#tldr my mental health is on fire and i want to die! thanks for coming to my ted talk
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god. i want to be shot
#i hate being alive actually. and i didn’t realise how much i relied on him to keep me sane until now i can’t anymore#or for at least a while#i feel so fucking childish crying about this but i feel so awful without him#like. i love him SO much i would do anything for him#literally anything. he is my favourite person in the whole world and i feel so awful without him#like that normal people quote hits so hard bc its like yeah i would die for him without question#these past couple of weeks my entire mindset has been ‘well my mental health is in the shitter but at least i’m gonna hang out w him today’#and i won’t have that for at least a week. maybe longer. i want to die#ik i can call him and stuff but whenever he hugs me it just feels like all the anger and hurt and loneliness bleeds out of me yknow#he’s the only one who knows abt my ****** problems and i’ve been relying on him more than i thought to make sure i actually eat#it’s so difficult without him and i hate it so much#like what did i do to deserve so much pain these past weeks. to be deprived of the one thing that i would do anything for#i know i am an awful person and don’t deserve much. he deserves so much better than me. but please just let me have this one thing#it’s so hard hiding **** **** from my parents and i know i should tell them soon but idk how#like knowing i won’t see him for a week makes me not want to eat for a week jesus fucking christ#i want to be held but the one person i want to hold me physically cannot right now and i want to cry#tldr my mental health is on fire and i want to die! thanks for coming to my ted talk#noon.txt
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