#treesofgreen encouraged me to post this but i am worried to @ anyone so if you see this thanks!

[who-the-fuck-knows-blog]

thinking about ed’s “apology” being a series of minimizations — “perhaps some of my actions, maybe all of my actions, maybe me, myself, maybe I, me made some of you feel somewhat — whatever that nasty, dark stuff was that brought us here, it’s in the past. all i wanted to say at the end of the day is that we’re trying to move the culture forward”

how haltingly he admits to the blame, how he still moves the blame onto “dark nasty stuff” that “brought us here” instead of “my actions. what i did” and then immediately moving onto “it’s about just moving on and not thinking about it anymore” essentially.

thinking about how ed could say “hello Mr. Latch, it’s not your fault you’re broken, no. you didn’t break you. you were just trying to do your job, weren’t you?” to a door but cant say it to izzy. ed “i didn’t apologize for jack shit” teach, izzy already rewriting his trauma to excuse ed and place blame onto himself. Ed, going around to fang and allowing lucius to push him off the ship. he tried to make up with lucius and fang (who had already forgiven him) but noticeably hasnt been alone w izzy

thinking about ed saying “let’s move past it into the future” and izzy later saying “not moving on is worse” instead of/than acknowledging the actual trauma. idk idk

i dunno why i keep thinking about these scenes together. I think it has to do with the repeated word, but could be about how Izzy is blaming himself for his actions and Ed is being very gentle and understanding to a door latch he’s fixing, and not the man who he shot.

(ultimately, i do think he’s working on it, he’s getting there. but he isn’t there yet. it’s still early days, though.)