#though she approaches the camp the exact same way as astarion

[ashcreepcluster]

I just wanna harp on about my hc’s for Ast*rion fora minute teehee (censoring the name bc I do not want to be associated w fans of the character this post is for me and my five followers ONLY)

So she was born to an upper class family (duh) to a highly masculine home (masculine for an elves at any rate) She was kind of the pale faced middle child, constantly shown up by two overachieving brothers whom she was always compared against- her father would needle her over this all the time, telling her what she was doing wasn’t good enough, that she was a disappointment etc. However her mother adored and doted on her- Ast*rion always got the sense that her mother wasn’t liked or respected in the household and as such, her mother kind of took it upon herself to groom Ast*rion into being proof that the both of them were capable of something. So she tried to get Ast*rion into law school, which she failed because her entire childhood was either being spoiled rotten by her mother or being berated to by her father, to which her typical reaction would be to simply dig her heels in (like trying to get a husky to go in a direction the dog doesn’t want to. They just plant their feet and won’t move) so her mother paid for her entry into law school instead. All throughout her studies, Ast*rion spent her parents money to go to high class, overpriced wine bars in the upper city to complain about her family to whomever would listen. I think she would’ve had one or two boyfriends but she was so self absorbed that they barely registered to her, other than things to complain at. The relationships never lasted long. Her mother absolutely paid for her to pass the bar (I don’t think Ast*rion’s stupid, I do think she’s lazy and selfish and wouldn’t’ve tried at all)

As for transitioning, I think because she’s from such a high control masculine environment where she’s never had a choice for herself before, where being a woman is silently looked down upon, I think she would have the desire to transition but would have no idea what to do with it- too afraid to make this huge change in her life but at the same time, it’s too much of an essential thing to deny. So I think it would have been this hidden thing that would’ve come out one day and she would have pursued transition but it would take a very long time. It’s only once she’s out from under C*zador’s control that she’ll finally allow such a precious part her to be acknowledged once again. I think for a very long time, it was her one last hold-out, a bastion or something to be cherished that was hidden, hers and this one last mote of hope that one day she could have a future that was all hers.

[abyssmarked]

* closed starter | @n1ghtwarden

nepharia isn't proud of herself for a lot of the choices she's made in the name of self preservation. she could have annihilated minthara at moonrise towers and no one would have batted an eye, and maybe minthara would have deserved it. but if the drow deserves it, then nepharia is no less guilty. she has no less innocent blood on her hands. and when their tadpoles connected their minds inside of those stone walls that night, nepharia almost instantly felt empathy for the drow. her mind was desperate, and she was afraid. that fear is something nepharia knows all too well, that will to survive, to become something stronger so nothing can ever fuck with you again.

at first, their alliance was mostly selfish on nepharia's part. sure, she empathized, but she also empathized with the tieflings from the grove and that didn't get them far. no, at first, the succubus saw minthara as a strong, bloodthirsty accessory, someone to keep around to help enhance her chances of survival. but there's something in the quiver of the drow's voice sometimes when she speaks, a touch of softness in her stern eyes when she actually manages a genuine smile -- something in the mystery of minthara that neph finds herself so drawn to. there's more to this warrior than meets the eye, and nepharia is curious to know what that might be. curious to know who she is. all of her greatest fears, her deepest desires, her hardest traumas.

curiosity about other people, wanting to learn them, caring about what happens to them : these are all foreign concepts to nepharia. the last time she let herself love someone, she ended up having to kill them. a pain so deep, so forever searing, that she would rather be another reclusive monster in the shadows, only emerging for another kill. the thing she's best at. astarion was the first person to start cracking away at that hard exterior. she used him at first as well, same as she used minthara. survival. she seduced him, to gain his trust. little did she know, he was doing the exact same thing. recently, they decided that neither of them wanted a lover in the other, but a friend. nepharia doesn't believe she's ever had a friend, not a real one. not until running across this bunch of tadpole infested freaks.

now, nepharia finds herself at minthara's tent where she's secluded herself away from the others at camp, unable to contend with the magnetism drawing her to the drow, like a moth to a flame. her tent always did glow the brightest. it's funny, in a way. nepharia is the succubus, yet she feels as though minthara has her under a charm spell : perhaps nepharia is desperate to feel something. to use her body as more than just a weapon. to connect with someone again. nepharia recalls the night her choices lead to innocents being murdered, by her own hand, no less. in that moment, she never could have imagined she would have felt the telepathic caress of minthara's sensual touch with any amount of pleasure. in this moment, she finds herself fantasizing about it. the craving to touch and to be touched and the sensation be genuine, not motivated by murderous intentions or the addictive nature of feeding off of a person's life-force, that mortal desire to be known intimately by someone -- it's all nepharia can think about right now.

' it's late, ' her voice is quiet, a hair above a whisper, clawed bare feet treading softly through the grass as she approaches the drow, clad in her usual camp attire : a black, leather bra, and skin tight pants made of the same material, ' i'm surprised you're still awake, but -- i'm also pleased. i couldn't sleep, ' she's realizing she has no idea how to begin a conversation with minthara, wondering how this can be so easy with prey yet so difficult with her, ' perhaps i could interest you in my company ? ' neph asks with a knowing smirk, knowing that the two of them haven't exactly gotten to know each other very well yet, and knowing that minthara can very easily turn down the offer, still she adds, ' i'm great at deception and playing a part, but you'll have to forgive me, i'm not proficient in just... socializing like a normal person, i'm afraid. but i want to. i want to talk with you. ' that might be the most intimate thing she's asked someone to do with her in a very long time.