#unexpectedly. i just. hrrrrmgm

[vickyvicarious]

When, however, the conviction had come to me that I was helpless I sat down quietly—as quietly as I have ever done anything in my life—and began to think over what was best to be done.

I know it's late but I was thinking about this line again, and him specifically saying he sat down in his helpless misery as quietly as he'd ever done anything in his life broke my freakin' heart.

Something about the gentle despair of it all, the holding his feelings in tight tight tight, the image of him ceasing his frantic rush to just slow down. Stare at the latest lock. Turn around and slowly walk back into his room and once there shutting the door so gently it doesn't even click in the lock, then slowly just sliding down a wall and staring at the floor and even his breathing is so soft and silent... All this in my mind's eye knowing that Jonathan regularly understates things, so how bad must he have felt here! But he still sat there and put his mind to work and came up with a plan to figure out what he can do and... he's so CAREFUL, he knows he is in terrible danger and he is trying so so hard to make it out safe.