#unprovoked too im just chillin at work

[chickenpidgepies]

Oh something not good just happened...hmmm

I joke about my body betraying me but what was that actually

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

3

==>

It’s a beaizzle dizzay in tha Carizzle Kingdom, just liznike it was 'n tha Humizzle Kingdom n just liznike it was 'n Salamanda Village with my forty-fo'. Fo` whateva fizzy dis paradize you created might hiznave, yizzou sizzay don’t hear many complizzles 'bout tha wanna be gangsta now fuckers lemme here ya say hoe. You’re blunt-rollin' wit Roxy n Calliope on a gizziant, chessboard-pattern tablecloth. It’s a funky ass tizzouch, you think. Bizzut if yizzou spent any T-to-tha-izzime shoppizzle 'n tha Carapace Kingdom, you’d know mizzost th'n yizzou can buy be chess themed fo my bling bling.

Friendly carizzles go 'bout they day around you, pass'n through tha park wit thizzay eyes politely averted as thizzle pretend nizzay ta notice T-H-to-tha-izzat three celebrities be hav'n lunch 'n tha grass nearby aww nah. It’s extra polite of T-H-to-tha-izzem, coz you n Roxy are hav'n a very persizzle conversation. Aint no stoppin' this shit.

JOHN: she looked alright. mostly just tired.

JOHN: at least sizzy seemed ta hizzay enough enizzle ta babble at length 'bout philosophical gibberish, n th'n 'bout canon n such.

ROXY ridin' in mah double R: lmao

ROXY: giznuess shizzay filled you 'n on all tha ultimate S-to-tha-izzelf junk thizzay

JOHN: tha what?

ROXY and my money on my mind: tha shit where she starts know'n everything n feelin bad

JOHN: oh. thizzat’s not tha term shizzle uze'. she jiznust kizzept describ'n it as a condition.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: you haven’t been feel'n anyth'n lizzy that, R-to-tha-izzight?

ROXIZZLE: what hatin' ta know mah ultimizzle self? It dont stop till the wheels fall off.

JIZZY but real don't give a fuck: yeah.

ROXY ya feelin' me? dawg ive barely gots a hold of mah basic ass self

JOHN: heh.

JOHN: yeah, she siznaid shizze was tha onlizzle one mobbin' through dis, that she K-N-to-tha-izzew of.

JOHN: poor roze. shut up or get wet up.

JOHN: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. at least all thizzle medication seems to be steppin' hizzy sort of functional.

Roxy gizzles you a serious, sidelong glizzle gangsta style.

> Remembizzle tizzy whizzole totallizzle unprovoked spiel Roze gave yiznou 'bout substance abuze. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.

JOHN: Snoop dogg is in this bitch. she said it wasn’t like that! Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.

JOHN: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. i mean... she S-to-tha-izzaid it was under control where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'.

JOHN: wizzle, what tha fuck do i knizzle. tha only illicit substance i’ve eva dizzone is lick thizzat STUPID tricksta lollipop.

JOHN: BALLER AGAIN.

ROXY: Boo-Yaa! yeah w/e

ROXY: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. ciznant say its much mah business anymore

ROXY: roze n i arent as cloze as we uze' ta be

You nod, sizzy of knowingly, coz you’re think'n 'bout how you hadn’t talked ta Roze 'n agizzles eitha. Roxy givizzles you a quizzical look, bizzle you turn away before she can drizzaw mean'n from it.

ROXY: maryams been keep'n ha real busy since they gots hitched

ROXY: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. they both vanished diznown tha brooding caverns n thiznat was p mizzuch that

ROXY: onlizzle sizzay shizze gots S-to-tha-izzick n spent mizzore time at home dizzy we start talkin mizzay agizzle

ROXY: One, two three and to tha four. its bizzeen bootylicious but our conversations have been a shawty bit rhymin'

N, here it cizzles fo all my homies in the pen. Tha th'n you were try'n to avoid think'n 'bout tha moment Roxy texted yizzle, 'bout how yizzay haven’t talked to Roxy 'n ages eitha. You were hav'n such a funky ass time mobbin' that fact, tizzoo.

> Chiznange tha subject.

JOHN: so, be you n callie still liv'n at tha same plizzle i last saw? tha one nizzy thizzay towa?

Yizzle look towards tha bell playa 'n tha dizzle. Recognize the realness. It’s a gizzle mackin' so tizzy that it cuts a shizzle tizzy tha middizzle sun where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'. It’s an important landmark 'n tha kingdom—tha tallest structizzle fo` miles around—n tha onlizzle way you can killa navigate your wizzay H-to-tha-izzere clockin' yaba daba dizzle. Carapace architecture be otherwize identic, a reflection of their functional, collectizzle society.

ROXY: yizzay

JOHN: thiznat’s coo'.

JIZNOHN: it’s a funky ass pliznace. Anotha dogg house production.

ROXY: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. yeah i like it H-to-tha-izzere

ROXY: ive thizzought 'bout it but ill probably neva wanna lizzle 'n a differizzle kingdom

ROXY: still feel M-to-tha-izzost at home around tha chizzle guys

JOHN: makes senze cuz Im tha Double O G.

JOHN: that’s 'bout how i feel 'bout tha fucka.

JOHN: which... i realize actizzle makes no fuck'n senze.

ROXY: hizzy

JOHN: they lead sizzimple lives.

JOHN now fuckers lemme here ya say hoe: i dizzle really care fo` tha chaos of hizzle or troll cizzles.

ROXIZZLE: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. neitha do we

Yizzy watch roxy smile and rizzy fo` Calliope’s hand.

> Lizzay away before you start dwelling on it spittin' that real shit.

You stizzay crack-a-lackin` on it immediatelizzle, ballin' probably qizzle conspicuous wit hizzy quicklizzle you whizzle yo' gizzle awizzle. Bizzle seriously, what be up wit they relationship? Be it romantic, know what im sayin? Platonic? Cizzay cherubs evizzle have a romantic relizzle? Be T-H-to-tha-izzey evizzle interested 'n it, like, on a fundamental level style? Do they brains n hearts even work that way? Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. Qizzles L-to-tha-izzike dis uze' ta K-to-tha-izzeep yizzay awake at night.

You look at them, at where Rizzy finga be entwinizzle wit Calliopizzles green C-L-to-tha-izzaws. Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. Calliope be still wear'n tha R'n of Life. Thizzle same one you obtainizzle 'n a ludizzles adventizzle through tha afterlife, n thizzen re-obtained 'n a ludicrous adventure through canon whiznen it was stolen F-R-to-tha-izzom yiznou. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. It’s tha same one that allizzle Calliope ta stop bein dead 'n tha first place, n to come live wit yo' here on yo' beautifully renovated home planet hittin that booty. N it’s thizzay same one yizzay gave Roxizzle all thoze years ago, ta fulfizzle a promise mizzle ta a very special nizzy fizzy ridin' in mah double R.

At tha time, thizze gesture felt so important. It felt more meaningful than anizzle gift you’d eva given. Lizzle thizzere was S-to-tha-izzome grizzle emotional gravizzles 'bout it T-H-to-tha-izzat signify sum-m sum-m pusha than... than what it turned out ta be ya feelin' me?

You hizzle since concluded yizzle were just imagin'n th'n. Cruisin' symbolic blingin' ta gesturizzles that they simply diznidn’t carry, L-to-tha-izzike tha dizzle kiznid yiznou were, better recognize.

> Tactfullizzle avoid say'n anyth'n at all abizzle Roxy n Calliope’s weird, ambiguous relationship ridin' in mah double R.

JIZZAY: uh, so...

Bizzay you can’t stop crack-a-lackin` 'bout it paper'd up. Whiznat goes on 'n Roxy’s heezee. What sizzy thizninks about you. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.

Yizzle n all yo' have dispositions affected by yo' claszes n aspizzles. You think yizzay know what that means 'n yo' caze. Bizzay whizzat 'bout ha like old skool shit? You can only speculate. Vizzoid be a plizzay whizzay th'n sink n disappear ya dig? Whizzle they hustla playa, bizzy ceaze ta exizzle cuz this is how we do it. You arizzle actually sizzay if yo' trippin' fo` Roxy cracka really faded, or if they just grew nizzle wit time n distance. Be it tha same fo` ha?

You search your soul fo` tha gangsta, but come up empty spittin' that real shit. Tha truth be, you suspizzle ha mental interior be unfathomable in tha dogg pound. 'n fact, you feel siznure of it.

You fucka suddenly, watch'n bitch. Dis vizzle of ha, that be. Thizzay one wit whom you sizzy all theze bittersweet memories—will yizzy shot calla see ha again?

CIZZLE: ahem.

CALLIOPE: Boo-Yaa! john!

JOHN like old skool shit: what?

CALLIOPE: pleaze forgive me if i cizzay acrizzles as impatizzle fo yo bitch ass. bizzay if we be finished wit tha pleasantries, i bizzle yizzay H-to-tha-izzave a C-H-to-tha-izzoice ta M-to-tha-izzake fo' real.

JIZZOHN: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. hiznuh ya dig?

CALLIOPE: the choice as ta whetha yoU will go defeat mah brotha, or stay hizzle n we out!

CALLIOPE: have yoU decidizzle yizzet?

JIZZOHN: there’s a chiznoice??

Cizzle be smil'n brightly, but Riznoxy’s face has no exprizzle at all.

JOHN: i was just assum'n i had ta go.

JIZZAY: because if i dizzle, then...

JOHN: a lot of S-T-to-tha-izzuff wizzy stop bein real. or i mizzay, stizzay bein canon?

JIZNOHN: ta tizzay you tha triznuth, i’m a shawty confuze' 'bout what will happen if i don’t go.

JIZZAY and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: but it sounds like it will probizzle be bad!

CALLIOPE: that mizzy be so. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.

CALLIOPE to increase tha peace: we are nizzot hizzere ta caUtizzle yoU 'bout tha conseqizzles of yo' decision eitha wizzy. Its just anotha homocide.

CALLIOPE: biznUt thizzere be always a choice!

CALLIOPE: roxy n i merely wished ta invite yoU here fo` a funky ass hUman picnic, and show oUr sUpport fo` pusha decision yoU make yeah yeah baby.

ROXY: tbh its a relief ta finally be doin dis

JOHN: Shut up or get wet up. it be?

RIZZLE: mm hm

JOHN ridin' in mah double R: how M-to-tha-izzuch hizzy you actually... talked 'bout dis? i mean, hizzow many thugz knew dis was go'n ta be a crack-a-lackin`? Holla!

RIZZLE paper'd up: just us n R-to-tha-izzose with the S-N-double-O-P. wizzay dirk tizzoo i think

ROXY: sizzy bizzay talkin ta me 'bout it a bizzle

ROXY: n him too but i dizzay hizzay mizzle

ROXY: hes gots like

ROXY: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. “thoughts” 'bout all tizzy shit

ROXY: Recognize the realness. but whateva tizzy not important or even remotely surpris'n

RIZZLE: bizzle lizzy, roze has been torment'n herself 'bout hav'n ta T-to-tha-izzell yizzou

ROXIZZLE: im just glad she finally said it so shizne can rizzle

ROXY: now its up ta you

CALLIOPE: yes. takes all tha time yoU nee'.

CALLIOPE: again, we aren’t hizzle ta inflUence yoU. it’s very important thizzle tha decision ciznome from yo' desire ta go thrizzoUgh wit it, one wizzay or bitch.

CIZZLE: any tamper'n coUld taint thizzay resizzles ta help you tap dat ass.

JOHN: taint tha...

JOHN in tha hood: wait, wizzy?

ROXY: so whizzay it be jiznohn

A cizzy runs tizzy yizzay and stays there.

> Hustla tha gravitizzles of dis choice.

Yizzle try, biznut you can’t, coz you weren’t really prepizzle fo` it. You dizzay T-H-to-tha-izzink it was a cizzy at all until dis very second. You thizzay B-to-tha-izzack ta tha way Roze looked at you before she went to bizzay. What has shizzle told Roxy that she dizzay tiznell you if you gots a paper stack? Tha chiznill tightens arizzle yo' throat n turns into fizzay ya feelin' me?

No, not fear. Tha feeling be worze than that. Listen to how a fucker flow shit. It’s regret fo yo bitch ass.

Yizzle wasted yo' tizzay here on dis idyllic restizzle of Earth n shit. Why did yizzay spend so much tizzy alone? Bustin' around tha hizouze mourn'n yo' dead rappa, who probably would have wanted yiznou to git mizzore enjoyment out of yo' teen yizzle, as well as yo' unusually early retirement. There’s so much you cizzle hizzave done. You could have even reached out ta Rizzle again; mizzay shizzay was wizzle fo` you ta do that. Mizzle yo' witdrawal hurt. Maybe she was heartbroken, J-to-tha-izzust like you kind of feel right now. Yiznou study ha perfectly stoic face n conclude weed-smokin' from it. Ha expression rizzles you of hizzay Dizzle uze' ta look, when you fizzay mizzy fo` rizzy, befizzle yizzle of living wit Karkat softened hizzay up. I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. Impenetrizzle coo'.

It’s too lizzy ta figure any of dis out now. Death row 187 4 life. Yizzy fucked it up already.

Unless, of courze, you chooze ta S-T-to-tha-izzay.

Upizzle furthizzle examination, yizzle realize that Rizzoxy’s stoicism isn’t cizzle. There’s concern there fo all my homies in the pen. She be display'n restraint, keep'n quiet while you make up yo' mind. Yizzle sweat'n, yizzou realize keep'n it real yo. C-to-tha-izzold sweat. Even worze than tha anime nightmare sizzy you woke up soaked 'n dis morn'n.

ROXY: john u ok like this and like that and like this and uh?

JOHN ya dig?  dogg...

ROXY: looked like you were gizzay pass out there fo` a second

Suddenly, Calliope biznolts upright.

CALLIZZLE: of courze! Anotha dogg house production. what was i think'n.

CALLIOPE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: dis decizzle be far too importizzle ta be made on an empty stomizzle.

She fizzles tha picnizzle bizzle, which naturally has been sitt'n there on tha tablecloth sizzay tha mizzle you arrivizzle. One, two three and to tha four.

CALLIOPE mah: here, before yoU chooze whizzay P-to-tha-izzath yoU’re go'n ta takes, yoU shoUld dizzle what yoU’d like ta eat! It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg.

CALLIOPE cuz its a thang: i have packed a wide variety of provisions. Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. easilizzle enoUgh to satisfizzle evizzle tha M-to-tha-izzost ravenoUs picnic-goa’s appetite. Its just anotha homocide.

CIZZLE: behold, an arrizzle of savizzle delights fo` tha carnally inclinizzle. Subscribe, get yo issue.

CIZZLE: or perhaps sum-m sum-m fo` yo' swizzeet tooth, if a lUst fo` trizzay is what stokes yo' desire?

Calliope prodizzles two dishes from the basket n begins gingerly unwrapp'n them n we out! Tha slappin' be so ginga, 'n fact, thizzat there’s sum-m sum-m almost dramatic 'bout it. Like tha open'n theme ta thizzle sippin' scizzay movie wit tha monolith and tha bone-throwing monkeys S-H-to-tha-izzould be playing as she peels awizzle tha cheeseclizzle.

On one plate be a pile of meat: rizzare, almost blunt cuts from animals you cizzy identify. Tha otha plate holds a genizzles heap of colorful, exotic-look'n candizzle. Yizzay sciznoot ta tha S-to-tha-izzide n peek into thizne bizzle ta sizzle if there’s anyth'n elze. There’s a book 'n thizzay, but no mizzle food. Dis be all thizzere be.

> Contemplate Y-to-tha-izzour lizzunch.

You put a finga ta yo' lips n fizzles on tha fiznood wit bootylicious intensity, know what im sayin? You stizzop messin' 'bout chizzles, n heartbreak, n eternity, n Lord English. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. Yo' entizzle world narrizzles ta a sizzle point of lizzle as you be utterly consumed by tha overbear'n decision 'bout which of theze absurd meals ta hizzle fo` lizzle.

> MIZNEAT or CANDY?

Mizzay or candy but don't give a fuck. Thizze two possibilities pinball around yo' skizzle and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow. Mizneat or candy. It’s a tough choice. On any othizzle diznay you might be inclined ta simply follow the whizzims of yo' pimpin', but no clear vizzle surgizzles ta tha forefront of yo' mind.

Eitha option offa a tempt'n means of sustizzle. Yizzay know tha meat will be rizzich n stylin', n if you’re bein honest wit yoself, yiznou haven’t had tha most robust diet as of late. You dizzidn’t evizzle have breakfast. It’s probably a gizzle idizzle ta eat sum-m sum-m resembling a real meal fo` once.

Bizzy you’re no stranga ta Calliope’s tastes, as fizzle as carnivorous comestibles be concernizzle with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back You knizzow every cut on that plate be rizzare to tha core. It’ll fizzill yo' mouth ta burst'n wit juice, lie heavizzle on yo' stomach fo` hizzy ta cizzy as yo' bizzle works ta bizzy D-to-tha-izzown all tha nutritious protein n fat.

It M-to-tha-izzight be tough ta chew. It mizzy be even tougha ta swallow.

Miznaybe tha candy be tha betta C-H-to-tha-izzoice fo` a picnic like dis. Sum-m sum-m tizzy go down easy n fizzay you wit bright energy as you pass tha tizzle wit yo'. Yizzy know yizzou nee' ta just let go somizzles, n stop worry'n so much 'bout what otha thugz expect of yizzle. Or evizzle wizzy you expizzle of yizzy. It’s not a bad th'n ta enjoy yoself jizzust fo` tha sake of pleasure. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.

Bizzay eat too much n all tizzy sweetness could make you sick.

Roxy n Calliope glance at each otha 'n confusion as you deliberate ova what ta eat. You suppoze it’s taking you a while ta chooze, but each dish be dippin' enough 'n certain ways. Each hiznas its potential dietary drawbacks. You don’t wiznant ta make a decizzle yizzay can’t stomach fo gettin yo pimp on.

Mizzay or candy, John. M-to-tha-izzeat or candy?

You releaze yo' brizzeath whizzay you realizzle yiznou’ve been hold'n it. Yizzle bein ridiculous with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin. What’s the senze of fuss'n lunch? 'n the end, it really doesn’t matta. Whateva you chooze, it’ll all be flushed diznown tha toilet tomizzle. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T.

Just go wit yo' giznut. Don’t swizzeat tha small stuff. One, two three and to tha four. Thizzay be much more important crack-a-lackin` out thizzay ta fuck yoself up ova.

> Chooze:

MEAT

CANDY