#those two sentences fucked me up a lil both in and out of the context of mp100

[arkos404]

lawful joke au: lil bug

the obligatory 'lawful joke, a personality swap, by @chaosaliien', these have been sitting on my drafts for like 4 months so i figured its abt time to share them, i present to you all the lil bug

a silly scenario/arc where scrabby gets hurt and somehow one of his lil bug parts end up in the timecube to be found by prism, who, having no idea that its a part of/is scrabby, adopts it to be his pet bug. he names it scarab as an inside joke/lack of creativity lol

the lil bug pretty much works on og scrabby's instincts/subcouncious/inner thoughts, at the start lil bug tried to leave and go back to scrabby, but after being showered in prism's attention it quickly changed course and decided to stay

prism had been developing an interest in bugs, at this point he was crushing on scrabby but justified his interest as a cientific curiosity, so he was happy when the opportunity to have a bug himself was presented to him.

scrabby has mixed feelings on the situation, lil bug is still a part of him so he can hear what the lil bug does and feel phantom touches, and prism has a lot of free time to now spend with his pet bug and is a bug person apparently because he never stops cooing at it.

scrabby enjoys the attention but has no idea how to cope with the sheer amount of attention prism is freely giving him/lil bug especially when normally he would never say those things to him

sometimes he's talking with someone and will pause mid sentence and blush furiously because of something prism just said, leaving the other person very confused. he visits the timecube less and less because he's too flustered to look prism in the eyes, he starts to lose sleep, not being able to clear his head with prism's voice constantly on his ear.

he tries to go to the timecube himself to get the lil bug but its insistent on staying with prism and he doesnt want to explain the situation to prism because itll be embarassing for both of them. he resents the lil bug both because of jealousy ("it shouldve been me!" <- its literally a part of him lmao) and because he's been put in this weird situation by it chosing to stay with prism instead of coming back to him

prism's cooing is usually the regular pet owner babytalk, but it often comes out sounding weird, especially for scrabby who already has a crush on prism and has nothing but phantom touches and hearing to give him context abt whats happening

these occurances are the biggest reason for scrabby's lack of sleep, when he's working or just focusing on something else he can tune it out, but when he's trying to sleep and has no distractions it all comes flooding in

lil bug and jake/nightm hate each other, mostly because me and jules thought itd be funny if the two characters who had a lot in common, both being little shits who were the personification of their counterpart's inner subcouncious and constantly fucked them over, absolutely despised each other

nightm tries to get rid of lil bug many times (all of them foiled by lil bug or prism) and to out it to prism as the little menace it is, though it never works, for prism lil bug is a little angel who can do no wrong (in prism's defense lil bug is only a menace to jake and scrabby lmao)

the arc would end with prism realizing that scrabby was visiting the timecube less and getting restless/on edge whenever he dropped by and he thought it was some kind of territory thing between bugs. not wanting to risk scrabby to stop coming, he lets the lil bug go saying something about while he loves lil bug he's not prism's bug, and that that space is reserved for someone else.

prism is bummed for a while but the next day scrabby comes over and is back to his normal self and even more enlivened (he heard what prism said and was super giddy) so prism knows it was worth it

--

this idea started w me and jules talking about prism adopting a pet bug (inspired by @/xanderindisguis's business bug au) and scrabby, jealous of the attention this random bug was getting, got one of his little forms to infiltrate prism's terrarium. but it evolved to what we have now, here's some doodles of the outdated concept

also tagging @garbashedump bc she helped develop it

putting these under read more lol

[illmaticreid]

Fire & Desire - Part 1

DESRIPTION: Alexandra meets an older guy at a club, and realizes he is hot, rich, and kind of sweet. What more could a girl ask for? 

Word Count: 1.8k - short & sweet, just to get to know the characters. 

TW: some sexual tension and a small fight, talking about consuming alcohol.

A/N; HI!! This is the story I was talking about the other day when I mentioned a sugar daddy fic. The main focus isn’t the fact that he is a sugar daddy, he just happens to be a lil old and rich lol. This is not a reader insert!! I apologize, it’s just so much easier have an oc. Anyways, Enjoy!!! <3

~

The music coming from the speakers of the club flowed through me as I danced in between a group of people on the dance floor. I came with some friends to let loose for the night. I had lost them a while ago, trying to do my own thing.  

I wasn't familiar with any of the people I was dancing with, but as long as no one got too handsy, I would be fine. Apparently, I spoke too soon. Just as the thought went through my head, I felt someone grabbing onto my waist.

I turned around and faced this admittedly attractive stranger, and shoved him away from me. Cute or not, I would never want to dance with someone who just put their hands all over random people in a club.

"Get off of me," I spoke over the loud music.

"What if I don't want to?" He asked.

"I don't fucking care," I yelled this time.

I turned around to walk away and find my friends. I thought I made it clear that I didn't want to dance, but I guess he couldn't take a hint. I felt his hand grab my wrist and pull me back to him. Talking wasn't working, so I pulled my hand from his grasp and punched him in the face.

The alcohol in my system must have been making me more confident than I really was. I have never punched someone in my life. I felt as though this asshole deserved it. He clearly didn't think so though, because as soon as he recovered from my punch, I felt a fist come right back into my face.

I cried out as I fell onto the floor, and watched him walk away. He didn't get very far before two of the bouncers from the club grabbed him and took him somewhere into the back.

I felt many eyes just staring at me as I lay there on the floor, and not a single hand reached out to me. How kind of them. Out of nowhere, there was a hand wrapped around me, helping me back onto my feet.

"I'm sorry, I was going to intervene, but I didn't think he was going to punch you," the voice spoke.

"It's okay, it's um, not your fault," I stuttered back. I don't know if it was because I just got the shit beat out of me or this man was really just breathtaking, but I felt my brain turn to mush.

"Well, I had been watching you, seeing what you would do to him. Nice punch by the way," He smiled at me, trying to lighten the situation. He put his arm under the back of my legs and picked me up.

"Um, excuse me? Where are we going? I have a dress on, my ass is probably hanging out right now," I spoke loudly. A strange, but a very good looking man was whisking me away, and all I could think about was flashing everyone. He could kidnap me for all I know.

"My arm is covering your ass, I promise none of your genitalia is hanging out," He said sternly.

"My genitalia," I mocked and let out a giggle. There goes the alcohol talking again. He didn't laugh with me. I looked up at him and saw long curly hair framing his face. He had some light stubble, but nothing crazy. We continued to walk through the club and I realized, I am not even questioning the stranger kidnapping me.

"Sorry to interrupt your hero moment, but where are you taking me?" I asked.

"I think you have a concussion. You're screaming and my face is only about a foot away from yours. You might have some hearing loss. Also, I am taking you upstairs," the stranger spoke sternly again.

Upstairs? What does that even mean? Does this guy own this place?

Nevertheless, I shut my mouth as he climbed a flight of stairs with me in his arms, and walked into an office. I couldn't help but feel the sexual tension between us. Only I would get punched in the face, and then also worry about having sex with someone within a 5-minute time frame.

He set me onto a desk and walked into another room. He came back quickly with some ice wrapped in a towel.

"Thank you," I whispered as he put the ice on my cheekbone. I winced at the cold.

"I'm sorry. Your leg is also bleeding, I am assuming it's from the fall," The man said quietly, almost under his breath, as if I wasn't there.

I looked down at my leg and saw a small cut and blood dripping down my calf onto my shoes.

"Oh no! My fucking shoes!" I yelled before hastily ripping them off, as to not get any more blood on them.

"That's okay, I will buy you another pair," He said in the same tone.

"What? No. You can't just buy me another pair of shoes. I don't even know you. Hell, I don't even know your name," I yelled again. I think he was right about the hearing loss.

"My apologies, I am Dr. Spencer Reid," Spencer said.

Butterflies whirled around in my stomach as soon as he said Doctor.

"Fuck," I whispered, not holding back the fact that I was completely turned on.

"What was that?" Spencer asked, with a slight smirk on his face. He had been very monotone this whole time, I was wondering if he was even real.

"Um, nothing. My name is Alexandra. You're a doctor?" I asked.

"Not that kind of doctor. I have 3 PhDs, along with 3 BAs," Spencer said nonchalantly. I almost fainted.

I might as well rip up my degree and throw it in the trash because I felt like such an idiot next to him. Spencer took the ice off my face and reached into his desk to grab a bandaid.

"Can you lay back before me?" He asked and started to clear some stuff off the desk. God, I would love to hear those words in a different context.  I laid back anyways, ignoring the dirty thoughts in my head.

Spencer gently placed his hand on my leg to lift it onto the desk. I felt him lightly wipe the blood away with another towel. His touch was so delicate and light, I almost didn't feel it.

He opened the bandaid up, and tenderly placed it onto my leg. Spencer made sure it was on securely before he slowly placed a light kiss over the bandaid. I gripped the desk so hard my knuckles started to turn white. I squeezed my legs shut tighter, as I thought about all the dirty things I wanted him to do to me.

Spencer grabbed my hand and helped lift me back onto my feet. He grabbed my shoes and tried to clean them off a little, before putting them onto my feet. I felt like Cinderella as he tied the strap around my ankle, making sure everything was secure.

"Thank you, for taking care of me," I said meekly.

"How is your face?" He asked. Truthfully, it felt okay, but I didn't want to leave him just yet.

"It feels awful, my head is pounding. I think you were right about the concussion," I milked my injuries.

"Surely you can't drive home, I will take you," Spencer said and put his hand out towards mine. I grabbed it and we walked downstairs, out towards a back entrance.

"What is going to happen to that guy?" I asked.

"Oh, is he probably going to spend a night in jail. Do you want to press charges?" Spencer asked with his serious tone again.

"You sound like a cop," I giggled as we walked out into the parking lot.

"You're so silly. I'm not a cop. I'm an FBI Agent," Spencer laughed. My face went blank, and I stuttered incoherently.

"How? You look so young," I said stupidly. God, I was gonna ruin it with the hottest guy I have ever seen just because of my dumb mouth.

"Well, thank you, Alexandra. Sadly, I am 36."

As the words left Spencer's mouth, I became even more flustered and tripped on a crack in the road. I felt myself start to fall face-first into the floor like the clumsy person I am. Two hands grabbed me when I was just a couple of inches away from the pavement. I was lifted into's Spencer's chest.

His face was so close to mine, I could feel his breath wash over me. I closed my eyes and just basked in the ambiance of how perfect this feeling was. He smelled like mint and soap, with a hint of luxury.

"You should be more careful, Alexandra," Spencer whispered, still holding onto me. I didn't even try to form a sentence, because I knew I wouldn't be able to. The way my name rolled off of his tongue sounded delicious. Spencer's voice sounded like silk. How could he be 15 years older than me? How was this ever going to work?

Our moment came to an end as he propped me back onto my feet, and continued to hold my hand, and walk with me.

We walked up to a matte black Lamborghini SUV. My jaw felt like it was completely unhinged. This man was dirty fucking rich. No wonder he said he would buy me new shoes.

Spencer walked around the car and opened the door for me.

"Thank you, sir," I giggled. I said it jokingly, but then I caught a look flash in Spencer's eyes. I couldn't tell if it was angry or turned on. Or maybe both. He mumbled under his breath and closed the door behind me.

The car ride to my apartment was silent, besides me giving him directions. I felt slightly uncomfortable and almost sad. I didn't want to leave him.

"Here I am," I said quietly as we pulled up to the apartment complex.

"Thank you for taking me home. And um, taking care of me," I spoke again. It hurt to open the door, and walk away, but I did it anyway.

"Goodbye, Alexandra," Spencer's sultry voice said. God, he was making this terribly hard. I waved goodbye to him and walked inside. I felt his eyes staring holes into the back of my head. Spencer's car didn't take off until I was completely inside. What a gentleman.

When I got upstairs to my unit, I went to sleep immediately. As you could imagine, my dreams were filled with Spencer Reid. Not just regular Spencer Reid dreams. Sex filled Spencer Reid dreams. I was going to hell.

[melforbes]

ask meme. what if. patching up. no I still haven’t seen source material

the way i completely forgot about this ask until i wrote like two paragraphs in this and was like oh shit lmao

the source material is getting an hbo series bb you're in luck also ignore anna whatever as tess yes i respect her as an actress yes she is talented in a bunch of things i have not seen but ms annie wersching is the only tess in my heart and also if i have to endure tess being reduced to a powerbitch stereotype i will start foaming at the mouth. but also i have no feelings about this whatsoever <3

WHAT IF: i will pick an important choice or event in my current project and write three sentences (or more?) about if it’d gone done differently

hmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMm

this is hard because i kind of had a stupid amount of confidence in the decisions i had them make in this and because i have ~a lot of experience~ in flying by the seat of my pants with writing lmaooooo a lot of the time with this ive had some degree of foresight when it comes to certain plot decisions. the only reason i have this in the first place is that with other things ive had kind of sort of plot revelations and then been like "well if i'd set that up three chapters ago it would have a huge impact i think but instead i guess it's just going in this one for a smaller impact" so i think i learned my lesson haha. also because this pairing nowadays has a small and sparse tag i really intentionally put in stuff to make it interesting (maybe the wrong word) to reread. like not Interesting interesting but i wanted there to be certain details that are more relevant on a reread than on an initial read because whenever i read stuff in small tags i tend to read it Multiple Times lmaoooooo and it's like if anyone like me is out there I Will Feed You. I Will Give You Food. you see i have this problem in which im like i dont want to act like i put thought into this because That's Embarrassing and i also dont want to seem like i take this too seriously because That's Embarrassing and also i dont want to act uppity or pompous or something But At The Same Time i do put a lot of thought into certain things and i feel like mentioning that and i dont really want to judge myself for that. it's complicated but also super uncomplicated. where was i going with this

OH right. so most of the plot decisions were made super concretely. like pre breakup arc in the nightmares chapters (which came out so much worse than i intended alkdjksjad;glksjg) when tess and joel talk about ellie Knowing (also legit it is such a trip to me that you dont know the context of that. a trip in a good way) she says we every time and he only ever says i even when she points out that this would affect both of them, and at one point i think he says that tess doesnt understand baseless violence which is 100% untrue, and then there's a bunch of window imagery i put in starting there because im a freak. so like For Once In My Life a lot of this was as planned as it could be. on occasion there's been Plot Revelations that get wedged in (the radio interlude chapter, which was a bit of an inelegant seam between prewritten things that didnt mesh well) but for the most part ive got tits out into every decision. like tess and ellie disagreeing about joel's choice was very planned though i imagine that kind of conversation could be executed many different ways i had my one way and stuck to it. so either way

where was i going with this. did i have a point.

OKAY. let's see. i think one of the big ~emotional beats~ so to speak was the ambush chapter and i think that's the favorite because that's usually where people comment if i remember correctly and initially i wasnt going to go with that tone At All haha. years ago i wrote everyday domestic scenes of mulder and scully from x files and had it all on this blog and it was plotless but largely in the same overarching universe (i say as if it was legit ever That Deep) and after writing this as a oneshot and being like you know? Kind of feel like doing that again. i figured i would just follow the same largely plotless path of legit just domesticity and leave it at that. and i think the first like five chapters are tonally different from the rest because i'd never really intended for it to have plot or really any depth whatsoever. in the end like. How do i say this in a way that wont be interpreted as uppity or something asldkjgalsdgjk like. when i did those mulder scully scenes i was very much a beginner and i think i didnt realize just how inherent that beginner-ness was to the concept itself. which isnt a bad thing! like people had fun with those so far as i remember. bizarrely enough i think people might still read those which. cringe. but you kno!!! but with a few years of distance from that kind of concept i think it was hard for me to Not try something else. especially with this universe in which it's just dense with storytelling opportunity. and also i felt as if the first few chapters were just like super super lighthearted and i wanted some angst factor. which is why in the end the angst factor plot itself is flimsy as fuck. like i did not care WHY they got attacked i just wanted that sweet sweet hurt/comfort cup of tea u feel. and after that i didnt really go for the plot too much But i did edge toward it a lot more. like i mean ultimately this is a romance like it was not intended to be plot heavy ever But it's more plot heavy than it couldve been. had i actually written it as i'd intended from the start i think it wouldve gotten old really fast. like nothing but lighthearted domesticity doesnt make sense in this context. for the first few chapters it doesnt necessarily kill the whole thing imo because like. that's the first few chapters. but after then if there was never any ~deeper thoughts~ i think it wouldve gotten reductive super fast.

hmmm what else. Because i am deciding to talk too much on the internet now.

oh in theory the whole breakup arc couldve been omitted and now in retrospect im like it's hilarious that like the next chapter after they got married i immediately peppered in hints that they would break up lkajsdglaksjgdlkj like wow. That lasted a long time. but like i mean i think with them it fits that they would do something like get married before they even said that they loved each other. like i can see them doing a massive workaround instead of doing a small and simple but vulnerable thing. makes sense 2 me. and like they definitely couldve stuck together in the end but 1 theres interesting storytelling in how maybe joel was too stubborn or maybe they grew apart in certain ways or blah blah blah and 2 I JUST LOVE A GOOD BREAKUP AND THEN RETURNING TO EACH OTHER ARC OKAAAAAAAAAY. legit. favorite trope. if i ever experienced that in real life i would claw my eyes out but in fiction it makes me FERALLLL. and also like i mean i lov these two for their dumb quirks but also like it would be a lil wrong to say there wouldnt be consequences for like. Not communicating haha. also again like the world this game is put in is so full of storytelling opportunities and im like Must Take Them All. like joel is stubborn as hell and shuts down when he's overwhelmed and there is growth in the first game (and in the second too but thats not really shown as much and is more left for the player to fill in the gaps i think) but also i think it would be super easy to regress in that sense and i had fun with putting him in those situations. and it's also super fun to have an additional person for the joel and ellie plots to bounce off of. like joel and ellie are two very stubborn people and having an extra person there to be like You Blithering Idiots has been a good time. im getting sidetracked. like it was fun to answer the question of how these two in a marriage neither of them can fully substantiate would communicate in hard times and the answer i personally found was that they both would end up breaking things. which was fun to write!!!!!!!!! but in theory couldve been prevented. maybe i just cant imagine this a different way haha. like Joel And Tess Learn Healthy Communication Skills Over Time. am i mean for saying that doesnt sound probable aldskjgalskdjgslkgj

OH LMAO THE MARRIAGE PART. that was also a big decision i guess. i wouldnt make it go differently alksdjglasdjg like. i definitely couldve written the context around that many different ways bc again this whole is full of opportunity But a frankly premature wedding just feels right to me. especially with like going from being stuck on survival to being safe for the first time in decades. and then having that sense of safety get boring and wondering why there was that super fast wedding in the first place. cant really imagine it going differently

there is later unposted stuff that could def have gone many different ways and that i tried to make go different ways but that would not be right to talk about akldsjaslkgdjsg so.

this got too long sorry <3

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching JIBcon videos (part 2 of ?)

Cockles panel

in which Jared is abusive to Misha :C :C :C (and Jensen is maaaaybe angry about Destiel not being canon??? whoa)

previous post HERE

-

03:51

how long’s it been, 3 days? 4? idk but HI LET’S WATCH MORE

i was 11 minutes in, after 2 hours. oh boy

-

just rewatching the bit where the fan asks if they can sip the apple juice and i just realised jensen said “no!!” at the same time misha nodded and said “yep”

-

aaaaand jensen watches misha drink before he licks his lips and drinks too *u*

-

03:56pm

misha: “supernatural the series will be ending, it’s been announced, but we will be doing a puppet show in jensen’s backyard... for another ten seasons”

i would pay money

misha’s joking but i would pay money

-

and jensen’s mouthing “oh my gaaahd” at misha bc he did not expect 500 people to cheer that

jensen: “THAT’S BRILLIANT”

yes

yes it is

-

“no seriously i think we’re gonna do that”

i would legit love that pls do

-

the apple juice is getting to him already

-

04:00

fan: “what one thing you won’t miss after it’s done? and don’t say each other, that’s not true”

shoutout to that fan right there looking out for all of us

-

04:0

misha: “i’m not gonna miss jared and jensen hurting me”

jensen goes all quiet, misha touches his leg

AND THEN MISHA APOLOGISES FOR FONDLING HIM

this is so fucking complex but also probably so simple

on the one hand that touch was automatic, assuring jensen, but also misha’s aware of how that exact kind of touch is not especially consensual in the context of what he’s talking about

they kind of seem to have two separate relationships, the personal/private/convention-performance one... and the on-set one. off set, misha’s in charge and jensen is his princess, but then on-set, misha is a sexually abused puppy

and honestly i don’t know how i feel about this, so i try and figure out how misha feels about it. like... it’s pretty obvious he doesn’t enjoy being hurt, but rarely actually gets upset about it (i.e.: the airplane), and still maintains an apparently consensual, respectful and emotionally intimate relationship with jensen and jared outside of set??? it’s confusing to me and what i’m seeing here isn’t really helping me understand yet

-

04:12

oop the video finished, time to move to the next one

i’m still torn on this issue

like it’s...... funny, i guess? jared army crawling onto set to hurt misha? BUT ALSO IT’S NOT, and it shouldn’t be, it’s only funny because they apparently find it funny

or at least jensen does, but jensen loves misha the most, so like.......... 

god i still don’t know

every year i’m still baffled by this

i just want jared to stop hurting misha

those poor inner thighs

-

part 2!!

JIB10 - Jensen and Jared and Misha panel part2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dd8O2-_Akk0&ab_channel=thiniassk

04:16

misha’s now talking about mark (sheppard?) and how mark wants other cast people to make “an environment where people are happy to go to work” the way the spn cast does

back to the thigh pinching though. so misha can quote that with total conviction... so i guess despite the pain he does enjoy it?? maybe he’s just a masochist and likes being hurt, idk...... and yet he says he won’t miss it once it’s over

who knows if i will ever understand this

-

04:1?

extended eye contact with misha as jensen says “i would’ve loved to have slept in”

UH HUH

-

04:?5

OH GOD IT’S HAPPENING IT’S HAPPENING THEY’RE LYING ON TOP OF EACH OTHER

in which jensen is being misha and misha is being jared

“yeah you sexy bitch you like this”

????????????????????????????????????????

-

and then misha pulls jensen up by the hand~

that did not last nearly long enough

-

ARE YOU KIDDING ME THEY DIDN’T EVEN GET TO RECOVER OR FINISH THE SENTENCE BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE COMES ON STAGE

UGH

EVERY FUCKING TIME

WHEN DO WE NOT GET COCKBLOCKED

-

OH it’s not even everyone else it’s just jared

does he have internal alarms that go off when jensen and misha are being publicly intimate and he has to show up with a cowbell and a taser

-

04:30

jensen is definitely tipsy now

-

04:41

jared: “i was like ‘shut up bitch’ and you were like ‘yeah, hit me’

jensen facepalms and misha mouths “no i didn’t”

?????

jared is such a wildcard in this dynamic

on the one hand they’re advertising themselves as the model set relationship, and there’s obviously love between them, but on the other hand they’re all being abused by jared 

i 

i’m so perplexed

-

04:35

https://youtu.be/dd8O2-_Akk0

misha to jensen: “do you... you wanna tell your... your dream?”

jensen shakes head “nope”

jared: “whoa!! this just got really romantic” (backs up)

(thank you jared for trying to keep out of this, i guess)

-

04:44

i just took a lil break and i’m back now

i thought a bit about what i’ve watched so far today and compared it to the first part of the panel that i watched last time, and i’m trying to figure out if the energy is different because i’m in a different mood or whether it actually changed around the same point i paused last time, around the 11 minute mark. the first part of this was flirty and silly and fun, and then that vibe kind of plummeted... i guess it was because they started talking immediately about the abuse on set

but yeah, no, just typing that made me realise i’m right, the energy did change. misha mellowed out and jensen followed suit. despite getting tipsy and being more open to shaking his ass, he and misha remained subdued

like.. jensen clearly finds the abuse hilarious but i don’t think misha does. he loves jared and jensen both but i think there is legit pain there. people can be both abusive and loving, you know? jared’s awful but also nice, and i guess i enjoy his obvious outward support for jensen and misha’s romantic relationship, but i’ve always found it harder to appreciate him, compared to the effortless love i have for misha.

misha always, ALWAYS demonstrates that it’s absolutely possible to be dominant without hurting or demeaning people, and jared is just... not like that.

and yeah this upsets me enough that i’m now blurry-eyed with tears while typing this

it’s been kind of hard to enjoy this part of the video and i needed a moment away to figure out why

my favourite jibcon will always be the one where jensen leaned in to kiss misha. he was upset and misha went to comfort him, and supported him the whole time. i was thinking the other day how that energy was fresh. like they’d only just begun a sexual/romantic relationship in real life, or were about to and were eager for it. and this time it’s clearly been years and they’re more comfortable with their attraction.

but like.

yeah i’m disappointed that jared is on stage now. i can’t help it, i always am. his presence just seems especially upsetting after everything misha’s told us

i’m in no way saying they’re not friends, because they are, and i can’t doubt that they’ll be friends for the rest of their lives, happily and comfortably, but at the same time i will never be able to deny that jared is abusive. he violates consent in every possible way and just because it’s funny doesn’t mean it’s okay. these three spin the stories to make us laugh, but truly, under all of it, i find it upsetting.

someone’s always gonna say “but misha’s fine, he can take it”

but abused people can be fine, because they tend to be the strongest people, yet that doesn’t make the abuse okay. he’s not agreeing to it, he’s showing up for work each day because he has an obligation to and a family to feed. and he does love working there, and the people he works with, DESPITE the abuse.

i just. i don’t want people watching this to ever think that it’s okay for friends to hurt you. it’s possible to be bullied by friends. in fact that seems most likely in my own past. you may still be their friend, and your love for them may be warranted, and understandable, because they are lovable, but that doesn’t make their actions okay

-

anyway

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05:05pm

misha: “are you wearing a t-shirt that says destiel is real?”

jensen’s hand ZOOMs to him i.e. “stop talking”

also he tied the pocket scarf around his neck and it looks good

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I LOVE THAT EVERYONE CHEERS

omg remember when people would boo

THIS IS BETTER

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is jensen like........ pumping for more cheers or being sarcastic? can’t tell, it’s kind of both

-

and then jensen just goes “DESTIEL IS REAL”

his tone is like.........forceful joking? but also he just SAID it ???

jensen: “is it? is it??”

crowd: “yes no yesss noo”

-

https://youtu.be/dd8O2-_Akk0?t=12m59s

jensen: “where? where is it real?”

misha: (pulls jensen down) “don’t get in a fight with people, honey”

HONEY. HE DID JUST SAY HONEY RIGHT?? HE SAID HONEY.

me: wrote a fic called He Called Me Honey

OMG.

misha is the best and will always be the best and his support is the best and i love him more than words can say

-

05:13

k but

i think people’s claims that the destiel thing annoys jensen do have truth to them. his middle finger is on the mic, he’s PISSED.

but ........

honestly i don’t think it’s for the obvious reason. right now, *tilts head*.... looking at this, i think he’s actually more annoyed that destiel is not canonically canon. from what he sees, people are seeing something that’s “not there”, because despite him acting, he can’t hide his attraction to misha. and it’s still the old stuff from season 4 and 5 that put down the basis for all this, when he didn’t realise his pupils were dilating in the first few weeks with misha. and the storyline pushed them together.

theory: jensen’s annoyed about the destiel thing because it’s not as canon as he wants it to be.

maybe.

just........ the way he reacts to destiel stuff out of panels seems way more supportive. he’s just currently feeling attacked by the disparity of opinion in the room, everyone yelling about their take on it, whereas his question was legitimate: “where are you guys seeing the romance?” because (despite his best efforts?) dean still hasn’t kissed cas on screen.

deleted scenes = deleted destiel. i’m still 80% convinced when cas came back from the empty, there was a shot where dean kissed him. and it wasn’t used. (i have no proof. this is a theory. just with the setup to the scene, and the way jensen flirts with misha on set, i refuse to believe there wasn’t a kiss shot at some point. even if jensen was messing around for giggles. he knows what’s up, deep down.)

anyway, my point is, i don’t think jensen understands the romantic subtext. i think he understands physical touching, spoken words, kisses. and he hasn’t seen that in the show. i think he absolutely acts dean as being best friends with cas, but the subtextual romance comes from the writers, editors, and people picking up on jensen’s unconscious attraction.

but jensen has not seen what he would interpret as Romance in the show. and i think he’s miffed that other people see it, because in his interpretation that means it’s actor bleed. i think he just doesn’t get it. not saying he hasn’t studied subtext and stuff, as a director, but i think for him personally, romance is romance when it’s seen (hence him touching cas a lot more when he directs). and any bold choices he’s made as dean interacting with cas have been hidden away by the producers.

again, this is all theory, my take on it. the other theory is that he doesn’t support destiel and doesn’t like talking about it at all. but THAT IS NOT TRUE and if anything, *THIS* and *THIS* prove that

-

05:50pm

k well those links just took me 20 minutes to find, and i still can’t find the version with the actual fanart. it was sunshine yellow, dean and cas were naked in towels, drinking coffee, and dean has a boner under his towel, and jensen drew a speech bubble saying “who the fuck are you?”

 but yeah i think i gotta stop for today. I WILL BE BACK. maybe tomorrow, maybe in a few days. still got 4 minutes of this panel and then jensen & misha’s solo panels to watch. and i wanna get all my reaction posts up before the ‘good omens’ series drops at the end of may!! because maybe i’mma post reactions to those on tumblr too c:

hope you’re all having a decent day <3

Elmie x

[captivismarchive-blog]

blue lights || self past-para

you'd better run when you hear the sirens coming, when you hear the sirens coming. the blue lights are coming for you. what have you done? there’s no need to run if you’ve done nothing wrong. blue lights should just pass you by. xxx.

tw: police brutality, drugs, violence, ptsd.

fingertips were stroking the shaved side of his head, locks piled on top as his eyes stared at the ceiling. he was laid back on the lap of some honey he’d met through his brother’s friends, eyes staring at the strobe lights on the ceiling of the small house party. you wanna get out of here?

he was tripping balls, but his barely-moustached lips still curved into a smile and nodded at the pretty girl. she had this long blonde hair and piercing green eyes, like some kind of fairy out of a book. it didn’t make sense for someone so sweet looking to be at a party like this, where most of the dudes were criminals. though, given that both of them were just over the hump of being eighteen, perhaps neither of them really should have been there.

gun crime to your right and drugs and violence to your left, before our headphones flooding the order into a subconscious wave you accept. you're sitting on the floor back home - where you at g? answer your phone - pulls the poison to answer his message, your voice sounds rush, fists for his adolescence. 

as he stood up, the girl giggled and twirled her hair up at him. she was feeling him hard and he knew that even through the drugs he was on. when he looked at her, her hair floated up like she was in water, bubbles forming around her. dilated eyes squinted, laughing at what he saw. what? why are you laughing at me? 

the way the lights were dancing off of her face made her look ethereal, and he didn’t notice when those lights turned blue. he became so fixated on the way the cold blue reflected in the warm gold of her hair, the artist in him was unable not to focus on the beauty of what he was seeing. “i wanna draw you so bad right now,” he grumbled with a little boyish chuckle.

there was a commotion in other room, and z heard a loud crash. suddenly the house was filling with smoke, and it had all happened so quickly that z hadn’t really been able to process what was going on. suddenly an older man grabbed him by the shoulder. “you drake’s brother?!” he asked urgently.

z’s brows furrowed, “what?!” he asked, yelling over the music as he heard another crash and then some screaming in the next room over. now he could see that the girl he was with was pulling on his shirt, trying to get him to move. “yes! drake is his brother!” the girl cried, the older man jerking z by his collar, mumbling profanities. “run, stupid-ass kid!” the girl grabbed his hand and she and z were running out of the back door of the house.

i wanna turn those blue lights into strobe lights, not blue flashing lights, maybe fairy lights. those blue lights into strobe lights, maybe even fairy lights, not blue flashing lights.

once they were outside z could see the commotion going on, the drugs that he was on making his emotions more intense than they usually would have been. there were people cuffed and sitting on the side of the street in the front yard, multiple cop cars, people running and screaming in all different directions. did they really do a bust with a whole house full of people? his emotions overwhelmed him; confusion, fear, anger. his running slowed to a stop, the girl he was with still tugging on his arm. “zack, come on!” she screamed.

“where is drake?” his heart was thudding out of his chest. he’d been tripping for two hours or so already and he couldn’t remember where drake had gone. did he leave the party? was he still inside with the smoke? 

you! freeze!

“zack!” the girl squealed, letting go of his hand and running away as fast as she could, leaving him standing there. a pair of cops were running in his direction.

put your hands where i can see ‘em!

z’s eyes were pooling with tears, eyes darting around. he’d just turned eighteen a few weeks ago and he felt so grown, and now he felt like a child. the world was confusing and all he wanted was to find his brother and go home. 

“don’t move z! don’t fucking move!” that was his brother’s girlfriend of the week, who was cuffed and sitting on the ground in the front yard with a few other girls he recognized from his brother’s friend group. “they might not shoot that lil white girl but they’ll shoot you!”

they’ll shoot you. that sentence would haunt him for years to come.

on your knees! on your fucking knees, punk!

z’s eyes focused on the faces of two police officers, guns pointed at him. a cold type of fear spread through him, all the color of the world that his psychedelic high had created fading away into nothing but black and white. he lowered down onto his knees with his hands up, looking up at the barrel of the gun with a mean-mug of a face. 

one cop kept the gun aimed, the other going around back to cuff him. he felt a boot on his back, kicking him forward so that he was face down on the grass. he heard his brother’s girl again. 

leave him alone! he didn’t do anything; he’s just a kid!

and that was the moment that z learned that he didn’t have to do anything to be considered a threat. in the context of his acid trip, everything suddenly seemed so clear to him. this was the way the world worked. one minute he was lying on a couch having a great night with a pretty girl, and the next minute that girl had left him for dead with a gun pointed at his head. 

and he would never forget that either.

you'd better run when you hear the sirens coming, when you hear the sirens coming. the blue lights are coming for you. what have you done? there’s no need to run if you’ve done nothing wrong. blue lights should just pass you by.

[littlelovelymemes]

✰  —  —  *  MORE POPULAR TEXT POST STARTERS

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[curriebelle]

“DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIRE?!”

I reblogged a post earlier today talking about how some movies are actually much better than the books they are derived from, and it got me thinking about this infamous moment from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Now, I really love thinking about media, and one of my pet projects is the translation of stories from one medium to another.

One of my pet peeves is when people sink into that “the books are better” mentality, often condemning the movies simply because they changed things from the books

This line is a great example of this mentality in action. It’s one of those things that bothers people immensely about the Goblet of Fire movie. People don’t like this particular line for one simple reason. In the book, the scene goes like this:

“Did you put your name in the Goblet of Fire, Harry?” Dumbledore asked calmly.” (pg 242, GoF)

While in the movie, Michael Gambon grabs Harry by the shoulder, asks him the question quite angrily - almost shouting - and shakes him as he does. Here’s the scene and its lead-up so you know I’m not trying to misrepresent it.

Fans like to hold this moment up as emblematic of how the Harry Potter movies don’t understand the characters - e.g., they think Dumbledore is angry and panicky while he’s much calmer in the books. I think this moment is emblematic of how people don’t understand how adaptations work.

To be clear, I’m not defending the adaptation of GoF as a whole. Some things they changed were, in fact, very stupid. Beauxbatons’ entrance (and the fact that they are suddenly all girls) is stupid. I cannot think about the magical sighing butterfly ballet-run without cringing. 

What are you DOING.

But that moment would have been cringey even if this movie hadn’t been an adaptation. So, GoF is neither my favourite book nor my favourite movie in the series. It is, however, this line from that book and that movie that concerns me, because it’s specifically this line that Got Meme’d On

This gif is from an article whining about the differences between the book and the movie, by the way. It starts out trying to conjure some reasons as to why the differences are bad and then gives up halfway through, saying “Neville gives Harry the Gillyweed and not Dobby!!” and not explaining why that is bad. (As if that’s not a great way to nod to Neville’s fascination with herbology, a good way to avoid the complicated and foreshadowy question of how Dobby comes back to Hogwarts with Gillyweed at just the right time, which was stupid, and it’s also an excuse for one of the funniest moments of the movie when Neville goes “OH MY GOD I’VE KILLED HARRY POTTER”, which the article includes as a clip without realizing how much it undermines its own argument.)

Anyway, what I’m trying to prove is that people are so adamant about accuracy from book-to-movie that they’ll get pissed about directors neglecting a single adverb, without realizing that the new version makes more sense.

So here are some reasons why the scene not only makes sense in the film context, but also might be better than the original scene. These reasons also connect to some larger thoughts about adaptations and why people need to rethink how they watch them.

1) Movies build tension (and represent time) differently from books.

Books have an odd relationship with time. There’s basically no correlation between reading a sentence and the length of the action the sentence represents. Reading “Barty Crouch spent a year slowly bleeding out in a magical cabinet” does not cause a year of real time to pass. Movies, meanwhile, have a predominantly one-to-one relationship with time: what you see on the screen takes about as much time as it “really” would, and when it doesn’t (like when there’s a jump cut, a slow-mo moment, or what we call “overcrank” to make the footage look sped up) it’s quite jarring. Depicting a significant time jump in films is often difficult, and must be obviously signified by weather changes, costume changes, or even words on the screen (Targoviste, Wallachia, 1475....)

Another important thing to keep in mind is that books let us see into the main character’s head, particularly in Harry Potter where we get a lot of Harry’s inner thoughts. Movies can’t do that as well without voiceover narration or really stellar directing, which Harry’s movies don’t have (the directing is like a solid 7/10 throughout the series). This allows books to build internal tension much more easily: a character can build tension simply through the escalating anxiety in their thoughts.

Because suspense and tension are things that build up in relation to time (think of a bomb counter ticking down; the lower it goes, the higher tension builds), tension can be built differently in books and movies. It’s hard to describe abstractly, so I’ll show you what I mean.

In the book, the tension of these scenes builds across two chapters. The first chapter, “The Goblet of Fire”, ends with Harry’s name coming out of the goblet in the hall. The last words of the chapter are literally Dumbledore reading the name “Harry Potter” (238). The next chapter, “The Four Champions”, spends about seven or eight pages on the description of Harry climbing the stairs, entering the office, being mistaken for a messenger by the other champs (lol), and the sequence of the teachers discussing what to do about Harry where Dumbledore drops the line ever so “calmly”. The chapter ends with Ron refusing to believe that Harry didn’t put his name in the Goblet - the last words describe “the dark red velvet curtains...hiding one of the few people he had been sure would believe him.” (252)

The first chapter builds tension in a movie-ish way, describing action after action without too much fluff or reflection. The names come out of the goblet, one after the other - that’s our bomb ticking down, as the champions are selected. J.K. ends the chapter on the words “Harry Potter” because that’s the bomb going off. HOLY SHIT HE’S A TRIWIZARD CHAMPION I DID NOT EXPECT THIS BY LOOKING AT THE BOOK COVER (I’m being facetious: that’s actually perfectly fine writing and a reasonable surprise for a first-time reader.)

So the bomb goes off. Chapter ends! Blank space for you to go “oh crap!” Next chapter.

The next chapter begins in the very next moment, with Harry’s reaction to that plot- explosion. Whereas the previous chapter was a tiny bit more objective, reporting the actions as they happened, this chapter puts us way deeper in Harry’s head almost the whole way through. He immediately describes “feeling” stunned and numb, and later spends about a page reflecting on whether someone wants him dead. Because this chapter is focused on Harry’s feelings, it follows that source of tension-building instead. Harry has questions!! Frustrations abound! There are possible traitor-murderers!! There’s also a thread of people not believing Harry’s words, underestimating him, or insulting him - like when Fleur assumes he’s a messenger, not a champion. That’s why the chapter ends with Ron snubbing Harry: because that’s the "bomb” that chapter builds up to. Someone is out to get Harry, and nobody believes him, and he’s alone.

So, we’ve got two chapters that lead up to two bombs, both built up in very different ways. In this context, it makes sense for Dumbledore to ask the question “calmly”. The scene is still emotionally driven, showcasing a variety of reactions, including the other champions, Maxine, Karkaroff, Moody, and Snape. There’s even another character in this book scene, Ludo Bagman, who’s excited about Harry joining the tournament. This scene gives a bit of exposition about the tournament and tells us more about all the characters involved, but the key contribution to the suspense of the chapter is that despite this showcasing of variety, none of them believe Harry.

Meanwhile, the movie. The movie actually follows the book quite strictly in the Goblet scene: they even keep Harry’s extremely uncomfortable walk up to the Goblet and into the office. But notice that they’ve already had to shift the build of suspense a little bit. While it’s still pretty dramatic, the announcement of “Harry Potter” can’t quite be the mic-drop it is in the book, both because everybody knows he’ll be champ by now (it’s in the trailer and statistically speaking like 170% of the universe had read the book) and because the scene, unlike the chapter, needs to continue. Harry’s gotta walk up to the front and into the office.

So the movie creates a hilarious lingering feeling of “what the fuck???” while Harry walks up the hall. The music gets all muted. Hagrid is horrified (”no...no!!!”), there’s a Suspicious Zoom on Ron that sets up his later jealousy, and I particularly love how Maggie Smith pats Harry on the shoulder like she’s comforting him over his imminent death. The champions are silent when Harry shows up this time. Then we hear the teachers shouting in the hall, and all the children are looking at each other like the dramatic gopher. If you’ve ever been a kid and heard an adult shouting match on the other side of a closed door, you’ll recognize the confusion and fear.

Ok well Krum just looks Grumpy but Fleur does a great shifty-eye thing and Cedric there looks like his agent just said the words “Stephanie Meyer liked your callback.”

Then Dumbley-dorr bursts in and we get his infamous line read. The scene goes on, and pretty much everybody (Dumbles included) acts very shouty about it. There’s a moment where the shouting stops and Moody points out that it’s more likely a Dark Wizard tampered with the goblet than lil Harry Potter the 14-year-old. The penultimate shot shows Barty Crouch saying Potter is now legally bound to compete, and the last shot is Harry, surrounded by all these old silvery trophies, holding his slip of paper, all by himself.

There’s actually some pretty nice 7/10 directing going on here. Look how this shot in particular is looking down on all the adults present, making them look small and helpless. This scene builds to, and ends on, Crouch’s line, which is a horribly sinister fact that the book actually glosses over quite a bit:

“The Goblet of Fire constitutes a binding magical contract. Mr. Potter has no choice. He is, as of tonight, a Triwizard Champion.”

He has no choice. JK’s vague on this and so is the movie, but for me the implication is either Harry competes or he dies, as if the Goblet is similar to an Unbreakable Vow. Either that or he like...lacks the free will to do otherwise so he’ll just show up at each test and....idk compete as an independent like he’s Jill Stein or something.

Every other part of this scene - Dumbledore’s anger, the surprise and confusion in the other champions, and the brief pause where Moody suggests that a dark wizard had something to do with Harry’s name being chosen - creates a suspenseful question that leads to an answer-bomb. The question is, “why is everyone so freaked out?” The answer is, “because somebody extremely powerful manipulated a magical artifact into binding Harry Potter into a competition that will potentially kill him.” While the book chapter focuses on Harry’s own loneliness and frustration, the movie scene focuses on the fact that someone at Hogwarts is orchestrating a murder plot for a fourteen-year-old. And it’s not a straightforward murder plot - Harry might not necessarily die - which means that something else might be going on, something nobody in the room can guess at. 

And they’re right to be paranoid, because in case you all forgot the direct consequence of this scene is the resurrection of Voldemort. So yeah, oh fuck. I’ll repeat that this is a neat new highlighting of an aspect that JK glosses over - there’s something really fucked up going on here and someone really fucked up behind the scenes.

But when some people went into the theatre (Goblet of Fire books open on their laps to follow along, I imagine), they didn’t see the new facet of this scene that the movie brought to light, or how these directing choices cleverly streamline and underline the mystery of the goblet sabotage. 

They saw one. adverb. Calmly.

2) Gambon’s Dumbledore is already different from book Dumbledore

So you might argue that this re-interpretation of the scene is fine, but maybe it didn’t need Gambon’s aggressive line read to make it work. I’d still disagree, and I’ll explain why.

I remember really liking the first Harry Potter movie, probably because I was....uh......eight or nine when it came out, so I was still a kid and a Harry Potter Nut. One of the things I remember the most vividly is a trifecta of castings that were so perfect it felt like the characters had just manifested straight out of the book. Discounting the adorable eleven-year-old golden trio, you might be able to guess them: Alan Rickman, Maggie Smith, and Richard Harris (and honourable mention to Robbie Coltrane who is great but who I won’t return to in the arguments later spoilers spoilers).

Bonus Professor Sprout cuz I’m too lazy to find another group image.

This casting is stupidly perfect. Every word out of their mouths feels like it has been ordained by the god of Rowling. Even so many years later I’m stunned by it.

Tragically, Richard Harris died before the third movie could be filmed. (RIP Dumbledad, you were a magnificent actor and did you know he starred in a Jaws ripoff about a murderous Orca holy shit I have mad respect for him now).

If Richard Harris had survived to play Dumbledore in films three and four, perhaps the scene would have stuck more to the original “calmly” line read, because Richard Harris delivered every single one of his lines like he was reading a bedtime story about unicorns to eight-year-old children - which in many ways, he was.

But the scene wouldn’t have been as good. 

I am of the generation that grew up with Harry Potter, and it really was an experience of growing up, all the terrible parts included. The first two books and the first two movies - despite having some really dark moments in them, see: murdersnake - exist in this pre-adolescent haze of dreamy childhood fantasy. That’s exactly the place you want a dreamy grandpa Dumbledore.

By the time the fourth movie came out, we were all waiting on the seventh book. Cedric had died. Sirius had died. Dumbledore had died, both in the books and in real life (seriously if you make the mistake of thinking this argument is an anti-Richard Harris one you can go get bit by a murdersnake). The world was still full of magic but also a lot more complicated, and we were starting to realize that by the time the first dark-ish movie - The Prisoner of Azkaban  - needed to cast a new Dumbledore.

So yeah, Gambon’s Dumbledore had less of a dreamy wizard-dad quality to him - a bit more kookiness on the one hand, a bit more rage and emotion on the other. But Harry Potter had moved in that way too, and we also learned that Dumbledore could be a scheming bastard at times. I’m not saying “BRING ME EDGY METAL DUMBLEDORE”, unless I am proposing that you read My Immortal, which now that I think about it is something I am definitely doing.

What I am actually saying is that this angry moment is just a different choice for a different Dumbledore, which makes sense for the actor playing him. He’s not as kind and magical, but he’s way more unpredictable and intimidating. And this Dumbledore doesn’t exactly resemble the Calmly Book Dumbledore, but he does resemble the Dumbledore that is always implied, the one we never really meet - the one who was friends with a dark wizard before defeating him, and who is prepared to sacrifice a teenager for the greater god.

Related to this point, while we have our Perfect McGonagall Smiths and our Severus Snape Incarnates (and our Kenneth Branaghs playing Lockhart afjdkslfjdsklfjsd), a few of the casting choices in later films actually added some intrigue to smaller characters by making them more distinctive. I think this works great with evil characters. Wormtail and Lucius Malfoy are good examples of characters who were meh to me in the books but vivid as hell in the films, but the best example is actually again from Goblet of Fire. It’s the Doctor!

Barty Crouch Jr. was a nothing entity in Goblet of Fire The Book Version You Love So Much. He was a plot device at best and I envisioned an empty shadow where a character should have been. On the contrary, David Tennant is a stellar actor who makes a plot-device villain unforgettable. I completely understand people who might watch Doctor Who just for him (even though I’ve only seen a handful of episodes from different seasons myself) because he actually is that good. I remember that little tongue flick more than I remember the entire dragon fight in the Goblet of Fire movie. No exaggeration. If you asked me to point to one way in which this movie was definitively better than the book I would literally just link you to this gif.

My point in bringing up Barty, and in contrasting Richard Harris and Michael Gambon, is that sometimes adherence to the book characters is great. That’s what gives us Snape, McGonagall, and Dumbledore V.1. But it also doesn’t hurt to reinterpret, because sometimes you stumble upon something really brilliant. Gambon!Dumbledore isn’t a Motherfuckin’ Scene-Stealer like Doctor Jr there, but he is, in my view, a necessary re-interpretation of a character who would eventually have to film this fucking scene. 

Although thinking about this in hindsight, fuck would I have given anything to see Richard Harris’s take on that. And also to watch him fight an Orca, but luckily I can probably just stream that one illegally somewhere.

3) It makes way more sense for Dumbledore to be upset in context.

This one is kind of a short and very meta point. The Half-Blood Prince actually changes a lot about Dumbledore, sad-drunk Horcrux scene aside. The big thing is that we understand his motivations after putting pieces from OOTP and HBP together. He needs to keep Harry alive because there’s a prophecy that dictates he’s the only one who can kill Voldemort - perhaps he suspects or even knows this is because of the Horcruxes, and because Harry is one. Fans figured this last part out, too - or speculated as much.

In the original Goblet of Fire, when we were all still young and innocent and Dumbledad was still kind of Richard-Harris-y in most of our minds, yes, he would say did-you-put-your-name-in-the-goblet-of-fire calmly. But we all knew more about Dumbledore by then. And since we did, we can re-contextualize why he’s so upset in asking that question, and if you think about it without being glued to your citations it makes so much more sense.

Harry must live long enough to beat Voldemort, or nobody will beat Voldemort. Dumbledore knows this. And in this scene, one of two things has just happened. One, Harry has somehow been clever enough to bypass the Age Line, drawing a crazy amount of attention to himself and volunteering for a potentially lethal tournament. Not only is that terrible because now even Harry is trying to kill Harry, but also if he did pass the Age Line Harry would be secretly brilliant, and remember the last time Dumbledore quasi-mentored an insanely creative and curious and talented Parseltongue-speaking wizard O H W A IT. Still, even worse than that option is the potential that someone has infiltrated Hogwarts with the explicit purpose of killing Harry. Yeah, Harry’s life has been in danger before, but usually because Harry’s stupid and seeks it out (see: Philosopher’s Stone) or gets in the way of evil plans that are targeting other people (see: Chamber of Murdersnake). This is the first time the threat is so direct, and the first time Dumbledore’s so powerless to stop it, because the Goblet is magically binding. This could seriously fuck Dumbledore’s plans, and by now, the audience is aware of this, because so many of them have read the books.

I think, when Dumbles asks if Harry put his name in, he's hoping for a yes. Then, at least, there wouldn’t be a dark wizard potentially looking to murder Harry running loose in the school. And no it’s not the nicest thing to do but he’s probably trying to scare Harry into that yes. You better damn well just be a stupid, egotistical kid, Harry, and not a PAWN IN THE RESURRECTION OF A DARK LORD 

or I guess....maybe you could be both.

you can keep your Very Potter Musical b/c The Mysterious Ticking Noise is still the best HP song ever written and that’s my professional serious academic onion.

4) The most memorable parts of the entire film series are moments when the films surprise us by being different from the books.

So, the last point is a bit more of a subjective one, and it may sound like a cheap “gotcha” take, but it’s still important. I told you that I remember nothing about the dragon fight and that was honestly true. I remember the lake test because it’s a bit weirder and more striking. And you, and I, and the internet, remember DIDJAPUTYERNAMEINHTEGABLAT because it caught people off guard and fucked with their citations.

It’s been a long, long time since even the last Harry Potter film came out. Six years since it disappointed us by keeping that disappointing epilogue. If you asked me now what moments I remember the most vividly from the series, they come in two varieties. Half of them are moments where I thought “wow, this is exactly what I pictured, this is incredible, I’m having a nostalgia.” Mostly these are from the earlier movies, so you have things like the first boat approach to Hogwarts, the Patronus scenes in the third movie, and Ms. Norris hanging petrified from the torch (Chamber of Secrets is actually my favourite of all the books, by the way).

But the moments I remember from the later movies are things that definitely weren’t in the books. This is partly because the later books feature less vivid imagery, since they’re in a world that’s already concretely established, but also because these moments were some of the few surprises left in a franchise that the world had been obsessed with for literally my entire life - or at least as far back as I could remember.

This is where I’m going to bring back Jean Brodie and Hans Gruber, like I promised I would. Yes, Snape and McGonagall are picture-perfect to how I saw them in the books, but the moments I associate with each of them most strongly are not. For Maggie, it’s when she pulls out all the CGI stops and goes Dark Souls Boss on us by animating a bunch of statues, and then says:

Obviously that’s a huge scene and quite memorable regardless. But for Alan, it’s literally just this reaction in the Half-Blood Prince, straight from the Handbook of Vax’ildan’s Foolproof Conversation Strategies:

Despite coming from the two most book-adherent performances, these moments are not in the books (to my knowledge). They’re surprising, funny, in-character, and while arguments can be made either way as to whether they’re ‘quality cinema’ (I stand by my solid 7/10) the fact remains that they are memorable. There is nothing more “Snape” than the tempo of that pause, the perfect idgaf expression on Alan Rickman’s face, and the exact pace at which he buggers off because he has better things to do. And that scene is what I picture when I picture Snape, and I will never, never forget it. (RIP to you too, sir. Alan Rickman’s is the best performance in the entire series....memes and all..........)

You might disagree. You might remember something entirely different from the books, because memory, love, and nostalgia are all different for different people.

But I think my fond memories also come from the fact that I don’t look at the films the same way people who document literally every difference do - the same way that people upset about GOBLETOFFAGAAGH do. They are looking for a direct translation, book to movie - which is not only often impossible, but very often boring. 

When you get mad about a single line read because it defies a single adverb in order to make a better scene, you need to lift your eyes from the page and look a little more closely at what the screen is doing. Sometimes it is doing incredible, expansive things to the story you love. It might seem hypocritical for me to say this, since I wrote an essay for like three hours about why this single moment doesn’t bother me, but I am doing so particularly because I’m using it to represent a larger problem that emerges from fans focusing so closely on tiny changes. 

(And no, I’m not railing against people who are upset about things like how Ron’s character was interpreted poorly across the movies. That’s a fine thing to criticize because it makes the movies worse too.)

No, Michael Gambon getting angrier in one line is not an example of an earth-shattering reinterpretation of Harry Potter, but it is a good reinterpretation, and far from an earth-shattering mistake. Sometimes the movies are only doing slightly more hilarious or memorable or logical things to the stories you love, and that’s also worth appreciating. That’s really what it comes down to - an appreciation for how things can change, how they should change, and how they do change. I think you can learn more by understanding the difference between the two media, and thinking more critically about what changes and why, and I guarantee you will enjoy movies more by letting them do their thing.

And in conclusion, if you do wanna talk about a stupid line read from the films....there’s always this gem:

“AYYYYE CAN......TOUCH U.....NAO.”

Now I eagerly await your thousand-word essay on why this line is also really great :D I’m not even kidding, feel free!

[singingpuddle]

My commentary whilst watching Buzzfeedblue’s “The Ghost Town At Vulture Mine”

Happy day after Friday the 13th ya spooks. In honor of this especially spoopy occaasion and our favorite bois new vid. I am doing another commentary.

Warning:

1. I ship them, if you don’t that’s cool with me.

2. This post is super long

3. I long for the day I no longer have to cross out the boy in boyfriend when it comes to these two. this will be abundantly clear by the amount of times i do

4. After a little bit i will stop putting full names, so just know.

5.I recommend watching the video along with or before going through this post, because if you haven’t seen it you will be lost.

R=Ryan and S=Shane

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Shane: He’s my Ghoulfriend™

R: This is totally not a date

Me: Welp, this is going to be interesting

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Me: This is so cute. Like your just lightly chatting with him to make sure hes okay.

S: Who? Me? I’m just as creeped out as he is.

Me: Yeah but your like helping him along.

S: Well yeah, that’s what good boyfriends do.

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Me: They look like two gay dads on a camping trip.

R: Why is everything have to be gay and paternal?

Me: Well you guys are gay as heck.

R: We are both in straight relationships.

Me: O.K. correction, you both act gay as heck with each other.

R: Better. But the dad thing?

Me: Oh that? Your both older men who act goofy and seem like you would be good fathers.

R: Thanks?

Me: Your welcome.

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R: “Maybe tonight you’ll get lucky then.”

Me: Look Rye Berg, I now you were talking about ghosts (which let’s be honest we know you have a kink for), but that sentence taken out of context is really-

R: You say gay and I will kick you out of your own comments post.

Me: You can’t do that, that’s breaking the fourth wall if there is one.

R: Try me.

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Ari tests Ryan

“Gay”: Said

Threats: Made

Shane: Entertained

Ari is forcibly removed from her own text post

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Me: He needs to be blinded to see the ghosts.

R: *yelling from near the door* Shane stop writing as if your Ari. I kicked her out, I get to be her.

Me: Be her?

R: I get to take over position on this post.

Ari: *banging on door* Let me in you Bastard

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Me: Just two heterosexual men being bros.

Ari: *bursts in after unscrewing the door hinges* ITS GAY, ITS GAY FLIRTING, IM TAKING BACK MY GODDAMN POST GODDAMN IT!

S: You’re doing amazing sweetie!

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Me: *after wrestling Ryan for keyboard control* Look my two favorite things, Quartz and Gold

S: I like her commentary better, more pure.

R: She has called us gay how many times?

S: Why does it matter, it’s not like she hates our girlfriends or would force the ship on us.

Me,R,&S: *cough at those types of shippers*

R: Yeah but it’s still a bit annoying.

Me: You don’t make it hard to think those things though.

R: Yeah yeah, just get back to the video.

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Me: Dango

Shane: You could say that again.

Me: Dango.

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Me: boyfriends

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Me: If you don’t think ghost towns are creepy you can shut the hell up. They are creepy as shit.

S&R: Preach

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R: “That being said.”

S: Take a sip babes.

Me: I totally forgot about the drinking game. *gets up to leave then glares at Ryan* I don’t trust you though

*Locks computer*

*Runs downstairs to get drink*

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Me: IM BACK WITCHES! What happened while I was gone.

S: Oh nothing. Ryan sucked me off, we discussed the meaning of life. Ya know the usge.

R: THE FUCK SHANE

S & Me: *finger guns*

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Me: That happened once in an episode of Ms. Fishers Murder Mysteries.

R: You watch like way to many shows about murder.

S: Yeah should we be worried

Me: No, you shouldn’t. I just think they’re interesting.

R: Ok??

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(+1 for Shanesquatch making his boyfriend smile)

(+1 for Beanpole McFlannel Lightening the mood as to calm both himself and his boyfriend)

(+1 for smiley boyfriends)

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Me: Ah… remember the days of Shook Ryan™. Now he is just mildly stirred

S: IDK, he still gets pretty shook

Me: We shall see

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Me: YOU IDIOTS, YOUR DOING THE “dumb white girl in a horror movie thing” AND ITS STUPID.

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Me: *mocking ryan* I SHooooooK myself

R: Fuck off, you would have been terrified if you went.

Me: Thus Why I didnt

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Me: I don’t get it? Why is this funny? Inside joke???

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Me: He had a “secret mine” in the “Supersticion Mountians”? Boi, no he didn’t. They are called the fucking Supersticion mountains.  That’s like saying I have a boyfriend living in the “I TOTALLY DON’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND” mountains.

****************************************************************************************************

(+1 This entire section of bants)

(+1 for making me laugh so hard I had to pause and take a break)

(+1 for playfully flirty boyfriends)

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R&S,&Me: (wheeze)

Me: … do I need to say it?

R: Say what?

S: Let me guess. *shitty impression of me* “gay”.

Me: approximately, I was gonna say “Interesting”.

S: Which is just your way of saying. “There are very few scenarios involving this that aren’t at least partially gay.”

Me: Well I’m shook.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: you guys fucked in the glory hole didn’t you?

S: Yup, the fucking tragedy is we went on this road trip not to film a video but to fuck I a haunted cave called the glory hole. You caught us.

Me: *Giggling*

R: *shook*

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Boi, fuck safety imma get rich. *pickaxe motion* YEET

****************************************************************************************************

S&Me: TAKE A FUCKING SIP BABES

Me: Blech, cold coffee. Hey Shane imma go warm this up. Can you make sure Ryan doesn’t take over again

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Hey Ryan, how bout them spooks

R: Shane, she literally just ask you not to do that.

Me: No she said not to let you do this.

R: …

Me: … she sure is taking her time.

R: You think its on purpose?

Me: Probabaly not, I can hear her coming up the stairs now.

Ari: Mkay im back.

R: you keep leaving, why?

Ari: Because I don’t keep food and drinks in my room? Chill dude.

Me: …

Ari: Also Shane, give me back the keyboard.

Me: fine.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: That moment you realize your relationship has changed you.

R: We are not in a relationship.

Me: Friends right. You guys have a Friend-ship.

R: Fine.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Ass- Bat™ my new favorite super hero.

S: Behind Razor boy right?

R: (wheeze) Yeah behind Razor boy.

Me: Nah behind C.C. Tinsley

(+1 for Shane “Heart eyes” Madaj)

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Rocks around here can rustle in the breeze, that breeze being a twister.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: You know what me too Shane, Me too. Give me dat gold and dat good smooch but if you want violence im not ya gal.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Look at the cute lil messy boyfriends in the recording booth.

(+1 for Shane's face)

****************************************************************************************************

Me: can we just stop and appreciate how good y’all look.

R: Thanks.

(+1 for Shay May’s heart eyes)

****************************************************************************************************

Me: ok… STAHP, YOUR HURTING ME.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Dango my dude. Don’t steal.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Shane? Are you like, proud of him?

S: Yeah it was good.

Me: Okayy?

****************************************************************************************************

S & Me: Ass-Bat™

Me: Back at it again.

S: Coming for your ass.

****************************************************************************************************

R: Im feeling brave, test me bitch

*something happens*

R: *shookest*

Me: (WHEEZE) You’re fucking bravery went right out that fucking window.

R: Oh, it was just the camera.

Me: Dango my dude, you shuuk.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Oh shit, Shanes collars up, you know whay that means.

R: What?

Me: Duh, Douchebag Shane, but only to ghosts.

S: I would be mad, but you’re totally right.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: That’s not at all traumatizing. A school kid being like “My best friend Timothy died last week and now I have to walk by the grave every day when I go to school.

S: Totally not traumatizing.

****************************************************************************************************

S: Boy, you spookin ya-self. Chill it with the rumor this and allegedly that. Ghost towns are creepy enough as it is.

****************************************************************************************************

*creepy ghost piano plays G note*

Me: Ok you ghosties are you trying to hurt me

****************************************************************************************************

Me: The heck is that?

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Yeah caus help scratched into the wall and the shooting range paper riddled with holes weren’t already omens enough

****************************************************************************************************

Me: … You idjits

****************************************************************************************************

(+1 for goofy smiley boyfriends)

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Wait a sec, you’re not boyfriends…. Your boofriends

R: (wheeze)

S: You know somehow that’s just as bad, I love it.

****************************************************************************************************

R: *is being a goof*

S: *suddenly a dom for some reason*

R: *immediately becomes submissive and starts to do what he says*

Me: What did I just witness?

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Ah you noticed that too Shane? Yeah, well its your fucking fault.

S: NO REGERTS

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Demon Shane, its looking a little bit more cannon.

R: *shook*

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Yo Rye, you finna… *waggling eyebrows in Shanes direction*

S: You wanna wax my carrot, make it all shiny?

R: Shut the fuck up both of you.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Ass-Bat™ this time not only coming for your ass but that sweet shiny carrot as well.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Tbh it just sounds like Shane saying what. But like, he didn’t soooooooo…

Not Shane Ghost voice: What?

Me: So it’s clearly a ghost.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Aww look at you two being all coy and blushy because your gonna polish each others pickles later.

R&S: ...

****************************************************************************************************

Me: (wheeze) I CAN’T STOP FUCKING LAUGHING. You fucking JUMPED out that house. Any more shook and you would have jumped into Shane’s arms.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: YESS.. give me that cinematic shit.

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This long ass post brought to you by:

this

Link to video here

Link to Masterpost here

[cafephan]

dan and phil play golf with friends #2: a summary

DanandPhilGames caddy lads "you loved it, you were like yes the golf lifestyle, i'm wearing expensive polo shirts i'm sipping an overpriced drink, im nattering with the business fellows and hitting that ball" says dan whilst well in the knowledge most of us are shut away in our bedrooms in our pyjamas with not a penny to our name and sipping on tap water "so we're here in the dan and phil golf club and there is a certain dress code, dan" i like to take this as phil foreshadowing the beautiful fashion choices dan is making during this singapore trip even though he clearly isn't foreshadowing anything moment of appreciation for the singapore trip's outfit choices tho please moment over thirty three seconds in we get the first fond glance, hopefully the first of many "the only short sleeved short i have is creased, phil" the look that he's giving phil reeaaalllyyy makes me wonder how it got creased... "i don't care, just go get it on" says phil the fashion meister helllooooo moth shirt my favourite my best friend my one true love "we had green shit in our hair for like three hours after we put these on" who needs context amirite "dan thought i threw these away but no i've been secretly hiding them" ok but how is that so domestic "look how erect my flag is today" / "list of things you should like never say again...." (unless they're off camera to me) ((i finished the quote that the jumpcut edited out)) "you know the rules. we can only do one dan vs phil per game" is that a rule? have they said that before? okay sure let's roll with it they're playing for the burger socks from a few liveshows ago "i ordered this for a friend but they sent two" sure phil a company would clearly go out of their way to send two of the same product meaning they'd be out of profit,,, your friend definitely didn't just give them back to you "do i want to eat them or wear them?" i'm certain that this is not the first time that sentence has come out of dan's mouth "are you excited by that? do you want that? on your feet?" / "i so want the cheese on my foot." *jumpcut* *phil says literally one word and dan is already grinning at him* f o n d "this is something to watch like a sport, and enjoy like a sport" unless you're making a summary of this video meaning you have to rewind every two seconds thanks phil "lingering banter... just enjoy the time between jokes" *both giggle like the dorks they are* "you liked the last one, so strap yourselves in for some golf" "we need to customise our balls" can dan go one gaming vid without dragging tumblr like i go through all of this effort for you pls don't drag me you little curly haired shit "[about the colour of his ball] i would call that moonlight dolphin" dan has gone for plain white this time does this represent him emotionally who knows at the time of filming i like symbolism and connotations they're fun "oh my gosh, it's like... goodness has returned" phil why are you so cute "i'm calling our room dogs9000 today" / "very appropriate" first of all why is it appropriate second of all is that what they called their room on the tour bus "stop. they just do what they want. stop telling them what to do." / "i guess that's valid. i'm sorry, butterflies, you do you." "i'm like so oasis right now" "ancient egypt is my favourite historical period so i'd like to delve into there" i think i've found the next fic trend why are they using the chatroom when their chairs are literally touching and from the front angle it looks as if their hands are too "my pole is so tall you can't even see the flag" again my gut instinct is that it isn't the first time those words have come out of phil's mouth "... and other sentences that phil will never say again" (unless they're off camera to me) ((i finished his quote for him again he should pay me for this)) "beginnu" / "golf it up" dan has more fluidity in his hand movements than phil does take what you will from that information "here we go" / "here we golf" tag urself "oh you're inside my ball again" / "we're already freaking out inside each other" *phil laughs a lot and grins then followed by a mysterious jumpcut* "bit too much power for danny there" dan is already being a sore loser but he can't help but be all smiley that phil is all smiley and jokey phil cheers him on still "if i can get it in now, it'll be okay" i've said it once and i'll say it again... definitely not the first time those words have been said by danny boy they clean up the whole two computer debacle "i'm deceived by the curves" joint vibing and dancing to the music "you're in africa the hole is in antarctica" mister geography "you absolute cheeky little twit" a new addition to the list of fond insults from dan to phil sore loser dan continues to thrive phil manages to screw up literally the easiest shot in the world??? i love you boy but oh how you suck at this game and now dan is smiling again what a sadistic lil tot "welcome to the land of pain and misery" thanks dan for my new bio dan's lovely lady gaga rendition gets cut short by a jumpcut wtf give me the good stuff i deserve it oh he finished the rendition what a pair of lungs on that kid *phil definitely says 'oh shit'* "i didn't swear then" yes you did just accept your potty mouth perfect opportunity to kick the old branding to the curb a girl can dream ok "oh you're going to be stuck for ten hours, phil, how is this going to go" "i can't even see myself... oh i went in" seriously how many times in one video can my gut instinct tell me dan's said these sentences before in his lifetime "the power of wobbling knocked me in" "that felt good to me" "my lovely philly lumps, check 'em out" what a beautiful rendition phil i would buy it on itunes / "...things you should never say again, volume twelve" cocky dan strikes again "you okay there?" / "i'm feeling very emotional about this" "par? more like cheat" / "that's par for the course" please stop talking over each other this summary takes long enough as it is without having to rewind ten times "oh we're the same now" / "now we're even" / "i was so happy with my lead" / "guess we're going to have to cut our feet in half" / "yeah..." *phils cute laugh* "that's obviously just saying go for it... but how much power?" / "smack it" i imagine this is phil's outlook on life six minutes fifty four seconds in... rip headphone users "we're gonna take like eleven goes at this" not if you both strikeout, my guy "this is so much harder than the last one" phil please don't make this too easy for me "please release us from this hell" i'd like to thank the universe for the occasional slivers of dan skin we see through the gaps in his shirt buttons "i'll happily sit here for three and a half hours now whilst phil gets it in" ... oh come on it's definitely not the first time he's said that sentence drinking game: take a shot every time they say 'yes' or 'yeah' that'll get you drink awfully quick "get out of my zone! stop touching me!" / "knock. knock." stop talking over each other please i beg of you "i'll touch you when i please..." okay dan you are aware of the camera pointing at you right phil's reaction is all of us at dan just saying that sentence "... don't say that again" (unless it's off camera to me) ((now i'm apparently finishing phil's sentences for him, he should pay me too)) "i'm so sorry for this whole video" ty dan cocky dan is here to stay, it seems like dan got so cocky that he fucked up i love life "that's what you get for being cocky!" i love phil "i'm out of strokes? that's how bad i was?" i don't know why my gut instinct is telling me phil's said that before but... anyway "you are now... eight over my score, phil." look at dans hands he's dying to do a mr burns impression and say excellent "that was a mystery adventure if i ever saw one" "*sigh* oh phil" "phil, phil, dear me" in all the videos of this game i've watched before nobody managed to make that pillar shot and yet dan does it on his first try...... sure okay "king of golf. yes." / "shush" phil made it too yay "guys if you're feeling like i'm just going to lose, i'm really going to try from now on" he looked at the camera like he meant it *dan looks over* "phil's gonna take this so seriously. no more bants, just solid golf seriousness" dan do you just stop listening to yourself when you talk "solid whacking" / "okay in the list of things that are serious, saying 'solid whacking', that's- that's not up there" *dan two seconds later* "so i'm just gonna whack it" "boom... slide... crack" i'm not even trying to analyse that "how would anakin do this" "i was using the force! did you see?" / *dan smiles fondly* "no i didn't" "if you whack me over the edge i'm going to bury you alive" "shit fucking wank fuck" "how did you get that wrong?" i'm still asking that question to phil about that other hole dan i feel you "that was sexual" / "that was the most erotic math based experience i've ever had" / "i liked that" "the skateboarding teenager inside me wants to go back and do this" / "could skateboarding teenage phil ever have skated around that?" / "he would have said that he could do it, but he would've fallen off... and hit his head" / "it's the trying that counts" "oh philly philly two whack" the game either wants phil to win and keeps sabotaging dan, dan wants phil to win and he keeps sabotaging himself, or dan is just that bad at the game he keeps fucking up i'd put my money on the latter "i want to have children with this course" first of all there will be fics of this and i will turn over in my grave, secondly poor janice :( "shitty fuck no i need to be in a straight line" "i wouldn't trust that with a barge pole" king of the english language "miss miss" phil being the ever supportive best friend "lara croft would... love this" "remember that you owe me two strokes" / *sassily* "no i don't" / "yeah you do, the game broke" / "that's-that's your fault" / *laughs* "no it's not!" this is literally the conversation that defines their friendship and it is beautiful "he's the one that's trolling me by stopping my ball" dan pls "i'm going in" / "do it, phil" you're just making it too damn easy for me "i would watch golf on tv if phil commentated it" dan you would watch anything that phil was even remotely involved with dan the sore loser back again dan is doing some kind of animal impression and if sounds as if it's a bird in heat or something "you wanna say that's not count (*literally dan wtf*) see the comments. they'll be- they'll be ju-thirsty for justice." not considering you drag us every chance you get you lil shit #teamphil also dan is tumbling over his words so much this video is he okay dan makes up a stupid penalty for phil to do because the game apparently hates him but in reality he just sucks, and phil goes along with it because he's phil how the hell did dan manage to jump over the high wall "i just left clicked and i bobbed.. i wasn't supposed to bob" "that's definitely not in- okay you did it" oooh one point difference "oh i didn't get some dinghy time then" "how ya doin? nice to see you there" "believe in the power" "you did a much more satisfying one than me" "your non-gender specific caddy gimp would need to be fanning you..." / "caddy gimp?" / "yeah" / "i'd just want them to put me on a camel, give me a pina colada, play golf for me... and i'd just be like this on my laptop" we all know phil loves his pina colada *wink wink* "... yeah that's the dream" well we know dan's opinion on pina colada don't we *wink wink* "leona lewis would hate you" shots fired "yes i did just cheat by looking at your bar" / "you can't look at my bar!" / "oh well i just did!" cocky dan back with his questionable sounds "he's thinking about how tasty your ball is right now" "yes sphinx daddy, let's go" "climbing inside the pyramid vagina" "you've got a mystical glow about you" "you're kind of ruining the vibe" "look how much you're illuminating the whole" dan the cocky sod literally looks like a child rn "i don't know what's happening but i'm excited by it" did phil just channel his inner chandler from friends bc that is all too similar to the chandler quote "tease it in" / "never say that again" "that deserves extra points that was incredible" proud bf phil "ooh toasty ball" they're helping each other along aw "i mean fuck the dan vs phil board... this is a prize worth playing for" *dan shakes the burger socks* the game broke so they restarted it and they now have the same score wooow "this is not how god wanted it but this is what's happening" phil says as he takes his two shot penalty "i don't think, erm, if god does exist, in any form, that He would give a shit about this game, phil" / "i think he would" dan gives phil a full rundown on his math-based plan "you copied my strats!" "let me just sniff these socks" / "ew" "are you more of a leftie or a rightie?" / "i'm gonna be... rightie as that is what i write with" rip all you leftie philgirls "how do you know? you don't know left and right" bloody hell dan calm down "it's a bridge to cleopatra's bedroom" *phil lands on the pyramid* "is he wearing any underwear?" "everyone who doesn't know math right now is just like... whirring with calculations right now" actually i'm just sat here typing this so screw you howell you don't know me "i'm just going to max power it over here" did anyone else think of the simpsons? when homer changes his name? anyone at all? okay then "that means i win!" phil shouts enthusiastically and claps his hands together phil continues to clap it ends as a draw!!!! "so does that mean we've gotta share the socks?" "i want the cheese- i want the lettuce" phil bless you "it'll be like those people that get like best friend necklaces that complete each other except for us it's burger socks." *modelling the socks* "look at those dank socks" "the best bit is when you went through the sphinx's mouth and when you went through the uterus" they'd be up for another vid yes please i need one!!!!!! n e e d!!! the twilight course would be next "now we're gonna pick the green stuff out of our hair... go on phil, groom me like a monkey" dan. "get that moss out" seriously. dan. danisnotsandy auterusphil (which of them did this) also phil pretended to eat whatever he just supposedly groomed from dans head okay eventful video.