SI VIS AMARI, AMA
[SYNOPSIS] ˚⁀➷。 a simple night terror can shed light on one’s deepest fears. manjiro is no exception.
[NOTES] ˚⁀➷。 mental breakdown, mentions of death, dead!reader, mentally unstable mikey. description of how reader died, description of death scar. i might have gotten a bit rusty so sorry for that. also not proofread. thank you @ask-the-insect-hashira for requesting, i hope it is to your liking <3
mikey’s days in manila are all the same. eat, sleep, stand around, repeat. every day is dull, filled with nothing but regret and the wait for takemichi to finally come; and today is no different. the sun shines brightly throughout the city, and the heat and his dreams are unbearable, as always. not even his spot in the deepest nook of the abandoned building brings comfort upon the ex-gang leader anymore.
his life is filled with misery, every day still waiting for death to knock on one of the concrete walls and take him to wherever — hell, the afterlife, his second life that’d probably end up a complete misery again — take him anywhere but leave him there, drowning in the darkness.
drowning in the burden he had brought upon himself. selfish to think in such way, he repeats to himself constantly,until his mind is full of more hatred and his heart is on the brink of failure thanks to the anguish, but even the great manjiro sano is allowed to suffer from time to time.
on days so slow he can count the people he’s hurt on his fingers for hours unending, there is one singular thing that makes him want to crawl out of his skin: you. the one the counting always seems to end with. it has always been this way. you were the last counted back in the day, during meetings, the last he had killed and the last he always thought about, even now, in the middle of the hot sun, leaned against a wall, asphyxiated in the ardor of regret.
his head starts spinning and maybe it’s because of the heat or because of how much he’s thought about you these past few days, but it’s excruciating. he loved you, he still does, he loves you from wherever you are but not so hard he could have let you go. he didn’t love you enough to not decapitate you or steal your necklace when he ran out of your apartment, he didn’t love you enough to let you start anew in the same life as him.
he spins the silver around in his hand. “i did love you, y/n.” he whispers, “i still do. i just did what i had to do. you know, d-duty comes first.”
on the last part, he chokes. he feels strange. he feels an emotion he hasn’t felt since that day.
“you wouldn’t be able to forgive me,” he starts again, “i took everything from you. you loved life, and you would have found a way to love it again, even after attending so many funerals, after so much pain, b-but..” the stutter comes and goes, just like his lucidity, “not without me, goddamn it!”
his head collapses in his palms and black strands tangle in his fingers, “but even with you dead, you’re all i think about!” his hiccups get messier and messier and his voice cracks with the deterioration of his conscience, “i see your eyes every. single. day. they haunt me, and i can’t get them to stop staring at me. i see them so much it makes me sick, i see them—”
“you do?”
a voice as gentle as the summer breeze has his heart melting with fear as a hand that he knows by heart lifts his chin up to look at her face.
he freezes, with every single fiber of his body coming undone in some sort of raw disbelief. she’s there, she’s in front of him. you’re there. you’re in front of him.
your hair shines bright and your eyes are the same perfect, glassy beads that he sees in his torment. you’re paler, but you’re beautiful. you’re as young as you were two summers ago, when you met and manjiro sano is declared to have officially lost his mind when he reaches for your cheek. he caresses it, he feels it, he cherishes it like on that last day. it’s cold, it’s almost ashy, it’s almost an illusion. but it’s there and it brings him the illusion of comfort he didn’t think he was worthy of anymore.
and in fear of losing all that he had left of you until now, he clutches the necklace even harder and pours his heart out in front of the angel that he had made with his own two hands. he spills over his darkest nightmares and sweetest dreams like you’re gonna make them disappear or materialize them right then and there, he swears on his life, on jesus christ, on every kami he can think of, he confesses his love like when you got hurt in a fight the first time, he lets himself shout for the first time in a while.
he’s irrational, pupils dilated and fixed on the otherworldly being that crouches in front of him silently, with the same soft smile that made his heart pound like crazy. he lets the same blown pupils travel across your body, how he’s missed seeing you whole, and when he gets from your feet to your neck, his entire being feels like it has erased itself out of existence.
a clean, reddish-blue scar parts your neck in half, and, without a doubt, he knows what it is. his fingers trace across it as he musters up the courage to say something.
“i-i did that?” he wants to punch himself for asking, because he knows the answer, and he repeats it in his head.
“yes, yes you did.” your eyelashes flutter softly when you respond and your muted lips twitch into a creepily comforting smile.
“i-i’m sorry, y/n. i really am. you know that, right? please tell me you know. please, don’t worry about me not being sorry for what i’ve done. i am. i am, every day of this miserable life that i’ve been living without you by my side, y/n.” he crashes into your chest and you greet him with open arms.
it’s almost like a ritual: he weeps, he swears, he promises, and you sit there tight, with the same smile on your face as your soft palms press him into your embrace.
“you wanted love, mikey.” you finally say, first thing that’s finally not an answer to anything. “i wanted to live, but you also wanted love.” his cries are harder and the tears stain trough your shirt into your jaded heart, “it doesn’t mean it’s okay, it’s not. but in order to be loved, you had to love. and you loved me in life and through death, and after.” you cup his face and look him in the eyes.
“i don’t hate you. i hate the way you had to love me in the end.”
although somewhat harsh, your words mirror the truth of mikey’s degeneration.
“i would’ve wanted you to not be selfish, and me to not be selfless, because my heart would have always longed for yours anyway.” you say again, and he looks up, “but i forgive you, because i still love you like the kids we still are.”
he can’t be sadder and happier at the same time. he cups your face, tears raining down his face.
“we’ll meet again, won’t we?” he asks, with the hope of a hopeless kid he’s had running through his blood since forever.
another reassuring smile and a sweet forehead kiss for your one and only calm him down.
“of course we will.”
and before he can say anything else you disappear in front of him and so does the last bit of sanity he had left.
his mind goes blank and his vision fuzzy and he feels like he can’t breathe anymore. his chest tightens and he feels every second passing by and him losing his mind. the world starts spinning with him and he feels a knot build up in his stomach
then, he wakes up. he is sweaty, and a bit dizzy. the bedsheets and his satin pillowcase are soaked. he looks around the room and finds what — who — he was looking for.
you’re there. you’re sleeping peacefully, tangled in the white linen. in a moment of confusion, he brushes your hair to the side. he sees your perfectly fine neck and his erratic heartbeat cools down.
now, he can sleep peacefully again.
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"EUM—GOODBYE KISS, CAN I?"
featuring by »
izana kurokawa ✓
inui seishu ✓
haitani rindou ✓
summary »
just a little scenarios about will some boyfriend!characters in tokrev give you a goodbye kiss before he's going to fight with another gang?
genre & time setting »
fluff, crack, comfort — night
IZANA KUROKAWA -> always yes
"I'll send you a message after everything is done, don't wait me okay princess? Just sleep well and we will meet again tomorrow. Good Night, 'kay? Love u."
He's kissing the top of your head softly.
As a reflex little move, you close your eyes to enjoy the moment before he leaves.
Without him know your eyes lowkey saw Izana draw a small smile in his lips. It's warm your heart.
No need to concern anymore. You says that to your innerself.
If Izana promises back, then he will keep his promise only for you.
He's the best, never make worse your feeling whenever you're worry about him.
Izana know you're afraid something happen to him, but he always reassuring you everything will be fine.
He's the King and no one can touch him because he's the strongest.
Enough to make you don't too worry.
INUI SEISHU -> absolutely yes
"Wait me, 'kay? Tomorrow as my promise, i'll pick you up to the Cat Cafe that you've been talk to me yesterday."
Then, Inui is kissing your lips.
And he's teasing you too, Inui doesn't forget to giving a little touch to your nose by his nose. So, soft.
Success make you giggles (cuz it's ticklish) and forget your concern, Inui sigh in relief inside his soul.
He's happy can see your smile before going to beating his gang's opponent.
Ah, the things like this that always make him want to comeback to you as soon as he can.
"Okay, now go to your bed and sleep. The time will come fast if you take a rest tonight. Sleep well, my sweet cheeks."
It's the 10 times since he's in relationship with you. How impressive. (Claps)
RINDOU HAITANI -> no, but yes
"No way. That's such a clingy things. We'll meet again in the morning, dumbass. It's stupid for me to giving you goodbye kiss."
He says that as he's avoiding his eyes from your want-the-goodbye-kiss-from-him gaze.
Your eyes showing a bit gloomy expression, but Rindou doesn't seems like he wants to looking to you anymore.
He stay staring something that far from both of you position right now. Like tree.
Slightly, you're seeing a bit blush on his cheeks.
Knowing that's your chance, your lips draw a small smile into a seconds.
And then, you're starting whining and act like the innocent one (playing with fingers and pouting a bit).
"B—But. My Rinnie once says that his lucky charm to winning in the gang's fight is kissing me before leaving. You still remember that, aren't you Rin?"
Argh why the fuck with the soft tone.
Rindou hates his weakness that totally cause of you.
With a sigh, he just grab your jaw and giving a peck in your lips only for a seconds. But success leaving a soft feels in your lips.
You're chuckling with eyes-smile
"Thank you hehe. I'll wait you, Rinnie!"
"It should be from earlier, you dummy. Make sure you're take care yourself. I'm leaving, Good Night."
— thania's notes
okay i'm feel dizzy when i wrote this. maybe there's some mistake because i don't check it for three times like usual. but don't worry, even tho i'm struggling when wrote this—i make sure i'm writing so careful to avoiding some mistake hehe. there's so many fluff too, isn't it? i hope y'all like this one >< honestly i was thinking to including mitsuya, but my head too dizzy to write more hehe—if i can, next time i will write another one with mitsuya there :D anyway sorry for grammar mistake that maybe i make without me realized, English is not my first language and i still learning it ^.^ hope you understand <3 see ya !
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