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the-phantom-author · 7 months

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Having a boyfriend when u first meet Hasan…

You think you know what pining is? Yearning for someone? Not until you see him in this state.

Streamer/YouTuber/influencer!gf who is in a relationship (in my head it’s Calum Hood from 5 Seconds of Summer because I wanna be a rockstar!gf too) and you’re out one night, bored and looking around the room, may some industry party. Maybe it’s twitchcon and you brought your partner along

When you see Hasan your eyes light up because omg! It’s HasanAbi, youre moots, interact sometimes online but have never met! So you go to introduce yourself, slipping away from your boyfriend just for a minute.

When Hasan sees you, it’s just game over for him. Pack it up, it’s done, it’s you he wants. (He would never admit it but he loves watching every single video of yours, a makeup tutorial or a haul or whatever you’re into that he is definitely NOT into, he doesn’t care that it’s not about something he cares about. He just loves your videos, your vibe, your personality, etc.)

in his head when he sees you coming he’s like “shit shit shit shit she’s coming over do I look ok? I’m freaking out I need to breathe” and he’s in his own head so much he doesn’t even register you saying hello, he has to ask you what you said🫠🫠😓😓

You get into really talking about creating content and maybe some of the causes you advocate for and things you have in common when you feel your boyfriends hand wrap around your hip and ask if you’re ready to go😔😔😔😔😔

you introduce Hasan to him and Hasan goes “oh boyfriend? I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.” 🫣🫤😵‍💫 he’s all embarrassed but he’s playing it off like he’s just curious and having a convo. Your bf is like “yeah, we love each other. Been together a long time. What like 6 years?” Bf turns to you and you nod, and Hasan asks “oh when’s your anniversary?” And your bf is like hemming and hawing, he literally can’t remember ?! You’re embarrassed and just turn to him like “really??”😒😒😒🤨🤨🤨 you just want the moment to end so you tell Hasan how nice it was to meet him, how much enjoy you enjoy his content, how maybe you’ll see each other around. Maybe you could collaborate? And you turn to leave with your bf trying to catch up to you, putting his hand around your waist (trying to make you laugh to distract that he forgot your freaking anniversary, think of in the All Too Well 10 Min Version short film, how Dylan just repeatedly says “I’m sorry.” Until Sadie’s character just laughs and relents)

you hadn’t been happy in a while but just can’t bring yourself to break up with him, it’s scary and you’d be living on your own and it’s really all you’ve ever known after moving to LA and moving out of your parents house.

But you’ve met Hasan now and suddenly feel…. Calm? At peace? Which you didn’t know a guy could make you feel that way, this interests you but you stay loyal to your bf because WE DONT SUPPORT CHEATERS!!

You turn around as you’re walking out of the party, and you catch Hasans eye again. He gives you one of those 🙂 like White Person Smile™️ and you know your heart is in trouble.

And Hasan knows he’s in deep shit after meeting you.

The white person smile™ man is so screwed. Man is so screwed and he knows it. Not only does he know it be he accepts it.

The breakup would definitely be a big thing, I'm thinking something along the lines of you begging him to go on a vacation, because you know he's withdrawn from the relationship and you need to spend more time together. Wile on the vacation he tried to propose, but he has boundaries around what he wants for the person marries;like you can't do YouTube anymore, and he wants to be the only source of income you have, and all that. Which obviously leads you to rejecting the proposal. Causing him to leave early and try to ruin you career. Going on to Twitter and saying you've done something fucked up, or he goes to your house and like ruins it. TLDR super bad and public break-up where he tries to paint you as the bad guy.

Hasan, who you have talk to and collaborated with since you first meet, is one of the first people to reach out to you and check in on you. The friendship between the two of you grow even more as time goes on, like he's no longer checking on because of your shitty ex, but because he knows that you have a really important meeting coming in the next day and he doesn't want you to freak yourself out.

#hasanabi #hasanabi x reader #hasan x reader #bohogothic

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lovesosweeet · 5 months

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better left unsaid // cth

chapter forty two

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

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november 21, 2018 los angeles, california calum

Hearing from Emelia was not on my bingo card for today. I know she has been in contact with some of the others pretty regularly, mostly KayKay and Crystal, maybe Luke, and I think some with Ashton, too, but she has not reached out to me personally since everything happened, aside from when I texted her a week or so ago. When her name pops up on my screen saying that she’s calling me, my heart drops.

‘Is she dead?’ is the first question that pops into my mind, and with that, I start crying while I swipe across the screen to answer the call. Would Em call me if Orion died? I would think so. I’d hope so.

“Emelia?” I ask into the speaker. My voice is wavering with nerves. She can’t be dead yet. She looked fine when I saw her last. Frail, and sick, but she didn’t look like she was on her last leg. Please, please don’t tell me she’s dead.

Emelia starts crying into the line, and it only makes me even more nervous. She hiccups and then takes a deep breath before she speaks.

“Cal, she needs you.”

I’m thankful that it’s not a notice of her death, but it’s still not good news.

“She’s too scared to say anything herself. She doesn’t think you’d pick up if she called, but I knew you’d pick up. She’s… not doing great, but the depression is wearing her down faster than the cancer. I’m sorry to ask like this, I just can’t watch her spend another day crying in bed and too sad to eat or do—“

“Em, breathe,” I say to her. She and Orion do the same thing under stress: just keep talking to explain something that they made clear with their first few words. “I’m leaving now.”

I don’t think twice. I need to go to her. If Emelia is saying Orion needs me, then I’m there. I’m dropping everything and I’m going. I don’t care if Orion broke up with me. I know she still loves me and I still love her more than I’ve ever loved anything or anyone. If Emelia thinks it’s time for me to go to Orion, I’m going. Emelia asking me to go is practically the same as Orion asking me to. Their hearts are almost the same and they know each other better than they know themselves.

I don’t bother to do anything like pack or take care of Duke. I’ll have Luke or Sierra come take care of him. I just grab my keys, wallet and shoes and walk out the door in a matter of seconds. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, but none of that matters, all I know is I need to leave.

“We’re at her moms’. Do you need the address?”

“Em, it’s only been a month and a half since I was there. I don’t need the address.” I laugh quietly, even though I’m a mess of nerves and worry.

“Right, sorry. It just feels like it’s been a million years.”

I am in the elevator now, riding it down to the lobby.

“I know. It’s been fucking brutal,” I confess.

The elevator doors open up to the lobby where Ron is on the phone. I nod to him and he waves. He’s been devastated that Orion is gone, but in her absence, I’ve made an effort to make conversation with him whenever I can, so we wave or chat every time I see him. I get through the lobby and then to the garage. I hop in my car and start it, still on the line with Emelia, who’s just crying.

“It’s okay, Em. I’m on my way, alright?” It has to be okay.

“Thanks, Cal. She’s not the same without you.”

“I haven’t been whole either.” I don’t know how I lived before Orion. Now that I have had her, my life doesn’t feel right without her. Orion made everything in the world make sense. She showed me the best of humanity, the brightest light, and the purest love. I get to go to her again, and the prospect makes my heart light up again.

I put my Jeep in reverse and then zip out of the parking garage, turning onto the busy street.

Emelia laughs. “Yeah, I’ve seen all the shit on Twitter.”

Twitter has been a hellscape of mostly well-intentioned fans commenting on my very apparent heartbreak. Everything I do on stage or in public is documented and it feels as if everyone on the planet knows I’m depressed and recently single. Me being spotted in Cologne with Paula was just another catastrophe for the fans.

“Did you expect anything else out of our fans?”

“Not in the slightest,” she says. “Okay, I’ll let you go since you’re driving. I’ll see you soon?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there as quick as I can.”

The drive feels like it takes forever, and I feel all kinds of nerves. I don’t think Orion knows I’m coming, so I hope Emelia wasn’t wrong in calling me. I pray she wasn’t wrong.

The thought of holding her again has me giddy, but I know that she won’t be feeling well. She’s not doing well at all, and I feel somewhat selfish for being excited. I’m also nervous to see her, knowing what Emelia just said about her. She’s not doing well. I wonder how much smaller she is, how much her hair has grown, and how the treatment plan has been going.

Circumstances are less than good, but I’m looking forward to seeing her regardless. Seeing my girl again is all I’ve wanted since she made me leave, and it’s happening now.

I call Luke while I drive once I see signs saying I’ve reached San Diego and can turn off my GPS. I know how to get to the Moss household from here.

“Hey, what’s up?” Luke asks, answering only after a few rings.

“Hey, not sure how long I’ll be gone, but I’m on my way to see Orion right now.”

I have more to say, but I know he will have questions, so I stop talking to give him a chance to ask whatever he wants. He fulfills my prophecy instantly and starts spewing questions.

“Wait, what? How? Why? What happened?”

“Em called me and said she needs me, so I’m going.”

“That’s… good and bad, I guess.”

“I know.”

“So you’re going to San Diego?”

“Yeah, and I was hoping you and Si can take care of Duke for me?” I haven’t thought about the prospect of him saying no, so I’m hoping he says yes.

“Of course, whatever you need.”

“Thanks, Luke. I owe you one.”

“No, you don’t. This is the least I can do for you and O. I’ll go get Duke in a bit and keep him here for now. Petunia will be happy to have a friend.”

Duke and Petunia are very different in size, but they love to play together.

“Thanks. I’m sure Duke will be excited to play.”

“His food and stuff is still in the same spot?”

“Yeah, nothing’s changed.” Except Orion doesn’t live there anymore.

“Sweet, I’ll let you go. Let me know if you guys need anything else, yeah?”

“Sounds good. Thanks again, Luke, you’re the best.”

We hang up right as I turn onto the Moss family’s street. I see Emelia’s and Orion’s cars in the driveway and park behind them. Her moms must be at work since their cars are gone. As I pull in behind Em’s car, the front door opens and she waves to me. I park and get out, running up to hug her.

She looks rough, and she’s not the one sick, so I know Orion is worse off. Emelia’s eyes are brimmed with tears, red and puffy. She welcomes me with open arms and hugs me tightly.

“Thanks for coming,” she whispers.

Had she thought I wouldn’t? In what world would I not have come when she called? I love Emelia, and of course, I love Orion even more. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for either of them.

“Em, you could’ve called me at 3 in the morning and I’d be here as soon as humanly possible. If I was anywhere else in the world right now, I’d be on the first flight to San Diego, seriously. Thank you for calling me.”

“I know that’s how it would’ve been before, but I wasn’t sure, with everything…” She whispers into my chest, sniffling quietly.

“Nothing could ever change how I feel about Orion. You know this. I love her with every single cell in my body.” I hope she can hear the sincerity in my voice. I mean it. I don’t think that there is anything that girl could do that would diminish my love.

Emelia steps away from me then and smiles. “I’ve missed you guys being gross together.”

“Can we go be gross now? Does she know I’m coming?”

“No, she’s been asleep for a few hours. She’d had a bit of a breakdown earlier and I called Ash freaking out, because I wanted to call you but wasn’t sure, and he said I should call you, so I did.”

I make a mental note to give Ashton a few points, but he’s still very deep into the negatives. Nonetheless, I’m grateful that he knew me enough to urge Em to call me. If he hadn’t, I would be spending another day alone, mourning my relationship and sitting in the dark about how the girl of my dreams is doing. Instead, I get to see her again.

“What was the breakdown?” I ask.

“Oh, you know, just Orion things. She’d been doing a Twitter deep dive and felt awful for seeing how bad you’re doing, hurt by the shit people are saying negatively about her. She feels like she ruined everyone’s life. She’s feeling lonely, depressed, and—fuck, I guess I should let her update you on her treatment and stuff.” Emelia sighs, her forehead wrinkled with worry. “Here, come inside. Want coffee? Tea?”

She opens the door to the house for me, and then she guides me to the kitchen. She gets out the electric kettle and fills it with water before I even answer her.

“I’ll do tea if you’re making some.”

Emelia nods, switching the kettle on before grabbing mugs. I instantly recognize Orion’s favorite Madrid mug and another she had thrifted a few months ago. She’d taken them from our apartment, and I’m glad to see they’re getting some use here.

Once the water starts to boil, she turns the kettle off, plops tea bags into the mugs, and then pours the hot water in. She hands me the Madrid mug — I honestly used it far more than Orion did, but it was technically hers so I couldn’t fight her on taking it with her — and I’m happy to get to use it again. As I go to take a sip from my tea, I hear footsteps on the floor above us.

“Em?! Where the hell did you go?” Orion yells.

Hearing her voice for the first time in a month and a half makes my heart skip a beat.

“Downstairs!” Em yells back, and then she smiles at me knowingly. She’s stopped crying now, but her face is still blotchy and her eyes are still bright red.

I turn to be able to see Orion as she comes down the stairs in search of her best friend. Her bunny slipper-covered feet appear first, and then baggy black sweatpants, and then an All Blacks hoodie that I had bought her last year. Her brown eyes widen as she sees me standing in the kitchen. Her face morphs through almost every emotion imaginable: shock, joy, anger, shock again, and then she’s crying what I hope are happy tears.

Her short hair is now long enough that she can messily tie it back. Her cheeks are even more hollow than they were in October, the bags under her eyes darker, and the light in her face is just… gone. But, at least she’s smiling right now.

We both hurry to each other, her throwing her arms around my neck and I lift her up so I can squeeze her as close to me as physically possible. She’s so light and fragile feeling, I worry I’ll crush her, but I need to hold her like this, at least for a few moments.

“Wh—what… what are you doing here?” Orion asks with surprise laced through her tone, her voice gentle. She seems entirely shocked.

“Em called me. Here I am.”

“But… I… I thought… I’m sorry. Cal, I’m so sorry. I don’t… I don’t want to hurt you, but I missed you so much and I felt selfish for it and I just didn’t want you to watch me fade away and I knew how bad it would hurt for you and…” Orion trails off. Her words are all accompanied and disrupted by hiccups and sniffles. “I don’t deserve for you to be here.”

I place her feet back on the floor, placing my hand on the back of her head and pressing it into my chest. I smooth over the top of her hair, holding her while she tries to explain herself.

It doesn’t matter. None of it matters to me. I need to be here and I need to be with her. I don’t care how bad it hurts. I have to be here with her, by her side, for whatever she needs. That’s what I need. The amount of love she has shown me over the past two years has earned her buckets of love. She deserves for me to be here. There’s no doubt in my mind about that.

“You deserve for me to love you the way you love me. I’m putting you above me, just like you’re doing for me. I am here. I will always be here. You can’t get rid of me. The love I have for you is embedded into my skin, my soul, my blood. You’re mine, until the day I die, okay?”

Orion not giving me a chance to not go on tour was her way of loving me, and I know that. She did it because she loves me. She wanted to spare me. She suffered back in LA alone because she didn’t want me to give up on going on tour. She did it to be selfless, to put my needs above hers. I’m here now to put aside from the pain she’s caused and be here for her, because she needs me. And, god, I’ve needed her.

“But,” she starts, and I shake my head. She can’t see it, since she’s still pressed into my chest.

“No, no buts. It doesn’t matter, okay? Whatever you wanted to say, it doesn’t matter. I’m here for you and I love you and none of that is ever going to change.”

Orion goes quiet then, and the only sounds she’s making are of her shakily drawing in air. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, my love. I am sure.” I don’t know if I’ve ever been more sure of anything.

Orion squeezes me tighter, her bony arms digging into my sides, but I don’t care. Being this close to her again is the best feeling, and I don’t even care about the circumstances. All that matters is we’re together.

I can feel her tears through my shirt while she cries. I’m so happy to be here right now. It almost doesn’t feel real. It feels like an eternity and also only a few seconds that we stand here in each other’s arms, but we both snap out of it at the sound of a camera shutter.

“Shit, sorry, I thought I had the sound off!” Emelia says.

Orion and I both laugh, breaking apart to find Emelia with her phone pointed at us. She has a close-lipped smile and teary eyes, her free hand pressed against her cheek.

“I’m so fucking glad you’re back,” Em adds.

I look down at Orion, who’s staring right at me, softly smiling. “There’s nowhere else in the entire world I’d rather be.”

The three of us laze around for the afternoon, laying on the couch and watching some random movie that Emelia insists we watch. I don’t even care; all that matters is Orion and I are intertwined with her head on my chest and our arms wrapped around each other. I don’t watch the movie. I simply stare at Orion and take in every strand of hair, freckle, eyelash, pore… I just look at her, in awe that she’s back in my arms.

Around 6:00, Penny, Gloria, and Eri come home. Gloria went shopping for Thanksgiving tomorrow and Penny had to pick up Eri from his after school play date when she got off work. They were all shocked to find me in their home, but welcomed me back with open arms. We eat dinner together — just a simple spaghetti and meatballs dinner that Orion barely eats a few bites of — and then they take Eri on an evening walk around the neighborhood, giving Orion and me our first moment alone in forever.

“Thank you for coming,” her soft voice says. We’re back on the couch, music quietly playing in the background.

“Thank you for letting me come back.”

Orion looks up at me, tears filling her eyes again. “I was stupid to make you leave at all.”

I lean down, pressing my lips against hers. “It’s okay. We’re together now.”

She nods, trying to smile while she has tears rolling down her face. “What all did Em tell you?”

“Not much, just that you’re not doing well.”

A flash of pain — not physical pain, emotional pain — lights in her eyes. “Chemo didn’t work.”

My stomach drops. I knew it was a possibility. It had to have been, given how Em spoke about how Orion has been doing. I knew it was possible, but I didn’t actually consider it.

“What’s next, then?” I ask.

She mashes her lips together and pulls them to the side, breaking eye contact for a second before she looks back up at me. “They said I could do trials for other treatments, or I can just ride it out and take medicines to keep me comfortable until things take a turn for the worst.”

I selfishly would’ve asked her to do the trials, but I can’t imagine how grueling and uncomfortable they would have been, and if they’re trials there’s no way to really know whether they’ll do any good. I also couldn’t ask her to do anything. It’s her body and her life on the line. She deserves the ultimate say.

“What did you choose?”

“I’m just riding it out.”

I nod, trying to mask my slight disappointment. A chance at having her for the longest amount of time possible would’ve been nice, but I have to respect her choice for herself and her body. “Then I’ll be with you every single day, and I’ll do my best to keep you feeling okay. Okay?”

Orion stares at me. I watch her mentally battle her need to not let anyone help her or prioritize her and I can tell it takes a lot of strength to accept me and my help. “Okay. Thank you.”

“I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

She looks at me with so much love and sadness at the same time that I feel my heart constrict. “I love you, and I’m so happy you’re here.”

—

@EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: no i don’t have permission to post this but idc. my heart is so happy and so full to have these two together again ❤️ love both of them and their love. @calum5sos & @ my bff who only has a burner twitter Image attached

@MacyLacy123: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: oh my god my heart can’t take this!! THANK GOD! and thank you for sharing!!!! love everyone involved sm. true love exists! @Ashton5SOS: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: best friend of the year award! @Calum5SOS: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: thanks for sharing her with me, Em. love you ❤️ @CrystalLeigh: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: okay WHAT i’m crying tears of joy. :’) CALL ME ASAP @5SOSGirlie: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: idk what’s going on but if cal’s happy i’m happy! @5SOSUpdatesUK: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: wait i thought they broke up? why is this pic so cute tho!!?? @Luke5SOS: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: IM CRYING AGAIN I LOVE THEM @Michael5SOS: Replying to @Luke5SOS: bro you gotta stop crying over orion and cal @Luke5SOS: Replying to @Michael5SOS: don’t tell me what to do i’m still gonna cry! @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: Replying to @Luke5SOS: it’s okay luke i’m still crying too but i saw it in person @Luke5SOS: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: yeah well I get to watch Duke so suck it @MaliKoa: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: don’t know how we got here, but I’m so glad we are! they’re the sweetest ❤️ @PaulaPeriodista: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: YES YES YES! we all needed this! thanks for making it happen! @Francesca5SOS: Replying to @PaulaPeriodista: THE UPDATE IVE BEEN WAITING FOR

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