#tl;dr: if it wasn't obvious i used to be a pick-me LMAO but now i'm better (nonbinary lesbian? that seems good for now)

[tumblasha]

why was i like that (tl;dr in tags)

today i clicked on sgc's ig profile and saw that they use they/them pronouns now. and it makes me want to cry.

bc even tho we Literally went to high school together-ish (they were 3yrs after me?) we had such different experiences.

i was a Girl who hung out with guys who didn't respect me, went out with a boyfriend who was nice to me, and was too shy / awkward / busy being that shy nerd stereotype [1] that i had no "deep friendship". you could ask anyone anything about me and they wouldn't know the answer! and i wouldn't know anything about them!! [2] bc we were a small class (169) and everyone in town was a mix of neighbor and cousin, i got my invites to parties and dances, but i overall felt like i was on autopilot. i don't remember my life until i was ~16 [3]!! why!!!

i think a lot about how dr uju anya had a whole husband and child but over time realized she was a lesbian. not to parasocialize too much with this academic weapon, but i feel like i also had this experience (to a much smaller / younger degree). and i feel so sad thinking about how i could've saved so much pain in high school if i had just known i wasn't wired to like guys like that [4].

and i remember lindie [5], someone who's ~30 now and has been with her now-husband since she was ~13. one day we had a good phone call (post-hs-graduation) and she told me that for literally everyone else she could possibly see romantically / sexually, she's a lesbian. but she and her husband have literally Grown Up together. her love for him is something that goes beyond platonic / romantic / sexual attraction. it's a life partnership in every sense of the term.

this phone conversation lit a lightbulb in my summer 2019 brain. i knew that this high school bf of mine could be a life partner. we started dating when i was 11 or 12 and !!! we both saw each other grow up (at least to some degree). but something in the pit of my stomach told me i couldn't live a lie like that. it wouldn't be fair to him for me to have this self-discovery and just .. continue as if it didn't happen?

and so when someone said that dr. uju's pre-lesbian marriage was "sad" bc she didn't know she was a lesbian, i got (in my head) defensive. bc "it's totally possible to be happy and ignore this part of yourself!" (it's not).

for the longest time i told myself that being bisexual was the easiest sexuality to have bc i knew i liked women and i could always just end up with a guy to make my family happy, if i had to, ya know? i got mentally defensive when ppl online said that "invisibility is not a privilege" and "biphobia is real" bc i was subconsciously using this label as a way to hide the fact that the mere thought of a life with a man made me anxious / nauseous / scared.

and boy did that fear kick into overdrive anytime i was around a guy. if he even smiled at me, i'd go a little silly. it didn't even matter if he was straight, bi, ace, gay, or anything, i'd just latch onto the fact that it was a Man talking to me and i couldn't stop thinking about them and any comment they made that made them seem bored / annoyed at me made me spiral about my self-worth. but if there was ever a case that i Thought they even Maybe had an interest in me, i'd get nauseous again. to this day i feel like i still put guys up on a pedestal so i just have ... no guy friends [6].

this novel is a silly way of saying the following things.

the label "lesbian" is a vibe rn

heartstopper is a painful show for me to watch

sorry if ur a guy i met before i turned 20 that i was weird around : ( /nbh

sgc looks so happy. they're out and they look so happy. why couldn't that be me.

why was i like that.

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[1] i had a goofy jock bf tho so was it really so bad?

[2] and to a certain degree this continues today? i don't know how to hold a conversation, i don't know how to ask questions, i don't have good memory of the conversations i Do manage to hold, my #1 fear is playing the newlyweds game with literally anybody. i once described making friends as 'learning a person's scripts / common conversation topics' and the other person in the room just kinda said 'haha yeah...' and i continued to pset :skull:

[3] and 16-17 was my sad era where i cried basically any time my bf and i were alone together. that man was so patient w me lmao

[4] why do i always say no? why can't i just calm down? why is it weird to describe us as 'friends but we also make out'?

[5] one of the coolest ppl i know. (death + suicide mentioned in this footnote) she was the french teacher that replaced my old french teacher after she died, and lindie really suffered for us. bc it was a catholic school, she was forced to cover up her tattoos, and she had to wear longer clothes (admin always told her to cover up even when she was wearing Long Clothes). she went through so much (miscarriage, lost here sense of self, etc.) and was literally suicidal but she still showed up for us. one of my fav teachers and an inspiration to this day.

[6] except for the two dudes (that might be) reading this, y'all are cool and literally the best. afaik i've been Normal around y'all so yay! growth!!

[astronnova]

no on god if you feel like it i wanna hear your issues with s4 bc i was also kinda iffy on it... i thought that was just me tbh LMAO

OKAY... haha im glad its not just me

lego monkie kid has this overarching theme of "the world is what you make of it / anyone can be a hero, make the most of your abilities / with the support of your friends and belief in yourself, you can do anything". at least, that's the narrative i was getting.

Lady Bone Demon represented the idea that fate is unchangeable and that means you should stop trying to "make a difference/change". she, ironically, claims herself has a harbinger of "destiny" and attempts to force this viewpoint on the world. she tries to change the world to fit her image. her ice powers could be symbolic of how her mindset is meant to freeze others into place and keep them from taking action against her.

so, in contrast, MK is meant to represent the opposite, aka the overarching narrative theme. when MK defeats her, he even says that "the perfect world is what you make of it, so as long as i have my friends by my side, the world is perfect!". it's a pretty clear indication of what the show is trying to get across to the audience.

MK's backstory is unknown throughout s1-3. we just have the general of Pigsy and Tang being important role models in his life and the idea that he recently changed his name/nickname to be MK, and that originally he had a name that was "really a mouthful". not much is really needed for a hero like MK to work in a story like this. honestly? the more boring the character's original life, the better. it hammers home the idea that anyone can be a hero.

we're never fully told why Wukong picked MK as his successor, but one can assume it's because of Wukong's "i've been kinda watchin' you" comments that Wukong has studied MK and deemed him suitable. i know i, along with a couple others, assumed it's because MK was "worthy". even the staff seems to allow those who are "worthy" to lift it, proven by when MK loses the ability in the fight against Macaque in s1. he says "i can't ... i'm not strong enough". i'm gonna quickly mention that this means the Monkey King Powers (tm) are rooted in believing in yourself, which is fitting since Wukong was an allegory for the power of the mind. anyway. the entire season MK's powers are referred to as Monkey King Powers by the cast and himself. there's even that glowy, golden power stone thing that Macaque removes from MK, effectively "taking his powers". that confirms the idea that power can be shared, meaning Wukong most likely just quietly gave his powers to MK when he lifted the staff. this, along with the fact that Wukong could shut off MK's powers kind of proves the idea that Wukong gave MK the powers in the first place. if that wasn't true, then somebody in MK's life, or himself, would have noticed something being off.

TL;DR, s1-3 MK started as a regular delivery boy who was given Monkey King's powers, and he represents the idea that anyone can become a hero and that you just need to believe in yourself and your friends.

now that the set up is outta the way, here's my gripes with season 4 lol

MK is given a backstory that, in a way, proves Lady Bone Demon right: destiny is unchangeable. he is another stone monkey, born of an egg similar (or originating from) Wukong's stone egg. we don't ... really know why? there's a lot of holes in this, like

how did MK go all the way from the mountain top to Pigsy's noodles? why to Pigsy's of all places?

if MK is a stone monkey, why does he take on a human form from birth?

if the powers he possess are all innate and not given, why has he never noticed/used them before? did he just ... not use them? even on accident? (that feels like lazy writing.)

it feels kind of obvious, at least to me?, that this backstory is... made up for this and future seasons. it doesn't really apply to s1-3 MK. it's retconned in. which, okay, fine, it's a kids show made to sell toys like ninjago, of course they're going to start adding random stuff in, they gotta sell those toys. the kids need a cool action show to get them interested in them toys. but my issues stems from the fact that the message of the show has changed.

MK is no longer the everyman underdog hero for kids to look up to, he was specifically born to be an all-powerful stone monkey. this isn't the story of a normal guy becoming a hero, it's the story of an all powerful being just... realizing they're all powerful. he was destined to be this way. it feels almost negative, if ya catch my drift. this, along with the retcons (???) to the rest of the cast, just leaves a weird taste in my mouth.

the others, Pigsy, Tang, Sandy, and Mei, are no longer the reincarnations of the pilgrims, but are now the descendants. mei is an exception, since she was always Ao Lie's 1000x great grand daughter, but the others? they were always thought of as reincarnations. the descendant thing feels like a quick retcon. for what? i have no idea. the only thing i can think of is the narrative question for the heroes of "the sins of the father" type deal, where they have to prove that they are better people than their ancestors. this... also applies to MK, in an odd way? the show has made comments of how Wukong regrets many things in his life and that no one has let him forget about his mistakes, something that could tie into the narrative idea of The Next Generation (tm) being better than the old guys. he even tells MK that he's done so much more for the world than Wukong ever did himself. this is weird, because MK and Wukong are not related. at least in a direct descendant kind of way (such as father -> son confirmed by writer/producer, David Breen. as for sibling relationship? god i hope not.) although MK says in s4, and Sandy in s3, that this is Just A Theory that they're descendants/reincarnations, it's still pretty blatantly showed that it's true.

my issue is that this feels like character assignation, of the old pilgrims and of our current cast. issues that characters didnt really have (mei's "anger", for example) are being put into the series to give them some sort of obstacle to overcome, even though there's plenty organic obstacles in the narrative. and damn, poor mk. i guess im just mourning the loss of our regular ass dude who has been exchanged for a..... uh..... fanfic-like backstory? i know i know that's a "cringe" remark to make, but it's the only analogy i can think of at the moment. imagine pitching this

okay, so our main character, get this, is gonna be a stone monkey JUST like the monkey king. AND he's gonna have all the monkey king's powers. he'll be born from the same stone, too. it's like he's another wukong but for the kids!

i'm exaggerating, but still. like .. ???

now, not everything was bad or something i didnt like! i loved the conflict azure presented, and i love MK grappling with the idea of "everything being his fault". it reflects wukong's problems in a cool way (now if they'd EXPLORE THAT!!!). azure brings up a pretty good point and one i did NOT thing they would ever do: the idea that the celestials are corrupt and self serving. azure has a point here, and the conflict is pretty damn cool. i just kinda wish the heroes' narrative would also be a response to this conflict? like s1-3. but w/e i guess

i kinda expected a change in direction since the director and some writing staff were changed from s1-3 to this season. but uhhhh not like this </3

now!!!!! i am not completely set in stone with this current idea of lego monkie kid because there's a season 5 on it's way. the story will continue, and i assume we will get our closure on the azure lion arc. im kinda worried about how that closure will happen but uhhh future us problem. MK is also at the height of his darkest hour/self doubt by the end of this season, so hopefully s5 will address this and explore the solution. what narrative solution r they gonna present??????? no fuckin clue theres like no hints i hae no idea where they're going with this. foreshadowing? never met her.

(also, side tangent, there is no way that this was Planned From The Beginning)