#this took wayyyyyy too long for me to finally finish 😅

[pearl-blue-musings]

Just a Friend?

This has been a long time coming ahahahah but yeah

Pairing: Kaeya Alberich x reader

Warnings: this is based off of an @anigomi kaeya audio that I’ll link, slight angst, we’re all bad at feelings

Word count: 1.6K

110% based off of this anigomi and give it a listen before you read for context!

Just a friend?

Is that all you were to him? Sure, you truly did value your friendship with the Cavalry captain and vice versa. But you thought you were special! He stayed with you the entire time you were recovering and was the one to bring you to the infirmary.

So why did hearing those words hurt so badly?

It has been three weeks since your accident and you’re just returning to active duty. The rest of your battalion was happy to see you. You gave them anxious waves as the injuries are still newly healed, not wanting to worry any of them further. Your goal right now is to report to Jean and then start your shift. Your armor clinks as you walk into the acting grand master’s office, coming to a stop to salute.

“Acting Grand Master Jean,” you say on instinct as you finish your salute. “I’ve come to return to active duty. My recovery has finished and the reports of what happened that day and all subsequent work are right here.” You hand Jean the file and return to attention. You watch her carefully look over everything and nod curtly. “Hmm,” she begins softly, “everything seems to be in order. Alright,” Jean says firmly, “report to Kaeya immediately. You two are scheduled to patrol around Starsnatch Cliff. There’s been a strange increase in Abyss Mage and hillichurl activity and the two of you are our best people.”

You gulp and fidget in your stance, feeling your anxiety and sensitivity to rejection rising to the surface. You clear your throat. “If it’s alright with you, I would like to be reassigned.” Your heart is racing as you think more about your commanding officer, the one who’s had your heart for longer than you’d like to admit. Jean’s eyes narrow in on you and calmly places your file down on her desk.

With a sigh, Jean looks toward you. “I’m sorry, there isn’t much I can do. You can ask for a change the next time the schedule goes up. You think you can bear it today?” She gives you a kind and understanding smile. Your shoulders sink as you politely walk out of her office. Your lips purse as you walk out of the knights’ headquarters. At the end of the steps, you see the back of the one person you’ve been dreading to see.

“Oh?” The baritone of his voice tilts upward as you approach him. You notice his body relaxes as he sees you. Kaeya gives you a knowing smirk and cocks out his hip. “You’re earlier than expected,” he coolly states, “shall we begin our patrol?” You nod sharply and start ahead. You miss him giving a small pout as he inhales deeply and follows behind. There’s so many words he wants to say. As much as he needs to focus on the increase of the presence of the abyss that’s been causing trouble for his fellow Mondstadters.

The long trek toward the cliffs is full of awkward silences and the sounds of the windblumes flowing in the wind. Too many times Kaeya attempts to start a conversation with you and you brush away his advances. “Well,” he chuckles an hour into your patrol, “I didn’t expect such an icy reception from you. And after all I did to help you recover. I’m hurt.”

You can hear the fake hurt in his voice and tighten your hand into a fist to resist caving into him. “Well we are coworkers,” you finally speak out. “It’s understandable you would see that I recovered well. You are my boss.”

“And that’s it? I’m just your boss?”

Your eyes tighten shut and you control your breathing. Who is he to imply what he’s implying? Your pace of walking speeds up as your head and heart are having a battle you thought you wouldn’t be having currently. He can’t know about the ways your heart beats out of time every time his cool blue irises bore into yours. He’s not allowed to know how many nights you’ve dreamt of sleeping and waking in his arms. No, the two of you are just friends. Nothing more, nothing less.

His soft voice breaks you out of your thoughts. “You know,” he slowly begins, “I really missed you these last few weeks. How come you wouldn’t let me see you? After I nursed you back to life and I get the cold shoulder from you?” Kaeya skips ahead of you to stop you in your tracks, his eyes more serious than before. “Why are you avoiding me? There’s no use in denying it.”

You lose your balance briefly as he quickly stops you from walking further. The sun is setting over the ocean waters, casting a beautiful glow on the cliffs as night begins to roll in. The sparkle in his eye is more menacing and serious than before. His hands rest on your shoulders as he searches for the answer in your visage. Your eyes dodge his own as you attempt to find any stains on your uniform. “I,” you stutter out, “I’m not avoiding you. I needed to recover.”

Kaeya’s eyes roll as he grips you tighter. “That’s not the answer, snowflake. I know you and you know me.” He suddenly gets closer to you and his breath is brushing against face. “I was the one on your bedside when you woke up, and now I get nothing? I gave up,” he chuckles dryly, “nights at the tavern to be with you, which by the way you still owe me for. You’re someone I adore and have a connection with. Why are you pushing me away?” His hand had softly began to caress and cup your face. You want to give in to his touch, something you’ve craved for so long. Despite his semi gloved hand and frigid vision, his hand is warm against your skin. You naturally relax against him before your flight or fight kicks in.

You abruptly push him away and turn your body away from him. “You can’t do that! Friends don’t,” you huff, “friends don’t do that. You, you can’t touch me like that a-and expect me to just say “what a great friend you are Kaeya!” I can’t do that. So don’t, d-dont touch me.”

Shock comes to his face as his hand falters against your skin. His bottom lip trembles slightly as his eye takes in your visage once more. Your shoulders are tight, possibly to the point of shaking and your eyes are downcast and to the side. You can’t look at him, not with the way your heart beats erratically in your chest. You hate that his touch sends shivers down your spine and has the butterflies in your stomach fluttering around. You hate that despite how special he treated you, he dare only call you a friend? What were those lingering looks, soft gazes from across the bar, his hand holding yours when you needed support? The audacity of him to kiss your cheek as a way of saying hello and goodbye when he took care of you! What was it? Is it just platonic? Perhaps you were deluding yourself.

The captain studies your face and softens his expression. He takes a deep breath and carefully takes your hand in his. Kaeya takes note of how you flinch and attempts to hide his own smirk. “What if I want to keep touching you?”

“Kaeya..” you exacerbate.

“No listen,” his hold tightens. “You are a friend, a great friend, the best friend I’ve ever known. And when you got hurt under my watch… I had convinced myself it was because someone knew how special you are to me. The farther away you are from me, the least likely you are to get hurt. But I know how much of a strong soldier you are, one of the strongest in my opinion…” He trails off as he relaxes his grip on you. Kaeya hangs his head low, something you rarely see from the confident and charismatic man. Almost weakly he whispers, “why can’t I tell you how I feel? Well I am a man of action after all.”

You lift your eyebrows in confusion as his hands cup your face. You’re taken aback as you feel his lips over yours, your stomach moving like a yo-yo. Your hands fall easily onto his chest, continuing to kiss the man you’ve harbored feelings for. When you both pull away, a shy giggle escapes your lips as your fingers lightly graze the warm and soft skin. His smile is infectious as he extends a hand out for you to take. You gladly take it and proceed to walk along toward the cliff. You clear your throat as you feel yourself wanting to word vomit. “So, do you really have feelings for me? Or was that you trying to get your way? Because I know you Kaeya and-“

You’re cut off by another surprise kiss and come to a halt. Any words you had left to say die in your throat as Kaeya pecks your lips again and again. “You wound me, snowflake. Yes, I love you okay? Now let’s continue our patrol, okay?”

You nod lightly and walk alongside him. You can’t help but muse over how his hand feels in yours. The way your heart is excited yet calm at the same time leaves you giddy and smiling like the teenager you were when you first fell for the captain. You’re pretty sure when this shift is over you’ll have a lot of explaining to do to Jean and the other members of your troop.