#this turned into an aita story almost but like hell im going to reddit

[apipedreamxx]

ok so this might be a little weird but. i feel like tumblr is the only community thatll be really truły honest with me. so here it goes.

im currently in a happy relationship with a person whos very considerate, giving, funny, entertaining - all the cool and nice things for a partner to be. i kinda have a problem with how liike distant this relationship feels? we've not argued once since we started dating and i feel like its because we don't get that involved. but my partner's been open about the fact that they struggle with sharing emotions so ive been screwing up my courage to start being the more engaged one, i guees i can put it.

during the summer, mine and partner's vacation plans almost didnt overlap so we ended up almost not seeing each other. i was quite unhappy with that and i know they were as well. also an important fact i guess is that every year since i was like 6 i go to this summer camp. right nów im what you would call a counselor or sth like that, english doesnt always make sense. and my exboyfriend, the only man ive ever introduced to my family (bc they dont know im pan) is also a counselor at the same camp.

i was the one who broke up with the guy and id never ever go back to that relationship, but i can admit that the physical side of it was always easy for us. like not even the sex, just the casual touching and being together. so this year, almost two years after our break-up, while i was missing my partner, who i hadnt seen in three weeks, i was reluctant to be firm in pulling away from the easiness of hugging and laying together, things like that. i didnt necessarily go over the boundaries of being friendly and affectionate - at least, you know, my boundaries, since everyone has different ones, but, the thing is, this guy isn't completely over me yet. and well, he was always sort of pushy, but i dont know, the physical contact felt really good. i was told by friends that i look better and that im less irritable, all because some guy whos frankly a lot annoying hugged me tightly enough?

so what im focusing on and what i need advice with are two things:

1) id hate for this to be like a heteronormative thing, you know? has anyone experienced something like, theres one person whos just better at touching you than other? am i just touch starved?

2) i will ofc be talking to my partner when we see each other soon, but what do yall think are the odds theyd see this whole thing as cheating? i just. dont wanna hurt them

thank you very much for reading, if u got this far, and i would really like some advice, or maybe just to know of a similar experience. anyway. thank you