#tw cyclothemia

[feral-creep]

derealization sucks so much ass 0/10, i hope life eases up on you soon!! besides, youve been consistently putting out content for a long time, dw abt taking ur time!!

(also, mx. sinister by i dont know how but they found me has the whole vibe of “shigaraki playing at being like a normal person despite being delusional abt the relationship” aspect of [[save scum]] its such a banger)

- eira, the one that leaves essays in ur comments

thank you eira <3<3<3

yeah, the one good thing about this is that this is probably the 200th time i've cycled from mild hypomanic states to depressive episodes, so i have good structures in place. i have meds and a therapist and all that shit. it's not a 'crisis' so much as an inconvenience, like.... for about three weeks there i had zero sex drive (which is VERY unusual for me) and none of the comments people left felt real, writing anything seemed just... totally insane, and even my Gimme Dopamine playlist gave me zero dopamine.

it's not even a sadness either! it's a lethargy and indifference that feels almost pleasant, if not for colors desaturating just all over the place.

one of the nice things about 'growing up' / getting older and getting treatment for a mental health condition is that what i'm going thru should not make anyone worried or anything. it's just a rhythm of life that ebbs and flows and will be over in a few weeks. it's kind of like when christmas music starts playing in mid-october and then by december you feel like when 'feliz navidad' comes on the radio for the billionth time, somehow the song is part of you and also a million miles away and NOTHING IS REAL, CHRISTMAS IS NOT REAL. FELIZ NAVIDAD. FE-LEES-NA-VEE-DAHD.

except feliz navidad is everything! bathing! writing! other humans! obligations! happiness! you vaguely remember being excited about the concept of christmas as a child; why can't you be excited now? why does the sight of a poinsettia make you want to throw up?

but you just gotta wait it out until december 26th. then things kinda get normal again.

until mid-october next year, and the cycle resumes.

so i hope you guys haven't been worrying too much! i'm just waiting out feliz navidad.

and HOLY SHIT eira again with the music reccos!! this ones a banger! a bop! an OPUS of STALKERAKI!