#thouhh i know it's not that either.

[orcelito]

Wrote tha note to put on their door in the morning.

Do u think my sleep deprived frustration is evident lol

[thetwistedwhiskersshow]

can you tell us more about 1984 yaoi warrior cats

yes hang on. it's been a long while since i was part of this community but i have a lot of memories of it in 2017-2019.

there's obviously the main 1984 fandom on tumblr which is pretty easy to find since it requires searching just 1984 and whatever. a lot of those posts range from extremely normal things anyone who reads it would post if they took interest, excerpts fron the book, analysis, whatever. to posts where it's like okay this is diving into more fandomlike territory i can see your extremely sexy julia fanart and it frightens me. but there was one artist (who went By julia and used her as a persona of sorts, specifically a version of her with long pigtails and pink eyes, if you recognize that design and know who I'm talking about hmu cuz i think about her/them? a lot)

and julie (i'm calling her this to distinguish from julia, book character) was also very into warrior cats. they created this warrior cats 1984 au where o'brien was this large silver gray tom with a white underbelly and darker gray stripes, piercing blue eyes, and two sharp protruding fang teeth. for a very long time my icon online was art of cat o'brien under a bright moonlight in a burned down forest. winston was just a generic brown tom, but either way julia was set aside in favor of people going absolutely batshit for cat winston and cat o'brien, making fanfiction of them and fanart and the whole shebang. i don't actually remember their warrior names bc mostly we just called them their actual names but they were from their own clan where big brother was the leader. in some fanfics it was sweet and o'brien turned nice and helped winston escape the clan and they lived in peace in the forest and whatever, but there was also (and more popularly) fanfiction where o'brien abused winston for being a bad and disloyal warrior. similar to the torture in the books but with much more sexual implications and sometimes a weird focus on breeding even thouhh both of them were toms? people loved winston being torn apart and ESPECIALLY loved if julia was murdered, forcing o'brien into the role of winston's Only Love who also maybe cannibalizes him. shit was crazy. i can elaborate more if need be but i think this is probably more than enough insanity . btw sidenote, this was all contained to one single discord server and most of us there were middle schoolers. yeah

[spideyspeaches]

Hello youre indian right? Its ok you dont have to answer but ive researched this and cant find a helpful answer so i thot i could ask you? So (as far as i recall) you have said that hindi is your first langauge? How is your english so good?!!! All Indian people I know online speak perfect english even thouhh they say its their second language? And i was wondering how... prevalent english is in india? Do you just learn it in school or is it generall a language spoken in india?💚💚

hi anon! it’s not a problem, you’re cool! Also theoretically speaking, yes Hindi is my first language, but I don’t speak hindi except for when I’m speaking here with the desis or writing my exam (which I did, until 10th grade, no more hindi exams oof-)

My first langauge is actually my mother tongue- marathi, and yep english is my second language (so to speak, everyone in my school speaks english).

That being said, I don’t necessarily have to be a westerner or a colonizer to speak good english. It depends on where you live and how you live, but I guess that doesn’t matter anymore either. It’s more of how you adapt to your surroundings. I live in Bangalore, where people speak English as well as Hindi and Kannada, and the area where I live in has a LOT of marathi people. Also my former school was very westernised, so you could say I got my abilities to speak english well from that school?

Also, theoretical english is much easier to write down than practical english, but I do ocassionally get brain farts and forget basic words while I speak.

So again, it’s more to do with adaptability than learnability. See my dad’s from Kanpur (UP), and even he said that his english was terrible up until he came to college in MESRA, and he learnt all he speaks through books and the girls there. 

Also as sad as it sounds, books have been my best friends ever since I could read, so there’s that. And as I said, it’s much easier to type english than speak english.

Hope that answers your question! 

💙💙

[ravenprentiss]

Bold of SVU to assume that ONE yoga retreat in Costa Rica was all the therapy Amanda needed to get over Patton.. Smh

That whole scene with Dr. Alexis Hanover and Amanda really goes against that idea thouhh. Like.. Yeah, Amanda said she's over it but she's said that before (Forgiving Rollins, 16x10) and it wasn't true. I mean, the woman walked out of therapy, before she was even called in mind you, because she couldn't face what had happened.. Couldn't bear to discuss it. So who's to say that she followed through with therapy after she came back? No one knows for sure that she did, Amanda's always been so adamant that she's fine and that she's over it, but is she really?

That scene between her and Dr. Hanover actually gives us a lot, and I went back and rewatched that scene at least twenty times to confirm. Here's what I picked up from that brief scene:

1) The tramua is still there, as raw as it ever was.

And yes, the tramua will always be with her just as it will always be with Liv or Fin. But for Amanda it's a bit different, let me explain.

Amanda is definitely more emotional.. More raw and traumatised than either Benson or Fin.

All three went through something traumatic in their lives. For Liv it was being abducted by William Lewis, for Fin is was seeing his mother get shot and die and for Amanda it was Charles Patton overpowering and raping her. They each show emotion and pain when they speak with Alexis, Liv even having to pause to drink some water so she could continue, but Amanda's is so heavy that it's sort of hard to watch.

She remembers the TV playing in the other room, how she tried to just focus on that until it was over.

She remembers how hard she was banged against the headboard, so hard in fact that she was bleeding.

Her hands are visibly shaking and she's moving around quite a bit in her chair, uncomfortable. Her eyes are rarely open while she's speaking, they're closed instead and her voice does crack a few times. She's scared she'll start crying.

2) When she first walks in and meets with Dr. Hanover this was the dialogue:

"I've read a lot about tramua informed questioning"

To which Dr. Hanover responds:

"That's great.. But this is about experiencing it for yourself"

And Amanda's counter reply:

"You want me to pretend to be a victim?"

Now, here's what I got out of that. Amanda obviously does not see herself as a victim, which she's not.. She is a /Survivor/ and that's a very positive thing.. Extremely positive actually. Very uplifting. That's not my issue.. My issue is that we've seen her deny that she was /ever/ a victim before (16x10) and that her case was something that wasn't worth pursuing (13x08, Educated Guess)

She wouldn't be "pretending" anything.. And she knows this deep down, but this blonde is stubborn to the point of insanity and literally waits until Dr. Hanover spells it out for her.. And even then she hesitates to talk about it at first.

If she had been going to therapy this whole time, she wouldn't be /this/ effected by it anymore. I'm not saying she'd be numb to it.. I'm saying that she'd have talked through it enough that talking about it again wouldn't result in such strong and raw emotion.. She's clearly still so shaken by it that there's no way she's been going to therapy. She's just been ignoring it, pretending it didn't happen just like she's always done.

Think about it this way: Homegirl literally ran from Patton and the tramua he inflicted on her. He was the entire reason she packed up herself and her dog to make the long trip from Georgia to New York, the two states are not exactly neighbors y'all. Then when she gets to the Big Apple, she pushes it down.. Develops destructive coping mechanisms. Georgia Peach is traumatised is what I'm saying.

Listen, Amanda has come a long way.. An extremely long way. And she's strong as hell. But she's not over Patton, that's just the facts. Unfortunately this is probably all the development she's gonna get this season as usual.. But who knows? Maybe they'll dedicate at least part of an episode to her fully ready to sit down with a therapist, or at the very least Olivia, to talk about everything she's been keeping bottled up inside. Because she's clearly keeping a lot of emotions locked inside of her and one day, that gasket is gonna blow.

[grey-flowers]

And once again i am here slightly tipsy crying about life and stress and my bad lfe and time management skills, becausd i have two big deadline cominh this week and i am not far enough on either one and i know that one of them will be fine but the other i am worried about. Like i know ill pass the course, im not that stupid, but i need a four minimum from the course and since this assognment is 70 perceny i am highly doubtful ill get a four and that will fuck up my gpa right from th strart and hod knows i need a high gpa because i dont have enough experience becaude of my anxiety and other stuff, so i need to compensate for that with the gpa and if i dont have that then whay do i even have like why am i doing this and i know that work and success isnt evertything and it really isnt to me at all, i am nowhere near as ambitious as most of the people i study with but i need to be able to get a job because what if i dont then everyone will know i am stupid and shouldnt have gone into this school and everyone of my not so close school friends will wonder what is wrong with me and it will just be horrible and then on top of all my relatives asking about me finally having a boyfriend or some other shit like that theyll also be asking about why im not succeeding career wise and i think if i get a successful career and one that i am actually interested in because i know i am interested in what i am studying now then they might hold off with the questuons and judgemeny for a few years. Anf i know i shouldnt care about what anyone else thinks but its just so damn hard and i just want a week to not to have to worry about anything and sleep and cuddle my dog who is getting old and since i dont live home anymore she is stressed and i am so scared that she will die because i cannot handle that, i will not be able to carry through that but shes almost 14 and shes so tired when its just my parents and shes clearly getting old and regressing and she needs so much attention byt i worry that when im not there she isnt getting enough attentiom like i know that my parents love her and take care of her but they dont give her enough atgentuon and affection and i worry that it stresses her out worse and what if she dies thinking i have abandoned her and i just need to see her and cuddle her and i need her to be alright but i know that obviously everythinh dies sometime but i cannoy lose her i will shatter and it hurts me to think that what if my family isnt as afgected becausr yesterday when we spoke of her it seemed like they had already accepted that she is going to die soon and were fine with it and even thouhh i know they will hurt as well, i am crying even thinking about it and i cannot deal even with the idea