#trying to convey my thoughts and impressions but feeling like I didn’t particularly succeed

[swallowerofdharma]

The language of that fall from grace won’t get us home*

I really love manga as a visual language and its various possibilities of storytelling. Among the vocabulary that can be oh so cleverly used, there is the juxtaposition of images or scenes to show similarities or contrast between concepts in the arc of a single chapter. In chapter 2 Yashiro and Doumeki have the first serious talk between them. This time deflection is out of the question and Doumeki has to give up his background and family history, since his sister Aoi has been loitering outside of the office. Yashiro is surprised to learn that Doumeki was in the police and, even if he lost his job and served a prison sentence, his motives and actions were far from the common acts of violence committed by petty criminals who become yakuza. “There is one thing I want to ask you though. How did a former police officer end up in a place like this? Why didn’t you leave when you were told to work for me?” Yashiro asks. And the answer probably doesn’t make a lot of sense to Yashiro. Because Doumeki saw him and thought he was beautiful and a beautiful person in the yakuza meant that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to get involved? Without beating around the bush, Yashiro asks directly if Doumeki is gay. Maybe he discovered it in prison? So here there are probably some nuances that need a little bit of attention and some flexibility. I don’t really know who is going to read my analysis but surely enjoying this manga are people from different backgrounds and cultural contexts. Are you gay? Is this character gay? What definitions are we using? Let’s be clear then first, this is just an attempt to analyze what Yashiro and Doumeki talk about, not general statements or definitions. So let’s stay in the text, with these characters and their particular experiences and thoughts and hang-ups and their critical vocabulary. After all shouldn’t understanding come before agreement or disagreement? So let’s suspend our beliefs for a moment while reading the chapter.

“Are you a homo? Did you learn the pleasures of anal while you were in prison?”

“I don’t think I’m homosexual. I never was. But since I can’t get it up right now, I can’t say for sure”.

First of all, for these men to define their sexuality the body seems like the place to look, physical responses are less vague than just thinking someone is attractive. Finding anal sex pleasurable or getting an erection, being able to perform, as in maintaining an erection, and reaching an orgasm, these are observable facts, these are things very basic and easy to understand. And even when this is putting it simply, the reasoning around defining sexual orientation for men comes back to the physical reality often in the common language, in the crass language and in practice. Having become impotent and never having experienced anal sex from the receiving end, from the body’s standpoint Doumeki can’t know more than two things: he wasn’t gay before, we will learn more later about his experiences with women, but he knows that he rejected sexual advances in prison or didn’t feel anything about the guy who gave him a blowjob, while with Yashiro something is different. Yashiro inquires further, after all a young man having an infatuation with an older man can be quite common, but often it’s just admiration and the desire for mentorship, guidance and recognition, rather then being something sexual in nature. If Doumeki can’t be sure because he doesn’t get hard, then maybe he can admit that he felt some form of repulsion towards Yashiro when he gave him a blowjob or when he had gay sex in front of him. I think this is the direction of the dialogue until Doumeki says something unexpected: “I’m not sure. I’ve never met anyone like you in my entire life so…”. Suddenly Yashiro is the one who deflects from the conversation, although he can’t help a gesture of affection for this man who doesn’t express disgust towards his behavior.

Little digression here, but following the logic of physical response and physical pleasure only, Yashiro saying that he is bisexual makes a lot of sense since he feels arousal and gets hard with women too, although he prefers the pleasure he gets from being on the receiving end with men. Matters of consent don’t seem to count in this reasoning, although Yashiro gets angry when Doumeki cosplaying as a cop says that if someone doesn’t object or is into it then that can’t be considered rape, at the beginning of chapter 4. I believe there is something inside Yashiro that knows how wrong that idea actually is, that sometimes you are unable to voice your dissent out loud or your body doesn’t fight it but instinctively retreats into what it learned from experience and worked before, even fabricating pleasure from pain. And that maybe physical responses aren’t reliable enough to make sense of our feelings. But there is another experience that Yashiro knows, and that is that his feelings for Kageyama are independent from what little physical touch passed between them, he knows and can say out loud that he fell in love with a man. That is confirmation enough that Yashiro is queer, something outside of the logic of physical pleasure, something that Yashiro still doesn’t find easier to accept than his sexual preferences and desires. On the contrary, Doumeki as he is at the moment, can only rely on his feelings, since his body is dormant, and those feelings become impossible to ignore or discard because they are calling him and awakening him, giving him hope and direction when he had felt like he had lost everything. So why did I start this analysis announcing a juxtaposition?

The rain keeps falling as we transition into another day when Aoi is back, this time under her own umbrella. Yashiro manages to get her in a caffè to talk alone, without Doumeki knowing, and even tells her about his own experience, because having someone else who knows what that’s like is more than just a generic expression of sympathy. Yashiro can’t help but be self deprecating and stating how different he actually is from her - we will learn how he convinced himself that rape is harder on women or that he somehow doesn’t deserve to be treated with any sort of care. But Aoi, although she is surprised, doesn’t judge him harder than she judges herself as well, for putting Doumeki and her family in an awful situation. Not a lot a pages, not a lot of words, but there are so many things being said or implied, so much complexity and an instant connection. When she confesses her feelings for her brother and she shows how confused and conflicted she is and she cries because her love was not only unrequited but also unnatural, since she is sure she would have loved him even if there was a blood relation, Yashiro recognizes the same type of pain he felt when he recognized his feelings for Kageyama. Stripped down to his own honest responses and after all his stepfather did to him, he still couldn’t help but love a man and one who rejected him. Love came to both Yashiro and Aoi regardless their impossible circumstances and felt wrong and painful and unacceptable to the ones they directed their feelings to. For a moment, we don’t know how long, Yashiro can only watch Aoi cry silently, while his cigarette turns into ashes. And looking out at the window, at the light coming through after the rain, he makes a decision, he won’t fire Doumeki unless he asks to leave himself. Notice how these types of decisions come and how things can change, how these characters are following their hopes or intuition until the next moment they are confronted with another decision to make, another circumstance, and how the storytelling is based on the characters’ little weaknesses and on serendipity, so much so that if we don’t pay enough attention we can miss these delicate threads. This is Yoneda-Sensei’s storytelling. And the composition of the chapter works around these images and these three people trying to make sense of falling in love in ways that defy common beliefs or expectations, ever their own. How they are getting caught in a love that feels distinct and not subject to some type of physical response or banal logic or law or rationale. How useless is fighting against it sometimes, or how love can feel like pain and feel like hope at the same time.

*frase is from a review written by Kevin Brazil about a book called An Apartment on Uranus by Paul B. Preciado and published in ArtReview on March 1st, 2020.

[young-republicanette-blog]

Communication Training Western Australia

SOME EFFECTIVE TIPS FOR DEVELOPING COMMUNICATION SKILLS

t's a very normal fantasy that recent college grads are languid, entitled, need duty and before they even put their foot through the entryway, they're searching for the following huge thing. The considerable thing about legends is that they're only that, they aren't authentic. Be that as it may, there is a comment said in regards to twenty to thirty-year-olds getting lost behind smartphones, tablets and PCs and the departed craft of penmanship, that may call attention to something that isn't a fantasy: immature Communication Skills

Disclaimer: I will be the first to concede, I am a millennial and I am totally protective of my companions with the theme comes up. Is there any good reason why i wouldn't be? There are stacks of us in the workforce at this moment, a large number of which began from the base, and moving their way up. I need my associates to succeed on the grounds that we are the future pioneers. So don't believe I'm simply staying here on my overinflated ego hatin' on my associates. I'm definitely not. Twenty to thirty-year-olds make them astound qualities: they're committed, driven laborers, the most noteworthy taught workforce, and need to feel some portion of a group as well as work someplace with reason. So twenty to thirty-year-olds aren't too awful, however, we need to discuss the obvious issue at hand sooner or later.

Innovation and Millennials: Where It All Began

In the event that you recollect our relationship with innovation, and how for a considerable lot of us, it formed our lives as we probably am aware it. A few of us got our first PCs in 1995 and had our first since forever experience with that irritating little paperclip. Chocolate-bar style mobile phones turned into an important, if not overwhelming, malicious, but rather helped us make another dialect, IDC G2G, TTYL that finished all of us adulthood. The web, Google and Wikipedia changed the way we discover data; never again expected to go to libraries and chase down dewy-decimal codes for answers. Facebook changed the way we collaborated with our companions, to how we interface with individuals, and how to piece mum from seeing pictures of you from that one night you would prefer not to discuss. Twitter helped us refine our contemplations to 140 character limits. Images helped us make inside jokes, while GIFs and emoticons enable us to exhibit what verbal communication just can't (and FYI – don't send an eggplant emoticon to your colleague since that could in all likelihood be lewd behavior). I can't neglect to say wearables that let us know with information in case we're excessively lethargic and require, making it impossible to run 'round the piece a couple of times. Cell phones give us access to nearly all that we need, need and want at the touch of a unique finger impression (or asking Siri). Most would agree that innovation did in truth change the course of how this age conveys on an everyday premise, and with computerized disturbance having not a single end to be seen, there's a decent shot innovation will just keep on evolving Millennial (and how about we not overlook our younger siblings and sisters-Gen Z) communication skills too.

HR and L&D pioneers: make a stride back and take a gander at methods for understanding the communication skills hole through successful training that addresses twenty to thirty year olds. So how would you do this?

Step by step instructions to Develop the Soft Skills in Your Millennial Employees

As per Manpower Group's current study on Millennials, 93% of twenty to thirty year olds see progressing skills improvement as a vital piece of their future vocations. And afterward PwC's Millennials at Work: Reshaping the Workplace whitepaper, express that 35% of recent college grads discover training and improvement openings alluring parts of an imminent manager, alongside 65% discovering profession movement the key victor. Coming to an obvious conclusion here, we can see this is extraordinary news for associations, Human Resources and Learning and Development chiefs. Since recent college grads have that ability and commitment to build up their own delicate skills, it's simply a question of how, and an organized training system can be an alluring way to deal with achieve and hold millennial staff, particularly in the event that they know it will enable them to advance professionally. Approve, so we know the advantages, great. So here's a few hints to kick it into high gear:

Build up a training program that tends to the vital delicate skills, similar to communication skills. There are a wide range of training styles to suit the person. Regardless of whether it's a mixed blend of up close and personal (F2F), online e-learning courses, individual learning systems, social learning, down to earth at work involvement and perception. There are various ways you can build up your training program. It's tied in with finding the correct blend of conveyance strategies to accomplish the most ideal result – and have it fit inside your L&D spending plans.

Be that as it may, recollect your millennial gathering of people! Twenty to thirty year olds adore innovation – so don't overlook this when you're assembling a training program. A F2F training session on "compelling communication" with a PowerPoint slide deck most likely won't get the outcomes you're searching for. As a millennial, I know I like to gain from a blend of self-coordinated learning (I'll save my nighttimes to get up to speed with a MOOC from Coursera to build up my skills or side-premiums), social learning (Quora, Reddit, and different discussions where I can extinguish my hunger for new thoughts), e-learning (yes, we do take our own courses here at Learning Seat) and from the typical at work stuff that we invest 70% of our energy in (ah, 70:20:10). Be that as it may, one thing I've learnt? The main way I can deal with F2F training if it's as drawing in as a Ted Talk, it's intuitive and depends on helpful support. While I don't represent 100% of the millennial populace, it's constantly great to check your crowd and what they discover helpful to gain from. Bear in mind to use the full abilities of your Learning Management System (LMS) to track and report your student's advancement in the event that you are utilizing eLearning modules as a feature of your training program.

Begin at the absolute starting point, to get the most out of your delicate skills training program. What are the communication guidelines in your association? Is communication one of your association's organization esteems and your working environment culture? What delicate skills will new contracts need to truly flourish in your association? What does your corporate structure look like and what are the desires for their new part on an everyday premise with regards to conveying and working together with key partners? A compelling onboarding system can help incorporate recent college grads into your association, and sets a reasonable course on delicate ability desires and necessities to truly flourish in their new part.

Set an arrangement for vocation objectives, and what points of reference recent college grads need to reach to arrive. Let recent college grads realize that your association will offer them the profession movement that they're searching for. Make an improvement design. Feature the way that delicate skills, for example, communication skills, critical thinking help with long haul initiative and administrative parts, and it's basic to meet points of reference, and finish training to draw nearer to those profession objectives.

Make a mentorship program for your recent college grads. An organized, tutoring project can enable millennial representatives to get input, training and support from somebody inside the association that won't not be their immediate administrator. Tutoring twenty to thirty year olds give an inside take a gander at what it takes to be somebody at an official level, and take in direct from them what it takes to convey adequately at the best. Also, if twenty to thirty year olds do have optimistic profession objectives to one-day fill their coach's seat, it's an extraordinary chance to perceive what it takes to arrive.

Try not to sit tight for that yearly execution audit to give input. As specified before, persistent input is key for overseeing recent college grads. They're an age quick to develop and build up their skills, and they need to recognize what they're doing and how they could be improving. Sitting tight a year for that execution survey won't cut it. Consider setting up a private Slack channel where you can give nonstop, particular input in a way that isn't disciplinary (and startling), yet rather a method for instructing your millennial worker and telling them you're on a similar group working towards similar objectives. Utilizing a social channel like Slack, can help make a discussion and make negative criticism less cumbersome. Besides you can toss in a motivational image, or a thumbs up GIF to help the discussion.

not-certain if-positive-or-negative-input

Comprehend your millennial worker and how they have to get criticism to succeed. On a more individual level, when one of my best administrators (now companion), gave me input, he didn't sugar coat anything besides he additionally didn't make it an individual assault. The no-BS approach (see: radical openness), functioned admirably with the working relationship I had with my administrator (circumstantially, likewise a millennial), yet additionally my own particular identity and my qualities. It tested my mentality, my activities and my yield, however emphatically. It additionally demonstrated to me that my supervisor sufficiently minded to be totally straight-forward, and needed me to prevail past simply my part at that organization. While I'm not overlooking this approach as it won't not work for everybody, and cautioning: could apparently be marginal hostile if not done accurately, but rather it is completely vital for administrators to comprehend their individual representatives inside their groups and how they have to get criticism to flourish. Since toward the day's end, what worked for me, won't not work for the following individual in my group. It's tied in with building a successful working relationship where you can take advantage of their expert improvement needs and give them the suitable help, instructing and input, in a way that will impact them the most, when you have to.

[suzanneshannon]

Emcee Tips for a Conference or Meetup

There are some great resources out there to help conference speakers give better talks, but fewer for people who are preparing to take on the role of emcee at meetup or conference.

I've been fortunate enough to emcee conferences more than 20 times now, most recently JAMstack_conf which I help organize. I also enjoy hosting smaller, less formal meetups which benefit just as much from having somebody to keep things rolling nicely along.

Since emcee-ing is a rather visible role, I often get asked, "Got any tips for emcee-ing?" I do. At the same time, note that there is no substitute for finding the approach that fits you and lets you be yourself. But I've found what works for me, and what I enjoy in an emcee when I'm attending or speaking at a conference.

Here's my advice:

Biggest tip: Enjoy yourself.

I find that trying to relax (yeah, easy to say) and remembering that the audience want you to succeed really helps. When you remember that you're not hosting the Oscars (if you are reading this in preparation for hosting the Oscars, please contact me directly. DMs are open), and that people are very happy with you being human and personable, it gives you license to relax and talk to the room as if everyone is your friend. That’s liberating and helps you to be more natural.

The crowd's view of the stage at Vue.js London. Image copyright www.edtelling.com.

To err is human

While we all want things to run as smoothly as possible, mistakes happen. Don’t panic or let them throw you off too much. I find that owning mistakes and communicating them honestly to the audience can be a feature rather than a bug. It also helps them trust you and be on your side. (I believe that there is only one “side” at a conference anyway. And this can help to establish that.)

Many of the moments I consider highlights have come from some silly mistake I’ve made on stage, like giving the wrong information and being corrected by the audience. It’s fine. We’re in it together. Have a little fun with it.

Technical difficulties

It’s really common for there to be technical difficulties during a conference. They often only take a few moments to resolve, but they can occasionally drag on and become a little uncomfortable.

As a speaker it is horrible to think that you are on your own to fix things while a room full of people impatiently watches on. As an emcee, you can help enormously by being ready to jump in if it looks like things might need some time and concentration from the speaker, or if a helpful member of the audio-visual team is sprinting to the stage.

I like to step back on the stage to provide a little buffer. No need to panic. Often just a little company on stage and some headspace is all that is required. My trick is to keep a little pocket-sized notebook on me all day. I keep a few notes ready, things like news and announcements for the audience. Where will the refreshments be later? Who are the sponsors and where can you find them? What are the details for the social later on? Those kinds of things. You may need them at the start of the next break anyway, but you can buy a little time for the speakers and save time for later by being ready to share that at this "handy opportunity."

“Me again! We’ll get this fixed in a second. While we have a mo...”

Even when there isn’t a problem, the speaker might still take a little time to plug in their laptop, be certain that they can see their speaker notes, and so on. If the conference does need each speaker to plug in as they come to the stage, I like to invite them up while I introduce them, and then check that they are ready when it looks like they have stopped tinkering with their setup. This doesn’t need to be a secret from the audience. “It looks like Jina is ready to go. Are you all set? Excellent! OK, a big round of applause please, for...”

Longer pauses. Oh this is getting awwwwwkward!

Every once in a while, there is a larger technical issue. The audio-visual team is on it, but you’ve used up all your padding material, pulled a couple of jokes from your back pocket, and now you and the speaker are stranded on stage with nothing to say and that horrible feeling of not knowing where to put your hands so that you look natural. Not to worry. Be honest.

Eventually the audience will start to feel awkward too, so cut this off at the pass. If things look like they really do need a few minutes, tell the audience. A bright and breezy update buys you some time and some good will.

"It looks like we still need a couple more minutes to figure this out, so we’ll step off stage for a moment and then come on again to enjoy a second, bonus round of applause. Don’t go anywhere, we’ll be right back!"

This sort of thing can take the pressure off everyone. Including the audience. And you can milk that second round of applause for the speaker as they return.

Just be honest. Everyone is on your side, remember.

Practice all the names

A mistake that makes me uncomfortable is botching somebody's name when I introduce them. That is a bit of a fear I still have and I've done it many times despite my best efforts. I like to watch YouTube videos of all the speakers that I don't already know to get a sense of what they've spoken about in the past, and also as a chance to listen to how they introduce themselves. I practice them out loud and write them down phonetically if they are tricky.

If you find a name particularly difficult, you can even use the voice recorder on your phone to capture how they pronounce it on YouTube, or your own best try, and then have it ready as a last-minute primer just before you need it.

Know more than the speaker's bio

Speakers often get introduced by someone reading out their bio. I don't think this gives the impression that you have enthusiasm for, or awareness of them. Both of which are, I think, valuable for creating trust with the audience and comfort for the speaker. I like to look them up and make some notes based on previous talks, the links on their own sites, or whatever else I can scrounge. I like to have an intro that goes beyond the bio that the attendees all have and will recognize as being read verbatim when they hear it.

Introducing Divya Sasidharan onstage at Vue.js London. Image copyright www.edtelling.com.

Jake has a good thought related to this:

... it shouldn't matter if the speaker has published 18 books, or if they're just an intern starting out their career, their talk content is what matters.

Yes! Listing their full resume isn't the point at all. I personally just like to convey that I know who this is, and that I'm not encountering them for the first time as I read the schedule — and that I’m looking forward to hearing what they have to say, irrespective of how extensive their previous experience or fame may be.

It's also worth double-checking that the job title and company details you have for somebody are still correct. It's nice to make sure that you didn't miss a recent role change.

Another good nugget from Jake is to avoid surprising the speaker. I've wandered into this territory before where I've enthused about a speaker in their introduction and mentioned a bunch of things that they were planning to say for themselves in their intro. As he says:

Make the speaker aware of the kind of intro they'll get, so they can adjust their own intro accordingly.

That's good. Communicating with the speaker ahead of time so that you can tune your own intro is likely to be easier than them adjusting their own content, what with slides and timings, etc.

"No surprises" is probably a good motto for this.

Avoid "in jokes"

When you emcee, you might sometimes be introducing somebody you know. Perhaps it's a friend, a colleague, or somebody you shared a nice chat and giggle with at the reception or dinner the night before. While I think it's fine to reference a history or relationship in an intro for context, It's safer to focus on things that everyone can relate to and not just those who already know you or the speaker.

Private jokes don't mean anything to the vast majority of the audience, and can even alienate you a little by creating a bit of a clique as Jan thoughtfully mentioned on Twitter.

Don't assume or rely on "fame"

"This next speaker needs no introduction" is rarely true. Even if it's likely that a lot of people in the room might already know who a given speaker is, there will be some who don't.

As Luke observed:

Don't assume the audience knows who the speaker is.

Each speaker deserves a nice introduction. And there will always be some in the audience thinking "who dis?" Even a little background can be a helpful foundation and give the speaker a nice springboard to get started.

Announce and thank people with vigor

I've been introduced quite a few times in ways where I've been unsure whether the intro is over or not! I like to be sure that the final thing I say is the name of the speaker. (Not their talk title, although I'll likely mention that and possibly the themes in my introduction.)

An onstage introduction at Vue.js London. Image copyright www.edtelling.com.

Ending the intro with the speaker's name seems painfully obvious, but I do this even if I've used their name earlier in the intro. It makes the handoff emphatic and acts as an obvious cue for audience applause. Using an intonation which suggests "it's time to clap right now!" is also helpful. Again, it seems obvious but giving the audience clear cues is important.

Let the speakers give the talks

You might sometimes be opinionated about the topic of the next talk. Maybe you’ve given talks on the same subject yourself. Great, that will come in handy if you need to ask informed questions after the talk. But don’t fall into the temptation to show this off during your intro. The speakers are “the show” — not the emcee. And the person you are introducing is the one invited to share their expertise.

I sometimes show I value the upcoming topic, but I advise against flexing your knowledge muscles during an intro. You might cannibalize the content, or even contradict it. And you’ll never communicate it in an intro as well as the speaker can during the actual talk. You might come off as being cocky.

Don’t step on the speaker's toes. Let them present the content. This is why everyone is here.

Prep speakers for questions and answers

If there is Q&A that you’ll need to lead or curate, it’s important to know that in advance. It is one of the first things I’ll ask the organizer in the run up to a conference. I like to ask the speakers at the speaker dinner the night before the event or when they are getting mic'd up (but earlier really is better, especially when they have time to think while being relaxed) if there is anything they'd like me to ask or avoid saying altogether. There are often things people can't include due to time and this can be a chance to squeeze that in and also serve as a nice soft ball question to get things started and let them settle in.

Some speakers might not want to take questions. I like to make sure about that first, and steer the event organizers away from it if somebody prefers not to have it.

Housekeeping is a good boilerplate

At the opening of the day, I usually jump quickly into the various housekeeping stuff of toilets, exits, code of conduct, etc. soon after saying my initial hello and maintain an enthusiastic posture about the day. It doesn't require much imagination and can help you settle in.

Don't forget to introduce yourself too!

Ask the organizers what they need

Along the way, there might be a need to mention sponsors, inform people of food, or even other things. I like to check in with the organizers at every break to see if there is anything they need me to announce. Maybe there can be a private Slack channel or Whatsapp group so you can stay in contact with them. That way you can find out if they need to adjust timings or any other odds and ends as you go.

Most of all though, and to repeat my first point a little, allow yourself to enjoy the experience. It's so much fun when the speakers and audience are enjoying themselves.

Make sure you ride that wave and have fun too!

My checklist

I have this little checklist as a starting point for the events I'll be emcee-ing. It changes a bit depending on what the conference needs.

Prep speaker intro notes Prep speaker name pronunciation notes Confirm format for Q&A with organizers Prep seed questions for each talk Share event notes Google Doc with organizers Access/create emcee slack channel or WhatsApp group Confirm or create event intro/outro slides if appropriate Get housekeeping notes from organizers Get familiar with code of conduct and contact info to share Confirm event hashtags to share Get sponsor call-out requirements from organizers Meet AV team and discuss transition format Brief speakers on transition format and get ok for questions Get water / pen / notepad / mic Breath. Smile. Have fun.

What have I missed? Got any good tips? I'd love to hear them. Feel free to leave thoughts and suggestions in the comments.

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[fyeah-chanyeol]

Ceci Magazine Feburary 2017 Issue: Chanyeol’s Interview

Question: You’ve mentioned that one of the best movies of 2017 that you have watched is “Hyung" in which D.O has starred in. In particular, which scenes stood out or caught your attention the most? Chanyeol: Until now, i’ve only seen the movie once. (laughs) Amongst the many scenes, one in particular stood out to me the most; it was the scene where Kyungsoo was dancing. This is a side of Kyungsoo that I’m pretty familiar with. Question: Even though you’ve learned DJ-ing from BeatBurger’s Shim Jae Won, he was apprehensive about the fact that you were able to perform it during your concerts. It must have been an accomplishment for you, after having done so for 44 consecutive concerts. Chanyeol: I’ve become closer to Jaewon hyung through our conversations while I was learning DJ-ing from him. He seems rather impressed with my persistence and perseverance with regards to music. I always show the prettier side of me when i’m engaged in music. Honestly speaking, i’m not amongst the members that dance well during our concerts. Hence it got me thinking about other forms of performances that i was able to showcase. This led me to discover about DJ-ing, which i thought was a good alternative. I encountered many setbacks throughout my tenure, but as i had expected, i was able to better understand and adapt quicker to the lessons taught during the time frame between the last EXO’Luxion concert to the present EXO’rDIUM one. Question: You’ve mentioned about your personality being one that is rather impatient. However, it seems that you do tend to dedicate time and patience to specific areas of your interest. People who are impatient tend to give up rather easily. Chanyeol: Having an impatient personality allows me to stay focused on the task on hand and time seemingly passes by quickly. For instance, i wanted to master the Japanese language as quickly as possible. Therefore it spurred me on to study diligently on a daily basis. Whenever the time permits, i find myself reading up on Japanese vocabulary. During my plane rides to Japan for our conducted tours, i would take the opportunity to read up on Japanese vocabulary books to further expand my knowledge. Question: What have you been diligently working hard on recently? Chanyeol: During the month of January, we had a window period where we were free with no schedules. I picked up snowboarding as a result. I spent my time looking up various video clips featuring people performing a variety of stunts and jumps while riding on it, which prompted me to want to do the same. I kept having to replay the video. The following day i attempted it and fell close to a hundred times. I don't usually fall as much, but for this particular stunt i was intending to learn, i ended up falling a hundreds of times. However i managed to succeed at the end. Throughout the 5 days of my practice, 3 of which i even found myself having difficulty trying to walk (laughs). Given my type of impatient personality, iI wanted to pick up the skill as quickly as possible. I poured in all my time and effort into doing so. I also tend to have a personality whereby, i would get frustrated if i wasn’t able to accomplish goals that i had initially set out for. Question: From your acting debut in the movie "Salut D'Amour" to the present drama “Missing Nine”, you’ve certainly learnt many acting skills cumulatively as a result right? Chanyeol: Of course. Especially during the filming of the drama “Missing Nine”, i’ve learnt a lot just by looking at the way my seniors act. Initially, when we had to appear as a group, i was deeply intimidated. As every single word in the script, if not executed properly, could cause devastating differences. I found myself constantly working on how to convey my feelings of exasperation on set back at home. I also began thinking about ways to help better convey my tone and voice. I consulted the director about this issue many times. Especially with the help of a senior whom i’m particularly close with, Kim Sang Ho, i’ve learnt many things. Question: The adult persona of Chanyeol must have been well adored isn’t it? Chanyeol: Well I guess so, it seems. (laughs) During our breaks, besides the usual conversation about acting, i do converse about social issues, politics etc with my seniors. I realized that i could benefit from having conversations like these as well, as it gave me more insight about the adult life. It was fortunate that i was being casted for this drama. Question: Upon reading up about the character “Lee Yeol” that you potrayed in the drama, i felt like it had a striking resemblance to your character off screen. Didn't that provide you with a better advantage? Chanyeol: I did notice that the character I potrayed in the drama bore similar resemblance to the way i behave in my daily life. However, after having to act it out, i realized that it was in fact actually pretty contrasting. Although the people around me are familiar with my own personality in real life, i worked hard in trying to potray the character of Lee Yeol well. Question: During the drama it’s been known that the 9 members had suffered from a plane crash incident. To put the film into the real life perspective, given that the conditions aren’t so severe, what would you have done during the times in which you’ve experienced exasperation and feeling exhausted? Chanyeol: During the early days of my debut, i remembered feeling extremely dreary and constantly being exhausted. However i was always there to lighten the mood for my fellow members. These days, after having familiarized ourselves around each other after so long, this practice slowly died down, we find ourselves keeping to each other more. I guess it's due to the fact that people generally get sensitive when they’re tired. I can also say the same for myself as well. I tend to feel really guilty about it before bed, so i’m really trying to keep my emotions in check. This is something i would like to work on this year. Question: Whilst filming in Jeju, what did you do during your free time? Chanyeol: There wasn't much free time in general. When it happened to rain during filming, i would spend the time bonding with my seniors as we sat around during a meal and play games together. This really allowed me to bond with my seniors. During our actual breaks, we hardly went on our separate ways. Instead, we would gather together and chat continuously on end. Those times were very much enjoyable for me and everyone else, as it was also a time for us to heal through our conversations. Question: You were the one that started the band ‘Heavy Noise’. Ideally you tend to stick to one you set of to do, but do you have times where you tend to just give up half way through the process? Chanyeol: Nope. None of that sort. In fact i was even more optimistic during my middle and high school days. I would always gather amongst my friends as we had fun joking with each other and exploring new instruments and such. I still have vivid memories about us spending time in the ensemble room and going out for spicy rice cakes thereafter. It was an enjoyable time for me. During the days where my band was active it gained much popularity and attention from others. I remembered surprising everyone with my musical instrument abilities albeit being a transferred student. (laughs) Question: As such, you must have been a tall and attractive student back then. Chanyeol: I think my golden/prime days were back when I was in 3rd grade during High School. (laughs) I was constantly fooling around with my classmates and we would always keep silent whenever a female student passed by out of basic respect. However afterwards, we would basically just resume with our antics. When lunch break approached, others would make a dash for the cafeteria, while i would just take my time strolling towards it. During soccer matches, i would also be at the sideline having fun and laughing along as well. Question: You make school hallways seem as though they are fashion runways instead. It seems like you are pretty self loving, but you do find yourself wanting to be acknowledged by others around you for your efforts as well right? Chanyeol:You're right. However having said that, apart from wanting the love and attention from others, i don’t wish to be pretentious. It feels good to be acknowledged, but i’ll prefer to set a limit to it and not go overboard. When i feel like i have made someone feel uncomfortable in any way, i would go back and think about it and reflect upon it. Question: Often times, people with good lucks have found themselves in a situation where their attributes are overshadowed by their outer appearances. You can be good at everything, but it’ll all be overshadowed by your looks isn’t it? Chanyeol: Frankly speaking, it isn’t the outer appearance that distracts the public from my talents. But rather, it encourages people to pay closer attention to my outer appearance as opposed to my talents. It gives me the motivation to perform at my personal best at all times, to basically constantly showcase what my capabilities are. If i’m at the 100th level right now, it makes me aim for 10000. Similar to music, i always find myself aspiring for greater heights in life. Although i constantly receive praises from the people around me, i still find myself doubting my abilities at times and even losing my confidence as a result. Hence whenever i have my free time, i work hard at the practice studio to try and further improve myself. Question: Would there ever be a day whereby, after looking at yourself in the mirror, you think “I’ve accomplished more musically, as compared to working on my outer appearance”? Chanyeol: No doubt, i have thoughts like that as well. I’ve always been asking my fellow seniors in the industries about what they think about me. And they’ve always replied that i show perseverance and tenacity in my musical composition. Of course it feels good to receive great compliments like this, but it also spurs me on to further improve on my skills for the better as i feel like i’m still lacking in many aspects as an individual. Eventually, it’s the enthusiasm that i have to learn more about music that’s behind it all. Question: You’ve previously mentioned that “One’s imagination surpasses the abundance of all imaginations”. I find that rather quirky and adorable. Has anything changed ever since? Chanyeol: Yes, definitely! I’m all about exceeding my own imagination. Before i hit the hay every night, i usually picture a scene in my head during filming. Not long ago, i pictured myself earning a quadrillion bucks. Question: If that (earning a quadrillion) was true, what would you do with all that fortune? Chanyeol: I would build a 20-storey high building. The first 3 levels would be converted into a practice space. This year as part of my resolutions, i decided to work on my dancing. During the past year, i’ve observed myself through the monitors and realized that i had loads to work on with regards to my dancing abilities. Besides attending more dance lessons, i would commit myself towards my fitness as well. Those facilities would be found at the upper levels. Then comes a study area where i would learn what’s basically necessary, and my studio, where i receive coaching on my lyrical compositions as well. It’s basically all about working towards self-enhancement and establishing a greater me. Question: It’s been a good 5 years since your debut with EXO. Are you aspirations currently what you had hoped for prior to your debut? Chanyeol: I feel like i’m drawing closer to my childhood dream of being a composer, a producer. Although i thoroughly enjoy my time working as a singer, i do hope to expand my outlook towards lyrical compositions as well as producing music. Given my spare time apart from my daily commitments, i hope to gain more insights with regards to music. Although i do feel satisfied being an EXO member, i’m always greedy for more. Albeit the old saying that everyone has a point where they reach their personal limits, i feel that although this may be true to a certain extent or so, we all still have a long way to go. Once you reached a milestone, it would only serve to drive you further into reaching your fullest potential. Question: In conclusion, do you have anything that you would like to say for Ceci? Chanyeol: Let’s Love! ( laughs) Translation by Soojung @ fyeah-chanyeol (Please take out with full credits)

[datingadviceonreddit]

Online dating is the greatest invention the world has ever seen. Think about it: it’s like online shopping for sex. You browse profiles, find someone you like and start a conversation. With any luck they will like you back and you can look forward to a new life of love, romance and passionate lovemaking.In reality, it’s like that game at the fun fair where you have to shoot a row of ducks but nobody ever seems to be able to hit the target. Fixed or not, it’s frustrating, and unless you’re a crack Marine Corps sniper, you will often go home empty handed. Online dating is a pain in the ass. As a “veteran” of over 60 internet dates and nearly 10 years of negotiating my way through the many, many websites out there, I know firsthand how arduous and frustrating it can be. I’ve made countless errors, put up stupid pictures, sent even stupider messages and had “sure things” vanish into thin air.It’s this experience, however, that has enabled me to figure out what the hell I am doing, and I wish to share some of my tips and tricks with you. The following tips are for both men and women and they will hopefully spare you some of the failures that I went through.So I began a month-long experiment, analysing the profiles of popular online daters and their behaviour on dating sites. What I discovered surprised me, to say the least. It also led me to my husband. Here are my top 10 tips for online dating based on my experience.Make a wishlistDevelop a strategy before you begin. What, exactly, are you looking for? Create a shopping list and be as specific as possible. Rather than saying “someone who wants kids”, get granular. Say that you want someone who wants two kids, about three years apart and is willing to go through fertility treatments with you should pregnancy become a problem. Part of making your list is defining what you want.Keep scoreOnce you’ve thought of all the traits you want in a mate, prioritise them. Think about the characteristics in the context of previous relationships, your friends and your family. Develop a scoring system. Allocate points to your top 10, and fewer points to a second set of 10‑15 characteristics. Decide the lowest number of points you’ll accept in order to go out on a date with someone. This is basically developing a handcrafted algorithm, just for yourself.Get onlinePick a few websites to use. Match.com is a more general environment with a lot of options. People who use Tinder tend not to be looking for long-term relationships. It’s OK to use two or three sites at a time. Bear in mind that you’ll want most of the features activated, and that some sites can be expensive.Go shoppingFor the most part, dating sites aren’t doing anything particularly mysterious. Sites mostly create taxonomies and match users based on their answers. In some cases, sites look at the gap between users’ answers and their behaviours. For example, you might say that you prefer a very tall man with dark hair who is religious, but mainly click on profiles for shorter atheists. The algorithm in that case would try to match you according to your behaviour. But maybe you’re clicking on all of the profiles, even those that don’t match your preferences, or sitting next to your sister, and she’s also looking for a boyfriend – one who’s short and blond. In that case, the algorithm won’t work either. It’s best to treat dating sites as giant databases for you to explore.Keep your profile shortLong profiles typically didn’t fare well in my experiment. I think that for thoughtful women, or women who are quite smart, there’s a tendency to give more of a bio. Popular profiles were shorter and intriguing.Create a curiosity gapEver wondered why Upworthy and Buzzfeed are so popular? It’s because they’re masters of the “curiosity gap”. They offer just enough information to pique interest, which is exactly what you’d do when meeting someone in person for the first time. This doesn’t mean your profile should start out with “9 Out of 10 Londoners Are Completely Wrong About This Mind-Blowing Fact” or “You’ll Never Believe Who This Banker from North Yorkshire Wants to Date …” But it does mean describing yourself in about 97 fascinating words.Don’t try to be funnyMost people aren’t funny – at all – in print. What you say to your friends at the pub after a few pints may get a lot of laughs, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll translate on a dating site. The same goes for sarcasm. Often, people who think they sound clever instead come off as angry or mean. Here’s a good tip: after you’ve written your profile, read it aloud to yourself.Be selectiveIt’s good to give examples of your likes and dislikes, but bear in mind that you may inadvertently discourage someone by getting too specific about things that aren’t ultimately that important. I love Curb Your Enthusiasm. As it turns out, my husband particularly dislikes that show. If I’d have gone on and on about Larry David in my profile I wonder if he’d have responded.Use optimistic languageIn my experiment, I found that certain words (“fun”, “happy”) made profiles more popular. Talk about what excites you, or paint a picture of a really great day that you would want to be a part of. Would you date you?Market yourselfDon’t just reuse old photos or copy your profile from dating site to dating site. There are a lot of parallels between online dating and marketing: you must know exactly who your audience is, who you want to attract and what’s most likely to hook them.It’s all about your main profile pictureMany online dating articles and products will try to convince you that what you write for your first message is the most important skill you will ever learn. This is true to a certain extent. For sure, what you write in your opening message and in your profile will dictate a lot of your success with online dating, but the single biggest factor is how someone responds to your profile picture.It is the first thing they will ever see!While your opening message’s content will determine if someone clicks through to your profile, it’s that little thumbnail image that will determine if they open the message at all. This isn’t a universal rule but take women as an example—the more messages a woman receives each day, the pickier she is going to be. Have you ever deleted an opening message based solely on the thumbnail image? I think everyone has at some point, and imagine how often you would do this if you received 20-50 a day instead of 1 or 2 a week.Most attractive women don’t even open all of their messages simply because they can’t be bothered to sift through them all. You have to assume that a quick glance at the thumbnails is all she is going to use to decide whether to open the message, so if your main image isn’t the single best photo you own then you are doing yourself a disservice. No cheesy topless shots, no stuffy formal pictures and no Myspace style self-portraits either—you want a picture that shows you are a relaxed, fun person who has an active social life.The key to writing an interesting profileIt almost doesn’t matter what information you write in your profile as long as you are conveying sincerity and vulnerability. The best way to demonstrate sincerity is to write your main bio in a loose conversational manner without trying to “big” yourself up. This isn’t a CV; you aren’t auditioning for anyone, so don’t write it like you are trying to impress. It will come across as needy, and although you may have the sexiest picture imaginable, your chances of meeting someone are virtually zero if you sound like a douche.Vulnerability is the essence of opening yourself up without fearing rejection. Are you a geeky chess player? Are you passionate about computer programming? Do you have a fetish for licking stamps? Don’t be afraid of telling people who you are and what you love doing. A truly attractive person is comfortable in their own skin and has the confidence to reveal their thoughts and feelings without caring what anyone else thinks. Ask your best friend or someone you trust to proofread your profile to check that what you have written is a fair and honest representation of your personality and you aren’t coming across like a crazy person.Unless you want to attract crazy people of course.That all-important first messageOkay, you’ve sorted out your profile and taken some decent pictures, now you’re ready to send your very first message. What do you do?First, don’t just send messages out blindly: you have to tailor the message to your goals and the person you are writing to. You don’t want to give a beautiful woman a physical compliment because it won’t have a huge effect on her. Likewise you don’t want to tease someone who comes across like they might not be the most confident person. With regards to messaging men, don’t be overly flirtatious as that can immediately set off their BS detector. Instead, give a man a non-sexual compliment and show interest in something from his profile. Guys, read that last sentence too—it applies both ways.Common sense goes a long way here:Read their profile.Read it again.Try to find something that most people may have missed. Does she love an obscure movie that you’ve also seen? Has he been to a country that you love? Is she doing a degree in a subject that you have knowledge about? Find something that you can grab hold of and use, whether that’s a specific piece of information or just a vibe you’re getting. Tailor your message around that. It’s hard to figure someone out based on just a few words and a picture or two, but you have to learn to go with your instincts. Unfortunately this will only come with practice, and the more messages you send, the better you will get.Online dating is exactly the same as meeting someone the conventional way—it’s purely a numbers game and the quicker you realise this, the better. The more messages you send out, the more replies you will receive. Research has also shown that the best time to send a message is on a Sunday afternoon. That is the time when people are generally bored and are at their computers searching for a bit of companionship after their failed attempts at meeting someone the previous night.How to get away from the internet and on that first dateThere are two main ways to transition away from whatever dating site you are using: the first way is a slower process but it’s probably the safest option, while the second is very “high risk-high reward”, but is the quickest method if done correctly.Option number 1The slower method is about building trust and rapport. The best way to do this is to suggest moving away from the dating site to a more personal method of communication. Back in the day this was MSN Messenger, but nowadays you could use Facebook chat or WhatsApp. The advantage of Facebook is that you can get more insight into who they are, see more photos, find out the kind of circles they hang out in. It’s slightly stalkerish, but remember; they will get to see everything on your profile too so it’s a fair swap.WhatsApp is basically an instant messaging service that is available on iPhone, Android and Windows and it involves trading each other’s phone number. From here you can send each other messages throughout the day and it’s a great way to have some fun. After you have built up a little more trust you can then transition to speaking on the phone—hey, you have each other’s number anyway so it makes sense.Option number 2You can skip all of this if you want and just go straight for the meet up. To do this effectively you have to use your common sense (I’m sure you have some) and suggest this at the right time. In my experience I would do this after maybe 20-30 emails back and forth. This may seem a lot, but if you are trading several emails a day then this should only take a week to accomplish.The way that I bring this up is with a casual, “you seem pretty cool, we should meet up soon” comment. It’s very vague amd doesn’t pressure them into giving an immediate answer, yet it shows that your intention is to meet up, not to have a new pen pal. If the response is in any way positive, then go right ahead and suggest a provisional date, like saying “Cool, I am free on Monday to Wednesday evenings and maybe Sunday afternoon; let me know what is best for you”. Give a few options, such as different evenings, mix in a daytime option and sit back and wait. I would say 75% of the time you will get a definitive date set from this, but if not, then as long as you keep emailing each other, you can try again the following week.Remember: as long as you keep chatting to each other, the interest is still there. Don’t feel discouraged by an initial “no”, as this could mean anything from feeling worried about meeting someone online to simply being busy with work. Keep building that rapport and don’t moan about it under any circumstances. Accept every decision and show that you understand. Be patient and respectful.You can always revert back to option 1 at this point. First date dos and don’tsChoose the location yourself; preferably some place where you feel comfortable and that offers the opportunity to sit/walk side by side. Don’t go to dinner, the cinema or sit opposite each other—those promote a sense of detachment.Act like it’s the second date already. Don’t start with an awkward hello and a million questions—chat like you would to a good friend.Don’t offer to pay for a drink, just go ahead and do it. If they object, just tell them the next round is on them, (or next time if it’s only a quick meet).The key to building rapport is to qualify and comfort. Listen intently and demonstrate an understanding or approval or what they are saying, then follow up with a similar story/example from your own life. For example: “I can’t believe you climbed Kilimanjaro, that is such a cool story—I’ve always wanted to do that but the closest I’ve got to that is a hike up Ben Nevis, which was cool in its own way because…”Go ahead and talk about your online dating experiences—you can laugh about all of the crazy weird messages you each receive.Don’t reveal how many people you have met up with if it’s more than 5 in a 1-year period, or if the person you are meeting is inexperienced at this.If there has been some flirting and you feel that you have both enjoyed the date, don’t be afraid to go for the kiss. It is rare that you will receive a rejection and it demonstrates attractive qualities.Use common sense, but don’t use fear as an excuse not to make the move.Remember that you are not trying to sell yourself. Go in with the mindset that you are trying to find out if this person meets YOUR standards, not the other way round. Be friendly, flirty, funny and conversational without being needy.Don’t ask for a second date—just state that you would like to see them again and you’ll be in touch soon to arrange something.Finally, some important points to rememberYou will have no doubt seen those tabloid internet dating horror stories, but they are so rare it’s not even worth worrying about. Meeting someone online is probably the safest method of dating. I say this because you have the option to check out everything about them before that first date, which is something you can’t do if you meet someone in a bar or club. If employers can use the internet to check out potential employees then you can do the same.On a semi related note, make sure that the photos you have seen are genuine. If you can’t see their Facebook page or if their dating profile only has 1 photo then it is okay to ask to see a few more. I personally will never meet up with anyone if I haven’t had a good look at their photos. This isn’t being shallow at all, it’s simply reducing the chances of being conned into meeting someone who is 50 lbs heavier than their photo or is in any way trying to pass themselves off as better looking than they really are.You can spot a fake profile a mile off; it’s really easy. If there is just 1 photo of someone with above average looks, little in the way of profile information, mentions sex in any way whatsoever, or uses their first and last name together then move on. It’s not worth the hassle. Similarly, guys: as you know, women don’t usually send out that first message so if you receive a message from a really hot woman and you feel uneasy about it, feel free to reply but beware—check those trigger signs I just mentioned and use your instincts and intuition.Girls: you WILL receive messages from guys asking for sex. It happens, so it’s best that you’re aware of it from the outset. The majority of these guys are harmless and just lack social skills. The best way to deal with these is not to reply at all, not even a polite “no thanks”. Only reply to the guys that have put a little thought into the opening message.So that’s it. Online dating is a bit scary if you have never done it before, but hopefully this guide (whilst covering the basics) is enough to get you started, and providing that you follow my advice about using your common sense and instincts, you’ll have a great time. Enjoy yourself and stay safe!source... via /r/dating_advice