoops] Ronnie: [can't pretend you're angry enough to be at the other end of the beach its not that deep] Joe: [shame it'll be too late to get fish n chips or something beach related but you can skim stones] Ronnie: [I wonder if there's anywhere you could break into because always a mood] Joe: [on a lot of seafronts they have those shelter moments that are boarded up you know what I mean] Ronnie: [yeah that was what I had in mind] Joe: [was that tracy beaker when jess and that girl were snuggled in there and tracy thought it was a lad lollol] Ronnie: [I loved that bit] Joe: [soz i've forgotten your name but that whole character and vibe was a mood, buzzing for the show/movie whatever they're doing] Ronnie: [a child Tess mood 100%] Joe: [fosho fosho, you're gonna have to sleep on this beach/his car 'cos not letting you drive in that state for that long yet tah] Ronnie: [we all know you're gonna be snuggling and I'm here for it, maybe you can get fish and chips in the am/when you wake up] Joe: [for breakfast lol, get all the sugary snacks as well like candy floss doughnuts, casual binge here like neither of you clearly eats much day to day] Ronnie: [healthwise you've both got bigger problems so we can allow it] Joe: [sugar high, living for unintentional wholesomeness lol] Ronnie: [love the childlike vibe always] Joe: [when I go the hunstanton with the gals, which is like, scummy seaside vibes you know, there's always rides there, but also there was like a tattoo hut where you could get actual tattoos for like a fiver and it looks so dubious lol] Ronnie: [omg that is amazing and we must] Joe: [you could get piercings too which might have him do just to mess with it] Ronnie: [we know she already has so likewise not gonna resist getting another, the more extra the better though placement wise cos we do love to shock joseph with our endeavours] Ronnie: [whack a tit out casually or whatever like] Joe: [lmao, dreading these infections hens] Ronnie: [I went to margate and all I got was this lousy tat and a persistent infection, put that on a t-shirt] Joe: [shame they only do flashes gals] Ronnie: [get some DIYing happening lads, we know that kind of thing is flirting for you] Joe: [the tension at this point like you've actually shown loads of restraint even though the opposite seems true lol] Ronnie: [lowkey not what anyone would expect of you which is why I like it] Joe: [mhmm not actually all doom and gloom even if we say and pretend it or what would be the point] Ronnie: [they'd actually be having such a lovely time and when was the last time either of them did, I'm fine about it yep] Joe: [truly, it ain't just about the drugs or any of the 'fucked up ness' from the off and that's the tea no one else be seeing] Ronnie: [mhmm and it wouldn't last how it does if it was] Joe: [connection huns] Ronnie: [the TENSION on this car journey back like don't crash tbh] Joe: [at least you can play really loud music and pretend that's distraction enough] Ronnie: [and play with your new injuries] Ronnie: [lowkey bonding even more about your love of music though we see you] Joe: [mhmm, when it's not all classical obvs 'cos you aren't Rosaline] Ronnie: [probably drop her at Charlie's hun cos otherwise something is gonna happen] Joe: [hope you brought him some rock but i know you did not lol, go make friends again, you go think 'bout your life joseph] Ronnie: [probably stole him a postcard that you've written some bants on to slide under his door] Joe: [that's cute, hilarious over-sexual postcard as they always are] Ronnie: [yeah exactly and then he knows you're back so you can talk or whatever you're gonna do to clear the air] Joe: [that's this era in general we know the vibe]

[chuffyfan87]

Growing Pains. Part 22e

"He can. I just hope this doesn't set him back too much." Duffy sighed.

“It will mama but...” Emily paused, “I think he’s got anxiety.”

"I think you might be right. I just wish they'd hurry up with his assessment meeting." Duffy sighed.

“Hmm.” Emily sighed. She was good at observing people and picking up little signs that others wouldn’t necessarily notice.

"Then we could set the wheels in motion and get him the help he needs."

“Yeah.” Emily paused, “Should we go back inside?”

"If you're ready..?"

Emily nodded, “I told dad what they called me and did to me.”

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

“They call me a retarded dyke with shit for brains.” Emily laughed, “They’re just jealous I get more pussy than they do.”

"Emily!" Duffy gasped, unsure whether to be horrified or amused by her daughter's words.

Emily giggled softly. “They don’t bother me mama. I’m happy with who I am, that’s all that’s matters.”

"It is. You've come a long way in these last few months. I'm so proud of you."

“Love you mama.”

"I love you too Emily."

They went back inside the department to the office.

Charlie and Kate had joined the twins in the office whilst Duffy and Emily had been outside.

“Come on girls, I’d better take you home.” Kate said as Emily and Duffy made an appearance.

"Where are the boys?" Duffy asked, meaning Oliver and Paul.

“They’ve gone to their friends house for tea.” Kate explained, “Samuel and Joshua Rowland?”

"Ah right, their mum is a friend." Duffy smiled, relieved.

Kate nodded, “How’s Louis?”

"He's gone up to theatre." Charlie explained. "It could be quite some time before we hear anything more."

Kate nodded, a silence descending over the room.

Once Kate had left with the girls Duffy let out a sigh.

“You ok, babe?” Charlie asked as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"You told Emily to lie to me." Duffy whispered.

Charlie sighed, “I didn’t. I told her not to tell you what she’d told me because I know it would destroy you.”

"I told you - history always repeats itself." She sighed.

“Em told you then?”

"Yes. Eventually. She also gave me the names of the boys who assaulted her brother."

“I want to pull them out of school.”

"So do I. This can't continue. But where do we send them?"

“I don’t know.”

"Do we look at other schools to send them to instead?"

“Yeah.”

"How was Louis when you left him?"

“Asleep. Stable for now.”

"Hopefully the operation will be a success."

“Hopefully.” Charlie sighed.

"Things were going so well." She sighed.

“I got his report through the other day.” Charlie said.

"Oh?"

“He managed to claw back his grades from F’s and U’s to B’s and C’s.”

"That's amazing!" She beamed.

“It really is, isn’t it?” He replied with a grin.

"Except now thanks to a bunch of mindless thugs he could be brain damaged for life." She sighed.

“He’s a fighter.”

"He is."

He kissed her cheek. “We’ll be ok.”

"Those boys must be held accountable."

“I agree.”

"Emily's reaction amazed me. I wish I'd had half her strength at her age."

“We’ve brought her up to be fiercely independent and happy in her skin.”

"I'm glad."

“All our children are strong and independent.”

She nodded, snuggling closer into his embrace.

“They get that from their mum.” He whispered.

"Emily said she bumped into one of our colleagues who instantly recognised her coz she's the spit of me apparently." Duffy chuckled lightly.

“It was Fletch.” Charlie laughed, “He’s not wrong.”

Duffy blushed. "Emily told him to wait til he meets Tilly."

“Now Tilly and Lottie have your looks too but Tilly is a proper spit of you. She has your sarcasm for starters.”

"I resent that insinuation!" Duffy replied, pretending to be offended.

“But she does.” He chuckled.

"I swear I wasn't that tackless..."

“I don’t think you were.” He agreed.

"I know I didn't always think before I spoke..."

“A bit like Tilly?”

Duffy harumphed as she realised she'd walked herself straight into that one!

He laughed and kissed her ear. “The girls inherited your beautiful looks! They’re going to be heartbreakers when they’re older.”

"According to Lottie, Tilly already is!"

“A heartbreaker?”

"She has a string of boys following her around but she just likes to torment them to see how far they'll go to impress her!"

Charlie began to laugh and then went silent. “She’s too young for boys to be noticing her.”

"Ooh, daddy bear is cross!" Duffy teased.

“Maybe just a bit.” He pouted.

"This side of you is so funny!"

“Why?”

"You pride yourself on how independent and smart the girls are and then get all grumpy when they get attention."

“Because I know what goes through young boys' minds. And they’re gorgeous girls.”

"Who know exactly how to handle themselves."

“That’s right, they do.”

"I spoke to Peter and sent a text to Jake. I'm not sure what time it is over there but he didn't answer when I called."

“He’ll ring back as soon as he can.”

"Yeh. I hate disturbing his trip but he'd want to know." She sighed.

“Yeah he would.” Charlie smiled sadly.

"He and Louis seem to have a special bond."

“They’re very close.”

"Jake once told me that they both understand what it's like to be different."

“Because they’re only half of us?”

She nodded.

Charlie smiled sadly.

"I thought things would get easier as time went on."

“They did.”

"When we're not lurching from one disaster to the next."

“It keeps us occupied, I suppose.”

"Hmm..."

“It’s ok babe.”

They sat waiting for another couple of hours before there was finally news from theatre.

“The surgery was a success but I must warn you, it could be a while before Louis wakes up.” The surgeon explained.

Both breathed a sigh of relief.

"You should go sit with him Charlie." Duffy suggested. "I'll head home and let the kids know what's going on."

He nodded and kissed her gently, “I’ll ring as soon as he wakes up.”

"OK. I love you."

“I love you too.”

Duffy gathered her things and headed home whilst Charlie made his way up to intensive care.

Charlie kissed Louis’ forehead and sat down on the chair beside the bed.

Surrounded by so many wires and machines Louis looked like a little boy once more, not an almost grown man.

Charlie stroked his son’s hand. “I’m sorry I doubted you.”

The steady beeps of the machine were the only response.

“I won’t ever doubt you again, son. I promise.”

A nurse quietly entered to check Louis' obs. "Can I get you anything sir?" She asked softly.

“No thank you.”

After she left Charlie sighed, feeling so helpless. He hated that feeling.

The hours ticked by as he sat there watching his son.

“I know I haven’t always been the best father or told you this often but I love you.”

He'd find a way to make things right.

[tabloidtoc]

Globe, March 30

Cover: Prince William and Princess Kate Middleton’s coronavirus nightmare 

Page 2: Up Front & Personal -- Celine Dion channels Sherlock Holmes, Kaley Cuoco drinks from a liquor bottle on the set of The Flight Attendant, Dick Van Dyke 

Page 3: Andrew Garfield blows his nose, Gabrielle Carteris, Alec Baldwin doing daddy duty in NYC 

Page 4: Lori Loughlin and husband Mossimo Giannulli are terrified at facing tough-as-nails U.S. District Judge Nathaniel Gorton who has a history of humiliating the rich and famous and throwing the book at them 

Page 5: Just weeks after whining that his divorce from Jennifer Garner was his biggest regret fast-moving Ben Affleck whisked his new leading lady Ana de Armas off to her native Havana for a romantic smoochfest, Beatles great Paul McCartney says the work of William Shakespeare hit the right note with him as a teen and inspired his songwriting, Steven Spielberg’s porn star daughter Mikaela Spielberg was arrested for domestic violence in Nashville after a scuffle with her pro-darts-player fiance Chuck Pankow 

Page 6: Cover Story -- Prince William and Duchess Kate’s kids in virus quarantine -- fears for Prince George and Prince Louis and Princess Charlotte after classmates were exposed to coronavirus -- the children’s weekly playdates with Queen Elizabeth canceled 

Page 8: Shark Tank investing star Daymond John had some good news concerning the coronavirus -- he predicts it will spawn a bunch of babies, coronavirus is wrecking the image of the popular Mexican beer Corona 

Page 9: Katie Couric wasn’t going to isolate herself even after talking with a friend who is positive with coronavirus but she was persuaded by concerned fans, televangelist and convicted fraudster Jim Bakker is in legal hot water again for trying to dupe disease-fearing followers into coughing up $125 for a baloney coronavirus cure 

Page 10: Caitlyn Jenner was snared taking $25,000 to appear at a charity event, Harvey Weinstein suffered a brain injury when he fell and banged his head in New York’s scary Rikers Island slammer

Page 11: Justin Bieber plunged into an intense mind-and-body cleanse that’s so extreme he literally stinks and has worried wife Hailey Baldwin and loved ones fearing he’s gone too far, Dolly Parton has a sexy treat for her fans for her upcoming 75th birthday -- she plans to post for Playboy again 

Page 12: Celebrity Buzz -- Michael Douglas at a film festival in Colombia, Post Malone is now baring his soul about the heartbreaking reason he masks his face in ink -- he thinks he’s ugly, Nicolas Cage gave new girlfriend Riko Shibata a tour of his final resting place -- the nine-foot-tall pyramid tomb he bought in New Orleans’ oldest cemetery, first-time mom Ashley Graham changed infant son Isaac’s poopy diaper on the floor right in the middle of a Staples store aisle, Nikki Bella in sixth grade was so mad at her sister Brie Bella she cut off all her pubic hair and sprinkled it in her sheets, Harrison Ford’s latest film The Call of the Wild is expected to lose $50 million at the box office 

Page 13: Ailing Genesis rocker Phil Collins shuffles on the street in London ahead of the band’s reunion tour, fresh off her face-lift Abby Lee Miller in a wheelchair in West Hollywood, Alanis Morissette goes acoustic in London for her Jagged Little Pill 25th anniversary tour 

Page 14: Ireland Baldwin says fans can find nude photos of her all over the web, Jason Biggs admits he has a dad bod and wears gut-hugging shapewear under his clothes, Fashion Verdict -- Martha Plimpton 1/10, Evan Rachel Wood 9/10, Kristin Cavallari 8/10, Mare Winningham 4/10 

Page 16: Caroline Kennedy is locked in a desperate fight with an agonizing incurable disease that’s left her barely able to walk 

Page 17: President John F. Kennedy wrote “I got into the blondes” on one of the 98 pages of notes he jotted on a legal pad after losing his voice to laryngitis during his winning 1960 run, Nicki Minaj could be visiting her husband Kenneth Petty in prison for the next 10 years because he was busted for failing to register as a sex offender after moving in with her in California 

Page 19: 10 Things You Don’t Know About James Norton, Billy Crystal has a racy formula for the success of his 50-year union with wife Janice -- he’s insatiable, Kobe Bryant’s grieving widow Vanessa Bryant is demanding the harshest possible discipline for sheriff’s deputies who allegedly shared gruesome photos of the January 26 helicopter crash that killed Kobe and his daughter

Page 20: True Crime 

Page 24: Terrified Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt endured an agonizing hospital nightmare as their young daughters Zahara and Shiloh went under the knife for critical operations 

Page 25: Neil Diamond bravely burst out of a two-year retirement forced by crippling Parkinson’s disease to heroically perform a heartbreaking farewell for fans 

Page 26: Health Report 

Page 36: Real Life 

Page 41: William Shatner’s ex-wife was ordered to pony up her part of the couple’s horse semen collection 

Page 45: As a top U.S. attorney calls for him to be grilled in New York about his seedy friendship with pedophile financier Jeffrey Epstein terrified Prince Andrew has hired the former lawyer of a bloodthirsty South American dictator 

Page 47: Hollywood Flashback, Bizarre But True

[superfem-imagines]

High school Run-ins

This is a supercorp fic based off Cherry Bomb by The Runins. I wanted to write something between requests and my friend recommended this song.

So this is a Punk Lena supercorp high school fic

Warnings: swearing, mild violence, homophobia

-----

Hello, daddy. Hello, mom.

I'm your ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb!

I cut the engine to my motorcycle, kicking out the stand and hanging my helmet on the handles. Closing the garage door, I cut the lights and go inside. The clock on the wall shows it’s 2am, hopefully Lillian is asleep. Closing the door behind me I walk towards the stairs, groaning when the living room light behind me turns on.

“Where the hell have you been?” I roll my eyes as Lillian whisper yells at me.

I turn to her, raising my eyebrow before replying. “Out.” I had barely turned around before she called for me to stop. Turning back I was met with her cutting glare.

“Why the hell were you gone so long? You know you have a curfew!”

I glared at her before jumping the railing in front of me, making sure to scuff her floor with my boots. “You’re not my mom, so it doesn’t really matter.”

She stepped forward and slapped me,  leaving a stinging on my cheek. “You will treat me with respect,” Lillian roared,  face near mine and spit flying. I don’t say anything, opting to take her wrath.

Can't stay at home, can't stay at school.

Old folks say 'You poor little fool'.

Down the streets I'm the girl next door.

I'm the fox you've been waiting for.

I gripped the straps of my bag, walking between Alex and the street. Cars drove by us, people on their way to work honking to let us know they were there. Each blaring honk made me flinch, the noise louder to me than to Alex thanks to being an alien. I focused on the rustling of the leaves instead of the cars, birds instead of horns.

The sound of a click caught my attention and I looked around to find out what made the noise. Up ahead a girl was leaning against a telephone pole, cigarette in her mouth and lighter in her hand. ‘That’s where the sound came from,’ I thought to myself before turning my attention to the girl.

She had long black hair, the left side shaved. When she bent her arm I could see a tattoo peek out from under her sleeve. She wore a leather jacket and ripped jeans, with big boots to top it off. When she looked up her eyes were as green as the leaves around us, eyebrow piercing glinting in the sun.

I gently tugged on Alex’s bag to get her attention. “Who is that?” I ask, nodding in the direction of the girl.

Looking at her, Alex rolls her eyes. “Lena Luthor, rebel rich girl. She goes to our school, not that she ever actually shows up.” Alex doesn’t spare her another glance as we pass, speeding up as she realizes we might be late.

I look back at the girl, losing sight of her as we turn the corner.

Stone age love and strange sounds too.

Come on, baby, let me get to you.

Bad nights causing teenage blues.

I zip up my bag and sling it over my shoulder, slamming my locker closed. Putting my headphones on, I walk down the hall with classic rock playing. My hair brushes against my cheek, stinging the bruise left over from Lillian. I grit my teeth and lift my head, glaring at anyone who looks at me.

A scuffle by the lockers catches my attention. As I get closer I realize it was Connor and his gang. ‘Probably bullying someone again,’ I think to myself, sighing as I realize this was gonna be my second detention today.

Just as I was about to step in, a girl with reddish hair flung herself at Connor. Impressed, I turned to the girl that was getting bullied, faltering as I realized it was the cute girl from the street. Before I could say anything, Connor and the others ran past swearing at the girl from earlier, who was now leading the blonde away.

I scowled, heading to my class with thoughts of the blonde girl.

Hello world! I'm your wild girl.

I'm your ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb!

Leaning against the school building I soak in the sun, eyes closed and hearing tuned into the trees past the parking lot. Alex was running behind as she talked to her science teacher. A scuffle on the other side of the parking lot caught my attention. Frowning I walked closer to see what was happening, stopping near a group of kids watching too.

“Whatever you fucking dyke, you’re a disappointment to your family,” a bright haired boy stood face to face with Lena Luthor. “I’m surprised the Luthor’s didn’t send you back, maybe get a better kid.”

Before the kid could say anything else, Lena punched him in the face. I winced as I heard his nose break. Straightening up, she pushed her hair out of the way, knuckles red from the impact. Her green eyes pierced through the crowd of onlookers, seeming to pause when she saw me.

I smile before turning to walk back to my meeting spot with Alex.

Hey, street boy, want some style?

Your dead end dreams don't make you smile.

I'll give you something to live for.

As I get back to our spot, someone shoved me into the wall. I made sure that I didn’t break through it, like Alex taught me. When a hand pulled on my shoulder I turned around, coming face to face with the boys from before.

“Hey freak,” the main boy sneered at me as his friends surrounded us. “Where’s your sister now?”

“Not here to protect you, huh?” One of the others called out, taunting me.

As the lead boy pulled on me I allowed him, knowing it would be suspicious if I didn’t move. He pushed me into one of the other boys, who in turn shoved me away. This continued until I was suddenly caught in the arms of someone, pulling me close to their chest.

“Now, I may not have been the girl from earlier but don’t make me give you the same beating,” the person holding me paused, probably glaring at the boys if their reactions were any indication.

“Whatever.” And with that they were gone.

Pulling away from the person, I looked up and realized it was Lena Luthor. “You ok?” I blushed before nodding.

“Thank you, they couldn’t have hurt me and Alex will be here anyways. They did the same thing earlier today but she kicked their butts. Alex is my sister by the way, she’s talking to her teacher right now,” I stopped rambling, blushing even more and looking to my shoes.

“Cute glasses,” I looked up to find her smirking at me, eyes a darker green than earlier.

“Thanks.”

“Kara!” At the sound of Alex’s voice, I turned and grinned at her. Reaching out, she wrapped her arms around me and stepped back away from Lena. “Are you ok? Connor told me that-” she cut herself off, seeming to change her mind. “It doesn’t matter, you didn’t hit him, did you?”

“No,” pulling away I turned and smiled at the brooding girl in front of us. “Lena chased them off.” At her name, Lena turned and gave an awkward wave.

“Thank you for helping my sister,” I raised my eyebrows, surprised Alex was being nice, especially because of how she reacted to Lena this morning.

“Not a problem, the boys were blocking the way,” she stated before brushing past us, swinging onto a motorcycle and buckling the helmet on her head. “See ya later blondie.” Kickstarting her ride, she veered out of the parking lot.

“Cmon Kar, let’s head home.”

The entire way, thoughts of the green eyed girl filled my head. I smiled, hoping to see her tomorrow.