#this was meant to be comfort but then the hurty held me at gunpoint

[randaccidents]

Breaking and Entering

Ah the first week of school! The easiest way to drain all your writing juices. Stuffs gonna slow down from here and not like 3 fics a week like what I was doing, but I’m unlikely (cause I never finish promises) to stop now cause I have like *leans over to check* about 10 WIP fics I wanna write with new ideas every week soooooo...

Right the fic! Its a fic! Yayy I wrote things. The dialogue might come off as clunky cause school punched me in the guts while I was trying to write that.

Shadow People AU from the wondrous mind of @mine-sara-sp

TW: toxic thoughts, self-harm, self-blame, description and talk of that loneliness that seeps into your chest and hooks in deep and never ever wants to let go making you doubt your actions

Crypt broke into someone’s base and left with the real treasure and a no-no word gets thought.

The pickaxe shatters in his hands. Mechanically, he replaces it with another, adding to his internal count. That was the fifth iron pick he’s broken thus far. Another 3 to break before he had to surface and go to the shadow meetup. The thought of that made the hole in his chest feel twice as large, and he swung his pick hard enough that the shattered rock flew in large chunks around him.

It wasn’t that he was feeling lonely or left out. He had friends. He had 3D, and Phas, and TFC, and Abyss, and the grey stone that surrounded him on all sides. He had a pick in hand, a reason to keep chipping away at stone walls all day. He was fine!

...and he was a big old fool, to continue to believe that lie.

Collecting another pile of coal, he silently wondered if this was what the other shadows saw of him. A useless lump of black, easily replaced by better sources of fuel and light, cast aside like it was nothing. Bitterly, he broke the next block of stone, left hand holding onto the coal piece. Now he had only one use, like the coal he held - to ensure that 3D remained happy and unbothered by the venom of the other shadows, just like how the coal was only useful for torches that lit up the few blocks surrounding it. Ugly, practical, no use in the canvas of almost every build.

So deep into his bitterness, it came as a surprise when he broke through into a cavernous room. This wasn’t the first time he had broken into another person’s base, and it probably wouldn’t be the last. He guessed that he should check whose base this was and its size before he closed the hole he made in the wall, if only so that he wouldn’t accidentally break into it again.

Stepping through the hole, the first thing he noticed was just how large and sprawling the whole build was. This was going to be a pain to dig around, he could just feel it. Looking around, he took note of the many scattered blocks of precious ores lying around the room. This hermit seemed to be very rich. He would guess Jevin, but the slime wasn’t disorganised with his ores. Maybe Scar? The build of the room didn’t quite hold enough details to pin it to the hermit though. Looking around, he felt the beginnings of anxiety rise up his throat as he fully registered the scale of the room, how open it felt to stand under its ceiling. Picking a random hallway, he ducked into it and began counting how many blocks wide this end of the build was.

Walking down the large hallway, Crypt peered into every room he came across, curiosity overriding his earlier anxieties and bitterness. It’s been a long while since he had broken into someone’s base, although that was mostly because he heard this season was all about building up the overworld. Feeling the loneliness of being left out beginning to choke up his insides, he quickly ducked into the nearest room, slipping past the door in search of a distraction.

To his surprise, he found a room full of greenery and wildlife, parrots and bunnies and wolves and other animals lazing about the room. Looking up revealed a glass covered ceiling, redstone lamps shining through coloured glass to give everything a pleasant blue tint. Light humming music drifted through the room, backlit by the sound of water flowing through the room. Crypt took another step into the room, entranced. The room was expertly put together, a feeling of openness enmeshed with closeness in a dizzying mix of comfort he never thought he could feel in such an open room. Leaning against a nearby hand-crafted tree, Crypt closed his eyes. The room felt so isolated, cut off from the world around, that he couldn’t help but feel at peace. Despite all that, some small part of him was still counting the seconds, waiting for the moment he was meant to surface from the underground and meet up with 3D. He might have time to be alone now, but he’s meant to be easy to deal with, so he counts the seconds in his head instead of in the durability of his pickaxe.

Once he’s mentally reached two iron pickaxes left, he pushed himself off the tree. Stretching, he looked out wistfully over the garden room. This had been a great place to relax after his exhaustingly painful thoughts, but he still had to count the size and shape of the whole base. Turning away, he headed for the entrance.

And came face to face with two identical shadows, frozen in the doorway staring at him. He similarly froze, caught like a sheep eyed by wolves.

One of the two shadows seemed to snap himself out of it first. He came walking forward, holding out a hand to Crypt. “Hi, Crypt right? I don’t think we really got to meet properly considering what happened the last time we saw each other. I’m Cavalier! Welcome to the Hoard!”

Crypt looked down at the hand offered to him. Noting down the purple-and-yellow feathered wristband the shadow - Cavalier - wore, he added another identifiable shadow to his mental list of those he knew as he grasped the hand in a warm shake. Who else was new here that he had never met? Who else did he meet and never remember? Swallowing the sudden surge of bitterness, he gave Cavalier a warm smile. “Yes, I’m Crypt. I don’t quite remember where I met you first, but you are a very kind shadow.”

He could sense the moment when he messed up, feel the sudden tension run a rod straight through Cavalier into his grasp. “I’m not a kind shadow.” whispered Cavalier, his eyes averted and refusing to meet his.

Well, he couldn’t have any of that. No matter how toxic this line of thinking was, only he was allowed to feel sad in any form. He squeezed the hand he held lightly. “Cavalier, I may not know who you were or what you have done before I met you, but you have yet to drive me out of what is clearly your house, instead welcoming me for visiting. You are kind.”

“And so are you Crypt, to comfort Cavalier so quickly.”

The voice might have sounded like Cavalier’s, but it didn’t fool Crypt. Meeting Paladin’s eyes, he offered up a fragile smile. “Hello Paladin. Speaking of which, I may have broken into your area by accident. Is it alright for me to measure the size of this Hoard of yours?”

Paladin looked up at the ceiling in thought. Crypt felt Cavalier let go of his hand, the shadow moving to lean against Paladin to whisper into his ear, and felt a stab of jealousy that he quickly buried. No, he wasn't jealous of their bond, not at all.

"There might be a few problems with that actually," Paladin began, holding up his hand as they began to list out his reasons. "Firstly, the Hoard kinda twists and turns a lot, branching out in many directions. Secondly, I’m pretty sure that Keloid and Avarice intend to keep expanding the Hoard. Third, I kind of have a forge in here that may or may not expand. So it’s going to be difficult for you to really measure something that’s going to keep expanding.”

Crypt sighed dejectedly. This direction would be blocked off to him then. Reminding himself that he was meant to be easy to handle, he steeled his heart and gave them as careless a wave as he could. “It’s no matter. I can always tunnel another direction.” The durability counted steadily downwards in his mind. He turned and began walking towards the doorway, throwing a final comment over his shoulder. “I’ll show myself out. Sorry to break in.”

“Wait!” A hand grabbed his arm, bringing him to a gentle halt. He turned, raising an eyebrow at Cavalier. The shadow fidgeted under his gaze, suddenly uncertain of himself. "Uhm, since we didn't really meet before, a-and I don't know when we'll meet again, do you want to join us for a bit? Just to chat? You don't have to if you're busy, I understand!"

Looking at Cavalier was a mistake. Crypt questioned how anyone could say no to Cavalier. Sighing good-naturedly, he moved to a tree behind Cavalier, patting his helmet as he passed. Sliding to a sitting position, he smiled up at the stunned duo. "Well? I don't have a season you know."

Cavalier was quick to rectify that problem, practically throwing himself to the floor before Crypt, to the amusement of the other two in the room. Stomach down on the floor, he interlaced his fingers in a peak, resting his head upon it. Paladin leaned himself against Cavalier's side, amusement written across his face. Cavalier spoke up, not pausing for a single faux-breath. "What do you normally do? I don't see you around much, but you're from last season so you must have done something, right?"

Crypt smiled down at the excited shadow. Having someone be curious about him, wanting to know about him, was something new and foreign and oh so lovely. With warmth bubbling through his chest, he began to answer.

"You're right, I am from last season. But normally…"

-------------------------

Paladin was mid-rant about the difficulties of smelting emerald into workable tools when Crypt's mental timer went off, snapping the last pickaxe in twain. It was time to meet up with 3D for the shadow meetup. He found that he didn't want to leave, comfortable in his surroundings and the people around him, who were genuinely interested in what he had to say. But he had a job to do.

With a small grunt of effort, he pushed himself to his feet, cutting off Paladin's rant. "Crypt, what's wrong?" he asked, concerned. The tone of voice made Crypt shake his head wistfully. Ah, to feel concern for him not borne of pity. He hefted the pickaxe he still held in his right hand. "It's about time for the shadow meetup. I have to meet with 3D, and I suggest you two prepare to leave too, or you might be late. See you fellas around soon."

Turning, he headed straight for the exit, only for a whisper of words to stop him in his tracks. "We haven't been in weeks, not since the first time Cav went…"

Whipping around, Crypt regarded the two shadows before him. Paladin was glaring at the ground, face severe. Beside him, Cavalier had managed to sit up, his face reflecting pained memories. Something dropped in the pit of his stomach. He could just comfort them, he knew, but part of him screamed to, for once, know what had happened. He asked the dreaded question, voice as gentle as he could without sounding like pity. He out of every shadow would know that pity helped no one. "What happened the first time?"

Cavalier's hand moved to clutch his wrist, tightening around the wristband that lay there as he looked away. "You know the one you shouted at?" Paladin asked.

He flinched. Oh, so it was his fault. He really shouldn't have tried to connect to the loop. Paladin looked up at him, face softening. "It wasn't you. You saved him actually. Coda was going to destroy his wristband."

"I fail to see the problem."

Paladin tilted his head at Cavalier, directing his attention. He could see Cavalier's fingers tighten, cutting holes into his arm. He wanted to comfort the shadow who had been so happy just minutes ago, yet he could tell that if he moved from his spot, neither of them would tell him what had happened.

And he was so tired of not knowing what had happened.

"You know Puzzler?" At his nod, Cavalier continued, fingers digging further. "He gave those who served him gifts. I was one of them. All the gifts were supposed to be destroyed after the war, but I kept mine. It's… important. To me." Cavalier turned his gaze to his wristband. "They didn't like that."

He found himself wanting to know more, to understand this part of the war no one wanted to talk about. But he could also see when his questioning would only cause grief. Moving to kneel before the knights, he gently began to pry Cavalier's fingers open. "Is that why you said you weren't kind? Because of what you did in the past?"

Cavalier's small nod, his guilty body language, reminded him so much of 3D. He patted the shadow's hand as he pried open the final finger. "But you're trying to be better now, to repair relations with them, and that's proof enough that you are kind."

Another hand pressed over theirs, making Crypt lift his head. Paladin was still looking away from them, but the shake of his hands spoke for him. Crypt squeezed his hand, prompting a sigh. "Trying works for him.” he whispered, voice choked and bitter. “Me? Two seasons later and only one new family member to show for it. I don’t think anyone notices if I’m even there. Makes it that much harder to be there for him. So we don't go anymore."

He heard the loneliness, the pained longing to be part of a community in Paladin's voice. It was a pain that he was well versed in. Some part of him guiltily rejoiced, he didn't expect to find someone else who understood, but it was overshadowed by his friends’ - could he call them friends? He decided that he would. - hurt. Gently, he pressed their combined hands to his forehead. “I understand,” he murmured, pushing himself to encompass all of his sincerity in his limited words. “It hurts, when no one cares enough to know if you’re even there anymore, or ask where you went. It’s a hole in your chest, something that doesn’t fill up because no one truthfully takes you seriously." He squeezed gently, ignoring the insistent sound of shattering iron in his head. "But you're not alone. You have each other, and from what I know those vexed shadows care too. Being in the loop is not the best, in all honesty. No one really cares about how little old Crypt feels anyway."

"But I- we do." came the soft whisper from his left, from the hand with purple and yellow wrapped around its wrist. The hand leading towards blue didn't respond, shifting as if to pull away. Crypt held on tight, lifting his head to meet their gazes. Paladin was quick to break off, looking away guiltily even as Cavalier held his gaze. Normally, this would have hurt more, reopened the hole in his chest. But after their conversations, after them both listening attentively to him rant about stones without judgement, their tones of concern and desire to be with him, he instead felt immense sadness that they couldn't see that they cared, and were kind.

Was this what Abyss meant when he said he was blind?

Paladin was still turned away from him. How could he comfort someone who wasn't even looking? A small memory poked at the back of his mind, and he let it guide him. Twisting his body slightly, he leaned forward to rest against Paladin's side, just as Phas always did with him. He thinks that it was a form of comfort. He knows that Paladin and Cavalier enjoyed touch, always reaching for a hand to hold. He hopes that this wasn't the wrong choice, feeling the knight tense up at his touch.

Then, Paladin relaxed, leaning into him in return. Crypt felt another presence press hesitantly against his back. He shifted slightly, allowing the presence to slot in among them, softly and gently cradled against his being. It was… warmth, something sliding in to fill a gap in his chest.

Paladin shifted slightly, poking him in the side. “Didn’t you say you had to go to the shadow meetup?”

… fuck.

He jumped out of the comfortable pile of shadows and headed for the door, grabbing his pickaxe as words stumbled out of his mouth. “I have to go so sorry it was nice meeting you two.”

Twin voices vocalised their goodbyes as he turned the corner and ran down the hallway. A voice snaked its way along the walls, carrying a question. “Will you come back and visit again?”

He blinked, seeing his shadow fly across the walls and keep pace with him, a perfect replica of his body. Shaking his head good-naturedly, he gave his shadow a grin and a thumbs up. Turning another corner, he left his unnaturally formed shadow behind, the shape buzzing excitedly as it zoomed back down the hall.

Bursting into the large cavern from earlier, Crypt quickly located the hole he had made and dove in, rushing to make up for lost time. It wasn’t until he hit the first branch in the passageway that he stopped, a problem suddenly before him.

He’d promised he would visit. He wanted to visit. But he didn’t have anything to mark the route to the Hoard. Rummaging through his inventory, he came across the pile of coal he had mined earlier. Bingo. Pulling out the dusty sticks TFC had summoned him with, he jerry-rigged a few torches together, striking the coal against shards of stone. Placing the torch down, he spared a second to admire his ingenuity before the mental striking of broken pickaxes sent him careening down the strip mine, torches lighting up every branch, something forgotten given new use.