#ty for the ask (babygirl) ilyyyyyy <33333

[zukkaoru]

kunikida & nikolai + "me and this guy? we spooned last night."

yosano & fitzgerald + "is my integrity worth anything at all?"

dazai & poe + "promise me you'll think about the implications!"

ranpo & naomi + "hey, babygirl" *throws a piece of candy*

jouno & gin + "give me your gender"

fyolai + "i'm nobody's pawn, i'm a queen"

tehe i am SO helpfullllllll actually no for realsies i hope these help ilyyyy

oh boy okay let's go i hope you enjoy beloved ily <3

“Me and this guy?” Nikolai grins, goofily, and jabs his thumb in Kunikida’s direction. “We spooned last night.” Kunikida immediately flusters, his face going bright red. “WHAT?!” He demands. “We— That’s not— You—!” “Wow…” Dazai drawls as Kunikida continues flailing. His gaze flits back and forth between the two. Kunikida’s embarrassed stammering and Nikolai’s easy amusement. He doesn’t believe for a moment that Kunikida was casually cuddling with a literal terrorist, but it’s much funnier if he pretends he does. “I didn’t know Nikolai-kun was your type! Has he seen your list? Does he really meet all of your requirements?” Kunikida stops. Nikolai’s smug grin also dips into confusion. Dazai is about to have so much fun with this.

send me a sentence (+ a ship) and i'll write the next five sentences

(the rest are under the cut. we've got angst, silliness, chess sex if you squint really hard, and.. omg is that-- dazai and ranpo fake dating?!)

-

“Is my integrity worth anything at all?” Yosano demands. Despite the fire in her words and the unspoken threat wedged beneath them, Fitzgerald holds his confident posture. One leg crossed over the other, hands folded on his knee, meeting Yosano’s gaze head-on.

“We made a deal,” he states.

Yosano’s hands clench into fists at her side. “I will not use my ability like this,” she growls. “If it didn’t work the first few times, then I’m afraid there’s nothing more I can do. I refuse to fruitlessly bring someone to the brink of death so many times.” She doesn’t want to give up. Truly, she wanted to help Fitzgerald and revive Margaret, but she knows what so many repeated deaths does to someone. Even if it’s only near-death. Even if they remain unconscious.

She won’t do it.

She can’t. Not again.

-

“Promise me you’ll think about the implications!”

“Erm…” Slowly, Dazai peels Poe’s hands from where they were clutching at his shoulders. “Yeah,” he says slowly. “We’ve thought about it, I promise.”

“Have you though?” Poe challenges. “Have you really?”

They haven’t. Definitely not. But Dazai is not going to admit to Poe, of all people, that he and Ranpo decided to start fake-dating on a whim two weeks ago just to make their coworkers uncomfortable but now that the gossip has spread beyond the Agency and they’re having to face the mortifying ordeal of being known head-on, Dazai is sincerely starting to think maybe he should have considered the implications before agreeing to this.

So instead, he simply offers Poe a sympathetic smile. “I promise I’m being at least a mildly decent boyfriend to Ranpo-san. And, hey, they’re totally polyamorous so you might still have a chance!”

-

“Hey babygirl,” Naomi calls across the office. Ranpo looks up, opening his eyes just long enough to successfully catch the piece of candy she tosses at him. Once it’s secure in his hands, he snaps his eyes shut and grins.

“Thanks, babygirl,” he responds. He unwraps it and pops it into his mouth as Naomi giggles.

Over at his desk, Kunikida lets out a long-suffering sigh.

“Don’t worry, Kunikida-kun,” he calls over. “You’re still the ultimate babygirl!”

Naomi’s giggles erupt into gleeful cackling, and Ranpo grins. Someday, they’ll get Kunikida to crack and join in on their little game. But until then, they’ll simply continue playing with their fun coworkers. Like Naomi.

-

“Give me your gender.”

Gin and Jouno both freeze immediately, looking over at Tachihara (or, in Jouno’s case, simply turning their face towards him). As soon as he realizes they both have their full attention on him, his hesitant smile turns fearful.

“Me?” Gin signs “Or them?”

“Yes,” Tachihara says. And then, “No. I don’t know! I just wanted you two to stop fighting!”

Jouno frowns. “Tachihara-kun, I do not have a gender for you to take. You know this.”

Gin snorts, which only results in Jouno turning back towards them. They point an accusing finger. “I am not done with this argument! We will resume as soon as I’ve figured out what is wrong with Tachiahra-kun.”

Gin raises their hands in surrender, which they hope is a movement Jouno can hear.

To their left, Tachihara sighs.

-

“I’m nobody’s pawn!” Nikolai proclaims. He moves a piece across the chess board. “I’m a queen!” He folds his arms over his chest, grinning triumphantly.

Fyodor frowns. “Kolya…you can’t make that move.”

“Hah!?” Nikolai looks down at the board. “What do you mean? That’s the queen; I can move her anywhere!”

“No.” Fyodor sighs. He pinches the bridge of his nose and wonders why he even agreed to play chess with someone notorious for breaking every rule he comes across. “She cannot jump over other pieces. You jumped her over two pawns and a rook.”

“No I didn’t, ‘cause I zig-zagged her around them.”

“That’s not how chess works.”

“It’s how my chess works!”

Fyodor closes his eyes. He takes a deep breath. This is going to be…a very long night.