skarecrohw

[mediajist]

Some of the Best Humour Quotes Ever

Looking for a bit of humour to brighten up your day? Here is a great selection of some of the best humorous quotes from some of the funniest people on the planet.

1. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.”

—Mitch Hedberg

2. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.”

—President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove

3. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”

—Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

4. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.”

—David Letterman

5. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”

—Jack Handey

6. Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.”

Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.”

—Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston), Office Space

7. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.”

—Mark Twain

8. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”

—Will Ferrell

9. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”

—Rita Rudner

10. “Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.”

—Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day

11. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”

—Erma Bombeck

12. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”

—Phyllis Diller

13. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.”

—Ellen DeGeneres

14. “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’”

—Anonymous

15. “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”

—Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld

16. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”

—Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office

17. “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”

—Anonymous

18. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”

—Rodney Dangerfield

19. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”

—Les Dawson

20. “There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.”

—Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus

21. “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’”

—Steven Wright

22. Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.”

Dr. Rumack: “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley”

—Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!

23.“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”

―Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

24. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”

—Joan Rivers

25. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”

—Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear

26. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.”

—Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy

27. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.”

—Jimmy Kimmel

28. “Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.”

—Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up

29. “Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.”

—Lessons from the Minivan

30. “I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.”

—Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory

31. “There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.”

—Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club

32. Usher: “Bride or groom?”

Wedding guest: “It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!”

—Four Weddings and a Funeral

33. Stan Fields: “Describe your perfect date.”

Cheryl: “That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25. Because it’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.”

—Stan Fields (William Shatner) and Cheryl Frasier (Heather Burns), Miss Congeniality

34. “I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”

—Jerry Seinfeld

35. Lucy: “There’s just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.”

Fred: “Your feet?”

—Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley), I Love Lucy

36. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.”

—Anonymous

37. Coach: “How’s a beer sound, Norm?”

Norm: “I don’t know, I usually finish before they get a word in.”

—Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) and Norm (George Wendt), Cheers

38. “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.”

—Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase), National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

39.“There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.”

—Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey

40. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.”

—Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

For more great humour, check out www.mediajist.com.

[ggukcangetit]

Long Tag Game

Thanks for the tag @ezralia-writes

tagging : anyone else

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

first song by bts that i heard was probably IDOL but what made me stan them was probably Boy In Luv lmao. the aggression that all the liddol bangtan babies had in the Boy In Luv performance + Tae in orange hair growling.  yup that was it.

—

T W O

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

1) what’s your unrealistic goal for life?

idk if goals can be unrealistic lol. dreams may be unrealistic. but whatever. unrealistic goal 🤔 that i can change my sleeping and eating schedule in one fell swoop lmao idk

2) if you had known that we would be in a global pandemic, what’s one thing that you would’ve done before things shut down (if they have for you)?

that’s morbid lol. but i would’ve cleared my desk at my workplace. idk if i’ll ever go back and it has a lot of pictures of my friends and family there.

3) what’s an unconventional thing that you carry around with you when you go out?

okay full disclosure but im basically always prepared for a zombie apocalypse. so i carry a lot of things with me when i go out.

4) favourite type of plushies and why?

anything soft and not creepy looking idk???

5) favourite song right now?

Black Swan has been looping in my brain the last few days

6) something that you’ve always wanted to learn?

archery

7) tell a funny story about yourself (or just something that you’ve witnessed)

i was once asked to take my aunt and cousin around the city and we got tragically lost and this story basically never leaves me now lmao

8) headphones or speakers? why?

in public its obv headphones (what kind of question is that) but if im at home id always prefer speakers.

9) craving any food right now? what are you craving?

everything? lmao. but specifically food from home which i haven’t had in more than 6 months.

10) which music streaming platform do you prefer? why?

i use itunes because its there. but maybe changing to spotify soon?

My Q’s:

what was the weirdest dream that you’ve woken up from?

if you were an ice-cream flavor, what would you be?

if you could meet a fictional character, who would it be?

what dish/food/meal do you hate to prepare?

would you rather live in the mountains or at the beach? why?

what’s the first thing you see in a potential friend?

which is your favorite Sherlock Holmes adaptation and why?

if you could play one sport with a celebrity of choice what would it be? and with whom?

what makes you the most angry?

if 2019 was a color, what would it be?

—

T H R E E

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

—

F O U R

the ultimate tag: answer whichever ones you want to because there are a lot and then tag a few blogs you’d like to get to know better!

PERSONAL

name: cha

nickname: over here it is cha and cha only lmao

birthday: september

zodiac: virgo

nationality: Asian

languages: 3+

gender: Female

sexuality: Straight

height: 5′9

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: movies/series sometimes make me super philosophical lol. plus i’d say people around me also inspire my creativity.

meaning behind my url: it is so hard to come up with a catchy bts related blog name D: but i wanted something with gguk because its super endearing.

blog established: 2 months.

followers: 84 i think 🤔 

FAVORITES

favourite animals: turtles

favourite books: a thousand splendid suns by khalid hosseini is still one of my favs

favourite colour: shades of blue

favourite fictional characters: i love sirius black lmao. also death from sandman

favourite flower: i don’t like flowers ew

favourite scent: coffee + freshly baked bread/desserts

favourite season: summer

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: 6

cats or dogs: both?

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: coffee (iced tho)

current time: 5.31 pm

dream trip: i really want to go to Seoul and Tokyo

dream job: i had a random dream of becoming a patissier. maybe i can do that later in life who knows.

hobbies: i’m bad at this. anything that i feel like doing at the moment i guess

hogwarts house: ravenclaw

last movie watched: the last thing he wanted (that anne hathaway movie on netflix which deserves to be thrown into the trash imo)

last song listened to: Yeah! by Usher

no. of blankets you sleep with: one

random fact(s): hmmmmmmmm i like to have something savoury after dessert. always wanted to be good at some sport. 

F I V E

10 things i can’t stop listening to

Black Swan - BTS

Yeah! - Usher

In Silence - Janet Suhh (It’s Okay to Not be Okay soundtrack)

December, 1963 - Frankie Vallie and the Four Seasons

Friends - BTS

Filter - BTS

Shove It - Santigold

Boy With Luv - BTS

Mic Drop (Steve Aoki remix) - BTS

Airplane pt. 2 - BTS

[hmspogue]

Stranger Things Season 2 trailer shot by shot run down

I do not claim or own any of these screenshots all rights to Netflix

aw look at my children doing normal children things can’t wait to see how long that’s going to last 

so, the way that Dungeons and Dragons was sort of the running analogy last season, my guess is that this game is going to be the overlying symbolism for this season.

my boys all back together and happy again can’t wait to see how long that’ll last :’)

so if this is the analogy I’m guessing the “sword” is going to be the key to slaying the monster

again, the dragon probably = the monster

and if so, the fact that Dustin seemingly LOST this game sort of worries me...

case in point

this trailer took approximately 15 seconds to get me to say “oh no”

AS I WAS SAYING (okay so obviously from what we left off on last season and the trailers/ teaser we’ve gotten. we now know this season is going to deal with the aftermath of the Upside Down for Will as well as the entire community as rifts have been opened to other worlds)

so i’m assuming Will’s main arc this season is going to be his struggle with being split between two worlds, and though I understand why they did it I wish we could see more of Will apart from that but oh well)

me too buddy, me too.

and thus, we have our big bad for the season *rubs hands together*

mike he is obviously not okay but thanks for being concerned

correct me if i’m wrong but is that Jonathan’s car? why is he leaving?

sooooo why isn’t Will at school?

stancy break up/ tension possibly? nothing good ever really comes from their meeting in this ally

aw...is this why he wasn’t in school? Joyce obviously knows something is up. (side note: is that Hopper behind them?)

oh come on-

these SOBs again?

so i guess maybe the Upside Down;s bleeding over to our world effect crops too???????

Hopper and Joyce as parents yes please (also Will is not okay)

“I felt it everywhere” wtf is that supposed to mean that’s terrifying

please just let the Byers family live someone give them a break

why do they look so suspect? who are they looking at?

honestly I’m loving the Halloween time theme I can’t wait for the aesthetics they’re going to be implementing

my connection/ insider I have previously hinted to me about a Steve/ kids dynamic that was going to be happening this season, but I’m actually very interested to see where this goes and the relationships that’ll come out of it

again with the aesthetics !!! yes !!! please!!! and !!! thank !!! you !!!

when the scientists are worried, it’s really time to get worried

uuuhhhhh yikes? blood is never a good sign?

ESPECIALLY AROUND DUSTIN NO DO NOT WANT THIS TRAILER IS MAKING ME REALLY CONCERNED ABOUT HIS SAFETY AS A CHARACTER

ah yes all is probably not well at the Wheeler household 

of course my dork sons all go trick or treating in matching Ghost Busters costumes I love them

it looks like he’s tracking something. buuuuut what?

HOP!! I MISSED YOU AND YOUR PERPETUALLY CONFUSED EYEBROWS

oooohhhhhh these boys look like they’re crushing on the new giiirrrllll 👀 (mainly Lucas and Dustin? maybe Will I can’t tell) (except for Mike because they really are doing everything they can to bury me in Mileven feels)

I can literally feel her angst radiating off the screen and I have a feeling I’m going to stan her unless the writers use her as a devise to cause tension or rivalry among the boys in which case someone is going to die

“Sometimes I feel like I can still see her” WHY DO THE WRITERS FEEL THE NEED TO HURT ME LIKE THIS GAH I MISS MILEVEN HE EVEN KEPT HER BLANKET FORT UP  (because also it’s important to note that this is the same shirt from the screenshot of them watching the girl walk in. so if Mike goes home and realizes he still misses I’m going to choke)

can’t wait for this to most likely just be a cat jump scare

they’re building something don’t ask me what

if I had to guess I would say some sort of device that picks up on signals from the Upside Down maybe? like some sort of crystal radio?

but why does Mike kind of look like hes going to smash it with the speaker?

new girl seems to be working with them/ part of the group now. but the box opened? idk this part is confusing

-EDIT/ UPDATE THANKS TO @disneyprincesskatherine apparently this is a reference to Ghostbusters! the box is similar to a device they use in the movies to catch ghost (i’m uncultured I’m so sorry). she also speculates this is the capture of the sort of “pet” Dustin gets that Gaten talked about (could also be why there is blood on Dustin’s chair)

okay but where is #4? they’re still in their Halloween costumes so we can assume it’s either the day of or the morning after, though on what looked to be Halloween night in one of the previous screencaps, all 4 were present soooo

more evidence of the world meshing

YOU BEST BELIEVE I SCREAMED OUT LOUD I MISSED THEM (they both looks so good I‘m loving the haircuts) (and is this them breaking into the lab?)

even though this is a gross slimy portal to another dimension, i’m still digging the aesthetics

Will is not okay part 87450507

this is either a drawing of a map of the Upside Down or all connecting tree roots. either way wtf Will?

This time on: OTPs With Unreal Height Differences 

it kind of looks like the same “tree roots” on the ground as there were at the gas station shot so yeah, I think Will was drawing a giant root system

🎶 you’re my daaad, you’re my dad, boogie woogie woogie 🎶

DREAM TEAM (Mike, Nancy, Jonathan, Joyce) (also can we laugh at the fact that Mike is armed with a candle holder while he stands next to his sister literally holding a shot gun)

Hop digging my grave for when I finish the season

*cues classic 80′s teen movie party montage*

my girl wildin out (and Steve’s there too I guess)

TELL ME WHO HURT YOU (this is a different outfit from the party though, so it’s not the same scene)

a new weapon? perhaps the “sword”?

!!!!!!

OH GOD TELL ME HOP IS OKAY

everyone in this trailer looks as shook as I feel watching it

Will Is Not Okay: The Saga Continues

same shirt so most likely what he’s experiencing on the other side. I’m almost certain he’s going to play a big role in Eleven being able to come back to the other side

Journey To The Center of the Earth (2008)

well well well, Samwise Gamgee, what’s poppin’

why does Steve have Jonathan’s bat?

as far as I can tell this treck into the Upside Down consists of Mike, Dustin, Joyce, and I can’t tell who the others are 

“ABORT ABORT!!!” (this is a different scene from the one above so I wonder what this is in reference to)

another shot of Will being scared out of his mind, this kid doesn’t ever get a break (though the background looks almost like the lab as opposed to the upside down. I could be wrong)

...well that’s concerning (kind of looks like that giant monster is chasing him)

“If you’re out there, please just give me a sign”

so this looks to be back in the Upside Down equivalent to the classroom where Eleven defeated the Demegorgan. and based on the look on her face and the previous shot above, it seems she JUST woke up

YES MY BADASS CHILD I NEVER DOUBTED YOU FOR A SECOND

yES HER RETURN IS ABOUT TO BE ICONIC

YALL MIND IF I WILD OUT OVER THESE AESTHETICS AGAIN

I’m so freaking happy for her return to Mike us

Lord almighty this season looks amazing.

[funface2]

101 Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh – Parade

Whether it’s a play on words, a funny observation about everyday things or old witty sayings, comedy has a way of making us realize we’re all going through the same stuff in this crazy life. These funny quotes about work, love, friends and family will have you saying, “So true!” because, well, they are. Others will have you remembering hilarious, meme-worthy movie and TV moments.

Take a much-needed break from your day to check out the 101 funniest quotes we found in stand-up comedy, books, plays, celebrity Twitter and interviews, as well as movies and TV shows, guaranteed to give you a quick chuckle. 

1. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” —Mitch Hedberg

2. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.” —President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove

3. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” —Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

4. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.” —David Letterman

5. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” —Jack Handey

6. Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.” Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.” —Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston), Office Space

7. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” —Mark Twain

8. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell

9. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner

10. “Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.” —Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day

11. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” —Erma Bombeck

12. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller

13. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” —Ellen DeGeneres

14. “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’” —Anonymous

15. “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.” —Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld

16. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” —Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office

17. “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.” —Anonymous

18. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” —Rodney Dangerfield

19. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” —Les Dawson

20. “There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.” —Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus

21. “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” —Steven Wright

22. Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.” Dr. Rumack: “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley” —Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!

23.“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” ―Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

24. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” —Joan Rivers

25. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” —Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear

26. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.” —Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy

27. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” —Jimmy Kimmel

28. “Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” —Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up

29. “Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.” —Lessons from the Minivan

30. “I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.” —Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory

31. “There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.” —Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club

32. Usher: “Bride or groom?” Wedding guest: “It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!” —Four Weddings and a Funeral

33. Stan Fields: “Describe your perfect date.” Cheryl: “That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25. Because it’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.” —Stan Fields (William Shatner) and Cheryl Frasier (Heather Burns), Miss Congeniality

34. “I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.” —Jerry Seinfeld

35. Lucy: “There’s just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.” Fred: “Your feet?” —Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley), I Love Lucy

36. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” —Anonymous

37. Coach: “How’s a beer sound, Norm?” Norm: “I don’t know, I usually finish before they get a word in.” —Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) and Norm (George Wendt), Cheers

38. “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.” —Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase), National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

39.“There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.” —Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey

40. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” —Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

41. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” —Clairee Belcher (Olivia Dukakis), Steel Magnolias

42. “I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.” —Anonymous

43. “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” —Graham Norton

44. “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” —Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends

45. “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” —George Carlin

46. “When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.” —Larry (Larry David), Curb Your Enthusiasm

47. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” —Sir Norman Wisdom

48. “That’s why New York is so great, though. Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good, nothing else matters. Who needs love when you’ve got lox? They both stink, but only one tastes good.” —Midge Maisel (Rachel Brosnahan), The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

49. “Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.” —Adam Gropman

50. “Does it disturb anyone else that ‘The Los Angeles Angels’ baseball team translates directly to ‘The The Angels Angels’?” —Neil DeGrasse Tyson

51. “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” —Groucho Marx

52. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” —Jay Leno

53. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” —Steve Martin

54. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” —Dave Barry

55. “Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.” —Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective

56. “What do you mean, he don’t eat no meat? That’s okay, that’s okay. I make lamb.” —Aunt Voula (Andrea Martin), My Big Fat Greek Wedding

57. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” —George Burns

58. “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!” —Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis), A Fish Called Wanda

59. “Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?” —Shelley Darlingson (Anna Faris), The House Bunny

60. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” —Ellen DeGeneres

61. Francois: “Do you know what kind of a bomb it was?” Clouseau: “The exploding kind.” —Francois (André Maranne) and Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers), The Pink Panther Strikes Again

62. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” —Tina Fey, Bossypants

63. “There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.” —Anonymous

64. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” —Robin Williams

65. “I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.” —Dory (Ellen DeGeneres), Finding Dory

66. “I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.” —Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters

67. Police officer: “Pull over.” Harry: “No, it’s a cardigan. But thanks for noticing.” —Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels), Dumb and Dumber

68. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.” —Bob Hope

69. “If we’re going to pay this much for crab, it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid.” —Claire Foster (Tina Fey), Date Night

70. “I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.” —Anonymous

71. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” —Mark Twain

72. “Woke up today. It was terrible.” —Grumpy Cat

73. “Eggs are fantastic for a fitness diet. If you don’t like the taste, just add cocoa, flour, sugar, butter, baking powder and cook at 350 for 30 minutes.” —Anonymous

74. “I can’t end my messages with Love, Shaq because the B-52s ruined that for me.” —Meme attributed to Shaquille O’Neal

75. “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.” —Halley Reed (Mia Farrow), Crimes and Misdemeanors

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76. “Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” —Erma Bombeck

77. “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” —Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant), Arsenic and Old Lace

78. Brian: “Look, you’ve got it all wrong. You don’t need to follow me. You don’t need to follow anybody. You’ve got to think for yourselves. You’re all individuals.” Crowd: “Yes, we’re all individuals!” Individual: “I’m not!” —Brian (Graham Chapman) and cast, Monty Python’s Life of Brian

79. “Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?” —Lillian (Maya Rudolph), Bridesmaids

80. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” —Oscar Wilde

81. “What they could do to make it easier is combine the two, real estate and obituaries: Mr. Klein died today leaving a wife, two children, and a spacious three-bedroom apartment with a wood-burning fireplace.” —Harry (Billy Crystal), When Harry Met Sally

82. “The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It’s a good non-specific symptom; I’m a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor’s office. That’s worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.” —Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick), Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

83. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” —Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Sex and the City

84: Cal: “You are really pushing my buttons today.” Becky: “Which one is ‘mute’?” —Waitress, the Musical

85. “The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.” —Anonymous

86. “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.” —Betty White

87. “My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.” —Maria Bamford

88. “From the ages of eight to 18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.” —Jarod Kintz

89. “Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.” —Dorothy Parker

90. “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat. So people who don’t know what they’re doing, or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self.” —Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), You’ve Got Mail

91. “Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.” —Lin-Manuel Miranda

92. “I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.” —Anonymous

93. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” —Groucho Marx

94. “I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.” —Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt), The Devil Wears Prada

95. “My perfect beautiful miracle baby? Never slept. Ever. Never. Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep.” —Shonda Rimes

96. “I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.” —Damien Fahey

97. “Why yes, I can carry on a conversation made up entirely of movie quotes.” —Anonymous

98. “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.” —Jack Whitehall

99. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” —Noel Coward

100. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” —Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

101. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” —Zach Galifianakis

Want more great quotes? Check out… 50 Thinking of You Quotes  150 Good Morning Quotes  100 Wedding and Marriage Quotes  50 Friday Quotes  50 Monday Motivation Quotes

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Bài viết 101 Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh – Parade đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

from Funface https://funface.net/funny-quotes/101-funny-quotes-hilarious-quotes-to-make-you-laugh-parade/

[erienne1983]

My thoughts about episode 7x25

This episode. Oh, my God, this episode.

I searched “emotional roller coaster” on the Merriam Webster dictionary and this whole episode was there. 

Amazing, painful, heartbreaking, heartwarming. It leaves you full of fear and yet full of hope.

It’s an episode that literally oozes love out of every frame.

I will start talking about Steve and Danny, because I have so many things to say about them…

I loved how Steve shows up in Danny’s office as soon as he arrives, like he was impatiently waiting to show him his gift. How sweet can this man be? Same goes for Danny, so protective of Steve, constantly worrying about him, constantly checking – silently or explicitly – how he is. This scene is loaded with hints that foreshadow what will come later in the episode, it’s like Danny can’t help but feel something is wrong, and we start feeling the same way: the acting, the way the episode is built make you feel that way and it gets stronger and stronger minute by minute, and it’s so gut wrenching.

Plus, the way Danny and Steve act around Charlie is adorable. The way they look like a married couple, obviously, but – even more than that, if possible – the way they protect him, talking in code about Rachel and Stan’s divorce, because this little guy has been through so much already… To think they both were there the day Charlie was born, looking at him through the glass, loving him already even if they didn’t know yet he was Danny’s child… it makes me emotional.

And what about that scene in the car, when Steve starts talking about Rachel, out of nowhere, as if it’s something he can’t help thinking about… he’s worried, maybe even angry. He’s bitter, he’s jealous, most of all he’s still the man who, back in season one, told Danny: ““I don’t want you to get hurt. Okay? I just want you to be happy, Danny. That’s all”. 

Steve tries to joke – he tries so hard, how painful is that? – and says “if you ain’t got nothing nice and positive to say, keep your hole shut … unless you’re “talking” to your ex-wife”. He knows that Danny, out of his good heart – too good sometimes – is trying to put under the rug all the bad things Rachel did to him, but … they’re just under the rug, they’re still there, they can’t be ignored, or he’s going to suffer again, to be manipulated and walked over, again!

And so Steve says it, honestly… “I don’t think this thing with you and Rachel is a healthy thing”. It’s not healthy, he says. I think it’s a very meaningful choice of words. Both Steve and Danny have been dealing with toxic relationships that sucked the joy out of their lives and I hope with all my heart they’re done with those relationships for good. Please, let these guys be finally, truly happy, please let them heal each other’s heart with the love they have for each other. They deserve that.

What about Steve telling Danny “I know that I’m out of my mind, but I also know that you’re in love with your ex-wife […] you got a shot to make things right”? First of all, Rachel was the one who put Danny through hell with her constant threats of taking Grace away from him and not letting him see her and then lying to him for three years about Charlie, so it’s really not up to Danny to make things right, he didn’t do anything wrong, he was a victim! 

And I think that what we have here it’s Steve voicing his worst fears in the hope that Danny will prove him wrong. And I so hope Danny will prove him wrong. I believe he will prove him wrong. He already told Steve “you’re out of your mind” for thinking he might be still in love with Rachel and I think he was being honest, I think he’s just being civil and kind with her, he’s tired of fighting, he doesn’t want that for himself and most of all he doesn’t want that for his kids. I hope I’m not wrong.

Then Danny sees Steve taking some pills and his alarm bells start ringing, but his focus shifts on trying to talk Steve out of risking his life pulling probably the most dangerous stunt he has every pulled.

And just moments before Steve jumps, risking his life, the writers start working a whole new kind of magic, in my opinion, giving us some of the most subtle and yet most romantic and emotional moments I’ve ever seen.

How? The chef’s hat. Yes, the chef’s hat. I really believe they masterfully wrote some of the best, most touching declarations of love ever to be heard, just playing with words around that chef’s hat.

Even if he’s trying to pretend he’s not scared of the consequences of that jump, Steve knows that it could go horribly wrong. He didn’t want Danny to open the gift when he wasn’t there and now, thinking that jump could kill him, he needs to tell Danny those words before it could be too late.

“Chef’s hat”, he says. Meaning: there‘s nothing I care about more than you, more than your happiness and your dreams, because I love you. 

And Danny understands what Steve means, he promises him he will be there when he’ll open his restaurant (when they’ll open their restaurant?) and, later, he says: “thank you for the hat, seriously”. Meaning: thank you for loving me the way you love me. And Steve closes his eyes for a moment and then says “You’re welcome, seriously”. Don’t tell me that wasn’t a “I’m in love with you”, because it was. I’m so sure it was.

And I obviously loved that adorable scene with them walking away together, holding each other, talking about Steve’s feelings and how the last thing on Earth Danny wants to do is hurt Steve’s feelings. The way these two guys cherish and love each other is so beautiful and it warms my heart.

And then… oh my God, my poor heart bled seeing Steve so tired, so pale, so scared… call me crazy, call me stupid, but I worry about him even if I know he’s just a fictional character… it makes me cry to see how he tries to minimize, how he tried to keep things for himself, to hide his health issues.. but he couldn’t hide from Danny, because Danny wouldn’t let him. 

Life made Steve believe that he was undeserving of love, that there always was someone or something more important than him, someone or something that made people walk away from him, and now that he needs love more than ever, now that he needs someone next to him more than ever, he tries to hide it… but Danny won’t let him. 

It broke my heart to see the look in Danny’s eyes, to see him so lost at the mere thought of Steve being sick. I so hope, with all my heart, there will soon be… I don’t know, another doctor’s opinion, something that will take this terrible sword hanging over their heads away from them. 

One thing I’m sure of is that Steve and Danny will be together through all of this, and together they can face and overcome everything. Danny will show Steve how deserving of love, how important he is, how much he needs him and can’t even imagine a life without him. More than ever, Steve needs to be loved, to feel indispensable for someone, and Danny will be there reminding that he is, every step of the way.

I talked a lot about Steve and Danny, for obvious reasons, but there was so much else to be loved in this episode.

Abby and Chin, their sizzling chemistry and their growing love for each other.

The party to celebrate Jerry getting his badge… it was so endearing to see him so happy because these people love him. He was so lonely when we met him back in season 4 and now he really has a big family.

That super sweet scene with Kono and Sara at the market, Sara being absolutely adorable and Kono buying a pregnancy test… a moment that sheds an even more meaningful light to many other moments in the episode… her scene with Moani, that chilling, heartbreaking moment where she found that doll in the girls’ room, the talk she has with Lou about being a parent … I loved, so much, what she told Lou: “I could feel them in that room. Their pain and trauma. The fear they went to bed with every night”, because it was my same feeling watching that scene. She wants to make the world a better, safer place for these girls and thinking she might be pregnant makes that purpose even stronger, even more urgent. And I know she will succeed, she’s a force of nature, so compassionate, so strong, so brave. I hope we will get to see her fighting this horrible crime, but I also hope she will be back in Hawaii soon. Maybe, and hopefully, the two things aren’t incompatible. Her Ohana - and we - needs her.

As I wrote when I started with this review, this episode leaves you full of fear and yet full of hope. I will hold on to that hope that makes me believe that these people will get the happiness they deserve. Steve will be fine. Kono will succeed in making the world that better place she desperately needs right now. And true love will conquer all, because today, more than ever before, I’m sure that Steve and Danny share the purest and truest love of all.

Thank you for this episode and for all the emotions!

[torentialtribute]

Bury news: fans and players are left to sift through the rubble of a once great club now deceased

The first moving vans had left Gigg Lane at lunchtime and left those for whom Bury Football Club is a way of life to hold on to straws in gloomy and relentless rain.

The team's new home kit was still promoted as & # 39; The Fabric of Bury & # 39; on the outside of the & # 39; superstore & # 39; from the club where the shutters were down. Talk was widespread from the supposed £ 7 million to buy the offered club from a consortium based in Brazil or Sweden depending on which version of the rumors you accidentally heard.

But the game is over and the scribbled messages that are stuck to the railings of the stadium acknowledge that too.

A Bury fan carries a flag of England adorned with the name of the club on Tuesday

BURY'S TIMELINE FOR DISASTER

[1945902] 2013: Stewart Day, a project developer specializing in student apartments, is taking over the club.

2014: A Day-registered company lends £ 1 million secured on Gigg Lane with usurious monthly interest rates of 10%. The loan has been paid and others have been taken out.

December 2018: Day sells the club to Steve Dale for £ 1. Dale says a series of loans that were taken out over the total duration of £ 3.7 million and that are £ 1500 every day yield interest. Dale claims that he is acting in the best interest of Bury and will step aside when a younger buyer is found.

January 2019: Day-to-day businesses get bankrupt and administration

April 2019: Despite the number of months without pay, Bury players, some of whom belong to the highest paid in the division, secure promotion of League Two.

June 2019: A liquidation request from HMRC is postponed to the Supreme Court

July 2019: A vote for Bury to volunteer enter into a business agreement, meaning that unsecured creditors will be paid 25% of the amounts due. Bury receives a deduction of 12 points.

August 2019: Bury provides no evidence that they can pay creditors and finance the coming season. As a result, competitions are postponed.

August 24: With Bury & # 39; s expulsion from the competition, C&N Sporting Risk threatens with a last-minute bid and an extension is given.

August 27: Only 90 minutes before the new deadline is over, C&N withdraws from the negotiations. The EFL then expels the club.

By Mike Keegan

No prize for memories, read one. "Here are some of the people you have ripped off," explains another, below an image of the five Bury-crazy grandchildren of a supporter.

Margaret Smith, 86, who has been following the club for most of eight decades, subtracts the names of the players she has seen in the team, she is a tea supplier for St. John's & # 39; s Ambulance Staff Match Day – Colin Todd, Terry McDermott and Alec Lindsay, to name a few.

Her husband is apparently too destroyed by the death of the club to be here with her. It has broken his heart, she confides. "I had to leave him on the couch at home."

It was not so much despair as the hope that brought so much devastation to these people when the EFL announced, shortly before 11:30 pm on Tuesday evening, that the club would be scrapped from League One, causing inevitable liquidation.

Only 12 hours earlier, supporters had been in the ground and had it washed in anticipation of a home game on Saturday against Doncaster Rovers. But at 3 p.m. – two hours before the EFL deadline for club sales – the office ticket curiously stopped selling tickets to the game.

At 4.40 pm, the cleaning company supervising the work unexpectedly indicated that volunteers had their tools and their departure. It was left to journalists to tell fans that the EFL was fed up with Steve Dale, whose empty promises about finding a buyer were completely in line with his apparent possession of this 134-year-old club.

are many targets of anger under the gray sky slate. The EFL, whose definitions of a & # 39; fit and appropriate & # 39; football club owner would be laughable, the consequences were not so devastating. There is Stewart Day, which has demonstrably caused more damage to the club before it was sold to current incumbent, Steve Dale. But it is Dale who embodies the world of the Wild West of the lower class, where clubs are at the mercy of the last passing pariah.

Needless to say, the person in question can now be seen, be it on Gigg Lane, the stadium between redbrick back-to-backs, or the Carrington training base of the club. His hot air about legally contesting the EFL's decision comes from his luxury home in Cheshire.

It is left to midfielder Neil Danns to let supporters know that they have gathered here for a reason. The 36-year-old is in the rain for an hour or so, asks their questions and shows that the game at this level has not lost contact with reality.

& # 39; You have meant so much to me, & # 39; he tells the 30 or more people clustered around him. I heard you encourage me from the terrace and I heard you cheer. It is a lot to win your respect. & # 39;

BURY HISTORY

1885 – Club was founded on April 24 by a merger between two church teams, the Bury Wesleyans and Bury Unitarians. Club rented a plot of land on Gigg Lane on the estate of Earl of Derby.

1887-88 – Bury entered the FA Cup for the first time.

1889 – Bury has become a member of the Lancashire League.

1892 – The clubs win the Lancashire Cup and beat Everton in the final. Before the game, it was reported that Chairman JT Ingham had raised the players by saying: & # 39; We will shake them & # 39 ;. In fact, we are the Shakers! & # 39; The Lancashire Cup of 1892 was the first of 11 such titles that extended to 2017-18.

1894 – The Shakers have been admitted to the Football League. They win the title of the second division in 1894-95 with nine points, making them promotion to the top layer.

1900 – Bury wins the FA Cup and beats Southampton 4-0 in the final.

1903 – Club wins FA Cup again and beats Derby 6-0, while admitting no goals during the tournament.

1 9 25 – Bury starts fourth in the first division – highest highest finish ever.

1929 – The club has been relegated from the highest level, and has not returned since

1957 – Bury was first out of Second Division stepped.

1971 – For the first time, Bury have been relegated to the fourth level.

1997 – Two successive promotions under manager Stan Ternent bring Bury to the second level for the first time in 30 years.

2001-02 – Financial problems related to the collapse of ITV Digital take Bury into administration and are almost done with folding. Supporters raise enough money for the club to survive.

2005 – Bury is the first club to score 1,000 goals in each of the four top competitions.

2012 – The Shakers have an embargo transfer with them after financial problems due to poor attendance.

2018-19 – Bury second in League Two to win promotion. Businessman Steve Dale buys the club in December 2018 and pays an excellent tax bill to prevent a liquidation order. But financial problems come back in mid-2019.

He wonders why he allowed Dale to be fooled by his big talk about the future that evaporated with each of the seven months in which he and teammates remained unpaid.

& # 39; He was on the training field a week and a half ago, jumping around in the canteen and saying: & # 39; It's finished! It is done! We have a buyer & # 39 ;, says Danns. "It never happened. It was empty talk, just like everything else we had heard from him. & # 39;

Danns will seek work in science Monday, he says, & # 39; only a struggling party probably wants a player like me at this time of the season. & # 39;

But he says he has set aside some money for a career that has brought him from Crystal Palace and Leicester City to Bolton Wanderers and Birmingham City.

The uncertainty is worse for the 16-year-old Academy-player, who left Carrington yesterday, who wondered if this sport was a career for him. The players of Bury, like the fans, cling to the hope of that Brazilian consortium, which is said to be associated with a local businessman.

But only an hour's drive north, Morecambe fans shake their heads at that idea. It is three years ago that 35-year-old Brazilian Diego Lemos fled into the place – basking in admiration for a home game against Carlisle United – and claimed he would be the savior.

Lemos, another deemed suitable by the EFL to run a club, has hardly been seen since and Morecambe is another on the at-risk list.

It is the same story about the length and width of football. When Venky's Indian poultry farm looks dubious, they turn the tap off at Blackburn Rovers, who have flirted with Bury & # 39; s endgame in a way that is not fully appreciated.

These indifferent, often asset-stripping owners, are just passing by, unaware of the pride of a football club like Bury basks in a city like this that has seen better times. They claim that the grass of Gigg Lane, once the best in England, was simulated by the old Wembley; that the stadium once drew 20,000 for a team reserve match.

These are the stories of the generations, told endlessly and told again in the Staff of Life pub on Manchester Road, where they have always gathered for home games. A group of six had been hoping for the Sky Sports News feed there early Tuesday night, hoping for hope that rescue never came.

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SIMMONS: Leafs’ play takes pressure off Dubas in Nylander negotiations

New Post has been published on https://nhlrumormill.com/simmons-leafs-play-takes-pressure-off-dubas-in-nylander-negotiations-2/

SIMMONS: Leafs’ play takes pressure off Dubas in Nylander negotiations

Kyle Dubas has three weeks to sign William Nylander before losing him for the season and the consensus around the NHL seems to be he is under very little pressure to get a deal done.

According to former general managers and team executives polled, the Maple Leafs record thus far provides Dubas, the first year general manager, with a shield he wouldn’t otherwise be afforded if the team was struggling.

“Put it this way,” said a longtime executive, “if the Leafs were one game under .500 instead of six games over, he would be feeling differently about this and so would the vibe around him and the team. When you’re in that seat, the pressure in the game is all about winning. They have a damn good team without Nylander.”

SIMMONS: If Nylander is the sixth most important Leaf, how much can you pay him?

“When I was a general manager, I’d make a list every day of all the things I’d have to do,” said a former GM. “And at the end of the day, you’d get through some of it, and you’d add some things to the list, and it just keeps going like that. The job is so big. There is so much work to do. You never complete the list. The Nylander is just one thing of many things he’s working on daily.”

The assumption of those asked is that the Leafs will sign Nylander before Dec. 1 and no one put any emphasis on Dubas’ inexperience as a factor in negotiations. “He wouldn’t have the job if he couldn’t do it,” said another former GM. “I think Nylander is too smart to lose an NHL season, but I’ve been wrong about this before.”

THIS AND THAT

Michael Nylander played for seven NHL teams, three AHL teams, 12 different European teams in his career. He was a career pain in the butt for managers he played for … The growing success of Mitch Marner has not been lost on the Arizona Coyotes. The Coyotes picked Dylan Strome ahead of Marner in the 2015 NHL draft. Marner is outscoring Strome 149-13 in the league. Since the draft error, the Coyotes have quietly pushed out well known veteran scouts Tim Bernhardt and Jeff Twohey, who were central to the selecting of Strome … Central Scouting, by the way, listed both Strome and Lawson Crouse ahead of Marner in their final ratings that season. Both now play for the Coyotes. Listed first among Europeans that year: Colorado star Mikko Rantanen, who is holding the NHL scoring lead in trust until Connor McDavid laps him and everyone else in the field … It’s early, but based on the first month or so of the NHL season, Frederik Andersen is in the Vezina Trophy conversation … Joel Quenneville will next coach in the NHL when he wants to, with one dumb proviso: He needs to get permission from the Blackhawks, who fired him, to talk to interested teams. That’s a rule the NHL needs to change. You can’t fire someone and still control their future … Mike Babcock figures Quenneville will spend the next while skiing in Colorado … Where have we heard this before? Time is running out on Randy Carlyle as coach of the Anaheim Ducks.

HEAR AND THERE

Life in the Eastern Conference just got more complicated for the 12-1 Raptors, with Jimmy Butler on his way to Philadelphia … One of the great strengths of the San Antonio Spurs’ run of title and contention was consistently finding terrific players from non-advantageous draft positions. You can say the Raptors have done the same now with the contributions of 27th pick (2016), Pascal Siakam; 23rd pick (2017) OG Anunoby and the college free agent, Fred VanVleet (2016). If you did those drafts over again, Siakam and Anunoby would be Top 10 picks and VanVleet not far behind that. That’s quality work by Masai Ujiri and staff … Wednesday night, Dwane Casey returns to the Scotiabank Arena with the Detroit Pistons. No doubt he will get a giant reception, as he deserves. But also no doubt, what a great first impression Nick Nurse has made as an NBA coach … This is new: Kawhi Leonard took the day off Saturday for the Raptors. Or so it seemed … Combined, the MLSE teams — the Leafs and Raptors — were 33-6 heading into Saturday night’s NHL game in Boston. That has never happened before … I’ve been hearing most of my professional life about a CFL team in Halifax. I just never believed it would happen — until now … My pick for CFL most outstanding player: Hamilton quarterback Jeremiah Masoli … Please, someone get Sheldon Keefe a goalie. His guys have had goals against averages of 3.99 and 5.31 and save percentages below .860 with the Marlies … True story: Zach Hyman once scored 42 goals for the junior Hamilton Red Wings …Thought Tom Brady vs. Aaron Rodgers was going to be superb. It wasn’t. But you can’t watch football that was more fun than Drew Brees vs. Jared Goff, the Saints vs. the Rams. I want more of that.

SCENE AND HEARD

What the Vegas Golden Knights have discovered in their second season, as they’ve crash back to earth, is just how valuable a defenceman Nate Schmidt is. They have not been able to adequately replace his minutes or his leadership as he sits out a dubious 20-game suspension … Another reason to hate social media: Cancer victim Brian Boyle scores three goals on Hockey Fights Cancer Night and the next day all anyone is talking about are the Ottawa Senators and their Uber ride … Who is Nylander getting his advice from – Le’Veon Bell? … The Blue Jays want J.A. Happ back. The Yankees want him back. At least three other teams have interest. Nice to see a good man get all kinds of attention this off season … Cliff’s son, Chuck Fletcher, got fired in Minnesota but left behind 18 players who are good enough to have the surprising Wild as the NHL’s fourth best team. Makes you wonder: Is Bruce Boudreau the greatest regular season coach ever? … Incredible to see what sophomore Thomas Chabot is doing on the Ottawa defence, leading the NHL in back-end scoring … Don’t know what was worse: Firing Marc Trestman in the middle of the night. Firing him by phone while he was sitting on the team bus. Or firing him and instructing him not to meet with his players or coaches that same morning. And no thanks for winning that Grey Cup a year ago.

AND ANOTHER THING

After hitting eight home runs in seven games in late August, Kendrys Morales finished the Blue Jays season by hitting .169 with no home runs and just four RBIs …

Patrick Marleau is approaching some heady numbers and heady names: Going into Saturday night, Marleau was three goals behind Stan Mikita, six away from Rocket Richard on the all-time list. Yep, that Rocket Richard … There isn’t always a need to quantify the end of a career with a Hall of Fame debate. Joe Mauer had a marvellous run with the Minnesota Twins. Fifteen seasons, four times in the post-season, six all-star games, a career batting average of .306. He may never get to Cooperstown. Doesn’t mean he didn’t have a superb career … The highest scoring defencemen, per game, in history: Bobby Orr followed by Paul Coffey, Denis Potvin, Ray Bourque and Al MacInnis. The surprise in sixth spot: Paul Reinhart, father of Sam, Griffin and Max, whose career was cut short due to back troubles … Remember the story about the U.S. Olympic hockey team tearing up the Canadian flag at the 2002 Winter Olympics? Well, Hall of Famer Jayna Hefford is convinced it never happened. “Cammi Granato told me it didn’t happen,” said Hefford. “If someone like Cammi Granato says it, I believe it.” … Dougie Hamilton is on his third NHL team, third team wondering why he isn’t better … Happy birthday to Andre De Grasse (24), Ken Holland (63), Shawn Green (46), Zach Ertz (28), Larry Parrish (65), Mike Zeisberger (56) and Victor Cruz (33) … And hey, whatever became of Erik Karlsson?

ssimmons@postmedia.com

twitter.com/simmonssteve

Doing the math on the Jays

There is nothing wrong with the amount of money the Blue Jays spent in payroll last season, contrary to what super agent Scott Boras may contend. They spent more than $150 million US on player salaries. Where they failed, essentially, was in lack of performance from the paid players, including the Boras client, Aaron Sanchez.

If you break it down piece by piece, the Jays had almost $62 million in wasted dollars in Troy Tulowitzki, Russell Martin and Josh Donaldson, although the Tulowitzki money would be covered by insurance. That figure includes the $2.7 million the Jays sent to Cleveland in the Donaldson trade.

Then you look to the top of the pitching rotation, where Sanchez, Marcus Stroman and Marco Estrada were paid approximately $22 million. Stroman and Sanchez did nothing between injuries and Estrada never really found his form.

That’s $84 million spent on paper with almost nothing to show for it. If you then add in the $11 million for Kendrys Morales, the $4 million for Yangervis Solarte, there’s another $15 million tossed away on players who don’t help you win.

That’s basically $100 million gone, including the cash Jays sent to Boston to pay for Steve Pearce and next to no value for any of it (except, of course, a Red Sox World Series).

A lot of the wasted dollars are circumstantial or contracts Mark Shapiro and Ross Atkins inherited. The Jays ended the season with the 11th highest payroll in baseball and finished 13th overall in attendance.

The problem wasn’t how much they spent, it’s whom they spent it on, and what kind  of production they end up getting for their money – which is basically your money.

The end of an era

Sunday could be Wally Buono’s last game as a Canadian Football League coach.

Or maybe next Sunday. Or maybe Grey Cup Sunday. We do know this much: The end of a spectacular time for a rather spectacular person is coming to an end.

Buono started as a linebacker and a punter on the Montreal Alouettes in 1972. How long ago was it, really? His first coach was the legendary Sam Etcheverry. He played for the Als before Johnny Rodgers was an ordinary superstar and after Sonny Wade became the starting quarterback. His second coach, also a legend, happened to be Marv Levy.

Buono wasn’t a great player, just a solid Canadian contributor who made teams better. And then he began coaching and it was there he became a star.

He went to Calgary when the Stampeders were both a football and financial disaster. He shaped the program beginning in 1990 to the model franchise it remains today. He coached the Stamps for 13 seasons and has been B.C. Lions coach for 12 years in all.

There is no other CFL staple like him, no dependable rock of influence and success to compare him with. He will be missed. Missed by all those he made better.

About the Senators’ ban… 

When I started covering the Calgary Flames in 1980, we travelled commercially with the team, stayed in the same hotels, rode the same buses, often drank in the same bars or ate in the same restaurants.

The more you were around the team, hanging in airports, waiting for flights or luggage, the more you heard about what was going on. Real or imagined. Who was happy and who wasn’t? Who liked the coach and who didn’t? Which players the coach cared for and which ones he didn’t?

And when it wasn’t players or coaches, when just the reporters went out, we would complain about our newspapers, our editors, fellow writers, hockey players or people we didn’t care for: It was and is human nature.

There was no social media then to have any of this filmed or recorded, the way the Ottawa Senators players got trapped talking about their team while talking an Uber ride. They did nothing different than most of us have done. They spoke their minds in what they believed was private conversation. Hockey boys being boys.

The amazing postscript: the Senators banned a reporter from their charter flight once the story was published in the Ottawa papers. That’s not really the amazing part. What’s remarkable is this: In this day and age, why would any team allow reporters on their charter? And who made that decision?

[torentialtribute]

It is 20 years since Aston Villa fielded the last all-English team in a Premier League fixture

has retained to Lagos, Manchester to

Players from 109 different countries have since English top flight played and helped keep it a draw from London to Lagos, Manchester to ] Melbourne

Still it will come as a surprise that it is now 20 years ago is that the last completely English starting grid was played in a Premier League game

]

And according to an Opta analysis, two decades have now passed. For the record, the eleven that Gregory broadcast that day were: Michael Oakes, Steve Watson, Gareth Southgate, Dion Dublin, Simon Grayson, Ricardo Scimeca, Alan.

Wright, Lee Hendrie, Paul Merson, Ian Taylor and Julian Joachim.

And, if it happens, the three substitutes]

It would be wrong to judge the quality of English footballers at that time compared to their foreign counterparts, but Villa lost that day with Coventry 4-1

Since the line-up thousands and thousands of Premier League-games have been completed. ]

1 COVENTRY CITY 4 Aston Villa: Michael Oakes; Steve Watson (Gareth Barry 44), Gareth Southgate, Riccardo Scimeca, Alan Wright; Paul Merson, Ian Taylor (Mark Draper 29 (Stan Collymore 55), Simon Grayson, Lee Hendrie, Dion Dublin, Julian Joachim

Hendrie, Grayson, Southgate

Coventry City: Magnus Hedman, Paul Williams, Roland Nilsson, Richard Shaw, David Burrows, Paul Telfer, George Boateng, Stephen Froggatt, Gary McAllister, Darren Huckerby (Gary McSheffrey 89), John Aloisi

Scorers: Aloisi 25, 73; Boateng 51, 84

Booked: ] Aloisi, Williams

We came close in May 2006 when Middlesbrough Fulham played in what appeared to be the penultimate match of Steve McClaren before he became the English manager, seemed to be completely English that day, but James Morrison was then topped off by Scotland and the game was annulled from this particular record.

Those races in Birmingham on 27 February 1999 proved something of a turning point. Previously there were 55 full English teams in the competition in about 2.792 matches.

Aston Villa was responsible for 19 of those, with Newcastle United the next highest with 14.

Indeed, only 238 days thereafter. It was a very good day for me, Coventry competition, Wimbledon side managed by Egil Olsen, Norwegian, came to Villa Park and led the English team for the first time in the history of the race.

[Villa] The will of Thierry Henry, Cesc Fabregas , Didier Drogba and David de Gea are all honored what the football hierarchy likes & # 39; the best competition in the world & # 39; calls.

Work permits for international stars can be more difficult to obtain, which means clubs will have

Perhaps one day in the future we will see another group of 11 Englishmen like Aston Villa that day 20 years ago sent

] WHAT HAPPENED NO XT?

John Gregory

This had to be turned upside down season for Gregory and his Aston Villa-side, which led the Premier League until the middle of the season before he finished in sixth place.

But in the great whole of things these were good times

Gregory's career took a number of unexpected turns after his departure from Villa in 2002.

After managing Derby, there was a gap of three years with his next assignment, at QPR, and then what could be described as a rich and varied resume on the Israeli side Maccabi Ahi Nazareth and Ashdod, the Kazakh team Kairat and Crawley Town.

Since 2017 he is the manager of Chennaiyin in the Indian Super League. [1] 9459005]

Michael Oakes

Villa & # 39; s keeper that day played 61 times for the club that came through their own jokes. Later he would play with greater regularity in the Midlands at Wolves and his career ended with Cardiff. Oakes is now the goalkeeper coach at Walsall.

The right back had been a mainstay in the Newcastle United & # 39; Entertainers & # 39; from the mid-nineties before he came to Villa in October 1998 for £ 4m. He made only 54 appearances before moving to Everton and later playing for West Brom and Sheffield Wednesday. Watson is now the manager of National League North club York City.

Southgate was an established international center of England-half and was since 1995 a pillar on the side of the Villa when he signed with Crystal Palace. Played 243 times for the club before spending five seasons with Middlesbrough. The current manager of England.

The defender spent eight years with Villa having signed of Blackburn Rovers for £ 1m in February 1995. He was part of the side that beat Leeds United in the League Cup final of 1996 and helped them to the FA Cup final in 2000. In total I made 260 competition appearances for the club. Managed in non-league with Northwich Victoria and Southport after hanging up his boots.

The midfielder was most famous

before his time at Aston Villa, playing 273 times for the club he as a boy supported between 1994 and 2003, and helped them win the League Cup in 1996. After his retirement Taylor created his own brand of headphones called iT7 Audio and he is also a Villa club ambassador.

joined the club in 1993 and would play 308 times for Villa in the course of 12 seasons, with 32 goals scored . He was capped for the first and only time against the Czech Republic in November 1998. He now runs a football academy.

The striker had already appeared before Manchester United and Coventry before he came to Villa with a displacement of £ 5.75 million in 1998. He was the competition of the top scorers with Michael Owen and Chris Sutton in the previous season. Dublin played for Villa four years and won 155 league matches. He is now a TV expert and presents the BBC series Homes Under the Hammer. He also invented a musical instrument called The Dube.

The striker 39 Premier League goals for Villa for five years after his move from Leicester City in 1996 Later he would play for Coventry, Leeds and then a large number of non-league clubs. He joined the Senior League side of Aslockton & Orston last year.

OPTA

This Wednesday will be the 20-year anniversary of the last time the Premier League team played a game with a full English starting XI; Aston Villa vs. Coventry on February 27, 1999.

No Premier League has started with X English players since February 27, 1999, when John Gregory line up Michael Oakes, Steve Watson, named Gareth Southgate, Dion Dublin, Simon Grayson , Ricardo Scimeca, Alan Wright, Lee Hendrie, Paul Merson, Ian Taylor and Julian Joachim against Coventry City in Villa Park (incidentally the three subs used by Mark Draper, Gareth Barry and Stan Collymore). Coventry won the game 4-1 with braces from a Dutchman (George Boateng) and an Australian (John Aloisi).

That Aston Villa XI started in February 1999 was only the 55th time for full English starting XI was named in 2,792 Premier League games until that date. Arsenal (5 teams), Coventry City (4), Leeds United (1), Leicester City (3), Newcastle United (14), Norwich City (1), Oldham Athletic (3), Sheffield Wednesday (2), Southampton ( 1) and Tottenham Hotspur (2);

There has never been a Premier League game where all 22 players in the starting XI were English on both sides – the most is 21, when QPR met Newcastle in January 1994. The only non-Englishman was QPR-keeper Tony Roberts;

The last Premier League season in which an English-English starting XI was named (1998/99) was the first season in which the percentage of English players used in the Premier League fell below 50%

Since the last time there was a full English start, there were 12 cases in which 10 English appeared in the Premier League line-up – 10 of them were Aston Villa by John Gregory. The most recent two are West Ham in March 2003 against Spurs (Tomas Repka from the foreign republic) and Middlesbrough against Fulham in May 2006 (the James Morrison, the only non-Englishman from Scotland)

Ironically, the First time to start Premier League with XI in English players was against Aston Villa at Villa Park in October 1999, only 238 days after Villa's game with Coventry. The Wimbledon side of Norwegian manager Egil Olsen consisted of three Jamaicans, two Scots, two Welshmen and one player from Guyana, Iceland, Norway and the Republic of Ireland.

Three of the five English managers to name starting XI & # 39; s in the Kevin Keegan (eleven in November 2002, the first English manager to do this), Sam Allardyce (six times) and Steve McClaren (four times).

Arsenal has the most Premier League-line-ups without Englishmen (173), followed by Wigan Athletic (one of the other two managers) and Brian McDermott (once) and Alan Pardew 42) and Chelsea (30 ). Manchester United did this only once – during their 2-0 victory in Manchester's derby in May 2009, with Wayne Rooney and Paul Scholes coming off the bench.

Since the beginning of the Millennium, the only non-British or Irish manager to name no less than nine English in a Premier League starting XI was the Frenchman Gerard Houllier in March 2011 (Aston Villa vs. Bolton). Only two other foreign managers have done this in the history of the Premier League – Ossie Ardilles (32 teams) and Arsene Wenger (20 times) in the nineties.

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