#tldr: jaskier is a vlogger who slowly reveals more of his home life through a series of accidents

[jaskiersvalley]

Do you realise how well you write? I literally spend my time screeching and making very inhuman noises while reading them. Just wanted to make sure you understand that you are an amazing writer.

I am honestly left speechless by the kind encouragement of this fandom. There is so much love people have to give, I can only hope to return it with little moments of happiness my writing might bring to people. Thank you for being so precious, I truly don’t have the words to express how much your comments mean to me!

A little head canon (which maye have turned out longer than anticipated) to say thank you:

Modern AU time! Jaskier runs a lifestyle channel on a video platform. He’s massively popular, especially because he likes to sing impromptu songs about random things that catch his attention. Despite his extroversion, he is very very discreet about his private life.

Well, as much as he can be. His viewers pick up on a few changes immediately. Namely the massive dog bed that appears under the window of the room he records in. It’s brushed off to start with but the dog bed doesn’t move. And then one day, while Jaskier is singing about the blue of the sky he saw the other day, the door creaks open and a massive ball of fur bundles in.

A growled “Roach” from off camera calls the dog back but, well, the cat dog’s out of the bag. From then on, so many people request Roach to feature in the videos, she becomes a celebrity in her own right. People keep trying to guess what breed she is, some going even as far as suggesting timber wolf cross. Jaskier never reveals the truth but only because he forgot beyond “big dog”.

Questions keep pouring in about Roach and how Jaskier ended up with a dog that quite possibly weighs more than him. Whether walking her is difficult, if she ever wants to get up on the bed. The most asked question that Jaskier always gives a different answer to is “who growled for Roack to leave Jaskier on her first appearance?” The list Jaskier gives has become quite popular, from plumber to dog walker to maid, he once even said it was the resident ghost. People seize on that immediately, loving the idea that whoever lives with Jaskier is mysterious.

Soon, people ask more about ‘Jaskier’s Ghost’ as the mystery man has come to be called. Things get even more headed when Jaskier is doing a “Moment With Roach” segment. Because while Roach may be on her back and tongue out, a pair of thick, muscly legs covered in black - is that leather?! - pants appears. The owner of said, fine legs isn’t wearing socks. So a lot of the fans start asking more questions.

It only gets worse as Jaskier keeps moving around the house in his videos. He shows off an impressive sword collection on the wall but, eagle eyes viewers see the reflection of Jaskier with his camera and what looks like some striking white hair against a black shirted, well muscled chest.

Slowly, a picture is built up. It’s obvious that whoever Jaskier’s Ghost is, he’s tall, very muscular and was a package deal with Roach. And definitely lives with Jaskier. Because once, in the kitchen, someone spotted the washing up in the sink and that was definitely two sets of everything in there. Sometimes, people noticed the creepiest of things.

It keeps building from then on. Jaskier is doing another segment, this time sitting on the floor and the dining room is behind him. And, just about visible is a figure sitting at the table. He’s visible from shoulder down as he makes a fuss of Roach, trying to teach her to high five.

On the next show, Roach high fives Jaskier and he is delighted. So much so, he yells, “Hey Geralt! She did it!” And now the ghost has a name. People go mad over it, it’s an unusual name, but nobody can find any social media for a Geralt who is well muscled, with long white hair and a penchant for wearing tight, black clothes.

There is a sizeable following now, deeply invested in figuring out who this mysterious Geralt is. Which is when Jaskier announces he’s doing a super special stream on a seemingly random day. It’s not Valentine’s Day, no celebration, not even an obscure milestone he’s hit with his videos.

The special stream starts off with Roach, looking all too pleased as she is given a new toy to tear apart. It lasts three minutes and 18 seconds. So it was a good toy her record is 20 seconds flat for gutting something. But once she’s happy and the mess tidied away, Jaskier asks her something strange.

“Where’s your daddy?”

Immediately, Roach is up, looking alert and viewers are treated to a view of Jaskier’s feet as he walks into the living room where there’s the sound of Roach getting excited over something. Another pair of feet appear in the shot, someone sitting on the couch. The camera slowly pans up.

“Hey Geralt, say hello to everyone!” Jaskier calls and finally, at long last, the camera rises to show Geralt’s face. He doesn’t look best impressed, Roach is doing her best to sit in his lap but he raises a hand and waves. Jaskier reaches in front of the camera and waggles his fingers back in a return wave. That’s when viewers realise something. The golden bands on their ring fingers.

Comments explode at that and Jaskier laughs. He sets the camera to the side and leans down. People can see Geralt’s hand on his waist and there’s the sound of a kiss, along with the murmur of a “happy fifth wedding anniversary”. Their hands like and Jaskier pulls Geralt up, their backs to the camera, heads just out of the shot.

From the side, there’s an odd noise, the image shifts and there’s drool and teeth, almost like a rather large dog has taken the camera in her mouth. The panicked “Roach no!” is the last thing viewers hear and they see the happy couple turning before the feed goes dead.