#this was supposed to be a finished pic but I got lazy and it’s Christmas

[chowchulo]

Merry freakmas 👅

Bro Christmas SUCKED I didn’t see Toms nice oiled up body under my fucking tree

[unnuevosoltransformalarealidad]

Alone

Pics from Pinterest | Divider from @firefly-graphics

Title: Alone Summary: You missed your Christmas date with your boyfriend to be on your own.  Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader eventually Squares filled: Alone at Christmas for  @spnchristmasbingo // Dean’s Flannel for @supernatural-jackles Tell Me A Story Bingo // Free Space for @badbitchesbingo //  Warnings: Fluff, Christmas day, lazy day. Word Count: 324

| Masterlist | SPN Masterlist |

It was Christmas morning, and you were still in your pajamas. You were supposed to be driving to your boyfriend’s house to spend the holidays together, but when you woke up, you weren’t feeling the greatest emotionally, you wanted to be alone, you needed to be alone. 

You first put your phone in silence, then grab your boyfriend’s favorite flannel and your comfiest blanket for special occasions.

It was going to be a lazy day.

You grabbed the cookie container you had prepared to take to your boyfriend's, a mug of hot chocolate, set up a movie and got ready to spend a lazy day on your couch watching movies on Christmas day.

You should've told Dean that you weren't attending, but he was going to ask for explanations and you didn't have any, you just felt the need of being alone.

At some point you fell asleep because now that you were walking up, the sun was settling in and the weather was getting colder.

It was time to check your phone, and as you expected, you had too many text messages and missing calls from Dean. He was probably worried.You texted a quick "I'm fine. Happy holidays 💖" and put your phone down again.

Tired of Christmas movies, you put on a rerun of one of your favorite tv shows when you heard someone clearing their throat.

"You look better than me in that flannel, sweetheart," Dean said with his gentle voice.

"Hi babe," you greeted him stretching out from the back of the couch to peck his lips, "I'm sorry about today "

Dean shook his head and placed a kiss on your forehead, "you should've told me that you need this. I would've joined you"

"I needed to be alone. I'm sorry " you apologized hugging him.

"We still have some Christmas time and hot chocolate ready, let's finish this day together." He said, and then kissed you stealing your breath.

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[p-eppermintea]

love is a drug (but it never comes with a warning)

AO3 LINK

Pairing: Erwin Smith / Levi Ackerman (Eruri) Characters: Erwin Smith, Levi Ackerman, Isabel Magnolia, Farlan Church Rating: Explicit Warnings: No warnings apply Word Count: 13186 Tags: Sexual Content, Hook-up to Lovers, Pining, Angst, Croissant the cat, Love Confessions, Christmas, Yes I wrote the Christmas scenes in June

Excerpt / Summary:

So, here’s the thing. Levi really isn’t the type of person who invites strangers over for sex. Sure, he had a couple of hook-ups, quick fumbles, and one-night stands after nights out in his younger years – but that’s about the extent of it.

--

NOTE: I started this in October and very slowly finished it over the past 8-ish months. Quality control courtesy of ADHD and my inability to force myself to edit, mixed with my impatience to post. Sorry about mistakes!

So, here’s the thing.

Levi really isn’t the type of person who invites strangers over for sex. Sure, he had a couple of hook-ups, quick fumbles, and one-night stands after nights out in his younger years – but that’s about the extent of it.

The older he gets, the less he cares about sex. He’s slowly paying off a mortgage, has hobbies and a good job and a couple of even better friends. Meeting people just seems like a waste of time, and sex is just so unnecessary and messy.

But after almost two years of celibacy and with the house to himself for the weekend, he caves and downloads Grindr. He pours himself a glass of wine, downs it, and meanders around the house for a little bit. He feeds his cat. Pours himself another glass of wine. Polishes his already meticulously clean coffee table. He finally opens the app properly.

Making a profile doesn’t take him too long, and most of that time is taken up by choosing a profile picture. He settles on the gym photo he sent to Isabel a week earlier. He doesn’t really take a lot of photos of himself either, so it’s not exactly hard for him to choose.

Levi takes one look at the array of profiles before he sighs heavily and throws his phone to the other side of the couch. This is so stupid.

He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous. He’s thirty, for fuck’s sake. He’s gone through all of the stupid hormonal-fuelled confusion from his teen and early adult years, and he hasn’t been self-conscious about himself for as long as he can remember. He doesn’t even get nervous before big presentations. So why is this making his heart race and his palms sweat?

He sits and finishes his drink slowly, listening as his phone buzzes every now and then in front of him.

About twenty minutes pass before he eventually gives in and grabs his phone again.

Three messages. Alright, not bad. He can deal with three messages.

They aren’t really anything special. It’s about what Levi expected; “Top or bottom?”, “Come here often?”. And, of course, a dick pic straight away. Levi scoffs at that last one. It’s an okay photo, he supposes. It’s a just dick, though, there isn’t really much more to it. He’s worth more than some low-effort and unsolicited dick pic, though, so the message is ultimately ignored.

He’s actually a little disappointed by the choices. Maybe he’s a bit too old for this, but it just seems like people have gotten lazy when it comes to looking for hookups. They could’ve at least put some effort into their first messages, for fuck’s sake.

Levi shoots a lazy reply of “Switch” to the first guy. He looks okay in his profile picture. Attractive, but with soft features and the build of a particularly thin tree. He doesn’t really find himself gravitating towards that type of man too often.

Mr. Cheesy-Pick-Up-Line is more his type. Tall, wide shoulders, chiselled, and downright handsome. Erwin, thirty-five. A little bit closer to his age, too.

Too bad his first message is so lame.

Erwin: Come here often?

Levi: What is this, the nineties? Does that even ever work?

Levi: I just downloaded this.

Erwin: Not yet, but I’ve got my fingers crossed! What brings you here?

Levi: Looking for a hook-up, I guess.

Erwin: Any luck?

Levi: Not yet. Unless one mediocre dick pic counts.

Erwin: Unfortunate. I find that it’s quite rare to find a decent one. I could definitely send a much better one

Erwin: That was a joke. I think. Unless…?

This guy is so lame.

Levi: Ha. Ha. Ha. Hilarious.

He chews on his lip, contemplating. He flicks off the lid of the wine bottle and takes a swig. Fuck it. He might as well throw himself right in the deep end and get it over with.

Levi: Alright then. I’ll warn you though, I’m a tough crowd to impress.

And, well.

It’s something, alright. He was right, at least – it is much better. Warm early-morning lighting, with soft shadows that define the sharp planes of his hips. He’s kneeling on a bed, hard and curved in his hand, and okay. Levi’s stomach twists deliciously.

Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it.

Levi: When can you come over?

--

When turns out to be right this minute.

Levi chews on his fingernails for the entire forty minutes it takes for Erwin to get to his house.

It’s not until he hears a car door slamming closed out on his driveway that it finally sets in. He’s known this guy for approximately… What, an hour now? And he’s coming over. To his house. At damn near ten o’clock at night.

Oh God, what if he’s a total catfish. Or a serial killer?

By the time there’s a knock at the door, Levi still hasn’t decided whether or not he can actually go through with it. He spends way too long pacing by the door and swearing to himself under his breath. He picks up his cat, and puts her down, and then picks her up again, before finally opening the door.

Erwin is standing in front of him, way taller and way more handsome than his photo looked. “Levi?”

The cat squirms in his arms. “Um.” Levi swallows, his throat suddenly dry. “Yeah, that’s me.” He steps aside and gestures inside, inviting him in.

Erwin steps inside, moving slowly and smiling kindly at Levi on his way past. “Cute cat,” he comments while Levi is bumping the door closed with his hip. He steps closer – way too close – and immediately starts rubbing behind her ears.

“Her name is Croissant,” Levi mumbles. She’s a little sand-coloured thing, with big green eyes and a fluffy tail. The name suits her. “She’s my housemate’s cat.”

Erwin laughs. “Nice to meet you, Croissant.” He’s leaning down and cooing over her, and she’s purring. That little shit, who almost never purrs when Levi is petting her, is actually purring.

Before Levi can get too annoyed that Erwin is giving the cat more attention, Erwin straightens up and looks at Levi with a bright grin. “How shall we do this, then?” he asks. “Would you feel more comfortable if we sit down and talk first, or just get into it?”

Levi contemplates for a moment, Croissant squirming in his arms until she breaks free from his hold and dashes off into the kitchen. It’s not like they’re on a date or anything, so getting to know each other first seems a little pointless to him. “What do you usually do?”

“I don’t do this too often, but when I do, I find it easier to start slow.” He’s already pretty close, but he steps forwards, moving more and more into Levi’s space. They’re basically breathing in each other’s mouths. Levi wets his dry as fuck lips and shuffles nervously. “Is this okay?”

Levi nods, and Erwin’s hand starts travelling lightly up his arm. His body jerks automatically in response, but he quickly relaxes. His hand eventually stops on Levi’s elbow, and he leans even closer. “Tell me when to stop,” he mumbles.

Erwin is taking his sweet time, studying Levi’s face. He squirms under his steely blue gaze. The anticipation is fucking killing him. It’s almost unbearable.

So Levi kisses Erwin first. He raises up onto the tips of his toes and smashes their lips together, throwing his arms up around Erwin’s neck, slow be damned.

It’s good, as far as first kisses go. Erwin is soft and tender, but there’s this underlying dominance to him. He allows Erwin to kiss his way into his mouth, his hands sliding up Levi’s arms and finding their way onto his cheeks.

They move slowly to the living room, hands and mouths roaming carelessly, and clothes slowly finding themselves strewn out on the floor. They fall onto the couch together, Erwin pulling Levi’s shirt off over his head and dropping it onto the floor next to them. Levi shudders at the sight of clothes discarded on the floor haphazardly, but then Erwin is kissing him again, and pushing him down into the couch cushions, and climbing on top of him, and suddenly he just doesn’t mind.

“Do you mind if I mark you?” Erwin asks, looking down at Levi with narrow eyes.

Levi’s breath catches in his throat, and he shakes his head quickly. Erwin moves downwards, and Levi’s head immediately falls back to expose his neck, his eyes rolling back when Erwin’s lips attach to his skin.

Part of Levi wants to roll Erwin over and make him beg – he usually takes on a more dominant role during sex. But they’ve only been making out for about ten minutes, and Levi just wants to lay there and let Erwin do whatever he wants to him, as many times as he wants. Levi groans quietly as Erwin digs his teeth into his skin and sucks hard.

They just seem to click.

--

Afterwards, when they’re both sweaty and exhausted and very much satisfied, Levi makes Erwin a cup of tea, and they sit in the kitchen and drink in silence.

After Levi’s usual hook-ups, he usually either kicks the guy out, or passes out immediately afterwards and pretends to still be asleep in the morning as he sneaks out, never to be seen again. He doesn’t have time for casual conversation with random guys from clubs.

This time feels different – he actually kind of likes Erwin. He’s definitely the best sex he’s ever had, that’s for sure. He really has no idea what to say, though.

Croissant is sitting in the doorway, eyeing them both suspiciously. Levi can feel her judging them.

“So,” Erwin starts, setting his cup down. “What happens now?”

“I don’t know,” Levi admits. He takes a sip of his tea. “You do this more than I do, you tell me.”

“I mean… unless you’d like me to go, perhaps we could put on a movie?” Erwin’s eyebrows wriggle suggestively. It’s stupid, and lame, and annoyingly cute. “And not watch it?”

And that’s how they find themselves back on Levi’s couch, making out lazily with some shitty rom-com that Erwin chose playing on the TV.

Erwin is exactly the right size for Levi to be far too comfortable lying on top of him. He’s big enough to wrap himself almost completely around Levi’s body. He feels oddly secure.

He’s also the perfect size, it seems, for Croissant to insert herself directly in-between them, pushing her little head between the two of them and lying down directly on Erwin’s chest. She starts purring immediately, flexing her claws in Erwin’s shirt, and flicking Levi with her tail.

“Oh wow,” Levi says, sitting up and crossing his arms. “Are you some kind of cat hypnotist or something?”

Erwin laughs, scratching Croissant behind the ears. “I guess she just likes me.”

Levi scoffs. “The little bitch doesn’t like anyone except my dumbshit housemate,” he replies. “She doesn’t even like me that much.”

“That’s surprising, you’re very pleasant,” Erwin replies, smiling cheekily. The joke is obvious behind his eyes and toothy smile.

“If my stupid cat wasn’t between us right now, I’d kick your ass.”

Erwin laughs, a bright and hearty sound that rumbles deep in his chest and startles Croissant. She merely looks at him in alarm for a moment, and then goes back to purring. He continues to fuss over her, making little kissy faces and squishing her face delicately in his hands. “You are so cute,” he coos, wrapping his arms around her gently and pulling her closer to his chest.

All Levi can really do is just watch as his Grindr hook-up, still in just his underwear and a T-shirt, gives his cat more attention than him. He can’t help but smile a little bit to himself, though, as he watches Erwin interacting with Croissant. It’s actually pretty endearing, in a way.

“I think someone’s in love,” Levi comments. He watches for a little bit longer, before his erection starts to go down and he gets a little too impatient. “Okay, time’s up. Shove her off and pay attention to me again.”

Erwin rubs his nose lovingly against Croissant’s forehead and picks her up, putting her down on the carpet. She looks disappointed, but opts for staring up at them instead of jumping up again. He looks back up at Levi and wets his lips, pulling him down with a large hand on the back of his neck.

It’s not until after half a movie, two more rounds, and a few episodes of Friends later, that Erwin yawns loudly, stretching his arms over his head.

“It’s late,” Levi observes. The clock above the TV reads somewhere after 2 AM. He really wasn’t intending for Erwin to stay for so long, but part of him really didn’t want him to leave. If anyone asks him, he’ll probably say that hormones were compelling him to let Erwin stay – it has been a while since he’s had any kind of sex, after all. But the truth is that he actually just really likes spending time with him.

“Yeah,” Erwin replies slowly.

“You’re probably too tired to drive home.”

“I guess I am, yeah.” Erwin’s eyebrow rises, waiting.

Levi looks down at his hands, scraping at an invisible speck on his thumbnail. “So maybe you should stay for the night. Y’know. So you don’t fall asleep at the wheel and die.”

Erwin huffs out a laugh. “That sounds good to me.”

Levi stands up, rubbing at his tired eyes with his sleeve. He reaches out his hand sheepishly, and leads Erwin into his bedroom – Croissant following close by.

“Just don’t leave in the middle of the night and steal my shit,” Levi grumbles. “I’ll know.”

--

When Levi wakes up at 9 AM in the morning (which is uncharacteristically late for him), he’s almost shocked that Erwin is still in the bed with him. For some reason, he kind of expected him to get up and disappear during the night. He doesn’t seem like the type, but there’s always the possibility. And of course, Croissant is curled up on the pillow, right next to his head, and snoring quietly.

He sits up in bed and watches them for a little bit. While Croissant is a bit of a cuddle bug sometimes, she’s never really connected with anyone as quickly as she seems to be connecting with Erwin. Even when Isabel brought her home as a rescue kitten – it took her a couple of months to get to this point. What’s so special about Erwin, then?

Levi is almost tempted to take a photo of the two for Isabel, but he really doesn’t want to be that guy who takes weird creepy photos of his hook-ups. He also doesn’t even want to think about all the questions and comments she’ll have for him. Knowing her, she’d be on the first train back, just to get a glimpse at Erwin. No, it’s probably better he keeps this to himself. She’ll inevitably find out eventually, though.

Erwin shifts and groans in his sleep, and Levi startles, whipping his head the other way. He quietly crawls out of bed and retreats into his en suite, closing the door carefully behind him. He busies himself with brushing his teeth, keeping an ear out in case Erwin stirs more.

He has no idea what he’s going to do when Erwin wakes up. He supposes he should make him breakfast and tea, and then what? Would it be rude to ask him to leave after that? He could always use work as an excuse if he needs to.

Levi sits on the side of the bathtub for a little bit, eyeing the spiderweb in the corner of his ceiling with disgust. It’s been there for a few weeks, but he doesn’t have the heart to get rid of it while there’s a spider still living there. After all, she keeps the flies out.

He sighs loudly and gets up, leaving the bathroom quietly. Erwin is sitting up in bed with Croissant, stroking her back quietly. Unfazed by Levi’s re-entrance, she rolls over onto her back, purring loudly as Erwin rubs her belly.

“Wow, you have her so whipped,” Levi observes.

Erwin smiles up at Levi. “I guess I just have the magic touch or something.”

Levi lingers in the doorway, shuffling his feet. He watches as Erwin leans over and presses his face into Croissant’s chest, scratching her cheeks. It’s stupidly cute, and Levi hates it.

“Um, so,” Levi starts. “Sleep well?” He cringes. Small talk really isn’t his thing, obviously.

Erwin sits up, smiling handsomely up at Levi. “I did, thank you.”

Levi sits down on the edge of the bed, reaching out to Croissant and softly petting her head. She looks up at him, looking downright offended that he’d even dare to look at her right now. In one swift motion, she flips over and bolts out of the room, sprinting down the hallway at full speed.

They both sit in silence, avoiding eye contact like the plague. Or, at least Levi avoids it. When he finally looks up at Erwin, he’s looking right back at him. His cheeks turn hot.

It’s not long until Erwin is pushing him down into the mattress and slowly kissing his way down Levi’s chest. His mouth is hot and wet when he takes him all the way down.

--

Levi makes both of them breakfast and they eat quietly in the kitchen, exchanging casual small talk every now and then. Erwin is a sous chef. He has no siblings, both of his parents are dead, and he lives alone. He likes dogs more than cats, but cats are cool, too.

They both have such regular, boring lives. No wonder Erwin is so freaky in bed.

Erwin puts his empty teacup down carefully and stretches, groaning loudly as he does. “I have to go,” he starts. Levi deflates a little, strangely disappointed. Erwin continues, “I’d really like to see you again, though.”

“I’d like that too.”

They say an awkward goodbye to each other at the door. Levi gives Erwin his phone number with a shy, “Call me whenever,” and watches as Erwin gets in his car and drives away.

Croissant sits by the door for most of the day.

--

Levi: I think you broke my cat.

Erwin: Oh?

The image Levi attaches is of Croissant, sleeping right next to the front door.

Levi: She’s been here since you left yesterday.

Erwin: I guess she misses me!

He also replies with a dorky laughing emote, and seriously Levi is so close to just blocking him. What is he, eighty-five?

Levi: My housemate came home, and the cat barely even looked at her. Usually, you can’t keep them away from each other.

Erwin: Oops! :)

Levi: She might get too lovesick, so you might have to come over again soon, maybe.

Levi physically cringes after hitting send on that one. This sort of weird flirting thing is new to him, but he quite likes Erwin. He never knew how enjoyable slightly awkward non-conversations and really good sex could actually be. It’s enjoyable enough to actually let himself talk like this, he supposes.

Erwin: Just tell me when

--

When Erwin comes over for the second time that Tuesday afternoon, he immediately scoops Croissant up into his arms and rocks her in his arms, pressing little kisses onto her forehead. She squirms in his arms until he loosens his grip and climbs up onto his shoulders.

Isabel slides up next to Levi, eyeing them both curiously. “Wow, I thought he was joking,” she comments, eyes wide. “But there she is, happy as a peach.”

They go through the weird introductory stage as fast as they can. Luckily, Isabel and Erwin are both rays of fucking sunshine, so they get along really easily, readily going into a full conversation about Croissant while Levi stands there awkwardly. They don’t talk for too long – Croissant is far too insistent on Erwin’s full attention for that – and soon move to the kitchen. The plan is for Erwin to cook dinner, Isabel to “have a nosy at her big bro’s new man” (her words), and Levi to suffer eternally until she finally leaves them alone.

Isabel sits herself down on one of the bar stools at the kitchen island, resting her chin in her hands and looking between Levi and Erwin. She’s smiling uncontrollably at them, and it’s seriously creeping Levi out. She makes a happy little noise when Erwin sets Croissant down in her lap. Surprisingly, she settles right down, staring back at Erwin with big eyes.

Isabel and Erwin get back into their easy conversation, with Levi chiming in every now and then, while Erwin gets to work. He’s making vegan spaghetti and meatballs, as per Isabel’s request. Levi and Isabel half-play Scrabble while they wait, and Croissant eventually jumps down from her lap in favour of following Erwin around the kitchen – nearly tripping him up every five minutes.

It’s getting dark outside by the time Erwin finishes. Levi pours them all a glass of wine each, and they eat at the dining table.

Surprisingly to himself, Levi finds himself really enjoying himself. Erwin and Isabel seem to get along really well, which is good. He probably wouldn’t be able to see him anymore if she didn’t like him. It’s not exactly hard to get Isabel to like you, so if she doesn’t like someone, there must really be something wrong with them – especially if they’re willing to make dinner. And enough for leftovers, at that.

“God, you should cook for us every day,” Isabel groans, shoving her clear plate forwards. “I will give you Levi’s entire paycheque to be the head chef at Casa de Levi and Isabel.”

Erwin laughs, scratching his neck and blushing bashfully. “Oh, well…” he trails off, glancing at Levi, who just shrugs. “In that case, I’d quit my job in a heartbeat. I’ll even cook dinners for little Croissant here.” He looks down at her, where she insisted on curling up on his lap while they ate. She’s usually not allowed to be at the dinner table while they eat, but… well, Levi couldn’t exactly say no to all three of them, could he?

Isabel claps her hands together and looks at Levi with mock-pleading eyes, jutting out her bottom lip. “Oh please, Levi, can we keep him?”

Levi raises an eyebrow and pretends to think about it for a moment. He might as well play along. “I guess so, but only if you promise to clean up after him.”

Next to him, Erwin chuckles quietly. He reaches over subtly and places a hand on Levi’s knee under the table. Levi nearly jumps out of his skin, but manages to disguise it as shifting in his seat. His hand shifts, moving upwards slowly and eventually settling again high up on his thigh. When he glances at Erwin, all he gets is a small, polite smile.

Isabel grins hugely at Erwin, leaning forwards. “Looks like you’re staying here forever, then.”

“You’ll have to help me pack a bag,” he counters, somehow smiling back with the same intensity as Isabel. All while slowly sliding his hand between Levi’s thighs. When he opens his legs a little bit more, almost instinctively, Erwin’s hand moves further forwards. He rubs Levi through his jeans slowly, and Levi feels himself hardening, and okay, okay, okay.

Levi jumps up, completely startling Croissant and causing her to wriggle off of Erwin’s lap and shoot off out of the kitchen. “I’ll clean up,” he blurts out. He busies himself with taking all of the plates and empty wine glasses to the sink. Erwin looks up at Levi as he takes his plate, one eyebrow raised in concern. He smiles minutely, just to assure him that everything’s okay.

He cleans the dishes as quickly as he can manage whilst still being as meticulous as he usually is, and Erwin and Isabel continue their casual conversation quietly amongst themselves. He dries off his hands and turns around, tossing the handtowel at Isabel’s head. “Alright, fuck off now, it’s my turn.”

Isabel stands up abruptly and throws the towel back at him, missing completely. She’s smiling. “Alright, Mr. Grumpy Bones, I’m going!” She turns to Erwin on her way out and gives a little wave. “It was nice to meet you, I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah, you too!”

She turns back just before she leaves the room and stares Levi down, her eyes saying, “Don’t you dare fuck in the kitchen,” in every way.

Levi huffs and slowly walks towards Erwin, waiting until he hears Isabel close her bedroom door behind her until he finally throws one leg over Erwin’s legs and climbs into his lap. “That was pretty mean,” he tells him, quiet and under his breath. He grazes his lips lightly against Erwin’s cheek, feeling him shudder.

“What was?” Erwin asks, smirking slyly.

“You know.” He nudges Erwin’s lips gently; not kissing him yet, but teasing. He puts a hand on Erwin’s cheek, using his thumb to part his lips and open up his mouth, and Erwin chases Levi’s tongue with his own.

They finally kiss, Erwin sighing contently and wrapping his arms perfectly around Levi’s waist. “Which one’s your bedroom again?” Erwin’s words come out as a whisper against Levi’s lips. They kiss again, and Erwin pulls Levi even closer, their chests pressing together. He slides his arms down and heaves both him and Levi up in one movement.

Levi’s legs wrap around Erwin’s waist, clinging to him like his life depends on it. “First door on the left down the corridor, make it quick.”

--

They have their first kind-of-but-really-not date on the following Friday.

It starts with Isabel harassing Levi from the second he gets home from work about how they “absolutely must go out tonight!” As much as he hates to admit it, Levi has never really been able to say no to her – and she knows it, too. That’s why there are photos of them all over the house, and a cat called Croissant.

Levi plays along and protests weakly for all of two minutes before giving in; she really does have him wrapped around her little finger. He feigns annoyance as he trudges to the bathroom to shower, just for the drama of it all. Truth is, they haven’t really had a night out together for a while. She’s been working pretty hard recently, and she deserves to have a nice time.

Levi showers as quickly and as thoroughly as he can manage without Isabel knocking the door down. He barely gets his underwear on before she’s barging into his bedroom and insisting that he dress up, immediately digging through his wardrobe to find him a shirt. She throws a dark blue button-down with white flowers to him – a shirt that she had gifted to him a few months ago after receiving her first paycheque. Levi isn’t really a flowers person at all, but it’s his favourite shirt. He’s allowed to be a sentimental bitch every once and a while.

Isabel pretty much forces him into a pair of inappropriately tight dress pants and pats him sweetly on the cheek. “So handsome!”

He shrugs her off of him, his cheeks growing warm. “Yeah yeah, get ready, and let’s fuckin’ go.”

She orders them both an Uber into the city – with one stop on the way to pick Farlan up – and walks them so quickly to the bar that she’s practically running. They end up in a fancy-looking underground cocktail lounge on the main street. It’s not quite dark out yet, and the clouds are grey and dense with rain. It had rained for most of the day already, but it didn’t seem like it would stop any time soon. Inside, there’s dim, warm lighting from the little chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, swing music playing on the speakers, and a lit fireplace. The whole nine yards.

They’re escorted to a small booth in the corner and given a couple of food and drink menus. Farlan and Levi go into a conversation about their respective days at work while Isabel immediately snatches up the menus and pours over them.

It’s been far too long since Levi and Farlan last caught up properly, but they fly back into comfortable conversation with ease. The three of them have a lot to talk about, especially after a couple of drinks each.

Levi gets up after a while to use the bathroom, slash buy the next round, slash flirt awkwardly with the stupidly cute bartender while he makes their drinks. When he walks back to their table, there are noticeably a couple more strawberries in the glasses than usual. He supposes that’s all he’ll get from his weird flirty banter, but he’s okay with that. He admires the professionality more than he cares for getting his number.

He barely sits back down and starts up the conversation again before Isabel gasps loudly, squirming in her seat. “Erwin’s here!” she squeaks, far too loudly, and pointing at the other side of the restaurant.

And yep. There he is. Of course, she invited him.

Levi hides behind his drink and watches as Erwin rushes over, all handsome and tall and button-up shirt tucked in with the sleeves rolled up and a stupid navy tie, and who even gave him the right to look that good?

“God, sorry I’m late,” Erwin says hurriedly. “We were late with closing, and then I got stuck in some traffic, and then I had to go home and change, and –”

Isabel cuts him off with a wave of her hand. “Don’t worry about it!” She stands up from her seat next to Levi and pats the now-vacant chair. “Sit! I’ll get you a drink – the espresso martinis here are so good.”

She runs off to the bar before Erwin can get another word in, let alone protest to her spending money on him.

There’s a long beat of weird, awkward silence before Farlan sticks his hand out, switching from awkward to his usual friendly self in a split second. “You’re Erwin, then,” he remarks.

Erwin shakes Farlan’s hand. “And you must be Farlan,” he counters. “I’ve heard a lot about you from Isabel.”

“Likewise,” Farlan responds, not without taking a not-so-subtle glance at Levi and raising his eyebrows suggestively. It takes every bit of strength in Levi’s being not to throw his drink straight at him. Instead, he just chews on his flimsy paper straw and grunts in acknowledgement.

“I think you just might be Isabel’s new favourite person,” Farlan continues. “She’s already completely smitten.”

Right on cue, Isabel gently places two espresso martinis down onto the table, before sitting down heavily herself next to Farlan. “If you and Levi split up, I’m totally swooping in and making you my housewife,” she jokes. “I do love some good home cooking.”

Erwin laughs nervously and sips his drink. “Well, I mean… There isn’t really anything to split up,” he adds in, glancing warily at Levi. “So… I suppose I could be your housewife whenever, then.”

All Levi can do is stare down into his drink and fidget with his hands. It is true that they aren’t actually together, but there’s something about the way Erwin said it, just like that - and he sounded so sure about it. For some reason, it hurt.

Levi tries so hard not to wear his emotions on his sleeve. Everyone who’s known him for more than a minute knows that he’d rather shove his head into a spider web than show his emotions, but that hit him differently for some reason. Perhaps it’s just the fact that he was always under the impression that there was something to split up – they’ve been seeing each other regularly for a while – longer than anyone has ever wanted to be around Levi for, other than Isabel and Farlan. Does Erwin actually think that way, or is he saying it because he thinks that’s what Levi thinks?

The thought of that, and coupled with the fact that Isabel didn’t even mention that he was coming, sends his brain into overload. He listens to Isabel and Farlan continue to talk at Erwin, until the staticky feeling in his brain starts to become too much and he downs the rest of his drink in one go. “Excuse me,” he says, getting up on wobbly legs and high tailing it to the bathroom as fast as he can.

He washes his hands once. And again. And then once more, for his own peace of mind.

Levi sighs and stares at himself in the mirror – at his tired, sunken-in eyes; the dryness of his lips and the paleness of his skin; his messy, dark hair. Every part of his brain is screaming at him. That he’s not good enough for Erwin; that he’s just going to leave him at the first chance he gets. It shouldn’t matter, it doesn’t matter, just let it play out. His throat is dry, but he swallows down his anxiety and turns the tap on again, frantically dispensing soap onto his hand.

Two men enter the bathroom, chatting obnoxiously loudly with each other, and Levi uses it as an opportunity to escape back to their table. Nobody says anything, thank God¸ but Isabel slowly pushes a pink cocktail in a jar towards him. She gives him her best puppy-dog eyes, and he forgives her instantly. Of course he does.

His heartbeat thumps loudly in his ears as he sits down next to Erwin. He’s good at acting natural, so he warily hooks his foot around Erwin’s calf and puts a hand down on his thigh. He gets a warm smile in return, and Erwin leans in closer.

“So… Isabel didn’t mention that I was coming, then,” Erwin starts, quietly.

“No, she didn’t.”

“She said that she’s sorry for making you uncomfortable,” he offers.

Levi sighs. “Yeah, I know she is. She just got a bit carried away.”

Erwin raises an eyebrow at him. “There’s not much she can’t get away with with you, huh?” He sounds surprised, as if he hasn’t been in the same room as both of them at once. It’s laughably obvious how lenient Levi is with Isabel. She could come home with a whole litter of kittens, and he’d let her keep all of them if it would make her happy.

Of course, he wouldn’t actually tell her that, because she’d probably come home with a box full of cats the next day. But the sentiment is still there.

Levi shrugs passively. “She’s like a little sister to me,” he explains. “It’d be very un-big-brotherly of me to not let her get away with everything.”

That seems to make Erwin smile. “That’s really sweet.”

They sip their drinks together, in a silence that’s comfortable but still so painfully awkward.

Across the table, Isabel and Farlan are arguing over a basket of sweet potato fries – Farlan keeps stealing all of the crispy ones before Isabel can even look at them, how dare he. They’re both laughing about it, but Levi really wouldn’t be surprised if Isabel jumped over the table and started clawing at him.

Levi stays mostly quiet for the next hour or so, only chiming in on conversation every now and then. He just sits and sips on cocktail after cocktail, sinking into a fuzzy haze. By the time everyone starts to get ready to leave, his cheeks are numb, and it takes him a good few seconds to stand up on his shaky legs.

“We should head home before I spend all of my money,” Isabel sighs, pulling her coat over her shoulders.

Erwin slowly stands up and looks around at them, unsure what to do with himself. Isabel hooks her arm around Erwin’s and pulls herself close to his side.

“Come back to ours,” she says, looking up at him. “I have some wine left, and you can stay the night.” She turns to Levi. God, she knows he can’t resist her stupid puppy-dog eyes. “Right?”

Levi shrugs, acting as nonchalant as he can. “Sounds good.”

Erwin smiles, “Sounds good to me, too.”

--

It’s not long until Isabel is wine-drunk and singing and swaying around the kitchen with Croissant huddled securely to her chest, whilst Levi, Erwin, and Farlan play Uno at the table. It’s definitely not Levi’s game of choice – not by a long shot. He’s unnecessarily competitive and impatient, and everyone knows that when you mix that with Uno, friendships get destroyed and someone ends up crying. He sits there, grumpy as ever and holding about fifteen cards, and glares at Farlan from across the table. He somehow managed to get all of the pick up four and reversal cards, completely fucking Levi over, because he’s a fucking coward who doesn’t even dare target the new guy.

“Fucking hell Is, it’s your turn,” Levi groans, picking up her hand and throwing it at her weakly. The cards flutter down around her and land softly at her feet.

“Noooo, no cards. Time to dance with the baby.” The baby, who is actually a four-year-old adult cat, seems content to just sit in her arms and be swayed.

Erwin looks on with amusement. It’s the first time since they got home that Croissant hasn’t stuck to Erwin like glue. (Although, she did get a bit upset about being stolen from her comfortable perch on his lap.)

“My turn, then!” Farlan says. He’s far too excited, Levi notices. And… yep, another pick up two card. Yet again, Levi doesn’t have anything to refute it with. He grumbles in annoyance as he picks up another two. He’s so getting his ass beaten later.

Next to him, Erwin takes his turn, happily exclaiming, “Uno!” as he sets down a yellow reversal card.

Levi throws his card onto the pile unceremoniously, and then Farlan takes his turn, and ultimately, Erwin is declared the winner.

“Thank fuck that’s over,” Levi hisses, dropping the rest of his cards onto the table. “I forgot that you’re an asshole.”

Farlan laughs happily. “Not my fault you’re bad at Uno.”

“I will punch you, and you know I will,” Levi challenges, standing up. It’s all just casual banter, and they both know that he probably wouldn’t punch Farlan. (Probably.)

“Let’s go, then!” Farlan jumps to his feet, puffing out his chest comically. He moves into an open space and beckons at Levi, planting his feet down firmly on the ground and bracing himself.

Erwin looks alarmed, but he doesn’t say anything. He just watches quietly as Levi lets out a (reasonably volumed) war cry and immediately pounces on Farlan like a cat. Their actual cat squirms out of Isabel’s arms and bolts off out of the kitchen. They wrestle with each other, and it’s like they’re kids again. Except much less messy, and more… two men who are getting way too old for wrestling.

Levi manages to pin Farlan down, jamming his hands under his shirt and wriggling them against his sides. He tickles Farlan until he’s a mess of laughter and surprisingly high-pitched noises, thrashing around and begging him to stop.

“It’s like watching two puppies fight,” Erwin remarks amusedly. He steps back cautiously when Levi’s head whips around to look at him.

“You wanna go too, big boy?”

Erwin raises an eyebrow at him. “You really think you could take me down?” he challenges. He thinks for a second before adding a wary sounding, “Short stuff?”

Isabel and Farlan gasp dramatically. “You didn’t,” Isabel laughed.

Levi gets up rather ungracefully and starts towards Erwin, flipping his hair out of his face and cracking his knuckles. Erwin doesn’t seem to be too worried by his “boy on the streets” intimidation tactic. He seems confident that Levi won’t actually hurt him or anything, but they both know that Levi is stronger than he looks.

Levi is also a lot quicker than he looks, too, and he manages to dodge around Erwin and jump up onto his back. He uses all of his weight to clumsily pull Erwin down onto the ground, rolling him over onto his back and throwing a leg over his body to straddle him. Isabel cheers for him enthusiastically. Even though Erwin’s tipsy state makes it a lot easier to take him down, he still huffs in triumph at his win.

“I wasn’t expecting you to actually be able to do it,” Erwin observes. He subtly places a hand on Levi’s thigh, stroking it gently. “I stand corrected.”

Levi grumbles under his breath nervously, his face warm and flushed. He moves to stand up and Erwin strikes, wrapping his arms around Levi and flipping him over onto the ground. The impact knocks the wind out of Levi’s lungs a little bit, and he gasps for breath.

“You dirty bitch,” Levi hisses, immediately struggling to regain control. Erwin just laughs and sits down heavily on his thighs, restricting his movement.

Erwin shrugs, grabbing Levi’s hands and pinning them down by his head. “You don’t win by playing nice and following rules.”

Levi sticks up his nose at Erwin, giving him his best annoyed face.

All he gets in return is a big grin as Erwin leans down, pressing a kiss on the tip of his nose. “For such an angry little man, you sure are cute,” he points out.

From the kitchen, Farlan fakes gagging sounds. “I’m going to throw up, stop it.” Isabel giggles next to him.

Just to be rude, Erwin leans down and kisses Levi properly, laughing against his mouth. And what kind of person would Levi be if he didn’t kiss him back?

--

It happens slowly, but eventually, Erwin ends up spending most of his time at Levi and Isabel’s place. It started as one or two times a week, but then Levi suggests that it could be nice if Erwin spent a weekend there. After that, his toothbrush starts making an appearance in the bathroom, and Levi finds at least three pairs of his underwear in his wardrobe. They go to work at the same time, Levi comes home, and then he and Croissant just sit and wait for Erwin to come back a couple of hours. Sometimes it feels like years, but he doesn’t think too far into that.

Levi isn’t entirely sure what it is that keeps Erwin coming back. It could be that he gets along with Isabel really well. Both her and Croissant seem to follow him around wherever he goes. He comes home one day to all three of them asleep on the couch, some cheesy TV show playing in the background. He tries not to feel too jealous about their bond, because he and Erwin do still spend plenty of time alone together. But Levi just seems to struggle to connect with people in the same way that Isabel has always been able to, and he’s always been uncomfortably insecure about that.

Awkward lapses in conversation slowly turn into comfortable silences, though, and slowly but surely, it gets easier.

It’s hard for Levi to believe that someone like Erwin could genuinely like him, sometimes. He wouldn’t exactly brand himself as someone who’s easy to tolerate, never mind actually like. But apparently Erwin, who is relentlessly pleasant to be around and far easier to get along with than Levi is himself, really, actually, genuinely likes him.

Levi brushes his teeth and stares at Erwin’s razor, sitting on the side of the sink. It’s just sitting there, like it pays rent or something. And it should annoy him, but it doesn’t. Erwin is very slowly invading his home, his social life, his thoughts. Surprisingly, he’s okay with it. What started out as a hook-up and then really good casual sex is now… a friendship, he guesses. The sex is still good too, which is a bonus.

He sighs and puts his toothbrush back in its holder. What is he turning into?

--

They don’t see each other for about two weeks, making sure to text every now and then and communicate through Isabel. Even Levi will admit that it gets a little sad around the house without Erwin around. Croissant goes all around the house trying to find him, and Levi feels bad enough for her that he lets her sleep in his bed for a couple of nights.

Levi comes home on Thursday night from what is turning out to be his longest and most exhausting week in a long time. He fully intends on just lying on the kitchen floor with his cat for the next few hours and disintegrating into a pile of sand. He groans, hanging his work bag up on the hook by the front door, and heads towards the kitchen. The smell of sautéing onions gets stronger the closer he gets, accompanied by some faint pop song on the radio. “God, Isabel, I swear,” he starts, “if another one of the assholes I work with tests me, I’m going to start punching.”

He rounds the corner into the kitchen, only to be met by broad shoulders and blond hair. He blinks at Erwin, standing at the stove with Levi’s stupid old apron on. It’s pink, with big black letters on that front that invite you to kiss the cook. It’s also about two sizes too small on Erwin, and Levi has to work hard to suppress his laughter. “My, Isabel, you sure do look different today, did you cut your hair?”

“Ha ha, very funny,” Erwin replies, turning back to the stove. “She let me in and went out for the night.”

“Right,” Levi says, suspicious. He approaches the kitchen island cautiously. Croissant is sitting on one of the stools, flicking her fluffy tail and watching Erwin intently. He sits on the stool next to her and reaches over to pet her head.

“I mean,” Erwin continues, pushing the contents of the pan around slowly, “she told me you were having a bad week and invited me over. Y’know, to help make you feel better.”

While he has never met them, Levi knows that Erwin has friends of his own. Which, as Levi understands it, loosely translates to having something better to do with his time. He doesn’t say that, though, because the last time he brought it up, Erwin just looked really sad and said, “What could be better than this?” Levi felt guilty for a whole week after that.

“I have this whole thing planned for tonight, so you can just go sit down and relax,” Erwin explains, reaching over to turn the kettle on. “I’ll bring a cup of tea out for you.”

Levi starts to protest, but Erwin gives him a look of pure don’t even try that’s somehow scary enough to scare Levi, of all people, into just shutting up and following instructions.

He heads into the living room, taking off his blazer on the way and folding it up neatly, placing it carefully on one of the armchairs. He throws himself down onto the couch, clicking the on button on the TV remote. He doesn’t really indulge himself on TV at all, but flips the channel until he lands on the opening song of this soap opera that he and Isabel started watching ages ago. She slowly lost interest and stopped watching, but Levi still catches up on it every now and then.

Erwin comes in and sets a mug down on the coffee table, taking care to put a coaster down first. Levi watches as he meticulously shifts the coaster around until it’s in the exact spot (more or less) that Levi puts it every time he uses it. He softly kisses Levi on the forehead on his way out, having said nothing about his evening TV viewing choices – Levi sighs in relief at that.

Levi takes a big gulp of his tea and sits back. He swims in and out of consciousness for a little bit, only half paying attention to his show. It’s been such a long and shitty week that he can’t even watch his favourite soap opera for longer than ten minutes without just wanting to fall asleep immediately.

The next thing he knows, Erwin is standing over Levi and gently shaking his shoulder. “Dinner’s ready,” he says softly when Levi opens his eyes.

Levi groans and crawls off of the couch, still half asleep. His soap’s credits sequence is playing on the TV, so at least he hasn’t been asleep for too long. He follows Erwin to the dining room, yawning obnoxiously loudly as he trails slowly behind him. “Thanks for making dinner,” he mumbles. “I’m so exhausted, I probably would’ve forgotten to eat again.”

Erwin laughs quietly. “Yeah, Isabel mentioned that you haven’t been eating properly.”

“Figures,” Levi sighs, sitting down at the table. There’s a big bowl of spaghetti bolognese (with real meat) in front of him, and a big loaf of garlic bread in the middle of the table. “Oh God,” he moans, reaching straight for the end piece of the loaf. “I am so in love.”

He doesn’t even try to back-peddle on that – he just immediately blocks it out of his memories and shoves the entire slice of garlic bread into his mouth at once. Thankfully, Erwin just sits down and doesn’t mention it at all, looking noticeably redder in the face.

Levi scarfs down his dinner in record time, downing an entire glass of water afterwards. “You’re too good at this,” he sighs. “Maybe you should be our live-in chef.”

“I’m sure Isabel will be very happy to hear that,” Erwin replies. “And Croissant, of course. She was absolutely screaming at me when I got here.”

“Stupid fucking cat.” Levi says it with all of the love he can muster. After all, they’re not that dissimilar when it comes to Erwin these days – always wanting to spend time with each other. He almost rolls his eyes at himself – he’s turned into such a fucking sap, it almost makes him sick.

They sit there for a little longer while Erwin finishes his own dinner, keeping up quiet casual conversation. Levi slowly eats away at the rest of the garlic bread, despite having eaten way too much and way too quickly. The bread is just so good, though, that he can’t resist.

Erwin takes their plates to the kitchen and gets to tidying up. Levi rests his chin in his hands and watches him work. He cleans up thoroughly and efficiently, and fuck, Levi should not be as turned on by that as he is – and yet…

Before he fully realises he’s doing it, Levi gets up from his seat and approaches Erwin, turning him around and kissing him straight on the lips. Between the tea, dinner, cleaning up afterwards, and just being here in general – Levi just can’t resist. He has always been independent, never relying on anyone, but letting Erwin look after him for just one night is just so refreshing.

Levi pulls back slowly and watches as Erwin stands there with his eyes still closed and his lips still parted and looking so beautiful; and before he can stop it, a little voice in his mind says, “Fuck, I’m in love with you.”

“Oh,” he says, out loud. It’s the first time he’s ever allowed himself to think about it. It slipped out, really – he’s been in denial about it for months now, shoving any thought even beginning with L deep into a little locked box in his mind.

Erwin opens his eyes and raises an eyebrow. He replies with a quiet, “Oh?” in return.

Levi laughs nervously, pulling away and backing the fuck up and out of Erwin’s general vicinity as fast as he can. He’s suddenly sweating buckets, and he can feel it sliding down his back – taunting him. “Oh!” he repeats. “Would you just look at the time.” He pulls his sleeve up to reveal his watch-less wrist. “I should go take a shower.”

Erwin looks conflicted for a second, cocking his head to the side like a confused dog, but he suddenly perks up and reaches out to grab Levi’s arm before he can run off to the bathroom. Any reaction to Levi’s sudden weirdness is thrown out the window as a shy smile spreads across his face. “Wait here a minute. I was going to draw you a bath as a nice surprise.” He pauses. “Well, I suppose it’s not much of a surprise now, but…”

“Oh,” Levi says again. He cringes at his overuse of the word and digs his nails into his palm, cursing this ridiculous gay panic. “That sounds good.”

Erwin happily trots off towards the bathroom, leaving Levi to stand around awkwardly in the kitchen. It’s almost too good. Dinner and a bath wouldn’t exactly be the most luxurious thing in the world in a lot of people’s eyes, but the most that Levi has ever gotten in terms of – he guesses – romantic gestures, is a one-night stand ordering food to his house after sex.

Erwin is making things very difficult for him, indeed.

While he’s in the kitchen, Levi busies himself with feeding Croissant for the night. The spoilt little cat meows loudly at his feet as he’s tipping a tin of Fancy Feast onto her plate. He puts the plate down for her and she immediately goes for it, scarfing the entire thing down in record time. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think she was being starved to death.

Levi squats down next to Croissant and strokes her back while she eats. It must be nice to be a cat, he thinks. Sitting around all day, not having to go to work or file taxes. Or deal with the feelings that you’ve been repressing for your friend-with-benefits, that have now reared their ugly little head despite how far you try to shove them down.

Not that Levi is bitter about it or anything.

Erwin calls out to him from the bathroom, and Levi gives Croissant one final scratch under the chin before he heads off to the bathroom.

He’s not sure what he was expecting, but it wasn’t a bathroom filled to the brim with candles, a portable speaker playing quiet classical music, and a bath full of bubbles. Erwin is sitting down on the edge of the toilet lid, looking nervous as all hell.

It’s romantic, that’s for sure.

And all Levi can do is just start laughing. To make it worse, the sad, dejected look on Erwin’s face just makes him laugh even more. “Oh, God- Erwin, no, don’t worry,” he huffs. “This is really lovely, I swear.”

He’s not sure he’s ever referred to anything as lovely before in his life, but he’s being truthful. He forces his face back into a neutral expression and crosses over to the other side of the bedroom in a couple of strides, taking Erwin’s face in his hands and kissing him. “Really. Thank you.”

Levi starts to undress himself, placing his folded clothes in a neat, ordered pile on the counter by the sink. He can feel Erwin’s eyes burning into him as he takes off his underwear, and then even hotter still as he steps carefully into the bathtub and sinks down into the water. He sighs, and closes his eyes, and suddenly all of the stupid shit from the past week melts away in a mix of green tea scented bubble bath and vanilla candles. Fuck, it feels good.

“Are you going to join me or just sit there and stare at me like a creep for an hour?” Levi asks, rolling his head to face Erwin.

Erwin is hardly able to hold his excitement as he gets to his feet, taking his clothes off in record time. Levi sits forwards so that Erwin can slip into the tub behind him. The tub is pretty big, but Erwin still has to bend his knees to be able to sit in it. It’s still comfortable though, and Levi lets Erwin wrap his arms around his waist and pull him back against his chest.

With Erwin’s lips pressing little kisses against his cheeks and his fingers stroking little circles on his ribs – this may be the most relaxed he’s ever been.

--

After they get out of the bath and dry off, Erwin leads Levi to the bedroom. As if dinner and a bath weren’t enough, he gets Levi to lie naked and face-down on the bed for a massage. Erwin puts down a towel, brings a couple of candles in from the bathroom and sits, also naked, on the back of Levi’s knees.

The massage oil is cold as it drips onto his back, but it smells like coconut and it soon warms up when Erwin’s large hands glide up from the base of his spine to his shoulders. His entire body feels like it’s melting into the sheets as Erwin works out some of the most egregious knots in his shoulders and neck.

Levi sighs contentedly. “You better not have anything else planned. This is already so much.”

“This is the last thing,” Erwin chuckles. He leans over Levi’s body, pressing his chest against his back and kissing the back of his neck, and moving a short distance down his spine. “I promise.”

All Levi can do whilst Erwin is massaging his entire body is just lie there and moan quietly. He’s not really the type of guy to get massages, so he doesn’t have anything to compare it to, but Erwin does a damn good job at it. It’s hard for him to believe that anyone could do any better – especially when Erwin lightly presses his fingers between the tops of Levi’s thighs, sliding them up and cupping his buttocks firmly in his hands. From that point on, Levi is almost painfully hard.

He starts to squirm in his spot – not out of discomfort or anything, but pure anticipation. It’s obviously turning out to be one of those sorts of massages; especially with Erwin’s erection pressing firmly between his thighs. Levi isn’t exactly complaining about it, but Erwin sure is taking his sweet time to move onto anything further.

“Okay,” Erwin mumbles, sitting up on his knees a little bit. “Turn around.”

Levi flips himself over, raising his arms up to cover his eyes. Erwin applies more oil onto his hands and Levi can’t help but sigh as his hands move up his stomach and press into his chest. His gentle fingers circle Levi’s nipples, and God, he’s never felt so sensitive there in his life. He gasps loudly and arches his back when Erwin finally brushes the pads of his thumbs over them.

“Fuck, fuck,” Levi hisses, squeezing his eyes shut. His cock is throbbing and leaking against his stomach. Thankfully, Erwin decides not to tease him too much this time and goes straight into slowly moving his palm up the shaft of Levi’s cock before loosely wrapping his hand around it. He uses his other hand to nudge Levi’s legs apart and rub against his inner thighs, eventually sliding down between his cheeks to caress his perineum. It almost feels like too much stimulation, but in a good way. Honestly, he feels a little cheated that none of the hand jobs he’s ever received have felt like this.

Erwin’s hands speed up, his fingers inching further down to press and rub up against his entrance. Levi draws in a sharp breath when his middle finger finally penetrates him. He doesn’t take his time in sliding his finger further in, eliciting a loud moan from Levi when he crooks his finger up into his prostate.

He seems to be getting a lot of satisfaction in the reactions he’s getting from Levi, if the soft smile on his face is anything to go by. “How are you feeling?” he asks, tightening his grip a little bit.

Levi sighs, “Good, good,” and lifts his legs up a little bit for easier access. Erwin takes it as an opportunity to add in another finger, pressing a firm kiss onto Levi’s knee. His fingers press up against Levi’s prostate at the same moment his other thumb rubs against his frenulum, and Levi’s whole body twitches almost violently. Erwin raises a thick eyebrow at that, letting out a soft, “Oh?”

Having found the sweet spot, he sticks to stroking those two places in particular, and the more he strokes, the more vocal Levi gets. It’s the loudest he’s ever been during sex – which isn’t that much of a challenge to beat, since he was usually strangely quiet. But the noises he’s making are downright pathetic. Even so, coupled with the fact that he’s legitimately panting and his body keeps twitching involuntarily, he can’t bring himself to feel too embarrassed about his body’s reaction to the stimulation.

His orgasm builds up in the pits of his stomach, tingling up his spine, and Erwin just keeps speeding up little by little. Luckily for Levi, it doesn’t take too long for his entire body to explode with pleasure – and explode it does. Levi comes, and his whole body shakes with it, and it just keeps going. His pathetic little moans evolve into frantic crying – so bad that he has to shove his face into the sheets to muffle most of it. “Fuck, fuck fuck fuck, fuck,” Levi hisses, scrunching his eyes shut and practically crying into the sheets. “Fuck, I love you, Jesus fuck.”

Tears roll down his cheeks as his body starts to calm down a little bit, and he manages to wipe them away with the back of his hand. Erwin doesn’t say anything – he just strokes Levi’s hair and leans in to press little kisses on his forehead.

They lie there for a few moments, Erwin whispering praise in Levi’s ear as he tries to calm down and stop the physical aftershocks of his orgasm. It takes him a good ten minutes for his body to finally settle and stop feeling like it’s floating. He looks up at Erwin, and then it clicks. Oh no.

“That was… um,” Levi starts. He digs his fingernails into the palms of his hands and cringes internally. Erwin is looking back at him with wide eyes. There’s no way he missed it. Change the subject as quickly as you can. “I think you’ve killed me.”

“Is that good or bad?” Erwin asks, giving Levi a pitiful little smile.

“Good,” Levi confirms. “I totally blacked out for a minute there. Like… I almost have no idea what happened.”

Erwin looks a little confused, but Levi just chooses to ignore it and rolls away. He sits up, and immediately his vision floods with static. He groans and waits a few moments before he crawls off of the bed. His legs nearly give way when he stands up, but he manages to stay on his feet and pull on his underwear without falling over. “I’m going to shower this oil off of me.”

“Good idea.”

“Are you staying the night…?” Levi asks warily, completely unsure of whether he wanted him to or not.

“I’d like to stay,” Erwin confirms.

“Okay.” Levi stands there awkwardly for a beat too long, before basically sprinting down the hall and into the bathroom. He closes the door behind him a little bit too hard and leans his back against the door, sliding his hands over his face.

Fuck.

--

“You did what?!”

Levi just sits there, looking down at his hands in shame. Needless to say, Isabel didn’t take the news of Levi accidentally telling Erwin he loved him and then completely back-pedalling – y’know, like a coward – very well. She leans forwards and smackshim on the head. “Ouch, you bitch!” Levi yelps, grabbing his head. “What was I supposed to do?!”

“Oh, gosh, I don’t know, maybe just fucking tell him how you feel?” Isabel exclaims.

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” Isabel counters. “You’re both obviously crazy for each other. Are you that stupid?”

All Levi can do is shrug. While it is true that he is a bit crazy about Erwin, he’s not really sure if he loves him. It’s not like he has anything else to compare to – he’s never been in a relationship or even really liked anyone before, so how should he know whether or not he’s in love with Erwin? They’ve been seeing each other for a while – longer than Levi has ever seen anyone by a longshot – and Levi cares about him just as much as he cares about Isabel and Farlan, but that doesn’t necessarily have to mean that he’s in love.

And what if Erwin doesn’t feel the same way about him? When Levi said that he loved him, Erwin didn’t say anything back. Granted, the entire situation was awkward and weird, but… He didn’t say anything about it then, and he hasn’t said anything about it since.

Isabel sighs, throwing her head down into her hands. “Why are you like this?” she groans, and Levi suddenly feels like a child who’s being lectured by his teacher. She lifts her head. “Do you remember when I was dating Sophie? And for months she was the only thing I talked or thought about. Like, it was so bad that you started spraying me with water every time I even said her name.”

“Yeah?”

“You sit around waiting for him to message, and if he’s not here you mope around the house all day until he asks if he can come over.”

“I don’t mope,” he argues.

…

Okay, maybe he does mope a little.

Isabel flaps her hand in his direction. “Whatever. I’m basically saying that you’re acting exactly like I used to, and it’s so obvious.” She sighs and leans forwards towards him. “Look. It’s okay if you don’t feel ready to tell him. If you’re too scared to acknowledge that you love him, or if you don’t think you do just yet, you don’t have to do anything at all.”

For the first time in a longtime, Levi doesn’t know what to do.

Maybe he is falling in love, but where does he go from there? If Erwin tells him that he loves him, do they start calling each other boyfriends? The idea of calling someone his boyfriend at thirty fucking years old just feels so weird to him – hell, it would’ve felt weird to him as a kid. And if Erwin doesn’t feel the same way and doesn’t want to see him anymore, what will he do then? He can’t even begin to imagine his life without Erwin in it anymore.

The idea of losing Erwin makes him feel sick.

Levi groans and throws his head back. “God fucking damn it,” he sighs. He brings his hands up to his face and digs his fingers into his eyelids. “I’m going to have to tell him for real, aren’t I?”

Chuckling, Isabel leans over to pat Levi’s knee. “Good luck.”

--

He doesn’t have anything close to a coherent plan in mind, but Levi invites Erwin over on the following Saturday.

He arrives at Levi’s house at noon with a paper bag full of different kinds of doughnuts and a cappuccino for Levi, who drinks it so fast that it burns his throat on the way down. The caffeine calms him down a little bit, but his hands are still shaking as Erwin says hello to Croissant, shouts his greeting to Isabel in her room, and throws himself down onto the couch.

He needs to say something.

Despite Levi’s jittery nerves, Erwin seems to be acting exactly the same as he always does. He smiles up at Levi and pats his knees, beckoning him to come and sit down. Levi complies, slowly slinking over to climb into Erwin’s lap. He pulls Levi down, kissing him on the mouth and sliding a hand up the back of his shirt. He idly strokes Levi’s back, fingers skimming over the ridges of his spine and causing Levi to melt even further into Erwin’s embrace.

Levi sighs happily, his hands immediately finding their place in Erwin’s hair and pushing his fingers through to separate the shitty hair-wax that he insists on using.

He really needs to say something. How hard does it have to be to tell someone that you love them, when you’ve already said it before?

But Erwin is warm, despite how cold it is outside, and Levi can feel himself finally calming down for the first time all day. Why does he even have to bring it up? It would be so much easier to just wait until Erwin brings it up himself. Or until he gets sick of him, Levi supposes – which would probably be so much worse, now that he thinks about it.

Winter is finally creeping up, and the more time he spends with Erwin, the more he begins to dread the idea of spending the season alone. He doesn’t peg himself for a particularly traditional person, nor a romantic, but spending the holiday season without him there would just feel wrong. Seeing people in their happy couples never really bothered Levi too much in the past, but there was always the tiniest feeling inside of his chest that felt a little too much like loneliness. Not to mention that they’ve all already gotten so used to Erwin being around, and Levi is in way too deep.

Erwin eases up, nudging his lips against Levi’s gently and slipping his hand down to his ass. He hums contentedly as Erwin’s long fingers dig firmly into his skin, acting as a way to pull him closer. His lips slowly find their way down Levi’s neck, and Erwin gently nudges his Adam’s apple with his tongue, eventually attaching onto his neck and sucking and licking its way down to his collarbone. There’s a sharp curl of pleasure deep within Levi’s core, and he can’t help the startled hiccup that forces its way out of his mouth.

“Fuuuck, alright.” Levi pulls back from Erwin suddenly and scrambles to climb off of his lap.

Erwin’s eyebrows shoot up and he sits up, carefully folding his hands in his lap. “What’s wrong?”

“God, um…” Levi shifts nervously. He wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans, sinking his teeth into the inside of his bottom lip. “You know, the other night. When I said… That I. Love you. Or whatever.”

Erwin blinks slowly at him. “I… didn’t think you’d want me to bring it up.”

“Yeah, well…” Levi digs his fingernails into his thigh and looks away. “I guess I’m bringing it up.”

“Okay,” Erwin says slowly. “You’re going to say that you didn’t mean it, right? Like, you just said it in the moment.” He sounds pretty sure of himself, Levi notices. He wonders if Erwin went through it in his head over and over, trying to convince himself that he didn’t mean it – just like Levi did.

Levi shrugs. “I did say it in the moment,” he confirms. He hazards a glance at Erwin for a second, and looks into his eyes, and sees just how startled he seems. There really isn’t any way he can’t tell him now, and the worst Erwin can do is reject him. It will only mean years of crippling embarrassment and loneliness for Levi, but he’s sure he’s been through worse in his life.

He takes a deep breath and turns around so that he isn’t facing Erwin anymore. Here goes. “The thing is,” he starts, slowly, “I think I do. Love you.”

There it is.

He did it, he did it, he did it.

Levi lets go of the huge sigh that’s been weighing him down all day. He’s still absolutely shitting himself, but it feels great to finally get it off of his chest. He has never laid his heart out to anyone like this before. He takes a couple of moments to breathe and slowly turns around to look at Erwin again. And… Erwin just staring at him with his mouth open was not exactly the reaction he thought he would get.

“I was–” Erwin’s voice cracks, and he clears his throat “…not expecting that.”

Levi is suddenly hit by a rush of oh fuck, oh God, oh no, and slowly pulls further back. He’s not sure exactly what he was expecting himself – total and complete rejection, maybe, but not… awkward, stunned silence. He can’t even run away, because it’s his house. Fuck, he knew he should’ve done it at Erwin’s place.

Still, he considers bolting anyway because he doesn’t think there is anything he has ever hated more than telling someone that he loves them for the first time and just getting stared at.

He’s just about to stand up and make his escape, but Erwin leans forwards and places a hand gently onto his thigh. “Tell me again.”

Levi clears his throat, and suddenly he’s completely nervous all over again. “I think I’m in love with you,” he mumbles. For good measure, he tentatively adds, “Erwin.”

Erwin suddenly leans in closer, pressing a hard kiss onto Levi’s mouth and sliding a hand up into his hair. He wraps an arm around Levi’s waist and pulls him in closer until their chests are pressed up against each other. He pulls back slowly, and he’s smiling, and he says, “I think I’m in love with you, too,” and Levi feels the weight lift off of his shoulders.

“You kept me waiting a little too long for that, y’know?” Levi says, leaning back. “I thought you were about to get up and leave.”

“I’m sorry.” Erwin chuckles, and kisses him again. “I would never do that to you, I promise.”

“That’s okay,” Levi says, just about melting. He pulls Erwin on top of him and kisses the hell out of him.

--

In all of the years that Levi has known Isabel, there has never been anything that has stopped her from going all out for Christmas, and this year is no different. She buys her presents months in advance, and absolutely insists on decorating immediately after Halloween.

Levi hates it. He hates Christmas, and he hates decorating, but it’s not like he could stop her. That would just be wrong.

Most of all, he hates the Christmas tree. He hates how the plastic leaves scratch his hands, and how difficult it is to screw it into the shitty metal stand, and he can’t stand the fact that Isabel and Farlan seemingly have no eye for decoration. They just throw ornaments and tinsel of all colours onto the tree and call it a day. It’s genuinely painful, and Isabel is lucky that he loves her so much. And if he subtly fixes her decoration monstrosities every now and then, no one has to know.

Levi watches in horror as Isabel haphazardly throws green tinsel onto the tree, completely covering up at least five of the baubles Levi had hung himself. She smirks sideways at Levi, and he concludes that there’s no way she isn’t doing it on purpose.

Beside him, Erwin chuckles quietly to himself and leans over to wrap an arm around Levi’s shoulders. “I can’t believe you’re just letting her do this,” he notes. “You must be more whipped than I thought.”

“He is!” Farlan says happily, tossing another string of tinsel at the tree. It lands almost directly on top of another string, and they just leave it there. Because they’re monsters.

Levi grumbles, crossing his arms. “She does it on purpose because she knows I can’t say anything about it,” he explains. He has to try extra hard not to cringe in disgust. “Christmas is the only time of the year where I’m not allowed to complain.”

Humming in what Levi chooses to believe to be a sympathetic manner, Erwin pulls on Levi’s shoulders until his head is resting in his lap. He takes the opportunity to curl up and shield his eyes from the horror unfolding in front of him, and pretty much melts into the couch as Erwin runs his fingers through his hair.

“And there’s still two months of Christmas left!” Isabel exclaims, clapping her hands excitedly.

“Yay,” Levi responds, completely unenthusiastically.

As November rolls on into December, Erwin and Farlan start to spend nearly every day at the house. It starts with Farlan, who usually spends most of the holidays with them every year, and Levi supposes that Erwin just follows his lead. It makes sense, he supposes, since Erwin doesn’t really have family to spend time with during the holidays either.

He wouldn’t admit it, but Levi is the happiest that he’s ever felt now that Erwin is around every day. They slowly fall into new routines, and it definitely helps that Erwin has plenty of time to bake holiday-themed treats. Whilst they both have time off of work, it’s easy to slip into a comfortable state of sitting down in front of the TV, cooking, “family bonding night” with Isabel and Farlan, and making out all week.

Levi can’t remember ever being excited for Christmas, but he bought Erwin an expensive Damascus-patterned Santoku knife, and there are some nights where he genuinely can’t get to sleep from how excited he is to see the look on his face when he gives it to him – and sometimes, from how nervous he is at the thought that Erwinn won’t even like it.

On Christmas Eve, he waits no later than 12:03am to sit Erwin down in front of the fireplace and give him the meticulously wrapped giftbox that has been giving him so much anxiety lately. He watches with a full heart as Erwin takes his time to unwrap it, being extra careful not to tear the wrapping paper or crease the nice ribbon that Levi used. He takes the lid off of the fancy wooden box that the knife resides inside, taking his sweet time as though he knows exactly how much the anticipation is killing Levi.

“Oh wow,” is all Erwin says once he sets the lid down. He gently picks up the knife and turns it around in his hands, not even attempting to stifle the huge grin that crosses his face. “This is lovely, Levi. I’m almost a bit scared to use it, it’s so nice.”

Levi just shrugs. “It can just be for decoration.”

Erwin gently puts the knife away and leans forwards to land a hard kiss on Levi’s mouth, “Thank you so much. I love it.” He adds, “I love you,” and Levi can’t help but push him down onto the floor and crawl on top of him. The world outside is slowly filling up with white snow and holiday chill, and the crackling fireplace isn’t the only thing keeping them so warm on their first of many Christmases together.

[revengerevisited]

i found this vanqua fic the other day, it’s only a couple chapters but i like it so far. :3 it does have a ‘creator chose not to add warnings’ label though, so please be cautious. also baby-xemnas aka kotbysleep (nsfw) aka nekokat42 (also nsfw) is a much better vanqua artist than me so please check him out. X’D (heads-up those twitter threads are way longer than you think so make sure you see eeeverything~).

anyway, more wip art below the cut, plus my endless rambling (i talk about 18+ topics, just a warning)—

i’m still working on venqua week and i’ve got 2 more prompts to go, one i haven’t started yet and one i’m halfway done with—

~aaand yeah i’m re-using it for a vanqua pic too... X’D am i lazy, or just resourceful? you decide. ;P

but yeah, both of these pics will have an 18+ version as well. i admit i’m super anxious about posting it next week, as i’ve seen just how absolutely toxic fandom is on twitter. like, you thought tumblr was bad? i’ve spent the last few days preemptively blocking literally hundreds if not thousands of antis just so i can feel a little safer posting my content without some asshat calling me a pedo or telling me to kill myself over cartoons. XU i somewhat worry that i’ve accidentally blocked some people who were just joking around and weren’t actually harassing anyone, but it’s just so hard to tell sometimes. if i’ve accidentally blocked anybody here, just let me know so i can unblock you. :3 (idk why that sentence came out so sinister sounding but i’m legit being sincere X’D).

but seriously, idk when fandom suddenly got such a stick up its ass (around 2016-17 from my guesstimate) and decided aging-up a fictional character by a year or two is such a crime, but i guess that’s just the state of things. :T i could draw vanitas as a centaur or make him blond or whatever and no one cares, but aging him by one year? suddenly big problem! yeah, right. XP like, i know i said every character in kh is 17+ as of khmom (ignoring any weird timeline retcons of course), but heck i could make an honest case for the wayfinder family all being adults. hear me out—

it’s been 13 years since bbs, right? and for 12 of those years, aqua was in the realm of darkness, terra had some awareness while being possessed by xehanort, ven experienced some of sora’s life when he was in a coma, and vanitas was almost certainly in ven/sora’s heart as well, so all four of them could be said to be 31, 33, and 29 respectively. it’s not like their character models were any different when they were young teens as opposed to older teens, so can we really be sure they’re not all 30~ by now? heck, since ven is from the age of fairytales i could say he’s 1000 years old if i wanted too! (psst, it’s almost as if these are all fictional characters living in a fantasy world with time travel and whatnot and their ages are completely arbitrary numbers nomura made up on the spot, numbers which he has retconned before! :P).

now i don’t actually think they’re that old, but if people are gonna hassle me over a goddamn 2-year age difference, i might as well say fuck it and have fun with it, right? ;P it’s not like antis even know what the canon character ages even actually are, like when they try to say that skuld is underage when (assuming she’s subject x) she’d be around 28~ by now, or axel and saïx’s age. (maybe i’ll draw some saïx x skuld art and watch the antis lose their minds. ;P it wouldn’t even have to be nsfw to rile them up).

anyway, i do admit i’m feeling a little burned out on art recently. XP i’ve been trying to get one art piece out per week plus venqua week, and yeah it’s kinda taken its toll. i know this really isn’t anything anyone wants to hear, but i’ve been kinda thinking of moving away from fandom projects to work on my own original work. now, i’m not saying i’m abandoning a heart and a half nor anything as drastic as that! but i have spent like 2 years of my life on it just to get to the halfway mark, and i’m not sure i can spend 2 more doing only that.

i’ve got an original story idea that i’ve been working on-and-off on for the past 7 years or so, and i’m thinking of going back to it again (it does need a pretty big re-write). its main pairing is actually pretty vanqua-ish, now that i think about it. like, imagine the realm of darkness but instead of the heartless it’s infested with demons, and the main characters are the demon-slaying duo of a serious yet kindhearted half-angel and a feral, snarky half-demon. i even aged them up from 14 to 18 so none of my potential fans have to suffer the same anti bullshit that i have. XP

what else can i ramble about... oh, i got these super cute pins for christmas! :D the heartless is by xkirakira, and vanitas and aqua are by maxxmerch. they’re just so cute! X3 i hope everyone had a merry christmas and a happy holiday! i’ll see you guys later. ^3^ 

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*looks around sheepishly* ó3ò alright... confession time. spoilers for a heart and a half for the rest of this post—

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sooo~ i’ve kinda hinted at this before, but yeah i’ve always planned on adding a sex scene to a heart and a half; when i started writing back in 2018 i hadn’t realized how hostile fandom had become compared to only a few years ago, and it worries me that some readers might drop the fic because of it, or be angry with me over the underage aspect. :(

idk, i could go on about how i just wanted to explore every aspect of a romantic relationship, or how other disney/square enix characters married or had kids young (ariel, sarah hawkins, héctor, claudia strife, possibly jasmine), or how attempting to apply real-world rules to a videogame fantasy setting is inherently silly and pointless, but really it’s just ‘cause i love vanitas and aqua to bits and i just wanted to write a cute and funny mild sex scene between them (this fic is rated mature, not explicit, so much less graphic than confection affection), and at the end of the day they are just fictional characters, after all.

i guess all i can hope for is that i’m a skilled enough writer to pull it off in a believable way, and that my audience won’t be too put off by it. >_> i know vanitas and aqua have technically only known each other for about 2 months so it might not be ‘realistic’ for them to go so far into a relationship so soon, but i think it’s important to remember that ultimately this is a romantic fairytale, and other canon disney couples haven’t seen nearly as deeply into each other’s hearts as vanitas and aqua have (and this video also helped me feel better about it).

i also wanted to finish that nsfw venqua fic i started a few months back, it’s set just before the mark of mastery so yes ven would be 16. i suppose it’s a way of testing the waters to see what kind of reception i’d get (hopefully positive) before i get to that part of a heart and a half. i was also thinking of including some of the uh, ‘keyblades as erogenous zones’ aspect from this terraquaven fic as well... w-why are you looking at me like that?! it’s funny! *sweats nervously* o3o’

in all honesty, i’m probably just overthinking all this (which, knowing me, is almost a guarantee >_<) and i should just *ahem* let my heart be my guiding key, and just write what i want to write without worrying about it all the time. i just get so anxious so easily... buuut that’s not really news to anyone, now is it? ;P well, i think that’s the end of my endless ramble, thanks for reading if you got this far. X’D and i really hope i didn’t actually upset anybody about a heart and a half. ;_; i just felt like i needed to vent a little, but don’t worry about me, i’m doing fine. anyway, i really should stop typing and get back to work on venqua week, sooo... bye! X3

[moon-yeongjun]

The Gay Cousin Pt. 1 || Moon Bros

Summary: Jun and Tae’s cousins from Canada zoom in... and reveal a pretty shocking secret! 

TW: anxiety, thoughts/mentions of homophobia (no actual homophobia expressed) 

@moon-yeongtae

JUN: A couple of times a year, the Moon family skyped the other Moon family. It happened only on your standard occasions: Chuseok and Christmas. Much more common were phone calls to Eomma’s extended family still living in Korea-- her cousins and aunts and uncles, most of whom Jun had never met. 

But the other Moons-- his father’s younger brother’s family who had immigrated as well, but to Canada, not England. Well, they were like Santa Claus. Or a unicorn. Popped up, said hi, sent cards but only over email. In fact, there were times they could not work out the time difference between Toronto and Swynlake and so they missed the Skype call. 

But not these days. Oh no, these days, ever since Abeoji died, Eomma was making a real effort to keep in touch with Nam-seok and his two sons. Whether it was out of guilt or maybe her way of feeling closer to her late husband, Jun didn’t know. 

He also didn’t argue though when she told all the Moons that it was Jacob’s birthday in a few days and they were going to Skype him from his new apartment. 

“After church, this Sunday, so no plans!” Eomma said fiercely to all of them, waving a knife in the air. She glared more fiercely at Star, who was truly going through the rebellious-teen-phase on behalf of both goody-two-shoes Sky and eager-to-please Sunny, and was texting at the table. 

“But Eomma, I was going to go over to Janet’s--”

“No. Jacob emailed me, eh? We’re doing it. No excuse.” 

And so now it was Sunday, at 2:26 p.m., which was 9:26 a.m. in Toronto, which seemed pretty early for a 25-year-old (and shouldn’t he be going to church too? Jun was not going to point this out to Eomma, for Jacob’s sake). They gathered around Jun’s laptop as he logged onto Zoom, which was much better than Skype, he told Eomma. 

“Agh, your butt is too big, Star!” yelped Sunny behind. Sunny and Star were fighting for Jun’s nice desk chair, trying to shove each other off with their hips. 

“I called it!” 

“Aish, girls!” Eomma snapped. “Sky, put the book down.” 

“We’re not even on yet?” Sky huffed, not lowering her book. 

Jun rolled his eyes and glanced at Tae. Who knew that Tae would be the best behaved of his siblings? Not him. Though, his brother was almost 18 now, so maybe his bad attitude really was just a symptom of those early teens, like the girls now. 

Just then, his screen began to ring. “Yah, he’s calling!” Jun announced. 

Eomma ripped the book from Sky’s hands. “Okay everyone, be nice or I’ll kill you!” 

The next moment, his cousin appeared: Jacob with his big grin, which immediately reminded Jun of Tae. But that was about the only resemblance. Jacob was blond now! Aish! A second after, his other cousin leaned in onto the screen: Kevin, with his hipster glasses, wearing a beanie even though it was spring there, unruly hair poking out. Too long, thought Jun. What was with kids these days and growing their hair so long? “Yooooooo, Moon fam, hi!” Kevin said. 

“Gomo, hello hello!” sweet Jacob said, waving both his hands. “How’s everyone doing?” 

TAE: 

When Tae was younger, he used to wish he belonged to the other part of the Moon family. It wasn't because he hated his life or anything even though he sort of did sometimes (at least back then), it was because they just seemed so much cooler! Like right now his cousins were smiling so big and Jacob had dyed his hair blonde! Tae had a feeling that if he tried to dye his hair blonde his eomma would try to slap some sense into him with a kitchen spoon! Ha! 

"We're great," Tae said, leaning closer to the screen and blocking his sisters' view of the screen and smiling big in return. They didn't need to see anyway. 

Predictably, though, the second he was fully in the way he felt shoving at his back. 

"Oppa you're in the way! We can't see!" 

"You don't need to see anyway," he said and laughed when Star yanked him backward by the shirt. "I like your hair! How long did it take to turn it blond?" 

"Like, a long time," Jacob said with a laugh. "It looks good though so it was worth it." 

"Maybe I'll do it next," Tae said and smiled really big. "Eomma will help me, right, Eomma?"

JUN: 

Aish, was Tae trying to pick a fight? He took back what he was thinking about one minute earlier: Tae had not grown out of his annoying teenager phase at all. He was still in it, a troublemaker to the end. Because he knew! Oh he knew, he heard the fights between Star and Eomma as Star pushed and pushed. It had taken her almost a full six months to convince Eomma to let her and Sunny dye bleach their hair in the first place. And she’d not even asked about the blue colour, just showed up, tossing those locks and letting Eomma lose her mind. 

Remember what Eomma had just said too? Behave. Picking a fight in front of their cousins was not behaving. 

“I think Star has more experience with that,” said Jun swiftly, so Eomma did not have to answer. Eomma nodded, not adding anything else, which Jun knew was because she did not like the idea of Tae-- any of her children-- dying their hair at all. 

“Yes! Girl, I saw your Insta pics, that blue was so cute!” Jacob said. 

“Fire!” Kevin added, putting his hand to his mouth like a megaphone. 

Star preened. “Thanks! It was super hard to manage though and like, washed out to this ugly green colour.” 

“Right, yeah, I get that,” said Jacob. “So what’s everyone doing?”

“No, you tell us about you, you are both so busy,” Eomma interrupted with a smile. “I see Jacob’s graduation pictures?”

“Right, yes! I finished my Masters in Music Ed,” said Jacob. “Kevin’s still working on his degree, he’ll be done in like no time though. And then I just moved here! Ahh, first place of my own! Well, not like on my own, on my own, but you know--” 

Eomma clapped her hands lightly. “That’s so wonderful! So responsible. You have a job?” 

“Um, yes, but not actually teaching music yet!” Jacob laughed. “I’m just like, working in a restaurant right now.” 

“Music is a very hard degree to find a job for,” said Jun. Then flinched as he felt Eomma pinch him. He shot her a confused look. What! It was! Who could get a degree in music education and expect to make real money?! 

“Haha, yeah it is but like, I just graduated so I mean, I’ll be interviewing for stuff for next school year.” Jacob went on like he didn’t notice. “But so wait, no, everyone tell me what’s up! Tae, aren’t you going to uni soon?” 

TAE:

Tae's smile fell for a moment before he could control himself but he quickly recovered, pasting it back in place. The thing was, theoretically? Yes, Tae was supposed to be going to uni soon. Actually, he was supposed to be going to uni next year if everything had gone the way it was supposed to, but he was a giant failure of a human being and had to repeat an entire year. 

He didn't really want to get into all of that, obviously, so he just kind of smiled and nodded. "I still have one more year before I have to get into that, but yeah, I can already tell that year is going to go by fast."

There, that was much easier than talking about how he felt like an utter failure and like he was too stupid to ever get into any uni, right? Perfect! 

"Jun-hyung is really doing great with the store, too! We actually have employees now and he's even dating one of them." 

He looked over to his hyung with s little wince, hopeful that Jun would take pity on him and not kill him later. 

I'm sorry, he tried to communicate with his eyes. I just can't talk about uni. 

JUN: 

Now this wasn't fair. Why should Jun have to suffer because Tae was irresponsible and lazy and didn't study enough or own up to his choices???! 

Okay, maybe that was putting it all a little harshly but Jun was not feeling very forgiving when Tar mentioned the g word. 

Girlfriend. 

His cousins were going to gobble that up, two hungry hyenas scenting gossip.

And sure enough, both Kevin and Jacob gasped. 

"Yooooooooo no way! But wait-- wait wait, what about Tiffany?" exclaimed Kevin. 

" They broke up! Kevin that was in Gomo's Christmas email! I'm sorry Gomo, I swear he read it--" 

"Course I read it, I just forgot! Tiffany was around forever!" 

"Anyway, this new girl? Tell us about her!" Jacob beamed. 

Jun would rather not. He would rather do anything but talk about Haru. He needed to say something fast though or else-- 

Already too late. Jun's one second grimace opened the window for Eomma. 

"Oh she's wonderful! Her name is Haru, she is Japanese but very beautiful! Very polite and friendly and she goes to church--" 

Jun cleared his throat. "Yes, we are still getting to know each other. It's new." 

"Well she has worked for us for a year, that isn't very new--" Star said with a smirk like the traitor she was. 

"Don't you want to show us your new place, Jacob?" interrupted Jun maybe a little desperately, who could say! 

"Oh yeah, Zoom tour!" Kevin flashed rock our signs. 

"Definitely! I was just hoping we could wait for--" Jacob turned at that moment. "Did you hear that? Oh I think he's here! Wait just one minute everyone!" Jacob waved a hand and then scurried out of the room. 

Kevin leaned in to the screen. "Soooooo… anyone else got any hot significant others, hmmm? Star-- Tae, my man??"

TAE:

“Ha,” he blurted, and then instantly he panicked and shut his mouth. 

Tae had literally been about to say he had the hottest one. It had been right there on the tip of his tongue, because any chance to talk about how hot Nemo was was something he wanted to take advantage of. Then he remembered that most of his family had absolutely no idea he was gay and if his eomma knew that about him she’d probably tell him he was going to hell. 

This zoom call was quickly turning into a nightmare. Not only was he forced to think about how dumb he was, now he had to think about how closeted he was too. He wanted to leave, but he couldn’t, so he sat there and tried to keep a smile on his face while Star babbled on about someone in her class and all her boyfriends or whatever she was talking about. 

If Tae had been panicking a little bit less, he might’ve caught it. He might’ve been able to prepare himself for what he was about to see because all the hints were there. No one was trying to hide anything at all. 

Jacob had clearly said he’s here and then right after that, Kevin had asked if anyone else had any hot significant others. So yeah, Tae should’ve been prepared when Jacob walked back into the frame holding an unfamiliar boy’s hand. 

He should’ve been prepared, but he wasn’t. 

In fact, when he saw Jacob walk back into the frame, everything around him went black and he stopped breathing while he gripped his chair so hard his fingers hurt. He was going to pass out. 

Tae looked over at his eomma, trying to read her expression, but all he saw was a blank stare. 

“Tae!” 

Tae blinked and the world filled back in around him. Star was pushing at his back and giggling. “Aren’t you going to say hi? Jacob is introducing his boyfriend!” 

“Right, sorry! Hey, it’s nice to meet you,” Tae said with a respectful little bow of his head. 

JUN: 

From Jun’s point of view, it went like this: 

“Star’s flirting with like six different guys right now,” Sky spoke for the first time, right after Tae’s very strange squeak. Jun met Sky’s eyes for a beat, his own eyebrows furrowing down for a moment. Did Sky…? But he thought only Sunny--

“Oh my god, am not,” groaned Star. “Sides, Eomma won’t let me date yet anyway.” 

“You’re too young,” said Eomma. “Whoever these boys are too, stop flirting with them--”

“I’m not flirting! I’m friends with them. You won’t let me go out with Tyler--”

“Ooooh, who’s Tyler?” said Kevin, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“A friend,” said Star, looking very pointedly at Eomma. 

And this was when the door opened and Jacob returned with another boy. He looked Korean, maybe-- was he Korean?-- with short black hair and thick-framed, stylish glasses. He carried coffees with him and a large, friendly smile. But that smile was nothing compared to his cousin’s. His cousin’s smile had crinkled his eyes into precious rainbows and he squeezed the boy’s arm once--

And Jun knew, right before Jacob said anything, but not fast enough to suddenly smash his hand on the keyboard and instantly disconnect them. The panic seized his throat. 

“Gomo, everyone, I wanted you guys to meet my boyfriend. This is David!”

“Hey everyone, I’ve heard so much about you,” said this David as he pulled up a chair. He grinned again, leaning closer to the screen. “Seriously, Jacob is always talking about his cool British cousins.” 

“Wait, I’m screaming!” squealed Star (not actually screaming). “You have a boyfriend?”

“It’s nice to meet you!” piped in Sunny, and Sky echoed her, “Nice to meet you!” 

Jun, meanwhile, was trying not to look at Tae, but could not help himself. And so he kept jumping his eyes around like he was following the path of a fly in the air. Look up, look to the side, look at the mouse, okay, look at Tae--!

Tae looked like he’d been punched in the face.

Eomma looked like she was listening to some very serious news. 

“Yes, very good to meet you,” said Eomma finally, after Tae had spoken too. She smiled very politely. “How do you know Jacob?” 

“We went to school together,” said David. “Undergrad, I mean.”

“We started dating our third year,” added Jacob. His knee was bouncing, Jun could see it on the screen. Ah, so he was nervous too. Good, he should be, he might have just exploded the Moon families forever! This was sabotage! What was he thinking?! “So it’s our third year together. So we decided to get a place. He’s great,” Jacob gushed. “I mean, totally genius level smart, he works at an engineering firm.” 

“Yeah, David’s awesome,” chimed in Kevin. 

“What do your parents do?” asked Eomma. 

“They’re both teachers actually,” said David. “That’s how they met, uh, in their PhD programs. My mom mostly does after school tutoring in sciences, but my baba’s a professor at McGill.” 

“Oh, very impressive,” said Eomma. She pressed her lips together. Jun was staring at her; he could not look away. “And has David met your appa and eomma, Jacob?” 

“Yes,” said Jacob with a nod. “Yes, yeah. That’s one of the reasons I wanted you guys to meet him too, you know? We’ve just been dating so long it felt silly at some point, haha!” 

TAE:

Tae was having a heart attack. 

They’d learned all about it in school--the sweaty palms, the shortness of breath, the unbearable pain in the left side of the chest. He was absolutely going to die right here in this chair while talking to his cousins from Canada. Or he was going to puke. One of those two things was going to happen and it was the most important thing in the world that he not give any of that away with his face. He had to remain still. He had to remain stoic. He was not allowed to talk. 

He heard everything Jacob was saying. They’d been dating for a long time. They’d been together so long, actually, that Jacob’s new apartment was actually Jacob and David’s new apartment and his parents knew all about it and they still loved him. They loved him enough for Jacob to think it was a good idea to introduce David to their family. 

Their very traditional, Christian family. 

Yep. 

Tae was actually dying. 

The screen in front of him started to waver. Actually, the whole room kind of looked a little misty, and Tae realized there were tears in his eyes. His Eomma was barely moving. She was talking, but they were like short little clipped sentences and Tae was so afraid of what she was going to say when they ended the call. He didn’t want to hear it. 

Slowly, Tae looked over at Jun, his eyes big and pleading. He didn’t know what he wanted his hyung to do, but he needed to get out of this. He didn’t want to be here anymore. 

A hand, small and warm, was suddenly covering his where he was gripping the chair with all his strength and he looked down to see it was Sunny. She’d leaned forward just a little to reach him and Tae had to cough to cover what sounded suspiciously like a sob. Ha.

He couldn’t think about David meeting his aunt and uncle. He couldn’t think about how cute it probably was and how much they probably loved their son’s boyfriend. If he did, he’d start wondering if it would ever happen for him. 

He’d start thinking about bringing Nemo over to his eomma and telling her they were dating. He’d start imagining how happy she would be for them and how supportive she would be when he said they were going to move in together. He’d start daydreaming about what it would be like to live with Nemo and how happy he would be because his family could come visit them and they could cook dinner and entertain and--

He pulled his hand away from Sunny’s and wrapped his arms around his knees. 

JUN: 

Tae looked at Jun the way he used to when he was just a kid. It had been a long time since Jun had seen that sweet boy in his brother’s face. Those big eyes, that nervous lip. He was five years old and crying about his scabbed knees. He was six and begging Jun for chocolates. He was seven and teary-eyed as he struggled with his maths homework, Jun sitting with him at the kitchen table.

And Jun wished he were the hyung he had been all those years ago-- bad hair and acne but all the time in the world to answer to his brother’s needs. He’d once been a superhero, the smartest person Tae ever knew! There was nothing he could not fix!

But this. 

This was Tae, eight years old, asking him not to go away to university. That had been the first time that Jun had ever broken a promise and let his brother down. 

And here he was again. He stared back helplessly. What could he do, eh? Stop the call abruptly? Make an excuse for Tae that wouldn’t upset Eomma? Turn back time, call his cousin, tell him that coming out was a bad idea?

And was it?

Jun could not say. Eomma was not causing a scene. She had not shut down. She was not as happy as before, but maybe it was a shock, or maybe the slight had nothing to do with Jacob bringing a boyfriend, and instead it was about him bringing anyone at all to a family call. 

Jun would just have to wait and see. 

And so he sat there. Just like Tae sat there. He sat there, failing his brother all over again. 

“Well I think that’s all super awesome!” blurted Sunny, proving to be more useful than Jun. “Maybe we could visit you guys one day!” 

“Totally!” said Jacob.

“Oh yeah, the first ever Moon family reunion!” said Kevin as he pumped his fist. “Man, we’d gotta get some of the O-G Moons.” 

“O-G?” David snorted. 

“He’s talking about the real Koreans,” said Jacob. “In Korea.” 

“You... are real Koreans--” David started. 

“Point is, all the Moons!” Kevin said. “One day! Would be fun.” 

Jun could only nod and press his lips together. At least they were not talking about David anymore, not really, eh? Best keep it that way. Maybe that was what Jun could do. “So eh, you wanted to give  a tour of the apartment?” He prompted. 

The rest of the call was mostly that. Jacob walked them around their place. They had been in the spare room, which was mostly an ‘office’, but Jun saw the massive computer screen and knew it was a gaming computer, mhm. And then there was a rather new kitchen, brand new appliances, David bragged. David also talked a lot about some of the apartment complex amenities, the on-site gym, a movie theater big enough for a group of say, eight to ten. He was proud, Jun saw that-- it was an expensive place, and no doubt he was covering most of it for Jacob. Jun wondered about that aspect of their relationship, he wondered if Jacob really was ready for it all, only 25 years old, on the cusp of his start of career, to depend on someone else… 

And then the bedroom, which they did not spend much time in, because they wanted to show the bathroom with its nice sized tub.

And then the balcony, which had a nice view of Toronto. Star sighed dreamily. “I wanna live in a city like that one day!” 

And then they all said their goodbyes. “This was so fun, I’m so glad you guys could call in,” said gentle, naive Jacob. He did not seem to suspect anything. Maybe he was hiding it. Maybe not. 

Eomma stood up first as the Zoom ended. “He is doing very well,” she said. “What a beautiful place to live, eh? See, this is what happens when you study hard.” She looked at Tae sternly. 

“Tae, I need your help!” Jun blurted at that moment, slapping the arm of his chair and making his sisters flinch. “With-- there’s-- the thing, you know, I told you to do this morning. You didn’t do it.” 

TAE:

The second his hyung spoke, Tae jumped out of his chair and nodded, heading to the back door where he kept his mud boots. He couldn’t breathe. The air in their house had gotten too thick  and every time Tae tried to take a breath it stuck in his lungs, gummy and wet. 

His eomma hadn’t looked happy. In fact, she hadn’t looked much of anything, her face kind of a blank slate, and Tae’s brain had absolutely no problem projecting all of his fears onto that blank slate. She’d been disgusted. She’d been upset, mad, disappointed. 

That last one really was the worst one for Tae. 

Pulled his boots up over his jeans and stomped down the stairs, heading toward the barn with one thought swirling through his head over and over and over. You’re already such a disappointment, and when she finds out you’re gay that’ll be the last straw. 

It was true, though, wasn’t it? He’d failed a grade. Now, the second time he’d done this school year, he was passing, but just barely. He was stupid. He was a giant idiot and his eomma knew that. That’s why she’d taken that dig at him, told him that if he studied hard he could have a nice apartment like Jacob. 

Tae hated Jacob. 

Well, no, he didn’t hate Jacob, but the jealousy burned through his bones and left him shaking and empty, barely able to stand. Wait. He wasn’t standing. 

Tae looked down at his hands and found them covered in dirt. He was on his knees behind the chicken coop, his chest heaving as his heart attack finally caught up with him. He was going to die. It was kind of a relief actually, because now he wouldn’t have to come out to his eomma at all. He’d just die and be buried in a cute little grave and she could cry and say he’d had so much potential and maybe she’d even believe it because he hadn’t lived long enough for her to see how wrong she was. 

He should probably call Nemo before he died, his brain offered up, but he’d left his phone in the house and it was probably better this way anyw--

A loud, rasping sound caught Tae’s attention and he looked around, his eyes wide and wet, until he realized it had come from him. 

“I can’t,” he was saying. “I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.” 

JUN: 

Tae hopped up right away. Good, good, that was what Jun wanted. Jun could not follow his brother as quickly though, caught in the dynamics of the Moon women before he could escape. This mostly consisted of Star gripping at his arm and saying, “Junnie oppaaaa, you need to post a picture of you and Haru on Instagram, so Jacob can see her!” 

“I don’t have a personal Instagram,” Jun said and tried to drag his arm away. 

“Ugh, I’m making you one, that’s so sad,” said Star. 

“Posting a picture would be good, Junnie,” said Eomma. “Maybe Facebook?”

“No one uses Facebook anymore, Eomma!” said Star. 

“Aish, that’s not true, I use Facebook all the time,” said Eomma. 

“I have to-- help Yeong-tae--” Jun cleared his throat and managed to squeeze out this time around, leaving talks of Facebook and selfies behind.

But not Jacob. 

No, he carried that with him as he went outside. He had no idea where Tae would have gone, considering that Jun did not actually give him a task. He headed toward the chickens though, because that seemed to be a good distance from the house. And sure enough-- there was his brother-- on his knees. 

Jun stopped, still far away as though he’d stepped in mud and it had sucked his feet down. He did not know what to do. Jun was not someone who comforted others-- not well. Whenever Tae had cried on his shoulder in the past year, he had sat like a useless, limp pillow, just there to be grabbed onto. He did not know what he’d say to Tae now either. He didn’t know how Eomma felt. Maybe she’d never talk about it, and maybe that was a good thing? Maybe later today, she’d rant about it all much too harshly. Jun could make Tae no promises.

Perhaps he should just leave. Hadn’t he already failed his brother enough today? Space could be what Tae needed, just...space, and time, so he could calm down…

This was not the right answer, Jun knew that and so he hesitated, second after second, before finally forcing his feet to move.

“Tae-yah, what are you doing? Get up, come on now,” said Jun, and he reached down to help Tae onto his feet again. His hands went clumsily up to his brother’s face, wiping away the tears over his splotchy red cheeks. “Look at me, eh? Why are you crying?” It was a genuine question, but also Jun felt like Tae needed something firm right now-- someone to keep him grounded, not have him spin off into whatever painful scenarios he was concocting in his head. “Eomma doesn’t know about you, okay? You’re okay. This is a good thing--” 

He said it. And he believed it.

His hands moved down to grip his brother’s shoulders. “You aren’t alone anymore, don’t you see that? Jacob understands you, eh? He knows exactly what you’re going through!” 

TAE:

“He doesn’t!” Tae heard himself say. 

He wasn’t being fair, but he didn’t want to be fair. He wanted to be Jacob. 

“He doesn’t know anything. Jacob--his eomma probably didn’t care at all! She probably smiled and hugged him and told him to bring David over for dinner and our Eomma just stared at him like he was gum stuck on the bottom of her s-shoe.” 

Tae’s sobs caught up with him and his whole body shook. He didn’t care if what he was saying was true or not because in this moment it was how he felt. Alone. 

Except Tae wasn’t alone, and for a moment, it was like he was six all over again. Jun-hyung, was standing here with him, his hands on his shoulders, and telling him everything was going to be okay. 

Why couldn’t he live in a world where who he loved didn’t matter? He was a good person! Or, he tried to be at least. Sometimes he got a little bit angry and he was definitely short-tempered but...he just wanted his family to love him. He just wanted to be accepted. 

“Hyung, you can’t let her hate me,” he said, his voice a little smaller--like maybe if he said it quiet enough the universe wouldn’t get any ideas. Hot tears slipped down his cheeks and  Tae gripped at the hem of his hyung’s shirt. “She’s going to hate me, but you can’t let her.”

JUN: 

“She won’t hate you,” said Jun. “I promise.” 

It was not something he should promise.

But Jun had always felt this way, since Tae came out to him-- that there could be no other alternative. He could not imagine his loving eomma turning on one of her own children like that, no matter what she believed or didn’t believe. And really, did they know? A belief in God did not mean a belief that all gay people should be damned. He had seen plenty of Christians to argue the opposite: that God meant love, and love was for all of His children. 

Maybe Eomma would be shocked, maybe she would be-- disappointed or confused. That was what Jun tried to find on Eomma’s face when Jacob had introduced his boyfriend, but she had been much too polite about it all for him to figure it out. And yes, those emotions might hurt Tae too, but it couldn’t be hate. Never hate. 

Jun wished his promise could secure that. He would trade anything in order to give Tae that peace of mind.

As it was, he could only fumble his way through this like always. “Tae-yah,” he said then gently. “You should talk to Jacob again. You don’t know what it might be like for him. He was probably scared too, even if our gomo did accept him right away. I’m telling you, this is good.” He said it again, wiped his brother’s face again. “No matter what happens with Eomma, you will always have family, see? Me, and our sisters, and Jacob and Kevin-- and yes, even Gomo. So many people are going to be there for you.”  

TAE:

His hyung was right. Tae knew his hyung was right and he shouldn’t be scared, but it was just so hard not to be. He took a deep, shaky breath and nodded his head. And when he really thought about it, maybe he was just a little bit less scared now than he had been before, because Jacob had come out and nothing had caught on fire. His eomma’s head didn’t explode and she didn’t start praying for him immediately and saying he was going to go to hell. So really, it had been a little bit like a test run and no one had died. 

Now that he was a little more calm, Tae really wanted to know how Jacob had done it. 

“I--Yeah I think I want to talk to him,” he said in a small voice, still holding onto his hyung’s shirt. “And I think I want to tell Sky and Star too. I think they should know.”

A small seed was starting to bloom bright with hope inside of Tae’s chest and he wanted to water it. He wanted to give it all of his energy until he wasn’t scared at all anymore. He leaned into Jun and wrapped his arms around him, squeezing him tight and pressing his cheek to his chest.

“Thank you, hyung,” he said, and he meant it so much. “Thank you for helping me.” 

Maybe it was stupid, but what Tae really wanted now was Nemo. He wanted to tell Nemo all of his feelings. He wanted to explain to him that maybe he was ready, but he was also still so scared and he wanted Nemo to hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay just like his hyung was doing now. 

Tae felt safe in his brother’s arms and he wanted to tell Nemo about that too. He wanted to tell Nemo that his hyung was a hero. 

“You--I wouldn’t be able to do this without you,” he said, still mumbling. “You’re a good hyung.”

[lunarpanda]

Hey everyone! I have a big plush post incoming because I’ve been too lazy to take pics. But today’s the day I’m gonna show you a bunch of plushies I got over the past few months. Most are toreba wins but it’s important that I show you. But also!!! I wanna go over my trip to Round 1 from last night in this post too so it’s gonna be pretty lengthy. But I’ll keep it under the cut! 

First up, when my fiance came to visit, I think he gave me these little Bijou plushies but I don’t think we took a picture of them or if we did I forgot. Either way, they’re really cute and I love them. Little mascot Bijou is gonna go sit with the other little mascots since I don’t rly have a place to put them on my phone or anything like that. I think that’s what the little straps are anyways.

Next up I got this swimmy summer Dale I won on toreba in November. He’s supposed to be a Christmas present to my fiance but.... I’m bad at sending out stuff in the mail.... x3x I’m hoping I can get the presents shipped out ASAP but I have to finish a painting first.

Then I got this big boi with my Christmas toreba points! His name is Shiro-tan and apparently he’s a merch line character, kinda like Rilakkuma and those guys. I love him, he’s so soft and mochi which are the best plushies to have<3

Another of my Christmas TP wins was Shiro or Whitey from Crayon Shin-Chan. Apparently this is a Yumetic plush of Shiro similar to my Luna I got a while ago. 

The last of my Christmas TP wins is this super cute Kuromi! I love Kuromi but I don’t have merch of her besides a scrunchie. I’m glad I have at least a plush of her now~

All three together!

This little squishy foxy was won with a free ticket! I have no idea what he’s munching on tho. My first thought was a Bugle chip but that’s prolly not right. Maybe some kind of meat or bonito or something.

And now it’s time for my latest toreba wins that I just got in today! Kurozu and...

Ichi! Good corgis!!! I love them!!! They’re super fluff<3

Friends!<3

And now for my Round 1 wins. Honestly Round 1 was kind of harsh this trip. I tried getting some super cute Sakura Rilakkumas, rainbow shibas, even a little kitty chef but they would just not fall. So I decided maybe the claw machines weren’t good today, so I went to play some ticket games that I’ve seen some arcade youtubers play before but they make it look way easier than it is. I got half way on Crossy Road a bunch of times before I either mess up or I fell off the screen so tickets were def a no go at that point. 

I went to play Groove Coaster a little bit (Zenryoku Batankyu, ECHO, Sugar Song to Bitter Step and Chururira Chururira Dadada respectively) and then I ran out of credit. Mom felt rly bad that I couldn’t get anything so we got another round and went looking for plushies that’d actually be good and we got these little dudes in a couple plays. Green doggo took a little bit but the cat was about two plays. They’re gr8, very mochi!

Later played Monster Drop and got 310 tickets, then played Goldfishing and that was pretty fun but it’s not rly the best ticket maker. And this Ski Ball machine, well... I suck at Ski Ball, only 10. Nyee...

(Please excuse the glare, the lighting in this house is terrible to take pics in) And then later when I was about under 50 credits I tried my hand at Marble Carnival. It’s essentially a coin pusher but with marbles but I’ve seen my arcade youtubers win a lot so I decided I’d try it out. It’s pretty fun! I might have to do a 5 swipe play next time I go in, hopefully I can get all the cards since when you do you get 3000 tickets. owo

In total I got 1337 tickets and that’s not really enough to get something I wanted so hopefully we’re gonna come back soon and play some more and hopefully win some more too! 

And to top off the night, I was feeling thirsty so mom stopped into the local 7/11 since it’d be an hour before we get home and she found this little Ludicolo sitting all alone on the Beanie Baby stand. She had to get it. It makes noise. It’s so silly!!

Thanks for reading all of this. Hopefully the next time I get plushies or other cool things I wont be as lazy to post.

[bouttogolinkurbitch]

Home for the Holidays: Ilya Fedorovich

Sorry for errors bubbies!! My first vlogsquad imagine so be nice lmao enjoy 

"Alright, guys, usually when I pause mid video I have a surprise. So, you've seen me surprise my friends with cars, animals, celebrities, and money. And today I'm surprising Ilya with a girl. Not just any girl, this is Y/N." David turned his camera on my and I smiled as I waved. "Tell them who you are!" I giggled before David laughed too and we moved to the couch.

"Uh, I'm Y/N. I live in Vernon Hills, and I'm Ilya's girlfriend." I said before David laughed at my awkwardness. I rolled my eyes before he spoke, "Y/N was supposed to fly out with Ilya for Christmas and stay into the new year, but she had to work- that is until her boss gave her time off. I paid for her to fly out and now we're going to surprise Ilya!" I nodded as Natalie slid into frame.

"As a distraction, Natalie is going to take Ilya with her to go get some things for a bit I need to film. While they're gone, Y/N and I are going to change my house around and finally, she'll come out of my room." Natalie nodded as I smiled and looked to David, "He'll have to dress nice so make sure to hide all his gym shorts and tee shirts." Natalie and David both laughed.

I sat on Natalie's bed as I listened to her and David try to persuade Ilya to go out with Natalie. "Bro, just go. It's a dangerous part of town and Natalie is nervous about going alone." David tried to rationalize. I could hear Ilya's heavy footsteps as he walked around David's living room. "Just a quick trip! In and out!" Natalie said, and David giggled. "You sound like you're going to rob a bank." I rolled my eyes and strained to listen.

I could hear Ilya sigh before he spoke finally, "I would be a bad friend if I made Nat go alone. But I'm driving the Tesla!" He said with a laugh before I heard David suck in through his teeth. "Actually I'm gonna stay here. I'm pulling a prank on Jonah later, which is what you're getting props for, and I need to set up. Ilya, I need you to buy a suit and wear it home for the bit."

I looked up as David opened the door, "Show time, Y/N." I stood and walked out with him before we started cleaning up the house. Joe was playing music off the tv as he, David, Todd, Zane, and I started cleaning. I helped move the table closer to the windows to give perfect sunlight lighting as David hired a caterer. Zane and Todd were pouring wine and setting the table with plates, spoons, forks, and knives. I sat beside Joe once I had finished my part before I helped him make a slideshow of Ilya and I.

"This is so cute." Todd said as he watched over the edge of the couch. "What's with the slideshow?" Zane asked as he joined Todd. I turned and smiled, "For Christmas, when we weren't with our families or David's, the only gift I really gave him was sex." They laughed before Todd clapped his hand on my shoulder, "That sounds like the perfect gift." I snorted as David recorded the moment. Joe drew my attention back to him when he started adding music behind the video. It was The Last Of The Real Ones, which made David happy. I nodded to Joe as he finished up the slideshow.

I was ushered by Carly and Erin, Corinna, and Suzy into Natalie's bedroom. I was placed in a chair as Suzy started my makeup. Corinna was putting my hair in a more styled manor than the lazy braid I had it in all day. As they worked on my appearance, Carly and Erin chose a nice outfit from my suitcase. All the while, I was texting back and forth with Natalie with updates.

She said Ilya had started off their journey by pouting and complaining about how much he missed me. He and I had traded texts back and forth throughout the day, and I was hoping that he couldn't sense my anxieties about this surprise. He had asked if I was doing okay, and I said yes, but in all honesty, I was afraid. Afraid he wouldn't be surprised at all.

As Suzy was blending the eye shadow against my lid, my phone began to vibrate. I lifted it to see Ilya wanted to Face Time. "Accept it or he'll be suspicious." Corinna whispered before she slid her finger across my screen and she moved out of the camera shot. All the girls moved away and were quiet as he connected. "Let me see your beautiful face, baby." He whined and I laughed softly.

"Hello to you too, my love. You doin' okay?" I asked, keeping my camera on the bed, leaving the screen black. "I'm just running around with Nat. Jonah is gonna get pranked later, so expect some snaps of that." I smiled, "Noted. So I take it you're either bored waiting on Nat to finish up in a store, or you just miss me dearly." I said as I bit my lip.

All the girls listened as he laughed, "Both, definitely both. You sure you can't get your dumbass boss to change his mind and let you go? I'll pay for your ticket." Erin smiled and awed silently as I blushed. "Nah he won't budge, but it's okay babe. I'll see you soon enough. Bed's awful lonely without you taking up all the room." He snorted and rubbed his eyes before he yawned. I pouted as I watched him before he let out a loud groan.

"Show me your cute face, baby. Maybe send me some pics so I have something to hold me over until I land in Chicago." I laughed this time, "No can do, big guy. I got a facemask on and I know your bitchass will screenshot that. Enjoy your time in the sunshine state. I love you, Ilya." He sighed and made a kissing face at the camera, "Love you too princess, don't get too lonely without me." He winked before he hung up and all the girls let out breaths.

"That's seriously so cute, Y/N." Carly said as she held up a silky red dress. "The dress and yours and Ilya's relationship." I laughed before I stood and went to change. Corinna let me borrow some black swede heels that had gold chrome straps. I turned and started to change as all the girls cleaned up Natalie's room. "We'll leave so you can finish up changing. Come out and show everyone when you're done." Suzy said as she and the other girls left.

Once I was alone, I stripped myself of my bra before I slid on the silk dress. I kept my thong on underneath, knowing subconsciously that it would no longer be there later tonight. After putting on the shoes, I twirled in front of the mirror and smiled. I cracked the door open, "I'm coming out so cover your eyes!" It was quiet for a few minutes before David yelled at me to come out.

The sound of the heels echoed off the walls before I stopped. "Holy shit!" David said as he recorded me doing a spin. Everyone started applauding before David's phone buzzed. "Natalie says they're pulling up in five minutes! Get back in the room." I nodded to David before I went back into Natalie's room.

Everyone stayed around because they would be pranking Ilya with Jonah first. I listened as he came in with Natalie. I heard her coming down the hall before she slipped in and smiled. "You look killer, Y/N. Go knock 'em dead." I smiled widely and hugged her before we could hear laughter. "What the fuck!" Ilya yelled and then it quieted down. Natalie left her room, leaving her door opened a bit so I could just come out.

"Okay, Ilya, I need you to put on this satin bed mask. Sit here, right, and Jonah is going to come down the hall. He needs to put on heels so he's gonna borrow some of Natalie's and come out." I heard Ilya agree and I sighed as I smoothed my hands down the dress. Jonah came in and smiled before he kissed my cheek lightly, "You look stunning." We both waited together until David yelled for Jonah, which was my que.

For the second time, my footsteps echoed as I moved my way across David's living room. "I'll tell you when to take it off, Ilya." David said as he got close to us. I sat in the stool before I positioned myself, grabbing the glass of wine. As I took a sip, I winked to David and he nodded. "Off." Everyone got super quiet as he pulled the mask off and froze.

His eyes widened and he smiled, "Holy shit!" I swallowed my sip of wine before I laughed. He stood and walked to my seat before he hugged me tightly. The group awed as he kissed my cheek repeatedly. "Missed you so much, munchie." I felt my cheeks heat up as I pulled him back a bit, "I missed you too, my love." He smiled before I connected our lips.  Everyone cheered around us before he lifted me off the stool and brought me into his arms. I felt him breathe in deeply against my skin before he left a light kiss there. I smiled and scratched at the hairs that curled against his neck and shirt, "Missed you sweet boy."

[craniumhurricane]

i’ll have the eggplant emoji

So I started writing a fic back in February and intended for it to be a Valentine’s gift for @katchyalater but that never happened SO! Merry Christmas Kac!

On AO3!

Bellamy: Can I come over tonight?

Clarke: It's Saturday?

I thought you had a date tonight??

Bellamy: I did

It ended earlier than I planned.

Clarke: Shit!

Yeah sure

Did you make it to dinner?

I'm ordering takeout

 When Bellamy lets himself into Clarke’s apartment he's wearing what she considers his “dating outfit”; a pair of nice dark wash jeans with a blue button up and a jacket that has those weird elbow patches that he somehow pulls off. He’s even got contacts in instead of wearing his glasses which is really a shame. He’s adorable with his glasses and artfully messy hair. Not that it matters, all forms of Bellamy are attractive to Clarke. But she refuses to let that get in the way of helping her best friend. She’s already got a beer waiting for him on the coffee table which he immediately grabs and twists off the cap before taking a pull.

“Food should be here soon,” she tells him as he sits down next to her on the couch. “And the cat will come skulking out once she realizes you're here. Bad date?”

“Just what I came for,” he says with a rueful smile and then frowns, bringing the bottle up again but pausing before it reaches his lips. “We broke up. Or rather we aren't seeing each other anymore. Fuck, I don't know. Do you consider it dating after only four dates?”

“Some people might but hey, what are labels really?” She shrugs and takes a sip of her own beer.

“Thanks,” he says with a smile before finally taking the swig.

She really does feel bad for him. Not that Clarke liked Echo. To be honest she couldn't really stand her, but Bellamy hadn't dated anyone since Gina broke up with him two years ago for reasons Clarke doesn't even know. It was amicable and the two of them are still friends but Clarke just wants her best friend to be happy. And for all intents and purposes, he did seem happy with Echo. Even if she was a royal bitch to most of his friends.

The cat comes out from the hallway and Bellamy seems distracted trying to get her attention so Clarke clears her throat and asks, “Netflix or Discovery Channel?”

Which is how they end up finishing the six pack Clarke had in the fridge and starting in on the bottles of weird foreign beer that her mom gave her as a Christmas present last year. They're watching some cheesy romance movie that came on after a Parks and Rec rerun marathon and were both too lazy to reach for the remote. The cat is curled up in Bellamy’s lap and Clarke's not sure when his head ended up on a pillow in her own lap or when she started carding her fingers through his hair but she's not going to comment on it.

“See and that's all it really takes,” he says suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence and gesturing at the TV.

Clarke knows he's nowhere near drunk. They've gone to Gina's bar more times than any of their friends and those drinks usually consisted of hard liquor which Gina was very generous with. Bellamy has spent more than one occasion holding her hair back and in return she's held onto his glasses and few times for him. She's pretty sure they're both fine right now, if maybe a little tipsy.

“Emotional manipulation until you have the girl right where you want her but surprise! You’ve been a good guy all along?”

Bellamy frowns and then suddenly sits up, dislodging the cat from her position with an indignant meow. He's back to sitting next to her on the couch but now he’s close enough that their shoulders graze each other. “No, just a simple gesture to show you like someone. Like,” he gestures at the TV again, “sending flowers. All these kids today sending dick pics and eggplant emojis. People still want to be courted. Gestures that are cute and thoughtful are way more intimate than grainy photos of hairy dicks.”

Clarke stares at his profile for a second and feels a slight blush creep up her neck and onto her face that she will blame entirely on the alcohol. It isn't until he turns to look at her that she realizes that he probably wanted a reply.

“Do people send you hairy dicks often? Isn't manscaping supposed to be a thing?”

He laughs, like she knew he would, and shoves her lightly which gratefully creates some space between them. “Shut up and put Netflix on.”

Bellamy helps her clean up the takeout boxes and leaves without any fanfare about two hours later. Clarke offered to walk him halfway but he turns her down mumbling something along the lines of it being only a 10 minute walk. She crawls into her bed and aimlessly scrolls through her social media feeds, actively ignoring the thought that hasn't left her alone since Bellamy had mentioned it when they were lying on the couch.

She pauses once she gets the text that he made it home, interrupting her scroll through Tumblr. She considers it for half a second and then opens a new tab in her web browser and before she knows what she's doing she's found a reasonable florist in the area that makes deliveries.

“That’s all it takes,” she breathes as she types in the delivery information.

*

She'd like to think she's the type of person that wouldn't obsess about it but let's be real; she is definitely the type of person to obsess about it. She spends most of Monday morning checking her phone every 5 minutes for the time. Not sure if the delivery confirmation or a text from Bellamy will come first. She's honestly not sure which she wants to receive first.

Thankfully she actually does get swept up with patients at the clinic and is gratefully distracted until close to her lunch time.

It's just after 11:30 when she's walking Mrs. Kane out that she gets a text from Bellamy. He has combination lunch and office hours from 11:30 to 1:30 which is why she indicated this as the best time for delivery. Clarke quickly announces to the front that she'll be in her office before she hurries in and shuts the door. The text is a picture of the arrangement but she’s too distracted by the blinking dots that indicate he's still typing to really appreciate them.

Bellamy: [image]

Thanks for the flowers, Princess.

I'm really not that upset over Echo but I appreciate the gesture.

Clarke stares at the messages and waits for more... But none show up. She exits out of her texting app as if that will refresh it but when she goes back in there's still nothing. Now she's scowling at her phone because that idiot didn't get it!

Or maybe he doesn't feel that way about her?

Once upon a time she thought he did but the timing wasn’t right. She had just gotten out of a rough relationship and wasn’t looking for anything serious. And then, when she was ready, he was dating Gina. Next was Niylah for her followed by, most recently, Echo for him. When she was ordering the flowers, Clarke didn’t allow herself to debate over whether it was a good idea. She just thought, with both of them single, that this could finally be it. But maybe it was too late. Maybe they missed their window.

Halfheartedly, because she knows he'll think it's weird if she doesn't reply, she types out a response.

 Clarke: Glad you like them.

 And a part of her means it. Her friendship with Bellamy is more important to her than unrequited feelings. Still, she pockets her phone and doesn't think about it for the rest of the day.

It's later that night, when she's sitting at home with a bottle of wine, that he sends her another picture. He’s brought the flowers home and put them in one of the shitty vases she made when she thought pottery was going to be her new hobby. An assumption that she had been so so wrong about. He mostly kept it as a reminder that not all her ideas are good ones but she has to admit that the arrangement does look good in it now that she actually looks at it. The vase is simple, if a bit lopsided and lumpy, yet colorful and with the flowers it looks very... homey. He has them displayed in the center of his kitchen/dining table where she knows he does all of his grading.

 Bellamy: [image]

Look, your vase has a real purpose

Other than taunting you

Sorry, couldn’t resist. I really do appreciate the flowers though

 A goofy smile returns to Clarke’s lips and a flicker of hope reignites in her chest. She decides that she isn't giving up that easily. The gesture was sweet but maybe not grand enough...

*

Bellamy teaches at Ark University and Clarke knows his schedule as well as she knows her own which is how she knows he has lecture hall on Wednesdays. She plans her next delivery accordingly.

She purposefully took a late lunch and at 2pm she shuts herself in her office, pulls her phone out, and waits. At four minutes past the hour her phone lights up with a selfie of her and Bellamy at the fair, indicating a phone call.

“Hi,” she answers with a smile.

“I think the florist you used messed up your order.”

She startles upright in her chair, “Wh-What?”

“You ordered a delivery for Monday, right?” Bellamy asks before barreling on as if he's distracted, “They just came in at the end of my class with five more arrangements. You might want to call them and make sure they didn’t charge you for all of these.”

She blinks a few times. Of course, of course, he would worry about something like that.

“No, that's right,” she says carefully.

“Which is why you should call them,” he says, as if it’s the most obvious thing to do. “Tell them you only wanted the Monday order. The guy already left and I doubt they'll take these back so I'm giving them to my students.” She can hear him shuffling and talking to other people.

“No! That's not what I -”

“Related note; this does not help me get my students to stop hitting on me,” he says pointed.

She’s slowly moving from exasperated to frustrated. The smart thing to do would be to wait for his attention to be back on her and slowly and calmly explain that it's not a mistake and that, yes, she did send another five arrangements to his place of work, in front of his students, so there would be witnesses.

But Clarke's brain doesn't always work when she's frustrated and now this declaration of love is a thing. She's not backing down yet.

“We can work on that,” she says with determination.

* 

Bellamy's taking his classes on a field trip to the museum on Friday and won't be home all day. The clinic is only open until noon so Clarke has a free afternoon. It's the perfect opportunity.

Clarke has a key to his apartment because of course she does. He had given her a key after that one time when she waited outside in the hallway because he was running late and felt guilty about it. She uses it all the time to let herself in so she really doesn't feel bad about using it now...

She smiles when she sees the original flowers she sent him on Monday are still in the vase she made and are still sitting on his kitchen table. He must be changing the water every day because they still look really good considering they're a few days old.

She doesn't have long to admire them because the delivery guys are right on time. Clarke lets them in and begins directing them on where they can put stuff. Once they’re done unloading, she gives them a generous tip and sets about adjusting the arrangements herself. If five wasn’t enough for him to get it then maybe fifteen will do the trick.

In a true moment of feeling sappy, she decides to put her note in a card holder in the original arrangement.

After one last look around she gives herself a nod of approval and locks up as she leaves. She manages to keep the skip out of her step but not the smile from her face as she walks the few blocks to her place.

She’s playing with the cat and still smiling when Bellamy calls just after six.

“What the hell, Clarke?!” he yells into the phone in lieu of a getting. Loud enough that the cat startles and runs away.

“I had to get your attention,” the smile is a little hard to keep with him yelling at her.

“And bringing on an allergy attack was the way to do that?”

She feels the frustration begin to set in again, “Didn’t you see the card?”

“What card? Clarke, what is going on?”

She lets out a strangled noise. “The card on your kitchen- you know what, I'll be right over.”

When she arrives at Bellamy’s apartment she uses her key once again to open the door. He's standing in the middle of the room, eyes darting around to each arrangement as if he's unsure where to begin before his eyes land on her.

He sniffles and that does make her feel a little guilty, especially when his eyes are slightly red.

“Seriously Clarke, what the hell?”

She squares her shoulders like she's preparing for a fight and walks over to the table where she had left her note. “You said a simple gesture would work but apparently, with you, that isn't the case. So I had to go bigger.” She pulls the note out and whirls around.

He's frowning at her when she turns around so she just thrusts her hand out and shoves the card into his chest.

“And when that didn't work I decided I had to go even bigger,” she gestures around the room.

His eyes drop to read the note and there’s suddenly silence in the room. She doesn't know if it’s as awkward as she thinks it is but thankfully he starts talking before she can start rambling.

“You love me?” he looks up at her with something that looks like hope in his eyes.

All at once she lets out a breath and feels the tension drain from her shoulders only to be replaced by nerves and that damn blush again. “Well, yeah.”

Instantly, he closes the space between them and kisses her. Clarke's hands immediately go to the hair at the nape of his neck as if they were magnets just waiting for permission. Likewise, she can feel one of his hands thread through her hair while the other rests on her cheek.

They break apart for air but he doesn't go far, just rests his forehead against her’s with his eyes closed. “I'm in love with you too,” he says and suddenly they're both smiling at each other before she’s surging forward for another kiss.

They continue to make out for a few minutes before Clarke breaks out into a fit of giggles.

“What?” Bellamy asks as he pulls back to look at her.

She’s still chuckling but the look on her face is fond, “I should have just sent you an eggplant emoji.”

“Shut up,” he says with absolutely no heat, unable to keep his own smile off his face. “But yeah, could have saved yourself the trouble.”

“I'll remember that for next time.” But she doesn't think she'll need it.