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angelicamerlinbarnes · 3 years

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TUA ENTERTAINER AU

(friendly reminder to remember that celebrities are people too! be respectful of and kind to them, both online and in person! ^-^)

(Talk Show Host) Vanya Blues is the host of a late night talk show called The Sleepy Show with Vanya Blues. She does what typical talk show hosts do - talks to her guests, makes up fun games, and brings attention to social issues. The staple of her show is that she plays violin for the last seven minutes, lulling her audience to sleep. Beyond her own show, she’s hosted events like the Emmys and the Oscars throughout the years, and often works with mental health support services, as her traumatic past of childhood isolation and abuse is well-known. She’s had a couple bouts of scandals, as her anger getting the best of her often leads to violence, but while these scandals tend to put her on hiatus for awhile, she always comes back stronger than ever. Though she’s not known to have many friends in the celebrity world, her favorite guests have her personal number: Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus, Five, and Ben. As for her personal life, she keeps it intensely private - it’s known that she has a wife and a son, but nothing else. At least, not until Leonard, one of Vanya’s abusive ex-boyfriends and a paparazzi nut, manages to get some photos of Vanya with her kindergarten teacher wife Sissy and their son Harlan, whom they won in a court case against Sissy’s abusive ex-husband Carl. It would’ve been fine, if he hadn’t released them to the entire world - but he did, and now no one in Vanya’s family is safe.

(Rockstar) Diego Towblaerman is professionally known as “Batman”, a rockstar and teenage heartthrob beloved by the media. (He’s not a teenager, but all the people who wanna sleep with him are.) He always wears leather and black, except around pride month, when he can commonly be seen wearing shirts, jackets, pins, and other materials sporting his bisexual pride, as he’s been out since the beginning of his career. He’s rebellious and intense, but also pretty laid back and incredibly kind, known for conversing easily with any fans he comes across and helping out in the small places where he can. He plays guitar, plenty of different types and models, and also the drums and piano, though those spots in his band are filled by other people. Eudora is his pianist and second guitarist, and his adopted sister. She helps produce his music and manage his behavior, and their relationship and dynamic is well-loved by the public, especially as Diego often brings Eudora as his plus-one to award shows. Also in his family is his mother, Grace, who he often has lunch with and shouts out on social media, mostly about the orphanage she runs that he grew up in. (Unbeknownst to him or most of the others, all of the other six passed through that orphanage at some point in their tumultuous childhoods.) There’s also Lila, his girlfriend of a few years and his band’s awesome drummer. She’s as badass as Diego - she rides a motorcycle, can pack a punch, and heads a lot of organizations against sexual assault, since she grew up in a bad home in a bad neighborhood. (What people don’t know is that their relationship is a PR thing for both their benefits, and that Lila and Eudora have been together for nine years and Diego is married with two children. Best be keeping that out of the media, me thinks.) Lastly, though, is the mystery member of Diego’s posse - someone they only know as “Séance”, from the countless number of songs Diego has written about him. Love songs. All happy ones, too, and listed as tracks two and four on his albums. Now, there are only two clues as to who this person might be. One: Diego is rather impatient when it comes to assholes, and there are plenty of videos out there of him punching and cussing out people who harass him or his friends - but most notably is the viral, dark and blurry video of him having to be pulled off a guy by a bunch of shouting people, only one of whom’s voice is clear: a soft, sweet, scared, Gogo. No one saw who it was he was defending - Diego made sure to drape them in his own scarves and jackets and go out the back way, but there’s a soundbite from the same night of what sounds like two people sharing a kiss, Diego’s voice smiling around the words I’ll see you at home, baby, and the sound of a car door slamming. Lila, when asked, only smirked and answered that she was probably too wasted to remember this. The second clue, and perhaps the most interesting, is the sheer number of quote tattoos Diego has, none of which he will explain. Only a few people in the entire world know what the quotes are from - a shipping cult of fans on tumblr, only about a hundred of them, who all found and liked a post that pointed out that all of the quotes only have one thing in common, besides being forever embedded in Diego’s skin: they’re all the words of beloved comedian Klaus Hellbyes.

(Actress) Allison Charmors is known for being so kind and charming that no one has ever said no to her. She’s also a bit of media darling and nightmare simultaneously: they adore her, and all of her work with human rights organizations, but they’ve also had to deal with more of her troubles than anyone else they document. She’s often labelled a “maneater”, as her on-and-off relationship with Luther Monkman still follows her around, she and her first husband Patrick divorced and he got full custody of their daughter, and then she bounced around with a couple of other men. (And women too, but nobody else knows that. She wears pan pride colors sometimes, but has never outright stated or implied it beyond a couple of unfiltered jokes in interviews. She dated Natalie Portman once, if anyone cares.) Allison never settled down with anyone until Ray Chestnut came along - a BLM leader and proud LGBTQIA+ and Me Too ally. They met when Allison helped out at one of his demonstrations, and they’ve been inseparable ever since. The media is fascinated with their easy-going relationship and relentless work and support for and of minority groups, their most recent project being a protest against Islamaphobia. Everyone keeps waiting for them to fall apart, but it’s been five years and they haven’t yet. Also in Allison’s lane are Klaus and Vanya, the latter of whom she had a huge falling out with a couple years ago, though nobody knows what about. The two of them often cameo in the films she helps direct, most of them winning a multitude of awards. They’ve also been caught on video with her a couple hundred times, especially in all the scandals she’s been involved with where she’s assaulted someone for their racist and sexist behavior. But even with her history of assault, serial dating, and bribery, the public still adores Allison beyond belief - and so does her family, even if nobody really knows who that is. Most curious, though, is her history of film - she’ll only ever participate in trilogies.

(Comedian) Klaus Hellbyes is the comedian of his generation, and probably of the generation below his too. He’s famous for his dark morbid humor and NSFW improv jokes, and also for swearing consistently in live interviews on shows where you’re not allowed to swear. He has an odd fashion sense and rejects any and all gender roles, mouthing off at anyone who dares to comment on it. (He only ever paints four out of his ten nails, for some reason?) He’s known for his witty comebacks and scathing sarcasm on social media, and for being incredibly protective of others, especially teenagers who are targeted by trolls on online platforms. He runs a staggering number of pride organizations and does anti-racist work, often organizing pride events across the country for people who can’t be out to their families or communities. Beyond his social justice work, Klaus works to bring attention to mental disorders and trauma, especially in youth. He’s open about his own childhood, running from foster home to foster home and never being adopted, though he makes it clear that he made himself a family with a few very special kids along the way. He speaks publicly and often about his own struggles with anxiety, depression, anorexia, self-harm, PTSD, and suicidal ideation, always addressing any videos or accounts of him having panic attacks onstage, going out in short sleeves with fresh bandages on his wrists, and his ribs showing through his skin when he goes swimming. He’s taken hiatuses and spoken out in support and defense of other celebrities and people going through the same sorts of things, and makes it clear that his self-healing comedy has never been about the fame for him. He’s a good friend of Taylor Swift’s and once got drunk with Ed Sheeran, and he often goes on Vanya’s show to discuss mental health with her. While he often makes fun of the other six, he’s incredibly respectful in his comedy, as it’s never about his hatred of a person but rather his love for them. Whenever he speaks about social justice issues, he makes it clear that he speaks for his love of humanity as a whole rather than his hatred of any one individual. He’s admitted to being a huge fan of Diego, and has disclosed that they’ve met a few times, but is frustratingly vague about the circumstances of their friendship. Most people suspect they became friends at one of the many foster homes each is known to have been in. As well as his well-known friendships with Allison and Vanya, Klaus is known to hang around with Luther and Five, usually by getting ice cream and riding trains. Klaus’ two most famous relationships are complicated - there’s Ben, and there’s Dave. Ben is who Klaus has mostly lived with for the past eight or something years, the two of them open about being queerplatonic partners, though Klaus keeps having to explain what exactly that means to them and to the community as a whole, knowing that it differs for everybody. Dave, however, is who brought him into the public eye - Klaus met him in the army, and they were married in between tours. On one of those tours Dave was shot and killed, and Klaus has been open about his struggle with grief ever since, using Youtube as a platform for coping with his pain. He wrote a book about two characters based on them falling in love during the Vietnam War, which became a bestseller, and, on the third anniversary of Dave’s death, released the special that launched him to fame, an in-depth look at grief through a lens of comedy and appreciation for all the good moments shared between them. It’s become a staple of pop culture, and is still often quoted and referenced today, making Klaus one of the media’s most frequent topics of conversation.

(Author / Artist) Five di Sappears is known for his work across multiple genres, and the mystery that is everything about him as a person. His family, including his parents, is an incredibly well-kept secret, the only person known to be related to him being his sister Aidy, who Five has proven he will protect with violence if necessary. As a thirteen-year-old genius psychopath (not ACTUALLY), he’s a controversial figure, though his talent will never be denied. While he’s violent and aggressive, his horror and thriller novels have never failed to top the charts. While his sanity is questionable, his art is beautifully crazy and nonsensical without a single metaphor within it. While he’s proudly asexual aromantic and has gotten into physical and verbal altercations defending that, his romance novels published under the pseudonym Evipha Murdress are hailed as some of the most honest portrayals of love that literature has to offer. He can sing like fucking hell too, and is considered a trans icon, though he keeps his chosen name as much of a secret as his dead one, offering only the explanation that he fears for the safety and privacy of his family should it be released to the public. (His name is Aidan Alone, off the record.) Agnes is his kind and well-loved publisher (owner and founder of Donut Publishings! Books guaranteed to put a smile on anyone’s face!), and Dolores is his best friend/partner/comfort mannequin, which greatly confuses the public but doesn’t concern Five. She travels everywhere with him, and often cameos in the movies made off his books, and he’s gotten into plenty of fistfights over her. He doesn’t care if you don’t understand her importance, you don’t touch her. Hazel is his bodyguard and Cha-Cha is the main actress in his horror and thriller films, all of which are directed by the Handler, who produces his movies and likes to change the details behind his back no matter how hard he tries to make her adhere to what he’s written. Unfortunately, he can’t report or remove her, because she’s offered Hazel and Cha-Cha handsome salaries to hand over whatever information they know, including photos they’ve taken of when Five’s parents come to see how his projects are coming along. They blackmail him into silent fuming, but that all backfires soon enough - Five gets into a car accident in which he takes the brunt of the impact for Aidy, alerting the world to Klaus and Diego’s relationship and Five’s parentage when they come screaming from their cancelled events and into his hospital room, without concern for the millions of photos taken and only worry for their beloved son. No matter. Five will just kill anyone who dares to say a word. After all - those rumors that he writes his novels based on his own murders are not exactly unfounded.

(Influencer) Ben Deadengon is one of the most subscribed-to Youtubers out there, famous for his videos about human rights, kindess, and positivity. He often features Klaus as a guest, since they’ve lived together for a long, long time and are committed partners who like to help each other out, but those videos usually dissolve into them dressing up as pirates and princesses and improving stupid skits. (Not that anybody has any complaints.) He runs a lot of charities, which means that he has indeed met the President, and he’s one of the most beloved and scandal-free people on the Internet, though he’s often involved himself in Klaus’ controversial shit in defense of his partner. He’s been on Broadway and travelled the world, but his main claim to fame is that he was in an accident in which he died for six minutes before coming back to life, therefore earning him the moniker Six. Curiously, the moment he gasped out his second first breath happened exactly as Klaus touched him, prompting a lot of conversations and theories about them being soulmates or some shit, despite soulmates not actually existing (as far as they know…). But Ben’s happy with his life, as it is - he has an at-home butterfly garden (seriously, his windows are all screens and there’s plants and butterflies fucking everywhere, I’m not kidding) and a lovely(?) niece and nephew he gets to babysit when his beloved partner is out. That’s the good life, baby. Plus, ya know - he’s not dead. So that’s automatically awesome.

(Athlete) Luther Monkman is one of the largest men in existence, all of his muscle earned in his rigorous training for the Olympics. He’s won one gold medal every time the tournament comes around, and he plans to keep on doing so. So does Reginald - his abusive trainer and professional cheater. Luther also works with Pogo, a kinder coach who tells him to always believe in himself, but is also frustratingly defensive of Reginald’s horrifying practices. But Luther himself is well-loved - he’s awkward and handsome enough to be a teenage heartthrob, and he’s been single since Allison left him for the last time, though they’re still good friends. He’s known as a gentle giant, having lunch with Klaus and Vanya often and enjoying a bickering and competitive yet loving relationship with Diego. He’s completely free of media scandals, a complete sweetheart - until he’s caught on video choking a guy against the wall, and shit hits the fan. (Nobody cares about Five in the background of the video, standing behind Luther with his fists clenched and his Adam’s apple bobbing under bruises.)

Welcome to my world, bitches.

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