#u cant imagine my hapiness

[oxygenbefore1775]

What a beautiful day it is

Not only it is Saturday

Not only it is Piecks bday

But also it's the day this blog reached the milestone of 200

I'm so happy about this! Sending love to all of you!

[greattrashalpaca]

Dear my precious babi

First of all i would like to say……. HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY, HAPPY 18 YEARS OF LIFE, HAPPY EVERYTHING TO THE MOST DEAREST AND PRECIOUS PERSON TO ME IN MY LIFE MY BEAUTIFUL, STUNNING, CUTE, PRETTI GIRLFRIEND JESSICA FLEUR HO !! u mean the world to me im so in luv and obsessed with u, everything about u infatuates me i just couldn’t wish for such an amazing person as u. You make me so happi i cant imagine a life without u so that means life without u is impossible so never leave me 😤. Now i dont really know exactly what else to say aside from birthday wishes but that goes at the end of the letter ! so im going to go over a bunch of random stuff ive been wanting to tell u. Its absolutely insane to think that only 2 years ago in little yr 11 we started dating and now at the age of 18 we are casually living together. it is crazy to comprehend, little me would of never ever EVER predicted this and im so so so happy it did. I know u were worried about how i felt about the situation but i honestly was so happy and excited and i still am so happy, im living the dream honestly. I also know that it isnt all butterflies and rainbows i know that ur really struggling and its hard for u to just keep on living and i know im not that helpful so i just want u to know that i believe in u i’ll always be there for u and ill always be waiting. If ur happy then im overjoyed 😁. u happy = me happy (only equation i know). Onto one of my last points im really grateful for everything u do for me i really appreciate the snacks and gifts that u get me it really makes me happi and i really appreciate all of it ! Lastly HAPPI FRICKEN BDAY i knw u dnt like da idea of growing older and dnt care for it but i think its sumthing really special and i really hate dat i cant spend it with u but nevertheless i hope u have a wonderful birthday I love u so friggen much ur so precious to me and i wish u nothing but hapiness and joy. ur everything to me u have my entire heart and itll be urs forever.

Love

-Seb

[berrymeter]

sometimes i wish i were hapi... i'd sigh and suddenly a huge ass kitty would be eating whichever asshole annoyed me at the moment. the life.

[honeydazai]

hey hey!! please excuse me, but i absolutely ADORE ur writing ur like one of my favourite bsd writers i follow ever and i just skdjsk sorry i cant compliment u more/coherently i came back from sumn and im tired

i'm not sure if this is embarrassing but i always feel kinda embarrassed about sharing how i feel incorporating fiction into my irl life (?) but like sometimes when i have trouble sleeping i usually imagine a comfort character lying in bed w me (in a completely sfw way no offense im just not in the mood when its 2am and i cant sleep and yk its vv cute and skds) i said that but ive imagined plenty of nsfw-er things ab f****r too or reading me a story and like fyodors been my go to recently my heart just collapses imagining him being all soft or his pretty pretty voice and its just wow i feel so hapy

i just love him w my whole hear t

ah anyways im sorry for the rant kdfjsk if ever u found it incoherent/annoying excuse me for that

i cant remember if i was a previous emoji anon but in case i wasnt is it ok if im cherry/🍒 anon if there wasnt one already

oh, don't feel bad about that, anon! honestly, lots of people do that and it's a perfectly fine thing to do — don't worry! i even bought a perfume that smells the way Fyodor might smell...

i can't speak about the psychological aspects of this, but my guess is that, as long as we all remember that the certain character is not actually there, it's an alright thing to do! and it's a lot more common than you think, so don't worry! 🧡

me and Fyodor have 7 children in the Sims.

and thank you so much! 🧡 i'm very very glad you like my writing!

[jinned]

okay gang. let’s go (pls keep in mind i am #wasted and i love all the boys with my whole heart okie)

now most of my friends have PROBABLY heard that i used to bias more than jin before. at one point, i biased THREE members at once. becuase of the daily suffering i yeeted them to the bias wrecker zone and now i sit here comfortably, a jin stan

AND YET

what if i want to figure out the order of bias wreckers hmmmmmm

under cut is my in depth analysis (took me about 10 times to spell that right) of my bais wreckers and why they hold the spot they are in. we wont go in depth on jinnie today. we all know he’s ult. if i talk about him while drunk i’ll never shut up. yes these are in order

jin: hah BITCH u thought i couldnt talk about my main and leave him out??? ot7 hoe forever. jin is that friend you know will do anything to make u smile rght. and u really have to be friends for a while to learn when he needs help cause he’ll never say. and i love him so much. he’s so private and just wants tohers to be hapy but jin i want u happy too. he desreves the world okay. he deserves more lines and more camera time. he deserves to be in dramas like hee  awnts. hes so talented?????? yhis voice makes me cry not gonna lie it’s so beautiful and he has so much raw talent like wtf where did u COME FROM. he’s so beautiful and humble and funny and wow how could u not want him as a best friend or boyfrind. 4am pancake mornings where teh kitchen a mess but we having fun. wishing on airplane type cute shit like that yes sign me up. hugs you so tight. body language is really improtant here okay like he mgith not verbally tell u somethin g but you can tell by how he acts using his body. he might hug u tigheter and longer than normal ad thats how u know youre his comfort and he just isn’t feeling 100%. he gives those sentimental gifts. llike hey u mentioned this one time like five years ago and i finally was able to get it for you or hey heres a personalized ting to remember that one time we spent together. lots of polaroids and comfy sweaters. pooring our hearts out to each other while sitting on the kitchen counters.he want sto go through what youre going through so you dont go through it alone. wil ltake the fall for you, hyp eyou up better than anyone and is slick about it. he makes u think that lvoe exists

jimin: there was once a time when i was platonically in love with jimin. i often said “in anothe r life i was probably ulting jimin” then i saw jimin in person at a concert. i left a changed womamm. he is so sexsy that i t physically hutrss me. like wtf how are u even real. once on my prevoius blog i posted begging for pink haired jimin. three days later. jimin had pink hari. i think we are connected by souls are something. he’s 363 days older than me. i understand him sm. am i hard stan or soft stan? no i’m really asking i cant figure it out. he’s so sexy but i also want him to be my best friend. the hnonesty that owuld come from him is something i really need. we would try new foods together and go get lost on purpose. 

hoseok: my libra ass needs him to balance out my life. i see him and i smile so big. ovwer the years i have grown to understand hoseok a little bit ore and why he is the way he is and it made me soft soft. he so humble and talented and deserves so much love and recognitgion. the way he loves and cares for others is something i htink i nee dmore in a friend. he the type to hug you tight and cry with you. i like that. i apprecoiate that. he big softie and also so attractive like damn okay go off u relaly made like that and im here for it

namjoon: namjoon....imma start crying okay depe breath. namjoon was my first kpop bias ever. he the reason im even into bts and kpop in general. namjoon so sexy on like every aspect wtf. sexy brain. sexy body, sexy face. sexy talented. i ned break from u namjoon my heart just swells thinking of him. wow. namjoon is real person.namjoon give sm e hope. i want to hug him and feel those namtiddies irl u feel? i want to tel lnamjoon its okay to be urself. and to not be emjbarrassed. i love him so much and want to just pour all my love into him. he like older brother status. i never had an older brother but i imagine it would be like namjoon. comfort

yoongi: either my enemy or my best frined. cant tell. comfortable in each others presence, no nedd to talk. our talks alwasy deep and introspective. i want to talk about the world with him. i want to descover new hobbies with him. lets cuddle on the couch and watch documentaries. lowkey think he would be annoyed with me alot. but our love runs deep. that good wholesome friendship where we don’t talk everyday but whenever we see something and think of each other we send right away. that friendship that picks up where it left off. im soft soft yoongi stan. i see him and melt. i see a fool waiting to be exposed (read my fic chromatic to understand) lately he’s seemed so much happier and i legit cried one night thinking about it. i love seeing him smile and let losose an dbe more himself. like wow that’s joy right there. i love u 

taehyung: was once my ult for like a solid 6 months. i think i cried every day. his duality is too much to handle. we on firm break. taehyung leave me be pls for my sanity. are u adorable baby or are u father of my baby? the questions never end. i think he’s too handsome for my own good. i’ll never forgigve u for war orf hormone. anytime he wears beret my uwu metershatters.  but he capricorn. capricorns and i on rough terms. we would be good friends i think. those supportive friends who art together and who take long walks and talk ab out life in depth. 2am grocery shoopping trips like yessss lets make those young adult movie cliche’s come true

jungkook: straight up my arch nemesis. enemy to lovers au. we hate each other so much people start to get sus. like uhhh did u guys hook up or sumfin? we probs annoy the heck out of each other on a daily. but best friend material af. we annoying but we ride or die for each other. i see him and feel proud and just so happy for him. watching him find himsefl is like wow if he can do it i can do it too. great motivator. empathetic af. his heart pure gold i swear. trying new things all the time like wo w i wanna do that. emo looking jk is my weakness tho he automatically jumps to tpo of the list don’t tell sober bean i said that ause i would never admit that out loud. he’s younger friend u wanna protect and i am in constant awe of him. u goin places kid

[wumbo-logy]

watching that bender montage of bojack s1 while drunk makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE becuase its like SAME!!!!!!!1

i love todd :( 

“maybe i need to stop expecting you t be a good person and then i wont be disappointed” thats really sad but also me af since i basically expect nth from anyone but todd deserves more

you abandoned me and i will never forgive you for that

thsi is all i am and all ill ever be

this is the road i chose

i cant

also when bojack sees diane in snoopy vision is waht i see you like because you’re happy adn you’ve got it figured out and i can imagine you telling me its neevr to late to be ther person i want to be - its proabbly not healthy 

but also maybe i just see you as my charlotte - eben less healthy

harper isa stupif name for a kid bojack you can do tbetter

“daddy?” “harper” “dadyy” “har[er” thats basicaaly how the conversations i had with my baby cousin started and i miss her 

“how things could have been if you had chosen this life” : ( but you didnt adn youre gone - i wih u dnt 

how do you have five theories for 9.11 like i have barely one and hakf

do you think its too late for me

its not too late for me is it

i need you to tell me its not late

i need you tell me that im good

please diane, tell me that im good

fucking john kraskinski is secretariat 

i cant ignore the coincidence

“dear secretariat, when i gro w up and i want to be just like you. my question for you is i am a good kid and i like to paly and go to school but sometike s i get sad but how do i not get sad how fo you not get sAf” “YOU Keep running becuas all that exists for you is ahead” and then he kills himself

just like that

he couldnt outrun himefl

what if i become hat oerson 

“if you cnat be happy tonight you can never be happy” fuck that man

constantly distracted so you dont have to be alone by yourslef - i feel attacked lmao fuck that

im not gonna lie i fot that jacket bcus i know im diane (i got tired of squinting, im sorrry)

the ket ro happiness is to keep yourself busy with unimortante nonsense until you eventually die - same :( 

hello oscar

there’s always later

he;a out with his golden globe so he can remind himself he’s worrth something bcus he wonw it and i get hat i look at pictues of my happy times dso i can remind myself there is somehting tha pmatters

talkedto zhems!!!! finally got to it. i miss hi m and shuo and tiong :( but im happy that i have friends that are fnice. ill make sure i try.

either you know what you want and you dont get what you want or you get what you wnat adn then you dont knw what you want- rhats life isnt it - ita arupid trying becauser you try and everything falss apaert so there’s no poitn trying

there;s alwys later

i really wanted you to like me diane” “inkow” it makes me asd that she only syad i knwo. it reminds me of that stupid call and i feel stupid for aremembering that call i shouldnt eeven think about it but i remember i t hapened and it maeks me sad

ir hurts tso much rhat she dudnt say more. just i kniw, thast fucking nurts. 

he still has his award as he looks acrsos . herb dint forgive him. that usxks but he deserved it. can you feel bad for poeople who drsrved it?

im a kgood kid and i plike to play and l like to good to shcol but sometine i get sad what do you do whan you ge sad

dont sit so close to the tv it’ll make you cruel. i as baeuatiful bevpre i got pregmant; you ruined me boacjl. 

what if i stay liker this forever and nothing gets bretter and i can go ask for help but i only get taht help once a weel pr opnce in twp weeks and thats like 5 times. nth would ceom out of 5 times. but i gues its something. i should try. there’s no harm. unelss its qorse than i pretend it si. what happens tehn

i miss. everythinkg . i wish i had the courage to be laone. but i thikn i actulaly d ont. i want tob e eith u but i dont thin k i do. you’re all smrt nad nice and understanding suddenlt but i know i cant and u sont want this and there’s os much i dont know but i sitll find muself wanting to be w you because you strnegly make me hapy. i havejt mbeen tha happy in a long time. and thad one day with you was the happiest i felt. and maybe tis just projecting ardn msinntepertnig but i felt happy. i want thast again. im tied of being me. i ant to be happy. yuoure; happy. i wnt to be lke you. i ant to be 

not me

i don't thibd I wabt u I just want to be happoy

[kabonula]

2017 IN A NUTSHELL

in no particular order these were the things happened this year:

1.) ran in elections and won (lol)

2.) became an activist

3.) won 10kpesozes in a design contest (unbelievable)

4.) became a hardcore activist

5.) visited lots of community ( san roque, hacienda luisita, pandi bulacan, dat fisherfolks town near iloilo, dat urban comm in parañaque, ++++ )

6.) went to iloilo!

7.) went to general assembly of student councils (GASC) and got to know lots of people (more activists, like naka room ko mga anakbayan USA hahahaha) and waw da debate der was intense (re magna carta lol) (legit na hiningal kami dahil don jusq) (pero omg na amaze sila sa ppt ko hahahaha)

8.) discovered bentelog

9.) recruited lots of people in bentelog :’c

10.) rtrd (room to room) in the college of arts and letters, palma hall, and in my PE class whoa

11.) taught eds

12.) took eds

13.) liked an activist (the rest were just happy crushes)

14.) he actually liked me back (he recently just told me)

15.) went to many rall//ies (walked from liwasang b0nifaci0 for i dont know how many times to mendi0la, i usually cant stand walking that far but when youre with the masses you wont notice how tiring it is)

16.) went to many cultural nights

17.) went to Lakbayan 2017 

18.) performed in a cultural night (az a singer woa)

19.) masslead in a m0bilization in AS twice and once in our college

20.) hosted the local m0bilization in our college!

21.) slept in International Center’s hallway o u t s i d e with nothing but tarp as our bed (we were freezing cold when we woke up)

22.) did prodwork banners etc. tarpaulin waw dem art skills

23.) slept in studs farm during Lakbayan (again it was so cold! how did the minorities endure that for days?????)

24.) went camping twice (bec of PE lol)

25.) omaygad saw Du//30 in real life (wats good)

26.) and yes that sona in batasan was so freakin scary imagine being surrounded by hundreds of fully armed men, there were even snipers in the nearby buildings (as if the thousand policemen around us weren’t enough) (we survived yes)

27.) went somewhere really far nobody knows except those who were with me TWICE

28.) became a tour guide (charot) in that lakbayan of pandi people basically occupy up diliman (the day before the sona) i was assigned at the Statistics Building along with some Pandi people (villa luisita ba?? i forgot)  (yes the new stat bldg and yes their restroom is 👌🏻), and yes we slept on the parking lot with again just tarp as separator from the cold hard ground. im still wondering how we survived those. (and gg nung madaling araw may pumunta (while i was asleep) na mga lalaki and jokingly said they had bombs wtf and they asked a lot of questions to the pandi people: hmpf intel hmpf)

29.) rall//ied in front of a police station (kabataan 8) lmao in front of the police men (wew az front liners and yes they were giving comments: we were having conversation there, aaaahhhh i forgot, i remember i silenced once policeman, i just don't remember what i actually said where he agreed to me and then he went quiet)  

30.) boarded in a house with 3 double decks and waw it’s really big w aircon and there was a time we were like twenty people in there???? and was living w the other activists from other colleges (aaaahhhh i miss those days, those were the hapi days, collective living is 👌🏻)

31.) okay someone confessed to me before that he likes me but like he’s in a relationship so im like ?????

32.) many friends went away (may God bless you)

33.) talked to those people at the AS Lobby for some ✨educational discussion✨ (basically i did things i thought id never do)

34.) meetings meetings +++++

35.) another person confessed to me, but i already like someone else

36.) moved on from that girl i liked for almost two years (i still love that girl, az a best friend)

37.) complicated situation (thesis happened) (shithole happened)

38.) i told my mom im bi she said its okay 🌈 altho she still wants me to have a family like my own blood thing

39.) got drunk for the first time

40.) liked opm (ikr shame on me for just liking it now)

41.) i reaaaaaaaaally like this person from our college that it became reaaaaaaaaally serious. and i dont know now what to do anymore.

42.) at least i got the chance to know that person, *some text missing* 

43.) pumuntang UP Fair for the first time, and Paskuhan for the first time.

44.) UMUWING PROVINCE Omg i almost forgot that aaaaahhhhhh sml <3 (gusto ko nalang dun mamuhay, yaw q na dito sa metro manila)

45.) Natutuong lumangoy! (HAHAHAHAH yes this year lang)

46.) had a date with someone? aaaaaaa

47.) *some text missing* last na, gusto ko lang imanifest na h0y kayo alagaan at mahalin nyong mabuti yan kundi sasapakin ko kayo. sa inyo ko ibubuhos lahat ng gigil ko. HAHAHAHAHA charot

48.) actually liked singing at karaoke (okay i don't usually sing bec. of my voice but i just wanted to ?? of a sudden, so yes aagawan ko na kayo ng mic, new competition bitches :* )

49.) kissed (smack actually) someone, accidentally????????? (in my defense, sya yung lumapit, hindi lang ako umiwas HAHAHAHA bye gurl)

50.) had sex CHAROT HAHAHAHAHA jk lang. watched porn with some friends. HAHAHAHAHA az someone who isn't dat sexual, i wasn't aroused :/

that is all for now, dear diary.

love,

chich

[heartsareconfusing]

Love (Part i)

Well Love is an very interesting word. It is an feeling we have someone or something. Love can be categoried into two. One very well known to almost everyone is Fake Love. And the other which everyone craves and searches across the whole earth to find known as True Love. I think personally that Love is just amazing. Because if you think of it, imagine finding that right person who understands you who gets you. Who will never be unfaithful to you. And will be by your side no matter what. I am not sure about you but I find that amazing. But the problem is in our beloved heart is that we are filled with people who has soo much to love to give. But this is not true love as saddly our world does not care about they hurt. Its filled with fake love. The love which ends up hurting and ends up hurting someone else. Just like an cycle. An unending cycle of pain and suffering. I too have gotten my heart compleltly hurt and destroyed but its funny i still believe that true love is still there. Saddly not many people are people who can keep on fighting an war with love. An famous quote said by almost everyone " When Your Knocked Down Just Get Back Up". Its easy said than be done. I find it hard to be done. But that doesnt make me give up. Love is just an amazing feeling to ever get. But at times I just wonder if its worth it. The worst way we get hurt is loving someone soo much but they dont notice it, and their love is for another. Its an terrible cycle we face. But what can we do. Well actually nothing we could do. We cant make someone to love you its just impossible. But that doesnt mean that you give up. It just means you work harder become better get stronger. Love can be cruel because losing someone you can absoultly ruin your heart. But that will just make you stronger. I think of my pain as something like an wall which i go through to reach my happiness. Each obsticule that puts me down just brings me closer and closer to achiving my hapiness. But happiness can only be achived by finding true love. Its impossible to find but when you find it dont let go of it. Because once u leave that you end of losing ur hapiness too. Interesting indeed hownlove can affect us greatly. We just have to work towards it.