#toxic thoughts

[pain-is-my-game]

Thinking about the future a little too hard makes me spiral a whole lot more than it should. Wdym I have to go out into the real world? The perfect little world that I've created in my head is enough for me.

[small-star-shining]

Does anyone else have a toxic ex they wish they could just

Get rid of?

[deepthoughtsallday]

I think my toxic trait is that I believe I would survive for at least a year if there would be an apocalypse.

[quotationsworld]

I have done bad things. I can't take them back, and they are part of who I am. Most of the time, they seem like the only thing I am.

— Veronica Roth

[justanotherstudyblrrrr]

Those who Want To will always find a reason:

And those who don't will always find an excuse. I’d had this sentence stuck in my head for a while now, and as productive as I was being, it was so potentially toxic. And toxic it became.

The first few days, weeks even, with that thought I did everything. I managed to keep a healthy “balanced” social-private-work life. But it didn't last more than that. For a week I was the most productive I had been in months, or even a year. I woke up early, ate good, exercised, went to work, wrote… and the list could go on. It was all I was striving for, and a bit more.

And then I missed a day. I don't recall what happened, but I couldn't get to everything. And so my brain immediately went “hey! You found An Excuse! You don't want to do this! Screw this!” and threw everything over board. (not so) Luckily, the tight work schedule and exhaustion I had been building up didn't allow me to spiral, but that only meant I stopped doing things, and didn't even try to get back in track.

And the trick is that you have to know where your limits are, distinguish an Excuse from a Genuine Reason, and most importantly, and as I’ve already said before, bite as much as you can swallow. Taking on too much at once may feel rewarding at first, but it'll also mean when things come tumbling down, they will cash harder, since you won't have any basis.

So please, take that one thing, and break it down, and then break it down some more. Start that workout but have a plan first, envision it first. Schedule that date with your friends, your significant other, but be mindful of the time and be firm about your resting time. You can do this, as long as you do this one step at a time!

[eeriebpd]

Here’s some awareness on thought patterns/behaviour and what is reality for us abuse victims at the hands of family members.

We wake up everyday wishing all of this would be some sort of sick and twisted dream and that everything will be okay and we’ll feel safe around others and also safe within ourself

But no, this is reality, this is not a sick and twisted dream, and we do not feel safe in any way. Nothing is okay and will ever be okay

IT IS REALITY

We think to ourselves “Is it me?, is it my fault this happened?” “Maybe I should’ve just kept quiet” “I don’t blame them for doing that, I’m pathetic”

WE BLAME OURSELVES FOR THE ABUSE WE HAVE EXPERIENCED/ STILL EXPERIENCE

A lot of us get bitter (not everyone) and we lose hope in people and shut ourselves away, building a wall between us

THIS IS BECAUSE THE ABUSE WAS AT THE HANDS OF SOMEONE WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF US AND LOVE US. WE FEEL WE CANNOT TRUST ANYONE AND HATE EVERYTHING !

For some of us, a lot of hateful and immoral thoughts occur towards that person such as “I want to hit them so bad, they make me so angry and feel so worthless” “I want to steal from them !” “ I want to make them feel so much emotional pain” “I hope they drop dead”

THIS IS BECAUSE THE ABUSE WE HAVE EXPERIENCED MAKES US HATE THAT PERSON AND WISH FOR THEM TO TASTE THEIR OWN MEDICINE !. BUT WHAT COMES WITH THAT IS ALSO HUGE GUILT FOR EVEN THINKING LIKE THAT !! WE DO NOT WANNA THINK LIKE OUR ABUSERS ! BUT WE KNOW THE TREATMENT WE GET IS NOT RIGHT AT ALL AND WE WISH FOR THEM TO FEEL OUR PAIN. WE DONT WANT TO BE ANYTHING LIKE THEM AND WE GET SCARED THAT ONE DAY WE WILL BE ANYTHING LIKE THEM !

Some of us have nightmares of the worst graphic/traumatic situations happening, we wake up hyperventilating, crying and to put it simply.. we want to die, we can’t take it anymore.. we don’t get peace.

THIS IS BECAUSE WE DO NOT FEEL SAFE AND UNCERTAINTY LOVES TO BURY ITSELF INTO OUR HEADS AND REMIND US THAT MAYBE ONE DAY OUR NIGHTMARES WILL COME TRUE !!

We do not trust people and push people away when they are genuine people who just want to be apart of your life

THIS IS BECAUSE WE NOW QUESTION EVERYONES MOTIVES. WE HAVE BEEN DECEIVED MULTIPLE TIMES BY SOMEONE WHO WE THOUGHT WOULD TAKE CARE OF US.. SO WE THINK EVERYONE IS CAPABLE OF USING US, ABUSING US AND IS SIMPLY THERE TO RUIN OUR LIVES !! WE ARE SCARED !!

I could keep writing everything that comes to mind that I experience as well as lots of people, but what I’m trying to get at is that all of this and MORE is what a lot of abuse victim’s experience and that being abused is VERY real and our state of mind while being victims of abuse IS NOT OUR FAULT.. the abuser is to blame.

Please never think it’s your fault your head is this way, your abuser did this to you and they know that, that’s what they were aiming for, to ruin you.

[freyatarotreadings8]

Feelings of Guilt

Principle The sense of guilt always generates scenarios related to punishment, without you realising it. This is typical of the usual worldview. Every crime is always punished. As soon as you notice the slightest trace of guilt, get rid of that rubbish immediately. Do not let it spoil your life. Live true to your own convictions and you will never experience guilt. No one will dare to judge you if you do not consider yourself guilty. When you are free of guilt, you will never find yourself in a situation in which someone tries to threaten you with violence. No guilt, no punishment. Interpretation If you are struggling to shift a guilt complex, it is important to stop justifying yourself. This is one of those cases where treating the symptoms of the disease successfully deals with the cause. You do not have to convince yourself that you are not obligated to anyone. Simply observe your everyday actions. This requires a certain level of awareness. If previously you had the habit of apologising for the slightest thing, adopt a different habit. Explain your actions only when it is absolutely necessary. Stop feeling as though you owe something to others. Even if the feeling of being obligated continues, do not show it outwardly. When they stop getting the former knee-jerk reaction, the manipulators will gradually back off. At the same time, the heart and the mind will gradually get used to the new sensation. If you are not trying to justify yourself, then things are obviously as they should be, and so your guilt simply cannot exist. As a result, the need for ‘redemption’ will appear less and less often. Therefore, via the feedback chain, the outer form will gradually tidy up the inner content. The feeling of guilt will disappear and with it, all its associated problems.

[starryvomit]

[3-lavender]

I love skirts and cute little lace tops and pink and hearts. I’m currently fighting the thoughts that are telling me I’m too fat and look too much like a boy to be petty in the things I like. That’s not right that the world has made me believe that I’m not good enough for the things that make me happy.

[pain-is-my-game]

I know that other people have it worse. I could've had a mother who's physically abusive. I could've had a mother who didn't provide me with food and clothing. But it still hurts knowing that I will never be good enough for her to love me unconditionally.

[997yen]

Me toxic??? YES

I grew up wanting to have what they have

[little-princeesss]

i want the drunk version of him to cry senseless because he misses me and text and call me just to say that i am everything he ever wanted

[artofmy-heart]

Adams' Apple

I know I tempt you

I've grown too familiar with your touch

Your crooked teeth

Your magnetic laughter

I acknowledge my ascendancy

Please

Memorize every detail of my face

My gentle sweet smile

My curves and edges

My guilty charm

I want to make you believe that you can love again

Give you butterflies I know you've killed

Believe that we were destined by Gods

That we rest some place among the stars

That I am the moon gleaming at you endlessly

And when that happens

I want to rip it all away from you

I want you broken and vulnerable

I am the hope that never quite satisfies you

Your paradise

and your misery

I intoxicate you

Infiltrate your mind

I want you to fall hopelessly, irresistibly in love

And give you nothing in return

Saturn🪐

[scratchingandkicking]

oh dear, i don’t wanna be a burden, but could you please be a little bit concerned with the overactive mind of a believer?

the toxic thoughts of an overachiever.

[butterflys-in-my-head]

butterflies in my head

all these butterflies, they’re all dead