#today was... eventful. bad. also very bad. grandma's birthday celebration was today

[livingwithlosingyou]

Living with Losing You - 10/1/2022

Happy Heavenly Birthday, James. 

Today was tough. I knew it would be, but knowing and mentally preparing doesn’t mean that it actually would have been any easier.

I woke up semi refreshed, I probably got about 5-6 hours of sleep. So, not so bad. I made a post to celebrate you. I chose the boomerang of you pretending to be a dinosaur when we went to dinosaur world as the first one. The second post I chose the “pick of the patch” photo that I had you take because I thought it would be cute. I also make sure to put it to Birthday Song (the “all I want for my birthday is a big booty hoe” song) since that was tour thing your did with all of your friends. I think you even sent it to my dad one year for his birthday. I loved your sense of humor. I had some mileage that I needed to make up for, so I decided to run this morning before the walk. It turned out the walk (which I will go into a little further later) was only about a mile long. I also realized that I hadn’t logged all of my September mileage, so once I did that I was at the 150 mile mark. Yay! I still need to add today’s mileage too. 

Anyway, I ran 2.5 miles this morning. I didn’t go very fast, but it’s honestly still hard for me to breathe. Adjusting to the time change and the climate change, I am trying to give myself some grace. Since the project is completed, I can talk about it now. I had two of James’s white coats from UCSD, and I put them into Shadow boxes and wrote cards for both of his parents. I brought the coats and put together the boxes here since it would have been too hard to travel with them. This morning I ran to Kroger and before I turned around form my run, I quickly went into the store and grabbed two cards. It was funny because I put them in a plastic bag (still free here in KY, by the way) and ran back home with them in my sweater. It was funny!

When I got home I quickly ran upstairs to put the cards away, then I stretched in the living room. It was too cold to stretch outside. I should mention that before I went on this run, I ate part of a GF poptart and a banana. The sugar was a bad idea, it made my body feel a bit tanked for the run. Anyway, Biggie has this thing where he wants to always be around you after you work out. It’s cute, but kind of gross too. The cat really likes sweat. Once I was done stretching, I ran upstairs to grab the shadow boxes that I had put together yesterday, and wrote my cards. I then started to get ready for the walk. I just realized that I only got a picture of the front of the shirt that I had made, but the back of the shirt said #jamesmadisonforever #iloveyouandstuff. Two things that we always said. 

It was weird putting that shirt on. It was hard for me to look at that picture on it, to be honest. I just miss you so much. You were my best friend. I finished getting ready, and then grabbed your mom’s shadow box with her card and brought it down to her. I could tell that it was an emotional moment, it’s just been so hard. There should have been more whitecoats. There should have been more time before we put this into a shadow box. You mattered. You should be here. 

I quickly helped her with one other thing, packed up my stuff, and then headed out to the venue where the suicide prevention walk was happening. I told your dad that I would stop by the house before the walk started, but I needed to check in. Plus, I was meeting aunt Gretchen and your grandma at the venue, so I wanted to touch base with them first. I got to the venue and immediately checked in. We raised over $14,000. INCREDIBLE. They were in awe at the check in, and so grateful for our team’s contribution to this event. This was the  first every event in Lexington, so maybe this will become our tradition to celebrate your birthday each year. I collected my shirt (and your mom’s), wrote a button with your name on it, signed the poster, and grabbed a necklace. They had color coordinated necklaces based on the loss. Mine was red since it was the loss of a partner. To quote Taylor Swift, “Loving him was Red”. 

After that I quickly ran to your dad’s house to drop off his shadow box  and card. I also realized I brought NO sweaters. Why did I not bring a simple sweatshirt. So, I wanted to go up to your room to grab a sweater and maybe a beanie, etc. I had your dad grab the hat, so it was already backed in his car when I got there. He ended up giving that to me at the event. Anyway, I gave your dad a big hug when I got there. I could feel the tears through my shirt. So heartbreaking. You were so loved, and still are. I quickly ran upstairs by myself (still tough) and walked in to still see the bullet hole in the wall. I turned, went into the closet, grabbed what I needed, and walked up to the spot where you took your life, and quickly prayed for your peace. 

I left and headed back to the venue to meet up with the group that was walking for team James “Jake��� Nichols. There was a pretty good turnout, we had about 15 people show up to walk! I was bummed because I did not get to say goodbye to everyone. There were people from your dad’s office, old friends, etc. Even the guy that cleaned the carpet after your death was there. Lots of people came to show their support. Since we raised the most money, we were asked to be at the front of the group, holding the banner. It was a honor to be asked that (even though I did it begrudgingly, it was a windy day). I can only imagine the news footage (LOL). There was an article that was posted about the event, and there we are on the main picture. That was pretty cool. We did you proud today, I know it.

After this event, I was wiped. Emotionally and physically needed a break. I am still thrown off by the time change, and then I hadn't eaten really much of anything all day. I decided to go to that GF bakery to get a sandwich. I also ordered a non-baked pizza since we were planning pizza night this evening with some of your family. I headed back home (home is James’s mom’s house, as I reference home. I know I did earlier) and ate my sandwich and chips. 

I felt like I was holding my emotions back to be strong for everyone else, and to be strong at the walk itself. So, when I got home and started to go through the piñata T-rex filled with notes that I made for you for your birthday in rehab last year, I broke down. Seeing the things I wrote, and the knowing that we will never have that future breaks me heart. It’s so hard to think about. I know I still have so much a head of me, but it just sucks that you’re not by my side. I also brought the card that you sent with the flowers that you sent me on your birthday last year. I was interesting, because we both wrote each other basically the same note that day. The sentiment was that our favorite things about each other, was everything about each other. I took you at your best and your worst. I loved you so much. That card made me cry last year, it meant so much that you wanted tp put a smile on my face. You said that in the card too. That the thing you wanted in this life was to bring a smile to my face. So sweet. 

After a solid dry, I curled up into a ball on the bed and knocked out for about an hour. Unfortunately it was one of those naps where you wake up confused and groggy. I decided to shower since I was still gross from the walk, and thought it might help with the headache and the exhaustion. It did. I put on some comfy clothes then went back downstairs. I hung out for a little bit before I decided to make a run to the store. I wrote out a list of things I needed because my ADHD brain is easily distracted and forgetful. The funny thing is when I was at the store, that exact thing happened. I got easily distracted by this fancy goat cheese and completely forgot to grab one item. I remembered as I was checking out, but there was no universe that I was going to get out of line just for mushrooms. 

I drove back home and then talked with Beth until the rest of your family came over. She ordered pizzas, and I baked mine. I was super delicious. You aunt Stacy picked up an ice-cream for me (banana and chocolate, dairy free) and a turtle ice-cream pie for everyone else who can enjoy the glutens. We all chatted an talked. Had some good laughs. I was really wishing you were there. You were, just not physically. 

I got to talk to your cousin about her candle business, and her aspirations. She is also going to help me get some new running shoes (YAY!). So, that will be very helpful. Oh, and I also signed up for a 5k on the 15th of this month. I love that your aunt convinced me to do it. I am hoping to place well, and hope my lungs will let me actually semi-compete. Dom called us today, it was great to talk to him. Your friend from Med School, Lydia also sent a VERY sweet and kind card, along with super cute photos of you. My heart aches at the fact that you are purely a memory now. 

Overall, today was alright. I allowed myself the space to grieve, but also had a lot of gratitude for you and your life today. I know I need to get some sleep, but that nap really threw me off. Luckily last night I didn’t have any nightmares, and the door was cracked regularly. Still not exactly sure how that door would have been wide open like that. But I am sure it’s fine. 

Happy Heavenly Birthday, James Burton Nichols.  You were a gift to this earth the day you were born, and you touched so many lives. Matthew 6, 19-21 talks about storing your treasures in heaven. You, James, were one of my greatest treasures. I love you, endlessly. 

Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols

10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022

[unnuevosoltransformalarealidad]

Dino Party

Title: Dino Party Summary: You and your boyfriend are invited to your nephew’s birthday party. Your boyfriend Chris, realizes something he didn’t know had missing. Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader Prompt: — Warnings: Major fluff, little kids Word Count: 1422

A/N: Today is my Godson’s birthday. I got inspired to write this. it was supossed to be out on October 9th, but well, life happens and ended up posting it later. The names I used for the reader’s relatives are invented. Enjoy your reading!

“You are invited to Luca’s birthday!” That’s how the text started. Your brother’s son, your Godson, is turning 3 on Friday, and of course, your sister-in-law is going to celebrate it. You weren’t going to miss it, by any chance, but the thing is that you didn’t know if your boyfriend wanted to go too.

Your family was aware of who your boyfriend is, and they also knew that because of how tight his schedule can be it can be difficult for him to attend to these kinds of events. You were staring at the window thinking when he entered after being playing outside with Dodger. -Hey babe! Is everything alright? — he asked you when he saw that you had your phone in your hands -Yeah, sorry -you said and he sat next to you — look — you handed him your phone -This Friday? — he asked surprised — already? — you nodded -If you want, you can stay -No babe. You know I would love to go -Yeah, I know. But you have been very busy with ASP that I thought— -No babe — he interrupted you — I will go. Besides, it’s been a while since I’ve had the chance to spend some time with your family.  -Are you sure? -Yes, doll. I’m sure — he said and then he gave you a quick kiss. -“We’ll be there! Yes, both of us. Love you!” you texted to your brother. Friday came in a blink of an eye. You were excited to see your family again. Between Chris’s work, your work, and school it was practically impossible to see them often. And, your anxiety was starting to show, not because Chris was going but because Luca was in that moment where he didn’t want to be around people he didn’t know or wasn’t used to see, so it was a mystery to see how he was going to react when he sees both of you. The drive to your house was in comfortable silence with Chris holding your hand. He knew how nervous you get every time you visit your family. -Calm down babe, everything is gonna be fine -I know, it’s just… -Don’t worry about Luca, if he doesn’t want me around, I’m not going to bother him -But, what if… -Babe, just relax and enjoy the day with your family, please -Ok. I’ll try -Take a deep breath for me — he asked you and you imitated him -Better? -No — you said honestly and start laughing Chris never let go of your hand, and the rest of the drive went fine. -Auntieeeee! -Your older nephew, Kevin, screamed when he saw you. He runs to hugged you -Hey son! Look how big you are! -you said returning the hug -Hey champ! -Chris said -Hi uncle Cap! I’ve missed you -he said and hugged him as well -I’ve missed you too buddy -Kev, where are your mum and grandmas? -I asked -They are outside with Luca. Dad, Grandpa, and Uncle Brad went to buy more drinks -he explains -More drinks? — I asked and he nods — We are going outside to say hi -I say to Kevin but he is not listening anymore While we walked between the rooms to go outside, I noticed all the decorations that my sister-in-law made. It was like Jurassic Park, dinosaurs everywhere. -I wonder where did they get all these — Chris says -They didn’t get it anywhere. They are hand made. Mary did it -You kidding right? -Nope -Wow! Once we were outside I saw that my mom was playing with Luca, and my grandma and sister-in-law were talking and watching Luca -Hi everyone! -I said and Chris squeezed my hand to assure me everything was going to be fine -Abiiii — Luca came running and hugged me. His eyes went instantly to Chris -Hi buddy! — Chris said.  I looked at my mom and then at Luca not knowing what was going to happen -Say hi to your uncle — your mom said -Abi! -Luca said and hugged Chris, all of us were surprised -Happy birthday — Chris said handing him the gift -Hi mom — I said and hugged her. In no time, Luca was dragging me to the mountain of toys he was playing with — Talk later mom You didn’t have time to talk to your mom or spend some little time with your boyfriend. Luca didn’t want to share you with anyone. If you were talking, he would interrupt the talk or he would take you to another place to be alone, if you were distracted, he would call you every time, that day you were his. Chris was with your dad and siblings, probably talking about work, ASP, our relationship, everything. But you notice he was looking at you in a way you’ve never seen it. He was looking at you as his life depends on it; as if you were a masterpiece. A few hours later and a ton of running and watching videos, Luca finally fell asleep in your arms. -Tired? — Chris sat next to you with a glass of juice -Mhmm… But I would do anything for this happening again, I enjoyed it — you said placing your head in his shoulder -You are happy, aren’t you? -Very, and I’m sorry -What for? -For not being with you -Honey, don’t apologize -he said pulling a hair out of your face — I would do anything just to see you smile the way you were smiling while you played with Luca. Besides, I told you I wanted to spend some time with your family. -I know, but I wanted to be with you too -Well, we are together now — he kissed your forehead You stayed a little more and then decided to call it a night. It wasn’t a long drive home, but it was getting late and you were really tired. You said your goodbyes to everyone promising to come back sooner. -What are you thinking? -You asked interrupting Chris’s thoughts -What? -I can hear you thinking babe, what is it? -Look, I know we haven’t talked about this yet -he said unsure -Babe, we’ve been together for almost three years, you can tell me — you said squeezing his hand -Well, today I realize something — he said -What was that? You finally realized that my family is crazy? -you said giggling, Chris too. -No, I don’t think they are crazy, doll. I think they love you too much, that’s why they are like that with you. But your brother Brad said something to me today -What did he say to you? — You said a little louder than intended -Nothing bad, don’t worry. Anyways, he mentioned that I was looking at you with desire while you were playing with Luca -Desire? Of what? -you were confused -Of becoming a parent -Oh -you were surprised -Look, babe, I know, we haven’t talked about marriage and kids, but seeing you today with Luca, the way you are with him, made me fall more in love than I already was. You know that I have a soft spot for kids and that your nephews are everything to me, but I’ve never realized until today that I desire to become a dad. -I don’t know baby, I’m like that the same way I was when Kevin was born, maybe I’m a little more involved with Luca but that’s only because I’m older than when Kevin was born. I mean, we haven’t talked about kids but-- -I want to become a dad with you by my side Y/N -he interrupted you -I would like you to let me finish talking babe — you sighed -Sorry hun, what were you going to say? -I was going to say, that I would like to become a mom too, with you by my side Chris. -Really? -Yes, but, don’t rush it. We still have time. -I won’t, I promise. I’m just glad that you want a start a family with me -Chris said hugging tightly He didn’t know that you wanted a family with him since the day you started dating. Being a mom wasn’t the dream of your life, but when you started dating him, that change in you. A new chapter will start now that you’ve talked about moving a step forward in the relationship, and you were ready to rock it only if Chris is next to you to do it.

Tag List (Let me know if you want to be part of) (I added some Chris's Lovers)

@iguessweallcrazyithinktho @mrspeacem1nusone @thevelvetseries @void-hoechlin @optimistic-dinosaur-nacho @donutloverxo @stargazingfangirl18 @captainchrisbaby

[shananigans402]

1-65 will do, please. Thanks fuck face :)

I knew exactly who this was and I was so tempted to not reply, but your punishment is having to read through all my answers and remember them forever or you fail the friend test. To everyone else, please do not click unless you want to be very bored, my answers are not interesting lol

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Nope

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? Assuming 5 is the most, 1. Maybe 2. 

3. The person you would never want to meet? The person who sent me this (jk I’m excited for our eventual meet up where we hit up a strip club first thing 🙏)

4. What is your favorite word? I answered with ‘conniption’ the other day and still have not found a word I like more.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Already answered this, fruit tree! I also like palm trees, maple trees, and willow trees. I know that’s not the question, I’m just saying random shit now.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? It took me a long while to remember where I was this morning. I honestly don’t remember, I was rushing to get ready for an early morning meeting.

7. What shirt are you wearing? My Orlando Strong shirt 

8. What do you label yourself as? Lesbian

9. Bright room or dark room? Bright room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping? Possibly checking on a feverish little beeb who was going through it with her second dose of the vaccine.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? No idea. I like various ages for different reasons, but this age so far is not bad. 

12. Who told you they loved you last? Probably my sister 🤷‍♀️

13. Your worst enemy? The person who sent this ask.

14. What is your current desktop picture? The apple pic of Catalina island that changes based on time of day (yes it’s the default, don’t judge me)

15. Do you like someone? Lol yeah I hope so 😂

16. The last song you listened to? Pretty Girl by Hayley Kiyoko 

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? Definitely @raginage

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? I feel like I can only attack Raginage so many times. Can I pick a fictional character? This week I was real mad at Dave in The Darkness. BaBe!​

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? Lol no one, you’re talking to a person who feels very uncomfortable with anyone doing anything nice for them.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) Not this again. Last time I said eyes? Still no pics, sorry

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? What would I look like? Do I get to design myself like a sim? I honestly don’t know what I’d do because I doubt the world needs another clueless white man walking around, so maybe just stay at home. 

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? Nope. And my last answer to this was awful. I do think I have a fantastic ability to annoy my friends but in a way that’s just amusing/endearing enough to make them still want to talk to me 😌

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Unique? Uhm well my two big fears are confined spaces and deep water so a submarine is like my worst nightmare.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Oh this is going to sound so odd. To be clear, I’ve had better sandwiches, but my go-to is provolone, turkey, roast beef, and spicy brown mustard or whole grain mustard. Please don’t judge me.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? Travel budget for future trips to visit my buds and get into trouble and eat food. I know $100 won’t go far, but it’s something.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Well, after my last answer I want to visit my friends! But there are too many people to visit and I only have one ticket. So change of plans. I’m going on a solo trip to Greece. Or Argentina. Or Iceland. Or Bali. Damn, I’m indecisive. 

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Rabble red blend. Just a solid red wine. Also because @viola-lloyds stole my answer the other day (Juneshine; to be fair I asked her this question but whatever) and I don’t want to copy her.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Oh I answered this one, something about respecting others. Yeah, a nice rule like that. Want to establish some healthy communication on this island.

29. What is your favorite expletive? It’s still fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? But what about my PLANTS. Can they count as loved ones? Probably my laptop, I know that’s lame but like...I have a lot of stuff on here. Or the collection of cards I have that my granddad drew little drawings in, I want to get them all framed.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? To be honest, I don’t know if I’d change big life events in case it altered the trajectory of where I ended up. So idk maybe the ending of Bly, let’s give those lesbians have a happy ending!

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Italy! But wait, let’s get back to this sleeping with celebrities and super-powers bit...

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? Oh that’s a really tough question. I always wanted to meet my great-grandma Olga because she seemed like a really awesome lady. 

34. What was your last dream about? I can’t remember, this is bothering me because I wish I could! I’m sorry. My gf recently had a dream where I kissed a dude right in front of her. It made us both very uncomfy lol

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? I hate this question because I can only think of one thing.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? For surgery, yeah

37. Have you ever built a snowman? But of course!

38. What is the color of your socks? Not wearing any? I was wearing blue ones earlier. Jfc my answers are so boring.

39. What type of music do you like? Lots! I tend to listen to indie, classic rock, and some pop

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets!

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate or a variant (chocolate peanut butter, chocolate caramel)

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) LA Rams or Seattle Seahawks. I know they’re in the same division. It’s tough. (Please don’t ask me why these teams)

43. Do you have any scars? Yep, mostly from burning myself on ovens. I simply get too excited for my food.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? I...have graduated? 

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Well bestie recently said I have “lesbian hands” and I think that’s code for man hands so maybe that hahaha

46. Are you reliable? I try to be!

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? How many more times will I watch The Darkness before I learn my lesson? (Related: When does other bestie finally admit to her fetish?)

48. Do you hold grudges? Not typically, no

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? A dog and an otter? Can we domesticate otters? No, a horse and a large bird, create a pegasus and then free travel.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? Oh god. I don’t even know where to start today tbh. Damie and pokemon and cosycon and looming and feet and [redacted] and developing apps for VP. So many fantastic conversations. 

In real life, probably the time I was at a laundromat in Italy and this guy wandered in with a beer, sat next to me and my male roommate, assumed we were a couple, and proceeded to give us bizarre life advice. I wish I could remember more of it, but it was so odd.

51. Are you a good liar? Hmm I’m okay at it I think, that is, I can convince people I’m serious when I’m actually joking. But I don’t like actually lying if it’s not just teasing someone. 

52. How long could you go without talking? Probably a few days if I had to.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? The haircut I got before studying abroad! It was too short and I was so sad.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? For a birthday? No. For fun? Absolutely.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? Not well, no

56. What do you like on your toast? Butter and/or honey and/or jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? My beautiful depiction of a scene of chapter one of Private Dancer. 

58. What would be you dream car? An electric car of some sort. I don’t know enough about cars tbh

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. Nope but sometimes I’ll play music and dance and maybe softly sing.

60. Do you believe in aliens? Yep! Definitely 

61. Do you often read your horoscope? Almost never unless someone sends it to me.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? Already answered, A

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Dinosaurs! 🦕

64. What do you think about babies? What do I think about them? They’re pretty cool. Just tiny little humans. 

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. I was very nice and let you correct your mistake and submit one after the fact:

In your opinion what is the best thing you can cook, like your speciality? My favorite thing to make is pasta, I started making my own sauce and I’d love to make pasta from scratch sometime.

[purplesurveys]

1087

survey by tigerfan1205

Name 5 people that are very important to you. Other than my dad, mom, and Angela, I can’t think of anyone else. Andi’s a very close friend but they’re not necessarily I’d-take-a-bullet-for-them levels yet.

Do you like eating chocolate covered cherries or strawberries? I don’t like fruits, so no. I like chocolate-covered unhealthy stuff though, hahah.

What does your 9th text say in your outbox? Ughhhh I remember this tab being in my old cellphones but I can’t quite remember if this is referring to texts I’ve sent, or my drafts. Anyway, my phone doesn’t store text drafts and I can no longer recall my 9th last sent text.

Ever had a really scary dream? Tell me about it. I’ve had loads of nightmares but my least favorites have always been the ones where someone I love is shot and they had to pass away in my arms. Out of all my scary dreams, those are the ones that send me crying in my sleep/as soon as I wake up.

Where is the coolest place you've been on vacation? Vigan was great because it really felt like visiting a 17th-century town. Singapore and Shanghai were also fun because it felt cool going to places much richer than ours and getting to interact with technologies that we will never get to have here HAHA

Would you rather have salad or french fries for a side dish? Erm, unless the salad has spicy tuna in it, fries all the way please.

Ever been to California? Did you like it? No. Idk, it’s not the first place on my list if I am to visit the US though. Places in the East Coast and the Midwest personally appeal more to me - and I’m fully aware it’s because they’re well-known for being passionate wrestling hubs.

What's your favorite thing about the town you live in? I live right smack on the boundary between the more urban sprawl of Manila and the quieter, more peaceful and quaint mountain part of my city. It’s very easy to access either depending on what I’m in the mood for.

Do you like Mexican food? What's your favorite dish to eat? It’s great, but not my top favorite cuisine. My favorite dishes would have to be fajitas and chimichangas.

Favorite kind of pizza is? Quattro formaggi all the wayyyy. You’ll never see me ordering anything else.

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? If so, how long have you been dating? No.

Any brothers or sisters? Do they make you mad? I have one of each. My sister will sometimes piss me off, but it dies down quick. My brother did something unforgivable to me two years ago so that’s how long I have been constantly mad at him.

Are you nosy? Eh, sometimes? For the most part I know my place though. I let people share the amount they’re willing to, and very rarely do I try to pry.

Ever been to a bar? What was it like? Sure, had my fair share of favorites too when going out was still a normal thing. For me, bars are the best if I’m with the right mix of people. If I’m in a crowd I’m not necessarily close with, it can definitely dampen the experience as I will only be feeling awkward. The people in the bar will sometimes be a factor too – I will most likely feel annoyed if I’m somewhere that’s clearly populated by high schoolers or college freshies as they can get super rambunctious and loud.

Are you old enough to drink? Yes, have been for the last 4 (almost 5) years.

What's your favorite kind of flower? I enjoy looking at peonies.

Would you rather have pasta or chicken? Right now, probs chicken - preferably chicken wings because that sounds the most fucking yummmmmm rn. We’ve been having pasta a bit too much at home so it would’t hurt to skip it for now.

Have you ever dated someone, but made them not tell anyone about it? Yeah. Gabie and I got back together in our final months of high school. We were about to graduate and it was crucial we kept our record clean so that the school won’t strip us of our diploma and prohibit us from marching (it was Catholic school, sooo homophobia and stuff). Because of that, we had to keep it secret for about a month and a half. As soon as I got home from the ceremony and my family dinner, I shared the news on social media. So I didn’t exactly make her keep it secret - it was a mutual understanding.

What's the meanest thing you have done to a friend? I honestly can’t recall a time i deliberately set out to be an ass to someone I considered a friend. The one thing I can recall was accidentally misgendering Andi when I was still getting used to their pronouns, but I didn’t do it on purpose.

Have you ever kissed anybody with the name starting with a C or R? No. Those are my initials though, ha.

Why did you and your last ex break up? She wasn’t ready, she wasn’t down for commitment, and she felt suffocated having only been in a relationship throughout her late teen and early adult years. She really made herself sound like such a victim and she made it sound like commitment is the biggest sin, and so I blamed myself a lot during the first few months of our breakup; but I’ve since made a conscious effort to turn my mindset around and convince myself that I’m not at fault. Bye gaslighters.

Have you ever had a really bad fight with a best friend? Angela and I only had petty fights and our last one was in like 5th grade. Gab and I got into heavy arguments, but only when we were in a relationship and never as friends.

Do you like spaghetti? It’s okay. I like other types of pasta better.

Which color: orange or red? Red.

Do you know any songs by Katy Perry? Do you like her music? She’s...popular lmao, so yeah I know a good number of her songs. She’s in the middle for me; some songs I really enjoy, like E.T., Dark Horse, and Thinking of You (a personal fave); and there are some that didn’t grow on me as much, like Wide Awake and that awful Christmas song she recently released.

Ever had a near death experience? I suppose. My almost-car crash is the event I always cite.

Which number: 5 or 19? 19, for no reason whatsoever.

What's your favorite song by Taylor Swift? Why is that your favorite? Wildest Dreams; it meant a lot to me on a personal level for a time; right now it’s kinda doing it again for me. From her newest album, I really like dorothea also because it’s a bit relevant to my life at the moment.

Pick one: apples or oranges? I guess oranges. I don’t like fruits but I’m more likely to take a liking to orange-flavored stuff, like juice or chewy candies.

Do you know anybody named George or Bob? I don’t think so.

What do you like better, being single or in a relationship? Why is that? I like being in a relationship; commitment comes easy to me and I love looking out for a significant other, supporting them in their dreams, and generally just having someone to focus on, build a future with, and spoil. Being single hasn’t been bad and I guess I won’t mind if I never found someone; but in the grand scheme of things it’s really nice to be able to love someone.

Are you close with your mother? Not really but our relationship isn’t as strained as it used to be.

Have you ever dated someone named Kyle? Nope.

If you still go to school, who sits next to you in your fifth period? I can’t remember the last time I had five classes in a day, lol.

Who was the last person to ring your doorbell/knock on your door? I think it was my mom, earlier this morning when she arrived back home from her daily jog.

Does anything on you itch right now? Yeah actually; the opposite elbow got itchy just now.

If the last person you kissed came to your house now, what would you say? “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

If your ex called you crying, what would it most likely be about? I have no clue, and she would never do that so I literally can’t imagine even a hypothetical reason for this. It has to be a super serious situation, likeeeeeee idk, maybe a death. *knocks on wood aggressively*

Who was the best kisser out of all the people you have kissed? I’ve only kissed one person, so can’t compare.

Name everyone you have texted today. This media guy celebrating his birthday today so I had to ask him for his details so we could send him a gift, as well as the contact person for the cake shop that we got in touch with to order said gift for the birthday celebrant.

Who was the last person you spoke to for over 5 minutes over the telephone? Maybe my grandma when she called a few months ago.

How many times have you went to the bathroom today? Around three times total, I think.

Who do you currently live with? My dad, mom, Nina, my brother, Kimi, and Cooper.

What do you like better: sour or sweet candy? Sweeeeeeet. No sour anything for me, thanks.

Have you ever been told that you have an annoying laugh? No but I hope this isn’t an actual thing people say to other people. They can think others’ laugh is annoying, but I think it’s one of those things that you can just try to get over and is unnecessary to raise lol.

[what-stop-the-presses-rly-means]

Bye, Bye, Sugar Blue Eyes part 4

Race x female reader modern au

Part 1, 2, 3, x, 5, 6

Warnings: some mild swearing

A/N: I’m sorry this took forever to update, but I have parts of the next 2 chapters already done so it shouldn’t take so long in the future

——————-

So now that brings us to the present. One month in and I’m slowly and steadily becoming my role in this home. I was starting to feel somewhat like a member of this odd family. And that meant becoming more comfortable around here. Which, in turn, meant that we could laugh and goof around, but I also called them out on their bullshit when needed. Becoming a figure in this household meant that I saw everyone in it at their best and at their worst. Thankfully, there wasn’t much of the latter lately. In fact, it was almost a time of celebration.

It was currently 1:07 am and I was busy in the kitchen in full-on planning mode. And because of this, I didn’t hear the door open.

“Hey, what are you doing on my turf so late at night? On your day off, in fact.”

I dropped the wooden spoon I had been holding and whipped around. There stood Albert in his PJ’s, running a hand through his messy hair and smirking at me.

“Jeez, don’t scare me like that. I almost dropped everything.” I turned back to the bowl. “If you must know, I’m making a cake for Ben’s birthday tomorrow.”

“Ben?” He looked confused. “Oh! Bugs.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, ‘Bugs.’ I refuse to call him by that awful nickname. So he has a bit of an overbite, so what? He looks nothing like Bugs Bunny.”

Albert chuckled. “It’s all in good fun. If he truly didn’t like it, we’d all stop calling him that.” He rested his elbows on the counter opposite of me, staring into the bowl. “So what do you mean you’re making him a cake? That wasn’t on the grocery list.” He glanced over at a piece of paper tacked to the wall. “And it definitely wasn’t in the budget.”

I wiped my hands on my apron before looking up at him pointedly. “Yeah, I heard that those boys don’t ever really get an authentic birthday party each year. It damn near broke my heart. So I took it upon myself to change that. I bought all of this with my own money. Ben’s going to have a legitimate celebration tomorrow. Ten years old is an important milestone.”

Albert looked surprised to say the least. “That’s very generous of you. But you don’t have to do that. We do little things for the boys on their birthdays. I let them pick what we have for dinner and they choose which movie everyone watches that night. It’s not much, but it’s all we can do.”

My eyes softened a little. “I understand. It’s heartbreaking when you can’t give the people you love everything they deserve. But I’m sure they all know you guys try your best. And I didn’t mean to sound accusatory or anything. I just wanna do my part in making their lives as ‘normal’ as possible.”

Albert grabbed a tea kettle and started filling it with water. “Well, thank you. I’m sure they’ll love it. But I have to warn you, after tomorrow each of them is gonna be expecting the same treatment on their birthdays.”

I smiled. “I know. And that’s why I’ve decided to put back a little money from every paycheck I get so I can make it happen.”

Albert paused, causing the kettle to overflow a bit.

“Shit!” He set about drying off the counter with a nearby rag and set the kettle on the stove, turning to me. “You’d really do that?” I nodded. “That’s… wow. I’ll be honest with ya, I didn’t really know what to expect from you when you first moved in. Don’t get me wrong, you seemed nice enough, and the boys really took a liking to ya. But I wasn’t sure you’d fit in so quickly and so easily.”

He looked down at his hands, which were fiddling with an old looking friendship bracelet on his wrist. “It’s been hard, you know? The last three months. Race has been my best friend since I was eleven years old, when I moved in here. I was so scared and lost; I thought I’d never be happy again. But then this curly haired boy with a dopey grin took me under his wing. He taught me that life is so much more than 1’s and 0’s, black and white, happy and sad. And for the first time I felt like I could talk about what happened to my parents and the events that led up to me coming here.” He smiled slightly. “Race never took life too seriously. He always said that we’d already lived out all the scary parts, so all that was left was adventure and happy memories to come. And dammit if I didn’t believe him wholeheartedly.” The kettle whistled and he turned around.

I could hear him sigh. “But then his dad got sick and he had to leave. And don’t take this as me saying you did something wrong or that you aren’t good enough. Quite the opposite, actually. I just didn’t know it would be this hard to be away from my friend again.” He turned back, holding two mugs, and handed one to me with a smile. “But if we were to have anyone else here, taking care of the boys… I’m glad it’s you.” He clinked his glass to mine.

“Thanks, Al.” We stood in comfortable silence for a moment, drinking our tea. Then he glanced at all of the items on the counter before laughing.

“Okay, I know we’re all on a budget around here so I won’t scold you for getting a box cake mix, but I will share a couple secrets to make it seem like it’s homemade.” I furrowed my brow as he collected a few things from the cabinets.

“My Nonna would kill me if she knew I was allowing this to happen, but I, too, have made cake from a box once or twice.”

“Your Nonna sounds like a gem.”

He snickered at that. “Oh, yeah, she’s a saint. Though if she were to ever meet you she’d tell you that you were wearing the neckline of a hooker and devil’s makeup. But then she’d pinch your cheeks and feed you tiramisu, so you take the good with the bad.” I let out a loud laugh.

“My lips are sealed about the cake, but I’ll take any and all verbal abuse if I can eat anything made by the wonderful woman that taught you how to cook.”

He smiled sheepishly. “So, when making a chocolate cake you’re gonna want to throw in an extra egg and always use butter, even if it says to use oil.” I did as I was told. “Good.  Now if you really wanna bring out the flavor, I like to add some instant coffee into the mix.”

An hour later I was frosting the cake as Al leaned on the counter, face in his hand and eyes drooping.

“Hey, I got it from here. Go back to bed. You have the weekend shift and can’t afford to fall asleep while on duty. One of the boys might set something on fire out of sheer dumb luck.”

“Oh, and I’m sure all the added sugar from, I don’t know, a cake won’t have anything to do with that,” he said with a yawn. I lightly smacked his shoulder as he walked past.

“Hey, Al?” He turned back to me with sleepy eyes. “Race was right, in a way. Sure, you can’t guarantee that the rest of your life will be all happy moments. But the boys care about you, and you have amazing friends, and a family that loves you so much.  And a grandma that can cook circles around Gordon Ramsey, and is probably tougher than him, too,” I laughed. “Life may not be perfect; it may not be all you had hoped. But keep surrounding yourself with those people and you won’t even be able to tell the difference.”

He smiled warmly and nodded, then turned and left.

The next morning I allowed myself to sleep in, having finally gone to bed some time around 3 am. When I went downstairs it was fairly quiet. I checked to make sure no one had snuck a bite out of the cake in the fridge and made myself a cup of coffee. It was almost scarily quiet. That is, until Peter came running into the kitchen, skidding to a halt in front of me.

“Oh! Mornin’, Miss (Y/N)! I was just looking for the paper towels. I accidentally knocked over the vase by the front door. But don’t worry! Nothing’s broken.”

I cracked a smile. “Not a problem, Sweet Pea. It’s good that you’re taking initiative and helping out by cleaning up your mess.” I handed him the roll. “It’s super quiet this morning.”

“Yeah, the older boys are doing their Sunday paper route. They’re usually not back until lunchtime.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot they did that.”

“I wish I was old enough to have a job,” he sighed. I smiled down at him.

“You will be soon enough. For now, enjoy being a kid. Where your only responsibilities are going to first grade and having fun. And you’ve already exceeded those expectations by helping with some of the chores, and we’re all very thankful for that.” After contemplating that for a second, he looked pretty proud of himself. I ruffled his hair and sent him on his way.

I usually didn’t know what to do on my days off. Sometimes I would spend some time with nature and go to Central Park so I could get out of the house for a bit. Other times I would catch up with family and friends. But more often than not I’d find myself roaming around, not sure what to do. I was so used to having a list of things that needed done and watching after all the boys that even when I was off duty I found it hard to stop.

So today I took my coffee and the book I was currently reading and went out onto the front porch to enjoy the nice weather. I stopped short when I saw Rider sitting on the porch swing I had planned to sit on.

I haven’t talked to him much since that first day. I haven’t really had to since he’d stopped going out of his way to be a pain in the ass. But I had thought that since we had a mutual understanding, he would feel more open to talk about whatever has been bothering him. But he never really took me up on my offer. Not until today, that is.

I walked over to where he seemed deep in thought, startling him a bit. He looked down at the items in my hands.

“Oh, sorry. You can sit here, I’ll go.”

“No need. Can I join you? If not, that’s fine, I’ll sit somewhere else.” He paused for a moment, and then nodded once. So I sat on the opposite end of the swing, sipping my coffee. It was uncomfortably silent for a bit before I couldn’t stand it anymore.

“So how come you don’t do a paper route like the other boys?”

He scoffed. “That’s for kids. I’m not a kid. But Jack insists I’m not ‘mature enough’ for a real job yet. I think he’s afraid I’ll make enough money for a train ticket and run away or something.”

“I bet that’s frustrating. But can’t you see where he’s coming from? You haven’t exactly proven him otherwise.”

He let out an exasperated sigh. “I know. I know that I’m difficult. I know that I’m acting like some teen movie stereotype. But you gotta see things from my point of view.”

“Okay, then help me understand. I’m all ears.”

He looked unsure; glancing around to make sure no one was listening. “How often do you hear about teenagers getting adopted?”

“Well, Race and Albert weren’t adopted until they were sixteen. And now they have amazing families who love them dearly.”

“It’s just… I’m already that weird, loner, orphan boy at my school. If I keep it up for much longer, no one’s gonna want to date me.” I hadn’t been expecting that. And seeing how wide his eyes got, neither had he. He looked ready to run away, so I quickly continued the conversation.

“Don’t say that. I’m sure plenty of people want to date you.” His face flushed as he avoided eye contact. Realization dawned on me. “Unless you have a particular person in mind?” He didn’t respond, but as he hid his face in his arms it kind of gave it away. “That’s great! But you shouldn’t be so concerned about them not liking you because you live in an orphanage. If something so little drives them away, then they’re not worth your time. Because ‘orphan’ is not part of your identity. Sure, you may live here and you may have a grievous, less than perfect backstory… But that does not define you. When I look at you, I don’t see ‘weird, loner, orphan boy.’ I see a young man who is strong, who doesn’t back down from a fight, who isn’t afraid to speak his mind even if it may come out a little harsh at times. Not that I’m bitter about it,” I said sarcastically, earning a small laugh from him.

“I see someone who isn’t his past, but sure as hell has a bright future ahead of him. What was it that Race always said? ‘You’ve already lived out all the scary parts, so all that’s left is adventure and happy memories.’”

He looked shocked to hear me quoting Race. Or maybe he wasn’t used to having someone have faith in him. Either way, it was upsetting seeing how easily a few words had an effect on him. His eyes searched mine for a moment and then he looked down into his lap.

“Charlie.”

“What?”

“…That’s the name of the person I…like.”

He looked so nervous, almost as if he could break down right there. So I placed my hand on his.

“Then he is lucky such an amazing boy likes him.” His head snapped to the right, looking at me with tears in his eyes. I barely had enough time to smile before he lunged forward and wrapped his arms around me. This morning has been full of unexpected things, but this topped all of them. I hugged him back just as tight. I could hear him crying in my ear as he whispered, “Thank you.”

We stayed like that for a long time. But he must’ve been afraid one of the boys would see him in this emotional state so he eventually leaned back and scrubbed at his face.

“I, uh, have never said that out loud before. Not to Race, not even to myself.”

I nodded and rubbed his back. “Thank you for trusting me.”

“I-I’m just so afraid of having all these strikes against me: Orphan, Creep, Weirdo… Gay. I don’t know if I can handle it.”

“You don’t have to wear it all on your sleeve if you’re not ready. And don’t worry, I won’t tell a soul. But if you ask me, I think you’ll find yourself a lot happier and more relieved when you can be who you truly are. But work at your own pace. And, like I’ve said, you can always talk to me.”

“Thanks.”

“Hey, so I’m throwing Ben a birthday party tonight. Wanna help? But don’t tell the other boys, it’s a surprise. I’m keeping your secret, now you can keep one for me. It’s only fair,” I smirked at him.

He laughed. “Deal.”

Ben was surprised, to say the least. It warmed my heart to see the excitement on the young boy’s face when he saw all the decorations. I was afraid the other boys would be jealous, but they were just as excited for him. Everyone sang Happy Birthday with such enthusiasm. And when the cake was passed around, the dining room was filled with happy chatter. It was so nice seeing everyone finally happy. It seemed like such a daunting task. Turns out all it takes is a little communication and a lot of sugar.

By the time we all squeezed together in the living room to watch How to Train Your Dragon, Ben’s birthday movie choice, everyone seemed content. The movie had just started when Jack’s phone rang.

“Sorry, I’ll put it on si-“ He paused as he looked at the caller ID.

“What’s wrong?”

“Uh, nothing. I have to take this. I’ll be right back.” He got up and quickly went into his office. We all shrugged and turned back to the movie. I looked over at Rider who was sitting in one of the armchairs with Peter in his lap. He was wearing the newsboy cap Rider had given him that afternoon. “Now you can pretend you have a job like the older kids,” he had said. I couldn’t stop the wide grin that spread across my face if I tried.

A little while later, Jack slipped back into his seat, looking giddy. I gave him a questioning look.

“It’s nothing,” he whispered. “But if you think everyone’s happy now, just wait.”

Tag list:

@bencookisagod

@technically-whizzy

@werkwerkelizaaa

[panda-plumbobs]

sim my life tag

by @panda-plumbobs (wait, I made this tag? 😂)

rules: reimagine / recreate a few photos / memories that show something important about you or your life... in the sims! feel free to discuss what they show, and then tag some friends to join in the fun!

IT’S FINALLY HERE - the get-to-know-me-followers-gift-tag-thing I have been talking about for far too long! I’ve put way too much time into this but I’m really happy with the end result, and I hope this lets anyone new here get to know a little bit more about the simmer behind the plumbob that runs this crazy little blog 💕

As this is a followers gift (x2!!) I just wanted to say thank you to anyone and everyone who has ever followed or supported me - I love you all so much, as well as the simblr community! I’m going to be tagging all those who have been even more than that, whether they are friends, people I have chatted to, people who have inspired me, have been super active or just friendly in general, so if you are tagged at the end of this post, know that you are extra special to me and you are the best!! 😊

The first actual screenshot of this post shows five pictures that actually exist in my house - or as close as I could get them to look like the ones irl! You can consider the other screenies (5, 6 + 7) to be more based on memories and experiences, as well as just showcases of things about me! This is going to be a hefty and long post so I’ve put under the cut for you beautiful people. With all the admin stuff out of the way, let’s get right into it! ✨

1. ‘bright as a jewel, beautiful as a flower’ ~ Hi. You probably all know me as panda, p or the elusive A from the gallery (not A from PLL, I promise 😏), but of course, I’m not actually called panda, as that would be a kinda cool but unfortunate name. I have disclosed my name to a couple of people over message, but never publicly so...Hi. My name is Amber (it’s actually Amber Rose surname but Rose is a middle name, so I usually drop it when introducing myself, and thus explaining the quote so often used by mother to explain the name). Anyway, good to finally introduce myself to y’all! The picture above is obviously not when I was born, as I definitely didn’t come out looking that fabulous 17 years ago. No, this is an edit done by Grandma of my christening, 5 months after 05/09, my birthday. Of course, I don’t remember any of it, but it happened in my mum’s childhood-home-local-church, at the time almost an hour away from where we lived.

2. ‘splish, splash, splosh’ ~ By the time I turned two, we moved closer to my grandparent’s on my mum's side, who didn’t live too far off the coast. We lived more centrally in UK prior on the outskirts of a city, so moving there (or back, in my mum’s circumstances) to a rural and much smaller community was a big change. I personally can’t even remember my time in the city, as I was so young. I do remember our times on the beach after we moved. We’d go very often, and we’d play in the sea, make sandcastles, walk our old dog Sam... the pictures above were taken in one of the colder months during this time - and was taken and edited by my grandma once again.

3. ‘she smiles because she is my sister, she laughs because there is nothing i can do about it...’ ~ Not too long after the move, my one and only sibling, my sister came along. I think it’s fair to say that although I have always disliked her, found her incredibly annoying and referred to her as the spawn of satan multiple times, there is some love there. We do occasionally get on very well, but other times it’s like there is a war going on between us! However, things do always resolve themselves... but not for long 😂

4. ‘although i cannot see you, i feel your presence near. i will hold you close in memory, till I drop my very last tear.’ ~ In December 2013, my grandma passed away after battling cancer for many years. This was the first death in the family, and the first death of someone so close to me I had experienced. Although it sounds super big headed, as her first born grandchild I always her favourite, and even though she was very traditional, we were always very close. I’ve always been quite unemotional, so it didn’t really hit me she was gone until I was making shortbread biscuits in FT, and I broke down. Most people thought that it was because my biscuits went so badly... The photo here was taken on the same day that photo 3 was and before she got really ill, and I’m almost certain that the quote is from a poem I wrote in a card for her coffin.

5.  ‘divorce isn’t such a tragedy. a tragedy is staying in an unhappy marriage.’ ~ This photo is more of a what-if, as we went on many camping holidays when we were a family. In mid-2013, my mum and dad separated, and finally got officially divorced last year. The family was pretty much broken when my sister and I were born - my dad was always very restrictive with money, and we always only had the bare minimum we needed to survive, let alone live a good, happy life, even though we had plenty of money for that. My parents would constantly argue and fell out of love because this - so things had to change. I know that the splitting-up of parents affects most people in a big way, but this has never affected me that much. I feel as though I have never had a relationship with my dad, even though I lived with him for most of my life. Now, both of my parents have moved on and are happy in new relationships - I only see my dad a couple of times a month and have never met his new partner. But none of this has changed me, and to be honest, I think everyone in my family is a better person because of it.

6. ‘aspire and achieve’ ~ School has obviously been a massive part of my life. I followed the same line as most kids in England up to secondary school. I did a year at my local secondary before I moved over to another school, a bit further away with no one I knew attending but much smaller with higher ratings. Moving there was the best decision I ever made. I improved academically and socially, gaining loads of new friends and skills.Last year, I sat my GCSEs, and came out with 5 A*s, 3 As, and a B - I couldn’t have been happier. I’m now attending a large city college to do AS levels in English Language and Literature, Sociology, Geography and Film Studies this next summer, and even though I’ve only been going for 3 weeks - I’m loving every second of it!

7. ‘my face looks like the moon!’ ~ It’s been a long journey to finding myself, and I have changed so much as a person over my 17 years. I used to be really shy, never look at people when they spoke to me... but now I’m probably too confident, as I always let my opinion come first 😂 My personality type is INFP-J and star sign Virgo - both of which apply extremely strongly to me, and basically any description you can find of either is always highly relatable to me. I’ve always been unique and individual, not following the crowd, as well as a bit of a geek - a perfectionist, intelligent, organised and thriving on the Internet. However, I do have a girly side: one part of me that has stayed since I was young was my self-consciousness about my body, and I certainly have acne (which is subtly in the picture), not in such a bad way that I need to take medication, but it has bothered me for a very long time (show by the direct quote for this selection of screenies 😂).  I feel as though makeup is a fun and effective way of making myself look how I want, and although I’m not into as much as I was, I still love it! I also love to read, and have way too many books that I have bought and have got round to reading due to school texts, as well as clothes and fashion!

8. ‘always classy, never trashy and a little bit sassy’ ~ These final screenies are of me at my prom this summer just gone! My whole look was inspired by Clary from the Mortal Instruments, as well as Grecian style as I knew I was going on holiday to Crete only a few weeks after! Although it pissed it down all night, it was a great event and a huge celebration for not only completing and doing well in my exams but also how far I have come as a person in the last 4 years especially - my achievements, my friends and my personality as a whole. I’ll miss my old school and friends, but I’ll never get anywhere if I don’t move on - university, seeing the world, falling in love - I want to experience it all. College is the first step, and who knows what will happen from there. But I’ll never forget where I’ve come from and the people and events that have made me the person I am today 💫

I tag all of the people that have made these past six months so memorable on here: @inevitablesims, @tiredtoothache, @vividlore, @calisimgirl, @littlemissnellie and @sunlitsims! I love you guys so much and I hope you have fun doing this little thing I’ve created 🤗 Also if you fancy doing this tag and I haven’t tagged you here:

😂😂😂 Honestly please do - I’d love to see your take on this! Just say I tagged you as I would love to see it! 💞 I used my simself and family in this tag, but if you don’t feel comfortable using your simself or any other people you know irl (family and friends), then you could just use placeholders, blur their faces out or just do memories or photos that don’t include certain people - this tag can be as personal as you want, and as long as your followers get to know a little more about you, it really doesn’t matter 😄 Also with it being the lead up to Simblrween, I don’t mind of anyone I’ve tagged here puts it off until after then!

DISCLAIMER: I inspired this off Draw My Life videos on YouTube - I know people have done Sim My Life videos before, but they have often just followed a simself through a new life in the game - not really remaining totally close to the actual events that have happened to them in the past. I don’t think anyone has done this as a tag before (or anything similar) on Simblr, but if someone has done it before, I am deeply sorry that I overlooked this and I owe full credit of the idea to the person who came up with the original tag!

I hope you guys liked this, as well as my new small but personal updates to my theme! I love you all so much!! 💞

[thegreenhorseman]

In the past 365 days a lot of blood sweat and tears have been shed.  We have officially been in our home for a year.  Since moving in you have come along with me on my journey to bring Blade home.  The work began in January; a warm spell allowed Zac and I to go outside and work in the yard.  Trees were prunes, the stream was raked, and we got to know our property.  This helped up lay our the ideas and plans for the busy year to come.  Zac and I spent time walking the property to get a solid plan.

  February blew in more winter.  The 2018 winter in New York was a snowy one.  We spent a lot of time snow-blowing, shoveling and roof raking.  In February I focused on projects in the house and learned to make my own hay nets.  March really was no better.  As the days became longer and warmer we began to emerge from the house and went back to exploring the backyard.  In March I set a goal to have Blade home by May and I simultaneously made plans with my trainer to bring Happy with him.  This helped motivate me to get things done.

  Morning Leaving Work and Heading to the Farm

Spring began at the end of March when the snows melted and left us with a shockingly we backyard.  We were so saturated you could hear the water trickling.  Equipment was rented and materials were purchased.  In the four weeks of April we cleared land (by hand), installed 300 feet of french drains, and set up one full paddock complete with the electric fencing setup.  I had also set up my new round-pen and corral shelter.  In these four busy weeks Zac and I got to know our neighbors much better.  They saw how hard we were working and we grew close.  We learned quickly that we have the best neighbors anyone could ever hope to have.

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May was the month Blade and Happy came home and we officially became a horse property.  We also adopted Bardi, our fluffy Icelandic Sheepdog who has proven to be THE MOST AMAZING DOG EVER (seriously, even non-dog people want to take him home). I continued to work hard and added the second paddock.  I also had the confidence to go try something new all on my own: mounted archery. This led to the discovery of a whole new fire within me.

  The heat of June combined with dietary changes and major life changes threw Blade for a whirlwind.  He suffered mild colic a few times which led me to suspect he was experiencing gastric issues yet again.  I spent a lot of time monitoring Blade, attending mounted archery practice, and preparing the site of our new run-in shed.

  July came and we began the big build.  My incredible friends and family teamed up to make my dreams and Zac’s carefully thought out plans a reality.  The days were long and the sun was hot.  We enjoyed the pool often.  At the end of the month two of my girlfriends made some bucket-list dreams comes true.  Borrowing a friend’s horse I went along with them to Lake Luzerne and camped.  We trail rode and even took the horses swimming.  I couldn’t stop smiling even if I wanted to.

  Facebook is a wonderful thing and in August I found an ad for some old polytape fencing.  It wasn’t in the best condition but two strands easily covered four acres.  The gentleman advertising it gave me all plus some hardware for only $25.  I put it up two weeks later; it’s not charged and runs in and around trees but the horses have a fantastic turnout pasture at the top of our hill.  This has been tremendous in keeping them out of the mud during wet weather.  I also explored another new-to-me activity, cattle sorting!

  Time got away from me in the later summer months.  Taking advantage of the weather was of the upmost importance.  I am only realizing now that I never posted about several events including our housewarming party!  We hosted nearly 60 people at our home for a wonderful barbecue.  Blade gave pony rides to my cousins and hugged my grandma.  Blade has improved so significantly that I began to desensitize him and train him for mounted archery.  Surprisingly enough he took to it quickly.  In our second session we were trotting around shooting the target on our own.  We also purchased our new ATV which has made life so much easier.  At the end of September I had to sadly say goodbye to Happy as she left my home, returning to riding at my trainer’s farm.  Before she left I made a wonderful connection with Susan Kayne, founder of Unbridled Thoroughbred Foundation.  I began fostering Zeno Bay and Vai Via a week before Happy went home allowing for Blade to become acquainted with the boys before losing his girlfriend.

  October rolled in and brought with it some cooler weather.  The boys got to know each-other and I was collecting donated blankets from some amazing supporters.  November was a great month for indoor activities.  Cornell hosted a seminar where we learned to run our own fecal floats to look for parasites.  I attended Equine Affaire again and I spent most of October and November getting to know Vai Via and Zeno Bay.  The personalities have made them both shine.  The months have been wet, however, so it’s been very inconvenient for riding and making much progress on that end.  Due to financial reasons I stopped taking lessons.  Now, at the end of December I am very much missing them especially when I want to ride and it’s either dark, too frozen, or too muddy.

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I don’t know what the coming year has in store for me.  I sense more big changes on the horizon.  Depending on how these changes play out the year can unfold into several different directions.  Right this moment I can say I would love to earn enough money to get back to taking lessons.  I hope to finally find a routine that works to help me lose weight and stay active with the balancing of horses and working out.  Unfortunately my mounted archery club is on shaky ground but I hope to practice at home.  I also hope to become a stronger more active voice for thoroughbreds by making a place for myself within the Unbridled Thoroughbred Foundation.

Also, something very important to me, is The Green Horseman.  I want to know how you think I can improve.  This year I posted 81 articles.  What did you like?  What didn’t you like?  Most of my articles are posted Thursday mornings.

Do you want to see more educational posts?

Do you prefer my journey?

…or do you like the mix?

I would like to become a more structured blogger and revamp my website to be more user friendly.

Do you want to see product reviews?

You voice is what matters most!

Below is a COMPLETE listing of 2018’s articles by month.  I thank you for being with me on this journey and hope you will continue to support me in the new year.

  [contact-form]

January (6 Posts)

01/03 – RESOLUTION TIME

01/08 – Equine 101: POP QUIZ (#2)!

01/22 – Heart to Horse Box – January 2018

01/23 – Weekly Photo Challenge: Silence

01/24 – Every Barn Needs…

01/28 – Weekend Projects

February (5 Posts)

02/01 – Will Delta Dental Cover My Horse?

02/08 – The 5Ws of an Equine Dental Float

02/10 – Playing on a Friday Afternoon

02/15 – The Power Argument in Dentistry

02/17 – When You Fall Off a Horse…

March (9 Posts)

03/01 – Protecting Our Four Hooved Friends

03/04 – Afternoon Naps

03/13 – Blame It On Heartland

03/15 – Progress

03/18 – Weekly Photo Challenge

03/19 – Poison Prevention Week: Mind Your Feed

03/22 – Don’t Judge!

03/29 – Night and Day, There’s a Difference

03/31 – I’m Drowning

April (12 Posts)

04/02 – It’s Someone’s Birthday

04/03 – Barn Cat Arnie Again

04/05 – Update on the Homemade Hay Net

04/07 – Farm Updates: French Drains

04/08 – Who Said Having Fun Can’t Be Productive?

04/09 – Busy Brain = Lack of Sleep

04/12 – Fencing Update

04/18 – Absorbine Liniment For My Shoulders, Please

04/19 – Did You Catch Me?

04/23 – What’s That Burning Smell?

04/26 – Backyard Critters

04/30 – Weekend Update 

May (7 Posts)

05/02 – T Minus 24 Hours

05/03 – We Have Arrived! 

05/08 – Farm Update

05/10 – When the Going Gets Tough

05/17 – New Experiences

05/24 – Shout-Out For the Trainers

05/31 – Overdue Update Part 1

June (11 Posts)

06/01 – Overdue Update: Part 2

06/02 – Overdue Update Part 3

06/03 – Overdue Update Part 4

06/04 – Overdue Update Part 5

06/05 – Overdue Update Part 6

06/08 – Equine 101: Horse Vitals

06/09 – Putting the Vitals to Use

06/11 – The Aftermath of Last Week

06/14 – Recovering From The Stress Dump

06/21 – On to the Next One

06/22 – Quick Fun Update 

July (1 Post)

07/31 – Summertime Slump

August (2 Posts)

08/02 – Bucket List!

08/09 – Cross Training On The Weekend

September (8 Posts)

09/13 – Horses Update

09/15 – Barn Progress

09/16 – Bad News and Good News Squared

09/19 – Mounted Archery Update

09/21 – Day 1 for Two…

09/22 – Mounted Archery at Home

09/23 – New Toys, New Tools, New Fun

09/27 – The Ups and Downs of the Weekend

October (6 Posts)

10/11 – I’m Cold Therefore My Horse is Cold

10/18 – A Needed Night Away

10/22 – Celebrate the Wins

10/23 – Everyone’s Talking About It

10/25 – Happy Birthday and Thank You

10/26 – Spending Money Like Ouch

November (9 Posts)

11/01 – A Joyful Noise

11/07 – Poop, Yes I Said It. POOP

11/14 – The Green Horseman at the Affaire

11/15 – Clinicians of Equine Affaire 2018

11/16 – The Green Horseman at Fantasia

11/22 – Happy Thanksgiving

11/26 – Blade’s Resolutions

11/27 – Tis The Season to Be Giving

11/29 – The Green Horseman’s Recommended Gifts Under $50

December (5 Posts including today) 

12/06 – Update On The Three Amigos

12/13 – The Green Horseman on Another Project: Winter Prep

12/20 – Hay, Hay You! What’s New?

12/27 –Christmas Festivities

  2018 Recap In the past 365 days a lot of blood sweat and tears have been shed.  We have officially been in our home for a year. 

[thatmomforem]

#greatmomspectations

There are certain things expected of moms. Or should I say a TON of things expected of moms… Keep an eye on your children. Keep them ‘in line.’ Make sure they’re quiet in public. Make sure they’re getting a good amount of sleep. Lose the baby weight. Stay on top of doctor’s appointments. Introduce a healthy diet. Help them become active in events or sports, or both. Comfort. Nurture. Love. The list goes on and on… and on. While I could certainly comment on each and every one of those, I’m going to hone in on one of these expectations that continuously escapes me - sending greeting cards.

When you’re little, you could give a shit about checking the mail. It’s quite literally the last thing on your mind. Something we don’t even really pay attention to until a few special days roll around - holidays and more importantly, our birthday. On these days, the excitement of checking the mail far outweighs almost everything (with the exception of whatever celebration is being planned). Why? Because birthday cards!!! And more importantly… the money or gift cards inside! But for the point of this mom expectation, I’m talking about the physical, paper card sitting in the mailbox at the end of the driveway.

As a child, cards in the mail are just a normal occurrence. Something we don’t think twice about – your birthday arrives and letters start to appear! Even as we become older, think high school or college, sending cards was always something your mom took care of. She may or may not have you sign it, but that was likely the most involvement you had.

Fast forward seven years – now I’m the mom and this sending of greeting cards is my responsibility. And let me tell you – it’s A LOT to handle. I save everyone’s birthday in the calendar on my phone and set a reminder for a week out so I have time to go get a card, get it signed, buy whatever gift (if applicable) to go with it and get the card sent out. I also save a list of everyone we (attempt to) send holiday cards to… which to be honest, is pretty excessive. Once each of these days arrive, I consistently find myself snoozing the week-out reminders, running to Target super late or adding ‘cards’ to my Kroger list. From there, I have to remember stamps – because who in 2017 keeps stamps lying around?! Make sure I have the correct address, get everything written and then into the mailbox. As simple as it sounds, I find this task to be so freaking difficult! And as if the process of getting them into the mail isn’t bad enough, insert the fact that I’m super picky about the cards that go out and it makes for a whole situation.

Example: Mother’s Day 2017. This was my first Mother’s Day with Em earth side, which means a spiral affect occurred. Em entering our lives made my mom a Nana, N’s mom a Mema for the sixth time and multiple people who we consider to be additional sets of parents became ‘second’ grandparents – one set in particular who have been a huge part of our lives for more than 10 years and now live right next door to my parents on three combined lots we refer to as their ‘compound.’ What does this mean for me – six, yes SIX Mother’s Day cards we’re going to be sending out. I had my mom from N and I, then to my mom (Nana) from Em. N’s mom from him and I, then from Em to Mema. Em to her ‘second’ grandma and then N and I to his sister and my cousin who has been an amazing help and resource ever since I found out I was pregnant. If you found that hard to follow, just imagine how I feel being the one that keeps up with them! HOLY CRAP LOAD OF CARDS!!!

Add to this the fact that I rarely just pick random cards and send them out – the message, look and idea behind the card has always been super important to me. I blame my mother for that – she’s always managed to find the most perfect cards to send and as such, standards have definitely been set high. So, as I approached this first Mother’s Day, I found myself standing in the Hallmark card aisle of Target, staring at the massive amounts of cards in front of me, taking a deep breath and simply starting from the top of the list of names I made. I probably stood there and read 142 cards before I decided on the correct one for each recipient. From there, I went home, laid them all out on my kitchen table and started the task of writing personal notes in each one. It’s always nice to send a card, but I feel like even a quick note makes it that much better! So there I was, writing until my hand was about to fall off, trying to shape sentences to express the overwhelming amount of love and gratitude I feel towards each of these women.

To not ruin all of my hard work up until this point, I made a run to the post office for stamps, collected all of the addresses and got my love letters in the mail about five days before that Sunday. NAILED IT. The amount of pride I felt in myself for accomplishing such a seemingly simple task was tremendous. I had actually gotten my life together! Pats her own back.

Fast forward not even a month later and I was back at square one, going through the same routine for Father’s Day. You think I’m joking about exactly how seriously ridiculous I am with the cards I pick… To my dad from N and I was one of the names on my long list of people to send a Father’s Day card to. My dad is a huge fan of margaritas and cruises, a Pharmacist by trade and a new member to the AppleWatch community.

During one of the many weekends I spent in Savannah, my parents helped to watch Em so I could have celebratory drinks with a few friends. Being a new mom and not having heard from my parents in a while, I sent a quick text asking how she was doing… To which my dad replied ‘Yes.’ Literally, he just said YES. I sent back a set of no less than 37 question marks, to which he replied ‘In a Meeting. Call you later.’ WHAT?! Dad!! You’re clearly using the quick responses on the AppleWatch… and simultaneously worrying the hell out of me!! Is something going so wrong you can barely text?! I tried responding again – everything ok over there?! His response… ‘In a Meeting. Call you later.’ DAD. Jesus! Get it together!! Last try on my end – Dad? Should I be worried?! His response… you guessed it – ‘In a Meeting. Call you later.’ At this point my friends and I are laughing hysterically… at least he tried, right?! And I’m pretty sure he would have called if something was truly wrong…  pretty sure. :)

Jump back to the Hallmark aisle picking out Father’s Day cards. After reading no less than 18 cards that were all wrong for my dad, I landed on one with the picture of a cell phone with texts on the outside.  I don’t remember the exact specifics of the card, but it definitely gave the gist of a dad struggling to text correctly. WINNER. At home, I wrote on the inside ‘I’d love to call and wish you a Happy Father’s Day, but I’m In a Meeting, Call you later.’ I sealed that sucker, wrote his address on it and very proudly popped it into the mail. NAILED IT AGAIN!

While that was obviously a major win, it’s birthdays that get me every year. I have yet to get the hang of staying on top of sending birthday cards, but it’s definitely something I strive for. I acknowledge there are so many more important things in life, but to me – getting excited while you run to the mailbox to check for cards is a big deal and I want to be a part of that.

I will figure this out one day! I will stop snoozing the reminders! I will make it to Target on time and I will have stamps at the ready! Today though…. Today I have to go Target to get my niece a birthday card… For her birthday that was July 23rd. Quick check your calendar, it’s August 29th … and I’m the worst.  

Huge props to the moms out there who are on top of their greeting card game! #notthismom

Em’s mom

[miker57067638117-blog]

The Various Kinds From Bad Breath, Component 4.

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