#unrelated this is probably my favorite cal pic ever

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter forty two

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

november 21, 2018 los angeles, california calum

Hearing from Emelia was not on my bingo card for today. I know she has been in contact with some of the others pretty regularly, mostly KayKay and Crystal, maybe Luke, and I think some with Ashton, too, but she has not reached out to me personally since everything happened, aside from when I texted her a week or so ago. When her name pops up on my screen saying that she’s calling me, my heart drops.

‘Is she dead?’ is the first question that pops into my mind, and with that, I start crying while I swipe across the screen to answer the call. Would Em call me if Orion died? I would think so. I’d hope so. 

“Emelia?” I ask into the speaker. My voice is wavering with nerves. She can’t be dead yet. She looked fine when I saw her last. Frail, and sick, but she didn’t look like she was on her last leg. Please, please don’t tell me she’s dead.

Emelia starts crying into the line, and it only makes me even more nervous. She hiccups and then takes a deep breath before she speaks.

“Cal, she needs you.”

I’m thankful that it’s not a notice of her death, but it’s still not good news.

“She’s too scared to say anything herself. She doesn’t think you’d pick up if she called, but I knew you’d pick up. She’s… not doing great, but the depression is wearing her down faster than the cancer. I’m sorry to ask like this, I just can’t watch her spend another day crying in bed and too sad to eat or do—“

“Em, breathe,” I say to her. She and Orion do the same thing under stress: just keep talking to explain something that they made clear with their first few words. “I’m leaving now.”

I don’t think twice. I need to go to her. If Emelia is saying Orion needs me, then I’m there. I’m dropping everything and I’m going. I don’t care if Orion broke up with me. I know she still loves me and I still love her more than I’ve ever loved anything or anyone. If Emelia thinks it’s time for me to go to Orion, I’m going. Emelia asking me to go is practically the same as Orion asking me to. Their hearts are almost the same and they know each other better than they know themselves.

I don’t bother to do anything like pack or take care of Duke. I’ll have Luke or Sierra come take care of him. I just grab my keys, wallet and shoes and walk out the door in a matter of seconds. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, but none of that matters, all I know is I need to leave.

“We’re at her moms’. Do you need the address?”

“Em, it’s only been a month and a half since I was there. I don’t need the address.” I laugh quietly, even though I’m a mess of nerves and worry.

“Right, sorry. It just feels like it’s been a million years.” 

I am in the elevator now, riding it down to the lobby. 

“I know. It’s been fucking brutal,” I confess. 

The elevator doors open up to the lobby where Ron is on the phone. I nod to him and he waves. He’s been devastated that Orion is gone, but in her absence, I’ve made an effort to make conversation with him whenever I can, so we wave or chat every time I see him. I get through the lobby and then to the garage. I hop in my car and start it, still on the line with Emelia, who’s just crying. 

“It’s okay, Em. I’m on my way, alright?” It has to be okay.

“Thanks, Cal. She’s not the same without you.”

“I haven’t been whole either.” I don’t know how I lived before Orion. Now that I have had her, my life doesn’t feel right without her. Orion made everything in the world make sense. She showed me the best of humanity, the brightest light, and the purest love. I get to go to her again, and the prospect makes my heart light up again.

I put my Jeep in reverse and then zip out of the parking garage, turning onto the busy street.

Emelia laughs. “Yeah, I’ve seen all the shit on Twitter.” 

Twitter has been a hellscape of mostly well-intentioned fans commenting on my very apparent heartbreak. Everything I do on stage or in public is documented and it feels as if everyone on the planet knows I’m depressed and recently single. Me being spotted in Cologne with Paula was just another catastrophe for the fans.

“Did you expect anything else out of our fans?”

“Not in the slightest,” she says. “Okay, I’ll let you go since you’re driving. I’ll see you soon?” 

“Yeah, I’ll be there as quick as I can.”

The drive feels like it takes forever, and I feel all kinds of nerves. I don’t think Orion knows I’m coming, so I hope Emelia wasn’t wrong in calling me. I pray she wasn’t wrong. 

The thought of holding her again has me giddy, but I know that she won’t be feeling well. She’s not doing well at all, and I feel somewhat selfish for being excited. I’m also nervous to see her, knowing what Emelia just said about her. She’s not doing well. I wonder how much smaller she is, how much her hair has grown, and how the treatment plan has been going. 

Circumstances are less than good, but I’m looking forward to seeing her regardless. Seeing my girl again is all I’ve wanted since she made me leave, and it’s happening now. 

I call Luke while I drive once I see signs saying I’ve reached San Diego and can turn off my GPS. I know how to get to the Moss household from here.

“Hey, what’s up?” Luke asks, answering only after a few rings.

“Hey, not sure how long I’ll be gone, but I’m on my way to see Orion right now.”

I have more to say, but I know he will have questions, so I stop talking to give him a chance to ask whatever he wants. He fulfills my prophecy instantly and starts spewing questions.

“Wait, what? How? Why? What happened?” 

“Em called me and said she needs me, so I’m going.” 

“That’s… good and bad, I guess.”

“I know.”

“So you’re going to San Diego?”

“Yeah, and I was hoping you and Si can take care of Duke for me?” I haven’t thought about the prospect of him saying no, so I’m hoping he says yes.

“Of course, whatever you need.”

“Thanks, Luke. I owe you one.”

“No, you don’t. This is the least I can do for you and O. I’ll go get Duke in a bit and keep him here for now. Petunia will be happy to have a friend.” 

Duke and Petunia are very different in size, but they love to play together. 

“Thanks. I’m sure Duke will be excited to play.”

“His food and stuff is still in the same spot?”

“Yeah, nothing’s changed.” Except Orion doesn’t live there anymore.

“Sweet, I’ll let you go. Let me know if you guys need anything else, yeah?”

“Sounds good. Thanks again, Luke, you’re the best.” 

We hang up right as I turn onto the Moss family’s street. I see Emelia’s and Orion’s cars in the driveway and park behind them. Her moms must be at work since their cars are gone. As I pull in behind Em’s car, the front door opens and she waves to me. I park and get out, running up to hug her. 

She looks rough, and she’s not the one sick, so I know Orion is worse off. Emelia’s eyes are brimmed with tears, red and puffy. She welcomes me with open arms and hugs me tightly. 

“Thanks for coming,” she whispers.

Had she thought I wouldn’t? In what world would I not have come when she called? I love Emelia, and of course, I love Orion even more. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for either of them.

“Em, you could’ve called me at 3 in the morning and I’d be here as soon as humanly possible. If I was anywhere else in the world right now, I’d be on the first flight to San Diego, seriously. Thank you for calling me.” 

“I know that’s how it would’ve been before, but I wasn’t sure, with everything…” She whispers into my chest, sniffling quietly.

“Nothing could ever change how I feel about Orion. You know this. I love her with every single cell in my body.” I hope she can hear the sincerity in my voice. I mean it. I don’t think that there is anything that girl could do that would diminish my love.

Emelia steps away from me then and smiles. “I’ve missed you guys being gross together.”

“Can we go be gross now? Does she know I’m coming?”

“No, she’s been asleep for a few hours. She’d had a bit of a breakdown earlier and I called Ash freaking out, because I wanted to call you but wasn’t sure, and he said I should call you, so I did.”

I make a mental note to give Ashton a few points, but he’s still very deep into the negatives. Nonetheless, I’m grateful that he knew me enough to urge Em to call me. If he hadn’t, I would be spending another day alone, mourning my relationship and sitting in the dark about how the girl of my dreams is doing. Instead, I get to see her again.

“What was the breakdown?” I ask.

“Oh, you know, just Orion things. She’d been doing a Twitter deep dive and felt awful for seeing how bad you’re doing, hurt by the shit people are saying negatively about her. She feels like she ruined everyone’s life. She’s feeling lonely, depressed, and—fuck, I guess I should let her update you on her treatment and stuff.” Emelia sighs, her forehead wrinkled with worry. “Here, come inside. Want coffee? Tea?”

She opens the door to the house for me, and then she guides me to the kitchen. She gets out the electric kettle and fills it with water before I even answer her.

“I’ll do tea if you’re making some.”

Emelia nods, switching the kettle on before grabbing mugs. I instantly recognize Orion’s favorite Madrid mug and another she had thrifted a few months ago. She’d taken them from our apartment, and I’m glad to see they’re getting some use here. 

Once the water starts to boil, she turns the kettle off, plops tea bags into the mugs, and then pours the hot water in. She hands me the Madrid mug — I honestly used it far more than Orion did, but it was technically hers so I couldn’t fight her on taking it with her — and I’m happy to get to use it again. As I go to take a sip from my tea, I hear footsteps on the floor above us.

“Em?! Where the hell did you go?” Orion yells.

Hearing her voice for the first time in a month and a half makes my heart skip a beat. 

“Downstairs!” Em yells back, and then she smiles at me knowingly. She’s stopped crying now, but her face is still blotchy and her eyes are still bright red. 

I turn to be able to see Orion as she comes down the stairs in search of her best friend. Her bunny slipper-covered feet appear first, and then baggy black sweatpants, and then an All Blacks hoodie that I had bought her last year. Her brown eyes widen as she sees me standing in the kitchen. Her face morphs through almost every emotion imaginable: shock, joy, anger, shock again, and then she’s crying what I hope are happy tears.

Her short hair is now long enough that she can messily tie it back. Her cheeks are even more hollow than they were in October, the bags under her eyes darker, and the light in her face is just… gone. But, at least she’s smiling right now.

We both hurry to each other, her throwing her arms around my neck and I lift her up so I can squeeze her as close to me as physically possible. She’s so light and fragile feeling, I worry I’ll crush her, but I need to hold her like this, at least for a few moments. 

“Wh—what… what are you doing here?” Orion asks with surprise laced through her tone, her voice gentle. She seems entirely shocked. 

“Em called me. Here I am.”

“But… I… I thought… I’m sorry. Cal, I’m so sorry. I don’t… I don’t want to hurt you, but I missed you so much and I felt selfish for it and I just didn’t want you to watch me fade away and I knew how bad it would hurt for you and…” Orion trails off. Her words are all accompanied and disrupted by hiccups and sniffles. “I don’t deserve for you to be here.”

I place her feet back on the floor, placing my hand on the back of her head and pressing it into my chest. I smooth over the top of her hair, holding her while she tries to explain herself.

It doesn’t matter. None of it matters to me. I need to be here and I need to be with her. I don’t care how bad it hurts. I have to be here with her, by her side, for whatever she needs. That’s what I need. The amount of love she has shown me over the past two years has earned her buckets of love. She deserves for me to be here. There’s no doubt in my mind about that. 

“You deserve for me to love you the way you love me. I’m putting you above me, just like you’re doing for me. I am here. I will always be here. You can’t get rid of me. The love I have for you is embedded into my skin, my soul, my blood. You’re mine, until the day I die, okay?” 

Orion not giving me a chance to not go on tour was her way of loving me, and I know that. She did it because she loves me. She wanted to spare me. She suffered back in LA alone because she didn’t want me to give up on going on tour. She did it to be selfless, to put my needs above hers. I’m here now to put aside from the pain she’s caused and be here for her, because she needs me. And, god, I’ve needed her.

“But,” she starts, and I shake my head. She can’t see it, since she’s still pressed into my chest.

“No, no buts. It doesn’t matter, okay? Whatever you wanted to say, it doesn’t matter. I’m here for you and I love you and none of that is ever going to change.” 

Orion goes quiet then, and the only sounds she’s making are of her shakily drawing in air. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, my love. I am sure.” I don’t know if I’ve ever been more sure of anything.

Orion squeezes me tighter, her bony arms digging into my sides, but I don’t care. Being this close to her again is the best feeling, and I don’t even care about the circumstances. All that matters is we’re together. 

I can feel her tears through my shirt while she cries. I’m so happy to be here right now. It almost doesn’t feel real. It feels like an eternity and also only a few seconds that we stand here in each other’s arms, but we both snap out of it at the sound of a camera shutter.

“Shit, sorry, I thought I had the sound off!” Emelia says.

Orion and I both laugh, breaking apart to find Emelia with her phone pointed at us. She has a close-lipped smile and teary eyes, her free hand pressed against her cheek.

“I’m so fucking glad you’re back,” Em adds.

I look down at Orion, who’s staring right at me, softly smiling. “There’s nowhere else in the entire world I’d rather be.”

The three of us laze around for the afternoon, laying on the couch and watching some random movie that Emelia insists we watch. I don’t even care; all that matters is Orion and I are intertwined with her head on my chest and our arms wrapped around each other. I don’t watch the movie. I simply stare at Orion and take in every strand of hair, freckle, eyelash, pore… I just look at her, in awe that she’s back in my arms.

Around 6:00, Penny, Gloria, and Eri come home. Gloria went shopping for Thanksgiving tomorrow and Penny had to pick up Eri from his after school play date when she got off work. They were all shocked to find me in their home, but welcomed me back with open arms. We eat dinner together — just a simple spaghetti and meatballs dinner that Orion barely eats a few bites of — and then they take Eri on an evening walk around the neighborhood, giving Orion and me our first moment alone in forever. 

“Thank you for coming,” her soft voice says. We’re back on the couch, music quietly playing in the background.

“Thank you for letting me come back.”

Orion looks up at me, tears filling her eyes again. “I was stupid to make you leave at all.”

I lean down, pressing my lips against hers. “It’s okay. We’re together now.” 

She nods, trying to smile while she has tears rolling down her face. “What all did Em tell you?”

“Not much, just that you’re not doing well.”

A flash of pain — not physical pain, emotional pain — lights in her eyes. “Chemo didn’t work.”

My stomach drops. I knew it was a possibility. It had to have been, given how Em spoke about how Orion has been doing. I knew it was possible, but I didn’t actually consider it.

“What’s next, then?” I ask.

She mashes her lips together and pulls them to the side, breaking eye contact for a second before she looks back up at me. “They said I could do trials for other treatments, or I can just ride it out and take medicines to keep me comfortable until things take a turn for the worst.” 

I selfishly would’ve asked her to do the trials, but I can’t imagine how grueling and uncomfortable they would have been, and if they’re trials there’s no way to really know whether they’ll do any good. I also couldn’t ask her to do anything. It’s her body and her life on the line. She deserves the ultimate say. 

“What did you choose?”

“I’m just riding it out.” 

I nod, trying to mask my slight disappointment. A chance at having her for the longest amount of time possible would’ve been nice, but I have to respect her choice for herself and her body. “Then I’ll be with you every single day, and I’ll do my best to keep you feeling okay. Okay?” 

Orion stares at me. I watch her mentally battle her need to not let anyone help her or prioritize her and I can tell it takes a lot of strength to accept me and my help. “Okay. Thank you.” 

“I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

She looks at me with so much love and sadness at the same time that I feel my heart constrict. “I love you, and I’m so happy you’re here.” 

—

@EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: no i don’t have permission to post this but idc. my heart is so happy and so full to have these two together again ❤️ love both of them and their love. @calum5sos & @ my bff who only has a burner twitter Image attached

@MacyLacy123: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: oh my god my heart can’t take this!! THANK GOD! and thank you for sharing!!!! love everyone involved sm. true love exists! @Ashton5SOS: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: best friend of the year award! @Calum5SOS: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: thanks for sharing her with me, Em. love you ❤️ @CrystalLeigh: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: okay WHAT i’m crying tears of joy. :’) CALL ME ASAP @5SOSGirlie: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: idk what’s going on but if cal’s happy i’m happy! @5SOSUpdatesUK: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: wait i thought they broke up? why is this pic so cute tho!!?? @Luke5SOS: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: IM CRYING AGAIN I LOVE THEM @Michael5SOS: Replying to @Luke5SOS: bro you gotta stop crying over orion and cal @Luke5SOS: Replying to @Michael5SOS: don’t tell me what to do i’m still gonna cry! @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: Replying to @Luke5SOS: it’s okay luke i’m still crying too but i saw it in person @Luke5SOS: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: yeah well I get to watch Duke so suck it @MaliKoa: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: don’t know how we got here, but I’m so glad we are! they’re the sweetest ❤️ @PaulaPeriodista: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: YES YES YES! we all needed this! thanks for making it happen! @Francesca5SOS: Replying to @PaulaPeriodista: THE UPDATE IVE BEEN WAITING FOR

next chapter

[itsluhsbitch]

maybe one day

a/n: so the title is super unrelated. And I was just feeling things and this just kinda happened. Hopefully ya’ll don’t hate it.

---------------------------

You smiled as you watched your cousin, Mia, and her husband share their first kiss, binding their marriage. Your heart warmed watching as they pulled apart, smiles on both their faces. You’ve met her husband, Luke a number of times, and he was nothing short of a gentleman. It warmed your heart to see them together, and when you heard they got engaged you were ecstatic, happy that she had found a good one.

The reception was beautiful, your favorite part however was the open bar. You were on your second drink, going to sit back at your table as Luke and Mia had their first dance. You sighed a bit, watching how in love the two were, jealous of it. You were 22 and not once have you had a relationship that lasted longer than 3 months; you catching the guys lying, or cheating, or just couldn’t be bothered to entertain them and their childish ways.

Your parents had went out to dance as well, leaving you alone. You got up to get another drink, your third one of the evening, when Mia ran up behind you.

“getting a few drinks in you before I drag you out to dance” Mia spoke, causing you to turn and smile at her, immediately throwing your arms around her.

“you know I don’t dance Mia” you laughed, you two separating from your hug, your hands on her shoulders “or should I call you Mrs. Hemmings now?” you smiled, watching her blush.

“I still can’t believe it.” she shook her head in disbelief, a smile on her face.

“me either. although, this isn’t quite the barbie fairy princess wedding you dreamed about when we were little” you smirked, causing her to laugh.

“come on (y/n)! I was 7!” she defended herself, the two of you laughing.

“for real though Mia, congratulations. I’m really happy for you.”

“thank you, and don’t worry, one day you’ll find your Ken too” she teased.

“hopefully” you sighed, taking another sip of your drink.

“well, I should go find my husband” Mia spoke, smiling as the words left her lips, “but don’t think I won’t get you out on that dance floor before the night is over!” she giggled, turning and running off to find Luke.

You headed back to your table, sitting down and just watching everyone. You took your phone out and snapped a few pics of Mia and Luke dancing; you even got a few of your parents dancing as well.

-------------------------------

Calum was in the middle of talking to Luke when he saw his wife, Mia talking to some girl, Calum immediately zoning out of the conversation with Luke.

“Calum are you even paying attention?” Luke spoke, noticing the boys distant stare.

“sorry mate, but who’s that Mia’s talking too?” Calum asked, Luke turning his head in search for his wife.

“Oh! That’s her cousin, (y/n).” Luke answered, turning back to his friend. “why?”

“Just curious” Calum played it off.

“yeah, she’s really cool. I’ve met her a few times”

Just then Mia came up and wrapped her hands around Luke, a smile on her face.

“hi husband.” she giggled, “hi Cal, can I steal him for a bit?” Mia asked, looking at Cal with big eyes.

“yeah it’s fine” he laughed, Mia and Luke’s hands linking together and walking back to the head table.

Calum turned and looked back to the bar only to see you no longer there, scanning around looking for you to see you back at a table, your phone out.

“go talk to her mate” Calum heard beside him, causing him to turn and see Ashton, who offered him a small smile and a nod before turning and sitting back at a table with Mike.

Calum sighed, looking back over to where you were. He knew his friend was right. He thought you were so beautiful, and he knew he would beat himself up if he didn’t talk to you. 

Calum walked to the bar, got himself a beer, and then pointed at you, asking the bartender what you had been drinking, and getting one of those as well, walking towards your table.

------------------------------

“is uh- is anyone sitting here?” you heard beside you, causing you to turn and look at the source of the voice, and your breath hitched when you met the most gorgeous pair of brown eyes you’ve ever looked into.

“um n-no.” you stuttered.

the boy slid the chair out and sat down, placing a drink down on the table and sliding it towards you, causing you to raise your brow.

“I uh, I noticed you earlier, and just asked the bartender what you were drinking.” he spoke, his accent a little more evident.

“well, thank you” you smiled.

“I’m um, I’m Calum by the way.” 

“That’s different. I like it” you smiled “I’m (y/n)” you replied,  taking a sip of your drink before looking him in the eyes again. “Mia’s cousin” you finished.

“so I’m assuming you know Luke?” you asked.

“oh yeah. We’ve uh, we’ve been friends for a while.” Calum answered, going on to talk about them going to school together, and starting a little garage band and that they had uploaded videos on youtube with their other two friends, to which you immediately begged he show you a few.

“you look so cute here” you muttered as you two were huddled closer to see the video, biting your lip as soon as it slipped past your lips. You and Calum had a few more drinks in the time you two had been sitting there and talking, a light buzz hitting you both. You honestly couldn’t help but let it slip. He looked so different now than 6 years ago when he was 18.

Calum felt his cheeks heat up, and he wasn’t sure if it was just because of the small little compliment, or the fact that you two had scooted so close to one another.

“do you guys still play?” you asked, turning to look at him.

“yeah, here and there.” Cal smiled.

“so this means I’ll have chance to get to hear you sing?” you asked, smiling at him, eyes beaming.

“maybe one day.” Calum spoke.

“I’m looking forward to it.” you flirted.

------------------------------

Luke walked up to the table the boys were seated at; a beer sat in front of him as soon as he sat down.

“thanks mate” Luke nodded at Mike before taking a sip. Luke looked around, noticing Calum wasn’t there.

“where’s Cal?”

“he went off to talk to some girl like two hours ago. Haven’t seen him since” Ashton spoke.

Just then Calum walked up to the table, a smile on his face.

“there he is!” Mike nodded behind Ashton, all the boys’ heads turning to look that way, Cal smiling and sitting down before his friends started asking questions about the past 2 hours.

---------------------------------

You and Calum had stopped watching videos of him and his friends garage band, much to your dismay. You thought he looked absolutely adorable in the videos. But you two quickly dove into conversation, getting interrupted when your dad came up to ask you to dance for the father, daughter dance.

You looked at Calum, who just nodded in understanding. He stayed at the table as you and your dad headed out to the dance floor. Calum watching as you and your dad started dancing, Calum getting up and heading back to his friends table.

---------------------------------

You looked over your shoulder and saw Luke cutting in to dance with Mia, your dad muttering to you “that’ll be you someday”

You were about to reply when a voice you’ve grown to know spoke beside you.

“excuse me sir, do you mind if I cut in?”

Your dad couldn’t help but notice the smile that made it’s way onto your face as soon as the boy spoke.

“sure” your dad spoke as your hands let him and Calum stepped in.

“you gonna stand on my feet too?” Calum chuckled as his hands settled on your waist and yours found their way around his neck.

You buried your head in his chest.

“oh my gosh” you groaned, embarrassed he saw that.

“what? I thought it was cute” he teased, squeezing your sides a bit making you squirm, a small little laugh slipping past your lips as the two of you swayed back and forth.

After you two danced, and the song had finished, the dance floor was cleared for Mia to throw the bouquet, all kinds of girls standing around ready for her to toss it.

“you’re not in there?” Calum asked beside you, a drink in his hand.

“are you crazy? those girls don’t play around when it comes to catching that bouquet.” You spoke, watching as it was thrown behind her, and three grown women fought to catch it.

“oh damn, you’re right” Calum winced, seeing on of the girls pulling at another’s hair.

“so I was thinking.” Calum spoke, causing you to look at him, “maybe you’d wanna get outta here?” he asked shyly.

“and what exactly did you have in mind?”

“well, my mates and I were probably gonna leave soon and go back to our place, order a pizza, hang out, drink a beer or two.”

“I think pizza and a beer or two sound great” you smiled.

------------------------

part 2?