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strawberryya · 4 months

Text

too pure for hell, but fallen nonetheless

pairing: kang taehyun x reader

synopsis: Do you ever find yourself wishing you could escape your problems? Still, allowing the mind to conjure such a scene may unfurl a worse struggle than the present. As you journey through life, be mindful of the choices you make, for they hold the power to summon the winds of fate.

word count: 7.1k

genre/cw: angst, smut, supernatural au, selkie!taehyun, fem!reader, drowning depicted, death mentioned, killing and murder mentioned, suicidal thoughts, being held captive against your will, chasing/hunting depicted (not animals), unprotected sex, enemies to lovers… or well…, general hatred towards the human race, betrayal and lots of mixed feelings, cold exterior Taehyun.

rating: 18+

a/n: I DID IT! I'm not sure what I did, but I certainly did it.

this is my second fic for the wonderful collaboration thrill of the hunt, hosted by @cultofdionysusnet - check out the other exciting and thrilling stories on the official master list here!

network tagging: @svthub @cultofdionysusnet @k-labels @kvanity-main

How does one move on?

It’s an impossible question. Especially when you have just uncovered the biggest betrayal in your life. He had cheated on you. A month before the wedding.

Your boyfriend since forever, your high school sweetheart, your everything - and your best friend.

Your soon-to-be husband and your maid of honor had decided it would be a good time to reveal the years of cheating they had hidden from you today. Because your failed project at work hadn't been enough to ruin your entire week, but now your entire future was in shambles at your feet.

The new park had been planned out to the last detail, your entire team had done their absolute best for half a year and now it was all to be thrown out the window for a new twenty-story building and a parking lot. “Which makes sense, because the world doesn’t have enough of those,” you complained, holding back your tears on the phone as you drove home. Your mom listened halfheartedly.

“Well, sweetie, I know it’s hard, but I think that you should just say ‘okay’ about all this for now. And just focus on the wedding instead! I got these new place cards, and I think they’re absolutely perfect.”

“Mom. I really don’t care about that right now…” you were going to explain, but you let your words stay inside, afraid you might say something you would regret if you didn’t shut your mouth.

“No, no… I can understand that…” she conceded, sounding just a bit hurt that you didn’t want to gush about your upcoming wedding.

“I’ll talk to you later Mom… Tom said he wanted to talk about something tonight, so I’ll just call you tonight or tomorrow.”

Before hanging up she told you to just relax at home with your fiancé, to try and be happy about what life has given you instead of what it takes away… she wanted you to try and look on the bright side of life.

You weren’t sure you would be able to see anything past the clouds that stormed your mind after the horrible meetings you had been suffering through the entire day. But you wanted to think about something else too and promised her to try.

That’s not a promise you were able to keep, however. Walking through the door to find Tom waiting anxiously in the kitchen with your best friend right beside him. Holding his hand, gently, supportively. Your heart stopped when you saw the look on their faces, and you felt your once picture-perfect life cracking at the edges.

When they confessed their love for each other you didn’t cry, you didn’t even ask how, when, or why. You felt so empty as you watched your best friend for ten years wail for you to forgive them and not be mad at her.

“I never wanted to hurt you. But I fell in love! Can’t you be happy for me?”

Her voice was strained from the tears. You thought the tears looked just as forced.

Tom didn’t say anything. He had apologized and told you he wanted to call off the wedding. The wedding was supposed to happen in less than a month. The wedding you had planned together since you were only children.

Your head hurts. You needed them to shut up. To get out of your sight.

Couldn’t they just leave you alone?!

Standing up suddenly, your best friend’s pleas stopped, making your body sigh in relief before you stormed right back out of the house.

You didn’t know where you were going at first. Head and body pounding with anger, confusion, and fear. If you could just find somewhere to think, everything would get better. The car speeding through the streets wasn’t helping you think right now. You needed something that would let you cry the tears that had been held back all day, without a word of comfort in return. Somewhere the salty streams dripping from your face wouldn’t make a difference. Something bigger than all of your problems.

The sea.

You had always been fond of the sea. As a kid, you used to swim fiercely in even the highest of waves. Your parents standing by the shore with worry in their eyes and hands waving you back towards land. There’s no beach like the one in your childhood close to where you live. But not far from the city is a small port, the sea visible for a good stretch before the land overtook it and hid it away from the population walking by.

When you curl up next to the edge of the concrete docks, the salty water ripples calmly in front of you. There weren’t many waves this far into the docks, but further out you could see the white lines appearing and dissolving over and over again. It was hypnotic.

Silently the tears you had held back began running down your cheeks. You held yourself tighter. The slight breeze scented by the sea mist blew gently in your hair, drying the tears as they came.

“Why…” you mourned.

There was nobody around, no one to disturb or comfort you, so your sobs grew louder the more you thought about the reality of what had happened. So many things had gone wrong. Everything was just- so wrong.

You looked over the edge of the concrete land under your body, down at the bottomless waters. What would it feel like to dive in and let your body be engulfed by the dark water? You shook your head at your distorted reflection at the fleeting thought.

It would hurt just as much to leave everything behind as it did to stay.

Nevertheless, the pain of holding on even on a day like this was overwhelming. It made your every muscle shake with frustration. Your sobs mirrored your desperation, your tears dripping down your cheeks, pooling at your jaw, and one by one, joining the sea.

When your blurred gaze met a pair of huge black eyes in the water, you froze up. They were staring at you, watching you cry with their big black eyes that showed no emotion that you could register.

It was a seal, the shadow in the water revealing its large size. It was bigger than the small ones usually seen around these shores, but it was undeniably a seal.

The large seal blinked at you slowly, before turning around to swim away. But instead of simply leaving you to your suffering, it began looking back at you at every other meter it swam as if to check if you were coming along. You thought you might be dreaming because there was no way a seal was trying to get you to come with it into the sea. When you didn’t come with, it stopped, seemingly waiting for you again.

Without really knowing why, you kicked off your shoes and stepped into the water. The freezing waves drenched your clothes, but the cold against your skin didn’t make you go back. You begin to swim, following the seal into the deeper parts of the ocean. Your heart pounded in your chest, the thrill of doing something dangerous filling your entire body with adrenaline. It felt just like it had when you were little, except now no one waited for you at the shoreline.

You wanted to escape everything, and following a seal into the depths of the sea might be a temporary way, but it was all you had right now. The seal dove under the surface, and you held your breath and followed.

It was impossible to see anything in the dark, murky waters, and the current quickly overpowered you. You weren’t even able to fight the large body of water when you felt your body being sucked down and away from everything you had ever known. When the cold and the dark enveloped you, you let go of your breath, the light from above disappearing from your vision as you closed your eyes in resignation.

You couldn’t remember what happened after that. Your mind was a blur, everything in your memory hazy and seen through the murky waters you had believed you had drowned in.

Later, you realized that you must’ve washed up on the long rocky beach before they took you. When the fae had taken you captive.

When you came to, you weren’t cold or wet anymore, but your hair still smelt like the salty water that had enveloped you as you swam after the seal. You weren’t anywhere near the sea anymore, you couldn’t even hear it, but you knew it hadn’t been a dream.

For days, you only saw the four walls of your new prison. The large window showed nothing but the drop of the mountains surrounding the entire castle. In other words, you couldn’t even dream of escaping. Unless you wished to crash through the colorful glass pains and into a sure death. There had been one other girl in the room, but you had barely spoken. Cuddling together during the cold nights to reserve some of your combined heat, you stayed quiet, knowing that your capturers were most likely listening to you at all times. The only words you had exchanged were simple words of comfort.

“I want to go home,” she had whispered one night. You had squeezed her tighter, answering with a hushed, “Me too.”

Even after days in captivity, you had a hard time understanding just what had happened on that day. The guards barely spoke to the two of you but made sure you were well-fed and clean the entire time. It was confusing, being a prisoner, but being taken care of by mystical creatures you had never even believed to be real.

You had been informed that you were the property of the fae realm inhabitants, of something called the Latha court. Everywhere you went in the short trips guards led you through in the castle you could only see what you would describe as impossible sights. Human-looking people with horns, tails, and skin that ranged in all the colors of the rainbow. You had heard stories of mystical beings, but they had only ever been just that - stories. Fairytales…

Humans existed in the castle, but they never even looked at you or your companion. Always too focused on their assignments. Clad in rags with hands cracked and bleeding from the cold.

It did seem as though they were being respected as servants, however. None of them were beaten, and none of them were ever heard complaining. You weren’t sure they were able to, but you chose not to think about that too much. Hoping with everything you had, that your captors were nicer than they had shown until now.

The days all felt the same in that dark room, the stone walls clad in rundown tapestries and flickering candles to fight the long nights didn’t help you or your companion when the horrible truth faced you both: you were either stuck in here forever, soon to be used as servants like the other humans you had seen around, or you would be killed.

It didn’t take long until the answer was clear to both of you. You sometimes overheard the people who passed by your room, but usually, it was nothing more than gossip or friendly chatter. This time, however, their words would haunt you both.

"Do you feel the thrill in the air? The Hunt is upon us!" A raspy voice had declared with joy as two sets of feet seemed to be passing by your door.

"The humans have been preparing for our ceremonial chase, let's hope it's more exciting than last year. I mean, come on, not a single scratch? Boring!"

"Well, we did stick to tradition and spiced things up in the Oidhche region. Those humans got a run for their money!" They both chuckle in unison as they continue down the corridor.

Their words sent chills down your back. Would you soon lose your life in the most gruesome of ways? You tried to not imagine what they had meant by “the Hunt”, but the way they had spoken of you and your cellmate as if you were nothing but prey had frightened you. You would need to escape, soon.

You had made up an escape plan, a plan you had told no one. But you knew your cellmate had her own plans, she had looked way too scared the day you had heard those two fae pass by your room speaking of the expected slaughter.

On the day you were both allowed out of your room to walk the short walk to the washrooms to shower, you knew time was of the essence. It had to happen today.

“Take the chance if it comes,” you whispered to your companion. Her hand closed around yours in response, as they led the both of you out and down the long spiral hallways that seemed to be everything the castle consisted of. You were cold, and your ears pulsed as the two guards showed you the way. They were stronger, and faster. You knew it from the way they weren’t the least bit scared that either of you would make a run for it. That’s why you stood a chance. They had underestimated you, and you would need to use that to your advantage. You were almost at the washrooms you had seen many times before when one of the guards stopped to chat with another fae, giving you just the opportunity the both of you had been looking for. Without a look, you both fled in different directions. the one guard who had been left alone with you was forced to choose who to chase after. Luckily for you, he didn’t seem to choose you this time.

You ran as fast as your legs could carry you, through the corridors that all looked the same, meeting close to nobody in the endless hallways to your luck. In some twisted fate of luck, you managed to rip open a large wooden door, the wind slapping you in the face as you stared out into the open mountain landscape. You needed to continue running if you wanted to live, but looking at where you must go next, you realized that you might die anyway.

It wasn’t much of a choice in the end, your life being taken by the elements at least seemed like the better option compared to the hunt that was going to be in your future no matter what you did if you stayed. You ran down the steep hill, not looking back at the large building a single time, praying to whoever would listen that nobody was following you just yet.

“Taehyun! Did you hear?” Seungkwan said as he sprinted to catch up with his friend. Or well, acquaintance. Taehyun didn’t see any of the people in his court as friends. Allies, perhaps, but not friends.

Taehyun had not heard, but judging by the exhilarated expression on Seungkwan’s face, the news he brought were big.

“Some of the humans ran away, with only three days left until the hunt starts too! And guess what, I heard that one of them was yours!” Seungkwan gossiped, looking intently at Taehyun’s expression to watch for any type of reaction to his words. To his disappointment, Taehyun proved hard to get a reaction from, as usual. Although allied, Taehyun wasn’t much of a fun person to play around with, at least not for his fae friends who loved rousing others for their entertainment. He had learned to keep up his cold facade in front of everyone. No weakness could ever be shown, or he would be exploited. He knew this. It had happened before.

“So? It’s not like there are too few humans in the world, what’s one less?”

The disdain in Taehyun’s words showed a bit more than he had intended to, a nice surprise for Seungkwan. “Well, even if they are rather worthless creatures, they sure are fun to play with…” Seungkwan said and winked at him. “Just remember to behave. We’re not like those savages from Oidhche, you know.”

“Behave? Why would I have to…”

Taehyun’s question was promptly interrupted by a servant hesitantly calling out his name. “Kang Taehyun?”

The servant drew his attention, and Seungkwan left him with more questions than answers, only the sinking feeling that he would have to deal with humans a lot more than he had hoped for this year.

He was correct, it didn’t take long before he had been informed by the servant that he was to leave immediately. His mission: catch the human he had brought in only a few weeks ago.

He was seething.

“Do I have to be the one? Can’t someone who takes pleasure in the damn hunt take her back into custody?”

“She was tricked by you, she's your responsibility. Leave soon, she can’t have gotten far.” Was all the servant responded, his monotone voice sounding more like a machine than a person.

Taehyun had always loathed the way the courts deprived humans of their free will. However, he despised the humans themselves even more. The servant left him as soon as his orders had been fulfilled.

Once she’s caught, I will just have to hunt her again once the ceremony begins. Taehyun thought as he wandered after the escaped human into the wilderness he had been informed that his prey had last been seen. He was tired of it all. The annual hunt, the three courts’ fake politeness, the humans that were brought back beaten and killed, or bitten and kept as nothing but pets.

It all disgusted him.

But in the end, he partook in it, year after year. Having little choice since he had sworn his oath to the Latha court in his youth. It was for protection, which he and his remaining family got. And honestly, it had been a good way to let off some steam. Having an outlet for all that anger was needed, but now…

It hadn’t taken Taehyun long to pick up on your track, seeing as you had no real survival skills and ended up leaving every kind of clue after you as you trudged through the wilderness.

It had only been a couple of hours since you had begun your run, and the sun was starting to set already. You had arrived at the edge of vegetation that wasn't just rocks and low bushes. The new area was filled with tall trees, high cliffs, and the sweet fragrance of pine.

If you weren’t running for your life, this would’ve been a nice hike.

As the daylight faded and the cold air grew stronger, you began to feel uneasy. You weren't adequately prepared for this journey and the thought of making it through the night was worrisome. The possibility of encountering wild animals added to your concerns. To make matters worse, it occurred to you that one of your captors, a fae, might also be stalking you in the darkness.

You continued to wander deeper into the patch of trees, hoping for some shelter from the wind, or some water that could drench the thirst that had begun becoming unbearable.

The warmth from the sun was gone quicker than you had hoped. You were already hungry and thirsty, and you had begun slightly regretting your decision to run. At least they had kept you warmer than you were right now, and you hadn’t had to go hungry or thirsty even once. Maybe you had gotten the wrong idea.

No. They had held you prisoner, and you had heard them speak of humans as if they were nothing but silly playthings one could kill or capture as one pleased.

They weren’t human, they meant you harm, and you needed to remember that.

It was almost dark now, and you were sobbing on a patch of moss. It was dry and scratched your fingers as you held onto it. You were ready to give up. You hadn’t been able to find anything, no water, to shelter, and in the end, you had even twisted your ankle.

You weren’t a “survivor”, you had lived a way too privileged life for this to be normal for you. All those movies and books had strong women who knew how to handle themselves even in situations such as these. Now, you realize that that was an ideal you fell short of right now.

The desperation and regret over how you had ended up in this situation made your body shake violently as you cursed your ex-fiance and best friend. You blamed them. And you couldn’t stop yourself from shouting into the forest at the thought of their betrayal. “IF I EVER GET BACK HOME YOU’RE BOTH DEAD FOR THIS!”

You almost missed the chuckle coming from behind you. But the echo of your voice didn’t hide the sound of another person in the wilderness completely. You froze.

“Who’s there?” You asked weakly, “Are you… here to kill me? To take me back to that castle?”

Not receiving any response added to your frustration. It was a matter of life and death and yet, the person on the other side chose not to respond, but instead, laugh at your misery.

“WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?”

The voice scoffed, “Does that even matter at this point?”

As a man's voice pierced through the air, you were taken aback by how alluring it sounded. This unsettling realization left you feeling uneasy- you might consider going to therapy if you make it out alive. It's not ideal for one's first reaction to be finding their possible killer's voice attractive.

“I- Uhm, it matters.” You answered, a bit awkwardly.

Taehyun was a bit stunned by your shifting emotions. You were truly human, your aggressiveness and stupidity were both visible in how you spoke to him. He should kill you and have it be over with.

You squint at the shadows beneath the trees. Hoping you will get to see the man who belonged to the voice before your demise. Suddenly, the dim light hanging onto the branches in the woods reveals the man who caught up to you in just a few hours. Your jaw drops in amazement.

He was wearing only a robe, brownish gray and smooth, with specks of dark gray scattered throughout it. Seal skin, you realized and reeled back as you watched the man with eyes as dark as the deepest ocean approached you. The fur flowed with his movements, the part around his décolletage glistening from small pearls of salt and water that seemed to surround him. It was beautiful, the few rays of sun catching on the small drops all around him, making him appear as if he was nothing more than an illusion.

The scowl on his face dragged you back to your reality. He was coming for you, he had to be one of them.

“Wait!” you shouted, which miraculously made him stop in his tracks.

The fur wrapped around him had reminded you of just how you had ended up here, about your last moments in the human realm. “You’re… you’re that same seal, aren’t you?”

“Again, does it matter?” The man answered.

You frowned and swiped the back of your hand against your cheek, wiping away some of the tears that ran cold on your skin. “I told you. It matters.”

Were you irrational and stupid for not running, or were you one of those humans who used their fragility as a weapon? Taehyun couldn’t make up his mind about you just yet. He scanned you up and down, your scratched-up body still on your knees in the dry moss.

“Even if I am, don’t you think you should be running by now? You have been running all day, and yet, now that you see the one who got you here, you don’t even attempt to escape?”

Without thinking, you responded earnestly, “I don’t stand a chance anyhow. Why run?”

He considered this. He knew you were right. You were already a wreck, and it had been less than a full day since you had gone off on your own. "Then why should I bother? You speak true, your fate is sealed. The forces of nature shall ensure that humanity receives their due retribution in due time."

He turned to leave, and you panicked. You didn’t want to be left alone again. Left to die.

“Please, don’t leave me…” you said before you could stop yourself. Tears make your voice thick, sounding more like a plea than anything else.

Taehyun stopped, but he didn’t turn around. Seeing your sorry figure beg him to save your life was something he had seen enough times for an entire lifetime. The ships of people he had willed into the depths of the sea had all begged to live, and not once had he cared enough to save a single person on board. “I don’t care if you die out here.”

You knew that, but you were desperate for comfort and safety. “Hold me.”

Your voice was faint, but he heard you loud and clear.

"What?" he exclaimed, his surprise sounding genuine. He had expected begging, but certainly not a proposition that would require him to spend an entire night next to a human. He spun around to look you in the eyes.

You didn’t hold anything back anymore. You refused to die out here. Any way to survive was a good way, even if you had to agree to things you never wanted to agree to. “Hold me. Don’t go. Hold me close tonight. Let me survive the night, and I’ll go back with you without any fuss and you can hunt me again without having to put in any effort!”

“Without any fuss?”

“I’ll be super obedient.”

“Humans lie,” he said, pain now visible in his stormy eyes.

“I won’t survive if I lie.”

“No. You won’t.”

With that he sat down against the large rock beside you, his big doe eyes catching the last of the sun’s rays as he watched you come closer and crawl over to him and huddle close against his warm body. The fur that wrapped around him kept him warm in even the harshest of conditions.

You didn’t question anything, already trying your best to live up to the promise you had made. No fuss. Just survival.

Taehyun had never expected that he would wake up next to a human clinging to him like this. Let alone one that was supposed to be captured or killed by him. Instead, he watches you as you sleep, the morning sun lighting up your features.

Your body is soft, your limbs all wrapped around him as if he was someone you loved, instead of someone you should be afraid of. It made his heart beat faster, heat creeping up his face as he caught himself pushing a lock of hair behind your ear. He hated you, he hated you as much as all other humans. Just because you were one of the prettiest humans he had seen up close, he couldn’t just abandon that hatred. He quickly pulled his hand away from you and pushed you off of him. You have gotten enough sleep. He needed you both to get back to the court before the hunt.

“Let’s go,” he ordered the moment your eyes opened, a hand quickly shielding your eyes from the sharp sun that shone down through the foliage.

“What?” you asked with a hoarse voice. “Is it time for work already, baby?”

Taehyun knew you hadn’t meant him. But he couldn’t help the way his heart ached when you called him by the endearment.

Humans, always playing tricks on each other. They don’t care about anyone but themselves, and they have the guts to pretend that they feel affection towards one another through names like those.

He hated them.

And you…?

You were in a lot of pain, but you didn’t whine as much as you would have liked to as you tried to keep your promise. And your captor didn’t complain about your slow hike back through the forest more than a couple of times. Neither of you were saying much at all if you were being honest. It wasn’t until after a few hours that you had to speak up about how thirsty and hungry you were, that Taehyun did anything but look back at you to make sure you were following him closely enough. He came close to you, stormy eyes looking down at you with disdain.

“Once you humans get something, you always want more. I spared your life, so why can't you just come with me quietly?"

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll make it back without your help." You protested.

He watched you as he considered if he should simply leave you to die, it was always an option. But with so little time until the hunt, he would have to put even more energy into finding a new human that could participate in the games. You just needed some water, he could use some too if he was honest. And he was always honest if nothing else.

“Come on,” Taehyun said and turned around. Kneeling on the ground with his back towards you. You stood in shock, watching the back of his body as he waited for you.

“You don’t mean…” you hesitated to finish your question, what if he would kill you for even suggesting something as absurd as him carrying you, his prey, on his back?

“I don’t have all day. If you would rather walk yourself, that’s fine by me, but you better keep up.”

You carefully let your body rest against him as he rose from the ground. His body was much stronger than it might’ve looked under the thick fur that hung over his toned limbs. You felt the cold of a blade at his side, your skirt having slipped up just enough for your leg to be bare against the soft fur. It made you remember once again that he could change his mind and kill you at any moment. But he hadn’t, and you couldn’t help but be thankful for that.

He carried you for miles, over the rocky mountain ranges, and through patches of higher vegetation. The entire time your core was being pressed against his hard back. You held back your thoughts the best you could, but having your hands wrapped around his strong shoulders made it hard not to think about how long it had been since you had last felt the relief of an orgasm.

Taehyun himself had tried his very best to ignore the tiny sounds you made whenever he adjusted your position on his back. It wasn’t often he had been in a position where he heard that kind of sound coming from a woman, much less a human woman. The way it made blood rush to parts of his body he didn’t want it to, made him irrationally angry.

Before you could make up your mind on how to handle the sensation you heard the faint sound of water. Salt filled the air, but you couldn’t see the ocean anywhere.

“Are we there soon?” you asked hopefully.

“Yes,” Taehyun answered without further explanation.

Soon you could see what you had only heard, a large ocean, but no shore in sight. You two now stood on a cliff that dropped straight down to the angry sea below.

“You don’t intend to throw me off into the ocean, right?” you said as a joke, but when you got no answer, you began to get a bit worried.

He wasn't throwing you to your death this time though. “The stream over there has fresh water. You can do what you need to do there,” he said while dropping you down on your hurt foot, making you wince in pain. Reminding him yet again of how you had huffed right beside his ear for hours.

You made your way over to the wide stream, watching as it flowed from the high mountains down the barren landscape only to disappear off the side of the cliff you stood on. The freshwater from the mountaintops joined the vast sea with a rumble of thunder that echoed up the rocky walls.

In the cold but clear water, you drank until you had quenched your thirst, and began washing up. You had gotten both sweaty and dirty from running yesterday and sleeping on the ground last night. As you pulled off piece by piece of your clothing to wash every inch of your skin in the chilly water, you felt his gaze on you.

He had tried not to look, but it was hard to look away from your sensual body. The way your back curved, your legs that you oh so carefully washed clean, and when you turned a bit he could see the curve of your chest. Nipples hard from the cold, hands smoothing down the curves of your body as you got rid of any signs of your struggles from the previous day and night.

Taehyun couldn’t take his eyes off of you, his prey, basking in the sunlight, stripped down to almost nothing. If this was another trick of yours, you had succeeded, he thought bitterly. He pressed on his hardness, but it only grew as you threw on only your shirt and began walking back towards where your hunter sat. You had quickly tried to wash everything else you owned and thought that if the sun couldn’t keep you warm enough, maybe your captor could help you yet again.

Your intentions might have been less than pure, but you never actually thought the man who had seemed so indifferent to you would ever give you the pleasure you craved by now. However, you immediately spot what he’s trying to hide when you come close enough to see his tense stance. It was big. Hard, and hard to hide.

It honestly turns you on even more. You have been high on adrenaline for hours, then cuddled to sleep by one of the most ripped men you have ever seen in real life. Edged by his back, and then aroused by his gaze on your naked body. His erection was just proof that he felt the same way you did.

It might be a bad idea to sleep with your enemy, but-

Why not release some steam before you have to figure out a new way of getting out of this situation?

Taehyun seemed oblivious to your plans, too focused on the way you stood, half-naked, watching him carefully from only a couple of meters away. He couldn’t meet your eyes, but he could feel them seeing through his fur coat, noticing every involuntary twitch of his body.

When you had made up your mind you didn’t give yourself a chance to change your mind.

You went straight up to the man where he stood, wrapping your arms around his neck, pressing your soft body against his hardness. “Tell me if you don’t want me,” you stated before kissing his lips softly.

He returned it with fierceness. The passion of his tongue pressing into your mouth made your core ache for his touch. It didn’t matter who either of you were. It didn’t matter how you had gotten here. When he laid you down on the sun-warm grass and kissed down your body all you could think about was the pleasure he would give you.

When his tongue flicked over your hard nipples your back arched into his touch. You were a needy mess when his fingers pushed their way inside of you. Your first orgasm washed over you as you moaned into the open sky above and his hand pressed against all the parts you needed him to touch. This only seemed to spur on the fire in your hunter’s actions even more.

Caressing, more gentle than you had thought any fae capable of, and kisses, laden with the attraction you both held for one another made your mind fog up.

When you begged him to put it in, he obeyed. Giving you exactly what you asked for. You had never felt so full, and you wished that your ex could cry about how he would never be able to fill you up this good. You meet Taehyun’s thrusts with your hips each time, grinding up against him, chasing your high yet again. His moans echoed in your mind. They sounded like the most beautiful siren melody, and you were already a lost soul in the deep waters that belonged to the man who had you screaming for more even as you knew what awaited the two of you in your future.

He came on your stomach, your legs quivering as your core clenched around nothing once his length left you empty. The last thing you thought before giving in to the tiredness was that you had finally found your ticket out of this place.

Not even as he fucked you had he taken his fur off. It had to mean something.

Your eyes open but your body stays completely still. The sun was setting once again, the sun shone down on your hunter's sharp features. He held you safely in his arms, and you couldn't ignore the fact that he was truly enchanting. Your hand smoothed over the fur that was loosely wrapped around his body. You had no idea what it could mean to him, but perhaps you had been right when you recognized the pattern of the fur.

Maybe, this man was that same seal. And maybe, this fur was the only way he could shift between the two.

You remembered what you had promised. But did he truly expect you to stick to your promise even as he was bringing you back to the people who had held you captive as a prisoner for weeks? He couldn’t be that naive.

He was still asleep when you ripped the fur from his body. Leaving him bare, so gorgeous you almost regretted betraying his trust in this way as it meant you would certainly never see or feel his touch on you again. It was too late now though. You held his fur in your hand, grabbing the knife that had been attached to the garment. Taehyun woke from your movements and the knowledge that what he cared for most had been taken from him.

“Give that back,” he warned, eyes watching the knife pressed to his fur with caution. You could hear thunder in the distance.

“Send me home, and you can have it back.” You tried to steel yourself for what he would say or do in response to your actions.

It was a threat, and he had messed up by even giving you the chance to make the situation disadvantageous for him.

“I shouldn’t have expected you to be any different in the end. Always lying, always taking everything.” He thought about his own family, his parents, brothers, sisters, and cousins. All were killed by humans, hunters, and collectors. They always betrayed nature, and they were all liars who should never be trusted.

You had just proven years of hatred and suspicion true with your betrayal.

“Hand it over.”

“Not unless you promise to get me home!”

“I thought you knew that you wouldn’t survive if you chose to lie to me.”

He sounded hurt under the anger. Surprisingly, it pained you. Had you grown affectionate of the man you had been hunted, led astray, and were supposed to hate after a few gentle actions of affection from him?

You couldn’t think about it. Not now. You needed to get home.

“Send me home! I don’t want to do it, but I can’t die here!”

Taehyun’s gaze didn’t leave your grip on his fur. You didn’t know the power you held over him by holding that in your hands. If you truly destroyed it, he would be dead within a day. But telling you would only give you more power. How did you figure it out? Had his stern facade been broken down by a mere human woman?

He growled out his next words. Hating every second you were still in his sight. “Fine. give it to me, and you will go back.”

You knew it was dumb to trust him, but if his previous actions and the myth about fae not being able to lie was his true self, he would keep his promise no matter what. You lowered the knife, holding out the coat.

Your chest heaved with adrenaline. You didn’t know if you could bear meeting his dark eyes after what you had done. But it would all be worth it once you got home. Right?

Taehyun reached for his fur, snatching it out of your hand. His gaze was finally able to look at you once it was back in his possession. You looked apologetic, it disgusted him. You didn’t deserve to beg for his forgiveness, even through your eyes.

When he took a step closer, your grip around the blade you still held tightened. Would he kill you instead?

The clouds above your head draw nearer, thunder coming closer with every second that passes. You could barely hear him over the sounds of the waves below the cliff you stood on, breaking against the mountainside. You stepped back as he stepped towards you, his dark eyes keeping your attention locked on him. You didn’t even register how far he had pushed you until he put his hand on your chest, worried he might feel how hard your heartbeat was from his intimidating stare.

“I never want to see you again.” his voice barely above a whisper. With a gentle push, his hand left your skin, and your feet were no longer on solid ground. You fell down the cliffside.

Did he just push you to your death? You didn’t even scream. You simply accepted what had happened as you fell. At least, you had tried to get back home. Your body cracked through the surface of the water. But it didn’t hurt as much as you had imagined falling to your death would.

When the darkness enveloped you once again, you were convinced this was the end of your depressing life. But, if he was anything, Taehyun was honest. He would keep his promise no matter what. You found yourself resurfacing from the water onto the same shoreline you had left just a little while ago. Struggling for breath, you managed to crawl back to the safety of the land, coughing up water and feeling your lungs ache more than the rest of your body.

You had made it back from the place no one was to return from. Thanks to him.

Reblogging and commenting is highly appreciated!! Hearing what you thought is what makes writing and being here overall so much fun! Ty and ily 💕

#thrill of the hunt #kwritersworldnet #taehyun smut #txt smut #taehyun angst #teahyun x reader #txt imagine #kang taehyun #tubatu #tomorrow x together #fae taehyun #tomorrow x together taehyun #fae txt #tomorrow x together smut #tomorrow x together angst #tomorrow x together kang taehyun

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enluv · 10 months

Text

who tf is soobin 😐

PAIRING! - choi soobin x fem!reader

warnings: profanity ?? (i think that’s it tbh 😭)

genre(s): smau/text au, e2l (maybe?), more to add!

SYNOPSIS! - what ever happened to them? suddenly every single photo, thought, and feeling was erased from their lives as if poof, it never existed and once it was gone it left us all wondering, searching for more…

UPDATE! - THATS THE THING! - my newest smau based on this oneshot!

coco’s love note: I’ve decided that I actually lied and like smaus when I have time to do them 😐 so here this is! this is a semi-teaser/oneshot (not really) lmk if you guys like it and want more! the synopsis isn’t final - she needs some tweaking… reblogs & feedback are appreciated!

txt taglist! @yeoforce @jaerang @bloom-bloom-pow @gyuuss @yourlocalhotgf @kyublr @spooooooooooon @enhacolor @butterfly-skinnylegend @dinosdance @888ollie @14shroud @junityy @soobin-chois @fairybinie @lolalee24 @ja4hyvn @crxzs - (bold can't be tagged, & if you'd like to be removed from the taglist or added please let me know!)

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chimivx · 4 months

Text

no matter what i do ↠ txt

now playing: 0X1=LOVESONG (I Know I Love You) • TXT

Two years after an end-all argument with Taehyun, you’re forced to spend Christmas weekend together at your mother’s, and his father’s. Once upon a time he meant the world to you. Now that you’re both married with kids, things are getting messy, and a little blurry. The longer you stick around in the home you both grew up in, the more secrets come out… It’s always been messy, it was always blurry. All you want, all you truly yearn for, is to get back on good terms with Taehyun.

word count↠ 33,944

warnings↠ MDNI. 18+. no graphic depictions of sex but it is heavily implied, drug use, teenage drug use, alcohol abuse, angst amongst taehyun and reader, insinuation that someone will s/a reader (briefly, not described), teenage pregnancy (age nineteen), step-cest before they are officially step siblings (growing up together in same house, not step-sibs until they are full adults), infidelity, not so fabulous parents, neglectful mother, biting at some point if you squint, crying, lots of crying, many many sex insinuations (not graphic)… if i missed anything PLEASE tell me.

a/n↠ i put my BACK into this one, i feel pretty proud of this. this may be extremely taboo to some people. this topic is frowned upon by most. if you don’t like it, simply scroll by, thank you. the idea sparked in my head, and i couldn’t let it go. to those of you intrigued, to those of you who end up reading- thank you. 🫶

posted↠ 12/20/23 ~ 12 a.m. est

White crystal snowflakes whirled through the brisk air, the wind nipping at your cheeks as you struggled with the car seat buckle for the third time this week. The toddler you were strapping in had her hand stretched out of the van door, trying to catch a snowflake filled with wonder as to why she couldn’t hold one in her warm mittens.

“No-flake, Mama,” she mumbled to you. “No-flake!”

“The snowflakes are so pretty, just like you, Mina,” you smiled at her, adjusting the straps over her shoulders, hoping to ease your struggle.

Behind you, the front door to your two story home flung open and slammed shut, the scuffle of snow boots plowing down the porch stairs followed. Equally shrill, loud mouthed shouts filled the quiet winter air.

“Boys, don’t jump in the-“

Glancing over your shoulder, it was too late. Your twin boys, Chan and Sunoo, were knee deep in the snowdrifts on top of the gardens that lined along the porch. Dark hair and matching brown eyes grinned maniacally at you.

“You both need to get in the car, we’re gonna be late!”

Mina shoved a mitten in her mouth, biting down on the fabric with her tiny teeth ripping it off of her hand. While you watched Sunoo and Chan trudge through the snow, each one trying to shove the other to the ground as they raced to the van, your two year old threw her mitten to the ground. And then the other one, with a shriek.

“I’m right here,” you soothed, turning back to your daughter with a sigh. “Meens, it’s cold baby,” you crouched to pick the little pink mittens up off the ground, “you have to wear these.”

“No wear,” she frowned, her eyebrows sinking over the eyes she shared with her father. She puffed out her pouty cheeks, becoming the carbon copy of him. Out of all of your kids, Mina looked the most like him.

“Yes, wear,” you said, reaching for one of her hands that both shot up into the air in an instant. Her bottom lip crinkled, and you withheld the groan you ever so wished to release from the depths of your being.

Christmas was supposed to get easier as the kids got older, not harder. All morning you had been arguing over clothes and trying to contain your chaotic twin five year olds to their bedroom just so you could brush their hair. Mina kicked you in the chin on accident while you were putting on her boots amidst an hour-long meltdown because she had barely slept the night before, which usually meant she was getting sick- another glorious thing to deal with while you traveled for the weekend.

Sunoo wanted to put on his pants himself, getting the fabric stuck in the zipper, and Chan insisted on helping him fix it. By the time you were back in their bedroom after Mina nearly knocked you out, the pants were ripped and Sunoo had to change his entire outfit, which meant the boys weren’t matching anymore. Meltdown number two. From the brother of a boy with ripped pants who’s favorite thing was getting to match with his twin.

Mina was set free to roam around the house, clunking around in her boots looking for her father, and you squeezed Sunoo into his outfit from last Christmas Eve, mentally preparing yourself to hear sly comments from your mother all weekend wondering why he wasn’t in the new clothes she bought him, and ‘those pants are way too short, dear, do you need me to go shopping with you?’.

The one thing, the one amazing, thoughtful thing that took some of the weight off of your shoulders was your husband taking care of the youngest of your crew, Wonwoo. A tiny, calm, beautiful six month old surprise you all only found out about ten months ago.

Mina had just turned two, the boys were about to graduate Pre-K, and you had run out of bedrooms. With four months to prepare for a new baby, your husband stepped up, with the help of his friend Kai, and converted half of the basement playroom into a bedroom for the twins, one they could grow into throughout the years. Mina moved into the boy's old room, painted purple by her father, and Wonwoo got his own room right next door to his sister.

You would put up with the boys, “Just because we’re twins means we don’t get our own rooms?!”, argument later. That was a problem for future you. Not the current you fighting with your two year old over mittens, dodging snowballs your five year olds were throwing at one another.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my fucking god,” you muttered under your breath, knowing your curses couldn’t be heard over the boys shouts or Mina’s wailing. “Boys, in the car now!” One mitten wrestled onto Mina’s right hand. The twins didn’t hear you, or they ignored you. “Boys!” A snowball hit the ground by your feet. Two mittens on, and one seatbelt successfully buckled.

Ready to hoof it through the snow to put a twin on each hip, they were still small enough to do so, the front door shut followed by the jingling of keys as it was locked making both boys freeze in their boots.

Shooting you a look of reassurance before eyeing the boys, your husband, with a baby carrier in one hand and keys in the other, carefully started down the stairs. His smooth black hair that usually hung over his eyes was parted to the side, resting on top of his thin rimmed glasses that he pushed up his nose with his knuckle. A jean jacket not nearly warm enough for this weather hugged his stretch of a frame, hiding a white button up beneath it, the top two buttons undone with nothing under it.

It was a wonder why Wonwoo was such a surprise, your husband’s been a babe since the day you met. Fatherhood didn’t change him the slightest, if anything it made you want him more.

“Soobin,” you said through your teeth, placing your hands on top of your head. “I’m gonna lose my mind.”

Speaking quietly as he came closer, you didn’t need your children hearing your moment of despair. They were all being a nuisance, but it was reasonable. The twins were excited, it was Christmas and they were about to spend the weekend with their family they rarely got to see, and Mina was getting sick. Not only that, Mina was two years old and still learning how to properly express the way she was feeling, still learning what emotions even were. Those words were bound to come out of Soobin at some point.

“You’re doing great,” Soobin said, handing you the carrier with your youngest snoozing away inside, bundled up in a bear onesie with ears on the hood, covered up with a fuzzy blanket to keep him warm and to make sure the seat buckles were on him securely. “Put him in his seat, I got tweedledee and tweedledum.” He pressed a quick kiss to your cheek as you giggled.

Since their father had stepped out of the house both Chan and Sunoo were attentive, one eye on Soobin and one eye on each other. They still made snowballs, but were hesitant to throw them.

Circling around the trunk of the van, taking a peek inside to make sure everyone's bags were there, you watched as Soobin put his hands on his hips, and asked the boys nicely why they weren’t listening to you. The snowballs fell from their gloved fingers and they both shrugged.

“Your mother has been taking care of your sister all morning,” he began, the boys looking up to him with wide eyes. “You know Mina can’t do the things that you can do yet, she still needs a lot of help. I’m so proud of you both for getting dressed on your own and helping each other, but now it’s time to help Mom, okay?”

Setting Wonwoo in his place, making sure everything was properly locked, twice, you tried to not let the twins' attentiveness to their father get you down. It seemed no matter what you did, no matter how you spoke to them, they chose to always, always, listen to Soobin.

Two tiny heads nodded, and two tiny voices spoke at once. “Okay, dad.”

“You’re excited it’s Christmas?” Soobin asked the boys, and they nodded again, faster this time. “Me too! You’re excited to see your cousins?” The boys smiled and nodded, starting to walk toward the car. “Me too, you know we haven’t seen your Uncle Taehyun in forever.”

Your step brother's name made you fumble, bumping the handle of Wonwoo’s carrier, making him stir. “No, no, no.” You whispered, freezing, saying a silent prayer that he wouldn’t wake.

Chan and Sunoo reached Soobin, both boys reaching up for him, tugging on his clothes in some way. “I can't pick you up right now, you decided to play in the snow and now you’re all wet.” Two pouty five year olds gazed up at him, big, round, sappy eyes. Mina may be his twin, but they all shared the same pouty face. You weren’t sure when the twins mastered it. “You made your decision. Now you have to climb over Mina to get in your seats because your brother is asleep.”

“She will kick us!” Chan nearly shouted, looking up to his father in shock. Sunoo’s glance exchanged between Soobin and his brother, anxious to see what he would say, because you all knew for a fact, that Mina wouldn’t hesitate to kick them.

The toddler had calmed her crying to watch her brothers, gnawing on one of the mittens you stuck back on her hands. Her tear stained cheeks perked up when she heard Soobin say her name. Either that, or she was proud that she already had a reputation at the ripe age of two.

“Mina won’t kick you,” you said, sliding the van door shut on Wonwoo’s side, walking around it to stand beside your husband. Gripping the handle of the passenger door, you raise a brow to Soobin and smirk. “We’re gonna be late, Soob. I’m already dreading seeing my family, I’d like to not pile on to the shit my mother has to say about me.”

“You said a bad word!” Sunoo gasped, pointing at you. Chan started to laugh. Soobin sighed.

“You said a bad word,” he said, completely serious.

Your husband was a lot of things. For starters he was stunning, he knew how to dress, he was an incredible caring man, an amazing father, and a beast in the sheets. Underneath all the dreamy qualities you were still in shock you secured nine years ago, he was an insufferably proper prude. Not that you’d ever tell him that to his face, though you’ve hinted at it just to tease him. He was a gentleman, and he was raising the boys to be the same. He’d be damned if his boys ended up like half of the jerks he grew up with or encountered in his lifetime. Your husband didn’t curse, he spoke with intention, and always thought through everything carefully, sometimes too much.

Nine years together, five and a half years married, he hasn’t seemed to completely rub off on you yet. The two of you were utter opposites, anyone with eyes could see that. Anyone who knew you nine years ago could tell you that.

You and Soobin? You… With Soobin.

You, the loud mouthed, hot headed, class skipper who had detention every other week, with straight edged, outstanding GPA, respectable Soobin. Opposites attract, you assumed. Though you’d be lying if you said the beginning of your relationship wasn’t an excuse to escape the life you used to live. You were in love, you created a beautiful family, and you lived a happy life… An hour and a half away from the family you used to know.

Turning your attention down to the twins, you smiled. “I’m sorry I said a bad word. I’m a little frustrated.”

“But, that’s not an excuse,” Soobin raised his brows, looking from you to the boys. Taking a deep breath, choking back a sigh, you nodded.

“No. It’s not,” you grit your teeth. “I shouldn’t have said that word. I’m sorry.”

Soobin smiled at you. “Into the car boys, if Mina kicks you I don’t think I blame her.” He flashed you a wink as you got into your seat. Now that was more your parenting style, though you understood and appreciated Soobins. You were raised differently, you were still unlearning a lot of things, and it got a little easier with each child that came out of you.

Once the boys were in their seats and buckled after Mina did try to kick them as they climbed over her, your family was on the road, forty five minutes later than you originally planned. Between Sunoo’s outfit mishap, and now being late, you mentally prepared yourself to be berated by your mother. With Soobin by your side it’d be a little bit easier to take. Your stepfather always had your back too, telling your mother to back off if she ever started to lay it on too thick. The one who always took the brunt of it though, the one who seemed to make it disappear, was Taehyun.

Since the start, since your two families blended together, he’d stick up for you no matter the consequence. When it came to school, the two of you in the same grade, inseparable since middle school, if the two of you were caught in trouble he’d take full blame. Of course that only worked until high school when you started to get into trouble on your own, but even then Taehyun would step in front of you at home, getting the worst of the punishment.

It’d been two years since you’d last seen Taehyun. Two summers ago at his eldest daughter's tenth birthday party in his backyard, an hour and a half away in the opposite direction of you. You were the halfway point between him and your parents.

You were both thirty, you were both married, you had three year old twins and a newborn Mina, and he had his freshly ten year old daughter and seven year old son.

His wife, Sana, waltzed around the backyard dressed to the nines with a glass of wine in one hand and her cell phone in the other, showing off her assets to anyone who cared to listen. The woman was a year younger than you both. Her hair, black as night, was pin straight down her slender back exposed by the deep purple low cut dress she had chosen to wear. Around her neck was a diamond necklace she would brag about, how grateful she was that her husband worked so hard to buy it for her, along with the gaudy wedding ring sitting on her left finger.

Their daughter, Rosie, a mini Sana, had clearly been dressed by her mother that morning. You can remember how many times Soobin mumbled, “If Mina ever…” angrily to you, offended that his sister-in-law would allow her daughter to dress that way at ten years of age. The second he brought your step brother into the mix, you shut your husband right down.

Taehyun wasn’t seen with Sana the entire party. He was with his boy, Minho, enjoying what seemed like a very expensive day you were certain he dropped every penny for.

Taking care of Mina while Soobin watched over the twins running around the colorful water sprinklers, you were able to catch Taehyun’s ear only momentarily. A conversation that shoved a knife through your heart, even now if you thought about it for too long.

He was tired, Taehyun. Even though you were the one with a sleeping newborn slung over your shoulder in a dark, quiet hallway of his home. You could see it in his eyes that were once full of life beneath his messy dark hair. He wasn’t the man you knew anymore, and the weighted words you threw at each other when you were twenty came back to haunt you. Both of you.

Twenty was when everything changed. Taehyun got Sana pregnant. To which you begged him to not go through with, knowing what type of girl Sana was, even at nineteen years old. It was an accident, he once called it. Until the accident’s tenth birthday, where he nearly spat at your feet and admitted he did it on purpose.

He knocked Sana up on purpose to get away from you, to erase the past you shared, to which you sneered that that’s the very reason you wound up with Soobin. To get away from him, to erase the past you shared. The hurt that drowned his tired eyes was something you’d never be able to unsee.

Your sharp, hushed, venom laced voices were cut off by your husbands calling up to you from the bottom of Taehyun's carpeted stairs. With two hands on the banisters, Soobin had daggers for eyes, directing them only at Taehyun who you didn’t realize almost had you caged to the wall, the two of you entirely too close considering you had a baby across your chest. Soobin’s baby.

The end played out in your mind, regretting everything that had happened the moment you had collected your boys and gotten into the car. After Taehyun handed over two letters addressed to your twins, you hadn’t spoken since that moment.

Soobin’s hand slid over the soft, flowing fabric of your pants, bringing you back to present time. The twins were babbling away to one another in the third row, Mina was humming to herself, and Wonwoo was still sound asleep. Looking over at your husband, you find him glancing at you ever so often with a soft smile on his lips.

“You alright?” he asked. Grabbing his hand, you laced your fingers together and took a breath.

“Yeah,” you said, half convincing. “Just… tired. Between nursing Wonwoo and Mina fighting sleep last night, I just…”

“Right,” Soobin said, focused on the snowy road ahead. You’ve been on the road for about twenty minutes already. “Why don’t you rest until we get there?” Dragging a thumb over the back of his hand, you shrugged. Much like the needs of your children last night, your racing thoughts and pounding heart weren’t exactly going to soothe you to sleep.

Soobin lowered his brows, along with his voice. “What else is bothering you?” Though he could probably take a wild guess. Hesitating, you made your husband chuckle. “It’s going to be fine. When I talked to your mom she said he was excited to see everyone.”

“He was lying,” you whispered.

“You don’t know that,” Soobin said.

“Yes, I do.”

Pulling up to a red light, Soobin let go of your hand and touched the bottom of your chin, turning you so you would look at him. “It’s been two years. You’re thirty-two, and so is he. He’s your brother, surely you guys can use this weekend to make up and end this sibling tiff.”

The light turned green and he grabbed your hand again, his attention on the street and keeping his family safe on the hazardous roads.

Toying with his fingers, you mumbled, “He’s not my brother,” and ignored Soobin’s eyeroll and the way he pulled his hand away from you to grip the steering wheel.

“I’d also love to go this weekend without any of that,” he said, voice low.

With a heavy exhale, you twisted yourself nearly sideways to face him. “Don’t do that.”

He shot you a glare. “Don’t disappear on me.”

“Soobin.”

“I’m serious,” he said. “There’s four kids back there now, baby- Ugh, babe- Love, Jesus Christ.” Your bottom lip escaped between your teeth. Soobin shook his head. “Maybe since you’re fighting he won’t call you that. One less thing to worry about.”

Your relationship with Taehyun was a rocky path that Soobin somehow understood since day one. At the start of your relationship and up until Rosie’s tenth birthday, Soobin had never been too fond of him, knowing that Taehyun was ‘one of the jerk’s’ he didn’t want his sons becoming. At this point in your life, you’re saddened you’d have to agree.

The house you grew up in was nothing short of spectacular. Two stories high with staircases on each end of the house, it was a classically built home that your mother and step father took excellent care of. Half of the outside of the home was grey stone, while the other half, sunken back a bit, was a wash of sky blue. The driveway was grand and stretched up the blue side of the house to two chestnut brown garage doors, and from the paved driveway a sidewalk lined with gardens wound up the lawn to the front door that matched the garage.

Everything was covered in snow, making the house draped in twinkling white Christmas lights appear like it was on the cover of a magazine. From the bay window on the stone side of the house you could see the Christmas tree all lit up, wrapped in silver garland with an ornament on each branch. Every Christmas was the same. Dazzling lights outside, a show stopping display of a tree, and an anxiety attack that one of your kids would break a decoration around each corner of the house. It was like your mother forgot what it was like to have toddlers, they were worse than cats, they touched anything and everything.

Pulling into the shoveled driveway, the snow was still coming down and had worsened on the drive, both you and Soobin peeked behind you at the quiet car as soon as it was in park.

Mina, out. Wonwoo, out. Chan, out. Sunoo, sitting with his hands in his lap, smiling at his parents.

“Hi honey,” you cooed. “Thought you were asleep like everyone else.” Soobin laughed.

“What’s up, bud,” he said. “You’ve been pretty quiet. You didn’t want to talk to mom and dad?”

Sunoo shrugged, his smile still puffing out his cheeks. “I was just watching.” The five year old gestured out the window with one hand before slapping it on top of his other one, gazing out at the snow.

You and Soobin shared a look of adoration. “Just watching,” you both said at the same time with a soft laugh.

“Do you wanna wake up Chan, or do you want Daddy to do it?”

Sunoo glanced at his snoozing brother and his crooked neck, then shrugged again. “Will he be cranky if I wake him up?”

Soobin bit back another laugh. “He’s always cranky,” he mumbled for only you to hear, then said to his son, “Wake him up and tell him he has to help me bring in our things. So do you.”

“Okay, Daddy,” Sunoo said, reaching over as far as he could in his carseat to tap his brother's arm that dangled off the side.

Looking at Soobin, you nodded. “I got the babies. Why don’t you come say hi first, then we can all come back out here for everything else once my mom has hold of Meens?”

“She’s going to pass her off to Jin, you really think she’s going to let Wonwoo stay asleep?” Soobin smirked. He glanced past you out the window and took a breath. “Taehyun’s here, he can hold the baby. He hasn’t met him yet.”

Peeking out the window, the old, black Jeep Wrangler littered with different stickers made your stomach sink to your knees. He’s driven that thing since he got his license. When you met Soobin’s gaze you could tell he was serious.

“Yeah,” you nodded, taking note of Chan in the back of the van who was rubbing his eyes vigorously. “He can hold him.”

Soobin reached across your seat, touching beneath your chin like he once did about an hour ago. “Listen,” he said softly, dragging a thumb over your cheek. “We’re going to have a good weekend. I promise. It’s Wonwoo’s first Christmas,” he dropped his voice to a whisper for a second, “The boys are getting their first bikes,” you both smiled, “And you and Taehyun… You’re going to make things right. It’s time to make things right. To… move on.”

“Don’t make it sound weird,” you muttered. Soobin perked a brow. “No, come on,” you groaned, squeezing your eyes shut. Your husband laughed, then leaned forward to give you a kiss.

Both Sunoo and Chan shrieked, “EWE!”

“I love you, you weirdo,” Soobin smiled. Mina stirred behind you, catching his attention for a second. Grabbing onto his hand you pressed a kiss to his fingers and sighed.

“I love you too, Soob, so much.”

His smile grew. “I know.”

Within minutes your entire crew was up the winding sidewalk, taking your sweet, sweet time because the kids found the lights so interesting. Mina, curled up into your shoulder, could've stared at the twinkling snowflakes hanging from the trees for hours. The twins led you up the couple of steps to the front door, telling both you and Soobin to be careful because it was slippery. Car seat in hand, Soobin saluted them as a thank you, and then insisted that they were the ones to knock on the door. Their faces lit up, their tiny fists going to town on the chestnut wood, the wreath hanging on it shaking like crazy.

A sing-songy voice could be heard on the other side along with another. Your blood pressure was through the roof. Catching a glimpse of Soobin watching the boys with pride helped ease the nerves, at least you’d be here with him, with all of them, your mini me’s you created with his help. Soobin was right, this was going to be a great weekend, you were here together, and that was enough.

The doorknob to the door rattled, and it swung open in a flash, your heart rate skyrocketing for a millisecond until your mother cheered, throwing her arms around your boys.

“Finally!” Fabulous as always, she wore a champagne colored chiffon dress cut off at her knees with flowing sleeves and matching Loubuittons. Diamonds hung around her neck and dripped from her ears and her wrists. Her hair was curled, and her makeup was pristine. Always the picture of perfection.

“Hi Mom,” you smiled, pressing your lips together, firm. With a twin on each leg, she flipped her hair over her shoulder and shot you an award winning grin.

“Hello my dear,” she crooned. “Hi Soobin, Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Joy,” Soobin smiled.

“Come in! Come in! God, it’s freezing out here,” Joy shuffled herself inside with the boys attached to her, making them giggle like crazy. Exchanging a look with Soobin, you both rolled your eyes.

“Rosie and Minho are in here somewhere,” Joy began, detaching the twins from her. Sunoo and Chan lifted their chins and looked around the house, taking it in as if they had never seen it before. “You’ll find them eventually, they’re not good at hiding.”

Your mother laughed toward you as if you’d get her joke. You settled for a sympathy laugh regardless, one she didn’t notice. Mouth agape, she tiptoed to your side, sliding a hand over Mina’s back.

“Think we’re coming down with something,” you said, giving your girl a gentle bounce. “She’s gonna be clingy all weekend.”

Joy pouted her silicone filled lips and held open her arms. “Be clingy right here, darling. Come ‘ere, sweetie.”

Kissing the top of Mina’s head you spoke quietly to her. “Go see your grandma, Meens.” You attempted to take her off your hip, but your girl held on tight.

“Oh, Mina,” Joy sang. “Joy has cookies in the kitchen, do you want some cookies?” Mina picked her head up, her heavy eyes blinking a couple of times before she held up a hand.

“Cookie,” she babbled.

“Cookie?” Chan whined. “Cookies? Joy, you have cookies?”

“Can we have cookies too?” Sunoo asked, looking up at you and Soobin. “I want some cookies too, please.”

Joy waited for the parents to answer, giving you eyes as persuasive as your kids.

“Well,” Soobin said, looking at you. “Can’t say no, you already brought it up. You can each have one cookie.”

Joy held her hands up and Mina nearly jumped into them. Wiggling your daughter out of her winter coat and mittens, Soobin took care of the boys and helped you hang everything up in the closet by the door after Joy hurried off to the kitchen with the kids. Sliding a hand around your back, he kissed your cheek and chuckled to himself.

“What?” Smiling up at him, you wrapped your arms around his back. He nuzzled his nose against yours and took a breath.

“Mm, nothing,” he shrugged. “Just thinking about how those kids are going to be glued to your mom all weekend.” His hands slipped lower over your pants, smoothing over the flowing fabric. “They’re going to forget about us, and we can get lost in this big house, and-” A whine slipped out of the carseat a few feet away from you. Soobin waited with baited breath for the baby to make another noise. You couldn’t help but laugh, burying your face into the collar of his jacket.

“Unfortunately that one can smell if I’ve ventured too far away from him,” you said. Soobin, still smiling, shook his head and kissed you much deeper than he had all day.

“Guess she was going to let him sleep,” Soobin said, untangling himself from you. He started for the carseat, greeting his youngest son with the sweetest voice.

“Yeah, I guess,” you furrowed your brows and glanced down the hall toward the kitchen where commotion was evident. “Here.” Turning to your husband who had Wonwoo out of the seat, tucked in the air in a newborn scrunch, you held out your arms to scoop up your little one. “He’s gonna be hungry soon.”

Adjusting the hood on his head while he was cradled in your arms, Soobin cocked his head to the side. “Give him to Joy, he can have a cookie.”

“Stop,” you laughed, shaking your head. Tapping your baby’s bottom, you turn around to peek down the hall again. “Shall we? Surely someone in there with arms will take him. I’ll help you bring in our stuff.”

“The boys will help me,” Soobin said, following you as you started down the long hall lined with galleries of photos of your family, both immediate and distant. There were plenty of you and Taehyun.

“The boys are five, and we have a lot of stuff,” you said. “They’re going to carry two bags and then they’ll hear Joy say something that sparks their interest and like you said, they’ll forget we’re here.”

The hardwood floor clicked beneath your shoes, echoing up into the high ceilings lined with wooden beams. The beige walls in this place seemed to stretch for miles, and just as you expected, there was some sort of Christmas pizzazz on every square inch. Turning into the kitchen that was toasty warm, you find the entire room was brand new. The last time you were here was shortly before Wonwoo was born, so that means in the past six months this kitchen had had another facelift.

The tile was marble, the counters were marble, and the cabinets were a dark forest green. On the end of the house, the ceiling on the kitchen was slanted and adorned with a massive skylight lined with spotlights shining down into the room.

“Mom, what the hell,” you said a little too loud.

“Bad word!” Sunoo pointed at you.

Joy, at the island counter with Mina sitting on the marble with a cookie in her hand and both boys standing beside her, looked toward you curiously. “What's the matter, honey?”

“This,” you gestured around the kitchen you had to admit was gorgeous. “It’s like the fifth time you’ve redone it.”

Joy frowned. “You don’t sound happy, what is it ugly? What did I miss?” She parroted her head around like she’d find an imperfection somewhere. Mina copied her, glancing around before she spotted you and Soobin and smiled.

“Mama,” she said, waving her cookie toward you.

“Hi Mina,” you nodded, stepping closer to her. “No, Mom, it’s… stunning. Just wish you’d commit to an aesthetic. This shit’s expensive.”

“Bad wooord!” Sunoo and Chan shouted.

“Babe,” Soobin’s tone was flat.

“This shit is very expensive, darling, but my God, it’s gorgeous,” Joy waved a hand around, flicking her diamond bracelet up and down her wrist.

“Joy! Bad word!” Chan pouted, looking up at his grandmother in defeat. Soobin sighed heavily, and you wanted to apologize, but he pulled the boys out of the kitchen before you had the chance to do so.

“We’re going to bring our things inside,” your husband said to you, disappearing with the boys down the hall.

Once he was gone Joy wiggled her brows. “Daddy Soobin still strict as ever, huh?”

“He’s not strict, Mom,” you shook your head. “He’s far from it.”

“Mhm,” she hummed, taking a bite out of a cookie. Mina tried to grab it from her, but she pulled it away. “Sweetie, you’ve got your own, and your military boot camp daddy said only one.”

“One,” Mina smiled, holding up a finger. Joy’s face lit up, making your daughter laugh.

“Good job, Mina,” she cooed. “How’s that baby of yours?” She asked you while she played with Mina.

Looking down at Wonwoo who was gazing up at the skylight, you smiled at him. “He’s perfect.”

“You feeling better about adjusting to four?” Joy snuck a glimpse of you, her eyes written with something you couldn’t quite decipher.

“I am,” you nodded. “Wonwoo’s an angel, so he made it too easy. Makes me feel like we could do five.” Joy thankfully laughed along with your joke.

“Yeah, well, if my husband looked like that I don’t think we’d stop.”

“Mom!” Your eyes went wild as she laughed.

“Come on, I’ve said it since you started dating him, Soobin’s a good one.”

Looking down at your baby again, you smiled. “He is a good one.” The kitchen went quiet for a moment, the only sound coming from Mina as she tried to put a cookie into Joy's mouth, and cheering to herself as she did. Praising her, Joy took a bite of the sugary snack and put it down, meeting your unreadable gaze.

“What’s the matter? You’re pregnant again, aren’t you.”

“Mom!”

“You have that look on your face,” she circled her finger toward you. Mina grabbed onto it and tried to put it in her mouth. “No, honey, you can’t eat my jewelry… What’s going on?”

With a breath, you shrugged and forced the words out of your mouth, attempting to sound as casual as possible. “Taehyun and Sana here?”

Joy lifted a brow. “Taehyun’s here. No Sana.”

“No?” you questioned in surprise. Joy eyed you curiously.

“Sweetie, they’ve been divorced for almost a year,” she said. Placing her palms flat on the marble counter around your daughter to keep her in a safe space, Joy narrowed her eyes. “You’re telling me you didn’t know that?”

Mouth wide open, you scoffed. “Had no idea. How did this not come up this summer?”

Joy shrugged. “I dunno, I figured the two of you had talked, and it’s his business, he didn’t need me spreading it around.”

She had a point.

“When was the last time you spoke to your brother?”

The word made your skin crawl.

“He’s not…” you nearly sneered, but stopped yourself before you opened a can of worms. “We haven’t talked… in a long time.”

Joy dodged a Mina kick, but still swam in her laughter, squeezing her cheeks with glee. “Tell me when that was.”

Swallowing hard, you took a deep breath. “Rosie’s tenth birthday party.”

“What!” Joy shouted, startling Mina. “I’m sorry, honey, c’mere.” She popped your daughter on her hip and scrambled out of the kitchen. “Follow me.”

Doing what you were told, you shifted Wonwoo over your shoulder and followed your mother to the other side of her home down the stretch of another hall. On the way you passed by a full bathroom, an office space and a living room with a TV screen as large as one in a movie theater. You ended up at the bottom of a staircase with your heart at the bottom of your stomach.

“Taehyun!” Joy shouted up the wooden dual level stairs.

“Mom, stop, we’ll talk,” you whispered, but your cries for help went unnoticed.

“Kang Taehyun!”

“Tae-yun,” Mina said, observing her grandmother. “Tae-yun!”

“Great,” you mumbled. What a fantastic word for her to learn and bring home with her.

“I’m coming!” His voice sent chills down your spine. “Hang on!” Even muffled by walls it churned your stomach into knots.

“You’re gonna talk now,” Joy shot you a glare over her shoulder. “It is Christmas goddamnit, I won’t have my kids fighting on Christmas.”

All you could give her was a sigh. From the front of the house you heard the door open and close. Poor boys were only on trip number one.

“Mom, I have to help Soobin with the car-”

Her hand cut you off. “Hush, he’s coming.”

Footsteps sounded upstairs, hurried footsteps, ones you would recognize blindfolded. You spent years listening to and memorizing the footsteps of the people you shared this house with.

“Taehyun!” Joy shouted for the last time.

He appeared at the top of the stairs with a grin, and the wind was knocked out of you. Meeting your eyes first he must’ve read your energy, because he blinked a couple of times and retreated down a single step hesitantly. You wanted to greet him somehow, this was no way for you to see somebody for the first time in two years, standing at the bottom of a staircase speechless.

He looked different. His hair was a little lighter, and you wondered if it was done on purpose or if age was already getting to him. Dressed the same as he usually would be, dark ripped jeans and a band tee that finally fit him properly instead of hanging off of his skinny frame. He hated the gym, there wasn’t a chance in hell he’d been working out… But, then how would he be filling out the sleeves of the tee the way he was if he wasn’t lifting… something.

There was color in his cheeks and life in his big brown eyes. He looked happy. And it tore your heart apart.

“Hi, Baby,” he shot you a big, toothy grin. “Long time, no see.”

“Yeah,” you breathed. “Long time no see.” Taehyun's gaze dropped to the baby in your arms. You swore his smile faltered before he met your eyes once more.

“Care to explain to me why your sister told me the two of you haven’t spoken in two years?” Joy cut the ever so joyous reunion off, and for once you were grateful for her obliviousness. Taehyun tilted his head to the side to think, but you know he knew damn well why the two of you haven’t spoken. It just wasn’t something you could share in front of Joy.

“Uhm, it’s just… Life, I guess,” Taehyun shrugged twice, looking at you for help. Either that or he was mentally crucifying you for opening your mouth.

Joy popped a hip and clicked her tongue. “You’re a shit liar, just like your father,” she said. “Whatever is going on, you two work it out before dinner please.” Stepping away from the stairs, Mina in her arms, she held up a hand and shouted, “No fighting on Christmas!”

You watched her walk away, and the moment she was out of earshot you pointed your attention up to the top of the stairs. Taehyun’s eyes were wide, and his smile was gone. Both of his hands held onto the wooden railing, like he was ready to prop himself up on it and slide down like he’s done before many times. He tried to teach you how to do it a long, long time ago, but you ended up with stitches in your elbow instead.

“You really said something to her?” Taehyun broke the minute of silence that was beginning to suffocate you both. “I was fully prepared for you to walk in here and we just pretend like everything is okay for a couple days for her sake.”

“I can’t do that,” you whispered.

His jaw tightened. “I need you to do that.” He started down the stairs, his chunky sneakers clunking with every rushed step he took. Brushing past you, his scent was familiar. He still wore the same cologne.

“And what if I can’t?” Your voice made him freeze. He turned around halfway.

“Then, I’m gonna take my kids and we’re gonna leave,” he said, then continued down the hall.

“We’re really not gonna talk about this?” you asked. “We’re not even gonna try to fix it?”

He whirled around, swinging his hands at his sides before he crossed them over his chest. His biceps bulged out of his sleeves. “We’re not,” he gritted his teeth. He took two steps closer to you. “We can’t. There is nothing to fix.”

“It’s Christmas.” Your voice was barely a whisper.

Taehyun glanced down to where Wonwoo laid. “Yeah. It’s Christmas. You keep having babies, and I’m divorced. You’re happily married, playing house with your amazing husband, and keep pulling me back under whenever you come around and wanna talk.” You gulped, he watched you do so. “We’re done. We were a long time ago. Now, we act like everything is fucking perfect, or I’m gonna get called into work tonight and break Joys heart.”

Staring each other down, he didn’t walk away until you nodded. Wonwoo stirred on your shoulder, a small sound slipping out of the boy's mouth. Rubbing his back you watched Taehyun disappear around a corner wrapped in silver garland. Resting your cheek on the hood of Wonwoo’s onesie, you soothed him with a gentle hush, bouncing him ever so gently, turning away from the hall.

An empty cry came out of the infant you cradled, one that made you laugh. “I know, lovie,” you breathed. “I feel the same way.”

Your eyes landed on a set of photos on the wall in a sleek black frame. Both photos, top and bottom, were from you and Taehyun’s first day of high school. Joy took your picture before you got on the bus in the morning, and then again when you got home.

In the photo on top you were both dressed nice and your hair was done. Taehyun, as skinny as a rail, was covered in black with a red checkered flannel around his shoulders, and you were in a yellow sundress. You would’ve never worn it if Taehyun didn’t tell you it made you look pretty. Hanging around your bedroom door all morning while you tried to put on a little makeup that Joy had given you, he wouldn’t leave you alone.

At that point, freshman year of high school, your families had been living together for four years. Jin and Joy weren’t married yet, you can still hear the distant jokes they’d make about living in sin.

The bottom photo was hysterical, it honestly made you smile. Standing out front on the sidewalk both you and Taehyun struck funny poses, and on the bus ride home, you’d almost switched outfits. His flannel was tied around your waist, and the two of you tried to switch shoes even though his feet were three sizes bigger than yours. Every piece of jewelry you had put on that morning was given to him, which would mark this as the day that Jin and Joy found out he had pierced his ears himself, without your help, of course.

Neither your mother nor his father, still to this day, ever found out that sometime that July the two of you went full Parent Trap and stabbed needles through his earlobes in the bathroom you shared. Lindsay Lohan really made it seem entirely too easy, it took three tries to get the needle through his skin. Practice makes perfect though, because when you were eighteen you pierced each other's second and third holes in that bathroom at four in the morning after downing half of Joys Svedka. You made sure to fill it up with water before she and Jin came home from their second cruise of the year.

Low and behold, in true Joy fashion, she never found out.

He had three silver studs in each ear today. Two summers ago he had three silver studs in each ear. You wondered if changing the jewelry gave him the same numb feeling it gave you. He used to wear diamonds, and sometimes he’d wear hoops, or chains that hung from each piercing. Either he didn’t care to switch out the earrings now, in which case he could just take the jewelry out and let the holes close, or he cared too much, and couldn’t touch them.

Scoffing under your breath at yourself, you shake your head. Thirty-two years old and you were still wallowing in the halls of your mothers home trying to put the puzzle pieces together to figure out if Taehyun cared about you. “Grow up,” you mumbled, spinning around your heels to find your boys. They’d pull you out of this.

“Hope you aren’t talking to me,” Soobin said with a smile, turning the corner just as you were about to sprint out of the hall.

Startled, you huff a laugh and meet him at his side. “No, not you,” you said. “Myself.” Soobin poked one of Wonwoo’s hands, letting the infant latch onto it, squeezing it with might. Only your husband's eyes flickered up to question you.

“Taehyun said you needed me?”

Your face twisted in confusion. “What?”

Thinning his lips into a line, Soobin bobbed his head. “He insisted on helping bring our stuff inside, and when I refused, politely, he told me that you needed me and sent me this way.”

“He’s a jerk.”

“What?” Soobin tilted his head. “I mean- Yeah, but, what happened? Are you okay?”

The sigh you let out ended with a gravely groan. “I’m fine, Soob. I told Joy we haven’t spoken, and she went… All Joy. He’s mad I told her. Said it’s something we can’t work out, ever. Guess he sent you this way ‘cause he thinks I’ll be emotional about it.”

Soobins sparkling eyes studied your being. “Are you?”

“Do I look like I’m throwing a tantrum?”

He laughed and shook his head. “I don’t think so,” he paused, looking down at his son who was getting more vocal. “I do know you expected things to get back to normal after you saw each other, though. You wanted to talk it out.”

“I did,” you said, averting your gaze to the floor. “As normal as our normal is.”

Soobin rolled his eyes, but not to degrade you. “Yeah, babe, I wanted you guys to work this out.” Snapping your eyes to his, your lips parted in shock. It made him smirk and roll his eyes again. “As much as I… dislike…” he waved his free hand behind him, “Most of this, and what it put you through… He was your best friend. You can’t deny that.”

“You’re my best friend,” you whispered, and Soobin smized before he shook his head.

“That’s sweet,” he smiled. “But, we know that’s not true.”

Wonwoo broke out into a cry, a real one this time. Shifting him to a cradle you bounced him and hummed.

“Hungry,” you whispered to the baby. Soobin took a step closer, closing the empty space between you. “Imma go upstairs to feed him.”

Soobin smoothed a hand over yours. “Give him to me. He can have a bottle for now.” Meeting his gaze, you purse your lips. “Go make sure Taehyun didn’t let Chan and Sunoo in the snow.”

Following you out into the foyer where there were a plethora of bags and suitcases, you helped Soobin with Wonwoo’s diaper bag, a battered blue thing that had ‘C. & S.’ stitched into the material right beneath the zipper. All four of your babies have used this bag, and you intended to follow through with the tradition no matter how many times Jin and Joy tried to gift you a brand new, brand name expensive one. Neither you or your husband have gotten a glimpse of the tree yet, but you could make a huge assumption that there would be one wrapped up for you beneath those glittering branches.

Kids were messy, and baby’s were no better. Between you and Soobin, you’ve both told them that they didn’t need to give you the high end things with marked up prices that would be ruined in a few days. You were doing perfectly fine with what you had. And Wonwoo is the baby of four! Back home you had a house filled to brim with enough to have you settled for a fifth or even a sixth.

“Everything is in here, right?” Slinging the bag over Soobin’s shoulder that didn’t have an infant over it, your voice was quiet. Moving at about a mile a minute, you popped the bag open to double check your husband would have what he needed, and listened to him as he laughed.

“I packed the bag, darling, everything’s there,” he said. Looking up at him, you blinked a couple of times. “I’ll be in the kitchen feeding him, okay?” You bobbed your head, rubbing Wonwoo’s back. “I’ll also be looking for our daughter, she and Joy are very quiet.” Darting his eyes down the hall, a snicker escaped you both before he leaned down to kiss your forehead. “Come find us when you grab the boys.”

A well-oiled, beautifully communicative team. Soobin truly was the greatest. Coming with so many faults and so much baggage, just look at where you are for the weekend, your husband very rarely, and almost never at all, brings you down for it. Trips like these are always a reminder that you struck gold nine years ago when you decided to take him up on that date night.

Ice cream and a movie. The simplest night, yet one you’ll cherish and remember forever. He picked you up in his used white, two door BMW, from the front porch of this very house. Knocking on the door, Jin was the one to answer. Soobin, in blue jeans and a white t-shirt, stepped up and held out his hand to shake your step-fathers. Back then he wore thick rimmed glasses, nothing like the skinny frames he wears now. They sat on the edge of his nose, and his dark bangs that used to hang in front of his face brushed right over the top of them.

He was totally boy next door, entirely pure, and all the more sweet. A gentleman, he paid for it all, he held your hand during the movie, and when he dropped you off, he walked you to the door and kissed your cheek. It wasn’t anything like you were used to, you had never, ever in your life had a date, yet alone one like Soobin. That one Friday night turned into every Friday night, and four kids later here you were.

Tugging the front door open to fetch your boys, Taehyun seemed to be walking in at the same exact time, bumping directly into you as he fumbled with the door. Nose to nose, you didn’t have a second to even see if the twins were covered in snow as they bolted over the threshold past your legs.

“Oh, shit, sorry,” he muttered. His eyes darted away from yours, watching the boys fly down one of the halls, you weren’t sure which.

Still gripping the door handle, digging your fingertips into the gold, you were certain your knuckles were white. Jaw as tight as can be, you sucked in a breath, his cologne surrounding you both comforting and all the more repulsive. Centimeters between you, you wanted nothing more than to release the door and lay your palm out on the side of his face, preferably at a speed that would knock some sense into him. Though you aren’t sure for what.

Taehyun looked down at you, his round lips pursing slightly as he read your expression. A snarky breath of air came out of him as he rolled his eyes. “Give it up,” he said. There was an insatiable itch lying just beneath your skin.

“Yanno, I would, actually,” you began, your eyebrows plummeting. “But, you listened to me.”

A real smirk graced his lips, flashing you his perfectly straight, pearly white teeth. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Sana,” you said. Your entire being filled with glee when his cocky smile fell off his face. “What was it, two years ago? Something like that right?” He rolled his eyes again, his staple. “Someone told me that they were… happy? Was that it? That they were happy, and not exhausting themselves for love? Overworking themselves to get out of their house, to get away from their wife? To get-” “Oh my god, shut up!” Taehyun groaned, dipping his head forward.

The newfound life in his eyes you caught a glimpse of was very much real. The big, round, chocolatey brown, galaxy filled eyes were back. You hadn’t realized how much you’d missed them. They were set perfectly on his face, the buttery olive color of his skin making them pop right above his sculpted nose and cheekbones. His face was slender, and a little small, but his eyes were oceans, filled with wonder. They always have been.

Boys always got the things girls didn’t, like the eyelashes, and Taehyun had plenty to spare. With each blink they fluttered, the chocolate brown turning into a daydream the longer you gazed up at him. His hardened, annoyed expression softened, and you felt yours do the same. His pink lips parted as if to say something, but nothing came out. Instead, his eyes flickered between yours, slowly, like they were trying to drink up this moment, as if it would never happen again.

Thirty-two looked good, the years were clearly kind to him, and you only hoped he was thinking the same. After four kids and five years of sleepless nights, you weren’t feeling your best. Not only that, you were also six months postpartum, wearing clothes that barely hugged your figure so you’d be comfortable. After those four kids, comfort had become a priority.

Taehyun was single now, he had bulked up, and you figured out in these two minutes that he colored his hair lighter on purpose. He looked good. He looked nice. He looked like himself. His entire fit tumbled you back almost twelve years, before Sana, before kids, before everything went to shit. It left you unsettled, but it also wrapped around you with warmth, and safety. Normal, and happy, and comforting, like home should be.

A pout snuck onto your lips, one that Taehyun shifted his gaze toward. “Tae,” you whispered, feeling a lump form in your throat.

“No, no, no, you’re gonna cry,” he shook his head the slightest. “Don’t cry.”

“But I will,” you pressed your lips together tight after the words left you. “Talk to me. Please. Especially now, please.”

A sharp breath shot through him. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from yours. “I don’t know if I can handle going there again.” His voice was a whisper.

“We don’t have to,” your eyebrows flipped over, pleading with him. Now he looked away, toward the floor between you. “We can start from two years ago, or we can start over, we can be brand new, we can be…” you gulped, “Brother and sister.”

His shoulders shot back as he stood up straight and plastered the cocky smirk back on his lips. “You really think we can do that?”

Nodding, you tried to smile, but it wouldn’t work. “I do,” you lied to keep him talking. Taehyun shrugged and dropped his smug act that never stood a chance around you, you weren’t even sure why he still tried. “For the sake of our families and our futures, I do.” His eyes melted into yours. The lump lodged in your throat forced a tiny tear out of the corner of your eye. “You were my best friend, Tae.”

“We were codependent and stupid,” he sighed. The words shoved a knife into your gut.

“I don’t disagree,” you said to his surprise. “Codependent and stupid. But, you were my best friend. I miss you.”

Hesitating, Taehyun danced his eyes all around your face, studying you, taking you in. With a breath and a heavy exhale, he nodded, swallowing hard. “I miss you, too.”

“Not lying?”

He shook his head. “Not lying.”

A smile lit up your face. “Joy still has those pictures of us on the wall, the ones from freshman year?”

“The clothes switch?” You both said at the same time and laughed.

“Oh god, they couldn’t take us anywhere,” Taehyun said.

“Menaces, both of us,” you giggled.

Taehyun quirked a brow. “I think I still have those earrings, the ones you had on that day.”

“Now you’re lying, there’s no way you have the-”

“Dangly silver diamonds Joy gave me for our middle school graduation.”

“Dangly silver diamonds Joy gave you for our middle school graduation.”

The both of you screwed your mouths shut and held in a laugh. Taehyun's cheeks turned an endearing shade of pink, and it wasn’t from the open door you were both still standing in. Peeking at the floor like a flustered teenager, he licked his lips and huffed a laugh.

“See,” you said, getting his attention. “We keep talking at the same time, that’s something siblings do, right?”

Taehyun cringed, the physical reaction he had to the words was the same as you.

“That’s…” he began, curling his lip.

“Weird?” you added quietly, and he nodded. “Agreed. I hate it.”

“Friends?” he offered, his voice jumping up at the end, preparing himself for you to hate it. “Is that… less weird?”

“Friends,” you smiled, bouncing your knees once to signify your delight. It was going to have to be something you both worked for, but it was better than nothing. “Thank you.” Reaching between you, you rested your hand on his arm and tried to not express your shock over the muscles that rippled beneath your touch.

Taehyun glanced at your fingers for a moment, then he smiled and gave his full attention back to you. Lifting a hand, he brushed it over your cheek and tucked some of your hair behind your ear, letting his fingers dance over the earrings you chose to wear. Breath hitching in your throat, your grip tensed on his arm, squeezing accidentally. Time slowed, and for a moment you forgot where you were. A screech from the kitchen from one of your kids brought you back, and both of your hands dropped in an instant. Neither of you had anything to say.

“No wonder it’s freezing!” Joy’s voice carried from around the corner where she appeared from. Whipping yourself around, jumping away from Taehyun, you smiled and took a deep breath. “Shut the damn door!” She was kidless with one arm tucked under the other.

“Sorry,” you said in a hurry, bringing yourself closer to her so that Taehyun could follow orders and push the door shut, clicking the lock into place. Joy took her hands to your shoulders and rubbed your arms, flashing you a curious brow. “We brought the house with us, clearly.” Peeking over your shoulder, you meet Taehyun’s eyes, watching you.

Joy looked from Taehyun, to you, then back to Taehyun. “Did we make up?” She forced her serious tone out of the depths of where she locked away all her parenting skills. Both you and Taehyun gave her a nod.

“All good, Mom,” you said. “Can I help you with dinner? Are we getting anything started yet?”

Joy pressed a hand to your cheek, right where Taehyun’s had been. “Jin’s at the store picking up a couple of last minute things, when he gets back we’ll really get started.”

“Oh, yeah, he’s got my kids,” Taehyun snickered, waltzing past the two of you toward the kitchen.

“Does he?!” Joy shouted. “This whole time I thought they were getting into trouble somewhere up there!” She gestured to the floor above her.

Taehyun paused beside her and grabbed her shoulder. “Joy, be honest, you never knew what happened up there.”

“I knew enough, okay?” Defending herself, she held up a hand. “You were two teenagers going through everything at the same exact time, I was not going to get in your way! I was a teenager before, okay? I hated when my mother was in my space. When we moved into this house you both got the second floor for a reason!”

“A+ parenting, Joy,” Taehyun nodded, and you did your best to swallow a giggle.

Joy groaned. “Come on you two, I’ve been up there. I wasn’t a neglectful mother! Taehyun, we helped you move out, I saw the walls and the carpets in both your rooms, and the tile in the bathroom. You were kids, you were stupid, but you had your own space and it made you two closer than ever, and as a mother, I couldn’t ask for more.”

Tiny feet running down the hall stole everyone's attention. Chan and Sunoo, at the speed of light, wearing wicked smiles, were flying toward the other end of the hall. As they passed by the three of you, Sunoo latched onto Taehyun's legs, his short arms just making it around them.

“Whoa!” Taehyun shouted, gripping the little one by the back to make sure he wouldn’t fall, his voice signaling to Chan that his brother had stopped shorthand.

“What the heck are you two doing?” You watched Chan turn around and wrap himself around Taehyun's other leg, his arms just barely reaching his brother's shoulders. The twins laughed maniacally, then gazed up at Taehyun.

“We was racing, Mom!” Chan said, sucking down deep breaths.

“We were racing,” Taehyun corrected.

Sunoo’s smile was so wide it almost hid the tired in his eyes. The only one out of four to not have a car nap. “We raced to Uncle Taehyun! I won!”

Joy planted a hand over heart. “How sweet,” she said, giving you a look.

Chan leapt away from his uncle and crossed his arms over his tucked in button down. Dark brows lowered furiously, your five year old scolded his copy. “We was not, Sunoo!” A little performer, Chan stomped a foot. “You said the hallway!”

“We were not, Chan,” Taehyun corrected him again. He crouched down and wrapped an arm around Sunoo, then motioned for Chan to join him in his other one. “Besides, it doesn't matter who won, right?” Sunoo opened his mouth to object, but Taehyun moved right along. “It’s Christmas, and Santa comes tonight.” The boy's eyes shot open wide, and you and Joy laughed quietly.

“He’s so good with them,” Joy said to you under her breath.

“We can’t be mad at each other when Santa’s coming, can we?!” Taehyun asked, and both boys shook their heads. “Right,” he grinned, the sight making your stomach flip. “Now, I say we go upstairs and look for something to do while we wait for Rosie and Minho to come back and play. Sounds good?”

“Good!” Sunoo and Chan shouted.

“Yanno, it’s uncanny,” Joy said as she took a step backward toward the kitchen. You both watched Taehyun take a twin with each hand and start for the stairs on the opposite end of the house. “They share no relation, but those boys have his damn eyes.” Shooting you a smile like she didn’t just send your stomach plummeting for the floor, she turned around for the kitchen and shouted, “Soobin, I want my grandson! Give him up!”

Arms slung around Soobin’s shoulders where he sat at the kitchen table, you rested your chin on the top of his head, watching Joy rock Wonwoo in her arms. The chiffon fabric that hung from her arms brushed over his face occasionally, making him giggle, and in return, making everyone else giggle. Still swaddled in his teddy bear onesie, Wonwoo stared at his grandmother in awe, his stubby fingers trying to reach for her shiny jewelry.

“I love it when they can’t run away,” Joy cooed, nuzzling her nose on Wonwoo’s. “In a couple months he’ll be on the move, then you won’t be able to do this anymore.”

“Ouch, okay, don’t do that to me,” you said, and Soobin agreed.

“That’s our baby,” Soobin frowned. “Please don’t rush it.”

Joy smiled toward you two, nodding to Mina who was cuddled up on Soobins lap. Her thumb was in her mouth and her eyes were halfway shut. She was completely dead weight, Soobin already tried to move her. She wouldn’t budge.

“Least that one’s still cuddly,” she said. Blowing a raspberry, you glanced down at your daughter. “Your only girl… Consider another.” Eyes boggling out of your head, you and Soobin both, you laughed and held each other tighter. Soobin had his hand wrapped around one of your wrists.

“Four seems like quite enough, Joy,” Soobin said. Joy raised her eyebrows, shrugged, and cooed down at Wonwoo. “We didn’t even know that one was coming!”

Joy’s attention shot up. “Exactly,” she smized. “It could happen again!”

You and Soobin shared a quick look. “Mm,” you hummed. “I don’t think so.”

“Don’t be so silly,” Joy said to the baby, directed at you. “Anything can happen, anything is possible… Right, Wonwoo?” Your son cooed at his grandmother. “That’s right, sweetie pie.”

Watching your mother cradle the baby and talk about having more kids as if it were nothing but a past time nauseated you. Here, in a kitchen that’s been redone oodles of times, in a house that was oodles of dollars you cannot even begin to comprehend, with a woman who had one daughter with a man she was married to for not even a year.

Dating men on and off throughout your childhood before she met Jin, you encountered a lot of strange and unusual people who somehow, conveniently, always had money. They would spoil your mother and buy her things she didn’t need that she’d give to you. Plenty of them offered her marriage, but she refused for whatever good reason she had in her materialistic mind.

It wasn’t that she was a bad mother, she didn’t neglect you, or brush you off, or set you aside… It was more of the fact that she was rarely present, and if she was present, she wasn’t paying attention.

Most of the men she dealt with were way older than her and typically kidless. If they did have kids, they were old enough to be out of the picture without having to be around to see their father mess around with a gold digger single mother. You really don’t know how she did it, maintaining multiple relationships at once without them figuring each other out. But, everything changed when she met Jin. Taehyun’s father.

Neither of you liked to say it was your fault they ended up together, but ultimately it was your fault that they ended up together. An elementary school incident that had both of your parents meeting in front of the teachers desk at the end of a long winter's day.

Taehyun had been pulling on your pigtails, and you didn’t like it very much, so you took it upon yourself to push him to the floor. When he fell he knocked over one of the toy bins, and stuffed animals poured out on the floor everywhere, and Taehyun saw an opportunity. He picked one up and threw it at you. Thus beginning a stuffy fight with every first grader in the class.

It took two years for them to start dating, it wasn’t official until you were in third grade and you hadn’t spoken to Taehyun in a while because you had girl friends at that point, and boys had cooties, and besides, Taehyun would always be the boy who used to pull your hair.

Joy and Jin kept a lot of things separate for a while, they didn’t let you or Taehyun see them together, interact, or just simply know if they were going out together. It was some well kept secret, one that was hidden out of sight for about a year and half, until the summer of sixth grade when they decided to buy a house and move everybody in together. Taehyun wasn’t happy. At first, neither of you were. You adjusted a lot faster, loving the big, brand new room where you’d have complete interior design control, and long halls, stretchy walls, and echoey ceilings. A touch of Joy's materialism may have rubbed off on you at some point.

The boy who now lived across the hall from you struggled for almost a year. Joy had found her perfect match, because Jin had no idea. Taehyun would spend too much time in his room blasting loud music, and shortly after living together you found out that he knew how to sneak in and out of his bedroom window, shimmying down a tree that hugged the back edge of the house. Eventually you would learn how to do that, too. And it was painful. But, it was entirely too much fun. You figured out quickly how to get friends into your rooms from that tree.

Joy was half right when she told you she didn’t neglect you, but that didn’t mean she was winning Mother Of The Year. When she held your kids and cuddled them, and kissed their noses, and gave them treats, her intentions were genuine. It healed some part of you deep down inside, while it simultaneously crushed your heart into a trillion pieces. They were getting a side of her you didn’t get.

The moment you found out you were pregnant in the upstairs bathroom of this house, not even knowing it was twins, you vowed to be the mother to them you never had. You would give your kids a beautiful life, one where they’d never have to question whether or not their parents loved them.

That’s also part of the reason why you married Soobin. He was a good man, he always has been, and he’s proven that he’s an even better father. Soobin became your peace amongst the chaos, your rock. At home, when it’s just the six of you, you’re calm, level headed, and able to think clearly thanks to your husband's guidance that took years for you to adapt to. When you’re here, at home, back in a life you were hardwired to always live, things got a little blurry.

“Do I hear Jin?” Joy glanced to the arched doorway of the kitchen, narrowing her eyes like it would help her hear better. On the opposite side of the house, away from the garage, one would think it’d be impossible to hear the doors open, but like the footsteps around the house, you were conditioned and your ears were trained to hear that sound from a mile away.

“Yeah, he’s back,” you said. Soobin laced his brows together, looking up at you. He didn’t have ears in this house like you. “I’ll go help him.”

Your husband started to stand up, gracefully sliding your daughter into your arms. “She’s about to knock out, I’ll go help him.” Wrapping your arms around Mina, the two year old buried herself in your chest, her arms clinging to the fabric of your sweater. “Baby girl needs her mom,” Soobin whispered, his lips perking up into a small smile. “I’ll have the boys come down too.”

“He’s so good with them, isn’t he, Soobin?” Joy spoke up. Your husband turned to flash your mother a grin. “Taehyun? So good with kids.” “Somebody’s got to be the fun guy, right?” Soobin half laughed, then looked at you with his lips completely flat.

“I talked to him,” you said under your breath, and Soobins eyes narrowed. “Before he took the boys upstairs, we spoke.” Peeking behind him finding Joy invested in Wonwoo, Soobin faced you completely and kissed your cheek.

“It’s going to be okay,” he mumbled, though it sounded more like a question.

Nodding fast, you smiled. “It’s gonna be okay.”

With a gentle squeeze to your shoulder, Soobin left the kitchen, leaving you with your mother and your babies. Taking the seat your husband was just in, you adjusted Mina so she was comfy, and kissed the top of her head. Her forehead was warm and her cheeks were rosy.

“Mom, you have any Tylenol…” Your voice faded as you looked up, finding her staring at you with a studious look. She was focused, eyes pointed at you with an intent you couldn’t seem to read. “What now?”

Joy shook her head, dangly earrings bouncing below her ears. “Just thinking.”

“Uh oh,” you said, and she scoffed. “I’m kidding,” you dipped your chin to apologize, “What’re you thinking about?”

Joy teetered her head side to side, glancing about her thirty thousand dollar kitchen. “I dunno, I’m just so happy to have you and Taehyun here, and your families.”

“Doesn’t seem like it,” you started to frown, and a nervousness settled into your chest, much like how it would when you were a kid and your mother put on her serious face. It was just you and her in the kitchen, there wasn’t a stray Taehyun around to save you.

“No, I am, truly,” she said. “When you both said you’d be here I couldn’t wait to have you both under one roof again, for an entire weekend. You’re both adults, you both are so busy, we haven’t gotten to be a family in a long, long time.” Joy copied your frown, averting her gaze to the table in front of her, then to your baby in her arms. “If I think about it for too long… I wonder if we’ve ever… been a family.”

“Mom,” you sang. She looked up to you and shrugged. “We’ve been a family for such a long time, you know that right? Taehyun and I were twelve when we moved here, that’s… that’s like, holy shit, that’s like twenty years.”

“Twenty years of what?” Joy asked, purely genuine. Her eyes begged yours for help. The nervousness in your chest spread to your stomach, filling your entire being with unease.

“What are you getting at, Joy?” you almost snapped.

Your mother’s bottom lip crinkled. “You didn’t know he was divorced, you haven’t spoken in two years, what kind of mother have I been? A mother should know this about her kids.”

“Technically he’s not yours,” you joked, hoping she would laugh. She did not.

“He has been for ten years through the law.”

“Yeah, but even then, we were, what? Twenty-two when you and Jin officially got married?”

Joy pressed her lips together, firm. “What do you have against us being a family?” Her voice was quiet, incredibly hushed that not even the baby’s stirred, but her tone was packed full of venom. Eyes going wide, you sat back in the chair and took a shallow breath. For a minute she stared at you. Then, she shook her head and looked down at Wonwoo who dozed off. “Why didn’t you two speak for so long?”

Rolling your eyes you held Mina closer and sighed. You’ve relived the fight you and Taehyun had at his daughter's tenth birthday party so many times, most times with Soobin when it became unbearable to stay in your head. Neither one of your parents cared, until now it seemed, but that’s how it went. Selective parenting, like she was playing make believe.

“I told him…” You weren’t sure how to begin. It might be a whole lot better if you just ripped off the bandaid. “I told him to divorce her.”

Joy's expression went unchanged. “Why would you… How could you even say those words?”

“Mom, do you remember how he used to be? Sure, he looks fantastic now, but two, three years ago? He was miserable!” Your volume had raised, Mina shifted on your lap.

“They were a family.” “She was using him for his money, Mom, come on,” you spat back, feeling your veins fill with fire. “You and this preconceived idea of family. We could all see what she was doing to him, I’m shocked she didn’t force five more fuckin’ kids out of him.”

“He loves those kids.”

Your eyes were ready to roll out of your head, the amount of times they’ve spun already. “Of course he does, he’s a great father. He could have a billion of them and he’d love them all the same. That doesn’t mean he was happy with Sana, though.” Joy’s glare had softened at some point. “I was the only one who cared enough to speak up, to help him realize, wake him up! And it made him hate me.”

Joy nodded, pursing her lips. “Is that the only reason?”

“Yes, Joy, it is,” you said, keeping your eyes locked on hers. Not letting her see through the half lie you forced past your lips.

“Okay,” she said. “But, you guys talked it out.”

“Somewhat.”

A small nod was all she could give you before two bodies strolled into the kitchen, all carrying shopping bags.

“We’re back!” An enthusiastic, young, happy voice filled the air. Turning to the commotion, you gave the young boy who looked back at you a huge smile. Dark hair and round brown eyes, Minho was the spitting image of his father. His smile was a bit like his mothers, smaller and poutier, but the rest of him was straight Taehyun.

Dressing like him too, the eight year old wore black ripped jeans and an oversized grey hoodie with a band you used to know on the front. Converse high tops were laced on his feet and a black beanie covered his head. He looked at you from beneath his bangs that almost covered his eyes. He and Taehyun both needed haircuts.

“Hi, Minho,” you said softly.

The boy gave you a small wave. “Hi. Is that Mina?” He pointed to the baby on your lap, and you frowned.

“It is,” you said. “She’s not feeling good.”

“Don’t let her near me,” a shrill, higher pitched voice said from behind the kitchen island. Shifting your eyes over to the twelve year old in wedged chelsea boots, you flashed her your best smile.

“Don’t worry, Rosie,” you breathed. “It’s just a little cold.”

“Doesn’t matter,” she sneered, walking over to Joy, letting you get a glimpse of what she was wearing for the day. You wanted to gasp in disbelief. “Mom’s taking me to New York City when we leave here, I cannot get sick.”

The twelve year old wore an emerald green silk dress that wrapped around her neck and covered her left arm, leaving the right one exposed to the winter air. The dress stopped above her knees. On her legs she wore shimmering black stockings that went into her, you guessed it right, three inch high black boots that lived at her ankle. Silver bracelets jingled on her right wrist, and diamonds were in her ears. She flashed them to you whenever she swung her shoulder length black hair back and forth.

Rosie leaned against Joy, who wrapped her arm around her back, and looked down at Wonwoo. “Who’s baby?”

Joy laughed, but you wanted to scream.

“Your aunt’s, silly,” Joy said to her. “They had another baby, her and Soobin.”

Rosie was unimpressed. “Do you guys ever stop doing it?” She looked at you with her nose turned up. You could’ve choked on air at her words. If Soobin were in the room he’d be throwing a fit. Joy, no surprise, laughed at her granddaughter.

“Is it a boy or a girl?” Minho asked, stepping closer to you curiously. He went from watching Mina, to watching you, to looking for Wonwoo. Giving him your full attention, turning away from the Sana clone at the other end of the table, you smiled.

“A boy, his name is Wonwoo,” you said. Minho shared your smile and nodded, shoving his hands into the pocket of his hoodie.

“Weird name,” Rosie muttered. “Where’s my dad?”

“Upstairs with Chan and Sunoo, your Uncle Soobin just went looking for them,” Joy said. “Why don’t you go find them and tell them we’re starting dinner.” Rosie groaned, tipping her head backward, and strutted off, boots clacking on the floor with every step.

“I don’t wanna cook. Mom doesn’t make me cook,” her voice faded away as she entered the hall.

Shooting your mother a look she didn’t share with you, you said, “She’s… something.”

“She’s adjusting.” Joy’s whisper was a tad harsh, nicking your skin with a bite.

“Did Mina have to take medicine?” Minho asked, the sweet boy thankfully taking your attention. “My dad makes me drink this gross stuff when I have a cold.” The boy climbed into the chair next to you and watched his sleeping cousin.

“She didn’t yet, I wasn’t sure she’d need any, but now I’m thinking that she does. What gross stuff does he make you drink?” Crinkling your nose, you made him giggle.

“It’s orange, and it says it tastes like honey, but I don’t think it does,” Minho made a face and shook his head. “He calls it-”

“Bee Juice,” you said.

“Yeah!” Minho’s face lit up. “How did you know that?”

“We used to drink that when we were sick,” you said, your smile growing as you watched him settle in to listen to your story. “This one time, we were around Rosies’ age, I was really sick, and I refused to take any kind of medicine to help me feel better. Your dad tried to help me, and he was making all these funny jokes about it. There’s bees on the bottle right?” Minho nodded. “He called it Bee Juice, and for some reason that made me take it, and it made it taste good.”

“That’s funny,” Minho said. “Mina needs Bee Juice. I know my dad has some, he brought it with him.”

Your smile faltered. “He did?”

“Yeah, he says he keeps it just in case. Do you want me to tell him Mina needs it?”

“No, Minho, that’s okay,” you said. “I can ask him later.”

“Ask him now,” Joy said, gesturing to the doorway.

The kitchen filled with shouts, laughter and life. Taehyun barreled through the doorway with Sunoo on his back and three shopping bags in his hands. Chan hurried beside him, holding a quarter gallon of milk in his hands.

“We’ve got it,” Sunoo announced to the room, acquiring a round of laughter. “No one worry.”

Soobin trailed behind him, chatting with Jin who had Rosie attached to his side. Both adults had bags in their hands as well, lifting them onto the island Taehyun sat Sunoo on. Deep in conversation, probably something about work, Jin still made a move to hug you tight as best as he could without disturbing Mina, then went back to Soobin, helping him unload some of the plastic bags.

Rosie wandered to the table with her nose now in a cell phone that had a clear hot pink case with a polaroid photo shoved in the back of some celebrity she probably loved. Her glossed lips were pulled into a frown as she tapped away at the screen furiously.

After sliding the milk onto the counter carefully, Chan came to your side and peeked over your arm to check on his sister. “She is asleep?”

“She is,” you said softly. “Were you worried about her?”

Chan nodded. “She will be okay for Santa, right?”

“Santa!?” Rosie roared from her seat.

You shut her down quickly with a glare, not caring if Sana heard about it, then turned to your son. “She’ll be okay, love, I promise.”

“Okay, mom,” Chan said.

“Did you see Minho? Did you say hi?”

Chan looked to his right and smiled something small, feeling shy beside an unfamiliar face. The last time they saw each other Minho was six, and the twins were three. Minho probably remembered them, but your boys were just becoming aware of their own arms at the time, you weren’t sure they’d remember.

“Are you Chan or Sunoo?” Minho asked, looking between the twin in front of him and the twin crawling on top of the counter in front of his own father.

Chan almost gasped and put his hands on his hips. A smirk found your lips. Drama queen incoming. “I am Chan,” the five year old said loud and clear. “That is Sunoo,” he pointed to his brother. “You can tell us a part, my favorite color is blue, and Sunoo’s favorite color is red.”

Minho laughed, looking to you for a second. “You guys look exactly alike.”

“We are twins!” Chan exclaimed, tossing his arms out to the side. “This is my sister Mina, and that is my brother Wonwoo, he is new.”

“That’s my sister, Rose,” Minho nodded to his sister who didn’t bother to look up. “We call her Rosie.”

“Rosie,” Chan whispered as if he was mentally logging her name.

“She’s mean,” Minho admitted, and Chan gasped. You held yours back, waiting for him to say more.

“Why is she mean?” Chan’s eyebrows dropped low.

Minho shrugged. “She just is. Don’t talk to her.”

Leaning toward the two boys, you whispered, “I second that. Don’t talk to her.” Chan smiled, and Minho laughed, seeming surprised. Winking at him, he tried to give one back, the two of you solidifying some sort of alliance in this moment, though your aversion stemmed from your resentment for Sana.

“Minnie!” Taehyun shouted, rounding the kitchen counters to hurry over to his son. Throwing his arms around the boy's shoulders, he squeezed him tight and shook his side to side, pressing kisses to his cheek. His boy laughed, trying to shy away from him, but it was clear that he loved it. “Were you good for your grandpa?”

“Yeah,” Minho said, looking up at Taehyun.

“‘Course you were,” he grinned, then glanced to his daughter. “Rosie?”

“Hm?” She didn’t take her eyes off her phone screen. Taehyun didn’t lose his smile. He didn’t have to for you to see the disappointment within him.

“Were you good for Grandpa Jin?” he asked her.

Rosie glared at her father, holding eye contact for a few seconds. She didn’t say a word, and she didn’t need to. When she focused back down on her phone, Minho, still in Taehyun’s arms, looked at you.

“See? Mean,” he said.

Taehyun clicked his tongue. “Don’t talk about your sister like that. One day she could be all you have.” Your cheeks flushed as he glanced to you. Pressing a kiss to his son's head, he stood up and attended to your son calling his name from the kitchen counter.

“I’m coming! I’m coming!” His silvery hair bounced as he rushed. Gathering Sunoo in his arms he twirled once and set him on the ground. Your five year olds giggle sounded through the kitchen, standing out amongst the other chatter.

Joy had left her seat, and Wonwoo was in Soobin’s arms now, still snoozing. This ambiance was the same as the one from home, that little boy could sleep through it all. Your husband rocked the baby while he bounced his knees, still deep in conversation with Jin. Those two have gotten along since the very first day Soobin showed up at the front door.

Putting away groceries, Joy had acquired Taehyun’s help, who had recruited Sunoo. The little one puttered around and did his absolute best to follow directions. Chan was asking Minho questions, ones you couldn’t make out over the noise, and Rosie was unbothered, tapping away at her phone.

On your lap Mina moved, her rosy cheeks looking up to find you. A soft, “Mama,” escaped her, and you both pouted.

“I’m so sorry, honey,” you whispered, kissing her head gently. “We brought you here when you don’t feel well, that’s so unfair.” Across the kitchen you caught Soobin’s eye, your husband leaning against the counter. When you met his gaze he gave you a sympathetic smile. Pushing your chair back, you let Chan know where you were going as he turned to look at you, and laughed as he climbed into the vacant chair at lightning speed. Minho grabbed the bottom of it and pulled it closer to him, the two chatting away.

“Those two were fast friends,” Soobin said when you reached his side, nodding at your son and his cousin. Jin joined Joy, Taehyun and Sunoo in the unloading of the groceries and the prep for dinner. Looking back at the kids, Minho had his phone out now and was showing Chan something that had him giggling. “Should I go see what they’re looking at?”

“No,” you said a little too fast for Soobin’s liking. Flashing him a soft gaze, you smiled. “They both tell us everything, you know that. Besides, Chan’s a rule follower. I guarantee you he’ll have parental locks on both those kids’ phones by the end of this weekend.”

Soobin chuckled, shaking his head. “Our kids aren’t getting phones till they're thirty.”

“Agreed,” you said. “I find it a little crazy Minho has one at eight.”

Soobin hummed, then said, “I mean it makes sense.”

“How?” you scoffed.

“Their parents are divorced,” he nearly mumbled, shooting you a look.

You squeezed your eyes shut for a second. “Right. Joy was just blaming me for ruining their lives, how could I forget.”

Though your sarcasm was evident, Soobin’s eyes went wild. “What are you talking about?”

“Rosie’s attitude, toward everyone apparently,” you began, scanning the kitchen. “I’m sure somethings going on with Minho, Taehyun may not be as well as I thought he was, and it’s all my fault, all of it. I told her what I said to him.”

Something of a groan came from Soobins chest. “None of it is your fault, don’t let her do that to you.” His hardened, protective glare was coming out. It made you smile. “He made his choice, he did that to his family. And as for Rosie?” He widened his eyes. “Full blame is on Sana. I feel like she’s here.”

“Hang on! I left it upstairs, gimme a minute, I’ll be right back,” Taehyuns voice echoed to his family as he rushed by you and Soobin into the hall.

Watching him fly by, you turned to Soobin and said, “Minho told me Taehyun’s got cough medicine.”

“Oh?” Soobin raised a brow.

“Mhm,” you gritted your teeth and widened your eyes. “I’m gonna go see if Mina can take it, and try to find out why he has it.”

Soobin took a breath, appearing like he wanted to tell you not to do it. “For Mina.”

“Yes, for Mina,” you repeated. Your husband tucked his bottom lip between his teeth and nodded slowly. “Soobin,” your tone was flat.

“I’ll have a drink ready for you when you come back, what do you want?” he asked, expertly switching the subject.

A small smile popped onto your lips, one Soobin returned. “Just a glass of water, please.”

“Of course,” he nodded.

Down the hall and up the stairs you used to run up and down as a teenager, you stared at the stretch of a corridor that had two doors on either side, two bedrooms, and a pushed back bathroom to your right on the other side of the railing. Many, many, many feet across from you was the other staircase that wound down to the first floor near the kitchen. They opened up to the living room where a fireplace and the giant TV lived, right by a little hallway that took you to a sliding glass door and spacious backyard.

The floor was wooden, like the stairs. A deep, chestnut color that matched every door in this place. There wasn’t a single window in the hall, but there was a long one in the bathroom next to the shower, and both bedrooms had three. Your bedroom was to the left. Taehyuns was to the right. Outside of your door sat most of your bags from downstairs, all of them brought up for you. Taking your time toward them in the quiet air, you let your gaze fawn over every mark on the wall, every scuff, every memory that was crammed into every inch of this second floor. It was a lot cleaner now that no one occupied this space.

Jin and Joy’s bedroom was on the first floor, they rarely had a reason to come up here.

The door to the bathroom was cracked open, the tile on the floor lit up by the sun peeking through the window curtain, illuminating the shadows of a past you seemed to be longing for.

Adjusting Mina on your front, you cradled her head and sighed. This little one was a reminder that your life had turned for the better, that the past was in the past, and that it was something you needed to leave behind, though here in this quiet hall it seemed impossible. You used to laugh until your stomach hurt, the sleepless nights up here were endless. Sneaking your friends in through Taehyun’s window, hiding bottles of drinks you shouldn’t have underneath your bed so your parents wouldn’t find them, getting so stupidly under the influence that led to hookups, and more hookups.

You were young, you were stupid, you were having fun. You weren’t knee deep in diapers, playing peek-a-boo, or worried about bills. Life was exciting, and you were as light as a feather, letting life take you where it wanted to, which most times was through the door Taehyun stepped out of now. Startling each other, you gasped, then let out a soft laugh. He had a phone in his hand and a small smile on his face.

“I didn’t even hear you come up here,” he said, taking a step toward you.

“Guess I still know how to be sneaky,” you smirked. He was enamored by it for all of two seconds, then his smile dropped as he cleared his throat. “Wait, no, I didn’t mean-“

“I know,” he nodded, then attempted another smile. It was quiet for a moment before he said, “Strange up here now.”

“Definitely,” you sighed. Taehyun peeked at his phone that vibrated twice, then looked back up at you.

“I, uh, brought up your stuff,” he gestured to your bags, “You have a lot of shit.” You both laughed.

“I have four kids,” you raised your eyebrows. “My shit has a lot of shit.”

Taehyun flashed his grin. You ignored the cartwheel in your stomach. “Congratulations, by the way,” he said. “He’s beautiful. Wonwoo.”

“Thank you,” you smiled, proud. “He was a perfect little surprise.”

“Joy told me,” he said, nodding his head.

Your eyes narrowed. “When?”

“This past summer,” his volume dropped. “We celebrated Rosie’s birthday here.”

Your heart sunk to your knees. Shaking your head, you held back a sigh. “We were here this summer, right before Wonwoo was born, I knew nothing about it.”

Taehyun shrugged. “Yeah, well…”

“You have to go past me to come here,” you said, adjusting Mina on your front once more. “Jin or Joy didn’t even tell us?!”

“I told them not to,” he admitted.

Sucking in a sharp breath, you straighten out your back and tighten your jaw.

“Are you really surprised?” Taehyun asked. “We hadn’t seen each other in forever.” He took two more steps toward you, shoving his phone in his back pocket. “The last time we spoke, you were yelling in my face.”

“I distinctly remember you yelling in my face,” you said just above a whisper, taking a step toward him. The anger you used to feel when this topic came up bubbled to the surface, simmering beneath your skin. “I just wanted to talk to you.”

“You always want to talk to me,” he said. The two of you had a foot of space between you now, and you could tell you shared the rage you were feeling inside. “It took me a while to realize that you don’t know this, but when people break up they don’t do this.”

Jaw clenched, eyes as wide as the moon, you shook your head. “Do what.”

Taehyun tipped his head back and huffed a laugh, looking elsewhere for a second. “This. Talk to each other, stay involved, unless…”

“Unless what?” your voice trembled, a mere whisper.

Darting his tongue out between his lips, he swallowed hard, and muttered, “Unless they still love each other.”

“That bullshit doesn’t apply here,” you said quickly, and quietly. “This is different, we are different.”

Taehyun lowered his chin. “We are fucked up.”

Taking a long, deep breath, you took a step away from him and spun in a slow circle, collecting your thoughts and your composure. “Friends, we said we can be friends.” Facing him, his eyes were solemn.

“Yeah, and be honest with me now that shock of seeing each other is gone,” he said. “You really think we can do that?”

A piece of you needed to make it work. Standing up here in this hallway now with him, coming to the full realization that he used to be the only stable thing in your life, you needed to make it work. He was your best friend, your other half, your partner in crime. Home, he was home.

“I said it downstairs, we can work for it,” you said. “I want you in my life, Taehyun. I need you in my life. We’re… family. I want my kids to know you, I want our kids to grow up together. Life feels right when we’re in a good place, when there isn’t so much space between us.”

“And what happens when that space gets too small?” Taehyun was a rock, eyes locked on yours as you spoke.

“It won’t,” you exhaled heavily, letting your knees give a bit. “We can-”

“It will,” Taehyun cut you off, closing the space between you completely. “It always does. It happened six years ago, it will happen again.” His tone was rough, but it didn’t correlate with the way he was gazing down at you. “Maybe you can pretend that we can try to be friends. But… I got a divorce ‘cause a girl I love helped me realize I was killing myself. And she was the only one who cared. For twenty years… you’re the only one who cared. You still are, and it hurts like hell.”

“Taehyun…”

“I told you I didn’t wanna go here,” he snickered, shaking his head. “Stupid of me to think that we could avoid it.” He stepped away from you, heading towards the staircase behind you. The loss of his warmth in front of you was disappointing. Turning around, cradling your daughter, you stopped him dead in his tracks.

“Bee Juice,” you said. He peered over his shoulder with one hand on the railing.

“What?”

“Bee Juice,” you nodded. “Mina’s sick, I didn’t bring anything with me. Do you think Joy has something?” Taehyuns eyes drew up and down your body, ending on the little one latched to your front.

“Um, I dunno,” he said. “I might? Minho was sick a little while ago when he was with Sana, lemme see if I brought anything with me.” When he walked by you he didn’t bother to look at you. Walking straight into his old bedroom, he left the door ajar. Unsure whether or not it was an invitation to follow him, you took a few timid steps into the doorway and felt every joint in your body tighten at the sight of his walls.

Posters, polaroid pictures and flags covered the dark grey paint, the artwork spilling onto the ceiling as well. His king sized bed was shoved into the far left corner, with what looked like a hundred pillows tossed onto the top. The comforter was still black, and fluffy. Your fingers can feel the softness without having to touch it.

A nightstand that once was messy and littered with life, was clean and housed a stack of three books he’d read religiously throughout the year, every year, and a lamp without a shade. There was a drawer on it that was all banged up, and you wondered if it was still full of things it shouldn’t be full of. Plenty of late nights were spent rummaging through the drawer in the dark, the light of the moon guiding you both through your bad decisions.

The dressers on the opposite wall were the same, and the walk in closet still had mirrors for doors. It was as if the years had been preserved, and this was a time capsule of beautiful mistakes you were sentenced for life to remember.

Taehyun rummaged through a suitcase at the end of his bed. He side eyed you as you walked in the door. You didn’t dare take a step closer to him or offer him help, because low and behold, he found what he was looking for, and more. As he pulled the orange bottle of Dayquil out of his bag, a small, round black bottle, one that photographers used for film, rolled out onto the floor and rattled loud. You both looked at it, then you looked at him before he grew the balls to look up too.

“Taehyun.”

“I don’t take them,” he muttered, looking up with only his eyes. “It’s been years, I swear. Even this,” he held up the bottle of cough medicine, “Nothing.”

Bee Juice was two words you weren’t expecting to hear this weekend. They were two words you hadn’t heard in a long, long time. In fact, the last time you even said them was probably in here in his room, with two other friends who’d join in on figuring out how much of the shit you can drink before you make yourselves sick. It was the type of high you’d never want to experience ever again. Just the thought of it turned your stomach. Taehyun was the only one to stick with it out of the four of you, the rest of you turned to other things, other drugs, or simply drinking, but he’d put that garbage in anything and everything.

Knowing he had the bottle on him made you nervous. Throughout his marriage you knew he wasn’t completely sober, he’d never grown out of that part of his life, he’d use it to cope. With how his marriage began, he was a child having a child, he became incredibly dependent on both bottles that came out of his bag.

“Why do you have it all with you?” you asked softly, hoping he’d talk it out.

Picking the bottle of pills off the floor he tossed them back into his suitcase and rubbed his forehead, his nervous eyes glancing to you a couple of times. “I don’t… I can’t explain it.”

“Try,” you said, taking a step toward him.

“I guess I just… I feel better, knowing it’s here, yanno?” Raking a hand through his hair exposing his forehead, he shrugged. “I don’t take any of it, but it’s here.” He faced you. “I’ve been sober for over a year, since I decided to leave her. I haven’t taken anything, I haven’t had a drink, I haven’t smoked anything.”

“I’m sober too,” you nodded, and watched as relief flooded his being. “It would be… six years.” Taehyun furrowed his brow. “But, it’s two, almost three.”

After a gulp Taehyun asked, “Don’t tell me… After we…”

“Yup,” you popped the ‘p’ and shot him a sarcastic smile. “It was just a… bottle, maybe.” Taehyun shook his head. “And, yanno, the more I think about it, it should really be nine years, but…”

“Six years ago we were getting fucked up at Beomgyu’s,” he said. One of the old friends you shared. He was at Rosie’s tenth birthday two years ago, but you hadn’t seen him since. The other friend was Yeonjun. He’s been off the grid since you were twenty-one. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

He shrugged again. “All of that was my fault.”

Scoffing, you walked further into his bedroom. “Taehyun, it was my choice to do it. You didn’t put the drugs in me.”

“Sometimes I did.”

“Yeah,” you sighed. “‘Cause I told you to.” Approaching his side slowly, you took the bottle from him and retreated a couple steps. “I’m gonna believe you, but only because you look good, Tae.”

“Thanks, Baby,” he whispered with a smirk.

“If Soobin hears you say that he’ll lose his mind,” you warned.

Throwing his hands out to the side, Taehyun audibly expressed his frustration. “That’s been your name since we were fifteen!”

“Yeah, when we started sleeping in the same bed,” you widened your eyes. Holding up the bottle, you thanked him and sulked into the hall, pausing to process… all of that.

You could hear him zipping up the suitcase, putting it back where he’d found it. Walking across the hall, wanting to avoid him when he left his bedroom, you open your door and quickly shut it behind you, propping yourself up against the wood with a breath. Bare, sage green walls glared at you from all angles. In the center of the room underneath one of the three windows was your bed, also king sized, with four different knitted blankets thrown on top joined by matching pillows. The mattress wasn’t nearly as crowded as Taehyun’s.

Two redwood nightstands were on either side of the bed, both empty. The two dressers on the opposite wall were empty as well, except for the picture frames sitting on top. Three photos. One of you, Taehyun, Yeonjun and Beomgyu at a park across town at some ungodly hour of the morning. The second was you and Taehyun, seventeen years old, with your cheeks squeezed together and your eyes crossed with your lips squished all silly. The third was you and your mother when you were just five years old, the same age as your boys. They may have learned to copy Soobins pout, but those boys were all you, and this photo was proof.

Your room was eerie compared to Taehyun’s, his for some reason had life, while yours was completely still and quiet. Laying Mina down on your bed where you used to sleep, you kiss her cheek and kneel down on the floor beside her, putting the Dayquil on the nightstand. Your two year old lifted her head and whined, holding out her arms for you.

“I’m gonna help you, Meens,” you whispered, unscrewing the top of the bottle. The smell smacked you in the face, almost making you gag. Gripping the bottle with one hand, you went to pour a little bit into the lid, but froze as the alarms went off in your brain. “What the hell,” you sighed, turning the bottle around to read it. “I can’t give you this. What am I doing?”

Mina found her thumb, shoving it in her mouth, her eyes fluttering shut.

Bringing the bottle to your nose, your eyes watered, and a chill ran down your spine. For a brief second you’re reminded of what it was like… How it used to be. How you’d walk by your parents totally fried, and they’d have no idea. The euphoria was so intense some nights all you could do was lay on Taehyun’s floor with your head in his lap while he and your friends listened to music you could barely make out.

You can feel his fingers running through your hair as your eyes shut, body vibrating at a frequency unknown to most, leaving you with nothing to do then hold onto him for some sort of stability. If you started to come down, when the rest of them were ready for more, you’d let Taehyun hold beneath your chin, coercing your lips apart to give you more to drink, sometimes from between his own lips.

Enchanted by the scent, lost in the memories, you didn’t even hear the bedroom door creak open.

“Babe?” Soobins voice bounced off the judgey walls. Jumping a mile, you whipped yourself around and fell onto your bottom on the floor. With half a smile on his face, you found your husband standing in the doorway holding up a box of children's Tylenol in his hand.

Catching a glimpse of the Dayquil, he took a breath and shut the door behind him, joining you at your side on the floor, tucking his long legs under him. Capping the bottle, you immediately handed it to him.

“Did you give her any of this?” he asked, making sure you were keeping your eyes on him. His tone wasn’t derogatory, but it was strict.

“No, I was just reading the label,” you said. “She can’t have it.”

Soobins nod was slow, and careful. “You know she can’t have this,” he said. “I realized what you had said after you walked away, that’s why I searched for this.” He gave the box a shake. “Jin found it in the back of their medicine cabinet.”

“Good,” you said, taking the Tylenol from him, getting the box open, taking out the bottle and the syringe it came with. “Little Miss needs it.”

Soobin glanced from the bottle in his hand, then to you. “Did you, uh… You didn’t take any of this did you?” His voice was soft, not the slightest bit accusatory.

“No.” Taking out the appropriate amount of medicine for Mina, you avoided Soobins eyes and tended to your daughter. Maneuvering the little ones thumb out of her mouth, and the syringe into it, she screwed her face up and tried to cry. “Oh, it’s gross, I know.”

Soobin put his elbows on the bed and grabbed Mina’s feet, playing with them to distract her. “She’s going to sleep for forever,” he said, then smiled as his daughter noted his presence in the room. “Hi, sweetie, you’re doing so good.” Calm in seconds, Mina focused on her father and swallowed the medicine, throwing her thumb back in her mouth as soon as she was finished.

“See?” you sneered. “A brat for me, an angel for you.” Thrusting the bottle back in the box, you accidentally tossed it onto Soobins lap. “Our kids hate me.”

“First of all,” Soobin eyed you, laying the box on the bed after he picked it up reluctantly. “She’s sick. She’s going to be a brat, she doesn’t know how to act. Second of all, our kids don’t hate you.” Studying you, you could tell he couldn’t place whether or not your behavior was purely satirical.

“They don’t listen to me,” you whispered. “They listen to you. I’m there to give them what they need, but they look up to you. You can handle them no matter what decibel they’re at. I can’t.”

After a glance to Mina who had dozed off, Soobin reached for one of your hands. “Where is this coming from?”

A shrug of your shoulders wasn’t enough to appease him.

“Talk to me.” His voice dropped a couple octaves. Another shrug.

“I just…” Vaguely gesturing around your room, you weren’t sure how to put it into words. How were you supposed to tell your husband that the ghosts of your past plastered in these walls haunted you to your very core?

What were you supposed to tell him? That a piece of you was still yearning to live the life you thought you were supposed to live? That you loved the boy across the hall, but you were both destined to live confined to the chains your mother loved to call family. That if nine years ago, Taehyun hadn’t dropped a lit match on top of your relationship doused in kerosene, everything would be perfect.

“Listen,” Soobin started softly, as if he read your inner turmoil on your forehead. “I know this is hard. I know it’s a lot. You’re doing a great job, being here, dealing with them all. You and Taehyun, you’re speaking, that’s what we wanted.”

“Soob, we’ve said so much,” you whispered, feeling your eyes well up with tears. “And I feel like it hasn’t been enough.”

“Sweetie, I don’t know if it’ll ever be enough.” Dragging his thumb over the back of your hand, Soobin bit his lip. “You guys have years, upon years, and a history so deep I don’t think you and I will ever share.”

“Don’t say that,” you cried, sniffling, crawling into his arms. Sitting in his lap, he wrapped his arms around your middle and placed his chin on your head. “I’m sorry, Soobin.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he said, still somehow level headed as ever. “I knew exactly what I was getting into when I asked that sleepless, hungover girl out on a date. Walking home with Beomgyu? From…”

“Oh god,” you groaned. “His brother's house.”

“Mm,” Soobin hummed, the memory a happy one for him, clearly. “You were beautiful. I always thought you were. Smudged mascara and all.” He got you to laugh, and for him that was all he needed. “I knew who you were, I knew what you did, I knew who you did, even though everyone else thought it was just Beomgyu.”

You picked your head up, eyebrows as low as they could be. “That is not when you knew.”

Soobin wiped a finger under one of your eyes, fixing the smudged mascara he apparently loved so much. “That is when I knew,” he nodded, letting a finger drag over your lips. “You get this… look in your eye when you see him. Still do.”

“I love you.” His smile grew from your whisper.

“I know,” he crooned. “I love you, too. So much. And so do our kids.” Pausing to nibble his lip like he was, he bobbed his head and whispered, “Work through what you’ve got to work through this weekend, but don’t make me look like an idiot.”

“Again,” you added, sensing he wanted to tack the word on to the end of his lament.

Six years ago, amidst what you called your gap year with Soobin, when the two of you took a break to cool off, to see if this was what you both wanted for yourselves. Soobin wanted to get married. You didn’t feel quite ready yet. Soobin knew where your head was stuck, so he unofficially set you free to sort out your thoughts.

It wasn’t a break up, the two of you didn’t part ways completely, but part of you wishes you had so you could’ve avoided the heartbreak surrounding Soobin when you told him what you ran back to, and where you had been. That winter was fuzzy, one you couldn’t piece together if it weren’t for Soobin’s ingenious memory. A few months later you were engaged, and pregnant, and married a month or so after that. You understood Soobin’s heart and his love for you and your family, but deciding to marry you was one thing he did that you couldn’t understand why.

“I wasn’t even going that far,” Soobin smirked. “But, thanks for letting me know I don’t have to worry about that.”

“You don’t,” you said. “I just want us in a good, decent place where we won’t want to rip each other's heads off. We get under each other's skin too easily.”

Soobin took a deep breath and turned his attention to his sleeping daughter. Her hand had slipped out of her mouth and was laying on her belly, her lips parted with steady breaths.

“K-O,” he joked, kissing your forehead. “Shall we go make sure Wreck It Ralph and Fix It Felix are okay downstairs?”

A smile pricked your lips. “You talkin’ ‘bout our boys, or Joy and Jin?”

Dinner was ready by six. Taehyun’s kids set the table while your twins followed them around carrying the dishes for them, carefully. Joy had no issue handing your five year olds two stacks of her finest, pure white ceramic dishes with the silverware thrown on top.

Once you and Soobin rejoined the chaos, you found Taehyun had beaten you to the kitchen. While the family hustled around the tile, cooking, putting dishes together, pouring drinks, he didn’t spare you glance. He was attentive to his children and his nephews, getting his hands on Wonwoo once to pass him to Jin so Joy could assist Rosie with her cranberry juice in a wine glass. You and Soobin met eyes and held in a laugh. When Sunoo asked if he could have a fancy glass as well, Soobin placed the boy's metallic blue tumbler full of milk in his hands and told him to find his seat at the table.

A long stretch of pine by the windows on the back end of the kitchen, the table was decorated beautifully already, but with the added pizazz of the dishes, candles and steaming food, you had to admit that Joy outdid herself for another year in a row. The warmth from the oven radiated around the room, wrapping your family in a cozy haze, keeping you snug by the frosted glass of the wide paneled windows. The snow hadn’t let up yet, and the kids were giddy.

Jin took his place at the head of the table, Joy beside him and Rosie across from her. Minho hopped into the seat next to his sister, leaving a seat available for you where Sunoo refused to sit. Chan quickly swiped it from you, wanting to spend more time with his cousin, which meant you got to sit on the end, across from Taehyun.

Soobin found himself next to Joy, Sunoo wanting to sit between his father and his uncle. The grown men couldn’t refuse his offer. Noticing who you were across from, Soobin shot you a soft smile and a mere nod of his head. Truthfully, after four kids the two of you didn’t get to sit next to each other anymore anywhere. The highchair at the other end of the table next to you could attest to that. Mina, feeling a bit more up for food now that she’d taken the medicine, was already reaching for the steamed buttery carrots that sat in front of her.

“Good job everybody,” Joy beamed. “Eat, please, eat.”

“Don’t gotta tell me twice!” Minho was smug, diving into one of the bowls nearby. Laughter rolled through the room, and everyone followed suit, filling their plates. It didn’t take long for ample chatter to fill the air, mostly the kids asking questions about Christmas and talking about school or the snow.

“But, I asked for a Playstation,” Minho said between bites, glancing at Chan. “Do you know what that is?” Your big eyed boy watched him in awe, shaking his head. “I’ll show you. I have almost every version, at least of the new ones. Some of them are so old.”

“You don’t have every version, Minnie,” Taehyun chuckled, sitting back in his chair, folding his arms across his broad chest. At the other end of the table Rosie was chatting away with her grandparents, Soobin listening in without presenting his judgment on his face.

“Yes I do, Dad,” Minho’s eyebrows shot into the sky. “Heeseung found me a PS One on eBay! He bought it for me weeks ago, it’s so cool.” Plopping a small scoop of sweet potatoes onto Mina’s plate, you glance at Taehyun who rolled his eyes.

“Oh,” he said, forcing a smile onto his face. “Well, I had no idea.” Chan asked Minho about the Playstation, the two boys were excited and curious. Taehyun drug his glare over toward you and blew a raspberry on his lips. It made Mina giggle.

“Heeseung?” Raising your brow, you smiled when he leaned over to your girl and blew another one, making her laugh even harder.

Taehyun sat back, satisfied his audience was entertained. “Yeah, Heeseung,” he said under his breath. Arms still folded, he shrugged. “Sana’s boyfriend.”

If you had anything in your mouth you would’ve choked, and nearly did on air. “When did that happen?” Dropping your tone to a whisper, you tried your best to keep this conversation between the two of you, unsure of how aware Joy and Jin were of the situation.

“Well, let’s see,” his entire demeanor dropped, a glint of something heavy flashing in his eyes. “They worked together for a few years-” “Sana worked?”

Taehyun smirked. “Focus please.”

“Sorry,” you breathed a laugh, tending to your daughter who whined for her drink.

“They were working together, they both did that buying shit, yanno?” Taehyun started to talk with his hands, waving one around to piece the story together. You both ignored your boys as they informed him he used a bad word. “He was one of her closest work friends, he would be at our house from time to time to hang out, he came to all the kids birthday parties-”

“Oh my god, the stone faced babe with the nose,” you gasped, placing your chin in your hand.

Taehyun waited for you to finish. You felt your cheeks flush after realizing you had cut him off again.

“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear you say that,” he smiled. “Yes, him.”

“I thought he was gay.” You both spoke at once, breaking into crass laughter that triggered the table to look your way.

Joy, chewing away behind a promising grin, with bright eyes said, “See? I knew you two would be fine.”

Jin, focused on his plate, frowned. “Were we not fine?” Looking down to the other end of the table, you and Taehyun sat up straight like you’d been caught. Taehyun’s father waited for an answer, shifting his gaze between his wife and his family. “What’d I miss?”

Soobin lowered his chin and leaned into Sunoo, whispering something to him about his dinner. The five year old pouted, waving away the meat on his plate. Pressing a kiss to his son's head, Soobin took it off his plate and put it on his own.

“You didn’t miss anything,” Taehyun brushed the matter off, picking up his fork to shovel food into his mouth, hoping that’d get you two out of the hot seat. Your mother snickered, using the cloth napkin that was at every setting to wipe the corners of her mouth.

“You two are funny,” she said. Soobins eyes flickered up toward you, then quickly shot back to his son. Rosie was leaning forward, her elbows on the table, enthralled with what was about to ensue. A drama lover, just like her mother. “My love,” Joy said, turning to her husband. “They weren’t speaking for two years. I had just found out today, when the Choi’s arrived.”

“The Choi’s,” you scoffed, shaking your head. Leave it to her to address your family like you were all foreign visitors. “Mom, we can let it go. It’s not a big deal.”

“The hell it isn’t!?” Joy dropped her fork.

“Bad word!” Chan and Sunoo looked to Soobin for help, but all he could do was shake his head and quiet them down.

“Joy, really,” Taehyun added weight to his words.

“Joy this, Mom that,” she appeared ready to leap out of her chair. “Look at us! All of us here. A family.”

You snuck a glance at Taehyun who had his eyes glued to Joy. He seemed like he was sinking backward into his chair, hoping it would crumble or somehow swallow him whole, anything to get him out of this room.

“This is how it should be. Always.” Joy whipped her head toward the two of you. “You’re both so far away, I’m grateful we were able to spend this weekend together, aren’t you?” Nods of everyone's heads was enough to encourage her to go on. “I miss this, I miss you both being here, running around upstairs. Hearing you laugh, hearing you talk to each other… It feels like it was.”

Jin reached for his wife’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “We feel whole having you all here.” He made it a point to look at each of you. With another glance to Taehyun you watched him roll his eyes.

“To find out about you not talking, not seeing each other… That hurt,” Joy wore the apparent pain on her face. It made you want to laugh. “You were best friends. Every waking moment was spent together, I can’t imagine anything that would break that up.”

Swapping a glance now, Taehyun finally looking at you, you shared a deep breath.

“What would they do together?” Rosie asked, chiming in to take the attention. Joy and Jin laughed.

“Oh, they’d do everything, Rosie,” Jin smiled. “They went everywhere together, they had the same friends. You know the cabinet full of movies we keep underneath the television?” The twelve year old nodded. “It’s theirs, they collected those together and would watch them all the time.”

“We would wake up some mornings and they’d be fast asleep on the couches together,” Joy smiled at Jin, then turned to her granddaughter. “They would spend weekends in the living room with their friends if they were too bored to stay upstairs.”

Jin laughed to himself, shooting a finger in the air. “I can remember getting up for work one morning, and there were four of them knocked out at the kitchen table. Back when we had the booth seat that wrapped around the circular table?”

“Yes!” Joy clapped her hands together, like the memory was near and dear to heart, like it didn’t have you cringing and wishing they’d both shut up. “I still have that picture! They had to be around nineteen,” Joy looked at Rosie, “Our house was clearly the cool house.”

Taehyun forced air through his lips and shook his head, and you’d agree if you weren’t paralyzed in place. Thankfully your boys were occupied between Soobin and Minho, not letting any of these memories sink in.

Our house was clearly the cool house.

You wanted to scream back in her face that her house was the house with little to no supervision, and that was why you and your friends would come here to get shitfaced again and again. Her cool house taught you how to mix drinks before you were of legal age, pummeling you headfirst into blurry years you can hardly put together. Their cool house and their happy memories of you two asleep in the living room after a night of movies you’d hardly watch, the two of them completely unaware that you and Taehyun would be-

“Oh!” Joy exclaimed, knocking you from your spiraling thoughts. Her earrings swung vigorously at her ears as she bounced around, excited.

“Oh!” Mina copied her. The room was buzzing with energy, Taehyun’s kids wound up from listening to these stories, and your children messing with the food on their plates. Soobin and Taehyun were stiff, as were you, pointed gazes beckoning Joy to shut the fuck up.

“Videos!” Joy cheered, slamming her hands onto the wood edge of the table. She looked up and down the table. “We have videos,” she said, pointing to you and Taehyun, “Of you two!” Turning to Jin she gripped his wrist and shook it around. “We’ll do that thing on the TV, connect your phone to it.” Taehyun shot you a look, brows slightly concerned. Joy’s body whirled back around. “How fun to show the kids! Oh, I’ve always wanted to be this kind of family during the holidays.”

Rosie beamed with Joy, smiling wider than you’ve ever seen. She truly was a beautiful little girl underneath her wanna-be old attitude. “They did this on Fuller House at Christmas.”

Joy's hands clapped together once more, her expression falling smug. “Oh my god,” she said, looking straight at you. “We’re gonna be a Full House family.”

Stomach churning, worried about what was in those videos that probably haven’t been looked at… ever, you sat back in your chair as Joy and Rosie fell into a discussion over the difference between Full House and Fuller House. Chan asked Minho about the band on his hoodie, and Soobin listened to Sunoo talk about Fuller House too, the five year old pretending as if he knew what that was.

Watching them all move on, even Taehyun who helped Minho out with the pronunciation of the band he wore, you crossed your arms and gulped. How developed were five year old brains? Were they about to witness footage of you in your early twenties that would permanently alter how they saw their mother? Would there be something within the videos that was supposed to stay hidden, or in the past? What would it do to Soobin, to watch you at your worst, his wife, the mother of his children?

Underneath the table something tapped your ankle. Glancing to Chan, who probably kicked you, you found the boy sitting on his feet, facing his cousin. Something tapped your ankle again, then two feet encased it, pulling it away from you. Shooting a look at Taehyun, he was focused on his son. No one was paying attention, so you took a peek.

It was Taehyun, his legs quickly wrapping around your own, his smile growing as you looked back up at him. His focus was on his son thankfully, he wouldn’t get to watch your eyes bug out of your head.

“They started in the eighties technically,” Taehyun said to the boys, shamelessly rubbing his legs on yours. “Grohl didn’t join until the nineties.”

“Who is Grohl?” Chan asked, eyes narrowed and focused. Taehyun shifted his legs, crossing one over the other, his foot nudging your thigh shamelessly. “Dave Grohl,” he smiled. “He played the drums for Nirvana. He had long hair down to here,” Taehyun gestured at the length below his shoulders, “And he was so cool.” His foot traveled further up your thigh, you fought away the chill that ran down your spine.

“Wait, he was on your wall upstairs,” Chan said.

“He sure is,” Taehyun nodded. “They all are.”

Chan leaned over the table, little elbows holding him up. “Uncle Taehyun, you're so cool, too. Like Grohl.”

Taehyun flashed his grin, looking at you for a few seconds. “Yeah, I am.”

“On those videos we’ll get to see how cool he really was, right Dad?” Minho was smiling, looking from his cousin to his father, who hadn’t stopped looking at you. His gaze shifted to something of slight concern, both of you knowing what the other was thinking.

Taehyun gave his son a slight shrug. “Maybe we will.” He shot Minho a smile, and when the two cousins started to eat and talk amongst one another, the smile fell and the grip he had around your leg loosened.

“I don’t wanna watch ‘em either,” you mumbled. Taehyun shook his head, a miniscule moment only for you to see before he sighed. And it wasn’t brought up again.

“Cell phones are for big kids.”

Chan wasn’t impressed. Tiny fingers pressing into the marble of the kitchen counter, dangling backward on his heels, the five year old whined and whined. Drying the last dish that Soobin handed to you over his shoulder, he shot a look to his son, one that whipped him into shape.

“You can play with Minho’s for now, okay?” Giving him a smile, you placed the dish in a cabinet and tossed the towel onto the counter by the sink. The little one murmured his agreement, hurrying off to follow the other kids' shouts.

Soobin, after folding the towel you threw, slid his arms around your shoulders from behind, pressing a kiss to your neck, one that sent a chill down your spine. Grabbing onto his hands you peered toward him and smirked.

“Let’s skip the movies,” you whispered in the empty kitchen.

Soobin’s grin widened. “Oh, no, I think I want to see this.” With a groan you spun around in his arms, his hands falling to your waist. Cupping his cheeks, you pouted.

“Trust me, you don’t.”

“Darling, I know,” his tone was soft, gentle. “I already know what to expect. After everything, don’t you think if I had a problem I wouldn’t be standing here?”

Averting your gaze to the floor, you shrugged. “I just don’t know what’s gonna be on them, that’s all. I never really remember them having cameras around.”

Soobin took a finger to your chin, tipping it upward for him to kiss the tip of your nose. “It’s okay. Surely if it was anything too bad Jin or Joy wouldn’t show it. Or, they would’ve said something to you by now.”

“Joy’s been acting weirder than usual,” you said, dragging your thumbs along your husband's cheeks. “She’s always inappropriate, and has no filter, but… I dunno. What if watching this stuff makes her realize her daughter was fucked up almost everyday of her life since, like, high school. What if they caught us doing the dr-”

Feet scurrying in the hall stole your attention, both you and Soobin turning to the doorway in record time.

“Who was that?” You breathed. Soobins grip tightened around your waist. Shooting him a look, a wide eyed, worried look, he returned an unknowing one back. “Shit,” you sighed.

“Bad word,” Soobin whispered. For a few seconds neither of you moved, and then it was all too funny, both of you breaking out into giggles that echoed in the empty air. “Let’s go find some seats, if the little’s didn't take them all. I’ll grab the baby, I’ll meet you there.”

Wonwoo, snug in his carseat, had been snoozing on and off throughout dinner. Soobin tucked his arm beneath the handle and hoisted the carrier up, following you into the living room through an archway that was halfway down the hall toward the opposite staircase.

Inside the glorious room with the giant screen, expensive sound system and cozy grey, velvety couches, the boys had all piled up on the loveseat, the twins on either side of Minho. All three of them had kicked off their shoes, the two pairs of dress shoes flung sporadically amongst Minho’s sneakers. Rosie was in the armchair that matched the other furniture, her legs crossed delicately while she tapped away at her phone screen.

A large couch lay between the loveseat and the chair, a couch you had spent many nights on. Out of all rooms to redecorate and change again and again, you really had hopes that Joy would’ve chosen this one. The deep bluish-grey of the walls that reflected the furniture had your stomach rolling. While warm and cozy to others, this room made your blood run cold.

A square glass coffee table was in the center of the room. A vase of Christmas flowers spilled out on top of it, and books and magazines circled the sparkling vase. Crystalized, glass coasters were strategically placed over the top, with matching glasses at the bar behind the sitting area. You didn’t even need to look, you could tell exactly where each bottle of liquor lived. It never changed. For twenty years, it’s been the same. You did glance toward it as you walked in the room, and Soobin took note.

Jin and Joy stood by the television, mumbling to one another, trying to figure out how to connect their phones to the screen. The point of Joy's heels dug into the plushness of the rug beneath her feet that extended throughout the room, all the way to the bar. On her tush, staring up at her grandparents working, sat Mina. She was barefoot as well, teetering around in her socks. When she caught wind you had walked into the room she whined and started to crawl toward you.

“No walkin’, huh?” Soobin laughed from behind you as you scooped her up into your arms. “Medicine must be wearing off,” you said, kissing her cheek. Weaving around the furniture you chose to sit on the edge of the couch, letting Soobin plop down beside you, setting Wonwoo on the floor next to his feet. The infant had just opened his eyes, blinking a few times at his father.

“Hey, Soobin,” Jin began, turning around. He didn’t look up from his phone. “Think you can help me figure this out? I thought I knew how…”

“Of course,” your husband smiled, on his feet in an instant.

Wonwoo’s face scrunched up like it would before he would cry, and sure enough, he started to cry. Mina expressed her shock on her face, looking at you, then her baby brother. “Baby cry,” she said, pointing toward him. Shifting Mina to the side, you sat her down on the couch cushion she was nearly swallowed up by, then reached forward for Wonwoo.

“Get him, Mama,” Mina said quietly. The two year old was always intrigued when it came to the baby. Curious as ever, her attentive eyes studied you as you carefully placed him in your hands and lifted him out of the carseat, kissing his cheek before cradling him in your arms.

“Shut it up,” Rosie groaned from somewhere in the room you didn’t care to acknowledge, but could feel the heat in Soobin’s eyes as he shot her a glare.

Mina leaned over your arms, holding onto your bicep with all of her might, watching you bounce Wonwoo to calm him down. Her pink cheeks and glassy eyes were full of adoration. “Shhh, baby. Shhh.” Wonwoo sucked in a deep breath, quieting down at the sound of his sister's voice.

“Good job, Meens,” you gasped, smiling at her. “Say it again, tell him he’s okay.”

A wail about to escape the infant was stolen by his sister's caring words. “S’okay, baby. Shhh.” As the crying came to an end, Mina gasped and looked to you for approval. Putting one of your arms around her, you tucked her into your side and kissed her head. “Best big sister,” you said.

“Boooring,” Rosie sang. Looking over at her, she was looking back at you. Her phone was on her lap, and her chin was in her hand. For a second she appeared as her mother, sharp eyes, pursed lips and pointed cheekbones. Since she was born it was hard to believe Taehyun had a part in her procreation. For years you had a quiet, delusional, but harmless joke that Sana made Rose herself to trap Taehyun with her. Anything to ease the pain from the night you found out about her. Milliseconds away from opening your mouth, unsure of what to say to the twelve year old you used to blame for ruining your life, her father hustling into the living room took the heat off of you.

“Did I miss it?” Breathless, he glanced about the room. Finding that nothing had even happened yet, he sighed and trudged his way across the carpet.

“Daddy!” Rosie shouted, throwing her arms into the air. Taehyun beamed, a light pouring out of his heart like it was the first time the child had ever said the word. It made you wonder how often she showed him love. This was the first time today you’ve seen her give him any sort of attention.

Taehyun, holding his own arms out, rushed for his daughter and caught her in his arms as she leapt out of the chair and fell into them. She squeezed him tight, pressing her cheek into his chest with her eyes shut. The smile on his face made your heart flutter. Holding his firstborn, his little girl, the one who stole his heart the second she was born… The only one he’d love more than any other girl who walked into his life. It made you smile, truly. When Taehyun was with his kids, he was happy. And whenever you witnessed moments like this, it healed something broken within yourself.

Sure, that little girl he held and sat down on his lap in the oversized armchair wrecked everything between you two twelve years ago. No, he didn’t care that it wrecked everything you and him once shared. But, he was happy. And you’d do anything, give up anything, to see him happy. Even if it meant watching him walk away after you begged him not go through with fathering the spawn of Satan.

“Here we go!” Jin cheered as the television flashed and the scene of two kitchen remodel’s ago popped up on the screen. The boys' necks snapped to the TV, excitement buzzing off of them as they bounced around to get even more comfortable. Chan had an arm wrapped around Minho’s. “Okay everybody! Thanks to my amazing son-in-law,” Soobin smirked and shook his head as he hurried to sit down beside you, Mina getting squished between your bodies, “We get to see some home movies.” The kids erupted in cheers. Well, the boy's couch did. Rosie just nibbled one of her nails.

“Oh, I am SO ready,” Joy shook her shoulders. “I’ll get the lights, everyone has a seat?” Your mother scrambled for a remote on top of the shelf below the television, clicking it toward the ceiling to shut off the lights built into the top of the room. “If we’re lucky maybe we’ll get to see some of you guys as babies!” She gestured to all the kids as she worked her way through the room to sit on the other side of Soobin, Jin joining her soon after with his phone in hand.

The boys whispered quiet things to one another, and Rosie said something to Taehyun. Soobin gave you a sideways smile, slipping an arm around your back, over your shoulders.

And the clips, shuffled throughout the years, began.

~ august 18th, 2010 ~

Windows open in the house, a refreshing summer breeze flowing through the white curtains that hung to the floor, everything was perfect. Absolutely perfect. The sun had set about an hour ago, leaving everything washed in a deep orange haze that would linger for another twenty minutes.

Dressed in soft checkered high waisted shorts with a white cropped tee on top, one that you stole from Taehyun and cut in half, your bare feet slammed on the wood of the second floor as you darted from your bedroom toward the stairs to the kitchen. Laughter flooded the air, coming out of you, straight from your heart. Gripping the railing, you’re seconds away from leaping down to the dual level landing, but skinny arms wrap around your waist, yanking you backward, lifting you in the air. Screeching, you curl your knees into your chest and accept defeat, throwing your head backward onto his shoulder.

“Lemme go!” Your cackles were meaningless, and he wouldn’t listen anyway. Stumbling backward into one of the walls you’re certain his elbow almost went through, he laughed and put you down on your feet, making sure you didn’t fall over. “Gyu is here!”

“I don-care,” Taehyun breathed, whirling you around in his arms to press you against the wall, caging you in with his hands planted on the drywall. His smile was wide, bright, and blurry. “How dare you leave m’like this.” Glancing down between the two of you, you followed his eyes and almost snorted, throwing your head back again, this time against the wall.

Heart pounding in your chest, skin ablaze with warmth, veins pumping, extremely intoxicated (both of you), you throw your arms around his shoulders and grip his neck, clawing with your nails, gently. Taehyun sucked a harsh breath between his teeth and let his forehead fall onto yours, his smile still evident on his glistening lips as your hands traveled down his body, over his t-shirt, slipping within the waistband of his sweats where he was bare, wearing nothing beneath them.

“Slut,” you muttered within the shared air, making both of you laugh.

“Mm, mhm, hang on,” he mumbled, sliding a hand beneath your shirt, purposely dragging his fingers lightly up your side to tickle you before he grabs a handful of one of your breasts, where you were bare, wearing nothing beneath the fabric. His smile fell into a smirk when he watched you gasp. “Slut,” he whispered, tone incredulously harsh.

“Stop, Gyu’s here,” you said within a deep breath, feeling your knees buckle.

Taehyun’s brows plummeted. “You know he don’t care. Once he takes what we got he’ll be on another planet, won’t even be able to tell if you’re on top or if he’s takin’ you from the back-”

“M-my moms here.” Your hushed tone and blushed cheeks had his ego blooming with utmost power, and you knew it too.

“Um,” he chuckled. “Never stopped us before, Baby.”

“You two up there?” Joy’s voice carried up the stairs, making the two of you leap a part, taking your hands back to yourselves. “Beomgyu is here!”

Taehyun looked you up and down, licked his lips and shook his head. “We’ll be right down!”

With a deep breath you glanced down to his sweats, where he was still hard, eager for you. Shooting him a quick wink, he groaned from his chest, letting out a laugh after you whispered, “Slut,” and hurried down the stairs.

Balancing once your feet hit the floor, you reared to the side and almost knocked into a wall full of pictures, but a pair of strong hands caught your shoulders before you went down. Looking up at the boy almost a foot taller than you, his shoulder length, shaggy dark hair made you grin. Skin pale and cheeks rosy, Beomgyu was stunning, and pure boy, from his smile to his lanky, defined build.

“Start without me?” he grumbled, smoothing out your hair. “Where’s the loser?”

“I can hear you!” Taehyun shouted from upstairs, getting a giggle out of you.

Beomgyu shot you a lazy smile and shook his head. “You guys are so stupid.”

“I’m hungry, actu-lly,” you whispered, leaning into him on your tiptoes, throwing your arms around his shoulders to hug him.

Beomgyu laughed, wrapping an arm around your back, pressing his hand into your bare skin. Turning around so he could guide you into the kitchen, from over your shoulder he spots Joy, at the counter messing with a new iPhone, holding it up toward the two of you.

Standing on the top of Beomgyu’s shoes, letting him waltz you around the kitchen, you hear your mother laugh and tip your head backward, noticing she was filming you and Beomgyu.

“Mommy!” you shouted into the air, laughing like crazy.

“Oh, you guys are so cute,” Joy smiled, laughing with you, making sure the camera was catching everything. “Where’s Taehyun? He finally let you two spend some time alone?”

Scrunching your face up in disgust, you stood up straight to face Beomgyu, finding him making the same exact face. Laughter corrupted you, going completely limp in his arms.

Footsteps pounded down the stairs, and Taehyun appeared through the archway, his hair pushed back, his skin alive with what looked like a gleam of sweat. Rushing toward you and Beomgyu, Taehyun grabbed a fistful of his friend's hair and yanked his head back, clamping his teeth on the base of his neck, making the boy yelp. Watching Taehyun as he parted from him, the indentation left on his skin turned your stomach, made you want to drag your tongue over the marks.

“Gyu’s mine, Joy,” Taehyun teased, releasing him. He jabbed a finger into your side, laughing as you shrieked, then approached Joy, putting his face up in the camera. “How do I look? Good, probably.” He winked at the camera and laughed, looking up at Joy who giggled behind the phone.

Adjusting your arms around Beomgyu’s shoulders, you hike your legs up his side and wrap them around his waist, going full koala on his front. He let out a gasp and caught you, his hands gripping the underside of your thighs, fingers digging into your skin as you nuzzled your face into his neck.

“You’re gonna get in trouble,” he whispered to you, still laughing, the camera catching none of his words.

“Um!” You half shouted, taking the attention. “What if Gyu is MINE!”

Meeting Taehyun’s eyes you could see the jealousy that immediately pooled within them. You knew he had to keep his cool in front of Joy, and her camera. Normally you wouldn’t be pulling stunts like this, but you were high. You were high and needy for him, you couldn’t let this opportunity go.

“Uh oh, Taehyun, you’ve got competition,” Joy played right along, fueling the intoxicated fire.

“You have three seconds,” Taehyun said, his hardened glare hitting you right where you wanted it to. “One…” Laying your head on Beomgyu’s shoulder, you hummed and smiled, letting your eyes close.

“Two!”

Beomgyu bounced you in his arms, laughing, trying to get you to move, but you wouldn’t budge.

“What happens on three!” Joy was ecstatic, beaming behind her phone, her eyes darting between all three of you.

“Yeah, what happens on three,” you teased, shooting Taehyun the calmest smile you could possibly conjure.

“Wouldn’t you love to find out,” he gritted his teeth. “Three!”

A scream came out of you as Taehyun darted toward you and Beomgyu, his arms grabbing your waist, pulling you off of your friend. Beomgyu stumbled back, ready to catch you both if you fell over, his laughter bouncing through the air along with your own. Taehyun put you on your feet, spun you around, then crouched down and threw you over his shoulder.

“Tae!” Reaching your arms out to Beomgyu, you kicked your feet and almost kicked him in the face. “Gyu, help me,” you giggled.

Taehyun turned to him and shot him a wicked grin. “Let’s go.” Looking at Joy, and her camera, he winked again. “See ya, Joy.”

“Bye,” Joy smiled. “Good luck, Beomgyu.” The boy gave her his charming smile, and followed you and Taehyun upstairs, out of the sight of the camera, and your mother.

“What happened on three?” Minho inquired, looking out amongst the group as the video ended.

Unbelievable that was the first video to play. You can vaguely recall what had happened before you walked into the kitchen attached to Beomgyu, and you can barely put anything together as to what happened after.

You have no idea what happened on three. Taehyun had no idea what happened on three, you were sure of it. After he ran up the stairs with you hanging over his shoulder like a helpless ragdoll, you’re pretty sure the three of you drank until you passed out in your bed. Waking up, you can remember having an arm thrown over Beomgyu’s bare waist where he laid on his back with his arms over his head, upside down on the covers. Taehyun was the only one laying properly, fully clothed, his legs tangled with your own.

“How old were you guys?” Rosie asked, smiling at her father.

“Nineteen,” Taehyun said quietly, his focus on the TV.

Joy and Jin were swiping through the phone, too occupied to pay attention to anything anyone was saying.

“How did you pick up my mom like that?” Sunoo asked Taehyun, eyes wide. His uncle gave him a soft smile.

“I’m pretty strong,” he shrugged.

“Uncle Beomgyu was cute,” Rosie giggled, nibbling on one of her fingernails. Taehyun simply laughed and shook his head. The twelve year old turned to look at you, and you stiffened beneath her curious gaze. “You guys were dating?”

“No,” you answered fast. A little too fast. “He was one of my best friends, one of… our best friends.” Taehyun got the courage to look at you, both of you sharing the smallest, most innocent look just as Joy clicked play on the next video.

~ june 3rd, 2012 ~

The sun beating down on your bare back was anything but comforting. Standing in your backyard with a crystal champagne glass in your hand on the edge of the commotion, you eyed the guests waltzing about in their dress clothes with a grimace.

Atop the balcony of the porch, pink streamers and pink balloons hung down, keeping the place on theme. Pink plates, pink tablecloths, pink cutlery, pink candy, pink napkins, pink, pink, pink… You were sick of it. All the pink.

Women and men, most you didn’t even know, all paraded around with smiles and witty comments of grace for you and your family and the beautiful home that you have.

Oh, it’s just glorious isn’t it?

Yes, thank you my mother knows how to spend that man's money, that’s for certain.

He hee!

Ha ha!

It meant nothing. This whole event, it meant nothing. It felt like some sort of glorified apology.

We’re so sorry my son knocked up your daughter, here, have a disgustingly expensive baby shower, on us!

Downing the rest of your glass, you placed it on the tray of a waiter who came close to you and took two full ones off of it. Knocking back one of them real quick, you returned it to where it came from and decided to nurse the other.

Messing with one of the thin straps of your dress that dug into your shoulder, a floor length floral thing that Joy picked out for you a couple weeks ago, you groaned and cracked your neck, rubbing the muscle with a sigh. Across the party you spot your mother doting on the guest of honor, Sana, wearing a baby pink strapless gown. Her black hair was pinned up in a bun with a pink ribbon tied around it.

She was glowing, and you hated it.

Her belly was round as ever, almost one month away from popping. It was the only thing on her to change throughout this pregnancy, not that you were keeping track. She kept her slender figure, her smooth skin, her bright eyes, her luxurious hair… It was wretched. Maybe she was just nineteen, and that was it. You couldn’t believe your family, or hers, was allowing any of this to happen.

Jin hovered around her with his camera, making sure he captured every detail about this momentous day, this memorable occasion. His first grandchild, a baby girl that you knew he would love no matter where she came from. He and Joy were either in shock, or they truly were the ditzy idiots they made themselves out to be.

You didn’t think you’d be able to drink enough champagne to make it through.

Pressing your glossed lips to the rim of your glass, you let the drink spill into you, finishing it quick, actively pursuing another. Hurrying into the house, slamming the sliding door shut, the mouth watering smell of food and baked goods hit you, drawing you toward the kitchen. Heels clicking on the floor, you walked as fast as the torture devices could take you until you were kicking them off, picking them up by the strap, letting them dangle between two fingers. Stepping into the doorway of the kitchen, completely new and redone, everything a sparkling shade of blue, you find, like, eleven women standing around talking with their noses in the air. You didn’t know a soul.

Spinning around on your toes, desperate for an escape, you rushed into the living room where some of the guys were hiding out with a couple of random kids. Beelining for the bar in the back of the room, you drop your heels on top of it, push by two guys standing nearby and bring yourself behind it. Grabbing onto the neck of a tequila bottle, you acquire a shot glass from one of the shelves and fill it up to the top. It went down with ease, you were already filling it up for a second when a hand took the bottle from you, letting some of the alcohol spill onto the bartop.

“Alright,” Beomgyu said, holding the tequila hostage, watching you take the second shot. His gaze lingered on your lips, even after you ran your tongue over them. Once you slammed the glass on the counter and audibly expressed your relief with a happy sigh, he narrowed his eyes. “Do you want me to take you somewhere else? You know Jungkook said you could stay at his house while… this happened.”

Wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, your lipgloss smearing across the skin, you rolled your eyes. “Your brother doesn’t care that much.”

Beomgyu nodded profusely. “Yes, he does. You know he does.”

“Stupid, it’s stupid,” you muttered, reaching for the bottle he held away from you. “Lemme have it.”

“If you’re gonna get plastered, that’s stupid,” Beomgyu said. “It won’t make him talk to you.”

A guttural laugh escaped you. “You think I want him to talk to me?!”

The boy with long, shaggy hair that framed his face spectacularly softened his eyes. “Let me take you to Jungkook’s, please.” He planted both hands on the bar, leaving the tequila unattended.

Leaning forward, placing your elbows on the counter, you pretended to debate his offer, then snagged the bottle back instead, taking a swig straight from the bottle. Beomgyu sighed, heavily, then circled the bar to stand beside you. He reached up for his own glass and stole the bottle from you, filling both the shot glasses.

“Not gonna let you do it alone,” he said, handing you your little glass. Holding his in the air, you clinked them together and took the shot, smiling with Beomgyu. “Besides… he’s high, anyway.”

Tilting your head side to side, you laughed. “He’s always high.”

Beomgyu refilled the glasses and watched you knock it back. Picking his up, he studied it, then studied you. Big, beautiful brown eyes took you in, swallowed you whole. “I’m sorry,” he said.

You brushed it off with a shrug. “Sorry for what, Gyu.”

He gulped, shaking his head slightly before he took his shot, placing it down with a knock on the bar. “All of this,” he gestured around at all of the pink. Beomgyu never discussed what went on between you and Taehyun. Ever. It was rare. “I just… I’m sorry.”

Taking a deep breath, you wallowed in his sorrow for a moment. “He’s stupid,” you muttered, looking down at the shot glasses, messing with them to keep your hands busy. Feeling a buzz already, you couldn’t stop the words from coming out, or the tears. “Gyu, why did he do this?”

A heavy breath fell from his lips as he lifted a hand to brush away a tear. “I dunno.”

“I mean, she… she came out of nowhere, and then this happens?!” you waved your arms around, Beomgyu nodding along, encouraging you to keep going. “She’s a kid, he’s a kid, we’re… We’re kids. He’s throwing the rest of his life away, doesn’t he know that?! Sana’s a total bitch, what the hell does he see in her anyway!?”

“You got me there,” he said, pouring two more shots, one he took fast.

“I mean, like, do you see it? What’s the appeal? Do you think she’s hot?” Taking your shot you missed the way he totally checked you out.

“He totally downgraded,” he mumbled, pouring two more shots.

“Please,” you snickered, following suit, drinking the alcohol. A hiccup came out of you, one that made Beomgyu laugh. “Sana’s gorgeous and you know it.”

“Yeah, but she’s not you,” he said, perking a brow. You took a step closer to him, laying an arm on his shoulder, hooking it around his neck.

Narrowing your eyes, you smirked. “You just mean he won’t share her.”

Beomgyu’s eyes flickered to your lips, his tongue darting out between his. “I’m gonna miss this.”

“Just ‘cause he and I are done doesn’t mean we have to be,” you whispered, and he shook his head.

“You’re his,” he said. “Always have been, always will be. I don’t wanna get Yeonjun’d, I’ll keep my distance.”

Digging your fingers into his shoulder, you took one last long, good look at him. And he did the same to you. The alcohol held your heart together for the moment, but you knew once it wore off you’d be falling head first into the most debilitating heartbreak you’ve ever felt. No one had a clue what was supposed to happen after this day was over.

“You’re still my friend, Gyu.”

He raised a hand and placed it on top of yours, giving it a decent squeeze. “Always have been, always will be.”

Raising yourself on your tiptoes, you pressed your lips to his cheek and gave him a swift kiss before you stumbled back out to the backyard, making sure to grab the bottle of tequila first. People were still swarming, how long were baby showers supposed to be? Doing your best to stand up straight, you wandered across the patio without being noticed by a soul, and planted yourself in a seat underneath the shade of the balcony.

Twisting the top off of the bottle you took a long swig, falling back against the cushion with a giggle as you swallowed. You watched eagerly as girls who were clearly friends of Sana, dressed in tight dresses and high strappy heels, talked with one another and sipped on their champagne delicately, showing off their accessories and touching up their makeup as they spoke. They took tiny bites of their food and judged others around them with their eyes, you could feel it.

Another drink from the bottle. You were finally at the point where it felt like nothing mattered. Jin was still parading around with his phone, catching footage of people saying kind words to the baby and the mom to be. Overhearing most of it, it made you laugh, acquiring a judgemental glare from one of Sana’s minions. Not one person had a word to say about Taehyun. It was all Sana, Sana, Sana, and baby, baby, baby.

“Stupid,” you mumbled, sinking down on the cushion.

You were so focused on the others you didn’t recognize the body that approached you, snatching the tequila from you, dropping your heels on your lap. Jumping, startled as they hit your thighs, you sprung up and nearly toppled forward.

“Hey!” you shouted, looking up at the blurry figure. His dark hair and black button down made you laugh, loud. “No fucking way.”

“Shut up,” he muttered. “Pull yourself together.”

Gasping, you pressed a hand to your chest. “Pull myself together? Last I heard you were poppin’ molly at your own baby shower.” Taehyun groaned, crouching down to level with you. “Yanno, Gyu said this wouldn’t make you talk to me, who’s gonna tell him that he was wrong?”

“Tell him yourself,” Taehyun nodded to Beomgyu walking along the edge of the patio, Sana’s group of friends shamelessly checking him out. He pretended not to see them. It was laughable.

“GYU!” you shouted, catching his attention. He already knew, he sent you the smallest smile. Sana’s friends glared at you again. “He doesn’t want any of you, don’t even try,” you waved towards them, turning back to Taehyun who had buried his head in his hand.

“Baby, please,” he whispered.

“Baby?” you scoffed. “Your girlfriend over there is the one with the baby, Tae. Did you already forget? I know it happened so fast, I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Stop,” he spoke through his teeth, looking up at you with a vengeance. “Please, stop. Don’t make this worse than it already is.”

Catching you off guard, you slid back down in the chair and furrowed your brows. “What are you talking about?”

Taehyun, tired, intoxicated, wobbly on his feet, shook his head and sighed. “I dunno what I’m doing,” he said under his breath.

Lifting a hand, you poked his nose. “Then… you shouldn’t have done it.”

He shot to his feet, glaring down at you. Your body reacted, reaching up for him.

“No,” you whispered. “Come back.”

Taehyun scanned the backyard. “No,” he said, taking one more look at you before joining Sana and her parents where they were sitting with Jin and Joy.

A tear slipped down your cheek, you think. Taehyun smiled, or pretended to smile, while he spoke to her parents. He looked like he was saying nice things to Sana, probably asking her if she was alright, showering her with attention. Attention that used to be yours. It was attention he was allowed to give her in front of these people. That attention was never allowed to be yours. It wasn’t ever meant for you. It will never belong to you. It will never, ever be yours.

You were definitely crying now, alone on the porch in the corner while your family and the guests enjoyed this beautiful day and this beautiful celebration. There was another life coming into the world, a life that was half of the boy you loved, a life he decided to have with someone else. It felt like death. It all felt like hell, a burning, god awful hell.

“Come on,” Beomgyu said to you. Turning toward him, all you could do was reach your arms up for him to take, pulling you to your feet, letting your shoes topple to the floor. “We’re going to my brothers.”

“But, they-”

He brought you into the house. “He told me to take you to my brothers.” Facing you, he wiped away your tears and frowned. “You’re too pretty to cry, stop it.” The hallway you were in was quiet, secluded. Sucking in a deep breath, you gazed at him and pouted.

“You can’t drive, you-”

“Jungkook’s outside,” he breathed.

Nodding, you slowly wrapped your arms around his shoulders and held him close, giving him a real hug, heart to heart. “I love you, Gyu,” you mumbled into his neck.

The boy sighed, and held you tighter. “I love you, too.”

“No way, I was in Mom’s belly!” Rosie almost leapt off of Taehyun’s lap. The entire video came from Jin, he documented the entire day, the entire shower, every gorgeous detail that you now were able to appreciate. A hole in your heart remained, but it was so long ago now that the cut didn’t burn as deep.

Joy shared her excitement with Rosie, and Minho chimed in with some questions, asking who different people were that only his father and grandparents were able to answer.

You thanked the good lord, or whoever was up there, that you were barely in any of the shots. You remembered that day very differently than everyone else. Soobin even whispered to you how insufferable the day must’ve been, and that he was glad you weren’t together yet, or else he would’ve had to put up with that shit. And yes, he said shit.

“You were with Uncle Beomgyu again,” Rosie said to you, twisting on her fathers lap completely.

Glancing at Soobin who focused his eyes on the baby in your arms, you took a breath and looked at your niece. “Yeah, I was.”

Rosie’s face screwed up, confused. “I thought you guys didn’t date.”

“We didn’t,” you shook your head, tone going a bit stern.

The girl grilled you with her eyes. “Sure seems like you did.”

The room fell into a quiet chatter while Joy and Jin searched for another video. Your boys were talking to Minho, asking him questions about his mom that was just in the video, and Rosie whispered things to Taehyun you were dying to hear.

Soobin, as if he could feel your blood beginning to boil, leaned over and kissed your cheek. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” you whispered, avoiding his gaze. “Just wasn’t expecting to have to dodge him either.”

Soobin watched you for a few seconds more, then bobbed his head.

Beomgyu hung around Taehyun more than he hung around with you. He showed up to Taehyun’s kids birthdays, not yours. Beomgyu accepted offers to stay at Taehyun’s for long weekends, or to watch sports games, or to go to concerts, or to just simply hang out in his basement. And Beomgyu reciprocated the invites. You never got a single one.

“Think this hurts more than it should,” you whispered, looking at your husband. Soobin, energy doing a complete one eighty, turned to your parents.

“How many more you guys got?” he asked with persistence. “My baby’s need to get to bed. Wonwoo’s on a schedule.”

Joy shoved Soobin by his shoulder and clicked her tongue. “Strict Soobin, come on.” Soobin smiled. He didn’t mind being the bad guy when it came to you. “Let us just watch one more, and I swear we’ll be done. We’re all having so much fun though, aren’t we?” The boys agreed with her, as did Rosie. Taehyun was silent, and so were you.

“One more,” Soobin said.

~ april 1st, 2009 ~

“Ready!?” Taehyun shouted to the crowd around your kitchen counter, standing in the dark, the only light coming from the candles shoved into the cake in front of you. “Here we go!” Thirty people, or more, sang Happy Birthday to you in the most obnoxious way possible, led by Taehyun himself. Friends, family from both sides, neighbors… Everyone was gathered to sing to you, to celebrate you. Though the lights were shaped like stars and the song was distorted in your ears, you were having the time of your life. Taehyun to your left, Beomgyu to your right, and Yeonjun hovering behind you, you had everything you could ever need, it made you want to cry. As the singing came to an end, you squeezed your eyes shut and blew out your candles, basking in the cheers that followed.

“She’s eighteen!” Your boys shouted, holding you in some way, jumping up and down with you in their arms.

The lights flickered on and the cake was whisked away. Your vision was truly tunneling, all you could see were the boys in front of you, congratulating you. Taehyun hugged you first, holding you tight. The one day he could without it being considered weird. Yeonjun was next, slipping his arms around your waist, bending you in half as you laughed and clung to his shoulders. Turning to Beomgyu, you reached for his cheeks and gave them a squeeze, getting a laugh out of him. He grabbed your hands and yanked you toward him, hugging you tight, pressing one of his cheeks to your own.

“Happy Birthday,” he whispered to you. “Taehyun says when the party starts.” Pulling away, you stumbled backward and bit your bottom lip. Beomgyu was smug, but he was subtle. His attention immediately shifted when he watched your cheeks turn pink.

“Hey,” Yeonjun said, grabbing your wrist, pulling you out into the hallway. The pretty boy got you alone, his black hair parted in the center, hanging over his forehead almost brushed against your own. “I have something for you, but I can’t give it to you right now.”

Your eyes focused on his lips. His full, plump, beautiful lips you’d always been dying to kiss, only while under the influence. “Okay,” you whispered, blinking up at him mindlessly.

“It’ll make you feel even better than this,” he smirked, placing a hand on the wall above your shoulder. “I promise.”

“Really?” you sighed, falling under his charm. Yeonjun grinned, taking his other hand to your cheek, dragging his fingers over your warm skin.

“Really,” he said, his tone turning sultry. “Taehyun got this for you, right?”

Blinking twice, slowly, you nodded even slower. “Yeah,” you breathed. “Took it hours ago… Dunno what it is, Junie.”

Yeonjun’s expression turned serious. “Oh, no, honey, that’s not too safe is it?”

He began to shake his head, and you followed along. “No,” you whispered.

“No,” he lowered his brows. “It’s not. I can tell you exactly what I got you, it’ll-”

“C’mon, Baby,” Taehyun said, abruptly pulling you away from Yeonjun. The boy tumbled back and shot Taehyun a glare. “We’re outta here. Yeonjun you gotta go.”

Taehyun wrapped an arm around your shoulders, keeping you close under his. With Beomgyu close behind, Taehyun had you in a brisk walk, headed for the front door. “Wait, hold on, Tae,” you said, trying to turn back around.

“No, keep walking,” Taehyun muttered.

“Where the fuck are you guys going?” Yeonjun called after you, throwing his arms out to the side. Taehyun turned toward him for only a moment more.

“Somewhere without you,” he narrowed his eyes. “Till you stop being a shady piece of shit.”

Yeonjun placed his hands on his hips, his gaze shifting between Taehyun and Beomgyu. “You two are the ones being shady pieces of shit, like what even is this?” He gestured toward you. “It’s her party and you’re leaving? And I’m not going with?”

“Why’s he not coming with?” you parroted his words, but Beomgyu shut you up with a glare. “Oh, right.”

Yeonjun clapped his hands together and laughed sarcastically. “Shady shit! You guys suck.” He made it to the front door first. “Happy Birthday,” he said to you, reaching in his pocket, tossing a small bag of powder by your feet. Beomgyu was quick in picking it up and pocketing it, making sure no adult had rounded the corner. By the time the three of you looked back at the door, Yeonjun was gone.

“Did he touch you?” Taehyun asked, his eyes burning into yours. A shake of your head didn’t appease him. “Words, Baby.”

“No,” you said, trying to swallow, but your mouth was suddenly really, really dry. “I need water.” Your voice was hushed.

Taehyun cringed. “Ah, shit, right,” he mumbled, then looked up at Beomgyu. “Jungkook wanna make a pitstop on the way to your house?” Both boys started you for the door once again, your feet almost stumbling over the other.

“Am I supposed to feel more… more dizzy?” you laughed. Beomgyu and Taehyun shared a look, laughing with you.

“We gotta catch up,” Taehyun whispered. You could barely see the boys around you as they spoke, you only heard their voices that were as beautiful and as soothing as a lullaby. “I wanna feel what she’s feeling.”

Beomgyu wrapped an arm around you, helping Taehyun get you out the door. “I wanna feel what she’s feeling while feeling her.”

You managed to swat a hand at his chest. “Gyu,” you sang. The front door shut behind you, and it was just the three of you on the porch. Grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, you pulled him toward you and pressed your lips to his, feeling like you had no control over anything you were doing. He kissed you back, it was a rough, wet mess. You were just slipping your tongue between his lips when a hand grabbed your hair and pulled you back.

Stumbling into Taehyun's chest, you giggled and spun around, throwing your arms around his shoulders, letting your lips meet more gentle than they did with Beomgyu’s. Taehyuns kiss was careful, and sweet, and full of feeling, and, and…

“Who was that lady with the white hair?” Minho called out as the video ended on a scene of family lounging around the living room.

“That’s your Great-Aunt Jennie,” Jin said to the boy, smiling at him. “That was my favorite one,” he glanced at his wife, “Full of people I haven’t seen in ages.” Joy placed a hand to his thigh and gave it a squeeze. Great-Aunt Jennie passed away two years ago.

Mina had climbed onto Soobins lap at some point during that last one, where your brain was trailing off elsewhere. Your family was watching scenes of your family, but you were on the front porch, getting in the car with Beomgyu’s older brother, driving to their house to spend two nights in a row there. The three of you missed two days of school that week, of your senior year.

“I think I’m all videoed out,” you said a bit too loud, standing to your feet, heading out into the hallway without a look back. With Wonwoo in your arms you took it upon yourself to head upstairs and put the baby in the bassinet you brought with you after changing and nursing him.

Keeping your mind clear, blocking out every and any thought you were having, you got changed yourself, throwing on one of Soobin’s t-shirts and a pair of flowing sweatpants. You didn’t bother to brush your teeth or take off your makeup, instead you curled up in your bed and tried to not let the thoughts consume you while you waited for Soobin to come up.

Coming here for the weekend was one thing. You were already thrown into a torturous mess of family and remembering things, you didn’t know you’d be forced to relive so many different memories you had suppressed for a multitude of reasons. Laying here in the dark, you’re beginning to think this weekend was meant to happen this way to show you exactly how far you’ve drifted from this life. That Soobin and your kids was where you were meant to be, happy and dramaless, safe and growing in positivity and a pureness your children were not going to get from this house.

It was nauseating, and would give you a migraine if you thought about it for too long. In just one day, after yearning for what used to be, you’ve realized it wasn’t what it was. It’s not the same as it was. Whatever you were longing for would not feel the same as it did when you were eighteen, nineteen, even twenty-one. You were at an entirely different aspect of life now. A healthy one.

“Darling?” Soobin whispered, the door opening slowly, light flooding in from the hallway. Sitting up, you watched him shut the bedroom door quietly so as to not wake the baby, then he walked to your side, catching you as you fell into him. “Are you alright?”

“Next Christmas we stay for a day,” you whispered. “Then, we leave and spend it with the kids. Just the kids.”

Soobin drug his hand in a circle around your back, letting it slip beneath the shirt you wore. “You know, I’m not going to say no.”

Looking up at him, you tried to give him a smile. “Thank you.”

“For?” Soobin quirked a brow.

“For being you,” you whispered. “For believing in me, and sticking by me, and supporting me, and treating me nicely, and… loving the kids.”

Soobin held back a smile, his eyes going slightly wide. “That’s a lot of thank you’s.”

“I mean every word,” you said. “I love you so much. I think I’m… content… not having heavy ties here.”

Your husband sucked in a breath, like relief had struck him suddenly. “Moving on.”

You finally smiled, nodding. “Moving on.”

“Thank god,” Soobin groaned, pushing you backward against the pillows to smother you with kisses. His lips were halfway down your neck until you pushed him off.

“Where’s the kids?” you asked.

A soft smile graced his lips. “Taehyun offered up his bedroom for all of them. He got Mina’s little crib set up in there, and the boys snuggled up in his bed with Minho.”

“Rosie?” You raised your brows.

Soobin chuckled. “She’ll be in a sleeping bag on the floor next to Mina.”

“No way.”

“Yes way,” he said. “Now, may I continue?”

Glancing at the baby’s bassinet that was set up in the corner furthest from you, you turned back to your husband with a smile and hummed. “Continue,” you giggled.

It seemed impossible to sleep, and no, it wasn’t Christmas excitement keeping you up. Soobin, sound asleep beside you, had done his best to tire you out, to relax you enough that you’d want to shut your eyes and snooze, but it wasn’t enough.

After Christmas you were heading back home to be a family of six, unsure of when you’d be coming back here to visit your family, unsure of when you’d ever see Taehyun again. Everything was still unclear between the two of you, whether or not your relationship was in good standing. Those videos gave you a decent idea of where you were headed with your decision on making up.

Slipping out of the covers carefully so you didn’t startle Soobin, you checked on Wonwoo who was also sound asleep, then tiptoed out to the hallway. It was dark, and quiet, the only light coming from the stairs, where the Christmas throw up was. Pushing your hair back out of your face, you took yourself down there, the stairs creaking beneath you as snuck down. Peeking into the front room with the tree and the lights, you find mountains of gifts waiting for your kids under the branches. Gifts upon gifts you didn’t even approve of were patiently awaiting their sticky little fingers to tear them open. Two little green bikes were standing by the windows. Your twins were going to lose their minds.

The rest of the house was silent, everyone was clearly asleep. Sneaking down the hallway into the kitchen, a gasp escapes you when you find Taehyun sitting at the kitchen table in the dark with a glass of water sitting in front of him.

“Jesus, Tae,” you whispered.

“Sorry,” he breathed a laugh. “Didn’t wanna cause any commotion.”

Taking a breath to calm your beating heart, you walk over and take a seat next to him, keeping your focus on the table in front of you. “No, you’re good, I just wasn’t expecting anyone to be up.”

Taehyun bobbed his head and twisted his glass on the wood. “Sober sleep is hard.”

“Yeah,” you sighed. “You wake up feeling a lot better though.”

He laughed. “True.”

Silence fell between you, a suffocating silence, like there was so much more to say yet not enough time to say it. Either that or neither of you had the balls to do so.

“Everything that I’ve said today,” Taehyun began, gulping, “I’m sorry.” He looked to you with only his eyes. You did the same. “It wasn’t appropriate of me to let you hear any of it.”

Shifting your body, you turned to face him, pulling your legs up on the chair. “I needed it.”

He looked at you with wild eyes. “Really?” Copying your stance, he twisted to give you his full attention.

“Yeah,” you shrugged. “We can’t live with all that shit trapped inside of us. That’s what’s made these last twelve years really, really hard. We stopped talking.”

Taehyun rolled his eyes. “I stopped talking.”

“Why did you?” Your voice was a whisper, one that made him recoil with a slight shake of his head. “And don’t say it’s ‘cause of Sana, because I know for a fact that it’s not.”

He stared down at nothing for a few seconds, before a gentle groan came out of him and he gave you a half smile. “Beomgyu.” The name, after those videos, made your stomach turn. In the not fun way.

“What about him?” Your voice was small.

“I don’t even think I need to say it.”

“Taehyun, please.”

He exhaled heavily and squeezed his eyes shut. “You guys… liked each other.”

A breath corrupted your lungs, a lump lodging in your throat as you tore your eyes away from him, looking about the kitchen. Taehyun smiled something of sorrow.

“I was a toy for him to play with,” you mumbled, and he detested immediately.

“That is a lie and you know it,” he said. Meeting his eyes, you felt a tear slip out of one of yours. “You saw those videos, I couldn’t watch anything except for how he looked at you. Shit, Baby, I was there. I could see, I could feel how he felt. And I know how it feels to be loved by you. You loved him too.”

Wiping your hands over your face, letting them sit there for a moment, you sniffled. “Oh, it’s so fucked, Tae.”

“I know,” he whispered. “It’s so fucked.” He went quiet, glancing around the room, watching the snowfall outside. “I don’t blame it for our problems, though. I don’t blame him. He’s still my best friend, he’s still…” You snapped your eyes toward him, begging him to not say the words. A sigh and a head shake was answer enough that he’d keep his mouth shut.

“I had Rosie on purpose,” he decided to tread carefully. “We know this, I… yelled it at you.”

“Sorry for trying to talk you out of it.” Your hushed voice surprised him. “You love her, so much. Both of them. It hurts me that I tried to take that away from you.”

“You didn’t know,” he said, the look in his eye accepting your apology. “We didn’t know we’d be here. We didn’t know Sana would stick with me. No one knew if I’d make it this far, have them with me, have any sort of custody… It’s okay.” He nodded. “You wanted to protect me.”

“That day, at her shower,” you rested your chin on one of your knees, “You wanted to protect me. I remember you telling Gyu to take me to his brothers.”

Taehyun let the memory find him. “I did. He wanted to bring you there anyway, without me telling him to. We both knew you wouldn’t go if I didn’t say something.”

“Where were going with this before?” you asked. “Talking about Rose.”

Taehyun attempted a smile. “I… had her on purpose. Which sounds pretty shitty to say out loud.” The two of you shared a quiet laugh. “But, I got with Sana for more of a reason than to just piss you off.”

“You did piss me off pretty bad,” you giggled, and he rolled his eyes.

“I’m good at that,” he popped his brows once. “I just…” The energy shifted. “There was no life with me,” he whispered, looking at you. “There was no life… with you. You and I, we could never have this.” He gestured around the kitchen.

Raising your brows you sighed. “You and I couldn’t ever afford this.” It made him laugh, thankfully. His hands found his lap, folding together between the sweats he was wearing to bed.

“You know what I mean.”

“I do,” you said, tone as soft as his.

“I had to do something, something that would force us to stop what we were doing, ‘cause there was little to nothing that would stop us.” He huffed a laugh watching you force back a smile. “As much as it hurt… It hurt so bad. I did it for you.”

“That’s ass backwards,” you muttered.

“Totally,” he agreed. “I saw you and Gyu. Saw how you were. I thought, if I did this, you two would get together. Eventually.”

Trying to swallow the lump in your throat away, it seemed it was there to stay. Another tear fell. “And how did that plan work out?”

Your whisper just about punched him in the gut. “I didn’t think any of this would happen.”

Wiping your own tears, you took in a shaky deep breath. “You know, you could’ve just said the words, Taehyun. That’s all I ever wanted, was for you to talk to me. A majority of my life was one big secret, I didn’t need anymore from you.”

He took you in, accepting defeat. “I’m sorry. You deserved better.”

A sarcastic laugh came out amongst the tears. “And you thought that was Gyu?” you whispered, sniffling, and laughing. “He literally told me he wouldn’t do anything because I was yours. Always was, always will be.” Taehyun averted his gaze. “If you weren’t involved, I barely heard from him. To this day, I don’t hear from him.” But, you knew he knew that.

“Do you know how lucky I am to have the man that I do upstairs?” you continued on, Taehyuns eyes eventually finding yours again. “Do you know how unbelievable it is that he’s even with me? I already fucked up with him once, with undeniable, living proof that we’ll have for the rest of our lives, and he married me, Taehyun.” You took a second to wipe your tears. “Where was Beomgyu?”

Getting up out of his chair, he paused you for a moment. “Hang on,” he muttered, leaving the kitchen, then reappearing after a minute or two with envelopes in his hands. “I wasn’t sure when I’d be able to give you these.” He sat beside you and placed the long white letter envelopes on the table. “Was worried you wouldn’t come this weekend.”

Jaw tight, you reached for the envelopes and kept a strong face as you picked them up. Your tears betrayed you, as you read the names on the front of the four letters they fell steadily. Two were dated from the boy's fourth birthday, their names written neatly on the front, as well as the other two, from their fifth birthday this year.

This was how it went. An envelope for each boy with a birthday wish and a hefty amount of cash. Usually these were slipped to you at one of Taehyun’s kids parties, discreetly, like it was hush money and not birthday gifts for your children. Words were never spoken, nor exchanged. The letters were given to you, by Taehyun, and you handed them off to your husband without a second thought.

“Have you ever read them?” he asked, eyeing the envelopes you held.

“No,” you breathed, and he nodded. “Soobin has, though. I might, eventually.”

Nodding again, Taehyun sat quietly, letting you have a minute before he said, “He’s a good man.”

Flickering your eyes up to him you smiled. “He’s a damn good man, Tae.” Holding up the letters, you scoffed. “After this? Taking care of and accepting those boys like they’re his own? I swear… I don’t deserve him.”

“Yes, you do,” he said. “You deserve him and so much more.”

Six years ago, you and Soobin’s gap year, that sounded so superficial at this point, you ran back to the two boys, both Taehyun and Beomgyu. A taste of your old life, one that Soobin was detoxing you from. It scared you, to think you were losing a side of yourself, the only side of yourself you had ever known. You weren’t able to stay at Taehyun’s, and you sure as hell didn’t want to stay back at home, so you settled on living at Beomgyu’s for some time.

Having his own place by then, not too far from Taehyun’s, the three of you lived like you were twenty again, and it was exhilarating, it was freedom, it was familiar. Thinking about it now you cannot believe that you allowed half of it to happen, Taehyun was a married man with two children, but most of that year, those collective months, was a blurred mess. Neither of the boys tried to talk you out of anything with Soobin, in fact, they barely spoke his name. You led… everything.

At this point it seemed that Beomgyu had somewhat gotten over his, ‘you’re always his’, thing, because most mornings you weren’t waking up in the spare room, you were waking up beside him, with tangled limbs and hungover, naked bodies.

You didn’t know you were pregnant until you made up with Soobin. After months of living in hazy chaos, you had an epiphany, much like the one you had a few hours ago after watching the home movies. It wasn’t a life you wanted. It clearly wasn’t a life Beomgyu wanted either.

Living back here at home, days away from moving in with Soobin, into the first tiny home you shared together, you found out you were expecting. Positively gutted, knowing there was no way in hell that Soobin had fathered the child, you were at a loss. You sat on the tiled floor of the bathroom upstairs, alone, for an hour. There was no Taehyun to rush in to save you, to hold you in his arms and tell you everything was going to be okay. You were completely alone, and you had no other choice but to tell Soobin.

Sure, you could’ve taken the other route and gotten yourself out of the shitty predicament, but something in your heart was begging you to tell him. So, you did. And, you hurt him. He didn’t ignore you, he didn’t push you away, he didn’t postpone your move in, he was there for you, and cared for you.

It was one thing you still couldn’t wrap your mind around. How one day he woke up, and decided it was the day to propose, at your bedside in the early morning when you just peeked open your eyes. He spoke words that, still to this day, had the power to bring you to tears. He accepted you, he promised to love and to care for you. He accepted your boys, before either of you even knew there were two. For six years he’s kept his promise. For six years he’s been the best damn father any child could ask for.

“Taehyun, I know we both said things we still mean,” you spoke carefully, keeping his gaze on yours. “You said that you love me, and I… I love you, too.”

He cringed to himself. “I hope you know I don’t mean it in the, I want you to divorce him, way.”

You nearly leapt out of your seat, reaching forward for his hands. “God, no, Tae,” you sighed. “Listen, part of me came here wondering what was left. Of us.” He listened intently, soaking up every word. “You probably thought I was gonna try to… get you back, or something.” He nodded solemnly, a confession he didn’t want to reveal. “And, maybe part of me wanted to find out, but that stuff isn’t important anymore. We’re two entirely different people now. We’re both sober, we’re both on track to live happy, fulfilling lives… We cannot go backward.”

Watching you, wondering if you had anything else to add, he asked, “Will you ever tell them? The boys?”

Your heart sank. “Soobin and I discussed it. When they’re old enough, we’ll tell them. We’ll give them the letters.” Your eyes burned, the tears coming on fast. “Though I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for them to find out that he didn’t want them. I don’t wanna break their hearts. I don’t want them to have to go through the same pain I did, the realization that your father rejected you, acting like you don’t exist.” Taehyun squeezed your hands. You swore a tear slid down his cheek. “How do I do that to them?”

Taking a deep breath, Taehyun gestured to the letters you threw down on the table. “Read them,” he whispered, his eyes gleaming with something you couldn’t place. “Before you tell the boys… read them.”

After a sniffle you nodded, wiping your tears on your shoulder. “I said it earlier, I want my kids to know you.” He drug his fingers over your skin delicately. “Especially the boys, you’re…” a shaky breath shot through you, “You’re the closest thing they have to him.”

It fell quiet once again, the brisk wind and snow outside the only thing to be heard, calming you both. Taehyun gave your hands one last squeeze before he let them go and tucked his back into his lap. “Yanno, Joy was saying some funny stuff.”

“That the boys look like you,” you said quickly, both of you laughing together.

“Yeah,” Taehyun screwed his face up. “It made me think. It made me think some things I shouldn’t think-“

“Tae,” you said gently. “They’re his. Gyu’s their daddy. I promise you.”

He looked at his lap. “Right,” he whispered, lips firmly pressed together.

Ignoring everything that changed about him in this moment, you kept things moving, picking up the letters off the table. “Thank you for these,” you smiled. “And, thank you for being here. For talking to me.”

He flashed you that grin that made your heart skip a beat. “What are friends for, Baby?”

Glittering wrapping paper littered the floor, more being thrown by the minute. Every child was beaming, showing off each gift they unwrapped to whoever's eye they could catch. The twins, absolutely losing their minds over their bikes, Mina, asking Jin to open up her new baby doll, Minho, reading the back of a vinyl record, and Rosie, counting how many new lip glosses she’s opened. The room was happy, full of life.

Soobin sat on a couch with Wonwoo in his arms, the infant holding onto a teething ring for dear life, chewing on it while he watched his family go crazy over their gifts. He shot you a smile each time one of your kids opened something new, a screech sounding off when they recognized it was something they’d been asking for.

“You boys want Daddy and Uncle Taehyun to teach you how to ride them?” you asked, holding up your phone to take photos of the twins trying to sit on their bikes. Taehyun, on the floor next to the tree, handing out gifts whenever a child asked for another, looked up at your husband, eyes full of hope.

“Oh my god, yes!” Chan shouted, jumping up and down on his feet covered by the fuzzy footed pajamas he wore. Sunoo, matching his brother, threw his arms in the air and cheered. Eyeing Soobin carefully, you sighed as you watched him smile and nod at Taehyun.

“Can we go now?” Sunoo pouted, eyes going wide. Taehyun snickered and looked over at you.

“Sun, look outside,” you pointed to the window. All the kids followed, glancing out to the snow that was probably going to have you stuck here for another night. “Don’t think you’ll be able to ride a bike out there.” Soobin shot you a look, his smile sarcastic, already dreading staying here one more time.

The boys moved onto other gifts, taking their time, scoping the scene, helping their sister and asking Minho what he got. Taehyun moved to the couch next to Soobin, a foot of space separating them, the three men falling into conversation with one another, Jin seeming happy to have them both there with him. Observing the organized chaos, you didn’t notice your mother approaching you, sliding her arm around your back where you stood in the archway.

“Merry Christmas, my love,” she smiled, speaking quietly to you. Giving her a quick smile, you focused back on your husband, who was handing Wonwoo over to Taehyun.

“Merry Christmas, Mom,” you whispered. Taehyun gazed down at your son in awe, the first time he’s actually held him this weekend. The first time he was getting to know one of your kids before they learned how to walk. He didn’t get to do this with Mina. He barely got to do it with the twins. Wonwoo smiled up at him after he whispered something to the baby, and when he did, he looked up at you and the look on his face warmed your heart.

“He’s so…” Joy began.

“Good with the kids,” you finished, giving her a look. “I know, Mom.”

She forced a smile onto her lips, looking back at you like she was in pain. Her eyebrows were flipped and her eyes were glistening. “I’m sorry if those videos were a lot,” she said, and you scoffed, brushing it off. “No, I mean it. It’s clear you’re moved on from then, I think I was just so caught up in the past. It’s lonely here without you.”

Sighing, you turned to face her. “Mom, the videos-”

“I don’t need you to try to reassure me,” she actually smiled, rubbing your forearm. “They were a lot for me, too. Seeing that day,” her eyes widened for a second, her voice dropping back down to a whisper, one that sent a chill down your spine, “I was reminded how grateful I am that it wasn’t you.”

“Mom,” you gasped, clamping your jaw shut. Her eyes flickered toward Taehyun quickly, then back to yours without much else to say.

“I hold onto hope that one day you’ll open up to me,” she said. “I’m here for you. I always have been.” With another gentle rub of your arm she scurried off into the room to celebrate with the kids.

Your skin has flushed, you know it has. Frozen where she left you, you can’t comprehend what had just happened, what she had just told you, what she had literally admitted to you. Nausea washed over you, your throat closing, like the ability to breath was stolen from you.

She knew.

Willing yourself to turn toward the room where the commotion continued, but you heard half of it, you took one look at the men on the couch. Soobin and Taehyun, both looking back at you with concern. Soobin’s was protective, but Taehyun’s was straight worry. You didn’t know what to do, you didn’t know how to process. A secret you were planning to keep from her for the rest of your life, one that you and Taehyun were going to take to the grave, she knew about. She left you without any indication as to when she found out, who she found out from, if she figured it out herself, if Jin knew as well… She knew, and you didn’t know how.

Looking at your boys, your beautiful twin boys showing their grandmother their new books they had unwrapped, you felt your heart rate skyrocket as you realized that as she sat there talking with them, she thought they were Taehyun’s children.

You were crying, and you weren’t totally sure you were breathing either. Shaky hands pushed back your hair and wiped your tears. Shaky legs took you away from the celebration, into another room, the living room, where you fell onto a couch and buried your face in your hands, finally letting out a decent sob you’d been suppressing all weekend.

It wasn’t long until a pair of strong arms wrapped around you, cozying up next to you, pulling you into their lap. Smothering yourself in their chest, you grabbed onto them somehow, and cried. There weren’t any words to say. Looking up at your husband, teary eyed, there wasn’t a thing either of you could say, or do, to make this any better.

“I’ll find a way to get us home tonight,” he whispered. “I promise.”

Okay, maybe there was one thing he could say to make this a little bit better. And you knew damn well, better than anyone, that Soobin kept his promises.

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thank you so much for reading. <3

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littlemisshyperfixation · 6 days

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Taehyun Fic Recommendations

a - angst f - fluff s - smut

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

One Shots

chulo (s) *ੈ✩‧₊˚ Your hermit of a roommate finally decides that he’s had enough of your attitude. And of your constant assumptions that he’s never felt the touch of a woman.

Nights Like These (s) *ੈ✩‧₊˚ It was tradition between you and your roommates to relax and drink together once a month. One day a month where you could forget about all your responsibilities and speak about whatever was on your mind. Confronting your undeniable attraction to said roommates was not what you were expecting on a night like this.

Angry sex with Tyun (s) *ੈ✩‧₊˚ You and taehyun get into a heated argument, which leads to some good angry sex.

amazon wishlist (s) *ੈ✩‧₊˚ your roommate and best friend, taehyun, finds a dildo on your amazon wishlist.

finally - pt 2 of phone sex with bestfriend!taehyun (s)

11:58 p.m (s)

#txt #txt x reader #txt fic recs #txt smut #txt fluff #txt angst #tomorrow x together #tomorrow x together fic recs #tomorrow x together x reader #tomorrow x together smut #tomorrow x together fluff #tomorrow x together angst #taehyun #taehyun x reader #taehyun fic recs #taehyun smut #taehyun angst #taehyun fluff

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wonfilms · 8 months

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❝ bf! beomgyu ❞ [ headcanons ] : ☆ warnings : n/a, genre: fluff & more fluff,

beomgyu who kisses your forehead and whispers 'i love you' after you've fallen asleep.. he's loud with his love. always one to be proud of how much he values you as the person who makes everyday more bearable, making sure to show how much he adores you in all the ways he can, but in vulnerable moments like this he whispers his sweet affection for you for only the moon to bear witness.

beomgyu who remembers all the little things about you, he's never been able to do that. he finds himself forgetting things all the time but he never forgets a thing when it comes to you. he knows your go to drink, your favourite candle scents and even the brand of fabric softener you like, but he'll forget what he had for breakfast just earlier that day.. he finds it quite funny really, how he loves you so much that he can't help but remember every detail.

beomgyu who comes to you after a long day, not speaking a word but just nestling into your arms.. maybe it's because his voice would crack and he'd cry just a little if he spoke but it's also because he finds you so soothing, taking his mind off things even if it were only for a little while...

beomgyu who will hold you close at night, kissing your shoulder as you laugh and talk about your day mindlessly. you're cute, so damn cute to him. he can't help but just smile, it's weird how something as small as just your pretty little smile can make his heart feel so full and warm.

beomgyu who loves so hard. he's found loving you makes him love himself more too, you just make his existence feel so damn warm, your sunny smiles and pretty eyes and every comforting word you utter makes him feel like everything will be okay. and it will be, because he has you and he'll do anything to make sure you know that you have him too.

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beom1e · 6 months

Text

jerk! not so bad

your hometown begins to bring back many pleasant memories, and being with yeonjun just feels right. and, as your friendships with the boys individually improves — and you find forgiveness for each of them within yourself — you become less bothered by beomgyu’s incessant teasing and taunting.

pairing choi beomgyu x fem! reader

genre humour, fluff, angst, guitarist! beomgyu

warning empty threats, cursing, jealousy

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much to your dismay, you had made quite the discovery shortly after waking up from the first night staying with your childhood friends.

for a moment, you’d felt like the main character in a cheesy romantic comedy. the birds were chirping, the sun was shining down onto your bed and you stretched out in that stereotypical movie way. but minutes into waking up — when you had slipped on your house slippers and opened up your bedroom door — the first sight of your day was beomgyu.

you’d groaned and rolled your eyes and huffed all the way down the stairs, stomping and making an entrance into the kitchen. and of course, beomgyu had made a comment about how he thought your pyjamas were ridiculous and childish.

‘why didn’t you tell me i was being stationed next to this jerk for the next month?’ you continued your tantrum.

‘you know, i really don’t care for that term,’ beomgyu rolled his eyes, stood beside you now. to the rest of the boys, you looked like two pathetic children just unable to get along. ‘what if i just non-stop called you a—?’

‘a what!?’ you snapped at him.

‘y/n, calm down,’ soobin rolled his eyes at the two of you. ‘it’s not like you’re sharing a room with him.’

that ideal hardly lasted the next ten minutes.

your hope to have a peaceful, morning bubble bath quickly dissipated as soon as you stepped into what you thought was your own bathroom. there was a second door in your room and you opened it up to see your promised bathroom, but there just happened to be somebody in it. and of course, that person just so happened to be beomgyu.

‘you have got to be kidding me,’ beomgyu turned his head back at the sound of your voice, rolling his eyes before turning back to face the mirror. ‘soobin is so dead.’

‘how do you think i feel?’ he spoke with toothpaste still in his mouth. ‘my room is a guest bedroom, that’s why there’s an adjoining bathroom. i mean, i’m a vital part of the band, and yet they shut me away in this corner with our guest.’

‘do you ever shut up?’ you smiled mockingly. ‘and at least spit before you continue being a complete ass.’

life following your discovery was one big competition between you and beomgyu, over who could bug the other more. his favourite trick was to spend an ungodly amount of time in the bathroom every morning, claiming he had to perfect his hair or he ‘missed a spot’ shaving. many times, you just shoved him out of the way and coped with having to share your space. he crossed the line, however, when he walked in on you showering. and not because it was an idiotic, rude, invasive thing to do, but because of the way he reacted.

‘my eyes!’ he’d helplessly called out, and forced his face into his hands before backing his way out of the room.

not that he had seen anything, because of the opaque shower curtain, but it still irked you. no apology whatsoever, and he was downright rude about your appearance. he couldn’t understand why you weren’t up for much back-and-forth taunting that day.

a week in, and things were only getting messier.

‘y/n!’ he screamed from within the bathroom. and so you entered, hiding the smile on your face. ‘do you seriously need every surface in this bathroom to be covered in your junk?’

‘hey, i saved some space for you,’ you shrugged, watching him from your position leaned against the doorframe. when his expression twisted with annoyance, you smirked and spun out of the room. ‘if you’re lost, just check under the sink!’

he wasn’t going to let that slide. you’d relocated all of his things into a small basket that sat under the sink, giving him no sink surface space and not even a single shelf inside of the shower. you were just making life difficult for him. in turn, he would do the same to you as payback.

after a very long day, you were just hoping for a peaceful night. you’d taken a trip to the arcade with taehyun and kai, losing game after game to taehyun and trying to hold kai back whenever he caught sight of a claw machine. to say you were tired would be an understatement.

you sighed with contentment, falling back into the comfort of the large bed. you’d been dying to read a particular book since the start of your final semester, but held off in favour of your degree. you flipped to the first page, an excited smile spreading across your face as you did so.

as if on cue, beomgyu began to play the electric guitar… connected to his largest, loudest speaker. to make things worse, he just so happened to be playing ‘lovesong’. approximately ten seconds later, you were pounding your fist against the wood of his door.

‘for your sake, beomgyu, i really hope you have health insurance!’ you yelled, but he didn’t answer. taking matters into your own hands, you pushed down on the handle and stepped into his room without permission.

it was very beomgyu. dark blue walls and grey bedsheets, minimalistic decor, his blinds permanently closed, a computer set-up across his desk and his many guitars hung up on the other side of the bathroom wall.

‘may i help you?’ the sound cut off in a horrible, scratchy tone as his hand pressed carelessly against the strings.

‘could you keep it down?’ you tried to be reasonable. ‘i’ve just sat down to read my book.’

‘i have to practice, otherwise i’ll forget how to play guitar and lose my place in the band,’ he sighed mockingly.

‘and that would be a bad thing because…?’ you retaliated.

he paused to look you up and down before smiling to himself. you crossed your arms over your chest out of insecurity and tried not to feel awkward.

‘cute pyjamas,’ he spoke, before repositioning his fingers into the position of e minor.

you narrowed your eyes with annoyance as he began to play once again, then you slammed his bedroom door close behind yourself with intention. the sounds emitted from your throat were close to growls the whole five steps it took you to get back to your own room. you closed your own door, headed over to your cd player and pressed play. with the speakers on maximum volume, you snuggled back into the space between your pillows and sighed contentedly.

of course, it wouldn’t be easy to read your book anymore, but the sacrifice was worth it for getting under beomgyu’s skin.

however, he had the upper hand. your measly cd player’s speakers were no match for his professional grade speakers. the volume went up, and so did your aggravation. you grabbed your pillow and placed it over your head, before pulling it down as hard as you could and screaming into the material.

bliss. the warm sun, a shopping bag on your arm, yeonjun at your side, a cool breeze, absolutely no sight of beomgyu.

‘i really need to get more picks,’ yeonjun claimed sheepishly, hands in his pockets as he slowly turned towards you. you smiled and shrugged, making a move to cross the street. ‘thank you, y/n, i’ll never forget this.’

‘forget what?’ you laughed. ‘me allowing you to go into the music store? i love it there!’

‘your selflessness,’ he explained. ‘i promised to take you out shopping to make up for beomgyu’s tendency to be an asshole, yet here i am begging you to stop by this place.’

‘yeonjun, please,’ you rolled your eyes, pushing open the door. ‘no need for your dramatics.’

immediately, your eyes landed on the new cashier. last time you’d been here — albeit two years ago — there was a sweet old man who had been a rockstar in his twenties. the whole place had changed, with a much more modern and less authentic look, and all of the employees were people your own age. you’d clocked the cashier because she was truly beautiful, and totally the kind of girl yeonjun would like.

‘the picks are over at the register,’ he started. ‘i’ll just be a minute. feel free to keep looking around, though.’

you kissed your teeth with annoyance and turned towards the wall of guitars. she seemed nice enough, with the way she smiled at every customer and wished everyone leaving a good day. in an attempt to distract yourself, you eyed each of the guitars on display and tried to imagine yourself playing them. your own guitar was back at your parents’ house, in a box labelled ‘extra stuff’. that’s all it really was now, a decoration and a constant reminder of what once was.

you sighed and took a step around the corner, almost crashing into somebody. beomgyu grabbed you by your shoulders to steady you before you were able to collide with him.

‘woah there,’ he laughed. ‘almost fell for me.’

‘shut up,’ you muttered, feeling defeated. ‘not in the mood.’

‘why’s that?’ he pressed, but caught sight of you looking back at yeonjun flirting with the cashier. ‘oh, i see.’

‘see what?’ you frowned. ‘i’m just tired.’

‘you’re in love with yeonjun,’ he stated. ‘but he isn’t interested.’

‘i’m not in love with yeonjun,’ you scoffed. ‘anymore.’

‘your expression says otherwise,’ he teased.

‘my expression?’ you raised a brow. ‘ugh, why am i even talking to you? i need to get out of here.’

you spun around and began walking towards the exit.

‘deny it all you want,’ beomgyu called out. ‘but it’s true.’

you stuck your middle finger up in the air behind you on the way out. yeonjun gave the cashier an apologetic smile before he grabbed his paper bag of picks and followed you. he shot a glare in the younger boy’s direction, receiving a confused and annoyed ‘what!?’ in return.

‘hey, sorry,’ yeonjun spoke as the door closed. ‘i didn’t know he was going to be in there.’

‘nothing happened, ‘jun,’ you sighed. ‘let’s go home.’

‘but we didn’t even get lunch yet,’ he took a step closer, wrapping an arm around you to pull you flush against his chest. ‘i thought you were just dying to eat the food we loved so much as kids.’

‘it’s alright,’ you huffed. yeonjun began to walk with his arm still around your shoulder, giving you that false sense of hope once again. ‘i can stomach your cooking one more time.’

‘i won!’ you jumped up from your spot on the couch, celebrating by bouncing and cheering. ‘and you all suck!’

‘i hate playing with y/n,’ soobin pouted.

‘oh, scooby,’ you fell into seat beside him and placed your hand atop his head before ruffling his hair. ‘maybe when you grow up you’ll be just as good as i am.’

‘i’m older than you,’ he narrowed his eyes.

‘okay, food time!’ yeonjun got up from the couch and disappeared from the lounge area.

‘i’ve missed you,’ you smiled, turning your head to face soobin. ‘and kai and taehyun, wherever they are.’

‘taehyun’s probably in the studio and kai… probably upstairs watching tv,’ he laughed shortly. ‘we’ve missed you too, y/n. i felt really bad about the fact that we’d kept all this from you, but it was too much to explain through a text or a call.’

‘i know, i get it, soob,’ you shrugged, folding your arms across your chest. ‘but i’m happy for you all. i mean, look at the size of the tv we just played mario kart on.’

‘what’s going on in here?’ yeonjun walked back in with two bags full of takeout. the way you were looking at soobin with that smile on your face and the closeness of your faces made his heart feel a little… sad.

you were always close with soobin. never as close as you were with yeonjun, but close enough. you spent a lot of time one-on-one and back when you used to visit them regularly, it was soobin who you were coming to hang out with. yeonjun had always suspected that something was going on between the two of you, because of how comfortable you were around him. he would always be the one carrying you on his back when your legs got tired, or the one to trade food whenever you weren’t feeling your order anymore, or the one you sat beside during movie night. he hated to feel jealous of soobin, but he couldn’t exactly help it.

it was only soobin, despite your closeness with the others. with kai, you’d always held hands walking around and he was always your partner when it came to team games. taehyun was the one you always went to for a heart-to-heart, and your favourite person to go to the studio with. but to yeonjun, it was just innocent friendship. maybe it was the fact that soobin was the leader of the band, or that he was taller and gentler than he would ever be.

‘just catching up on two years of y/n drought,’ soobin exclaimed, pulling you into his side.

yeonjun pursed his lips in response and nodded to himself, placing the two bags down onto the table. you excitedly moved forward on the couch, out from under soobin’s arm. and then the door opened, and in stepped beomgyu who had just gotten home from spending the whole day out with his own friends. you grabbed a slice of the pizza and rolled your eyes before falling back into the couch.

‘movie night?’ he held up his own two bags, filled with tempting snacks.

‘it’s up to y/n,’ soobin spoke. ‘she was already spending the day alone with us.’

‘come on, it’ll be fun,’ beomgyu was looking at you now, a smile on his lips. ‘we haven’t done anything as the six of us.’

‘sure,’ you shrugged.

‘really?’ yeonjun almost gasped. ‘you’re agreeing to spending hours in a room with beomgyu?’

‘hey, can you not?’ beomgyu groaned. ‘it’s not like i’m the antichrist.’

minutes later, you sat yourself in between taehyun and kai with the popcorn bowl in your lap. an array of movies were selected by each of you individually, some of them only lasting a few minutes before everyone voted against watching the rest. you felt good to be in a room with your favourite people once again, comfortable and just enjoying yourselves. you’d laugh wholeheartedly at kai’s stupid jokes and taehyun’s brutal critiques of the movies, and just feel at peace.

as time went on, positions changed. yeonjun sat on the floor between your legs and asked you to play with his hair, and then he took up the couch when he fell asleep. you laid across the floor with your elbows propped up on a pillow beside soobin until he claimed he was going to bed. eventually, everybody had left except for yourself and beomgyu. he sighed audibly and dropped a pillow at your side, then mirroring your exact position and turning to look at you.

‘thank you, beomgyu,’ you smiled. ‘i enjoyed tonight.’

‘why? because i was here?’ he teased.

‘no, idiot,’ you rolled your eyes and looked back at the tv. ‘i’ve missed my friends so much. the friends i made at school just… weren’t the same. they don’t know me like the guys do.’

‘yeah…’ beomgyu trailed off. ‘must be nice.’

‘what’s up with you?’ you snapped your head back around to look at him upon hearing his depressing tone.

‘they talk about you a lot,’ he tilted his head to the side to rest his head on one hand instead. ‘how you were just the greatest thing on earth, and how much they missed you. it didn’t matter how good i was at playing guitar, i knew i would never be able to take your place. and… i don’t really have any childhood friends of my own anymore.’

��what about the friends you saw today?’ you pressed, enjoying this other side of beomgyu — the side where he wasn’t a complete jackass who just had to get a word in.

‘college,’ he explained shortly. ‘i graduated last year.’

‘i wasn’t expecting that,’ you thought out loud.

‘why not?’ he raised his eyebrows.

‘i don’t know…’ you laughed shortly before quickly covering your mouth. ‘but i’m not trying to call you stupid.’

‘really feels that way, y/n,’ you liked hearing your name in his softer tone. ‘it all feels pointless now that i’m here anyway.’

‘well, that gives me hope,’ you panicked.

‘i’m sure you’ll excel at whatever you do, y/n,’ he smiled. ‘yeonjun’s told me a countless amount of times just how beautiful your voice is, and how huge your brain is.’

‘he’s my best friend,’ you rolled your eyes. ‘he has to say that kind of stuff.’

‘sounded pretty convincing to me,’ he shrugged. ‘and i’m pretty sure your little crush isn’t as one-sided as you think.’

‘i don’t have a crush on yeonjun,’ you huffed.

‘dinner dates?’ he teased. ‘like fancy dinner dates. he takes you out shopping, on his card. you sat and played with his hair for an hour and then he fell asleep curled up beside you.’

‘beomgyu, please,’ you groaned. ‘we’ve always been like this.’

‘and you’ve never thought to ask him out?’ he looked serious about this, and he was convincing you that yeonjun really did have feelings for you.

‘i’m going to bed,’ you pushed yourself up and stretched out. ‘and no more talk about this… ever.’

‘yes, sarge,’ he joked. ‘goodnight, y/n.’

‘goodnight, beomgyu,’ you smiled.

light flooded into the dark room as you pushed the door open, but disappeared in an instant as the door closed. beomgyu sighed, clutched the cushion in his arms and pressed his face into it. the silence consumed him and sent his mind running, and for once, he wasn’t thinking about you.

‘good morning!’ you called as you came speeding down the stairs and into the open-plan kitchen. ‘what’s for breakfast?’

beomgyu stared blankly at you as you stood on the opposite side of the counter to him. he was mid-pour making his usual cereal and apple juice, when your excitement came to him like a shock to his system. taehyun came to your side and placed a stack of pancakes in front of you, making you grin and give him a grateful hug.

‘how do i look?’ yeonjun entered the kitchen, fully dressed and looking slightly crazed as if he hadn’t slept at all.

‘perfect, ‘jjuni,’ beomgyu teased. ‘i’d date you.’

‘great,’ he breathed out. ‘i’ve gotta go, i’ll see you all later.’

‘weird,’ kai observed, his comment coming from across the room. ‘what d’you think that was about?’

‘yeah, strange,’ you shrugged, and loosened your hold on taehyun.

but nothing was going to get in your way today.

you took your time eating your breakfast before heading upstairs to wash your face and start your skincare routine. beomgyu pounded on the locked door as you stood posing in the mirror and feeling good about yourself, too immersed to even notice until he came in through your door. you rolled your eyes and went back into your room, to then try on an array of outfits until you were satisfied. it felt like music was playing behind you as you went about your day, like the intro of a feel-good romantic comedy. the smile on your face was wide as you skipped through the hallway, past a confused beomgyu and down the stairs until you found yourself in the living room.

‘hey, taehyun,’ you sat down beside him. ‘do you wanna go out for ice cream?’

‘i do!’ kai raised his hand in the air. ‘i’ll go.’

‘okay, we’ll all go,’ you grinned.

to go out for ice cream with your childhood friends in the middle of summer was both refreshing and painfully nostalgic. it reminded you of a simpler time, when the five of you were just a bunch of high school kids who played instruments for fun and had unreachable dreams. well, said unreachable dreams had only became unreachable for you. the boys were now happily living the life they had always dreamed of, and while you were happy to have sent yourself off to college, it was hard to watch from the outside.

‘do you still play?’ taehyun spoke, before placing a spoonful of soft serve into his mouth.

‘i haven’t in a long time,’ you stared down at your tub of ice cream. ‘i fell out of love with guitar after i left, because playing alone didn’t compare to playing with all of you.’

‘you could still play with us,’ kai suggested. ‘i’m sure beomgyu has a spare guitar for you.’

‘you think beomgyu will give up a guitar for me?’ you almost snorted. ‘he hates me.’

‘he doesn’t hate you,’ taehyun stated blankly. ‘if you just give him a chance, you’ll see that he’s actually not so bad.’

‘okay, last time i checked, we came here to spend the day together,’ you rolled your eyes. ‘i’m not here to discuss beomgyu and his guitars.’

‘you were the one to first mention your silly little feud,’ kai defended, making you glare at him.

‘moving on,’ you sighed. ‘i saw this new store that has these super cute keychains and charms.’

‘yeah, i think i know it,’ taehyun smiled. ‘it’ll be nice for you to have something from home for when you go back.’

‘i thought so too,’ you smiled, although a little more sadly than taehyun had. the thought of leaving them behind once again just didn’t feel right. ‘let’s get going.’

the three of you walked aimlessly under the heat. taehyun and kai had no idea where this place was and you certainly couldn’t remember, yet you refused to pull out google maps. but after twenty minutes of walking and talking, you rounded a corner and there stood the building in all its glory.

‘i told you, fate will lead the way,’ you grinned.

inside, the three of you separated to different corners with different interests. you spent a long time browsing statement earrings before a fox pin across the room caught your eye. you made a beeline for it and picked it up, admiring the dainty item with only one person in mind.

‘just this please,’ you placed the pin down in front of the cashier with a polite smile. ‘do you have a loyalty card?’

‘yes, we do,’ the cashier smiled as they wrapped your pin up in dark brown tissue paper. ‘would you like one today?’

‘uhm,’ you thought for a second about how often you’d realistically come back. ‘maybe next time, if that’s okay.’

‘no problem,’ they placed the pin into a tiny bag for you and took your cash before wishing you a good day.

you walked up to kai and put your head on his shoulder, causing him to jump and almost bump into a display. you burst out laughing at his reaction but apologised quickly.

‘are you both ready to go?’ taehyun interrupted.

‘yeah,’ you smiled.

as you turned towards the exit, the bell above the door rang and yeonjun stepped inside, with the girl from the music store holding onto his arm. your expression dropped as you watched them pass you without even noticing your presence. taehyun acted quickly when he linked his arm with yours and forced you towards the door.

‘let’s get some actual lunch,’ he suggested, kai nodding from the side. ‘we’ll go to your favourite place.’

‘sure,’ you shrugged.

you tried not to get down and ruin the mood as you walked towards the cafe. after all, the relationship between you and yeonjun was purely platonic. he never tried to close the gap and pursue you, and it wasn’t like you’d ever expressed your feelings for him to anyone either. of course, everyone else knew about your feelings for him, but he didn’t. and you wanted it to stay that way, so that he could pursue the girl from the music store guilt-free.

‘grab a table, i’ll order,’ taehyun parted from you and kai, leaving you to follow kai to a booth beside a window.

you’d eaten at the restaurant a countless amount of times, so taehyun had yours and everyone else’s order memorised. even when you would ask for a menu and spend a good ten minutes checking it out, your order always came out the same. it had been the sole hangout place for your group as kids, and the staff knew you all by name. you’d missed the opportunity to visit earlier when yeonjun had first exposed the liking he had taken to the girl in the music store.

‘hey, kai,’ beomgyu spoke, sliding into the empty seat beside you. ‘y/n.’

‘beomgyu,’ you challenged, with your arms folded and head tilted with annoyance. ‘what are you doing here?’

‘plotting a crime,’ he deadpanned. ‘obviously grabbing lunch, y/n. i see your degree didn’t do much for your common sense.��

‘and i see clown school hasn’t updated their humour class in centuries,’ you rolled your eyes. ‘leave, please.’

it was quite shocking to see the comparison between beomgyu right now and beomgyu the previous day. what happened to the sweeter, more serious version that you’d met the night before? how did he somehow bounce back to the world-class asshole he typically was in a matter of hours?

‘i was here first,’ he leaned back and turned his head towards his own group of friends. ‘besides, this is my spot.’

‘like hell it is,’ you laughed shortly. ‘i’ve been coming here with yeonjun since we were kids.’

‘this is my hometown too, y/n,’ beomgyu tilted his head to the side with a smirk. ‘i used to come here with my brother all the time when we were kids.’

‘fine,’ you grabbed your bag and slammed it onto the table. ‘can you at least scoot over so i can leave?’

he did as instructed, and you slid out of the booth without another word. kai and taehyun shot beomgyu a glare, about to call you back to the table when the door opened and they saw yeonjun approaching you.

‘y/n, hey,’ yeonjun reached out for you with concern but you backed away, huffing in anger.

‘not right now, ‘jun,’ you lowered your eyes, catching sight of the fox pin sitting against the left of his chest. ‘where did you get that pin?’

‘the girl from the music store,’ he broke out into a smile. ‘she saw it and said it reminded her of me, so she got it for me and— where are you going?’

the door slammed behind you as you rushed outside, holding in a deep breath that was certain to release as a sob. the four boys watched you walk in the direction of the house from behind the windows, confusion in the air. you picked up the pace until you were certain you were out of their sight. with your back against the exterior wall of a building, tucked between an alleyway, you let the first tear fall.

the pin felt heavy in your hands. you played with it between your fingers and traced your thumb over the silver outline.

leaning towards your bedside table, you pulled open the first drawer and threw it in without a second thought. your knees pulled up towards your chest almost automatically as you cried and rested your head against your wrapped arms. the sobs reached beomgyu’s ears, who stood only inches away from your bedroom door. he sighed and knocked softly, but heard no response on your end.

he pushed down on the handle and opened the door, making you snap your head up. you groaned and wiped at your tears.

‘what do you want?’ you snapped.

‘are you okay?’ he frowned.

‘peachy,’ you scoffed. ‘get out.’

‘y/n—’ he sighed.

‘please,’ your voice cracked.

beomgyu pursed his lips and swallowed thickly. but he did as you requested and pulled the door closed behind himself. it softly clicked closed as he spun around to face soobin.

‘what are you doing?’ soobin asked angrily. ‘she needs someone right now!’

‘why me?’ beomgyu narrowed his eyes.

‘you were the one that upset her,’ soobin stated.

‘no,’ beomgyu shook his head. ‘it’s more complicated than that.’

‘whatever,’ soobin pushed past the younger boy. ‘i’m going in.’

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#tomorrow x together #txt #txt x reader #choi beomgyu #beomgyu #beomgyu angst #beomgyu fluff #txt angst #txt fluff #choi beomgyu angst #choi beomgyu fluff #tomorrow x together angst #tomorrow x together fluff

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mirisss · 14 days

Text

Deja Vu

Txt Beomgyu x afab! reader

Based on the lyrics for Deja Vu

Warnings: Angst, car crash, more angst like super angsty, let me know if I should add anything else

Wordcount ≈ 8.4k

Please reblog!

Third Person POV

Beomgyu had always found solace in the melodies he crafted, pouring his heart and soul into every note he played. It was during one of his impromptu piano sessions in the school's music room that fate intervened, weaving the threads of their destinies together. (Y/n) wandered the halls aimlessly, the strains of music drawing her like a magnet. Intrigued, she followed the sound until she found herself standing at the threshold of the music room, where a boy her age sat at the piano, lost in his own world of music. Mesmerized by both the beauty of the melody and the boy who created it, (Y/n) couldn't tear her gaze away. And as Beomgyu turned to find her standing there, a smile lighting up her face, he felt something stir within him, something he couldn't quite explain. They exchanged shy introductions, their hearts beating in tandem with the rhythm of the music that surrounded them. In that moment, two souls collided, bound together by the invisible threads of fate and the shared love of music.

From that serendipitous moment in the music room, Beomgyu and (Y/n) were inseparable. Their love grew like a melody, sweet and harmonious, filling every corner of their hearts. They spent endless hours together, sharing their hopes, dreams, and fears as they navigated the complexities of adolescence hand in hand. It didn't take long for them to realize the depth of their feelings for each other, and with hearts brimming with courage, they confessed their love under the soft glow of moonlight, their voices trembling with emotion. From that day forward, they were no longer just two individuals; they were a united force, bound by an unbreakable bond forged in the fires of passion and devotion. Their love was a symphony, each moment a beautiful crescendo building towards a future filled with endless possibilities.

As the years passed, Beomgyu and (Y/n) remained steadfast in their love, their bond growing stronger with each passing day. They journeyed through the trials and triumphs of young adulthood together, facing the world hand in hand.

Beomgyu pursued his passion for music with unwavering determination, honing his skills as a songwriter and musician. His melodies became a reflection of their love, each chord a testament to the depth of his feelings for (Y/n). Through his music, he poured out his heart, weaving their story into every verse, every chorus.

(Y/n), too, found her place in the world, her dreams intertwining with Beomgyu's as they embarked on their journey together. She pursued her own passions with fervor, her unwavering support serving as a constant source of strength for Beomgyu as he chased his dreams.

Together, they navigated the highs and lows of life, finding solace in each other's embrace during moments of doubt and uncertainty. Their love was a beacon of hope, guiding them through the darkest of times and illuminating the path ahead with the promise of a brighter tomorrow.

And though challenges arose, threatening to test the foundation of their love, Beomgyu and (Y/n) stood unwavering, their hearts intertwined in an unbreakable bond forged in the fires of adversity. For they knew that as long as they had each other, they could weather any storm that came their way.

As they stood on the precipice of the future, their hearts filled with hope and anticipation, Beomgyu and (Y/n) knew that their love would endure, transcending time and space to weave their destinies together for eternity.

As the fifth anniversary of their love approached, Beomgyu felt a surge of excitement coursing through his veins. This wasn't just any anniversary—it was a milestone, a testament to the enduring strength of their love. And he was determined to make it unforgettable.

With meticulous care and unwavering determination, Beomgyu set out to plan the perfect proposal for (Y/n). He enlisted the help of his closest friends, who eagerly joined forces to bring his vision to life. Together, they plotted and schemed, each detail carefully orchestrated to ensure that this day would be nothing short of magical.

On the morning of their anniversary, Beomgyu woke with a nervous energy thrumming beneath his skin. He double-checked every detail of his plan, making sure that everything was in place for the evening ahead. With a fluttering heart and a sense of anticipation building within him, he set out to prepare for the momentous occasion.

As the sun began to dip below the horizon, casting a golden glow over the beach, Beomgyu and (Y/n) arrived hand in hand, the sea breeze tousling their hair. What (Y/n) didn't know was that this wasn't just a casual outing—it was the beginning of a new chapter in their love story.

With a smile playing at the corners of his lips, Beomgyu led (Y/n) to a secluded spot on the sand, where a blanket was spread out beneath the starlit sky. The sound of crashing waves provided the soundtrack to their evening as they settled in, the air buzzing with anticipation.

As they sat together, sharing stories and laughter, Beomgyu's heart beat a frantic rhythm in his chest. And then, as the moment of truth drew near, he took (Y/n)'s hand in his, his gaze locked with hers, the world falling away around them.

With a trembling voice and tears glistening in his eyes, Beomgyu poured out his heart, professing his love for (Y/n) in words that danced on the breeze. And then, with a shaking hand, he produced a small velvet box from his pocket, opening it to reveal the shimmering ring nestled within.

"Will you marry me?" he whispered, his voice barely more than a breath, his heart hanging in the balance.

And at that moment, as (Y/n)'s eyes widened with shock and joy, Beomgyu knew that this—this was the best day of his life so far.

As Beomgyu's heartfelt proposal hung in the air, (Y/n)'s eyes filled with tears of joy, her heart overflowing with love. With a radiant smile, she nodded eagerly, her voice choked with emotion as she whispered, "Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!"

And in that moment, as the setting sun painted the sky in hues of orange, pink, and purple, Beomgyu and (Y/n) shared a tender, passionate kiss, sealing their love and commitment to each other under the watchful gaze of the heavens above. Time seemed to stand still as they lost themselves in each other's embrace, the world around them fading into insignificance.

Wrapped in the warmth of their love, they knew that their journey together was only just beginning. With the promise of forever shining brightly in their hearts, Beomgyu and (Y/n) embarked on the next chapter of their love story, hand in hand, hearts entwined, and souls united as one.

As they watched the sun dip below the horizon, casting a blanket of stars across the night sky, they knew that their love would endure for eternity, a beacon of hope and light guiding them through the darkest of nights and the brightest of days.

Together, they stood against the backdrop of the universe, their love a masterpiece painted across the canvas of time, a testament to the power of love and the beauty of two souls finding their way back to each other, time and time again.

As Beomgyu and (Y/n) made their way home, their hearts still soaring from the magic of their engagement, fate had other plans in store. In the blink of an eye, their joyous journey was interrupted by the screech of tires and the sickening crunch of metal.

The world seemed to tilt on its axis as their car was violently jolted, spinning out of control in a cacophony of chaos and confusion. Time slowed to a crawl as Beomgyu's desperate cries filled the air, his hands tightening around the steering wheel in a futile attempt to regain control.

And then, with a deafening crash, everything went dark.

When Beomgyu finally regained consciousness, his head swimming and his body aching, he found himself surrounded by the wreckage of their car. Panic surged through him as he frantically searched for (Y/n), his heart seizing in his chest at the sight of her motionless form beside him.

With trembling hands, he reached out to gently shake her, his voice trembling with fear as he called out her name. And then, as if in a dream, (Y/n) stirred, her eyelids fluttering open to reveal dazed and confused eyes.

Relief flooded through Beomgyu like a tidal wave as he pulled her into his arms, holding her close as if afraid she might vanish into thin air. But even as he held her, a sense of dread gnawed at the edges of his consciousness, the realization sinking in that their lives would never be the same again.

As the sirens wailed in the distance and the lights of emergency vehicles illuminated the night sky, Beomgyu and (Y/n) clung to each other amidst the wreckage, their love serving as a beacon of hope in the darkness that surrounded them.

But for now, in this moment of uncertainty and fear, all that mattered was that they were together, united against the chaos of the world, their love a light in the darkness guiding them towards an uncertain future.

Beomgyu's heart pounded in his chest as he struggled to make sense of his surroundings. The sterile scent of antiseptic hung heavy in the air, and the steady beep of machines served as a constant reminder of the fragility of life. Desperate to find (Y/n), he called out her name, his voice hoarse with emotion.

The nurses rushed to his side, their faces etched with concern as they gently explained the situation. (Y/n) was still in the operating room, they told him, her condition critical but stable. Beomgyu's breath caught in his throat at the news, his mind reeling with fear and uncertainty.

With trembling hands, he allowed the nurses to perform their examinations, their touch gentle but clinical as they assessed his injuries. But all the while, his thoughts remained fixated on (Y/n), his heart aching with the need to see her, to hold her close and reassure himself that she was alive and well.

As the minutes stretched into hours, Beomgyu found himself consumed by a sense of helplessness, his world narrowing to a single, all-consuming desire: to be by (Y/n)'s side. As he lay in his hospital bed, his body battered and broken, he made a silent vow to himself: no matter what it took, he would find a way to bring her back to him.

For she was his everything, his reason for living, and he would move heaven and earth to ensure that she emerged from this trial stronger than ever before.

And so, with determination burning bright in his eyes, Beomgyu closed his eyes and whispered a silent prayer to the universe, a plea for (Y/n)'s swift recovery and a future filled with love and happiness.

Relief flooded through Beomgyu like a tidal wave as the nurse delivered the news. With a heart full of hope and trepidation, he followed her down the sterile hospital corridors, each step bringing him closer to (Y/n)'s bedside.

As he entered the room, his breath caught in his throat at the sight of her lying there, pale and still, surrounded by a tangle of wires and tubes. His heart ached at the sight of her, so fragile and vulnerable, yet still so undeniably beautiful.

With trembling hands, Beomgyu approached the bed, his eyes never leaving (Y/n)'s face as he pulled up a chair beside her. Gently, he reached out to brush a stray lock of hair from her forehead, his touch feather-light against her skin.

"Hey there, love," he whispered, his voice barely more than a whisper as he leaned in closer, his lips brushing against her cheek. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

And then, with a heavy heart and a soul weighed down by worry, Beomgyu settled into the chair beside (Y/n)'s bed, his gaze never wavering from her face as he waited for her to awaken.

Hours passed in a blur of anxious anticipation, each moment stretching into eternity as Beomgyu sat vigil by (Y/n)'s side. And then, just as he felt himself beginning to lose hope, a soft sigh escaped (Y/n)'s lips, her eyelids fluttering open to reveal dazed and confused eyes.

"(Y/n)?" Beomgyu breathed, his heart pounding in his chest as he leaned in closer, his eyes searching hers for any sign of recognition.

And then, in that moment, as their gazes locked and their souls connected, Beomgyu knew that everything would be okay. For they had weathered the storm together, and nothing in this world could ever tear them apart.

“Who are you?”

Beomgyu's world shattered in an instant as (Y/n)'s words pierced his heart like a dagger. The weight of her question hung heavy in the air, each syllable a crushing blow to his spirit. She didn't remember him. She didn't remember their love.

A suffocating wave of despair washed over him, stealing the air from his lungs and leaving him gasping for breath. He felt as though he were drowning, his mind consumed by a swirling vortex of confusion and anguish.

His body trembled uncontrollably as panic tightened its grip around his chest, squeezing the life from his veins. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't do anything but succumb to the overwhelming tide of emotion crashing over him.

The nurses rushed to his side, their voices a distant echo in the chaos of his mind as they guided him out of the room. His legs felt like lead, his steps unsteady as he stumbled blindly down the corridor, his vision blurred by tears he couldn't hold back.

And then, as the world spun around him and the darkness threatened to consume him whole, Beomgyu collapsed against the cold, unforgiving floor, his body wracked with sobs of despair.

For in that moment, as he lay broken and defeated, Beomgyu knew that he had lost more than just the love of his life. He had lost a part of himself, a part that could never be reclaimed.

And as the tears continued to fall and the echoes of his anguish reverberated through the empty halls, Beomgyu realized that he was truly alone.

As the days dragged on in the wake of the accident, Beomgyu found himself adrift in a sea of emptiness, his heart weighed down by the burden of (Y/n)'s forgotten love. Every moment without her felt like an eternity, each passing second a painful reminder of the gaping void that now occupied his soul.

Despite his own pain, Beomgyu knew that (Y/n) needed her family now more than ever. And so, with a heavy heart and a sense of resignation gnawing at his insides, he made the agonizing decision to reach out to them, to explain the situation and seek their help in guiding her through this tumultuous time.

The phone call was a blur of stilted conversation and forced pleasantries, the distance between them palpable even through the static of the line. (Y/n)'s parents offered words of comfort and reassurance, their voices laced with sympathy and concern. But try as they might, they could offer little solace to the shattered remains of Beomgyu's heart.

As the call came to an end and the line fell silent once more, Beomgyu felt a sense of desolation wash over him like a tidal wave. He was alone, utterly and completely alone, with nothing but his own thoughts and the echo of (Y/n)'s voice haunting his every waking moment.

Days turned into nights, and still, Beomgyu found himself trapped in the suffocating embrace of his grief. His once vibrant spirit had been extinguished, replaced by a hollow shell of the man he used to be.

And as he lay alone in the darkness, his tears a silent testament to the pain that consumed him, Beomgyu knew that he would never be whole again. For the love he had lost was a wound that would never fully heal, a scar etched into the fabric of his being for all eternity.

Yeonjun's heart weighed heavy with concern as he made his way to the hospital, his mind racing with thoughts of (Y/n) and the devastating impact the accident had wrought upon her life. He knew that he couldn't stand idly by while his friend suffered, that he had to do everything in his power to help her, to bring back the memories that had been stolen from her.

As he arrived at the hospital, Yeonjun's steps faltered for a moment, the gravity of the situation hitting him like a ton of bricks. But he quickly gathered his resolve, steeling himself for the task that lay ahead.

With a determined expression set upon his face, Yeonjun made his way to (Y/n)'s room, where her parents sat by her bedside, their faces etched with worry and exhaustion.

"Mr. and Mrs. [Last Name]," Yeonjun greeted them with a respectful nod, his voice soft but filled with conviction. "I know this must be a difficult time for all of us, but I want you to know that I'm here to help in any way I can."

(Y/n)'s parents looked up at Yeonjun with a mixture of surprise and gratitude, their eyes reflecting the pain and uncertainty that plagued their hearts.

"We appreciate your kindness, Yeonjun," (Y/n)'s mother said, her voice trembling slightly with emotion. "But we're at a loss as to how to help (Y/n). She doesn't remember anything, not even us."

Yeonjun's heart ached at the despair in her voice, his mind racing as he searched for a solution. And then, an idea sparked to life within him, a glimmer of hope amidst the darkness that threatened to consume them all.

"I have an idea," Yeonjun said, his voice filled with determination. "It may be a long shot, but I think there's something we can try."

And with that, Yeonjun outlined his plan to (Y/n)'s parents, his words infused with a sense of hope and optimism that had been sorely lacking in the days since the accident.

For he knew that even in the darkest of times, there was always a sliver of light waiting to be found. And if there was even the slightest chance that they could bring back (Y/n)'s memories, then it was a chance worth taking.

Yeonjun's heart raced with newfound determination as he clung to the glimmer of hope that had ignited within him. Beomgyu's music—it was the key, the thread that could unravel the tangled web of (Y/n)'s lost memories. He had to believe it, had to cling to the possibility that the melodies Beomgyu had poured his heart and soul into could serve as a lifeline to the woman he loved.

With a sense of urgency propelling him forward, Yeonjun dashed back to Beomgyu's apartment, his mind ablaze with thoughts of the plan that had taken root in his mind. He burst through the door, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he searched for his friend amidst the shadows that loomed like specters in the dimly lit room.

"Beomgyu!" Yeonjun called out, his voice echoing in the silence that enveloped the apartment. "We need to go to the hospital, now!"

Beomgyu looked up from where he sat slumped on the couch, his eyes hollow and haunted, his spirit broken by the weight of his own grief. But there was a spark of something in Yeonjun's voice, a flicker of hope that refused to be extinguished.

"What's going on?" Beomgyu asked, his voice barely more than a whisper as he struggled to comprehend the urgency in his friend's words.

Yeonjun wasted no time in explaining his plan, his words tumbling out in a rush as he outlined his belief that Beomgyu's music held the power to awaken (Y/n)'s dormant memories. He pleaded with Beomgyu to come with him to the hospital, to play his songs for (Y/n) in the hopes that they would serve as a catalyst for her recovery.

For a moment, Beomgyu hesitated, the weight of his own doubts and fears threatening to crush him beneath their oppressive weight. But then, with a steely resolve burning in his eyes, he rose to his feet, his heart beating in time with the rhythm of his own determination.

"Let's go," Beomgyu said, his voice firm and unwavering as he followed Yeonjun out the door and into the unknown.

And as they made their way to the hospital, their footsteps echoing in the empty streets like a drumbeat of defiance, Beomgyu clung to the hope that had been ignited within him, praying to whatever higher power might be listening that his music would be enough to bring (Y/n) back to him.

As Beomgyu set up his small keyboard in (Y/n)'s hospital room, his heart pounded in his chest with a mixture of anticipation and fear. The weight of the moment hung heavy in the air, the room filled with a palpable tension as the doctors and nurses looked on, their expressions a mix of skepticism and cautious optimism.

Beomgyu's hands trembled as he reached out to touch the keys, his fingers dancing across the familiar patterns with a sense of urgency born of desperation. His eyes were stained with tears, his heart heavy with the knowledge that (Y/n) still didn't remember his name, still didn't remember the love they had shared.

But he refused to give up hope. Not now, not when they had come so far, when they stood on the precipice of a miracle that could change everything.

With a deep breath and a silent prayer on his lips, Beomgyu began to play. The melody flowed from his fingertips like water from a spring, each note a brushstroke painting a portrait of their love, a testament to the bond that had once held them together.

And as the music filled the room, weaving its way into the very fabric of (Y/n)'s soul, Beomgyu felt something shift within him, a glimmer of recognition sparking to life in her eyes.

For a fleeting moment, it was as if time stood still as if the world held its breath in anticipation of what was to come. And then, with a soft sigh, (Y/n) spoke, her voice barely more than a whisper.

"I remember this melody," she said, her words a balm to Beomgyu's wounded heart. "It's beautiful."

Tears welled in Beomgyu's eyes as he looked into (Y/n)'s gaze, seeing a flicker of something familiar, something he had feared lost forever. And in that moment, he knew that no matter what the future held, they would face it together, united by the power of love and the music that had brought them back to each other once more.

Week after week, Beomgyu returned to (Y/n)'s hospital room, his heart heavy with both hope and apprehension. With each visit, he watched as fragments of her memory began to resurface, like puzzle pieces slowly falling into place to reveal the picture of her past.

But alongside the moments of clarity and recognition, there were still shadows lurking in the corners of (Y/n)'s mind. Her short-term memory remained elusive, slipping through her fingers like grains of sand, leaving her grasping at memories that seemed just beyond her reach.

And yet, Beomgyu refused to lose faith. He continued to play his music for (Y/n), pouring his heart and soul into every note in the hopes that it would serve as a lifeline to the woman he loved.

With each melody that filled the room, Beomgyu watched as (Y/n)'s eyes lit up with a spark of recognition, her fingers tapping along to the rhythm as if trying to unlock the secrets hidden within the music.

And though she still struggled to remember his name, Beomgyu could see the progress she was making, the way her memories began to stitch themselves back together like a tapestry woven from the threads of her past.

But for Beomgyu, the most important thing was that (Y/n) was still fighting, still clinging to the hope that one day she would reclaim the memories that had been stolen from her.

And as he stood by her side, holding her hand and whispering words of encouragement into the silence of the hospital room, Beomgyu knew that no matter how long the road ahead might be, he would walk it with her, every step of the way.

For theirs was a love that transcended time and space, a bond forged in the fires of adversity and strengthened by the trials they had faced together. And no matter what the future held, Beomgyu would never give up hope that one day, (Y/n) would say his name once again.

Each week, as Beomgyu stepped into (Y/n)'s hospital room, his heart heavy with the weight of unspoken longing, he couldn't shake the feeling of deja vu that washed over him like a tidal wave. It was as if time stood still in that room, trapped in an endless cycle of repetition and heartache.

As he approached (Y/n)'s bedside, his footsteps echoing in the silence of the room, he couldn't help but feel a sense of dread creeping over him. The familiar routine of introducing himself, of reaching out to a stranger who bore the face of the woman he loved, felt like a cruel twist of fate, a constant reminder of the gulf that lay between them.

And yet, despite the pain that threatened to consume him, Beomgyu refused to give up hope. Each week, he poured his heart and soul into his music, playing for (Y/n) with a fervor born of desperation, hoping against hope that this would be the moment when she would finally remember.

But week after week, his efforts were met with silence, (Y/n)'s eyes devoid of recognition as she gazed upon him with a mix of confusion and curiosity. It was like trying to break through a wall of glass, his words and music bouncing off the surface without ever making a dent.

And as the weeks turned into months, Beomgyu found himself trapped in a never-ending cycle of deja vu, each visit to (Y/n)'s bedside a painful reminder of the love that once was and the love that could be again if only she would remember.

But still, he refused to give up. For in the depths of his heart, he knew that their love was worth fighting for, worth enduring the pain and the uncertainty for the chance to hold her in his arms once more.

And so, with a heavy heart and a soul weighed down by the burden of unspoken longing, Beomgyu continued to visit (Y/n) each week, his love for her burning bright even in the darkest of times.

As the seasons changed and a year slipped by, (Y/n) was finally deemed well enough to return home, her recovery a slow and arduous journey fraught with uncertainty and setbacks. And yet, despite the progress she had made, there was one name that continued to elude her, one memory that remained stubbornly out of reach.

Beomgyu.

Try as she might, (Y/n) couldn't seem to recall the face or the voice of the piano boy who had once held her heart in the palm of his hand. His name felt like a puzzle piece that refused to fit into the intricate tapestry of her memories, a glaring absence in an otherwise complete picture.

And for Beomgyu, each passing day without (Y/n) by his side felt like a slow descent into madness, his heart aching with the pain of her absence. He had held onto hope for so long, clinging to the belief that one day she would remember him, that their love would triumph over the barriers of her fractured mind.

But as the months stretched into years and (Y/n)'s memory remained stubbornly elusive, Beomgyu found himself grappling with a sense of despair unlike anything he had ever known. It was like losing her all over again, the agony of her absence tearing at the very fabric of his soul.

And yet, despite the pain and the heartache, Beomgyu refused to give up hope. For deep down, he knew that their love was stronger than the vagaries of memory, that even if (Y/n) couldn't remember him now, there was still a chance that she would one day find her way back to him.

And so, with a heavy heart and a soul weighed down by the burden of unspoken longing, Beomgyu continued to hold onto hope, his love for (Y/n) burning bright even in the darkest of times.

For he knew that no matter how long the road ahead might be, their love would endure, a beacon of light guiding them through the darkest of nights and the brightest of days.

As the weeks turned into months and (Y/n) settled back into the familiarity of her parents' home, Beomgyu's visits became less frequent, until eventually, they ceased altogether. The pain of seeing her, of being so close yet so far from the love they once shared, had become too much to bear.

For Beomgyu, each visit had been like reopening a wound that refused to heal, the memories of their life together a constant reminder of everything they had lost. The sound of his music echoing through the empty corridors of (Y/n)'s mind served only to deepen the chasm between them, each note a dagger that pierced his heart with every melody.

And so, with a heavy heart and a soul weighed down by the burden of unspoken longing, Beomgyu retreated into the silence of his own grief, his memories of their life together a bittersweet symphony that played on a loop in the recesses of his mind.

Each resemblance to what once was, each flicker of recognition in (Y/n)'s eyes that never came, slowly chipped away at his soul, until all that was left was a hollow shell of the man he used to be. The pain of their lost love weighed heavy on his heart, dragging him down into the depths of despair with each passing day.

And as he stood alone in the silence of his empty apartment, the echoes of their laughter haunting the corners of his mind, Beomgyu knew that he had lost more than just (Y/n). He had lost a part of himself, a part that could never be reclaimed.

But even in the darkness, a small ember of hope still flickered within him, a reminder that love, no matter how lost or broken, could never truly be extinguished. And as he closed his eyes and let the tears fall, Beomgyu made a silent vow to himself: to carry the memories of their love with him always, even as he walked the lonely road ahead.

As the sweet piano notes that had become a familiar presence in (Y/n)'s home fell silent, the emptiness that filled the air seemed to weigh heavily on her heart. Though she couldn't recall the face or name of the person who had played those melodies, their absence left a void that echoed throughout the once lively house.

(Y/n) found herself drawn to the room where the piano stood, its keys untouched and gathering dust. With each passing day, the longing to remember grew stronger within her, a nagging ache that refused to be ignored. She yearned to unravel the mysteries of her past, to reclaim the memories that had slipped through her fingers like grains of sand.

Yeonjun, ever the devoted friend, tried his best to help (Y/n) piece together the fragments of her shattered memory, but despite his efforts, the memories remained stubbornly out of reach. The name "Beomgyu" felt like a distant echo in the recesses of her mind, just beyond her grasp.

And yet, (Y/n) refused to give up hope. She poured over old photographs and listened to recordings of the piano melodies that had once filled her home, hoping against hope that something would spark a flicker of recognition, a glimmer of memory.

She wanted to remember. She wanted it so badly.

Each day, (Y/n) felt as though she were standing on the edge of a precipice, teetering on the brink of something profound and life-altering. And though the journey ahead was fraught with uncertainty and fear, she knew that she couldn't turn back.

For buried deep within her heart, beneath the layers of forgotten memories and lost dreams, (Y/n) held onto a glimmer of hope—a belief that love, true and enduring, would always find a way to overcome even the greatest of obstacles.

And as she closed her eyes and let the haunting strains of Beomgyu's music wash over her, (Y/n) made a silent vow to herself: to never stop searching, to never stop hoping, until she had unlocked the secrets of her past and found her way back to the love she had lost.

As the night sky stretched out above them, a tapestry of stars glittering in the darkness, Yeonjun took (Y/n)'s hand in his, a gentle smile playing on his lips.

"Let's go for a walk," he suggested softly, his voice carrying on the gentle breeze that stirred the night air. "I want to show you something."

(Y/n) hesitated for a moment, uncertainty flickering in her eyes, but something in Yeonjun's earnest gaze convinced her to take a chance. And so, hand in hand, they ventured out into the cool night air, their footsteps echoing in the quiet stillness of the night.

As they walked, Yeonjun couldn't shake the feeling of anticipation that coursed through him, the hope that tonight might be the night when everything changed. He glanced ahead and saw Beomgyu standing under the canopy of stars, his silhouette a familiar yet distant figure against the night sky.

With a silent prayer in his heart, Yeonjun urged (Y/n) forward, his heart pounding in his chest as he willed fate to intervene. Perhaps if she ran into Beomgyu here, surrounded by the beauty of the night, she would remember. Perhaps the stars themselves would guide her back to him.

But as they drew closer, (Y/n) remained oblivious to the figure standing just ahead of them, her gaze fixed on the shimmering expanse of the night sky above. And though Yeonjun's heart sank with disappointment, he couldn't bring himself to give up hope.

As Beomgyu caught sight of Yeonjun and (Y/n) walking hand in hand beneath the canopy of stars, a rush of emotions flooded through him like a tidal wave. His heart ached with longing, his soul reaching out to her with a yearning that knew no bounds.

In that moment, he couldn't tear his gaze away from her, from the woman he had loved with every fiber of his being, the woman who still held a piece of his heart even as she stood just out of reach.

Memories of their time together flooded his mind, like fragments of a dream that he couldn't quite grasp. He remembered the day of the accident, the day they had gotten engaged, the promise he had made to her as they watched the setting sun paint the sky in hues of orange and pink.

"I'll always be here for you," he had whispered, his voice filled with conviction as he slipped the engagement ring onto her finger, a symbol of their love and commitment to each other.

And now, as he stood beneath the starlit sky, the weight of the ring pressing against his pocket, Beomgyu couldn't help but wonder if perhaps tonight was the night when everything would change. Perhaps tonight, under the watchful gaze of the stars above, (Y/n) would remember him, would remember the love they had shared.

With trembling hands, Beomgyu took a hesitant step forward, his heart pounding in his chest as he dared to hope for a miracle. He wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms like he used to, to whisper words of love and devotion into her ear until she remembered.

But even as he longed to reach out to her, to bridge the distance that separated them, Beomgyu knew that he couldn't force her to remember. Memories, like stars in the night sky, were fleeting and elusive, and all he could do was wait and hope for the day when (Y/n) would find her way back to him.

And so, with a heavy heart and a soul weighed down by the burden of unspoken longing, Beomgyu watched from a distance as Yeonjun and (Y/n) disappeared into the night, their silhouettes fading into the darkness like shadows on the wind.

But even as they disappeared from view, Beomgyu held onto hope, a flickering ember of light burning bright within him as he vowed to never give up on the love that had once defined his very existence.

For in the end, he knew that love was stronger than memory, stronger than time itself, and no matter how long the road ahead might be, he would always be waiting for (Y/n) with open arms and an open heart.

With a heavy heart and a soul weighed down by the weight of unspoken sorrow, Beomgyu made his way to (Y/n)'s home, his steps slow and deliberate as he prepared to face the painful truth that had been haunting him for far too long.

Two years had passed since the accident, two years of hoping and praying for a miracle that never came. Fate, it seemed, had made its decision, and no amount of wishing or yearning could change the hand they had been dealt.

With a heavy heart and a soul weighed down by the weight of unspoken sorrow, Beomgyu made his way to (Y/n)'s home, his footsteps slow and measured as he walked the familiar path one last time. The weight of the engagement ring in his pocket felt like a burden too heavy to bear, a constant reminder of the love they had shared and the dreams they had once dared to dream.

As he stood before (Y/n)'s doorstep, his heart pounding in his chest, Beomgyu knew that this was the moment he had been dreading, the moment when he would have to say goodbye to the woman he had loved with every fiber of his being.

With trembling hands, he reached into his pocket and retrieved the ring, its glimmering surface catching the soft light of the moon as he held it in his palm. It felt like a piece of his heart, a symbol of the love that had once bound them together, and now, it was time to set it free.

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Beomgyu knocked softly on the door, his heart in his throat as he waited for (Y/n) to answer. And when she did, the sight of her took his breath away, her beauty undimmed by the passage of time.

"(Y/n)," he began, his voice barely above a whisper as he held out the ring to her. "I want you to have this. It's... it's the ring I proposed to you with. I want you to have it, to remember..."

But before he could finish his sentence, (Y/n) reached out and took the ring from his hand, her eyes brimming with unshed tears as she gazed up at him with a mixture of sadness and understanding.

"Thank you," she whispered, her voice barely audible above the sound of their beating hearts. "Thank you for everything."

And then, without another word, Beomgyu felt the tears begin to fall as he pulled (Y/n) into his arms, holding her close one last time. It was a bittersweet embrace, filled with the echoes of a love that could never be, a love that had been lost to the sands of time.

But even as he held her, Beomgyu knew that it was time to let go, to release her from the chains of their shared past and set her free to find her own path in life. And as they pulled away from each other, their eyes locked in a silent exchange of understanding, Beomgyu knew that he would always carry a piece of (Y/n) with him, a piece of her heart that would forever be intertwined with his own.

With a heavy heart and a soul weighed down by the burden of unspoken longing, Beomgyu turned and walked away, his footsteps echoing in the silence of the night as he left behind the love he had once held so dear.

For sometimes, he realized, fate had other plans. And even though their story had come to an end, Beomgyu knew that the memories of their love would live on forever in his heart.

As (Y/n) sat on her bed, the weight of the ring in her hand felt like a tangible reminder of a past she couldn't quite grasp. She remembered the man who had given it to her, remembered his gentle smile and the sadness in his eyes, but his name remained just out of reach, a phantom echo in the recesses of her mind.

And yet, as she stared at the ring, tracing the intricate design with her fingertips, a flood of memories washed over her like a tidal wave. She saw flashes of a beach, the soft sand beneath her feet, the gentle crash of waves against the shore. She saw the sky ablaze with hues of pink and orange as the sun dipped below the horizon, painting the world in shades of fire and gold.

And then, she heard it—a warm and familiar voice whispering words of love and devotion into her ear, the sound sending shivers down her spine. "I love you," the voice said, its timbre like music to her ears, filling her with a sense of warmth and longing that she couldn't quite explain.

In that moment, (Y/n) felt a spark of recognition flicker to life within her, a sense of connection that transcended the boundaries of memory and time. Though she couldn't remember his name, she knew deep down that the man who had given her this ring had been someone special, someone who had touched her heart in ways she couldn't fully comprehend.

With a sense of determination settling over her like a cloak, (Y/n) made a silent vow to herself: to keep searching, to keep reaching for the memories that lay just beyond her grasp. For she knew that somewhere, deep within the recesses of her mind, the answers she sought were waiting to be found.

And as she slipped the ring onto her finger, feeling its weight against her skin like a promise of things to come, (Y/n) closed her eyes and whispered a silent prayer into the night, a prayer for guidance and for clarity, for the strength to remember the love that had once been hers.

For even if the road ahead was long and uncertain, (Y/n) knew that she would never stop searching for the truth, for the answers that lay hidden within the depths of her own heart.

As (Y/n) stepped out onto the street, her mind focused on the simple task of buying snacks, she was unaware of the danger that lurked just around the corner. Oblivious to the world around her, she continued on her way, the sounds of the city fading into the background as she lost herself in her thoughts.

But then, as she reached the middle of the street, a sense of unease washed over her like a wave, a feeling of impending danger that sent a shiver down her spine. And before she could react, she heard the screech of tires and the roar of an engine, the sound of impending disaster echoing in her ears.

In that split second, time seemed to stand still as (Y/n) found herself frozen in place, her heart pounding in her chest as she stared down the oncoming car, its headlights bearing down on her like a freight train hurtling towards its target.

And then, just as the car was about to make impact, a pair of strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her close to their chest with a force that knocked the breath from her lungs. She felt herself being lifted off her feet, carried to safety just in the nick of time as the car barreled past with inches to spare.

As the adrenaline coursed through her veins, (Y/n) clung to her savior, her heart pounding in her chest as she struggled to catch her breath. And as she looked up into the face of the person who had saved her, she felt a surge of recognition wash over her like a tidal wave.

It was him—the man from her memories, the man whose name still eluded her but whose presence felt like coming home. In that moment, as they stood together in the aftermath of the near miss, (Y/n) felt a sense of connection that transcended the boundaries of time and memory, a bond forged in the fires of adversity.

And as she looked into his eyes, she knew with a certainty that defied explanation: fate had brought them together once again, and this time, she wouldn't let him slip away.

As the word "Beomgyu" slipped past (Y/n)'s lips, it hung in the air like a melody, a single note that reverberated through the silence of the street. And though she couldn't explain the sudden surge of recognition that washed over her, she knew with a certainty that defied logic: this was his name, the name of the man who had saved her life and captured her heart.

Beomgyu's breath caught in his throat as he stared down at her, his heart pounding in his chest with a ferocity that threatened to consume him. It was as if time stood still in that moment, the world falling away until there was only the two of them, bound together by the invisible threads of fate and destiny.

"Say it louder, please," Beomgyu whispered, his voice barely above a whisper as he pleaded with her to speak his name once more. His heart hung in the balance, teetering on the edge of hope and despair as he waited with bated breath for her response.

And then, as if guided by some unseen force, (Y/n) took a deep breath and said it again, louder this time, with a sense of conviction that sent shivers down Beomgyu's spine.

"Beomgyu."

The sound of her voice filled him with a sense of wonder and awe, like the first rays of sunlight breaking through the clouds after a storm. It was a name that held within it the promise of a love that had transcended time and space, a love that had endured even in the face of overwhelming odds.

And as he looked into her eyes, Beomgyu felt a sense of peace settle over him like a warm blanket, knowing that no matter what trials lay ahead, they would face them together, united by the bond that had been forged between them.

"Thank you," he whispered, his voice filled with emotion as he pulled her into his arms, holding her close as if he never wanted to let her go. "Thank you for remembering."

And as they stood together in the glow of the streetlights, their hearts beating as one, (Y/n) knew with a certainty that defied explanation: fate had brought them together for a reason, and nothing in this world could ever tear them apart again.

As (Y/n) stood there, wrapped in Beomgyu's embrace, a sense of clarity washed over her like a cleansing tide. Though she still couldn't recall every detail of their past, she knew with a certainty that defied explanation: her future was with him, and nothing in this world could ever change that.

With tears glistening in her eyes, (Y/n) looked up at Beomgyu, her voice filled with conviction as she spoke the words that echoed in her heart.

"I remember that my future is you, Beomgyu," she whispered, her words a solemn vow that hung in the air between them like a promise. "My future is with you."

And as she spoke, Beomgyu felt a sense of wonder and awe wash over him, like a wave crashing against the shore of his soul. It was a moment of profound realization, a moment when the pieces of their shattered past began to fall into place, forming a mosaic of love and hope that stretched out before them like a roadmap to eternity.

With a smile that lit up the darkness of the night, Beomgyu took (Y/n)'s hand in his, his heart overflowing with gratitude and joy. In that moment, as they stood together beneath the starlit sky, he knew with a certainty that defied explanation: their love was stronger than fate, stronger than memory, stronger than anything this world could ever throw their way.

And as they walked hand in hand into the uncertain future that lay ahead, (Y/n) and Beomgyu knew that no matter what trials they faced, they would face them together, united in a love that had endured the test of time.

For in the end, they had found each other once again, and in each other's arms, they knew they had found home.

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