#tito beauvillier angst

[doc-pickles]

til’ forever falls apart | anthony beauvillier

summary: anthony gets traded to vancouver and everything seems to implode for you. but at the end of the day, there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.

warnings: language, a little bit of smut, angst, pregnancy, morning sickness, abortion, happy ending. oh! and lots of platonic barzal fluff!

a/n: i’ve had this idea for awhile and finally wrote it out! I hope y’all enjoy!

xoxo

nina

The trade had come to a shock to Anthony, meaning you were beside yourself when it was announced your boyfriend would be moving to Vancouver.

You’d gotten the ESPN notification minutes before there was a knock at your door. You opened it in a daze, finally snapping back to reality when you met Tito’s wide blue eyes.

“I- I didn’t know baby,” he stutters out as he steps forward. “Merde. I didn’t know.”

You move forward quickly, wrapping your arms around Tito as you pull him into your apartment. He’s not crying but his shoulders are shaking as he struggles to take even breaths.

“Baby, you have to breathe,” you whisper as you rest your forehead against Anthony’s. “Mon amour, look at me.”

When you meet Tito’s gaze his eyes are filled with sadness, a look that doesn’t suit him. You bring your hands up to stroke his cheek, sighing as he leans into your hand.

“Ma chérie… please,” Anthony’s lips are on yours in a slow, sensual kiss, his hands roaming up your hips to grasp at your hair. “Make me feel better… s'il vous plaît.”

And you do, you love Anthony the best way you can. Your bodies tangle together as you make your way into your bedroom. Slowly with gentle brushes and delicate fingers you remove his clothes, taking your time to praise him and give him the comfort he’s craving.

When he’s stood before you in nothing but his black boxers Tito pulls you to him, locking your lips together as his hands roam your body. His voice is barely a whisper as he tells you how much he loves you, how much you mean to him. And as he slowly undresses you, you forget for a moment that he’s going to be leaving you soon.

When you’re laying below Anthony his movements are slow and loving as he moves above you. His pace is unhurried as he makes love to you, his lips floating between your lips and your neck as he holds you close.

“Bébé, putain, je ne peux pas te quitter,” Anthony’s voice is trembling as he looks into your eyes, his hands bracketing your face as he whispers to you. “Je ne veux pas te quitter. Je t'aime tellement.” (Baby, fuck, I can't leave you. I dont want to leave you. I love you so much.)

“Je t'aime, Beau. Always,” you whisper as you meet his eyes. His pace increases after that, drawing out long moans as his hips piston towards yours, both of you chasing release. “Anthony… baby…”

“Come with me, Bébé,” Tito moans as his hips stutter, moving faster as he holds you close. “S'il vous plaît… Fuck… Please.”

You both fall apart in a mess of tangled limbs and moans, your lips connecting with Tito’s as you both ride out your high.

Laying on his chest after you’d both finished, you look up at Anthony with sad eyes, “I’m not breaking up with you so don’t even fucking think about it.”

The deep laugh that tumbles from Tito’s chest makes you smile as you lean up to kiss him, “Never, mon amour.”

+

You and Mat take Beau to the airport two days after the trade deal is finalized. The car ride is silent, Beau’s hand gripped firmly in yours as you navigate the craziness of airport traffic.

“Okay dude,” Mat sighs as Tito’s last bag is hauled onto the sidewalk. “If I keep talking I’ll cry and that won’t be good for anyone. But I love you dude and I’ll look after your girl.”

Anthony and Mat hug tightly, Mat pulling back and standing to the side as Tito looks at you. Your lip trembles and you throw yourself into his hold, arms wrapped tightly around him as he holds you close.

“I’ll see you soon, mon amour,” Tito whispers as he holds you, his hands caressing your hips as he meets your eyes. “I love you.”

“Je t'aime, Anthony,” you whisper as you kiss one last time. You pull back, watching as Tito grabs his bags. Mat’s arms are wrapped around your shoulder as you both wave to Anthony as he walks off.

Wordlessly, Mat climbs into the drivers seat of your SUV, making sure you’re settled in the passenger seat before pulling away from the curb and putting more and more distance between you and the man you love.

+

“You gotta get up, c’mon,” Mats voice is low and soft, comforting as he places his hand on your shoulder. “Do I need to call-“

“No,” you cut him off sharply, turning to look up at him. “I’m fine. Leave me alone Mat.”

“Okay but-“

Before Mat can continue a wave of nausea rolls through your stomach. You’re up and out of bed in a flash, barely making it to the toilet before you’re emptying the contents of your stomach into the bowl.

Anthony left two months ago and you’d been in agony since then. The last week however was different as you were plagued with constant nausea and fatigue. Mat was concerned about you, keeping good on his promise to Tito to look after you, but you knew what was wrong. You just refused to accept it.

“I’m going to call Tito,” Mat says firmly from his place in the doorway of the bathroom. “This isn’t okay.”

“No you can’t-“

“I sure as hell can,” Mat yells, meeting your eyes. “You’re running yourself into the ground!”

“I’m not-“

“Bullshit, this has gone-“

“I’m pregnant Mat.”

Mat freezes, his eyes wandering over your face for any sign that you’re playing a terrible joke on him. You only sigh and rest your head against the closed toilet seat.

“I took a test two days ago,” you whisper as you avoid Mat’s gaze. “I’m… I’m not keeping it.”

“But-“

“I��m going on Thursday,” you whisper as you look at your hands. “I can’t- Not while Beau is so far away. I can’t do it Mat.”

“You have options,” Mat whispers. “You can move out there. Or at the very least tell Tito. Please, you gotta-“

“I’ve made up my mind,” you meet Mat’s eyes with a serious look. “And you cannot tell Anthony.”

“But-“

“Mathew. I’m serious.”

Mat sighs and nods, walking forward and pressing a kiss to your forehead, “Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“C-can you take me? To the clinic,” you look up at Mat and can almost visibly see his heart breaking. “Mat please…”

“You’ve got me,” Mat nods as he pulls you into a hug. “I’ll be there, I told Beau I’d be there for you.”

“Thank you Mat,” you whisper as he helps you up and settles you back into bed.

When you’re fast asleep Mat leaves your apartment, waiting until he’s on the sidewalk to make the call he knows he has to make.

“Tito… I need you to come to New York.”

+

Thursday rolls around and your stomach is churning with unease. You know you’re making the right decision but you’re still full of doubt as you put on leggings and one of Anthony’s sweatshirts.

Mat meets you downstairs and you drive in silence to the clinic, neither of you having anything productive to say.

“I’ll be waiting outside,” Mat whispers as he leans over and presses a kiss to your hair. “You got me, okay?”

You nod and step out of his car, walking slowly into the clinic. It doesn’t take long for your name to be called, the nurse leading you to an exam room. The setting is sterile and cold and you wish more than anything that Anthony was with you and this was a happy surprise instead of a nightmare.

“Well everything with your blood tests looks good,” the doctor announces as she sits in front of you. “I’m going to do a quick ultrasound to confirm everything and then we can go on with the procedure. You don’t have to watch the ultrasound, it’s completely up to you.”

You roll your shirt up and squeeze your eyes shut, not wanting to see what the ultrasound produces. But as the doctor rolls the wand over your stomach, you can’t help but crack an eye open and peer at the black and white screen.

There, barely the size of a jelly bean, is a little human. Half you and half Anthony. You gasp quickly and the doctor looks up at you with a sad smile.

“Would you like to hear the heartbeat? Or is that too much?”

You tell her yes and before you know it a booming sound echoes through the room. You stifle a gasp as your eyes squeeze shut, thinking of nothing but Tito and you and your baby.

“I- I can’t. I don’t want to get rid of my baby.”

The doctor walks you through next steps, how far along you are, and gives you information for what to do next. But you don’t hear any of it, instead thinking only of your boyfriend and how desperately you wish he was next to you.

You leave the clinic and find Mat waiting outside. As soon as you see him the tears start falling, your body wracked with sobs as he grabs onto your shoulders.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re alright,” Mat whispers as he holds you. “It’s okay. You made a choice for you and-“

“I didn’t do it, Mat,” you gasp out as you cling to Mat. “I couldn’t. I saw… I saw the baby and I couldn’t do it.”

Mat simply holds you as you cry, ushering you into his car a few minutes later and buckling you in. You don’t say anything as the two of you navigate through New York towards your apartment.

When Mat ushers you upstairs to your apartment you’re ready to simply collapse onto your bed and sleep for a few days. But when you unlock the door your breath catches in your throat as you take in the sight before you.

“Anthony…”

“Mon amour,” Anthony smiles sadly as he sees the tears coating your cheeks. “What’s wrong, Bébé?”

You begin to cry again, Tito immediately crossing the room to hold you close. He looks to Mat, who simply shakes his head as he backs up and waves goodbye to his friend before shutting your front door.

Anthony leads you to your bedroom, sitting on the side of your bed as he holds you close. Your tears subside, red eyes looking up at your boyfriend with sad smile.

“Je suis désolé, mon amour,” you sniffle as you meet Tito’s gaze. “I’m so sorry.” (I’m sorry, my love)

“For what? What’s wrong,” Tito asks, hands cupping your face. “Bébé tell me. How can I help?”

You lean back and look up at Anthony, “I missed you.”

“I missed you, Bébé. So much,” Anthony kisses your forehead gently, pulling you closer. “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong though.”

“I- We…,” you sniffle as you lock eyes with him. “Beau… We’re gonna have a baby.”

Tito’s lips simply curve up into a smile as he looks at you, “Really?”

You nod, pressing your face to his chest, “I went to the clinic to… But I couldn’t. I saw our baby and I couldn’t do it, Beau. I’m sorry. That I didn’t tell you. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, Bébé,” Anthony whispers as he holds you close. “It’s okay. I’m here now, I’m here with you. I’m not leaving you. Okay? I’m not fucking leaving you and our baby.”

You nod as Anthony holds you close, his fingers tracing slowly over your still flat stomach. He takes a deep breath before pressing his lips to your forehead.

“Will you come back to Vancouver with me?”

Tito’s voice is soft and questioning as he holds you, but immediately you know your answer.

“Of course.”

+

“Well hey there, Beauvilliers,” Mat’s smile is mile wide as he walks into the hospital room. “Who do we have here?”

Tito smiles and you can almost feel the excited energy radiating off of him as he hands off your newborn son to Mat, “Hud, meet your Uncle Mat. Mat…. Meet Hudson Mathew Beauvillier.”

Mat’s eyes widen as he looks down at the baby in his arms, “I- what?”

“He wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you,” you whisper as Tito grabs your hand. “And you took care of me when Beau couldn’t. We owe our family to you Matty.”

Mat looks from the two of you to the baby in his hold. His eyes are brimming with tears as he sniffles and traces a finger across Hudson’s cheek, “Shit you guys… He looks so fucking cute. You guys make really cute babies.”

You smirk as you twist the wedding band and ring on your left hand, smiling up at Anthony. He’s already smirking down at you, leaning down to press his lips against yours.

“He’s pretty cute,” Anthony muses. “Figure we can make a whole hockey team if they’re all this adorable.”

“If you’re gonna carry them that can be arranged,” you grin as you snuggle into your husbands side.

part two here

[offside-the-lines]

tell me who i run to (if not you) | anthony beauvillier

"The first sip is joy, the second is gladness, the third is serenity, the fourth is madness, the fifth is ecstasy." - Jack Kerouac

Summary In July of 2023, Evie looked at a list of cities in North America and rolled a die. Just like that, she packed up her life and moved to Chicago, a fresh start. The 2023-24 NHL season started well for Tito; he did not expect the call on November 28th telling him that he was being traded. To the worst team in the league. And just like that. 10 months after being ripped from his home, he had to pack up and move again. To an unfamiliar city, and to unfamiliar faces. Which is why, when Tito and Evie ran into each other, quite literally, on Christmas morning, they both latched on to a familiar face. Over the next few months, they became close friends. They didn’t talk about the nights shared in Chicago clubs.  They didn’t need to. Because they're just friends.  Right?

This is a completed fic split into episodes for easier reading. It was written for @bqstqnbruin as part of the Winter Fic Exchange 2k24 hosted by @wyattjohnston.

Episode 1. Blue Christmas (4.9k) Episode 2. I. Winter (4.4k) Episode 3. Pal-entine's Day (4.8k) Episode 4. Four-leaf Clover (5.5k) Episode 5. Evie's Birthday 🌶️ (5.6k) Episode 6. II. Spring (4.8k) Episode 7. Not Goodbye 🌶️🌶️ (5.4k) Episode 8. III. Summer (4.8k) Episode 9. Tito's Birthday (4.2k)

Read it in full (44.5k)

🎵 Series Playlist 🎶

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Under the cut: author's notes, tropes, warnings & disclaimer, fun tidbits, chapter summaries

Author's Notes: This fic was written for @bqstqnbruin as part of the Winter Fic Exchange 2k24 hosted by @wyattjohnston. It got so out of control long so quickly. I genuinely had so much fun writing this, it's basically my magnum opus; if you look closely, I think you can probably see my soul in there somewhere. I would like to thank @devilssacrament, @wyattjohnston, and @forgottenflowers for being my editors, holding my hand and keeping me sane in this. Also, thanks to @swissboyhisch, and @imperatorrrrr for being a sounding board for ideas . All of your help and support has meant so much to me. You are all just the fucking best, I am sorry this has been my entire personality for the past month, I will probably return to normal soon. Probably...

Tropes: a gut-wrenching mix of angst and fluff with a happy ending, slow burn friends to lover (tbh, idiots to lovers let's be real), alternating POVs

Warnings: alcohol (one instance of alcohol poisoning by side character), mature content bordering on smut (mostly occurring in clubs/public), references to a toxic past relationship. Disclaimer: This series is set in Chicago but does not mention the name of the team based there. Only other Chicago players mentioned by name are: Nick Foligno, Jason Dickinson and Connor Bedard. Other notes: NHL players featured Mat Barzal (a heavily featured supporting character/bestie) and brief mentions of Zach Hyman and Matt Martin. Assume that Tito and Evie are always speaking in French with each other.

Face claim for Evie (if you want one, but you can imagine whoever you like): Adeline Rudolph

Fun Tidbits: Original Character (she/her) called Genevieve Gignac or Evie (pronounced eh-vee) is the oldest sibling of Tito's juniors teammate and friend Brandon Gignac. Along with their other sibling Wiliam, they grew up in Montreal. Evie had been living in Toronto for six years, before moving to Chicago in the summer before the fic starts. I did way too much research so a lot of the little facts are true. Nicknames: (ma) chouette (shoo-wet): owl (mon) chou/chouchou (shoo): in practice, honey, sugar, baby, sweetheart // by definition, my cabbage or my profiterole/cream puff (depends who you ask) Solours (soul-oars): the Québécois name for the yellow Care Bear with the smiling sun on its belly Solou’ (soul-oo): a diminutive Evie decides to use

Cook, Cook, drink your tea, But save some in the pot for me. We'll watch the tea leaves in our cup When our drink is all sipped up. Happiness or fortune great, What will our future be? -- "Afternoon Tea at Pittock Mansion" by R.Z. Berry

Episode Synopses:

Blue Christmas Evie and Tito are both starting life anew in Chicago. It's an unfamiliar city with unfamiliar faces. They're both alone on Christmas. Maybe it's fate that brings them together. Jason and Alandra Dickinson are already smelling smoke from this fire.

I. Winter Tito injures his wrist in the first game of 2024, he’s out for 6-8 weeks and then his car breaks down. He thinks maybe he’s cursed. Evie becomes a shoulder to lean on. Barzy gets suspicious.

Pal-entine’s Day Tito returns her kindness by being a shoulder Evie can lean on when she is having a hard time after all-star break. She tells him it’s anxiety about work. He brings her a box of pastries and they cuddle on the couch all day; he doesn’t realize it’s Valentine’s Day. Later, a hook-up goes very wrong.

Four-leaf Clover Tito’s been playing again, and during his first stretch of away games begins to miss home. Well, Evie’s home anyway. When he sees her in the bar, he can’t help but show it. Barzy calls him out on his lies.

Evie’s Birthday Sometimes the music moves you. Sometimes the bass pounding in your chest makes you do things you wouldn’t do. Fuck it, it’s your birthday. That’s what Evie tells herself anyway. There are gifts given, but there are also secrets kept. 

II. Spring Tito tries to tell her— he does— It’s just he needs to find the right time, and something keeps coming up. Evie’s honest with herself. But does that even matter? Mat decides maybe it is his time to intervene.

Not Goodbye Evie realizes that her time is running out. To do what? She doesn’t know. But she has one last night to find out. That is until— Well. It’s too late now. Tito flies home and wonders if that will be the worst mistake of his life.

III. Summer They try to get on with their summers as if nothing is wrong, convincing no one. How long will it take them to realize they can’t keep pretending like everything’s fine? And who will finally take the leap of faith?

Tito’s Birthday Tito receives the best birthday present he has ever gotten: the girl he loves standing at his parent’s front door. It was never destiny or fate; it can only be by choice. And they’ll choose each other every time. Eventually, anyway.

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[cellythefloshie]

;; Alone With You Dedicated to @miracleonice87  for @wyattjohnston summer fic exchange 2k23

Summary: Anthony Beauvillier was traded to the Vancouver Canucks, and it not only shocks the fans, but those closest to him. Forced to leave his closest friend and roommate, Mat Barzal, behind, Anthony and Mat are left to navigate the next stages of their career alone. Estelle Beauvillier, has come to New York for school, but has found herself in an awkward position when Mat seeks her friendship during his time of loss. On the West Coast, Anthony struggles to find his place on the Canucks roster, but Mat's sister Danielle is determined to make Vancouver feel like home. Kinks & TW: Will be added at the beginning of the applicable chapters. ABOUT THE OCs: Estelle Beauvillier. FC: Daisy Edgar Jones. Baby sister to Anthony Beauvillier moved to New York to attend university. She was only able to convince her parents to let her do so because Anthony was playing for the Islanders. Daniellie "Dani" Barzal. FC: Madelyn Cline. Sister to Mat Barzal, he contacts her after the news of Anthony's trade drops with a favour: help his friend settle into the new city. She welcomes him in with open arms. Total Word Count: 23K+ A/N: Now, Miracle, I'm not sure how familiar you are with me, my work, or my blog, but the people who do know me for 1 thing: I often get carried away. And it happened again. I swear this was just meant to be a story who focused on Mat OR Tito, BUT I really couldn't decide. SO here we are, you get to enjoy the best of both worlds. I did my best to touch on everything you asked for from a little bit of angst to smut (it really wouldn't be a fic from me without smut) with some creative liberties and I really do hope you enjoy!

Listen to their playlist while you read.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴏɴᴇ - ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʀᴀᴅᴇ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴛᴡᴏ - ɪ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ʜᴀɴᴅʟᴇ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ - ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ꜱᴏ ʟᴏɴᴇʟʏ - 18+ ᴄʜᴀᴛᴘᴇʀ ꜰᴏᴜʀ - ꜰɪɴᴇ ʟɪɴᴇ - 18+ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ꜰɪᴠᴇ - ɪ ꜰᴏᴜɴᴅ

[prettytoxicrevolver]

Trade | Anthony Beauvillier

Requested? No I wish

Warnings? A fuck ton of angst but with a happy ending?

Summary: When Anthony gets traded to the Canucks, the future of your relationship becomes uncertain

Word Count: 1,940

The trade came as a shock. 

You had been sitting with your best friend, planning dinner and the rest of night plans when your phone started blowing up. You tried to ignore it at first, enjoying the minimal time you get with your friend but after your phone continued to ring off the hook repeatedly she told you to look. 

Firstly it was the tweet notification from the Islanders. Then a text from Anthony. Followed by the ESPN notifications and eventually several texts from several players, wags, coworkers, etc. 

“What’s up?” your best friend asks, clearly sensing a shift in your mood. 

“Anthony got traded to the Canucks,” you say, still not truly believing the words coming out of your mouth. 

“What!?” she yelps, running over to where you’re sitting in bed and yanking your phone out of your hand. 

She scrolls for a minute as you space out, trying so desperately to process the news. Anthony was being traded. To a team in a different country, three thousand miles away from where you would be. 

You’re snapped out of your daze when your phone drops to your bed with a silent thunk. You look over at your best friend and upon seeing the pity in your eyes you can’t help the tears streaming down without your permission. 

“Oh honey,” she says. She pulls you in and you cry on her shoulder, loud embarrassing sobs as the weight of the news finally settles and holds onto your chest like a ten pound weight. 

It feels like you cry for hours and hours, your best friend sitting there the entire time. She offers soft, kind, reassuring words to help calm you down. Why did this feel like the five stages of grief rolling through you over and over again? 

“I’ll be right back sweetheart,” you hear your best friend say. She moves from your embrace and you fall onto the bed, curling into a tight ball with tears falling messily over the side of your face. 

“Baby girl?” you hear. 

You lift your head and through the flood of tears and blurry vision, you see Beau standing in your doorway. 

“Oh Beau,” you say. You get up and move to him and his strong arms are around your waist in seconds. He rocks the two of you back and forth, one of his hands slowly tugging through your hair and rubbing your back in a perfect cycle. 

“I had no clue baby,” he whispers and you can hear the hurt in his voice as well. 

It suddenly hits you like a brick wall that this trade was worse for Tito than you could ever imagine for yourself. He has to pick up his entire life and move across the country, be away from you, and leave his best friend and the team he has worked his butt off for for years now. 

You pull back, looking up at Beau to find he had started to cry as well. Your hands slide from his neck to his cheeks and you wipe away the stray tears that are left. He leans into your touch, his lips coming to meet your palm in a soft kiss. 

“I’m so sorry my beautiful boy,” you whisper. 

The next three days are spent helping pack Tito’s stuff up and get it sent out to Vancouver, wrapping up any loose ends, and spending every second possible together. Giving Anthony three days was a blessing from the Canucks especially considering they originally wanted him on the first flight out of New York. 

You couldn’t sleep the night before his flight. You tossed and turned and had a rush of nightmares that left you restless for the remainder of the night. When you wake again, sunlight has started to peek through the curtains and you feel Tito’s heavy gaze on you. 

“Good morning mon amour,” he whispers. One hand comes up and carefully curls a piece of hair around his finger before releasing it and letting it rest behind your ear. His eyes trace the features of your face, memorizing the way your eyes stay half closed when you were sleepy, the small smile that rested there when you looked at him, the way your hair fans in a million directions when you lay down forming a halo around you. 

It feels like the morning happens in slow motion. It’s like your body was put on autopilot, knowing exactly what to do to survive while your brain hesitates due to all of the sadness clouding around you. You swear you don't become coherent until Tito stands before you at the security line. 

Your arms are crossed firmly across your chest, your lip quivers as you look at the man you love before you and you look away quickly trying not to cry. Tito keeps his hands in his pockets, it's like you both know that if you hug each other now, you might never let go. 

“Call me when you land?” you ask, trying desperately to act as if this is temporary. 

“Yeah darling. Get home safe,” he says. 

You take a deep breath, stepping forward and wrapping your arms around Titos middle and shoving your face into his chest. You couldn’t meet his eyes, if you did you’d do something embarrassing like ask him to stay. 

“I love you,” you say, squeezing him tight. He reciprocates, whispering the sentiment back before pulling away from you and turning without a second glance. 

The car ride is deafeningly quiet, you’re shocked still the entire time trying desperately not to let your emotions take over. Your body moves on its own accord, pulling you out of the car, trudging up to your apartment and shutting the door. 

The sound of your keys dropping onto the counter is what shocks you out of your state. You slide to the floor, tears falling faster than you can think and suddenly you’re a puddle of sadness and missing Tito and wondering how the hell you were going to make this work without him here. 

Tito has to work to make his body move away from you. He has to think through every step and every second to make it on the plane in time and off to Vancouver. He wipes away tears as he looks out the plane window that only takes him away from the one thing he wants. 

It takes six weeks before you and Anthony can have an actual facetime call. Not quick texts, not short phone calls that last less than a minute, but a real face to face connection for a longer period of time. 

When he picks up the phone, your gasp is quiet but audible enough that Anthony makes a face. It’s only been a little over a month, but everything seems to have changed. He started to grow out his beard, his hair a little longer and falling in waves, but his eyes are bright. He’s happy. 

“Mon amour,” he greets and your heart flutters at the pet name.

“Tell me everything,” you demand and Beau smiles. “How’s the team? What’s your apartment like? Is the coach nice?” 

Anthony tells you everything about the past six weeks and you’re grinning as you find out how well he’s been doing in his new job and his new home. 

“I wish I was back home next to you,” he says towards the end of his recap and your smile falters.

“Me too,” you admit quietly. 

You both try to continue the conversation after that, desperate to catch up and resume some normalcy in a relationship that seems to have blown up within the span of two months. 

“I’ll talk to you soon?” he asks and you nod. 

“I love you beau.” 

“I love you too.” 

The next few months are more painful than anything. 

Beau is attempting to fit into the team, working hard to improve his game and help them win as much as possible for the rest of the season. His issue with achieving that? He still looks for you in the crowd every night. 

He was losing you in the crowd quicker than he can imagine and it hurts that he’s struggling to remember the way you would scream and cheer when he scored. The way the fluorescents lit up your smiling face and while he was still living that dream for himself it was empty without you there. 

This sadness coupled with the fact he just wanted to celebrate a win with you has him calling you after a particularly good game for him. He fails to notice that while it’s only 10 pm for him, it was 1 am for you. 

“Hello?” you answer groggily. 

“Oh darling I’m so sorry I forgot,” Tito’s voice falls over your ears and you’re quick to sit up in bed and shake yourself awake. 

“What’s going on?” 

“Nothing I just,” he hesitates and you frown wishing you could see him. “I scored twice and got an assist and I’m just so excited and I wish you were here.” 

Your head falls, relieved that Tito was okay but you could feel a slice through your heart at his words. You wanted to be there, wanted to celebrate with him and show off the love of your life. You hated this distance. Hated it, hated it, hated it. 

“Oh honey that’s amazing,” you choke out quietly trying not to let your emotions overcome the joyous moment for your boy. 

“I should have never left,” Tito whispers out and both of your hearts tear a little more at his words. 

He can hear it in your voice, the quiet sighs, the hidden sniffles, and the fact that you’re no doubt crying halfway across the world and he can’t do anything about it. He should have never left you. He shouldn’t have caused this pain. 

“You didn’t have a choice babe,” you remind him and he nods even though you can’t see it. 

“Are we wasting time? Should,” he takes a deep breath trying to get out the next painful words. “Should we call it quits? I can’t keep doing this without you.” 

“Beau,” the word is a plea on your lips. Asking, begging him not to do this. 

“We only have two more months till you’re home. We can figure it out then but just wait okay? Don’t give up on this.” 

You’re twirling a pen around in your fingers, zoning out as you stare at the pile of work in front of you. 

“(y/n)?” your coworker asks. Your head snaps up to look at her and it occurs to you that it’s late and everyone has left. 

“Oh shit sorry,” you mutter out moving to get all of your stuff and start heading out. 

“Hello mon amour.” 

You’re dreaming. You absolutely have to be dreaming. He didn’t come home till tomorrow. You knew that because you had been practically counting down the seconds till he’d be back in the states, back in your life, back in your arms, till he was back. 

When you look up you’re more than happy to be wrong. 

“Anthony,” his name falls from your lips like a prayer. 

You’re both stepping quickly towards each other and when his arms come around you it’s like he never left in the first place. Everything has changed in the past six months since he left but none of it matters. Not when he was here, not when he was pressing kisses to your lips and keeping you so incredibly close it was impossible to get any nearer. 

“I’m home,” he says into your hair. “I’m home love.” 

[starry-hughes]

in desperate need of mooch and ty angst need a good cry

it was the birthday party that the canucks threw for mooch. and she hated every moment of it. she had made her way out of the bar and to the side of the building.

she didn’t hear her phone ring while inside. but she saw the missed call from tyler. his contact name still showed a heart emoji next to it. there was a red bubble on the voicemail tab and she hesitated before listening to it.

“hey… i uh just wanted to tell you happy birthday. i hope you’re doing well. dylan said he beat me to telling you happy birthday. but i truly hope you had a good day, you deserve it. i lov- i’ll see you around this summer i guess.”

mooch wiped the tears from her face when she heard someone approach her. “hey, you okay?” anthony beauvillier approached. “i want to go home tito,” she sobbed before hugging him.

“you didn’t want this party did you?”

“i can’t even have the one thing i wished for. he’s not here.” mooch didn’t have to clarify who she was referring to.

[drewsbuzzcut]

Any beauvillier family angst?

It’s crazy bc this is the first au that I cannot think of any angst😭

Mmm maybe all the trades Tito goes through taking a toll of the early stages of their relationship

Oo or maybe Tito being hesitant about having their first baby bc they’re not married

[senditcolton]

happy birthday!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳

what about for a prompt number 5 (I promise right here, right now. I won’t let you down.) with anthony beauvillier? maybe some angst, some fluff, (maybe even exs to lovers or second chance romance? but i know that’s not always everyone’s vibes so feel free to ignore it!!!)

babe, i love second chance romance so if you ever see me turning down the opportunity to write it, there is something incredibly wrong.

I promise right here, right now, I won't let you down.

“Kaitlin, I am not going on a blind date, no matter how many times you ask.”

You sigh, walking through the living room, down the hallway towards your bedroom with your roommate and best friend close on your heels.

“Oh, come on, you need to get back out there!” she exclaims, following you into the room before dramatically falling onto the top of your bed.

“I am perfectly fine being single right now, thank you very much.”

“Are you just saying that or are you still hung up on Tito, the guy who cheated on you?”

You sigh again, pausing your rummaging through your dresser to roll your eyes at her words. She always did this, as if that was the defining point of you and Anthony’s previous relationship, even though she never said it maliciously. The concept of how you and Anthony ended was just foreign to her ‘delete their number and never interact with them again’ approach to exes.

“I wish you would stop referring to him as just the dude who cheated on me. I told you a hundred times, we hadn’t defined our relationship at that point and even if we did, he didn’t try to hide it from me. He told me as soon as he saw me again. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“If it wasn’t that big of a deal, why did you break up with him?”

“And I know I told you this a hundred times as well,” you sigh out, closing the drawer and spinning to face her with your sweatpants in your hand. “It still hurt and I needed a break to take some time to process everything. And that’s what I am doing right now; processing.”

“And you’ve decided that you’re still in love with him,” Kaitlin says, adding a conclusion to your previous statement that you didn’t ask for.

You shoot a tired glare in her direction before disappearing into the adjoining bathroom to start your bedtime routine. And as soon as the door closes between the two of you, you let out a deep sigh, your forehead dropping to hit against the door gently.

It wasn’t her prodding that really bothered you. It was more so that part of you thought that she was right. You did still love Anthony even though he did disappoint you previously. But like you said to Kaitlin, he was upfront with you, something that you admired even though hearing his confession hurt you deeply.

That conversation was probably one of the best you’ve ever experienced in a relationship; Anthony told you the truth and said that he understood if you wanted to end things permanently. His honesty made you not want to throw everything away and when you told him that you needed a break, just some time to process everything and work through your emotions, he said he understood and he would wait for you.

The cynical part of you expected him to go off and act like a bachelor as soon as your ‘break’ began, as if his whole apology was an act to make him look like the good guy. But that part was proven wrong. You never learned about him sleeping around, kissing or even flirting with other people. Instead, he did exactly what he said he would: he waited for you.

He remained your friend, helping you when you asked, hanging out with you whenever your mutual friends got together and it was never awkward. In fact, it felt the same as it had been before; perhaps a little bit less romantic and physical but the same emotions and care were still here.

And it took a while, but you came to realize that you still cared for him and wanted him back in your life as more than a friend.

All that being said, after a few months of living in this weird in-between space, you weren’t sure how to get it back to where it was. You also wondered if Anthony still felt the same way about you; if he was still waiting for you to return to him romantically or if he realized that he just wanted to keep this easy friendship instead.

You wanted clarity but were too scared to ask directly. And after going through the motions of your bedtime routine, thinking over everything, you decide to go take the scenic route to receive that clarity.

When you push open the bathroom door, you find Kaitlin still sprawled across your mattress, furiously texting before you clear your throat, pulling her attention to you.

“Okay, I’ll do it,” you say and you watch a brief flash of confusion cross her face before she understands your words. And when she does, she practically leaps from the bed.

“Really?”

You nod in confirmation and she squeals, pulling you into an excited hug before leaping away.

“You are going to love him, I promise,” she says before burying her face back into her phone, texting away as she disappears down the hallways and you chuckle, lightly shaking your head, wondering what you’ve just gotten yourself into.

~

You had never been on a blind date before so you weren’t sure if all of them were this goddamn secretive. Kaitlin had revealed nothing about the guy you were meeting tonight, not even his name. You were supposed to meet him at this Italian restaurant down the street, the reservation held under Kaitlin’s name to add another layer of mystery. The only thing that you were told was that he was “absolutely perfect for you.”

You sigh, soothing out your dress one final time before walking into the restaurant and talking to the hostess before you were following her into the dining area.

And your feet almost stopped beneath you when you saw Anthony sitting in the booth that the hostess was leading you towards, his eyes unfocused on a point in the distance, his hand smoothing his jawline, a habit that you noticed he fell into every time he shaved. The arrival of the hostess draws his attention and his eyes dart to her before looking behind her towards you.

And you can’t stop the fluttering of your heart when you see the soft smile appear on his lips when his eyes finally land on you.

You slip into the booth, quietly thanking the hostess before turning your attention back towards Anthony.

“Did you know about this?” you ask, wondering if he came into this moment as blind as you did.

“I had no idea,” he replies with a chuckle. “I honestly thought I was meeting Kaitlin.”

“Why would you be meeting Kaitlin?” you inquire and you are surprised to see a soft pink hue appear on his cheeks.

“Is it embarrassing to say that I asked her to meet me so I could ask about you?”

“It’s a little weird,” you counter, your voice light so you made sure that Anthony knew you were teasing him. “Besides, you could’ve just asked me anything directly. I’m an open book.”

“It was about getting you back,” he confesses and there your heart goes again, doing little backflips inside your ribcage. He just confirmed the one thing that you wanted to know, the question that you had been wondering about for the past few weeks; he did want you back. Like that.

“What did Kaitlin tell you to get you to come here?”  

“She said it was a blind date,” you say. Anthony’s face falters at the admission and it takes you a minute to realize that the reason for that was because it made it seem like you hadn’t been as patient as Anthony. You quickly start to talk again, rambling slightly to try and make sure Anthony understood.

“I haven’t been dating or seeing anyone, this was the first time I even thought about it since… well since you know when. I just had some uncertainty about where we stood and what I wanted that I thought maybe going on a low-stakes date with a stranger would help give me clarity.”

“Has it given you any clarity? Even though I’m not a stranger?”

“I know that I was really happy when I saw you sitting here. Startled, sure, but happy.”

Anthony shoots a gentle smile in your direction once more and any tension and hesitancy that may have been floating between the two of you seemed to vanish, right as the waiter arrived at your table, taking your drink order before strolling away, leaving you and Anthony alone.

The dinner fell into that easy conversation that always seemed to happen when you and Anthony were together. But on top of that, there were more lingering touches and playful glances in the other’s direction, a tiny spark of hope growing between the two of you.

It isn’t until after dinner is consumed does the conversation circle back to your shared history.

“So, I know we kind of already touched on this,” Anthony begins, dropping his fork onto his plate, his eyes connecting to yours, “but I wanted to ask you about us.”

“What about us?” you say, your words tentative.

“I was just wondering if you’ve had enough time to think things over and make a decision about where we stand.” You take a deep breath in, sorting through the emotions of the past month in an attempt to make your feelings clear to him.

“I’m going to be honest, because you were always honest with me” you say and you watch Anthony steel himself. “I’m still scared to let you in completely, just because of how you hurt me before. But I do know one thing for certain and that is that I really, really like you, Anthony. I’m afraid to say that word to you just yet but I know that it’s a definite possibility as well. And so, I suppose that I want to start dating you again. Pick up kind of where we left off and go from there.”

The biggest smile that you had seen through the entire night broke out on Anthony’s face at your words. You watch as his arms raise as he reaches out to you from across the table. There is no hesitation as you place your hands in his outstretched palms, his fingers closing around you, thumbs brushing across your knuckles.

“I told you I would wait for you. And I will. I’m not going to push you or pressure you to anything you aren’t ready for. But this much I swear to you; I will do everything in my power to never let you down again.”

[sc0tters]

Hi I'm back with some random questions about like the details and such, the boy I have is Quinn (which is literally perfect since he was on your like to read list, unless you would rather me switch):

Right now the job Ellie works is literally a vague nondescript office job simply because I have no idea how an office works (I'm over 18 and working, my job just does not involve a typical office), do you want me to give Ellie a specific job or are you ok with the vagueness?

Do you have any preference for like side character names? Like Ellie's friends from the office?

If you want me to switch from Quinn, would you like me to do Jack Hughes, Mat Barzal, Tito Beauvillier, or Brock Boeser?

How involved do you want like Elias and Brock (or other players depending on if you want to write with someone else) to be involved in the fic (admittedly, they are the only other two Canucks I know at this point), on like a scale of 1-5, with 1 being not at all to 5 being main characters. I've written one fic where they were genuinely just there for comic relief because the fic was angst (I have a brand for fics, I'm so sorry)

I have as part of the plot that like Ellie has some family stuff with her mom and brother going on that affects the way she interacts with Quinn later on. Is that ok, or would you rather me not include that?

Thanks love!

I saw your other thing and realised i haven’t responded to this yet! Also the fact that you’ve already gotten to 3k for this makes me so happy for how excited you are!

in terms of job descriptiveness i am not gonna fact check anything so you could literally bullshit everything and I really wouldn’t notice 😭

I have no preference about anything for side characters names or anything else, im leaving that up to you!

Quinn is perfect!

I’m gonna go with a 3/4 because i love those boys and would love to see them in this story but if you don’t think it would make sense then don’t force their intro (if that makes sense)?

this might make you hate me but seriously please do whatever you want to Ellie in how you write her and her backstory. you have my full support and creative freedom on that!

[bqstqnbruin]

❄️🧤hello!!!🧣❄️ your winter fic exchange writer here. im so excited to get started. I wanted to start with some questions!!!

You indicated in the questionnaire that you would be open to OC (she/her) and angst-happy ending. Is that still true? Or would you prefer something else?

Out of these players, who would you want to read about the most: Matthew Tkachuk, Nico Hischier, Cale Makar, Nate McKinnon, Tito Beauvillier, Quinn Hughes. Or maybe give me a top 3 if you can’t pick.

Assuming you say yes to Q1, what are your favorite angst tropes? Maybe give me 3-5 tropes you like?

Also, talking angst, how much angst are we talking? Like segment that is over quickly, or like sad soul wrenching, or emotions covered up as anger. Are we crying or are we just a little ouch? How many ❤️‍🩹 out of ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹?

Did you want this winter themed or holiday themed? What type of setting/ambiance are you thinking?

Everyone seems to be doing this is year, and I’m loving that. So do you have a song or songs that have the vibe we are aiming for?

Yay! Sorry this is long. So excited. ❄️

omg hi this is so exciting

OK

yes and yes!

I'm low key in a Tito mood but like I'm also trying to ignore the fact that he's in Chicago ya know? My next would be Quinn

You could genuinely do anything as long as it's not like death or anything involved in pregnancy I'm not gonna lie I don't even know what classic angst tropes are I know I just write with the intention of causing emotional pain and go from there

As much as you want love do to me what I do to others

Doesn't matter to me! If it fits with your plan go for it, but don't stress about it!

Oof I high key love that but my mind is like a squirrel running on a hamster wheel upside down somehow so the only thing coming to mind are two albums, 5SOS5 by 5SOS or Built to Last by Arrows in Action, any of those songs would be fine depending on how you want to spin it

[matbarzyy]

To Love Is To Let Go [A.B.]

Pinterest board

How can the heart and mind find a balance when love and yearning are mixed up with distance and responsibilities?

A/N: I’m so excited for you guys to finally read this! Another conversation about Tito with @itrocksmysocks​ made us create this story and I ended up writing it, so I hope you’ll like it!

Word count: 12219

Warning: A tiny bit of smut

.

“If you don’t go get that man I swear!” Adeline’s friend, Maya, exclaimed as she gave her shoulder a push.

They were out to celebrate together in Montreal because a month had now passed since Adaline moved there for her internship assisting a book editor, and it had to be memorable.

“Okay okay! I’m doing it!” The brunette adjusted her skirt, fixed a strand of her hair, and took a deep breath. “I’m going,” she said more for herself than anyone else.

            The man across the bar had finally gotten up from the table he was at with his friends to order a drink, and that was the perfect opportunity for Adeline to go up to him. She might not get another chance during the night, so with an extra push from her friend, she found herself walking over to where he was.

“Hi,” she greeted him shyly, making him turn his attention to her. Her voice felt a little weak and looking straight into his blue eyes was more destabilizing than she thought it would be.

“Hi,” he replied as he waited, his tone suggesting she had to continue quickly if she didn’t want to lose his attention.

“I, uh,” Adeline struggled before getting a hold of herself again. She wasn’t a fifteen years old high school girl admitting her crush to a boy, she was a confident woman in a bar, and she was going to act like one. “I saw you sitting with your friends earlier and I figured now was a good time to come ask if I could get you a drink.” She let the sentence out without a hitch, and a little sense of pride filled her until his lack of reaction made her deflate. “Or not, it’s fine if not.”

“No, no,” he reassured her as a smile spread on his face. “I mean, yeah, you can get me a drink, if I can get your name,”

“Adeline,” she told him without hesitation.

“Adeline,” he repeated before nodding. “That’s pretty, I’m Anthony, but most of my friends call me Tito.”

            With the introductions over, Adeline leaned against the bar beside him and the bartender came over to them. One drink soon turned into two, the alcohol was going down fast to erase the nervousness, but their conversation was flowing surprisingly easily. Nevertheless, three drinks were all it took for Adeline and Maya to be reunited in the bathroom.

“So?” She grilled her for the details while Adeline pressed her palms over her cheeks, trying to get herself to cool down.

“I really like him,” she admitted to Maya and shushed out her excitement immediately after. “But he could still be a weirdo, he’s too nice to be true.”

“Honey, he’s not a weirdo, he’s a professional hockey player,” Maya chuckled as she revealed everything she knew. “Why do you think he’s so hot?”

“How do you know?” A frown settled on the brunette’s face as she pieced everything together.

“He’s a NHL player, how do you not know?” Her friend countered and reached up to remove a small piece of fluff from her hair.

“Oh my god,” Adeline breathed out. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“It was sweet you didn’t know,” Maya shrugged. “Now go back out there and make him swoon.”

            When they returned, Anthony was sitting at a small table by himself, and she didn’t hesitate to join. Maya was friends with one of the bartenders there, so it wasn’t like she minded being left alone.

“I figured it’d be more comfortable,” he explained as she took a seat. “Especially if we keep on going at that pace,”

“You figured right,” Adeline, put her elbow on the table and rested her chin on her hand. “My friend told me something interesting about you,”

“Should I start worrying?” He exhaled a nervous chuckle, but she shook her head almost imperceptibly.

“You play hockey?” She looked into his eyes to gauge his reaction. Maybe the alcohol was hindering her perceptiveness, but if she was right it looked like the question made him sad.

“Ah,” Tito’s nervousness settled but a sense of disappointment replaced it. “I kinda suspected you knew already,”

“I had no clue until five minutes ago, figured it was only fair to tell you,” Adeline told him the truth because she knew instantly that the kind of attention he got from being a professional athlete wasn’t necessarily the kind of attention he wanted. “Was it better when I didn’t know?”

“Yes and no,” he replied honestly. “Yes, because it meant you just liked me and not for shitty reasons. No because I wasn’t going to hide it anyway, and you didn’t know for the past hour, so I feel like we’re good,”

“Good,” she smiled. “Feel like having another drink?”

            Tito wasn’t one to turn the offer down, and the two spilled things to each other that they would have never considered sharing with a stranger before. It was freeing to talk without boundaries, to be able to say anything on any subject and listen to someone else’s perspective of the world. Adeline thought he was interesting for someone so different. He was down to earth and witty, constantly making her laugh with the dumbest jokes, and maybe it was because she was drunk, but deep down she knew the butterflies and giddiness she felt weren’t from the alcohol.

“You’re so damn adorable,” Tito blurted out in the middle of one of her sentences, and silence fell onto their conversation.

            Adeline stared at him while a smile spread on her face, but the cuteness of the moment was cut off by both of them bursting out laughing for no apparent reason. It was a fit of uncontrolled giggles at first, followed by an outburst of deep laughs that they thought would never stop.

“We’re so fucking drunk,” Adeline managed to squeak out through shakes of her chest.

“Yeah, you might wanna let go of this,” Tito reached to gently push her drink a few inches away from her hand, but his inhibitions were low and he underestimated his strength, sending the glass sliding all the way to the edge of the table.

            Their eyes widened in shock when it stopped just before falling to the floor, and with that another fit of unstoppable laughter began.

            It was something neither of them ever experienced that strongly, that connection with a stranger that made them feel like they had known each other their own lives. In the middle of their busy, messy lives, they had found a bubble of happiness and oxygen within each other.

            It took several minutes for them to calm down, and when a relatively normal conversation resumed, Maya walked over to them to ask if she should leave on her own or wait for Adeline. Time had flown by and it was past one in the morning already.

“Five minutes?” The brunette barely looked away from Tito, and Maya took the hint.

“Well, before you go,” He waited until she had walked away to continue. “Can I ask for your number or do you have to be the one taking all the first steps?”

“You can have my number.”

.

            Getting into the uber with Maya was a blur, all that Adeline knew was that she was feeling like a kid on Christmas eve after her night with Tito. She wasn’t drunk enough that she couldn’t make a sentence or walk, but definitely drunk enough to zone out and say everything on her mind no matter how stupid or embarrassing.

“Oh my god, he’s already texting?” Maya took the phone from her inebriated friend’s hands after it buzzed multiple times. “Damn,” she looked over the few messages they had started to exchange.

            Adaline didn’t respond, only giggling drunkenly before getting her phone back and focusing on the screen to type another reply. Everything was a little bit blurry, especially in the moving car, but once it stopped in front of her building she sobered up a little.

“Drink some water before bed, yeah?” Her friend told her as she opened the door.

“Yep! Text when you’re home!” Adeline gave her friend a loud kiss on the cheek before getting out and somehow walking to the door without stumbling.

T: Fries would be sooooo good right now

            The text came just as she kicked her shoes off while the door fell shut behind her. She groaned out loud at the idea, heading to her bedroom with her phone in hand.

A: Don’t talk to me about food I’m starving now

T: Make food?

A: I can barely hold my phone

            Adeline struggled to take her clothes off and sighed in relief once she was finally naked.

T: What if I come over with fries?

A: Omg you would?

T: Address?

“Well shit,” she laughed to herself as she grabbed a pair of grey sweatpants, pairing them with a comfy t-shirt because she was too drunk and tired to put in an effort with sexy pajamas. She was pretty sure sex wasn’t an option for tonight anyway, they were both too drunk, it wouldn’t get anywhere.

            Adeline sat on her living room floor to stay awake as she waited, her head lolling from side to side as she scrolled through social media, laughing and snorting out loud in ways she’d never do sober. It only took ten minutes for Tito to text he was there, and she jumped back up with renewed energy at the idea of food.

“My savior!” She exclaimed as she opened the door for him and saw the paper bag in his hands.

“Shh, your neighbors!” Tito laughed at her, letting himself in and giving her the bag before following her to the living room.

“Fuck Tito,” Adeline took in the smell of the fries as she opened one of the boxes and handed it to him. “I owe you big time,”

“They’re just fries,” he sat on the carpet with her. “But I’d take some ketchup,”

“Oh, yeah!” She crawled over to the fridge that was easily accessible since she had an open kitchen. The apartment wasn’t huge, but since the kitchen and living room were merged the living space was big enough.

“Mph,” Tito groaned as he stuffed fries in his mouth. “Best decision ever,”

“And does this look like a good decision?” She said to catch his attention, a bottle of tequila in hand.

“It looks like a terrible decision and I’m so down for it.”

            Adeline sat on the floor with him, food, condiment, and bottle of tequila all within reach. She took the first gulp, big enough that it was worth more than a shot, and Tito followed her lead.

            The rest of the night was erased from both of their memories.

            When she woke up, Adeline felt her body ache in ways it rarely had before. She was still on the floor and there was a bad taste in her mouth as she opened her eyes. The paper bag that Tito brought over was on the floor along with two empty boxes that once held the fries. Tito himself was on the floor too, and his position looked more than uncomfortable, but his mouth was slightly parted, and his chest was rising and falling at a steady rhythm.

“Hey,” Adeline rasped out, nudging him with her foot. “You alive?” She asked as he stirred awake.

            An unconvinced grunt reached her in response, and Tito brought his hands up to rub his face.

“Time?” He groaned, counting on her to have her eyes open.

“Eleven,” she pushed herself up and grabbed the counter while a wave of nausea washed over her. “Advil?”

“Fuck yes,”

            Tito managed to get up too and downed two glasses of water with the pills Adeline handed him. They were both silent as they sat on the couch and took some time to really wake up. The apartment was on a low floor, and for the first time since she moved in, Adeline was glad for the lack of light that came from outside.

“I’m gonna make pancakes.” She eventually said, deciding breakfast was the only way her stomach would settle.

“Oh, so you’re going to beat me to every nice gesture?” Tito teased although he was glad he was about to eat. She gave him a look and he only smiled, leaning back more comfortably on the couch. “Jokes aside, this was the best night I’ve had in forever.”

“Me too,” Adeline hummed, already pouring milk into the rest of her ingredients and stirring. She cooked breakfast so often she could make pancakes with her eyes closed. “It was a lot more fun than any stupid party I’ve gone to lately,”

            The conversation shifted to small talk after that, something to keep themselves busy as they got lost in thoughts. There was some unspoken communication going on, they obviously had chemistry, but they had only known each other for one night and they were already being so domestic it was scary for both of them.

It was clear they could build something together if they gave it a try, but Tito didn’t live in Montreal, and why the hell was Adeline even thinking so far ahead already? She tried her best to focus on cooking to get all of the ideas out of her head and stacked the pancakes in plates before bringing them over to the table.

“I want to eat these every morning for the rest of my life,” Tito almost moaned when he took the first bite of his food.

            Adeline always kept maple syrup around, and this morning she even had some chocolate spread and strawberries left from this week’s grocery shopping. It made for an amazing breakfast.

“Thanks, I cook a lot,” she explained as she dug into her own food. “The cleaning up is the not fun part.”

“I hate dishes,” Tito nodded his agreement.

“A nice guest would offer to do them after I just cooked,” she pointed out to see what’d he’d say, and he put on his best angel face.

“Mmh, but a nice host would politely refuse that kind of offer,” he tried to serve his half ass excuse with a smile.

“Do you want more pancakes, or do you want to get kicked out?” Adeline gave him a murderous look in response, and Tito forgot to chew as he swallowed his next bite.

“Pancakes, definitely the pancakes. Promise I’ll do the dishes.”

.

            When the Sunday ended, Tito went home and Adeline spent hours in a bath trying to set her mind straight. She liked him a lot, there was no denying that, but would they ever be able to make anything work? He was an amazing person and they had a great night together, but it didn’t mean he’d let himself fall for her too, especially since he lived in New York most of the time.

            A sigh fell from her lips in the steam-filled bathroom, and she let her body slide down for her head to be submerged. The world turned silent and dark for a few seconds, it helped her empty her mind of all thoughts. When she pushed herself up with her feet and oxygen filled her lungs again, Adeline felt a little better.

            Little did she know that Tito was dealing with the same dilemma in his own shower. He had tried to work out to sweat the hangover off, but seeing that the twenty minutes of running only worsened his headache, he didn’t take it further than that. It wasn’t really the hangover that was bothering him, it was the feelings he was catching for a woman he had known for less than twenty-four hours.

            Was that what love at first sight was supposed to be like? Sure, it wasn’t exactly at first sight, Tito had only felt a connection with her the second she opened her mouth, not the second he saw her, but what even was the difference at this point? How could he even think of the word love? It was a crush at first sight at best.

            No matter what they told themselves, Tito and Adeline couldn’t stop thinking about each other. Their constant texting the following days didn’t help either. The conversation was never boring enough to die, and when one of them fell asleep they picked up where they left off as soon as they were up in the morning. Sometimes, Adeline found herself giggling out loud because he reminded her of something he just remembered they laughed about when drinking tequila on her living room floor.

            It was Wednesday when Adeline found herself in her bed wishing she could talk to him like they did a few nights prior. There weren’t many boundaries with Tito, they were obviously flirting and open about it, so she didn’t hesitate to tell him she missed seeing him. His name flashed on her screen a second later with a cute picture of his drunk face she didn’t remember taking Saturday night. He was smiling like an idiot, obviously still half laughing, and his blue eyes were sparkling with joy. Adeline hadn’t seen it, but she knew he had one of her too.

“Hello,” she said a little shyly when she saw her face on the screen. She looked like a bit of a mess.

“Hi beautiful,” Tito grinned from his bed, his short hair somehow messed up from the pillow.

“Shut up,” Adeline covered her face with her hand, but he only laughed on the other hand of the line.

“You know, it’s not fair if you get to see me and I don’t,” he reminded her to make her drop her hand. “I missed seeing you too.”

“Mmh, so when are we having a repeat of Saturday night?” She asked him because he had vaguely mentioned making plans during the day.

“Never,” he rolled his eyes. “That headache was killing me. We could do something else, maybe dinner?”

“Are you asking me out on a date, Beauvillier?” Adeline teased, hiding the way her heart jumped in her chest.

“Yeah, how do you feel about it?” His smile was as big as hers when he replied, confident she’d say yes based on the look on her face.

“I feel like I’m free tomorrow night and I’d love to go out.”

“I’ll pick you up at seven?” Tito thought of a restaurant to bring her to immediately, and he made a mental note to call for a reservation in the morning.

“It’s a date.”

.

            Hugging Tito when he came to pick her up felt natural to Adeline. Butterflies erupted in her stomach the second he knocked, and her heart was ready to beat out of her chest when his arms closed around her.

“Hi you,” he kissed her cheek and she just about melted against him.

“Hi,” Adeline greeted him and let go before she made things awkward. “You look nice.” She complimented as she took notice of the navy shirt he was wearing. It matched the blouse she wore tucked in her tweed skirt. August wasn’t too cold in Montreal and she knew she’d be okay with tights.

“Thank you,” he smiled. “You look great too, I like your hair like that.” Tito had to stop himself from reaching up and touching it “Are you ready to go?”

            Adeline murmured a quick thanks and nodded while her cheeks burned. She wasn’t easily intimidated but something about the prospect of a date with Tito was making her nervous. What if they didn’t click now that they were sober and seeing each other in person?

“Hey, everything okay?” Tito asked once they were both sitting in his car and Adeline still hadn’t said a word.

“Yeah, sorry, I’m just…” She coughed a little to clear her throat and he finished the sentence for her.

“Nervous?”

“Kind of.”

“Me too,” he admitted and glanced at her for a second, keeping his main focus on the road. “That night was great, I just want everything to live up to those expectations now,”

“I feel the same,” Adeline told him, her nerves settling now that she knew he could relate. “But if we can get along when we’re drunk and stupid we can handle a first date, right?”

“Right, as long as you don’t make me sleep on your living room floor tonight, we’re good,” Tito joked, he could still feel the ache in his back.

“First of all, you passed out on said floor, I didn’t make you. Second, bold of you to assume you’re getting invited in again.” She laughed at him. Thoughts of how the night would end had filled her mind all day long despite all the work she had to get done, but none of the scenarios involved him sleeping at her place yet. It wasn’t that she didn’t want it, but it was far too early for something like that. She didn’t want to risk ruining whatever was between them by rushing in.

“What if I bring fries?” He pushed his luck, but it was all playful, and Adeline shook her head again.

“Nice try, but you’re feeding me before we get home this time,”

“Mmh, I’m sure I’ll figure something out.” He rested his hand on her knee, and she moved a little closer to him until the end of the drive.

            Tito didn’t get invited in that night, and he was okay with it. He would have been okay with anything after the way she kissed him in front of her door. Maybe it was stupid, but he’d never gotten a kiss like that after a date that didn’t end up leading to something more too fast. There was something more between him and Adeline, and this was easily the best kiss of his life.

“Is that too soon?” She had hesitated, her hand on his cheeks and lips less than an inch away from his.

“No,” Tito replied, anything else he might have wanted to say cut off by her kiss. His body melted against hers, his hand pulling her waist closer as they moved their lips slowly, exchanging a passionate yet sweet kiss.

            He replayed the moment in his mind the whole ride home, grinning stupidly and humming along to songs on the radio with renewed cheerfulness. For a while he thought they’d keep kissing in front of her door forever, but noise from a door slamming upstairs reminded them they were still in a corridor. With a few nervous chuckles and one last kiss, Tito had left, and now nothing could ruin his good mood.

            That date was followed by another the next week, and another a few days later, until they were so attached to each other they spent every free second they had together. Tito sometimes showed up to her place in the morning with coffee and a bagel from her favorite café so that he could drive her to work. When it was time for her lunch break he’d pick her up and they’d eat out somewhere.

            Since it was the off season he didn’t have many obligations, and while Adeline insisted he didn’t have to drive her everywhere, Tito just really wanted to. He usually spent the morning in the gym to stay in shape, and he used the afternoon to see some friends and his family. Every other moment was reserved for Adeline only.

            Her internship kept her busy outside of working hours too, but she always managed to make him fit in her schedule and doubled her efforts on some nights to be free during others. It was tough but Adeline’s motivation had never been higher, there was so much happiness in her life that no task seemed too big to accomplish.

            Before meeting him, she’d spend all her free time outside or writing poems, which Tito often said she should still do without him. He didn’t want to take away from her personal space and habits, but she simply shook her head and shut him up with a kiss every time. She had never been more inspired than she was when he was around, and her poems gained in quality and length even with less time spent working on them. They weren’t the work of her brain, but of her heart.

“You got me flowers?” Adeline beamed one evening when he picked her up and she spotted the bouquet in the car.

“I should have hidden it in the back,” Tito sighed at the ruined surprise. “But yeah, I haven’t done that for you before. Do you like them?”

“I love pink gerberas,” she leaned over to kiss his cheek. “Thank you.”

            The rest of the drive was quiet, and when they reached her apartment, Tito got to come inside with her for the first time since they were drunk together. Adeline placed the flowers in a vase at the center of her dinner table and smiled to herself. They matched her coasters; it was her favorite color when it came to flowers. It was only a lucky guess, but Tito really had a way to make her swoon with every little gesture.

“It’s not very big, but let me show you around properly this time,” Adeline had cleaned the previous day and made sure to make her bed in the morning so that she could show him.

            They spent the end of the day together, Adeline cooking for both of them and Tito doing dishes as she cooked to help out. It was nice and comfortable, but they were both more than happy when they could finally crash on the couch together.

“Wanna watch something?” She asked, cuddled against his chest. She could have stayed like that forever, just listening to his heartbeat, but she didn’t want him to get bored.

“Mmh, what are you thinking?” Tito rested a hand in the middle of her back, relaxing into her warmth and the soft comforting smell of her place.

“You pick,” Adeline turned the TV on, picked Netflix and handed him the remote so that he could scroll through what was available.

“TV show or movie?” He took note of the things she was currently watching as he scrolled down, and she shrugged against him.

“Movie?” She decided randomly. Her only thought was that she didn’t want him to leave after just one episode of a TV show.

            It was clear they were attracted to each other, but everything had been so perfect in their relationship so far that neither pushed for dates to end with more than a kiss. Adeline’s work was a lot to handle on some days, and she was exhausted on most nights, so Tito never felt like insisting he should come in, even just to spend the night cuddling. He knew he’d keep her up forever because they could rarely stop talking once they started.

            He picked a movie that looked half decent with her approval, oblivious to the fact that neither of them was planning on watching it anyway. Adeline only wanted to enjoy the feeling of being in his arms like that, and he couldn’t care less about anything in the world as long as he could feel her against him.

“You ever think of how crazy it is that we started getting along so well so fast?” She eventually whispered, wondering if he was one to talk during movies or if he liked watching them without interruption.

            The usual answer would have been without interruption, but Tito was much more interested in Adeline than in the movie that night.

“I do, yeah,” he rubbed motions with his thumb on her back. “And it just makes me glad I found you,”

“I feel good around you,” Adeline lifted her head so that she could look at him for a second, she was met with a soft smile, followed by an even softer kiss.

“Should we…” He panted as she kissed back with a little more purpose. “Should we maybe ditch the movie?” Her lips moved to his cheek and down his jaw, making him bite back a groan until she was leaving kisses on his neck and he couldn’t hold it back anymore.

“Yes,” she didn’t hesitate in her answer, lifting herself off him.

            Tito got up after her and pulled her back to him for a passionate kiss, both of them stumbling as she tried to step back towards her bedroom. They chuckled against each other before parting long enough to make it there, and the heaviness of the moment settled on them when they finally sat on the bed.

            Adeline got a condom out of her bedside drawer and placed it on the bed so that they wouldn’t have to worry about it later, and as soon as that was done Tito’s lips were back on hers. Feeling him close to her helped her relax, so she followed his guiding hands until she was straddling him and sitting back on his thighs.

            There was no rush to their movements, they made out slowly and let their hands wander to begin exploring each other, over their clothes at first, and then slipping underneath the fabrics. Their shirts were first to go, and the sight of their bodies like that was enough for them both to need a moment to just breathe. When their lips joined and they found themselves chest to chest again, the desire and heat of the kiss grew stronger.

            Tito’s hands were on her waist, caressing softly before trailing up her back and finding the clasp of her bra. He murmured a question between kisses, and the breathy yes he got in response encouraged him to undo the clasp and remove the material from her body.

            His touches were gentle, pulling quiet gasps out of her as soon as he left her lips to kiss over her neck, looking for the tender spots that made her hips roll so close to his. Adeline’s hands were on his chest, discovering every muscle and the way they clenched when he moved to gently push her back on the mattress. She resisted the urge to hide herself from him, and Tito was nothing but loving as he found the spots that made her breathing hitch with the tips of his fingers.

            Her jeans were next to go, her underwear following a second after while she tugged at Tito’s clothes to get him to remove them too. She used the opportunity to get him on his back and kissed her way down his chest, earning a quiet moan that turned her on so much she almost moaned back just from the noise.

“Baby,” Tito breathed out when her lips pressed over the bulge in his boxers. “Not tonight, please,” his chest was rising and falling faster.

“Okay,” she listened and lifted her head to kiss his stomach again instead, but he could still see the silent question in her eyes.

“You’re going to kill me if you do this right now.” He explained as he reversed the position, adjusting her until she was comfortably resting on a pillow.

“That’s why it’s so fun,” Adeline grinned, and he laughed before their lips met again.

            The kiss was a little messier because of how hard it was for them to stop smiling, but everything intensified when Tito’s fingers found a spot high up on her inner thigh that made her whimper into his mouth.

“That okay?” He whispered close to her ear, kissing the spot just underneath it as she gasped her affirmation.

            He didn’t waste another second before slowly sliding two of his fingers against her and rubbing gentle circles over her clit. Adeline clutched his back in response, moaning softly and moving her hips up for more contact. She was overwhelmed by everything about him, from the light scratch of his beard against her skin when he nibbled at her jaw, the warmth of his almost-naked body close to hers, to the incredible feeling of his fingers rubbing against her perfectly.

            Tito held back moans that threatened to come out just from feeling her dripping for him. He kissed her deeply as he slowly slid his fingers further down and inside of her, his thumb replacing them over her clit. The noises she made into his mouth made him roll his hips against the mattress for some relief, and his chest swelled with pride every time he felt her body react to his touch.

            There had been so much anticipation between them, such a long build up and so many kisses that lingered as they both ached for more, that it didn’t take long for Adeline to feel herself get close to the edge. She clutched Tito’s back harder, holding onto him for dear life as she tried to keep her legs still to let him keep going.

            Her moans and gasps sped up when he let go of her lips and opted for kissing her neck instead to let her breathe, and it all encouraged him to pick up his pace, curling his fingers into her sweet spot until he could feel her body trembling. Adeline’s jaw dropped as she came, her legs closing over Tito’s hand, but it didn’t stop him from moving his fingers slowly to ride her through it.

            He was slow to pull his hand away when her body finally relaxed again, peppering kisses over her face. She wanted to bask in the feeling forever, but the second Tito pulled away from her to shuffle his boxers off, a new kind of hunger overtook her. She didn’t give him time to come back on top of her, pushing herself up and straddling him again instead.

            Tito made quick work of the condom before her lips could latch back onto his and they found themselves chest to chest with no barrier between them. Adeline’s legs wrapped around his waist as he grabbed her ass to pull her to him. They stared into each other’s eyes, resting their foreheads together and sometimes letting their noses brush before Tito reached between their bodies and finally placed his tip at her entrance.

            He didn’t break eye contact for a second as he filled her slowly, tightening his grip around her until they were as close as they could get to each other. The kiss they shared let them swallow each other’s moans and groans as they began rocking together, barely pulling away from each other before making their bodies meet again.

            The temperature rose fast in the room, and a thin layer of sweat covered their skin as they clung to each other. Adeline had never felt this close to someone before, and she had to bury her face in his neck to escape the overwhelming intensity of her feelings when she looked into his eyes.

            Tito pulled her even closer at that, grinding against her and softly moaning every time she clenched around him. He was right on the edge, trying to hold back to get her to come one last time, but everything about her felt like heaven to him. His lips found her shoulder, leaving a few kisses there as he felt himself lose control, his thighs clenching hard while his teeth lightly dug into her skin.

            His pleasured groan got Adeline to fall apart right after him, her body tightening beautifully in his arms as the noises leaving her lips echoed his. They breathed heavily against each other, remaining still for a few minutes and just letting themselves enjoy the afterglow close together.

            Tito pulled away first, carefully letting her down on the bed and kissing her one last time before heading to her bathroom to dispose of the condom. She took a turn in there to clean up right after him, and as soon as she was back in bed, she cuddled close to his chest again.

“Was that okay?” He kissed the top of her head, and her chest shook with a chuckle.

“That wasn’t okay,” Adeline shuffled up so that they could be face to face. “It was amazing,”

“Yeah?” He beamed and she nodded, angling her head to ask for another kiss.

            Tito gave in easily, humming against her lips while she guided him onto his back and rested her forearms on his torso to look at him.

“I’m falling in love with you,” she breathed out without hesitation, looking straight into his eyes and watching them widen as soon as he processed the words.

“I’m falling in love with you too,” he managed to answer even with the breath knocked out of his lungs. “I’m falling so hard.”

.

            Their honeymoon phase lasted as long as Tito’s time in Montreal did.

She even met his parents one weekend, and a few of his friends through the weeks. It was all too perfect until his last week before having to get back to New York came along.

“What’s going to happen when you’re in New York?” Adeline addressed it as they walked in a park together on his last Monday in Montreal, her hand in his. It was late and a little cold, but the darkness was calm.

“I’m not sure,” Tito swallowed heavily, looking straight ahead because there was no good solution. “I just… I want whatever’s best for you,”

“You’re what’s best for me, I don’t want to lose you.” Her hand slipped from his as they stopped walking and turned to face each other.

            Adeline searched his eyes for an answer, but her fears kept growing with every passing moment. The feelings she had for Tito were unlike anything she ever experienced before, and she was terrified of seeing their relationship end. It was the last thing she could ever want, but he had to make the best decision for his career.

“Then I’m yours,” he reached out and grasped both of her hands in his, bringing them up to kiss her knuckles. “I know not everyone can handle long distance but… but we can’t know until we try, right?”

“Right,” she exhaled her relief and squeezed his hands tighter.

“And New York isn’t the other side of the world, we can see each other on weekends,” Tito continued, trying to work things out in his head and reassure her as well as he could.

“Weekends work,” Adeline nodded, biting back a wave of tears, but her eyes watered anyway.

“Baby, please don’t,” he cupped her face with both hands and ran his thumbs over her cheeks while she wrapped her arms around him. “I know work will make it hard for you to travel, but I’ll come up as often as I can, okay?”

“Yeah,” she hid her face into his chest and took a deep breath to calm down. Nothing soothed her better than being close to him.

“We’ll make it work. I promise.” He rocked her gently from side to side in his arms. “I love you too much to ever let you go.”

“I really- I didn’t think it was possible for me to fall in love like that.” Adeline kissed over his heart, making him tighten his arms around her.

“Me neither, and I know it won’t be easy every day, but it’s all going to be worth it, yeah?” Tito tilted her face up so that their noses brushed.

“Loving you makes it all worth it.” She whispered, closing her eyes and falling for him harder with every press of his lips against hers.

.

            The first month was easy.

They had just spent so much time together that it didn’t feel like the distance would ever be an issue, Tito came up to Montreal for three days, and despite all her work Adeline managed to visit one weekend too.

            Sweet attentions helped them push through too, Adeline sent him letters with handwritten poems in them, things he inspired and she thought were worth sharing. Tito sent her flowers and so many loving good morning texts that there was no way she’d ever wake up and start her day without feeling like the luckiest woman in the world.

            Their time together was a little hectic, a mix of dates to spend quality time together and just staying in bed without letting go of each other unless it was for a few hours of sleep in between. The rhythm was tiring, no matter how close New York and Montreal were, travelling was exhausting. It meant waking up early to go to the airport and have enough time to get through security, and it also meant getting home late at the end of the trip with an early morning start right after.

            Still, they were in love and they made it work.

When Christmas came around they felt like they were pros at handling their relationship. Adeline took days off to come spend time in New York so that she could see more of Tito’s world and finally meet Mat, and he came back to Canada for Christmas with his family.

            They didn’t spend the holidays together per say, but they saw each other so often that it felt like they did anyway. Every important moment was spent together, Adeline came over to his house on Christmas morning to open gifts and have lunch with his parents, and Tito spent New Year’s Eve at a party her friends organized. They got to exchange a sickeningly sweet kiss just as the year started and whispered their promise to love each other forever.

            When hockey became a priority again and Tito had to leave, everything felt bittersweet. The moments they had together felt like they were stolen, something they had to work for because nothing fit in their lives unless they forced it to. There was never a weekend when they could both be free unless Adeline managed to figure out a way to get a break from work, and even when she had things to do, Tito still flew up to see her during the moments she had to spare over two days. His games were getting more important, and the team was already dealing with injuries, so he was having a hard time handling everything without letting anyone down.

            Their relationship was strong, but when March rolled around neither of them was truly happy.

“You’re exhausted,” Adeline pointed out something she had been noticing more and more every time he visited. Now, the dark circles under his eyes were visible even through the shitty quality of their call.

“I’m alright,” Tito lied again to stop her from worrying and gave her a weak smile. “You think you’ll be free next weekend?”

“There’s no way you’re travelling again next weekend,” she shook her head, refusing to ask him to put so much effort in again when he clearly needed the rest.

“Well can you come down?” He broke it down to what he thought was simple. If she could move, she’d come visit him. If she couldn’t, he’d come visit her.

“No, I’m stuck this month, I told you,” Adeline sighed and rubbed a hand over her face. Her internship was getting closer to its end and the prospect of a job was real, so she was being drowned in extra work so that she could prove she deserved to stay. As much as she wanted to see Tito to be able to relax in his arms, she knew his training was even more intense than what she had to do.

“Then I’m coming to you,” he insisted again, so Adeline sharpened her tone.

“The hell you are.” She gave him the glare he had received many times before. It was the one that told him ‘I love you but you’re being an idiot,’ and if things were normal, Tito would have laughed and agreed with whatever she wanted.

“So you don’t want to see me now?” He got offended instead, unable to understand why she wouldn’t want him to come. He was doing everything he could to make things work, no matter what.

“Not in that state!” She shot back, feeling tears brimming in her eyes. She was calmer as she spoke her next words. “Tito please, just get some rest… I miss you like hell all the time, but this… it’s not worth it. I’d rather see you a little less and in better shape, okay? We can facetime every night this week or something to make up for it if you want,”

“It’s not the same as holding you,” Tito’s emotions settled too, as defeated as he felt, she was right.

“I know champ, but you’ve got to take care of yourself. Get some rest, okay?”

She made him promise he’d slow down, but Tito didn’t last long. He figured that if he trained extra hard by going to the gym earlier and spent more time on the ice then he’d deserve to spend his days off with her.

Everything was going in the opposite direction of what she asked, but he couldn’t let himself rest if it meant he wouldn’t see her.

“Wake the fuck up!” Anders slammed into him on the ice and sent him stumbling a few feet away. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing,” Tito gritted his teeth, anger clear in his features.

            The captain muttered something under his breath as he skated away, hoping this would be enough to get him to concentrate until the end of the practice at least. It was the third time in a row he missed a pass to Mat, something that almost never happened. The two best friends had chemistry even on the ice, they worked well together, but Anthony was fucking everything up lately and the team wouldn’t take it for much longer.

“Alright,” Anders stood in front of him in the locker room once everyone else was gone and crossed his arms over his chest. “What’s going on?”

“It’s nothing,”

“Beau,” His captain gave him a look. “You’re a good player, but you haven’t played right in two weeks at practice. Thank fuck you’re still alright when we have games, but how long is that gonna last, uh?”

“I’m not going to let the team down.” Anthony promised, and the other man sighed.

“I know you don’t want to, so get your shit together. It’d be a waste to have you sitting on a bench during every game, especially because of some girl,” Anders made his point and watched him get offended, his voice rising as he spoke again.

“Adeline is-”

“I don’t care what Adeline is.” Anders snapped to cut him off. “Adeline is not here, and she’s not worth ruining a career over. If you don’t start showing some proper skills you won’t be playing next time there’s an important game. I need to know I can count on you to be part of the team.”

“You can count on me.” Tito’s jaw was clenched, he was angry, but now was not a good time to lash out. He knew the threat was real, and Anders was probably doing him a favor having this talk with him now rather than letting him get ripped apart by coaches.

“Then start by getting some sleep. You look like shit.” His captain concluded, dropping his arms by his side and walking out of the room, leaving Anthony alone with his thoughts.

.

            Tito tried his best to fix himself over the next week. He got a smile from Anders when things finally went right at practice, and everyone on the team felt relief when they realized they were getting their player back. Everyone thought things were fine except Mat.

            He could see past the fake smiles; he could see the hurt in his friend’s eyes when he came to hang out with the team on Saturday nights instead of flying to Montreal to be with the woman he so desperately loved. It wasn’t healthy.

            Even when Mat tried to start a conversation he got shut out, Tito wasn’t sharing much with anyone anymore. He was the shell of the player and friend he used to be, so lost in his love for Adeline that he didn’t even realize he was forgetting parts of himself.

“Adeline?” Mat eventually ended up on the phone with her, half of his brain screaming this was the stupidest thing to do and the other half saying it was the only solution. He didn’t want to get in his best friend’s business, but he at least needed to know what was going on on her end.

“Yeah, what’s up Mat?” She took a break from the chapter of the novel she was editing and pushed her chair away from her desk.

“I’m just- I’m sorry I’m calling, I know it’s fucked, but Tito isn’t talking to me and I’m wondering if you’ve heard a lot from him the past few days?”

“Yeah, he’s always texting or calling. Did you guys have a fight or something?” Adeline frowned. Not talking to Mat wasn’t normal, ever since she met Tito she’d been hearing all about his best friend and how well they got along. She also would have expected Tito to mention it to her if something happened.

“No, I mean, yeah. Sort of. He’s been playing like shit at practice, so Anders tried to knock some sense into him, and not very kindly,” Mat explained with a sigh, which only made her worry more.

“Oh. What does that have to do with you?” She asked so that she could finally connect the dots, and the response she got was not what she had expected.

“Well Anders said something about how he shouldn’t let some girl fuck up a whole career, and, uh, it was a shitty thing to say, so I tried to put it more nicely, and he didn’t like it.”

“Right,” she looked down at her lap and fiddled with the hem of her skirt. Was that how the team felt about her? Like she was some girl messing with one of their best players? And if so, wasn’t it her responsibility to make sure she didn’t interfere with his career?

“You’re not fucking up anything, it’s not what I meant,” he quickly caught himself. “But Tito’s just… he’s not himself lately. He’s pretending he’s okay but the travelling back and forth is seriously getting to him, he’s not sleeping, he’s just a mess. It’s bad for the team, and he’s my best friend, I’m worried about him,” Mat was quiet as he spoke the end of his sentence, and she was glad he couldn’t see her.

“I just… I’m not sure what I can do about that Mat,” Adeline felt the tears brimming in her eyes, because she knew.

There was only one way to fix this, and she had been avoiding it for weeks already. The day Tito left Montreal they promised each other they’d do anything to make things work, that they’d never stop trying, but was this promise more important than his health?

“Can you try to talk to him, please? Just make him rest for one weekend,” Mat brought her back to earth as he asked, as if that was all Anthony needed. It would be a start, but it was far from enough. He was already staying in New York most of the time, and it was barely helping.

“I keep telling him to stay home,” she reminded him while pressing her palms over her eyes.

“So he’s not listening to you either?” Mat’s heart deflated at that. He knew his best friend was stubborn, but he didn’t think he’d turn away every attempt you all made to get him to take care of himself.

“No… I’d come if I could, but work doesn’t really allow it right now. I’ll try to get him to stay in New York for the next two weeks, hopefully I’ll get somewhere by talking to him,” Adeline promised herself to make more efforts, to give it one more try in case that was all they needed to make things work again.

“Okay,” he fiddled with the hem of his t-shirt, hoping that by the end of those two weeks things would look a bit better.

“Are you thinking of anything else?” She prompted him after he turned quiet, and Mat sighed.

“No, you’re… you were really good for him at the start, you know?” He delved into the part he probably shouldn’t be saying out loud, but he needed her to understand how bad things were. “It made him so happy, and I know you guys are still happy together, but with the way things are right now, he’s messing himself up. Badly. It’s not your fault, I just hope you guys can find a balance that works for you both again.”

“I’ll figure it out, have a nice day Mat,” Adeline put an end to the conversation, and he rubbed his hand over his face as he sighed.

“Yeah, you too.”

.

            When Tito called her less than twenty minutes later, he couldn’t understand why she didn’t want to talk. Adeline declined his call after the second ring and told him she’d call later even though they had planned on talking to each other at that time. Her lack of texts and explanations made him overthink everything, so when Mat and a few other guys showed up to his place an hour later, he wasn’t in the mood to hang out anymore.

“I’m sure she’s fine,” Mat told him when he expressed his concern. “Just have a beer and chill out,”

“You can’t be sure she’s fine,” Tito argued as he grabbed the beer and took three long gulps.

“I talked to her for a bit today, so she’s fine. She’ll probably call you tomorrow, yeah?” Mat let the information slip because he figured it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Adeline was bound to tell him at some point anyway.

“You talked to her?” Tito frowned, the information not sitting well with him. Mat barely knew Adeline; they hadn’t gotten many chances to hang out because Tito always hogged her attention whenever she was around.

“Uh, yeah,” Mat was suddenly more than uncomfortable. He didn’t want to lie to his friend, but with the way he was reacting he felt like he would have been much better off keeping his mouth shut.

“And now she’s not picking up my calls.” Anthony grew suspicious, and the look on Mat’s face didn’t reassure him in the least. “What the fuck did you say to her?”

“I just told her I’m worried about you, you’re not yourself lately.” He admitted, feeling like being honest was the best option.

Tito didn’t lose his cool easily, but somehow this made him angry.

“Can’t you all stop with that? I’m fine.” He replied harshly, and Mat kept his mouth shut.

He thought for a second looking at the wall ahead of him and nodding. Mat was done fighting, he had offered his help, he was there to listen, but he wasn’t going to sit and let Anthony get mad at him when he was only trying to show he cared.

“Yeah, right.” Mat got up and headed out of the room, abandoning him to his thoughts.

            Tito sighed and checked his phone to distract himself, knowing he had to get out there and apologize in a minute or two. A text from Adeline caught his attention, and his mood lifted instantly.

I’ll be in New York tomorrow

            He almost screamed right there, but he bit his lip and contained his smile instead as he typed back.

For real?? What time am I picking you up?

            He had been feeling so off, he couldn’t wait to hold her. It had been too long since he got to see her and it was hard for him to hide his excitement.

I’ll just meet you at your place

            The response Tito received made his heart deflate. Something was wrong. He always picked her up from the airport, he’d done it every single time, so why shouldn’t he do it tomorrow? Between his conversation with Mat and that, the uneasiness he had felt since the declined call only increased.

“You okay?” Brassard asked as he walked out of the kitchen.

“Sorry, I’m just not in the mood tonight,” he walked past everyone and went straight for his bedroom, closing the door and locking it so no one could come bother him.

            It wasn’t fair to shut his friends out like that, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Nothing mattered anymore, he was in a constant state of numbness when he was in New York. Playing hockey helped, the games put him in the right mindset, but as soon as he stepped off the ice his world fell apart all over again.

            Adeline was the only thing keeping him together, but she was also the reason he was being torn apart. She had watched it happen too, she saw the way it started, his sudden disinterest for anything that wasn’t hockey or her, the sadness she caused and tried to fix so hard. She thought that with more time together their time apart would be easier, but nothing she did helped Tito work it out. Their relationship had been rushed, they fell in love and their feelings for each other became an obsession, one Anthony couldn’t manage anymore.

            He was only happy when she was with him, but even then parts of himself were missing.

            Mat and the other guys left soon after he disappeared, giving up for the night and deciding they’d try to spend time with him another day. Anthony was too stubborn, there was no point in them staying. He didn’t care about what was going on that night, he couldn’t think of anything except Adeline.

            Just one night of sleep, one day of work and she’d be in his arms.

            Tito was in his head and time flew by, so when he made it home the next night he was constantly checking his phone to know where she was. She texted when she landed, so he was waiting close to the door when he knew she was about to arrive.

            The front door was open before she was even out of the elevator.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Tito let her walk in and pulled her into a hug to take in the sweet scent of her perfume. His eyes fell shut as he finally felt his body relax. Adeline was the remedy to everything in his life, nothing felt better than having her close.

“Tito,” she pulled away a little as she spoke, trying to put some distance between them.

“Mmh?” He kept his hands on her waist, tugging her against him because he wasn’t ready to part from the hug just yet.

“Anthony, stop,” she pushed on his shoulders and took a step back. “I’m here because I need to talk to you.”

“What’s going on?” Tito frowned at the use of his full name. Deep down, he had known for days that something was coming, but now that he had to face it he didn’t feel prepared enough at all.

            A heaviness settled over the room, the usual playful and happy atmosphere of their reunions nowhere to be found.

“I don’t think we should be doing this anymore.” Adeline said, her hands linked together in front of her.

            The words hung in the air for several seconds. There was an apologetic look in her eyes as she waited for Tito to react, his expression going from shock, to panic, and to confusion all within a few seconds. He had expected her to want to talk, to ask for a break from things at worst.

This was something he had never considered.

“What?” He whispered, unable to form a word any louder than that.

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but you’re not happy like this,” she felt her heart break as he stammered to start a sentence. He looked exhausted, there were dark circles under his eyes, and now his features were twisted in pain.

“Adeline, don’t. You- you don’t know what you’re saying, I’m fine, and-” Tito struggled to say anything coherent, he spoke too fast, but he was scared that if he didn’t say anything she’d vanish.

“You’re not fine. You’re not in the right headspace to train because you’re always thinking of how to get away from New York, you’re not focusing on what should matter to you the most and you’re making yourself sick because you’re not sleeping,” Adeline shook her head, looking down to avoid crying. She couldn’t take the look in his eyes, they used to be so full of joy, but now the blue was dulled by tears that blurred his vision.

“I am sleeping,” he croaked weakly and reached for her.

“That’s not the point!” She stepped back to dodge his touch. She wasn’t strong enough to fight him on this for long, he held too much power over her, she’d cave in no time if she let him touch her. “This was never the point. You were right, not everyone can do long distance and we couldn’t know unless we tried. Now we know, it’s not working out.” She swallowed back her sob and took a shaky breath in to calm down.

“Adeline, please,” Tito shook his head, teardrops rolling down his cheeks already. “No, please,” he didn’t know what else to do but beg.

“I’m sorry,” she looked up. As hard as it was, he deserved at least that, but the broken look in his eyes made her fall apart.

“No! You’re the love of my life, I can’t just let you go,” he refused to go down without a fight, not when she was the only woman he had ever loved. He saw his entire life with her, they could have everything together, and he couldn’t let it go so easily.

“You have to. I’m asking you to.” Adeline wiped her thumbs underneath her eyes to catch her tears. She knew he’d respect her decision, no matter how much he hated it, because he always respected boundaries. She just had to tell him she didn’t want him anymore, and that was the hardest part, having to lie to protect him. “This isn’t healthy for you, and frankly, it’s not healthy for me either. I’m always on my phone, I can barely focus on work because I’m wondering when you’ll be free to call, I’m going to sleep so fucking late every time we call and I just… I just can’t keep doing this any longer knowing it’s hurting you.” She explained, and he used that time to settle his breathing.

“We can work through a rough patch,” his voice was a little raspy, but he pushed through. “I’ll… I’ll stay in New York for longer periods, and we can schedule calls so that it’s not as messy,” Tito brought up every solution he could think of, but she already knew they were pointless.

“You’re making this so hard,” Adeline sniffled quietly, glancing down at her feet again. “I’m sorry, but I’m not changing my mind.”

“So that’s just… it?” He felt like he’d just received a punch to the stomach. Adeline looked up as he took a step back, shaking his head a little and looking completely lost.

“I guess,” she whispered, her lower lip trembling.

“I’m in love with you, isn’t that worth trying a little bit harder?” Tito couldn’t believe the feelings settling inside his chest. He was slowly processing every word she had said, and there were so many things wrong with this conversation. What happened to their promise?

“You think I haven’t tried hard enough? You think I haven’t tried my fucking hardest?” Adeline let the tears flow down her cheeks, and her chest shook with a sob, but she fought to keep her voice steady.

“Well you’re the one giving up now!” He clenched his jaw, sniffling loudly and tugging at his hair in despair. The hurt had kicked in, and he was angry now.

“Because you’re not okay! And I had to find out from your best friend because you keep lying to me and you’re not taking care of yourself!” She raised her voice to his level, and he scoffed, pacing around his living room.

“Mat doesn’t fucking know what I’m doing, if I’m saying I can handle it, then I can handle it!” Tito was sick of everyone around him telling him how to feel and what to do. Focus, train harder, take a break, sleep, travel, don’t travel, call me, don’t call me, spend time with friends, call your family. It was all too much, and he just couldn’t take it anymore.

“Mat just asked me to check up on you, and he was right, you’re not fine, and I’m the reason you keep getting worse. I just can’t do this anymore,” Adeline’s voice softened to hide the way it cracked halfway through, but he caught it anyway.

“Fucking great.” He bit his cheek to stop himself from breaking down. Watching her like this, the woman he loved more than anything in the world, was destroying him. She felt the pain too, and he was causing it.

“You’re angry, and I get it,” Adeline took a deep breath in and dropped her hands by her sides, wondering when he’d snap. She was the one giving up, so she was ready to take it. “I’m so sorry, this isn’t how I pictured things going between us... I’ll just go… I’m really sorry.” She turned around, ready to walk out so that she could break down somewhere he wouldn’t see her.

            It was better if he was mad at her, his anger was much easier to handle than the look he first gave her.

“Adeline wait,” Tito crossed the room in two long strides and wrapped his hand around her arm before she could reach the door.

“What are you-” Adeline turned around to face him and he released her arm to hold her waist instead.

“Just one more.” He murmured with his lips so close to hers she could already feel how soft they were through a brush. “Please, just one last night,”

            He kissed her to stop her from replying, to stop her from thinking rationally, and to fucking beg her to give him this last thing. Adeline wasn’t strong enough to pull away. Instead, she melted into his touch and responded to the kiss with a passion fueled by her heart falling into pieces.

            Just one last time, she told herself as she kept on kissing him, blindly letting him walk back to his bedroom.

            They could taste the saltiness of their tears as they moved their lips together, tangled in each other with her straddling him and her legs around his waist, just like they had been the first night they were together like that. They didn’t exchange any words, kissing and hiding their faces whenever they had to so that they wouldn’t see the other breaking inside.

It was all too much and not enough, so when Tito kept her tight against his chest to lay in bed, Adeline didn’t fight him. She closed her eyes and bit back tears, pretending she wasn’t about to leave so that he would let himself fall asleep.

Tito was safe with her so close, his grip was tight, he wasn’t ever letting her go. It was what he told himself as he drifted off to sleep, telling himself they’d talk in the morning, that he’d find a way to convince her they could still fix things.

.

            Adeline felt like her heart was being torn apart when she crawled out of his arms in the early hours of the morning. She hadn’t slept for a second, but she couldn’t bring herself to get up. For a moment, she even thought she should stay. What if Tito was right? What if he could stay in New York for more time? They could schedule the calls like he said to make things easier.

The idea disappeared from her mind with every moment she spent looking at him, fast asleep in his bed when he used to always wake up whenever she moved. There were dark circles under his eyes, he was exhausted, and she was only making it worse. Leaving was the only way.

Adeline grabbed as much of her things as she could carry and got dressed in the living room as quietly as possible, but with how hard she was crying she was surprised none of her sobs had woken Tito up yet. A few of her things were still in his room, but it was nothing she desperately needed back, and if she woke him up she’d never be able to leave. Still, she couldn’t stop herself from going into his bedroom to look at him one more time.

He was so beautiful when he slept, so peaceful and relaxed. Adeline wished she could see him smile one more time, just to be able to admire the spark in his eyes whenever he did. She knew that if he woke up they’d only be filled with sadness and fear, all because of her, so she took a deep breath and scribbled one last thing on a post it note, placing it on her pillow before leaving his apartment silently.

.

            An hour later the sun was up, and Tito was shaking as he woke up. He sat up immediately to grab the cold bed sheets on her side of the bed. It all felt like a nightmare. The bedroom was silent apart from his heavy breathing, and he turned his light on before looking around for any sign she was still here.

            After they held each other so tightly during the night, the way they loved each other, how could she have left? Tears stung in his eyes as he took notice of everything in his room. Her clothes were gone from the floor, her notebook wasn’t on the nightstand, and he could see his closet cracked open with two empty shelves. Her shelves.

            Tito’s heart tightened in his chest as the reality of the situation hit him. His body was tense but he couldn’t move. His whole world was falling apart, he was completely lost, scrambling for something, anything he could hold onto.

He found it in a single blue post-it note on his pillow, her pretty cursive handwriting recognizable easily.

I’m sorry,

A

.

Please reblog and let me know what you thought!! Writing is a lot of time and effort, I appreciate all comments, asks and reblogs more than you know <3

[twinklelilstarkey]

can you write something where the reader is with Anthony Beauvillier but she works for the Rangers so the people at work kinda don’t accept her and Beau is there to comfort her (maybe a lil smut)

A/N: I sure can, sis! So sorry it took me so long to write this. HOPE YOU LIKE IT!!!

Enemy - Anthony Beauvillier

Words: 3.5k+

Type: Kind of Angst with a fluffy ending

Warnings: Stupid coworkers. Female!Reader, which is a physiotherapist. Mentions of someone being a gold-digger. Insults. Being slightly sick.

You’d be lying if you said you don’t love your job. Like, absolutely saying the biggest lie of your life. But, of course, like any career, there are downfalls.

You are one of the lucky people that were able to finish their degree in college for physical therapy, and be able to get amazing intern offers. You specialize in sports injuries, so, to be quite honest, you expected to be an intern only in small local sports teams.

Yeah... No. The Luck Gods must’ve been on your side because as soon as you had done your first internship - the first time to actually have been in a work environment - another one appeared. And you were accepted to do an internship in the god damn New York Islanders.

It was an internship that lasted 6 months, and you were determined that you would be able to find a stable job after it - since we all know this experience would look good on anyone’s CV.

While you were working for the islanders, you made a lot of friends. Everyone in the area you specialize in was insanely nice and always willing to help and answer some of your questions. They even would spend lunch with you, just to make sure you would have a good time there.

When you did start working with the actual players, you were a nervous wreck. In the beginning, you were there as just a helper - even though, whoever you were with always helped you out and made sure that you were learning.

And that is exactly how you met Anthony.

He was there because he was having a few problems with his leg, due to a previous injury. You were in the room with one of the physiotherapists of the team when he came in.

He swears to this day that he didn’t hear a word that was said to him in that room, his eyes were stuck on you as soon as he saw you. He even felt like he couldn’t form a sentence at first, which even though it was quite embarrassing, he pulled through it and ended up saying what he had wanted to say.

In that same week, Tito felt like he was crazy. Constantly checking every hallway when he walked into work since he usually just would look down at the ground or at his phone, and many other things. All because he wanted to see you again.

And he did. You were in your lunch hour, scrolling through your phone, alone since almost everyone else that usually ate with you was in a meeting. Anthony saw that as his opportunity.

You did almost choke on your food once you noticed who was sitting beside you, but he didn’t seem to notice that it was because of him.

Not a lot of conversation later and he got your number.

Even Mathew celebrated that one when Tito finally walked into the locker room. He was already tired of listening to his best friend rant about how beautiful you were and how he felt like he was star-struck when he first laid eyes on you. So, in other words, him having your number was a relief on Mat's part.

You two exchanged texts here and there for about a week, but everything changed when Mathew took matter - aka Tito’s phone - into his own hands, and asked you on a date for him.

Fastest 'yes' of your life.

And that’s where it all began. The more you two talked in your lunch hours and the more Anthony asked you on dates (these times without the help of Mat), the more in love he fell for you.

Four dates in and you two started to date.

And now, almost 2 years later, you’re still going strong with this relationship. As well as with your career.

As expected, those two internships did look good on your CV because, after a year of working with a small local hockey junior team, you were accepted to work in another NHL team.

This time, not the Islanders, but none others than the Rangers.

When you started to work there, you really shouldn’t have walked in there with the mentality that it would be exactly like it was with the Islanders. They weren’t as warm - some of them - and it was harder to actually start conversations and begin friendships over there.

You didn’t get too worked up about it, even though you did tell Tito as soon as you got to his apartment. All he said was that “Things will get better” and that “You’re still new there”, therefore, they had to warm up to the idea of you. Which you thought it made sense.

You decided to really just mind your own business and not seek validation from others while working. If someone would come up to you, you would speak to them, but if they don’t, you’re not going to be upset about it.

It was easier to form friendships with the players, to be honest. They were always nice to you. And the reason behind it, is: “well, if they’re not nice to you, you quite literally can fuck up their injury even further, so who would even do that?” - said by none other than Mathew Barzal.

Even though funny, you know it’s more than that. Mikka and Chris for example are just the nicest people ever. They always make conversation with you or say 'hi' to you whenever they see you. Their conversations are warm, kind of, like old friends talk to one another. While some other players, even though nice, they like to stay in their silent corner.

It didn’t take long for everyone to discover who you were dating. It was around, maybe, 3 months after you had started to work there that everyone just seemed to finally check your social media.

It was a funny experience, in a way. The players were hilarious on the day after they found out. Always coming by your office to say something along the lines of how you had betrayed them or how they don’t know if they can trust you anymore.

It was good fun. 

You laughed your way through it, yet even after all the bickering, the guys were still very nice to you. Which, honestly, just made your job way fun.

That is, of course, until you notice how the rest of your coworkers aren’t exactly as entertained by the situation. You got all sorts of not very nice things: dirty looks, groups suddenly stopping to talk when you walked by, random shoulder to shoulder hitting on hallways, sitting away from you in lunch, etc.

As childish as it could be.

Some days are better than others, and you honestly thought it would get better with time. But it didn’t.

It has been months since everyone discovered, yet you still get the same treatment. As ridiculous as that sounds.

Now. You walk into the arena, like every morning, bag in hand as you make your way to your office in your work attire.

Everything is silent for the most part, which is quite a blessing in the mornings you don’t feel all that great. You must’ve caught a cold over the weekend or something of the sort. Your body feels sore and it’s getting quite annoying.

When walking around the corner to continue your way to your office, you end up finding some of your coworkers talking while leaning against the wall. You roll your eyes internally and walk through them while saying a small ‘good morning’, just to be slightly pleasant.

As expected, they don’t acknowledge your action enough to answer you, yet it is enough for them to stop talking, and only resume that conversation when you’re out of view.

You hate them, you just hate them.

You unlock the door of your office and a sudden moment of relief hits you. It’s slightly cold in it due to the cold temperatures of the morning, but not too cold. Quite relaxing, honestly. Especially when you’re not feeling all that well.

(...)

Time for lunch.

Aka, your first break of the day. Your head is pounding, your body is getting more sore by the hour and with all of that, your patience is wearing very thin.

You finish washing your hands, drying them quickly with your towel, and quickly grab your bag. While pulling your lunch out of there, you hear some of your coworkers making their way down the hallway, close to your door.

“Maybe she’s trying to see if she gets a second hockey boyfriend. Honestly, I don’t judge her. If I had luck once, I wouldn’t stop trying.”

You grab your jacket, ignoring whatever is being said at the end of the hall. You have no idea who they’re talking about, but, you’re honestly not that interested in it either.

As you swing your door open, looking back to your office to see if you’re not forgetting anything, the second voice stops what they’re saying mid-sentence.

Slightly curious, you drift your gaze to the end of the hall and notice that they're the two gossipy coworkers that have walked by your door not too long ago. One of them looks over her shoulder at you, and as soon as your eyes meet, she snaps her head back to what’s in front of her.

Weird.

The sound of childish giggling reaches your ears as they go around the corner, and you sigh.

Didn’t know you were back in high school.

In the whole building, there are at least 3 vacant rooms for lunch hours. Most of your coworkers eat on the one that is the closest to their offices, but they like to change it up.

In other words, you can’t really escape them that well.

You decide to go try the room on the second floor, the one that usually used more by the marketing people of the team.

A frustrated sigh escapes your lips as your head continues to pound and chills seem to get their way through your body.

All of this to prove to you that you’re definitely sick.

You walk up the stairs with your stuff in hand and swear that you feel pure relief run through you when your eyes lay over the half-opened doors of the lunchroom.

Hopefully, food will make you feel better.

As you take the last steps to reach the room, familiar voices reach your ears.

“Well? Did she hear you?” One of them asks.

“Probably?” One of the girls says, “I honestly thought that she wasn’t in her office anymore.”

You stop walking and stand by the door, noticing who the voices belong to and that they’re most probably talking about you.

“What were you even saying?” One of the men asks, humor thick on his tone.

“A bunch of shit.” She answers, “She probably heard me saying that she’s looking for a second hockey boyfriend, but I hope that’s all she heard.”

“Are you that big of a bitch?” One of the women asks, giggling.

“I mean...” She starts, “She kind of got herself in this. What was she expecting when she signed a contract with the enemy? All hugs in kisses?”

The enemy? These are adults, good god.

“Probably a man with a bigger wallet. Our team has single players.”

The group giggles maliciously at her words.

“Is that what you really think of her?” A new voice asks, “I’ve never talked to her, but she doesn’t seem like the type to do that.”

“What do you mean ‘not to type’?” The same girl squeals, “Have you taken a good look at her? She walked in here, on her first day, like she owned the place. And...” She stops to breathe, “And when everyone discovered about her secret relationship, she was all happy and smiling every time.”

“Oh my god, right?” Another one, “How could she even be proud of that? I was shocked by how many jokes she made with the players. I would’ve been so embarrassed.”

There are a few sounds of agreement from the group.

“She’s weird, honestly.” One of them seems to conclude, “She, like, takes pride in dating someone she shouldn’t and expects everyone to like her.”

“Oh, yes! Do you remember the puppy eyes she would do when she came in for work the first time? Almost as if she was pleading for people to talk her.”

“Must think she’s important.” One comments.

“Not even important, more like needed.” One of them adds, “We already had a perfectly good team, I don’t even know why they got a new physiotherapist.”

More sounds of agreement.

“She needs to go. I’m so tired of her.”

“You guys are so mean.” One of the girls says with a giggly tone, “Like, I get it that it’s funny to gossip and talk a little bit of shit, but this is... awful.”

There is a long silence.

“Eh, what she doesn’t know, won’t hurt her.”

Well, too late for that.

Your heartbeat pounds all over your body, your ears vibrate. You’re finally able to lift your feet from the floor to begin to walk, but it’s not to go have lunch. It’s back to your floor.

You drag your feet over the carpet as their words repeat in your head, over and over again. You fasten your pace at the sight of the door of your office, and quickly, you hide yourself behind the door.

After locking the door, you let out a breath so shaky that you swear that you’re seconds away from crying without even realizing it. You walk over to your desk and put down your stuff again.

Is that really how everyone feels about you?

(...)

Your day is finally over. It was slow, probably the slowest day ever. You kept your conversations with anyone to a minimum.

You really didn’t want to break down in front of people.

As if your day couldn’t get any better, you didn’t have any medicine on you for whatever cold you’re having. And let’s just say that the mixture of what you’re feeling emotionally and physically is just one of the worst mixtures ever.

You have cleaned off tears a few times when alone in your office, having to touch up your make-up countless times. But you’re still incapable of letting all your frustrations out.

After shoving all of your stuff into your bags, you quickly throw them over your shoulder and grab your keys. You don’t even care if you’re leaving anything behind, at this point.

You lock the door of your office, after turning off the lights, and start making your way to the front doors of the arena. Everyone leaves around this time, so you did have to see some familiar unwanted faces.

They were quiet, this time.

At this point, you’re not even caring who is looking at you as you make your way to the parking lot. You are just not in the mood to deal with any more people, right now.

As soon as you’re in the car, you start it and make your way out. After a small wave to the sweetest security guard of the arena, - the one by the gate- you’re finally able to go home.

You fight your urge to cry in the car as soon as you park it since you don’t want to look like a panda on your way to the apartment with the dark mascara around your eyes.

You unlock the door of your home and soon its familiar smell, warmth, and sound of the same sports channel get to you.

You could’ve cried right there.

“Y/N?” You hear from the kitchen.

You put down your stuff close to the door before taking off your shoes, and you quickly walk over to the kitchen.

And there is Anthony, leaning against the counter while looking down at his phone for a split second, while he has a pot on the stove.

“Hey, how was work?” You hear him ask.

You don’t answer. You just walk over and wrap your arms around him, pulling him to give you the hug that you so need.

Anthony, sort of confused, wraps his arms around you and stares down at your head, trying to find some answers for the so-needed hug. Your body is shaking slightly against his, which only makes him assume that your cold.

His comforting touch is your last straw. A sob finally escapes your chest and you start to cry. Which only adds to Anthony’s confusion.

His hand moves up and down on your back as he lets you cry it out, and lays a kiss over your forehead, making him notice that your skin is hot to the touch.

Could it be just you being sick? But why cry like this?

As your cries slow down ever so slightly, Tito looks down at you again and reaches to clean off your tears.

“What’s wrong?” He tries to ask, “Did something bad happen?”

You don’t answer at first but he doesn’t push you to answer either.

You take a deep breath and unwrap your arms from around him, bringing your hands to your face and wiping the tears away.

“It’s just..." You shrug, "...my coworkers.”

“What happened?” He asks, hands over your shoulders.

“They hate me.” You tell him. “They just talk shit about me behind my back and- Ugh. It’s so annoying.”

Anthony stops for a second, confused, again. He thought this wasn’t happening anymore, that it was just a thing from the beginning. But, by the looks of it, not at all.

“Why?”

“I don’t know... They just hate everything about me. Mostly because I just date you, they think they have a good enough reason to do it.” You say, shrugging.

He blinks at your answer and seems to feel sort of lost for words. He expected everything but not this.

“And I feel sick.” You whisper, bringing your hands back up to your face, “My day was just horrible.”

There are a few seconds of silence and you look up at Anthony, for the first time, since you walked into the kitchen. You feel better. Crying really lift a big weight off your shoulders, which is quite a relief.

His eyes are filled with pity, yet his expression is soft. His hands that are over your shoulders are just laying there, now, they’re not moving anymore.

After some seconds, his hands lift off your shoulders and his arms wrap around you again. He pulls you into a tight hug, and you’re sensitive self can’t help but feel sort of emotional with all of it, again.

“Why didn’t you tell me that that it was still going on?” He asks, mouth close to your ear.

“The coworker thing?” You ask and he nods, “I just thought it would eventually stop. That they would get tired of it. It just feels like I’m back in high school and I have to deal with mean girls again, you know?” You sniffle.

He doesn’t answer, but you’re sure he heard you.

“I just feel so helpless. Everything I do is just never good enough for them to accept me. I’m just the girl that dates you, not their coworker.” You let it all out.

Anthony lays a kiss on your shoulder and you melt onto his chest.

“Is there anything I can do?” He asks and you think for a second.

“I don’t think so.” You tell him, “They’re just stupid, and it gets on my nerves that I let him get to me, you know?”

“Yeah.” He says in a whisper.

“I’m stronger than this. I know it.” A small smile appears on Tito’s face, “But I get so tired of it sometimes, especially when they act like today.”

He gives you another squeeze in his hug.

“It felt good to cry.” You comment against his shirt, and a small laugh falls from his lips, “Thank you.”

A kiss is pressed on the side of your head and Tito’s hands start to work back up and down your back.

“I was making your favorite food.” He admits, “Had to call your mom for help a least 2 times, already.”

You giggle a bit at his words.

“Have you taken anything?” He asks, “For the cold.”

“No. Didn’t have anything on me.”

He leans back from the hug, still leaving his arms around you, and looks down at you.

“Then, let’s start with that. And after that, you can help me with the rest of dinner.�� He says, “Is that okay?”

You nod and he grins ever so slightly.

“I’ll try my best at making you feel better, yeah?” You nod again, “I can even take you to work tomorrow too.”

You smile a bit.

“I can give your coworkers my murderous stare and, maybe, they’ll stop annoying my girl. How does that sound?” He questions.

Ignoring your pounding head, you laugh at his words and your bright smile seems to make him smile down at you as well.

His hands move up and he cups your cheeks.

“Is my make-up too smudged?” You ask, probably ruining the cute moment.

“Not too much.”

“Are you sure?” You ask.

“Yeah, you just look like a little raccoon, but other than that-”

Before he can even finish, you let out, right in his face, the biggest laugh of your, very depressing, day. Tito smiles proudly down at you and gives you a kiss on the lips.

God, you love him.

Hope this was good. I’m not exactly proud of this, but... yeah.

[barzzal]

between halls and thin walls → part two

summary: friends who fool around almost never work. almost.

↳ pairing: mathew barzal x you

↳ warnings: swearing, sex toys, masturbation, sexual/suggestive themes, and yenno, mathew :(

↳ genre: angst, smut, roommates au, best friend’s best friend, friends with benefits, 18+ minors dni*

↳ length: series; part one, part two (5.9k), part three, part four, part five, part six

↳ masterlist: the barn

↳ track: listened to a lot of beyoncé for this one !!

note: part two’s here!! and i know it’s late for an update but i just wanna thank everyone for commenting on the first part 🥺 really glad that you guys liked it. reading your tags are everything to me it means a lot! happy reading <3 (gif used: mine)

You come out of your bedroom dressed and ready for work. Your handbag was slung over the depth of your forearm as you headed for the kitchen and the other, scrolling past emails on your phone, admittedly bracing yourself for the mess you know will eventually greet you.

To your surprise, what you see instead were Mat Barzal’s guns rippling through the jet black sweater he had worn last night. A memory that sent your mind to less than eight hours ago, before eventually landing on what happened shortly when the two of you had woken up.

“Thank god you haven’t burnt the house down.” you kid, placing your handbag atop the island.

Mat spares you a quick glance, rolling his eyes whilst he lets you watch him whisk some eggs for breakfast.

“Like it?” he cocks, pertaining to how your eyes were pinned hard on his biceps that he was, for the most part, effortlessly sporting. It’s true, though. He didn’t need to flex because it was just there.

“Coffee or Juice?” he asks, as the kind friend and roommate that he is. 

Anthony, as surprising as it was, takes incredibly long showers. If people hadn’t known him well, they’d easily think he’s abusing himself there. But you’ve got to admit that not having him around felt nice for you didn’t have to feel so seen with Mathew.

‘Course, there’s nothing more, like a fix-in on the side, to your set up. You just appreciate the feeling of not having to lie to Beau about all the ugly concealed underneath all the innocent gazes you and Mathew exchange.

“Coffee.” you answer shortly, realizing that you forgot the material you need for today’s meeting.

“Where are you going?” Mat asks when he catches you receding out into the hallway. You didn’t bother looking back, “Forgot something!”

He gets back to whisking the eggs when a chime comes off his phone. He takes it from the counter, placed just before the plates he left to dry last night, absent-mindedly putting the bowl he was holding onto the island, toppling over the green juice he has prepared for himself. 

“Shit.” he curses as soon as he sees it for it was already spilling all over the place, making the mess you’ve been secretly anticipating the moment Mathew said he’d make breakfast.

Panicking at how you’d see he’s successfully screwed such a no-brainer task, Mat grabs the first thing he sees on the marbled surface and uses it to clean the mess he’d made.

“Huh.” he muses to himself, realizing that the silk fabric didn’t do much in helping him clean up. He tosses it over the sink carelessly and grabs a few napkin rolls from one of the cupboards. 

So much for making an effort to feed Anthony Beauvillier. 

“Now, that was fast.” you say with a smirk once you’ve entered the kitchen, startling Mathew as he continued cleaning up after his mess. 

“Ha-ha. Very funny.” he sarcastically laughs, discarding the paper towels onto the sink along with the used ones. 

Thankfully, your stuff was at the other side of the island so it was very much safe from all the chaos happening at the other end of the marbled surface. However, your laugh dies down the second you realize that your handkerchief was no longer where you’ve last put it.

“Hey,” you call on Mathew, “What’s up?”

“Have you seen my handkerchief? I know I left it somewhere.” you anxiously ask, eyeing every corner of the room hoping to see Nana’s handkerchief, the one she gave to you on your 18th birthday.

“What does it look like?” Mat asks, now holding a pan in his hand as he prepares breakfast.

You proceeded to describe your grandma’s handkerchief in the most specific and perhaps excruciating detail Mathew has ever heard someone talk about something as mind-numbing as a handkerchief.

Despite that, Mat lights up the moment it hits him, not realizing the bigger mess he’s about to walk into. He rejoices at how he knew exactly what you were looking for, “Oh! You mean this?” 

With clueless eyes, you watch Mat go over the sink after he wipes his hands dry, fishing out an all too familiar fabric from the sink. Once your eyes land onto the cream colored silk handkerchief, with details carefully sewn by hand, drenching in what seems to be Mat’s morning drink, your heart falls to the pit of your stomach. 

“What did you do??” The sudden rise in your voice startles an unsuspecting Mathew. You eagerly went over to his side and hastily snatched the smooth fabric off his hands, “It’s ruined!”

“What? I didn’t know it was yours!” Mat’s eyes are wild with confusion. Puzzled at how you were so fixated on the useless fabric. It didn’t help him anyway. There’s nothing much left to do but to throw it. It’s garbage. 

“You ruined it!” you lash out, letting Mat get eaten up by the sudden anger bubbling inside your guts but he was rather quick in defending himself, “I didn’t know it was yours since I grabbed the first thing I could find. Why are you getting upset over a shit-ass handkerchief?” 

Your mouth falls and you shake your head, finding his defensiveness quite appalling. “You’re an ass.”

“Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was yours.” he explains, “Come on, it’s just a stupid handkerchief I’ll just buy you a new one.” he tries to laugh the tension off, sporting his signature grin.

Mat take shots of the stunned expression on your face, “Stupid?” you repeat what he said, your eyes already starting to sting with tears. Clearly, you were far too overwhelmed to even acknowledge Mathew’s half-assed apology.

“You’re a fucking asshole.” your words bite and that’s when things took a turn for the worse. 

“I said I was fucking sorry! What the hell do you want from me? Shit a fucking hanky?” he rans a hand through his hair, “Do you realize how childish you’re being right now?”

Outraged, and perhaps disappointed by how he was too high up his horse, your voice takes up a higher tone, entering what seems to be an early screaming match between you and Mathew.

“Could you just–” you breathe, “for one second– stop being so goddamn stupid and get over yourself!?” were words that welcomed Anthony the moment he stepped into the kitchen, towel wrapped around his waist, a grin on his face visible as he poured himself a glass of water, inviting himself in the screaming match you and Mathew have exclusively put forth for him.

“Stupid is not when you’ve already apologized a hundred times! Stupid is being such a crybaby and a bitch about it!” Mathew retorts, gaining his better end of the argument.

“What a beautiful morning, isn’t it?” Anthony chimes in, a hand resting on his chin, adoring his two best friends upon getting used to the best worst duo he’s ever known in his life. 

“Shut up, Beau.” you say, throwing him a glare.

“Well, beautiful is definitely not in Y/N’s dictionary.” Mathew chides with a smirk, enough to earn himself a scoff from you. 

“You know what? I don’t have the time for this bullshit.” you cuss, finally retreating, your already heavy heart taking a better hold on your thoughts, blocking your ability to even come up with a clever remark to come back at Mathew.

You throw the delicate, yet already ruined piece of fabric towards his way as hard as you could before marching out of the kitchen and head off for work.

“Fucking unbelievable.” Mathew curses under his breath once he catches the silk linen, shaking his head as he turns his attention back to the morning task at hand. 

You were fucking unbelievable.

Once the boys were left alone, Tito raises a brow, briefly looking back after your footsteps, “What happened here, anyway?” he asks, having realized what must’ve caused such a heated argument so early in the morning. 

“I used this handkerchief to wipe the whole thing off and she just went ape shit! I mean–” Anthony cuts Mathew the moment he recognizes the thin cloth he was holding.

“Woah, woah. Wait a minute, you used this?” he muses, stressing on the possibility of what might have been Mathew’s biggest mistake of the day, his eyes darting between him and the fabric.

With furrowed brows, admittedly weirded by how Anthony reacted almost the same way you did a while ago. “It’s just a handkerchief, man. I can go buy her a bunch if that’s what she wants.” he says defensively.

Anthony shakes his head wildly, his irises now dilated as he examined the stain already sitting on the material. “No no. Oh god no.” He says, snatching Mathew’s phone from the counter to google quick remedies that might remove the said stain from the already ruined cloth. 

“What do you mean no? You guys spend way too much time together, you’re beginning to be as weird as her.” He scoffs, sipping on a glass of water. 

“No, you dumbass. This was her grandma’s!” Anthony says, eyes fixated on the delicate handkerchief. Remembering how you’d told him how long it has been in your family that having Nana give it to you after all the years you’ve spent admiring it from afar meant so much to you than anything anyone could have possibly given you.

“So?” Mat casually replies, closing his arms to his chest before adding, “Is she dead or something? Didn’t you guys visit her for the Holidays?” 

“What?? Why would you even say that?– You’re such a jerk.” Tito shakes his head, appalled by how Mathew easily shrugged the matter off when he knew full well how sentimental he himself could be.

“Well, how am I supposed to know?? If that thing’s so important I wouldn’t leave it on top of some random shit lying around!” He counters, defending himself for reaching for the nearest cloth he could find when he did whatever he does best when he’s in the kitchen.

Tito clicks his tongue and looks at Mathew exasperatedly, “Tell me, where did you find this exactly?”, to which Mathew only answered with a quiet voice, “It may or may not have been placed on top of her purse…” he avoids Tito’s gaze, finally catching on how he was the one in the wrong. 

“See? Jerk. Now, go figure out how you’ll take the stain off.” Anthony demands, his voice embraced by a definitive tone. One that made Mathew know he wouldn’t be able to persuade him into letting this go. 

Tito takes one good look at Mat’s catastrophic attempt to feed the house, striding his way out of the kitchen, “And make sure you apologize!” he adds, footsteps receding into the hallway, leaving Mathew scratching the back of his head out of guilt and frustration.

You have spent the following days either avoiding Mathew or ignoring his existence completely. Anthony talked to you the night that incident happened and assured you that he would do his best to have it fixed. You didn’t want to bother him nor take time off his already busy schedule, but you were just so bummed to even say a word.

That night, you spent the entire evening in your room, facetiming your mother, saying how much you’re missing home. You can’t bring yourself to tell her about the handkerchief. For some people, and that people being Mathew, it might’ve been just some silly thing but Tito knew how much that small piece of cloth meant to you. 

Mathew, on the one hand, was for sure guilty to his bones. He didn’t see you that night nor the nights that followed. He didn’t think much of it but when he found himself searching for that same handkerchief in the hopes of replacing it only to find out that it was nowhere to be found in the market, was when he did realize that ruining the one thing that held you closer to home was the last push your non-existent relationship with him had to have for you to finally lose any ounce of amour nor civility you once had for him. 

Anthony wasn’t a stranger for said changes either. He began waking up to a still apartment enveloped by a wall you profusely built between you and Mathew. You even unknowingly shut Tito out in the process as well. It was like you were grieving. Like, it was a whole different kind of heartbreak he knew he can’t get you out of that easily. 

You tried making it up for your best friend of course. Knowing that you haven’t been yourself since that day. You thought about the possibility of having taken the whole thing too seriously that you might’ve overreacted a bit. Nonetheless, no matter how much you try to push it in the back of your head, Mathew’s mere presence began irking you in ways it never did back when you used to enjoy the bickering you exchange with him, especially in bed.

“Thanks for dinner, belle.” Anthony politely says, earning a smile from you so effortlessly upon hearing the pet name he uses for you. Something Mat only shrugged off, trying to piece out the same gratitude, “Thanks, y/n.” he genuinely adds. But as expected, he had nothing.

You pick up all the empty plates, including Mathew’s, who was sitting in front of you while Anthony sat at the end of the table. Tito hurriedly wipes his mouth with a napkin and takes the plate from you, “Let me help you with that.” he says with the same kind eyes that has never failed to win you over. 

“Yeah. Okay, sure.” you shortly answer, leading the way towards the kitchen, leaving one Mathew Barzal feeling small and alone at the dining table. 

𖥸

If there was one thing you’d gladly acknowledge after all the years of watching people kiss Mathew’s ass was that he was is really good. He’s fast and he can do unimaginable damage on the ice. There’s no denying that he deserves to be the face of the New York Islanders. But we know you don’t care about any of that. The only thing you care about was how unbelievably good he is at everything he does that not even you or your pink rubber toy could suffice. 

He was just that damn good. 

As your eyes shut whilst you mount your pleasures on your own, biting your lips to choke in your own moans, Mathew handling you was what circled your mind since you started defiling yourself in the bathroom. You let your arousal be washed away by the warm water trickling down your skin, envisioning Mat’s rough hands grazing your body, touching your core like his hands were meant to do nothing else but that. 

It was wrong and pathetic, but you couldn’t think about anything else. You and Mathew have been avoiding each other for days. The dynamic went so much worse than when you weren’t sleeping together and you know that Tito was bound to notice it soon. Thankfully, the boys were on another roadie for a week so you had quite some time to think things through about your current sitch with Mathew. You didn’t like any of it because it felt like you gave a fuck (which obviously, you didn’t). You just feel obligated to sort things out with the biggest ass that ever lived because you didn’t want to involve Tito into the mess you’ve wrongfully made yourself. 

You hop off the shower feeling unsatisfied. You haven’t gotten laid since the last time you were with Mat. Which is sad, not just for you but also for her. You’d think considering the boys aren’t around you’d bring someone home, maybe even one or two. But just thinking about going on bars alone so you could find a potential bone-mate is already far too tedious and you weren’t in the right state to do so. You had so much going on at work, anyway. And you can always use a wand to scratch an itch. Neither would satisfy you more than how someone-who-will-not-be-named could, but you might as well be pathetic without having to hook up with some random dude whose name you’ll eventually forget in the morning. 

You opted to wear an old pull-over you borrowed (took) from Tito years and years ago and partnered it with some leggings so you’d be comfortable enough for the rest of the night. You have nothing else to do and you are already fed up with your workload that watching a crappy movie off of Netflix doesn’t sound like a bad idea. 

With a giant bowl of popcorn and two bottles of beer in your hands, you march your way into the living room, ready to spend the night binge watching romantic comedies, crying and laughing in between. Or maybe just fall asleep on the couch while your comfort TV series is on. 

The boys won three games out of the four that they had during the trip and you only saw the ones they won so you were thankful that you didn’t have to sit at home alone watching their faces fall after that OT lost against the Flyers. Anthony phoned you that night and you can just feel the relief in his voice that you didn’t have the time to see it. They weren’t playing like they should. Thankfully, they were able to bounce back. 

Your eyes were beginning to grow tired halfway into the movie when you hear the front door open, followed by luggages dragged into the house tirelessly. 

“Y/N?” Anthony calls out.

You hit the movie on pause and hurriedly make your way towards the hallway. “You’re home already?”

They were already taking their coats off when you met them halfway, Tito was putting his away while Mat had just taken off his toque and was running his hands through his hair, unconsciously meeting your eyes upon hearing your voice. 

You quickly break it off when you give Tito a quick embrace and plant a small kiss on his cheeks, “I texted you.” he says, eyebrows quirked, surprised that you didn’t know. 

In an effort to avert any more of his questions you immediately point towards the movie you had on, “Haven’t checked my messages, sorry.” 

“So, you guys ate dinner?” you ask, passing Mat a quick look. One that came as a surprise because he wasn’t even hoping to hear a word from you given the way you two left things a little too on the edge, screwing with the whole thing even more. 

Mat avoids your irises and faintly nods. 

“Big win tonight huh? Told you, you can do it.” you say with a beaming smile, nudging Tito with your hips as you get back to watching your film. “You gotta do what you gotta do, babe.” he winks, lugging his stuff around towards his bedroom. 

“Barz, don’t stay up, Trotz needs us first thing in the morning.” he looks back, reminding Mat who was already standing in front of his door, “Yeah. Sure.” he replies shortly with a tired voice. 

You and Anthony bid your own goodnights whilst Mat mutters a quiet “Night.” when you nodded his way, clearly not enjoying any of the first awkward encounters he’s yet to have with you. Seven days is quite a reasonable time for your anger to dissipate, a short yet seemingly long period of time that’s just enough to kill off whatever guilt Mat had initially felt before you parted ways.

𖥸

“Alright, I’m off.” Tito casually declares, putting on his watch. “There’s food in the fridge, and tell Mat to go easy on my beers.” he gives you a knowing look as he bends down to give you a kiss on the cheek. 

Tito had been seeing some mystery girl for quite some time now. He hasn’t told you anything spicy in particular but by the looks of it, you could already tell that she has him towed. 

“Good luck, loverboy.” you say, swatting his hand away and pushing him out to the door. The two of you cringe at what you said, sharing one last laugh before you watch him disappear out into the hallway.

The apartment was cramped the whole day because Anthony and Mat had the day off. Tito had plans for the night, obviously. As per you, you had plans lounging in the living room, switching through channels in the hopes of stumbling on a show that isn’t half as bad than the rest. 

Thankfully, a Sandra Bullock film was on HBO.

The Proposal, to be exact.

You decide to dive in the film with a cold bottle of beer on your hand. There was no way you’d be washing down the effects of a naked Ryan Reynolds with a glass of water. You haven’t gone mad. 

The film was already at the part where Sandra was proposing to Ryan when you hear Mathew’s door open. You haven’t talked since the night they came back home other than the small nods you exchange upon passing by each other. All of which are mind-numbing and impossible to swallow. The awkwardness has not dissipated completely unlike what you presumed. You were just grateful Tito was always around that you didn’t need to be alone together. 

Alarmed by another impending awkward encounter, you clear your throat and turn up the volume a little to remain focused on the film, investing your sole attention to it even if you have seen the movie countless times. 

Mathew, in his sweats and a gray shirt on, carefully makes his way out the hallway and into the common area after snatching a glass of water from the kitchen. You see him move further into the room but you make sure that he knows you weren’t paying attention. You take that he must’ve been thirsty and needed a drink but you don’t see him move further in the corner of your eye like he was making his way back in his room. It almost seemed like he was actually waiting for you to look his way.

Hesitantly, you follow your gut feel and see him standing a few feet away from you. “Yes?” you ask when you catch him staring. 

Mat blinks a few times, “Hi.” he takes a deep breath, trying to shake off the awkwardness circling the two of you.

When the only thing he gets from you is a tight lipped smile, he shakes his head and proceeds to walk where you were seated. 

“Mind if I join you?” he asks, his voice deep and clear enough to send your mind elsewhere. 

Regardless, you contain yourself and return a polite smile, “No. Not at all.”

“So, what are we watching?” he sits once you gestured onto the other end of the couch. 

“The Proposal.” you answer before throwing a question yourself, “Aren’t you supposed to be resting now?” you shake your head, absentmindedly chuckling. Not intending to make him feel that you’ve forgotten about what he’d done weeks ago. 

“I couldn’t sleep.” he props his back and lets himself sink in the cloud couch, his legs spread wide eating up most of the space left for the two of you to share. “Oh. I only like him when he’s Deadpool” he points out, cringing at how you were watching another one of your romantic comedy films.

You roll your eyes, admiring how he’s trying to break the tension between the two of you despite his unsolicited sentiments, “I like it when we were on not-speaking terms.” 

Mat mocks you for a while but decides to watch the movie so you let him be and get back to the film, letting a giggle slip every now and then. Something you thought Mat wouldn’t notice.

Watching the remainder of the film went with ease. ‘Course, Mat would steal a few glances here and there (ones he thought had gone unnoticed), but overall the quietude between the two of you was bearable. Almost like it was just two buddies hanging out. 

Although, not long after, your eyes were torn away from the huge flat screen when Mat spoke, “By the way,” he looks at you and calls your attention. 

Puzzled, you watch him take something from his pocket, “Here.” 

Once you see what he has in his hands your heart froze. Mat carefully hands you the cloth with an apologetic smile; his eyes soft with a hint of hope as he watches your reaction. 

“What– How?” you ask in bewilderment, failing to comprehend how he was able to fix the handkerchief. It looked the same as before. All of its details were in place, it was good as new. You were holding Nana’s handkerchief. 

Mathew didn’t bother to dance around and just offered you a quiet chuckle, evidently enjoying the wide smile painted on your lips. “Don’t worry about it. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.” he apologizes, shielding you from all the strings he had to pull just to get that cloth fixed up.

You hold the smooth and delicate piece in your hands as you look at Mat, letting your feelings get a better hold of you, “Thank you.” you say, unknowingly reaching out, your arms wrapped around his neck as you give him a quick peck on the cheek. 

Mathew’s hand instinctively finds your back to support you, startling himself in the process. Nonetheless, the thought was easily shrugged off by how close your faces were, your smiles fading once you meet each other’s gaze. You feel the same rush you felt the night you and Mat got involved for the first time. Your hand was placed rather endearingly on his cheek, your faces, just like all the other times, unreasonably close to each other. Mat then clears his throat and only looks you in the eye. 

Afraid that the innocent hug would lead to something more, perhaps another mistake to be jotted down on the board, you breathe a laugh and break away, “Uh, thanks again. It really means a lot.” 

Mat must’ve sensed that you were being cautious so he puts his guards up and returns a chuckle, “So… we good?” he asks, reaching out a hand your way. 

Your fingers slide into his, gliding its way perfectly, your hands fitted well with his despite the obvious difference in proportion. His grip tightens in the most comfortable way possible. 

A smile breaks off his lips once he hears you answer, “We’re good.”

“I should probably get some sleep.” Mat tells you the moment you pull your hand away.

“Are you gonna be okay here?” he adds.

You looked at him, not wanting him to be obligated to keep you company, “Oh, yeah. I’m a big girl.” you say, making Mathew grin, shaking his head.

“Alright. I’ll be in my room if you need anything.”

Not picking up on whatever sloppy insinuation Mat has thrown out carelessly into thin air, he hears a simple “Mkay.” 

Thus far, letting him know that his subtle invitation was far from being RSVP’d.

𖥸

“You’ll be in your room?” Mat scoffs, staring at the ceiling while he lays on his bed, “The fuck was that, Mat?” he scolds himself for always coming up with the worst things to say. 

Mathew would be lying if he’d say he hasn’t thought about you (or doing you) for the past week of not being around home. But he definitely wouldn’t deny that the roadie kind of made things easier for him because then he didn’t have to stomach seeing you walk around the flat looking like the hot piece of ass that you were in his eyes. 

Mat knows he needs to pull his shit together. He wasn’t some 13 year-old boy raging with hormones. He needs to control himself around you and he could only do that once he learns how to push this whole thing between the two of you behind him. 

What happened with you and Mathew shouldn’t have happened at all. It was just a moment of weakness, and he hated that he’d let his dick (and apparently, him being one) ruin the relationship he once had with you. 

Before that night, seeing you do yoga and work out on the terrace was just seeing you drenched in sweat, and in your work out clothes looking icky and constipated. Something he’ll later on tease you about and he’ll end up catching the water bottle you throw in his face. But now, after all that fucking, seeing you sweaty and all worked out in the same yoga pants is just like walking into a porn commercial. Like the ones they show before the actual porn. In fact, he doesn’t even have to watch any of it. Tents and Boners were pretty much sponsored by you from then on. It’s sick, and he knows it. 

However, the tension he feels with you is palpable that he’s even certain that you feel it too. But how can he be wrong? He sees how your eyes blink a few times when he’s fresh out the shower, he sees you follow his trance when you thought he wasn’t paying attention, and you never fail to slide him shadowed hints with every touch you “accidentally” pass at him. The kind that’s short enough to remain innocent but not so much as to keep him at bay. Mat hated everything about it. He hated that he wanted you– and he hated that he thinks he might be right about you wanting him too.

All that self-loathing aside, did he regret it? 

That was one of the things he feels bad about. Because as much as he wants to lie and push it aside, he didn’t regret any of it. He didn’t like you that way and just thought about you sexually but he just wishes that you could push past this and just be friends. He was still sexually attracted to you, yes. But he knows he’d eventually get over it and be back on his game. That is if he can ever find someone who’d be as good as how you were the last three times you’ve let him be with you because it would really help him a lot if he could stop picturing your mouth getting stretched by his cock every time he hops into the shower.

Mat was pulled from his thoughts when he heard a knock on his door. The shy banging sound made his heart beat rapidly in an instant, knowing full well that the two of you were alone in the house and that Tito was, in no way, going to be home for another hour or two.

A faint knock follows the first one before he gets to the door. 

“Hi.” you greet him, a moment unfolding like it was déjà-vu.

“Hi.” 

“Did I wake you?” you sheepishly ask, your hands balled into fists before eventually settling down to hug your own build, unsure of where to put your hands exactly.

Mat quickly shakes his head, “No. I couldn’t sleep myself.”

You offer him a smile, acknowledging how he’s been nothing but good to you ever since they got home. Of course you wanted to get your hands on him being that you were completely dry and horny ever since you’ve ignored him completely, but you haven’t gone mad and you weren’t a complete neanderthal. You can keep your hands to yourself and act like a decent human being. 

“I’m sorry for making things weird between us.” you say, your eyes heavy with guilt. “But I’m only apologizing for being so unreasonable for the last couple of weeks.” you reiterated.

To which he only answers with, “You shouldn’t be. You have every right to be unreasonable– and I know that I’ve been a giant prick that day. It’s what I deserve.” he bites his lower lip, scratching his brow as he continues, “That’s why if there’s someone who owes someone an apology, it should be me. What I did was pretty crappy, so… I’m sorry.”

Like all the other times, Mathew towers over you wearing the same confidence he does when you’re around. Your bodies were reasonably apart from each other but close enough to mean something else if someone had walked by. Mathew was still in his room while you were out in the hallway, separated by the thin line made by the door frame. 

You feel Mat’s steady breathing and everything went still. He looks down at you, pretty eyes drowning yours. His messed up bed hair ridiculously makes up for how dressed down he was. No, actually, he looks fine even when he is. And all of that sight instantly makes your throat dry as you feel something curl in your belly, enough to make your hands sweaty as the thought of tasting his lips again cruised your mind entirely.

Mathew was no stranger to the said feeling either. He watched you punish him more at how plump and inviting your lips were. Or how your hand brushed on your clothes as you remain uncomposed under his gaze. 

Mat was becoming accustomed to how the two of you meet. Same time, same place, only this time, a different hallway. He steps further and crosses the line that divides the two of you, making you take a deep breath as his scent floors every nerve in your body. Waking what has been awake ever since that moment you shared back in the living room even more. 

“Yeah, okay.” you gather yourself, “I– I should probably head back.” 

Just by how his shoulders dropped, you knew you had said the wrong thing. And you hated that you did. Mat clears his voice and swallows, breaking off his gaze, “You probably should.” 

“Good night, Mat.” you smile, trying to regain yourself. 

“Good night.” he replies as he watches you turn your back before finally closing the door behind him. 

Frustrated for he was already starting to feel things more than just being “sorry”, Mat leans against the door and runs a hand through his hair. He takes a deep breath and tries to get you out of his head. 

He was about to walk away from the door and sleep off his frustration when he hears your faint footsteps on the other side of the door. He rests his head back on the wooden surface and sighs, “You’re still out there, aren’t you?”

There was a total silence for a moment, devoid of the knowledge of how you had your fist, ready to knock yet again, suspended in mid-air. 

Mathew hears you deny sheepishly, “No.” 

You hear him let out a small laugh, knowing that he was trying to contain himself. 

The door sprung open again, and for a second you thought how what you’re about to walk into will start another mess for you and Mathew. But how could you possibly think about it that way when you have nothing else but this man standing at the other end? 

A friend that took no seconds to waste as he finally lets his thirst and perhaps foolishness, get the better hold of him once he cages your heated face in his hands, crashing into your lips as fast as he’d taken you to his end of that thin gray line that has once irkingly parted him from you. A gray line you’re both willing to cross if that meant sharing another night in between halls and thin walls.

[no-pucks-given]

ANTHONY BEAUVILLIER | THE WAY BACK HOME

A/N: Honestly the amount of excitement I received from people when I told them what I’m working on has been amazing. From brainstorming in the middle of the night to finding ‘the perfect sentence’ during dinner, it’s been one hell of a ride together. So thank you to anyone who shared my excitement over this story. I hope you all enjoy this one as much as I did!   

Warnings: Angst, a lot of tears, some swearwords, soft Tito.

Word Count: 5.8K

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. They say time will heal all wounds. They say all kinds of things, but you know deep down they aren’t true, it isn’t that easy. Your chest still tightens almost painfully every time his name comes up, every time you hear something, anything about him. It hurts, even after all these years apart.

It wasn’t a mutual decision to break things off, it was your decision. A decision that until this day is the hardest one you ever made, still doubting if you made the right choice. It seemed like the most logical solution, break things off with Anthony so you can see more of the world. Anthony was already drafted, playing his ass off in the league to prove himself. You didn’t and couldn’t ask him to give that up, it was his dream. Just like it was your dream to travel the world and see all the amazing things this planet had to offer.  

You can remember the conversation you had with Anthony word by word. It still haunts you, it still makes unwanted appearances in your dreams, nightmares, everywhere. He begged you, oh he begged you to stay, to try long distance, to try anything except breaking up. You cried, trying to get him to see your point, trying to convince him letting go was the right option, even though you weren’t truly convinced yourself.

It was the hardest thing you ever did, leaving both of you heartbroken. His face, swollen eyes, tears streaming down his face still make you tear up whenever it pops back into your mind. Opening the door of your apartment and closing it behind you broke you. Leaving behind the guy you were hopelessly in love with, the guy you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, your soulmate, it was an experience you don’t wish upon anyone. It wrecked you, closing the door, not only to your apartment, but also to him, to his heart, and even to your own heart.

You broke his heart that day, breaking your own in the process. Never, not even a minute, you felt whole again. It always felt like there was something missing and you knew what it was. It was him. You missed him all those years ago, and you still miss him now. Nothing changed for you, your feelings for Anthony haven’t changed. You still love him as much as you did when you were in a relationship with him.

You can’t help but wonder if he ever thinks about you. Do you ever cross his mind? Does his chest still tighten when you come up in a conversation? Does he still scroll through the endless pictures trying to remember all the good times you two shared? Because you do, every damn time. Anthony is like a ghost of your past, always present, never leaving you alone. You’re not even sure if you want him to leave you alone at this point. You’d rather have those memories, those feelings, those pictures than nothing.

It would mean that it’s over for real, and that’s something you aren’t ready for yet. It might sound stupid, keeping hope after all these years. But it’s the one thing that kept you going after you realized your massive mistake. Often you wonder if it’s all been worth it. You traveled the world, visited all the places you dreamed of, ate all the crazy things you could imagine, but you did it all alone. You did everything without him. Sure, you made friends along the way, but it’s different.

It has never been the same, you barely remember what life before Anthony felt like. You sure as hell know how life after Anthony feels like, and you hate every single second of it. As soon as the adrenaline, the thrill of traveling alone wore off you knew. You knew you fucked up, you fucked up big time.

You’ve come to the conclusion you should’ve handled things differently. You try to blame it on yourself, you even try to blame it on Anthony even though you know that isn’t fair, you try to come up with a reasonable explanation, but you were just young and stupid. Oh, you were so stupid. How could you let him go like that? Why did you let him go like that? You could scream, yell, cry, but it doesn’t make you feel any better. Why? Why did you have to do it that way?

Your mind doesn’t stop thinking tonight, making it awfully hard to fall asleep. You twist and turn, utterly frustrated with yourself. Another night spent looking at your ceiling, thinking about everything that could’ve been. It’s almost a habit now, torturing yourself with memories and scenarios that won’t ever happen. You royally fucked up and this is how you cope. Healthy? Nope, definitely not, but it does feel like you deserve this.

You’ve been back in New York for a few weeks, deciding to stop traveling after almost 3 years of nonstop planes, boats and busses. It was only logical to come home. New York still feels like home to you, with or without Anthony. You didn’t have to give it a second thought, until you realized you made it more and more difficult for yourself to get over Anthony. You forgot he isn’t the rookie anymore, who still has to prove himself. He proved himself, and it seems like you can’t go anywhere without hearing or seeing something about him.

The thought crosses your mind for just a second. Just like it did last night and the night before. Your fingers itch to grab your phone and message him, call him even. You have no idea if he still has the same number, for all you know he could’ve blocked you the moment you walked out of that door. You shouldn’t do it, you know you shouldn’t, but you want to, you want to so bad. You just want to hear his voice, his laugh, you just want to hear him.

With shaking hands you grab your phone, the bright light blinding you for a second. You scroll through your contacts, until you come across his name. His nickname brings a smile to your face, it’s been a while since you’ve seen it. Your finger hovers over his number, while you’re trying to collect your thoughts. You have no idea what you’re going to say to him if he picks up. What if he doesn’t pick up? Fuck, no, you don’t need to think like that right now.

 “Come on, y/n. Just do it,” you mumble to yourself, trying to convince yourself that this is a good idea. You take a deep breath and press on his number. Heart beating in your chest, the panic rising inside your chest. You bring the phone to your ear, begging, praying you’ll hear it ring. Never felt seconds this long, it feels like hours went by before you hear that dreaded message, your worst fear confirmed.

‘The number you're trying to reach has been disconnected.’

“Fuck!” you cry out, holding the phone tightly against your chest. No longer able to hide your emotions you let it all go. Tears streaming down your face, you grab your phone like it’s your lifeline, like it’s the only thing that will keep you grounded. You sob against your pillow, letting the pain, the grief consume you. It isn’t fair, it shouldn’t go like this, is this what you deserve for abandoning him all those years ago? Maybe this is a sign, a sign to move on, to give up.

At some point you fell asleep, utterly exhausted by all your intrusive thoughts, crying until the early morning light seeped through your curtains. You blink a few times, before groaning into your pillow. You’d almost think you’re hungover, because that headache for sure doesn’t lie.

After failing to fall back asleep you force yourself out of bed and into the shower. The hot water soothes your skin, and you try, you try so hard to keep the tears away. But you can’t stop them from falling, letting the water wash them away. You continue your shower routine through your tears, scrubbing your skin until it sees red. Eventually you calm down again, gaining back some composure.

It’s when you’re brushing your teeth that you look into the mirror for the first time. You would laugh at your reflection if you weren’t feeling so shitty. You’re glad it’s your day off, no amount of makeup can help you with this. You put on your makeup, trying to at least hide some of the puffiness around your eyes. You sigh, while walking over to your closet, grabbing a pair of skinny jeans and your favorite sweater.

You lounge around in your apartment for a few hours, entertaining yourself with some mind-numbing show on Netflix, before you decide you definitely need to get out of here for a while. It’s been a while since you just walked around the city and simply enjoyed the familiar buildings and people. You decide it’s the perfect activity to do right now, making a mental note to grab something to eat later, food is the last thing on your mind right now. Grabbing your jacket on the way out, you head into the city, trying to clear your mind and soul.

It’s funny how much a city can change in almost 3 years, but also stay exactly the same. There are so many new shops, but the sweet man on the corner of the street is still there. You smile at him, while he gives you a nod in return. It’s nice to be outside again, feeling the rays of sunshine on your skin.

Your walk comes to an abrupt stop when you end up on a street you weren’t planning on visiting any time soon. All your daydreaming probably led you to this place. You’ve been walking on autopilot for a while, so familiar surroundings turned into familiar patterns, steering you into the direction you walked every single day for months.

You catch yourself thinking about the possibilities of walking in and knocking on his door, or catching Anthony as he leaves the apartment. “This is a stupid idea, even for you,” you mumble, shaking your head at the fact that you’re even considering it. Without giving it a second thought you walk inside, burying your hands inside your pockets to keep them from shaking.

It’s a weird feeling to be back here, you walked through these halls so many times. There are so many memories here, so many good times were spent in this building. You try to focus on the happy memories instead of the dark cloud that hovers over your very last memory of this place, the very last time you left this place.

You try to talk some courage into yourself, even though the thought of seeing him again scares you more than you want to admit. “You can do this,” you tell yourself, encouraging yourself to either knock on that door or walk away. You slip your hand out of your pocket, softly knocking on the door.

Your breath hitches in your throat, heart beating so fast it might explode when you hear movement behind the door. The moment the door opens you let out the breath you’ve been holding. Not from relief, but from acceptance. Because the guy in front of you for sure isn’t Anthony. “Can I help you?” the stranger in front of you asks. 

You smile, shaking your head. “Yeah, no, I don’t know? My boyfriend and I used to live here,” you start, before frowning. “or my ex-boyfriend, it’s a weird situation if I’m being honest.”

The guy in front of you nods, holding out his hand to you. “I’m Simon, and you look like you need someone to talk to,” he chuckles. 

You laugh at his bold move, accepting his hand. “I do. I’m y/n,” you say, shaking Simon’s hand. You talk to him for a few minutes, explaining why you showed up on his doorstep. Simon listens intently, only interrupting you to give you some well needed advice. 

“If you were looking for another sign to move on, I’d say this is it, y/n,” Simon says, leaning against the doorway, watching you with an empathetic look. 

You sigh, smiling at the helpful stranger in front of you. “You’re right about that, this is what I needed,” you nod.

For a man you just met a few minutes ago he’s definitely the support you’ve been missing these past few months. Knowing kindness goes a long way, you try to tell him how grateful you are for his words, for his help, but he simply waves it away. “Do you by any chance know any good places around here that serve some killer coffee and pastries? It changed a lot here, so I’m kind of lost,” you say, chuckling at yourself. Simon directs you towards a new coffee shop two streets down that’s supposedly serving the best coffee in town. “I don’t want to interrupt whatever you were doing any longer, Simon. Thank you for your help and advice,” you say, waving at the kind man. 

“Good luck, y/n. It was a pleasure meeting you,” Simon says, waving back at you. You smile at yourself, even though this didn’t end the way you hoped, it still helped you. At least you got some closure now, you don’t have to wonder anymore if he’s still here, if there’s a chance at rekindling. The universe gave you a massive ‘nope’ sign right there.

You find the coffee shop Simon recommended easily. You smile at the cozy looking place, this is exactly the kind of place you would’ve picked yourself. You walk through the door, inhaling the smell of freshly brewed coffee. Greeted by the kind older woman behind the counter you look around, amazed by all the delicious looking pastries. “What can I do for you, love?” the woman asks, smiling softly at you. 

You chuckle, excusing yourself for not paying attention. “I’d like one of those strawberry filled turnovers and a cappuccino, please,” you say, rummaging through your bag to find your wallet. You pay for your order, saying a quick ‘thank you’ to the kind lady before finding a place to sit.

You use your time here wisely, enjoying the pastry and coffee to the absolute maximum. It amazes you how relaxed you are under the circumstances, it’s not every day you realize your relationship is really over. It’s not that you’re in denial or anything, but maybe the realization hasn’t set in completely. You knew the ‘perfect’ outcome was a long shot, but you’re glad you at least tried. You can’t blame yourself for trying, it’s all part of the process of getting over someone. It wouldn’t feel right to you if you’d never tried to talk things through with Anthony, trying to clear up some big mistakes.

All the signs you got these past few days might suggest otherwise, maybe it’s okay like this, maybe this is better for you, better for both of you. Would it even be useful to reopen old wounds? It’s probably for the better that it went like this. You’re not proud of how you handled things 3 years ago, but you know you grew as a person. This whole experience has been a true life lesson for you, making sure you’ll learn from your past mistakes.

You spend more time here than you initially planned, honestly this has been the happiest you felt in weeks, maybe even months. Perhaps relieved is a better word, it’s like a weight fell off your shoulders. It’s time, time to move on, but also time to grief. It’s time to give your past life with Anthony a place where it belongs; in the past. It’s no longer part of your future how hard it might sound right now.

You take your time to reflect back on some of the happiest moments you shared with Anthony. No better place to do that than in this cozy coffee shop, right? Your favorite memory is also the hardest one to look back at, even though you’re so proud of him for making his dreams come true. It’s also exactly the reason why you couldn’t ask him to come with you, why you didn’t work out in the end. The day Anthony got drafted was a day filled with so many emotions. Tears flowed freely that day, mixed with the most wholesome smiles you’d ever seen. It was a day to never forget. It was amazing to watch him get picked and drafted, to watch his dream suddenly came reality. It meant the world to you to see him like that, but it also started the downfall of your relationship. You didn’t know that yet until months later.

The day Anthony asked you to move in with him is definitely a second on that list. You always dreamed of moving in with Anthony, living together sounded like paradise. The prospect of coming home to him, or the other way around, was something you really looked forward to. The day he actually asked you that very question came unexpectedly. It happened after a rough game, a loss Anthony took personally. The two of you were lounging around in Anthony’s apartment, his head on your chest, one arm wrapped around you. His fingers were playing with your own, his eyes focused on nothing particular. He moved his head, locking eyes with you. ‘Move in with me?’ he’d asked you, an uncertain smile on his lips. He surprised you with his question, but waited patiently until you remembered how to speak again. ‘I would love to, Tito,’ you told him, hugging him closer to your body. ‘Wouldn’t want to spend another day without you, baby,’ he told you, softly pecking your lips.

You frown at the memory, hating the fact that the exact opposite happened. You shake your head, trying to clear your mind of that very moment. You’ve been completely consumed by your thinking that you didn’t even realize your cup is empty. Deciding to just grab another one to take with you on the walk home you turn your head to look how long the waiting line currently is. Your eyes lock on the ones you hadn’t expected to see today, maybe ever again. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” you mumble underneath your breath. What the hell is the universe trying to tell you? The look on Anthony’s face is one of surprise and shock, he definitely didn’t expect you to be here as well. You stay rooted to your seat, incapable of moving. You’re not even sure what you need to do right now. Breaking off the eye contact you look down at the table, playing with your empty cup.

“y/n?” God, his voice sends chills all over your body, almost bringing tears to your eyes. It for sure is one of your favorite sounds in this whole world. 

“Hey,” you say, unsure what to exactly say to him. 

Anthony gives you an uncertain smile, scratching the back of his head. “Can I sit down? Please?” he asks. You nod your head, suddenly feeling all kinds of nervous. It’s a weird experience sitting across your ex, across the man you thought you wouldn’t see again, let alone talk to again.

“I didn’t know you were back,” Anthony says, eyes locking on yours. 

You want to laugh at his statement, because how could he have known that? “Yeah, I’ve been back a few weeks now,” you say instead, letting your eyes trail over the man before you. 

“So you did it, huh? Traveled the world and stuff.” 

This time you do laugh, which makes Anthony smile as well. “I did! But nothing felt like home, nothing except New York and...” you trail off, before shaking your head as Anthony raises his eyebrow in question. “Never mind. New York will always be my home, no matter how beautiful the rest of the world is.”

Anthony looks like he wants to say a thousand things, but all he does is stare at you. His eyes follow every movement you make, it doesn’t make you uncomfortable at all. Anthony is still Anthony, his eyes on your body still does something to you. It’s the fact he doesn’t say anything else, while you try to make conversation with him. You talked and asked, while he just answered and listened. Maybe he’s nervous, maybe he’s just not that interested in catching up. Whatever it is, you’re not waiting around any longer. It’s time to head home before it’s getting too dark outside.

You rummage through your bag, trying to find a pen and something to write on. You grab a business card since it’s the only piece of paper available right now unfortunately. You scribble your phone number on the back, sliding it across the table towards Anthony. “If you want to catch up some more or ever need anything, call me,” you say, before standing up and making your way over to the exit, completely forgetting about that cup of coffee you promised yourself.

You didn’t even realize Anthony followed you until you heard his voice. You turn around, facing the man who was once yours. “Was it worth it, y/n?” Anthony asks you, his hand gesturing between the two of you. 

You know what he means, it’s a question you asked yourself a lot lately. You give him half a smile, before shaking your head. “No, it wasn’t. It absolutely wasn’t,” you say sadly, before walking out of the store, leaving Anthony behind for the second time in life.

You’re walking around in a haze, it doesn’t do anything to calm your nerves. The events that occurred these past few days have been confusing to say the least. If that was the message the universe tried to send you it definitely worked. By the time you get home you’re absolutely exhausted mentally and physically.

Two weeks go by without a message or call from Anthony. You didn’t expect him to reach out, but you kind of hoped he would. You’re getting more and more used to living in the city again, working your ass off at your new job. It took you some time to get adjusted to the typical city life again, but you’re slowly getting the hang of it more and more every day.

If you’re being honest with yourself, meeting Anthony again puts your mind to rest, it gives you some form of peace, and so did working yourself to absolute exhaustion at work. So when your phone rings at 11am on a Friday night you don’t bother to look who’s calling you, instead you answer without letting it ring more than three times.

“Who blesses me with a phone call this late?” you almost sing out, too tired to even care. 

“Uhm, it’s Anthony. I’m sorry, am I interrupting something?” Anthony says from the other side of the line. You blink a few times realizing it’s really him. 

“No, you aren’t. I’m just too tired to properly function,” you laugh. 

“I just got home from a game, so that makes two of us,” Anthony chuckles. You smile to yourself, enjoying the sound of his voice. “I can call you tomorrow if that’s better?” he asks, a hint of uncertainty lacing his voice. 

You shake your head at his question, he’s always so caring. “You don’t have to, we already got this far,” you tell him softly, not wanting to let him go already. You can hear him chuckling at your answer from the other side of the line. 

“I wanted to ask you something actually,” Anthony says, making your heartbeat a little harder in a mixture of fear and hope. 

“Yeah?” you ask him, urging him to go on. 

You hear his deep intake of breath, the slight stutter in his voice. “Do you want to have dinner tomorrow at my place? Maybe watch a movie or something, catch up?”

You want to scream a ‘fuck yes!’ into the phone right now, but instead you take a deep breath collecting your thoughts for a moment. You’re scared to see this as a positive thing, scared to look too much into it, while on the other hand there isn’t another reason for him to invite you over than that he really wants to see or talk to you. “I’d love that,” you tell him, closing your eyes while you wait for his response.

You hear the breath he lets out, and you know he’s smiling on the other side. “I’ll see you at 6 then? I’ll text you the address.” 

You hum your agreement, smiling at the perspective of seeing Anthony tomorrow. “I’ll be there at 6. Good night, Tito,” you tell him softly, cursing to yourself for using his nickname. If Anthony noticed your slip of the tongue at all he doesn’t show it. 

“See you tomorrow. Sleep well, y/n,” he says, before ending the call.

You lay on your couch for a few minutes, smiling to yourself like some idiot. This evening for sure took an unexpected turn. You hadn’t expected him to call you, you for sure hadn’t expected him to call you and ask you to come over for dinner and movies. The talk however worries you, you know there is a lot unsaid, at least from your side. You’re pretty sure Anthony has a lot to say as well, and that’s exactly what worries you.

You decide to call it a night, tomorrow is a brand new day. A brand new day full of exciting events to look forward to, full of life changing conversations, and most importantly full of hope. Hope at better times, hope at peace and closure, hope at rekindling old flames, there are a lot of things to hope for, you just have to wait and see which one will come true. For the first time in months, maybe even years, you fall asleep without overthinking, without playing happy memories over and over in your head, because for the first time in years you have something to look forward to, something to hold on to. That something being Anthony all over again.

The soft morning light wakes you up out of your deep slumber. It’s been a while since you felt this well rested, and for a moment you forget the reason for your peaceful night of sleep. Just for a moment though, because as soon as you grab your phone from the nightstand you remember. Anthony. A text message with his address flashes across your screen, making you smile. So you didn’t imagine everything, huh? This is really happening.

You spend your whole morning cleaning your apartment, a nervous habit you inherited from your mother. There’s just something soothing and mind-numbing about deep cleaning your kitchen, bathroom and toilet. The smell of all the cleaning products infiltrate your nostrils, making you sigh contently. There’s nothing you like more than a spotless apartment. Cleaning equals happiness. Well, that’s not completely true, but it sure as hell helps a lot.

Before you know it’s time to get yourself cleaned up and ready for the evening. You’re tempted to just throw on some sweats, but decide against it. Picking out some black skinny jeans and a yellow sweater to wear later, you make your way over to the shower. The warm water soothes your skin, washing away all the chemicals you used today. The smell of your favorite soap replaces the almost bleachy smell. You can’t help but reach for the razor, making sure your skin is absolutely as smooth as possible. Not for him, but for you, this is all for you.

You decide to skip the makeup for the night. It’s not like Anthony hasn’t seen you without it before, and if this evening decides to take a turn down memory lane, it might be nice to just be able to wipe your eyes without smudging your makeup all over your face. You roll your eyes at your reflection in the mirror. There are so many ways this evening can go, so many possible outcomes. Getting nervous about all of them is some absolute bullshit. “You’ll be fine either way,” you tell your reflection sternly, taking a deep breath to calm your nerves.

It’s a little after 5:30 when you leave your apartment, the Uber driver already waiting outside for you. The drive to Anthony isn’t that far, but you’d rather be a little early than late. If there’s one thing you absolutely hate it’s being late to anything. When the driver pulls up in front of an impressive looking building you can’t help the nerves that settle in your stomach. You thank the driver before heading inside.

The moment you reach Anthony’s door you take a deep breath. It almost feels like a deja vu if you think about yesterday. The only difference is that this time you know he’s here, you know he’ll be the one to open the door when you knock. So that’s exactly what you do, your knuckles hitting the door in a certain rhythm only Anthony will understand. Patiently you wait until he opens the door, his smile greeting you as soon as he opens up. “I already thought that was you,” he chuckles, inviting you into his apartment. 

“Old habit.”

You hand Anthony your coat, while simultaneously kicking off your shoes. You follow him further inside of his apartment. The view over the city leaves you absolutely speechless. “Damn, Anthony. Hockey sure did you some good,” you chuckle, looking back at him. You catch him already looking at you, which makes you only smile some more. 

“I’m not so sure about that,” Anthony answers, turning his head to look across the skyline.

It’s weird how easy the two of you seem to fall back into familiar patterns. There are no awkward silences, it’s simply you and him again. You’re seated on his couch, when Anthony comes back into the room with a bag full of food. “I hope you still love that place downtown, y/n,” he says, smirking when he sees the look on your face. 

“I do! I haven’t been there in forever,” you laugh, holding out your hands for your portion of the food.

Anthony picks some random movie on Netflix you both haven’t seen yet. The two of you eat your food in silence, simply enjoying the moment. “It’s weird that it almost feels like nothing has changed, huh?” Anthony says, turning his head to look at you. 

You sigh, putting your leftover food back on the table. “It does, but we both know a lot has changed, ever since...” you trail off, not sure if you should talk about that right now.

 “You left me?” Anthony finishes your sentences, his eyes locked on yours.

He doesn’t look mad, he looks like he’s simply stating facts. You frown, thinking about your next words, but Anthony is faster than you. “I’m not mad at you. Yeah, you could’ve handled things better, a lot better. But I just let you go as well, I didn’t try harder,” Anthony says, a painful look crosses his face. You open your mouth to say something, but he holds up his hand, indicating he isn’t finished yet. “You followed your dreams, just like I did. I can’t blame you for that. Trust me, I tried, but it isn’t fair of me to think that way when I also followed my own dreams,” Anthony says, shaking his head.

You ponder over his words, there’s a certain truth behind them. The two of you did follow your dreams, it wouldn’t have been fair to neither of you if you had stayed. “Why didn’t you try harder?” you ask, almost feeling stupid for asking this, because you didn’t try harder to right the wrongs until you got back to New York. 

Anthony smiles at you, stretching his arms above his head. “Because I knew you’d find your way back to me one day.” 

You tilt your head, letting his words sink in. “Just like that?” you ask. 

“Just like that.”

You let your eyes travel over his body, taking in his whole appearance. It’s been a long time since you’ve been able to look at him, so you’ll take all the time you need to get familiar with him again. Until your eyes fall on a very, very familiar piece. The chain you gave him for your 2 years anniversary. “Anthony?” you ask quietly, eyes locked on his chain. Anthony hums, indicating he heard you. He looks at you, while you can’t help but bite on your bottom lip. “You’re still wearing the chain?” you ask, even though it isn’t really a question, you’ve seen it with your own two eyes. Anthony simply looks at you for a moment, brushing his fingers through his hair before he answers. 

“I do, I do, y/n,” he sighs, his fingers closing around the chain. 

“Why? Why do you still wear it?” You can’t help but ask the burning question, you need to know his answer. Anthony looks at you, his large hand closing around your much smaller one. 

He smiles softly at you, squeezing your hand. “Because I always belonged to you. Even after all these years,” Anthony says, his eyes showing there’s nothing but truth behind his words. You can almost feel the color drain from your face, out of all the things he could’ve told you this definitely was the one you didn’t expect. You can’t contain your tears any longer, the relief flooding through your body.

“No, no, don’t cry, baby,” Anthony whispers, pulling you close to him. You bury your head in the crook of his neck, his familiar scent flooding your senses. The moment his arms close around you, pulling you impossible close to his chest, you remember. You remember how home feels like. This is it, this is home. No matter how many years will pass, how many times you hit rock bottom, home will always be here in Anthony’s arms. The place you feel the safest, the place that gives you all the love you need and deserve, the place that brings you the most happiness.

There’s still so much that needs to be discussed, so many things left unsaid, but all of that can wait a little longer. Being back in Anthony’s embrace and keeping him close to you seems like the better choice right now. All that matters for now is the fact that you’re finally home again.

[butgilinsky]

nhl masterlist

☼- angst ❥- fluff ❀- smut ♪- music fic

nhl fic recs | nhl blurbs | players i write for | add yourself to my nhl taglist! | the yee haw himbo playlist

requests are open!! 

Nolan Patrick

handshake ❥ nolan gets into a fight at a game

i’ve been looking for you ☼��❥ you don’t believe in love, but nolan’s too far gone to stop himself from falling. 

all i’ve ever wanted ☼  the two of you were supposed to beat the odds, but that proves to be harder than you originally planned.

coming home ❥ three times nolan comes home to you and the one time you can’t wait

someone will ache for your soul ☼ ❥  in a world where you acquire tattoos across various parts of your body once you fall in love with someone, you have to hide yours from your best friend. 

meant to be ❥ ♪when you go MIA, Nolan makes sure you're okay. based on the song meant to be by bebe rexha & florida georgia line

'cause maybe then you'd want me just as much ☼ ♪ after your split from Nolan, you can't seem to find a way for both of you to be happy. when you meet his girlfriend for the first time, everyone seems to think you've developed a crush on her. based on the song girl crush by little big town.

Travis Konecny 

better together ❥ ♪you and travis realize that you’re better together. based on the song better together by luke combs 

Joel Farabee

maybe someday you and me can run away ❥  one bad pick up line at a bar leads to an odd dynamic between you and joel that somehow works out

Mathew Barzal

forever isn’t long enough ☼ ❥ neither you nor mat expected to fall into something so quickly and easily, but you’re both happy to end up in this place together.

december ☼ ♪ after he’s left alone in an empty apartment with the weight of the world on his shoulders, mat comes to realize that december’s his least favorite month of the year. based on the song december by neck deep.

there are answers in your silence ☼  where you and mat are falling apart faster than you can try to fix it. 

Anthony Beauvillier 

nothing else matters ❥ nothing else matters when the four of you are together. dad!tito

Tyson Jost

it's not living if it's not with you ☼ seeing your ex at a halloween party makes for a heartbreaking evening

Jamie Oleksiak

seizing the moment ☼ ❥ The winter season is lonely without anyone to wake up beside. It's also the time where friends realize they might be lovers after all.

[broadstbroskis]

funny | mat barzal

a/n: quite frankly, i don’t exactly know what this is. i was listening to the song funny (stripped) by jasmine thompson and zedd and pulled this little thing together. it is not, actually, funny at all; if you’ve listened to the song you’ll know we’re headed more for angst (and if you haven’t listened to it, i highly recommend!)

-----

It's funny how you miss me more than you could ever love me How you couldn't give me everythin' and now you want it from me Yeah, it's funny how it's different now that I got somebody

It’s the kind of fall night that made you wish you could live in the season forever. That perfect crispness in the air, where you steal your boyfriend’s jacket from him with just a kiss as you settle into his side near your firepit at the bar, surrounded by all your friends, laughing and drinking. It’s perfect, ideal even, so naturally your phone starts to buzz in your pocket.

do not call him flashes across the screen and you quickly ignore the call, slipping it back into your pocket.

“Everything okay?” Josh is the sweetest, kindest, most caring guy you’ve dated ever, and each time you think the other shoe is going to drop to prove that wrong...it doesn’t. He brushes his nose against your cheek as he checks in, the coldness causing you to flinch away, but he wraps his arms around you, pulling you even closer.

“Yeah.” You allow yourself to be pulled into his arms. “Just spam.”

“Those fools never stop.” Josh laughs, taking a sip of his beer.

You think of the instagram you’d posted earlier, a picture of the two of you laughing doing some corny cheers motion in front of the firepit, and looking happy and in love and all the things people say you look now, and well, you’d heard some things about this fool not being happy.... “Respect the hustle.” You joke, because frankly, you couldn’t care less about Mat Barzal anymore.

It’s the last thing he said to you anyway.

-----

It’s, of course, too much to think that one phone call would be the end of this. Mat’s always been stubborn, always been headstrong, so yeah, of course shit’s different now that you’re happy and he’s not.

But you should have known better. This smoothie place was Tito Beauvillier’s before it was yours and he was Mat’s friend before yours too. Besides the occasional instagram comment, you hadn’t had much interaction until this run-in, but the look on his face tells you exactly how this is going to go.

And sure enough, after small pleasantries while you’re both waiting for your smoothies, he drops exactly what you knew he was going to. “He misses you.”

“That’s nice.”

Tito gives you a look; the seriousness doesn’t fit him at all. “He’s not looking for anything from you. He just-he knows he messed up and he’s sorry. Will you just talk to him?”

Behind the counter, the barista calls your name, blessedly, because you’re done with this conversation. “I wanted to talk to him last spring. He doesn’t just get to decide he wants to talk to me again now, now that he’s decided I am a good enough toy for him.” Tito winces and like, good fucking riddance. “Fuck off, Tito, and tell Mat the same.”

-----

Your best friend’s golden birthday falls on a Saturday, and she sends everyone a detailed itinerary for her plans for the evening, including but not limited to: sparkly dresses, champagne, and shots. She’s only been planning this occasion since her last birthday, so you’ve got the short, silver, sparkly dress already planned for the evening, and jello shots prepped in the fridge for the pregame. 

The jello shots and champagne turn out to be needed because somehow, someway, there’s a pack of Islanders at the third bar you turn up at, Amanda already pushing her way up to the bar for a round. “It’s my birthday!” She shouts to the bartender, who’s definitely eyeing up more than her face.

You only just manage to get a drink in your hand when the reason you ordered a double appears at your elbow. “Can we talk?” Mat requests gently, even as you stare at him entirely unimpressed. “Please.”

Honestly, you want to say no, so badly. You’d given Mat so much; he was the one who’d ended it with practically nothing, the one who didn’t want to say a word to you about it afterwards. You’d been sad about it, you’d been angry about it, you’d moved on. There wasn’t anything to say to him.

And it’s that, the idea of telling him there’s nothing left to say, more than anything, that has you agreeing to follow him. Mat walks outside the bar completely, away from the bouncer to a quiet spot just a few feet away. 

“Thanks for coming out here with me.” Mat says and then stops.

“Mhmm.” You nod, hoping it’ll spur him into talking, but it really doesn’t, which just annoys you. “Do actually have something to say, or-”

“I miss-” Mat starts, but you cut him off abruptly.

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” He frowns.

“Don’t say it.”

He huffs and you can see him start to get annoyed, which just flares your temper. “You asked me to say it, so I did!”

“Well, you don’t fucking get to say that!” You cry, breathing heavily. “You didn’t have shit to say to me when I wanted to talk to you. You didn’t have shit to say to me all spring or summer.” You can feel the tears coming to your eyes,  the frustration you feel from the situation not helping. 

“I didn’t...I didn’t handle it well.” Mat says quietly. He looks down at the sidewalk, scuffing his shoe in a way that’s unlike him;  he hates doing that, loves his shoes too much to risk messing with them.

“No fucking shit.” You can’t even fight back the sarcasm or the eye roll. 

But now Mat’s on a roll. “I should have talked to you before I broke up with you in the first place, but I could have at least said something to you when you wanted to last spring. I loved you then and I still love you now and I miss you.”

Those are definitely tears sliding down your cheeks and when Mat reaches a thumb out to wipe them away, you can’t even bring yourself to stop him. “That’s not fair.”

Seriously, fuck him. Fuck him for making you think you were over him. Fuck him for being so gentle. Fuck him for putting you in this position. 

“I’m sorry.” Mat says and you don’t even realize he’s gotten closer until he’s pressing the softest kiss to your forehead.

“For last spring in general?” You hear the hiccup in your breath, know that Mat hears it too. “Or for waiting until I was happy to apologize for it?”

Mat’s silent at that and you both know the answer as he presses another kiss to your forehead, before stepping away. “Fuck you, Mat.” You repeat, as he slips away toward the club, leaving you once again, crying alone in the cold.

[ivyglow]

works in progress - softbarzal

Hey, guys, I decided to create a WIP so I can get y’all aware of what I’m currently working on and that way I can motivate myself to finish things faster too (lol).

I don’t want you like a besfriend (Andre Burakowsky)/fluff - just need to proofread the one where you try a tiktok challenge with your friend and things go south. ✅ posted

Jealous in the cliff (Frederik Andersen)/smut - just need to proofread the one where you decide you’ve had enought hooking up with your bestfriend but he didn’t agree and is there to prove you wrong. ✅ posted

When you love someone (Mat Barzal)/fluff - just need to proofread the one where you fight with your boyfriend and this is what it takes for him to realize he’s really in love with you ✅ posted

Meet the parents (Mat Barzal)/angst w fluff ending - still writing  the one where you take Mat to meet your parents but your mother isn’t very found of you dating a hockey player, she would very much prefer to see you with your ex boyfriend and that’s what she tries to do while you’re there (jealous!mat)

onlyfans (still need a name) (Mat Barzal)/smutty but not really - still writing the one where your boyfriend discovers you used to have an only fans account

ILYSB (still need a name) (Mat Barzal)/smut - still writing the one where you have morning sex with your fiancée

Secret relationship (still need a name) (Anthony Beauvillier)/angst - still writing the one where you’re best friends with Mat and starts secret dating Tito but it doesn’t seem like he loves you the way you do.

Gives you hell (I may change this name) (Mat Barzal)/angst,smut,fluff everything - still writing  the one where you’re Anders Lee rebel little sister and starts dating his teammate. 

4 times he was your secret admirer 1 time he confessed (still need a good name) (Tyson Jost ? Idk I started writing about him, but I’m considering changing the idea to a different player)/fluff, smutty, angst - still writing the one where you’re a political science major and your hckey player neighbor falls in love with you, but chooses to become your secret admirer for thinking you’re too much for him.

Angry!tito (still writing/theres no name yet) - (Anthony Beauvillier) / smut

The one where Melinda decides to write a smut after Tito's angry behavior on a game 💀 ✅ posted

I was also considering doing a tag list (idk) so if there’s anyone interested in being tagged whenever I post (or whenever I post about a specific player) just lmk and I may do a gforms so everyone can put their usernames