#truthfully he wouldn’t have sex unless he felt like he could fully trust you
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Minors DNI 18+
Horny am thoughts but imagine Jason covering your eyes so you don’t see his identity while he’s fucking you
#truthfully he wouldn’t have sex unless he felt like he could fully trust you#but it’s fun to think about anyways#red hood x reader#jason todd x reader
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Until the Day Breaks and the Shadows Flee: 3/8
We have touching, everyone! Touching in the slow burn! Haha. Seriously, though, I loved writing the final scene of this chapter, and I hope you all love it too.
Thank you to @kmomof4 and all my fellow writers in the @cssns . @snowbellewells has been an amazing beta, not only catching my errors, but suggesting ways to word things better. Thank you, my friend! And that beautiful art above was created by @hollyethecurious , so please everyone give her some kudos!
Summary: Every night she traces the contours of his body as Killian whispers words of love against her skin. But can Princess Emma ever be fully happy with a husband who only comes to her in utter darkness? A Captain Swan AU of the myth of Cupid and Psyche.
** I’m also curious if anyone knows where the fic and chapter titles come from. Only two people so far have guessed, but since they’re my beta and artist, I’m not sure they count, lol! Anyone else? ***
Rating: M for sexual situations
Trigger warning in this chapter: discussion of a minor being pressured into sex
Words: Almost 4,000 in this chapter
Chapter One | Chapter Two | Ao3
Tagging (let me know if you wish to be added or removed from this list): @jennjenn615 @let-it-raines @kday426 @welllpthisishappening @teamhook @bethacaciakay @profdanglaisstuff @distant-rose @shireness-says @mythologicalmango @wellhellotragic @branlovestowrite @xhookswenchx @optomisticgirl @winterbaby89 @ultraluckycatnd @vvbooklady1256 @resident-of-storybrooke @thislassishooked @whimsicallyenchantedrose @tiganasummertree @snidgetsafan @ohmakemeahercules @delirious-latenight-laughs @gingerchangeling @nikkiemms @revanmeetra87 @cocohook38 @effulgentcolors
Chapter Three: Dark yet Beautiful
The weather was still lovely the next day, and Emma was yet again drawn to the beauty of the castle grounds. Exploring them didn’t bring her the same peace, however, and she found herself sitting pensively upon a cushioned swing beneath an arbor in the rose garden. She absently pushed the swing with one foot and was so lost in thought she didn’t hear Tiger Lily approach.
“You seem melancholy.”
Emma put her hand to her breast as the fairy’s words startled her. “I didn’t see you there.”
“Sorry,” Tiger Lily apologized with a somewhat ironic smile. “May I?”
“Of course,” Emma said, shifting to make room on the swing.
When Tiger Lily sat, she pushed the swing with slightly more force than Emma’s idle movements. The repetitive back and forth soothed Emma’s jagged nerves. She was surprised when Tiger Lily said nothing at all. Birds chirped, bees buzzed, and a gentle breeze stirred the flowers, and still the fairy did not speak.
“I suppose I am a bit melancholy,” Emma finally admitted. Tiger Lily merely nodded, so she continued. “Killian asked me about my family and my childhood last night, and while talking to him was comforting, I suppose it made me a bit homesick.”
“That’s understandable.” Tiger Lily was quiet for several more moments, yet she studied Emma’s profile with a probing gaze. “That’s not all though, is it?”
Emma gave her companion a wry grin. “I didn’t think giving counsel was part of your job description.”
Tiger Lily’s arched brow matched Emma’s own sass. “But it is to serve you and Master Killian. Is there something else you wish to have besides a listening ear?”
Emma’s gaze soaked in the beauty of the garden around her. “I like to draw,” she finally said, “so drawing pencils and a sketchpad would be nice.”
Tiger Lily flicked her hand casually, and there in Emma’s lap were brand new art supplies. And not just graphite and charcoal, but colored pencils in rich hues. All were organized in a leather satchel. Emma grinned and got started on a fresh sheet of paper. As her hand worked the pencils across the page with a scratching sound, Tiger Lily still sat quietly next to her.
Emma tilted her head, gnawing on her lower lip as she tried to get the shading just right on a middlemist rose. “Killian also asked me a question last night that startled me.”
Tiger Lily merely hummed in response.
“I didn’t answer truthfully.”
“Your hesitance is understandable - considering the mystery of your new home.”
Emma turned her gaze upon the fairy in surprise. They shared a smile of understanding before Emma looked back down at her drawing.
“And yet,” Emma continued, “I’m still bothered by the question and what it stirred up.”
“I know what it’s like to have memories you wish you could banish completely. I know Ariel told you her story, and while mine is quite different, it resulted in the same threat: losing my wings.”
Emma paused, her pencil hovering over the paper. “Are all three of you banished fairies?”
Tiger Lily nodded. “This is our only home now, but at least we still have our wings and our magic.”
“And Ariel has her prince.”
“Yes, but it’s hard for her. Not fully being with him.”
“And what about you? What’s your story?”
“Let’s just say I allowed fairy magic into the wrong hands. Not that it was my intention to create the Black Fairy in all her infamy, yet as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.”
They both fell silent again, the only sound besides the nature surrounding them that of Emma’s pencils scratching on paper. She had heard of the Black Fairy and the havoc she often wrought, but she’d had no idea that the kind fairy beside her had anything to do with it. She’d had good intentions apparently, and they had gone awry. Emma certainly could understand that.
“Sometimes bad things happen when we trust the wrong people,” Emma finally said, still concentrating on her drawing. “Is that what happened?”
“You could definitely say that. It sounds as if you speak from experience.”
Emma only nodded. Tiger Lily reached out and placed a comforting hand upon Emma’s knee.
“Killian is not one of those wrong people, Emma. I know you have many questions, but one thing you can be sure of is that he is worthy of your trust.”
*************************************************************************
“What about your beginnings?”
Emma was hugging a pillow to her chest, squinting in the darkness though she knew it was pointless. She felt the bed dip as Killian shifted.
“My beginnings?”
“You heard all about mine last night; it’s only fair.”
“Mine may take awhile,” he said with a chuckle.
“Well, we’re married, which means we have a lifetime, right?”
“Your lifetime, at least.”
Emma’s eyes widened, and his answering chuckle reminded her that though she couldn’t see him, he could see her.
“You’re immortal?”
“Yes,” he answered simply, “so my childhood was many centuries ago.”
Emma chewed on her lower lip as she filed this fact away with the rest. He had magic, he helped people, and he was immortal. “What was it like - your childhood?”
“I suppose most would say it was idyllic.”
“But you wouldn’t?”
“I wanted for nothing. Except, that is, my parents’ approval.”
Emma frowned. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be; it’s made me what I am today. My mother raised me, sort of. My father was never around. He was disappointed that I wasn’t more like him.”
“You take after your mother then?” Emma wondered why he said his mother raised him sort of, but she didn’t want to pry, especially if it was a painful memory.
“Most would say yes, but I hope I’m not too much like her. I love her, and she loves me in her own way, but her love tends to come with conditions. I’m constantly doing her bidding, seeking her approval. It irritates my father to no end.”
“What’s he like?”
“Heavy handed, harsh, violent. One of those who believes a man isn’t a man unless he’s pounding his chest.”
“So nothing like you, then?”
A slow smile filled Emma’s face as silence stretched between them. She heard the bed springs squeak as Killian shifted, and somehow she just knew he was blushing.
“Well,” he finally answered, “I wish I could agree, but his blood does in fact run through my veins. There’s a streak of violence that comes out in me at times that shames me.”
“What makes it come out?”
When Killian spoke again, his voice was harsh and strained. “If someone I care about is threatened or harmed, my first instinct is to draw blood.”
Emma’s heart hammered in her chest at the intensity in his words. It should have frightened her, but it didn’t. Instead, she felt absolute certainty that she was someone he would fight to protect with whatever violence was necessary. And that, surprisingly, made desire rise up within her - desire to know this man intimately. It was something she hadn’t felt since Baelfire long ago, when she was still scarcely more than a girl.
**************************************************************
“Tonight I propose we play a little game.”
“A game?” Emma repeated teasingly as she hugged her knees to her chest.
She was getting comfortable now with Killian’s nightly presence, though he still remained at the foot of the large bed. Emma’s place was still pressed against the headboard with several feet between them. She heard Killian slide across the comforter, the bed shaking slightly with his movement.
“What are you doing?” she asked him.
“Getting comfortable.”
She narrowed her eyes, trying in vain, as she did every night, to see him in the inky darkness. “Are you lying across the bed?”
“Yes. Is that okay?” The sincerity of his question warmed her heart.
“Of course it’s okay. Now what’s this game you mentioned?”
“You ask me a question, and if I answer, you are required to answer one of mine. Truthfully.”
“Sounds unfairly to your advantage.”
“I realize that, but unfortunately, for your -”
“Safety, yeah, you’ve said that. Multiple times.” Emma rolled her eyes.
“I love when you make faces at me.”
Emma grabbed a pillow and threw it at his head - or where she guessed his head was.
“You missed,” he told her smugly.
“It’s also not fair that you can see me, but I can’t see you.”
“Life is never fair, love, and anyone who says otherwise is selling something.”
“That’s cynical.”
“You disagree?”
“No,” Emma grumbled. She heard Killian sigh in contentment. “Are you using that pillow I threw at you?”
“Ahh, that I am.”
“Thief.”
“You threw it, Swan.”
He was calling her that more and more, and she hated to admit how the nickname warmed her heart. She waited for him to point out that, technically, the pillow and everything else in this room was his, but he didn’t. For some reason, that warmed her heart too.
“So how about the game I proposed?”
Emma gnawed on her lower lip. There was really only one question she didn’t want to answer, but as she sat thinking, she realized that a tiny part of her wanted to tell him. The thought of bringing it up still frightened her, but if he asked . . .
“Okay, I’ll play.”
“Wonderful! Now, what’s your first question?”
“Who - or what - are you exactly?”
“Someone who is becoming more and more fond of you with each passing day.”
She could almost hear his smug grin in the darkness. “Smooth,” she snipped, snorting inelegantly through her nose.
“It was worth a shot,” Killian teased, “now for my question - “
Emma held her breath.
“Have you ever snuck sweets before supper?”
A laugh rushed out of Emma right along with a surge of relief. “When have I not? Ruby has been my best friend since I was little. Her Granny was my nurse. The two of us would sneak into the castle kitchen regularly for tarts or biscuits. I’d like to say I’ve outgrown it, but . . .”
She trailed off with a shrug and Killian laughed. Before she could even think through her next question strategically, words were tumbling from her mouth.
“And what about you? Do you also have an insatiable sweet tooth?”
“Not at all,” he groaned. “I rather prefer a hearty meal over sweets, to most people’s surprise.”
“Why would people be surprised?”
“Uh-uh,” he scolded, “only one question at a time.”
Emma pouted. “That’s more clarifying an answer than an additional question.”
“You’re a clever lass, I’ll give you that, but those are the rules. Now for my question . . . hmm . . . how old were you when you had your first kiss?”
“12,” Emma answered smugly, wondering if he was dancing around what he really wanted to ask, “but only because my friend Elsa dared me. He was the know-it-all son of some visiting dignitary, and Elsa and I grew weary of his incessant talking. My kiss rattled him enough that he hardly spoke a word the rest of his stay.”
“Clever lass indeed. And who was Elsa?”
“A Duchess of Misthaven. She and her sister were the only tolerable girls my age at court. And your first kiss?”
“It’s been many centuries, but if I recall correctly, I was 13. That damn nymph chased me for almost an hour before she caught me.”
“A nymph . . . “ Emma forced her tone to remain neutral.
“Mhmm”
After a long silence, Emma huffed in exasperation. “Just tell me about the damn nymph, Killian!”
He chuckled, and the warmth of it spread across the mattress. “Being caught by a nymph can mean trouble. Lucky for me, she was just a child and let me go the minute I told her who I was. She was afraid of my mother.”
Emma filed away every detail of the story to mull over later. Her husband was letting tiny clues as to who - or more specifically what - he was, and eventually she knew she’d figure it out.
“I see that smug grin, my Swan,” he said, “which means I need to wipe it off your face. Now tell me, have you ever been in love?”
The color drained from Emma’s face and her lips fell downward. “I already told you - no I have not.”
“You were lying.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Ah, but I do, love. You’re somewhat of an open book.”
Emma lowered her face, her fingers tugging at loose threads in the sheets across her lap. “Maybe I was. Once.”
“I know what it is to have loved and lost, if that makes it any easier.”
“You do?”
“Aye.”
“What happened?”
He didn’t seem to be taking count of her questions anymore, and the bed shifted as he changed positions. She gazed forward, searching for his face, to no avail. Still, she felt his eyes upon her.
“Her name was Milah, and she was stuck in a marriage to a horrible man. I was sent by Ju - a friend - to help her escape.” Killian tugged at one of the blankets wadded up beneath her feet, and she lifted them so he could take it.
“How horrible was this man?”
“Have you ever heard the legends of the Dark One?”
“Of course. It’s a common ghost story children whisper to each other. A man who was the vessel for the darkest magic.”
“It isn’t just a story. Milah’s husband was the Dark One.”
Emma couldn’t hold back her gasp. “Killian.”
“I suppose you can guess the story doesn’t have a happy ending. I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with her, but I did. We ran away together, but nowhere is far enough to escape the Dark One. When he found us, I tried to protect her, but . . . I failed. He killed her right in front of me.”
“I’m so sorry,” Emma whispered.
“It was over a century ago now,” he said in a soft voice, but Emma could tell the pain was still there.
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly to calm her nerves. If he had shared such painful memories, how could she do any less?”
“His name was Baelfire. I was very young, and he was a bit older than me.” She paused, expecting questions, but Killian remained silent. “He was rather wild, spending his days in the market, stealing to fill his belly, and his nights in the taverns spending every bit of coin he had managed to pilfer. Now it seems empty and immature, but at 15, it was thrilling.”
“Only 15, love? How old was he?”
“Oh . . . um, 19, so not so very much older than me. It was more that he was so worldly, and I was so . . . sheltered. We met when he tried to steal my purse in the market.”
“Let me guess, you decked him.”
Emma chuckled. “Aye, I did. I liked to sneak out of the castle with Ruby and my handmaiden Lily. Bae was terrified when he realized who I was.” She found more loose threads and wrapped them around her thumb. “Anyways, I started sneaking out more and more to meet him. I fell for him hard and fast, but I was a little . . . nervous - about . . . physical things.”
“Emma,” Killian asked darkly, “did he hurt you?”
“No! At least, not like that. He was just persistent about wanting . . . “
“Sex?” Killian filled in bluntly, and Emma’s head jerked up even though she could see nothing of his countenance in the dark. “The bastard was pressuring you for sex, was he not?”
Killian’s protective tone was like a balm to Emma’s wounded heart, and she deflated with relief that she didn’t have to mince words as she told the rest of the story.
“Yes, he did, and I loved him so much that I gave in.” Emma pressed her eyes together, trying to banish the memories that assaulted her. Perhaps it was the darkness hiding her from his gaze, perhaps it was the way the tapestries felt like a sanctuary from the rest of the world, but Emma suddenly was able to voice what she had never been able to before. “It wasn’t what I had always dreamed. Where I had imagined tenderness, it was rough, where I had longed for something precious, it was crude. It . . . hurt, to be honest. And after . . . he didn’t want to see me anymore.”
Her hands were fisted in the sheets now, and silent tears rolled down her face.
“Emma,” Killian said softly, “that isn’t how it’s supposed to be. He didn’t love you; he used you. You deserved so much more.”
Emma reached up with a shaky hand and wiped at her wet cheeks.
“I’m sorry for asking now,” Killian told her, his voice almost a whisper.
“Don’t be,” she replied, and she wasn’t sure why they were both whispering, “I actually feel better getting it all out. I’ve never even told Ruby. My mother asked, but how could I burden her?”
“Watching you, I also saw enough of your mother to know it wouldn’t have been a burden. She would have gladly helped you carry this, Swan.”
Emma nodded, her throat growing tight with thoughts of her mother. How she missed her! She realized now how much she had taken her for granted the last few years. It was typical of adolescence she supposed, but here she was, twenty-two and in a rather odd marriage. She would give anything now for her mother’s probing questions.
“I think my game has become quite heavy,” Killian sighed, “my apologies, love.”
“Nonsense!” Emma argued, sitting up straighter and lifting her chin. “It’s my turn for a question, isn’t it?”
“Aye, love, if you’re sure.”
“Absolutely sure, though can I make a request instead of asking a question?”
“Perhaps . . . I suppose it depends on the request.”
“I’d like to see your face.”
Killian was silent for so long, that for a moment, Emma thought he might have left for the night. Then his voice came softly, “You can not see me, but you can . . . touch me. I mean, my face, that is.”
Emma bit back a chuckle at his nervous clarification. He was sensitive of her comfort level after what she had shared, and it made her heart swell. She reached out tentatively in the darkness, but all she felt at first was empty air. Then warm fingers were wrapping around hers. She was embarrassed at the gasp that escaped her lips. Then the bed shifted and he was there beside her. So close, his warmth caressed her skin.
“Here,” he said, pressing her palm to his cheek.
She squinted, hoping to at least make out some of his features in the dark, but to no avail. Instead, she let her hand soak in his warmth and lightly rubbed her fingers over the scruff covering his jaw. It was a strong jaw, and she quirked her lips in a half smile when she felt it clench at her touch. She traced her fingers over his cheeks and felt his eyelashes flutter against her knuckles. He had a straight nose, thick eyebrows. His brow furrowed as she explored, and she smoothed it with a stroke of her thumb. Her fingers found their way into his hair, which was surprisingly soft and thick, and it made her heartbeat pick up speed.
“These are a little pointed,” she said with a giggle as both her hands drifted over his ears.
Emma could hear him swallow, and when he spoke his words came out husky. Was he as aroused as she was?
“That’s all you have to say, Swan? I’ll have you know women find me devastatingly handsome.”
Though she couldn’t see him, her explorations made her believe his words. She wished she could see the color of his hair, his eyes, wished she could see his smile. As if he could read her thoughts, his soft lips beneath her thumbs curled upwards, and beneath her palms she felt twin indentions crease his skin.
“Do you have dimples?” she teased.
“Why? Do you like dimples?”
Emma rolled her eyes, but her answering retort was swallowed when Killian turned his head and pressed a lingering kiss to her palm. Her other hand fluttered away from his face, hovering over heated skin. She remembered the feel of his bare chest against her back and longed to press her hand there, but the deal had been for her to explore his face, not . . . the rest of him.
Killian seemed to sense her hesitancy and took both of her hands in his, pressed a kiss to her knuckles, then released her. She heard the bed creak as he rose.
“Good night, love.”
She collapsed against the bed, more breathless over their innocent touches than she had ever been over Baelfire’s salacious ones. Before she could even whisper her own goodnight, the candelabra by her bed flickered back to life, and her husband was gone.
#cs ff#captain swan supernatural summer#cssns#cssns 2019#slow burn#cupid and psyche au#enchanted forest au
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Bubble Baths Make Everything Better (Ray x Reader) smut
So I had a request for Ray and virgin reader. Truthfully I couldn't think of anyone better for someones first. Soooo here you are Anon, I hope you enjoy it.
Rated: Mature (first time reader)
You knew that Ray was close to cumming, but if the tightening of his balls and the twitching of his cock in your mouth wasn’t enough to tell you. Then the gripping of his hand in your hair and the moans coming from him was. Before he was able to though you pulled your mouth away and stood as he cried out.
“Y/N! I was so close. Why did you stop like that? Or you ok? Did I hurt you somehow? I told you I did…..”
Waving your hand to stop Ray from continuing to think the worst you smiled as you looked down at him.
“Ray you didn’t do anything. Everything you have done has been amazing, but I want to take this to the next step.”
You didn’t have to look further down to know that Ray’s body was willing, but Ray wouldn’t be Ray if he didn’t ignore his body and listened to his mind and heart. So instead of throwing you on the bed, like you had hoped, Ray slipped himself back into his pants and got out of bed. Walking to the chair in the corner of the room Ray sat down and you could see the wheels turning.
The first time Ray pulled you into bed, you were both scared and excited. It wasn’t like you had been waiting for marriage, but all your past boyfriends just didn’t seem right. Yet Ray made you feel special way before pulling you into the bed, so you knew then you wanted him to be your first.
The thing was when he found out that you hadn’t actually had sex before he pulled away from you and sat on the edge of the bed. When you tried to pull him back down he refused. After a few minutes he turned to you and asked you a couple straight forward questions. The words he told you next were words that have stuck with you since that day and made you realize he was the one. “Y/n, I do not doubt you have thought this through and you believe that you are ready. Trust me when I say that I want nothing more then to continue what we started, but I can’t do that. Not now at least. We have only been dating for a few weeks and I can’t help but feel it is to soon. So if it is alright with you. I would like to come back to that in a few months, after we have been dating longer. Until then, how do you feel about foreplay?”
After that night neither one of you brought up the topic of actually having sex again. Thinking back you were actually glad that Ray stopped the both of you that night. Not because you thought it would have been a mistake, but because the time since then has been used to learn one another’s body and Ray sure knew how to leave you breathless and make your head spin. So now, even more so since that first night, you ready to take it further with him. Sliding off the bed you walked slowly to the chair. Even though Ray didn’t turn to look, you could see his eyes as they followed you. Standing in front of the chair you dropped slowly to your knees. Placing your hands on Ray’s knees you looked up to see him still staring at you.
“Ray please. Eight months ago you asked me to wait and I agreed. I will even be honest and say that I am glad we waited, but not for reasons you may think. I am glad because I feel like we have learned each other better and I know I KNOW now more than ever I want it to be you.”
Ray continued to stare at you for a few more minutes before he finally spoke.
“The very minute… no, the very second it becomes to much you tell me. I don’t care if we already gotten past the painful part. Something doesn’t feel right you tell me and we will stop and we also do this at my pace.”
Even though you had a smile on your face, Ray looked as though he was in the middle of a business meeting.
“Ra…”
“No y/n. I can tell you think I am overreacting, but I’m not. These last 8 months have been more than I have imagined and the thought of something that can feel so great causing you pain doesn’t sit right with me. So I would rather we stop then continue on and all you remember is the pain. So please…. Promise me.”
Instead of answering right away you got to your feet and climbed into Ray’s lap. As his arms wrapped around you and pulled you closer you couldn’t help but feel that parts of his body had not lost interest since you started talking. Placing your hand on the side of Ray’s face you ran your thumb over his cheek.
“This… This right here Ray is why I knew I wanted it to be you. I knew it then and I know it now. If I am truly in pain I will tell you, but I need you to do me a favor. You can’t stop if you see some pain on my face. We both know that there is going to be and we can’t stop that. So you need to trust me to tell you. Can you do that? Can you promise me that you will not stop unless I actually tell you to?”
Bringing his hand to your face, Ray pulled you in for a quick kiss. “Sealed with a kiss. You promise to tell me and I will promise to listen.” Nudging you slightly, Ray helped you stand and then stood himself. “I need to grab something from the bathroom. Why don’t you head back to the bed and I will be right there.”
Nodding your head, Ray pulled you in for another kiss. Slipping his one hand into your hair and the other to your lower back he deepened the kiss and left you breathless when he pulled back. Tugging on the shirt your wore he gave you a smirk. “Why don’t you lose this while you are at it.”
Turning around you watched as he made his way to the bathroom, before you headed back to the bed. Given that you had been getting ready for bed, you only had one of Ray’s t shirts and your underwear on. Grabbing the bottom of his shirt you pulled it over your head and dropped it on the floor. As you started to pull your underwear down your legs, you about screamed when you felt someone stand behind you.
“Shhh, it’s just me. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Hearing Ray’s voices had you relaxing instantly. It was only then you could feel Ray roll his hips against your ass. The only thing separating the two of you is the satin of Ray’s pajamas. Not being a 100% sure on what to do, you continued to pull your underwear off. When they hit the floor you stood back up and pressed yourself into Ray some more, so that you could step out of them. The minute you pushed into him Ray’s hands came to your sides and in one of his hands you could feel a bottle of some sort. Taking the last couple of steps to the bed together Ray spun you around to face him. Throwing whatever it was he had in his hand on the bed he slipped his hand back into your hair and grabbed your lower back with the other.
When his lips came back down to yours, you couldn’t help but slip your hands from his chest to his back so that you could pull him closer. Working together, you were able to stretch out on the bed without breaking the kiss. While your hands continued to slide up and down Ray’s back, he rested his upper body on one of his while his other one slide up your chest. When his hand reached your breast his fingers instantly went to your nipple. Grabbing the bud between his thumb and finger he twisted it. Pain turned to pleasure as it traveled down your body, causing you to roll your hips against his. Breaking the kiss Ray started to make his way down your body. Laying kisses across your skin as he did. Reaching your breast he sunk his teeth into the flesh on the inside of it. While his hand continued to played with the nipple of the other one. Finding out that first night together, that your breasts were a hot spot for you and ray always made sure to give them the attention they deserved.
Moving so that he could rest his weight on his side, Ray slid his hand from your breast down to your entrance. Running a finger through your outer lips, Ray pushed it into your core when he reached it. As he continued to nip and lick at your breast he started to move his finger in and out of you. When you opened your legs further Ray took the hint and slipped a second finger in. This time as he moved his fingers within you, he brought his thumb to your clit. When he started to roll circles around it you let out a moan and dug your hands into his body. Instead of working your body into an orgasm, Ray took his time to move his fingers around. You cried out when he stopped moving his hand altogether and pulled away from your breast.
Bring his face back up to yours he began to nibble at the spot behind your ear when you felt the tip of a third finger against the others. Moving from the spot behind your ear Ray started to whisper.
"You have always taking my fingers so well, but the thing is we need to stretch you more than that. Remember, any pain you feel you need to tell." Not waiting for a response Ray looked down as he slowly pushed the three fingers back into you. Feeling the stretch, you couldn't help but dig your nails deeper into Ray's arm. Once his fingers were fully in you, Ray brought his thumb back to your clit and began to draw circles around it. "That's it, don't think about the stretch or pain. Just feel the pleasure my thumb is creating. We need to loosen you up, you're so tight right now you are squeezing my fingers so much I can't move them."
As Ray continued to draw circles around your clit he brought his mouth back down to your breast and stuck your nipple into his mouth. Sucking on it lightly he worked it till it was nice and hard. You couldn't help but cry out when he sunk his teeth into it. As he rolled your nipple between his teeth, Ray stopped drawing circles around your clit and began to rub it directly. Getting lost in the pleasure of his thumb and the pain of his teeth, you never realized you had started to roll your hips.
About the same time as you started to move, Ray began to slowly move his fingers. Soon all you were feeling was pleasure as Ray and you worked together to make you cum. With one hard flick to your clit, you had to bite down on your lip to muffle the screams that threaten to break free. As you came down from your orgasm Ray brought his mouth to yours and lightly kissed at the swelling that started to show after you bite it. Even though he removed his thumb, Ray continued to slowly move his finger in and out of you.
After finally catching your breath Ray climbed out of the bed and removed his pants. Climbing back into bed he moved your legs so that they rested slightly on his. Once he was happy with your position you could feel him reach for his cock and line it up against your entrance. Resting on his elbows Ray gave you a small smile.
"Nice and slow y/n. Like you said there will be some pain, but if it becomes to much we stop. You ready?"
Bring your hands up from where they rested on his arms. You locked them together behind Ray's neck. Pulling him down for a kiss you smiled against his lips and told him you were ready.
Even though Ray had done a good job at stretching you, when he slipped the head of his cock in you couldn't help but whine softly and tilt your head back. "I know it's hard, but if you want me to go further you have to take deep breaths and relax y/n. Follow my breathing." Not realizing that you had also closed your eyes. You kept them closed as you synced your breathing to Ray's.
When Ray felt your body relaxed he pulled out slightly before slowly pushing back in. As you continued to breath, Ray would pull out and slowly push back in having you take more of him each time. By the time he had reached your hymen your body had relaxed enough for him to move easier. Thinking that he was just going to push past it you felt your body tighten back up. "Oh no y/n, I can't have you doing that. You need to breath for me." Closing your eyes you took three deep breaths and felt your body relax again. Feeling you loosen around his cock Ray started to move his cock in small movements.
Even though Ray had still yet to push further in, you found yourself rolling your hips into his. As you both continued to move together you watched as Ray beginning searching for something. Before you could ask what it was you could hear him whisper ah ha. Slowing down to almost a stop Ray Fumbled around between your bodies. Feeling something cold hitting your clit and rolling down to where you and Ray were connected made you jump slightly. Bringing his hand up Ray showed you a small bottle of lube before he threw it back on the bed. Rolling his hips a couple more times to spread the lube, Ray smiled down at you before he brought his lips back to yours. Bracing himself on his arms you heard him mutter here we go before he smashed his lips to yours. Keeping his lips firmly to yours he swallowed your scream as his finally pushed all the way in.
Removing his lips, Ray rested his head on your shoulder as you adjusted to the pain. You knew that Ray's shoulders must be hurting from where you had dug your nails in, but if he was in pain he showed no sign of it as he whispered sorrys into your ear. Taking deep breaths like he had told you before, you could feel your body start to relax. Even though you still felt some pain you nodded your head for Ray to start moving. A part of you expected for Ray to pull all the way out, but instead he moved less than an inch before he pushed back in.
Just as he had done when he first pushed into you, Ray only made small movements until you started to move with him again. Resting higher on his arms he looked down and watched has he pulled almost out and then pushed back in. Everytime he was flushed against you he would roll his hips a little more and brush against your clit. Sending pleasure running through your body. Just as you got lost in the sensation of what Ray was doing to you, Ray began to roll the both of you.
Letting out a shout you dug your nails into Ray's chest as he got comfortable. Looking down at him he couldn't help but chuckle. "Sorry sweetheart, I just wanted to switch things up. You gave me something great and now I want no… I need you to use me. Take whatever you need, I am willing to give it all to you."
Suddenly feeling shy you shook your head.
"Ray, I already came. I don't think I can do it again."
Running his hands from your thighs Ray brought them to your hips. Beaming up at you Ray tighten his hold before he answered.
"Sure you can. Just do this."
When Ray moved your hips against himself you found yourself leaning forward and groaning. Not letting you figure out what was happening Ray helped you roll your hips again. That was when it dawned on you you had experienced this feeling that time you grinded against Ray's lap.
Letting out a whine you began to roll your hips on your own. Ray loosen his grip on your hips and moved his hands back down to your thighs. Gaining confidence you began to grind against Ray at a faster pace. When you had grinded against his leg it had felt great, but this time it felt amazing. You could feel yourself tightening around Ray's cock and soon his groans mixed in with yours and you watched as he closed his eyes and tilted his back. Between the groans and moans you could hear him encouraging you on and begging you to use him. With one more roll of your hips you felt yourself tighten around Ray and you leant forward yelling as you came.
As you tried to catch your breath Ray pulled you towards him. With one hand on your lower back and the other between your shoulder blades. Ray began to thrust up into you. The sensitivity from cumming and being your first time had your gasping with every thrust he made. Just as you were about to tell him it was to much, Ray slammed you down and held you there as he started to cum. After catching his breath Ray let go of you and help slide you off of him. Instead of laying there with you though he shot out of bed and went into the bathroom. Every bad thought began to run through your mind, but just as you were about to start crying Ray was stepping back into the room. Seeing the look in your eyes he was at your side instantly.
"Y/n, what's wrong. Are you hurt? God I am sorry, I knew I should have gone slow at the end but you just felt so good I couldn't help myself."
Shaking your head you held a hand out for him. Helping you sit up Ray sat next to you and wrapped you in his arms.
"I will admit I am sore, but that's not what's wrong. You got up so fast without saying anything I…."
"OH GOD NO!! Y/n, I would never do that to you. It's just that you bled some and I didn't want to lay there with your blood on me. Plus I thought of a better place to do our post sex snuggles."
Not saying another word Ray stood up and then helped you to your feet. Before you could start walking though, he was picking you up and walking towards the bathroom. Stepping into it you saw that Ray had started a bubble bath and also lit some candles. Standing in the middle of the bathroom Ray wrapped his arms around you. Leaning his head down he whispered into your ear.
"I figured you would be sore after all that so I thought a nice hot bubble bath would do the trick."
Rubbing your face against his you turned slightly and smiled.
"Only if you join me."
"Are you kidding me. I love bubble baths!"
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November 19th
I wrote this a few years ago when I was still trying to process my abortion. Today on the 5th anniversary it still holds a lot of relevance to me.
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The second half of the year for me, for some reason this last decade has never really brought out anything fantastic. In fact, bad things always tend to happen. So I am very wary when the year passes the halfway mark because I know the shit will be definitely about to start hitting the fan.
I was never sure if I wanted to have children. The way I think about my life is there are a few different paths it could take and I just want that to happen naturally. Wherever I end up, I know I'm there because I just let things naturally take their course. At times, I can be a huge control freak, but I have a horrible habit of not seeing the bigger picture and just focusing on the small things and really letting them get to me. I compartmentalize the bad things and just keep going forward, because if I pause, it becomes too much and I let it take over.
Not good.
The reason I'm harping on about this is because lately I've been drawn back into a part of my life that I just want to forget. And I may be remembering all of this for any number of reasons: my best friend just had a baby, I've had yet another failed romance, I'm stuck, I'm anxious.
Or I just never moved past it.
I say the words out loud a lot, I'm able to talk about it a lot. But I talk about it as a fact, as something that happened and something I dealt with and thought was over. I'm very good at talking frankly about my experiences. One thing I've never been good about is actually talking about how they made me feel. In fact it kind of terrifies me. So I write about it. I write everything down into an essay and then put that essay away to read later when I've been able to process just what I was feeling at the time. That really really helps me. So I suppose I never got around to doing this because I wasn't ready to put it to bed. I wasn't ready to let go of what happened. I don't think I'll ever be able to let go. But I am ready to actually delve into how I feel about it.
TRIGGER WARNING: I am about to talk about some really intense stuff, surrounding abortion. If that will trigger you, please do not read on.
My second boyfriend, let's call him Algernon was probably the most intense love I've had in my life up until now, and we weren't even together for that long. But he was an angel, in all senses of the word. How we began and how we ended were both emotional and hard and it's almost been a year since we split. I have well moved on since, but he was my first real, all-consuming love. He was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me and even now, we are still really good friends, because people who have such a significant impact on your life, it's hard to let go of them. He was a huge part of my life and he still is. U
Algernon and I came together as I was pulling away from my first boyfriend. My first boyfriend, let's call him Creepy, was controlling and he was pulling me towards a life that I wasn't sure I wanted to live anymore. He wanted someone to be a perfect housewife, I was in no way ready to do that. For heaven’s sake I was only like 19 when we got together and we moved in together and I suddenly was in a loveless relationship where we didn't have sex anymore, we barely kissed and I wasn't coming home until he was in bed, so I didn't have to interact with him. Pretty fucked up for a 21 year old right?
But we're not here to talk about Creepy. That is an issue that can be tackled another day. Algernon and I fell head first into this amazing, loving, whirlwind of a romance where we didn't want to spend any time apart. It was heavenly. The sex was wild, the kisses were all the time and just how he smiled at me made everything better. I was hopelessly and insanely in with him from the get go. I couldn't stay away from him and he couldn't stay away from me. A lot of men have come and gone from my life but only a few have had such a profound effect on me. He was one of them. You can't share what Algernon and I shared and not be affected forever.
So we'd just finished a show together and finally "made it official" after months of dancing around the proper issue. I was on cloud nine with this boy. I had a new boyfriend who was attentive and loving. We got along super well and I adored everything about him.
Now I am very finicky about practicing safe sex, even if I am on the pill I insist on using protection and even then I always like to check that the condom is still intact. Ain't nothing getting through the firewall that I place over my vagina. I don't think even in my life I have let any boy enter me unless he's wrapped the tool.
It's funny, even now I'm trying to inject some humour in the story because I know it's going to be hard to delve deeper into this.
One day, we were at my house and we'd fumbled around like desperate teenagers and it had been hot and sweaty and fantastic. It had also made the condom break. Like I'm not talking about a little hole, I'm talking literally split the damn thing in half. Like I wanted to high five him and say "yeah good job mate', but I also went completely into panic mode. We went and got the morning after pill and, that pill worked once before for me so I was hopeful that it would work again.
So I put the whole incident out of my mind and pretended everything was okay. It was a slip up, a mistake, the pill would induce my period and everything would be okay. I had had one other experience with stuff of this nature and it had all worked out fine that time. I'd gotten my period, it was just an unlucky accident and I was fully sure it would turn out fine again this time. We went on as normal. We performed, laughed, hung out with people, I was at his house nearly every night. We were devoted to each other. It was both beautiful and unhealthy. I guess we both lost a sense of who we were because we needed each other so so much.
I was really very ill for a few weeks. I hadn't been able to keep food down, I was tired all the time, everything hurt and I was lashing out like an emotional monster. All signs pointed to something really not right in my body, but like the young and in love idiot I was, I just put it down to not eating right and not getting enough sleep. I was still on the pill, so of course it couldn't have been that. We'd cleaned up the mess, I'd taken the necessary steps and I'd thought I'd gotten my period, so there was no way that it could have been what I knew deep down it was.
Yes I knew. I think, as a female you somehow know. You know very well what is going on with your own body, but I've always been really really good at not thinking about the realities of my true situation.
But when the doctor uttered those words "it's a positive pregnancy test, Hannah" my world went dark. It was all fuzzy and I felt cold and like I was having a literal out of body experience. Algernon was driving and I looked at him and he looked back at me, this look of absolute fear in his trusting and beautiful eyes. All he could say was "it's okay Han, I'll make it okay". But I couldn't understand him. All I could think was that these things don't happen to me. They happen to people who I only read about on Facebook, or girls in novels or tv shows. Accidental pregnancy was not ever supposed to be something that would ever happen in my life.
Most of the time I don't really remember actual details of moments. I know things that happened and I do have a good memory. But that day has literally forever been etched into my memory. Of course, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I wasn't a teenager and it had happened with a boyfriend I'd loved and cared for and not a stranger. But it's still fucking terrifying. Just knowing that suddenly, it's not just your life anymore, there's something of someone else inside you and every day it was growing and feeling more and becoming more and more someone not something. It sucked. Suddenly people were talking to me about my 'options' and my bodily functions and how I was feeling. And the most heartbreaking fact, I wanted people to yell at me and accuse me of being reckless and ruining my life like the movies. I wanted Algernon to hate me and rage at me. I wanted to feel bad, to match how I was feeling on the inside. I felt horrible. I felt horrible that a small tiny mistake had the danger of rocking everything around me and hurting all the people close to me.
Do I regret it? Do I wish I'd made a different decision? Truthfully? I have no fucking idea. It's such a circumstantial thing. We can say until we're blue in the face that "it was the right decision at the time" but sometimes the right decision at the time isn't right 2 years later. I think about it now and I actually can't explain the feeling. It's not something I have felt before and it's not something I can relate to anything that I have actually felt before. Because I have never felt that before. I guess if I had to put it into words, I'd say it was a really intimate sudden protectiveness I had over my body. And what was in my body. Never ever, in the whole experience was I mad at the little thing growing inside me, it wasn't their fault that I had made that mistake and they were the product of that. And I really only got two weeks to experience it. One minute, I was happily ignorant, the next minute I was aware of this little bump growing in my belly. Even 12 weeks in, I had a bump. Yeah, I was 12 weeks. I stayed ignorant and clueless to what my own body was trying to tell me for 12 weeks.
In hindsight, I think if I'd known about it for longer, I would have decided differently. If Algernon and I had had time to sit down and maybe plan, get our heads around it, if I'd had more time to fall in love with my bump, I wouldn't have been able to let go of it so easily. It was all over so quickly. I hadn't even met the thing and I was fascinated with it. Now that I have had a couple of years to let the whole settle within me and wash over me, I know without a shadow of a doubt if I could change my mind and go through with it, I think I would. I think I would have let it all play out the natural way, even if Algernon and I weren't supposed to end up together. Now that I actually think about the aftermath of a pregnancy, I find it doesn't terrify me as much, but then I was much younger and much more conscious that a pregnant belly would show and I wasn't ready to deal with that kind of judgement. I'm old enough to not give an actual fuck now, but I wish that hadn't factored into my decision. I hate admitting that it was there, that I made such a big life changing decision because of the fear of being judged.
I didn't just do it for him. He was a baby himself, not even 20 yet and I was only 21. We were young and in love kids really. I'd love to say that I did it for him, so I look selfless and yes so I have someone to also put the responsibility on. But it wasn't him, he was so beautifully devoted to whatever I wanted and whatever I chose. I was the mother, so it was my call. What I forgot was that this was just as hard for me as it was for him.
I knew I was pregnant for just two weeks. I was able to enjoy the feeling the pregnancy gave me, but there was an impending doom. I felt guilty for enjoying it, for wanting the little life inside me to move, for imagining if my little flutter would be a boy or girl. If their hair would be dark like mine or blonde like Algernon's. If they would have blue eyes and if they would look at me like I was the most important person on the planet. Or if what I was doing would hurt them, or if it would curse me in some way forever. Yeah dramatic, I know but like WOW no one warns you how much of a monster pregnancy turns you into. It fucking sucks. I was an over-eating, over emotional literal monster it was disgusting.
I hate how I feel about the whole thing now. It's not sadness, it's not anger, it's not even happiness. It's this horrible longing and emptiness. I sometimes literally immerse myself in the memory of how it felt to have that little life inside me. To have the adoration of Algernon and to momentarily know what having a maternal instinct felt like. It's perfectly beautiful. There is literally nothing like it. I used to talk to it, tell it I was sorry, tell it I wish things were different, tell it that I wanted it, tell it that it was loved and tell it that I hope it forgave me for what I was about to do.
So it was about five days before I was scheduled in to have the procedure and I was in bed with Algernon trying to sleep. Suddenly I felt like I was getting my period and that my stomach was falling out. I rolled over, Algernon was asleep, so I popped myself to the bathroom and had a look. Now, sorry for the graphics, but it was a literal murder scene down there, I was obviously miscarrying, or really really ill. Mum seemed calm, dad seemed calm and when Algernon woke up, he seemed calm. For some reason, the fact that this decision had suddenly been taken away was a comforting thought. We spent the night talking about historical figures who had miscarriages, how sexist society used to be around pregnancy and how there was still a stigma surrounding unplanned pregnancy today. I was so chilled out, more chilled out than I've ever been. I don't know why I was so calm, suddenly I didn't have to make a hard call, suddenly I could just lie there with my man and smile and talk and hope for the best in the morning. That night I slept better than I'd slept in a long time.
And then the shit well and truly hit the fan the next morning.
Now, I love my mother. She has supported me through anything and she always will. But she has the biggest of big mouths and the next morning, of course she jumped on the phone to tell both of my sisters that I'd spent the night bleeding out. My sister is a nurse and suddenly I was woken from my peaceful, non-pregnant slumber with her on the phone:
"Hannah get to the hospital, you might bleed out,"
I wasn't fussed. I knew the bleeding had stopped and I felt much better than I had, I didn't even feel pregnant anymore. But, the words "bleed out" seemed to send both my mother and Algernon into a frenzy and I found myself packed into a car and on my way to the emergency room. Where I knew I KNEW they were going to poke and prod me and try to take my blood and ask me questions and things would smell bad and be scary and basically, I hate hospitals. But my mother and my baby daddy were insistent.
Apparently being pregnant means you can skip the line and be seen to immediately. Fancy that. So I checked in, told the nurse on duty my conundrum and they whisked me behind the scenes to sit on a bed while they tried to prod every place on my body and try to get blood out of me. That is not an easy feat. I think we were sitting there for at least half an hour before they actually managed to draw the blood they needed OUT OF MY HAND. And all I remember was feeling sickened that they were about to stab a needle into my hand... and then I passed out for a couple of minutes. Thankfully, they gave up the expedition for blood after that. But a line stuck with me that one of the nurses had said "woman, how do you expect to have a baby with a stomach like this?". Of course it had been a joke, but it had always stuck with me. I wasn't expecting to have a baby. I didn't even want to be here. In my mind thank goodness if I'd miscarried, I wouldn't have to go through the abortion, it had been done for me. That's all that was in my mind. I had been saved, my conscience had been cleared because of my body's decision.
The rest of the hospital trip was a blur of needles and urine tests and people asking me questions about a baby I wasn't keeping and look, it was fine. I was happy to smile through all of it... until I had to sit in an ultrasound, because there was still something in there. Something alive and they needed to figure out where it was and if it was in any danger. Yes, even though I most definitely getting rid of the baby, to the doctors and nurses, I was a young mum who had almost miscarried and they treated the pregnancy like any other. It didn't matter that the thing inside me wouldn't be around next week, all that mattered was that I was okay now, and that it was okay. And the nurse, bless her, turned the friggen monitor around and showed me. Showed me the thing that was definitely not just a speck anymore. That was definitely not what I had wanted ever, because actually seeing that it was a shape, it was a life, it wasn't just "my accidental pregnancy" anymore, it was a baby. That itself was horrifying and sad. I felt sad. It wasn't gone, I was still pregnant and it was healthy. That was what hit me the hardest. It was healthy and all the control was in my hands to be able to make this decision and I just needed the out. The abortion wasn't the easy way out, not in any way. But when I was that young and that scared, it was the only decision that I knew how to make. The only decision that ensured I could go on living my life as normal.
That in no way ever made it the easy decision.
The actual day of the operation flew by. I sort of went through the motions that day. I didn't know any other way to be. Everyone around me was in some bad mood but I couldn't feel it. I felt numb. Because I knew that if I opened up my feelings for just one moment I would back out. So I just put on a chilled out facade and nodded and listened and filled out the forms and paid the cheque and every time they asked me "are you sure you want this?" I nodded without hesitation.
The one moment of panic I had was when we had the final ultrasound. Algernon came in with me. He didn't have to, but bless him, he was always there for me in the whole thing every step of the way. And his face when he saw it. His eyes. I can never forget that. Up until now the whole thing had felt unreal, like something from a drama tv series. That moment made it reality. This wasn't just my thing. It was ours.
Then suddenly I was upstairs and alone again. I put on the paper underwear and the gown. I sat in the waiting room in silence with all the others girls. The writer in me wanted to know their stories. The little girl in me wanted my mum. So much rushed through my mind in those two hours. My mums face as I was rushed upstairs. My friends confused faces as they said "good luck" the day before, because honestly what do you say to someone in that situation? I had to take this medication to basically make me go into labour. That went for two hours. The clinic was really busy and noisy and actually very normal. I don't know why I thought it wouldn't be. I mean it was just a normal medical procedure. So why shouldn't the place it was in be normal as well. The normalcy should have comforted me. It didn't. I wanted something dramatic to happen. Someone to cry or yell or show some kind of emotion. I wanted to cry or yell or show some kind of emotion. But I didn't. None of us did. Most just stared straight ahead.
Soon I was having the drugs put in my arm. Laying on the table. They acted like I wasn't there, no massive fuss was made, they all smiled and then I closed my eyes and all I remember was my legs were tucked up underneath me. I rolled over and sleepily said to the nurse "is it over? Am I still pregnant?" and she smiled and shook her head.
That's it. It was over. Life went back to normal. Algernon and I both tried to go on.
It's been two years and life has well and truly moved on. I'm not the same her I was. I could say something cheesy like "it made me stronger" or "I have a darkness now" blah blah. But I don't. It happened. It affected me and I admit, the months that followed I went down a path of self-destruction that I am only now coming out of. But the point is, I'm here and I'm okay now and I don't regret or celebrate my decision. It just... happened.
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My life changed that day and I’m still getting over the after effects of what was to come. But reading this reminds me that I am healing and that is okay.
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LA LA BABY| Chaotic Four
WHO:Iris, @oliver-puckerman, @gioharper, @stephaniepills
WHAT: The four friends find themselves finally in California where some... things, happen on the first day Feelings emerge, lollipops are taken away, and someone makes another damn sex joke
STEPHANIE:
The plane ride went smoothly, none of any of the four teens luggage had gotten misplaced, and they didn't need to wait too long for the Ubber to head to her apartment. It wasn't anything super fancy but it was the teens home away from home, and it helped that after that one ubber trip they'd be able to use the car her mom left there for her.
As they pulled up to the building, and got all their stuff out, she pushed through her bag to find her house keys. "You guys all know once we drop this stuff off, we need to go food shopping, cause I don't think i have any food here." She said truthfully, pushing her hair behind her ear looking between the group. "And with it being the four of us, it's probably better for a cosco run and not a target run"
OLIVER:
If there was one thing Oliver hated more than anything, it was being on a plane for long periods of time. He had always had a fear that the one time he actually flew anywhere would be the time the plane would malfunction and go down. He knew it was a fear that was likely never to happen, but he couldn't control how far his imagination would take him. Happy when the aircraft finally touched down in LA, Oliver could finally relax a bit more and really let his vacation start. Going down to pick up his bags, the young man laughed with his friends as they made their way through the airport.
Before he knew it the four of them had finally reached Steph's apartment. It had felt like a lifetime has gone by since the last time any of them had come to visit her, but it still gave the feeling of a long lost home. "Yeah, I really wouldn't trust any food that may have been left here before you moved back home. Though are you sure? Since I'm sure majority of the time we might be eating out. What with sightseeing and Disney. Are we even going to be here often enough to cook ourselves dinner?"
GIO
The trip to LA was uneventful - he'd flown to and fro New York a couple of times when he went to Columbia, but he wasn't able to get any sleep the night before their flight. Though he won't be admitting it out loud any time soon, he was excited. So, he spent the four-hour flight time dozing off. A groggy Gio wasn't really pleasant company, but by the time they'd arrived at Stephanie's LA home, he was up and fully awake.
"Costco's much better," Gio agreed as he plopped his bags on the carpet - he never frequented LA, he never really found amusement parks fun and entertaining, but he'd take every opportunity to go out with his friends before they inevitably part ways. "We should do a bit grocery shopping, y'know - for domesticity, or when Oliver's stomach starts grumbling in the middle of the night," he grinned. Despite his suggestion, however, he sat down on the couch, slumping lazily against the seat.
IRIS
This was the first time she was going on a trip without her family. Sure had gone to summer camps since she was in elementary school and some of those included sleepaway camps; but those were only a few towns over and not a few states. And surely not more than a few days. This trip meant everything to her. Being the youngest in the group she was scared that when everyone went off to college they’d all lose time for her-- so this was the best way to gather whatever time they had left before that happened. A trip away from drama and a trip away from their parents so they could just be kids and have fun and not worry about anything or anyone.
Once in Steph’s apartment she dropped her bags along with everyone else's before dropping herself to the floor. Instantly she made herself comfortable, swinging around to lay on the floor, throwing her legs up to rest on the other side of the couch. “Costco is best, we definitely need at least munching food when we’re not eating out or when we want to grab something on the way out. Also drinks.” She nodded, looking up at everyone. “Oh, also, Costco has those taste testing sample people out.”
STEPHANIE
Stephanie rolled her eyes instantly at Oliver, but laughed "I am not door dashing every night when we're here Oli. And Iris is right free samples for days at Cosco." She put her bag ontop of her suitcase before walking into the kitchen, trying to see what she had left in the cabinets before heading home after her show was unfortunately canceled. Pulling her phone out of her back pocket she started making a list. "Does anyone have any special request that are must for the next week and a half or are we just gonna be four seventeen and eighteen year olds braving cosco without a list? "
OLIVER:
Rolling his eyes at how his friends picked on him, Oliver followed Stephanie into the kitchen, pulling open cabinets as he went. "I think we should plan a few nights out. I have an idea of what I'm going to make you for our date, but I don't have to write that down. Maybe a few pizzas we can bake, stuff Gio and I can barbecue, chips and soda. Other than that im not sure what all we'll want." Finally leaning against the counter, Oliver slung an arm around her shoulders as he watched her write down the things he mentioned.
GIO:
If Gio had bothered looking back, he would've noticed the dynamic between Stephanie and Oliver changing slightly. "We need to make a grocery list, I think," Gio shrugged, playfully resting his feet across Iris' legs. "It'll be a damn disaster, otherwise. Unless you want to spend half of the day at Costco." Frankly, he wouldn't mind. Costco was magical.
IRIS:
“We’d up buying crap we aren’t going to eat if you don’t make a list.” Iris threw in, knowing the four of them would run around grabbing whatever they wanted and end up spending hundreds of dollars. She sent a glare towards Gio, kicking her legs to annoy him but ultimately didn’t care. She was too comfortable to move. “Oh oh oh! Add candy to that. Specifically lollipops.” She said, reaching into her shorts pocket and yes, pulling out a lollipop, unwrapping it and popping it in her mouth.
STEPHANIE:
As everyone talked, Stephanie was quickly typing the list into her phone, leaning back on the counter, a small smile crossing her lips when Oliver draped his arm over her. "You're saying as if being at costco all day wouldn't be a good time Gio" She said with an eye roll, and typed in Lolipops to the list.
OLIVER:
"Iris..I think it might be time we had an intervention about your addiction to lollopops. It's not healthy for someone of your size to consume that much sugar in a day." As he smirked in Iris' general direction, he couldn't help but give Steph a knowing smile as he nodded towards the pair. He couldn't take how adorable they seemed as they flirted with each other. "Do you guys want me to make us french toast before we leave tomorrow?"
GIO:
"I'll help you," Gio offered, his head lolling back to the edge of the couch to grin at Oliver, "And the Iris and Steph can cook dinner!" It seemed like a fair idea. "I'm kinda craving mac and cheese for dinner tonight. And, hm, a bunch of drinks," he added. "And no lollipops for Iris, nobody wants you to start jumping all over the place 'cause of all the sugar you're consuming."
IRIS:
Iris pulled the lollipop out with a pop, a pout adorning her face. “That’s rude. I have the perfect amount of sugar intake. Just because I’m tinier than all of you and it effects me more, doesn’t mean I have a problem. I can stop whenever I want to.” She shrugged, turning to Gio and pointing the lollipop at him. “You touch this, and you die.” She muttered towards him, a grin still adorning her face. Before calling out to the other two. “Yeah, we can make chicken or something in return.” She shrugged, popping the lollipop back in her mouth.
STEPHANIE:
Stephanie put an x2 next to the lolipops, knowing that just the fact it would piss off the both the boys. "Leave hear alone, we're all gonna end up on a sugar high either now or at disney so y'all need to calm yourself." She pushed up off the counter and walked out to the living room, and looking between the two on the couch. "Do you two wanna stay here and just send myself and oliver to get the stuff?"
OLIVER:
Watching as Stephanie wrote down two bags of suckers for his smaller blonde friend, Oliver made a mental note to be sure to take them out of the cart while she wasn't looking. He knew she meant well, but it really wasn't healthy for Iris to have a sucker in her mouth 24/7. "I'll leave her alone the day the two of them finally get together. Then Gio can take over for the both of us, and control his girlfriend. Maybe he can give her something else to suck on." He mentioned as he wiggled his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.
GIO:
Gio let out an undignified squawk at Oliver's sexual innuendo, "Jesus Christ," he choked out, not really knowing whether to laugh or cry. If it had been somebody else, he would've went with it, no doubt, but it was Iris. Iris was different. Gio could feel the heat in his cheeks rising, and he attempted to will it away by sitting up and reaching down to pry the lollipop from Iris' mouth, "Get that shit off, or else Oliver will start spewing weirder shit!"
IRIS:
She was ready to die. Right then and there, bury her under the sofa, say nice things about her, she wanted to die. Sure, everyone was used to Oliver’s weird perversion to make sexual jokes but this one just felt different. Any moment now her life could fall apart with a few simple words and she wasn’t ready for that. Not yet. She sat up, legs falling to the floor as she peered over at Oliver. “You’re a jackass.” She said, gasping in protest as she felt the candy leave her mouth. “Hey! Give that back! I don’t care what he says, he can go suck a dick for all I care.” She protested, climbing onto the couch and reaching over him to grab at her lollipop.
STEPHANIE:
Stephanie's eyes just widened at Oliver's comment. Yeah she had heard them before but it was never that extreme or about the elephant in the room. She pushed her hair behind her ear just watching everything. "Kay I'll let you two fight over the lolipop and.." she grabbed her bag as she spoke "you two can deal with what just happened with Oliver not having a filter some times." She debated on grabbing Oliver's hand but didn't and just hoped he was gonna follow her.
OLIVER:
You would think his friends didn't know he had no filter when it came to this subject. One thing that had yet to change in his growing up was the fact that he used his inexperience in sex as a way to make light of a situation. Truth be told, and he would rather die than let Iris and Gio know, but their threesome had actually been his first time. Maybe it was his defense mechanism, but he did feel bad about what he said when he saw the look on Iris face. "I'm sorry ris. That was uncalled for." Watching as Stephanie left out the front door, Oliver silently followed as he pulled the door closed behind him.
GIO:
Gio grunted in annoyance, stretching his arm upwards, far away from Iris' reach. "What the hell, get off me," he complained, trying to ignore the way his heart was beating wildly against his chest - Stephanie and Oliver were off somewhere doing god knows what, and they were alone. The asshole part of him thought how hilarious popping the lollipop into his mouth would be (and see the look of infuriation and shock on Iris' face), so he did, a shit-eating grin on his face. "'S mine now."
IRIS:
Iris just glared back at Oliver before putting her focus back on the task at hand. If there was one thing she took seriously, it was her lollipops; she didn’t eat many different kinds of candy, and lollipops were always her go to whenever she wanted something sweet. She shook her head, still trying to reach the lollipop, not hearing the door close behind them. “Dude what the fuck.” She exclaimed, reaching forward and grabbing hold of the stick, mimicking his movements moments prior. “You do know that has my salvia all over it?” Iris questioned, giving it tug , not caring she was all but hovering over him.
STEPHANIE:
Stephanie looked behind her when the door closed seeing Oliver, a small smile crossed her face. "So how long do you think it's gonna both of them to realize that we're going to the store without them?" She asked grabbing her keys out of the zippered part of bag, and started to walk down the stairs to wear the car was parked.
OLIVER:
Patting his pockets to make sure he didn't forget his phone in the kitchen, Oliver glanced over at the redhead. "I doubt they will even notice. I mean did you see them? How can they not see that they are 100% in love with each other." Making his way over to her car, Oliver waited until he heard the beep of her car unlocking before he ran ahead so he was able to open the car door for her. "How long are we going to leave them here? Like are we just going to Costco? Or are we going other places as well"
GIO:
"Don't care," Gio managed to hiss out, the lollipop still wrenched between his teeth - he wasn't going to lose, it was childish, even for him, but the prideful part of him remained stubborn. "We've done worse," he grinned up at her, eyebrows raising up challengingly. Where did the audacity come from? He didn't know. Probably their compromising position - which, he didn't mind at all.
IRIS:
Iris rolled her eyes, still determined to get the lollipop; even though it was more so to mess with him and win over him than the lollipop itself. Even out of school, she was still competitive as ever against Gio. No matter how embarrassed she might be at the fact that she was all but straddling him at this point. “Yes, yes. I know. I even know that that was a one time thing and as much fun as it was, not looking to do that again with Oli.” She shrugged, leaving his name out of it. She might try to put on a front with him, but she couldn’t lie to herself.
STEPHANIE:
Stephanie let out a soft laugh. "They are blind if they can see it." She murmured watching him walk in front of her biting the side of her lip. "You know i can get my own door." She teased going over and leaned on the car looking at him. "I feel like we should just stick with Costco, but we can probably stretch it until they call us and ask where the hell we went" she shrug a little bit.
OLIVER:
Oliver agreed wholeheartedly. He wasn't sure as to why they hadn't just gotten it over with, but if there was anywhere in the world that could spark up a romance, it was Disneyland. "trust me, I know you don't need me to take care of you, but just let me be a gentleman." Oliver complained as he placed a hand on her waist before closing the space between the two. "Do you have a problem with that?" He asked with a slight smirk gracing his face. "Well I do have our date planned out, but if we did that today, we wouldn't be back until late tonight."
GIO:
Unfortunately, Gio caught the hint. With Oli?" He asked, pulling the lollipop out and waving it in front of Iris with a teasing smile on his face. Now that the both of them had considerably calmed down, Gio was all-too aware of Iris on his lap, but he made no move to push her away. "Here's your damn lollipop," he passed the candy back to her, "Happy?"
IRIS:
Iris had two choices, to try and correct herself, or just go with it. And considering the compromising position they were in, the fact that she really didn’t care all that much about the candy, and the statement their blonde friend had made earlier, she had a feeling playing it off wouldn’t get past him. “Yes, with Oli.” She grinned, taking the lollipop back from him and popping it in her mouth, halting her fight against him. “Considerably so, yes I am.” She said, pulling the lollipop out. “Though, it’s seemed to have lost it’s flavor.”
STEPHANIE:
Stephanie could feel her cheeks growing redder as Oliver's hands rested on her waist. Why was the smallest thing making her feel like they where kinda perfect in a way. "Fine, i can't say no to that." the redhead whispered rolling her lips between her teeth seeing the smirk play on his face. "No, but we should save that date for a full day in LA."
OLIVER:
Watching as she softly chewed on her lip, Oliver felt a sense of pride that he had this sort of reaction on her. "We should really get going, Steph. It's already going to take us a while before we actually make it back here." Nodding in agreement, Oliver waited for her to get in the car before closing it behind her.
GIO:
Iris' smile was infectious, and Gio found himself returning it with the same calibre. "Just with Oli?" He asked, with a joking lilt to his voice, although there was a little hesitance (hopefulness?) behind his question. The mere fact that Iris still hasn't made any move to get off his lap was saying a lot. Maybe. "How unfortunate." He licked his lips, "Can't relate, though, my mouth still tastes like strawberry."
IRIS:
“I said what I said.” She shrugged again, twirling the stick between her fingers. She had one every single day, she knew the workings of candy; Iris knew the lollipop didn’t actually lose flavor, she wasn’t stupid, she just wanted to see what his reaction was. A simple test to gauge what her next choice would be. If she was being honest with herself, she was getting tired of the back and forth between them and needed to know if the feelings truly were one sided. She bit her lip, eyes flickering towards his. “Is that so.” She muttered, before mustering up all the Lopez-Pierce courage she could, surging forward and planting her lips on his.
STEPHANIE:
"Fine fine fine." Stephanie muttered getting into the car. She watched him walk around the car to get in himself. She opened google maps and typed into it Costco and set her phone down in the cup holder smiling when he got into the car. "Ready?"
OLIVER:
Pulling the seatbelt across him, Oliver only nodded as a signal that he was ready. "So can I ask you something?" Oliver paused as he tried to think of the best way possible to ask this without him seeming like he wasn't happy. "What made you say yes to a date? I thought.." trailing off as he gathered his thoughts, it took him a moment before he actually finished his sentence. "I thought you didn't have feelings for me like that."
GIO:
Gio freezes - the gears in his brain had stopped for a nanosecond. He certainly hadn't seen this coming; yes, sure, he'd dropped a lot of not-so-subtle hints and openly flirtatious to Iris, but he didn't expect her to... Return it. The moment their lips had touched, and the moment Gio gathered his shit together and kissed her back, the heavy tension in the air had snapped like a rubber band. Gio cupped her cheeks as he deepened the kiss, pulling her flush against him. Oliver and Steph had fucked off somewhere, but were they to suddenly walk in and catch them making out, they would have a lot of explaining to do.
IRIS:
Part of Iris was afraid she just made a huge mistake. Her whole family may be full of confidence but when it came to iris half the time it was pure ‘fuck it all’ mindframe. She knew there was something between the two of them, but she wasn’t sure if the extent of it was just something she made up in her mind. All this was flying through her mind in the seconds before he kissed back, and in that moment a rush of butterflies went right to Iris’ head without mercy. The lollipop fell from her hands, instinctively letting go to bury her fingers in his hair, really not wanting this moment to end.
STEPHANIE:
Once he was buckled, Stephanie started the car backing out of the spot, and started to drive out of the parking lot and getting on the road. She was about to turn up the radio but stopped as he asked that question. “A date. not datING” She said peering over at him hoping that didn’t come off as she wasn’t excited and ready for it, but talking about the date made her heart race. “I’m an actress, i am good at showing emotion when I wanna” she whispered, looking back at the road as she started to change lanes, letting out a small breath. “Like if it wasn’t for the stupid gossip blog, i probably would have just kept pushing my feelings i’ve had aside cause I didn’t want to get between you and your music, or if we /had/ dated before, and i was out here and you saw pictures of me with other guys i wouldn’t want you to think that i was cheating on you. Cause honestly last thing i would do is that to someone I really care about.” The redhead took a few turns as she was talking, and soon they where at Costco. “So, don’t hate me for not telling you.”
OLIVER:
Rolling his eyes slightly, Oliver corrected himself "Yes, date but you know what I mean. I know this is us testing out the waters together, but I still wanted to know." If trying to break out in the music industry had taught him anything, it was the fact that tabloids would do anything to get a story--even if they have to make it up in order to do so. "I would still trust you if you told me nothing was going on. You've given me no reason not to trust you. It would be the same thing with me out on the road all of the time. Once we have this album finished, the band and I are planning on going on a small tour. Nothing major..just a few small venues, but you would have to deal with the idea of girls potentially being all over me. I just just hope that if we do end up giving this a real shot, that you would trust me." As the pair pulled into the local Costco, Oliver helped in the task of finding a spot. "I don't hate you. I mean its not like I ever made my feelings known." Looking down one of the lanes, Oliver finally pointed" I see a spot down there."
GIO:
Gio eventually had to (reluctantly) break the kiss for air. He wrapped his arms around Iris' waist, grinning up at her. "Well," he sucked in a breath, hoping to the gods that he didn't look as nervous as he felt. "That was nice," he said lamely. Way better than their little fling with Oliver. "We should, like, totally do it again."
IRIS:
It was only when he pulled away did Iris realize how on fire her lungs were, that there was this thing called air they needed. “Yeah, really nice.” She responded, not helping the laugh that escaped her, leaning forward once more, pressing a firm kiss to his lips before pulling back again. Her hands fell away from his neck to only let her head fall into them, another laugh escaping from her as everything that just happened in the last few minutes flew through her mind. “I can’t believe I just did that.” She muttered, thanking every god imaginable that not only did he obviously felt the same, but that their friends weren’t around for it.
STEPHANIE:
Stephanie shrugged a little bit. "Well.. you know now." She said softly as she hit the blinker on her car, pulling into the spot. "I'd trust you too, Oli." She turned off her car grabbing her bag and looked over at him. "And you're acting as if I wouldn't end up being a groupie following you guys around" she teased, tossing her keys into her bag getting out of the car, waiting for him. "Look, whatever happens between us, our friendship always comes first, deal?"
OLIVER:
The fact that she had always been supportive of his dream really meant the world to him. He wouldn't know what to do if his friends didn't support him, and the fact that the girl he wanted to try and make something with, seemed to always be his biggest fan. "You should know that no matter what, I'll always have VIP passes sitting at the box office for you." Nodding his head as he got out of the car, Oliver could only smile as he made his way over to her side. Wrapping an arm around her as they walked into the store. "Nothing is going to come between us and our friendship, Sunshine. I won't let anything happen."
GIO:
Gio lets out a soft snort, one hand flying up to stroke Iris' hair; as amazing as kissing Iris felt, there was an unanswered question hovering in the air, and Gio certainly wasn't going to waste the rest of his summer away being a complete coward. No, he was moving to New York for fuck's sake. "I can't believe you just did that," Gio teased, leaning against her. "So," he started, licking his lips. "Did - uh, did that kiss mean anything, or...?"l
IRIS:
Iris lifted her head solely for the purpose of slapping Gio across the chest. “Don’t forget Gio, you’re the one who reciprocated.” She laughed, shrugging her shoulders. “No, it meant absolutely nothing. I just made up an excuse to kiss you for the hell of it.” She joked, sticking her tongue out at him, a sign she was messing with him. But as quick as she joked, she quickly got serious. “It did. It really did. And yeah you’re going to college in a few months, but doesn’t mean we can’t try, right? I mean, if you’re up for it. Because I am. I mean who knows, if you can deal with dating someone still in high school, we could totally make long distance work.” She said, quickly realizing she was rambling.
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the clave wanted to strip maryse of her runes, because to them, your runes and identity as a shadowhunter, is what makes you who you are. they are nothing more then shadowhunters out there to do as the angel raziel has asked of them. and because her crimes were SO BAD, for her part in the circle, they wanted to give her the BIGGEST and most HURTFUL punishment they could ever think of, and that is ripping away her ties to the shadowworld.
and yes, it hurt, knowing that the one thing she had grown up to be, always been told she was is being stripped away from her. but the kicker was how this would effect her children. her children who are her world, and now she is less ‘powerful’ to protect. now she can’t protect them like she could when she had her identity as a shadowhunter. her children, who if seen with her might be judged for HER actions and not their own.
she see’s bits of herself in everyone one of her children, jace included
maryse loves her older brother, she does even in the period in which she was deemed an outcast, her and her family an outcast due to him getting stripped of his runes to marry a mundane. she never stopped loving her brother, but she did feel like he left her alone in the world, because he was the only person she could have trusted with her fears & worries, and then he left. it wasn’t until years later that she felt at peace with herself over her brother, and so then when max came along, named him after her older brother.
maryse does love all her children equally, it was just that it didn’t seem like it when they were younger, or until a few months ago that she is actually showing it equally. like when she would push isabelle to be a solider, and to not let her passion get in her way. this was because she feared that the clave would take her daughter’s right away to be a soilder the moment they saw ‘weakness’ or her taking on more ‘female’ based tasked. why she pushed alec to be a leader, so that the lightwood’s could have their name in the right light, and having the oldest was how it was done (to show that if this is the first one, my next ones are going to be just as great).
it wasn’t honestly robert cheating on her that broke her. she knew something was up, she just didn’t know what it was exactly. it was finding out HOW LONG it had been going on, and she finds out it had been going on for a few months before max was conceived. that meant that he had only stayed because she fell pregnant with his kid and if she hadn’t, she would have been left long ago.
Does your muse believe in an afterlife? What do they think it’s like?
NO, Maryse isn’t one to believe in an afterlife, she is one to believe that when you die, you die and that is all. That is unless, of course you get turned into a vampire, that is the only afterlife she ‘believes’ in.
MARYSE organises her books by type. Then once it’s in it’s type, it’s organised by Alphabetical Title. So like, demons, history etc, are the ‘types of books’ and the specific titles are the second order. There is no reason for this, just that it makes it easy for her when she wants to find a book she needs.
Another reason in which the age ago between Izzy and Max is big, is that a year after Isabelle she had fallen pregnant again, Robert was busy and everyone just thought she was ill and she was, which contributed to the miscarriage she went through. Maryse is the only person to know if this.
when maryse is trying to make amends with people. she is really only trying to do it to those she has personally effected, the people she was close with, or needs to. she knows she can not make amends with the whole downworld for what she once believed in, she can not as there are many of them out there, so she’ll stick with those close to her, and try for a better relationship with any new ones she comes into contact with.
her list of amends:
lucian - for her outcasting him when he turned, for turning her back on him and throwing away their friendship when they were teenagers because of a stupid regin
magnus - for the way she treated him at alec and lydia’s wedding, for not really trying to change her ways right away, for not understanding about him as both someone attracted to the same sex and a downworlder
izzy - for pushing her too hard, for wanting her to be better then herself, pushing all of the things that she (maryse) did wrong and trying to make izzy better then she was
alec - for putting a lot of pressure on him from a young age, for lying to him (and the others about her part in the circle), for the way she reacted to him coming out&dating a downworlder
jace - for the way she treated him after finding out valentine had raised him, for making him feel like he wasn’t a lightwood and that she never loved him
her explaining why she did what she did (to izzy and jace mainly), but also not excusing it. her explaining why she wanted izzy to be a better version of herself. explaining why she seemed so quick to cut ties with jace the moment she found out about the valentine thing.
Maryse is an amazing cook, she learnt to cook all by herself and loves to try new things. Eating the same meal two nights in a row was not how things went for her. It was a different meal every night. She loves to cook, and make sure that her family was feed. For the longest time, this was the main way she showed she cared for her children, by making sure that they ate everything on their plate. That they’re eating, and if they hadn’t, you can bet that she was making something because eating is importing for energy and growth.
While, she’s never offered to help, she would gladly teach her children her tricks and things she has learnt about cooking.
robert and maryse, while they’re split at the moment, but it’s not ‘legally’, not that this stage, but now that things with valentine have died down with his death, the pair are finally actually putting it through the motions so they’re ‘officially’ split.
maryse calls luke, lucian because she feels that she lost the right to call luke by a nickname. she had wronged him in one of the most worst ways that a friend could have, so she feels like calling him luke, wouldn’t be right, not after all the wrong she did
DOES SHE THINK THAT VIOLENCE IS JUSTIFIED OR DESERVED? That is an iffy question because once upon a time, she did believe that violence against Downworlders, was justified and deserved. She fully did believe in Valentine in his cause, which also meant that she believed that the violence was justified/deserved. But, somewhere down the line when she was raising her children she did come to the realisation that the violence wasn’t deserved but if the Downworlder had broken the Accords, then the violence against said Downworlder would be justified, because they broke the accords. Though, now, she is starting to question even that.
RULES AND EXPECTATIONS DOES SHE FIND HARD TO FOLLOW? None, not really. She’s the kind of person to be set rules, and follow them, no questions asked. Basically the Clave could have been ‘jump’ and she would ask how high. This is due to her wanting to fit in, do the ‘right’ thing so she doesn’t get cast out (or even more cast out then she already seems to be). So she would be willing to follow every rule to a T. She wanted to climb from the bottom, and make it known that she was capable of great things. So, there really aren’t any that she find hard to follow. Basically she wanted to be the perfect Shadowhunter. As time goes on, this may change, as she’s re-evaluating her previous views, and beliefs.
DOES SHE STILL HOLD BELIEFS FROM THE CIRCLE? truthfully, no. I believe that they weren’t really ever her own, but beliefs that she was lulled into believing. But, she still does have that distrust of the downworlders from back then, because of how much of a pull that those beliefs had on her, and it was shown in the way she talked with Izzy about her affiliation with the Seelies. It just wasn’t something she could just forget, but she did see the Clave as the ‘good’ guys once she was free from the Circle, so that didn’t help her to get rid of the ‘downworlders = bad, not good’, when the Clave themselves think they’re better then the Downworlders. But, as time is passing, and her children’s links with the downworld are becoming clear, and meaning she’s interacting with them more - she is starting to see that maybe both the CIrcle and the Clave were wrong when it came down to those with demon blood. Because she is seeing the GOOD that these downworlders are doing, and how they truly, only fight back when they’re threatened. She, years later is still unlearning the way in which she believed herself, and her friends to better then the Downworld.
THE AGE GAP BETWEEN IZZY AND MAX? WHY? Robert and Maryse have honestly been having problems for years, they’ve been able to keep it way from their children. It was always behind closed doors. Back then, it did hit it’s worse, and when it looked like Robert might loose Maryse, he out of desperation, managed to slink his way back into her heart and Maryse felt that maybe, the worst was over for good and they got back on track. It was a few months later that she fell pregnant with Max, and Maryse took that as a sign, that after the years of arguing that they could be a nice, happy family again. So, basically it was the years of problems between Maryse and Robert, that caused the age gap.
MARYSE’S MOST INFLUENTIAL PERSON? Depends on what part of her life you go to, as to when she was a teenager, she would tell you the Circle, and Valentine, because that is what he was good at. Now, because she’s ashamed of it, won’t admit that. Valentine was quiet influential on her, as much as she hates to admit it.
But, now, she’ll tell you it’s her children, because she’s seen their successes, and the struggles they;e been through, even the ones she put them through and how far they’ve come, she would tell you that they’re who are the most influential on her. They are after all the reason as to why she’s re-evaluating her once old beliefs.
robert has been having an affair for a while, and to think that maryse was blind it it is to be blind to who maryse is. she’s always known that has happened, but that they could push past it - for their kids. the main reason she has put up with his infidelity is to protect the lightwood name. because she believes that when shadowhunters fall in love, it’s for life - yet, now she isn’t so sure if she was ever in love with robert but there isn’t much she can do about it. he’s had his affairs, and she’s willing to put on a brave face if it meant that the clave doesn’t look down on her, or her family.
it hurts maryse because she did, when they were younger believe that robert was the one, but then with everything that went on with valentine - she does put some blame on herself, for that time in which valentine had done that thing he does, and in the time in which she believed that maybe she loved the madman, and THAT is what caused robert to be unfaithful to her, because of her own past thoughts.
maryse always trying to reassure her kids that she is proud of them. saying it whenever she can get it in because she doesn’t want them to think that she is not because she has seen what her not showing or saying it often can lead too.
Headcanon that Maryse use to do her children’s hair, when it came to cutting it (or styling it when they were younger)
Hair being out of the way, was important in their line of work.
Up into Alec’s teens, Maryse would cut it so that it no longer would be a problem. With Isabelle, she would pull her daughter’s hair into braids and ponytails, and giving tips on how to keep her hair out of the way when it comes to combat - even if her hair is out, though she suggested that it being up would be more practical, until Isabelle was six years old and said that she could do it herself. When Jace came along, she wasn’t sure if he would let her cut his hair, so she approached the subject when she was doing Alec’s hair. So, up until his teens, Jace and Alec got their hair cut together. It was Jace’s late teens that he stopped going to Maryse for his hair. (though, when she was recently at the Insituite, and Jace needed/wanted a cut, he went to her). Now with Max, she was cutting his hair regularly up until Valentine’s return, and then she got very busy, and then there was the fights with Robert, So, Max’s hair has gotten longer, and he also is starting to claim that he’s getting to old for his mother to cut his hair.
Are there any foods that make their stomach upset?
Not at first, there is nothing that upsets their stomach but she can only have so much dairy in her diet. If she has too much, it does make her stomach a little.
What is their body language like when sleepy?
She is able to fight of sleep until she gets to bed, and to sleep but when she’s tired, and sleepy her body starts to slouch and she no longer is able to hold her body up to it’s full height. Her movements start to become a little slower, which probably wouldn’t be noticed by anyone who didn’t know her. There are small tiny signs, like how her eyes linger shut for that extra second when she blinks and how her body isn’t as tall as it usually is, or how her actions just seem that little bit off and not as calculated.
maryse and robert have been having problems for a long time, it’s just now that the kids are older, and with all that is going on with the clave, and valentine, it’s been harder to hide that fact that they’ve been fighting. and it’s worded due to robert’s cheating becoming clear to maryse.
she first suspected that he was, but she didn’t want to believe it - because of the whole, shadowhunters once they fall in love, it’s for life and she thought she had that with robert. but as time went on, and she realised that he had in fact cheated on her, she hurts a lot because her fear had been confirmed.
valentine was quiet the manipulator, he toyed with maryse, knowing exactly what to say to get her on his side. and to the point, in which she believed herself to truly love valentine because he knew the right words to say to her, and when to say them, but due to her relationship with robert and valentine’s with jocelyn, she didn’t pursue it, and when the circle disbanded, and she grew older - she realised what valentine was doing, using her like he did everyone else and if he didn’t see her fit, he would get rid of her like he had of luke. it set this distrust in her, so when clary came into the shadowworld, she was wary, thinking that clary would do what her father did - she thought that clary would be able to get into her mind just like he did.
so when the news of jace being ‘valentine’s’ son spread, she was a little afraid, that valentine had already started to get back into her mind through jace. so she put up her guard, tried to put distance, despite having watched jace grow into the man he is, and knowing he is not valentine - but she was just waiting for that moment when jace would just solidify her fears because she thought it would happen and her world would come crumbling because she truly, and utterly cared for jace, like he was her own.
she feared valentine getting to her again that she forgot that children are not their parents.
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